Side Stories: The Silent Man
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Hi. Did you know that you can watch Last Podcast on the Left and Side Stories on our Patreon right now? Yes, that's patreon.com slash lastpodcastsontheleft. But over on TikTok, you can see the hottest, tightest, funniest clips from the show right there. It's TikTok. TikTok.com.

It's at LP on the left. It's the same as our Instagram. You already follow the Instagram. Why don't you go follow TikTok? But it's on TikTok. Yeah, because... Is... Believe it. Yep. So just go check it out. Watch it. Go send our podcast to China. I love TikTok the crocodile. It's my favorite TikTok. It's the only one he knows.

There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. A lot of corrections this week. You know, corrections, schmerections. Schmerections is actually what happens when you put jelly...

On a hardened penis. It's a shmegma erection. It's a shmurrection. Schmuckers. Schmuckers. It's a schmuckers brand erection. That's a smurrection. I'm talking about a smur, yeah. I'm talking about corrections. Corrections. Because we do have to do some.

Well, I mean, the big one is about the grizzly bear. Well, we know that we got snoped. Yes, but at the same time, before I said it, I said this may be bullshit. It's true. You did. And so if I said this may be bullshit, before I say anything. It could then possibly be bullshit. Most likely going to be bullshit. It's like how when I say the words, no offense, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's, you know. Very offensive. You're going to be offended or upset and mad at me.

No worries if. Lots of worries. Yeah, that's, you know, the grizzly bear, the relocated grizzly bear story we're talking about. The albino grizzly bear was not real. It was never real. Yeah, it was all snoped. Yeah, it was all snoped. But, you know, I will say, I can't.

What was it? Would you say bear horny? I love bears. You are bear horny. I'm very bear horny. You love bears. You really do. If there is a bear story, I'm going to talk about it. Especially bears getting free plane rides. Monkeys, apes. It's what you like. I love free air travel. But that's what you're bringing to the table. Those are the stories. Those are the side stories. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Those are the side stories.

that Eddie prepares for the episodes. You go away. We had a great bear write-in, by the way. I can't wait to get to it. We have a lot of good, we do have a couple, we do have one troubling animal story. Yes. But we're going to wait

Before we get to it, because it's important. Because we've got other things to correct. There were not anti-sex beds in the Olympics. They were not anti-sex beds. The cardboard beds were made to reduce the amount of waste they create. I don't know how.

but it does apparently. I mean, cause they basically, a lot of guys showed that they fuck no matter what. And we did get a, um, we got a letter that I'm not going to read. We're not going to read. Cause it was weird. It's well, the letter was absolutely someone's own personal sexual fantasy. It was like penthouse letters meets the Olympics. Yes. And so that one was really aggressive, but it was about, but I, but I believe it in a way. Cause he was talking about the rippling muscles of the, of the, uh,

woman that he was making love to and how she pounded him and pounded him and pounded him to the point where, yes, indeed if those beds were some form of anti-sex type of bed, it wouldn't matter because she could have broken a concrete bench that you'd find in a park with her thrusts. So they were saying it doesn't matter. They can have sex. They can break the earth's mantle.

by popping up and down with their magnificently trained, super powerful butts. Yeah. And Paris, we all know,

top 10 sexiest cities? You know what's funny? You know what I've heard? And this might be sidestorieslpotl.gmail.com I've heard Paris is no longer quite as fun and as sexy as it used to be. Too many rats? Not as much nightlife. The city's kind of quieted quite a bit. Really? I don't know. I've never been. Have you been to Paris? I was in there for three days. It was extremely jet lagged. It was Paris Fashion Week. So we could not go anywhere or eat anywhere. Everything was slammed.

And so did you rob Kim Kardashian? You cut to mean full body like that tan clothes that she wears at all times. You know, I mean, sexiest cities, Las Vegas, Las Vegas is not sexy. I have romantic times in Vegas. I've had many romantic times. I know. But you look around and it's like the most disgusting people you've ever seen your whole life. You look at your loved one.

Don't look around. Keep it based on, you know, everybody wears something low-cut. Concentrate on that. Even the idea of Los Angeles being a sexy city is hilarious to me. Los Angeles is very sexy. Rob's laughing. Rob is a single man and is laughing. I feel like we imported in...

sex with wives. Well, I mean, New York, Los Angeles, Miami, all the hottest... Miami. Miami is sex. That is, yes. Miami is... No one's wearing clothes. Yeah, it's Miami. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even know how the strip clubs work because people are naked in the streets. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I saw a naked police officer in Miami. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

No, no, New York isn't sexy for that. New York is intellectually stimulating. Berlin is sexy. New York is sexy. I say New York is sexy. Everyone's so hot and dirty fucking and sweaty fucks that happen there. I'm over it. Dry yourself. Dry? Oh, that's what I say. Dry yourself. Dry your pits. Dry just certain parts. It's lube. It's body lube. So you slide on each other more. Start dry, get wet. Start dry, get wet. I say dry.

start wet, stay wet. Depends on where I am. Sometimes it's nice fabric on the furniture and I don't want to destroy everything. A couple of stories I've been following this week that I wanted to get into. Number one was the Sarah Boone story. I just want to lightly touch on it because it's nowhere in the news at all. Yeah, it's very weird. It's not a big story. But it is a big story. It's very interesting. In the world of true crime, I find this story interesting. I watch a lot of

trial footage and things like law and crime court TV. I'm turning into my father with weed. Like I found myself on Sunday. Like I felt like my, I literally felt like my father, but the opposite where it's like, I had my fresh cup of coffee, open up my computer. I turned on my court TV and I smoke a fucking bowl. I'm like, that's my morning. See, it's me. It's Jimmy Cliff. I'm just, I'm just jamming, dude. No, I'm in my head's in it. I'm basically a lawyer.

So if you have to ask any questions about the court, I'm basically a lawyer at this point. I'll watch all these things. You spend all of your free time doing every person's least favorite activity, which is going to court. I am essentially a volunteer member of the jury. You could tell you've never been arrested by how much court TV you watch. I just like judging. And

That's my favorite. I could do it from the behind. But Sarah Boone, she is... This is a fucking... This woman is a... I think the term you'd use is a real piece of work. Whoa, Rob, where did you find this? This is all over. This is everywhere. So hold on the video, Rob. So Sarah Boone is a Florida woman, of course. This lady...

lovely lady, 46 years fun. She is currently waiting to go on trial for the death of Jorge Torres Jr., her on-off-again boyfriend, extremely tumultuous, very, very, very intense. I want to say it was either Dreading or Explore With Us. One of my true crime questions, do you know, Rob? I think it was Explore With Us. I think it was Explore With Us. They did a really great breakdown of Sarah Boone a long time ago because this crime happened in 2020. This happened right before

COVID really went in a full swing. The way, just kind of the long and short of it, the way she killed Jorge Torres Jr. is that over a night, well, you know,

Second-degree manslaughter. Look at what the actual charges are. Where Jorge Torres Jr. died isn't the single one of the most horrific things I've ever seen in which the two of them got into some form of drunken altercation that led to Jorge Torres Jr. being zipped up inside of a suitcase and then left overnight to asphyxiate. It seems like there was like, if I can put my judgy...

