Side Stories: Bitch Stories
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Now streaming on Hulu, a wicked true crime.

It was a kidnapping, torture case. A crime of greed and cruelty. The men tortured the victim by beating, tasing, and burning him. But it didn't end there. And this is where it gets really horrible. The guy was cutting off my roommate's penis. It was like a bad dream. This crime was horrific. He's a psychopath. Wicked Game, Devil in the Desert. This was a story about greed, sadism, evil. Now streaming only on Hulu.

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There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. What is this? What are you singing? Give me the night.

Give me the night. I don't think I know it, but I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that song? Give me the night. No, I don't know it. All right. Give me the night. I'm sure if I heard the song, I would know it. George Benson. We can't play it because they're going to... Don't play the George Benson. I can play it, but I just won't have it in the episode. All of these bullshit. I'm going to let you guys know right now. We're getting fucked. They're going through no dogs. These guys have already decided. Brighter side. Yeah. Spotify is coming hard for anybody that plays any form of song anymore because...

They just don't have enough money, guys. And they refuse to pay musicians. Yes. They just don't have enough money. So I do think, which I get, that it's got to be so hard for these international conglomerate apps because there's just so little money. I guess they just got to give $25 million to the Haktua girl. No.

That makes total fucking sense. That's where it's going. Oh, give it to the Kelsey brothers who don't even produce a show. Yes. Yes, please. Classically football players who've never talked professionally. They're great at talking. I honestly, I sound bitter. I don't mean to be bitter. I'm just saying it's one of those things where I, but I was listening. I wanted to bring this up to you for a reason. I do like George Benson, by the way. I love George Benson. When at the gym, you and I have discovered, tell me this about etiquette. Okay.

I should save this for who's the bitch. Nah. Okay. This is getting no women in this. All right. All you want to know is that when I'm working out, I found myself like today, I went to the gym today and break. You're not staring at some poor lady. Are you? Never. I don't look at women. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't look at anybody. I look at the floor. Okay. Good. Um, except there's one man who stares at me. There's a guy that comes, there's a guy that comes in. No,

No, I've met fans there where they meet me, which is really funny because a lot of broccoli headed young men and what they'll do is stuff like I'm mid press. This has now happened to me twice. Again, I'm not a famous person at all. It only happens every once in a while. And someone comes up to me and I mean, I'm mid press and a guy just puts his phone in front of my face and it's just a picture of me naked.

And he's just like, guess you're here for a reason. Yeah. I'm trying. I'm trying, buddy. But I was in a spot. Yeah. Need a spot. No, no, sir. Yes, actually. But are you? I was I found myself lost in music. And is it?

Like, against protocol at the gym to be enjoying yourself, like kind of giving yourself a little dance. Men look so serious. Dancing is exercise. Men are so serious. You're moving your body. You're at the gym. Because the guy that stares at me, this is what he does. And I'm doing this act out. So go on Patreon to see the act out if you want to. Boom.

By the way, this is a side story. I'm Henry Zabrowski. You're sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? What's going on? Also, YouTube, you can watch it, but on Thursday or Friday. So there's a guy that comes into the gym. I love L.A. gym creatures. They're some of my favorite people in the face of the planet. And there's a man that comes in. You're not much taller standing, by the way. No.

But I was going to do about doing an act out. There's a man that comes in and he only does one set of exercises. I'm, you know, like I say, I do watch people because I like, I'm interested in people. I'm not looking at butts. Yeah. But this guy comes in and he only does one thing. Each time he comes to the gym, he does this sort of extended dance routine in front of the mirrors. And it's very extravagant. But what I've noticed is that, and I mean this,

what he does is stare at me once he's done with it. So, and I've had this several times. I've been on the chess machine. How long is the routine? He's there for like an hour and he's just doing this thing over and over again. And this is literally what it is. It's him going like, he's kind of doing this sort of like weird dance. At least he's not taking up the machines. No, no, absolutely not. There's nothing wrong with what he's doing. It's just, he's doing this weird dance, but then all of a sudden he'll do a spin.

And then send it straight at me. And he's like, every time it's at you and no one else time. The last time I was noticing a little bit and I was just like, I mean, there's a little part of me that was like, if he wasn't homeless and openly intoxicated. Yeah. I'd be flattered. Also, I bet you like, oddly enough, for like the most approachable guy at the gym.

Because you're always wearing loud clothes. You got fun sneakers on. I code switch at the gym. Ever since I saw it, because I saw a couple other guys, people were wearing some kind of like, you know, all sorts of like, every single flagrant political thing you could wear and people are like wearing it to a very, I'm at a cheap gym. Well, it's the only place you can wear it now. Yes. And so I go full devil.

Yeah. Like, I'm wearing full devil regalia. Well, then maybe that's why he's doing it, because he's a devil fan. I don't know. But I think it's great. It's for you. I don't mind it. It's good to have someone to take in your art. It's just the...

It's the snapping of his head and looking at me like he just saw me across the room in a ballroom. Also, you know what it is? You're looking back. Well, I'm looking forward. And if you weren't looking. I'm looking forward. But whenever he comes at you, you're looking at him, right? But now he's beaming at me. And so the first time it happened to other people, they just ignore it. I don't know. See, I feel like it happened. You're giving him something. It feels like it happened once and then it happened again. Then

That happened a third time. That's because he knows his audience. Why do they say that thing? What do they say about ladies? You stare at them seven times, they'll go on a date with you? I've never heard that before. You ever hear the thing where they say about how eye contact, when you go out and you're single? We haven't been single in a long time. Been a very long time. Now there's apps for that. Oh, apparently, you can just order into your house. And it turns out it's a guy, but guess what? He'll still blow you. But I...

That's only a Christian mingle. That's what the mingle is. But it wasn't a thing that if you look at a woman, right? I think they say this to ladies. Maybe I'm wrong. It's normally people that aren't non-threatening looking where you catch a guy's eye and then if you do it

Like five more times. Like there's some kind of number. Yeah. That that's how you can show someone that you're interested. Have you said hello yet? I won't. Oh, then you're fine. Yeah. I'm not going to be like, well, you just say hi in your normal voice. Yeah. Hey, pal. Nice dancing. Yeah. You dance well. Hey, dance like my dead wife. Yeah.

Maybe he is attracted to you But you also You're a cute little buttercup You know that? When was the last time someone told you that? No one Because you're adorable I can suck the peanut butter out of your middle chocolate Sounds like I'm going to be assaulted

When you call me a little cutie bean or whatever. I'll put some salt on you and lick it all up. I'm not a... You are salty. I'm not a snack. I'm a man. I'm not an edible food. You pretzel nugget. It's only like this. It only comes from other big threatening men.

No woman has ever looked at me in the gym. No woman has ever. Oh, no. In the gym, you're non-existent to a woman. You're not even there. I don't want him to either. It's just that funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just you are not...

You are nowhere less fuckable than as a man at the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, we got some updates. That guy's going to die one day less. Yeah. Well, then you should actually, maybe I should get on the ground floor of that. Maybe he's got money. Do you think that every day you go to the gym is another day alive?

What do you mean? Yes, I actually do sort of think. I do think about it like every day. It's like an investment in life. Every day I do hard work at the gym, I'm saving myself hard work later on in life. That's how I view it. Yeah. And I'm just doing, I'm front-loading the hard work. That's good. Of being mobile. Because really all I want is to be mobile and make sure my body can work and that my penis can work and my brain's tight, my feet are long, and my shit's big. You're being mint mobile.

We're actually going to film one of those ads. We're going to be the one to say thank you to Mint Mobile, one of our ads. And I just want to say this last ad was really incredible because Blake Lively submitted all the rewrites for it. Yeah, I know. It's great. And that's one of the best things. I'm just going to read what she says. So I'm trying to get involved with that.

I was trying to cross that lady. No way. All right. So let's go into a little bit of update. So I am immediately made everybody upset last week, which I wait a subsection of people upset, which I don't mind, which is me accidentally calling this group, the Zizians, a leftist cult.

I saw a lot of people really applauding you for your comments on the Zizians. Well, it goes back and forth. So for those of you that don't know, there was a person by the name of Ziz. Zizians is the best drunk thing to talk about. You're all a damn Zizian. You get back here. You get back here, Zizian. So...

So Ziz is the former name. They go by the dead name. They go by the name Ziz. Their dead name is Jack Lasoda. They are a person that started this group, this kind of this cult that has a bunch of theories that came out that essentially has...

which seems to have resulted in about six murders. You have two murders in Vermont, two murders in California. You have a set of parents that got killed by one of the adherents. And all of the adherents to this cult are under Ziz, and a lot of them are, it seems that all of them are trans and work in the computer science world. Zizkulous. Zizkulous! Zizkulous is what this guy's doing.

And part of what I tasked the audience with was, please go read their manifesto and please help me kind of parse this because I couldn't fully understand. And I'm like, what are people getting killed for? The reason why I'm so interested in...

cult's philosophy is because I'm really interested in how abstract thoughts lead towards physical actions. And the fact that like you can believe in something dumb and crazy and nonsensical and it actually causes you to kill people. And I think that there I want to know what's in there and what it seems. Are you saying that some murders are rational? Well, well, some murders have motive. OK, motive is different. You know, like killing for money.

Killing for revenge. Like, these are things that make sense. Yeah, Old West rules. Those are humanity. You know, like, defending yourself, fighting for, like, even... It was a fair fight. It was a fair fight. It was a fair fight. And so this guy, this is a Silicon Valley cult, right? So this person, they're calling a genius, but it turns out they're not. What I like is that the Daily Mail, all of these people are calling these people highly educated whiz kids. That's the term that keeps coming up. Whiz kids, please. You're right.

