SUPERFLY #5 - See Through Pants, Oprah, and Young Spade
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's... Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there, I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it? This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose.

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People want to watch a baseball game. They don't want to see a gack. Yeah, like this. You're getting yelled at by the umpire. You have a boner? He's like, I don't know. I'm nervous.

Why do you want see-through pants? I don't want anyone to see my anything. This just in, right before I got on this Zoom, Oprah Winfrey has stepped down from the board of Weight Watchers after coming out as an Ozempic user. Whoa, really? And she said, after 40 years heroically trying to fight it, Oprah, 40 years, she said, it's not about willpower. It starts in the brain.

So what are you going to do? You're going to weigh food for a decade or just quiet down that part of your brain that says cookie, cookie, cookie. So anyway, good on Oprah. Congratulations. She stepped down off the scale. She doesn't need it anymore. That's so crazy. Like when you're at a party. No, there she is right now. Yeah, you're at a party, David. You're just thinking Tito's neat, Tito's neat, Tito's neat. Cookie, cookie, Tito's, Tito's, yeah. She's cookie, cookie, cookie, Tito.

But anyway, she stepped down. That was a nice, fast grab on Greg's part. That was a pretty good grab. Our producer put that image up. You know, when I'm at a party, I'm like, Tito's, Tito's. But it's usually because I'm sitting with Tito Jackson.

From the Jackson. So dumb. Why does my forehead look bigger than Rome? I'm thinking Corona, Corona, because I'm sitting with Bob Corona. There you go. Or Billy Sapero. We have to do our framing. This is just caveman stuff. We're just a couple of fucking amateurs. I think that was the number one comment liked. Yeah, the shaking of the earthquake. Cancel him.

Well, and again, I should point out that that's a long bit that the topper is where did the Japanese accent come from? Because for two million years, nobody had language. Everybody pointed and grunted. And I happened to do the Japanese. The French one is that.

Some French guy was sitting around talking to people going, pointing at the water. And then that sort of cocky disdain came through because they couldn't get it. So that's where the French accent came for my people. The Scandinavians aren't very bright. So they're like, so that's, I mean, I'm true. I'm just stating the obvious. Let's go back to Oprah. I'm so happy for her. Anyway,

Was she saying, look, I give up on trying. I'm just taking a drug now. Well, or you could call her medication. My cholesterol is 6,000 until I took a pill. It's just progress. It's progress. You know, it does help. I mean, I think you from doing all the hard work. Yeah. It's the dopamine response is just talking to you, talking to you. And so you have to just white knuckle it rather than.

Take a little, a little pill, David. Well, food is fun. I agree. Food is fun. Yeah. You just, you want to control it, not have it control you. That's the, that's the title of my new book, by the way. So Biden comes out, you know, the white house doctor.

said he didn't give him a cognitive test because he, quote, didn't need it. And he's strong as an ox and ready to go. No way. But the doctor he hired. Yeah, well, no, it's just but it's not even Biden in that doctor. What is the doctor supposed to say? Come out to the press. What do you think of the leader of the free world? Not looking good, man. It's not not what I hope. Can he make it? I think so.

We're going to pack him in ice twice a day for circulation. We'll give him an IV drip of Prevagan and we'll probably get him in a special suit. It'll inflate in case of a fall. And then we'll get a AI chip in his head. So he has cognitive bubble up. He wears a suit that blows up when he falls down. So he doesn't get hurt. They have the technology to have a suit that will just detect, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's a great idea actually.

Come on, I'm fit and able to carry out the duty. So that kind of ends the whole Biden's not good enough, strong enough. I like it. We're just not, we just don't even believe our eyes. The doctors, I could give him an eyeball test. I don't even have to be a doctor. I'm just like, stay inside. Let someone else order for you at Wendy's and just relax. Well, this is, this is another rumor that I don't know if it's true, but Biden and Trump are at the border today, actually.

And I guess they kind of ran into each other and they decided to run together because they're so hated. So they've joined forces to run as a. Nobody likes us, Joe. Yeah, we're going to do it together. Two of us, two of us will equal over 40 percent of the vote. We're going to do it together, Joe. We don't do it. I won't even do the bit. But anyway, that's I like it. It's good. I'm out of bits. No, no.

We don't do bits on this show. We talk, we chat, we laugh. Yeah. I will tell you about my weekend. I am. I decide to support the arts. I like to go to a movie at the Grove now and then. And I go to the Grove to see Argyle. Now, before you say anything.

I said, you know, Argyle has cool people in it. I just saw the poster and I didn't even look that long. I go, I'm just going to see it. That's how I do it. I don't watch the preview. Really? I don't want to figure out the three good parts of it. I don't want to see those because if it's bad, I don't want to see the only good parts. So I thought it looks cool. I'll just see it. So on a night off, I grab a buddy. Is it? Let's just go see Argyle. I've kept myself away from any information about it. Right.

