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Find it on auto trader. See it. Find it. Auto trader. All right, let's start this podcast. Here we go, Dana. Three, two, one, two. Fly on the wall. Superfly. Fuck. I had, I had one of the words was right.

Everyone knows. No one knows. Yeah, we don't even know. So if you're confused by the two podcasts, we are too. Yeah. Back to what you say about you can't trust anybody. We don't even know what people don't even know what one they're watching with us. Right. They don't even. They're not even sure. Did David Spade play Garth and Dana Garnett? Was he in Tommy Boy? They don't know anything about us.

Are they AI? Yeah. They must be digital copies because I looked up their age. They look too good for it being real. Oh, yeah. So they must be digital copies. Are they sisters? We don't know what's going on with these two guys. I haven't heard that one. I can't look at Twitter. You cannot look at the comments. Do not look at the comments. Actually, our comments are shockingly good, good bunch of people.

This was a very good person, but it made my heart race. I mean, because I don't expose myself to anything that's just weird. I was just casually looked down, really enjoy the podcast. It's fun and everything. But don't say at the end, sure. Hope you enjoy it. Cause that was just creepy.

What? I know people are tough. Well, you know, you're, they don't, they, a lot of people think that we have a script that we're reading from during the entire podcast. Jeez. Shocking. Like this garbage. Yeah. We didn't. But I think I was being intentionally a little Garthie, like sure. Hope you enjoy it. Like the nerdiest thing you could say, but the idea that that even bothered me for one second bothered me. I know.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, it's like good comment. You start to relax. Your defenses are down. And then you fucking suck. Were you ever funny? These two assholes. By the way, I don't want to say I'm getting old because I look fucking good. Look at my cool face.

I like the, you're a college rower. You're on the rowing team with that thing. A gadoosh. A gadoosh. What? Gadoosh? Yeah, that's splashing. For rowing? Yeah, that'd be more like it. I'll be in a George Clooney movie. The rowing dudes. You'd be the guy with the little plastic thing going, hoop, hoop. You know, he's not rowing. Oh yeah, I like that guy.

That's Sandler. And then rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip. And the guys go, fuck you. But that happened to Stanford. They threw their oars in the water. Another story. I'm telling you, I'm not that strong because the other day it was embarrassing in front of some people because I was at a restaurant and did a to-go order. And it's hard to say out loud in front of girls that you pulled something in your back because you picked up a Cobb salad wrong.

That's not a sexy move. It's not. They go, a Cobb salad? What else was in it? Firewood? I'm like,

No, I did have a couple of hard boiled eggs, maybe one more than normal, to be honest. Yeah. And I wasn't ready for it. I just wasn't ready for it. That's all. I was a lot younger when I did this special squatting monkeys tell no lies available wherever you get your specials. But I had a bid on, I get hurt doing nothing, you know, use the clicker out my shoulder, you know, get up off the couch. And I'm like, what happened? I got up off the couch.

But it gets better as you get a little older. Don't worry, David. It's easier. We have to address the fires because we talked to them last time when they just started. Yes. And it's been a full week of chaos, sadness, and mayhem. We will delicately try to talk about the fires, even though there's nothing funny about them, but we try to poke fun because it is a podcast and find some levity. Right. But we can talk. We can be real about it. We can be real.

I will say I wish I invested in watch duty. I just saw a thing flash up that Trump nominated or appointed three ambassadors to Hollywood because they're in a lot of trouble. So I don't know what that means. That's just what I read. What happened? I don't know. He's assigning people. We need ambassadors. We need people in there.

They got a hell of a file. We're going to do the things we can. I don't know what that meant. I shouldn't even pay attention to things that pop up. I feel like that's just a way to just placate someone and say, you're the ambassador to Yugoslavia. So go over there and just keep shit

in line. So how, how, what angle would you like to start with first? First, the tragedy of it. We're not insensitive about that. It's ridiculous and horrible, but there's a lot of ways to think about it as well now. Well, the, uh, uh, the, the, the arson possible, the looting is bad. Uh, there were people, the trick really, one was a scam was people dressed as firemen looting.

really shitty they should get an extra broken leg from when the guys break their legs when they catch them because i'm fine with that uh there was uh oh containment i don't know what containment means to be honest uh i think i do it's 11 and now apparently it's 19 uh i don't know how that metric works but if it goes up it's better

but it feels like about right the problem with is a million mini fires breaking out all the time like to get the fire really stomped fires that big it's gonna take a long time or it'll take weeks or we get a just a shit ton of rain for a week would be very helpful at this point yeah i don't think we've got any rain this year and i'm sure that's not great oh no it was it was a

perfect confluence of events that we had two incredibly rainy years, lots of underbrush, lots of growth. And then now we have an ending rain for essentially a year or, or like eight, it's everything is very, very, very dry. And then we had probably the,

The biggest Santa Ana, I don't think it's ever gone past 100. The strongest wins. So those three things together. I kept seeing 100 over and over, like all day. The next day, I'm like, whoa. It's usually just for a couple hours. Maybe that big, because they would flip over big rigs driving out to Arizona. And so I'd seen that before. But I saw more of that and then really more just about just traveling the embers around.

