Lauren Lapkus
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Find it on AutoTrader. See it, find it. AutoTrader. I went down the memory lane on an Airbnb I occupied once and it was, I'll just say it, awesome. It's clean. It was tidy.

It was beautiful. It was private. Great big kitchen right next to a forest. What's not to like, David? You check that box saying I'd like to be near a forest. That's a good thing. A lot of people like Airbnb because you can do that. You can say, hey, I want to

place with a pickleball court, you know, and they can find you on. You can be in town. You can be in the suburbs. You can be in the country. I mean, you can have a pool. You can not have a pool. I mean, the benefits of Airbnb are just the flexibility of it. Yeah. And the locations and privacy compared to hotels.

Listen, hotels are fine and that's great. But sometimes I think if you get into an Airbnb and you see the convenience and all the things, you don't have to walk by people in the hallway and not get on the elevator and talk about the weather. So you realize that it might really...

be more tailored for you, and it turns into the perfect accommodation. Whether you're with family, friends, whatever, you're on your own. Consider Airbnb for your next adventure. I don't think you'll regret the switch. Dana, our guest today is Miss Lauren Lapkus, who is a good friend of mine, who you know from the Wrong Missy movie that we talk about on the show.

who she was a tour de force very fun to be uh watching her in that and be a part of that movie i remember reading it and saying if this missy is funny we are there because it's already written funny she added so much to it and she was she's a real sweet sweetheart and very quick on her feet and i'm glad you got to finally meet her she's uh yeah she's incredibly likable uh and she's

She put the tour in force. I mean, that movie, David can't say, but we talk about it was a smash. It got to over a billion minutes globally. And we do talk about that. And she just walked out onto the stage of Netflix and crushed it. Yeah, of course, you were a trustee sidekick. Yes. Trustee sidekick slash killer.

Date that went wrong. Dating gone wrong movies are funny. Dating is funny already. It's just a funny area to talk about when you're in comedy. And if you can put a movie together, just the wrong text, you're texting the wrong person. That turned into a funny premise, which they got a whole movie out of it. And she's also, she has a podcast, which we talk about where they watch movies and they

They watch movies they've never seen. Like I personally have never seen The Lion King. But old movies like Star Wars, like basic movies, Godfather, they watch it. They give their first glance. First, what do you call it? Blink. Blink. Yeah, blink. Because that's from the book by Malcolm Gladwell called Blink. And it's like, trust your blink. If you're in an alley in the middle of the night in New York City and someone's walking toward you, what is your blink?

And if it is to run, run. You know, it's the subconscious molecules in your brain pan tell you things that you don't normally receive. In your bed pan? It just sounded good to say brain pan. Brain pan. That sounds good. Is that a real thing? That's an figure of speech. Yeah. Your brain is essentially in a skull pan. You could sizzle it up. I don't want to go there. But anyway, Lauren Lapkus is someone you want to go with right now.

Yeah, I'm just into this dynamic. So like, did you guys know each other before Wrong Missy? Just a little bit. No, we met. We met. Okay. We met in Hawaii, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then you do this movie, Global Smash. That's what I say, Global Smash. Well, you know, wasn't it? It was like a billion minutes, you know? It was a billion minutes, yeah. I like saying Global Smash very casually. Did this thing, Global Smash.

I did this thing, people watched it for a billion minutes. They never turned it off. One person. Because it was a big, funny, silly comedy. And, you know, they don't make them like that as much. They really don't. That's a cigar. That's the problem. That's just metaphorical cigar. But I find that in the kind of like war zone, it's like the army, not literally, save your letters, but how bonded you get when there's, you know, it's your 18th hour on the set.

I mean, so you guys are, have a thing that you share. And so I'm just wondering what it's like to reconnect now for the first time since the premiere for wrong missing. It means so much. It's so fun. I love seeing you. I'm sorry. I was such a fan of David forever. And so I literally auditioned for the movie because your name was, you know, listed as being in a movie. I mean, not that I wouldn't audition, but I was like, I have to audition for that. Um,

And so I was so excited when I got to work with you. - Well, when they do this, was it, it wasn't quite COVID yet, right? It came out during COVID. - It came out literally the first like month of COVID or something insane.

