Kevin Nealon pt 2
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Kevin's an old buddy and just one of the group and what a crack up always throwing away lines at any, anytime you talk to him, whether it's on this or in real life, just always funny. Yeah. He's always, I mean, I met him in San Francisco. He started coming up and doing standup where I'm from. We're all friends. And then the first gig he would do, it's like, he's leaving my kind of,

apartment or he's in the driveway in his car and he's talking to you like just yeah so anyway whatever in the meantime he is raising up the uh the rolling up his window rolling up the window and he keeps talking and that would be a lot of stuff you call it dry clever acid humor um but yeah he's always dropping these throwaway lines they're really funny he never pushes

And one of the funniest people you'll ever meet. We were on Lights Out one time when I had all the Weekend Update guys on, Dana, and I do a monologue. And at the end of the monologue, Kevin goes, hey, because I would let the guest interrupt my monologue. He goes, hey, what are you going to wear for the show tonight? And I go...

"I think I'll just wear this." He goes, "Oh, okay." And then there was a bunch of, there was a plant on the table in a little bowl with a bunch of leaves. And I asked him a question during the interview when I sat down and he goes, "Hey, you gonna finish this salad?"

And leaned over to get it. But all that stupid shit, it sounds like nothing. And it is. But always cracks me up. Yeah, we go over some SNL stuff and what's going on with him. It was a fun, easy podcast to do. Road gigs, everything. So we talk about his hiking with Kevin on YouTube. And he's in the new Happy Gilmore. He'll tell you all about it. Here he is. Kevin Nealon. Kevin Nealon.

I remember when my son was born, we had like a thousand video pictures. And then as he got older, it was less and less. Just back to me again. Back to me. The kid, you're like, I got a feel for you already. We don't need you too much. But look at me. I'm back, everybody. Back to me. By the way, Dana, Dana, I was going to tell you, I went to Kevin's house for I think his birthday, maybe.

Is this the house you're in right now, Kevin? Yeah, it is. It is. This place is a decent layout, Dana. Let me tell you, this guy knows what's up. It's a good crib, man. It's dope. Yeah. It's dope, baby. It's sick, man. You've been over here. It's sick. It's sick, man. It's fire, too. It's fire. It's fire. It's sick. It's dope. It's popping. Some of those stairs. Oh, I remember I'd hurt my knee.

And I was like, Gervitz, can you carry me down the stairs? You know what you need on your stairs? And this is just if I come over. The little electric chair that goes up the stairs. We have an elevator. Oh, didn't know that. We don't let guests use it, though. What's it for? Does that help? It's just for the other staff. It's staff. Staff. Yeah, dude. Danny, you got a staff out there?

If you have an elevator in your house, it's a sign of good fortune. Do you guys have an escalator? Yeah, why do you have an escalator, Kevin? We have a people mover that takes us from the driveway into the house. But this also serves as a department store, so we need the elevator. Oh, okay. It also serves as a flagship store for people.

I can't remember the name of your show. Is it Off the Wall or Flying the Wall or Flying the Coke? We don't know. No one knows. Superfly is on YouTube. I thought it was Flying the Coke for a long time. Flying the Coke? I thought it was Flying My Soup. All right, let's get started. I like this, Kevin. Kevin, I like when he goes, all right. You're like these radio guys. You do those interviews, press, and

They start talking. You don't even know if they're on yet. And you've been talking, give them some really good stuff. And then they go, okay, let's get started. Oh yeah. They go, okay, we're going to patch it through now. Yeah. Patch me through. You got two minutes left. Then you hear honk, honk. Here we go. Hey, we got Kevin down. He's so fucking crazy. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's, uh,

I remember one time, I remember one time. No, I remember one time I was in Tampa and they had one of these DJs or radio personalities. Personalities. That are just morning zoo kind of guy, high energy. Yeah, yeah. And I go in there and I had, I was going through an A-fib episode at the time and my heart was irregular. And if it goes too long, you got to have it shocked back, you know? Yeah.

And I don't have that anymore. But at the time I did, and he goes, how do you get rid of it? I said, well, you got to be kind of shocked back, you know, with the paddles. And he goes, oh, that's crazy. And then like a minute later, he's got an air gun under his desk. He sounds off the air gun.

I almost fell off my chair. Did that work? Did that work? Did that work? Oh, he's trying to actually get you back to life and shock you. Yeah. And a medical procedure that could have killed you. It could have killed me. But on the way back to the hotel, it actually did go back to the regular sinus, as they say. What does that mean? Sinus? It means regular rhythm. Oh, Dana knows these terms. I don't know. I'm not steeped in that, but I know people go through it. Yeah.

That's a good word. I know how the zoo crew messes you up. Are you steeped in it? Steeped is good. Are you steeped in it? Comprehensive knowledge. Isn't what T does, it steeps? Hello? I guess so. Let's go to the phones. Let's go to the phones. Let's go to the elevator. Now, Kevin, when you go on gigs-

Kevin, you travel a lot. I travel a lot. Dana travels minimal. But let's say you're on these gigs. Do you, sometimes I do press ahead of time or I call to fluff up a gig, you know, to say, hey, you know, I'm playing at this, you know, Indian casino or whatever. But do you ever get up anymore like the old days and go in? That's sometimes that's hard.

Once in a while, I kind of went away for a while, you know, after the pandemic, because, you know, and now they're slowly bring it back in. Hey, you know, we got 10 seats left. You think you could top it off by getting up at four in the morning? I know you're on LA time zone and stuff, but you know, really would help get rid of those 10 seats.