Yeah. For the speed pass. Yeah, it's the flying embers we got to look for. Embers going sideways. It's like flying. So you can see how fast it spreads because they're just flying, landing, and starting a fire. Yeah. There was one when I left to my Orlando show, there was one –

- Suns. - Suns, no, it was the one on La Cienega in Suns. So there's one probably 300 yards from me. And I was like, wait, the Palisades one wasn't that big yet. And then there was this one, which was so close. And then I realized in full disclosure, my fire insurance did lapse like everyone else, Friday. So this is three days prior. So I'm like, oh, this is probably the worst time to have my house burned down. And then the next day I was in the warning track. So someone hit me up and goes,

watching watch duty app and you are in the yellow evac zone so are you getting out i'm like i'm not there and that's not near the palace mandatory then other one yeah here's a mandatory next i i about the insurance part of the whole thing but there are people i was reading about this morning and that their house is burnt down it is gone

But they still have to make their mortgage payments. They still own a bank loan. I thought about this. I was wondering what that would be. And that is so twisted. I mean, there's forbearance. You can get it forgiven for a period of months, but you're still on the hook for that. And if you have home insurance, that's always better. But if you don't have that and then that, you got to pay the mortgage. I mean, it's hard to do the math on that. It's just horrible. I do hope, and I sound like I'm getting mad, but I think everyone's got a system.

a part of them that's mad when there's, it just like we got, they said they're going to send everyone $770. I never hear the word billions when it's in America. I don't, I don't hear North Carolina here, seven 50 Hawaii. Uh, but we're in America. Is that ring a bell? I mean, I feel like I'm ragging on Biden, but Ukraine, I think just got another 3 billion. I'm like, I don't hear billion. I don't even hear a thousand. I hear, uh,

Low money, maybe more to come later. But why? What's wrong with the good old, we're at least as good as Ukraine, at least the USA. Yeah. This love affair with Ukraine. I don't know. And I will tell you, I don't really know, understand the Ukraine situation. I will say that freely. It's very complicated, but God get a room. I mean, it's every time you turn around now it's for this. Now it's for that. It's really, he's making money moves on the way out and it doesn't seem like it's all helping us. That's all.

Yeah, you have a budget, just say a state budget. It's a vast state. You need lots of things to be funded and fire firefighting is one of them, fire prevention. So now because of this incredible tragedy, you would think they would allocate more resources to that. In other words,

If you want us all to be in electric cars and we're going to try to lower the temperature by one degree in the next hundred years is fine. But in the meantime, we have to mitigate. If you believe climate change is the cause, we have to mitigate the disasters that are coming, i.e. prepare more. And I think that everyone's going to agree on that as far as forest management, parking towers in Northern California that are a hundred years old and just more resources for more anticipatory resources for this. But it's a lot of money.

Sure. And then if it goes wrong, it's more money. But yeah, I'd heard someone say the CO2 put us back 20 years. Just this one monster fire. That's the irony of it. If you don't mitigate the fires, they release the CO2 of millions of cars. And so then you're defeating the whole premise of trying to lower CO2. But I'll tell you who's taking a beating is Gavin Newsom.

Well, he's a governor. It's not funny, but goddamn. Yeah. Goddamn. They're taking so many fucking lefts. He's begging for rights. I mean, I heard a funny thing with, and all this craziness that it goes, someone on Instagram goes, so every time I get a ticket for parking next to a fire hydrant, it's an empty one. Why would they give me a ticket for that? There's no worries there.

Oh, the old fire hydrant. A fire hydrant without water is just kind of a funny looking yellow metal structure. You could sit on it or a dog loves it for its own relief purposes. That's it. Right. And all these things we're going to find out in the next few weeks or months. Some things were rumors. Some things were true. It's because of this. But there's also a spin. You don't want

I love that Gavin Newsom even has the balls to mention the Olympics. He's like getting plugs in there. He's like, when the Olympics are coming, everyone's excited. I'm like, no one cares right now about the Olympics. Yeah. Oh, what's this one? Let me see. Here, play this. All of that?

and all that opportunity and that pride and spirit that comes from not just hosting those three iconic games and venues, but also the opportunity, I think, to rebuild at the same time. And that's why we're already organizing a Marshall Plan. We already have a team of looking and reimagining LA 2.0. And we're making sure everyone's included, not just the folks on the coast, people here that were ravaged by this disaster. You just said you're organizing a Marshall Plan for the rebuilding of California. What is that Marshall Plan?

We're just starting to lay out. I mean, we're still fighting these fires. So we're already talking. Giggling. What's happening? We're already talking to business leaders. I've never seen a politician talk to his hands that much. We're starting to organize how we can put together a collection of individuals on philanthropy. That's how my act is. How we can organize the region, how we can make sure that we are seeking federal assistance for the Olympics more broadly, but also federal assistance for the recovery efforts.

and how we can galvanize the community with folks that love this community to really develop a mindset so that at scale we're dealing with the scope of this tragedy and responding to it at scale with efficiency like the executive order I talked about. I can't hear what you're saying. I'm too fucking... I think you just keep staring at his hands. Fucking shit. Give his hands a rest.

That sounded like AI at the beginning because he's like, well, we get a chance now to reimagine LA. What the fuck? I think he gets a dopamine hit when he hears himself speak, which is good for a politician. I think what's going on is people are excited about the track and field coming up. There's going to be new things happening. We're going to put apartments. I'm like, what are we talking about? Everyone should just be crying right now. Yeah, it's going to take a long time. Oh.

