Side Stories: The Pee Bandit
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there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes we can just start again right right i mean we always and that's the big lesson yeah we had a little bit of an error as we began to record today a technical difficulty

And we're not going to redo the bit. No. That we opened with the last time. You know why? Why? Because you hate the song? No. Now you're bringing it back. You're bringing it back. We did already begin this show.

With me talking about how I have the song loop from the stupid Disney Halloween parade in my head, which goes Halloween, O-ween, everybody. Halloween, low-ween, right? Which is even worse. Everybody. And it's just on loop in my head, and I want to fling myself into traffic. Yeah.

I mean, first of all, fling yourself into traffic could be good for the show. Grassroots marketing. No, grassroots marketing. We need a stunt. I've been saying this. We need some kind of stunt. I've been trying to bring haunted objects into this house. I've tried to bring mediums into this house. Mediums are okay.

It's the extra large is the problem. Oh. Hey, what's going on? I'm the only one around here. Got you. Yeah, man. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm your host, Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with my spooky co-host, Edward Larson. I'm so big and I don't know what to do about it. No, you're doing, you're actually doing very well. I gained seven pounds. I was at the doctor today. Yeah? They told me, you are fatter. Why? I said, can I take my shoes off? And they said, it works.

Won't matter. It does, though. Shoes are heavy. Pants are heavy. I really do. When I go to the doctor, if I've got to do the weight beforehand, I'm almost completely naked. Yeah? I take off my pants. I keep my pants on. You should. Yeah, I know. Now I learn the hard way. The doctor's office, I might get some pushback for this.

It's kind of like the spa where I feel like it's the one place besides the spa or your own home where your nudity is really not that surprising. I mean, I saw David Cronenberg's butthole. Oh, really? So I feel like there. Were you in his doctor appointment? Oh, this is a long story, Eddie. I've told this story on the show before, so I don't know if I could get into it. How come you've not told me in real life? I,

I think I have told you. Quick version. The quick version is I was doing Heroes Reborn. I had to go to the Hollywood doctor to get a test.

tetanus shot. I went in, they said, I went into this weird little, like, tiny kind of strip mall doctor place, and I went to the receptionist and I said, I'm here for my appointment. They're like, oh, Mr. Zebrowski, yes, just go right on in. The doctor's ready for you. And I opened the door, and as I'm opening the door, I said, hey, it's me, Henry Zebrowski. He's like, hey, it's Henry Zebrowski. And as I'm saying it, I look and I see the doctor turns around and he's in front of an open, spread-open butthole that he is looking at, and it's an

old man's asshole covered in white hair and then that man turns around and looks at me and it is David Cronenberg. I know for a fact it was David Cronenberg because I know what he looks like and now I know what his butthole looks like. That's almost the plot of Videodrome. It's very close. And then afterwards he sort of acknowledged me and then I also realized it just means I'll just never work for him again.

Well, you never worked for him. I'll never work for him. Well, that's fine. That's great. I can't believe all the assholes you could have seen. It was his. Yeah, I know. Oh, I know. That's crazy. Oh, it may be. It could have been any dude in Los Angeles. It felt like a cut scene from Existence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is fine. I lived it, though. I lived it. One of the many lives I've lived. You didn't even give him a looking good. No, I didn't provide comment. Yeah.

I didn't provide comment because I think that... Pretty deep. Yeah, I think that he was mortified and Canadian about it. You know what I mean? I didn't realize he was Canadian about it. They get very offended. They hate showing their asshole in public. No, unless you... But sometimes, though, in private... Syrup it up. They'll give you a shot. Yeah, yeah. Go to Tim Hortons. Get a hole in that donut. You know what I'm saying? I hate Tim Hortons. It's gross. It's falling off. It is awful. It never was on.

They said back in the day he was on. Yeah. You know the hours at Tim Hortons. They open at 6 a.m. and they close when a woman falls asleep in the doorway. Hey, that's how you know. That's how you know. And if it's 4 p.m., sometimes they do got to kick her awake, but then it's more like a snooze button.

Now, we do have some updates. We got some spooky times out there. There's a lot of spooky shit happening. We got, obviously, before we get into the letters today, I'll go into some of the places that you can donate to help the people displaced by Hurricane Helene. We got another one coming down the pipe right from my parents' house, so we'll see how that goes. One of the biggest hurricanes ever made, and I just want to say,

Good work, Biden, on that one. I can't believe the hurricane machine. He made the strongest fucking hurricane. That's huge. And then he let it hit Mexico first. Just so we could see how good the machines work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good work. I can't wait for Kamala to get the reins of the hurricane machines. Because you know where we honestly, a lot of places need judges around this country. Maybe that's how we started. We just knock them down, right? Using our democratic cloud machines. And then what we do is rebuild the cities from the bottom up.

Yeah, no. Marjorie Taylor Greene sitting there saying that people control the weather. And she's not a heinous bitch and she's not ugly and I'm sick of people saying that. Yeah, she's out here speaking the truth. That thick-trunked fucking SUV-sized woman should be allowed to speak her truth. She looks like she could be in Troll 3. Oh, I think she is. I think she is in Nilbog currently. Now, we have another update. There is one big update.

that was interesting is that we did finally get confirmed. We've been talking about the story about Sheriff Mickey Stein. Now, we do have a bunch of, we have the surveillance tape that came out and we saw it a little bit. We saw it in silence. We also saw it with audio.

But it did not have any form of clue as to what really caused their actual conflict. Now, just to remind you, Sean, Mickey Steins, he murdered Judge Rupert Wilhite. I mean, technically he's pleaded not guilty, but it's on camera of him putting a gun to the man's face and shooting him in the head. It's very much on camera. It is very much on camera. He is saying that he is not guilty. Now, one of the big pieces that we have been talking about is this ban.

piece of evidence that we weren't sure if it was confirmed or not. Now it is confirmed that before the sheriff walked into the judge's chambers to kill him, there was some form of communication between the judge and Sheriff Stein's daughter and

And then Sheriff Steins called his daughter from an unmarked number in the judge's phone to confirm. That has definitely happened. Yes. So we don't know then what that's all about. There's some conjecture about them having... I imagine it's bad. Yes.

I'm going to say it wasn't lovely. It wasn't good news. It wasn't like a happy birthday. Oh, my God. Oh, well, we're all going to go see fucking Crazy Town, but Shifty Shellbop is dead. Yeah. But, like, it's... They got a new guy in there. Oh, they got a new... They hired him? Adam Lanza. They couldn't wait. Adam Lambert. Adam Lambert. Adam Lambert.

Adam Lanza is actually going to be filling in for Forerunner when they get the other guy out there once he's allowed to have work released from jail. I'm great for recording today. But the other big point, they don't know whether or not it was because the judge was doing something weird with his daughter. But there's some talk is that apparently the sheriff's wife might have been seeking a divorce and

And the judge might have been helping the family get away from him. So we don't know. We don't know. So that's why it's all, we just don't know. I could see him wanting to murder him for that as well. Exactly. So it's either he's one type of asshole or another type of asshole. And we'll find out. Yeah. Because except for like, I guess if the judges have sex. It doesn't really matter at this point. If the judges have sex with your underage daughter, my thing is that like, wouldn't it be truly more punishment?

You know, killing him is obviously would be considered the ultimate punishment. But wouldn't it be more punishment to just reveal that he's a pedophile? Wouldn't it just be more punishment to just put this evidence out and smear his life and get him pulled from the fucking... It was a crime of passion. But he obviously had thought about it and he... He thought about it for less than two hours.

If they ate lunch together at 12. Unless you're staring at this guy this whole time at lunch and you hate the way he eats his soup. Yeah, he hates the fucking sandwich you ordered. But it's still a crime of passion. Yeah. And maybe he's a sloppy eater. Maybe he eats like Holden does. Oh my God. Like he has four mouths. There are times.

When you just are looking at him eat or like, you know, we were playing this D&D game at my house. We have a new game running and it came over and it's like, so you got any food? You know what I mean? Like that kind of stuff. And then maybe if the sheriff and he's just heard the judge do that. Yeah. If sure for the judge to do something like that, I could see why. Because I thought about it. Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah. But I don't have I don't have a gun. All I have is these hands. Yes. You know, and I could. I mean, I just stirred weapons. Those hands. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Slicking feet. We've talked about you getting a gun. Where are you on that? I got to go take classes first. I was told I got to do that first. Okay, cool. I'm going to take classes, and then my main thing, honestly, is to get an armed drone. Ooh. Because I don't think I need that. That's harder than a gun. I don't know.

