Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories
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No, what a wonderful Christmas day. Dingle bells, dingle bells, dingle all the way. I got a dick and it dingles and it pees out its front. Hey, dingle bells, dingle bells, I pee on my balls. Why is he doing this perverted song? Yeah. I like how perverted it is. Why is he doing this?

doing a song about urine. Yeah, well, last year I had shingle bells. Hi, everybody. You did that. You already did that joke at me. I do that joke constantly every holiday. Sounds like you need new Christmas humor, Ed. It's a good one. You know where it originated? It'll never be as good as where it originated. One time on Christmas, I called my Aunt Patty and she's like, I have shingles. And I was just like, oh, you mean shingle bells? And then she got really mad and hung up the phone. I bet I'd also hang up the phone. That's a fucking great...

proof that it was a great joke. You're right. Because that's the audience that needed to receive it. Hell yeah. You gotta rib the person that's got the shingles. Always. If she can't take a joke, how's she gonna handle the rest of the shingles? That's some cream! You really got to smile your way through it. Welcome to Side Stories. Talking about smiling. Side...

My name is Andrew Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? And then I have a little bitch on a shelf. What?

Yeah, you better be a damn right. I'm the snitch. And I'm here to tell everybody, Santa Claus, Santa Claus, Henry's touching my panties again. And it's always scary when the bitch on the shelf comes to snitch. That's right. I don't touch the bitch on the shelf's panties. I know it doesn't matter, but the bitch on the shelf says you do and you don't get no fucking toys, fat boy. Can't stop the bitch on the shelf. Can't stop the bitch on the shelf. I'll hold my honesty on my own.

I'll hold my true story. Your blood pressure's high. Yeah. It is. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Long week. So our Halloween movie show, our horror movie show, people really liked it. People did enjoy it. So we figured as a Christmas gift to the audience, we would come back and talk about Christmas movies with Jackie. And me, I love a good Christmas movie. Oh, yeah.

I am fine with them. Now we're talking about Christmas movies. I'm glad we are because it is Christmas Day. This is the last day in which I am happy. I believe I've received enough Christmas. I started celebrating Christmas with the rest of society as I was forced to on December 1st. I have gone and seen several trees. I saw the big tree. I went to 30 Rock. I went down to, fuck it, I went to two malls.

I saw we went to the Gay Men's Choir, which was amazing and special. We certainly did. Yes. And so what's awesome is that the second we press stop on this recording, I get to be finally out of Christmas. Wow. But I have. You're hosting Christmas. Christmas Eve, it's different. Christmas Eve is nice. Yeah, it is nice. Christmas Eve doesn't. Jesus ain't here yet.

That's what's nice about Christmas Eve. Wait, does he show up on Christmas Day? Yeah, in the morning. That's when he flops out of her fucking big raggedy ass pussy. I invited some people to your house on Christmas Eve. Oh yeah? Who's coming? Some people. I'm not going to be there though. So if you can just entertain them and feed them, I'd appreciate it. Maybe that Uncle Ron guy.

What's his name? The guy I've been watching on Instagram? Uncle Ron? Uncle Ron is Ron Pertee. That's not who you're thinking of. No, there's a guy that we've been watching. It's highly inappropriate. Oh, and he's also called Uncle Ron? Yeah, he's called like Uncle Roy. Oh, yeah. He's very upsetting, Jackie. I want to fight him.

Before we start talking about Christmas movies. We should not be plugging this guy. Your phone's over here. I think that he's a fucking problem. No, he's definitely like my father's potential favorite comedian, but he doesn't mean he's a good man. Oh, yeah, no. It's Uncle Ron. Oh, it is Uncle Ron. Yeah, it is Uncle Ron. He says some really controversial stuff, and he likes to piss his own pants.

He's my Christmas spirit animal. Is he a postman? You know, speaking of Christmas. I don't think he has a job. I used to have, when I worked at the Village Poorhouse in the East Village, I remember we used to have big Christmas parties all the time. And they'd be like, that was when you would make a lot of money that time of year. Oh, yeah. And then I remember American Airlines came in, and they were like, we're going to have a big party in the back, and we charge the shit out of them. We jack that shit up.

Give me that fucking stupid comfort seating. But what happened was we jacked it up to an obscene amount of money. They agreed to pay it. But you know, remember how the postman used to always get drunk at one of them was stumbled in the back and pissed and shit his pants in the middle of the night.

I love this. We were just watching Scrooge and I was thinking about this, man. I am so sad that we missed out on big, drunk corporate parties where everybody made horrible mistakes. I've been to a bunch of them. But yeah, those days are over. But just understand, the problem with those parties is that like, let's say there's 60 people there. 20 people are having the best night of their life. 20 of the people are just, it's fine. It's wherever they want to get the hell out of there.

And 20 people experience a life-shattering trauma that ends their career and ends their lives. Holiday's all about a crapshoot. You never know what's going to come up. But I want my ass on the copy machine. Yeah, Jackie, you can do that at home. Yeah, we'll get you a copy machine. Can you find me?

one, please. They still have them somewhere, right? Oh yeah, or a scanner at least. Now, this is one of the questions I have that I had prepped for today, and this is a perfect way to go into it. I know we're eventually going to get to what we think are the worst Christmas movies ever. Oh yeah, I have mine. Yeah, but before we get into that, since we're talking about Scrooged, I wanted to get your opinion, because I know we all love Scrooged. I think Scrooged is probably one of my top ten movies. Scrooged, or you can only keep one,

Buffy Christmas Carol. Because they're basically the same plot. They are. Fuck all the other Scrooge movies and all that stuff. Can't we just burn the books of Charles Dickens instead? Charles Calkins, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. According to Uncle Ron.