Well, you, so what do you do? You self tape or you go in those days? No, I went in. That was nice. I mean, that's the thing. I miss that so much because we don't ever go in anymore. But I went in and auditioned for Tyler who directed it and a room full of people that I didn't know. Grady was there, I think. Oh, okay, good. Yeah. So, and I saw a bunch of people I knew there, which is always the fun, you know, part of going in these things. And now we don't do that anymore. And we just do it in a black hole in our house and send it out and nobody watches it.

It's very weird. Your baby does the off camera. Yeah. No, but you know, when we were doing Wrong Misty when it came up, so I read it and I was like, okay, well,

I think Adam was like, this is really funny, but I think you're more the straight man. Do you like, I said, I want to do that. I want to try that because it's kind of fun to be that. I always say like Ben Stiller and meet the parents or, you know, so fun. There's crazy shit going on. React. Someone just react. Cause it's, if you can get a laugh off her, then a reaction, then back to her, like you can get double. Yeah. And,

Of course, everyone's nervous because I'm like, this is all riding on Missy. And I saw some stuff, some tapes, and then there were some names talked about. And Adam was really about like, let's get someone that's not just a total household name. No offense to Lauren, but just someone that's not like, oh, it's for sure Isla Fisher because that's kind of that type of character. Yes. It was great, of course. Yeah. But then...

There was someone from Ireland I saw, Lauren. Did I tell you that? No, I don't think so. There was someone from Ireland that had a thick accent. That would be good, honestly. Adam sent it to me and he goes, this one's pretty funny. And it was. And I was like, so wow, really from Ireland? Like people are getting their tapes in and at least something's working. Adam got it and was laughing at it. And then they were like, oh, nope, somebody just came and did great. And it was you. And then we...

Went out to Hawaii. And the funny thing, the first thing I noticed, I mean, you have to see The Wrong Missy to really get this. So everyone has to watch it real quick if they didn't. But the first day I knew Lauren was great because we had that, I think it was our actual first date in the movie. Yeah. Yeah.

We had the wrestler. Yeah. What is it? Oh, Roman Reigns, who's turned out to be such a sweetheart. Yeah, he's so nice. And he was at the bar and then I come in and then you're being an asshole to everyone. Why I even like you is the funniest part of the whole movie. It's so true. Like nothing good happens between us. The red flag store went out of business within the first two minutes of the movie. You're yelling. You're like just talking to me like, hey, sorry. What?

quit eye fucking me. She's like screaming to someone across the room. And I'm like, hey, hey, hey, don't yell at me. And then it's like charming to me. Yeah, what is your character? Yeah, you're like broken. Yeah.

You're playing yourself, basically. I'm myself. She's herself. And then I try to sneak off into the bathroom and climb out the window. And then I think that was the first night because I fall out of the window and break my ankle or leg. And then I'm laying in a puddle. That was the worst. We're shooting it.

I'm like, God damn, I forgot. I don't really like doing movies. It's so fucking hard. So the first day I'm doing a night shoot on the first day and then everyone's above me. You know, you're laying on the ground. You're like, don't step on my head or something because no one's paying attention to me. I'm like, guys, first team. You are so funny, though, when you're when you're upset, which is maybe a problem.

That is a thing we've discovered. Well, I'm in a puddle, Dana, and I'm like shaking. And they're like, hey. Did they put a blanket on you? You're shaking the camera. It was like freezing cold. I'm like, why is it cold? I'm in fucking Hawaii. And you had like a stunt foot on that was like fake so I could snap it. Oh, yeah. There was something weird about that too. Like it was like attached to your leg or something. Oh, right.

And then she's like breaking it. I'm in a puddle. I'm freezing. And they're like, you're shaking on camera. I'm like, I can't not. I'm a person.

And I'm freezing. I'm a person. I'm a person. Were you number one on the call sheet initially and then they moved Lauren's name up to number one? No, it was Lauren. They did that in post. Retroactively. She was number one. I got to the set that day and I go, hey, can I call a quick meeting? And then suddenly you hear a typewriter, white out. Yeah.

You could do a better typewriter sound effect than that, I bet. King. King. He's the king. But you all, from old Hollywood, at a given point, I think some old Hollywood guy said to me, you gotta see this girl. It's like that. She's like, Jim Carrey had a baby. She's fucking great, this girl. That's so nice. Yeah, it's like Jim Carrey had a baby just alone. Yeah.

