SUPERFLY #48 - BEST OF GUESTS
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Dennis Leary is going from warmonger to cheesemonger in the new Fox comedy, Going Dutch. Leary plays a legendary colonel put in charge of a non-combat U.S. Army base in the Netherlands full of soldiers who are a little different than what you'd expect. Danny Pudi from Community is the colonel's second-in-command, and the base captain is the colonel's estranged daughter, which obviously complicates things. Don't miss the new Fox comedy, Going Dutch.

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Visit buyatoyota.com, the official website for deals. All new Toyotas come with ToyotaCare, a no-cost maintenance plan. See your dealer or visit buyatoyota.com for details. Let's go places. Anyway, we have a best of 2024 episode, David. Woo, yeah. We cobbled together some...

I mean, some great stuff from this year. And listen, we had a really fun year on Superfly, I have to say. I had a great time. And we got a lot of people watching. We got some people on YouTube. So stoked about that. A lot of comments. And we just kind of rotate in and out different people. Sometimes you don't have a guest. Sometimes you do. A lot of fan interaction. A lot of fan interaction. Fan interaction. We must have done at least 100 hours of podcasting.

It seems impossible. It seems like too much. It seems like no one could do that. Yes. And now we've distilled it down to the very, very, our very favorite moments. We got Gronk and Edelman, the superstar football players. Gronk and Edelman, yep. They're little pieces of them. Dr. Greer, the UFO expert. UFO expert.

U-F-O-X-ologist, Dr. Greer, created a lot of pickup with his controversial take on aliens. We've got, speaking of that, we've got Nate Bargatze. Nate Bargatze. Yeah, he was very funny right off Saturday Night Live. He came in the next day and talked to us. He still was dressed as George Washington when he came in. Yeah, that's what he does all day.

And then Danica Patrick, who was very interesting. Different guest for us. She was fun. I don't even know who else we're just putting the kind of a best of. So if you missed anything or if you want to see it again, check it out. And Jon Lovitz will make an appearance. Oh, yes. Lovitz, of course. We love Lovitz. So it wouldn't be it without him. So here you go. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. ♪

You have no idea how much of a pain in the ass it was to fit me in a car because we had to usually put something to raise my feet up so that I could get closer to the top of the pedal so that I was putting my feet on the right spot. I think it's because it's ironically hailing here in the middle of the summer. And it's sunny, a couple of clouds, but it's truly hailing outside.

I thought it was one of those things where you say to the dog, if it doesn't, if it feels like it's not going well, start barking. And then I'll say, I have to leave. Yeah.

Yeah. That would be actually quite the skill set. It's like a good date. The commercial is going to get a beer for them. If I could get the dog to like get me out of jail free card in uncomfortable situations, that would be a major skill set. But anyway, so turns out I had the balls to do it. You had the feet long enough and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Got the car fitted to me. So it was definitely...

There were times where I was too high, too far forward, too far back, too far down. - The whole time? - Not the whole time, but usually at the beginning of the season after you got fitted, you'd figure that out very, very quickly in the first sort of time that you got in the car. And sometimes like, I would be like,

working on the seat myself and like shaving it down and taking pieces out of it and um very um very manly of me um but yeah fitting what was your height and weight in your prime race car driving what how small were you uh i probably um i was i've i'm five one never really grew past

I'm going to guess that was gotta be like ninth grade. And, uh, I've been like around 110 pounds ish my whole life. So did you ever consider if the race car driving didn't turn out, you'd be a jockey? Did you ever think about being a jockey? Um, yeah,

Just kind of kidding, but you could have been a child. I mean, I have ridden a horse before. It was once I got into NASCAR, so it was later. And I think one of the speeds, there's like loping is sort of like a speed with horses. And it's kind of scary. I'm not sure...