Um, but largely what has everyone has illuminated. And I want to say thank you to my listeners. Always email side stories, L P O T L a gmail.com. And my further reading is that the stuff that they put in their manifesto is fucking stupid and it doesn't really make any sense. So this is the thing, this guy helped me. So someone had sent me a great email.

Ignoring all the bullshit of rationalism and functional decision theory, which is a part of what I did not understand before, both of those are inherently non-political. They are just thought forms that this person used within their work. So Zizians appear to believe in extreme form of utilitarianism. Utilitarianism is an ethical framework which postulates that when making a decision, the ethical choice is the one that provides the most net benefit for the most people, which is why they feel they're

attacking something like the lower bourgeoisie. The reason why I called them leftists is because they also believe in private property. They don't believe in private property. So that was why I just kind of lumped it all in. And they're vegan, but vegan, again, is not inherently political. I know, but veganism and leftism kind of sleep together. Not really, though. Then you find out it's all over the place, but it's veganism. Technically, it's super expensive.

Yes. It's very, it is a hard, it's a hard life to live. You need means to be a vegan. I'm sick of these salads being expensive. It's hard enough to eat a goddamn salad. Wait till I'm cheaper. Wait till we got a couple of tariffs coming. We're gonna make those tomatoes super fucking expensive. It's going to be great. Well, they give me ashen anyway. So this thing is, that's what he says in this, this writer, which I do believe they said the belief in all this is fine. Um, but,

it can be used to justify things like constantly torturing a child to make a perfect civilization, like Ursula K. Le Guin wrote about, and the ones who walk away from Omelas. I love Ursula K. Le Guin. She's a genius. But part of it is this belief system, which was, I guess it's in the philosophical system of Roko's Basilisk. That's what they were talking about in their big manifesto, which is essentially, this is super simplified. Don't call up my ass about this. Don't be all zizzying about it. Don't be zizzying about it.

is the fact that it's about that AI eventually will win, and the job of humans, good, quote-unquote, good ethical humans, is to help AI win and to be on its team when it wins, because on some level, they believe that this AI that is formed when we create AI, that it will become a pure soul, that it will become an elevated, enlightened soul,

thought machine and that you will teach us and it will help us evolve as well and we will evolve with it but part of that will be the evolving will be the destruction of humankind so they're pro skynet yes they are pro pro skynet okay this is this is a belief system they believe that then everything that they do to help this is it's not more it's a correct decision and

outside of the boxes of morality because you're helping what you believe to be the proper like arc of humankind versus the other one, which would be a human led. So do they think that like how like every baby is innocent? Is that kind of it? Because AI is so young. I mean, 10 years AI starts being evil. Are they going to still think it's pure? I think the main issue that they're kind of avoiding here is the fact that we make the AI. We make it.

Take it. AI doesn't exist without us. And we put all of the parameters inside of the AI. It's for us. It only talks to us. It's from our thoughts. It can only copy the way we think, which is we're and we're not there yet. And as far as I'm concerned is that after watching Musk talk and Sam Altman talk and all these other people, I think we're far away from Skynet.

Yeah, AI art's not great. I don't think we're there yet. Even the stupid app that they just forced on our phones with the new upgrade where they're like, we want you to describe a picture into the app. And it's like, fuck you, dude. They call it Apple intelligence instead of artificial intelligence. You fucking piece of shit just so you can say AI? You think I don't notice? Also, I put a bunch of dirty stuff in there and it didn't make one of it. Really? Really.

Yeah. What's it called again? It's like a little kitten. It's called something. It's like a little kitten showed up on my phone. I was like, fuck this kitten. Yeah. I don't know. It's a stupid app. I don't know. Yeah. It's image playground or whatever. Playground. That's.

what it is. And you're like, look at this fun and shiny sheet. Your soul goes and is attached to it. I'm supposed to stay out of the playground. Don't put it on my phone. Unless you go to an adult playground, which every time you hear an adult playground, it's a place to buy dildos. Yeah. Which I find funny. I think it's more a prison. Yeah.

So here, so I'll kind of boil it down here. They believe that everything they do is morally correct. They also believe that surrendering is immoral, which is why they are attacking the police and why they attacked the landlord that tried to get them to leave the space. It's because anytime anybody, they are in a sovereign citizen motion, which is anybody who crosses them, their job is to say, fuck you, back here.

honestly, fuck these motherfuckers for making me feel bad for cops and landlords. This is the problem. They are the problem. So they take some of this belief system from a concept called Roko's basilisk, which is the idea that a perfectly moral AI acting for the greater good of mankind would torture anyone who knew about it, but didn't help in its advancement. So the idea is that in the future, this good AI would look back and,

on anybody that had defied it or was anti-AI in the past and would come back in time and punish everyone that did not believe in it

Which is what I'm going to do when I make it to the top. But I'm not a goddamn man. Right? I mean, that's what men do. It'd be good to wake up every morning and shoot a robot in the head. I mean, it would be fun. I mean, that's kind of what I'm going to do. That's my retirement. But then I think the big issue with that is where are all the robot shock troops from the future? Yeah, they should be coming back to kill us. Where are they?

If they were going to be there, they're in the next reality. I believe they'd be in there. So it has a lot of flaws. So here's the thing. If they're traveling from the past, then maybe we're the first future.

And so if they haven't come back yet because we have to get there and now they have to come back and then we've already done this. And so we wouldn't know because we're the original future right now. I mean, I don't know. I'm already confused. I'm confused and I've fallen asleep. Good night. And then this is it's all the same. So in Zizianism, the goal is, is that they need to be willing to harm others in defense of the greater good. It's very stupid.

It's insane, dumb bullshit. And they said, like, I got a good writer here that said some of it does make sense from a perspective of, quote unquote, pure theoretical ethics. The unhemispheric sleep, though, which is part of what they do to sort of get these guys in tow, which is this weird of like trying to activate one hemisphere of your brain at the time, at a time, which is some kind of vague pseudoscience. And then the extreme veganism.

Yeah. Which I think is just dirt. Just dirt. And sunlight. So Zizians are stupid. Here comes another prosecutor. I'm a prosecutor in Delaware County, Pennsylvania. And about this time last year, Ziz came through our county in connection with a double homicide. We had no idea what we were getting into when this happened. Ziz, quote unquote, Jack Lasoda, was arrested and literally never spoke a word the whole time that they were in custody. They then made bail and fled the jurisdictions.

Ziz had already faked their own death in California. We found out the ID from a DNA swab because they wouldn't even give a name. A few of us in the office started doing a deep dive and we got fucking deep. It's a wild ride with a whole lot of branches and characters. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have about Ziz or the cult. I've been a prosecutor for nearly a decade. I got to go back into this because they're talking about how they dealt with it. So Ziz is on the run.

Oh, okay. So now we don't know where these people are. I know that they are going to kill other people. Maybe they're in Zizbabwe. I thought that they disbanded Zizbabwe. I thought Zizbabwe's throat was torn apart when the Bongo Congo rose. I thought the Bongo Congo was the fun version of the Congo that they tried to make. They had to abolish Bongo Congo. They also had to abolish Zizbabwe.

I'm not sure. They went to Zizbekistan. Zizbekistan. Thank you. Thank you, Rob. Thank you. I appreciate it. That's why he's here. The fact checking. Thank you. And so that was like one of the, that is one of the updates. Those are basically the updates. Somebody also said to you, Joe, I got a great email about people. Someone was in a D&D group with a Zizian and they basically talked about, which I know from D&D, it is the most fucking obnoxious shit on the face of the planet when someone chooses the most obscure language

to play that has a whole other set of rules. Um, like,

Long time listener. As a subject of this email says, I played in a D&D group with one of the cult members, Maximilian Snyder. Snyder, I and three others were part of a group and played two campaigns together over the course of a few years. In the first campaign, he played a hyper-optimized wizard that regularly attempted to squeeze every bit of utility out of his character, seemingly in an attempt to show he was able to do everything himself.

This came to its peak when he was able to learn a spell that effectively let him clone himself when needed, which now seems in line with the cult's thought that humans can hold separate personalities by activating different hemispheres of their brain. You constantly use it if able, which ended up with them bogarting playtime, effect

removing a lot of choice from the matter is he would have every outcome solved as we encountered it. The second campaign, he played an artificer named O'Dare, later finding out that this was a name he went by on the internet, whose goal was to create essentially a new form of Ubermensch in his image through

crafting Warforged, which is the D&D equivalent of a robot with a soul that would seek to become a major force in the world. Both characters had a running theme of ascending oneself to becoming a higher version, although essentially rejecting the laws of the world set before him. Little did we know this was beginning of the transhumanist views espoused by the cults.

Wow. This is really, this is the kind of stuff that nerds. I can't believe this guy went on a second campaign with him. Hey, you have any idea how hard it is to keep a crew together for D&D? Yeah. And if you just like, if he'll show up every Wednesday, you'll keep him. Like literally, you will keep him. He read the article, in the recent article I read about the cult that the guy said, Maximilian Snyder, called himself the best D&D 5e optimizer in the world. Oh.

But we just saw him as a dick. After that last campaign, full of him constantly hogging the spotlight in game time, the group had become a little worn down. He continued his play pattern of disregarding other people's skills and talents until one day the problem solved itself as he said he had to leave the group because he was going to Oxford for school. We didn't hear from him after that, but in the wake of his departure, we gained two cool new players.

And the group has been in excellent shape ever since. Oh, that's so nice. I'm glad you guys have fun. Oh, yeah. But isn't that amazing in that way that all of these ideas were all embedded in nerd culture to begin with, and they were just looking for a chance to release it? And I do, again, I want to freaking shout out to our trans people. You got a death cult? Congrats. Yay!