It would only be one in the morning for you. And you're like, right. Well, that's either late or early. Either one. I don't like it. You would not have even gone to bed yet if you were in LA. Yeah. Sometimes I go in and they go, now we've got it dialed in where you call ahead and then you can do a phone or yeah. And sometimes it's, they go, this is tape. This is for Friday. So act like it's yesterday was Thursday.

Yeah. And when I say Friday, I mean Friday two weeks from now. Act like the election's over and you already know who won. But yeah, I don't particularly like going in anymore. I'm more of the mindset. Look, I don't care how many people are in that club. I don't want to get up. Oh, yeah. That's a big ask. I mean, listen, my fans, they know where I am. Come and find me.

Yeah, yeah. Can you believe it's been? Well, for me, I got an SNL about 38 years ago. And it's been like 30 years, 29 since I left. I mean, we could be the grandparents of some of those cast members that are on now. And we might be. Oh, okay.

I was just there for 10 weeks. I was working with people in their mid-20s. And a couple of them, we did the math, we checked out certain biographies, and I said, I could be your grandfather. We never got confirmation, but it was in the realm of possibility. Did they build a ramp for you to get new church ladies? Oh, yeah. Church ladies dress with stuff.

A little tight. But I still got it on and zipped it up. It's been so long. Church Life is probably a virgin again.

I don't know about you guys, but that's been such a center stone for me, that show. And you constantly think about, you know, Lorne Michaels, what he would do, what he would say to you. You know, you feel like, oh, this is hacky stuff I'm doing. I hope it doesn't get back to anybody. And it was so long ago. It's like, you know, when we were starting to do comedy, it's like your show of shows.

what had been a shorter distance of time between when we first started and where we're doing now. And I'm speaking for you, Spade. For me, it wasn't. No, it's closer. Did you know that it's closer now from SNL till right now till SNL backwards to when they invented the telephone? I was trying to put something together in my head. Adam and Eve is closer to when we got hired. Yeah, yeah. Were Adam and Eve white? Mm-hmm. Question.

It got tense. It got really tense. Depends who's reading what from what source. They could be any color you want. It depends on where that garden is. It was in Beverly Hills. Yeah. Was it a red apple or a green apple? Yeah. A lot of controversy. I think it's a story. It doesn't sound like paradise if there's a reptile on a tree taunting you. If there's snakes everywhere when you're having lunch.

And what if you're allergic to that fig leaf? Oh, yeah. How do you explain that? The thing they don't explain is that the sex between Adam and Eve got really hot once they knew they were naked. And they were kind of embarrassed and sort of illicit. You know, it changed the whole dynamic. Illicit, you think? Well, do you think that they really had that, I forget the word, but, you know, concern that maybe their genitals might be showing?

And the only person that's going to see it is the other person you want to have sex with. There's no one else around except for the snake.

No one had had sex at that point, right? They were created. So, yeah, I don't know. This is really... The snake was like, this is no competition for me. I'm not steeped in this, guys. No, don't keep doing steep now. I like the word. You called it out. You got it. I just got one other question because I have a really wicked call, but I have a gig tomorrow and I'm going to fly and I can't clear my ears.

And one time I did this and I have cartilage damage in one of the ears. It's very painful. Let me just turn your, turn your head. Let me look in your ear. See if it's clear. You know, do you do the thing where you blow your nose and hold your nose? I don't do that. I'm scared of that. Yeah. Well, have you guys ever canceled a gig? Cause you didn't feel well, or are you just always fuck it up? You know?

Well, I will tell you, I was just in Kansas City and I got a stomach bug on the last day of my last gig there. I was in bed all day. I was over the toilet, on the toilet, and I just forced myself to go, you know, to do the gig. It was horrible.

I got so many nights. Good question. I could go forever. One time I was with Bill Maher and Tommy Davidson. We had a gig up in Buffalo, New York, an outdoor theater. And I don't know if I was supposed to go middle, but I had a food boy in the back. I couldn't get up. I had to lay down on a cot that brought a cot over. And I said, I don't know if I could do this, but I don't want to fly all the way up there and not do the gig.

So I asked the stage man, I said, would you put the cot out on the stage for me? And I'll just do my act from the cot. I told the audience, I said, you know, I'm really depressed. I got to lie down. I did it from the cot on my side and they were laughing like crazy. And I got through it. And I thought that works so well. I'm going to start bringing that cot with me to other gigs. It worked like it didn't work at all. I brought it twice. Even when you feel good. I sometimes feel like Frazier in the 15th round.

getting up off the stool if you're really really sick well there's two problems with dana's situation when do you cancel because it's scary to cancel by the way if i was not doing it working tomorrow i would cover for dan um and and the other thing is if they wanted me but the other thing is you don't want to make it worse like if i fly i'm making it worse if i go i'm

uh, you know, you don't want to, you don't want to hurt your ears or you're like, I'm not supposed to fly with sinus stuff because of my pop. Who cares if I get everyone sick, but no one cares on my flights. If they get me sick, everyone's coughing and sneezing. And I'm like, does anyone give a fat fuck anymore about like,

Do I wear a mask on the plane? Because this is an all coach Southwest plane. Yeah, maybe. I'll be packed in with a lot of people and I don't know if I'll be confident, but look, if I have this voice, I'll be like, well, isn't that special? People get scared. Yeah. Here's what I noticed that when I have a cold and I'm,

I don't want to do something with people. It's, you know, I'm not interested. I'll tell them I have a cold and I don't want to affect them. But if it's something I really want to do,

and I'm obvious like Dana's got a cold, I will say, I got an allergy. I got an allergy. Don't worry about me. By the time they figure it out, you're out of there. So you've never canceled. You've had some wicked nights, but you've never canceled a gig. I've only canceled because of like a TV gig or a movie. Yeah, yeah, but for illness, you never canceled. Or I had a good massage lined up. No, I don't think I've ever canceled for illness.