So I go and it's raining. So I valet at the Grove and the guy goes, Mr. David, what, how long are you going to be? And I said, well, I'm going to do dinner and a movie. And he goes, Oh, what movie? And, and before I say anything, I don't want any spoilers. I don't want anything. I just go. Yeah. Yeah. I've already bought the tickets all set up. So I say, Oh, I don't want to know anything. And he goes, no, no. And I go, Argyle. And he goes, okay, good, good.

Have fun. And I'm like, you paused. I don't want a glowing review, but I don't want a not review. The not review was even worse. He just goes, okay, well have fun. I'm like, I don't like it. Right. So then I go to cheesecake factory and the same goddamn thing. There's a waiter that sees every movie and he always asked me, but he knows. So he goes, Hey, go into the movies tonight. And I go, yes, but you know the deal. And he goes, he goes, what are you going to say? And I go, our guy on, he goes,

Okay. Okay. So he's... You're going to have fun. And I'm like, it's sickening because now I'm already getting a vibe, right? I'm already... No one's raving. Got it. No one... Because I have before said, oh, I'm seeing Dune or something. And they go, you're going to love it. I'm sorry. You're going to love it. I'm sorry. It'll be good. I've... I'll just insert this. I've never heard of Argyle. Didn't... Wasn't it from... It didn't jump off the charts. Wasn't there a Ben...

I thought there was a movie called Argyle in 2008. Ben Affleck directed, but maybe not. I don't know. Oh, no, that was Argo. Argo. Okay. All right. So I'm not. So this is Argyle, which should have been Argo. I liked Argo. So the third step of this is I'm going into the grove.

And there's a bar there. And I forgot they have a bar. And so I'm a little bit of a boozy Susie. Yeah. So I go in, I say, I might have a few knocks. So I said, you guys got a, yeah. So you know, as I go, let me go. Okay. So I just go, shit, I'm just going to grab that Coke and a drink on the way. I didn't even plan. I already had a great time.

This is go. It's just the whole idea of going to movies is fun. I just zone out. So they go, oh, 20 bucks. And this is what happens, Dana. Slow motion. I go to sign the thing, give that hefty 2% tip. And then 20, she goes, is it 20 now?

Two is more than enough. I'm kidding. So I go, Dane, I've been with you. You give like 120. I tip a lot. I don't know. I grew up poor. I know. Well, I tip good. So I said, I go, here you go. I'm signing. And I'm looking down and not paying attention. She goes, oh, what movie are you seeing? I go, Argyle. And she goes, oof. I go, okay.

Cause I didn't give her any warning. And I go, what? And she goes, that thing fucking sucked. I go, God damn. I was almost in the theater. And this person on the left field, I go, Oh, come on. I'm going to see the movie. You can't say that to people. And she goes, well, I mean, it's long. Why is that positive? Is that all you can come up with? It's long. And then she goes, it's good cinema. You know, it's a fun ride. You want to have a fun ride?

Well, let me just insert this. There's one thing worse than that. That's when everyone says, man, fuck, man. It's one of the best movies ever made. Oh, yeah. I was in a theater with Dennis Miller in New York. I may have said this on some podcast with you, but right at work scene, Field of Dreams, which is a great movie with Kevin Costner. But as it goes down, right as it goes down, Dennis goes,

One of the best movies I've ever seen in my life, Carp. And then the whole, in the beginning, I'm going, is this the best movie I've ever seen? It's really good. So it's great. They said it sucks. So finish your story because my suspicion is you loved it. Go ahead. That kind of was the story. It did suck. But it was kind of fun because I said now, like you said, I knew I'd hate it.

And then I go, it's not bad. It's kind of goofy and stupid, but it was more than, and that might've been my lesson in life. She undercut it, took my legs out. I walked in going, I already paid the ticket. Come on, Argo. I know you're bad, Argyle. And then I started to go, it's like listening to the song. I go, oh, Bob. So I expect that, but it was, and it costs like $200 quillion. I go,

That's why they're mad. It wasn't bad, but for 200... Listen, here's my point about movies. 99% of it, because my guilty pleasure was always 10 a.m. matinees. You're in a dark room, pitch black. No one's around you. No one's talking. You have to turn your phone off. Mm-hmm.

And then there's colored pictures and voices and things moving around. I like it. That's just the 1%. The other thing is like, okay, I'm here. I can't fucking do anything because every other second in life, this is a wisdom alert. This thing controls you. So it's so beautiful. Right now, it's off. I checked it right before and I'll check it after. Hang on. Do you mind...

