Holiday Special #2 - Highlights from the Live Shows
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

Guys, we had such unbelievable feedback on the last one. We are doing this again. This is another holiday special, but this is the good parts of our live shows, the highlights of the live shows. We don't do that many, but they're super fun. We will definitely do more. We got to get us out there and just busting our hump. I'm on tour, so I go out anyway, but I'll drag Dana and we'll

We'll come to a few more cities this year and do it because it's always a blast. We got parts from James Austin Johnson. He was the first one we did, and that was in Texas. He did his Trump. He did impressions. We cracked up. We have Sandler on this. Will Ferrell, one of my all-time faves. Of course, Zach Galifianakis, who is such a genius. And it's really, it's kind of more fun with the crowd. You know, we sort of pander to them, but they're always good. They laugh and

They stick it out during the serious stuff, but we mostly just crack up and fuck off and act stupid. And that's what people like. And that's what paid for my Honda Accord. So I'm thankful. All right, here you go, guys. Happy holidays. Norm was in Jeopardy with you a lot. Yeah. Any funny Norm stories or anything about Norm? Yeah, my God. Because Jeopardy, again, one of the big sketches that...

One of those big sketches everyone remembers. Always funny. Daryl was funny and Norm was great. Yeah, the best Norm story was... I think it's the one where he's wearing... He comes back and he's wearing a big foam cowboy hat. And he's like, that's funny, huh? Wearing a cowboy hat. And anyway, there's some beat where I...

where I have to be super exasperated with him, and I yell at him, and we get out of the sketch. And Norm comes running after me. He's like, hey, Will, everything okay? I go, yeah, why? He's like, you seem kind of mad at me out there. I'm like, no, Norm, I'm acting. We've done it. This is like the fourth time we've done the sketch. No, but that time it just seemed like you really were mad at me for some reason.

I was like, no, we're good. That's very Norm right there. That's his sense of humor. He seemed kind of mad there for a moment, right? But he was not, I don't think he was doing a bit. He wasn't doing a bit. He might have been serious that you were screaming. He was very sensitive in that way, too. He was very shaken. Yeah. Because you can commit hard, and you probably scared him. Another great Norm story has nothing to do with Quebec. And Catan told me about it. They were on a flight together. Mm-hmm.

Back L.A. to New York, Chris had taken off his shoes, and he can't find his shoes. They're about to land. Can't find his shoes.

He's going to the flight attendant. Have you seen my shoes? I took them off. He's like, I don't know. Catan's like, Norm, come on. You took my shoes. No, I didn't. I didn't take your shoes. Why would I take your shoes? It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'd never take... He's like, come on. Give me back my shoes. I know you took them. Norm's like, I don't know what you're talking about. Catan has to walk through JFK... With no shoes? With no shoes, just in his socks...

An entire season goes by, and then Catan and Norm are jousting back and forth about something. Yeah, they used to joust a little bit. And then Norm finally goes, oh, yeah, and one other thing, I did take your shoes. That flight in November. Flight November. I took them, I threw them in the trash can, just so you know.

Yeah, because I saw his shoes there, right? And I just kind of grabbed his shoes. So yeah, you were right. He used to give Catan so much shit. Oh my God, yeah. He was tough. Okay, let's see if we have anything else. Well, before we let you go. Oh, and the other thing I was thinking about today, Downey used to give me the great...

Jim Downey. Sorry, Jim Downey. Great writer. Legendary writer who came up with Strategery. Oh, he did. I had the A-Team too writing for me with Al Franken and Jim Downey. Totally. But Downey, I loved being in Downey sketches for a number of different reasons, but the best was between dress and air, and he'd do it every single time, and I would laugh hard every single time. He'd go, great job.

take it down about a thousand percent. And then I would just, yes, and I'd be like, uh-huh, yeah, okay. And he's like, I don't know what happened. You must have gotten into your big juice or something. But he would literally tell me to take it down a thousand percent. Worst advice, yeah. Did you? Made me laugh every single time. And he would never say he's joking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember one time I did a joke on Hollywood Minute about