pants on it seems like they were like having like a weird sexy game uh no it's this is abuse so what happened is like these are things coming back and sarah boone is how did she get him in the suitcase she tricked him so drugs and and alcohol like so so this is a this is my entire take again innocent until proven guilty she's going to go into court but the reason why

things are really, really fucked for her right now is that she filmed the whole thing. Yeah, and then gave her phone over to the cops. Because she says her story is that they were

were up all night. They may have had a bottle of wine. Then they were doing a puzzle. And then they decided, she's 46, he's 45. They don't look like puzzle people. They don't either. No, no, no, they don't. They then decide, she says they decided to play a game of quote unquote hide and seek.

where she went upstairs, drunkenly fell asleep, woke up somewhere around 1130 noon, came downstairs to find him dead inside of the suitcase. But the thing is, she just says, I zipped him up. We had a laugh. I went upstairs. But she has this video. Now, this is a bit of a warning because this is kind of, you can't see or really hear anything except you can hear the muffled words of Jorge Torres.

asking for help inside of a zipped up suitcase. I can't believe that this exists. Oh, she's not. She is an. I'm talking about the footage. Yes. Sarah Boone is not well. No. So play this. Oh my God. The suitcase is moving. Yes. She flipped it up on its back. So it'd be on top of the zip up panel. You were saying Sarah. For everything you've done to me. For everything you've done to me. For everything that you've done to me.

you. Sarah. You. Sarah. Stupid. Sarah. That's my name. Don't wear it up.

Cut. Wow. So she is a, but it goes on for minutes. Yeah, she said things like, that's what you do when you choke me. That's what I feel like when you strangle me. They had an abusive relationship. He went to jail for, he was picked up four times and arrested for abusing her and each time she bailed him out of jail. And the story seems to beef was that Sarah Boone was married and kind of had a normal life and then one day she just abandoned it

Yeah.

is that Sarah Boone, so this is stuff I've learned now watching Court TV. So she was arrested. She's been in jail since 2020 trying to work her way up to this trial. She has currently been abandoned, quote-unquote abandoned, by eight different public-appointed lawyers for her defense. And each one of them is coming forward to say it is because this woman is one of the most disagreeable, terrible,

won't let me do my job. Insulting, insults me, calls me. There was one lawyer who was like, sir, I don't know how in good, how am I supposed to do this job in good faith when I'm being called a miscreant, when I'm being called a buffoon. And she's like, she's using big words. She's using a lot of $10 words.

And now it's looking like she's being forced to represent herself in prison. She's currently looking for a ninth lawyer. If you're a lawyer in Orange County, Florida. Don't. Don't help. She put out this wanted that is...

amazing. So in a truly unique version. So what I didn't know is that, so as a defendant, there's many things that you can choose and there's many things that you can't choose, right? So one of the things that you can choose is if you do go to trial, like you can choose whether or not you're looking for a plea or not. I do believe that you can choose about whether or not you go on the stand to defend yourself. These are things you could say you want to do and can essentially force your lawyer to do. But

Also, you can abandon your lawyer. You can fire your lawyer if you believe that you're not getting the best service. Yeah. Sarah Boone is using every single tactic she has in order to control this court proceeding. She doesn't want it to happen. She knows for a fact...

that it does not look very good because she has a fucking video of her taunting a man that asphyxiated inside of a fucking suitcase that he obviously could not zip up himself. Yeah. She says he could. For hide and seek, it doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't make any sense. Because she had to put him in there. Have you ever met a person...

Also, I haven't played hide and seek with an adult ever. If you're playing hide and seek, it better end up in like we're having sex with each other. Yeah. Or it sounds like you're grooming a child. That's why I thought it could have been a sex game gone wrong. No, see, this is a, I think she convinced him to get into the bag and it was almost a, it wasn't an entirely long-term plan. That's kind of what they're saying. That's why she's getting the second degree. Do you think that she could have fell asleep drunkenly? I think that she thought.

It could have been a half accident. I think that is why we're getting the second degree. It was malicious in my mind. She did it to hurt him and fuck him up. But she...

has some form as... It's really about, like, if you watch all of her interactions, I watch all the body cam footage of her with the police. I watch her now fighting for herself to be... It's like fighting that she's not getting proper attention from her lawyers. And this is the type of person that lives in an alternative world that when you push up against it, right? So in the first body cam footage, you see her talking to this police officer. And she's like, I fell asleep. We were just...

We were having a fun game of hide and seek explains this kind of night. I went to sleep and it was just amazing. And then, but she was like, and as soon as I woke up, I called and the police officer, the first thing the police officer says was like, you know, it's one 45 in the afternoon. So you waited a bunch of hours to call nine one one. And she hits the roof. She immediately goes, he's trying to be like, no, no, I was in bed. And so you're dealing with somebody who is never, never,

with the repercussions of a single one of their actions ever. And for some reason in their brain, they think that they are the smartest person on the face of the planet. So she wrote up this in an unheralded moment in true crime. She wrote up her own ad for a new attorney. It says, Inmate Seeks Attorney. Looking for a prosperous challenge? Ready for your close-up on national television? Are you zealous with a side of Kiermaier?

show the world who you are with your original creativity extraordinary expertise confident ingenuity and then it's laying all basically saying she lays out a bunch of these things including a six page letter that just say you have to do what i tell you to do and you could tell her issue with each attorney is that they just simply won't say she's innocent

Yeah. They're all searching for a plea and she does not want it. Well, I see, I noticed that this crime happened over...

four years ago. It's been, this is how long? February 25th, 2020. Yeah, dude, this is the power of obstruction. Pre-COVID. Imagine if these two had to spend COVID together. Well, I don't know if they would have spent the entire thing together if you know what I mean. I feel like that was coming one way or another. It sounds like, yeah, she had some normal life and she just fucking, it's crazy, man. Sweet, sweet fucking wine, man. Now, I know people usually don't like when I do stuff like this, but can I say something nice about her?

Okay. She has nice eyes. You're frightening me, Eddie. I mean, she has nice... Look at those eyes. Those are some great peepers. Rob, don't. No. Never look at this. No, no, no. She's scary. She's a frightening person. She's scary. The rest of her face is scary, but her eyes are very nice. Her eyes are like fucking two evil... Crystal blue. Crystal blue diamonds. Two evil diamonds. If she could sell those eyes, I bet she'd get some good money. Ask Jerry Orbach.

Well, he gave them away for free. You don't think they paid him before he died? No. It's an organ donor. No one's getting my eyes unless I get money up front. Are you an organ donor? No. Really? That's when they let you die. I'm an organ donor. No, they let you die. They scoop your organs. No, they don't. It's got to be real. Rob's not.

You're not an organ donor? Ask Mr. Snopes. Ask Mr. Snopes. We will ask Mr. Snopes. Someone will correct us. No, I know for a fact. If you're a paramedic and you see organ donor on someone's license, do you not bring out the defibrillator? They always do. I believe me. They're not allowed to say that they do that, but you know that they do. Honestly, no, that's not true. I think organ donors are brave. I just think I never clicked off the box.