I don't sometimes, even though I've known you a long time, I get just a tiny bit starstruck. Can I just do a quick selfie? Just a big, big David Spade smile. Okay. You take, I thought you're taking a selfie of yourself. You had a really nice time. I had a problem. Well, two things happen. I, I, I got on these desolate roads in the forest. It's just me. And then you see all these cows and they're a thousand pounds, even though they're gentle. Mm-hmm.

But I didn't know how you're supposed to approach cows, like 20 giant cows. And it's just me walking by myself. So I start going, whoo-hoo, clapping and whistling like they're dogs. And they literally are so scared they dive off almost a cliff. Oh, no. Yeah.

Why? So then I was told, don't get eye contact with them. So now when I see a whole bunch of them right on the road, I just put my head down and I walk really slowly. It's like a spy movie. I don't want to hit a button or something. And I go right past them. It's been beautiful. You basically have to act like a cow. Yeah.

But then I saw a woman, a middle-aged woman who was squatting with her trousers down behind a little tiny, little tiny tree. And I come up on her. No one's around. You know, what's up? I was trying to get by her. How's it going? What do you say? She just converses. What's up? You hiking? Yeah. Going up this way. Yeah. I'll leave the gate open for you. Okay. All right. I didn't see anything. Just some lady peeing.

Well, I didn't want to say peen, but people in the woods, David. I mean, you're always in a big city and you need the lavatory to yourself and your crew clears it out. But in the woods, you just do what you do. That's right. In the woods, you do what you do. That's right. I do have that. I can't even relate. Bobby Lee's out there. Excuse me, just one second. Bobby Lee.

You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony, which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Yeah.

just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, it, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, uh,

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. You want to- So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. So David Spade, right around when I met Mr. Carvey.

He was a big, famous, great comedian. I thought he was great. I liked all these guys, Dennis Miller, Kevin Nealon. I always say the same people, but I liked a lot of comedians. Yeah. And we liked you. Everyone was cool. Everyone's been high on David Spade. I looked young. Mm-hmm.

It's before the town got to me. Can I ask you a professional question? Yeah. How hard, well, first of all, how long did it take you to get on the show? Because a guy comes and sees you and then he sees you over a period of months and then he finally gave the green light or was it pretty fast? Jim McCauley was a famous name in town. Yeah. It's not exactly like that anymore, but to be on the biggest show on network tonight show to be a comedian.

He has so much power and he could just, he's coming in the improv. Everyone's like places, everyone like Macaulay's coming in tonight. So everyone's like, yeah, that show time. And so he might see you accidentally. He might come in to watch Leno or someone, but he comes in a little early, catches you. So you just always ready. He watched me. We had it all set up.

He probably watched me three times and then they hone it. I don't know if people know that. Take that out. It's too dirty. Take that. Give me your best six minutes. No, I wouldn't do that. I actually told my managers back then. I said, you know, they said, where's this joke? I said, well, I'm going to save that for a second appearance. And I said, don't save anything. Don't do well. There's no second appearance. Give everything you got. Yeah. So,

let's we're gonna play my tape so i finally make it he gives me a date it's august i i don't have anything to wear i don't have a stylist so i wear a flannel shirt i used to skateboarding with no sleeves you were yeah young surfer dude cable crew neck sweater in august which is boiling hot it's like green i don't know i put my collar out like this no one's telling me yes or no i just show up i drive myself i'm backstage i don't know what i'm doing yeah first thing i do when they introduce me i go out

And it's so shiny, Dana, that black stage. Yeah, it's blinding. I know my act so well and I can't think of anything. I'm like, oh my God, I've only seen it this way. I've never seen the show that way. I see a crowd. All I think is that crowd is smaller. This whole thing is smaller than I thought. And then it's shiny and the cameraman are looking at me like this. Let's let people understand. I didn't mean to interrupt. Sorry. But to go on The Tonight Show at that time,

It's like 40 million people or something. I mean, it's really big. It can make or break you. There's people go on that show and next day people in the street going, hey, how you doing, David Spade? So go ahead. A lot of pressure. Sure. I mean, anything would be pressure going on the improv. But now this is The Tonight Show. So here I go.

They say go out. Let's see. I walk out. So appearing with Dennis Miller and Stephen Wright, August the 29th at the Riverbend Music Center. Stephen Wright. August 30th at the Pomper Creek in Chicago. And this is his very first appearance with us. Would you welcome David Spade. Terrified. Here he is. Okay, stop it already. Stop. Why would they put the mic up for you like that? They had six hours to lower it. That's fucking sabotaged, man. No, I told him to.