I know Malibu, I talked to someone who lives in Malibu and you just, the PCH is closed. They all have to go up Canaan, go around to Hollywood or whenever you want to. And the devastation, it's like 250 homes in a row. That's maybe not talked about as much, but Malibu is not going to be the same for a long time. And they don't think the Palisades, it's going to take years. And just to get those homes removed, all the debris and gas lines. And I mean, it's so depressing, but it's going to take years.

A lot of money. Yeah. They were saying that, you know, we don't probably have a picture, but one or two places has one house sticking up and then every house burned down. So if you're that house, someone told me yesterday that, you know, there's, you can't go back. First of all, it's like a ghost. It's so weird. And then you also have all the utilities don't work. So you go there and then you've got all the embers and the smoldering and just the air. Yeah.

aside from gas leak, whatever's out there. So that's why they can't move in right away. It's just soaking into their house. I think anyone in those tragedies losing their house and obviously people lost their life and going back into the Palisades just with a police escort, they have to have just trauma, you know, PTSD. Cause sure. But you turn of that, cause the Palisades was kind of the prettiest suburb in Southern California, I'd say.

It's beautiful. Beautiful. For people, it's between Hollywood and the beach. So a lot of beautiful area because you go, you cross the 405s. Now you're heading to the beach. You go way down south on Sunset. Yeah. Yeah. Adams in the Palisades, Conans in the Palisades. Beautiful. There's a big grove-like village of beautiful shops, right? They built in the last couple of years.

I think that's still standing. And then a couple of those burned out. It's just, you get to the beach. Yeah. Yeah. You can look at the beach, you get a house there and the Palisades overlooking the ocean, but there's a lot of trees around you. And it was just a very clean, beautiful place. Why a lot of very wealthy people move there. Why not? You know? So it's, my old one in Malibu burned to a crisp. And the thing is when I got it,

It was because a woman lived there and the last wave of fires years ago burned it down. She built it back up. I got it. Did you buy it with someone or by yourself? I can't remember. I bought it with someone, but everybody used it. That's the confusion. I remember being there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was nice. Yeah. It's a nice house, burned to crisp. And then

I know the realtor who handles it right now. And he's like, no, he's showed me a video of it. It's toast. So who cares for me, but the people have bought it. And then also every, I lived on La Costa Beach. I think every house but four is gone. So that was probably at least 20. Yeah. Carbon Beach. That's where Farrah Fawcett lived. That's where all these people live. Charlize lived there for a while. So boo-hoo, but it's still, listen,

There's the other fire, which we haven't talked about, the Eaton Fire, which is up by Pasadena, which is really inland and really rough. Massive. I think just as big or about the same, yeah. Maybe more houses. I don't know. But yeah, massive amounts of destruction. And before we move on, we don't want to bum everyone out, but I did offer a reward for people. Because you want to do something and I'm thinking, how can I help? Well, I did see that pop up. Yeah. What was your thing?

Okay. Oh, there it is. So for anyone who catches arses during the LA fire, and they have to be, I kind of just said it one day, but they have to be arrested. But it was an overwhelming response of people just giving me clues and bits and just filming fires. And so it was hard to go through because I have on TikTok or Instagram, that's the way to get me. And we have it down to about one looks pretty good.

I'm going to take care of three other ones. They're looking pretty good. We're sifting through all the hundreds of thousands. Well, do you have a private detective? I mean, it is sort of like you either catch them in the act or you have cameras. There's cameras all over everywhere. Yeah. Are you looking for that kind of? It's tricky. I think we go by a police report. I think there's no way because there's so many people going. I mean, I pulled into because Busboys is starting. We had to push it, obviously. We shoot it in LA. And so.

I was going to this wig store and they have a security guard blocking the parking lot for some reason. And I'm like, roll my window down. You know, they don't want you to park anywhere in LA. So I go, hey, I'm just getting some goofy wig for this stupid thing. And he goes, give me that 5,000 bucks. I go, yeah, okay. I go, give it to you right now. I pay you up front. And he goes, I'll keep my eyes peeled. Oh, he wants that ahead of time? Okay, but we're going to cut it off tomorrow because-

When this airs, because we already have hundreds and they're starting to have a hand on the fire. Now, if something crazy comes up, I'll readdress it, but we can't even keep up with it right now. So,

We're going by police reports because that really feels like the only way someone will say, hey, go light that. I'll film you. And that's what's happening. And then we'll just say, oh, I caught him. But L.A. never really. Oh, and then get the money. Oh, I see. Yeah. That's the problem. And they spend one night in county jail and then all jail. Yeah. Right. That's why you don't say 10 or 20 because then people go, oh, it's worth going to jail for the night. So anyway, it's very complicated, but we're sifting through it. It was meant to be more help.

Yeah. And everything is as complicated in today's digital copy. I heard rumor read. Yeah. So, all right. Do you want to move on to politics? Yeah. God bless everyone. Yeah, whatever you want. Oh, yeah. What's going on? Coming up. Coming up next week.

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Well, one thing that was bizarre was, well, there's a Game of Thrones going on. Yes. A throne of politicians who don't like each other. The first thing I saw, and it was kind of, I liked it. I liked that Obama and Trump seemed to be friendly. It really made me laugh. That was at Jimmy Carter's funeral. Yes. And there's been a lot of talk of what they talked about, but they're still talking. Hot ticket. Look, look.