I couldn't fly a drone, but I could shoot a gun. Oh, you could fly a drone, buddy. I've tried. They crash immediately. No, but they got new ones now. They got the Sega controllers. I could teach you how to fly an armed drone. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. We'll take over this whole fucking city, buddy. Oh, man. Or at least we could start with a smaller town. Oh, yeah. We should just go with town over. We should go to Van Nuys. Yeah, or Bakersfield. Oh, yeah. No, I don't want...

I don't want Bakersfield. Yeah, there's no reason to take it. No, no, no. Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara. We could take Santa. You're there sleeping. We could take Santa Barbara. Oh, yeah, definitely. Oh, yeah, and guess what we're calling it?

Yeah, Mrs. Santa. Yeah. Barbara. Oh, let's see Mrs. Santas. And then we elected Mrs. Santa by like in a big sort of like weird town trial where we pull up the bustiest oldest woman and we make her Mrs. Santa. Yeah. But it's just a golden retriever that we shave its ass. Yeah, that would be fucking amazing. You think this is a hot chick? You think you've got a hot chick? We're going to make Santa Barbara great again. Can't wait.

Now, that was not the only update. The other update is one of the more curious updates of the P. Diddy trial so far. Oh, yes. We're following this very closely. We're following this very closely. This was an update that I was so shocked and it was so incredible that I had to share it with you to begin with.

Reginald Vell Johnson is sexy to someone. Carl Winslow from Family Matters. I will say this. This is how I'm opening this up, is that it's true. There are some people, and this is why I want to put this forward first, is that no matter who you are, what you look like,

There's somebody out there for you. There's somebody who's nutting to you. There are people that watch Family Matters and nutted to the father. And one of those people happened to be P. Diddy. Now, apparently there is a rumor that Reginald Val Johnson was seen getting...

Slippity slammed by Sean Diddy Combs on video. Now, that is... No one has seen the video. Nobody's seen the video. Now, I don't think it's even past Reginald Val Johnson to want to get butt-fucked by Sean Combs. That's a huge night. Yeah, no, that's a... You know, you start partying, you're feeling it, you don't know what's going on. All of a sudden, next thing you know, you're like, you're fucking having sex butt-forward with Sean P. Diddy Combs, and your first thought is, did I do that? Yeah.

I've gotten into situations where you just party and party and you're like, whoa, this is crazy. Yeah, but you're talking about ending up at a concert. Yes. Now, Reginald Val Johnson, he had to address rumors that were on the internet that P. Diddy had sex with him.

And his response... Out of everyone in the world, it's a hilarious pick. I have no idea why they did this to Reginald Vell Johnson. He did not necessarily deserve this. What camp are we in? Do we believe it or not? I don't know, Eddie. I don't think I believe it. Yeah, I don't. Because he said Reginald Vell Johnson... I just don't believe he was invited to the party. He said his response is, I don't know that man. Now...

That's wrong. He definitely knows who Puff Daddy was. I think that if you said Puff Daddy instead of P. Diddy, yes, maybe. But I think if you said Puff Daddy, he'd probably be like, yeah, of course, more money, more problems. I'd be like, no, that was Mace.

And then, like, you know, you have to go through that with him. But wasn't that on Puff Daddy's album? I think so. I think it was. He did sample that. I think Puff Daddy was on that. I don't know. I don't remember. It doesn't matter anymore. He produced it, at least. It doesn't even matter anymore. That's the best part. I'm released. So, Reginald L. Johnson, I don't know where the rumors came from that Sean Combs had sex with him. Is it that the claim was first brought up in April by the comedian Olu Scannon?

During his appearance on an episode of the Drinks with Ginks podcast. Oh. Now, I don't really know. Oh, poor Reginald. Charlemagne speaks on, this is from Charlemagne the God. Charlemagne the God speaks on Diddy allegedly having a relationship with actor Reginald Vel Johnson who played Carl Winslow.

on Family Matters, and he confirms that Diddy got Wendy Williams fired from Hot 97. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Wendy Williams is all over the place, but there's still no I need to see cum on Reginald Vell Johnson's belly for me to believe it. I think it's inside of him. You know, he's... Why would he cum on his belly? He's already bent over. He'd be on his back if anywhere. All of this is rude. Yeah. Well, he's got a nice ass.

Rachel Novell Johnson, I'm going to unfortunately say this picture. Are you watching Dancing with the Stars? Do you see this picture here? Go back. Sean comes smiling with Rachel Novell Johnson also smiling. It's hard because they just look like a really happy couple. They look like they're having fun. It looks like the picture that we just took in Disneyland. Yeah. No.

I don't believe that they had sex with each other. I don't mean... Well, Sidney had sex with him. And he sat there and he told me... Reginald Ville Johnson...

They didn't have sex with each other. It's not like Reginald got on top of the fuck city. Sidestories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Who else refuses to believe that Reginald Veljohnson is a bottom? Now, I don't have a problem with him being a bottom, but I don't think he is. I don't think he's athletic enough to be a top. A bottom needs... No. Bottom is... A bottom, at the minimum, can just be there, but I think that a bottom... Me and Reginald Veljohnson have very similar body types, and my butt is an extremely, extremely unfortunate butt.

He's so happy in all of these pictures. Guys, I just want to fuck him. But I think that, oh, yeah, as soon as I see his face, the first thing I go, damn, what that mouth do. It yells at Jaleel White. But we have very similar butts.

I think his is a lot nicer than yours. Look up Reginald Bell Johnson full body shot. There's probably some dancing with the stars stuff. Literally write in Reginald Bell Johnson butt. He's having the biggest resurgence of his career. He doesn't want this. You actually think that his butt's better than my butt? It is not. I'm looking at this right now.

That's not Reginald Bell Johnson. Oh, yes, it is. Yeah. Is everyone dancing with the stars? Yeah, he's not dancing with the stars currently. That's a nicer tush than yours. It protrudes. Actually. Yours goes under. Eddie, I'm not.

That's a beautiful tush. I stand corrected. Yeah, I could see him getting pummeled by Sean Combs. Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah, you're right. You're wrong. Yeah, I'm wrong. You know, sometimes if you can fix it, and people like, you know, if you can fix it at one part of the body, it doesn't matter what body that part is attached to. See, that's a big fixation. And like...

I just feel like when it's Carl Winslow, that's what's hard. Yeah. You know? Because just having him, I just feel like him getting angry about me just fucking that up would kind of make me not hard anymore. Maybe he'd say, he's like, I'll be your, I'll be an informant for you.

I think he thought it was real. Yeah, Puff Daddy was trying to pay off the cops, but he just fucked Carl Winslow. I believe that Reginald Val Johnson did not be made love to by Puff Daddy. I think that he is unfortunately... It's a funny thing to joke about, but it's most likely not true. No, it is most likely not true. I'd say 90% not true.

You know what, Eddie? That's really kind of you. I'm going to give it 90. I say a worse way to say it is 10% chance he fucked him. 10% chance. 10% chance it's true. Reginald L. Johnson is now going to be folded into this conversation over and over again. And that man, he doesn't deserve it, but we are just, we're piling on because we can. Yes. You know, and it is just really, really, he doesn't deserve this. He's like, I thought it was a

Jaleel White party. And he hated those. He hated those. He really didn't like Jaleel White. You hear in a recent interview he called him unprofessional. And it's like he was a child playing two roles. He also got the stardom of Family Matters thrust upon him. He was just supposed to be a guest star. If it wasn't for him you wouldn't even have a fucking job.

But he was supposed to guest star. It was just a guest star and then he took over the entire show. And the entire cast did resent him because Carl Winslow was supposed to be the main character. It was supposed to be closer to an Archie Bunker, that style of character. And then Jaleel White came and changed the entire show. I gotta say, Jaleel White... But he didn't do it on purpose. It wasn't his idea. Most professional person I've ever worked with. Jaleel White. More than me. We get hammered together.

Joe White gets hammered. Yeah, but not with me. It's because you didn't get far enough in. You got to get far enough in. The way you do it, you ask him about his other roles. What else has he done?