Except with no one else. Oh, right. I've had a baby with just some weird person. But yeah, so from that first day when I think, you know, Lauren, I'll speak for her for the rest of the podcast. Yeah, that'd be great. She, if I'm right,

And Tyler, the director, would come in and say like... Tyler, that sounds like a rapper. Tyler, the creator. Yeah, he comes in and goes... Tyler, the director? Is that how he's referred to? That's his rap directing name. Yeah. And he'd go, hey, I just want the audience to know that it is the director.

And he'd go, hey, Lauren, maybe on this one, a little drunker or something. And then she'd do it. And I'd be sitting there going, fuck, she's good. And then he'd go, maybe a little sexier. And then maybe a little... And then just take after take. Plus, we're doing wide, medium, close up, over the shoulder. So she's got to do like a thousand takes. I'm like, fuck, she's going to burn out. This is tough. Because she's ad-libbing her ass off. We have a funny script she's doing. And then once you get that okay to do whatever... It's the best. She was really...

bringing it though. I'm just letting me talk 'cause it's compliments. - That's nice, thank you. - And so you probably won't say that. - Thank you, I love it. No, I'm like, thank you so much, that was so nice. - No, I mean, it was pretty phenomenal. I just wonder from your point of view, and you've done a lot of stuff, but obviously you're in a big Adam Sandler produced show, "Happy Madison," you got David Spade and the whole thing. But from your point of view, when you started being directed by Tyler, the director, what was his name? - Yeah, Tyler, the creator.

He's going to love this. Tyler Spindel. Tyler, I know. I met him, I think, in D.C. Incredibly humble guy. So you're probably, when are you feeling really comfortable? Like, okay, I'm really, I'm getting to do stuff. Are you, when are you feeling good? Like, you know you're landing. You're not getting fired. Are you seeing, are you going back to the monitor and checking yourself? No, I don't think so. But I think on the first day I felt good because I, because the character's so big and I have to like go, I, you have to commit so hard. Yeah.

And

Once I was yelling in the restaurant, like you were talking about, I felt good because you have to just feel like... I was still nervous that day, but the feeling of I have to just fully commit takes over. And then so I feel like it made me feel confident because also Tyler is so open to adding your own humor and stuff, which was great. And it's getting laughs. Yeah, and getting laughs is amazing. Of course, that feels so good. And then you feel like, okay, it's working. But when she gets a big laugh, I go, no more of that.

He pinches me really hard under the table. Under the table. And I go, hey, come on. There she gets a big laugh, Dana. And then I go, maybe I could say that on this take. And she's like, I'm sorry, what? Well, that was me walking, talking with Dex during the production. You know, all I'd hear was like,

I don't know, man. Oh, yeah. That's me. I'm like, I mean, I know, but I remember about halfway through because Lauren was doing this every day and we were having a good time and like dopey Johnny Farley's there and Swartzen is there. Jackie Sandler. It's totally fun. So it's definitely fun. It's hard to be in Hawaii.

But I was finding ways to complain, shockingly. Why is it hard to be in Hawaii? Well, I'm saying it's sarcastically. We're in Hawaii. We're doing a movie. Every dream situation. Yeah. But then toward like the middle, actually toward about two-thirds way through, I was looking at what we had left and I'm like, I think this might be funny because you're doing it out of order. But I go, we still have this threesome scene. We still have this. We still have her like falling off the cliff. I go,

I think we are in pretty good shape, but you just never know. No, it's so scary making something and then you just have no idea how it'll turn out. I mean, I'm so happy it's funny. Listen, growing your small business in 2025 all comes down to how well you can hire. That's right. The first name that's going to come up is LinkedIn. That's just the way it is. Better hires start with better, smarter insights.

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But tell us about the time when you were wrapped, in quotes, and then they said, can you stop by? Well, because by the end, I felt pretty beat up. Like, I mean, because it was a lot of physical stuff and...

I like waterboarding myself in the hot tub or whatever. And like, that was a hard day. Remember when you couldn't sink in the tub? No, I couldn't stay down. And then I was like, I was supposed to be floating under the water. It's not, which is impossible to do. We found out. And she's coming up with that shit on her face for health. Every time I walk in, like Lauren, we can see your nose. Yeah.