With jokes, you know, they had some, some had a little more of a, some were clever, some had a little mean streak, but I did a Jim Carrey one. The funniest part is I liked 99% of the people. Of course. Jim Carrey. I was just trying to get foot in the door at SNL and, uh, whatever it took. But Jim was doing these, you know, the movies that I loved, but I said, and they would always prod me to go farther. Right. Cause it was like through them. I dare you. Yeah. I said, Oh, Jim's carry after this, one of his movies just rushed to the hospital. Uh,

after an overdose of overacting pills with Play It Too Big juice. And the crowd just stared at me. And it was too soon. Don't mess with our fucking guy. Don't make fun of our hero, Jim Carrey. And I was like, no, I won't. And anyway, that was cut after Dress. But Dress for Heroes was a good... But that was those guys. They would write me the roughest Hollywood Minute jokes at the rewrite table. They'd go,

Jim would be like, oh, you would never. Well, no, you're too much of a pussy. And I go, no, I'm not. What? And then he'd tell me, I go, yeah, I'm too much of a pussy. Yeah, I'm not saying that. He goes, of course, because you're a pussy. And I go, why? But it was all whatever he wanted to say and get the anger out and get to me. And they hide behind the whole. Oh, I know. That's why it's so funny. They get to say whatever they want. But.

I would have to sort of temper it, but always funny. I mean, they're always just, they're just fucking around. Wait, one last Norm Macdonald story. Sorry. Love them. Do you remember the Mama Celeste frozen pizza commercials? Yes. No, I don't. And it was this, and she would say, Abondanza. Abondanza, yeah. Which is a made up marketing word. There's no, there's no word in the Italian language. I thought that was genuine Italian. Yeah.

And one day we're sitting around in the writer's room having lunch and we're doing a bit where I'm like, hey guys, this lunch is pretty good. Abondanza, right? And everyone goes, yeah, abondanza. And Norm's sitting there like, Norm, come on, just say it. Say abondanza. He's like, no, I'm not going to say it. I'm like, come on, Norm, just say it. Abondanza. I won't do it. I'm not going to say it.

We'd get like 15 of us like, come on, Norm. It'd be rude now. We've all said Abundanza. You should just say Abundanza. No, I don't want to say it. I'm not going to say it. I won't say it. You never would say it. Anyway, that's the end of the story. But, yeah. All right. Well, I think we're going to have a few people. I just like his voice. Hey, a penny saved is a penny earned, they say, right? That's like a 100% return. You can't get that anywhere, do you think?

Is that what he said? I was just talking on the phone with Norm, you know? You know, you should bury some money, right? Because then later on, your relatives will dig it up and they'll have money, right?

He just had the driest, funniest vibe. I didn't have a TV the first year I was on the show because I just didn't buy one because I thought I'm never going to be in my apartment. So I'd go and watch the NBC sports feed on like a Sunday. Norm, of course, is in there. And Norm enjoyed gambling on sports. And we were watching some game and I'm like, ooh, got to watch out. You know, University of Cincinnati.

"They're pretty good in the mud." He's like, "Really?" And I go, "Yeah." I think they're like 750 winning percentage in rainy games. "Ah, I didn't know that. Yeah, okay." - Logs it away. - I think we're doing a bit. - Right. - Right. - Right. - There's no way. How do I know that stuff? - Yeah. - Week later, Norman's like, "You cost me 35 grand." I'm like, "Doing what? What do you mean?"

Cincinnati, University of Cincinnati in a month. I'm like, what? You said they were really good and rainy. You bet on... I was joking. And you bet that much? Yeah. Why are you telling me that amount too? That's like when Norm asked Lovitz for, give me $200 so they're playing a casino. Oh, that's funny. John's like, okay.

So the next day, John, huh? Len, Len. And he goes, yeah. And then Lovett's like, can I get my money back? And he goes, no, no. I lost it. I lost all of it. He goes, why are you mad? I lost $8,000. Yeah, he goes, you only lost $200. You only lost $200. We love Norm. There was only one Norm. He was amazing. A comedy genius. Yeah.

I'm a nibbler, Dana, and I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but it's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say, and I'm going to use that.

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These ferns are like tall pine trees by now. When I saw the first one, I didn't know what it was. Someone just sent it to me and said, look at this. And so I thought it was a real interview. And then it was Natalie Portman, who I love. And so I was, of course, in a jealous rage immediately. And then you were saying some of your great jokes. Now, I won't repeat them because I'm not good at that. But you said so many jokes. And for her to play along, and I thought it was real for a while. And then I go...