So, I mean, what is, like, to me, I feel like I used to love Scrooged more, but as time goes by, Muppet Christmas Carol is irreplaceable. Muppet Christmas Carol is objectively a better...

better film than Scrooge. Better acted. Well, I'd say in terms of the accuracy to the material, the way the material is presented, how much fun I'm having when I'm watching it. I love singing the song. Looking at their little Muppet feet. I love Muppets, and I think that it's a better film, but I think that it's kind of the opposite for me. As I get older... Scrooged is evil. But Scrooged, I learn more from. You think so? Like, the ending monologue for Scrooged, which I...

even though it's hard because Bill Murray was, I guess, famously a piece of shit on that set. On most sets, apparently. Yeah, he was a... Unfortunately. Even though he's my comedy hero, one of my comedy heroes, and I'd faint if I met him, he's one of those people that he, you know, he technically took that entire set...

hostage and he did whatever he wanted with it. But that ending speech that he gives is so heartfelt and so like, it felt like Bill Murray talking to himself. Yeah. Right. It felt like a man, a hard man talking to himself and,

in the only way he can which is through character on camera and convincing himself that Christmas is good. And him and Karen Allen together is electric. But what about 15 years later and they're just making out? It's very creepy. I think it is now watching it it is a little bit creepy that it's all of a sudden it's like he is against every fiber of your being it's never going to work but I have a

question for you guys. We talk about this on page seven every year. How do you feel about the fact that on Disney Plus and also I believe the DVDs they took out in Muppet Christmas Carol they took out The Love Is Gone but you can watch it in the extended version like the theatrical version on Disney Plus but it's not the original thing that you click on

on. So they take out what I call is the fulcrum of the movie. They take out the love song because they're like, kids don't like it. It's boring. It doesn't cast well. But it's such an amazing song and it's also very important to the story.

Because it makes you understand what happened to Scrooge. So I dare say that I would choose Scrooge if we're talking about Muppet Christmas Carol without When Love Is Gone. But with When Love Is Gone, I feel that Muppet Christmas Carol is... It hurts me to say it, but it's a better song. It's a better movie. I did not see this. I know also Scrooge has Jeffrey Joseph.

Yes, he's our buddy. Which is very important. And I can text him each time or comment on Instagram that I just saw you in the film. And it never fails that I watch it legitimately every year and it always makes me laugh. It really does. It's filled with jokes. Richard Donner. Who would have thought?

thoughts. So good. But again, it's all Bill Murray. And then the other, and the characters, it was the, it's just an incredibly cast film. It's just so good. It's so well cast. Bobcat Goldthwait, which then you think about Bobcat Goldthwait, how he made an entire superstar level career with just having a funny voice. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

It's the dream. It just doesn't happen anymore, but he made it like a dream that you thought you could get. Do you remember he had an entire summer blockbuster film of him talking to a horse? Oh, Hot the Trot. Yeah. John Candy played the horse. It was a huge movie. Yeah. But his Bigfoot movie, actually, I don't think was that bad.

I enjoyed it. Willow Creek was good. It's not, like, it is definitely one of those that's like, it's more in your brain than of what you're seeing. So it's not like, I think a lot of people thought it was boring, but I thought it was fun. God Bless America is pretty crazy. I like God Bless America, but it's also kind of, it's interesting. It also doesn't, I don't know if it holds up. It doesn't hold up as much, but also is like more poignant than ever at the same time. I love Bob Cogolkwade as a director. Willow Creek I thought was kind of weak.

only just because Bigfoot, I don't find scary. You're right. Bigfoot is not scary. I went into it knowing nothing about it. I think that's why I enjoyed it because I didn't know absolutely anything. So, you know, sometimes you got to throw one of those on. But Bobcat Goldwede is a very good director. And that's the kind of the rest of the cast. Father of the Year. God, Father of the Year still holds up. I watched it a couple years ago. I was just like...

Man. Robin Williams is so funny in that movie. Yeah. He's so funny. That's like, and I think that was like one of the last roles that he was all the way there for too, I believe. Well, that was the one where. Oh, no, it's not father of the year. What's like world's greatest dad. World's greatest dad. Yes. That's what it was. Yeah. Father of the year is David Spade.

Yeah. That's a very different movie. It's a different one. Yeah, World's Greatest Dad is the one where he has to deal with his son committing suicide. It's so interesting. Rob Williams has also been in the movie called Man of the Year and Father's Day. Yes. So you can see where we get confused. Yeah, you know. There's a lot of movies out there. But...

One thing we wanted to talk about today, I think most important in this world of negativity, we wanted to talk about what we consider to be the worst. The worst of them. The worst Christmas movie. Because everybody talks about the best ones. I... And we will. Right. I personally...

I understand. I'm against. I have an unpopular opinion. If I dislike all of the old maudlin Christmas movies. I don't know what you're talking about. I hate Miracle on 34th Street. Really? I don't like Meet Me in St. Louis. I don't like A White Christmas. I don't like any of those. You know what it is? They're good for the daytime, not nighttime. How do I say they're all movies made by horrible, abusive people?

Drunks. Yeah. But so was the Wizard of Oz. Yeah. But it was good. I mean, the Wizard of Oz is good. You know what it is? Is they inspire an emotional response in me that I don't like. It's a wonderful life also. Those are the type of things that it's like, that's not what I like from Christmas. I hate sad things.

Christmas. You ain't sad anything. I feel like any time you feel precipitation on your face, you just go, I hope I'm sweating. Yeah, Jackie and I live in the sad world. We love to be sad. Well, Jackie likes to cry. I dislike crying. But it's not for me. I just don't like sad films. I refuse to work out, and tears are the same solution as sweat. You're correct. You're damn right. Because it's just your body crying. You're damn right. But I think that the worst Christmas movie of all time, as far as I'm concerned...

It's Christmas with the Cranks. Wow! And Christmas with the Cranks. The reason why I absolutely can't stand that movie is that it is unfortunately Tim Allen at the end of his powers.

Jamie Lee Curtis. He's got his back. He's got his powers back. Jamie Lee Curtis is kind of fun in it. I don't think it deserves 5% on Rotten Tomatoes. If you like these kind of shit Christmas movies, it is perfect for that. It's not, though. Do you understand what the message of that movie is? No. The very center of that movie is? No.

Don't you even try to be different. It's literally about don't try to be different. Do the same thing that you've always done. Do what we do. Don't do what other people want you to do. That's what Christmas movies are. It's all about conforming and coming home to a family that you don't want to go to. And then you got to go and be a part of this ritual that you don't want to necessarily be in. And everybody's pressuring you and screaming at you about how you're ruining everything because you don't want to do it. And everybody's a fucking...

All right. All right.

He's spending for two. Yeah. Ted Aykroyd got divorced. Yes. After like 40 years of marriage, man. Men are dumb. Man, something broke that camel's back, I tell you what. No, man, it's Ted Aykroyd. He got sick of turning it down. Yeah, that's what it was. Hey, man, look at him. Look at him now. This just happened. Look at how thick his neck is. It's what everybody...

what everybody dreams of. They're separating, so maybe they work it out. They are legally married. Well, they're estranged, which is almost worse than divorce. He says he's going, he always goes to visit his wife Donna's magnificent home. And he has purchased. What are you going to do, man? You can't keep one of my boys down. That's a blues brother, man. I do love the Roids. Um...