I'm not sure I would have been okay with it. Those horses, every time I see a horse running fast or going through water or just carrying someone fat on their back, I just think, I feel so bad for their legs. And then when they break them, they have to kill them. And I'm like, I don't know. It doesn't make sense. Those little legs and body. Good job, Dana, bringing up the sore subject. But also, Danica, I don't know if you're part of this scam,

I think I was promoting something and we went to Darlington maybe, and there was a guy that would drive idiots like me around to do a lap or something. Do you remember this guy's name? It was something funny. They probably got someone that was a driver or has been at some point in something. By the way, Dana, when you're whipping around the corner,

and they want you to be scared shitless. They said, "You don't have to be in it." Then when I got there, they go, "No, get in with the guy." And I go, "Well, don't drive or anything. It's a scam. Every step along the way, crawl in the window, put on this suit that..." The hardest part is, the scariest for me, is because Danica and I are drivers. Dana, it's hard to explain, but I'll explain to you. I'm following. I'm riveted. Okay, so you get in and you go, "Put on this fireproof suit. There won't be a fire."

But when there is, this will block some of it for a few seconds. And I go, okay. And then they, I don't know if I'm claustrophobic. I did find out when they clipped me in with 18 clips. I go, let's just say we roll. How do we get the clips? And the guy's like, oh, I'll be long gone by then. I'm like, I know. But with me, when I'm in the car burning, there's so many clips. I lost track. I go, good luck. And then when he goes around, he's going, I don't know how fast, 700. Maybe I'm wrong.

And, uh, and then he hits the wall and I think Danica would know that. Yeah. And that's fantastic. It's the Darlington stripe. They do it on purpose to make you shit your pants. It works. Um, he hits the wall. So, so when we get out of the car, it's the whole door is kind of ripped. And I'm like, why is the guy, first of all, that's not good enough to be out there with the real people is the one with my life. And this has, there's something wrong. And, uh,

It was fun in quotes. Well, now you can say like, I didn't pee my pants, but you can say you did shit shores. Yes. And I found out once I did it once, now I do it all the time, uh, because it was fun and I liked it. And, um,

Which part am I talking about? The driving? Yeah, which part are you talking about? There actually was a story about a driver that did shit his pants. It was at Watkins Glen, New York. He was sick and he absolutely sharted himself and he won the race. And he had to run around with it?

And then he had to like go change before going to victory lane. - I don't wanna put this image in your head, but there are Olympic marathon or world-class marathoners who have, and there's no hiding that. - No. - Yeah, that's harder to hide. - Have you guys ever run for like long, long distance and known about this whole half the shit thing?

I was a distance runner as a younger person, but I never saw it up close if there was folklore about it. Usually you're healthier then, but when you get older, I can see things falling apart. We just had a runner on. We should have asked him. Oh, yeah, you should have because I ran the Boston Marathon a few years ago. I don't know why. My one bucket list item was to run a marathon. And so...

I don't know what's wrong with me. But my friend said, "Hey, I think I can get us into Boston." And I was like, "Yeah, cool." So she did. And I had to do a lot of training in Arizona where I would go as soon as barely sunrise. What I didn't realize is I should have gone in the dark, but it'd be like 100 to 105 by the time I was finished. And there's something about the heat too that really makes you want to go.

-That may make sense. -I didn't though. So I never did that either. Danica, I don't want to brag, but when I used to walk from McCormick Ranch to my friend's pool on like Lincoln and 60th-- Dana, this sounds like a brag. I would wear just raw dogged, just shorts, no sunscreen, no hat.

Three miles so I can go in the pool. And that was in the summer when I was in high school. And that's all. Just bragging. That was my Boston Marathon. Barefoot too? Not bare, not full raw dog.

I had some Stan Smiths on. Actually, the story is partially a lie. Anyway, back to- You're on a roll. Let's finish that story. I know. I was excited because I was like, look at- Because I grew up in Scottsdale baking and boiling. So I know Danica's story checks out. And my mom's there now and the dog. So she drives them around for a walk.

for a walk, she puts them in the car and then she rolls the windows down and then she drives around and lets them bark. She drives up to people and they bark at them and then she drives off. And if she sees, I don't know, that's my mom, but it's fun for her. She's, you know, it's fun. I did it once with her. I go, I want to go on one of these.