A lot of tradespeople try not to fucking claim them. They don't like them. But I'm sorry, but they're yours. You don't get to claim them. Do you think I want to claim Anders Breivik? No. No, but you have to. I have to. I'm a white. I'm a fortunate white pink man. Yeah. He's part of you. He's a part of me. Part of my lexicon. Yeah. Not me, though. Very different from me.

Well, you and I are both the same Ukrainian blood. Yeah, you're Polish. I'm Polish-Italian. You're Polish-Italian. I'm Polish-Ukrainian. I guess we've got nothing to do with it. I'm Russian. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh.

Old vet versus new vets have been chiming in. It's definitely down the line. It's real down the middle, but I like to cherry pick the ones that support me, of course. But here's one that is a very interesting point, and I can see both sides of it. On Side Stories, you guys were talking about old vet versus young vet, so I thought I'd weigh in. My wife is a veterinarian technician. Sexy. Yes, play with your dogs. Yeah, let me see your kitties.

in school to become a veterinarian. I didn't do that. And she has worked with both young and old vets. From everything she has talked about to me about young vets are usually the more current veterinary practices of the two. Veterinary medicine is so different now than it was 20 years ago. My older vets rely on tried and true practices. See, here's...

Here's the thing. Young vets, all they want to do is test, test, test, run all these tests, and they're running up the fucking bills because they don't know the goddamn answers.

answers because they haven't been here long enough to fucking see. The dogs can't talk. I know, but an old vet has seen it a million times and all these new vets, they always jump to the crazy shit. They always jump, oh, it's this crazy thing. It's this thing that one out of 2,000 dogs have because I read about it yesterday. Every other vet's like, it's probably this thing and if it's not that, then we'll figure it out. But no, they always jump to the test. They're racking up the

Bills, you tried to prove me wrong, but you proved me right with this goddamn shit. But yes, also there's other people that are 100% with me. And listen, if you want your dog to die, put it in the hands of a child. That's all I got to say. Well, I'm just, you know, I would just say straight up,

Just read the reviews. Yeah, read the reviews. Read the reviews of your local vet and get to know your vet. I would also say get to know your vet. Grow with your vet. Oh, yes. That's the key. If you can get one that's consistent. Let your vet run tests on your dog so it gets smarter for the next dog. Sometimes what I like to do. So when your first dog dies, your second dog will live longer because your vet ran a bunch of experiments on your first dog. You know what I also like to do? Straight up, just to check to see if they're doing something, right? Yeah.

That first doo-doo sample I send in? Cheers. Every time. Just to see if they're doing, just checking. When they come back and say, oh, Carmi had an alarming amount of maker's mark in her system.

I'm just going to be like, yeah, yeah, you know, Carmi, I'll send you another. Once you get sober, I'll send you another sample. I'll take her a few days off this ass. No, but I appreciate you young vets. There's no way to have an old vet without having a young vet. You know, I understand. Yeah, because the vets have to grow. You have to grow. So you got to be a young vet. To become an old vet. I'm just saying, stop calling out of work so much and make sure you're there for when people show up. Because you guys always try to spend time with your families. No one cares about your family.

He's turning a larger issue and he's, he's using his own specific relationship to it, to attack. That's right. It's his own. This is his experience. Yeah. If you're a vet in your thirties, don't even say you're a vet. Say you're in training, even though you are a vet and listen to the old guy who's in charge, an old, old lady. I just think that you just got, I mean, I just think you never know. Yeah. The younger vets always tell me to kill my dog.

They're very old. Yes, they are. They're very old. The older vets are like, oh, man, keep it alive, you know, because they see death in themselves. Yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, keep this around as long as possible. No one's going to let me die. That's what you need in a vet. No one's going to let me die. Someone who sees their own demise. So that way, they don't want your dog to die in front of them because they know that's another day that brings them closer to death. I still prefer a younger vet.

One last update. It's because they can still get hard. Yes. Yes. Last update is the last four escape monkeys that were loosened in a crash of, I believe it was a truck holding a bunch of experimental monkeys. Yes. The last four escape monkeys have been found in South Carolina. They have been returned to their pens. I can't believe they found all the monkeys. Oh, yep. They can get right back to testing the living shit out of them. So, congrats, monkeys. You almost made it.

I don't know.

Homeless no more. Isn't that great? Oh my god. Isn't it worse when you're... Authorities in South Carolina said Friday that the last four of the 48 monkeys have been recaptured after two months of living in the woods, weathering a rare snowstorm and being tempted back into captivity by peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. You let them lowball you. Monkeys love peanuts. Dude, you let them lowball you. They bring wagyu. That is the only thing. They don't

give a fuck about Wagyu. Wagyu. Man, you've heard the goose? The song by P-Funk? Happier than a monkey with a peanut machine?

They love peanuts. This is George Clinton lyric from 35 years ago. He was on crack. Okay. And he was correct, but he's not a biologist. He fucking knows what monkeys want. I know he does, but I think that in the end you're going to give them something else. All right. But they are now, it doesn't matter because they are caught. They are right back into captivity. Don't waste the Wagyu on the monkeys. I mean, not now, especially now that you got them, they'll eat peanut butter jelly. I know, but I'm just saying he could, they low balled him. I like peanut butter jellies. I'm just saying that this also should be a Pixar movie.

Oh, yeah. They saw their first snow. They saw their first snow. It's very cute. It should be a Pixar movie, but they end up back in the testing facility. There's something about a racist monkey's first snow. It's just like, I don't know what it is. It just seems post-apocalyptic. Just because they're from South Carolina doesn't mean they're racist. But they're not supposed to see snow. Well, yeah. I mean, South Carolina's not supposed to see snow either, but the world's dying. Yeah, I know. I guess racist monkeys aren't supposed to be in Charleston. I don't know, but either way.

Sorry, monkeys. Hope you're going to look good in that rouge. Really, really enjoy it. I feel bad laughing at a monkey test. It was well said. It was very, you know, it was tasteless, but hilarious. Specific.

Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. That can happen anywhere.

As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas.

I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs today.

And start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. People ask me, Henry, what are some of your relationship green flags? And mine is, is he willing to help me fight my enemies?

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This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. You make a website, you use the website, succeed. Thanks, Squarespace. Now that I found the little boy that now is running the horse picks empire, I am angry with the way that he is handling it.

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Speaking of tasteless and hilarious, we got some friends joining us today. We would like to introduce you now. We got some people in here. We're going to be talking about some stuff. We have the hosts of Who's the Bitch? Jackie Zebrowski and Cara Clank. You know what I was thinking, Jackie? If you could just cut the front half of you off, you'd do great. Yeah. Oh, no. I'm going the opposite way. Face first. Cut the first. Save for a fucking tit job. Really? What are you going to do with it?

Yeah, what kind of job? Are they going to go to the fucking, are they going to work in a fucking mine? Yeah, of course they are. So you're going to apply your breasts to work? They're the canaries. What, they have to deflate? And you are the coal mine? What a great way to start. They're warning the rest of your body that it's all about to shut down? About to shut down, so. There they go. So hold on. Are they...

Dead? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean now, but I have to revive them so that I can... So you gotta go to the pet store. Yes, obviously, and shove my tits full of birds. What are you not getting from this? I actually would prefer to get a bike pump.

Yeah, but then it's always falling out and it's a whole big thing. You know what I mean? Especially get them birds in there. It's cheap. Oh, I hate you. Come on, guys. It's cheap. Cara, please erase that. It's cheap. Please erase that. Welcome to the who's the bitch section of Side Stories. It's you. It's you.

Bringing it in hard and hot. You're the bitch, you fucking bitch. Yeah, get him, Eddie. Get him, Eddie. I just want to host this show. Yeah, I bet you do. I just want to host this show with safety. No one cares about your emotions. Good. It's a good start. But we have two of the best other women on our network. Ha ha ha ha.

Wow. What an intro. Two of the finest comedians in this room are right here. Thank you.

The host of Who's the Bitch, both the stream and podcast. It is Cara Clank and my sister, Jackie Zabrowski. Hello. Thank you so much for having us. Hi, Cara. It's nice to have you here. It's nice to have you, Cara. Only Cara. Oh, not me. What beef? Do you have beef with me? These are like my pick-me-girl dreams come true. You are beef. You calling me a cow? No. Oh, you want me to moo out into pasture? Because I will. And you should be bravely holding at and holding space for being a cow. You can't take my milk.

We all need to be holding space for farm animals, that's for sure. I do in my duodenum. I'm sorry, guys. We're really excited to have these two women here. Because it's good to have... Emphasizing women. Have you never had women in this room? It's like...

No. Truly. I've been in this room and you didn't even intro me as a woman. You're not a woman. You're not. You're Henry's sister. Thank you. You're just a bunch of parts and blood. Thank you. That's all I see. You wait. You wait till I get big old fakies up top. You're going to see. I'm going to be blinking my nipples soon. I am very interested about this. So you're thinking about fakies. My problem is that we've been talking a lot over on Who's the Bitch about

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, and I've really gotten into it. And I realize, I think a lot of people watch that show and think like, why would you ever want to be like that? Oh my God, these women are horrible. No, I just see doors opening for me in my future. I'm just like, this is what I want. It's like a Pinterest board of a television show for her. She's just like, great idea, great idea. Tighter. Pin it, yeah. I want to barely be able to cry anymore. Like I just... Oh, it is great when they try to cry. You're like...

Oh my God. Someone moved my secret underwear. Do they wear secret underwear in the secret lives? What's crazy is that basically one of them is Mormon. Two of them are excommunicated Mormons. Cool. One is Greek. She's wild. One's a Jew. She sounds lost. Yeah, and I say that as a Jew, by the way. I'm not saying that in a Kanye way. I'm in the Greek one. Oh, no. And then there's one woman who is like,

owns a tequila brand and is Mormon. And she's like, this is just the way I do Mormonism. Vita tequila. So she's like, she calls it Mormon 2.0. Well, they give them permission. That was like the big deal in Mormonism. They like entrepreneurship. Yeah. Yeah.