You know, I did San Francisco last year, Dana, your hometown or your outskirts town. And I was getting sick and my doctor said,

This is a sickening word that makes you sound old, polyps in your nose. Which polyps, let me explain to you what they are. I don't know what they are, but really, he said they're 100% blocking you and you're going to keep, you can't not be sick anymore because you've waited 10 years to get an operation. So I'm at a gig and I'm sick and I didn't mind really being sick and just finishing the tour, but you couldn't really hear me. So I've never had that laryngitis, which is

so weird but i don't want to cancel a gig and it's the day of the show and people are coming so they bring in a doctor like pink floyd you know to jack you up you know sometimes they can do that they give you steroids i don't know what it is but you're right after you're like john bonnet you're like somehow it clears you up it didn't work and i still don't want to cancel so i go out there and i'm like oh and everyone's like oh like right away they're like oh no and i'm like

He's doing a bit. I didn't want to cancel, so I'll give you 4%. And they're like, Jesus Christ. So I literally was like, everybody be really quiet. It's hard to hear me. So nobody laugh until the end.

And just, I'll just say my jokes flatly. And then at the end, it'll count. And they're like, great. Well, how did you know that you had, when you have polyps in your nose, I never knew that. I mean, do you get a colonoscopy through your nose? Is that how they find out? My nose is, my nasal cavities are connected to my butthole somehow. Like it goes all the way down. So they go up through the butt. They go either way. Yeah.

Oh, nice. Nice. You might want to go through your nose first. And then I go, yeah, I go, aren't polyps in my B-hole? And they go, well, they're just, I don't even know what they are. I picture like mushrooms growing there. They go, it's blocking. And so I,

I went and I did the gig, but I was glad I did it because it still went pretty good because it started to come back a little. And then, you know, I get that operation, which is terrifying and really harder than they said. But then I didn't get sick for a year and a half. Nothing. Man, look at us talking about AFib. No, we can't talk about this. We cannot. We cannot.

I had gigs in the 80s because I do eight shows a week, 90 minutes a set. And I would get a lot of antibiotics, a lot of, you know. Plus, I...

I bit on my tongue once and was bleeding profusely. Welcome to the stage. You know, I mean, you just, you do get funny things. You go, well, yeah, yeah. What about this? We do this a lot. I mean, Spade and I've talked about getting injured in hotel rooms, like slamming, getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and slamming your shit into a table, right? You've had those kept. I had a hematoma and I couldn't put

couldn't put weight on it. It was so painful. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was in Spokane, Washington, um, doing a gig and I, I heard that Chevy Chase was doing his Christmas vacation, kind of a tour, you know, question and answer stuff. He was staying at my hotel.

And so I texted him, see if you want to go have a cup of coffee because we're at the same hotel. He goes, well, I can't. I fell last night. I hit my head on the knife stand. Well, that would happen to anyone when I was a lot younger, though, too, because it's just another hotel and it's very easy if the lights are down. Yeah, I mean, I never thought that Chevy Chase would get hurt falling.

He was like a big faller for a while. Yeah, I mean, that's how he got hurt, actually. And you wrote back, LOL, LOL, LOL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, I've never gotten hurt in a hotel room like that. I slammed my finger in the door. Yeah, sure thing.

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I have a question for you, Kevin. This is not part of this. Yeah, just outside the podcast. Oh, yeah. A couple of questions. One is... I don't trust you. I want to hear a little bit about the Swatch Tour because I was so jealous of it when I was on SNL. Really? I don't know if I was on it yet, but I thought, these guys are going on the road. I mean, I don't think I was on SNL yet, but I knew about you guys got a tour because you were doing well on the show. And like three hilarious guys, you, two, and Dennis...

And then you played Arizona, I think at the Celebrity Theater. I don't know why I remember all this. I just remember it was Swatch. I think I remember what you were getting or I heard a rumor and I was like, oh my God. And what a fun thing. Even I don't realize, I don't realize then the road is hard.

But Three Funny Guys, Swatch Tour. And that was in the summer, was it, Kevin? And between seasons? After our first season, it happened fast. Kevin and I only did one season, right? Yeah. I mean, actually, that tour is still going on right now. But Dana and Dennis dropped off. I'm canceling tomorrow. It's just you? It's just me now. I've been going since then. That's so funny. I still call it the Swatch Tour.

That's the first time I think something was sponsored in my head, like a comedy tour. I thought that was a big deal. So you guys got more money because you did. Did you have to wear a swatch? No, but we got swatches, I think. We got swatches. Yeah. That was really exciting. It was exciting because they played clips from SNL before we came out. And the music, you know, G.E. Smith band, the SNL band. And it was just really a high rev and people would go crazy. And that was, you know, before anybody was kind of doing big...

Yeah. A theater was like, not really what I'd heard of. Maybe Leno, maybe. Yeah. And what was the order? Do you remember? Do you guys just flip flop? Yeah. Yeah. I would go on first and then I would never get off. So it was just me basically. They wouldn't let me get off. I would just get, you know, encores. No, yeah, it was me. I think.

Dennis and Dana, maybe they switched it up a little bit. I think we switched off a little bit. It was me because I was a feature player on SNL at the time. Oh, yeah. Never liked following either of you. I wouldn't follow any of you guys. I don't want to follow Dennis or Kevin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want a nice...