That's my celebration right there, man. The freedom of Dan Aykroyd. He needs to be free, dude. We need to get him out there, man. Do you think it had anything to do with his obsession of the occult and aliens? And maybe it's a look into your future? Yeah. UFOs and love of the material kills love. I've been saying this for years. They were married for 39 years. No.

Man, he got thirsty. He met some horny ass fucking, probably some lady with no bra on from Southern California or Sedona, Arizona. They wanted to tell him all about crystals and stuff. And he's like, oh, you mean crystals I can buy? And she's like, no. And she shows her hard nipples. Yeah. Is that what happened? I hope so. For his sake. Hell yeah. He's never going to come on the show now. We're going to talk with him. I want to talk with him about this. I love him. I want to talk with him about how you still fucking...

How are you still out there fucking? What's that game like? They fucking glue popsicle sticks to their penis. Jackie, what is your worst Christmas film? Really depends on what we're talking about when it comes to worst and what the criteria is. What are you talking about? It took me a while to figure out. That's what I was about to say. For my specific criteria, it is, I'm going to say any,

Christmas movie that adds Christ into it. And that is a lot of them. That's the thing. Christ shouldn't be in the season. We're past Christ. We're post Christ. It's over it. Like already born. Like we already did it. Like who gives a shit? It is about buying presents and it's about eating a bunch of fish on Christmas Eve. So last year we did watch the movie Saving Christmas which is the Kirk Cameron joint. Of course

This might be the word. You might win this round. It is. It really is. Because you think like, oh, it's going to be so bad that like it's kind of fun to watch. It is. But it's not. And there's also I think most movies that have a, oh, God, I can't think of the word right now. What is it called when everybody stops and starts singing and dancing in the middle of the street?

It's a musical. No, no, no, no, no. There's a flash mob. Flash mob. Flash mobs. Oh, my God. I hate flash mobs so much. You almost forgot they existed. I hate flash mobs. I hate flash mobs. God, I hate flash mobs. I love a musical. I hate a fucking flash mob. Well, I just learned the term diegetic and non-diegetic.

Which is like if movements happen within the world of a film or happen outside of the world of the film and that whether or not if you people there's like a conversation about musicals being diegetic or non-diegetic like are the songs in a musical natural to the environment of the musical like are they reality or are they separate from reality? Is it a moment of commentary upon the musical or is the musical within itself? Is it subtext or text?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, you know. Look at this. Diagenic versus non-diagenic.

If you look at this, it says, ooh, pop it, we can read it. All right, diegetic, sounds that belong in the world of the film. So diegetic sound is stuff like, you know when they do the thing where you hear a song playing at the top of a movie and you see somebody driving and then they shut off the song in the car or the radio? That's called diegetic sound because that sound is within the world of the movie. Non-diegetic is stuff like narrative voiceovers, stuff that is outside of the screen sources.

Okay, that's very interesting. Well, we all learned something today. Yes. And I appreciate that. Live from Northland.

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Now, something that one movie I dare say that goes up against Saving Christmas for me is a movie I've actually seen multiple times. And every time I watch it, I get more and more enraged. And that is the movie Jack Frost. And that is starring. And I'm not talking about the horror movie. I'm talking about the Michael Keaton one. It's bad. And it is. It's on my list as well. I will stare at Kelly Preston do almost anything just because I like the look of her. Rest in peace. Rest in peace.

But Jack Frost. Yeah, you look at her corpse. Oh, yeah, man. I'm looking at that. Kelly Preston's dead? Yeah, man. And she's winking at me, winking at me. Oh, yeah. John Travolta's son died. She died. When did Kelly Preston die? Years ago. It was like right after. Like very close to the son died. She died of cancer, too. Wow. Yeah. Really, really sad. Holy shit. R.I.P. R.I.P. Very sad. In it. It's the only way to get a Scientology clean. Oh, it's like they pressed her in the ground.

Hey, baby. Shingle bells. Come on. It's been four years. I can make the joke. It's okay now. Enough time is spent. I think what makes me the most angry is that Michael Keaton in the movie is in this like

kind of like a blues traveler kind of band and he wears good role for him maybe sure because i love i love michael keaton and it's why i've seen this movie six or seven times i've never seen it don't i'm not going i did not watch the other jack frost the horror movie the horror movie and at least then it's like that's with uh he looks good as with the guitar in his hands that's for certain oh don't get i'm shannon elizabeth's in that one right yes yes yeah but

But this movie made me so upset. Where's she at? Shannon Elizabeth? She was just... Yeah, she's still doing stuff. You know what she was in recently? The remake of Night of the Demons.

She played Angela. She's a professional poker player. Really? Whoa, no way. That's cool. That's hot. I mean, she just got so, but I don't even like gambling. Yeah, that's hot. That's really fucking cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll hang out with that. All right. I'd sit there and blow on the chips. Okay. I'll blow on the dice. Copy that. Get a little cocktail dress on. Come on, Shannon Elizabeth. You got two first names. Come on.

Come on. You know what it says here, according to Jack Frost? Did you know, Jackie, three of Frank Zappa's four children are in it? Which one? Dweezil, Ahmet, and Moon Unit. Man, whenever they did Celebrity Jeopardy, I would get so mad because they would never take it seriously. No, of course not. It's Moon Unit. What else has Moon Unit done? Oh, he's just, wow, just wrote a memoir. Earth to Moon. Oh. Oh.

So as we were just looking up Jack Frost, I forgot also specifically about the Santa Claus 3, which stars, and this pains me to say. I watched it a couple years ago. Oh, Moon Unit is a woman? Yeah, as like winter. As Jack Frost. Yeah. Moon Unit Zappa's a woman? Sure. I'm not going to answer that question. I have no idea. No, it says it's a woman. It says an American actress, singer, and author. I don't trust Google. Could be...

Incorrect. That's correct. Looks like a woman. Yep. I'll call it a woman. He's got a little bandana on there. Sorry, I just slid down a moon unit zap hole.

