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cover of episode Side Stories: The Devils Marbles

Side Stories: The Devils Marbles

2024/8/14
logo of podcast Last Podcast On The Left

Last Podcast On The Left

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Henry Zebrowski
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Henry Zebrowski: 澳大利亚原住民文化中,石头具有重要的象征意义,一些故事解释了奇形怪状的石头和河流的由来,例如Tiddalick巨蛙的故事就解释了部分奇特形状的岩石和河流的形成。界石在澳大利亚原住民文化中被用来划分领地,擅自越过这些界石是重罪,这些界石具有精神能量,用于保护土地和人民。 Eddie Larson: (在此部分Eddie Larson的发言较少,主要与Henry Zebrowski讨论相关话题,补充信息较少,故此处补充一些与主题相关的背景信息) 澳大利亚原住民文化是世界上最古老的文化之一,其历史可以追溯到数万年前。他们的文化与自然环境紧密相连,对自然界的各种元素都赋予了特殊的意义。石头作为一种重要的自然资源,在他们的文化中扮演着重要的角色,被用于各种仪式、祭祀和日常生活中。许多原住民部落都有关于石头的神话传说,这些传说反映了他们对自然界的敬畏和对自身文化的认同。

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The hosts discuss the Devil's Marbles, unique rock formations in Australia, and their significance in Aboriginal culture, including stories about their origins and their use as waymarkers.
  • The Devil's Marbles are significant in Aboriginal culture.
  • Aboriginal stories explain the origins of the Devil's Marbles.
  • Rocks were used as waymarkers and imbued with spiritual energy.

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Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May of 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations. There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Sign stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Oh.

Side stories. Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, Briss. Ah, yes. That's where we're at. The wonderful Brisbane. Brisbane. It's Brisbane. Don't do every single thing. If you're wondering what you learn when you're in Australia. No, don't. We're going to get beat up. We're still in town. We're still in town that can come find us. All right.

I learned the thing about Australia, which is that if you weren't, Oh, if you're wondering what it sounds like, you run all the letters together. That's been nothing. Yeah.

Sydney. Sydney. That's different. Actually, that's just a local thing. Sydney. That's Sydney. This is the room in which I fart and shit. Yeah. It's my hotel room. It's Henry's hotel room. As you can see, it's luxurious. Those of you that are on Patreon, you could see the excellent camera work I've set up. Yeah, no, you're great at it. Yeah.

I don't even know why we have this stuff. Well, normally I use this seat to jerk off at the camera for. So like, yeah, just so you know, that's, that's kind of what my thing is here. Cause I'm doing a side biz. That totally works. Yeah.

I totally worked out. They can see your hands. See, mine's blacked out. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with the elegant Ed Larson. Oh, that's so stupid. He's not, though. You're smart, and you've been reading, and you've been growing. And not physically. You've honestly lost weight. I don't know. I feel like I'm back up there.

Good. Yeah, I prefer you. I think I'm gaining it back, to be honest with you. I prefer you bigger. My shirts are getting tight again. That's the only way. I don't get on scales, but when my clothes get tight to untight, that's when I start worrying about things. That's important. But also, sometimes, honestly, it's the fucking washing machine. It's not us, buddy. Oh, yeah, no. It's the washing machine. These machines fuck with us. I had to use an Australian washing machine. Water went backwards. No, that's what the toilets...

They go straight down. They go straight down. I can't even check to see the swirling. Well, they have the good... These are the good low-water-use toilets that just sandblast it, which is great, because they've had nothing... That's lots of water! I haven't had a solid duke in, like, three days, so they just blast it right off, and it's nice, because we had our wives here, so we had to keep it nice. But now that Natalie's gone, I can do whatever I want in this hotel. I gotta say, the Ace Hotel was unforgiving. Yeah.

With the bathroom situation and the wives. Well, the thing was is at the Ace Hotel we were in Sydney. It's not a barn. No, it has a... Bathrooms need a door. It has a three foot, it's a western style, like, you're walking into, it's like an old timey saloon that you have to just, but it's a tiny room you shit in. And you just then, I blasted every single bit of

a tourism out of my butt in the presence of my wife, essentially, which is the only way that we keep it together. Also, I wanted to give a shout out to live shows that we've been doing out here. Fucking awesome. Fucking have been awesome.

They've been great. Everybody is a blast. The crowd totally gets it. We were worried they wouldn't get our references. They fucking understand everything. They know more than us. They know more than us. They know more about us than we know about them. I know nothing about them. Yeah. And they know everything about us. But one thing I will say, I want to reach out to this guy, whoever the fuck, he came to our show. Oh, my God. And he waited to the very end. And it's the only person I have...

when they've said this to me. I believe that he believes. Yes. I don't believe that it's real. This guy...

Long gray dreads. Down to his ass. And I'm cool with that. So many white man dreads out in Australia. I guess they didn't do the crimes that we did, so they get to keep the dreads. I think that's how it goes. This guy, he gives us a little wink. He was not feeling irie. No, no, no. But he came up to me and he was like, hey, buddy.

I can guarantee contact. Same thing to me. This is in Sydney. He's like, you give me a couple extra days, you come on out, you and Henry guaranteed. I was like, well, what do you mean contact? He's like,

That means he has a boy in his basement that he thinks is an alien. He has powder in his basement. There is not a person I believe more than when that man said it because it was the jittery way he said it. He obviously has got a little secret. Yeah, and his buddy was just nodding yes behind him. He said nothing. But he was hard style posing on like, you best believe. You best believe you get contact. But you know what I will say? He never said with what?

Yeah, he just said contact. He just said contact of the phenomenon and that we could go experience it. But we just, we didn't. No, of course not. Would you have if we had extra time in Sydney? I mean, I would have thought about it. There is like... It's the kind of thing you got to hire private security for. Out here, we did a little bit... So last week we covered the Australian poltergeists and ghosts. And I got a lot of feedback that say it is true. They don't really like...

freak out about the capital P phenomenon the way that we do. Yeah. You know, they really are like, it's more a part of their original culture. They have a thing called like dream song. They like speak the, they have old like versions of life. I got a really, really interesting email from a, a scholar. Cause I,

We have a couple things. We're going to do some updates first, of course. Yeah. Also, I feel like they're not as scared of ghosts out here because they have more deadly animals than any other place. Yes, this is... Yeah, why would you be scared of a ghost when you have a giant bird that can slit you open from fucking pubic bone to tit?

But I got a really interesting email. The dreaming or dream time, as it was known, plays a hugely important role in Aboriginal storytelling and culture. And some stories that come to mind that refer to the magical properties of rocks. Okay. That's where all the rocks and stone stuff comes from, apparently. Yeah.

The story of Tiddalick, a giant frog from the dreaming that drank all the water holes to spite the other animals. He used rocks to hold the water down. And when the other animals tickled him to get him to laugh and release the water, he spat both the waterways and rocks across the land. And this was used by some aboriginal groups to explain why some of the weird-shaped rocks and rivers ended up in bizarre places such as the Devil's Marbles.