And they really don't care. And the booze thing, you find that all, like, that was a weird thing I got into because it's like listening to Natalie because she's preparing all and doing all of these various things on the Mormon crime. She reads about the bad Mormons. That's the thing. We watch the good, fun Mormons. Eddie. Oh, yeah. I have a feeling that they might all be bad. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

They're good ones. They're going to be in Salt Lake City at some point. Accidental plug for the book Bad Mormon by Heather Gay. One of the wives who left. I love Mitt Romney.

That was crazy when he ran. I go, are we going to have a president who wears the secret underwear? Like when he was running for president, I go, are we going to have a president that wears a secret underwear? You know what's really sad is that we would have been better off. Yeah. Yeah. That was a joke, by the way. Really, really sad. How do you feel about soaking, though? And now that we're here, may as well talk about it. Soaking, I think. Hold on. I need it properly explained to me. Now, here's what I think it is. It's just you enter and stay and wait until it's over. It's like a bookmark. But then I personally.

I've heard that there's like an addendum to soaking, which is when a friend jumps on the bed and that kind of causes some friction. That's right. But you're not actually initiating the friction. And so. So it's fine. So it's God doesn't care. Yes. Like anal, you know. Yes. Yes. It's a loophole. Yeah.

I'd rather soaking than all of the people that are young and think that anal means you're still a virgin. Why not? I guess it depends. Can't get pregnant. If you decide that, you know, if that's for you, or what if it shoots up through your asshole and up into your pussy hole? Jackie, you're the woman. Oh, my God. Wait a second. You're supposed to know this. Oh, my God. We are the ones that are not supposed to know this. Oh!

But you know that the semen can't jump from the butt to the vagina. I love it when my brother says the word semen. Because if it did, if semen jumped from butts to vaginas, to be honest, I think there'd be a lot more troubled kids. What about leakage?

If it can't create a baby, they don't care, right? Yeah, I guess not. Well, Kara, I'll ask you this. They call it more man. Do you think if semen were to leak from the butthole to your vagina, would the semen still be viable? Yes, because I don't know for sure, but I know sperm can live inside of women for five days. Now, sperm is the little men inside of semen. Yes, yes.

So when you're talking about viable semen, I'm, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Thank you from Look Who's Talking. You knew exactly what I was talking about. Thank you. Literally, that movie made me want to be a single mom. Didn't work out for me, but. I got the sex talk during the semen scene in the movie theater for my mother. Really? See?

So I don't know. Like, did you ever read like when you were growing up, did you ever read like little teen magazines like Teen and YM and shit? They would always have stuff that was like, I don't know how I got pregnant. We hooked up in a hot tub and there'd be like things about how the semen could jump in through the hot tub because the water's warm. Like an orca. So if you have like a warm ass and it leaks from your butt up into the vagina, it still would require a lot of gravity. But if I put an ice cube in the vagina.

The actor? Oh. Because I think he knows what to do. Would that not cool the semen to not use? That's a great question. I don't know what woman would want to do that. A desperate, lost woman. It only lasts for a finite amount of time, too. But yeah, I found that out when I was trying to, on purpose, get pregnant, that that shit lives in you for five days. Wow. Wow.

Whoa, kill it. Yeah. That's cool. Scoop it out. Get it out of there. That's scary to me. So it's got five days to find the egg. Yeah, it's got days to like swim up there. I don't know if they're very smart. Well, mine are slow. I know that. I will say, this is giving me a new thing to do this coming Valentine's Day weekend when I won't be with my wife. I will be in a hotel room alone, but maybe I could do, it's kind of fun, come on the floor and say,

Go find her. Yeah. Then it becomes like a Milo and Otis. I was going to bring up Milo and Otis. Except all the dogs keep dying and the kitties keep drowning in the river. It's hard to drown semen. Just one puddle of semen slowly rolling through. And there's voiceover. You get Blythe Danner to do the voiceover. Oh, I didn't know if I could cross that river. We've got to get to Natalie or we're never going to make it.

Oh, does she even want a baby? I don't know of this pile of semen. Thank God he left two. I was thinking about trying to race mine. You know, like trying to put them squirting on a desk and then like lining them up and see who's fastest. Oh, it sounds like I thought you were going to cut them up to do lines of it. I don't remember what it is, but there's some kind of thing about boy sperm is slower or faster or something like that. Like one of the gender sperm is faster. I'm a man, baby.

So like, there's like, people will do shit when they're like, like if you, if you have sex at a certain time in your ovulation because you want to have a certain gender, it's like the guys get their fat. So it's like, like have sex.

If you want a girl, I think what the deal is, is they're like, have sex the day before you ovulate because then all the boys will get there and be like, and then die. And then the girl ones will come slowly and they'll get right to the egg. The battle of the bulge. I know. It's crazy. And that's like literal internet shit that I cannot fact check. Like, I don't know if it's true or not. The only way to do it. Yeah. No comments. It's the only way to know. But we also have some stories we really want to get your perspective on. Thank you. Besides just what semen does. Yeah.

Because I'm glad that we went through it. Yeah. Because the two of us, my sperm's so dumb, it comes out my butt. God.

See, it can travel through. This is what I was talking about. And this is what I was scared of. It's lost. You're the woman. It doesn't know where to go. You say that. Do you know how scared I was for most of my upbringing thinking that I was just going to accidentally get pregnant and not know? I still am scared that it's actually because you're eight months pregnant and I would have no idea and I'm putting the baby in the toilet. My friends recently were four months pregnant and had no idea. No!

Don't tell me! That's like, okay, I guess I would see that, but eight months, or like the ones that have the baby on the toilet, it's crazy. Yeah. It's poking at your body. It's in there trying to kick its way out of shit. Baby, it's a toilet! It seems that most of those young women are not really living conscious lives. Yes. They seem to be caught in their own...

Denial. The debris of their lives. Yeah. Can I ask a lady question? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Please. So when you get pregnant. Yeah. And there's obviously the time there where you don't know when you're pregnant. Uh-huh. And you get hammered. Oh, yeah. Done it. So what's the deal? That's fine.

I don't know. Early on in school? Let's see how my son turns out. He's only three and a half. I can't really make any comments now. But I didn't know I was pregnant with him and it was my birthday. You know, apparently it's really when what I've heard

I bet you guys know. Yeah. We always talk about this. Always. Is that kids can't enjoy booze in the fetus until they're like six months. Listen, I don't, there's also a ton of data that's like, you have to drink so much alcohol to affect a child. I'm not,

I'm not telling anyone to do that. But you have to have a lot. Because it sounds like you're telling me I could go through it. You have to have a lot. But like I had a friend that, again, didn't know until she was four months. She did not know. Her son goes to like one of the best colleges in the country. He's a tennis star. She was ripping butts, drinking a ton. Didn't know for four months. I love her. Wow. And her son's fucking exceptional. So everybody calm down. You know what? I feel like, again, ladies, pregnant ladies.

smoke it up yes smoke them if you got it drink it down drink it down take it back up if you quit pick it back up yes double down yes two cigarettes at once you're smoking for two so if you smoke while you're pregnant and your kid comes out all fucked up who's the bitch you were the kid i think it's the uterus because the uterus failed at sucking on it right because that's what happens it comes from the outside and you know jackie

I never had one. I don't know what happens inside of there. We are barely taught anything. You guys don't know anything. We don't know anything. Kara only knows because you've actually had children. Barely. Barely. But you have TikTok. Yeah. I do have TikTok, but I mostly am watching piggy videos. I've really fallen into a lot of little piggy videos. Oh, I love piggy videos. Yeah, I love them, especially when the piggies make friends. When the piggies make friends with other animals on the

You know, there's a reason why Pumbaa is such a fun... When I was in Africa and we were on safari, every time I saw a warthog, it was partying with a different animal. They fucking rock. They love having a good time. Okay, so warthogs are like the big men on campus of the savannah. And your friends never stood down when... Oh my gosh, look at that little guy. And all the shame... I'm sorry, we're watching the video. The change in my name. And it hurt.

Every time that I...

Well, Jackie, please send me the piggy videos. Oh, I'll send you piggy videos. Do you know pigs are smarter than toddlers? I know it. That's why I think more human abortions. No, I say we eat the toddlers instead. She has one. Armie Hammer has his own podcast. I'm allowed to say these things into a microphone. Armie Hammer's a billionaire with a fucking decade-long safety net. He's fine. He's gotten

What a horror show. Oh, what a crazy, what a crazy, what a, it's like a holocaust for him. I can't believe he has to rent. He probably has to walk upstairs to go inside of his house, Henry. I know. Tell me about it. I remember sharing a washing machine.

Do you think we can get him? Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's open for business. Honestly, I've been pitching a whole thing with him. It's truly called the Army Hammer Time podcast. It certainly is. You've got to be kidding me. It certainly is. Dog, you can't try to be all whimsical after the last few years you've had.

He gets to make a lot of jokes about being a cannibal, though, and I think that's good for you. I think he needs that platform. He really is a cannibal, or was he just saying some weird shit to you? He was just saying weird shit. He did other vaguely abusive stuff. He's a horrific person. Oh, no, he's a bad guy. I'm saying bad.

Vis-a-vis the flesh consumption, is that real? No, he never did anything. No, he never ate anybody. The cannibal thing, much like how we do with everything right now, we're focusing on the wrong issue. Part of it. You're right. Yes. It is. The issue here is not the dumb shit cannibalism. It's so funny. Like, look at his face. We didn't know this guy was going to be problematic. He's pure evil. He looks like sewage in a person. He is pure evil. I mean, he's very attractive. Yes. I mean...