Whoa, don't tell your wife. Hey, come on. It just went to my brain. But I also do like, I am the kind of person, though, that really enjoys like a Hallmark, I like a shitty Christmas movie. Well, you love Christmas. I like a bad Christmas movie as well. I'll watch a bad Christmas movie. The Lindsay Lohan movie that came out last year where she gets amnesia, that was a lot of fun. The one that came out this year? Not.

Garbage. And it also was starring Mr. Fitz from Pretty Little...

What is the name of this? It's called Falling for Christmas. That was last year's. This year's is Our Little Secret. And Our Little Secret. Don't watch Falling for Christmas. Don't worry about it. But it was fun. I enjoyed it. It was fun. If you like shitty Christmas movies. Yes. But save your time with Our Little Secret. I do like how everyone's rooting for Lindsay Lohan, though. She looks great. She looks great. She's killing it. She seems like she's got her act together. I'm all about it. She like...

Doesn't she with some guy that's sort of like a human trafficker out of Greece, right? Doesn't she own like a... I'm rooting for her. I want her to have a good life. I just want her to have a good life. Is that what's happening? She's just like out there. I believe that she's with some gangster. We're all rooting for her. I am definitely rooting for her, you know?

Yeah, sure. She abandoned the Mykonos Beach Club. Yeah, she was in the Mykonos Beach Club. Oh, yeah. She abandoned them. They needed her. What's the Mykonos Beach Club? She had a reality television show where she was ostensibly whitewashing her life living in Greece. Now she's got a Mykonos Beach Club. And she had like an accent for a while that was interesting. I think that that's just getting, I feel like more people truly understand.

You need to ease up on gaining an accent while on vacation. Yeah. Because you're just trying to ingratiate yourself with the locals. Lindsay Lohan, yeah, she's obviously not from Mykonos, but at the same time, when in Mykonos... You gotta assimilate. Now, Eddie, I know you also dislike shitty Christmas movies, but did you happen to check out the Dr. Seuss The Grinch musical live? No, I would never. That was...

I dare say it might be worth it just because it's so bad. Like a Broadway? It was on live television. Oh. But it's a special. Yes.

I forgot about this, Jackie. Yes. And I actually would love it if you check, because I think it's on Hulu. You can still watch it on Hulu. Who's playing the Grinch? Is that Tilda Swinton? No, it's, oh God, what's his fucking name? It is horrible. Matthew Morrison. The lead, the uncharismatic lead teacher man from Glee. He tries to make the Grinch like horny.

No, he's not horny. But it's very, very uncomfortable. The Grinch is specifically not horny. This is the thing. But he does all of this, like, dancing movement like he's trying to be seductive. Yeah, why is he being sexy? Oh, and I don't like the person is the dog. Yeah, and that's which. Well, you have to have a person as a dog. A person, a dog can't sing. I would like that. I'd rather have a dog on stage. Of course. And let it bark through. I mean, one of my favorite Christmas carols is the dog's barking jingle bells.

Sounds like when the bitch on the shelf, yeah, man, goes caroling. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah. No one having to go caroling is like, all right, everybody, Jingle Bells, but King of Dogs. All right, so my... Can I watch it? Now we're just going to say something here. I'm watching this musical playing.

This is why musicals are dead and over. It's because of this moment of Grinch dancing with his dog on live television that they put a lot of money in. A lot of money. A lot of money. Went into making this a thing because this was live when it was done. Do you think they beat him when this was over? I hope they did. Have we heard of Matthew Morrison ever since? No. He looks like a moron. This is the worst shit ever.

I have, this is the worst fucking garbage. Look at this. What is he even doing? What is this?

He's just kind of trapped back where he's being sexy. He's doing the same moves as Madonna from Like a Virgin. Just close your legs. You're the Grinch. I don't want to see your Grinch taint. Yeah. My Grinch. He's sexless. He has no genitals. Yeah. It's just all of it. He's really just, I'm going to say, not good in it. Thank you. But it is kind of fun because it's not that long. So if you're looking for something to have on in the background to just like zone in on every couple of minutes being like, what the?

fuck is happening, throw it on. Yeah. What's your worst Christmas movie, Eddie? Because you have a hard time. You are, of all the people I know, and people who watch as many films as you do, you have the

A truly accepting nature. Well, I'm always just impressed that they finished making a movie. That's what I talk about with Natalie. Whenever we watch something that's extremely bad, the thing that we always remind ourselves, like as we're watching stuff, it's like, you know, they made a movie. Yeah. What are we doing? Right. What are we doing right now? We're sitting watching something that they went and put the time and effort in to make. And yes, it was wasted time, wasted effort, wasted money, but they did it. They have a project at the end. They got it done.

So I was drawn between two, and one of them is a series of films that I can't stand. But before we get into that, I'm going to say Spirited.

Fucking sucks. Spirited is if... The only way to really describe it is that it's so corporate. It's so utterly, directly assaulting. And I love Sunita, and I wanted the best for her. Love Sunita. Love Sunita. I was so happy to see her, but that movie fucking blowed. You know what it is? It's the problem. I've noticed this. I was talking about this with my mom recently of there's no...

They're having a hard time creating another Christmas classic film. Well, the thing is, they used to come out once every three years, a Christmas movie when we were younger. Now, there's like 10 a year, and we're supposed to like all of them, and the story never changes? I'm

fucking sick of it spirited was dog shit it was forced it was rushed it seemed like it was like slop the set design was sloppy it was a whole thing i haven't seen an apple movie i like by the way also can we can i say this because we just saw we saw the the la gay men's choir it was fantastic and they sang the first it was candy focused this christmas yes right the first half

was from Willy Wonka. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, they sang those songs. And those songs are so fun, and they're so emotional and emotive and evocative. And then, the second half, they decided to sing three songs from the new songs. It felt like nine songs. It did. What is with modern...

If you get a chance to see the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles, you should go. It's unbelievable. They're amazing. They do like three big shows a year. It's wonderful. But I was so surprised at like...