And then she found where they had horses and she pulled up and then they bark at the horses and it's. Did you bark at them too? I sort of was the referee because then the horses would come to the fence. And then I said, okay, this is obviously just for fun. Everything's for fun here. Cause the horses didn't get what's going on, but, but overall it's fun in Arizona, Dana, you know, um,

And it's hot. Nine out of 12 months are fun. Yes. That's what, you know, my buddy sells real estate there. And he says, I say, how do you just talk people into living there? Because everyone's fucking moving there. And he said, well, I say in Chicago, there's three or four months you can't go outside because of snow. It's just the opposite. And I'm like, I guess that makes sense. I don't like it when it's freezing, but I grew up in Arizona. So I kind of can take it when it's hot. I

I mean, Dana, you know that I had my steering wheel was steel. This is before I was rich, everybody. So I had a steering wheel that was steel and then I had oven mitts when I got in to grab it because they were so hot. And then they really came in handy when I pulled that pot roast out of the glove compartment. But that's not why we're here. I don't really want to know what's going on with the rest of the car if the steering wheel was steel. Steering wheel was steel, Danica. You know because we're in the driving biz. Also...

Danica, do you have road rage in Scottsdale? Do you get out? Do you carry anything? I thank God there's so many lanes on the highway these days because you can pretty much maneuver. I absolutely use the HOV at any point in time, no matter how many people are in the car or not. Good job. And I always think to myself, if I get pulled over,

I mean, it's lapsed now, but I'd be willing to use an expired one. If I pulled out like my FIA racing license along with my ID, how would that go? They would probably let you go. You've got a couple of things going for you and they might give you, but there's more crime going on out there. I don't like me. I'm like, I'm not the big fish guy. Like let's, I know where you can focus some,

So don't try to drag me in, but I'm easy. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like, it seems like going, you know, 85 on the one-on-one is not really, you know, worth the time of day. They should probably, there's some other areas that need help. Yeah. That's I've been on all of them. Yeah. You know, when they say, uh,

I get texts, people, hey, you know, like more like friends of friends, not like direct friends, but they go, hey, you're coming to Kansas City. So how do we get tickets? Well, yeah, that's a soft ask. And can I just buy them off you?

Well, so you give me your visa and then I go buy them and then I racked a little visa thing and then I call you. I don't know. Now I said, well, it's probably easier if you just. What about this? Like I was playing a casino on Oroville, California, and I told people in the Bay Area and my sister, who I'm really close with, I said, just don't come. Please don't come.

Just don't come. I mean, don't worry. You're not going to miss anything. What a horrible person. No, it's... You're not going to miss anything. It's because... Are you doing the same stuff? I go...

Well, don't come. No, I'll grind it out. And there was a 40. It was in my hometown, basically. There were 45 people backstage. And it was all, as you know, Bill Slicklow. And you remember Bobby Flopflop. And it was, I don't know. I just want to do the show and go home. Anyway, but that party. Everyone's having more fun than you. Well, let's hear it. Yeah, Saturday night, I had a buddy from high school that texted me.

And he calls me, texts me. And then I was like, hey, I'm at Saturday Night Live. And we're taping. He goes, all right, just call me after.

And then that was it. Just like, all right. No, like even acknowledge that I'm hosting. All right. Well, just call me after. Yeah. Just call me right after. All right. Yeah, I'll be done. I'm on SpaceX. We're just going to go one loop around the world. Okay. At 1 a.m. He's like, dude, I saw you're over. Call me. What's up? Where you been? Where have you been? Because of texting. Did you get reviews at 830? Sorry. At 830.

during the show because it's on what's live on the East Coast. But I get reviews from the West Coast while the show's going because they're watching it live out there at 8.30.

Yeah. You try not to look at your phone, but you always end up having like around update and cold play. You have a moment and you kind of can just see it, you know. I had a big day because I'm a Vanderbilt fan. Vanderbilt beat Alabama in college football. So as a big Vanderbilt fan, they were number one country. It's the biggest win we've ever had in all of our sports. So, I mean, I got texts about that more than even, you know. More than your goofy gig on SNL.