That's scary. I'll show you. You want to see some fucking devil's marbles? I got two in my back. It's called being fucking traveling for 13 hours and then two. They were also like stones were also historically used to define nations and

in pre-colonization Australia, and it was a grave crime to pass over these waymark stones without permission. Waymark stones were also for birthing trees, men's sites, and women's sites. These marker stones could be imbued with spiritual energy to help guard the land from intruders and protect the people of the land. That's right. So their ghost is nature. Yeah. They got ghosts. It's in the trees. Whoa, that's the devil's marbles.

The big balls. Oh, okay. Yeah, it just looks like, it does look like, it's two very weirdly perched rocks that look like a sack of balls. And hey, when in Australia, stick your face in them. You never hear about motorboating balls. No, no, no, no. I try it all the time, though. When I sling them over my shoulder. Oh, you got to. That's what you're supposed to fucking get around. I drew nipples on them so Julie could experience some lesbianism.

Only in Henry's hotel room can you experience such delightful banter. She gets in there. She's like, brr. She's next door. She's going to leave. We want to do also one little other update while we're here. Yeah. It's a shout out to Jack Carlson.

He shot to fame after his succulent Chinese meal arrest. For those of you who don't know, just look up succulent Chinese meal man on the internet. It did happen right here in Brisbane.

It was on film. And if you look at the film, it looks like it shot in 1975, but it was 1991. It's Australia. He took his innocence to the grave. Oh, yes, he did. Well, he said that it was a case of mistaken identity. They were looking for someone else. They pulled him out. Because it was a credit card fraud. And he's like, I only use cash. Ah, this is an example of democracy manifest. Oh, look, you get your hand off my penis, sir.

Oh, get your hand off my penis. He was a hero. Do you think he talked like that when no one was around? Apparently, yes. Like, if it was this cat, he'd be like, get off that chair. Quit licking your butthole. It is undignified.

Well, apparently he learned to act in prison. He had a life of petty crime. He was an art forger. He was a very interesting person. He is the center and the perfect example of what we talked about last week of Australian lyricalism. Right. The idea of being naughty. Well, he never got out of it. Not once.

No, he stayed a lyrican. He stayed a lyrican, and they said he died the day after one of his birthdays. He had many fake birthdays. Because right now there's a new book that just came out called Carnage. I can't get a GIFs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a book about him that's coming out, and there's also a documentary that's supposed to be coming out vaguely soon that all said that he gave everybody a bunch of different birthdays. He's just a straight-up fun-ass scoundrel. He was selling art online.

Of his arrest that he would draw. And he was like $3,000 a piece of shit. Love that motherfucker. Yeah, no, actually, at first I was like, ah, this weird criminal, he's a thief. And then you just learn more about him. You're like, you know, good for him. There was a spirit about him. He was put in some, like, apparently he spent his childhood in a bunch of, like, he said that he got molested to the highest degree. Yeah.

To the highest degree. No, I'm just adding the qualifiers. Did he get arrested by an oven? Oh, yes. You all know I see what you're doing, Mr. Sanderson, my English teacher. Oh, you will touch my limp penis.

But no, he went through a lot of shit. He apparently had to connect to a guy in Australia by the name of Mr. Rent-A-Kill. Oh. This famous Australian hitman that he was friends with in jail. And he was put in this place, which I do want to visit, but it's kind of far out, which is supposedly this extremely haunted jail.

in australia call i believe it's called the boggy road in is that in perth no no no it's like right here he's he's old brizzy man this man is from brisbane this man is brisbane and conant because he he mentioned perth in an interview i watched i think i think he spent some time over there as well i do find it interesting that most people that i've talked to in australia never even gone to to birth it's

It's far. And apparently it's where all their diamond billionaires live. It's like Maine, kind of. Like, you know, we all want to go, but no one really does. But Maine's got, Maine doesn't got the money that Perth has. Really? You don't think so? No, Maine's just got Stephen King, Lobster. Those are two very expensive things. Lobster's cheap there. Oh, yeah, man.

Wow. Standstill. Down here, there's bay bugs, is what they call lobster. Bay bugs. Yeah, I saw that. I'm trying to find this place, this amazing... Well, I'm going to get more into Haunted Brisbane later this week. Yeah. I'm not going to bust my load, so to speak, now. Is that so to speak? Yeah.

And I'm going to be doing a little bit of my own remote recording. Yes, we're going to come back with a remote episode. I'm doing one of these on the road. So basically you're going to listen to Henry jerk off and make his own ghost. Where's my wife? Where's my wife? All right. One episode done. Thank you. That'll be one more for you. Better help.

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We saw the dugong. We saw their manatee. We saw their manatee. Yeah, which is, you know, I liked it. He was tiny. I wanted more true crime-like characters.

tourism here there's not there is almost none the only story besides jack carlson who's like we're also going to give a big so we're given you know we're formed when we were here yeah dude i mean you know we weird things happen for some reason around our show we like we talk about synchronicities happening all the time i don't know why but we the man the love that people have for that dude but the other true crime story there's like

five true crime stories in Brisbane, essentially, that they are famous for. For all of time. Yes, and I was just like, holy shit, they can, like, name them, which is amazing. The one story that I found interesting was a story of a woman by the name of Tracy Wiginton, who was known as the lesbian vampire. Sign me up.

She stabbed a guy so bad in the throat that his head was basically decapitated. And then she drank all the blood. And then she was in jail for a period of time. She said, oh, it takes a lot to be fine, Mrs. Dice. That was like one of her lines. And then she apparently has been released and is now on TikTok. That's great. Yeah. Good for her. I'm glad she's out. You know, you got to learn from your mistakes. Monetize it. I have to say, I was under the impression that all female sex

vampires were lesbians interesting you think like honestly like don't they all just like fuck each other no i don't actually that's a side story zelp otl at gmail.com i have a couple of friends obviously my friend el does some work like writing in the fan fiction world of vampires we're gonna ask father no we just met good we can just ask him about whether or not like why do vampires do they when in the spiritual sense do they need physical sex

Of course they do. That's the whole vampire thing. They use sex as the disguise to get prey. Prey, the seduction is their tactic to get the blood. You're saying they don't like it? I'm saying they like the blood. I don't know if they like the breasts. You don't think they fuck each other? I don't know. They definitely fuck each other. I feel like they- According to what we do in the shadows anyway. Well, yeah, but I don't take that as vampire canon because it's satire.

See, I feel like they know more than anyone. No, I don't think they did the research. You'd be surprised. Yeah. You'd be surprised with these people. All right? They say willy-nilly things about vampires without talking to one. We can talk to one. That's a good point. But he's not a real vampire.

Not anymore. He's just saying, of course he's a real vampire. Well, he doesn't actually like, you know. He drinks blood and he sucks. He says every once in a while he drinks blood and every once in a while he gets energy. He has licks of blood. He doesn't drink it. That's more than you're doing. Amen. Yeah.

Yeah, so to come back to Tracy Wiginton, I don't know if she says there are other vampires. Please tell us. In 2021, interest in Wiginton was revived. Yeah, she's on Facebook, and a lot of people are coming after her because it was a pretty famous murder here. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's weird because I was reading the paper out here, and it was like, there's a rash of teenage murder. We've had three this year in all of Australia. You're like, that's...