I just got to ask. I'm going to only ask you once. It's a phone call. I intercepted. I'm only going to ask you once. I'm going to ask you once. Why is Michelle not coming to the inauguration? I know she skipped the funeral, but why not? What's the problem? She should come and people are talking about it. Doesn't want to come. That's all. I wouldn't take it personal. Just you don't want to come. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. We're going to party the night away. Okay. I love you, man. I love you very much.

I can't believe how much I love you. But they're friends. Yeah, they talked at the funeral. They sound next to each other. Jill Biden hates Nancy Pelosi. Nancy Pelosi always sounds like she just got out of an ice bath. Sorry. I see that in my act, that she always looks like she just sat on something cold and wet. Yeah, she...

You did good, Joey. It never looks like she's having a great time. Oh, yeah. Jill's going to be there. You did good, Joey. Just high fives all around for her because he gave his speech the other night wrapping up the year, Biden. Yes, he did. And they talked about how we did the greatest things ever happened in the history of the country. The funny thing was, and we don't know right now, that Gaza, and I don't know what it's going to hold, but Israel and Hamas sparked a deal. Oh, yeah.

And then Trump had said a couple months ago, there better be a deal. I want the hostages out or there's going to be hell to pay. All hell is going to break out.

So either it's a coincidence that they're going to maybe it's it's it's touchy, but maybe close the deal Sunday night right before Trump becomes the president Monday at noon. But Biden, they said, do you think President Trump had anything to do with the peace deal? And he just turned around. Now he walks away and then he turned back and he goes, is that a joke? Then he walked out. Is that a joke? I like when he slowly turns around.

He does. He walks away. I can't even see it. He walks away. Hey, is that any way? And he stops and the staff is, he turns back. Slow turn. Is that a joke? So. Cause he has to hit the cue card. That's why. And Hunter's holding the cue cards. Hunter's like this. Come on. I'm being serious here. So they don't like each other.

Melania hates the Obamas because she said, when we came last time to the White House, this is my Melania impression. Yeah, go ahead. We came to the White House in 2016. We didn't know what to do. They didn't leave us any instructions where to put clothes, anything like this. This time we know everything. So at least Joe and Jill are being very cordial to Melania.

to trump this time even though he's a he's a fascist mega republican threat to democracy and dictator and then he gets to the white house okay here's where you get your breakfast remember last time there's a cheesecake factory about a block that way jill and i made your bed extra special we got some new pillowcases so anything what about i it looked like kamala didn't get along with who maybe jill

Come on. She's just a little upset. Kamala. Sorry. Kamala don't like, uh, Joe and Jill right now. Cause she's a little, because Joe's been gone. I would have won.

I would have been, I would have been troubling. I beat him before. I would have beat him again. And so it's sort of, sort of is a little negative for a Kamala who only had a hundred days and went all out and she loses. And then she's got this guy going, this is what I want. And you can't disprove him. So he's always going to have that right. He'll just shake hands forever at any event. I want to want, you know, insult to injury. I want to win. I know how to win. I win every time. So that's dinging her and Doug, uh,

M. Loft apparently wants to beat up Joe Biden. And she talked to me. There's there's a luncheon, an inaugural luncheon, but no one's going to that. And Trump was upset about that. We're bringing in Mickey D's Mickey D's. We're bringing in like I believe you're going to get Mickey D's.

fresh mickey d's but they're not coming maybe obama will come i like mac meal deal yeah i'll see you there i like that i like by the way but those things are like going to your girlfriend's wedding like your ex-girlfriend like oh yeah did they all want to sit and get rubbed in their face like you're out i'm the great guy i i get it i would i just tap out the only other funny thing that you might have noticed it i just find it interesting in mark zuckerberg

Now has little, it's like he had the robot hair, the AI. He's like Justin Timberlake. He had a little weird. Now he's got, now he's like 44 and he wants to be kind of 22 for a while. So he's got the t-shirt, the chain, a little curly hair. And then he's, he loves Trump and Elon and he's going to throw a party. He's given donations. I mean, and now he's not having a fact checkers, just, just someone changing.

Yeah, I saw in that interview with Joe Rogan where he said, you know, at the beginning, I do kind of feel for him in this. It was up to him. They say, you're the boss. So is this true or false, right or wrong? And he's like, I really don't want that job. That's a big job. But then he said, okay, we're going to start

He said, it began with COVID. I said, you know, okay, this is good for the country. So he sort of got himself into a pickle, as my mom would say. So whatever. I think it gets into the big mystery is your opinion. Why is TikTok shutting down? Does it help these guys? Or is there something coming up in my head where they don't want boots on the ground filming everything?

Because TikTok is good for really getting in there and finding out. I know. Well, the rumor is, I don't know if it's in the newspapers. I love referring to that. That Elon Musk could buy TikTok for $50 billion. He's now worth $500 billion, at least as the last I checked. So then Elon Musk would have X.

And tick tock, tock, tick tock. And a rocket ship. And it's going to get some pussy. The coolest rocket ships. Yeah. The coolest electric cars. He's boring under Las Vegas with tunnels. The guy's busy, you know, but yeah. How many tunnels are there? Like I keep reading about tunnels and there's tunnels in the Palisades. There's tunnels in puff daddy. I go, I don't have a tunnel pass. I do nothing about tunnels. Yeah.