Very nice, clean opener. Not too funny. Yeah, don't make them too good. You know, maybe, Kevin, when you get on, did you tag team it? You should have brought up Dana and then you should have done your Hans and Franz there. We might have. I don't even think we had come up with Hans and Franz. We came up with Hans and Franz basically on that tour. Yeah, that's right. We had not done it on SNL.

Yeah. Yeah. We were in, I think Des Moines, Iowa, and I was watching Arnold Schwarzenegger on some like up close and personal interview. And they were asking him what he does when he gets into town. I can't do a good Arnold, but he goes, you know, when I get into town, you know, I get into the nice light color shirt and I

And then I go into town and I come back to the hotel and I slip into the nice like cargo sheets. And so Dana and I started doing that the whole trip. And then somehow I just evolved into Hans and Franz, maybe two pathetic defensive, you know, losers who never looked away in their life. They're still my favorite. I have to say what I laugh at the hardest for myself that I

was in because they're clearly have a lot of mental health issues. They're extremely paranoid, probably schizophrenic. They're on this rinky dink show and they're threatening. No one is saying anything to them. They're threatening imaginary enemies and they will come to their house and do all these exotic torture things to them. And no one cares about them at all. And they're just mad. There's probably only like a dozen 15 year olds watching it. They think it's like thousands of people. Yeah.

And then you look so fucking doofy with your hair. Did you have separated teeth or anything? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We would paint them. Oh, yeah. But the night Kevin and I were on the phone just hatching it out and we were just riffing around with it somehow. And then Kevin said, and if you don't believe me,

And if you don't think, you know, and that just made me laugh. So then we did that for an hour and we knew that was really cool. Just that they're paranoid. If you don't think properly, pump, dump, think again, because you're a loser. You know what I mean? So that,

Yeah, yeah. And I remember when Arnold came on to be in one of the Hans and Franz sketches, we were a little nervous because we were making fun of him. And we went to his dress room and his name was on the door. His name was so long it went onto the wall a little bit, you know. And we knocked on his door and the door opens up and it's full of cigar smoke. And we could barely see him sitting across the room. He's got a big cigar in his hand. He's got the script rewrote. And he looks through the cigar smoke to us. He goes, hello, fellas. Now, I'm supposed to do the accent.

You know, Arnold, stylistically, Arnold reminds me of Trump and Trump reminds me of Arnold in that Arnold just...

is so smart, but he makes things very simple. You know, if they, if they do your voice, all it does is spread you out there. And he, we talked to him recently and he said that us doing that really helped kind of solidify the voice of, of Arnold. And so he, we were fearful. He might beat us up, not literally, but be mad or something or disappointed, but he was telling, and it is a smart way to go. If someone does an impression of you and I think he got a great out of it. You think they're both smart? Yeah.

But don't know how to. Street smart. Street smart. Hans and Franz? No. Well, Arnold, the reason it was so funny about Arnold is like, he's always got it together. You do your workout. You go to a hotel. It's like this fantastical life, very simply said. And then Trump's like, it's going to be beautiful. It's going to be great. I mean, I don't know what it is yet, but it's going to be great when I figure out what it is.

So self-promotion and very good about that. Self-promotion. We had Arnold on the podcast and then Dana did pushups. Remember that was good. That was like a little clip that went around.

Uh, I could do pushups now if it will help us somehow. I did do, they asked me to do Elon Musk on Saturday night live and I did 30 seconds of it and they did pretty good process statics. And, um, I was him kind of at a mega I'm doc may God, I'm jumping around. And then all Elon tweeted was, uh, or X Dana Carvey sounds just like Dana Carvey. I thought it was kind of funny. Yeah.

That was a slam. He was trying to slam you. Oh, that was a slam? Yeah. Like it wasn't any good? I do think if you do an impression of someone, it can be a little disjointed for them because is that how people see me? Yeah. Well, anyone getting an impression, Tom Petty I did. I made him look like he was...

deformed in the face just like stretching my face right but you know and then I always think when you meet them they're going to be so excited like oh aren't you the guy that makes me look like a fool is it aren't you the guy where I you benefit and I don't at all because I'm the guy you're making fun of and I'm like yeah isn't that great I wouldn't I did uh oh go ahead

I was just going to mention it because I hadn't seen anyone else do that. You did Brent Musburger. It was a famous sportscaster. He may have just retired or something, but, and you just pulled your eyes down or something. Yeah. I pulled my eyelids. I pulled the sides of my eyelids down. That was an Al Franken, uh,

idea right there. And just kept him there as you're talking. You held him? During the bit, you held him? Instead of prosthetics, he did it manually and just held him. Talking about people getting mad at you for doing them, I used to think they're all getting mad at us for doing it, but people actually, these actors love it because it gives them the attention

Mostly. And I remember I did, but not always. I did Michael Bolton once where I was singing, trying to sing like him. My voice was all raspy and I had, I got bronchitis after that for like a month from doing that voice. So I go, I'm in Hawaii, like, you know, maybe eight months later, 10 months later.

And I get into the jacuzzi and now in Hawaii and Michael Bolton's on the other side, just me and Michael Bolton and his wife at the time, my wife at the time. And he did not say a word to us. And then I'm walking back to the hotel room and she said anything.

He didn't say one thing. And maybe. And I said, I wonder why he was so kind of standoffish. And she goes, well, you did make fun of him. And I said, oh, that's right. Oh, but he ended up doing a lot of funny stuff. Yeah. No, he's great. He's great. Yeah. I mean, he's really make fun of him. I was probably misreading it at the time, but he was because, you know, such an ego person.