Sounds great. I wish. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like our killers are just like taking a break. That's when our killers are tired. That's like the week after Christmas before January 1st. It is sad when people get killed. Yes, of course. Their numbers are phenomenal compared to ours. My question is, how do they even do a weekly true crime podcast here? I know it's weird. You know, without good new material, it's almost like they fantasize about us. Do they just make stuff up or do they talk about us?

They talk about us. Yeah. They talk about us. All right. Speaking of talking about us, we need to get to the bottom of you have updates. Oh, yeah. Our story.

South Knoxville. I know we're not in America right now, but we've been getting... I stayed in touch with everything that's going on. I'm on the Facebook page, the South Knoxville Soup Gate page. They are still reaching out to us. Yeah. There has been no movement in the case at all. No, there's some updates. Are cops actually getting involved now, or they decided that it's good enough for them to join in on the hunt for who's doing this? Drew Smith, my man. Well, just say Drew.

Oh, it doesn't matter. He loves the attention. And he's the leader of the Facebook page. Go to the South Knoxville Soup Gate Facebook page. Join in. See if you can help. Give your suggestions on what it may be. Drew Smith is clearly the leader. He took up a collection. They started selling shirts.

so they can finance ways to catch these guys, and they got some stuff that I'm not allowed to even talk about yet to catch the people doing these things. Can you hint? Is it about big traps that they dig in holes and then put in grass on top of the holes? Dude, there is a vigilante force. Oh, yes. It's funny, and everyone's laughing about it, but they're going to stop this. We're at bag 51. We're going to catch you up here just so you know various bags are...

of substances have been found laying down in the streets of South Knoxville. It's a white bag with a black bag around it and it's always filled with what we thought was puke, but it's not puke. Well, it's not because we watched...

This might be obstructing a criminal case, but we did... Our boots on the ground did open up one of these bags. And if you look inside of the bag, the weirdest quality of the material is that it's white. But if it's in the sun, it's also been brown as well. You mean it's also been brown? If it leaves out in the street for long enough, it turns brown and shit. Yeah, it turns brown. Now, the main...

Honestly, the feedback that we've gotten the most is that it sounds like it's an area of town that is not as moneyed. Pickens Gap. Yeah, Pickens Gap. They're saying that maybe, potentially, it's because some form of food truck doesn't want to pay for a dumpster fee, and so they're possibly dropping these bags of what would be grease trap material and food waste, but that doesn't look like...

Food waste. That doesn't... Like, you tell me. Does that look like what you scrape out of a grease trap? You know, I never scraped the grease trap. You know, you dump into the grease trap and it has like a gate on top of it and then you pay someone to come and pick it up later. So that guy... So Drew reached out to the people who pick up the grease, multiple companies, and he sent them pictures of it and they're like, oh yeah...

That's a grease. That's a grease? That is grease? That is grease, yeah. Okay, so this has to be a restaurant-based crime. And the reason why this continues to fascinate us is because now, not only is it just like, yeah, it's just normal gross vandalism, but people are starting to hit the bags of their cars and get into accidents.

We're this close for there to be a murder attached to this. Well, the grease stays. It doesn't even wash away in the rain. Some of it has stayed there for a week. A couple spots have stayed for over a month. Making it slick as hell. Unless you're fucking skiing, dude. And unless you're doing, I don't want to know about this Pickens Gap slalom team. Yeah, somebody dumped a bag off of next to the cemetery on Pickens Gap.

Oh, interesting. Yeah. That's vandalism. That's more vandalism. They're trying to give the ghost a bellyache. Yeah. No, and Drew is convinced. He's convinced. And I don't know if I believe him or not, but he's convinced that the soup dumper is a part of the Facebook group and getting tips on where to drop the soup. If I was the soup dumper, and we're not, we're in Australia. There might be multiple dumpers, too. I am starting to think we're turning into a...

this might be a I am Spartacus moment. And that there are several people now dumping, now knowing, much like when we said in 9-11, during 9-11, a bunch of guys whacked out, a bunch of, like, you know, they settled up, like, mafia, like, problems and gang issues and stuff, because everyone was distracted by 9-11. Jackson Heights. Yeah, and we're like, you know, people, guys were whacking guys during Son of Sam, right, to say, like, oh, look, that must have been a son of Sam, or he had long, dark hair, or whatever, and so

That's the thing. Now all of these suit-based criminals are coming out of the fucking woodwork. Devil, we reached out to our real-life superhero. He says that he really doesn't want to get on a plane unless there is death.

But he says that he's got a guy he's also going to send in to look. That'd be good. Yeah, because like, you know, and I think Parrot Man's coming. And when Parrot Man comes, yeah, you might be tricked by his tropical feathers, but he will kick the living fucking shit out of you. Here's items found in the soup. Not limited to, but these are confirmed items found in the soup. Because Drew, he opens the bags when he can. And he finds out what's inside of them.

So they found onions, carrots, celery, potatoes, chicken, pepperoni, or salami. Didn't do a taste test. Philly cheesesteak meat. You're going to have to take that into the lab. Corn, mushrooms, noodles, possibly egg noodles, he says. Egg noodles. And baked cheese, like a layer of lasagna baked cheese. Yeah.

He's found in there. Are they just making food and putting it directly into the bag? There is definitely someone who doesn't want to pay for grease disposal. And someone's like, yeah, I can take care of it. And no one's asking questions because someone says take care of it. But it's all over the news.

Of course someone has to know. It's not all over the news. It's all over our news. No one's handling this. Eventually, if someone dies, we're going to get a Pulitzer. He's saying it's possible. It looks like a homestyle cooking. And it gave me a theory.

Oh, yeah, because like because, you know, during covid, one thing that proliferated throughout society was like the idea of a restaurant that was in name only on like postmates or on a delivery service. And people were making food inside of their home and sending it out. Yeah. So here's what I think's happening. All right.

One big fat family. You know, they got a lot of family. They got big families down there. They're all fat. Not all of them, but it happens. Yeah. It's not that everyone's every fat family is in Knoxville, but if it's a family in South Knoxville, it could be fat. Yeah. I think that everyone would agree that there are large families of two sizes. It's just because, again, it's food wastelands. And there's a lot of stuff going on. It's systemic. I think there's someone feeding a giant family.

And one of the members of the family's job is to dump the grease. Now, I think that's a big crime. Because if you keep the grease at home, the critters will get into it. You know, like the raccoons and the possums. You don't want those critters in your grease. Who gives a shit about the critters? They'll let them have the grease. Well, they're dumping it in the street. Are you ready for this?

The critters are getting to the fucking stuff in the street. Exactly. And they're getting hit by the cars and they're scooping up the critters and they're cooking them back up and it's a vicious circle that never ends. Eddie.

Thanks to my president, RFK Jr. I know for a fact that that could be true. Yeah. Yeah, because the only proper person... It's a trap. It's a grease trap on the road to catch critters. You hit it with the car. That's not a bad idea. You take a raccoon, you go home, you skin it. Dude, that is not, maybe not that incorrect. Because it was weird ever since that batshit idiot started talking about eating roadkill on the regular. Everybody was saying the same thing. They're all like...

The response to it being like, it ain't that weird. And so there was enough people that said that RFK Jr.'s story was not that weird to prove to me that people do eat roadkill on the regular. And Knoxville is a nice city. It's not about... No, Knoxville's beautiful. Knoxville's beautiful. Can't wait to go. But there are sections...

