Fred Wolf
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Hey guys, it's Spadely Spadoodle here and just want to give you a heads up on the podcast. We have Fred Wolf today, an old buddy of ours, and just wanted to say that, you know, some of these are recorded ahead of time, often years. So if we have like Michael Jackson, he's talking about the Thriller album coming out, that was pre-recorded.

So if you hear that one, but no, but you know, Dana's obviously going through something semi unimaginable right now and I can't even put it into words. So, you know, Dana's one of my best buds and it's hard to watch this and, and his kid Dex is what a great kid. I don't want to get into all that. I'll let Dana talk at some point about it. I just want to say that,

This was already recorded, and for the rest of this year, we pre-recorded a few, and then we're going to do a few best of. But you've got some great ones coming up, including the unbelievable Dan Aykroyd that we did right before. That was the last we did. It was great. Danny Aykroyd is one of my favorites of all time, and he got to sit in person with us.

Anyway, and of course, Dana really, really appreciates the outpouring from every possible angle of people. I mean, just the amount I got just to relate to him. And everyone, I think, understands how difficult and whatever. It's hard to even talk about. Okay, so let's have some fun. And I know it's almost impossible, but we had a good time with Fred. I don't want this to reflect on Fred. He's a great guy. Yeah.

Please have a good time with this one. Freddie's an old buddy. Wrote Tommy by. Yes. I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your, look at you go get your own place. You get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's... Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes. They just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it. David, who's our guest this week? Dana? Fred Wolf? Fred Wolf. Fred Wolf. Freddie Wolf is an old dear friend of mine that's stand-up.

I think he got me, he tried to get me on at the Improv in San Diego, maybe. Or he always tried to get me on because he thought it was funny when he saw me at Finney Bones in Arizona. So I always owed him for that. He was always cheerleader for me. Co-wrote stuff with me. Dickie Roberts, Joe Dirt. Was a, at one point, a head writer of Saturday Night Live. Yeah, he wrote Black Sheep. Tommy Boy. He's a...

What's on with Anna Faris? House Bunny. He directed House Bunny. Writer, director. And we got to sit with him. I've known him forever. Very funny, very inside stories about all the above. He knew Farley well. He knew everybody. Sandler, all of us. And so we cracked up, and I think you're going to like him, and you're going to like to hear what he has to say. Here he is, Fred Wolfe. Fred Wolfe.

I actually was thinking about that. There is a certain, like when friendships kind of run over where it's like, I don't respect the process because you guys are so cool and my friends forever, but then you guys are steaming mad. I totally get it. This is my first time, by the way, ever using Zoom with a microphone and earbuds.

But I shouldn't say that probably. I should sound more professional. No, people like. No, no. We've had issues with everybody. I won't even mention the guests we've had that were inept. So you're a winner because sometimes it's been 20 minutes, 25 with Wi-Fi issues and stuff. You're just saying that. No.

No, I have notes I was gonna lead off with Wi-Fi issues. This is planned from- That was your first question? With Fred Wolf, I go Wi-Fi issues for 20 minutes. Do you think it, was I overloading it? Because I've run out of topics. You already ran out? This is our 700th, this is our 711th episode today.

And I'm running out of topics. Everybody's talking about the show. And now I'm supposed to say something like that, I know, but it's actually the truth, everybody. Thank you. All these friends. Good to hear. Well, it's really true, though. I'm not lying. And that's in the Montana area and also the Carmel area they're talking about, I hope. That's right. So we're covering a duo state area. Also through Idaho. Oh, we're covering that too? Yeah.

Yeah, the Tri-Cities. Danny goes up there and burns $100 bills every year for a couple of weeks. I just look out at Montana Freeman. I go to their cabins. I talk them down. I go, no, the reset's not happening yet.

It's a great reset. It's a beautiful... It's a great reset, you know? Why would you have a job when a guy opens jars of pickles on Instagram? He's doing seven figures large. Dude, Dana, do you know... Today we're going to do a large dill pickle. We're going to open it. Oh, that's YouTube? Yes, David. Dana, did you know that there's a girl... Now, you know about OnlyFans. I think you and Fred do. But...

There's a girl that farts in a jar. Heather, do you know this? She farts in a jar and she makes about a hundred grand a year and she sells it. I was about to say she farts in a jar. That's not the funny, that's not the crazy part. That's easy. But she sells it and she has a big market.

And now I don't want to say this part. It's gross, but she's, she's selling boob sweat. I'm like, where do you go from farts in a jar? Boob sweat, I guess. Right. Directly. My only question is what's the weird part of this story. And I look and they, and I look back and then behind me, he's got a hundred jars. I go, Dana, what's in there. They're like, the jars are inside the house. That means Dana collects them. All right. I got it. Give me a check. Let's ask Fred about SNL.

well let me just say one one thing really quick is uh i was doing uh sorry hi i guess um i'm trying to uh i'm so damn excited but i was doing the health money editing house money and uh covert and those guys came in and they said you guys see this this is the craziest video we've ever seen and i go i'm tough i can see it they go no you're gonna throw up i've been thrown up for any reason since i was five years old and so i watch it and it's two girls in a cup i don't know if you

Guys know this one? It's like the sickest, craziest thing ever. Do I want to know it? Oh, Danny, you don't know it? Okay. Can you...

Well, if you know it, you can't unknow it. Yeah. That's one of those things. Yeah. Sounds like, Davey, you know what it is? Yeah. Okay. So the thing is, is it made me sick, made me ill, made me depressed for mankind. Just really ill. Well, what will it do to our listeners? How do you explain your boner you had during watching it? Huge boner, which is great because I never get to two, but I did. So I'm watching it. I'm like sick. I'm like, yeah, I'm in my 30s, look like 20s.

And meanwhile, my daughter's 12-year-old friends have all seen it on the internet. They've all watched it. About half the class of a class of 20 have seen that thing at that young age. Tell me that's not true. So 10 people. Oh, we're just going. This nation. The only part of that story that's bullshit is you didn't look 20 when you were 30. There's no way.

Oh shit. The youngest guy really in the biz. Actually, you two guys are literally the youngest looking guys in the biz. You always have been. And that's, that's no bullshit. Uh, Dana. Okay. The first time I saw Dana was at the last stop in Newport beach and, uh, he killed and I go, Oh, uh, he looks young. That's the thing that made me the maddest for his age. Well, but I was young. Well, you were hard to look young in your twenties. Yeah. But you look like you're in your teens. Uh,

And then Davey, I saw him in Phoenix first time ever. I was probably his fifth time on stage, young. And I thought, okay, I hate them already. But then they turned out to be kind of funny. Fred, did we meet that night or you just saw me?

uh we talked i so you just said i think about five minutes or something like that yeah at finney bones oh yeah and then i uh waited for you to come off stage and there's like a little green room there i go hey uh dave's been good set and all that stuff yeah you're funny and all that sort of stuff and then i took a shot and i go um man i think you really got something i think you really got a future in this comedy are you in tech are you serious about it and you said yeah

And so I called the San Diego improv, uh, our buddy, Mark Anderson. Oh, you got me in there. Yeah. I said, Hey, there's this, there's this kid. There's this kid.

he's a he's a young pup i was like yeah and then you went there jesus out of the blocks fast but so were you dana right so uh by the way i have sent me photos of uh missoula montana it's i was up there like four months where i was born yeah and uh i always send you photos so you know once every couple weeks i send you a photo and i always expect you to say oh that's the corner of such and such

but you never have. And so- I'm not that involved. I know where the Big Dipper is in the M on the mountain from the University of Montana. The Dipper, the ice cream place, right? Yeah, yeah. Parents went to school there. Brother went to school there. I know where the Big Dipper is in the sky, kind of. So what was really... No, Fred, go back. So you see Spade, he's 19. He looks like a fetus with shoes.