Yeah. I mean, it was just all day. Then people were just like, you better say something on Saturday Night Live. Like the pressure I was getting, you better acknowledge it. We're lucky we got our guy there tonight so you can get that word out. At least wear a t-shirt during the good nights, man. Fuck, silence is violence. Did you have a Vanderbilt t-shirt on? Yeah, I was.

No, no. I wore a jacket that had the hurricane, all the states that were getting hit by the hurricane. Just like being with them. How do they sell that? They don't. By the way, the first hurricane, the first, the Asheville and that whole area, all the heat is taken off of that now. And that should be talked about for another year.

Yeah. It switches right over. It's getting too sad. But yeah, anyway. Premium luggage that's not just an accessory, but a companion on your journey. Briggs & Riley believes in luggage so deeply, they've crafted it to last for life. Guaranteed. At Briggs & Riley, any broken part will be repaired. Every stitch, every wheel, even every zipper.

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That's cool. No one's making peewee carving. You have great fans. I know. I don't have that many, but they're strong. They're small, but mighty. I just love them. I just have Garth bobbleheads. Can I get one more? Can I get five more? Can I get ten more? Cut it out, dude. Fuck you. And then they start to fight. Just Garth. That's it. Dana, let's get to the important matter at hand, which is

One girl on TikTok saying something about SNL girls, and then we all talk about it forever. It's pretty funny. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Sarah, give us your strong opinion about it, whatever that is. Here's the thing. Here's what... Wait, let me make sure that the human hand is in the back. And I'll take my glasses off for this. That's important. Literally, like, what? What?

What is she smoking? Like, some of the most beautiful... What?

It's like, listen, I'm not funny, but I'm good looking. You know what I mean? Like... You're right. The women that she's taught, like, she brings up women who are, like, literally drop dead, ba-ba-ba-boom, da-da-da, gorgeous. Yeah. And I was mad at myself for tweeting. I shouldn't have fucking said fucking anything because she said some shit for attention. Hmm.

And then I was sitting on the train. Well, I woke up in the morning and everyone texted me. I woke up to, none of my friends care if I live or die. But then I woke up to like a hundred texts from my friends being like,

"Ah, look at this, LOL." And so I was like-- - LOL means fuck you, by the way, when people text me that. They're like, "Did you see this? "Aha." And you're like, it's not really LOL. It's more like, I want you to see this. - Yeah, no, exactly. Like one time I woke up to text from my friend, there was like a Reddit thread

I had like opened for a band in Central Park in 95 degree heat in the summer. And then there was like a whole Reddit thread of like teenagers telling me that I'm so unfunny that I should literally shoot my own head off.

And that's what my friends send me. My friends don't send me like anything good. So like I was sitting on the train just being like, I don't know. I just fucking tweeted it. And I immediately regretted tweeting it because it's like she just want that. That's what people want. They just want attention for one second. Mm hmm.

Yeah, it's a tricky one, because if you protest too much, it's sort of like, hey, wait a minute, we are good looking, you know? I know, and I didn't want it to come across as like defensive or like, and then people thought like I was legitimately upset.

And I'm like, no, I'm just I woke up like ready to say something hilarious about grieving. Ugly was maybe the funniest thing I heard last week. Yeah, it was so funny. And ugly does not it's not out there a lot that word. And I like it. I don't think I've ever heard it. It's a new word.

that's why i did it if i felt compelled to bring a new word into the lexicon but ultimately i wish i didn't say anything because then it just made it a bigger deal no it's great that's why we're calling you about it it's it's totally gone away that's why we're calling you about it well also i'm like this got more attention than it's been like every time i tweet every time i tweet like

Every time I tweet like, hey, everybody check out this sketch that I made with my friends. It's hilarious. It gets like two and a half likes. Block, delete, unfollow, report. Yeah, by the way, I just saw happenstance. I saw, I think there's a delay on me. I think I saw Kristen Wiig, her monologue. What a stunner. I mean, just off the top of my head, forget it and who cares?

Already, there's so many combo platters on that show of just really pretty and hilariously funny. Funny's harder. You can't go get surgery to be funnier. I mean, it's really a blessing. Hey, wait a minute. Is it okay for funniness to add to a person's hotness? Not just men, but women as well? Because women will say, I like a man who's funny, but what about a man who likes women that are funny? Yeah.