Where they might eat critters. And I don't think that that is even, I think some people just get a taste for it. Yeah. And I also think that it's just meat that's hanging out. People do just eat. I know I've eaten roadkill. I have eaten roadkill. Yeah. So I feel like it's not even that nuts. But the idea of storing roadkill. My thing about if you're going to eat roadkill, that's a today meal. Yes. Like I feel like if you're collecting roadkill, there's a lot of, there's other things happening.

You need to think about it. Oh, yeah. Because I don't think you need to collect it. Well, someone has to. Because unless you've gotten a taste for it. Worst job in America. I mean, no, that's not. Those are the brave people. Those are real Americans picking up roadkill. Oh, I didn't say they're bad people. I just said it's a bad job. I'm just saying, if someone's doing this as a fucking...

Just a way to get roadkill easy? Yeah, I think there could be that going on. So what I don't understand is why don't they just then hit him with their car themselves? Well, they might be. They might set out the trap and wait for them to get all up in the grease, and then they come and they run right through him. But you know what, though, Eddie? The only thing is, because I'm a police officer, the one issue, I think, would be there's no blood at the scene.

That is a good point. And if there were smears of blood with the grease, would you even be able to tell?

If it was all mixed up, you could tell there's... I'm looking at this grease. I'm looking at the grease right now. That grease changes colors when it hits the fucking... But it don't have red streaks? No. If it had red streaks like a parfait... That was an unopened bag that he caught because they've been taking pictures. The Facebook page is great. If someone spots a bag, they take a picture and they put it right up on the Facebook group and they're like, it's at this location and then Drew goes and scoops it up and he goes through it. Is he not bringing it to the cops? I'm worried what Drew's going to do when they figure out

I think he might continue doing it. Drew is working with the police. He is. Good. No, no, no. He is smart. No, he is good. He's got to do this on the up and up because they could throw this whole case out. No, he's not a full vigilante. No, he needs to be. Unfortunately, even though we love devil and we love people out there that are fighting for the freedoms of the United States of America in a positive way. I think that we got to make sure that we're doing this right because we can't let this guy off the hook on the technicality. Yeah. Also, another weird stipulation is because they went a week with no grease.

And so no flights, no drop should check flights in and out of Knoxville and see who's going international. Somebody noticed that if Greece was dropped on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, they would drop the grease all week. But if no one dropped on a Sunday, Monday or Tuesday, the rest of the week would have no grease. That doesn't really make sense.

It's a coincidence. I mean, we're just putting together data. That's the information I'm throwing out. I'm rewatching True Detective. They do that, right? You just got to put it all out in a big, you're going to take all the info you have and you've got to spread it all out. I guarantee my boy has a whole pinboard set up in his house. Because you never know when that little clue is going to jump up and bite you. Also, the bags are huge.

Yeah, they're big. 10 to 15 pounds each, he says. That's why we're... Multiple gallons of grease. It is almost for certain some form of either... It's got to be a food truck. I would say it has to be a food truck. And I think it's someone who works for somebody and it is their job to get rid of the grease. And then the person who...

that doesn't ask questions. It's just going to get to a point where it's going to hurt somebody and we're all going to find out what's going on. Oh, yeah. I really hope this stops being, this doesn't stop being funny. The long arm of justice is coming for you, Soup Man. Dr. Soup, evil Dr. Soup. Yeah, I know you're listening, you piece of fucking shit. I know you're listening. I know for a fact. And if you're a fan, honestly, thank you. But... Buy merch. Please. Also, buy some of the Soup merch. If you would.

But otherwise, until the day you're arrested, you stay a fan. Thank you very much. Five stars on iTunes. But until that day, that day is going to come for you, buddy. Just know that. No drug dealer gets out without me. If you get out. It's not if, it's when, brother. Yeah. Remember that. Yeah, man. And also, the person who was questioned by the police, I believe, is no longer a suspect. Who was it? We don't know. I can't give out that information. He was an Italian chef in from out of town. Yeah.

Chef. Boyardi. I would look for like, if there's like a local carnival. Oh yeah, local carnival. Oh yeah, there's an evil carnival. If we got the Philly cheesesteaks in there and like, if we're talking about pepperonis, I'm thinking this could be an Italian, faux Italian spot. Actually sounds like also kind of like a...

With that level of variety of food, to be frank, it sort of sounds like a cheesecake factory where you've got too big of a menu. There's too many options. Oh, I see what you're saying. It's what always Gordon Ramsay. Gordon Ramsay always crawls up these guys' asses for having too big of menus because then you can't dial in the food that you've got going on. You've got to really think about it. I love when a place is like, we serve chicken fingers. I love that. Just chicken. Because then I know that chicken's concentrated on. There is chicken in the bags, too.

I'm hungry. I'm starving. We got to stop doing this. We have eaten. All right. So that's Soup Gate 2024. Get his fucking ass, man. Yeah. I support you, man. I'm here for you. I love Drew because he's not a fan. He's just really into the soup. I love that. No. Yeah. Don't listen. Yeah. Don't listen. But you're doing a good job. You're doing a good job. One thing. One. Another little tiny update is the.

The response we got back on our movie review episode means we're definitely going to do it again. People loved it. I love the divisiveness. I got so mad. I love the discussion. I did get from a PhD in movie theory a breakdown of why Jaws specifically is a horror film. Okay. Because the idea of Jaws in the mystery of it. Yes, it is a monster movie, but in the mystery of it.

Jaws, the shark that that's kind of where they put it. It's like there's a that's where the mysterious angle. But I did get bitten. It's like the face and emotionless Michael Myers, the shadow. It's the same. Yeah. And you don't know what it is because you don't see Jaws till three quarters through the movie. Yeah. You really are just sort of like wondering what this thing is. It really does seem like it does have emotions.

supernatural abilities, even though it is just a giant shark. Like that's a part of, and I thought that was a very interesting breakdown. The fact that it kind of follows them around and shit. Yes. It stalks them, you know, like that you would require a brain for that. But I did also get, someone did send me a long breakdown that was like, so if horror movie, if these aren't horror movies, what are they? And then made a list of a bunch of different movies.

Honestly, I had a reason for each one of them for why they were or were not a horror movie. One was like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He's like, well, then that would be a thriller according to your rules. No, because Grandpa's mysteriously alive. Grandpa has a – there's a mysterious element that's going on inside the house. Then they also brought up, I think was interesting, Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer.

where would you find this movie? Yes, you would put it in the horror section. That's a serial killer movie. That is a thriller. And the thing is, it's about genre versus where do you put it in a blockbuster? Joel, our researcher, sent a great breakdown about how

When he worked at Blockbuster and when I worked at Hollywood Video, Jaws was an action adventure, not in horror. And there are people that view it sideways. So it's just about kind of where you put the thing. Also rated PG. Also rated PG. But you would put Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer in the horror section because there is, unless you're in some super nerdy, she-she video store, they're not going to have a breakdown of subdivisions of genre. Well, thriller's always a,

Here's the difference between Henry. Let's do Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer versus Copycat. Sure. Copycat is a thriller. Drama. Henry is a thriller drama. Yes. And then Henry is more horror. I think a lot of it has to do with how much do they actually concentrate on the killer rather than the cop. Oh, sure. And plot. What is the plot?

plot of the film. And how gory is it? Oh, sure. And if it's like super gory, it starts leaning towards horror a little bit. But I put serial killer movie in horror bracket if I had to. Yeah.