We are better at ever than, we should be better at ever than anything, at everything. Yeah. But it's so funny when they're like, we can't write a good musical anymore. It feels like, it feels like that type of thing where you are, you know, I wasn't into Hamilton. I'm not into Lin-Manuel, blah, blah, blah. I'm not into that guy. I'm not into like this, this, that style of musical either. It's just weird to go see a musical that has, no, I was like, there's three songs here where you, I couldn't tell you what the chorus was. Yeah. Like not to be anything. I can't tell. I'm like, and I'm feeling,

like an old man being here being like, am I wrong that this song has no chorus or bridge? Make it catchier, yeah. It has nothing. I'm not walking away humming it. I have no idea what's going on. Like, at the end of the fucking, the original Willy Wonka movie, you know every song, even though you've only heard it once in the movie. Yeah. You're walking out singing the songs. Oh, man. Pure imagination is a gorgeous song. Wonderful song. Gorgeous fucking song. And it's like, Wicked's not for me, though. But you like Wicked. Did you see Wicked? You liked it. I enjoyed it. Very much enjoyed it. You know what?

told us it was a part one. Yes, that is very upsetting. It's very, very, it's between that and also the amount of movies that pretend like they're not a musical. And then you go and see it and they're a musical. I just saw Amelia Perez and that happened to me. I didn't know. I saw the preview. It wasn't, I didn't know it was a musical and I went and it was fucking awful. I left and I went and saw Carrie. Don't lie during the trailer. I feel like it's a, don't bear

the lead, bro. People want to know what they're going to go see. Yeah, I couldn't handle it. No, because no one would go because people hate musicals because they can't write good musicals anymore. They don't know what they're doing with them. I don't know why. Just hire pop singers to write the songs. This movie's going to win all the Oscars this year, apparently. And you didn't like it? I can't hate it more. It's a musical? I couldn't get through 30 minutes. This thing

I was in a theater of eight people and six of them were laughing about how bad it was. Even though I dislike them, I'm actually really confused as to why isn't Ed Sheeran, who is one of my least favorite artists in the world, but he can write a catchy-ass song. Why is he not writing all of the songs for a musical? You just doomed us.

I'm just saying. But unfortunately, as much as I hate all of his songs, they're getting right in my head. I know half of his songs for some reason because I've heard them on the radio. Who's that guy? Groban. What's he do? Josh Groban. He's just a singer, though. He's not a writer. Yeah, he has a new deck. Shit. Matthew Morrison also, who's only in two other things since The Grinch. Oh. Yes.

So this is what I wanted to say is the thing about Christmas movies, and I don't hold these as Christmas movies because obviously there's a lot more going on, but I feel like they're jammed down my throat every Christmas. And I never liked them. I can't like them. I've tried several times.

Fuck these Harry Potter movies. Oh, of course. I am just sick of it. It's like, this is not a Christmas movie. They bring it up for a little while in the middle of the movie, and then everyone's calling them Christmas movies. And they're just jammed down my throat. Every Christmas is Harry Potter, and I fucking, he's a piece of shit. He offed himself. Did you just ruin the end of Harry Potter? No.

No, that is just one of those things that's all marketing. It's just marketing. They also push Lord of the Rings, which I'm kind of down for because I like something that takes like an entire day. But it's not a Christmas movie. You know what it is? It's a time off from work movie.

And I feel like that, I wonder if there are, like, because to me, that's different. And I feel like those are, you settle in. Right? Like, I love a time off from work movie. Those are the, that's when I sit and watch Napoleon. That's when I sit and watch something long and difficult. Yeah.

But also the Harry Potter movies dropped during, like they were all released during Christmas time. So I feel like a lot of people created like traditions around watching them. That makes a lot of sense. And then re-watching them before the next one would drop. Like I think that that is why it's more like a tradition that people created for themselves. Also, you know what happened to me with Harry Potter? When the first movie came out, I'm working at a restaurant called Garfield's. It's basically Fridays. It was in the Tallahassee Mall. I remember Garfield's. And it's...

Harry Potter, the first Harry Potter movie, came out in the mall. The movie theater was across the hall from Garfield's in the mall on Black Friday. Oh.

It was one of the worst days of my whole fucking life. And then we were at a two-hour wait, and so people started getting the idea to order to- Oh, Garfield's closed. Thank God. They were awful. But yeah, people got the idea to start ordering to-go food, and so the tickets just started coming in. Oh my God. And then people were just eating to-go food in the middle of the fucking mall and throwing it on the ground and shit. Nightmare. It was a fucking disaster. So I think that's where my hatred for Harry Potter comes from.

But it's, yeah, because of the trauma of that day. Oh, yeah. I understand that. But I do like a butterbeer. Sure. I like a butterbeer with bourbon in it. Oh, well, yeah. Well, you've got to have to buy the bourbon separate, and then when the bartender's not looking, you pour it in there. Yeah. Because they're not allowed to serve you a spiked butterbeer. But it's much better that way. Much better that way. Much better that way. I actually, I'm kind of, I'm neutral on the Harry Potter thing just because I do know that, ah.

I don't know. I just fucking, I don't even think about them. I don't think about them during Christmas time. Now, I'm trying to re-herald within my own life, Gremlins. Gremlins. God, it's so good. Because for a long time, I left Gremlins alone. It might be the best one. It's so good. I left it just because I kind of felt like as a child, I overwatched it. I watched it so many times. And so I hadn't seen it probably in a couple, like literally a decade or so. It's so funny. And then I sat and watched it probably like two or three weeks ago.

I really think that it might be one of my favorite Christmas movies. And I know that it's very stereotypical of me, but also... I mean, it's unbelievable. Yeah. The movie itself is fantastic. Yes. The characters are amazing.

Well, that's the thing. And how do you feel about movies that are technically Christmas movies? Because that's why when I was talking about like the criteria earlier that like I've started peppering in Edward Scissorhands in my yearly watches. It's on my list right now. Because it's such a good movie. But then is it still like I feel like some people are like it's not Christmassy enough to be a Christmas movie. Oh, you're going to watch Harry Potter. That's what I'm saying. Edward Scissorhands is way more Christmassy. It's about snow.

It's on the list. It's on the list. Batman Returns also. Lethal Weapon. Fucking awesome. I love watching Lethal Weapon. But the one of them that I always go to that I just want to give a shout out to and I love and I feel like the world shunned this movie and no one talks about it ever. Trapped in Paradise. God, I love that movie! I haven't thought of Trapped in Paradise in so long. I showed it to Jeff last year and I love it!