You know, he was a historical roast. Oh, good. His other biggest... He played Nelson Mandela and Muhammad Ali. Wow. He's going to be in the new Star Wars show. Fuck yeah. He's going to be in the new Star Wars show. Well, good for him. Good for Jalil White getting that back. Yeah, he's been buddying up with Favreau. Well, all right. So those were our two big updates. And yeah, there's nothing... No one, anybody tell you you can't find love. Because it's out there for you. You just got to find the port in a storm. Where is the love?

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All right, here we go. We got a couple of good news stories up top. I think the first one that we will do is there is a new serial killer in Canada. Yes. But I will say. Been caught immediately. She got caught immediately. And I want to say the reason why we're really even paying attention to this is because it's a female serial killer. So it's nice to get a new one. But what's hard is that she wasn't super good at it. Sorry. Yeah. But she also got busted immediately.

And she just sort of legally fits the parameters of a serial killer. We don't know a lot of the details. It seems like it's almost like a spree. I honestly would put it more towards a spree. I think that the Canadian cops are kind of talking about it like, they're like, oh, you know, if you look at the numbers, yeah, it is a serial killer. Like, that's the way they view it. But.

She killed three people and it's actually, it's kind of a motive. She hates men. Obviously we have no idea what her motive is yet. So Sabrina called our, she was arrested for allegedly accused of carrying out three murders from October 1st to October 3rd. Two men, police said that she randomly stabbed in two separate Canadian cities. She drove down, she drove across state lines to Niagara Falls and then she drove back to

So she did it several different cities. And the first, I believe, was her roommate. And they were a part of, they were like next to each other. I guess they lived in the same house. She had some form of what they're calling a mental break. People that knew her in high school are saying that she was the daughter of two dentists and was quite lovely. And they don't know when she changed into a serial killer. And I think it was when she got the nose ring.

Because unfortunately, Sabrina does look a little bit like a lesbian pirate. She looks like she's wearing one of those realistic masks that you put on to fool people that you're an old man or something. Yes, she does sort of look like that. And she's mean looking. No.

No, for sure. Geez. I ain't trying to cross her. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. So she got, she's with second degree murder. So they have not released any of the details of the actual crimes themselves, but they know that she was, she was connected to these crimes in Niagara outside of Toronto. Um,

And so they said they arrested Kaldar at a Burlington hotel on Thursday. She went back up to Burlington, Canada. She said straight up she had attacked a woman on Kale Street in Dundas and she attacked her roommate. They said that she had visible trauma to her body. And then she stabbed another man in public. And then she stabbed another man in public. And so this is like she's this is why I feel like.

I'm trying to be nice in a way, sensitive about this. Do you want to be nice to her? No, no. I just think that the... Call it a serial killer is real loose. I think that it's a spree killer. She sounds closer to Richard Speck. She's cracked and killed some people. Yes, she sounds closer to Richard Speck. And it does seem that she murdered someone else.

and then seemed to kill two other people simply just because she'd already murdered one. So at that point, what does it even really matter? Just throw some more charges on the pile. And so she did seem to randomly select two other people to kill, but she killed the first person that she knew. In three different cities. Yes. Which is also bizarre. I think at this point she's in some form of full-on psychological freefall. Yeah. And she was not in a sane mind.

You know what I mean? I don't know if she was all there. She never ironed the prize, Eddie. No. All right? Because if she was really thinking about that, she'd be out there getting steps in, getting her portfolio. Well, she got her steps in. Oh, she did. Honestly, you're right. I'm sorry. She did get her steps in. But you got to work on the portfolio. Yes. You know, you got to get all sorts of diversifications going on. You know, like, yeah, I am a street murder and lesbian, but also I do caricatures on the border. Make a, get a scale. Yeah.

Add to your abilities. That's what I say. You know, look, you obviously like fashion. Look at you. And your fashion to me is saying genie from Aladdin. Yeah.

And you're allowed to do that. That's a new fashion for you. You're shaped just like him. I wish I had the balls to wear a do-rag. You can. They seem so comfortable. You absolutely can, Eddie. No, I can't. Why not? It's not. It won't go over well. But it looks... Who are you showing besides me? What are you talking about? I hit the streets. Oh, yeah. Keep that sweat in. What are you talking about?

do-rag, I feel like it's just a bandana. If you have a bandana, the problem with white dudes in bandanas is that, like, bandanas are slippery, but they are, I don't like bandanas on my head. No, no, do-rag's slippery. Bandana, I'm cool with. Do-rag slips? Yes. Damn. I thought that was why a do-rag was good, is because it stayed in place. No. I mean, it's slippery, like the touch of it. That's what I like about it. Yes. Oh, you like that. Yeah, like the silky nature.

I like to do the bandana where it just goes across my head. I wear it on the show sometimes. Yeah, I like it. That's okay. I feel like a bandana's fine as long as you wear it as a sweatband and doesn't cover your whole head. Once you cover the whole head, that's gang territory. You're sending a message. I ain't Jesse Ventura. I can't back it up. No, you're not. And I'm glad you don't fight people, Eddie. Thank God.

You could kill somebody with your bare hands if you wanted to. A smaller person, maybe, but I get out of breath pretty fast. Hey, but that's where you got to get them close. That's what my job is. That's my job. I'll tell you one person. I heard of him close to you. I would like to fucking get my hands on. And that's that PP Bandit. Oh,

Oh, yeah. Peep the Bandit is out on the loose. We've covered a lot of different liquids here on Side Stories. And, yes, we have covered poo-poo. We have covered cum. We've had people sucking on toes. We've had people dropping off soup in a diabolical fashion. Our buddy Drew's whole home has been destroyed by the hurricane. I hope he's doing well. But the Peep the Bandit out of beautiful Pasadena. Yes.

It's got to happen there. The Rose Bowl sells too much like flowers. Now, they can't seem to get their hands on this guy, which is kind of crazy because there's been a full-on citizen's attempt to catch this guy. The police just aren't going to sit there and wait for it. Because, whatever, man. So basically, for six years... Six years. For six years, somebody has been putting...

Bottles filled with piss on an electrical box in Pasadena. And it's one electrical box. Well, there was a different one, but he moved to this one. And he likes this one because there's a wall behind it. And he seems to come over from behind the wall and plop.

And the other side of the wall is the fucking highway. That's so interesting. Now, apparently, these two guys, Derek Milton and Grant Yansera, they wanted to become, they really wanted to figure out what was going on. They blew this shit up. They blew it all up. And we wouldn't even know if it wasn't for them. We wouldn't be able to steal their content if it wasn't for them. These guys actually, I'm very impressed by, I watched their whole TikTok story. No, they did a really good job. It's at underscore Derek Milton. And they...

show that what i love is them talking about the status of the piss about how like you can kind of see that the pee also goes like one jar of it or one bottle of it will be like like a real like like fucked up dehydrated piss but then another one will be like oh he's drinking water and then another one will be like concerningly brown yeah well he could be on that uh b2 yeah

Yeah. You know, my pee-pee's gone straight yellow ever since I've been on that B2. You think that he's insured? Insured? The piss bandit? Yes. Absolutely. And one of the ways that they decided... I bet he's gainfully employed. He might be. I don't think this is like, you know, he has to have some ingenuity.

Did he actually write the words urine, human urine, on these bottles as well? He also wrote HIV positive on one of them. That's not good. Yeah, and he wrote AIDS piss, I think, on one of them. Oh, AIDS piss. Now, they say they believe he just might be- Which I think is fine. Well, they believe he might be an artist.

Well, that's what they said. There's no other real explanation to why you're doing this if it isn't just like an art installation. You just might be mad at Pasadena. One thing, but what I do find is interesting, so far twice what they have tried to do was put a pyramid of steel on top of, which is also hilarious. They could not find the guy. They couldn't figure out how to find the guy. So instead- They got his face. But it's just so funny that they just, they're like, but if we get rid of the surface at the top of the box,

How is she going to put pee there? And so what they did was put a pyramid on top of the box. The city did. The city did. Not these guys. And he's broken two of them. Yeah. He's had two pyramids, two pee-pee repellent pyramids were put on top of this one box. That's what they put on top of gates so you don't sit on them and stuff like that. And they legitimately, he broke them with a hammer or something. Yeah, no, he got in there good. He smashed the shit out of them. But I'm not...