And I really feel like I'm on the outs. Well, you got to watch the great drive a thousand miles an hour across country and a tunnel that's cannot be true. Well, that's the notion of it. If it has no friction and it's just a complete vacuum tube that you can go a thousand miles an hour. The thing about working on tunnels, you bore into a location and then all the work is underground, but you should watch the movie. Great escape was Steve McQueen in 1964. If you want to know about tunnels, because these was guys digging out of a Nazi concentration camp. Listen,

based on a true story. See that movie if you haven't seen it. Didn't they spin that off into Hogan's Heroes, the funny version of that? Can you believe in our childhood they had a sitcom based on allies in a Nazi concentration camp? And it was hilarious. As a kid, I was like this. Ha!

Richard Dawson, everyone. Yeah. And MASH was about the Korean War. Like, Jesus, it's all jokey. I know. MASH was more serious at times, but Goddamn Hogan's here. Well, they had Colonel Klink was the German. He was running it. Hogan. Hogan. Is he a Nazi? Well, he was a German soldier. I don't know if that was a different, you know.

Hogan, what are you up to, Hogan? He had a monocle. Then you had Colonel Schultz. Schultz would say, once I know nothing, I know nothing. I see nothing. God, that guy was a star. The whole time, that guy was awesome. Hogan, you better not try to escape. No, come on, man. It's all good. You're not trying to escape, are you, Hogan? Of course not. I think Bob Crane...

Yes. Sadly passed away, I think in Scottsdale. Yes. And he had some very interesting personal habits. Look it up. Friends. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He liked. Was there a movie about that with Kinnear? Kind of sounds like Kinnear made a movie about that, but I couldn't swear. Yeah. I think Bob Crane maybe dabbled in porn or something. Mm-hmm.

I like just throwing it out there. I don't know. I don't know. But basically... Let's go to some headlines. Let's go to some headlines. Or do you have more to say? Wrap it up. No, not at all. That's the political situation. Enjoy the inauguration. It rhymed. Oh, your boy here, Trump, said he might consider circumventing TikTok. It'll be a day late, a dollar short. So what is he saying? He'll leave it open? Or what's... He might say... Because...

The part people aren't talking about, like it's goofy, it's for kids, blah, blah, blah. But people definitely make money on it. There's definitely people that are like, that's their gig job. Oh, and it's huge. It's a huge app. I mean, it's huge. It's not about dancing anymore. It's about this and that and people reporting things. So it is, I think it's important. I have it. I think it's,

Interesting and fun, and it's another toy. Isn't the idea that then China can harvest your personal information and use it for nefarious... Well, they already have it. I mean, I think they have it from there. They have it from everything else. Also, they have a new one. God damn, where's Heather? I know the new name. But everyone's joining it. And when you join it, all the...

All the things you have to click on and accept are in Mandarin. So you don't even know what you're... Everyone's just joining it going out of spite. And it's a new Chinese app, but it's not TikTok. And it's purely... It's Chinese as TikTok. So like, let's just get on that one. And it's called Tiki Tiki Tok Tok? It's called...

Totally China. It's called. I mean, it's really like, I don't know. It's such an easy one. Everyone knows. Can't we get Facebook, get our stuff over in there? Can't we get Netflix all over China? Can we get our, is Twitter, is X in China? I don't even know that. I always wonder, like, can we start a business? Could we start?

a podcast in china we start a store but they can do stuff here like i don't know how it works what are we not can they buy land here we can't buy land there it should be the rules same back and forth either we all can't right or we all can't i don't like this that's what gets me a little nervous yeah they seem like great guys i mean it's when they have like uh an encampment of a thousand young soldiers right outside the pentagon just oh we bought the land how you doing no no we're just chilling

This is fraternity. Okay. Next story. Next story. Keep them going. While I sip my drink. Oh, ASU. I'm from ASU. I went to ASU. It's not that long.

What is the story? Under investigation for using AI? No chance. No shit. Beep boop boop. To seem smart. No, stop it. It's funny.

I thought they were saying they look so pretty. Of course. AI is taking over schools. Of course. I mean, a year ago, they told us that we could have AI impersonate our voices and read ads. And that was a year ago. Now, the digital copies, the AI. Did we do it or did we do it?

We still do it, right? Let's check it out and see if you can tell if it's the real thing. Here's the AI. Hey, Dana, do you use Huel?

Here's Dana AI. We're going to do a lot of things. We're going to do. That's AI doing you doing Trump. Me doing Trump doing. I'll talk. Here's my AI.

Dana, my hair looks good today or bad. I picked up a Cobb salad. I know somebody who uses AI for their job and does such a good job. AI writes all this stuff, does all the reports, does all this stuff that his people, his bosses say to him, this stuff is great. Too bad AI can't do this. Ha ha ha ha.

Yeah. You know what? You can't write this stuff. I guess you could. Well, okay. Just one last thought. Future tripping. Yeah. Within, within a couple of years,

You'll be able to just talk to the computer and make a movie. You'll prompt it. You'll say Joe Dirt 3 and you'll give it the right prompts. And within an instant, you'll have a Joe Dirt 3 4K digital film looking exactly like humans. That's coming soon.