I love trapped in paradise. It is so funny. Dana Carvey is the kleptomaniac. I love this movie. John Lovage. Everyone is killing it in this movie. Can I ask though, upon rewatch, because you rewatch it closer than I watch it, do they not steal the dynamic of the Home Alone thieves? No. No, they're not getting hurt.

no. Yeah, because we just re-watched Home Alone and Home Alone 2, and it is kind of funny, because Home Alone, you forget why, you know, it's obviously a classic film. John Candy, I forget, is the sneaker, like, the best part of the whole movie, weirdly. But then, like, Home Alone 2, I

I remember loving it as a kid and then re-watching it as an adult just recently. I was like, oh, the first 45 minutes of the movie is the exact same as Home Alone 1, except he goes to New York. And the last 45 minutes as well. I was trying to look up the length. Yes, it does the fighting, but it's like the same though. Yeah. It's just the same pranks. Same pranks. Same pranks. Yeah.

Trapped in Paradise, I will say, it is an hour and 51 minutes and it does feel it. That's the thing is that it needed and that it will be, it's forever, like the letdown is that it's longer than you remember. Yeah. So it's one of those, but it's the mid,

90s, you know how I feel like it always added way more trying to have real moments. Emotion. We didn't need it. I literally just want to watch Nick Cage, Dana Carvey, and John Lovitz be them. That's all I wanted. And the mom is so fucking funny. Great. What is that woman's name? Because she is an amazing character actress. You know what you're saying is so hilarious too because I was just looking this up for some reason. I wanted to see

Dumb and Dumber was almost two hours long. And there was no reason for, even though Dumb and Dumber is fantastic, it's just the things that are bad in Dumb and Dumber are all the genuine moments. Well, actually I'm wrong about Dumb and Dumber because I do love the, I'm sick of being a fucking nobody.

Like when he does that like weird emotional monologue. It can still be done well. That thing was like, you remember that? Like he does that weird out of nowhere where he's just like hyper emotional and real in the apartment before they go on the road trip. But that's the thing. And I feel like Dumb and Dumber is in that same place with Trapped in Paradise in the same place as like my,

a My Blue Heaven when like I feel like Dumb and Dumber is like a classic. But I'm saying we watched it because it was on TV all the time. Like I feel like I watched the first hour of Dumb and Dumber a hundred million times. We would just catch 20 minutes of a movie back in the day because it was just randomly on TV. You'd like, you know, you'd see like the middle of a movie three million times just because that's what happened. Exactly. I always found it so sad that Dana Carvey never really got his movie star ascension. Yeah.

And he never really got the project that took off of the, like, really took off. Like, he just had, like, you know, besides Wayne's World. But, man, he really did. But it's Wayne's World. It is. Yeah, and Master of Disguise. You forgot. He made me a turtle in a vrille. He made me a turtle in a vrille. Come on, bitches. Turtle, turtle, turtle, bitches. Fly from your glade.

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Speaking of Trapped in Paradise, The Ref is very similar. You guys, when's the last time you all seen The Ref? I haven't seen The Ref in a long time. Yeah, it's around the same time period. Dennis Leary, it's got a lot of similar themes. Someone kidnaps a family kind of on Christmas. Bad guys learning to be good through the love of Christmas. The world really was...

by Dennis Leary for a period of time. And then he just kind of went, he was on that Rescue Me show for like fucking 10 years. I have no idea how long that show was on. Dude, they had like a compound in New York. I auditioned for that show once and they had like a full floor of a giant building. Yeah, it was wild. You know what movie always makes me think of you, Eddie, at Christmas time? That's the movie Mixed Nuts.

One of my favorites. It always makes me think of you. Suicide hotline Christmas movie in Los Angeles. In Los Angeles. I think Madeline Kahn's last movie, I believe. And I just remember watching this just drunk in the middle of the day when we used to live together. And you're just like, McDonald's again. Yeah, you guys rewatched McDonald's a lot. I bought it. I know. You love that movie. That's one of those movies that like. 18% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Tomatoes. Go fuck yourself. 13, go fuck yourself. I love you with all my heart, Eddie, but if you re-watch it. I watch it every year almost. All right, well, I'm glad you like it. When's the last time you've seen it? The last time I remember seeing a chunk of it, I was just like, oh, wow. Some of this doesn't age well. It's upsetting. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's about a suicide hotline. Yeah, no, it's very upsetting. But also, I mean, Julie Haggerty.

I love Julie Haggerty. She's the female lead in that movie. She's from Airplane. Oh, yeah. She's wonderful. The cast is perfect. It's one of Adam Sandler's first movies. Wow. Wow. That's actually very interesting. Juliette Lewis. Yeah. Rita Wilson. Liam Neeson plays a trans person trying to deal with Christmas. It's one of the first movies to deal with this subject. I do think it's interesting. I think it's interesting. I love it.

I think the subject matter is very interesting. I think it was during a weird period in Steve Martin's career. It was. Yeah, he was making choices, you know? Which I appreciated about him, because he always made... He made a bunch of weird choices back in the day before he started making all the movies with the... What was that thing where he had, like, the 19 kids? Cheaper by the dozen. Cheaper by the dozen, where he kind of fucking gave up a little bit. You know what I just rewatched? What? I know this is kind of a hard right, but...

It's pretty fucking great. Have you ever seen Rare Exports? It's on my list. Oh, yeah. Rare Exports. I never actually saw it. A lot of hang and dong. You will really like Rare Exports. You know, I met the director when they were promoting the movie. He came into Village Poorhouse. He came in and he's like, do you mind if we put the poster up? And I was like, go for it, bud. You know what I mean?

Get a little moe up there. Because it was playing at the movie theater across the street. It is fun. It is a wonderful movie. 89%? Yeah. It's one of the better Christmas horror movies, I think. It has 76 more percent...

than Mixed Nuts? Yes. Is that what we're trying to talk about here? Yeah, I guess so. That is fucking bullshit. I would say it is that much more of a better film. No way! I will die on this hill because it is hard for me to get up the hill. I'm already here, just let me die.

It was just on The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. He just did a whole section on rare exports. It's fucking great. I'll check that out this year. It's truly, truly a... I might watch it tonight, actually. It's probably top five horror Christmas horrors. That and Black Christmas, the OG. I mean, well, now Terrifier 3 is taking the reins. Terrifier 3 is taking the reins. Thank you, Terrifier 3. I want to say thank you again for taking up the cause of Asher's

Of adding to the Christmas horror movie lexicon. That is what you, we need this. Yeah. We needed you. Yep. And also, I just saw you floated past Die Hard. Oh my God. Die Hard 2. Our mother, our beloved mother, she was like, oh, the best movie I've seen this year. You've got to see it. Red 1.