Jesus, this is so weird. And then it took me a while to figure it out too long. And then then so I started going, oh, this is great. And then when you would do them, you obviously didn't overdo it. You didn't do too many. They weren't super long. It was just a great, great bit that lives out there on the Internet, which everyone should see. I don't know where I'm going with this. Dana, jump in.

Would you like to say anything in your defense, Zach? Well, I mean, speaking of that one, we shot it, that one we shot in a garage in, I think we shot that one in a garage, right around here, right in Hollywood somewhere. And the thing about that one is there's a line in it, not to be vulgar, but it's a

Something about, did you shave your... Okay. Can we hear it? She was in V for Vendetta. Yeah, and then there's a punchline, did you shave your V for vagina or something. Yes.

That one caught me off guard. To Natalie Portman in a garage. Yes. In a garage. In a garage with loose tools about. By the way, I barely understand that joke. I know. I think I saw that movie. I don't know. It sounds funny. I think it's the fact that I'm asking it. Yes. So anyway, if I remember correctly, she was quite good with the whole thing. And then...

We sent it to her just to show it to her. And I had asked that joke to be left out of it. I said, can you edit that out? We'll send it to her. And her note was, where's that vagina joke? Oh, I love it. I don't know if that was the exact note.

Where is the vagina joke? Something like that. Put something along those lines. By the way, there's a dog in that, Dana. She just went up on the hip meter. Yeah, she's unreal. But there's a dog that you keep cutting to, which is even funnier. Yeah, I think that was a real dog. The dog rolls over his back, and then when something dies or just sits there, then they cut over the dog. Just...

It all works. And then I Sean Penn won. Sean looked very cool in that one. Yeah, I'd be scared of that one. And then Sean Penn can. Yeah, I had a fight with him. I was in a dress at the time, but he said hit me harder. He said you can hit me harder. Yeah, no problem. I would like to one day talk to him about the one we did. They bring it up because it was an interesting. It was an interesting day.

Was he truly upset or was he a great actor? He was very quiet. He's a good actor or he's a good actor. And I think he may have been ready to deck me in real life. I don't know. Maybe he was doing a method thing and I don't... It was tricky. He held it so serious that you weren't sure if he was serious. He might have been kidding. Yeah, and...

I have worked with him. I mean, not that I know him, but, you know, he has a good sense of humor. He really does. Really funny. Yes. Huge laugher. And he loves to go see stand-up. But in that moment...

I remember watching it. Was it a line that you gave him? You said something. Weren't you playing your brother or something? I was playing this overly... Well, it's not really overtop. There are people like this in the South. Really into him for the wrong reasons type person. Okay, and how does that guy talk? Well, it's based on a character I used to do in high school called the... I think his name was...

of the effeminate racist. And, uh... I remember that Skittles, yeah. So it's just a guy that talks like this. And so friends of mine that were black in high school would bump me in the hallway so I would, this character would be released. And I would say to them, my mom told me not to talk to black people. And they...

Go crazy. Die laughing because they understood at the time that I was mocking it all. So that's where that came from. It was as simple as that. Well, there was something, Dana, where he goes, Sean, and he's doing this and he's sort of prodding. He goes, I'd get into Hollywood just so you could go to all the parties and all the wrong reasons that Sean wouldn't want. Sean is very funny, unlike his persona out there. And so I like that he's going along with it. But he was so serious. Then he goes,

I could walk over there and knock you the fuck out right now. And even I was like, God damn, he gave that a good reading. I think he knew it was funny and interesting. I think he was playing. I don't think he was offended. I'd like to ask him. We haven't spoken since. His kids and my kids went to school together or at least played sports together up in Northern California. So I'll talk to Sean. Yeah, ask him. Ask him. I'm curious. Hey, man. So...

I want to smoke. If you could smoke and not get diseases, I would definitely be smoking right now. There's nothing cooler, right? Tell us some more, Zach. Anyway, can we go back to you as a young person then? You strike me as an introverted extrovert. You're shy in a way. I think we are maybe. Well, I think I am. It doesn't matter. Anyway...

But then you have this powerhouse thing that comes out, like in high school. Did you go to the theater group or were you just funny with friends? Or what were you like in grade school, high school, just walking around? Just walking around. Just walking around. Just in the Beverly Hills. I mean, you know, I think I was somewhat quiet, but I think, I mean, humor in my family was seen in very high regard.