Lauren, you're not totally submerged. Oh my God. She's like, well, I'm dying. I know. And I really hate being underwater, which I didn't tell anyone. I just was like, I'm fine. Like, I don't want to tell anyone because it makes me feel more pressure. If people are aware that I don't like, you know what I mean? Like, it's just like the whole thing. Like, I'll just do, I'll just suffer, you know, quietly. But then I was like texting you, like, I'm crying. Um,

but it was hard. But yeah, at the end, again, I had to get in the ocean and the ocean almost drowned me. Like I had to like be knocked over by the waves. It was getting dangerous. I was being swept down and there were two guys who would like catch me on either side to make sure I didn't like fly off into the distance. Jesus Christ.

But, and I had like four stunt doubles who were amazing, by the way. Remember when you're, I walked back, I walked to the set my one half day, I wasn't working and I go, let's go to Sandy Beach and watch her get pummeled by waves. And then they go, I get there, I go, you know, I used to go, when I was in Hawaii, this is like a shore break, dangerous beach. And there's signs everywhere going, do not walk any further. And they're like, let's get Lauren in. It literally had like cones all over the beach that were like from the city. It wasn't like...

our cones. And then I see a stunt man, a stunt woman walking up going, I'm out. Yeah. I mean, I'm out or like get somebody else. I've had, they did have to tap out. I mean, because it was, they were doing it like a million times and yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, but yeah, no, but it was totally fine at the end. Um,

What you were talking about, though, is that like I saw like I'm done finally. Yes. And I'm like, oh, you just have one more day. Just some like quick little special effect thing. And then I get there and on the way to the airport. Yeah. They put me in a in like a.

It's like a circle and I'm holding on with like I'm holding on to all sides like I don't know what the fuck. And then they started spinning it and they were just getting like they wanted to get my face when I'm flying off the cliff and going around in circles. And so they were spinning me in circles head over feet. So I would like make crazy faces and I was going to barf. I mean, it was crazy. And I was so grumpy because I was just like I had I was like celebrating being done. And then I had to get in this thing and get sick.

Can you buzz by and just do like five seconds of you falling off the cliff and hitting the wall? And you're like, sure. And then it's like three and a half hours later. Yeah. Yeah. I remember going, oh my God, because I would try to stick up for Lauren because I knew she wasn't going to say anything. And I'd be like, I think maybe we're pushing her too hard. But you know, listen, when all the dust settles. It was all worth it. It was all worth it. And then I didn't get to do anything because of the pandemic. So, you know, I was happy at that.

I didn't even fucking celebrate. I lit a flare in my house. I lit a tea light. Did it open to a million minutes and build from there? You know, Dana. Or did it slowly get to the billion minutes? I think it was pretty fast to the billion minutes. Well, you know, you can tell because Scott Stuber, who was running the studio, called

Because he called me on Father of the Year. And when the guys, the high-ups call, they don't call you with bad news. They call and go, hey, Wrong Missy is already number one. And I was like, oh, because they just started putting one through 10 at the bottom. Oh.

Oh, yeah. So with Father of the Year, I didn't know. And he just goes, it's doing great. I go, it is? Is it started? And they go, yeah, it started this week. I go, oh, okay. It started. Because of Netflix, I didn't know. You know, there's no real just rhyme or reason. And then with Wrong Missy, and then Ted called and said, it looks like it'll be number one in the world by tomorrow. I'm like, what? And then I get people sending me a photo on DMs, like number one in Italy, like from their TVs. And I'm like-

holy shit. So cool. It's so cool. It was fun. It was the best. So you didn't have to do a press tour because of COVID and so forth. I did. I did some stuff on zoom, but I feel like my internet was like 1% working and I'd be like, like, I don't know that like anything actually televised spade wrong. Yeah. What? You hate spade. Yeah.

Yeah. How many minutes did you do in Thailand? I mean, what was the total minutes? I don't even know what minutes are good, to be honest. I just read that some... I don't know what's good. I saw some chart. You were top five all time or something. It was special. It was a special moment. Right. It was so cool, man. It was something that minute-wise, we're all...

Appreciate the minutes. We're all just looking for our next me and David Spade movie now. Yeah. Well, if it wasn't, okay, two questions. One, if it was a sequel to The Wrong Missy, what would be a pithy title rather than just Wrong Missy 2? Yeah. Like The Wronger Missy. Yeah. Or if they put you to, I'm just thinking out loud because I used to be a studio executive. Yeah.

We put you two, we put these two beauts, these two cutie pies in another film. They play different characters. Yeah, I think we should reverse roles and you just do Missy and then that's it. I think one of the... The wrong mister? One of the ideas was...