I love this. That's why it must mean something because then why not just put him next to it? Why not just put it on the ground next to it? Why not do it? Because he's obviously, he can't reach the ground. But then how does he not, how did he mash the thing off the top if he's not coming from the other side? Well, we know he always has a knife on him. Is it just one guy? I think it's one guy or at least since these guys started reporting on it, it's been one guy. That's fascinating.

Yeah, I know. And he goes and he feels. The thing is, he has so much pee. Wow, it's like really artistically presented, too, where the soda labels from the piss cans are taken off. And that is what they're using as the labels. And each one of the labels he has says urine, urine, human urine. There's ocean spray stickers all over the thing. Yeah, wow, that's really bad advertising for them. And he's wearing a mask. Strangely about the guy.

He is in better shape than I would think he would be. Of course he is. He's jumping all over highways and throwing piss in places. I don't know why I thought that this might be a fat dude crime. I'm pretty sure he's a surfer.

you think he's a surfer? Yeah, because at some point they set up these trail cameras. Yeah. Because that's what these guys are doing. They're trying to catch him. And he seems to have... Well, they stopped. They quit the investigation. Probably because they were literally getting in the way of the police. At some level, this is public vandalism. I don't think the police cared that much. No. Because obviously if they cared, they would stake out the spot and catch the guy. Well, they don't really care. Exactly. Because it's like, in the end, it's like, yeah, it's public vandalism, but it's not like, I don't know what the crime you'd necessarily call it. It

It is public vandalism. Yeah. If you're not filling up the bottle in public, then it's not like, you know, indecent exposure. If you're pissing into a bottle at home. But here's why I think he's a surfer. All right. Because they had two trail cameras. One of them had a GPS locator on it and he stole it. And they were just waiting for him to turn it back on until they can get the GPS location on it. But when he turned it on, he quickly took a picture of the

beach and then it turned back off before they could get he's playing games yeah and then they did it again and it was another picture of the beach but this time down in San Diego no he's playing games and so yeah yeah so I think he's a surfer see I feel like this is them this is like the opposite what's the opposite of a surfer what's the opposite of somebody who deals with the ocean it could be a UPS driver or a butcher he puts the P in UPS

You pees. Yes. You pees. But you're peeing in the bottles all day long. You're driving around. You're like, oh, I'm going to go stop by my spot, drop off my bottles. Well, yeah, because especially now that I have a spot and now that they're paying attention to me, I'm having fun engaging with these detectives. Much like how Batman created the Joker. You love the new Joker. I don't want to talk about it.

We're going to talk about it next week. We're going to do a movie update next week. Let's just say our time was wasted. Yes. Well, I mean, I think I liked it more than you did. Yes, you did. I did, yeah, because you were visibly angry the entire movie. Well, we'll get into it next week. We'll talk more about it because we're going to give you guys another week to be...

Disappointed by the film before we talk about it. Yes. Yeah, yeah. But back to also the pee-pee guy, he drops off the piss in between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. every time. So he does it in the middle of the night. Unless he's working nights. Unless he's working nights. He could be getting off work. I wonder if he's like a Banksy.

Well, that's what they said originally. They called him. They were trying to. P-Ski. Oh, yeah. P-Ski. But they were trying to, like, tell him, like, give him some flattery to get him. And they're like, you told him they left a little board for him, like, with a questionnaire over by where he dropped off the P. And they're like, they're like, you're like, you know, we appreciate your art. You know, you're like Banksy, you know. So they're trying to reverse psychology.

They tried, but he wouldn't answer. No, of course not, because he can see right through that. He's playing fucking 5D chess. Yeah, and then they put up a better camera that they could actually talk to him through, and then they saw him doing it in the moment, and they're like, hey, why are you doing this? And then he climbed the tree and he stole that camera too. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, he's loving this. He is loving this. But he's also stopped doing it.

Well, we don't know because those guys stopped covering it. But apparently they're saying, according to neighbors, according to TMZ, which is actually one of the more accurate news sources in the fucking country for some reason. It really is. They say that they talked to all the neighbors and they say that they haven't seen PP in a while. So I think that maybe it's getting too hot for him. I think that the heat is starting to build up. I think he liked it as a low key. What about the filmmakers? Are they a suspect? Always. Always.

Right? Yeah. I mean, this really did a lot for them. I mean, no. What are you talking about? They have millions and millions of views on TikTok. They got a lot of money off of this. I guess they could. I guess they monetized it, didn't they? Yeah. Who benefits? They do.

They're the only ones that benefit. And the only thing that would possibly clear their name is if they came on this show. Yes. I think that's the only way. So at Derek Milton underscore Derek Milton, I think that the only way for you to clear your own good name, because as far as I'm concerned right now, you are the PP Bandit. So I know that might be. I think there's a reasonable doubt. I'm not accusing you of that. Yeah, it's not like you shot a judge. I don't know. I don't know what you've done.

But I know that if you are the pee-pee bandit, this is the place for you to talk. And we all want to know what your message is. And is it just because, is it just drink water? Yeah. I mean, obviously it is because there's a lot of brown pee-pee. And that's the thing I'm most concerned about. It does. Like while it sits in the sun? I think it can cook. Yeah, I think it might change color. You know, because my goal is, I try to get my pee to clear.

You try to get it too clear? Yeah. See, I like getting it yellow, but I'm on the B2, so I cheat. What do you mean you try to get it yellow? I like getting it yellow. I like seeing my pee-pee. But that means you're dehydrated. Well, no. If I got the B2, I'm not dehydrated. But you're cheating. It's not the B2.

I told you I was cheating. Yeah, no, I only get three really yellow peas and then it goes clear. But I don't think you can eat that many things that can make your urine go that much more yellow other than B2. No, no, B2. I don't think there's other ways to spike that. I don't think there's other ways to get your pee yellow. It's a little game that I play with myself every day. And that's all life is. Yeah. Honestly, I'm learning that from Gritterjeef. Yes, urine can change color when exposed to sunlight over time. Wow. Yeah, and it does become darker. Great. Great.

That actually is interesting in a way, because then maybe he is leaving these bottles out somewhere else before he drops them off. I mean, I've seen piss bottles all over this town, but these are neatly organized. Yeah, they're all under his desk. Yeah, they're not like loosey-goosey underneath the bench or something. No, and that's a person who's too busy to go to the bathroom. Yeah. Or too inebriated. Also, I never understood why people pee in bottles instead of just peeing in the street.

Yeah, I've never I never understood either. I think it's because you can do it surreptitiously. Is it really that bad? I think it's easier to piss in the bottle inside of a car and then because then you can get arrested for public urination if they see you. So probably you peeing inside of the car into the bottle is a way for you to keep it private. I guess so. That's what I would do. You would. If I'm spreading my urine via bottle. Do you think it's bad for humans to pee outside?

No, I think it's fine, right? Well, I think in the city it can be gross. I would prefer you to do it in the... I prefer you to go to the bathroom. Yes. That's my first preference, is for all of society to use the bathroom. Do you pee outside at your own home? I try not to, no. Have you done it? Yeah, when I've been obliterated, hammered, yeah. That's different.

That's my house. Yeah. I could piss on anything I want in that house. I'm scared to pee out back of my house. Why? My neighbor's got a bunch of kids. They're not coming over the fence and playing in your soil. No, but there's like a window you can see in my backyard. Yeah, just don't do it when they're out there. Of course. Well, I mean, I don't know if they're looking through the window. How are you peeing? Are you just standing in your back door with your arms akimbo? You just standing there with your hands on your hips just peeing like you're fucking Mufasa? I would love that.

That's what I want, but I'm too scared to do it is what I'm saying. Just do it at night. Just do it at night. I don't know. For now, we're keeping it in the toilet just in case my neighbor's listening. Wait till Julie leaves town. Then let her rip. My neighbor asked me what podcast I do, and I told him I'm so worried. No, cool. No, it's good. No, definitely, definitely. I love that they know. They'll love this conversation. Ha ha!

He ain't making it to this. Yeah, yeah. I don't think he will. No, I think that the beginning will just turn him off and he'll be like, I'm just glad that you're a professional at something. This next story is

It's extremely convoluted. Okay. But I love this twisty, turny, true crime story. Oh, yes. There's a lot going on here. You have to explain this. Okay, so this is, first of all, I love law and crime, but they really do need to get somebody to look at these articles. We need some human eyeballs in some of this. Yeah, David Harris wrote this article. I think that David Harris watched a calculator write this. Yeah, it looks like AI. And it's extremely difficult to read.