Can they do bus boys? Don't fall asleep on that information. No, because I'm starting bus boys tomorrow and I'm like, Oh my God, it's so hard already. I'm like, I forgot how hard movies are. Uh, movies are incredibly hard. It's exciting in the beginning. And then, and then the day when they come out, when you can walk away, uh,

And then it can be who's going to edit the thing. It can be really torturous if you have a bad first screening and then you got to get in there and fix it. But I think it's going to be a great movie just because I don't know for the world of screenings. I mean, Theo's obviously hysterical and we laugh so hard and we're writing stuff and we think we're so funny. Oh, it's so embarrassing. But you know,

It's out there. We got some fun people in it and it'll be all right. It'll be all right. I'm excited. All that stuff with digital cameras, which you didn't even have for Tommy boy.

is just to keep it loose you know get the get the material but don't don't over cover you guys don't move quickly shoot the rehearsal let you improvise you know stuff like that two shots loose that are just yeah don't torture yourself with three different spots three different close-ups which one's the money shot you know i mean get it but don't torture the actors and wear them out and

And make them unfunny. That's the hard part. That's the part we like to do, torture. Yeah, sometimes you're on movies, you're like, it's hard. It doesn't have to be this hard. Like they're overdoing everything. And then you see the movie and you go, they didn't use 90% of the money. Well, low budget. Like sometimes money is the enemy of comedy. That's what I say. So the fact, if it's a modest budget and you don't have that many days, it does kind of make it just move quicker. And a lot of times you get funnier stuff that way.

It's true. Keeps the energy up too. Yeah. All right. Well, quickly before we change stories, Heather, what's that new TikTok called on from China? Red Bot. Red Bot? Red Box. That's it?

red note sorry red note whoa i was like that didn't sound like it red no because comedy communist china red is their color is red i don't know that's a good well their flag is really good question that's a really yeah so their flag is red no red note oh heather already has it next to her i'm not on it i'm not on it she's not on it but she pulled it down next it's all in management and

Yeah. We just talked about it. That's crazy. You would like what I said about it. Okay. So next story then, you know, I hate to get serious here, Dana, but the family depends on you and everyone needs to think about this, get serious about something every family needs, which is life insurance. That's very true. Ethos has made securing life insurance as smooth as possible and

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Work provided life insurance may not be enough. You know, the rule of thumb is to have a coverage that's 10 times your salary. But an employer provided life insurance typically doesn't cover maybe one or two times your salary. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, you got to read and find out what it is, because if you haven't used Ethos, you know, there's complications. Like when these things happen and you never know.

We've got aliens out there. We've got a lot of things going on. And you never know. You never know. There's people I've heard of. Something like that happens and then everyone's just jammed. And you don't want to jam up the family. Suddenly the income's gone and you got mortgage, you got tuition, bills. Oh, yeah. I think it just feels like it's too much money for people. So they should call and just check because...

If it's affordable, then you're in, you know, I would just at least try, you know, or if you don't want to deal with a whole medical exam, you just have to answer a few questions. It's online, you know, a few health questions. It's worth it. I mean, something like this ethos, it's going to get you coverage quick, easy, fast.

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Okay. Oh, this is, this is the first funny thing I saw about the fire. This is obviously in jest because we're trying to find humor. Okay. Here we go. Coming back home to everything you didn't bring when you evacuated the fire. Yeah. He didn't bring anything. Play it again. It's funny. So it's a guy coming into his apartment and he's all this stuff he didn't bring when he evacuated. He's saying hello to everything.

Yeah, he's saying hi to his closet, all the clothes he didn't bring. He's embarrassed. He's saying hi to the family photos he didn't give him. How you doing? That's funny. How y'all doing? That's funny, right? That's quick. Boom, boom, boom. That's the way we like them. Okay, next one. Let's see. Dana, we're doing good here. Here we go. Oh, this is just an old rehearsal I never saw. No, no, no, no.

okay here we are i see sandler i see you and you guys are rehearsing i have a chain that's my fucking beavis and butthead necklace that mike judge gave me oh my god yeah this is a way i swear to god i gave that we went to the kate moss birthday party we got invited somehow back then she wanted that necklace for her birthday and i gave it to her i didn't even know her she goes oh my god that's so kiki me that can i have that and i go uh-huh she goes of course it's my birthday and i go

Well, you can't turn this. I don't think they make these. I got it from Mike. She's like, okay, so just, just give it to me. Smoke in my face. I was like, of course I give it to her. But look at that. I was kind of ripped. I was going to prescriptive fitness. You were fit, man. You and Sandler look awesome. Look at me. I'm already staring at cue cards. This is rehearsal, of course. There's Helen Hunt on the right.

Oh, hell no. He's awesome. No, no, no, no, no. There's more. I'm going to pound your face in. Bye-bye. Okay. I'm going to destroy you. Yeah, bye-bye. I'm going to kick your little crap ass! Wow. Isn't that funny? No one yelled at Sandler like that. Fucking funny. Sandler got a laugh out of that, which wasn't like a huge laugh, but he got a big laugh out of it. And Farley, when he does all this shit. Is there more?

Oh, let me see this. Oh, there's Farley. They're still laughing at me, but I get paid. How do you have a life, though? I mean, you guys are so nice. Well, you know what this is from? It must have been when Cindy Crawford for MTV House of Style. Oh, like the little video. They're doing some special on SNL. They took us to dinner. I've seen that video. It's funny. And then I guess they were filming some B-roll rehearsal. Wow. Fun.