Have to be. Yeah, that's like Rodney Dangerfield is like the hottest guy who ever lived. Is he was he a looker? Yes. To me. No, you're right. You're right. Oh, I tell you, I'm hot, Johnny. I'm hot. I tell you, I'm hot. All it goes like me. Oh.

So I have not. That's my worst impression. I get too much respect, too much respect entirely. Every time a photographer sees me, he takes a picture. Every time a woman sees me, she takes my pants off. I tell you, I get a lot of respect. How does she take your pants off? I mean, the whole thing is fascinating. I just just for a second wanted to ask you about generative AI or AI, which also.

is people are telling us they didn't tell us about the World Wide Web, how destructive that was going to be in terms of social media and all of that. But what how does that intersect with what you're thinking? Because obviously it needs massive energy and, you know, apparently. Oh, yeah. But it also will become kind of like this alien brain that we control. Or what do you I mean, because what do you what's your thoughts on that?

AI, how it integrates with all this, this, the secret government and all those people. If you control it, you control the world maybe, or. Well, it can be, you know what I'd say about technology. You know, I just make this simple as an emergency doctor, I've seen a knife put butter on your bread and slit someone's throat or stab you through the heart. So it's the consciousness of who wields it, who has it. So the technology is neutral.

It's what men do with it, what humans do with it, right? So what does humanity do with a new technology? Do we turn it into a weapon? Do we turn it into something malevolent? Do we use it for the good? And see, this gets into something that sounds very philosophical and airy-fairy, but really the foundation of having a sustainable civilization is that we have to have advanced technology, but it has to be guided by a higher consciousness.

You call it higher spiritual consciousness, enlightenment, some greater interest besides your own. Can I become another trillionaire kind of mindset? And I think that is the real crisis, because in the 20th and early 20th century, our technologies have gotten ahead of our social and spiritual development. And that makes humans at a very dangerous place.

Now, this is why one of the other projects I run is the Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind, where we actually train people to make contact with these civilizations and vector or guide them into a sighting or a landing or a contact event. And there's a movie out called Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind, and it outlines all of this. And it's a bit out there. People go, what?

the hell is this? But it has to do with using this higher concepts in kind of what Neuralink's trying to do but on a much higher scale of the consciousness field to interact with extraterrestrial guidance and communication systems

what the CIA called remote viewing, using consciousness to see remote. Remote viewing is crazy. Yeah. Oh, I know. I know. Interesting viewers. Yeah. Ingo Swann and I were friends before he died and he loved what we were doing with that because we were doing it for peaceful contact as opposed to trying to spy on the Soviet Union back when he was. Right. But, um, you know, I know Russell Targ and all the remote viewers and, uh,

uh, the top CIE people who are currently working those programs. Uh, I know. And, um, they're very positive about what we're trying to do using those concepts in what's called entanglement in physics or non-locality to, uh,

a remote view and contact these extraterrestrial civilizations and make a peaceful outreach. By the way, we're going to do it. It's open to the public. You guys should come. We're going to do a thing in July in Temecula. Temecula, yes. Yeah, we're going to do that. I think there are only about 80 places left, but we're also going to stream it globally. So we're going to do this global event.

CE5, there's an app, by the way, CE5 contact app that trains you in remote viewing and doing this. I'm going to do a thing with Demi Lovato's there.

Yeah, about this. It's so much fun. This is way fun. Describe what remote viewing is just for a second. Just in quick remote viewing. Sure. Okay. So, you know, it kind of gets back to what Ben Rich, who was the head of the Lockheed Skunk Works, said in 1995. And he said...

Someone asked them about this whole UFO issue. He says, well, just remember, every point in space and time is connected instantaneously through this quantum field. Now, that's known as entanglement in quantum physics. The ultimate field of entanglement of interconnectivity is the consciousness field.