So my cousins and my brother, my family is funny. I kind of watched them even as the quiet person I thought I was or I think I was. So I was kind of this more kind of observant kid that thought maybe one day I could, through my observations, maybe make a thing out of it. And you were thinking that like at age 8, 10, 12? I mean...

But young, young, you got the idea. Maybe you would do this for a living. This is going to sound weird, but it was at my parents' conception of me. Doesn't sound weird at all. It doesn't sound weird, right? My ultrasound, I was killing. My brother Brad, I've got three older brothers. He swears he remembers being born, and he's serious. Really? Yeah, he has a photographic memory. He just remembers being born. Yeah.

I'm not kidding. Brad, the guy I based Garth on. But being funny younger really pays off. And I think that's for all of us. Like at dinner or at school, like I was at a school that was a little bit of a pipsqueak. Hard to believe. And...

Always bullied and pushed around, but I would quietly say jokes to my friends or under my breath. But that kind of, if you get a little something, that's all I had. I wasn't super athletic. So if you have some little hook like that, you go, ooh, my dad thought it was funny. People think it's funny, and then you go, oh. And then you try to, maybe that's kind of like that for a lot of comedians. Well, the tall guys didn't have to do anything to get the girls. On a bio-evolutionary level, we had to be funny. Yeah.

Zach, you're not that short. I'm around 6'2". Okay.

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It immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying? I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Just don't type.

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You just visit rosettastone.com slash fly. That's 50% off, unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash fly today. I'm going to break down just for my own amusement. Yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. James is awesome Trump because I think that...

The way you do it is like free association jazz, and I know you can... I wanted to say that a podcast clip of mine that I think it caught on with Seth Meyers and his group of friends, because it was Trump talking about...

2000s New York alt comedy. It was like I had been doing Trump. Do you want to do a little bit? And our guest, Whit Thomas, was like, hey, weren't you a comic back then in the 2000s in New York? And I'd be like, oh yeah, there's, you know what, it was so wonderful to be with comedy. You know what, with comedy, it was never about the shows. It was never about the shows. It was about the diner afterwards. We loved the diner. And I would...

I'd be eating pancakes. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Oh, he's a little tamer back there. Excuse me. Can I talk, please? She's not giving me any moment to talk.

I'm eating pancakes with Patrice O'Neill and I just can't believe that I get to do this every night. It's so wonderful. Greatest city on earth. You do Gotham and you do Rafifi and you do, maybe you'd get a spot at the Boston or something and a couple dollars in your pocket and you say, oh, this is a pretty good gig. Made 300 bucks tonight, you know, maybe buy a PlayStation or go to Gap

There's so much detail in that. And you did the little breath thing. You know? Yeah.

Here, I'll give you a... Thank you very much. I'll read these as myself. Okay. Like, these are just Trump things that you've incorporated with free association. I don't even... I bet you never wrote these down or anything, but I watched your thing. Okay. Frankly, let me tell you, you're going to be seeing a lot of it. I can... That I can tell you. Yeah. Yeah, that I can tell you, that I can tell you. Let me tell you, frankly... Frankly...

Okay, let me tell you. You can read it if you can read those. Frankly, let me tell you, you're going to be seeing a lot of, excuse me, excuse me. I can tell you that. That I can tell you. I can tell you that. I mean, when you look at, I mean, when you look at, I mean, when you look at, yeah, that connector phrase, like, yeah.

Ask me something that I... So you're going to be a reporter. You're going to ask the real Trump a question he doesn't have an answer to. So I'm just going to not have an answer to it. Right. So do you think we're going to increase exporting natural gas to Europe? I mean, when you look at what China's doing in terms of e-sports...

I mean, really, when you look, I think when you look at all of it, if you look at gas, I mean, gas is one thing, but frankly, when you're looking at all the rest of it, I can tell you that, I mean, when you look at what they're doing with, and look at what the Democrats have told us. Oh, I love it. The way that he can... Let's do it again.

He'll just spin it off into his mesmerizing way of talking in some other place. Flip the page. There's more if you want to see. I had to drive. And it didn't work out so great for some of those people. And it didn't work out so great for some of those people. I love that one.