But it is so weird, though, because I was so attracted to him originally because he was so great in Call Me By Your Name. He's very handsome. And I was like, wow, it is crazy how fast that shit can shut off. I do not see an attractive man when I look at him. I'm disgusted by him as a person. But I also watch the docuseries and so watch what he actually did do to people. And surprise, he's really bad. Yeah, yeah. I like that Free Fire movie. That was fun.

I don't know if you saw it or not. Free Fire? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great movie. Him and Brie Larson, fun to shoot him up. He could have been a great actor. Yeah. He could have been a great actor, but he's just going to have to really have... Oh, it does look like a fun movie. I really hope that one day he is able to heal, and I think that the billions of dollars that he's going to inherit are really going to help. You're right. I'm ready for his comeback. I'm ready for his comeback already. Him and Rudy Giuliani, I hope they pair up. Oh, God. That'd be a great guest for the Army Amateur.

Time podcast. Yes, with both of the gel coming down their head from their hair because you know Armie Hammer's going to need it at some point. God, now who I feel bad for with Giuliani is his children. I don't. Because they fucking hate his ass. Remember that? Fuck his kids. And the only thing they care about having him. Fuck the whole fucking

fucking family. Fuck the energy. I like the energy. I like the energy. Every single one of them can go in the fucking hague. I hope each one of them can suck my fucking balls. They don't like him. Remember the kid at the Letterman show would come out and do all that wild shit? Giuliani's little kid? He had a choke hold on us when we were kids. Yeah, and then Chris Farley played him. Well, I want to ask you guys' opinion. Okay. Because we covered this last week and we got several intense messages back from

that I thought was really interesting. Okay. This is a case that came out of the UK. Yeah.

And a young lady was dating a young man. And she, I guess they got into a conflict with the young man's ex. And the new girlfriend decided in a moment of, I'm going to say passion, to send the ex, this lovely lady, she was going to send this, her partner's ex, she wanted to basically be like, get out of her life, get away from us. And she sent a bunch of videos of her clothed behind her,

farting into the camera. Yes. Oh, like a denim fart. Okay. Yeah. Send the videos to the ex. Now, through WhatsApp. I don't know why I find that to be important, but it's not even real messaging. It's because of the UK. Well, it's encrypted also. How many videos are we talking? Like five. I want to say it was like five or six. So after one or two, after one or two, why didn't the ex

block the number. Exactly! This is a thing we go into all the time where in the UK, they have more of a sensitive use because now we know that the lady who sent the fart videos got a year probation. No! For several close

Clothed bottom fart videos. This is what I'm saying. Not only do the fart videos have no threat of violence, they don't say, I'm going to kill you, bitch. It doesn't say, I know where you live. She is giggling, she's laughing, and farting. But in my mind, if I was the judge, the baddest, I would say, shut your phone.

Yeah. So here's the, here's the sentence. Rihanna Evans was ordered to pay nearly 300 euros and serve a year long community order. She also has two year restraining order against her. And because she admitted to being drunk while carrying out the crime, she must attend 15 rehab sessions and observe a 60 day alcohol abstinence period. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This. Okay. Oh,

also, if she had said... Oh my god, her friends were like, you want to hit the pub? She's like, I can't, mate. Me fart crimes keep me from everything. I'm on my 60-day sobriety due to my fart vids. Can't do it. If there were hundreds of them, like, if she was sending them every, like, 30 seconds, I would also understand her getting into some kind of legal trouble. Now, you said this is in the UK, so obviously, you know, laws are different there, because then you think about some people that get sentenced in the United States, you're just like, they only got

seven years when they were doing what for how long? Yes. So I feel like this is still the opposite. She's not actually going to jail. No, but probation's still a lot. It sucks. If she fucks up probation, she could end up in jail. And it would be on her record, right? Yeah, you were on probation for a year. It sucked. Yes, it was awful. And I went to jail because I messed up my probation. I had to spend four days in jail. Really? Yeah, it was awful. It's crazy that you wouldn't just block it and you go to the cops. I don't know. I kind of think that the...

ex-girlfriend is the bitch for even reporting it? 100%. I do feel like the ex-girlfriend is a bitch because there are multiple ways that you could have tried to navigate this situation or maybe, I don't know, I'm not looking at the article. Did she? Was she trying to stop it from happening? Not that she went straight. She compiled, she saved all the videos and went to the cops. And was the new girlfriend like

buying burners and like keeping like that's a continued pattern of harassment. I understand that. It's WhatsApp. You got to have the number. A year of probation? And you can't block on WhatsApp. Yes, you can block. That's what I don't get. It's like one fart video. Oh, what a loser. Second fart video. Okay, I think I'm done. I'm going to block.

She waits for five to come in and then goes to the cops. It's like, to me, it's also like, stop wasting cops resources. They got less to do over there. The UK is UK. Oh, people are molesting kids over in the UK, guys. People are raping. People are doing lots of shit over in the UK. Oh, believe me. I've been to the UK twice. I've saw it. I saw all of that. You saw the molesting? Everywhere. On this cobblestone? I saw it with my own two eyes.

and participate. The Yorkshire Ripper. Don't do it, Henry. No, he was getting molested. Yes. You are juicy to the touch. I understand. I was the receiver and over there they thought I looked young. Yeah, and every time you touch Henry he goes, Hi, hi, hi. Oh, no, mister. Oh, no, mister.

Would you be upset if you were grabbing somebody's butt and the butt was fake pads in the butt? This is actually, this is a real thing. I keep staring at this. We're jumping ship here. Well, let's first, let's first end this one, this first one, but I'm with you because I do want to talk about this. Listen, I'm anti-bullying, but I just feel like let's pick our battles. Let's like not use government resources for shit that could easily be solved by the, like the touch of a finger, block the fucking girl and move on.

with your life. I think a fart text is just a funny story to have at the bar. Absolutely. I think that farts... It sounds like something a 12-year-old would do to a friend. Yes. All right, let me actually change the scenario just for once and then kind of re... Like, I don't know why. What if ex-girlfriend was blind?

So she's only hearing the farts? Yeah. Is that worse? Does she, is it more sensitive? Yes. If she's a blind woman. I do think so. I do think it is. Of course. Because you wouldn't know if the butt was clothed. And obviously the fart would sound different. Yeah, it would. And so maybe she would notice the difference because it would sound like it's coming through clothes. But I do. But also, I think it's more, I think it's upsetting. Just send the audio. You know, you don't need to taunt her with a video message. Sure.

But then it could be anything. I actually think that's even funnier. I think that's even funnier. Only the audio just fart sounds. Oh, I don't know if my husband's doing this to the phone. I'm blind. And then, you know, it would make sense why she got a year of probation. Yeah, then it would make more sense. You're harassing the blind. Stop harassing the blind.

That's what the barrister, I imagine, would say. You're harassing the ploy. You need to sound like your curls are bigger, thicker. I think the barrister is the lawyer and the magistrate is the judge. I just want to point that out to you, you blokes. You might be right, Kara. You just keep talking about barristers and it's confusing me. They're all the fucking same to me. No, they're

all wearing powdered wings. That doesn't matter. So everyone thinks that the victim is the bitch. Yes. Victim is such a it's like I don't think

I don't think, yeah. I've just, I have been a victim of way more bullying that nothing has come from. So maybe this is coming from an anger of my past. Yeah. But I do feel like it's fart videos, dude. You gotta get over it. It is kind of funny. That's the problem. I will say there is something to be said about not giving your enemy the ammo that they need.

to fuck you over. So I do think that, yes, I believe that this lady, if I were to advise Fart Woman, she lost, for sure. If I was to advise Fart Woman, what I would say is never put a fart in writing.

You go and you fart on that woman in person. Well, then, I mean, it was all so wasted. Please, her name is Rhiannon Evans. Use her full name. Her name is Fart Woman. But also, then it would make more sense because then she's, like, haunting this person. She's showing up and farting at her front door into the mail slot. Although, into the mail slot is very funny. Very funny, but guess what it is? That's actually assault because you can smell it. It's harder to prove.

You have to catch her. Got to catch that butt. That's what I'm saying. It's harder to prove. I'm saying fart woman. Think about your freedom and think about, do you want to be living the worst trail of farty breadcrumbs possible?

Also, you have to think about in legal stuff like this setting precedent. So are you saying now like brothers that hold each other down and spit into each other's mouths, now they're going to get jail time or probation? Like what? These are pranks. Not if they're filmed for OnlyFans. You know what I mean? Is this girl's name Rihanna? Rhiannon. Rhiannon, yeah. Rhiannon farts like a bird in the night. Right from your grave.

Whoa.

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Hey, this is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy. Live and uncensored, catch me talking with my friends about my latest obsessions, relationship issues, and bodily ailments. With that kind of drama that seems to follow me, you never know what's going to happen. You can listen to Jeff Lewis Live at home or anywhere you are. Download the SiriusXM app for over 425 channels of ad-free music, sportainment, and more. Subscribe now and get three months free. Offer details apply.

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What were you going to say about grabbing an ass that's not there, Jackie? Oh, I was talking about asses. I was talking about the grand. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's get to a perfect ass segue. Get in here. Yes. Fairy butt mother Kim Kardashian is starting to sell butt enhancing skims shorts with pants.

padding for a bigger behind. So I was just immediately up top before we started recording, making a joke about how I would love to do this because I would love to pad out my ass because I am threatening to someday go get a really, really cheap BBL. But I feel like that's probably not a good idea. Not a good idea. You mean the cement kind? Oh, yeah. And I say, drag it down, baby. But

How would you feel? Would you feel lied to if you grabbed a butt and then you were hooking up with a person and you find out? And this also goes for chicken cutlets in the bra. Push-up bra. Makeup. I mean, everything's a fucking illusion. I will say, you see, Eddie's wrong. Has he said anything? Yes. He's wrong. I said, who cares? You know what it is? It's in my mind. How big's the lie?