He's like really young looking. Did he always have kind of a voice? Because you're the first person who just randomly said to me in conversation, and Davey's always had that voice. Spade has a very cool, distinct voice. I still haven't learned it, but by the time we come back for season two, I will have mastered it. I just do the sound effect, David, when he does it. He doesn't do very much. But did he have a voice then, or did his voice kind of –

as he got, or did he still have kind of what this timber he has? It's very potent at 19. By the way, I love those words. And those are good words. Seriously, the timber and all that stuff. I, you know, Hollywood never knew what to call it. They called it it, you know, when someone has it.

And I think that's part of the package when there's a voice and there's a cadence or something that's natural. You can't teach it. And yes, that was the thing that stood out because his jokes were awful. You know how they are, Dana, right? Right. He writes on his charm, his timing, but the material is terrible. It's so cute. He's so cute. He's so funny.

No, and then he did Tom Petty and all that stuff, and that killed the audience. Oh, the Tom Petty. Yes, yeah. I don't understand the world today. And David was never sweaty. He was always cool, on his heels a little bit. Very true. I love on his heels. That's another good term. Yeah. I'm Irish, so I got all these colloquial expressions, but he was always kind of cool and always made it look effortless. So,

that was interesting. Was I a dick when you first met me? Was I cocky back then? No way. In 83? No, so this is a true... It's hard to say compliments to people on their face, on their show, where of course you'd say positive stuff, but I'm... We deal with it. Okay. I just mean I look like such a good ass, but it's so true. It's like, no. At the last stop, I was a house MC about twice a week. I'd go down there. It's like an hour drive down from LA, but we went on a stage time.

And then Dana, you were on stage for reels to just fucking blew the roof off. It was insane. You did chopping broccoli and that stuff. Broccoli was there always, man. It keeps appearing, that fucking chopping broccoli. That fucking thing we get so- That, I am telling you, it's moved to the top of the resume because everyone remembers chopping. Even if it's a throwaway in the middle of your act. By the way, Fred, I've never seen Dana not kill. I'm not even joking. Even if he's doing five guest spot, anything-

Kimmel, always, go ahead. Boom. We'll see. We'll see. There was one set. But yeah, I had broccoli. Chopped up broccoli. And then, first of all, you were nice, but I do want to jump ahead to Dana and Always Killing is that I opened for him one time. I mean, I've opened for him a few times.

And I remember one time up in Ventura, it was, I think. And Dana, I destroyed, I blew the roof off. I really did. And I don't usually. Yes, I remember that. And then I had a great set. Yeah, I had a good set. And I swear to God, I would never, ever think, oh, that guy can't follow me like an asshole. But I was thinking, boy, I wonder if Dana is going to have a tough time. And I feel bad for him because he said, come on, do some time. But the last was so long.

You went on there and I swear to God, it was like twice my set. It was like fucking from like first 10 seconds. First of all, they're happy to see you. And secondly, everything you said was like pure destruction. I thought this is insane. I better get back into standup. Maybe. That's the message. I am.

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That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. Hey, guys. It's Spadoodle. You can always go to DavidSpade.com to look at my tour dates because I bless a lot of cities in America with my hilarious stand-up act. Or you could not go to it and get on my enemy list. Up to you.

So let's talk about your journey. We do like to talk about ourselves. No, no. All right, back to David. Back to Fred. But Dana, Fred started, he had a very interesting beginning. You were already on the show. You met him. I had met him and knew him a little better than you. I think Rob and I, I think I threw in his name to Downey. I think Rob maybe, maybe Sandler. Is that correct, Fred, so far? Yeah, yeah, yes. You can take it from there. Yeah, I was kind of lucky that I did a club in Sacramento. And I was like,

And the club across town, Rob Schneider was there and he came out to see my set. I did 25 minutes or so. And then afterwards we were talking and this is way before any of us kind of clicked. And he just said, oh, you're funny. You're funny. And then years later, I knew you and I knew Adam and you guys got on the show and Dana was the king of the world there. And you guys said, hey, he might want to write on the show. It might be good to have you out here. It might be fun. And so

This was, this is going to sound like a huge, like this Fred Wolf show here, but I will say it happened. It is the Fred Wolf show. You are a guest. I'm so careful not to horn in on you guys' glory here. But I wrote a sketch and I'd never written one before. I'd written jokes and all that kind of stuff, but a sketch was new to me. And so I was watching a show and I go, oh, okay, this is how you write a sketch. So I wrote one out. This is actually the long journey of this and

Dave kind of knows the story, but is I wrote it and I thought, Hey, I think this is a pretty good sketch here. It was called the Mr. Belvedere fan club, you know? And so I sent it out to Davey and, uh, and Adam and Rob and, uh, they got it to Jim Downey, you know? And I heard about this Jim Downey. Oh God, Jim Downey. Yes, exactly. He was the answer to a Jeopardy question a couple months ago, by the way. Yeah. And, uh, I knew the answer right away.

And so I should have been on the show. I would have won. Who does Fred Wolf have a crush on? You're like, this cannot be Jim Downey. Yeah. You're not supposed to say that. You got to kind of play hard to get it up, like coy around Jim. No. So I sent it out to Jim and, uh,

And then he read it and he said, apparently he said, he didn't really talk to me. He said, yeah, okay, let's have him come out and do a two weeks, a guest shot. It was like some sort of setup they had. Something SNL does where they bring you out for two weeks. They bring a writer in to see if they have any game. A tryout. Yeah, a tryout. Yeah. And I guess it's just to kind of get to know who you are and so forth, but they liked the sketch enough to bring me out. So they did, they flew me out.

And then, so I said, oh, okay. They write sketches. They do them on read through on Wednesday. Okay. I say, yeah, right. One of those up. I go, man, how do I do this really fast? I wonder if I could put the Mr. Belvedere sketch in. And so Jim Downey said, yes. Like the third word he ever said to me in his life. Yeah, go ahead. So that's five words. And so I go, okay. So Seinfeld was the host my first time out.

And I kind of knew him. So I went up to him and I said, hey, I might put the sketch in. This is it. He read it. Standing there. I'm standing with him. He's real silent. Didn't laugh out loud once. And then he gets done reading. He says, it's not my thing. A little too dark. I'll read it at the table if you want, but I won't want this on this show.

And my heart was like, just jumped on my throat, on the floor, wanted to pick up my heart. I'm like devastated that he didn't like it. And also I wasn't going to have a sketch on even the read-through. By the way, so you know what? You were smart. You didn't put it in read-through with a stink on it like that. Thank you. Thanks for saying that, Davey. I swear because I was... Actually, I probably asked you. I probably asked you like, what should I do here or whatever. But that was my inclination too, is to not sort of give away some of the laughs if there were going to be any laughs. So...

I, uh, so I held it back and then the next week almost feels providential is Tom Hanks was the host. I'd never met him. Of course. Um, he looked at me like it was most enthusiastic host in history. Like literally, right. Tom Hanks. Like something's wrong with him almost. Yeah. He's actually nice to me. Like the lowest man in the town. He actually called me by my first name. Um, he thought my first name was dumb ass, but whatever. So,

I, he read it and he said, oh, I think it was funny. It was funny. Let's see how it goes at the, at the read through. So we did. And it crushed like it blew the roof off. And Dana, you're used to killing. I get it. And Davey, you've killed this. I wasn't used to this kind of thing. What a rush.

It was probably the best rush of laughs. Could you just quickly give us, just for our college listeners, what do you mean Mr. Belvedere? Was that based on the TV show and what was the gist of that sketch? Because I don't remember, but I remember the name of the sketch. You might have been gone. I don't remember exactly. I might have been gone. Was I there or not? No.

No, you were gone. Yeah, you were gone because Seinfeld hosted once when I was there. So it must have been his second time. Okay. Yeah, that sounds right. So what's the gist of it? Yeah. So there was a TV show called the Mr. Mr. Belvedere. I think. Yeah. And he was he played like a nanny. And the thrust of the apprentice of this sketch was that he had a fan club.