What about when he tried to drown you? Great voice. Well, he did let me up at the last minute. Was he in the Feed the Chickens fundraiser sketch? I don't know. That was where David did. I did. I did Dylan and you did Petty. Oh, is that that? It was all We Are the World. Yeah, yeah. It was We Are the World. I was either Dave Perner.

Kurt Cobain or Tom Petty. Those are three I did in those type of sketches where we're like doing a fundraiser where everyone, great idea, just everyone plays a celebrity. I think it was Bonnie and Terry Turner. You must have played some celebrity. And Farley was Wilson Phillips. He was Wilson and Phillips. You know, the funny thing about Farley doing that is that the other two were actually just extras, which is very rare on our show. We had someone just play. Should have, could have been Christine Zander or something, but.

You throw writers in there sometimes, but it was just purely extras that look like the other two. Let me ask you a question. Go ahead. I was just going to mention. Go ahead. Can I get a word in for a minute?

I would see these posters of you and Farley and you look like you're 12 at the time. And, and I always think to myself, I wonder, and the same with John Candy, I think, I wonder what kind of work would be done by those actors now if they were still alive, you know, and, and if you were alive as well. And I always wonder what that would be like. And Farley, you know, Farley in Tommy Boy,

I still have his jacket, this like kind of plaid jacket he wore on the poster or in the movie. And it's not that big. He wasn't that huge then. Only because I was such a twig, it kind of made him look bigger. But he probably at the end weighed 80 more pounds. That jacket fits you at the time. That jacket fits me now. But yeah, I think Brendan Fraser was it, Dana? He came over and he put it on and it fit him perfectly.

And Brendan Fraser isn't big. He wasn't in his whale costume. He was just regular. Was that a whale costume? Was that prosthetics? Remember when he played whale? Did he gain weight for that? I don't know. Yeah, that was a massive prosthetic. He told us for a full hour. I don't remember. I'm like. That was an intense movie. But I do think that Chris, Chris's golden age, you know, Tommy boy and that year he had on SNL.

Yeah, obviously. Was he guest hosting when he did the Man Down by the River? Or was that, was he in the part of the cast? No, he was in the cast. I think he did it. He did it again when he. Okay. When it later. When he hosted right toward the end and he was really sweaty. Bob Odenkirk wrote that, correct? Yeah. Man Down by the River? Yeah. Yeah.

He would get really sweaty. I remember the last time I saw him, I was up in the Brillstein office and he was in a conference room just sitting at a long table. And I think he had like his hair dyed pink. It was a Mohawk or something and leather jacket and just sweating real fidgety.

Yeah. Let me guys ask you a question. Seinfeld went crazy when I always say this. Let me ask you a question. Because there's all these things they're doing with SNL because the 50th documentaries, this and that. They put me in some room and they had on one board tons of sketches on cards, all time great sketches.

And then they had a classic board and they go, OK, we want you to pick what would be the first sketch. You're trying to do an all star show right after the monologue. They already had a cold opening. I couldn't remember what it was. Oh, host monologue. So the first sketch up and that and I saw Van Damme by the river. But then I'm thinking you can't have that first up because you can't.

follow it, you know, so you want something really up, but that people could follow. And you, you know, it was all the great, I actually, cause I, not cause I was in it, but I thought it was not hysterical, but incredibly entertaining. And that was Wayne, Wayne's world with Tom Hanks as the roadie and also Aerosmith. And we play with them.

Like it'd be a big energy boost, but it wasn't, it wasn't like cowbell energy.

or Van Down by the River, sketches that are tough to keep going in a way. They take a little time. Maybe put an update in between them. I like the concept that you're picking. The best sketch is very hard to look at the board. Trying to do the greatest show of all time. Yeah, it's an interesting one. One of the sketches that I loved was, and I have loved a lot of them, but it makes me laugh every time.

It's making me laugh now. I think it was called the Belisi Milk Sketch when I was with Kirstie Alley going to the Italian restaurant. And all the Italian, you know, Schneider and Sandler. Bill Cantore, maybe. Yeah, maybe that's it. Yeah, Bill Cantore. And they were all doing this Italian overly affectionate, you know, kissing and licking her face. No, that's what they do, honey. They're Italian. That's kind of weird.

Yeah. One, two things on that for me. And I totally agree because it was, it killed like it was a home base sketch and it was a restaurant sketch. It just crushed it. Kirstie Alley, I was supposed to lick her face. You did. Somebody licked it. No, no. And she was totally cool. Do whatever you want. Lick any of it. I don't care about anything. You know, she was very, very cool. I just want to put that in there. And then the moment where my character goes over as Schneider and Sandler are coming in hardly dressed. Yeah. That kept escalating.

And then I put Victoria, stood her up, put her down on the table and had her legs over my head. And then kept talking as if I was having... Now, that was probably the build of that whole sketch. That moment where I was just the passenger in the joke, nothing I was doing, legs over my thing. Hey, come on, I was a bra. Was one of the biggest... And it's in the background too. So it's not like right up front. It's in the background. It's not forced. It's kind of casual.

Was Sam wearing a jockstrap when he was a waiter? But that was the funny thing is when we're walking away, they all come up to the window and Sam has got a Speedo on. They're all looking at that like they're puppies, you know, wanting to be adopted. Right, right, right.

Yeah, we're just dressing our faces. It's called Il Cantore. It's on YouTube. Il Cantore. The other one that comes to mind is Head Wound Harry that Jack Andy wrote. Dana's wig, they had put some red syrup on there so the dog would lick it.