You know what bothers me about being an organ donor is I have to pay a dollar to do it. Yeah, it's like, pay me. This is what I'm saying. You want my fucking perfect lungs? You want my great dick? Your lungs are not perfect. Your dick's probably just fine. If you want that, dude. I want the money now, dude. And I don't care. Fucking give it to me in a tax rebate.

Say like, of course we're going to use your awesome intestines. We're going to give them to a little boy. Yeah. Of course we're going to fucking take his feet off. We're going to give the fucking, because is that what they do with organ donation? They do everything. Not feet. That doesn't make sense. They turn your skin into a rug. Organs. Well, skin is an organ. It is. It's our biggest organ. What's the snopes say? It says it's a legend.

It's not debunked. It's not debunked. That's a legend, man. A legend's bigger than fucking rumor, dude. Fuck, I gotta get a new license. That's what I mean. You gotta be careful. Which is which organ? I do want to donate. I'll donut my ass. I want to donate my whole body to science. Oh, yeah. I don't want to go on the ground. It'd be good by the pound. Oh, my God, yeah. Mm-hmm. You just fucking smell me. Rise from your grave.

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Now, speaking of the ultimate in obstruction, now comes my second favorite story of the week. What is this? This man understands something. Oh, this is your boy. Yeah, now he might be in UK, but I think he understands something a little bit about freedom that we don't understand. Yeah. All right. Where it's like, yeah, sometimes you got to shut shit down.

In order to release everyone and yourself. He's a crazy looking dude too. He's a weird looking guy. He's a weird looking guy. Looks a little bit Cenobite like. But I like that about him. I commiserate with that. Very kingpin. Very kingpin. But yes. But British. So soft. So David Hampson. He's being known for here on out as the silent man. See criminals come in all shapes and forms. I like this from the Lad Bible. But they usually talk during interrogation or at least often are obligatory. No comment.

but not the silent man. David Hampson, he has been wreaking havoc in the Swansea community by going out in this UK. So what he's doing, he stands in traffic and he holds up traffic until a police officer comes and arrests him.

He just stands there. Yeah. Silent. And then when they come to arrest him, he doesn't say anything to the police. Silent. They say nothing. He doesn't give him their name. He doesn't give him a jack dick. It doesn't seem like he resists either. No. Oh, no. Silently just pulled back into a cop car. He stands there. Apparently he stands there staring. Right. Cars build up. People are screaming at him. Doesn't fucking in a Gandhi like way.

Doesn't react? No. True passive resistance, right? But we don't know what he's fighting for. Well, his brother thinks he's fighting for free prison food. So he's going in a prison, which is like, if you've been to the UK, I can't, if the food you pay for tastes that way, I don't know what the food in the prison is like. So if you go to the, I do have to take it back. Last time we were in the UK, the food has gotten better. I mean, I like British food.

I go to Robin Hood out here. I get the liver and onions. Because it's American British food. When you go over there, you're going to say, we'll go over there. I'm excited. I'll get the fish and chips. It's interesting how little flavor a thing can have. But they're getting better. They are truly getting better, and we're excited to go to the UK. Vinegar shouldn't be a condiment. I like it with mayonnaise. Oh, yeah, buddy. God damn, you disgust me.

You should try it. I don't know. If I'm going to do my mayonnaise, I want the tartar sauce. You see tartar sauce. Yeah. It's a mayonnaise base. Yeah, but it's got relish in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. But we should do... No, dude. I like French fries with mayonnaise and vinegar.

You're going to die. Fucking bring it to me. I love it. That's what I love. So back to David Hampson. So this man, he's 53 years old. He's completely mute. Everybody is so upset. He's not mute. There's some people that believe he's staging a one-man protest against traffic, which I do. That's also very, very funny. Now, he is... Apparently, he gets scooped up. The only words he speaks are to say thank you when he's fed, which is...

So British. But his brother says he's a chatterbox. Well, his brother sounds a little jealous. His brother don't like him. No, no, no. His brother just straight up hates him. Now, this comes from his son. Now, John Hampson, this is his brother that I honestly, he's just upset that he's getting the attention, I think.

He's not really moot. He never stops talking. It's really quite simple, really. He's a spoiled brat. It's nothing like a protest going on. He doesn't have, he just does it to have a comfy life inside prison, which I think is hilarious. The idea that he's doing it for the comfortable prison life, because I don't know if that works. But it is so funny because the cops don't know what to do with him. They

They don't know what to say. They are legitimately, I forget, oh, what's the term here? They used one that was like, he's silent, but not in a God-given way. It's like in a man versus state way. I forget the term. Oh, yes. British court, they call it. I guess this is real.

Mute by malice is his sentence. His silence is deliberate. That's what they say here, which I think is very, very funny. They're very, very upset. And John, his brother, does not understand what the big hubbub is. But he has been arrested.

four times for the same thing. And this last one, they finally scooped him. They gave him six months. Yeah. They don't know what to do with him. But he was obstructing traffic right outside the police station. If that's not political. He's making it more convenient for them. Oh, he's like, see, now I just get to go right there.

You don't even have the drive to pick me up, dude. Mute by malice is a criminal defendant who chooses not to speak in court. I love this term. A jury is typically impaneled to determine if a defendant is mute by malice or quote, mute by visitation of God.

It's because he's got his fucking cock in your mouth? I guess that means being in shock, I think. Oh, yeah, being, oh, yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this dude is fucking... I think, you know... If you want to gum up the works, like, if you want to get out there, this is how you do it. This is the power of real fucking... The political obstructionism, if you use it correctly. Or this man just loves French bread pizza inside of a prison, which is, you know, and that's what he wants. It seems like he doesn't have a home.

No, he has a house. Oh, he does? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, he's got... Apparently, yeah, he has a total apartment. It's cheaper to do in the UK. His bizarre ritual, they're calling it a ritual. He stands... It stands in the middle of the De La Bay Street, just yards from the Swansea Central Police Station, and he's just...

Standing there. And they also say, and I love the terms, eerie, impenetrable silence. I mean, he's definitely scary to look at. And that's no offense. He does not have the eyes of Sarah Boone. He doesn't. Tell me. Tell me. Who's got nicer eyes? Yeah.

He's got nicer eyes. No, yeah, he's got eyes like cryptic little pigs. Yeah, of course. His eyes look like horrible little glass beads inside of a doll that you use in an office to show the therapist where you were molested. They look like they're shut from the sodium of prison food. He is, yeah. I feel like that's where we got to get our protest. We got to obstruct. You got to jam it up. So you like this guy? I think I like the idea.

this style of protest if he had a he only needs to do is be sponsored by one like actual like him and Greta Thunberg need to get together oh yeah he'd be a great weapon for her if Greta Thunberg could then you let him do it and we call him like the door stop or like you know pollution stops here with the stopgap mr. jammer how's Greta doing

I was always a big fan of hers. She doesn't look like she's ever having fun. No, but I do like how she yells at everybody. I do think she likes it. She constantly gets arrested. She should put out an album or something. She could rap. That would be sweet. I need her to, unfortunately. A prison album would be cool from her. Unfortunately, and I think that what she's doing is incredible, and I think that what she's doing is something that we should all be looking up to, but I think she could do more. It's not fun enough for me. Thumbs down. I hate it. Whoa.