And they were all batshit crazy. By the way, how's swearing on this show? Fine. He was sort of a heavyset, innocuous show that wasn't a huge hit, but it was sort of middle of the road. That was part of the funniness, right? That he wasn't some huge star. It's kind of corny and sweet. Yes. It was like Mr. Belding or something. You know what I mean? Not even as popular. And his fans were batshit crazy. They were really crazy. And Dave's right. They...

over someone that no one really pays much attention to, but they, uh, or they would have, and Tom Hanks sort of would, he would moderate the, uh, the fan club and they would do exercises like, okay, next up, you know, we have to figure out when, if we ever see Mr. Belvedere in real life, how do we act around him? I see. Okay. They all talk themselves into, okay, we do not go crazy. We do not try to like cut his hair off, save his hair for the rest of our lives.

And it was pretty funny. It was a little dark because one of the things was Phil Hartman saying, I will not try to tear the flesh, wear the flesh, be born into new worlds where his flesh becomes my key.

Satanic. It's like dark and nuts and crazy. And I thought, okay, this might get a few laughs. It did. It just blew the roof off, which again, the rush of that, you know, we've all done. Who are the fan freaks? Did you have...

rob in there or dave or sandler who were the fan freaks besides phil it was a full cast sketch which apparently everyone said those are great yeah yeah everybody was in it and because you have you have an a team of really funny people so i guess everybody probably crushed on their when it was their turn yeah you give everyone a question or an answer and they get to go score one line or whatever it's great right and sometimes they'll put up with the two you know like

like the giant stars like being in those they might not want to do one line but this was sort of funny so like for you i would have thank you see he's so cool um yeah and uh it was a full sketch and then they it was uh you're right they all got this sort of hit a little bit farley had something funny to do and then of course fire they all make it funnier what's that

It was Farley's nickname was surefire. Well, he just had a gear and had a thing he did that like, you can't, you will find a voice or a movement just when they go, when Seinfeld was a teacher and we were on the class, we were dumb. And he goes, uh, you know, I'm going to ask you one question. And Farley sticks his hand up and he goes,

And it's not, you know, can you go to the bathroom? And then he slowly pulls his hand down. Like, but he doesn't, he doesn't these three jerky movements where you're like, all you had to do is put your hand down, but he does it in such a weird way that he gets a huge laugh. And you go, God damn. That's kind of what I'm talking about. It's like the thing that people have where you can't teach it. There's no way you can say, Oh, when you put your hand down. No. Yeah. Yeah.

which is his natural. He made it look like a guy just having fun, but he was extremely bright about that and very clever with the use of his body. I remember Mike Myers saying once in second city, he could just destroy, uh, with his character for like a half hour. And then Chris would just kind of lower his chin or do something with his body. And it was just game over. So true. It's like, Oh, we do like his, the, maybe a skipper from Gilligan's Island. Well, whatever his move, not to go back to Farley, but, uh,

you know uh fred you i i don't want to i don't want to not talk about mr belvedere but uh first of all hanks is very cool for having a sort of dark sketch and wanting to do it because he could have killed it but uh even though it did well sometimes they go ah it's not for me but that he's cool that way uh and the sketch killed on the air i i wanted to say when you did there was two farley ones you did i think you wrote polar bear maybe and then you wrote falls in the ice hole

What was? Yes. Yeah. Little Women. Little Women. That was it. I was in that. I think it was me and David Hyde Pierce, maybe. Or maybe it was him. It was. David Hyde Pierce. Yeah. Yeah. It was him, not me. I thought he was me. But it was all like everyone's acting all hoofy doofy from Little Women and Farley's.

If Farley starts out that way. Right. Your plum pudding is ever so scrumptious. That's where I talk. And as soon as he falls to the ice, he's like, whoa, pull me out of here. You fucking whore. Yeah. You bitch. What are you looking at? Stop with your...

Oh, yeah. I remember that. See, that's, yeah, that's a great use of Farlay. And he can yell. If he could swear, it would be a whole nother dimension because his voice when it's booming like that. Yeah. Ian, Max and Graham gave me this. They were all making fun of me because every sketch that I would write in Farlay yelling. All caps. Ian, Max and Graham sent me this little graph and it said like Fred Wolf writing for us now. And it had like these three gauges, one Farlay star. And then the one gauge said on, uh,

uh, soft voice, medium voice screaming. And the dial said, I'm screaming slightly wet, soaking wet, screaming. And, uh, even when far, even when it's the audience knows Fred wrote a ton of movies that,

I was in also like Tommy Boy and Black Sheep, Dickie Roberts. Yeah, let's make sure that was emphasized. But with Farley and those, sometimes he would yell and you'd put it in all caps. I'm like, Fred, do we need to bother typing in all caps here? I think he falls down the hill for three minutes or eight minutes and goes, IE. He's screaming. It's like, don't worry, he'll take care of that part. IE, that was one of his. Yeah, IE, 18 I's, five E's.

As if he doesn't know. Yeah, yeah. Actually, I do. I actually want this. Yeah. I wanted to say something about that too, but should I just do the, I just wanted to kind of say the finale of Belvedere. Yeah. Just say how, how. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I,

what a loser i am well that's your that's like your first born or something i mean that is a huge killer sketch on us no that's like the confidence of that but it was yeah it was pretty cool and by the way uh i i love talking about farley so here i'm saying like oh no still my way here this show here but uh i just want to finish up with the we'll get we'll get to more chris in the movies you did with chris and david for sure but i'm on i'm on a belvedere state of

mind. Oh yeah, we're all back. Now here we are, back in Belvedere. Okay. Slipped into a little Dennis Miller there. We're doing 12 minutes on the Belvedere. Freddie Wolf. That's a good podcast. Is the fly still on the wall? Fly just blew his fucking brains out, guy.

can't do dennis enough love love his attitude care the character the character of dennis as well so what happened with belvedere before we get lost so okay so we do the belvedere and then um the musical guests don't worry this goes wrong this goes horribly wrong so let me puff myself up for a second here i did not want a happy ending thank god go ahead oh yes yes i know sweating is he actually gonna say something happy but uh no so it was bruce springsteen was a musical guest and uh

I allies to dude. Wow. I had three posters on my wall, every word of a darkness on edge of town, all that. And there he was, he's out there while they're doing, while Hanks and them are doing my sketch.

and he's out there and i don't know should i watch my sketch which is the coolest things ever happened in my life or should i watch spring scene like just pretending to warm up his guitar because he's standing there getting ready to do the song and i go i'm going for spring scene watching him in the dark there you know how they have lights off uh oh on the music while he's getting ready but he's in the dark exactly not to pull focus yeah strap exactly yeah his tuner yeah but i'm staring at him and uh

he's laughing i see him laughing i'm like there's no he's laughing at his guitar string just did something funny and it turns out that maybe he was laughing the sketch i'll tell you so so the sketch goes on and it does it does well it does great he blows the roof off it did really not it was really good and then after uh hanks came up to me and he said it was great and all that sort of stuff and uh just it was like i'd love giuliani came up to me uh

Dana, who's the LSD guy from San Francisco? Timothy Leary. Leary was there? God, what a cavalcade of characters. Yeah, I asked Dana just because Dana knows San Francisco. That's the only reason I asked. I'm young. I don't know that. Plus, he knows everything. So, yeah, so he came up to me and they were just all, this is a funny sketch, funny sketch. And then Springsteen came walking up and I'm like, what the fuck is happening here? What the hell? He's coming closer. He's coming to me. What? And he goes, hey, that sketch is really funny. He told me he wrote it. I was

That's not a good spring scene at all, by the way. I'll do a pinch hit there. They told me that sketch sure was funny. They told me you wrote it. That's it? That's it. All right. So then you're...

- He's a bit grumpy old man. I was a little too deep on that one. So your sketch kills. - Actually, real quick, I was just saying, like an idiot, I go ahead. - Spring's seen your best friend. Okay, go ahead. - We met, I said, actually you and I met, Bruce. - Oh boy. - Back at the Hollywood YMCA. And he goes, "Oh yeah, that used to be my spot." And he was looking away. - Were you on the other side of that glory hole?