Oh, it's part of your joke. Got it. Yeah. I told him to just to make it look like initially kind of a laugh. No, it is funny. Good. Okay. Like, oh shit. But that's good. You saw that. By the way, a mic with a cord, which they don't really have much anymore because they had a sweetheart deal at Radio Shack with the Tonight Show. Okay, here we go. I want to hear your first one. Okay, there's my cable crew neck sweater. Yeah. There's my flannel shirt.

Thank you. Thank you very much. My name is David Spade, and I'm 12. And it's the first time I've been here tonight. My mom just dropped me off. She's at Sears, and she'll be by later. Not much else. God. I'm from Arizona. I moved out here. Thank you. Moved out here last summer to see my mom. She lives out here. I need her to cut my steak up into little tiny pieces so I could eat it. Okay. When I flew out here, it's kind of a drag because you know when you get on the plane, flight attendant will always tell you the name of the pilot. You know, like anyone goes, oh, he's good. Love his work.

I like his work. Yeah, that's good. That's a good joke. Should have gotten more. I never sit in first class. Think about coaches. They don't even want you to see the people in first class anymore. That's much of a loser you are to them. I want to see him. It's so sad, you know. Stewardess will come by and she'll pull the little curtain shut.

You got them. She bolts it, then she comes by later. Tire gun. Whoa. Tire gun. Awesome. It makes its first appearance. Oh, look, you were squeezing the mic with both hands. Now one hand's free. It's so crowded, we can't even park the plane. I've never run into that situation before. Every terminal is taken. We're taxiing around for 20 minutes. Finally, we see some pilot, and he's carrying his keys, right? So we start following him around full of A. Moving. Applause break.

Two minutes? He's just getting something out of his plane, so he can't park there. So that sucked. Then... My mom picked me up, and I wanted to go to the beach the first day, you know, but it felt kind of weird because I'm short and skinny. What's worse, they had to shave my chest for this movie I'm writing. So I decided...

Threw that in. Good misdirection. Kevin Neal and he tool around it because I got a new car. It's not really new. It's an old UPS truck, but it's really nice. You know, it's one of those brown ones. It's great. I got a second park wherever I want to. But here's the thing. Run over that tip when you drive around. Don't ever let a pretty girl merge in front of your car in the street, because if you do, they rarely pull over and have sex with you for it later. Rarely. Listen to me. I don't remember this joke. Getting confident. They are working it.

Don't let him. You got to be tough. I know it's hard. You know, they're all pretty. They got their hair pulled up like a little fountain. Kaiken? Kaiko? I need the kid. If I could... No, you can't, all right? Because there's no payoff, sweetheart, all right? Rude. Sweetheart. He looks weak. You're not getting in front of the accord. But... You lost me on this one a little bit. Listen. I almost forgot about this merch thing. I feel some magic here. I've never felt this way about a boy.

Really? Go ahead. Okay. Later. Hey, you witch! User! Happens to me five times a day. It happens to me even the next day. Same girl, but she's got her hair different. It's like over here now. I'm like, go ahead. Girls with scrunchies are evil. Physical stuff. You know those rough old scrunchies? They got around the wrist to put their hair up. Don't trust them. You never know when it's going up either. What's going on? What am I doing? What's happening? Hey, maybe later we go...

What? What am I talking about? An applause on that act out. There's no rules. There's no wrong way to do it. They'll put one right here. They don't care as long as it's up, baby. Either that or a chip clip. You know, off the ruffles into the hair. Don't trust them. Wow. Don't trust them with the chip clip. They're with you, man. Fucking love it. They're loving you. Somebody's at the gap today. Mine is shredded. Anywho. Weird, weird throwaway joke. So...

That was risky. I don't trust these celebrity environmentalist vegetarians. It kind of bothered me that forced their views on me and make me feel super guilty all the time. I saw River Phoenix, who's this actor with really cool hair, and he's on Hollywood Boulevard preaching to everybody. Before he died. Hey, don't wear shoes, you cow killer. Hey, man, the dolphins are all squirreled up in the tuna nets. It's heavy, buddy. I'm like, okay, let me address this tuna thing. I went to a deli the other day and tried to order a tuna sandwich.

And the guy behind the counter got so mad at me, you know. I didn't think I was throwing a big curveball. It is a deli. Hi. So I go, yeah, can I have some tuna? And he's like, what? So outrageous. I can't. But I'm like, whoa, whoa. Hey, there's so many things wrong with your attitude. Like, first of all, you killed it, right? I'm just buying it off you, man. You're murder one. I'm just an accessory. You're going down, my friend. Hey, I didn't order a big bowl of cream or rainforest. Don't freak out on me. It's too much pressure. Cream or rainforest?