I kind of need you. We need more. What do you want from her? Action? You want her to go full weather underground? Viral TikTok content. Oh, come on. This is what I'm saying. No, no, no. None of that, Eddie. No. I want the Tide Pod. Tide Pod challenge. I want her to do Tide Pods. I want her to see her...

She probably hates Tide Pods because of all the pollution from the buckets. They dissolve. No, the buckets that they come in, the Tide Pods, crazy. Put shells in the buckets. I'm just saying. Use it to hold shells. But I'm just saying, if you're a Tide Pod person and you're throwing away those buckets all the time, they're amassing in landfills and they don't biodegrade. You got to get the refills of the Tide Pods to put back in the bucket so you're not a monster.

Just let it melt. You know, just let it all go, buddy. No, Greta Thunberg, if she could just go, I just need one touch more from her. A rap, some kind of funny dance. Yeah. If she could do Biden.

That would be great. I could see her doing it. Biden's out. You're not going to hear a Biden impression ever again. She could do Trump. It's over. She should do a Trump and really show him. Oh, he don't like her. Oh, yeah. She should do a Trump and then go, oh, look at you, Mr. Orange Cheeto Man. And everyone would be like, oh, what? What was that one lady, that one comedian lady that just mouthed his words for a year and somehow got an entire career?

Oh, that's right. You remember her? I remember her. Remember that thing? That thing. Why'd we do that? I mean, we were doing nothing, bro. Yeah, it's true. We were just sitting around doing nothing. It's really, really true. So, man, hey, David Hampton, I know that what you've done, and I'm going to probably find out, David Hampton, I'm going to find out probably that you've done a bunch of other fucked up stuff.

But until then, I think it's fine. We don't know what his internet searches are like. No. We don't know who he hangs out with. He seems like a completely unmotivated human being. I think that that is exactly that. And that is, this is the power of motivated unmotivation. Mm-hmm.

All right. Speaking of traffic crimes, we have an update. Oh, yeah. We got the update. That's right, dude. We finally got some big updates. We got a major update. Oh, yeah, yeah. We got boots on the ground. Boots on the ground. We got boots on the ground. South Knoxville Soup Gate. Soup Gate is 2024. Is becoming...

out of hand. We talked about it two weeks ago. Guys, we were on the news in Knoxville. Yeah, no, there's multiple articles that quote us about the soup gate. This is big. I don't know why people aren't paying attention to the soup gate. It's kind of funny because we were joking about, obviously, how silly this is. So for those of you that don't know, there is a highway. Which highway in Knoxville? It is all happening...

on, well, it's all over the place. It's all over the place, right? South Knoxville. It's going all over the place. Bags of vomit-like rotting food have been found in the streets. We've been covering these weird... Pickens Gap. Pickens Gap. We've been covering this...

New thing recently, which is just, I don't know if it's a crime. I don't know what you'd call it, but it's legitimately just piles of food being left in various mysterious circumstances. It's always in a bag, a black bag. This is the newest one because, and then this one's really taken off. When we talked about it last time, there was only like 10 or something bags left.

They just found, like... Hear this. Just found, three hours ago, as of this recording, bag number 46. Dude, 46 bags. Those eventually, like, were head...

We're heading into some form of, what are you trying to tell us? Yeah. Like, is this a group of people? Like, literally, is this a cabal? It could be one or two people. Is this, yeah. Yeah, right now, yeah, 10 News and the NBC affiliate updates here, they say, Suitgate is a group on social media dedicated to tracking down the person responsible for littering the liquid-filled bags.

The group has become so popular that it was discussed on a national award-winning podcast, the last podcast on the left. So if you go, if you're a Facebook person, and I'm still on Facebook, but the South Knoxville Soup Gate has its own public group. There's 926 members as of now. This is fucking huge, dude. All right? And so I was like, you know what? Before we're coming in today, I saw that we got some press on the press and all that shit. Yeah, sure. And so I-

Like, you know what? I'm going to look into this. I'm going to go to the Facebook page, find out what's going on. The Facebook page seems to be run by a couple people, but the main person is a fella named Drew Smith. And you know what I did? I just went on Facebook Messenger and I called him. Because so many people have just done that to me and it's super annoying. Yes. So I was like, you know what? If they can do it to me, then I can do it to Drew Smith. You can do it to anybody, yeah. So I blind called Drew Smith this morning and he picked up.

And Drew is like, he's on the ground, okay? He posted this. He's the one who found the most recent bag. And it's chock full, dude. Because people wanted to say that one kind of culprit that we thought it might have been was somebody suffering from bulimia that was using it because it's kind of a thing that would happen. It's not ruled out. It's not ruled out, but the idea that someone would be vomiting into a

bag secretly, bagging it up, which is apparently more common than you think, and then leaving it far away from wherever they live so they can hide it. Yeah. But this one's solid. So we have 46 confirmed bags, all right, right now. There's rumors of other bags slightly out of range in Knoxville, not in South Knoxville. Outlier bags. Outlier bags have been rumored. Drew says that it looks like soup.

Um, there are, cause Drew's looking at the bag right now, right? Drew has the bag and he said, as of right now, he says he's, he found the 46 bag. He has it. He took it. He put it in his truck. Guys, we're really on top, but he's not going to bring the bag in his house.

And it's raining outside. So he says as soon as it stops raining, he's going to cut open the bag and see what's in it. Yeah, don't do it. I will say he is messing with evidence, but that is, you know, what are you going to do? Well, just bring it to the police as soon as you're done rifling through it. Yeah, he says it does look like there is a possibility of it being vomit. But one of the bags did have a watermelon rind. So and some of it looks like it might be emptying a grease trap.

And there is, this is not confirmed, but there is a rumor that it has caused one accident. If there's a death attributed to Soup Gate, it is going to be the number one story ever broken.

on side stories. Well, there was a lead. The cops had a lead. They went to someone's house. Now, this is all rumor technically, right? This is what my boy Drew told me. This is our man on the street. Street team Drew. He's out there. He's covered in soup. He is in the Knoxville area. Is he single? I imagine he's single. If he's grabbing bags of soup off of the street, I don't... If he has a girlfriend, God bless her. Guys, girls, that's a responsible guy right there. You want to be with that kind of guy. But

But, yeah, so it's definitely gotten more popular. Every time, what makes them think it's a single person and not a multiple group is every time it's a white bag inside of a black bag, and then it has a distinct knot that is always the same. That's how they found the boss in Strangler. Really? Yeah. No shit. Yeah. If there's one sex worker with the same knot. Yeah.

Soup and murder. But as of right now, Knoxville police say that Soupgate is still under investigation. I think that. I want to know. We have no answers yet. Who's fighting Knoxville?