But I still think it's its own thing. Serial killer movie, but that's thriller. That's thriller. Yeah. In my mind. But then again, we're going to set this whole argument all over again. And I love it. Yeah, but yeah. Henry is portrait of a serial killer, horror, copycat thriller. Yep. Kiss the girls, thriller.

Silence of the Lambs, horror, Hannibal, thriller. Are you ready for that? I agree with that. But I also think that Silence of the Lambs is also that breaks through to extreme drama. Yes. You know, like and that also has weird elements because it does have the the the Buffalo Bill section at first is very mysterious. We don't really know what the hell is going on. It does feel Red Dragon is closer to a horror movie.

Yes. Because of the way they portray Red Dragon. Manhunter. Yeah, Manhunter's God. Manhunter's great. Manhunter's so fucking good. God, it's been so long. All right. I think that we did it. I think that was our response to the response. We're going to get more. We're going to be talking more. I think we're going to do more of those episodes because they were great. Yeah, no, we should do like one a quarter or something. I really like it. All right. We got to get to some new stories. Okay.

My, you know, we got a couple of doozies this week that I did not like. Oh, man. It's hard to be out of America for some of these. This one. We have one more update, I thought. Oh, sure. The reborn baby dolls. Oh, God. No. This is a story. Someone said, and we covered, we talked a lot about reborn babies. In the creepypasta episode. Someone said that.

Which is really gross. This sack, this sack, it's a set of reborn babies. They're done in the style of the Avatar Blue people. But for some reason they gave them full on genitals. Well, just vaginas. No, there's a boy one. Do they have a boy? I didn't see the boy. Oh, there's a boy one. And it is, I don't know what the purpose is for. I feel like we could have made it smooth.

Because we don't see their genitals in the film. Also, I'm pretty certain their genitals are in their tails. I fell asleep for most of Avatar 2, so I don't know if there was a fuck scene. I wish there was. Someone should have woke me up. Yeah, I think their little vaginas wouldn't have been able to hold the water out. I don't know if they have little vaginas. And this, I hate looking at this.

It's right on Amazon. It is just available on Amazon. It's weird because the first picture, they show the little vagina. But in the bottom, they blur the vagina out. As they should. Why have it? If you're going to blur it out, don't sell it.

Because obviously it's bad and it's not good. I don't know what this is for. It's not fuckable. Also, I love that it's not available in Australia. Yeah, of course. It's not fuckable. It's not a fleshlight because I don't know if that would be on Amazon. Yeah. They're saying, yeah, they say you can't do anything to it. You can put your balls on top of it. Yeah, you can't penetrate it. Thank God. Which is very, you know, it's a good stipulation to have on your avatar baby Donald. You could just come on to this fucking place or whatever.

Oh, this one looks horrible. There's only one left. Oh, that is a big headed preemie one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a lot of people reached out that said that apparently the Reborn baby thing. It's called Little Old Man Doll. Yeah. Man, the Reborn baby thing is a lot. Yeah. Because there are people that just have it because they never got to be a parent and it's like it's something to do and they put proper. Also people who lost children and they need something that kind of helped them out. And I get it. You know, like it's like emotional. A bottle of wine.

Well, that is a problem sometimes. Oh, this one has an umbilical cord.

I'm supposed to cut those off. Like a lasso? I'm throwing it around like a bolo? Like I'm going to fucking attack a Wonder Woman with it? I think they all got little penises now that I'm looking at it. Yeah, let's... If it's going to be a good little... If it's going to be a baby doll, you know, that's supposed to replace a child, it should have genitals. Now I'm going back. No! I'm going... No! No! No! It's accurate. So what am I supposed to do? So what am I fucking supposed to do? You mean to tell me the part I want to see most?

Oh, I better go look, make sure it's got a set of peeps on it. Oh, I better go look at its little vajunt when instead of me like, no, I'm one, it's its face. The face is the important part. The legs and the arms are important and the weight of it. Yeah. I don't think it needs to have any form of genitalia. Do you remember the dolls when we were kids like that would pee their pants and then you would have to change their diapers? Yeah, they were gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we stopped making those. I think we stopped making them. But yes, they existed and it helps motherhood.

But also, unfortunately, what it does is help. It sticks in those quote unquote traditional gender roles that then kids are sort of forced to do because they feel like they have to. That's why we get to. I had to carry around the sack of flour for a while. You know, did you do that? Did you go to school in the fucking Poland? Yeah.

To pretend to be, oh yeah. They would give us a sack of flour and we'd have to carry it around with us everywhere we went for a week. We had to bring an egg. An egg? Okay, yeah. And we had to bring it back. An egg's much harder than a sack of flour. Yeah, I just put it in my fucking backpack. I remember the more advanced class had full baby dolls. And I remember that my friend brought it to a party we all had for some reason.

And then we stuck it in the microwave. Yep. You know, obviously she was mad that we ruined the microwave and the doll, but it was too funny not to do. Yeah, what do you want from me, man? You brought this to the party. Yeah, we're getting hammered here tonight. Yeah, yeah. Don't bring your fucking baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't bring your fake baby to this party. It's gross. Oh, God. You're going to give me to boil it. Oh, God. All right, here we go. All right. Back to the news. That's the news. That's the updates. Fly from North Lake.

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Now, this story I wanted to talk about because this is truly one of the most harrowing stories I've heard outside of this week was the story of a family that ambushed police officers during a this is it's really wild.

This is out of Eustis, Florida. Incredible place. A little north of Orlando. A young woman by the name of Julia Sulpizio and her right wing conspiracy family. Now they have a whole family. You know, they definitely were riding for Biden.

But they were this family. They ambushed law enforcement officers, killing one of them, injuring two of them. But what they did was this lady was accusing their neighbors of being a pack of pedophiles, which, as we know, is normally called a pecker. Yeah.

And they, she said they were trying to get them to come over to the house, right? And trying to get them to come over to their house saying, you're sinners and we want to handle you. And this family was like, you know, again, they were already perturbed about being called a pecker of pedophiles. And they called the police saying that there's something going on with our neighbors.

The police arrived to find a very troubled woman by the name of Julia. She came forward and she said that her, essentially her husband was a prophet. They were going to cleanse the world of evil souls. She could see souls that are bad. And she was going to bring those souls to her husband to murder. And the cops were like, no. And so they went to go check. They arrested Julia.