I was on the side. We didn't really meet face to face. I used to follow you in the bench press. I had to put a lot more weight on it. You used to tell me you'd see him at the Y, honestly, back in the day. He got into weights heavily. Yeah, he did. He said that he told me, my friend Bruce, he told me that working out

for three and a half hours, lifting weights and stuff, was nothing compared to a concert. He said after a concert, he rung out like crazy. So I kind of believe them because anything you say, I was going to say yes sir. I think that's true. I think that's true. Yeah. And by the way, he told me that he goes, I can't believe they made me take my picture for the YNCID. And

Like he was not offended. Yeah. Right. But he said, people should know who I am probably in my head. I'm thinking, you know, who the hell are you? Take your picture. Why complain? No, but so, so he said it was good. And he said, nice. And he started talking and then like everyone's close around me. And then Jim Downey walked by and said, uh, good sketch young man. Those are the four words he said there. And, uh, I was walking on air and I thought like, Oh, suddenly I'm like

I'm like, all right, I'm cool. All right. So this is my request. I just want to go backwards for like three seconds because I, if I was listening to this, I'd be like, Oh, Fred Wolf, he was in the clubs. Uh, then he knew David and Rob, and now he wrote this sketch. But if you could just like, you have some just great,

one liners or very short things you've done you have in your stand-up kind of can you just give us unless you can't give me some like three classic because i think it would set the table for why as a stand-up fred was really strong but then as a writer it was even stronger because you had wrote great stuff it's hard to write great jokes david you have one of a fred i know classic yeah here's one do you remember this little number so this this club is great um

They're so nice to me. They actually sent a limo to pick me up. It was a really big limo. I had a bar in it. It was a gay bar, but still. It's just a good joke. Is that close to what it was? Very good, yeah. And of course, it's funnier when you guys say it. Okay, here's another one. I went to the dentist and the guy goes, I have to extract your teeth, your back molar. So I'm going to have to cut a four inch hole in your cheek.

and then I'm gonna pry it open and then I'm gonna dig in there and get it. And he goes, "Can I just open my mouth?" And he goes, "Well, I know the first way works." - See those are very, those are very skilled, very skilled at riding. - Those are short too. They're like boom, boom. You could open with those too.

You woke up with a spider in your bed? I woke up with a spider in my bed. I thought, man, I must have really been drunk last night. I slept with my pillow over my head and woke up the next morning. All my teeth were gone. It was a $10 bill there. Teeth. Teeth. I went on in Montana. I did stand up there a month ago or so, missing a tooth, my bottom tooth. Every tooth joke destroyed. Because it was connected to you missing the bottom tooth. You pointed that out.

I was one of them. Anyway, so that's why you were able to become a great writer because you had some great writing training and stand up and stand up is the ultimate, uh,

Uh, you can't, you can't play around. You either get a laugh or you don't. It's very painful when you don't get a laugh. And you can read a joke packet. You can read two jokes and go, he's got some game. You know, it's, it's very, you can tell very quickly if something is clicking. And I'm sure we, we probably read Mr. Belvedere first, me and Rob, and just in our minimal experience there thought this is at least good enough to go to the next level. Or we would have stopped you there and said, do you have anything else?

You know what I mean? It was great. So give it a Downy. Cause that's a big thing to give it a Downy. You get one swing. He doesn't like it. You're not going to get another one red probably. That's right. And you guys were nice enough to tell me that. What was the sad part about the end of a. Well, so, so it did great. And I, I fully expect there to be more to the story usually in my life. And I'm not, I'm not like a sad sack. I'm just saying it doesn't come easy a lot of times because of, uh,

low self-esteem and so forth so i was walking on air and i thought this is like the coolest thing i think i've ever experienced you know of this nature and then i everyone was saying oh you're going to come back as a guest writer that was great no guest writer has ever gotten a sketch on supposedly at that point and this was top of the show sketch and did well and people seemed to like it and so i thought okay and this was towards the end of that season and so then

The next season would start like over the summer, it would pass and so forth. And everyone said, you're hired. You're hired. There's no way. This is so great. This is going to be so fun having you out there.

and then september rolls around and nothing like nothing even by september you already should have known by it i know people like you were going back and sandler and uh a couple you know they were saying like yeah we're heading out when you're coming out wow you guys were so nice about it but um we all assumed and so when you assume you make an ass of you and me but i uh i called i called kenny among who i've gotten to know since this phone call

The producer, SNL, kind of took care of everything. When Jim Downey was on your guys' show, did Dave do his impression of Jim Downey by any chance? I don't remember mine. Oh my God, it was so great because I said, Jim, you got to see Dave, do you? He didn't like it. Oh,

I know he's worried. Yeah. I know. I do this. I go, no, no. It's how you close your office door and turn to walk away. That's what it is. With the keys and the yeah. Yeah. Physical. And he looks back. I remember that. With the keys. With the keys and all that. And looking around, reaching for the keys and looking around like he's going, he's trying to hide in that office. And the one foot is pigeon toed. The one foot is pigeon toed. You got the whole thing.

And even down, he loved it. He actually said he liked it. So anyway, so I called Kenny among the producer, right? Because I said, why am I coming out? And he goes, no, for they're not bringing it back.

I go, oh, oh. Really? I like you have to ask. You're like, are we still dating? He's like, no, we broke up three months ago. Yeah, I felt silly. Just for a second. But can I ask you a question? So Belvedere is on like in February, March, or was it toward the end of the season? I think it was like the third to last show, yeah. And so in the final shows, you didn't get anything on then? Or what happened in the post-Belvedere shows? Actually, thanks.

thanks for asking because I, they did bring me back for another two weeks. Yes. And then I wrote a sketch that, um, almost made it to dress, but they said something like, hold it. Uh, this is good, but hold it. Don't let's not, uh, fiddle with it so much. That's actually part of the story a little bit, but, um, so thank you for asking and thanks for setting it up. That's true. Uh, so yeah, so came on, I, when I talked to him later, when I got to know him,

I said, yeah, you were kind of brutal on the phone there. And he goes, I had to rip the bandaid off, man. I've had to do that call so many times. It's really rough. Jesus. To say, no, we hate you. He's the mess. He's just a messenger. So as anyone would stay, if they're telling this story to a 10 year old and then what happened?

Exactly. So, uh, so when he said that on the phone and, uh, at this point I had bought my mother's house for her. Uh, she was losing her house up there in Montana, a log cabin store. And so I had no cash at all. So my girlfriend at the time, now my wife, she, uh, said, why don't you move in with me? Cause it helped pay the bills and all that stuff. And I did. And, uh, I kind of thought I was going to be working there. So I didn't really have a job and so forth. So I,

I started, you know, went out and started doing standup and I was really bummed out. But a week later I said, there's two ways to go here. So that's the top of the top of the top. And there I was for a second. I could kind of just give up to stand up and just sort of, you know, open a dry cleaner one day or something, or maybe I'll keep trying to write sketches. And this is where Davey and, and Rob and Adam and those guys came in and, uh,

Yeah. Giving me encouragement and stuff. And I read another sketch and say, Hey, what about this one? But then about halfway through the season that I was not back at, I got a call from Rob Schneider between dress and air. He said, we just did the sketch that you wrote when you were here as a guest writer. It was called stoop rank outs and we just did it. And you're not going to believe what happened. Stoop rank outs, the host with Joe Pesci.

And Scorsese and Robert De Niro came by to visit Pesci and they jumped into your sketch. And they were two of the guys that walk. It was insane. It was so cool. The premise was, it was Pesci and Adam Sandler, I think on the, on the steps and everyone walking by, they would have some insult to say it's like New York city. I grew up in New York city. Making fun of them when they walk by. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, such and such called. They went through such and such back. It was based on my New York city experiences. And,

And they became. So in that sketch that I had written before I knew Pesci would ever do anything like that, I had written that one of the guys walking by that got insulted said, you guys are assholes. And one of these days, a real rain is going to come and wash all the scum off the streets. And you're going to be the scum.