What evil chef? I think it comes from within. It sounds, yes. Oh, definitely. Somebody does it. Someone's got a bunch of grease in their house. Someone's at, or works at a restaurant. Yeah. I mean, look at this bag. It looks like a trash bag. It does. It looks like a big old trash bag that you'd have in the back of a restaurant. That literally, it's one of those big industrial ones. Yeah. That's very interesting because I wonder if they, it's almost like a,

Is this about gentrification? Or is this about like... It's Knoxville. Seriously, but in terms of just money coming in, Knoxville, right? Right next to Nashville. Nashville crushing it, right? They know what's going on. Right? Knoxville and Nashville are close. I mean, they're close. They're both in Tennessee. Knoxville's like closer to North Carolina. Knoxville's closer to... It's Gatlinburg close. All right. That's what it's... And Pigeon Forge is close to that stuff.

I mean, Nashville isn't too far, but it's closer to the Pigeon Forge. It's Dollywood land. So it has tourism. Yeah, Knoxville's cool. That's where the University of Tennessee is, where the Vols are. Do you think that this is protesting Dolly Parton? No. All right, so if it's in the stuff. It's not close enough to Dolly. If it was in Pigeon Forge, I could say you have a case for that. But I don't think, if anything, this is protesting the University of Tennessee.

That's interesting. So that's where the police could go. Has there been anybody that has been unsummarily fired from the University of Tennessee? Or is there just some kind of soup horny bastard out there that's ruining all this soup? Yes. Because also, unless it's old ass soup.

I'm just so glad that we finally really broke something. You know, I might have a computer virus, but I think something is happening here because I've been communicating with Drew all day and our Facebook chat has recently deleted. Wait a second. And it's like, and I got all these old stupid comments. No offense. If you write me, thank you. It's nice to hear from you. But I got all these old comments from people I don't even fucking know.

Who's trying to stop us from knowing about this? Why do people want us to stop? Yeah. Who benefits? It seems like something is being hidden. Who benefits? Can we bono? Yeah. Who benefits from the soup being put out there? I feel like this is bringing attention to the streets. Yeah.

So there is something going on. I would love to know. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. If you're in the southern Knoxville area, Drew, our boy on the street, if you guys all want to get together, I'm sure we can get you guys some kind of discount code. Drew's all over this, man. I'm so proud of him. I want to know exactly what streets are all of these dumped on. Is this about potholes?

Potholes. Oh, potholes. No. Bad infrastructure. No, this is someone just dumping grease on the highway. What is it for? This guy's the fucking Joker, whoever they are. Yes, but even the Joker, even his... They want to watch the world burn!

bro but that's a direct response to the fascist like control of batman who is he trying to defy yeah who in knoxville is this person waging a war against and if it's one person 46 bags we've seen nothing over the course of like three or four weeks i'd also maybe and unfortunately i know i just met this man digitally and i haven't but i might have to immediately say is it true

Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. If it's Drew. If it's Drew. All I need for you to do, total immunity, if you admit it on the show. I don't think you can offer that. Yes, I can. Total immunity. It is absolutely on. They're not going to be able to get you for it legally because your name could be Drew.

Right? Wink wink. Nudge nudge. Right? It doesn't have to necessarily be come in. Be what you want to be. Whoever calls in who wants to confess. What's the weather in Knoxville right now? If it's really raining then I think he's telling the truth. It's raining right now so he's telling the truth. Unless it gives him even extra credibility for being the man who's doing it. And if we are that but then again you know who we send? Who? Devil.

Oh my God. What a good idea. I think we got to get devil on this. Yeah. I know him. I know he doesn't travel a lot. He's mostly in the New York metro area. For sure. But he's got to know somebody in the southern Knoxville area. That's a really good idea. We got to get devil on this. Mm-hmm.

Wilson Devil. Who's anti-soup? Who's anti-soup? Who's the perfect villain to go? Young people. Soup's an old man's drink. I mean, like, an old man would be good. People who hate the early bird special. But an old man would be good. He's probably a busboy. If it's a soup-based villain. I'm talking about somebody that defeats soup. Someone who defeats Chef Boyardee. Wow. Chef Boyardee is canned pasta the opposite of canned soup? See, I view it as, like, the spoon.

Well, we don't think it's actually soup. No, I'm just using that as a- We're calling it soup. I'm calling it soup. I call it the what it is, like what we're dealing with. It's grease and trash. It's a soup. It could be some puke. I think it's an ever-changing- Melange. Yes, inside.

Of this. News 10 quoted Henry. They said, they're finding soup. Soup watch, said Henry Zabrowski. Wow. I love this, man. See? But I want to know. I want to know what's going on. Because I feel like if we crack one of these, we'll crack all of them. Yeah. No, because there is a lot of food being dumped. It is. And no one's talking about it. It's really...

weird. I know that we're fixated on it here on Side Stories, but there's so many food pile stories that then keep coming in, and then listeners are writing in their own food pile stories. I don't know what's happening. And I feel like partially it does maybe have something to do with, what if we're like

entering into this whole world that we don't know that it's like food like grocery stores like shorting their own stocks it's

it's like we're seeing this thing where like that's where all the food price inflations are coming from or from them ruining their own supply chains to buy more and then like fuck all this shit up like what Red Lobster did. I mean it's not that much. Red Lobster lied to us. No the owner of the Thailand who bought Red Lobster lied to us. They lied to us. They tried to blame us. Same thing with you with the Tide Pod containers. They're

That's real. They're putting it on us. The Tide Pod containers are real. You got to buy them in the bags so you don't waste all the buckets. They're making it our fault. Right? Red Lobster, I feel like that's what they're doing. Yeah. They're fucking with us. Okay. This is an Instacart.

That's who fucking benefits. Instacart? People like Instacart because you're driving up the inflation of the food prices by fucking fucking with the supply lines. If you work at a grocery store or like anywhere that sells plastic bags...

Because the bags are always the same. White bag, inside of a black bag. But it sounds like it's an, you know how they have different bags? So it is deliberate. But you know that they probably have, you can even see, I can see it in my mind in a restaurant where they have the outside by the dumpster, they'll have the big, like, you know, industrial size black bag. And then in the kitchen, they'll have a smaller one.

And so the guy's, and then he decided just saying like, fuck everybody. Yeah. Maybe he's just. Jerry, you shouldn't have swallowed that whole watermelon husk. I don't know how else I'm supposed to. I'm the only 14 foot man in town. Well, yeah. And there's another rotisserie. There's a fucking rotisserie chicken. Yeah. There's another pile of meat too. What? Yeah. Just broke. What are you talking about? This literally came out.

15 minutes ago. This one is hot Cheetos and old chips. That's a big pile. That's a huge pile. They don't know where it came from? People were complaining. What in the living fuck? And it's unbagged, just so people know. Where does that raw Cheeto come from? It's unbagged Cheetos. Yeah, it's just a pile of Cheetos. What in the living fuck is happening? What is going on? I'm not making this up. Are we the problem?

Are we constantly reporting on this, giving people license to dump food? You're saying this is like how CNN does it with the mass shooters? Yeah. Are we a part of the problem here? I don't listen to other podcasts. No, no, I won't. I refuse to. But I don't think anyone's talking about all these piles of food everywhere. I feel like if I... This is a Side Stories exclusive. We're the only ones, buddy. Yeah. We're the only ones out here on this limb. Yeah.