Man, I mean, we were all listening to his voice for four and a half hours every day for like five years. You're the one who put it all together, you know, and then you made it into this supernatural. And look at what they're doing. Let's see. Look at all of it. Frankly, look at all of it. Look at all of it. And people are very disappointed. Yeah.

Like you wouldn't believe. People are very disappointed, like you wouldn't believe. That's a big one. There is a level of disappointment that would make your head spin, frankly. That would make...

There's so much disappointment. And people are angry. What people? What are they angry about? It never matters. He always says anybody. He says someone. And a lot of people are saying very bad things about someone. You're hearing it more and more all the time. It's all very end-run. It's vague and it goes into a corner. You know what?

Terrible deal, a really bad, bad deal. You're seeing it all over the place. Many people are saying, okay. - You're seeing it all over the place. Many people-- - And they're saying, we don't want that. We're not people. We're not people who want that. We're not people. We are going to be doing something very soon. We are going to be doing something about it. Nobody knows. Nobody knows.

Nobody knows. My favorite was when he was at the rallies during the height of COVID. And he was like, and they can't even tell you what the 19 stands for. It's literally 2020. It's 2020. And I'm like, context clues. What do you think the 19 probably stands for? I don't know.

The 2019 version of the virus. I think that was all I had. He does say words like old-fashioned words like terrific and fantastic. Things like your dad says, your grandmother, that aren't in the vernacular as much anymore, but he keeps throwing them in there. It reminds you that he's

Do you want to do... Oh, yeah. He's 75, and it's the mix of the old-timey language and the old-timey way of thinking and speaking about people, but he's obsessed with something rude that Lady Gaga said about him on a radio show or something. Lady Gaga was very, very rude. Not

And she was not nice. It was also the kindergartner thing of just breaking down what would have been a more elegant phrase with another presidential candidate and just breaking it down to the caveman fragment. Not nice. Very big. Stone cold loser. Stone cold loser. I mean, that's where you get the 80s wrestler thing. Oh.

- Oh, okay. - 'Cause there's a little bit of 80s wrestler to it too. - Yeah, WWE. Now you do something, a little birdie told me, you do something, well, where someone could give you a famous TV show and you could talk about it as Trump. - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, I can do that. - Well, since they don't think it's, this is not pre-planned, you guys yell out any kind of famous TV show? - Okay, there's 200. - What did you hear?

I can't. The A-Team. The A-Team? The Wonder Years? Anything you've heard of. You know what? With Winnie Cooper, she was very beautiful.

But I don't think that Mr. Savage, you know, Mr. Savage just needed to wait his turn. I think that he needed to wait his turn with Winnie 'cause Winnie wasn't ready for what they were doing with Wendy. And Joe Cocker is such an awful person when you meet him. With Joe Cocker, that is someone who needs a little bit more help from his friends. I think he probably had to, you know what? They said that he got high with the help of his friends.

I said, "What kind of friends are that? "If they're helping you with drugs, "and they're helping you, and you look at China, "you look at what they're doing with Russia, "what they're doing with..." Honestly, what they're doing in Austin, Texas is absolutely awful. I think it's such a terrible thing with the segways and the river and the bats. You know those bats shit everywhere. Those bats are shitting on all of it. And I said, I was looking around, they showed me the bridge, and I said, "We gotta do something about this bat problem."

Gotta do something about the match because, and you know what they call it? Guano. Did you ever hear that? They call it guano. Have you ever heard that? I said, what the hell is guano? And they said, it's what they call the poop. And they poop straight down the front of their breast. You know, they, they, and you see the poop on their, like, what does it go in their mouths?

So we've been talking to Dracula, we're talking to Frankenstein, we're gonna do something about the bats because the bats frankly should be sleeping horizontally.

And this whole thing that Joe Biden and Kamala, they want the bats to be hanging upside down. They want you to be eating bats every night. There needs to be a brazen claim about what the Democrats, something the Democrats aren't doing. But there's like a, I mean, come on. That was all from the Wonder Years? Yeah. They were always talking about China on the Wonder Years, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it was Savage. Savage was...

Savage was very involved with everything that was going on with China, in terms of wall and with regard to microchips and supply chain. I mean, it's really awful with Steve Jobs and all of it. I think it's terrible.

I think it's terrible. It's like you don't really need joke jokes. It's just the rhythm and the references are so funny. Yeah, I mean... I just listen to this for hours. I mean, I just love the flow of it. That's how he led us for four years is because it is fun to hear him talk.