Pull back in the rainforest You're killing I don't need River all carried away with his cool hair Hey man, lights are squirting out of gas Killing the ozone, baby And don't wear Levi's because the threat will come out And choke a bird one day You bird killer, earth hater Ozone hole maker, bigger Okay, God, slow down I think River Phoenix can relax, right? Have a big old meatball Clear his head out

My friends go, you know, he's gonna hear that joke. I want to fight you. Well, guess what? He's got no protein in his system. I will kick his butt. All right? I was just at Wendy's. You know what? Nice. Thank you. Oh, that's the closer. I was just at Wendy's. Now watch this. You're gonna... So I leave. Oh, Johnny. Johnny.

Funny kid. What? He's too nervous to even look over. Funny kid, David Spade. We'll be right back. I didn't even look at them. I just left. Well, look at Marty. I know, he has a fetus. Well, what did you, it seemed like you killed, you started out, they liked you, they hooked into you, you got like three or four applause breaks, and then by the last

90 seconds you were louder more aggressive i know i was yeah i mean that's not even like that's good no it wasn't that loud it's just that you you seem way more confident obviously you acclimated halfway through because the first minute is just like i'm on the tonight show talking into a microphone right terrifying yeah uh the first three i couldn't even hear the audience

that was panic mode because you're like if they're not buying the first three they slowly came to it and they're usually nice because they're they're supporting new comics on the tonight show they knew back then like it was kind of fun to see a new one but it took them a while but they got into it and then i don't even remember these jokes i'm like i haven't seen this set for so long so getting into that river phoenix stuff obviously he passed away after that but

It was still, he was like the guy they were making fun of because he was very vocal, but yelling, I got a hamburger. There's like three in a row. It's like, I just said, I have a hamburger every day. I was just at Wendy's. You don't want none of this. That was like a good build. I don't remember that. Yeah. Closer though. It's like, the problem is if you come out in those three jokes, tighten up, not you, but any comedian, the first three, tighten them up. And then the comedian stops having fun and they send it. Then the souffle can just go down, but you held your ground. Yeah.

You know, and it can get really bad. And then, so you held your ground and kept going. And then you, I think probably within a minute, you got an applause break after that. I don't know if they knew what to do with me. I think I, I don't know if I look nervous, but I'm just kind of quiet and young. And there, you know, back then it was Leno and Belzer and Richard Lewis and everyone, uh, RIP. And, uh, so it was,

They were sort of just going, is this a joke? Because I was probably 24 or something. I'm 23. I look like I was 20. Well, I've never really explained this, but the church lady attitude came from what you were dealing with.

Cause sometimes I'd go on stage when I was early days, like 22. And I would hear people go like that. I mean, I had a real baby face. Oh yeah. For sure. I,

I to to kind of get rid of that tension, I would do that. Well, well, well, apparently when they let little children into the theater, you know, that was the first way to diffuse that attention. I also used to do I know what you're thinking. And I go, all boys wear half off. I did kind of a Sears mannequin joke. I don't know the quite the wording, but so we both looked really young. And if you know what, you should bring your good lighting. We look like you should bring yours next week. Well, look at it.

Well, the problem was the first time I was on The Tonight Show, I was on the couch. Well, still, it can be funny. You talk about the stuff you were supposed to say. But the...

But the reason is, David, Macaulay just said, you're just not right for The Tonight Show. There's nothing we can do with you. Because I was just doing characters. I had no jokes. So I couldn't get on The Tonight Show. He was perfectly nice. He said, we can't put you on. It just wouldn't work. You don't have it. And you probably should look for some other form of work. But then I got on SNL. And then I got to go on. He never talks about the ones he missed on. Johnny was great. And I think I've told you before about him.

I went backstage and I was so like sick. So I was slugging a Pepto Bismol, you know, I had my shirt off. The BO was like blowing trees down. I was so nervous. I had like two friends there and you know, you don't even have a hair per, you just go with your hair messy from driving with your windows open. And that was kind of the simplicity, but there was a knock and it was Johnny. And I think either Ed, it was one of the person Ed or doc Severinsen or Martin short. And I opened it as fucking Johnny.

And he goes, hey, you just left. I wanted to say good job. You didn't look over and thanks for coming on. And I was holding my Pepto and I go, oh, my God, that was so fun. Thank you so much. And he goes, Pepto, I'm trying to quit this stuff myself. And then he walked away. Got a great what a great thing.

I know. I saw his hand up like this and he was like waving. I think if you'd looked, he was going to go like that. Oh, come on. Like his hand was reached out. I think I'll bring him over. If he looks, I'm going to scoop, scoop him up. Because Macaulay said the guy that books it was right off because he said, when you go out there, you walk out, you do your set and you turn, you walk back. And I go, what if Johnny, sometimes he waves? He's not.