And yeah, I think, yeah, maybe some of this is about them trying to get our attention. You know, I don't want to inspire any copycats or anything. Or copyfats. I don't know. Maybe I actually feel like what kind of copyfat would leave that amount of Cheetos alone? Yeah. I think that if you're a real copyfat, you would be honking on those. Should we send Drew to San Antonio? Yeah. I'll pay for him to go. Yeah.

I'll pay for him to fly to San Antonio if he wants to go and he wants to figure out this whole thing. Yeah, I think that might be a good idea. Investigative pile journalist? Yeah, he's our little private investigator. I mean, let's just wait and see. The P-U-P-I. The P-U-P-I, which is hilarious. But I do... Let's just make sure Drew doesn't say anything too horrible in this couple minutes. Yeah, I honestly don't... I mean, I only talked to Drew for like five minutes earlier. Yeah, you literally just cold called a man that you...

Through Facebook. You do not know. You've never had a personal conversation. Never once. You've only talked about this one single pile of food incident. He just, and you didn't even, he didn't even say hi, right? Like you called him. No, no, we were, I was like, Ed Larson, last podcast in the left. And he just started answering questions. I fucking love this guy. Yeah, so we don't know. So I'm like, I apologize for him. And I was like, you are not on the air right now. I was like, thank you for telling me that.

Next time we should call him on air, though. We should get it in there. But this is going to be a mystery that I don't know if it's going to be solved anytime soon. Because we still, I mean, you know, just add it to the pile of mysteries. We don't know anything about what happened to the Titanic, what happened to Cole Brown Simpson. We still don't know what happened to her. I mean, we got a pretty good idea. But I'm just saying, we don't know who did it or why.

We know that Drew has bagged 46. That's where we're at right now. So if Drew has bagged 46, I'm going to say to you, Drew, will you please deliver that to the police now?

Because they do deserve, that's evidence, and I do believe the police deserve it to be brought directly inside to the station. I'm going to go ahead and say the cops ain't doing their goddamn job. Sounds like the cops might think that this is not worthy of their precious time. Because they're afraid. Because you know why? And that's what's fucked up. It's kind of like with stalking.

How it's not a crime until they shoot you in the head? Yeah. Right? They are not going to take this seriously until somebody dies on this soup. And there's lots of motorcycles going through here. Oh, and when somebody dies on this soup, when this man, because I can guarantee you, I bet you, as soon as, not if, when this soup kills someone, the person's going to stop putting out the soup. Oh. So they're going to go hide. So right now, I think, right now, they're doing this...

For us. And to you, Mr. Soup, Dr. Soup, I want you to know. He's definitely listening. Yeah. It's on the news. The news talking about us. We're talking about soup. This person's getting all the credit because of us. Fuck you, Dr. Soup. No, wait. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll take it back. All right, listen. We're here to negotiate. So, Dr. Soup, if you are around, you're the type of person I want to negotiate with.

I'm here to step in for the people of South Knoxville. I will send you a case of Campbell's if you stop. We'll give, honestly, if that's what you need. One case of your favorite soup. I want you to be able to.

To tell the world what it is you need them to hear without putting people in danger anymore with your soup-based shenanigans. I make an amazing Manhattan clam chowder. He loves soup, all right? And he will make you soup if that's what this is about. But I also feel like maybe this is some kind of soup-based hatred. Yeah. So he might be the opposite. It's a Grease crime. So, Mr. Dr. Grease, Dr. Evil Soup Man, sidestore is lpotl.gmail.com.

We're waiting. And if you have a law degree, Sarah Boone's looking for a lawyer. Oh, yeah. Honestly, if I can tie all these guys together, because this is my Sinister Six. Like, this is my group. Because I also want to reach out to Devil. Because if he does have any contacts...

We want it in San Antonio. If he has any contacts in the southern Knoxville area, we should send them in because it's only innocent until it's not anymore. Yeah. And San Antonio, we all know, is a...

It's Cheeto love in town To Cheeto love in town And if that's an insult that's just a fact Oh yeah that's a fact And if that pile That's a six foot pile of Cheetos It's a big fucking pile of Cheetos If that means one of my kids One of my kids Has to go fucking without Cheetos for a day Because that's all I'm giving him Fuck you

Mr. Cheeto pile. Evil Mr. Cheeto pile man. It is fucked up. Yeah, that's fucked. That's probably got to be some kind of... I think that's a protest. Because they all think it's the funniest thing to say about stupid Trump about calling him Mr. Cheeto. The unbagging of all these Cheetos must have taken days. I feel like this is coming straight from a Cheeto farm. Oh my God. They stole it from a Cheeto farm. And close to Knoxville is that crazy preacher guy who tried to burn all the Bibles. Bibles.

Is it him? Everything's coming together in a way that I am afraid of. The trailer, the guy who tried to burn the trailer of Bibles. This isn't far. It's probably like under 100 miles away. You're right. This is going to be our octopus murders. We end up getting whacked because of this. Just no. Guess what? If Eddie and I died in a Cheeto related accident, it wasn't no accident. It would be a soup accident. Unless they're trying to throw off the trail and frame us.

Cheeto Mountain. Yeah. So if you're in Canada dumping lobsters, if you're in San Antonio dumping fucking Cheetos, man, we're looking for you. Your days are numbered. We're coming for your ass. Just understand that. Wasting all this goddamn food. All right. Because people are hungry out there and need to be fed. Like all those mukbang girls. Fly from your grave.

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Now, I was looking at some, you know, I could transition to some of the mukbang material, but I did not know. Send some of them down there. Honestly, they could really clean this up. Unless this is anti-mukbang. Because that's what also this feels like. Because, you know, you slop a big sloppy garbage bag full of soup on half of these Korean girls and they're going to love it. Yeah. It's unfortunately true. You're wasting it. Meanwhile, you could make some lady with little kitty cat ears.

Love life. Because they're saying the lady that we covered last week, another correction, might also have been a fake story. Is she still alive? Never existed. Never existed? Yes. So it's very possible. We talked about a young lady in China that died via mukbangs. Her belly exploded. They're saying that might be also entirely rumor. Are you saying we can't trust the Chinese media? I'm just saying anything mukbang death related is difficult to trust. So apparently though,

Mukbang started more so during COVID for people that were lonely as a way to share a meal together. And when it started, it was way more... That's kind of nice, actually. It was, honestly. It's a little bit nicer than I thought it was. Because I just thought it was always about slamming your holes filled with as much goopy shit as you can. So people could just fucking beat and beat and beat and beat and screw and cum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Screw and cum and fucking shit. But the thing is that turns out that that was more so later on. Capitalism. I know.

And so that's what drove it to further extremes because they needed to stick up. Yeah, like when they first invented My Little Pony, they didn't want people to jerk off to it. I mean, we don't know. It could have been somebody's idea, somebody's thought. For that, I don't know.