And that line is directly from Taxi Driver, my favorite movie of all time. So I was sketching their business and with Pesci and who's out there to does that? Shut the fuck up. It's fucking crazy. It's, it's not, it's like, there's a 7 billion people on this planet. There's two people. Wow.

that did that line that I wrote. Oh my God, it was Scortese and De Niro. What the fuck? That's awesome. That's a crime. That's a chills. But by the way, Bill Hader, we've heard from a couple of guests that taxi driver is their favorite.

That's their movie, their first love. So it's interesting you bring it up as well. But to have De Niro say the line in your sketch when you Kenny said you weren't coming back and then Schneider calls you probably sounds like this. You're never going to believe what just happened. I'm sorry. Let me finish. Don't talk over me. Springsteen called me at home during that. I think this is Fred's.

I think they're losing Fred's Dana. So anyway, Timothy Leary called and said, there was a flying elephant. You're like, and then Bruce Springsteen put me in his shoulders again and saying, for he's a jolly good fellow. I'm like, no one really confirmed that part. Well, that was over back by the, uh, he made it. They may, I made my fingers. I move a little bit. And I asked Fred, what court is this? And he says, no, he seven minor.

No, Fred found out later that Bruce Springsteen's guitar string did say something funny to him, and that's what he was laughing at. Everyone now knows why I hung on your guys' coattails. Oh, my God. Not at all. So that's a Cinderella story. So then what happens? Do you get called in for that one? Do you get called like, hey, we're doing it? You get rehired, right? And you get rehired. Well, so that's the good part is I.

I almost didn't care at this point because those guys did my lines, but no, again, silence. No, no, nothing. And Rob is the only one who told me it ever happened. And so it didn't make a show. It got cut for lots of reasons. Time. What? It didn't make the show with De Niro doing a cameo. Oh,

Mike Scorsese? Yeah. And I think there's other, I think there's reasons. How did they botch it? God has a plan. So, you know, let him do his thing. Let him do his thing. Don't insult God. Geez. Yeah. Why are you mad at God? Yeah. Leave God alone. Damn, Bobby.

And Marty. And by the way, Rob was so great. So the fact that he called and said all that stuff, and he was kind of recounting the whole thing, blah, blah, blah. And he goes, I got to go. I got to go. We're going to air. So by the time he probably knew it was cut, he didn't tell me. So anyway, that was like about midway through the next season when I wasn't there. And I go, man, that gives me hope, though, that they actually remember me. And I was talking to Davey, like, Dave, we...

we talked like at least twice a week and very close all the skinny and stuff and what's going on we're all really really good friends we haven't seen each other since the pandemic just so the audience knows we're all very we've worked together extensively and we'll get to that that's right and uh yes and uh my two idols um actually there's five of you guys and uh but you're three beetles on the line i'm guessing the other three ready

Oh, okay. Okay. Or should I not say it? Maybe not. Is that okay? Yeah, because you'll have to say someone isn't and that'll make you feel worse. Oh, right. That's true. But if Dana and I made the two out of five, that's good if that's true. I said it. I said the five on stage in front of Jodor too and I felt so stupid because whatever.

How do you get permanently hired as a writer? The plot is thickening now. Okay, well, thanks. You can't get it with those two. It's like, does anyone have hope? So I did start thinking like, okay, what's up here? And so this was kind of cool too. What do you want from me?

Yeah, exactly. I'm so good. Why don't you see it? Two for two. Yeah, that's right. Kind of. Springsteen called Lorne. Yes. I don't know if there's anything there. That kid's got something, I swear to God. I'm Bruce Springsteen. No, Springsteen said, I know you need him in New York, but I need him on the other side of that glory hole in LA. Yeah.

no smart list did 20 minutes on it as i was like holy tomatoes i'm a little bit of a prude but i don't i don't mind fucking swear words yeah so fred how'd you get hired on this fucker okay sorry so here we go um shit oh my god i'm in trouble now uh so so so they uh

uh still radio silence i never i had never really talked to jim downey when i was out there like uh you know he's he's a man he's the oz he's the guy brilliant writer a lot of stuff yes he's incredible and uh smart as hell so i figured okay he doesn't want to talk to somebody dumb because you know how that that could work yeah uh water finds his own level he didn't want to find my level so i uh

I started kind of thinking, okay, there might be an opening here now. So then I started writing sketches and started sending them to Downey. And I'll never know if he read them or not, but I kind of got a little bit of hope and I was working and I still wasn't able to get a job just to kind of, you know, I did stamp and so forth, but still broke and all that sort of stuff. And then about four months passed and the next season is going to start happening in about a month or so.

And this is like so hard to believe what I'm going to tell you guys. And it's like a huge brag. I can't help it. I love this. In one day. Own it, brother. What's that? Own it, brother. Okay. There you go. Again, it's providential in some way. In one day, in a seven-hour period, I got three phone calls. The first one was Chevy Chase. Called me on the phone, Chevy Chase. He had a new show, talk show, and he wanted to know if I wanted to be a writer.

And I said, yes, sir, I do. And so I hung up the phone going, I got a job and it's with Chevy Chase. And I was that guy. Then the phone rang about two hours later and it was Smigel saying, do you want to come right on the Conan O'Brien show? They were just starting that show late night. Smigel was my champ. Oh my God, he couldn't believe it. And I go, oh damn, I'm working for Chevy Chase. And my God, I can't believe you called me. Then two hours later, Jim Downey called me. All in one day, all in a seven hour period, Downey called.

- Damn. - Young man, we were thinking about bringing you out to work on "Starry Night Live" as a writer. And I said, "Oh my God in heaven, I want you so bad." I said yes to Chevy Chase, and Downey actually on his end got out a calculator, he said, and told me what I would make on the show and all that sort of stuff.

And he said, I think you might be better off out here in terms of the sound. He was actually trying to talk me into it. I'm like, what the fuck happened here? But because I said yes to the almighty Chevy, I did that show. And I did that for about 11 weeks and then it got canceled. And the next day, literally the next day, I got on a plane and I flew out there and I got to Siren Lab. Okay. One last thing to wrap it up. So you blew off Conan? Yeah.

Yeah, fuck him. I mean, Conan and Smigel is a great combo to say no, but one day before you would have, of course, dove at that. Yeah, and to be fair, I didn't know Conan that well, so I didn't know if he was going to like my stuff, but Smigel was like, yeah, he was a passionate. Well, you had an SNL, that's the thing. Two brilliant guys. Conan was...

he was beginning his superstar career at that point. Oh yeah. And so, and so just to, just to kind of put the little cap on the end of it. So I flew out there and I was so excited. Of course I was there and Harry, I'm not starting life.

And in my first week, I will say this, my first week of the show had already started too. Cause uh, uh, Chevy was on for 11 weeks, like I said, and uh, the show started and my first week there, like everyone's going, hi, welcome back, welcome back. And there's new writers there and all sorts of stuff. And the first show was, I forget who the host was, but I put sketches in and there were 20 page sketches and those are bad 20 pages. It ate it so hard. It got no laughs, the first sketch. And then Lauren came to the second sketch and the pile of 45 sketches.

And he's moving on. And he put my sketch in the back of the file. Oh, oh, oh. And people were not looking at me after the Dave talked to me. Rod talked to me.

Adam talked to me. So it was the bad boys who were still there. There was still Farley, Sandler, Spade. Yes. And they all talked to me. A lot of people didn't talk to me because they thought, oh, this is a guy that they flew out. This is a guy they were talking about. So it ate it. It tanked and all that stuff. And then the next week, luckily, and just to finish the story, I put in something for Christian Slater and got on the show and it did great. And everything was fine. Was it dysfunctional family feud?