You just see Chris. You were probably just off camera somewhere. Were you in Buh-Bye or not? No. I mean, I guest hosted when you guys took over the show, but I don't think we did Buh-Bye. When Kellen Hunt, were you gone? Yeah, I think so. What year was that? What year was that? I left in 93. Was that like 94 or something? Yeah, probably right on then because I probably would be scared to put you in it because it was only like one or two lines.

Hey, man, I just did SNL. I had 18 words on the final show. That's right, when you were in Marcella's bed. I went in doing a really funny, crazy sketch.

uh that marcello does of this uh yeah show tell them the spanish talk show or something i came out as some sort of freak and then just went away i don't think the audience you looked hilarious people were like no it was a great look like what i know that that was the night of a thousand stars so they had a million guests basically and in the cold open yeah yeah love it

I thought it was funny as shit when you did it. Okay, next one. That's fun. We're grinding. Okay. I grind. Oh, they're pulling something out of a supermarket. Let's see what it is. Oh, this is Barstool. This isn't about chicken fry? Oh, yeah. Don't look, Heather. What do you think it is, Heather? Usually it'd be like a rat.

They're looking at a grocery store? I would guess a rat. A rodent. Oh, something big. That's a long tail for a cat. Whoa. A giant. What is it? Oh, a coyote? A coyote got into it. Whoa. In Chicago? Wow. Why is there a horn at the end? Wow, like a celebratory. So what we just saw for you drivers,

Oh, Wiley coyote produce section, a big grocery store prodding with something. It's thinking what's in there. I guess a rat or a rodent, but a coyote cheese are digging in there. Yeah. Pretty average size coyote. Not a, not a baby came out of the, so somehow it got in there at night and burrowed up in all that food, eating the cheese and stuff. He came out and they, they put it, they asked him right after and he goes, I'm so fucking lost.

Well, they cut the part that he comes out again and he just goes and sprints away. Oh, yeah. Meep, meep. You know, that would be the better. I didn't have the sound effects. Heather said the horn was in there because of that. I didn't put that together. So that was sort of like Wile E. Coyote? It wasn't.

Oh, someone wrote Wile E. Coyote. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, yours is better. No, mine didn't sound like yours sounded like it. It was higher. Mine was like, no. You know, when I go back to Arizona, I see a roadrunner almost every time. If I golf, for sure, they run around on a golf course. It's fun to see roadrunners if you don't see them. They're cool as shit, actually.

We have coyotes up here and in the valley sometimes. They'll just howl. They'll howl. And then you can hear them kind of really going really high pitch. And they're doing a coordinated attack on like a chicken or a goat. Fucking javelina. Sounds like that.

They go like this. They go, oh, oh, they clear the throat. Oh, I can do better. That's what they say. Okay. Next one. This is how much I love you. I fear that this, I don't know what this is. Go ahead.

I have a confession to make while I'm literally not sober. So, uh, this man literally started farming carrots so he could have the carrots get put up my ass, bro. He farmed carrots so that I could stick them up my ass. He said, here are your carrots. You're gonna put them up your ass. Listen. And I was like- This is like a Hallmark movie. This is like- That's like-

thing anybody's ever done for me. Okay, she's acting at that point. Get Amanda gross carrots for me. But even if you're acting like you want everyone to believe you and then you see. She's pretty good because she said she was drunk. What about pesticides? That was one of the comments. It can't be good for you. If it's outrageous, it's contagious. Oh yeah, they're organic. I'm going to do a shut up. Shut up, you guys. All right.

Let's go out there. I'm going to do a super drunk girl, carrots, and a guy giving to me, all right? We're going to trend so hard. Ever since Hawk Tooey, I can't trust a carrot up your ass video. It's sad, really. Well, I'm just seeing on my phone. She already has a deal on OnlyFans. Warner Brothers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She has one million followers. Oh, this is kind of amusing. I saw this. Woman scammed out of 800 grand.

After believing she was dating Brad Pitt. That cannot be the real woman, I hope. But look at how cute Brad Pitt is. I might fall for this. So what is the story? Oh, somebody DM'd her, said he was... Oh, and then they did AI-generated Brad Pitt images, so she thought she was having... That doesn't look like great AI. We're showing photos of like four...

fourth grade photoshop like brad pitt's head on a they're always in the hospital i know what is he in the house oh he probably says he can't facetime with her or visitor he's in the hospital okay he said accounts were frozen due to divorce and he needed money for okay now that's he needs a a low iq individual to think that brad pitt could be broke well listen i i

have had this situation. She realized it was fake. Oh, when she, oh, they couldn't stop her from finding out about the new girlfriend. Oh, this girl must've been floored that Brad dumped her for this girl. A French woman, Anne, was scammed out of 800. You know, I've had people say, there's something like David Spade, but spelled differently, or David Spade 8641, or the real David. Anyway, so people say, hey,

Am I texting with you? Am I talking to you? I see these random DMs I don't look at except once a month. And I'm like, what is going on? She's like, I sent you $600 and I sent you another 500. But am I still picking up from the airport? I'm like, sometimes I just go, no, I just write back. There's no, but I don't want to answer anyway. It just starts a new crazy thing. So people are doing this. I'm like, so one time I did an Instagram, I go, guys,

If I need money, I'm going to family first. I'm not going to you guys. So just don't send me money, no matter what I text you. If you want to just commit fraud online every day and you have no morals, I mean, you could do a lot of damage.