So with chicken cutlets and a stuffed bra and a padded bra, most men by a certain age can kind of even tell. A chicken cutlet? Yeah. Can you? You can tell by waist, hands, shoulders, face, feet. You can look at all the parts. You can break a woman down. You can break a woman down.

And you could do the titty math. You could do the titty math on some level and be like, them's pads, right? Them's pads in those hills. But these days, I find the super padded boobie is really not a thing anymore. It's more so. I mean, it happens. Every bathing suit's got padding in it. But not really. But super padded boobie now seems mostly people like a bralette. Yeah.

People like a less padded booty. A tiny. A less padded booty. Yeah, yeah. We are getting some boobies back in hamburger commercials. Oh, that's great. McDonald's? I love this is what you know about boobs is that they're in hamburger commercials. Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr.'s bringing them back. They're bringing boobies back. I thought you were talking about Uncle O' Grimacy, the green shamrock uncle of Grimace over at McDonald's. Who has tits? They're bringing him. He doesn't. He's Irish, so he's got a big ass. He's got to be a tramp.

Dumper Uncle O' Grimacy. Are those the tits you're talking about? Is that what you mean? He's flat. Oh, it's St. Patrick's Day next week. But there's a part of me that, like, if you were to have a padded butt, right? Like, how big's the pad and what purpose is it? Kim Kardashian size, apparently. I guess it's one of those things where you want to, if you eventually hope...

It adds two inches of volume. That's a lot. But as a lady, are you doing that? Wow, look at these pictures. You're right. That is a, man, they make it juicy. But my thing is, are you doing this for other people or do you know at some point someone's going to touch you while you're wearing this thing and do you care?

That's more, I feel like, on you. But don't you think, like, if you're going home and hooking up with a girl and you're, like, you're actually, like, about to fuck, do you really care about the ass of that woman? Of course not. But the moment you come, you do. The second it's all said and done and you sit and you think about it. You're like, I've been deceived. If you look down and you see the goalie pads that were on her.

And you look over and she went from the lady that you had met to now she is a Gwyneth Paltrow. Tiny little butt butt. Tiny. She's a Meghan Markle no meat lady. Yeah. Right. And then you're like, whoa, I thought I met my wife last night because I had a dream that my wife had a butt.

So big that I would be. But that's the thing where I'd be like, whoa, that was my wife. And then now she doesn't have a butt. But I guess it's one of those things where I get. I think it's sweet. But what about makeup? What about makeup? Women can totally change the way they look with like contouring. It doesn't really change the structure of your head.

Have you seen some of these fucking TikTok videos? Oh, yeah. They can do some crazy shit. You can do a lot. If their nose is like this big and then they make it look like this tiny little delicate nose. It's crazy. They do crazy shit with makeup. It's over. Before you're fucking, you're going. I think.

If you're out with a lady and she wants to wear a butt thing that makes her butt look nice while you're all around, I think that's very nice of her and I thank her for doing that. If she doesn't have the butt later when we're having sex, I don't care because you know what? No one else is there. Everyone else thinks she has the big ass. Hell yeah. It's for everybody else. What about my needs? Why do you need

a big ass. Because I'm here. I'm alive. Because I have blood in my veins. Because I come from each generation of man who's lived. Preach it, Henry. You're the man with less ass than any other man who's ever existed. So I need a lady with

More. More ass. Yeah. After you fuck, she tells you she's a flat earther and you're like, whatever. Yep. At least that was, you know, that wasn't a deception. Look at that juicy ass. I pretty much can roll with any philosophy. Yeah. A flat girther. You own a pair of these, Henry. I do. I got my bike shorts. You actually have these already. Yes, I bought. You have what? You have butt shorts? I had to buy them for when I had my Peloton. Oh, because it was hurting your little booty? So badly. Yeah. You got to get like those little padded shorts. Oh, I had to get rid of the entire bike. Yeah.

Because what happened was that I bought the padded shorts. Then I bought the padded seat. Oh, no. Then I started putting a towel down on top of the seat. And it still wasn't enough cushion for your push-in. And then, you know, also really what it was is that I think that every time... I've talked about this on the show, but every single time I crossed a living room in my little bike booties and my bike shorts...

I saw one day of sex leave Natalie. Yeah. I saw each time I saw that's one less time we will ever make love. Oh yeah. You just saw this in me because it's just like click clack, click clack, click clack as I walk through with it. Oh yeah, the little clickities. The stupid bike shoes you have to wear.

But someone sent you like butt ones. No, I bought them. Oh, I have the super big butt one. Yeah, someone sent them to you. Yeah, I have a super big butt one. Yeah. Look at those EVA, the 3D protection. No, I ain't lying to my audience. You get some attention. My butt is fine the way it is. If people just suddenly were like, yo, Henry Zebrowski's got a dumper on him. Who knew? I just want to fucking stick my head in them lows. Yeah. I'm just going to be like, sir, I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a human. Who cares? I'm a soul. You got an ass? That's all they care about. I'm a soul in here. With a penis and an ass. That won't quit.

Well, it will once you take the shorts off. Well, you know, I'll tell you when it quits. That's quitting time for the old butt. That's the thing. Because again, I don't mind the lie. I like a lie. I actually feel like we need more lies. I think lies are actually... We need more lies. More deception. Yes. You know what I'll say about a lie, which is nice about a good lie that's used to save somebody's feelings, is that you thought of me. Sometimes I'd rather you just give me the effort to...

of the lie, and then that shows you're actually thinking about me. Yeah. You've put yourself in a compromised situation. Yeah, because being truthful is kind of easy. All you've got to do is say stuff like, let's get creative. You stink! It's the worst when you know you've gained weight, and then you see someone and you're like, you look so thin. I am fatter. I know I'm fatter. Because that guy...

It's going blind. Then you find out. Is there some kind of loose seal in your laundry machine? Is that what this is about? But yeah, I guess that's what it is. I guess it's mostly just how sad I'd be. Yeah, that it wasn't there. If I went in to feel the butt afterwards, I'd just kind of be sad. But again, in the end, if you're making love, it doesn't really matter. Yeah, yeah. Just hear a BBL is a real rough surgery. Also,

Let's talk about that with the BBL in 10, in five years, in 10 years, is that going to be the trend anymore? The big butts were not a big thing 20 years ago. They are now. What if the pendulum swings and then suddenly you're stuck with this big cement ass? I'm pretty sure that people have been loving big asses for all of time, like cavemen and shit. I think always were down with a big dumper. Well, dumpers look like you can give birth. Well, tip.

It is the idea of like the old, like of like the wider the hips. It meant that like the more likely your child would. Yeah. So you're just naturally attracted to a huge ass. I mean, truthfully, we should be disgusted by an ass because that's what doo doo comes from. You know, it's so like the fact that we all want to like lick it and fuck it means something. You got to clean. Yes. You do have to clean.

Gotta clean that ass. Spray. Also, as we find, things go up and down. It's all fat skinny. Everything goes fat skinny, skinny to fat, fat skinny, skinny to fat. The pendulum swings and everything, right? Just how it is. It goes from bigger ladies because at first it was the butt was the thing. But now we're seeing butt is leaving.

I don't think so. I don't think butt's ever going anywhere. No, butt is leaving. They started saying fucking low-rise jeans were coming back, and I was like, you fucking shut your mouth. Also, what about Kendrick wearing the flare jeans? Everybody's talking about the flare jeans. I don't even know what that means. It's a boot cut. I do think it was funny because everyone was talking about it. I didn't know he got jeans from Torrid.

Yeah. Yeah. I have no idea. If you watch that and you're like, his jeans. It's like you missed the entire message. I wore those. No, I actually thought he looked cool. You know what he also did? You know what that motherfucker did that was a super fucking for me as a sneaker head? He wore retail shoes.

Oh, those are shoes you could get on retail. Those are the, those are the DTs. Those are the, um, what's his putts? Not the, yes. While he's wearing $1.2 million necklace, by the way, but I love retail. I, that makes me, it's the new Dion Sanders. He's wearing the Dion Sanders shoes. Well, that's,

He just loves his boy. He's just wearing DZ masks. But they're probably friends. Yeah. Wow, this is crazy. I had no idea you were a sneakerhead. Yeah, he loves sneakers. I used to be more. Crazy. I just stopped doing it because Natalie kind of said, which is true, which is, you know, the only people who notice this are other large men. Yeah. But,

You know, we've talked, I don't know if we've talked about this before, but there is something that you do. There's sometimes things that you do for yourself and there are sometimes things that you do for the gender you're trying to attract. And sometimes you're trying to do it that like I talk about, like trying to work my arms and trying to get like more muscle in my arms. And Jeff has said to me before, he's like, I don't know if I've ever looked at your upper arm.

arms before ever. And I was like, I don't do it for you. I do it so other women look at my arms and go, working out, huh? Yeah. Oh, you're working on those arms. Yeah, you don't wear that Frankenhooker shirt to, like, attract women. No.

This is for me. Yeah, it's to start a conversation. But also... Dude, in the stream, be like, hey, nice shirt. Yeah, exactly. I wish I could kill a hooker and bring her back to life. Well, you know. Cool. Cool, all right. Good for you. But I, you know, but you're both inspiring, though. Oh, my God. Thank you. Looking at the two of you, first of all, you're surviving. Thriving and surviving. Thriving and surviving. Thank you. Neither one of you is the bitch.