We get married and then you've calmed down. And in the first scene, we're having sex and we realize it's your twin sister who came in. So now you're normal, but you're playing your sister since the same movie again.

But I like that idea. But she's crazier. And then she puts a hex on me and then I spin out and go act like you and then that gets crazier shit. And then we should have like, we have like four quadruplets who are all like me and they're all crazy. That's it. A twin, the wrong missies. And it's two. And one is very cool and one is even crazier. All right. Let's do it. Or I cheat and it's the wrong mistress. Yeah.

And then she's crazy. But it was me and I had a mask on. Yeah, exactly. I mean, there's so many ways to go. Or you work at a Vegas hotel in the summertime and you have a mister and you go around for high rollers. The wrong mister?

Missed them by the pool. Oh, okay. Words that start with M-I-S. It has to be familiar, yeah. You know, because you give me a pitch and then I can tell in my head how many million minutes it is. That one's like a million minutes, yeah. Yeah, I see instead of box office, you got to think minutes. Yeah, it's great stuff. Okay.

You know, all right. That was our wrong Missy chunk. You know, Lauren does a show called Newcomers. I do. We thought this was interesting. If I was not doing this podcast, I'd want to do a podcast like that. Yeah, it's so fun. So it's me and Nicole Byer, who's a comedian who's hilarious. And she has nailed it. If you've ever seen that cake disaster show.

And we watch movies we've never seen that are very popular. So we did... We started with Star Wars because we had never seen any of it. And we've now seen all of it. And then we did Lord of the Rings. Wait, you've seen all of one Star Wars or all of... All of the things that can possibly be... No. Yeah. It's a lot. Every movie? Every Star Wars movie? Every movie. I think we did...

Something like 20 episodes or something. There was a lot. - Geez-o-peas-o. - Yeah. - Whoa. - I know, I couldn't believe all the things, but now I get every reference to "Star Wars," so it's really nice. 'Cause doing improv forever, guys just love to reference that shit. - They love that. - You just go along with it for years, and then now I understand. - Okay, let me give you a pop quiz. - Oh God, oh God. - What "Star Wars" was this from?

Chewy, get us out of here. Sorry. I think that's my first one. I can't too. Chewy, get us out of here. Chewy, get us out of here. Yeah, that sounds like the first one. Where's this one from? Ready? I love you. I know.

First one. Oh, first one. What about where Chewie gets rabies? What about the one where the holiday special where Chewie's dad is like jerking off to like a movie or something? I don't know if that's a real Star Wars. I don't know if I've seen that one. Lauren. It's real. Chewie jerks off. There's like

at Grandpa Chewy and he's like watching something like titillating and he's like like it's real. That's what I do. Jeez. First comes Chewy then comes jerking off. Landed on me, no. The force not happy, yes. Yeah.

Yeah, he always adds the yes or no at the end. It's very funny how they wrote Yoda. Force is strong, no? I know. Everyone did Yoda for a while. Classic Yoda. Yeah, well, we just- Do you do a Yoda, Lauren? I've never tried it. I think it's like-

Go ahead. What does he talk like? Is no try, only do. Oh, yeah. Is no try, only do. You know what? We did just watch, we did a whole sports season and we just watched Rocky and I understood for the first time why everyone did Sylvester Stallone impression. I always knew his voice was fun, but I wanted to do it all the time after watching that. Let's hear it. It's so fun. Hey, Jim!

Not even anything like it. After all that coming movie. I can do it, I can do it. Okay, ready? The only movie I've ever seen. Okay, get that ready. That's it. Okay, better. The tongue was fine. That's it. He's beaten up, right? Yeah. He's like, and he's screaming and she's one inch away from him. I'm like, she got it, man. She's coming. Okay, I've got an under impression. Ready? This is Rocky II. Pauly's in jail.

And he walks in silence and he goes, holy. That's it. Holy. He says it really under. Cause I think he was so everyone's doing impressions. So he goes, so now he's like, I actually don't talk like that anymore. Yeah.

You know, I ain't small or anything. I don't know what I need. Well, you bring that turtle in here. I don't know what I need. Is it a turtle? He had two turtles named Cuff and Link. Cuff and Link. He kept them for years and years. I think they just died like the other day. Like they actually were like 35 or 40.