No, but man, is that funny? That was funny. Yeah. No, it was, uh, yeah, it was, uh, what a photograph store or something like that, but it was just fun. And there I was, and I was super happy. And I met you guys. I'm a nibbler Dana. And I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. Um, and I think, cause I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up.

They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is Pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Sea salt and vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah, look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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Remember, Fred, we wrote the heroin store. Was that me and you? Yeah. Yeah. Where all the windows were taped up with aluminum foil and everyone was on heroin. Every time someone opens the door to come in, they're like, shut the door. Hey, come on. And that's where you had in there. It's written in there. You had, we need more cowbell. They were writing a song. The heroin guys were there writing a song at the store.

And, and you're, you're lying. I remember saying one guy says we need more cowbell. There's no way that Farrell heard that, but you said it first. We need more cowbell. I always remember that.

Interesting. I'm going to get Will on the line here as we continue. Let's pass him to him. He wasn't there then, so he didn't hear that. But you had a great run. And I think, Fred, we, Chris Rock left, then Adam and Chris left, and then I left. And I think you stayed a year and you were bumped to head writer.

Yeah, that was really cool. So, uh, yes, that's exactly how it happened. So I had a few years there and we, you and I did a few movies and so forth. And so this is actually kind of funny. So I was, uh, can I have a question? Yes, sir. About those few years. So did you, uh, you, you became adaptive to the show. You learned, you like, Oh, this is the kind of sketch that works on this show. I mean, you must've had a huge learning curve to become head writer, right?

Cause then you have to manage people. I mean, all of a sudden your head writer from having a rough time getting on the show, I was at like a three year period where you must've really mastered the show. They don't make anyone head writer. That's a big deal. Let's actually say that. And, uh, I will say, uh, to pat me on the back. Yes. I, I kind of stared really hard at every sketch and just said, I wonder how this will go. I wonder what Donnie would think of this. I wonder how this, why did that get this book? I mean, why is this, why this click and so forth. And it was a very fun thing to do. It's like, well,

One of the only things I actually can do okay, which is sort of analyze something and say, okay, this it's, it's funny because Dave and I have talked about this before in Tommy boy, the, the scene that blew the roof off in front of test audiences was a deer waking up in the car and trashing the car and the audience, they just went nuts when they saw that. And then when Farley is putting on Davey's jacket, fat guy, a little coat,

test audiences they go yeah yeah yeah but then like 20 years later you ask people about tommy boy and they'll say fat guy in a little coat yes that's what like lives on yes they remember the most throwaway jokes they have to see it so many times and then it changes of what's their favorite yeah yeah and plus also there's gut laughter and then there's that thinking laughter and it's just as like a jack handy sketch for instance just has that

Just beautiful thoughts in there. And this, you might not laugh out loud like crazy, but there's just something about them that stay with you. And I would study those. I would study Dana. Dana, I would study when Dana did Tom Brokaw, for instance, one of the funniest things I ever heard, just the voice, the cadence. And why would they get a laugh? Someone else doing Tom Brokaw, me doing Tom Brokaw, nothing, zero. And so there was just something about it. And I would study that.

I had Davey's voice in my head. We have the same sort of background, almost same number of brothers now. Dave's got two brothers. I had three. And we're both from a certain type of background. I kind of knew his thought process. I knew why he was funny because he has that voice, that cadence and so forth. But I wouldn't know, like Adam Sandler, I'd say, okay, what is it about him? Why is he special? What is going on there? What's happening?

And you started saying, okay, I could tailor it towards that, tailor it towards this, or I could do something a little bit out of the ordinary. And it's the one show I think that was on TV at that time that just had something interesting going on where it wasn't, as Laura would say, we're not doing Carol Burnett. He would say he loved that show.

but we're doing something where it might be a little bit odd here and there. The five to one piece. Remember we'd call those the... At the end of the show, it would be a gamble piece that might not work. Right. And it would be a soft, quiet piece or whatever, but they'd take a chance on it. They'd just put it out there. And some people would love those pieces. They had the cult following. So yeah, Dana, to answer your question, yeah, there was like a...

And then all of a sudden you're writing, by the way, Downey used to always say he didn't like bits that played to the, we call the Yahoo. So the people, woo, not really a laugh, but ho, ho, ho, ho.

You know that? He didn't want that. But so then just because this is you and David, like, so go down the movies. Like, you know, obviously, Tommy Boy, you punched up, right? Yeah. And wrote a lot on that. And then you guys did sequels. You did Joe Dirt. So why don't you guys talk for a bit? I'm just going to listen. Yeah.

Oh, but Dana, you were such a big part of all this stuff because we all wanted to make Dana laugh. One thing I will, Lauren wanted Jim Downey to do a pass on Tommy Boy and Downey said to Lauren that he would do it if I would do it because it'd be fun or whatever and they wanted Downey to fly out to LA and do it. So I did it with him for about three or four days and then I knew the director, Pete Siegel. This was before

David has a giant part in this whole thing. But so, yeah. So that happened about season three, Dave or something. I don't know. I forget what year that happened, but we were writing that. And I think because that was such a great experience and a lot of wild stuff and

David, Chris flying back and forth to Toronto. I think we were in the trenches, all of us together. These guys worked much harder than I did, of course, all that flying back and forth. You guys, so actually there was a friend of mine, Annette, and they listened to your show like religiously. And they said, can you talk about when you're on the show what the week is like at SNL? This is the perfect opportunity to do it. On Monday, we sort of beat the host and we all sit in Lauren's office and pitch out something.

Then on Tuesday and Wednesday, we write like crazy Monday night to write sketches. And on Wednesday, there's a read through and they read about 40 sketches and they pick the ones that are going to show. And then Thursday and Friday, they build the sets and they get ready for dress rehearsal on Saturday. And Dave and Chris were flying back and forth. They would be there. I think you would meet the host on Monday, right? Then fly out Monday night. Is that how it went? No, we would shoot Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, come in for read through.

A read-through on Wednesday. And then we'd go back that night. You would fly out that night after read-through, right? And where were you flying to? Were you shooting in Canada? Toronto. Toronto. And you're shooting Tommy Boy and going in and out. Yeah. And then we'd shoot Thursday and come back Friday morning and rehearse and do the show Saturday and then leave after the show. In the block. Yeah. Or if Farley wanted to go to the wrap party, we'd have to wait. But we're shooting Sunday morning at seven. So I go, can we skip the wrap party? No.

You said, if Farley wanted to go to the office. And that was his way, him speaking softly. No! Yeah. My dial was set incorrectly. It's got to be screaming wet. But, so, oh, so you, did you guys film on Sunday then? Yeah. Or just, oh, wow, Jesus. That scene with Rob Lowe where we're in like a, you know, where they're making cars and Rob Lowe gets hit in the balls and,

I don't want to give the whole movie away. Rob Lowe. And then I think Ackroyd's in it. It's the only day we could all be there and we could rent this place. And we shot 24 hours. We've never done that. We just kept shooting. So we didn't have it done. So we went all the way into Monday and then we just, you know, that was a beating, but it was, it obviously worked out. We'd call Fred if he didn't fly up with us and say, what about this? We're thinking of like, is it a clip on, you know, this little throwaway jokes where we're putting everything and I'll let you finish, but it all worked out. Thank God. And that's why we,

Try to do black sheep the following summer. I got married and I while we were writing this thing, trying to get it ready, I got married and we went on our honeymoon and on the plane I saw the guys giving the directions, the flight attendants giving the directions. So I called Dave

as soon as we landed, I go, "Hey, what about when you guys were on the airplane and you're giving flight directions?" And Dave said, "Oh yeah, what about the singing superstar?" And they changed the radio channel. And I'm like, "Oh my God, this is fucking great." And so I type it in on my honeymoon and my wife got really mad. She really did. She was supposed to be on honeymoon.

I go back off. So you go turn into a money moon. And it was like, it was the best. It was writing like Saturday night live stuff. So one of the cool things is Lauren started like knowing my name a little bit. It was nice. Fred. Yeah. Oh, go, go. We all do dinner. That's Fred's. Did I ever done Lauren Michaels starting an outboard motor?