I go, oh. He goes, just come and come right back to me. I'll be right here. Go. There's an X on the ground. Stand on that. Come back. So I come back to him and he goes, why didn't you look at Johnny? He would have waved you over. I go, yeah, I did. I was so...

I know, but yeah, that was great. That was fun to watch. That was fun for me to watch because I haven't seen it. The material was smart. It was fun. I mean, you did do the young thing. I think it worked. I think the first thing, hello, I'm 12, was funny. I think the audience was still just kind of getting, who's this? What? Acclimated. Yeah. All right, let's go to some headlines. I'll say it. What?

See a fee five for your I believe a star was born. I'm a nibbler, Dana, and I think you are, too. But you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up.

They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is Pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Sea salt and vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah, look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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Yeah, because it's such a nice ring. It's an unmarked thing, but then it says Blue Nile somewhere. Yeah. She goes, oh, you couldn't have. You wouldn't have spent that much. Oh, this has got to be a trick. This is too nice. Yeah, no. Right now, get 30% off. Select Lab Grown Diamonds on BlueNile.com. Plus, use code FLY, very important, to get $50 off your engagement ring purchase of $500 or more. What is it?

That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. Oh, this is Shane Gillis on SNL. Okay. Our friend Shane Gillis. Oh, my God. Anatomy of a Fail. Wow. I cannot say. I cannot agree with that. That's funny. I mean, I thought of my personal. I didn't see it all, in fairness.

actually i didn't see it and i don't know who he is but i have an opinion now i saw but you you've seen the movie shane you've seen the western shane from 1952 okay joder's name was shane in the first iteration then we changed it uh but i will say that shane gillis i thought his monologue was very interesting i'm not going to get canceled and say it was good or bad i'm just going to say

I like that at least he shook it up. He didn't do a typical monologue. He definitely was doing things that were wrong in quotes and SNL. The spirit of SNL is to do stuff like that. So I will say that he, those also are themes that he works with. He uses the word gay in 2024 in a way that's not a pejorative term.

Or it's just sort of old-fashioned of him. That's like the 80s. We would say stuff like that and not think about it. Or even the 90s. And then, of course, the Down syndrome thing is because he has relatives with Down syndrome. And he's talked about that a lot. So he kind of... He did Shane. He did what he did. He didn't really change anything. And you could either...

It's up for people to decide. We're comedians. We've seen and heard everything. We've been beaten and left for dead many times. So we don't we're not easily offended. We don't we don't automatically assume that he doesn't like Down syndrome people or gay people or anything he's saying.

It is comedy. And that's all I'm going to say with that. We have editing capabilities. Some words have shock value, but I do think, and some of the sketches were good. They pulled one that was about Limu Emu, that commercial for insurance or something. And that was really funny, but they put online and it was kind of dumb because we were like, that one's really edgy. You probably could have used that. I was one of those people.

Now, what are we seeing here? What's up with Major League Baseball? Now, moving on is Major League Baseball. Dana, I guess they got all your emails. They made see-through pants for the... Oh, I mean...

What are they doing? I guilty as charged. I just want to hear the guy talking to the guy. Now you listen to me, Jensen. I hired you to make baseball clothes. I didn't make, I didn't want me here. People want to watch a baseball game. They don't want to see it.

Yeah, like this. You're getting yelled at by the umpire. You have a boner? He's like, I don't know. I'm nervous. Why do you want see-through pants? I don't want anyone to see my anything. How see-through were they? I mean, I know you're probably looking at these things at night. I mean, can we see shapes and bumps? Are we counting pubes? Yeah. I hired you to make baseball clothes. Now you gave me a strip show.

Oh my God. That's my angry executive yelling. What? Sorry. I just interrupted you. Had held up a picture of a guy with his fricking Wang. You can see his 100% wiener. Yeah, you can. If you use your imagination.

No, it's pretty wangy. Sorry, Heather. You like boys. I didn't like when they apologized. The Major League Commissioner goes, listen, there's been a little problem. We didn't see this coming, but a lot of the guys, you could see their prongs.

And he kept using weird words from old school. Well, maybe there was, maybe the baseball commissioner was, well, you're hired to make our new baseball uniforms. And by the way, is there any chance you could make them kind of see-through just a little bit? It's for the ladies. Shut that, boss. Kanye's wife. Everything she wears is see-through.

She's like, hi, everybody. She just has a thong and a dog collar and an iron mask on. She's just going out for dinner. Dude, that's on Sunday. The other day she wore like, what were they, nylons with no undies? She's like, hey, you guys all know my pussy. He was dragging her through Rome and she was on an old-fashioned stretcher from the 15th century. Ah!

I want a drink when we get there, Kanye. It's your thing, babe. He's behind her with a whip. Like, it's art. It's medieval shit. Yeah, it's like Gladiator or something crazy. But I don't judge as long as they're happy. No, no. Those two crazy kids, they're having fun.