But the mukbang thing that started is they felt lonely, and they said having a meal was... It started in the early 2010s. Okay. And COVID, it got more popular during COVID. The idea is that it's in East Asian culture, having a meal with someone is extremely important. Yes. And people got isolated, and then it used to be more of a normal-sized meal that you'd have...

Via digital relationship And it was more about company And eventually became More sexualized and intense As it went Because that's just what happens Everyone's alone Everybody's super lonely But people like I don't mind a feeder Nothing makes me feel Truly nothing makes me feel happier Than when Wendy takes a bigger than normal shit Oh my god Because that means I did my job Rambo took the biggest poop this morning

I was so proud of him. Bigger than yours? Oh, yeah. That you brought into the studio. Oh, no, not the one I released in the studio, but the one I released in my own home earlier. It was bigger than that. But the poop I took here was big, mean, and green.

And I don't know. Side stories, LPOTL at Gmail. Why are poops green again? You're basically going to get a WebMD response. It is essentially going to be. There's got to be at least one doctor that listens to this. I've had when I've had my green poo-poos. They're way more. It's after. Normally, I've had it after a night of hard drinking. I didn't drink hard last night, though. But normally, I've had it especially after whiskey. Okay.

Oh, okay. Yeah, it's normal. Yeah, I've had it a couple of times. Okay. I've had a couple of these. Food. Okay, green spinach. Rapid food transit? Food coloring most of the time. Food coloring. Interesting. What did I have for dinner last night? I don't know. Fried chicken.

Oh, and salad. Just to make it even. But yeah, I've had green shit before. What are you going to do? No one scares me as the taupe shit. You're not supposed to. That is bad. Call the police. I had a clay looking shit before. Yeah, you got to call the cops. Yeah.

On yourself. I think it's time for letters. Time for letters? We don't want to talk about the New Jersey man who ripped off a seagull's head? I don't think we have enough time. That seagull was trying to eat his daughter's french fries and he ripped off the seagull's head and then he got arrested for it? It was in Wildwood, New Jersey. See, the reason why you really want to talk about this story is that it's where you're from. It's where I used to go. I used to go to this boardwalk all the time and...

I'm not sticking up for this guy because what he did is wrong and he's a bad man. But the seagulls are a problem there. I had a t-shirt that had a bunch of seagull poop on it. And it said, Wildwood, New Jersey. Same shit, different day. Everyone knows the seagulls shit on people in Wildwood, New Jersey. I had no idea, though, that seagulls were federally protected. Yeah, they're a traveling bird. What does that even mean? That means they migrate. So?

Apparently you can't fuck a migration birds. Wow, that's interesting. So yeah, twisting its head off was really against the rules. You'd be surprised how easy these birds' heads come off. Oh no, apparently, yeah. These birds' heads are falling off! One of the best lines ever. Their bones are hollow. Great.

See, but it is interesting. You're not supposed to attack them, but yes, it is obviously a common problem. Seagulls can be aggressive, but just the idea of... He's in a heap of trouble. Knowing he's in a lot of trouble. This guy got arrested. But it so also reminds me, which I know you have. It's like, I always had the relationship with my father where the...

fun was always extremely frightening, but it was like technically supposed to be, it was him being fun. Every single time my dad was doing that, he thought was hilarious. Like I would find frightening. And now I look back on, I was like, Oh, actually that was, that was him trying to have fun with me. Yeah. But he was frightening. Like he used to get drunk and then,

He'd come pull me out of school and then we'd go down to Coney Island together. Your dad was drunk. My dad was sober and doing all this. See, but I think that it's fun. And it was like one of those things where I can see I've had this afternoon that that child had. Yeah. The man ripped the head off of the seagull in front of him because- I'm sure you're going to rip a seagull's head off and you should not.

Definitely don't do it in front of your daughter. Well, it was such a nice day. I think it was a Saturday. It's the idea that you're there with your daughter and she's got french fries. She goes like, Daddy, no, the seagull took my french fry. And you're going to be like, God damn it. And you're thinking that... He was protecting his daughter. I love the idea, though, of that. Thinking that it would make your daughter feel better to watch him behead a screaming bird in front of him. Because you know that didn't go down pretty. You know, it's going to be like...

And he's just like, fuck you. Fuck you, bud. I paid that money. That's $10 for the French fries. Because you know that they were fucking like Nathan's or something, too. Well, apparently he was irrational when he was arrested and he handed over the headless eagle. What? Eddie? Eddie?

No way. Yeah. And apparently what I also, another detail I love in the story is about how he walked up to the restaurant and you were eating, asking for a garbage bag as he was holding the decapitated seagull in his fucking hand. And it's just like, like, anyway, garbage bag, you stink. Maybe you can see right here.

His fucking head. Fucking bird. Fucking bitch. Fell right off. You ever have the idea of acting like it's normal? Yeah, he was reportedly irate and uncooperative. What? What? New Jersey? Seagull murderer? Wildwood is nicer than Seaside Heights. No offense to Seaside Heights, but you know it's true. I know that to be true. Did it even get the French fry? Half these say that it's after it just tried to steal the French fry.

Like, it didn't even steal the French fries. I mean, this guy has other problems than the seagull got the unfortunate. How are these guys grabbing birds so easy? Seagulls, they get close, man. They get too comfortable with humans. Oh, is this the guy? Seagulls are a problem. Oh, of course this is the fucking guy. Oh, yeah. This is the guy with the white socks for jersey on? Oh, yeah, this guy has absolutely torn the head off a seagull. This guy will- Can I say that he's hot? Pfft.

He's hot. He looks like a baseball player. He looks like an amateur baseball player that fucks her wife. Oh, yeah. Like, he looks like a guy that he came in. He looks like Mac Miller's cousin. He really does look like, he's got that white socks jersey on that makes him look like a chick. He looks like a piece of shit. And he just looks like a guy that, just because then you're covered in bird blood.

You rip this thing open. You're covered in bird blood. You're just going, ah, fucking ah. I'm on vacation with my fucking daughter. Like, you just don't. Hey, you know, but I get it. He doesn't seem responsible. I have high blood pressure. Yeah. This guy might as well. But him and Barack Obama like the same baseball team.

I don't know if he's even a White Sox fan. I think he just has the jersey to look cool. He seems like one of those guys. Yeah, just for the color palette. Yeah, because he just said, oh, you can keep it open and show his chest tattoos that are fucking very attractive. Yeah, if you have one. It's hurting for him. He's got it. It's amazing. It's very interesting, Eddie, that you are. But he's got this great. It reminds me of the other guy who died.

From, what's that show, Euphoria? The drug dealer guy? Angus Cloud. Angus Cloud. It looks like Angus Cloud. Yeah, he does look like a guy who's going to die early. If you look at his chest, though, he's got the most Boston tattoo. I believe that is a Virgin Mary with a bruised eye.

Which is? That is by far the most... I don't know why. I know it's not Boston, but I'm just getting so much Boston energy. I'm getting Boston energy from him. Well, he is Boston Chicago energy, but living on the Jersey Shore. Which makes you... That is all fight. Yeah, it's all... That's all throwing fists. You better not...