And the dog gets pulling on his pulley as a week. And Dana's trying to hold on to it. I was, again, I was just a passenger in that. And they did put more, did Schneider tell us they put more, it was like baby food or something, but they kind of held back on the dress show. And then they put a ton on the prosthesis, the fake, you know, rubber bloody head I suppose they had. And then I knew I had, the sketch was going so strong that I,

I just did not want the wig to come off and have it be a... So I just held it at the temple. And that just made the tug of war go on for...

a minute or something. And so you can't beat a dog who doesn't know what's in a sketch. It just really is hungry. It would have been hilarious if he actually took the wig and ran away. Yeah, that would have been fucking awesome. Just the title alone. Head wound hairy. Massive head wound. It makes me laugh so hard. With a little song. And I was talking to Sarah Sherman and some of the younger cast members and I said,

I love a little presentational sketch where the song kind of tells you everything you need to know. And they said that's kind of out of fashion. I didn't want to be a grumpy old man. Okay. But it was always very relaxing when you see a little song and a thing, and then you go in, the guy actually has a massive head wound. I don't know. I would do more of that.

personally, but maybe it's out of style. Like Toontas. Toontas had one. Toontas the cat or even Hans and Franz. Or even He's Lyle, the effeminate heterosexual. There was a song, wasn't there? Everything is conjectural. He's Lyle, the effeminate heterosexual. I had a hard time with that one because

And again, this is the early 90s. It was very edgy. I heard it was Tim Burton's favorite sketch. But I've met a hairdresser who I just thought was gay and he was straight, you know. And so that there it went from there. But I couldn't really do the voice because every time I did it, it sounded like church lady to me. So I had to come up with a different. That's inside baseball.

Kevin, so you had Subliminal Man on update several times? Well, the first sketch I ever did was Mrs. Subliminal in the first show that we came out of the gig on, and I was terrified. You see her standing on the stage with Belushi and that kind of people. When was that on in the show, by the way? I'm not sure. I think it might have been in the first half, but I remember waiting to go on.

And I'm terrified. We're like 10 seconds out from commercial and Lorne Michaels comes up to me and he puts his hand on my shoulder. And he, he said, are you sure this is what you want? Action. What a psycho. He always has little quips and he doesn't realize they're just like bombshells to whoever is about to go on. Everyone's so scared. I believe he,

and maybe it does in a way kind of relax you. I mean, once you get used to it, not on your very first show, but Lauren always does stuff like that. It'd be a good thing if this show was actually like good, you know, and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to see a compilation of everybody's first sketch and kind of gauge the level of nervousness that they're having. Yeah, that's interesting.

But not good. No, it's not a great idea, but it's an interesting idea. Yeah. What was yours? I can't even think of what you had any line in. Oh, you know, mine was Casualties of War when I did Michael J. Fox and it backfired. Oh, so you had a great. Backfired because they forgot to put me as a feature player in the opening credits. So people thought it was Dana or Mike because I had a wig on. And they didn't know it didn't sound like my voice. So they were just like, who's that guy? You know?

Elon Musk thought it was you. Huh? Elon Musk thought it was you. Yeah. He said, I saw that bit. It sounded like David Spade. Exactly. David Spade. Yeah. Oh, and I was like, oh. So yeah, Kevin and I, I mean, to have a sketch, say it was before Update and stuff, it was a big thing, you know, especially we had a small cast and our very first show, everyone got to do a lot of stuff, right? Yeah. It was only like eight of us, right?

I think it, yeah, total. You guys had four cast members, right? When we first started, I think it was five, maybe, or five or six. Yeah, I was a feature player. And then the next year, Lawrence said I could be either a cast member or if I wanted to be a writer, or I could remain a writer. And I mean, you know, but if I became a cast member, I wouldn't have that writing title. Oh, that's right. They take writing away.

But we all still run. I took the cast. I took being on the cast. So you were in the cast. Yeah. They're doing a documentary. One of the SNL, there's five of them on Peacock. And I guess one of them is just writers, which is great.

But I asked the person who saw it, I said, is there any cast members in there who just were writing but didn't get credit? Because it is it's you get used to it, but it is just sort of funny. People say, who wrote that thing? Like, well, I wrote 90 percent of it. Yeah, right. Right. Right. It's crazy that you don't get that. I hosted one of those. It was called The Weird Year. And that was in 1985, I think.

that cast 85 86 yeah yeah that transitional stranger yeah anthony michael hall robert downey jr all talented you know actors but i don't think the synergy was there between the writers and them synergy you know it didn't they don't let it steep enough you know yeah well there's groundlings and and and second city and stuff and then there's just stand-up and and stand-up

And then actors. But stand-ups, you know, we're trained to get a laugh. And so we automatically are trained to have some brevity to the setup and things like that. Where are the laugh points? But I would have loved to have gone to something like Groundlings. Didn't have it when I was starting out in San Francisco. That is my regret. But, you know, who would have thought? All I wanted to ever do was stand-up comedy. I wasn't even thinking about acting or improv. I just wanted to be a stand-up. But yeah, in hindsight, I would have...

much rather than the Groundlings, had I known that SNL was going to come after me. I have a question before we dump Kevin, but Kevin, what was the movie you did with Sandler? You've probably done a handful of them, right? Yeah, I've done like 13 Sandler films. The one where you had plastic surgery. Oh, that was called Just Go With It. It looked pretty real. What did they do?

Well, that was four hours in a makeup chair every morning. Oh, it was? It had to be because it looked good. For four days, and they only used me for one of those things, you know. Oh, really? Yeah, one. But it was a really funny character because I had so much plastic surgery, and Sandler was a plastic surgeon.