Okay, here's another one. Oh, there's a funny video I saw. Which one's this? Oh, this is Willy Wonka. Oh, this is different. Okay, Willy Wonka and an ad for repairs. Okay. This is how high tech we are. We're literally just the internet. Okay, Willy Wonka. Yeah.

Explain this one. They can read. So anyway, it was called an immersive experience. Experience. Everybody was excited because that usually means some awesome Willy Wonka thing. And it was just a partially decorated warehouse, as they say there. It's just it's so horribly bad and such a rip off. It's funny stuff. Can we see a picture? Yeah, let's see a picture. So it's very bleak and stark and there's not really that much. Yeah, look, that's it.

Oh, my God. It's like it was in, yeah, it's like in Dresden, 1942 or something. It's like Berlin in 1945, all right? Well, when you hear the budget was $200, it's not bad. Stay on there, Greg. Let me see what else is on that thing. There's a big rainbow, which scares off some people. There's people out there that go, I'm out. I'm out. I cannot see a rainbow. Oh, what's wrong with the rainbow? No, but there's people that, you know, get a little tight.

Oh, I got you. Get a little. What if the people on the way to this exhibit kept asking people and they go, oh, yeah, the Wonka thing. OK, just like what happened to you at the movie theater. Yeah, yeah. Really? Well, don't be waiting in line. You're going there. What's at the bottom of the rainbow? Rock clouds or marshmallows? Oh, it is clouds.

Okay. I don't think it was Picasso that did those. I remember the song. Third grader. Remember it? I like candy. I like candy. Don't you like to eat candy, boys and girls? Remember that song? From the Gene Wilder one? I just, whatever. Oh, I like delicious toys. I don't remember it very well, but I like the movie. I like the one with Timmy Chalamet. Yeah.

I like an old man going, hey, can I get seven kids in my house? Is that cool with the parents? Keep them overnight? We're doing Hans and Franz and a lot of Dennis. That's good to get there. Okay, go to the next one. What's this next story? Oh, this is, I wanted you to see this, Dana. This is so offensive. You get a caricature. You're with your lovely date. Like, what are they going to pick? Perfectly nice guy. I don't know if we need that blaring 30s.

Can you turn that shit down? Look at how fucking loud it is. I can't even focus. Look at her goddamn face. They look like monsters. I mean, how fucking rude. His neck is 30 feet long with eczema. Look how happy they are. Holy shit, they sit on their keys? Why are they... I would be horrified. First, I'd break up with her.

I'd rip it in half like Pelosi. Okay, volume. My God. You know Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program? Oh, yeah. If you want to learn a new language, which no time like the present, it's always fun to learn when you get older.

I know. And it's not learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean, all the high school Spanish I took a grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is Ola and hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, uh,

They have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curveball. I think they're going to know. What don't they have? The language you want. Yeah. And immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying?

I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Designed for long-term retention.

There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And of course, there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off. A steal! Oh, my gosh. And I do think that the off-label thing that... I'm ad-libbing now, going off script.

is that when you learn a language and you learn to pronunciate the words in that language, you start to learn about the people who live there and speak that language. Sort of a subtle, intuitive way of integrating with the culture. A little different, yeah. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time, Fly on the Wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off.

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Find it on auto trader. See it. Find it. Auto trader. If you have questions or impressions, you can go to super fly at odyssey.com. I think that's it.

And red, red neckies, impressions and any kind of questions, especially for David relationship advice, because he's really we'll give you advice. He's a natural about life, by the way, how to make money in the stock market. I'm pretty good at that. Jump on Bitcoin. It's not too late. OK. All right. So let's see. Well, here's an impression we're going to see, Dana. We'll give it our real opinion. OK. In real time. This is someone. This is Evan Chandler.

I thought this guy did it. Another guy with the same hat. Oh my god, everyone's putting his fucking hat on. Hey guys, big fan. On your last episode of Superfly, you said we could submit some impressions. So I thought I'd give it a go. Trying to balance my phone on the steering wheel here. Alright. This is Lorne doing an impression of Dana's dad. Well, Dana Christ.

I can't talk to you about politics because you don't know shit. That's not bad. Oh, there's more. He should have quit. Jesus Christ. Dana, I can't talk to you about politics because you don't know shit. I kind of like his blank look. He gives absolutely nothing in his face. Jesus Christ, Dana. It's funny. It's a mashup. I thought it was funny. Yeah, go ahead.