Okay. He's in a little bit of a motor. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

I did not start it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

He's all of our dad in a way. Right. Because I had no dad. But we'd walk through Beverly Hills one night. So Austin Powers opened that weekend. I went and saw it Friday. The night it opened at the Chinese Theater. And then he and I were walking on Saturday and we're walking. And all of a sudden he goes, I hear. I'm doing dinner, of course. I hear that Mike is doing me in a movie.

And I go, oh, I just saw the night before and he was like identical to Lauren. Like there was no, like nothing, nothing but Lauren. And I'm going like, was he? I heard he was. Did he have to name him Dr. Fucking Evil? But it's true. Yeah.

I could see from Lauren's perspective. Yeah. Yeah. However, I think Lauren, from what I understand, he wasn't, of course, he sucked the mic about it. And yeah, there was a lot of James Bond villains in there. Yes. Lauren is a great character and he has a great rhythm and an incredible intellect. So,

fun, fun voice to do. He was going to be in my drunk parents. I had him all lined up. He was going to do it. He was going to do it. He said, yes, he would. And really, well, I both call and he was going to do it. And I wanted him in it so bad, but we had to change the schedule because it snowed or whatever. Anyway, so by the way, when we walked through Beverly Hills for about a couple of years, when I first started walking, Lord had walked down the middle of the sidewalk

And I'd be walking like over the roots, the tree roots, all the buckles. Right. Just ducking branches and strolling. French Kings. Yes. And, uh, and trees are violent. I started knowing maybe I was rising a little bit when I started walking, I got a little inch of the sidewalk. Yeah. I'd take my little part of the concrete, but, uh,

He basically, we were walking and he talked about what it would be like to be a head writer. And Jim Downey at this point was looking to cut back on his hours and work with Norm on stuff. And we get to a corner where Nate Nowles is. And he just turns to me and goes, I was wondering if you wanted to be the head writer. And I cannot believe I said this. First of all, I can't believe that that happened. It went from like nothing to that. And then for some reason it came out of my mouth. I go, sure, if you'd make me a future player.

And he said, done like that. It was all one sentence. And he said, dad, he said, who the fuck are you to ask me or tell me anything? Then he picked you up and carried you. I wanted, that's like a movie thing. I want to do that at some point. Someone asked me about a negotiation and I'll just say done, done. I know done's a great one. Just one word done. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't talk anymore. It's done. Okay.

It's just so, it's very Lorne. He's brilliant. Done means done.

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So you barely got on the show. Now you write Tommy Boy and then you're the head writer. This is the 90s, late 90s. Your career's taken off. Do you get kind of a big ego?

Are you kind of, I'm just kidding. You're very self-deprecating the whole way through, right? I think with super low self-esteem, what I got to is like normal. No, I'm joking. I know I was very proud of it. I was very proud of hard. I worked to do it. I was proud I didn't give up, but no, I was always sure that something was going to happen. They're going to pull the rug out or someone's going to find out what a fraud I am. So I don't know if I had time to be. Luckily they haven't yet. Not yet. Yeah. But then you went black sheep. Then he went,

we did a dickie roberts that's us two together writing and then we did joe dirt and then you went and then he directed house bunny which was a big one you know that was a great one house bunny was a hit it was a blast you know one of the things about house money which i get to say is anna ferris has that certain thing we were talking about and emma stone there's that something where when they come in like when emma came in to audition for that uh part in house money

where I'm going to sound like I think I'm a genius. I'm not. I'm just saying this is the one thing I'm pretty good at is when she left the room, she had read for one part. And I told Heather Perry, I said that she could any part she wants in the movie that

And she was 18 years old when she came in. There was just something about her. I want to, I want to tell you guys, this has to do with you guys and Dana, you were the King at this point. So like, like literally the King, like when you got SNL, everyone, all the comics in LA, we're talking about everybody because you were mostly based in San Francisco. So you weren't around the LA scene as much, but we all knew you and everyone would talk about you. So it sounds like you're being left out of this. You're not, you were huge and everyone wanted to be Dana Carter, but, um,

I was working on the first TV show I ever got. It was called Too Hip for TV, and it was on NBC Daytime. And Brandon Tartikoff, I don't know why, but he came to my office and said, you're a stand-up comedian, right? And I go, yeah. I have really funny jokes when I hear them. And he said, could you tell us the names of some comedians that might be good to host this show?

And I said, sure, of course. And so I took that weekend and this was really interesting to me is that I made a list of like all my friends. This is a chance to get somebody to work. And what year is this? Uh, 88. Yeah. And, um,

And so I made this list and I remember like I've friends and I would say like, uh, uh, Dave knows some of these guys. Like I would say Tim Rose. Oh, funny guy, but maybe wouldn't show up on time or whatever. Nothing. I shouldn't say the names, but, and I kind of went through all my names and the ones here's the five that I settled on.

that I thought had what it takes. They were totally unknown at this time. Had what it takes, had that certain something, had it, the charisma, would show up on time, know how to shake hands, know how to talk to executives, and would know how to memorize the stuff that we had to do. It was half our show, comedy, and the five names, and they were completely unknown. I love this buildup. Yeah. It was Rob Schneider, David Spade, Adam Sandler, Colin Quinn, and George Clooney. Holy shit. Those are the five. Wow. Totally unknown.

And Colin Quinn got it. He got the host. They blew off Clooney and Sandler. Yeah. I think if I remember right, Dave and Rob auditioned for it together for some reason. Yeah, we did stuff together back then. I mean, they would bring us in together. And I think who got it? Ahmet Zappa? Dweezil Zappa, maybe? Yes, it was Colin Quinn and Ahmet Zappa. Good memory. Dang. Dang. Because I was furious. You should have been. Actually, there was one guy. I still have a voodoo doll.

I remember there was one guy, I won't say his name. I thought, oh, I'll put him on the list. And then when I talked to him about it, he didn't seem that excited. And I said, oh, he's not going to even show up for the edition maybe. So I kind of crossed his name off. But, and that guy was, I was clean. No, but all kidding aside, those are the five names. And there was just that certain something. And so-

House Bunny was sort of a cakewalk because Anna had that something. Just a little arithmetic because you're good with numbers like that, that, that cadre, that, that five, if,

If you had to just write now on a quiz show, what is the net worth of those five individuals in 2022? Is it 700 million, 900 million, or one billion? Dana, when he was doing House Bunny, Fred, when you were doing House Bunny, remember I did a

I knew House, but I didn't, I don't know if I read it, but you were like, it's five women and they're all funny. And, and I just done something with Rihanna and she was so new. And I said, you know, who's got that certain, this girl's unreal. She's gorgeous. She's talented. It might be too late because she's singing and I don't even know what she's doing, but I don't know how I ran into her.

and then you said yeah let's bring her in and you i think you did literally bring her in and talk to her yeah and then she was going on tour yes that's right oh she couldn't do it and she would have been great it was really early in rihanna's yeah because anytime anytime guys like you brought up a name like that obviously all hands on deck but yes she came in and met and it was really cool and she was great and she would have been great in the movie oh my god it would have been unbelievable but um

I was, there's this guy named Mike Sanborn and he's a, he's a really good guy. He's a ex special forces FBI now. And he's like a, like a hotshot, you know, and he actually mentored my daughter, my daughter in the FBI just started three years ago. And I'm super psyched. Your daughter is in the FBI. Yeah.

She just started, yeah. She's training. Yeah, training out here in D.C. Okay, that's a newsflash. Wow. And you met Molly, you know. Of course. That's all we can say about it, Dan. That's all we can say. Iceberg is a sweet, sweet little, and now she's like. Yeah, has two daughters. Great.