I saw them at Comic-Con. Cuffin, Link. They were 50 when they did the movie. They were signing shit at Comic-Con. They go to 150. You can buy a tortoise that might have known Abraham Lincoln right now today on eBay. Owned by Abraham Lincoln. Yeah, I'm Abraham Lincoln. I got me this here turtle. Did you guys do The Godfather? That's a big dude movie. Did we do that? No, I've seen that.

Oh, yeah. Actually watch that. Yeah. We did all of Scorsese movies for a season, which I had never seen like anything. Wow. And that was good. That was fun. Which one rocked your world of the Scorsese's the most? Goodfellas is the best. Really? We loved it. What do you think it should be?

I was thinking of Serpico, Dog Day Afternoon. Are those all? I haven't seen those. What am I like? Am I like some kind of clown to amuse you? Just that scene alone could go forever. Yeah. Nicole wants to marry Joe Pesci right now.

Oh, she loved him off of that. Yeah, she loves him so much. From all the movies, she's like, I want to marry him now. I don't care. But yeah. They were allowed to ad lib as long as you said fuck. Is that true? I don't know. It seems like it. It feels like it. He's in the middle. Is that, no, that's Casino. We're in the desert. And Joe's like, where do you get off getting on fucking TV? You're on fucking TV every day. And he goes, you got to keep things quiet. He goes, me?

you're on TV. You fucking. And they're just screaming at each other. Yeah. 20 minute takes. That would have fun thing to do just to see all these movies. I mean, De Niro's underplayed neurotic guy is so funny and good. It's very satisfying because it's all stuff that like is just so much in pop culture that I've just missed because I watch reality TV every day. And so to be like, oh, I'm and then it always feels really good when you're watching a good movie. You're like, oh, it's so nice to watch like a good movie. Yeah.

Yeah. I just watch so much Bachelor and stuff and I'm like, oh, there's a story here. Like, it's so calming. You watch 90 Day. I do. You know, I was really into 90 Day for a while. I had to pull back. I only have so much time, you know. But they have so many spin-offs. For sure.

What's the one that you watch that you hated? Any movies you hate most of? We need a trender. Oh, yeah. No, we... Yeah, you want to put something on Instagram? We don't like everything, but we try to see the good in things because people, you know, get defensive. You love them so much. Yeah. That's true. So even, you know, The Irishman, which I knew was like a million hours long, I actually liked it. It was just really long. But, you know...

you know, so we try to find things to say that are positive. Well, everyone's good in it. So you go, it's Scorsese and it can't be horrible. Of course, it's great acting. So, you know, and I think the funny thing with that was like the de-aging that they did, like all that CGI, where then like, Robert De Niro or Joe Pesci was like calling Robert De Niro kid for like half the movie. I do that on my Instagram. You know, when you look at that, you just, would, would any of you ever like under nervousness

nervous circumstances, get in the front seat of a, of a, like an Oldsmobile with a guy behind you, you know, get in the front seat. I'll sit in the back. Oh yeah. Get in the front seat. So I can kill you. It's always a wire around the neck. The wire's not the way to go. Yeah.

Are they surprised when the wire is coming over their head, going back to their neck? I didn't see it coming. What is it? Is it Goodfellas where they take Pesci into a room? No, they take him out and bury him in a... Oh my God, that's the saddest part when he walks in the room and he doesn't realize it's happening. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's like a sound like, oh, or something. And then he gets shot and you're like, oh, so sad.

Nicole Cross. Okay. Have you, just because you were talking about getting in the front seat, have you seen those Waymo cars that are with no drivers? Have you talked about this? No, but I'm scared of them. It's so creepy. Would you get in one? I know people who have gotten in San Francisco and they're very nervous for the first few blocks and then you get kind of used to it, but I'm not in a hurry to get into one. I know, it seems weird, but then sometimes I think it's safer than like a random guy on Uber.

I'm like, well, it's just nobody. It's harder to get raped. I couldn't. I saw one where they say, here's a

carless car, whatever it is, driverless car. And it goes up and people are in the back and then they floor it and it floors itself and hits a car in front of them. I'm like, Oh my God. Oh, I don't want to hear about the glitches. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Dennis Leary is going from warmonger to cheesemonger in the new Fox comedy, Going Dutch. Leary plays a legendary colonel put in charge of a non-combat U.S. Army base in the Netherlands full of soldiers who are a little different than what you'd expect. Danny Pudi from Community is the colonel's second-in-command, and the base captain is the colonel's estranged daughter, which obviously complicates things. Don't miss the new Fox comedy, Going Dutch, premiering Thursday following a new season of Animal Control on Fox.