You gotta see. She really wanted us to watch that one. We rented it and we put it on and literally You rented it? It's a Netflix movie. I don't know what it was on. I just clicked on it. Did you pay for a Netflix movie? I legitimately just wanted my mom to be engaged with something. It does have a talking bear. I put it on and as we're sitting and watching it Natalie leans over to me and she's like

Is this what prison is like? Is to be forced to do this. Is this like watching television in a common room in a jail? At least in this prison, you get a juiced up J.K. Simmons. You know, I don't want to watch the movie, but at least, you know, J.K. Simmons has got abs and he's taken all kinds of human growth hormones. Can I say this about J.K. Simmons? Dude.

Calm the fuck down, man. You don't need to be this ripped. It's bad for you at this age. It's extremely bad. You're going to die much earlier. He was old in Oz. You're going to die much earlier because of this. He's definitely juiced. That's not Natty, dude. No, no, no, no, no. Look at his arms. That is not fucking natural. You need to watch yourself, buddy. It's not about... You got to be careful. Your heart's going to fucking explode. But it was like...

I am proud of him. What happened to Christmas action movies? I thought that was really funny. At the top of Scrooge, you forget, like, we try to watch it, we ended up, we're like, oh, we've got to make dinner, and we shut off Red 1 very quickly, like 25 minutes in. And then, I was like, I sit and think, I was like, oh, Red 1 is literally what

the beginning of Scrooge just making fun of. Yes. Exactly. It's making fun of it. And now we're watching. Now it's real and it's bad. It's extremely bad. But then you think about Die Hard, which is a great example of this awesome, you know, like now it's obviously kind of meme-y. Everyone's talking about it all the time in terms of like being a Christmas movie. It's just a great movie. It just happens to take place at Christmas, which is you want, I just want more of it. I want more of that. I think what was nice about Die Hard, about the Christmas thing, is that the

it's not a Christmas film, but the Christmas part of it adds this emotional weight. Of course. You know, that makes it so fucking that much more, that's much heavier for him. Speaking of emotional weight, when was... I have been getting bigger. I'm glad. It is an intervention. Yeah, I got a corset for him. When was the last time you watched the movie Prancer? I have been... I would say like a decade ago. I have...

I haven't watched it since I was a kid, but I remember specifically being traumatized by this movie. I saw it in the theater. Don't they just shoot a ladies prize reindeer in the head or whatever? Something, but I didn't know if I should go back and watch it. Apparently it's magical, but isn't it very sad? I mean, there's lots of sad stuff. Doesn't Prancer get like molested or something? No, eaten.

By the way, we had reindeer recently. Delicious. It's so good. I'm sure. It might be the best meat. I'm sure. I love an elk. I ate some reindeer and it pranced out of me into shit. I bet, man. Oh, sometimes it goes down greasy, comes out greasier. But apparently Cloris Leachman is in Prancer and I love Cloris Leachman. I mean, she's, you know, people take work seriously.

Prancer is work. I know Sam Elliott's in it too. I remember loving Prancer when I was a kid, crying, and then seeing it again like 10 years ago and I was just like, this is dog shit. Oh yeah, he does get sold to a butcher. Yeah, he gets sold to a fucking butcher! That's why it's so traumatizing! What in the living fuck fuck?

Killed and sold to a butcher. Like, that's the thing. Or does that make this my favorite Christmas movie? You know what I mean? What in the living fuck? Oh, God. Abe Vigoda's in it. Understated masterpiece. I love Abe Vigoda. It's a magical reindeer. How in the living fuck is it held by the rules?

Rules of man. Yeah, chop it up and eat it. Chop it up and eat it for Christmas. Honestly, it would have been cute if they fucking chopped it up, made it into a bunch of sausages, and then they ate it, and they all started floating. Oh, that would be cute. And then Santa comes and rigs up those fucking cannibals up to a fucking sled, and he makes the people pull the fucking sled. Hell yeah, dude.

Dude, I love this. Fucking reindeers are free for the fucking weekend. Can I rapid fire some movies at you to close out the show? Love this. All right. Santa's sleigh. Have you ever seen it with Goldberg where he plays Santa and he just goes around killing people? No. S-L-A-W? No, I've never seen Goldberg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really bad, but it's

He just kills the fuck out of people. Yeah, no. Wait, actually, can you put that at the top of this, Rob? There's a disclaimer on the top of this video about Santa's sleigh that I wanted to read here real quick that just said the term...

Hmm. Hmm.

All right, well, let's find out if he's alive. No, I don't want to give him this guy. Yeah, I don't want to spoil it. Yeah, I don't know what this guy does. Oh, he's still got the, yeah, I don't know. Me and my father have been diagnosed. I don't know, man. No discrimination. What are you talking about? What? Just keep putting up those Goldberg videos, buddy. You never know what's going to come. Yeah, yeah, I think that's great. All right.

Krampus. Yes. But I've only seen it. I like it, but it's not that great. It's not as good as I remember it. It should be better. But I like the practical puppets. Yes. I like that a lot of it outside of the gingerbread men, I like that it's practical and that does keep me coming back to it. I also like seeing it in theaters. I remember when we saw it in theaters, it was awesome. I enjoyed it. Yeah. Hot Frosty. Did you see it yet, Jackie? I did. Was it good? Well, yeah.

It really depends on how you feel about the whole idea of like a baby child adult and if you want to fuck that. And I guess like that really it's like big kind of. Exactly. But it is a snowman turned into a human being. It's a snowman turned into a human being that Lacey Chabert tries to fuck and because she just lost her husband and she's a widow. And it's like the hot guy from Schitt's Creek. We should show this. We should watch this as a

It's a brand new movie. I even dare say... You called him the hot guy from Schitt's Creek? He's just got... He's one of the... Oh, is that the guy with the beard? He's the veterinarian. Yeah, but he's got way more shredded recently. Yes. He wasn't like that on Schitt's Creek. He was very attractive. If you're supposed to be hot frosty, I think you're supposed to look like that, unfortunately, for some people. But it's how you depend on... I also really enjoyed poor things, but I know a lot of people were like, baby lady, you fuck...

a baby lady. It was a great movie. It's a great movie. So that's why I enjoy Hot Frosty, but I understand that some people were very upset about it. Why? Because he's a baby man. No, he's a fucking snowman. If you

Also not a human. Listen, if he had Down syndrome it'd be different. That was my biggest issue, Eddie. Think about this. If he frosted you, because how offensive would that have been? If a snowman turned into a Down syndrome adult. How mad would everybody be then? And then she tries to fuck

Everybody be super angry. Oh, don't be fun as a movie that's just like a fleshlight that comes to life. This is like, fill me up. But then it still looks like that. Please ask me a question about myself, my wants, my needs. It should remain a fleshlight then. As someone that is a self-described monster fucker, I was upset because I didn't realize that the snowman turned into a human being. I thought she was going to fuck a snowman and that's what I wanted to watch. They're not ready, Jackie. I want to watch it.