Especially seniors. They go after older people, tell them your puppy's lost or whatever, and they manipulate money out of them. You're going to save your nephew. He needs help. He's in jail. Yeah. There's a million of those. And honestly, I don't know. I wouldn't know half of them. I'd probably get scammed. Some are really good. That one was not that good.

Well, I just scam back. If they cold call me and ask for money, I just do the grumpy old man for money. I don't know nothing about no money. They hear that and they just hang up. There you go. This guy's too much of a headache. I did it to you once. Hey, what's up, buddy? I don't know nothing about no money. I thought I sent you money. Okay, next one. Let's see. Let's see. Mm-hmm.

Oh, this is old because Golden Globes, but I was shocked at this. I have, I've gotten a few gift bags. Yeah. And the last one I got was in the Emmys or something. They're like, this one might be worth $60,000. They said the Golden Globes gift bag was worth 1 million. I'm being suspicious. I am suspicious. Who has that kind of money? Most of it you wouldn't use. That's, it's like, you can go to Aruba. Mm-hmm.

On these non-blackout days. But a $40,000 facelift and a Golden Globes gift bag? I mean, come on. Yeah. I mean, it's good business. You're definitely getting a pretty...

famous person to come to your job and use your products. A 40K facelift. I heard that Nicole Kidman took two bags at night, but good night, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry. She looks beautiful. Baby girl. Yeah, it's all right. I saw it. A $60,000 yacht trip. I hate to sound cynical, like a crazy person, but that does not seem like that much, is it, for a yacht?

Unless it's like a three-hour tour with 100 people on it. But you know what? The theme of this podcast, you can't believe your own eyes online or any story. You don't want to be cynical, but it all seems- Don't believe us. Don't believe anyone. Don't believe we're real. Don't believe you're real. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's getting to be weirder. Okay, let's do one more. Yeah, let's get a banger for the end. No pressure. Where do I have to go? I don't have to go anywhere.

Okay, this one is... A guy dressed like he's from... This just fell on my head. I discovered I was hungry. Oh, I hope this isn't a... Isaac Newton. Oh, this is, I guess, famous people in histories if they could take selfies. Okay, that's funny. Eve. Eve. I don't know who that is. Who's that? I don't know who they are.

Angus Kong. That's Bobby Lee. Okay. Oh, Trojan horse. Noah's Ark. I'm getting these. Lincoln. Daniel Day-Lewis. Okay. So someone had some fun with AI.

And that's, that's kind of a, I like that. It's a clever angle and it is interesting to, cause you hear these mythical names and they're just dudes or women just hanging out. Just idiots. You never really know what they really do. Yeah. They're so high. It gets hyped up. It's hot. We just said at the same time. Do we? Pinky pinky. What a finger. Hey buddy, what are you thinking? Wasn't there some jinx thing?

Put your hand in there. Like that. That's a dirty one if you do that. Don't do that. No. Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa. Finger, finger. What are you doing? I don't know. By the way, we should plug that on Fly on the Wall, we have Joel McHale this week, and next week we got Dennis Miller on Wednesday. And a very special episode. That's Dennis coming back for his second appearance. Our first repeat. Our first full, full Monte repeat episode.

So you don't want to repeat some of the favorites coming up because people, some of those episodes do so well that we have to bring them back. But we just riff with Dennis. It was like impossible to keep up with him. I was for me. It's just fun to laugh. Yeah. He is. Yeah. Yeah. His references and his articulation of those references. But it was funny watching you and him go back and forth with the same kind of. Yeah. Yeah.

We do have similar. He's one of the guys I used to like. I always thought Kevin Nealon, we had a similar vibe. There's a lot of people. I mean, you referenced Lonnie Anderson at one moment. I try to join in with Paul Harvey, but you beat me too at Lonnie Anderson. It's people, human beings who have only one nipple.

And then you, you drop that really fast. And so Dennis loves a good reference. So he laughed really hard at that. So that's a little teaser of that one. I love, yeah. You have to stick around a little bit for that one. And Joe McHale is, was incredible too. He's got some great stories about Chevy chase and others. Yes. We had a great chance. So if you can ever figure out how to go over to fly on the wall and also data and I are going to be in where, where are we going to be performing?

Fantasy Springs Casino. Is that in Palm Springs? Palm Springs or Indio. Yeah. And then there's another one. Isn't that a private date in Indianapolis? Oh, Palm Desert, Palm Springs. That's right. Right. I think Indianapolis might be a corporate date.

That might be private. Well, they want each of us potentially to do 50 minutes each. I've never heard of this thing. They just said 30 to 40. So we're going to have to flip a coin. I think I'd like to go first in that case. I will tell the world that Dana is one of the top five people to not want to follow on the planet. But I will do it because it's fair and we'll do whatever. It's going to be fun either way.

Well, all you do when you follow anybody, and I've done it, that just crushes. It's not going to happen if it's me. But if they crush, then you're just self-deprecating for about two minutes. And then they forget and you go on. But yeah, Fantasy Springs. See us there because we're going to take questions from the audience and do some kick-ass stand-up. Tickets are going fast.

Hey, tickets are going and yeah, thanks for watching and listening and we will see you in a week. I'll have a lot of reports about B-Boys and anything else going on. All right. Thanks, Daniel. Peace and love, me brothers. Say something cringy so they'll get mad. Peace and love. Oh, look at those balloons that came up. That's cool. Peace and love. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman.

Hope you liked it.