Now you and I think of consciousness as what we're thinking of. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the faculty of being conscious itself and the experience. It's like in meditation where you, because I was, before I was a medical doctor, I was a,

a golden boy meditation teacher went around the world teaching meditation in my first career. I learned. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All these people, you know, a lot of I won't say who a lot of celebrities I've taught.

Meditation, too. But we went around and we taught people how to go into that deep state. But remember, if you're in that deep state of quiet consciousness, you can awaken to another point in space or time. So you can see with your, say, third eye, a remote place in space or time.

So the CIA made a routine program of that in the 70s, 80s, 90s. But it can be used for very good purposes, too, besides spycraft. It can be used for knowing things that you need to know, for big discoveries. Many of the big scientific discoveries, like the founder of organic chemistry, went into a dream state and saw the structure of

of the organic system. And that's true. So it's a really amazing adjunct. It doesn't replace science or intellectual science. It's an adjunct. It's complementary to it. So one of the things that we're teaching people is that the civilizations...

I'll tell you, you want to hear a funny story? No, no. So I was with, you do a skit on, by the way, I loved it when you did Church Lady years ago. Isn't that special? I mean, that was my favorite. Dana, was that me or you? We like aliens better than we like Jesus. I think that was Dana. It was me. That was my all-time favorite. Anyway. Thank you.

Talk about consciousness. I just want to insert this, Doctor. You're reminding me a little bit of John Lennon's song, Imagine.

- Yes. - Which was basically a plea for higher consciousness, what you're talking about. And I do think if you can get it together, whoever does this, so aliens come down, kind of like the day the earth stood still, that will propel a lot of forward consciousness in terms of my religion, your religion, you know? So you live in a fascinating world. - Well, that's what we're doing. - Yeah.

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I have a few questions, just quickly. You did this roast to Tom. Did

Okay, first of all, like when we did the roast, I did the Rob Lowe one. We didn't know each other's jokes ahead of time. Did you guys know each other's jokes? No, we did not. No, but we would have to tell our jokes to the room. And then they didn't tell us if someone had a joke that they would say like, ah, you can't use that one. Oh, it bumps with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. And to what room? Writer's room? Writer's room. Yes, correct. Oh, you had to get up and say them? I do. I do.

Yeah, I went to the comedy store and fucking performed my jokes. Oh, I should have gone down there. I was terrified. Thank God there was 15 like frat kids there that love football. So I could say anything and they were going to laugh. But I was up there and I was reading my jokes off a paper. And I did like 15, I did 12 minutes. I wanted to like test jokes. That's a lot.

Yeah. And it was, it was, I was so terrified. It was, it was really stepping outside of my comfort zone. Oh, that makes you sick. That's so scary to go up in front of people and read those. Yeah. That's, that's normal.

For real. Who wrote it? Did you have someone write with you? Did you have someone help write with you in your voice? They have roast writers, I think. I have my own team and then we worked with their team and we kind of formulated and threw a bunch of shit at the wall and then I went to the store and said them all and kind of said, all right, this one's a good one. They didn't like this one. And it's very hard to say, hey guys...

We're roasting Tom Brady. It's not the same exact scenario because they're ready for regular. Now, when you go to the roast, everyone's lasered in. This is about this, blah, blah, blah. So I've seen like Nikki go in. Okay, guys, here's what I'm doing. I'm hosting the MTV Awards. Picture Green Day. It's just not the same. You don't get the exact same reaction, but you get a feel like this one might work. So that's good. And Rob, you did the same thing. I'm sorry. Did you say that?

Yeah, mine was similar. I actually had like three different phone calls with the writers. I just wanted to understand the feel of, you know, of the type of material that I had for Tom and other people that were going to be there. And then they kind of wrote some jokes for me. I actually have a friend who's an absolute maniac who when he's on fire, he's on fire. It can come up with anything. So he wrote four of my jokes.

And then I actually wrote four of my jokes as well. And then all the other jokes were from the writers. So, you know, it was just a team effort. But at the end, once you have your whole script, you tell the writers what you're going to say. And then they figure it out. Hey, you can't say that because someone else is already saying so. It wasn't repeated. Mm hmm. How much fear? That's fair. Compared to when you're starting football.

doing public speaking, going to a podium. They got all these comedians. It's a global event. I mean, it was an amazing roast. And you guys are coming out there and you're following people. I mean, what was your nerve level? I'm sure you couldn't compare it to athletics, but it's intense. It took me years to get used to doing it. It took me three years without being just terrified to do stand-up. Dude, I was... I mean, it was...