They went to go check on the house. The family was barricaded inside. Now, the guy, the husband's name was Michael Sulpizio. He was there with his two daughters that were both 22 and 23, Savannah Sulpizio and Cheyenne Sulpizio. Young girls. They went to go

Like, essentially do welfare check inside the house. No response. They were outside the house for an hour saying, like, come out. Finally, they decided we're going to go pop in there. They knew that there was a collection of guns in the house. Deputy opened the back door to a man in full body armor with a rifle sitting on a couch who lit him up.

two other guys came in behind them basically as they came in they heard one of the little girls scream my father the king will kill you all because Julia also introduced herself as Helen under God's will so at least it seems like they were good to their children

You mean just being present? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, they were extremely present. She had faith in her father. Oh, yeah. Most children don't have that much faith in their parents. They would never kill for their father. But they did. Yeah. My king will kill all of you, according to one of them. So these officers, they got lit up. They tried to go get people back in. They tried to go rescue the guys that were trapped inside. The guy's body cam was still rolling while he was inside of the house, which witnessed the father and the two girls passing.

pop their own heads in the house so they were just a pop pop pop and they all went in they had uh all right i take it back yeah they had a lot of conspiracy theory material a lot of which no one's really talking about of what nature i can't imagine um and uh they had guns ghillie suits explosives and they were trying to kill their neighbors where do these people get their money

Ghillie suits are not cheap. They are not. Well, let me look this up, actually. How much is a ghillie suit? I actually don't know if I can even look that up here. $45. Oh, so it was a shitty ghillie suit, probably. Yep, it's on Timu. Oh, okay. Fucking Timu, man. Yeah, man, you can get that for $45. Done. Done.

Negative none. These guys, yeah, they were total psychopaths. So the family, the rest of them are dead. Julius Sulpizio is now being held without bail. Oh, she's still alive. Oh, yeah. Why didn't she kill herself? Because she was the messenger, Betty. Oh. She came out. Never shoot the messenger. But

They could have. They probably could have. But they went in there and they said apparently, because she greeted the officers and her, I think essentially from the body cam footage that I have watched over and over again, her aggressive nature saying that she can visualize dark souls and she's bringing them into the house for her husband to kill them, I think made the cops say like, let's

Let's put you on ice for a second, because then they could do the thing where they detain you before they arrest you. So essentially, I imagine they were like, what the fuck are you talking about, lady? She's talking about how they're going to bring a series of revenge against the entire neighborhood. She goes against all the pedophiles that are everywhere. He puts her they put her in the squad car. They go in and then the standoff is on, which is one of the worst parts about these sorts of like doomsday scenarios is that.

Was she shooting at the cops? What? Was she shooting at the cops? No, she was already in custody. The family was shooting at the cops. So what? The father and the daughters. What is this woman's crime?

Oh, she's just, she is just attached to a series of homicides. Yeah. Yeah. She just is a, she's a material witness. I believe the actual, I forget what the actual charges are. Cause if, yeah. Cause if they went back to the house and she never shot a gun, but she did lead the cops to. Oh yeah. She led the cops to an ambush. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that, that is her crime. She's an accessory to, to the murder of a police officer. So I think that they hate that. They're real not into it.

They're real not into it. You could see how much they're not into it, especially if you go down to Uvalde. Yeah. But these guys, it is very, it's troubling. I think the word pedophile gets tossed around really loosely. You know what I mean? It's definitely a word that should not be tossed around as loose as it is. It is. And these people were obviously driven insane with rage.

And they got exactly what they wanted. That's the worst part about these like doomsday people is that when the cops show up, they're like, yes. It's like I started doing a research project on sovereign citizens and you start to realize like, you know, in my head, I was always like, at what point did the sovereign citizens like if there ever been one that worked? Has there ever been a sovereign citizen movement that actually like.

got you out of a ticket besides just being so annoying that the cops didn't want to deal with you. And then I started realizing, oh no, it's a feature, not a bug. You're supposed to get arrested. The sovereign citizen movement is about gumming up the works. It's about being hauled in because that's a,

badge of honor. I think once you say the words, I'm a sovereign citizen, they know you're not paying your taxes. Well, that's anti-sovereign. They don't say sovereign citizen. Oh, what do they say? Oh, no, there's stuff like an all national creature of the land. Yeah. It's like you're an all nationals one. It's a private citizen. That's a term that they use all the time. I'm a private citizen. There is a level that I think should exist where,

But, you know, like there's that one guy in Florida. I don't know the details, but he he like strictly was he had his own water well, he solar energy. He was completely off the grid. That's different. And then the government came and found him and told him he's not allowed to do what he does. That's the government coming and finding them. And that's also Florida, which is just like Texas, which is a place that's so free. It has every single rule. Yeah, possible.

right? So that place is that when you, when you go like, that's the government looking for that guy. I feel bad for that guy. These people go looking for police officers. They change their fucking license plates to be these fake

license plates they are broadcasting that they are what they are because they've learned from several of their heroes in the media to be out loud about it because they think that that will like deflect something but they're not all tv personalities so it doesn't really work like that you're just a you are a private citizen yeah you have made yourself a public citizen by getting yourself arrested on body cam and now it's on youtube

Well, there you go. But that's the type of thing where you're like, but because, you know, there's the idea of it's just because they never see sovereign citizen. You never hear about them unless they're breaking the law. Certainly not. Yeah, because most of the time they are just sitting there. I know that they're just sitting there. And mostly sovereign citizenship seems to really be connected to losing your license for a DUI. Yeah.

Because they're really centered on... They just want to keep driving. Yes, they're just... They got to for work. I understand that thing. They got to drive to... In a place like Florida, in a place where you got... Public transportation sucks. There's no public transportation. You got to drive. Unless you're in a very populated area, but otherwise you're walking miles for the bus. Oh, yes. And so that's why they do that. But...

Oh, it's it's a weird thing inside of America that is happening. It is weird to be outside of America looking on to America that way because you're just like we say things here that frighten people. Yeah, I've frightened several people just by my existence alone.

outside of America. Also, I think going back to the story with the daughters and the king and all that shit, and they killed that poor police officer. The Sulpicio family. The two daughters, they were not like, they weren't young. They were in their 20s. No, they were fully indoctrinated.

Yeah, they were. They were probably homeschooled. Obviously, more stuff is going to come out right now. There's going to be a big grand jury. So we're going to get all of the stuff right now. She's being held about Bell, the mom of the family. So we will find out more because she's a talker.

And so she will definitely tell us all their philosophy. We're going to hear every single thing about it. She's going to be ranting and raving until she goes, because she will probably do some form. They will probably try to get her out for an insanity plea or something like in that vein, unless she completely coughs to it, which she might. Yeah. She might go completely no contest and just say, yeah, of course we did. That's what we wanted. Man.

Oh, it's so awful. Yeah, dude. You live in a small town like this. You think as a police officer that you're never going to deal with something crazy like this. I think, unfortunately, that's where the crazy is going.

Yeah. I think it's where the crazy is really, really going. I think that's in New York. You're just used to it. You know, every day is a fist fight. There's so much going on. New York and in a larger population density, you just have more different types of people rubbing up against each other. That's going to cause conflict. There's going to be conflict. There's a lot there. You know, there's a massive standard deviation between like who's rich, who's poor. It creates a bunch of problems sometimes inside of the inner city. But those are just normal things.

Like the violence in LA and New York is just having that many people on top of each other. But the per person violence is much bigger in smaller towns. Well, it's at least in the South. It's just going to be, it's just weird. The crazy just trickles down in a way. Cause again, remember we're crazy Eddie to them. They think we're crazy. Everybody's crazy.