Why? Because you're scared of us? Because we could scrap real easy. I'd take any, you'd take any. I ain't fucking with that. I'll lie down and get beat. Yeah, you will. You both will. We also talk about this on our show that being a bitch isn't always a bad thing. You're right. It's fun to be a bitch. We're bitches in a lot of ways. Honestly,

doing the show has opened up and I'm sure you're both so thankful. It has opened me up to being more of a bitch. I'm very thankful to be honest. Because I always thought that you were too nice. When it came to every job you've ever had, you always say yes whenever they fucking make you work longer. You never stand up for yourself like the fucking blue stove where they would torture your fucking ass and you would just sit there and take it. That used to drive me nuts. So be the bitch.

Thank you, Eddie. Henry, whatever you're about to say, I'm about to shut it down because I'm being a little bit more of a bitch. You need to be a bitch to your boss more often. You gotta be the bitch you wanna see in the world. Let's just say I've really noticed the uptick. Ha ha ha ha!

successful is what he's saying. You mean your sister is extra successful. Has there been something on Who the Bitch that, like a fun topic that you would like to get Henry and I's opinion on? Yeah, well, we actually, this one's coming out in our episode this next week. Okay. Where

This woman called, should I do this one or should I do a different one? Yeah, do the, yeah. This woman was like, I have a really good friend of years and years. We both have kids like the same age. She has an older kid as well, but they're little kids. She went out of town. The husband was home alone. My husband said, why don't you call over and see if he needs a break and you can watch the kids for a little bit. So she texted the husband. He goes, I'm all good. When the friend got back into town, she was like, how dare you contact my husband? Right.

without asking me or going through me. Wow. That would be like Julie telling me that I can't text you. Well, that guy has no, like... First of all, when Julie and I first got together, before there was any hint of marriage or even being boyfriend and girlfriend, I was like, I know lots of women. I'm friends with lots of women. If you can't accept that, then this isn't going to work. Right, right. And I was like, what year is it? Like...

The woman that called didn't really have an accent. I couldn't really place geographically. I was like, maybe if you're like in the deep South, that's a thing. But like, I, I couldn't understand. Like I was like, it's 2025. We're all like in the same time loop right now. I will say as a husband, this is not about being a man, but as a husband, I'd prefer if you just spoke to Natalie cause she'll remember. Yeah. And that when you, I get asked to do things and it's not that I forget on purpose. It's just, I,

have a smaller brain. Yeah, when somebody goes, I sent the invitation to Jared, I go, so you don't want us to come? Yeah. What I would do is not all husbands, but it's a lot

a lot of us. And it's just that we struggle with certain aspects of the relational spectrum. And I think that, yeah, please loop Natalie in. Because then I'll get there. But if I wanted to be like, Henry, I saw this cool poster I thought you'd like. I took a picture of it. Here it is. Like,

Your wife wouldn't be like, Kara, how dare you just, like, be talking about random day-to-day shit with my husband. I find that to be completely unhinged. Unhinged. I think... No, here's the thing. If it's, like, a chronic thing and it's, like, borderlining into, like, emotional cheating... Well, there's a way to be... You know, like... No. And...

And also, there are times when it is inappropriate. I'm not saying that there is not times when someone hitting up another person's partner is not, you know, there are times when it's not appropriate. Yeah. But this person even talked to the friend afterwards. Explained everything. It was my husband's idea. We just wanted to see if he...

We're trying to like be your village here. Still, this woman was like, no, I never want to talk to you ever again. Whoa. That's crazy. To be honest. At the same time, that's kind of good to get her out of your life. What I have seemed to also maybe know slightly as, as Osmond, that,

That those sometimes and when you find that you are in a situation where you feel that you're scared of us right now, it sounds like you're talking like you're scared of us. Well, you know, we know our wives are going to listen to this particular episode. But there's there's a reaction, right, that sometimes come from something else.

So it seems that maybe this is not the fight. That's what I said. I was like, she's obviously deeply distrustful of her husband or she's got some, you know, she has a new baby. Maybe she's got some postpartum stuff going on where she feels, you know, like,

First of all, you know, he's emotionally cheated before. The idea for this podcast that we originally started was like, this is am I the asshole? But for like normal people, because am I the assholes just filled with so many dudes going? My wife had a baby two weeks ago and she won't fuck me. What the hell? So many. Am I the asshole for threatening to leave? Stitches. Yeah, literally. The bride of Frankenstein. So to me, it's like, I understand that there's.

I'm just like, I understand that there's paranoia that women have after they have a baby. Like, oh my God, I'm not attractive anymore. My body's changed so much. I'm paying more attention to the baby. I don't want my husband to stray or whatever, but it's like, she explained everything to you. Her husband was part of it. Like it wasn't like, I don't know. They weren't trying to threesome your husband. It's just so irrational. And also, I'll also tell you, I don't think the help was, let's also be frank. If it was coming from the husband,

He didn't really mean it. No, it was coming from the wife. But I mean, he didn't want to help. No, the wife. Yeah. That's why he said to his wife, hey, why don't you hit him up and offer some help? Because he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to go over there and help with the kids. He wanted nothing to do with it. Oh, God, no. Right? Don't ask me to come help with your children. I will. I will. Ha ha.

Great. I need somebody Monday the 24th. Please go take care of Kara's two children. I would love it. Henry, this is a web series. Oh, my God. Oh, that's what the world needs back. Yes. A web series. Remember the web series? Yes, they do. The TV pipeline? Yeah. It used to be a way people made stuff, Eddie. They gave us fucking $20,000. Are you still trying to make money off of Trollville? Yes.

I had a season two written. Huffin, it's really good. God, it's great. They used to give money to people to make stuff. Not to have just that. I thought you used your own money to make it and it was a failure and you lost a bunch. No, that was Troville. Yeah.

Listen, Broad City. Some of it will rhyme. Sometimes it's a Broad City. What's her name? Issa Rae is now in charge of the other half of the White House. Yeah. Listen, I'm just saying, I don't know if you watching my kids is a full TV show, but it's a web series for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I'd watch it. Because I could do, because I'd watch movies with them. They would love you. They would think you were so funny and fun. I can get them to latch. Yeah.

They're so far done with breastfeeding. All right, well, that was my first mistake. What do you mean they're done? Henry trying to get a six-year-old to latch. Come on. Come on. Just a little taste. Philip. Philip, it's lunchtime. Prest is fast. Yes. Try not to smell my facial hair. Oh.

Thank you guys for being here today. Thank you. Thank you for having us. Now, for next episode of Who's the Bitch, you guys definitely want calls. You want as many good, like, what's a good way? How do people find you? Let's shoot them the various address. If you go to whosethebitch.com, you can subscribe to the pod and stuff. Oh, yeah. We have a fucking URL and everything. Whosethebitch.com. That tells you what our next live stream is. You can call in live and talk to us. You can also watch YouTubes of old live streams.

You can subscribe on Apple and Spotify or wherever you fucking get a podcast. Do we know the number offhand that you can leave a message? And then there's also ways to email us, call us, and DM us. It's all at whosethebitch. Literally from whosethebitch.com, you can just click on it and your phone will call us. That's fucking awesome. That's amazing. Yeah, after this bullshit. And then you can listen to the messages later on. And then you guys leave voicemails. That's what it is. 424-666-0666.

Yeah, that's the LPN number. Oh, you got 666 in there. Oh, yeah. That's fucking great. We love the voicemails. We love live calls, but an email is fine too. A DM is fine too. If you're going to leave a voicemail, would you have a five-minute limit? Some people. I think five minutes long. Some people are calling. I think 30 seconds is fair. Yes. Some people.

are calling and leaving multiple... We love details. We like the deets. We do want details for sure. But sometimes when it kind of loses the sauce as the voicemails go on sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just gotta write out the key points and then call us. Oh, yeah. But we want to hear...

And I can't emphasize enough. This does not have to be like, I think I should get a divorce. My sister and I are feuding. It can literally be like the most trivial. I love the trivial. Who's the bitch? Those are my favorites. I love those. I got three nuggets instead of four. And then I yelled at the person. Am I the bitch? Am I the bitch? And what was the one with the

switch. We love one that was just like, my friend left her switch at the airport and she asked me to go get it for her and it's my birthday and I don't want to. And we were like, go for it, girl. You're right. Honestly, what do you mean she made you go get it? I think they left the city of it, of that they were in. Yeah, so they had to go. She left it at

like, the TSA. Her fucking video game switch? And so she asked her friend to go back to go pick it up. I'm not going to the airport! But that's the thing, even, like, going all the way back to the airport, but then on top of it, where she was like, and it was my birthday, I didn't want to, and we're like, fuck yeah, man. It was your birthday, don't do it. Also, go to

But we had like a woman. Don't you have a man you can call that you can fucking force to do this? Also, the airport gets stuff all the time. They will mail it to you. It just costs money. We had a woman who told people to stop vaping at an NFL game. We have all kinds of people that are dealing with little bitchy moments of the day to day. To me, that's more interesting. We also welcome friendship breakups and all kinds of deep problems. Anything.

Any level of depth, honestly, we're fine with. I love it. To the very shallow, to the deep. So what have you guys disagreed on? You and I?

So far, you always agree who the bitch is? No, we don't always agree. It is kind of fun because I think that we're learning that Kara and I are, I'm so like dripping in all of my feelings. And it's fun because Kara, even though Kara is a mother of two, can just be like, let's get down to the brass tacks. All right, let me just get right to this. I think the last time Kara cried was 9-11. Yeah. Yeah.

Not even. Not even. That's what I like, a hard mother. I like a hard mother. You don't need to cry every day.