Sneeze near that guy. That's the type of guy, if you step on his shoes, he's going to beat the... He's going to fucking punch you in the back of the head. He's going to sucker punch you when you come around. I don't want to hang out with him, but I do want to fuck him. Very interesting. Wild, that's your type. He's a bad boy. He's a bad man. He's a bad person. Yeah, he's a bad person. He's an awful father, but a bad boy.

About me. I love killing seagulls and watching my daughter. All right, here we go. Here's one listener email. I'm on search and rescue in the greater Yellowstone ecosystem, and I did fire slash EMS work. We respond to bear attacks mauling somewhat regularly. Most recent was a guy that was attacked by a grizzly protecting her kill.

He had gone up to help some bow hunters find a deer that they had shot a day or two before. Not super common, but sometimes you don't get a great shot in the animal, and you have to track and find it. No country for old men. Yes, absolutely, and I know it from alone. In all regards, these are very ethical hunters, albeit maybe not the best marksmen. They got to the area to search for the deer, knowing that bears are around, and that they could have an issue if the bear was on one of the deer carcasses.

He found an obvious bear kill and a stash of deer, a stash of a deer. Bears wolf and Barry and cachet their kills and was like, oh fuck, I gotta get out of here. And then he turned around right as the bear decided to fuck him up. The bear swiped his chest, chomped on his face, tearing off his lower jaw. The other hunters were able to come to his aid and get some shots off at the bear before attending to his wounds. Miraculously, he was still alive and they were able to activate 911 via satellite beacons with the message,

He's alive, but won't be for long. Our response was to fly in a paramedic and deputy with an AR-10, the big brother to the AR-15. It has a bigger round. They had to be inserted via a long line from the helicopter. The medic stabilized the patient the best he could. The only way to manage his airway was to hold him face down, allowing the flesh to dangle and the blood to drain. Keep in mind, this dude was conscious the whole fucking time.

Once stabilized, the helicopter came in again to haul the medic and patient to another helipad with a waiting medical helicopter and crew. The patient was transferred and further stabilized and flown to the hospital. Meanwhile, the deputy was just chilling with a rifle in bear country where a dude just had his face ripped off by a bear. And now that bear is maybe wounded by the pistol shots.

Moral of the story is bears will fucking kill you or at least ruin your day slash week slash month slash life. I have another friend that got bit by a mama bear years ago. He's the guy that went viral for recording himself walking out after being scalped.

Both of these guys are older, highly experienced, and respected outdoorsmen in our community. I really need to emphasize that both did nothing wrong and had bear spray and a sidearm to defend themselves. It didn't help either one of them. Sometimes shit just happens, and you got to figure it out, which is just the truth. There's no way to protect yourself at all times. I really appreciate you sending us that great bear story. Yes, thank you. Very, very awesome. Very, very frightening. I want to give you a little bit of a...

Before we end today. They're doing, so they've decided, because we're leaving for Australia. Oh, yeah. Can't wait. Going to be there for a bunch of days starting on, I think Thursday we leave. I can't wait to be there. Yeah. So they've decided to do a Twitch thing without us. I have no idea what's going on. Thank God. Of course. But they've decided to do something. It is Holden's Project. Yes. Yes.

Holden McNeely, for those of you who love him, everyone loves him on Side Story. Yeah, yeah, the most love it. He has decided to do something with the Twitch called the LPN Funhouse.

I have no idea what the plan is. Who else is going to be there? Do we know? No clue. I've been told nothing. I've been, I'm worried. It's August 13th, 4 p.m. Pacific, 7 p.m. Eastern. On twitch.tv slash LPN TV. Check it out. There's going to be a lot of different social posts for it, but I just want you to put it a little bug in your head. I'll tell you what, the LPN family is being so creative on Twitch these days. I'm very impressed by everyone. I love good putt.

I love the Hoop-a-goo-goo game that's coming back when we come back from break. You know, we got a lot of fun stuff coming down the pipe. Amber Live. I love it. It really means a lot. Oh, my God. Reebok and NASA are doing a fucking collab. Fuck you, NASA. Reebok, they're British. Reebok is also...

Yeah, they had the Shack shoe back in the day. I know, I almost bought the Shack Gnosis. They recently redid it. They redid it? Yeah, you should get it. I really should get it. I'll find it for you, but their quality's dropped significantly.

Do they still have the pump? Yeah. Oh, I want it. Yeah, I'll show you. I need it. Yeah, it's all back. All the shoes we wanted as boys are all back. Those were the only nice sneakers I ever owned my whole life. When I was a kid. Get the Shacknosis. They're great. And also, my new one, I love the Charles Barkley's. It came back. And the Deion Sanders are back. Really? Those are awesome. You know, Ewing's are good.

Again, I went to go look at one. It's the quality. Yeah? It feels like plastic. Well, they're lower price. I know, which is nice, and they look cool, but they're plastic. It's hard to get a live every day. No firm fact. Yeah, I got plastic. I'm going to come, but I'm not going to put plastic on my feet.

Man, I live and I laugh knowing that that plastic in my cum, what's nice about it, it's like a condom inside of you. Yeah, you know, they found cocaine in sharks recently, but they said what we need to worry about is all the plastic they found inside the sharks. Yeah, because the cocaine was actually making them super okay with the plastic. And because then once they were doing all that, because then they were just going, which is how a shark laughs. They're having a great time. Or the jibber jabber. Remember that guy?

Oh, yeah. Jabberjaw. Jabberjaw. Jabberjaw. Well, what a perfect episode, Eddie. Yeah, I think this is unbelievable. I think we get better every day. Every day, every week, this show becomes more indispensable. I will say, when we're on the road, Eddie and I are going to be recording from Australia. Yes. So we're going to have some side. So obviously nothing changes for us. All schedule is going to go. Don't worry. You get all of your precious.

Your precious material. But the side stories over the next five or six weeks, you might see some different type of episodes coming from us. Yes. Because we're going to be on the road and then we're going on a company-wide vacation. Yeah, we do the end of August every year. We do our summer vacation, end of August, first week of summer. Because we can. And we will!

And then when we come back, we're going straight to Chicago, baby. Oh, yeah, dude. Come out. September 13th. Come on with it, baby. It's going to be the night before the last podcast on the left show. And so we're doing it. Go for a full.

LPN weekend. Just know it's entirely different show. Yeah, it's not the last podcast show. We're writing our topical humor. If you're listening to this. It's this. It's this. So come see us. But we'll be standing up and there'll be like maybe some fun thing. Yeah. I'll come talk to some people in the audience. Also, we love doing that. We have a bunch. Last time we did bits. We did sketches. We can't wait. Oh, we should do a Portello's Al's taste test. Can we just literally make our entire paid podcast?

Be eating sandwiches on stage. I think this is a really good idea for us. Yeah, so let us know if you work for two real soup watch. Yeah. We just bring soup and we'll look at it. Yeah. What is the Chicago soup? Chili. Chicago soup sounds like beer vomit. Just hot dogs and beans, I guess. Yeah, probably. It's Malort and fucking beans. Skip pizza. Yeah. All right. Hail Satan. Hail Drew Smith. For now. For now. Until I find out his crimes.

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