It was really scary because we're football players. We're not comics. And then you're following fucking pros. Yeah. I'm so thankful I had that rep before at the store because it gave me like a rep of it. But I was definitely terrified just because...

That's not what we do. I know. That's what I was just asking. And the size of the crowd is bigger than normal stand-up. It's crazy. Yeah, there was 10,000. What was it, the forum? But the cool thing about it was you only saw the people. You didn't see the crowd. You saw like they had a bunch of tables for people that were going to be made fun of or associated with people. So you saw a lot of your friends in the crowd. So that was kind of cool.

And also, everyone knows you're not a professional stand-up. So there is usually goodwill, you know, because they understand it's not what you do for a living right now. But how is your nerve level, Rob? You're relaxed. Yeah, but we're crazy psychos, man. That's why we won so many championships together is that Julian wants to be the best even though that's not his profession. I wanted to be the best up there even though that's not my profession. I mean, Bill wants to be the best.

you know when you sign up for something you know we want to be the best and we're super competitive and that's why I feel like that whole group right there we won so many championships and why we went to the playoffs every single year because of that competitive nature but my nerves were my nerves were cooking a little bit that's why between Julian you know myself and Kevin Hart we were all three in a row and we literally finished a bottle of tequila before we even went up there and that definitely helped out because when I got up there that's

it went it went zoop and it was just game on baby and also wait a minute so before you went out you had at least five shots six shots on stage probably by the time you got to the podium how many shots of tequila i don't know jules what i probably six to ten seven okay yeah six to seven i pre i had a

I had a prerequisite of my cocktail before. So I tried my cocktail of what I was going to do before at the store so I could dial in my... Oh, wow. You're prepared. I have to say that the nerves erase a lot of your buzz sometimes. So you're really drunker than you think because...

you're so fucking giddy with all the energy and the adrenaline that you go, I don't even know if I'm drunk. I'm just, yeah. And you're too, you don't feel it as much if you're adrenaline. That's what happened to me. And also it kind of sucked waiting your turn. Cause once your turn was over, you know, you killed it. It felt so good just to watch the rest of the show. Like it was like laid back or you get something stepped on. That's what I was scared. Cause Nikki, I thought was first. And, uh,

When someone goes before and they do jokes, I'm like, oh my God, I'd be going, fuck, that steps on this joke. Oh, do I got to take that one out? And who do you tell? It's live. You're like, do I text someone? Like, get rid of that joke. It bumps exactly with Kevin Hart's joke. It's the same thing. That's the hard part. That's where the writers have to make sure, unless you're ad-libbing or something, but I'm sure ad-libs come out because it's live and just in the moment you want to add a tagline. I was watching, so I was really amazed with,

The professionalism of all the comics that went up there and with Kevin Hart and watching him, how he was off the teleprompter, how he would hit a couple of things on the prompter, then ad lib, and then go back to the prompter. Scary. I was watching who was reading their jokes and who wasn't. And Rob went up there. And I'm sitting there looking at his prompter.

And then I'm looking and he went completely rogue. He just started going on his own rant. It was crazy. It was like fun to see who was using their prompter and who wasn't. It went full rogue on the prompter and just started going Rob on them. And then you don't know where you're coming back to because they're like, the prompter goes down and they go, are we, is this this part? And then you're like, because, you know, live, a lot of those rows, like the one I did, they can...

they trim it from three hours down to like an hour and a half. So they were cutting all the fat out, all the mistakes. It's more fun to see the mistakes and see what's really happening. - Definitely. - I think so, yeah. Did anything shock you? Did you hear jokes that like, you were like, "Oh shit, we're doing this?" - Were your feelings hurt or did you ever observe anyone else who you felt like their feelings were hurt? 'Cause that's the Livewire reality show aspect of "Roast." You're laughing, but then I've seen "Roast."