Everybody's crazy. If you're not crazy, you're not even worth talking to. Oh, yeah. So Pete's family believes that they are not crazy. Yeah. See, that's the thing. If you believe you're not crazy, you're definitely crazy. Absolutely. No one's correct. Ever. Just know that whatever you say is incorrect to somebody else. But that's just called having a different opinion. And we're all in different reality tunnels. Speaking of another different reality tunnel, this is really about, I think this story is about the fact that people don't want to work anymore.

They don't want to work hard. So a guy tried to do a baby killdozer in Columbus, Ohio. Oh, yeah.

And he was bad at it. All right. Because, yeah, Marvin Humeyer is a controversial figure. He's our version of a lyrical. Right. He's mean, bad, shithead. But he worked hard. Put the time in. All right. Spent a year building that killdozer. A full year. Lots of money. Full year. He did it so that he and he had a plan and a mission. And he went out and he did whatever the hell it was. And did a lot of it didn't work, which is probably which kept.

him as a folk hero. But this guy did. Who we don't get behind. Henry. I just get the feeling. I get the feel. I get the impulse. I'm so happy you never learned how to weld. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I will commission one though. So this was on I believe this was August 9th. This is a man. He had a Ford F-150 that you know

Man, he must have had a tiny penis. He put a big snowplow attachment to the front of it and just started ramming cars on interstate 70-71 interchange. He then sort of crashed himself on the highway. The police had to come and stop him. There was a bit of a standoff for several hours as he was stuck inside the car. He was throwing wrenches at the cops. One of them hit one in the head. Oh, my God. He had to be hospitalized, but he was fine.

And I see the main issue here, and I really think what it was. He had no plan. They finally he tried to, quote unquote, unalive himself by jumping off the bridge. They stopped him. They arrested him. Main issue here. Honestly, he was using crack cocaine the entire time. Yeah. That distracted him.

Yeah, you have a clear head when you're trying to take over a city. This is just because these people don't want to work. If you just sat and put the work in, that's what this is about, Eddie. This is a boomer talking point. I could be completely off base here, but I got a theory of what happened here. Sure. I think towards the end of winter, this man gets the idea how to make some quick, easy money. Snowplow guy. Buys a snowplow. Summer comes.

Homer Simpson style. He's just sitting on this fucking snowplow losing money. Oh yeah, and he's just like, what do I do with this? It's not snowing. It's the middle of summer. I gotta wait till winter till I can fucking make some money. What if it doesn't snow this year? I'm the snowplow guy. If I am not snowplowing...

Who am I? Yeah. So he tried to use the plow for a different reason. Well, because now he says, like, well, now you're the snow. Yeah. That's what he said to this cop car. Yeah. Yeah. He did a bunch of. But, you know, but again, you didn't do it. He didn't make it happen. It's just you're not going to. Yes, this is sort of a form of national news.

That's as far as you're going to go, buddy. I'm not even going to say your name. I don't think it's that important. No. But it did try. And you've got to be careful. You've got to put some pizzazz in. Think about what you want. What do you want the big picture to say? That's my big thing. What do you want your legacy to be?

Yeah, no, he's not going to, this guy's not even going to be able to drive again, much less get another snowplow. No, no, but it's going to lead to him becoming... Also, the snowplow looks like it still could be used, so maybe, hopefully they resell it or at least give it to the police. I mean, just for the sake of just bragging rights as a snowplow guy being like, this is the snowplow that stopped the police, would be kind of huge. You know, but he wasn't prepared...

Got to get in there. Bigger plan, better plan. Wear a costume. Yes. Think about your legacy. And this last story I think we can get into...

This is really weird. The only reason why, as I want clarification, and I'm hoping our listeners can give it to us. There was a woman that was found dead in a baggage conveyor belt at O'Hare Airport over the weekend. And they said there was video of this little older lady going into a restricted area, just breaking through a restricted area at 2.30 in the morning at the airport. She shouldn't have been able to get in there. The doors were locked. There was just nobody there. There was nobody. Yeah. And then she was found. They said...

caught up in the gumming works of the conveyor belt system for the luggage they always tell you not to sit on them it's not it's extremely dangerous but then they labeled it a suicide which i think is a crazy way to kill yourself i just i wonder how they know that because yes obviously she did it on purpose she did it on she did it on purpose

Yeah. And she jumped into it. She she purposefully opened up a door to a back area, found the thing and jumped into it, which is like the most double dare way of unaliving yourself I've ever heard. I didn't watch the video. Did she jump? Did she fall into it? Maybe she passed out. I have no very inconvenient spot. Well, it doesn't sound like sounds like whatever it was. It was like planned.

They said it was planned. They said it was cheap because that's what the cops are saying. But sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. I'd love to get an update on this and find out whether or not. How do you figure that out? If it's not obvious, how do you figure it out? I mean, if there's no note. Right. If there's no note, how do you say cheap? Maybe they just don't want to deal with it. Well, but I feel like just accident-

Accidents happen. But an accident, someone can get sued. I bet you that. I bet you that. It's that fucking simple. That if it's a fucking accident, then that means it's on O'Hare. And if it's a suicide, it's on her. Yeah. Wow. And if they don't know the difference...

We don't know what her emotional state was. I don't think we know anything about her, really. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe more stuff will come out and find out whether or not she was upset in the airport. She could have been visibly upset in the airport. I mean, who isn't visibly upset at the airport, especially if you're stuck there at two thirty in the fucking morning? Oh, yes. It's horrible in there. Yeah. I start opening doors. I don't give a shit. See what happens. I wouldn't. I would.

No, you shouldn't, but you can get the rage. But all of you go insane. The thing is, that's why you really just got to... That's why the key is to sort of put yourself in a place. Full disclosure, Henry's so angry at the airport. I hate the airport. It is like... It obviously calms me how angry you are. Because I know...

I hate the airport. I hate traveling. I love to travel. I love capital T, the concept of traveling. I love new places, new people, new food. But in the airport, you're irrational. I'm a monster. Yeah, yeah. But once we get out of it or like- I'm nice to the staff.

but that one guy was fucking crawling up my ass. Oh, yeah, no, you're nice to the staff. No, no, but you're like, I'm watching your blood boil and your skin change colors. It's because it's the arbitrary rules. It's at every airport. Oh, I hate arbitrary rules. Every airport has a different set of rules, especially here. You also refuse to take the weed pills like I do. Yeah, I know. They really help me stay calm. Yeah, I just, God, I do it bare-boned because it's like,

I just keep getting stripped of my stuff. Every airport, I'm losing another piece of stuff. No one ever checks my bags. And every single time Henry gets stopped and like, Well, it's because I have all the recording equipment in my bag. And it's all like Tetris-like put together. And the last time they pulled it all out, I'm like,

I'm a traveling comedian. And like, this is just a podcast rig. It's the biggest growing industry, all show business. You've never seen this shit before. You've never seen a fucking microphone before. They love that when you're like, when they start harassing you and you're like, I'm a traveling comedian. Do you think that makes them want to not hassle you more? I know.

There should be. I've been saying this. I'm an entertainer. We need a white flag. We need a white flag that keeps you separate from these things. It's a microphone. I'm not asking for anything special.