And I would see him at the party and I come up to him cause I was addicted to plastic surgery. And I go, you know, whatever his name was, one more, one more cap. Just give me one more cap, you know, implant, cap implant, you know, I'll take one, you know, and then I'd laugh and the water would drool out of the corner of my mouth. I couldn't move my face, you know? But yeah, that was, but I, I did a lot of those films with him. And I remember I was, uh, I got the script for grandma's boy.

And I read it and I thought, I don't know, man, I don't think I want to do this one. It's like really crass. And, you know, Sandler wasn't even in it, but he was producing it. And so I decided not to do it. And the next day, Sandler called me up, Neil, and I really hope you do this show, this movie, because, you know, if you don't do it, it's a big hit. I'll feel bad. But, you know, if it's not a big hit, no one will see it anyway. You did that right. That was Nick Swartzen, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And it was Jennifer Aniston in the Plastic Surgeon film with Sandler. That was a big hit, I believe, that movie. Yeah. Yeah. Just go with it. She was grandma's boy I was in, and I probably did Kevin's part that he passed on. I was a waiter. Well, no, I didn't pass on. I ultimately played Mr. Teasel. Oh, you did. Yeah.

I did too. And they, I jinxed Adam. I mean, I think the films were perfectly good, but they didn't outperform. And then first one was little Nikki. All right. And I played the ref with a high pitch voice and then Jack and Jill where Regis and I were kind of hanging out. Cause Regis Philman was in that one too. It's just like small parts.

But Jack and Jill, I guess I think it has a resurgence now because, you know, it had a lot of funny stuff in it. Happy Gilmore is coming out. Oh, yeah. Did you do Happy Gilmore? Yeah. Yeah. I just finished doing that. Oh, you did? Amazing. Yeah. That's going to be crazy. Yeah. Yeah. That was fun. I think that movie is just sort of iconic. At some point, it became iconic. So people really want to see it. The budget was the GNP of Guatemala.

It really was, man. I've never seen, it was almost like an invasion going into the, you know, I mean, there's like a hundred trailers and golf carts everywhere and, you know, prime rib, wild salmon. How many cameos in it or how many character actors are in it? I keep hearing people are in Happy Gilmore. There's a lot. There's a lot of like athletes and cameos. It's a Guinness book world record of cameos. Love it. You, you,

Marcelo from SNL. Yeah, I mean, it's just a lot, a lot of people. A lot, a lot of people. It's going to be a lot. It's going to be a huge smash. We're going to do things. We're going to take over. Yeah, it was very interesting when he goes, and Panama, we're taking back Panama. I mean, it does get a little like...

He even outdoes Trump. We're taking it back. We're taking it back. I mean, what is Panama supposed to do? Panama goes, what the fuck's going on? I mean, the guy is just, what a character. We'll see where it goes. All right, Kevin. I think we should let Kevin go because he's been a really good sport today. Kevin Nealon, yeah, as a friend of the podcast, came in.

Well, yeah, you had a fallout. So you called me and I was in the next studio over. I said, sure, I'll come over, you know, and filled in for that person. And you don't really see that on podcasts that much. Hey, can you come on over? We just said somebody drop out, you know, like they used to do all those talk shows. Oh, yeah. They call me on a lot of these talk shows and go.

You're our favorite guest. Can you be here in 12 minutes? I'm like, oh, this isn't a fallout, is it? They're like, no, no, no. One time Richard Gere fell out and they were calling around and Schneider did it. And then he goes, I'm just going to do it as Richard Gere. So he did the interview and just answered whatever he thought Richard Gere would say. That's funny. Yeah, it bombed. Anyway, no, it did good. It was funny.

I remember we had SNL, you know, our studios was above lettermen. Oh, yeah. Whenever somebody bailed out on lettermen, they would call me to come down. And it got to the point where I really had nothing to say, nothing prepared. So I thought, I can't really do this anymore. I never thought I'd be turning down like a spot on lettermen. Conan, too, when Conan took over. Yeah. You guys might have been gone by then, but yeah. But Kevin, you're on the road. So go see Kevin on the road.

Yeah, kevinneal.com, my tour schedule. I have that, don't forget the hiking show, man. Hiking show. You both did it. It's fucking great. Tom Hanks was on recently. So you can go watch on YouTube. Is that where it is, on YouTube? It's on YouTube, and I have that book out. You both, you know, I exaggerate. My brushes with fame, I exaggerate. I exaggerate. Two great titles. I exaggerate, and then under that, brushes with fame. My brushes, yeah. You exaggerate.

Is that a, is that a memoir as they say, or autobiography? It's not really, but it kind of turned out to be one because I talk about, you know, Johnny Carson doing that and how we met you and I, and you and me. And, um, and yeah, so it kind of became kind of a memoir, but it's like these 60 paintings I've done caricatures and on the opposite page, a little anecdote about that person. Oh, yeah. That's tricky. That's good. Uh,

If you, would you be scared to do a caricature of me? Cause there's nothing to exaggerate because I have perfect features. You're in the next book, by the way. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Hold me a spot because a lot of things about me that are really interesting. Also, you look a lot like Richard Gere though in it. If it better not be Richard Gere, it better be me. I need my own page.

Yeah. And I think Dick, Dick gear is a great, I really like, I really like Dick gear. I don't know. I like his, they always have weird names. His son's name is fourth. And I knew fourth gear when I used to be anyway. So how about the daughter? Daughter is winter, right?

Is that true? Winter gear? Winter gear. It's not even a saying. Now, Kevin, so if we go on YouTube hiking, start with my episode because we walk on flat ground. And then also you can watch old episodes and new ones, right? That's good. That's the good part. Yeah, it's all on YouTube. It's like five seasons of them. I've done over 140 hikes. You used to do Bill Bird. I see that.