It's fun to hear whether you like him or not like him, whatever your politics are, you're right. You will probably be hypnotized by the weird rhythmic way that he speaks. I mean, it works. It does work. Oh, yeah, like how he'll just repeat, you're going to be winning, winning like you wouldn't believe it. It's going to be so good. Like, you just believe it because he said it 20 times in a row. Within one minute. Within one minute. It's going to be so good. You're not going to be so good.

it's gonna be incredible. Frankly, it's gonna be very, very good. So I understand why my grandpa, who was like hardcore conservative, you know, who would never have voted for a Trump in his life, but the minute that Trump was on TV 24-7, if you just hear, I'm going to be amazing at this, over and over and over again,

And like and the people that hated him gave him the most airtime. They're like, can you believe that he's saying this? I'm like, well, they call it the Trump bump on CNN. They got a million per year. I mean, it's just fun to hear him talk and it's mesmerizing and it works. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony.

which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, yeah.

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

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You're gonna like this one. Because you know, you didn't really lean on it much, but in the beginning I remember, in the classic comic sense of the idiot, so like there's Jerry Lewis is like the king, and then I remember you would do the hunched over guy, and he would do that sound. Like, where did that guy come from? Because that instantly made me laugh so hard, because you were so committed. Yeah, I was probably like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't even know man. It's very musical. Can you do more of it? It always felt good in a microphone. I don't even know if that ever got on the air. If I ever did that. I just remember seeing that and really loving it. But there's one character I want to break down unless David has a question. Sure? Go ahead. We're really close friends. The

- Opera Man, the evolution of opera. - Opera Man. - That then became the indestructible killer bit of all time. By the time you got it on the update desk with the pictures,

And you were mixing. Great wig. So. Good wig. Good look. Adam, I'll let you. But talk about the origins of that and the way you did it and then the way you ended up doing it. It evolved, right? Gotcha. Yes, it did. Okay, go ahead. Yes. That's my question. Thank you. Yeah, that's a good question. And I remember you knew the guy. So there was a man on the street who used to sing opera on the street. He used to hold the can up and you'd be walking down the street and he'd kind of come at you and go, hey. And he'd sing really hot. And he'd charge you. Hey, dude.

And you'd be like, whoa. And you'd give him money. I didn't know that. That's kind of where I first started doing it. I love that. I didn't know that. I met that guy today at McDonald's. He wasn't singing, though. He's in between sets. Adam, what would a guy like that be ordering at McDonald's? That would be sound. Yeah, what did he order? Hey!

barbecue sauce. The thing that you can sound exactly opera is one more gift. On SNL, if you can... Have a voice. If they'd write a singing sketch, obviously Adam wrote a lot of his own, but if they'd write somewhere you sing, you can get in. If you can play an instrument, you can get in. There's so many things if you can do. Dance. So if you... I didn't do a lot of those things, which was...

kind of a drag but Adam can sing so well and actually write songs and actually write songs that are catchy because a lot of those things you don't update were actually really catchy on top of just being funny and so that combo is big and that opera man was a fucking cruncher that always that was a gift from the turners didn't you do it off

on the stage next update initially no i first time i did it it was just gibberish it was like it was a theater thing and i think maybe you or was it phil that's what i remember i don't know if i remember this right maybe you maybe you but i was in my office yes that's it adam used to go around the office on all fours so then i hear a little knock and i'm

And I'm in my office. So I open it up and you're on all fours. You go, oh. And then you were asking me to do something to introduce Opera Man, right? Yes, you were the man. So I did remember that. You were like a theater guy who would say, tonight the Opera Man. Yeah. Something like, goes from the emotion of trying to catch the bus. But unfortunately, he misses the bus. But then he sees his mother, you know.

you know, is behind the bus and picks him up. Let's watch the Aquaman. And I'd walk, and I'd be like, and then I'd see my mother, I'd be like, oh, yes, yes.

Something like that. And that was it. And it did good. It did good at the table. It did good. You know, Sandler, it's good if you... A trick on SNL is if Adam was probably slightly newer then, but if you anchor it with Dana, who they love. Oh, right. And then he brings you on and they go, Dana seems to like it. And then they start to like the new guy. It helps you. When you're new, it helps. Yes.