Listen, Dana, New Year's resolutions are coming and a lot of people don't do them. A lot of people do do them. A lot of people don't. What's no? I said a lot of people don't do them. A lot of people, by the time you said do do them, I'd already said no. So I think resolutions are great. Right. You know, and I think learning a new language.

Because Rosetta Stone, one of our favorite sponsors, has got this. They've hacked this. They know how to do this. This is where you learn language, Rosetta Stone. Yeah. Sounds scary, but when they do it so much, they learn every year what people like, what they don't like, and they just get better and better. It's personal growth, you know? Language learning is something you...

It sounds overwhelming, but I think these guys know how to do it. It's a smart way to do it. But it's cool. Whenever you meet someone, all of a sudden they go, oh, yeah, we went to Paris. You did? And they go, you know, they speak a foreign language. It's always very impressive.

Because everyone travels, everyone's trying to get career advancement, cultural appreciation. But let's break down what Rosetta Stone does. Yeah, well, Rosetta Stone, first of all, it has speech recognition. So

There's a built-in true accent feature that gives you feedback on your pronunciation. It's like having a personal trainer right there to help you. Right. And it's flexible. You're not driving 40 miles to go to some junior college. Nothing against them in a classroom. Some JUCO. Anytime, anywhere. Learn on the go with the mobile app or at your desktop on your schedule.

Right, David? How about the value, the amazing values? I like it's my schedule. I like they have a lifetime membership, and that is all 25 languages. So-

That pretty much covers anything you would need to be in America, to be overseas, to be anywhere. All trips. Listen, that's lifetime access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off. That is a steal. Start the new year off. Yeah, with a resolution that you can reach. This one might work. Today, Fly on the Wall listeners.

can take advantage of this Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. What do you got to do though? You got to visit rosettastone.com slash fly. That's 50% off unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. My goodness, redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash fly today. All right. This podcast is brought to you by eHarmony, the dating app to find someone.

you can be yourself with because let's be honest, have you ever now, Dana, you haven't dated, you've been married for a long time, but dating, you know, you remember it's very tough.

Mm hmm. Well, you know, I had some bad, some bad dates, you know, I mean, it was rough dating back in the day because I was a bus boy. That was my person. That was who I was. Claim to fame. That was your identity. We called ourselves table maintenance personnel managers. But it's hard to get a date when you're a bus boy. And I have my heart goes out for all the bus boys in the world. But it's good to be honest. Right, David? Right. Because, you know, that's a

A classic situation where you try to be a little bit of someone you're not just to get in there. And I've done the same thing. I've been out and caught myself saying, oh yeah, I'm really into daycapage too, because you just kind of want to find a connection there, but it doesn't always work because you eventually come back to being yourself and they figure you out. So the best dates are the ones where you're with someone who's acting like themselves or

You're being yourself and it flows. And that's where eHarmony comes in. They try to help you with a quiz. You know, they want to meet people. They want you to meet people that are like you and like you for the right reasons. And that makes sense. And then you can skip all that. I know they say it's all games and it's hard to avoid some of that stuff. You don't want to get breadcrumbed.

I think that's a great idea that they sort of... Breadcrumb is a good one. That's when someone answers your text about once a week just to keep you around, but they don't really care about you. Oh, is that? That's a breadcrumber, yeah.

But I think it's good that instead of your initial thing is right with the person on the dating app, eHarmony is sort of the middle person that kind of quiz it, get you with people already that are like you, you know, matches you up. I'd love for you to give eHarmony a shot, David. Well, out there, you know, for our listeners, if you're thinking about it, give eHarmony a shot. You get started with their compatibility quiz for free. Then you can find someone to be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

Let's see, I'm going to ask you, have you seen Three Days of the Condor with Robert Redford? No. What is that?

Put it on your list. All right. We got to do a whole Faye Dunaway season now. Probably. Do a Robert Redford season because he's a stud. Yeah. If you take Redford, you could go from Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid, The Way We Were with Streisand, Three Days of the Condor, Max Fancito was also in that, Sidney Pollack directing, All the President's Men is also surprisingly great. Okay.

And, you know, well, just start with those. I think you said about 10 movies that I should do. So I'll just start. Well, have you seen Alien? I have seen Alien. Yes. Okay. That's a good one. I just saw Alien Romulus.