So just know that. Maybe you want to keep an eye out for maybe letting humans do some of the work. Now, this story comes out of Chicago.

It's a bit convoluted, so just follow along with me. Or Romeoville. Romeoville. Yeah, it's in Illinois. It would be considered Chicagoland. Okay. Right? So a murder took place, and this is September of 2023. An entire family was annihilated. Alberto Rolón, his wife, Zoraida Bartolome, and their two sons, Adrian,

Adriel Diego, including all of their dogs. Three dogs were all killed. It was a mystery and no one knew what happened until they dug in and finally all of the files have been released on this story so now we know what went down. It's fucked. So, the wife of the family, Zoraida Bartolomei,

was having a bit of an affair with a young, not-so-bright man by the name of Nathaniel Huey Jr.,

Now, Nathaniel Huey Jr., unfortunately, was also cheating on his incredible fiancée, Irma Linda Palomo. And she's a little bit older. She's 50. He's 32. But, you know, there's nothing wrong with that. We all like a MILF. MILFs are better because they're more educated at relationships and love, you know.

But it seemed there wasn't enough for Nathaniel because he found this young mother of three, mother of also three dogs, and he decided he wanted to put his penis inside of her and he seduced her. But guess what led to? Guess what, Eddie? What happened? Nothing but trouble. Because Irma Linda Palomo found out that Nathaniel was stepping out.

And she hatched a plan that was one of the longest, most convoluted, stupid things I've ever seen that somehow worked only because Nathaniel Huey Jr. is unfortunately a moron. Irma Linda created a fake world.

Of different social media accounts, burner phones, burner accounts on the, I think it was like Whisper and these other fake text, like text accounts that would burn out slowly over an entire year convincing Nathaniel Huey Jr. that his side piece, the mother of this family, this lovely lady, Zoraida Bartolome, was a member of a Mexican cartel and was going to eventually kill him.

And so he had to go and kill this family first. Now, I don't know. Why the dogs? I have no idea. This is where some of these little details that are not there yet. But she managed somehow using different personas, like different pictures, different phone numbers. She somehow got him to believe that she was the sleeper cell.

For a Mexican cartel. Now, I don't know if it's just because her, like, mole was real good. And she's going to be like, Americans don't make this. Well, I don't think the cartels are good at mole. You don't think so? I think the people who actually run the restaurants are good at mole. You actually don't think. I mean this seriously, that the cartels don't have good cooks. I don't think they do.

I don't think they give a fuck. Side stories, LPOTL. I think they've kidnapped people or they know where the good restaurants are. This is Henry Zebrowski saying, I think that the cartels would be good at food. I don't think that the cartels can cook worth a goddamn. Henry Zebrowski thinks that the cartels have some of the finest cuisine choices I've ever seen. Oh yeah, you like that?

You like their fucking five ingredients? I love Mexican food. I like Mexican food too, but I don't trust in the cartels to cook it. I feel like they've got to keep them well fed. Well, first of all, they're fucking human meats everywhere.

Because they're just killing people left and right. I feel like, yeah, I mean, sometimes probably gets lost in the shuffle, but I found apparently human meat tastes sweet and delicious like the finest Berkshire pork. They recruit like 12-year-olds. None of these people are learning how to cook. Yeah, but sometimes the abuelas that they use to be mules. The abuelas are not in the cartels. What do you mean? They're not in it. But they're cooking every once in a while. They're cooking, yes. We're way off topic here. I'm just saying, yes, we're way off topic here. See, and I feel like Mexican cartels are targeting tortillas. What does that even mean?

Like, shutting them down or incorporating them? I mean, yeah. Hiding a little cocaine tortilla. Well, any case. Any case. This whole thing is crazy. Because we don't really know why they wanted to kill every single... Like, because it's really fucked up. The entire family was murdered point-blank range by a gun. Each and the kids and the dogs were all shot to death in point-blank range. And it's...

Execution style. Yeah. And this guy, Nate Huey Jr., he was a former security guy. He's like one of those guys you could tell definitely...

imagined he was a police officer because he had the fake security badge on. I think he took that to heart in a way, kind of like the Seth Rogen film Observe and Report. And I think that this woman played upon that. She played this man in a way that I don't really get, besides honestly him being an almost medical level stupid person. But

We're never going to find out, though. Well, because we're never going to find out because did you hear how this ended? He killed himself. So the story ends. So all of this goes. This is now the last couple of days. Like, this is now kind of came out of the last year. They found out that the investigation was happening. You can watch all of the body cam footage of the cops talking to them. Cops talking to people that have arranged. That's another one of my subset of one of my favorite, like, body cam things. It's talking to people.

You ever seen the one? There was a great one. I forgot what her name was. You would subscribe to a body cam streaming service. Most of them. Oh, you already do. Oh, I didn't know there existed. Well, on YouTube, you subscribe to channels. Oh, okay. And so what you do is like, there was one that I saw that it was a woman had plotted her husband's death and they went, I love this type of shit because like, it's a little bit like bored cop syndrome, but still I'll take it where they went and

They faked being the hitman. Like, you know, told this woman. Then, she was like, got it. Went through the whole process. Like, how you want it done? I want it like this. I want it done blah, blah, blah. Just like this. Then...

took the husband ahead of time when they're working with the husband that's supposed to be getting killed, had him pose dead in these, they'd like blood come out of the back of his head. They had him pose and all this fake shit. It's awesome. Showed her that she got the pictures. It's very, you know, like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And then cut to the interrogation when she's like, I don't know what I'm here for. I'm looking for my husband and what's going to do. And they're like, we have something's going to shock you right now. And then they go in the other room, bring in the husband and,

and say, sorry, you're getting arrested for trying to kill this man. And you see the cops all like high-fiving each other and shit. Oh yeah. And they're like, she's losing her fucking mind, you know? And it's, it was great, but that's like some of my favorite body cam footage. So watching them talk to these people, like, cause it's,

Because the dude, the dude's like racked up because he's just like, I had to do what I had to do. I had to do what I had to do. And then cut to like the lady and she's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Meanwhile, like she's essentially like, you remember the movie The Jackal? She's got like nine phones. Like you find all of this shit on her. She is cosplay.

playing being the jackal without being, and she just did it like she was playing D&D. Also, two phones I find suspicious. Well, two phones, you could have a work phone and another phone, but it does seem suspicious to me. Three phones, you're doing something. You know what it is, is that it's not the three phones. I don't even have a problem with three phones. Really? It's more just about when did you get them?

You know like if if one day if you're like my buddy who mostly plays like video games all day or something then one day you show up and you got three phones and you're driving a Lexus there's something going on here. Or like if your wife if Julie came home and you found out she had like a secret second and third phone that's bad right because you don't know what that is right? That sounds like she might be sneaking around because she just got the phone but

if Julie was maximizing her Brazilian butt lift company. Yes. That's when she would need that second phone. Yeah, for her illegal Brazilian butt lift company. Who said illegal? They just need it for the butts. Why do you need a second phone? Redline. It's not illegal. Redline. Oh, just kidding. I need it now. Oh, yes. Come get me now. Bumble.

Get this flat off of me. I need it bubbly. I need to meet Puff Daddy so he can think I'm as sexy as that big butted Reginald Val Johnson. Can't even think of not having that. Yes. Now, these guys are... So at the very end, they are interrogated and... But...

At the very end, they got pulled over by the police officers. They fled. They left town. They skipped town. They got pulled over by the police officers. They fled. The car crashed. The car burst into flames on the highway. While they're sitting there in their burning car, Nate Huey Jr. shoots Palomo in the head and then shoots himself. And so everybody's gone and no justice is served. So...

You know, that's interesting. So there's no one, there's no way to even deal with this crime. No, it's over. Over and done. Story is completed. Wow. Yep. Entire family gone. Entire family gone. Two other guys gone. Two other guys gone. It's almost like no one was ever there. Damn. That fucked up. That is extremely fucked up. And it's just, I get it. You know, in a way, you know, everybody gets sick of their, everybody gets sick of something.