I like that. They're both good. It was funny because that's something I say in my act. My dad used to say to me, Jesus Christ, I can't talk politics with you because you don't know shit. And so this guy is using that as his other. And I did a movie with Kirk Douglas and I know Lorne Michaels. So there's a whole mash going on. What was that gentleman's name? That was Evan Chandler.

evan chandler funny funny stuff thank you for the mashup inspired i didn't think i'd like it and then i did hi dana and they're moving fast luke skywalker this is jimmy stewart as frodo baggins in the original frank capra production of lord of the rings from 1950 that was never released okay well

What do you mean, Gandalf? You want me to take this ring all the way to Mordor? You got Merry, you got Pippin, you got Legolas and Gimli. What do you need me for? Thanks, guys. That was Parker Millar. Parker Millar. I thought it was Greg Allman. Yeah. Okay, well. That was cool. You have the beard like a Lord of the Rings beard. Now, wait, let's comment. So I do like it. I mean, it's getting, yeah, it's going back.

Now, we should get some new ones that people haven't heard a lot of. That would be fun because people that are out there, we don't even know. Like, you know, these guys in Euphoria or whatever. But I liked it. I would just say the only thing I would do is remember that you can do a nonverbal thing before he talks or you throw in nonverbal Jimmy Stewart. So, you know, I've got a problem with it. Yeah, you see. Yeah.

yeah you know so anyway but i learned it from rich little but yeah it today it's hard if you did a perfect chris platt with how many people would know nothing he's a famous movie star timothy timothy chalamet people do it's a little harder back then there were like eight giant movie stars and everyone knew them um it's hard if you do chris pratt or something you got to get the ones they have to be

sunk enough into the ether that people all know what they sound like at this point. Or from a famous movie, you know, like doing Robert Downey Jr. from Iron Man or something, you know? Yeah. I'm going to learn a new impression. I should ask the fans to write in, ask me to try somebody. Yeah. Tell them to do that too. Give me the challenge of a new impression. There you go. You know? Okay. Here it is. This is Thomas Murphy. It's our last one, Thomas. You better. It's our last one. Thomas Murphy. Here he is.

Hey, Dana and David, it's Norm MacDonald, you know? So, hey, fellas, I wanted to ask you, you know what's better than being dead, right? Alive. It's better to be alive. Well... I like these people don't even get out of their fucking car. It's such a throwaway thing. They're like, I'll just send this out. They'll never use it. I think it's smart to say hello and then the name of the guy you're doing.

Hello, this is Norm MacDonald. Yeah, it took me a second to acclimate again. It was a little dark, but Norm had a sense of humor that would accommodate that, I think. Not bad, not bad. So I asked this guy to do Theo Vaughn last week. Let's see what he's going to do.

What's up guys, Dante Carter here again. I decided to come into the house this time, David. I'm not in the car. I'm in the house. See, they're learning. They're learning. You guys mentioned you thought I was going to do Theo Vaughn last week because of my southern accent. I thought, man, I could try Theo. I've never tried it, but I wanted to try it out for you guys. Yeah, there was this man named, his name was Hal. Yep, Hal was his name, dude. Hal was his name, bruh. Hal used to howl at people.

uh, well, when, when you howl at people, we call you howl and howl. That's just what we called him. That's just what we called him, bro. He was a good dude though, man. Uh,

God, I think about him all the time, man. He's a good dude. I wonder if that's from Theo or if that's his own made up thing, because there is stuff in there that's pretty Theo and people should be doing Theo all the time right now. Everyone knows him. Bobby Lee, Theo, they should be doing these impressions. Tim Dillon, people that know they should do Whitney. They're out there. You know what I mean? Yeah. These are impressions that could be done.

easily a child could, no, I'm kidding. But you know what I mean? So that's a good Theo. There were parts of it because I've never heard of Theo, so that's pretty good. Dana? Well, there were parts that did kind of hit me as Theo. It felt like maybe slow it down a little bit. The thing about Theo is Theo doesn't really ever do a joke with a punchline. So I would say, if I were trying to learn Theo this week, I would actually...

listen to his show and take an actual segment from it and phonetically try to get it that way first. But I feel like, you know, but he tonally was pretty good. I would say sharpen it and bring it back.

Yeah. But don't cut a hog this fucking show either. Yeah. We have a waiting, we have a waiting room online right now of 69,000 people. Oh, there's someone from Peru that does a perfect David Spade. Oh, gross. No, I think that's it for the show, Dana. Don't you? I think so. Um, I enjoyed it, David.

Had a great time with you, Dana. It's nice to see you. We laughed. We cried. We looked at things. We talked. We got our framing down on the thing in the camera, I think. Next time. Let's see. All righty. Rad, rad. Oh, this was three Christopher Walkens. Christopher Walken sees a magic trick. Wow! Christopher Walken is threatened. Whoa! Whoa!

Christopher Walken is a cowboy. Yippee-yi-yo. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey. Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.