And I liked it the first time when it was called Alien. It's the exact same. They go up, some people come back and they go, we're going to go on this planet. We got to grab some stuff. And I'm like, there's going to be aliens on. They go, they're all gone. Don't even worry about it. They get there and there's the eggs. I'm like, this is exact, exact, exact. But,

way more cringy when she gives birth to the alien and it's half human and half alien. Did you see it? No. Don't see it. It's 10 feet tall and then it's going back over the mother. Was it trying to have sex with the home of Romulus? Yes! That's not like the first alien. I think I tapped out by then. Too much gooey eggs and mutations. That's sick. Lauren, I have a real question.

All right. What is The Haunting and tell me about it right now. Haunting is a podcast that I host where I play a dead influencer. Of course you do. Right. Named Teresa who is trapped in between heaven and hell because she hasn't gotten verified.

So she is trying to get verified. And so on each episode, you hear about my life as a dead influencer and my current struggles. And then you hear real stories from people calling in with ghost stories. So it's like my part is scripted and then the other part is unscripted. And it's real ghost stories that are very chilling. Oh, ghosts are good. Dana has one. But yeah, you have one. Tell me a ghost story.

Tell me a ghost story. This is pretty quick. San Ysidro Ranch with my wife. Never had had any encounter. So I just feel like I awaken and I have this weight on me, you know, nightmare, like a horse on me. I didn't think horse. I didn't know that was relatable. And it was just holding me down. My wife's asleep and it felt terrible.

Not good, but I got up and I thought, okay, that's a waking dream state. Okay, didn't happen. Use the restroom, come back, feel like I'm as awake as I am now. Get back in bed and then it comes back. And I'm totally, this is not, in my mind, this is real. And then it's like pounding on me. It's like springing on me and finally lets me go. And then I just turned to my wife, five-star hotel, middle of the night, we got to go.

And she said, okay. Oh, I love that. She's so supportive of you. Pretty good wife. Yeah. Do you ever think about that after that? It's so scary. God dang. No. I've had another one where in the house...

"God, why is everyone still sleeping?" There was a boom box in another room and it sounded like, and I didn't know about white noise, but it sounded like it was between channels and it was really loud. I go, "Why?" God, no one hears this. - I hate this so much. - So I get up, I go into the room and then it stops. - No!

I hate this. That's scary. So those are my two, but I'm not as nervous about it. I did actually have, I saw an aberration in my room, uh,

in the hotel in New York recently. - You're having a lot of these. This is like, you have like a bunch. - Well, these are my greatest hits. This is Spann, this is over his 90 years. - Well, can I ask you if you had any sightings or anything? - Well, we have one story in my family that's kind of crazy that when I was a kid, we got a voice or an answering machine message

on the answering machine and press play. And it was a collect call. And it said, "You have a collect call from Grandpa Joe." It literally was Grandpa Joe, which was my great-grandpa who had passed. And you could hear a bar behind him. He owned a bar. So you could hear glasses and things like it was a bar.

And my mom and my aunt, I remember this so clearly. I was like eight or something. And they were like screaming and like, oh my God, like freaking out. It was the craziest thing. I mean, I don't know, but it was. Was it ever explained? It was never explained. And maybe it was someone in my family pranking. But we have, you know, we have like, when you say something's not, you know, if you're not lying, we say, we say, which means I'm not lying 100%. I swear to God. And so it's like, no one ever said it was fake.

a prank. So I don't know. Well, it's called The Haunting. We have to let Lauren go now, which I like to talk to her forever. I know. The Haunting, where do you get that? Where do you see it? Where do you hear it? Where do you see it? You get it at iHeartRadio or iHeartPodcast app or wherever you get your podcast. It comes out every Tuesday. It's really fun. I love talking to you guys. I'm so excited I got to meet you, Dana. I'm like, I really wish I could talk much longer because I'm such a fan of yours. Yeah.

I always have been. And I'm just so happy I got to meet you.

It's such a pleasure. I mean, just keep on doing whatever you're doing. Thank you. You're incredibly talented. Thank you so much. I'll just say it's super likable. Oh, thanks. I'll take that. I miss you, Lauren. I miss you too. I hope we get to see each other soon. We will do a sequel. All right. We have to. Okay. Bye, guys. Bye, Dan. I miss you too. Thank you. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe.

Leave a like, a review, all this stuff. Smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.