No, it was a Dana's the best at it. So that's what it was. But any, anyways, uh, it did fine. I, it was up at the table. It did well, everybody remember after a while, they started liking us at the table when David and I first were on us and, um,

And at the table, when we tried to get on and we'd do full skits for ourselves, everybody else was kind of like, calm down. That's enough, guys. Yeah, that's enough. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Yeah. Right. But then by this time, they were like, all right, give him a shot. And then we did that, and it didn't do great, so Lauren didn't put it on. But then the Turners, out of nowhere, Bonnie and Terry Turner. Great writers. Great writers. They wrote for the show for eight, nine years. Wayne's World.

Wayne's World. You and Mike. Yeah, they were. They wrote the first Tommy Boy draft too. What's that? They wrote the first draft of Tommy Boy. That's right. Tommy Boy. That's right. They were monsters. I don't even know why we don't hear about, talk about them more. They had some huge sketches. You guys should have them on this show. Yeah, I'd love it. We'd love to. Yeah, they're great. Hi, Bonnie. Hi, Terry. Hello, guys. Listening to this when it's released. But they wrote what? What we said. And Lindsay. And Lindsay, their daughter. Their daughter, Lindsay. Yes. But anyways, they wrote...

this thing and they talked to me i was in my office they're like so remember that opera man thing you did we came up with an idea for the news and they showed it to me and i'm so

I was just so dumb and young and whatever I was and I was like, "Yeah, I guess." I guess we could try it that way. It was Opera Man on the news that he said? Opera Man on the news. Doing the news. Showing current events and then me singing about him and blah, blah, blah. And I didn't really... I was like, "No, Opera Man speaks gibberish and that doesn't make any sense." You don't understand Opera Man.

So then it became a divorce. So how would you know, you would do current events with like Trumpo. Yeah, exactly. And it would just crush. That was all those guys wrote it. I got to be it. They would give me the melodies and Cheryl would write Cheryl hard. Yeah. And they would just give me all the goods. And I mean, it was the greatest gift ever. That was a home run. Got to wear the.

Did you do it with Eddie Vedder or not? Did you sing like Eddie Vedder once? I sang like Eddie Vedder once. Was it as an opera man or was it something else? Opera man singing about Pearl Jam. Yeah, yeah.

And then, yeah, yeah. And remember when, I think they were even on the show, Pearl Jam, that night. Oh, that's right. So what would he say? A better, what do you call it? Even. I mean, you got the pipes, kid. No, you were going, hey, I'm saying a little something, something made of concrete. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you sound exactly like him. Hey.

I can't do it now. I know any better. It's a certain thing he does. He's got a thicker, lower voice. His voice is unreal. Yeah, it's a juicy voice. We share an office, me and Farley, and then you walk through our office to get to Adam and Chris Rock. So when the doors close, I hear, ho, ho, ho, ho!

I'm like, oh my God, he's got a killer cooking in there. It's in the oven. We all got excited when we landed on a good impression. But I did one with Lovitz, an opera man with Lovitz. Oh, that was awesome. He can sing great. And that was a perfect, only other guy who could do it besides you because he's got pipes and he's just a funny, so that was a killer. That was amazing. He played your brother or something? It was Glenn Close and-

love us and maybe they were my parents I don't remember yeah yeah I remember they came they came on and sang with me only on Saturday Night Live yeah that's right can we I'd like I could go anywhere it's so much fun I want to ask about when he does bits when you get to bring in one of the musical stars I think McCartney did Red Hood and Sweatshirt oh that was great god damn Farley did something with him you did something with him yes

I left just right before McCartney hosted. You weren't there then? I missed it. I was a fool. You know, he was upset, you know, because we'd met at 86 at Lauren's house. He called me up. I don't know why you didn't stick around, Dan, you know. We could have had a plonker. We'd be plonking, looking at each other. I go, who is this? Nobody in Fulton.

I miss that, but you got to do a thing. What did you do with Paul McCartney? It was red-out-of-sweatshirt. I wrote it with Ian Maxton Graham and I forget who else, somebody else. And we had dip, dip, dip, and shabba-labba-ding-da and stuff like that. And then as it progressed...

Kevin, maybe Kevin Nealon did it with me and then I said, let's call out Paul and Linda and Paul and Linda McCartney.