You just can't do that. You just can't do that. No, no, it's just like the idea of going from cheating to shooting four people in the head execution style and two of them children and four of them being dogs or whatever. Like,

That obviously for me means that was locked and loaded already. Yeah. This man was waiting to, you know, again, I'm speaking ill of the dead, but it does seem that if you jump to killing four people in this way, you've been thinking about doing something like this for a while and you were looking for the reason to. This woman activated this hero complex inside of you where you decided to go full on John Wick style.

on an unsuspecting family. But there's children. Yes. You know, you killed two children and three dogs. I'm not saying he's like, what was it, the white death. You ever hear that story about the guy who killed 500, like the sniper from Norway? Oh, yeah. He's called the white death. God, no, I haven't heard about this. Oh, so

Yeah, killed 500 people? This guy is fucking awesome. This guy, dude. Seymour Hayah. Finnish. He's from Finland. Wow. He killed 500 plus dudes with his snow rifle because he knew how to hide in the snow. He knew how to hide his breath. He didn't know how to hide that well if he got half his face blown off. Nah, dude. That man motherfuckers are real. That's a real dude. That's what that Bradley Cooper movie should have been about is that guy, except I don't want Bradley Cooper doing the accent.

No, God, don't give him any more accents. No more fucking noses. Cut him off. Can we just put him and Lady Gaga on ice? I think Lady Gaga was the best part of that fucking abortion. And the rest of it, it was like, but she needs a break. Everybody needs it. They all need to just go and take a sit. It'd be cool if she made music again. She did. Love her music. She did make music again. Not really, though. It's not good. It's not real music. But it's fine. It's fine. We'll save it.

But yeah, this story is cockamamie and just, you know, again, communicate with your partner. And my main thing is get divorced. We got to take the stigma off divorce. I know it's horrible. Yeah. Being divorced, it's horrible. It's awful. But everyone does it. But then guess what doesn't happen? It's extremely popular. Yes, but guess what doesn't happen then? What? Everybody doesn't be dead. Yes. Yeah. But you know, those lawyer fees.

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Lisa Marie Presley. Can we talk about her for two seconds? This is another one where it's like one of those stories where this is technically our wheelhouse because it's a dead body. Yeah. And it's also very sad and weird. It is sad, for sure. But it's so bizarre that I really wanted to bring it up. Her autobiography, her memoir came out posthumously. Is that how you say that? Posthumously.

that posthumously? Honestly, I don't know. Good. Well, you guys know what I'm talking about. It's called From Here to the Great Unknown. And it was also like co-written with Riley Kehoe, which I believe is her. It's Elvis's granddaughter. Yeah. So her daughter. And so basically her son at 27, unfortunately committed suicide and

And she kept him on ice for two months. See, as long as... So she can go talk to him and hang out with him. She was mentally... You know, grief is a strange emotion and makes people do strange things. I will say, I think that it's okay as long as it was only the sun in there. Yeah. You know what I mean? Where...

If it's the sun and ice in a freezer, that's like a tomb. As long as she doesn't stick ice cream on top of them. Oh, yeah. I think that's when it gets weird. Well, yeah, if she was like trying to feed him and shit. No, I mean just like...

Well, they did stuff with him. All right. So there is no law in the state of California that you have to bury someone immediately, she wrote. Yeah. That's always a great way to begin your validation and your defense of yourself. There isn't a law yet. There's no law.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It says she found a very empathetic funeral homeowner who told her that having my dad in the house after he died was incredibly helpful because I can go and spend time with him and talk to him. This was Elvis she's talking about. Who is she fucking talking to? These morbid ass fucking... Don't listen to her. I mean, Lisa Marie Presley comes in, you're a funeral director, you're not going to give her special treatment? Well, what I would be doing is you've got to do the big upsell. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, she said, oh, well, you'll definitely want the pink Cadillac casket. Well, I'm sure they charged her a lot. Yeah, for the advice. To be like, have you thought about putting him on ice? Yes, they used dry ice to keep him going. And they even had a tattoo artist come in and then replicate his tattoo onto her.

Which was fucking weird. Sorry. That is, I mean, now we're getting into weirder and weirder territory. It's the idea of like, but we also forget, Eddie, I forget that people are really close with their parents. Yes. Where I'm just, I am close with my parents, but not like...

We sleep in the same bed and stuff like that. And I don't even mean sex. I mean, people do that with their parents. And that's weird to me. Yeah. And also, the other thing that's in the memoir, which is they eventually buried him. And he's buried down in Graceland and all that stuff, where she is also. Great.

But the other thing in the memoir that was very interesting is if you remember, she was married to Michael Jackson for a little time. Oh, yes. And they got married in 94 when she was 25 and he was 35. And then he told her that he was still a virgin.

when they got married. And she said that he had kissed Tatum O'Neal. Okay, yeah, that's a good kiss. That's a good kiss. Paper Moon. Oh, yeah. How old was she, though? I mean, I imagine she was at least 18. And also, he had Brooke Shields. They were together for a little bit, but done nothing but kiss. And he also said that Madonna tried to hook up with him once, but nothing happens.

Uh,

And that's what we were talking about right before the show. It's like, that's the big thing. At first I was like, how do you turn down Madonna? But it's like, if you go from Virgin at 35 to Madonna, your dick's going to fall off. No, you don't know what's going to happen. It's too much. She's going to fucking rip you to shreds. It's just too much. I know she has the song Like a Virgin. She's not. Yeah. But it's not even about that. It's just most like, that's probably one of the more advanced sexual experiences you're going to have. Yeah. And I feel like it'd be strange. I feel like in a way, though, I think that Madonna would probably...

feel pity almost for Michael Jackson in a way. I think she was just looking for it. I mean, he was very attractive. I mean, he's extremely talented. Yeah, extremely talented. Great voice. Yeah. And then, you know, great taste in animals. He was a fun guy. A fun guy. Do you believe that he was a virgin at 35? Cute guy. I'm about to ask maybe an inappropriate question. Okay. Was he just jerking off at a child's butthole count? No.

Then he's a virgin. But also, I don't think he was doing any of that at this point. I'm going to look it up. When he was 94? Yeah, that's about the time when he started doing it, isn't it? If he was married to her. Again, molesting children. Yeah, yeah. Put that into Google for us. Here we go. I'm not saying how. I'm saying when. I think it was after. 1993. Okay, so after the Bad album. Oh, yeah, it's a year before they got married. So he used her as a beard in a way. Yes. Oh.

Well, I'm glad she got some extra time with her son. Grief is weird, man. Grief is weird and you really got to be careful. You got to just make sure you tell your ex-husbands, hit our trauma molesters, that you love them. Yeah. Because you never know when you're going to lose them and you don't know what you got.

Can it go? Wow. All right. We got, oh, I forgot. Rob's favorite story. Mutant sheep. Rob's favorite story because it's my, I love this story too. And we promised we were going to bring this up. Yeah. This story is, and this is one of those where it's like a four, it's like a four paragraph article that is way more like what than you think. Right. So this comes from the Daily Montanan. Which is, is that a word?

Who knows? I mean, that's what they call themselves. You know, get a little more creative. There's literally 250 natural people from Montana and everybody else is just billionaires that have gone in there to wait out the flood zones. Less than one person per mile in Montana. Oh, yes. And that's where billionaires call home. Now, there's a guy from Vaughan, Montana. Now, he violated what's called the Lacey Act. What?

by cloning and trafficking a large species of an Asian sheep and selling hybrid offspring DNA. Now, what I did not know was this was an entire industry. This man, Arthur Jack Shoebarth, he's 81. Old as fuck doing this. He's been doing it for a long time. He's been doing it for a long time. He was about, I guess he was only a quarter of what he could have been sentenced, so he was going there. I think he's going for six months. He's going to be six months. But the main thing is, so apparently what he did was...

was that he took this rare form of giant sheep and using DNA testing and breeding, they created these giant, what they call like super sheep. Yeah. Large hybrid sheep that apparently people go and pay money

To go hunt these giant, ancient-looking animals. Yeah. For sport. That aren't real animals. No, they make them huge, which also probably, honestly, I bet you it does affect their brains. This is hunting for like shitheads like Eric Trump and these people that go, like the guys from Jimmy John's. Yeah. That go and just shoot an animal tied to a post.