You sound like I'm asking for a special... I'm not trying to cut the line. I like the pregnancy go. You should put it in your checked luggage so you don't have to deal with it, though. But I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get broken. Oh, I see what you're saying. Because it gets slammed around. Yeah, the wires just look like bomb wires. I know! And that's the problem. But they're microphone wires. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they are wound up correctly, and they always undo it, and it's very upsetting. It's extremely angry. But yes, I am trying to calm down, because...

I love people. I love the people. Hate the position, not the person. I think we got to get you some sleepy time tea in the morning before we travel tomorrow or the day after. We'll talk about it. Yeah, we'll take care of you, buddy. I want to talk about the 22-hour trip we're going to have, but it's going to be good. Yes. It's going to be good. All right, here we go. It's time for some listener emails. I love this one. Okay.

A few weeks back, my coworkers and I were stationed out in Zortman, Montana for a job. Zortman is a town with a population of roughly 19 people. Is that a town? It's a gathering. It's a pecker of pedophiles. I've definitely had larger parties in my apartment. Yes. And it is located at the base of the Little Rocky Mountains. One night, we were all hanging out at the town saloon restaurant, and we were approached by a local.

He introduced himself as the chef of the restaurant and sat down to join us. The conversation started out pretty normal, but took a turn for the weird once we told him that we work out in the woods. He got very serious all of a sudden, and he told us that we absolutely had to be very careful out in these woods. I mean, that's good advice. Oh, yeah. We figured he meant because of bears, steep terrain, but we were very wrong. He then stated that these woods are home to a population of sasquatches.

and that every Zortman local has had some kind of Bigfoot encounter in their lives. Entertained by this notion and curious to hear more, we asked him about his encounter, which was probably a mistake. Here's his encounter story. He was hiking through the woods in a very remote area by himself when he suddenly had been struck on the head and knocked unconscious by something. When he came to, he was laying on the floor of a cave with a female Bigfoot standing over him.

She made him drink what he described as a moss-like soup that made him instantly hard as a rock. She then proceeded to have her way with him for hours. He claimed that he did not like it and was extremely scared at first, but then started to really enjoy it and dubbed it the best sex of his life. To this day, he says he leaves candy bars and weed out in the woods for the Sasquatches to stay on their good side forever.

And probably he hopes of another encounter with Ares and Atrus. Well, doesn't he know where the cave is? No, he said he was knocked out. But you have to leave at some point. He's in a daze. He's in a daze. Even if you're knocked out, let's the Bigfoot, like, pick you up and put you back on your patio. I don't know.

Other locals in this bar joined in to tell us their Sasquatch encounters, non-sexual ones, and even some encounters with the little people, which after hearing more about them, I think they were referring to some variation of the Hildafolk or Hildenfolk. All in all, Zortman is a wild little place with some colorful characters. And it's safe to say we were extra careful in the woods and did not have any encounters with horny Sasquatches. I feel like you could have just came across a good old-fashioned mountain lady. Yeah, yeah.

That's the Zortman prom right there. The Zortman prom? All right, now here we go. Hold on. You can't just go past. I'm trying to digest that mentally. You can't just zoom past that. That man is, because he's not here.

If I could talk to that man, we could dig in. I don't know what that man is thinking. Or whoever you are, tell us the name of the restaurant I want to call. I've got to talk to this guy. I want to know because this story is too important. Well, because

I've read a lot of them. I can't tell if it was aprae or consensual sex. I think that he says it for... It started bad but went good? I don't know, buddy. And now he's a fan. He needs it. Now he's in love.

I feel like he could have been flirting with you guys. Or, you know what it is, this lady Bigfoot was cheating on her Bigfoot husband. Didn't want him to know. Yeah, she would have you back or have the chef back. But it's a shame. It's shameful. Exactly. If she found out, it'd be like the guy with the crocodile. It's like the guy who and the crocodiles who have the dog sex room. Yes. It's that story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But for Bigfoot. But for Bigfoot, yeah. But if the male Bigfoot ever found out about what the chef did to his wife...

I mean, she cooked for him. She's going to rip his dick off. That guy's going to, that Bigfoot's going to fucking kill him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to be careful who you're telling the story to. Yeah, absolutely. Because now you're going to get these jealous ass Bigfoot. You want to make a Bigfoot jealous? I wouldn't. That's so scary to me. That's so strange. The idea of, it's almost like, it's a reverse cook. Yeah, because he's also a chef who was cooked for. It's definitely a dream. It's definitely like a weird dream. He probably ate too much weird fucking Montana mushrooms. Something.

Well, hey, I say God bless him. Oh, sure. And I hope he's still out there getting his dick sucked in the forest. But please tell us the name of the restaurant so we can call. I can have Kelly call. What do you mean? All right. So Bigfoot vagina, Bigfoot have like a Bigfoot blowjob. Horrifying. But probably OK because they're on the are they? Yeah, they're they're herbivores. Big teeth.

Big teeth. But their teeth are big, but they're not like fangs. Apes do have, they do oral sex. Bears suck dick. I've heard that. Yeah, we do. I won't test it. I think bears suck their own dicks, though. Side story. There's LPOTL at gmail.com. You can find out for certain. We have a lot of bear experts. You know what? I'm going to save this other letter.

Yeah. I'll save it for tomorrow. We're going to be recording again this week. Yeah. And we're recording where this comes from. Yes. So that makes a lot of sense. All right. My sweet fuckers live every day knowing that your best pussy or life might be in the woods. You might have to be unconscious for it. But then once it's riding you, you can laugh. Yeah. Knowing that man. Oh, man. No one's going to believe this story except for my dick.

And you're getting a fall in love with that lady Sasquatch because she doesn't have, she isn't afraid of commitment because she's out in the woods and she's committed to staying hot hidden all these years. She's going to make a nice wife. That's right. If they believe in organized love. Get a door for that cave. Also, September 13th, we're going to be investigating the O'Hare family.

Oh, yeah. Oh, very much so. We're coming to the Park West September 13th. Side stories. Come and see us live the day before the last podcast on the left show. The last podcast on the left show on the 14th of September is sold out.

So come and see me and Henry do our side story show, which is completely different than last podcast. We're just making shit up. This is going to be great. We're going to have a prepared bit. It's going to be loose. It's going to be a completely different show. So if you're worried, if you're going to come, if it's the same show, it's completely different. So if you want to see both, please come see both.

We'd love to hang out with you guys. And then I believe we got, honestly, we're basically sold out in Adelaide. Brisbane sold out, Adelaide and Perth are basically sold out. But please, we got a couple of tickets left. Come and check us out. These shows have been fucking great. And the VIP meet and greets and Q&As have been incredible. We really just...

No offense to America. Best questions we've gotten, I think, have been out here. And it's really been fun discussions. And we also, remember, we hang out. If you're in the VIP, a lot of times we hang out. We sign. We say hi. We take pictures and stuff. Especially because we don't know when we're going to be back. It's going to be sooner than the last time. Yes. That's for fucking certain. But hail sweet Satan. And thank you, Australia. Hail Lady Bigfoot and your dick-sucking abilities. Hey.

You know, there's a man Bigfoot out there that's the luckiest dude in the whole world. Except he's being cheated on. Yeah, no, that's the thing. He's being cheated on. Yeah, but I guess sometimes you gotta share. Is there monogamy in the Bigfoot world? Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Not according to some of the literature I've seen.

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