Yeah, I did, Bill. It was like two days before the fire wiped out Will Rogers State Park. What's all this brush? Why do you have brush?

Yeah. Come on, Dana. Go ahead. That was fun. You know what drives me nuts? There we go. Cyclone fences. What the fuck? Get a regular fence. Drives me out of my fucking mind. Who eats pickles? It's a fucking cucumber. Go fuck yourself. You got to close. Before you send me off, Dana, you got to do your, I don't know if you do what you're called, but. I'll try.

This one makes me laugh more than anything. Yeah. Love them. Don't pretty good. Going to go down in a little lobster down at the pier this afternoon. Our friend Dennis is, is in a very relaxed time in his life. Let's put it that way. And it's really fun to talk to him because he's just,

Very chill. Yeah. Okay. Sammy came on. He still calls you Sammy or refers to you as Sammy because we did the two Sammys in 1986. Sketch, yeah. Yeah, no, he seems very relaxed and chill in his spot, in his place right now. Good for him. And where are we at? He's not desperate and thirsty like me out there running around doing gigs all over this fucking town. And his country. All of the country. Oh, man.

Well, Kevin, do you take advantage of social media? I mean, do you feel like you should be out there like, you know, more clips? In an illegal way. I do clips. I don't really do clips of my act because most of my stuff is a little longer than, you know, I could put longer clips, but some bits, I guess I still do. Some of the old ones I put up, some are not as relevant, but it is good to just have clips floating around. Someone catches something.

Yeah. You don't do audience work, crowd work. I don't. And I don't know if I even love when I see these clips because everyone's doing them only because that's the clips you put out to come see them so they don't burn their real material. But then...

They look like a crowd work act. So some people go there. Well, you could do a crowd work act. I mean, it's OK now. Film five shows and take the best crowd work parts and just call it crowd work. I mean, that beats writing an act. Yeah, that's what Matt Reif did. Kevin, you're very good at that. Well, you know, what a lot of people don't know is I do the same crowd work on every show.

I do the same, you know, whoever the person is, I'll do the same lines each time. It looks like it's spontaneous, but no, no. But, oh, so you don't want to record it because then you can't use it. No, I use the same three people in the audience. I take them with me on the road. They're shills. Oh, okay. And it looks like it's spontaneous. You know what I do, Kevin? I go, uh. It's like a lot of work to travel with that. And the cot. I bring the cot with me too.

So it's a big, it's a big to do. I was talking with Brian Regan once he did one of my hikes and he says everything in his act is it's the way it's supposed to be. There's no spontaneity or anything. If he spills a little water that was planned for real. Brian. Yeah. And one of the funniest comics out there. I know people do that. Like when they laugh, they're,

in the middle of a joke and then i see them all week and they laugh at the same spot every night i go oh my god yeah i know but it is an act that's why they call it an act it's a magic trick you're like hey well you're pretending you have to that you're remembering your material oh uh yeah yeah it's trying to fool the audience i mean it's um yeah yeah i used to know everybody when they took a you know swallow before their their um

And here's the one thing I don't do, and this is just for me. I don't call a bit a joke. If somebody laughs, they'll say, oh, you know that last joke. Because it's like a magician saying that was a trick. No, I thought that was real. I thought that really happened. No, that was a trick. So I never call it a joke.

And so that way people realize I'm not a comedian. They go, "Well, maybe he's not a comedian. "Maybe that's actually happened to him." - This is just an hour of things that happened to him recently. - Yeah, yeah, no. It's a lot of-- - Well, when you say, you know, actually, let's say two weeks ago I was driving. - Yeah.

Let's make it two weeks ago. I've done all the tricks. I've done all that stuff. Some of your early stuff was I remember seeing this one at the Comedy Magic Club. They say live every day like it's your last. So every day I take out insurance or whatever. I stay on the phone for three hours making funeral arrangements.

Just take it literal every single day. You have to do that because it's your last day. Isn't it funny? And I know this happens to you too. Someone will come up and they'll say,

uh, in fact, Spade did this to me once. He goes, Hey, you got a really nice camera, right? It's one of those black ones, you know, and then you don't remember. And I go, that's from your eye. That's what I'm saying. People remind you and you go, Oh, I don't, I don't know that one, but I guess so. I saw Letterman a couple of weeks ago and, uh, he was telling me about it, how much he loved this joke that I used to do. And he tells it to everybody and gives me credit. I said, which one was it? He goes, well, you talk about how, uh,

Abraham Lincoln used to walk to school every day in the snow. But what they don't tell you is, yeah, but he was late every day. And he loved that joke so much. And so a week later, I tried it in a club.

Cause I don't remember it. Like running a club, crickets, nothing. Yeah. Bomb. I like when you say I stayed, uh, I got it. I stayed in a hotel. It was nestled in the Hills. It's always sounds better than wedged. It was wedged in the Hills. I stayed, they actually, they were not, I, uh, they put me in the honeymoon suite. I stayed with a nice couple from Nebraska. Yeah. Yeah. Those are, those are good. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, a hotel could be nestled. It can't be wedged though. And he'll say, you know, underwear is wedged. Underwear can't be nestled. You know, you never pull your underwear out of your crack and go, Oh, that was kind of nestled up there. Yeah. Really got nestled deep. Okay. Let's leave on that one. Dana. It was steeped in my book. The word of the day was steeped. Uh, thank you, Kevin. We'll do this again in a week. Thanks Kevin. That was fun. Okay. Bye guys.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.