Ostensibly. They grabbed the world's largest sheep, the Marco Polo Argali sheep. And he changed it to, and he called it the Montana Mountain King. He used the animal's semen to artificially inseminate several other species of sheep that are illegal to Montana to create hybrids, hoping to sell large sheep to captives.

hunting facilities across the U.S. And he did. And he did. He did it for a long time. And according to him, he just said, and I love this, this is his quote from him, "...my biggest fault is I become extremely passionate in any project I take on. This is what happened with my sheep project. I got my normal mindset clouded by my enthusiasm and looked for any gray area in the law to make the best sheep I could for this sheep industry."

I'm very sorry for my actions and deeply ashamed. And I'm sorry I've caused my family pain and a loss of money. My family has never been broke, but we are now. Now, let me find. Good. But the main issue. I don't think they're broke, by the way. I think they're fine. I think they're fine because they were fined a total of $24,200. Yeah, they're fine. They're not broke. If you're selling all these mutant sheep all over the country. But the key.

But the key, the reason, the sleeper part of this story is the fact that they have, on the whole, created a novel sheep. They've created a new animal that is then being allowed to run amok amongst other animals that are not the same. Yeah, that's fucking them and making new ones. We have no idea what this thing's going to lead to. And what we're looking at is the homemade fiddling with nature that...

could lead to massive repercussions that we don't particularly understand. Kind of the reason why, like, they've been talking about how, like, the number one most dangerous animal to humans is a mosquito, right? Yes. That is the number one. It destroys populations across the world. And we're not quite really even certain the purpose of mosquitoes, besides being a part of some diets of animals. Yeah, bird food. Yes. But for a long time, we've had this, we've figured out a way. There is a way. Right.

To destroy every single mosquito. Like, we can sterilize the mosquitoes and we can be mosquito-free as a fucking planet. I got like six bites on me right now. Yeah, I know. I fucking hate them. But the reason why they won't is because they legitimately have these big mystery, big giant question marks. Something will happen. If we eliminate all the mosquitoes, something bad will happen. It's just...

It's just definitely something we had no plan for will happen. I can't tell you what it's going to be, but it's going to definitely not be in the plan book, which means we can't prepare for it and we don't know what it... There's too many of them. We just don't know. We don't end up wiping out another species if you try and do that. I don't know if you have even more of an explanation at sidestorieslpotl.gmail.com. Yeah, why do we need mosquitoes? Because I am tempted to kill them. We hate them and they give us disease and they're really, really bad for us, but

and they're getting more and more. The more and more we have water, every different place, we're about to have it more. You know, more of the United States of America is going to be covered in water in the next 10 years. And those mosquitoes are going to breed faster and bigger, and they're going to get bigger and worse and worse. And we wonder, maybe we will get to a point where we must eradicate them. Maybe we should kill them. But he sent

these Montana Mountain King sheep to 11 different states and then they had to go find all of them and euthanize them and then make everyone eat the meat. Yeah, they have to eat the meat. They can't give the meat to other people. But they have to find all its offspring too. Yeah. He kept saying like, oh, we definitely tried to track. We tracked when it made a baby. Just being like,

Oh, so you guys are home baking sheep and you're trying to tell me, but we got to rely on what it's doing after we release it into this herd of other sheep. Yeah, no, absolutely not. There's definitely some of these things running around. We just don't know what these things are going to be. Now, I do like the idea of hunting clones.

I mean, human clones. Yes. Nothing would make me sort of like... You think that should be allowed? You know what could really... I honestly weirdly think it would be... What is the punishment? It would be therapeutic for me to kill a clone of me. How would you do it? Shoot me in the head. Yeah, you go out in the woods. Whoa, that's a way of growing as a person. Think about this. Killing that version of yourself. You get a version of you, right? You get them out there and...

You know, maybe you have to figure out a way to make them, give them a lobotomy or something.

And what you do is you put them out in the woods, and then you've got to track yourself down. Yeah. And kill that version of you. Yeah, I'd probably just put out some cheesesteaks. Oh, yeah. I'd leave out a pile of money and weed. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like in Looper. That's right. That is Looper. But he's not a clone. He's not a clone. It's himself. It's himself. He's killing himself. He is killing himself. He's killing himself. Yeah. See, I would kill my clone. Yes. You've got to leave the money out, and you've got to leave some... That's for me. Money, weed...

Fucking naked woman on a tie to a stick like fucking with the Tyrannosaurus Rex. What are the chances that there's a human clone somewhere in the world? I think that it's very high. Yeah? Yeah. They can. I know, yeah, because they've done it with sheep. They've done it with dogs. Well, Princess Diana was a clone. That's why they killed her. Oh, where's the original? Oh, right now? Landmines? She's actually...

She is everyone's favorite, Jennifer Lawrence. Oh, she went back in age? Yep. They redone her. Oh, they redone her? Yeah. That's great. They refixed her. Made her better. Made her back to being what she was. Yep. So you'd shoot yourself in the head? Yeah. If you had your clone? Yeah. You wouldn't hang out with your clone? I mean, I'm great. Well, it probably is not going to be as funny as you. My problem is I want to make him work. He's probably depressed. I want him to work. You think so? And then I sit back.

Because I'm the fucking main come. Now we're getting into multiplicity territory. That's what I'd want. Yeah. But I know that's probably you can't control the clone necessarily because it has free will. I don't think it would have your personality. Well, that's what they said. That's what Barbara Streisand actually sort of revealed about clones was that she's had three different clones of her dogs. And she says they all look identical, but they are definitely different dogs. Yeah. They have different mindsets. So why did she keep making them?

Money's got to go somewhere. I guess so. But she's got a lot of money. There's so many dogs at the pound. If you already own your house, think about me. Yeah. Right? You know? Think about what I put in. Would you clone Wendy? I've already asked you. Natalie said no. Really? She doesn't want to defy Gaia. The leader of Captain Planet? Yes. That's the main god.

All right. Let's get to some listener emails. It's a listener email time. Are you ready for listener email time? You didn't ask me if I would kill my clone. Would you kill your clone? I'd eat him.

See, my thing is, what I am afraid of with cannibalism is prion disease. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say you would like it. No. What's prion disease? Something you can get from if you happen to eat some form of brain matter of an animal that has this prion disease. And a prion is a badly folding protein in your brain. It makes you go insane, and then you basically commit suicide. Well, you eat the ass. You don't eat the brain.

I don't know. I think prion's coming anywhere. Cannibalism's not too safe, Eddie. Okay. So this first one I want to do. It's the goat man. Goat man! I live in southeast Wisconsin by the historic Holy Hill and the storied Hogsback Road. Through the years, there's been endless stories of ghosts, hauntings, Bigfoots, and the goat man around here. I'm a believer in all of these, but more so believing that there's more to life than what we see.

I love to cruise the back roads and forested stretches to populate my area, jokingly telling everyone that one day I'll see something. And over the years, I've seen plenty of deer, raccoons, possums, coyotes, dogs. We know! Cats. Okay! And the occasional person. Mostly I explore these roads in search of owls in the nighttime hours as an avid birder. Tonight was no different.

I traveled by usual route along Emerald Drive past the low lake state forest. Maybe the best guy's a birder and he can't need somewhere to put his pee pee. And he just maybe is a real pretty bird right there that he loves. And he has to pee in the bottle and he puts it there just because he's got to put it there. I wouldn't put past a birder. If you're a birder, let us know if you pee in bottles. Side stories, LPOTL, GMO.com if you could.

Now, I parked my car at the top of the hill. I went down to Hogsback Road, which is famously the home of the Goatman. Not the Hogman. No. No, no, that's you. Just who owns the house. He's on Goatsman Road. This is very difficult. I continued driving east, and ahead of my car's headlights, something flew in front of me. I slammed on my brakes and couldn't comprehend what I witnessed. It was the opposite of light. It wasn't black. It was darker. More like negative light.

void of any details you'd expect to see and fur from an animal or reflection. I couldn't determine the size of it, but the shadow was the size of a large dog, although it moved across the road so quickly that it was unlike any animal I've ever seen. Additionally, the reason that I say it flew is because its two eyes glowed brightly in my headlights but never waved or bounced. I was mentally blank from what I had just seen, and it took me a bit to let off my brakes and pull ahead to where it crossed the road.