All right, so go to whosethebitch.com for all your bitch-based needs. Yes. And go follow Who's the Bitch wherever podcasts are seen and go on our twitch.tv slash lpntv every other Monday. Yes. Because Who's the Bitch is live. They're taking your calls. You go there and you do that. Yeah. We love talking to you. Jackie Cara, bless.

blessed to you as well and bless that badass of yours thank you these two globes are gonna go and change the world not globes like big huge crazy pancake pie are they more like dinner rolls I don't know if they're low I don't need a big ass I'm okay as me I think yeah waffles I'm okay as me I accept I don't need to change

No one told you to change. I want to see your little tiny butt in those Celine jeans that Kendrick was wearing. He just could slide all down. You could just pants you in them. Yes. I mean, I honestly would do anything Kendrick tells me. Yeah. I thought his jeans looked cool and I honestly would have worn those in college for sure. They are very, very cool. Everything looks great.

about him is amazing. He did a good job and was the first time I'd heard most of his songs. Yeah. And I felt that he was very entertaining. You get into Kendrick, dude. What are you doing, man? A lot of his stuff's very sad. Yeah. I'll listen to it. I'll get in there. He's a fucking poet. He's amazing. Listen to the album when Obama was in office. That was kind of fun. I heard more stuff from To Pimp a Butterfly than I knew of the newer album. I've listened to the newer album once. I just know that Drake is a, I guess he is a pedophile.

Otherwise, I don't know. What I then did was, but I did go, I mean, I don't know about Kendrick, but I went straight to Yeezy.com and bought one of those new cross shirts that he has. Oh, yeah. One of these crazy cool patterns. Yeah. And I just thought, well. Do you mean like peace? Isn't it like a meditation? It's good Japanese.

I looked it up and it means good luck. Yeah, it feels very European. It's super European. I think it's going to be the new Tesla symbol. Yes, the website's down apparently now. What a shame. I guess we'll have to buy it. Must be very popular if the website crashed. Yes, a lot of traffic.

Just like in downtown Nuremberg. When we first grouped up these Nazis. Because that's where Nazis belong. In the fucking gallows. And we're coming for you. Honestly, if there's any still alive, we are going to look for you. We're going to come get you.

And they are the bitch. So there you go. If you're 99 and you got away with it, what's the last five days of your life? Let's take a field trip to Buenos Aires. I feel like that's where they all are. They tried to do that thing. There was like a lady that was like a 99-year-old, like essentially a receptionist for Dachau. And they finally found her. And it was this whole big public. Should we punish her or not? I'm like, you fucking choke that bitch with your bare hands. Fuck off.

that 99-year-old Nazi. Fucking shoot her in the head. I want to see her fucking corpse dragged through the street by a taxi cab. Whoa, Kanye violated the terms of service at Shopify. And listen, hey, and Shopify really took a full 48 hours to really think about whether or not they sold all those shirts. We just have to run it by legal. That's it. We just have to really think about is this the right thing to do or not? Should we sell swastika t-shirts or not? I don't know. And they really sat and thought about it and they made a proper decision.

After 48 hours. 48 hours later. So thanks, Shopify. You're there for us. Well, you should also know that on our show, for our live streams, we have a bitch-o-meter, which like it, you know, it rates like how bitchy the person that we're calling the bitch is. And our number, our highest one has been Kanye. But yesterday, on yesterday's stream, he was taken off the bitch-o-meter. He's been devoted. He's off the, I don't want to look at him. He's beyond bitchy, I would say. We decided, I was like,

I don't want to look at his fucking face anymore. Take him off the bitchometer. And he's been replaced by the Paul brothers. Yes. Good. Yeah, they're up there. I was thought I was going to hear Ellen DeGeneres. Oh, no, but I feel like she's got more of a complicated thing going on. Yeah. Well, she's overseas now. Oh, yes. Oh, she's hiding. She is hiding. Ellen's connected to

Did he? Yeah, they were like best friends and she used to go to his parties. She wasn't fun enough to go to the freak off. Yeah. I mean, she was at least around for it. She was early round and they were like, Ellen just left. Let's start the freak off. Yeah, literally. Now that that's downer, that downer's out of here, let's bring in the kids. Yeah. No.

But the honest thing is there's fucking lots of footage of Diddy and her on her show talking about how wild his parties are. Of course, because that was what he was known for. Yeah. All right. Well, we got to get you out of here. Oh, we got to get out of here? All right. I love you guys. Bye, guys. Goodbye, who's the bitch? Bye, we're the bitch. Live from Northland.

What a conversation. Oh, my God. I just live to talk to ladies about subjects, and I love the fact that they know more than we know about the subject sometimes. I don't think your sister knows anything about the female anatomy. I will laugh about the fact that my sister knows less than me.

And the audience has told me several times. They have told me several times how little I know. Yeah, yeah. And she shocked me with how little she knew. But she's getting fake breasts, so congratulations. Now, how do you plan on paying for those? I'm not fucking cheating. She's got to work for that shit. She is working. No, but she's got to go out there and do different work, harder work. Yeah.

If she wants fake tits, she's going to have to go out there and I'm going to need her to fucking go and work in a mine or something. Fake boobs around $4,000. $875. That sounds cheap. I think they should be more expensive. Five to ten grand. I think if you're going to buy Jackie breasts, you should spend at least ten grand on them. I'd buy her jack shit. I'm just going to fucking. The only thing I'm paying for is to have them lopped off. Oh, so you're paying for the beginning of the first one. That's not bad. Yep.

That's great. Well, Jackie, you hear that? So if you want less breasts, Henry's in. If you want more, you have to talk to your other brother, Ed. See, I'll throw in on some big breasts for Jackie. Actually, you know what? We're going to start a GoTitMe for Jackie. GoTitHer. GoGlandMe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want him with them plugs? Yeah, man. Guess what?

I'm coming, baby. The invasive species, Ed Larson tours Florida. That's right. I'm coming to Florida twice this year. I'm very excited. First in March 20th through the 23rd, I'm going to be in Jacksonville, Panama City, and Tallahassee. I'm so excited for this Tallahassee show. It's going to be at the 926 Bar and Grill, which is actually great.

formerly brothers where murder fist used to perform every week. It was the only, it was the only gay bar in Tallahassee. Also the only stage that wasn't attached to a school school. Yeah. So we used to perform there every week and now they've rebuilt it and I'm going to be playing. I'm going to be performing there on a March 23rd with Danny Bedrosian at P funk. I'm going to sing a P funk song with him and then he's going to come and then him and something fierce, his band, his side band,

20 year anniversary because the when they played the last day in the in that place with murder fist 20 years ago no april 7th what and so this is march 23rd that's awesome reuniting for a 20th anniversary show at 926 bar in tallahassee the shows in jacksonville and panama city are going to be amazing the wonderful evan rossi is going to be opening for me then and then

In May, I'm coming back. I'm doing Marco Island slash Naples. It's in Naples, but we said Marco Island because it sounds prettier. But yes, the club is in Naples. We'll be playing Naples on May 6th. Dania Beach in Orlando with Henry. Side story shows. We're cutting our comedy club teeth. Oh, we'll be at a comedy club. You know there's going to be a lot of crowd work.

We got a lot of material. We're going to be talking a lot about what's going on in that state of yours. We're very, very excited to have some brand new. We're doing fucking, I don't know what material we're going to do. Yes. Well, I'll open the show and then Henry and I'll come out for an hour. It's going to be a lot of fun. That's going to be May 7th in Dania Beach, which is Fort Lauderdale and May 8th in Orlando, which is Walt Disney World. And then I'm going to do a full weekend of

in Key West. I can't wait. He's doing a full weekend at Key West. Three shows over three days, May 9th through 11th. So come check that out. Come party with me in Key West. Come party with Henry and I. We're dropping these Florida side story shows for you. You said come to the South. We're coming to the South. Tickets are available at eddytoons.com.

So you go out there, you go check it out, you go to Last Podcast on the left, doop.com to get all of the live show tickets that we have coming up. And then you go to twitch.tv slash LPNTV to see us live on Twitch when we are there. And then we put the videos over on the YouTube. You go and check that out. And go to crimewaveatsea.com slash left to go and see us on the high seas. And I mean this. Back in Florida. I saw some people say that the prices, they saw the prices, they came up.

Some of the prices are expensive. It's true. It's a four-day vacation. But the truth is, is that it's an actual, legit Royal Caribbean cruise. So you are, yes, it is. I deny it is expensive, but it's at least it's a very good cruise. Yeah. And this includes your room and all your meals and all that kind of stuff. So I would say if you are in the market for a fun-ass vacation too, you

it wouldn't hurt. Like, in terms of that's why we're doing it. It's going to be... Like, I just saw something we even say, like, we are not remotely... We are so fucking excited to do this show. It's so stupid. I'm very excited because I think we need...

A return to stupid. We do. I think as a society, we need to cut the bullshit. Fun stupid. And get dumb again. Yes. Yes. Very fun. Like farting on WhatsApp. Sometimes you got to. Sometimes you got to. Well, hail sweet Satan, everyone. All right. Bye, everybody. Hail Florida. Sometimes. Occasionally. But today, yes. Yes.

Tallahassee, what's going on? Ed Larson here from Last Podcast on the Left to let you know I'm coming to you. That's right. I'm going to be at the 926 Bar and Grill on March 23rd doing some stand-up and some music with my good friends Evan Rossi and Danny Bedrosian, you know, the keyboard player from Parliament Funkadelic. What? He's performing live?

with Ed Larson in Tallahassee? Yes, it's happening. So come on out March 23rd, Tallahassee, Florida, to see Ed Larson, Danny Bedrosian, and Evan Rossi perform at the 926 Bar. You might just get a public sub.

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