I'm not going to play games. I want answers and I want them now. I mean, somebody, so I'm going to put you on a no fly list, but anyway, she's mad. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. But Sanborn is like this, like super tough guy. And I always think like,

like, what are you, who are you that you're a special force that you'd die for your country that you would do all this sort of stuff. Meanwhile, he tells me like stupid little jokes and Tommy boy. And like, I'm like, I can't even believe he knows the movie, let alone like laughing at jokes. He's usually laughing at Dave stuff, but it's, uh, it's just like, it doesn't make sense to me. This whole laughter thing. Uh, Dana, when you, uh, there's so many stories, so many stories, but anyway, uh, sorry, sorry. So how's funny was a cakewalk. Sorry. Because, uh, on a, uh,

was is uh anna was a star she's got such a great charisma about her she's funny she's likable she was that was like the perfect movie for her it's yes it was it and uh and emma

Stone just had that sort of, actually the entire cast just had that little something. Catherine McPhee was in it. There's a lot of people in it. Yeah. Yeah. And what about Dirty Work? I want to hear about that before we got to go. Oh, so let me do, let me tell you about Norm really quick. So Dirty Work, so Norm MacDonald, I'll never know exactly how I helped, but maybe I did. So Norm was also a friend. And so I was outside in the office waiting to meet Lauren for the first time to be a guest writer. And, uh,

I was sitting there for two hours and I remember Chris Rock came to set me up. People say, you're not going to wait for a lot. You're sitting there for two hours. They say, I'm going to leave, man. I'm going to show my mom, my own man. No, you will not get the job. And so everything is like a, a army movie or something. You stay seated private. Go ahead. And,

And so I was in the outside area and there's all these people always outside Lawrence's office. There's maybe 40 people there, at least 50. I hear one of them saying, we saw this guy named Norm MacDonald last night performing at the Catch a Rising Star.

And I hear that and I, and I call over and go, oh, are you talking about Norm MacDonald? And they go, yeah, we saw him last night. Um, I think he might audition for the show. And I go, oh, uh, it was funny. And he was really funny. I go, oh, you want to see his act? So yeah. And so I stood up and did like about maybe four or five minutes of Norm's act while waiting for it and destroyed, blew the roof off. Ah,

And Lorne stuck his head out of his office. What's going on? Come on. One of them said, he's doing Norm MacDonald. He's doing Norm MacDonald. Do you remember one of the lines? Probably wouldn't, right? Do you remember one of the lines you said? Oh, the game show. It's me, Bob. Oh, damn. I know, I put you on the spot. I got one, David. Yeah, he goes, I saw it. He goes, I saw a homeless guy with a dog.

On the corner laying down and he goes, this dog must be thinking this is the longest fucking walk. Yeah. I got one too. Now is some people say, you know, I'm an optimist area. And I got an optimist and there's a pessimist, you know, the pessimist looks at the glass and says, no, no. An optimist looks at the glass and I don't know. A pessimist looks at the glass and says the glass is half empty. I'm a pessimist. I look at that glass and I say it's half full, but I think I might have bowel cancer or,

Okay. Here's my... I don't remember that one. That's a great one. I like Norm's... He'd take a figure of speech, colloquialism, whatever, and just turn it. You know, they say like a penny saved is like a penny earned, right? That's like a 100% return, right? That's too much, isn't it? I mean, come on. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

That's it. Well, you would just take a figure of speech and just run with it in a casual way. And make it funny somehow. Stitch in time, you know? What's that? Stitch in time? Like, what do they got?

there's a seamstress up there and he's still stitching you know so anyway that was norm's office and i i would look to see he never wrote anything down he had nothing written down i would look for it to go through the drawers like where was it what the fuck he came back once uh he came back from uh he was opening for bill cosby and he came into the office late like i was there at 3 a.m he came walking in his eyes open for bill cosby i go yeah i'm making this fast for you because uh

yeah, yeah. I told him, I said, I didn't know what to say to Bill Cosby, a legend of all time. And I'll say, I go, you're, you're, you're, you're my father's favorite comedians ever lived. And Bill Cosby goes, well, let's call your father on the phone. You know, you don't want to call him on the phone. Hey, you're a huge star. You want to be on the phone with my father's Canada. I don't want to do that. I didn't know what to say to Bill Cosby because my father had been dead for like 10 years. I was lying. Yeah. That's very norm. God rest his soul. The greatest. Hmm.

Love Norm. He's the man. He's good. He's good, good, good. Canadian. I was just up in Canada. Norm's legendary. Oh, yeah. On Dirty Work, people would run up to Bob Saget, the director. There'd be 100 people around him trying to get his autograph when we were shooting in Canada, in Toronto.

And then Norm would get like four people walk up that idolized him like a total idolization, you know, it was like a different fan thing. Okay. Three words to close out this, just be, I'm going to be representing the fans.

Joe, Joe dirt three. Huh? I'm just being, I'm representing the fans right now. Dave, Dave had an idea of the Joe dirt sister. I feel like we, I feel like we should do a Jodert animated because we could do it forever and I wouldn't look so old, but I feel animated would be crazy and we could do anything we wanted and still have the voices and we could probably get walk in and everybody and,

It would be great, but I don't know how to do that. That'd be cool. Walking. I hear there may be another Joe Dirt. Joe Dirt. People tell me all the time, Joe Dirt, do you know people, they have seen it. He's always shocked that someone remembered it or knew he was in it. Didn't know what they thought.

Never got over it. You better watch your tone. Watch your tone. Watch your tone is a great one. Watch your tone. Watch your tone. Yes, tone is a good way to go. He tells Kid Rock to watch his tone. Hey, Danis was good just now. I never heard you do walking before. No. Well, I did a Jack Candy sketch with him once where we're in a wooden spaceship on 8H rehearsing. The idea was the landing gear would come down or the door would come down and kill an Earthling.

So we would come out like, we come in peace to see you. And then they go, kill him, kill him, kill him. And then he would always say, let's get out of here. And then we'd go in the little wooden spaceship and we're tight quarters. His head is like an inch from my face. And he's just red face laughing so hard at the idea. Let's get out of here. It's his own dialect.

real quick walking. Okay. Real quick walking. Sorry. Real quick. Yeah. Okay. As we're writing continental, it was his idea. Continental was totally his idea. They had done it on the show before. POV of the camera. Debonair man. Yeah. And it was just me and him and I was in heaven, of course. And so I said, Hey, what about if you,

you go i have fallen for you and i can't get up and uh he said i don't know what you're saying i go oh this is life or commercial where the lady goes i've fallen i can't get up he goes no i don't know it no and so i go oh no you just say i've fallen for you and i can't get up no what what what no and so he kept saying no and finally he said don't bring it up again no more no more and so i go okay on saturday on saturday so we had a sketch and i put it on cue cards and uh

And then I go up to walk in and it's right before dress. And I go, Hey Chris, I mean, maybe, maybe just like, if I just sneak in and right here, all you have to do is say, I have fallen for you and I can't get up. And he, okay, put it on the cards, like really mad. And so I ran and put on the cards and dress rehearsal goes,

And he comes to that line and it fucking destroys. It just blows the roof off. Laugh goes forever. Calendar leaves flying off the wall just forever. And so I'm waiting for him as he comes off stage for just right. So I'm just standing there all excited, all excited. He walks by and he goes, I don't know what I said, but I'm saying it again. Yeah.

He had never seen the commercial. He had no idea what we're talking about. Oh, man. All right. Well, that's it for Fred. We did a great job. We could actually go on and on. Comedy, all-star, writer, comedian, all around. Who also wrote Grown Ups and Grown Ups 2. Jesus. That's some huge movies. Keeping the lights on at TBS for the last fucking night. Jesus Christ. Pat Sajak, so MTV Business...

movie awards. Strange Wilderness. Strange Wilderness and on and on and on. Huge resume. Can't get to it in one podcast. Thanks for having me on, you guys. Might have you on again. We might. Eh. Okay. Season three. Thank you so much. It was a blast. Nice. Thanks, buddy. Bye, Dana. See you guys. This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks.

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.