I turned on my headlamp and was shining into the trees and bushes it had gone into, but I didn't see anything. I didn't spend more than a minute looking for whatever it was before I uncomfortably moved on. I'm still genuinely freaked out and uncertain of what I saw, even though I know I saw something. I want to believe it was just a dog or a play of my mind. But on a road historically known for cryptids, it's definitely unnerving. I've cruised Hogsback Road and the adjacent roads hundreds of times over the years, and I've never experienced anything like this before.

You know, Hogsback Road's what they call Carlos Winslow's butt. This is, I can't believe that we're still attacking this man. One of the best actors of the TGIF family. Literally the backbone of my household. Now, when they say it flew, you know, you've seen, have you ever seen the goats, like, instead, they don't really run, but they, like, jump, and they, like, soar. So maybe that's what he saw. I guess. We'll find out. We'll never know. Now, this is about self-cannibalism.

It's known as auto-cannibalism and auto-sarcophagy. Okay. The self-cannibal feelings randomly appeared several years ago with the urges to eat my hand. These feelings shift from wanting to chew my flesh to tearing it out. I have no desire to consume my body parts, but rather an intense focus on tearing and chewing. Okay. To help curb these feelings, I will eat a meaty sandwich, a munch on a chewy candy. I've mostly taken to eating soft doughnuts.

It doesn't always work. I've only gone as far as chewing on my finger to help say the feeling. No, it doesn't always work. Hold on. You want a chewy meat, and so you pick a soft donut? I don't know. That doesn't make any sense. I feel like they're just, they're really searching for what to chew on. A bagel would be better. I honestly feel like they need, like, a belt. Yeah. You just chew on a belt. Or jerky. Jerky. Yeah. Much better.

My therapist classifies self-cannibalism as a form of OCD. I have generalized anxiety disorder, and the more anxious I feel, the more I want to chew on myself. It can get so intense that it wouldn't matter if I disfigured my body. I'll do whatever it takes to make the feeling stop. Thankfully, I haven't gone as far as doing that, but I fear the mental disorder getting worse or passing it on to future children. My family isn't aware of this, nor am I aware of anyone else possessing this.

I won't ever tell my family because even admitting it to myself makes me feel like I'm crazy and making it up. I've admitted to a few close friends what I'm going through and they're able to help me breathe through the intensity of it. We got your email address. No, now we're here. We're telling everybody. Not much is known about self-cannibalism, nor does it recognize by the DSM-5. I do periodically eat my scabs.

I've been clinically depressed more than 10 years. In August of 2023, I had a mental breakdown and was forced to focus on my medication on calming the debilitating anxiety. Thoughts of ripping out my flesh were constant and I had to get fidget toys and learn CBT techniques to help keep me calm. Wow, fidget spinners kept me from eating your hands.

During the healing process, I didn't... He kept knocking on his teeth. I'd intend to pick all the scabs regardless of pain. I have scars in the back of my hands, wrists, and arms because of this. I've since discovered that if I get acrylic nails with round edges, it prevents me from wounding myself and picking up my scabs. According to my therapist, I'm not schizophrenic. I don't have BPD. I've been tested. I have symptoms of the disorders, though.

Interesting. Yep. Why choose your hand? I think because it's the easiest one to get to. But you need your hand so much. It's easiest to bite. But yeah, but still. It's so hard unless you've got big floppers. Because then you can get it in your titties, but I don't think some people want to do that. Yeah. Some people don't have the floppers. I can put my tits in my mouth, but I

But not everybody's like me. No. Not everyone is like you. Not every lady has the gift. Yeah. All right? But I do. That's why I live every day knowing I got the tits of a grown woman, but I've got the mind of a grown man. Any advice for this person? I'm going to say, you know what you got to do, friend, is that you got to laugh your way to the bank. Yeah. And get a job in the bank. I would say, yeah. Learn to play an instrument. Do something else. Make your hands more valuable. You know what I'm going to say? Love the fact.

That you even have the conscious thought to question yourself cannibalism. I think that's a really big advantage that you have that you don't understand is that you even know you have an issue, which is what they say is a diagnosis is a privilege. So who knows? Who fucking knows? Just don't eat your hands. Put mittens on. That'll make it difficult. Hard to get through the yarn. That was an upsetting email.

Yeah, I think I want bothered me a little bit. Not me. Really? You didn't like it about you at all? Everybody's different. Yeah? You know. What part of yourself would you eat? My belly. Your belly? It's probably good. Just get rid of it. I chew on it. Chew on it. But yeah, it's not good. I'd probably do one of these. The lats.

See, I don't have firm enough lats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do wear lats. Yeah. I could see them carving those off of you. Yeah. Also, my back's so wide, I could actually use a little shave. Yeah, we could take some of that meat off. Shirts get weird on me sometimes. Hey, tell me about it. Pants get weird on me, too. That's why I drop them. Mm.

Now, I also want to say we gave I gave to some of these associates. We got some great resources for North Carolina. We know that we are about to probably have to do the same thing for Tampa next week. So we are just going to say for now, if you have if you want to help people in North Carolina, I'm told that monetary and donations are straight up the best way to do this. Don't go to the area right now. Things are fine.

fucked up in North Carolina, so it is very hard. They don't need more bodies, they just need funds. So the one that I used was I did Beloved Asheville and I also did the diaper fund. I did the... Which I think is great. There are diaper banks. You go to ncdiaperbank.org. Or babiesneedbottoms.org is another one.

Pete didn't need bottoms, didn't he? And then he found them on television. Now, if you go, there's also the Pansy Collective, the Appalachian Medical Solidarity Mutual Aid Disaster Relief. These are all names. What I'm going to do is take this list and we're going to pop them onto social so you can take a look on top of it.

At LP on the left. If you go to Instagram. Description for this week's episode. It'll be in the description of this week's episode as well. Beautiful. So we will have all of these resources out there for you. Just use one and then just know that we're going to do the same thing probably for Florida next week. I think, yeah. Oh, God. It's so upsetting. What I personally did was I didn't know where to send my money. And so I sent it to people I knew.

And just hope that went good. Yes. I sent it to Michael Jordan's son. Yes. I sent it. He was dead, unfortunately. And then I found that out. And then I sent money. Can't even get a refund. Oh, yeah. I sent this money to this guy named Ted. Just gave him money, and he said he was going to take care of shit. Yeah. And then he just drove. Apparently, he just drove back to Pennsylvania, where he was from.

So that's why I went and decided to just give it to the association. Man, these hurricanes are fucking terrifying. Good luck to everyone out there. Good luck, guys. And take care of yourselves. Take care of others. Get out of town if you can, for fuck's sake. It's already too late, though.

We love you guys. Be fucking careful. Don't wade in water, Florida. There's shit in there. There's gators. There's snakes. There's downed power lines. I know you guys have seen it all, and this is just another hurricane, but please. But not Tampa. Not Tampa. It's not this way. Tampa keeps dodging them. But this time it is not.

It is not going to touch this one. So please take care of yourself. Well, speaking of fundraisers this Sunday, I'm going to be at that's October 13th. I'm going to be at a night of comedy and live country music all to benefit forest firefighters.

That's going to be at Scribble in Highland Park. The link for tickets is at eddytoons.com. Yeah, nice. Also, the replay of the Hoop-A-Goo-Goo game, HGX2. It's on YouTube, and it's great. Yeah, so the third episode is out. Go watch all three. It's an amazing show. Tell your friends about it.

I really want this to get out there. And Who's the Bitch is also a show that we're popping up new. It's brand new, so please. Yeah. Check out all of our stuff on our YouTube. We're working real hard. Yeah, and I was on Tears of a Clown last week as well. Yes, which is great. Ugly Rockstars. Ugly Rockstars. It was a blast. So come check it out. Our next Hoopagoo Goo Live is going to be on Halloween. Yeah. 5 p.m. Pacific, 8 p.m. Eastern if you want to watch it live on Twitch. If not, it'll be available on YouTube in the next day or two. Fuck yeah.

Good work to you, my friend. Hail Satan. And hail anyone in Nashville or Knoxville or Tampa Bay. The good ones. Yeah, any of you guys. Even if you're the bad ones, I like you this week. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah. All right, guys. Good work. At Six Flags America Fright Fest, terror lurks around every corner. From the exhilarating rides in the dark to the heart-pounding scares at every turn.

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