where, whoa, that person's really wounded right now. I guess that's part of it, but did you witness? Or yourselves, did you get your feelings hurt at all? No, I don't think anyone got their feelings hurt, and that's what made that roast that much more special. And it also kind of makes you stronger as a person as well. If you can just take those beatings and lashings

in front of millions of people and in front of a crowd of 20 plus thousand people in front of all your good friends as well. I mean, it makes you strong mentally. And that's why I loved it. I mean, I can go around anywhere now, whatever people say about me, actually that roast literally kind of

I don't care what people say. Call me an idiot. Call me dumb. Like, whatever. I was in front of millions of people and that happened. Like, so it's no big deal. And I think that's what made the show so special, too, is everyone took the beating and no one was actually truly hurt about it. That's what the really that's what the locker room is. I mean, no one's safe in the locker room. Everyone's getting made fun of. It was just public.

Well, when I did the roast, they go-- Like, it's hard to see someone walk up and go, "You know, everyone says Spade has huge ears." And I'm like, "Wait, what's going on?"

Wait, what does everyone say? Because you're never hearing everything people are saying. So when they start a joke with, I think we're all in agreement. And then it's like some horrible thing about you and you go, and you're trying to brace like, oh, okay, that was too much. I'm going to mark that down. I got to talk to them after I got to mark that one down because there's so many coming at you. You just go, holy shit. That's why I never did it for so long because I'm too much of a pussy to take it. It's just so out of left field. I think it's crazy to hear how you analyze people

The show, like, we don't think about that. You guys are pros, so you're sitting there like, oh, he hit that, so I'm going to fucking bring this to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to go up early. That's a deal breaker. They go, put me up early. Because by the time, like,

Andrew Schultz got on. He has great jokes, but it's hard to just get the effect when you've heard you're numb by this point. Nikki had the best spot. I think she was third or fourth. Kevin Hart warmed them up. A couple people were very good. It's cooking, and then there's a wave that she caught, and she was incredibly prepared. I mean, she worked like for six weeks or something, night after night, taping, recording, and

I have a question for you too. Oh boy. I saw this video of this girl and she goes, I'm a furry. And then she goes, here's how I talk to my friends. So if I'm happy, I'm like, meow. If I'm angry, I go, meow. Anyway, do you think that human beings that identify as cats are actually cats? I don't. But do you? No.

I ran into someone who said my pronouns are they/them and I said my pronouns are what's up, motherfucker? Well, those are my pronouns. What's up, motherfucker? John's are poo-poo, pee-pee. No. John's pronouns are-- Mine are sir and lord. Sir lord.

Mine are and. Hey, sound effect. I just know going up and saying, what are your pronouns? I'd be, huh? Huh? What are your, I go, what? I don't know what you're talking about. What do you call yourself? John. Listen, our. Transphobic much? Our viewers. No, I just don't. I don't. It's like, what? I never thought about it. We have three left and there's zero.

- All right, well, I love it at the end of that story. - I'm all for it. You apparently mock people who think they're a dog or a cat. I met a woman once. - I had a date with a woman once and she said she was a cat and she opened her shirt and she had six nipples. - And I said, "Do you wanna get spaded?"

But your feet will. A one John Lovitz on a date with a woman he finds very attractive. He will soon find out that she's a pussy cat. This is an imitation my friend would always do. This is a cat's butthole. Was he a comedian? How old are you? How old was he, two?

We've got to have a raspberry count. Anyone making this sound? We're probably double ditches. Ditches? Oh, and bitches. Okay, well, John Lovitz has been our guest today. The debate was great last night. We'll say it again. The debate was great. When a carver doesn't identify as a cat, he identifies as a pussy. Ooh.

For those listening, John is beside himself with joy. He's going in for the close-up with the big eyes and a huge grin. Huge grin. I'm doing my cat in the camera again. The ring camera. David Spade has a disease. It's called smallpox. Let's end on that one. That's not bad. That's a pretty good one, John. I don't know how you think of this stuff. All right. Thanks, buddy.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.