All right. Eastern Promises. Very good. That's an Eastern Promises? Christmas movie? It takes place during Christmas. What? Yeah. I mean, a naked fight on Christmas is what I hear for. I should watch this on Christmas Day. Oh, yeah. No, Eastern Promises has a bunch of Christmases. Oh, yeah. I gotta re-watch this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking love Eastern Promises. I only remember the naked fight. That's all I remember about it. I mean, the whole movie's great. It starts off with a brutal.

murder. And I love Niko Mortensen. Alright, we're moving. Family Stone. I know you love it, Jackie. Might be my favorite. I know. That's wild.

That's why I like it. I know. I'm just not into sad. I don't like sad. I don't like to feel sad. I'm already sad. All right. People go both ways on this movie, Love Actually. You know, I think I hate it more than anything else. I think I have decided that I finally, officially, truly, very much hate Love Actually. I just found out Keira Knightley, 17 years.

in the movie in real life in real life she's 17 i did not know that she did not want to do the q card scene she thought that it was very uncomfortable and she's a 17 year old and so apparently they had to shoot it multiple times because she was so visibly upset while she was doing it she couldn't act her way through it wow unfortunately though sometimes i mean i guess that's what happens but she was a child

17. And she's supposed to be like married in it and everything. It's just all. It is weird. Old days. And then of course everybody gets upset with the shopping gal. I like to watch Liam Mason cry. Of course. And also Emma Thompson cry. I love to watch anybody be sad on Christmas. I want to go to his house and make him cry.

I'm sure he's crying on Christmas. I'm sure he is. Who's he banging now? He's banging Pamela Anderson. Yeah, dude. No makeup Pam Anderson banging Liam Neeson? Yeah, dude. He is riding that fucking cheese all night. Because they're making Nick the Gun remake together. Oh my God.

I'm in love with Pamela Anderson. Yes. God, that's a happy ending. Oh, I love this. Isn't it great? Isn't that the best connection? Yes, it is. And it just shows you that anything's possible as long as you're almost seven feet tall, rich, famous movie star. And got a great brogue. That's all you need to do is be Irish, handsome, millionaire. Holdovers, wonderful film. Really enjoyed it. I like that movie. Holdovers was really good. And I gotta say, we forgot one...

perfect Christmas film. I feel like it's a good one to close out with. It's a little film called How to Ruin the Holidays. And apparently How to Ruin the Holidays is a new Christmas classic. Is to watch the film is the best way to ruin the holidays. He's roasting my work. Oh, I know. I love you, Henry, but I haven't also watched it yet. You both are ignorant of my work. Haven't watched it yet. I went to the theater. I saw it. I went. I booed. It was great. Thank you.

But I did feel that it was a pretty good film. It was. It was a pretty good film. It was fine. You're like Robert De Niro in Cape Fear. That's my friend.

Yeah, well, that was the last movie I was in, so. There we go. Hope you guys go rent that, huh? Yeah. You guys go rent How to Ruin the Holidays. Go for it. Because that'll really help the dividends. Not for me. I don't make any money off of it, but it would be. But Colin Mochrie needs it. Come on, guys. I don't think he makes money off. But he was, I liked seeing him in a big role. He's great, too. And also, he's extremely nice. He's a great guy. You're the bad boy neighbor. You're the M. Emmett Walsh of Christmas with the Cranks. I am. Yeah. Yeah, I'm the mean neighbor. Yeah.

I'm the mean neighbor. That's why they hired me. Sometimes just being yourself. It goes a long way. It really does. And didn't you have to shoot across the different house because you had COVID? No, I found out I had COVID on set. This was many years. This was 2021, the first time I had had COVID.

And I did not know that I was sick. I took a rapid test and a, uh, the long, the big test. Remember? Oh yeah. And then I, uh, test, I tested positive, negative on the rapid test. I shot a day, but then I started not feeling very good. And then it wasn't until the next day that it turned out I tested positive for COVID, but I didn't give it to anybody else. Man, I gave it to a lot of people.

When I did the L word, I didn't realize I had COVID and I just wasn't feeling good but wasn't testing positive. And they tested me twice on set and I wasn't testing positive. And then it turns out I found out later on, gave a bunch of people. Well, I'm sorry. At least you gave them something for Christmas. Yeah, come on. Black people don't do anything. Come on. Thank you so much. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Happy holidays.

We love you guys. Thank you for listening to this show. I hope you're having a great time. And when you're at home with your family, remember, you don't have to be nice all the time. You really don't. And honestly, sometimes those fuckers kind of got to go do their own thing. And you let them go do their own thing. But, you know, you're not responsible for everybody's activities during the holiday. Yes. Amen. And it's going to be over soon. Take some personal time and remember to take a walk and smoke some weed. Yep. Take a drink in the garage.

Go and clean your guns. And if you're looking for any last minute Christmas gifts and you live in the Atlanta area, last podcast on the left is going to be doing a show with Coca-Cola Roxy on January 11th. Come and check that out. We got shows in Dallas, Toronto, Detroit, and Nashville next year booked. We're going to book some more soon. But more importantly...

Watch Good Pud. My favorite show on the network. Thank you so much. It really is. Yeah, I like our new show. It is so good. It's unbelievable. Spend time watching Good Pud. Really freak out the squares with this show. It's a wonderful thing. Hell yeah. Good work, Eddie. Happy holidays. Happy holidays, everybody. Love you all. Don't let the new year hit you in the ass, huh? Yeah, man. Jerk off.

Take mommy out of the room. All right? Give me Patreon. LastBuddyMessage.com. Come on. Hail Satan. Jerk off. Don't forget. Once upon a time, Amazon Music met audiobooks and listeners everywhere rejoiced. Oh, yeah. Because now they could listen to one audiobook title a month from an enormous library of popular audiobook titles, including Romanticy.

No way.

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