We wrote it for him and then Lorne said, I said, "Will they do it?" He goes, "Well, you have to talk to them." So I went to Lorne's office, they were eating, I think. - They were on the show or they were just visiting? - They were, Paul was the guest. - Okay. - And Linda was with them. - You walk in and you have to convince them. - I just had to come in with the dopey guitar and be like, my heart's pounding through my chest. - Did you crawl in or did you walk?

A little skip. That was when you were going to pitch it. Remember you'd skip across? No, I'm making that up. Sorry. Go ahead. So you walk in there. I mean, Lauren's eating Chun-Li. Chun-Li. And, and,

Paul and Linda, and Linda's amazingly nice, and Paul's amazingly nice, and I sing them the little thing, and they laughed, and then I left, and then I was like, I don't know if that worked or not, but then they said yes, and forever I got that. I sang with them, hung out with them after the show, hung out. Stella was there. Remember Stella was a kid? She came to the show. Stella McCartney, the fashion designer. Yes, and she was such a nice kid. She was like our age then, you know, like whatever we were.

Yeah, let's keep the numbers out of it. I saw him discipline his kids on Long Island, went over to his house, and I think James had a little toy sword, a plastic sword, he dropped it down on his sister, and Paul goes, you do that one more time, we're going to have a problem. See him as a dad. See him as a dad. I remember some comic said,

He was the first one with a billion dollars. And they go, you know, if he lost his wallet in a cab and there was 500 million in it, he'd still have 500 million dollars. That was some comic book joke. But do you remember when Farley's Brothers came to the show when McCartney was on that stupid story? Where Paul looked the same as Paul McCartney growing up, but he had a little bit of gray here. And so Farley's Brothers were standing there with red cups. There was no security. So the music comes out of their dressing room, walks by the 8-H...

You know that And they walk right into the show And they go Paul McCartney One minute Till you're on live And so you see He comes out with a bodyguard On the front and back And he walks out With his guitar And it's fucking Paul McCartney I'm there with Farley's Idiot brothers And they're all drunk And he comes around And they go And one of them goes Hey Paul And he looks over And he goes Getting a little gray And he goes Hey Paul

And then he walks out and I go, are you an idiot? He goes, he looked. And then he goes on the monitor and they're like 15 seconds and he looks in the monitor and he goes like this.

He got in his head right before he went out. Oh, no. And, you know, he's like, is mine? And then, anyway. So I will say one of my proudest moments, because sometimes Adam and I would try to write together or we would all try to think of excuses to all be in the same sketch or whatever. And the one I like the best is the Gap Girls when we were...

in the wall. - That was all David. - In the mall and then Farley says, "Lay off me, I'm starving." That is one of the funnest ones we ever did. - Yeah, man. - And Schneider was in it and Sarah Gilbert was a host. - Oh yeah. - And we were all, that was just the fun for me because

we would all just rehearse. So, you know, you write it. If it gets in, you laugh at read through, you laugh, you know, when we talk about what, who plays what parts and what we say. And then you, you really wrote all that stuff though. I know. But then everyone adds jokes, whatever you want. And then we got to do it on. So you have to rehearse all week or once or twice. And that's a good reason to hang out. Yeah. That was amazing. Does everyone know about the gap girls? Cause there's a young. Yeah.

Okay. Because there's some younger people here. It was just a sketch where we all worked at the Gap. We played girls and it was infuriating to everyone. And how did you talk?

- Whatever! - That's right. - Yeah. - Oh my God. - Weren't you at the folding meeting? Yeah, and I went to the Gap and studied it and they showed how they put a clipboard in the sweaters and pulled them out and fold them up. - Oh yeah. - Mesmerized. And then they would actually, this is when you feel kind of like a big deal. 'Cause if you get a sketch on and you're just some doofus from Arizona and it's like a dumb sketch about the Gap. And then when they bring the sketches written and it's put up on its feet,

They bring in... They talked to the Gap and brought a whole section of the Gap over. So, they had a security guard because it would cost so much. It was real pants, real sweaters. And it was just a chunk of the Gap they moved in. And the Gap liked it because it was free advertising. Yeah. Even though we made them all look like morons. But...

It was still really fun. And then we all hung out there and would practice in there and rehearse, whatever it's called. And it was great. So we did a couple of those. We did Gapparty, where it was Jeopardy. It was just a fun way for me, you, and Farley to be in sketches. Yeah. This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks.

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.