SUPERFLY #53 - Communicating with Animals
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Hey, welcome to Superfly. It's David Spade with his greasy hair and Dana who's nice and fluffy and fresh. I'm fluffed and folded. I've been preening for 11 hours.

And I got my light. I just got off of Busboys and came here. And look at that greasy hair. Busboys, David Spade and Theo Vaughn are the Busboys. Are the Busboys. We did put a picture on Instagram today for the first time. But it's not our outfits. But this UFC fighter, Nate Diaz, was the first person we said cast. And he plays one of the kind of bad guys. And he's just a...

Well, I'll see anything with Nate Diaz, anything, because those Nate Diaz brothers, man. Oh, you know him. Yeah, yeah. I watch it all the time with my son. He's just like a little wiry dude. He'll beat up anyone, and he doesn't care at all. That's the way I want to live my life, like him.

Yeah, he's a badass. He did kind of reverse choke hold. Last year, it was outside a club and the guy bent down and he choked him out. So yeah, street fighter, man, just takes punishment. He's got a guy with him. And then one of the guys, I think if he accidentally gets in a fight, the guy just films it like, hey, why not? You know?

Oh, yeah. You're scrappy. If I'm out with you somewhere and you get in a fist fight, that camera's coming out and I'm pressing record and I'm pressing send. You've been warned. And I'm pressing post. And I'm pressing post and I'm counting views. You're posting it. Yeah. And I'm DMing Nate Diaz about it. Say, guess what? There's a new sheriff in town. Diaz. He says today...

He's exactly what you think. He's kind of looked at, he's got his arms like this. We have him playing one of the bad guys. Anyway, he's like beating up a guy in the scene and we come on, Theo and I talk to him and then we're walking over to watch playback and he goes, and Theo goes, man, don't get, don't get too many more fights. Don't end up in a wheelchair. He goes, yeah, I don't want to end up in a wheelchair. I got to quit before I get all goofy looking. I go, oh, you don't think you're goofy looking now?

Whoa. Spade goes right for the jugular. You think I'm, I'm not scared of anyone. That's, that's, that's either brave or naive. I'm going to say it's so stupid. It's both. I think when you're a comedian and he's a cool dude and he likes comedy and he was, he was for a guy like that to be excited to be on the set, be excited to be in it. And we DM a little bit about it. I think it's,

It's fun. You have to kind of do some jokes and jabs because that's sort of what they want. You're out when you're out. People want you to be regular humans, which we were until we fought through stage fright for, for me, it was like a decade, but especially I would have a panic attack perennially all day. So when they see anybody walking out on stage, doing standup, acting all calm and confident and joking around, what's up. It's like, cause I don't want to go in the cage.

Yeah. With, you know, I don't know who's the best. Conor McGregor. Conor McGregor. The greatest promoter. I'll give you that. The greatest promoter. You know? Yeah, I like UFC. I go to UFC. Yeah. It fights me. I take it apart.

Sorry. Not my best. Right out of a Lucky Charms commercial. And so I think it's always the same. Like, I can't do UFC. They like people that don't do what they do. You know how it is. So anyway, it was super fun to have him there. Today was not as freezing as the last couple of days. But Theo all day does say very clever things like you would think.

Or you might not think, but was it when the camera's rolling or it's just clever? No, both, both waiting or waiting in the car and I'm freezing. And I go, I got long Johns on. He goes, you do. I was thinking of wearing long Johns if I ever get married.

And so a camera got that. So you guys are just in the car. And then we get out and we go, Hey, are we Mike? They go, get us in the car, just talking before we get out in the scene. Cause it's funny to hear what we pull in and say, and then get out as nothing to do with the scene. Always rolling productions is the name of my production company. And you want to catch those little throwaways. I just think long Johns is like,

Long John's got a funny word. It's like- Why couldn't you do Theo? You start going- Yeah, I mean, I feel like I'm like a porcupine. Yeah, I know. He goes, it's so funny to me. You wear Long John's if you ever get married someday. He goes, yeah, because I want to be warm. He goes, I actually want to be warm more than I want to be married.

So he knows he's doing a bit. But it's all, it's well constructed. Like it's just whatever he's saying is good. Yes. And all day. And then we laugh and then we try to put something in the movie because we say something about Rainforest Cafe and it's always bananas.

And I know people want to hear him like that. So his character is a little dingy because he got hit by a car. Yeah. And so it's a good excuse for the rest of the movie. He can kind of say anything. That's fantastic. Keep him. Yeah. Keep him coming. He is, is, uh,

He has his own lane. It's very clever the way he presents his comedy. I don't know if there's anyone. There was Mitch Hedberg. There's other courtesies. Hedberg was cool, yeah. But Theo is, yeah, he's got a special. He's got a very unique fingerprint in the world of comedy. I have a new name for the movie, Busboys. It's now Theo Vaughn and David Spade in riding coattails. What are we, whose coattails are we riding? I don't know.

We'll take anybody. We don't even, consciously, he's like, let's not put a lot of celebrities in here because it should be kind of down and dirty. And I'm like, okay. I mean, it's hard not to go to your friends and go, hey, can you come out here? Hey, Dana, can you come out here and do something? Look, he has a point, you know, because when you see the famous person, I remember Matt Damon, who's a brilliant actor, but he was in

interstellar billion dollar mass mcconaughey spaceship movie and then he's hey who are you and and he's turned away and he turns back and it's just a big matt damon face and it took me out of the movie the way i could see that also if you see someone well known and then they're like oh that guy's in the movie it does sometimes it can take you out it's it's fun to have people in but

It's a tough decision to go. Should we try to get people that are really well-known? Should we just go down and dirty and get a few buddies and comedians and unknown actors? The studio loves stunt casting and loading them in, and I don't blame them. They want to hedge, hedge, hedge, and maybe someone in Spain...

is a huge fan of whoever the guest is. If you're doing a studio movie, they're like, hey, get a huge soccer player to do something and get a huge TikToker and then get, they just are going anywhere, everywhere to grab anybody's audience and bring it into that movie.

If it feels authentic with you and Theo and just feels thrown away and two guys having fun, I think that's a good lane to be in, personally. We just need to keep it hopefully funny. All right. Moving on. What is your week like, Dana? Let's hear about it. Well, there's stuff that's just in the ether now. One thing that's always – I keep referring to my team.

And I hear people say, my team will reach out. My team will get back to you. And I just think it's kind of, I don't know when that came in because a team used to be sports and now it's just an office. They make plumbing equipment. My team's going to reach out. My team is on it. No, you don't have a team. My team will get back to you. So the people should know in Hollywood, you go, you say, Hey,

Let's say Chelsea Handler's doing the podcast next week. They're like, we talked to her team, dialed in with her team. Her team got back to it. Her team's looking at Friday. Her team's looking at stuff. Yeah. Her team's looking at Thursday, the 29th. Yeah. And we're like, hey, we- Other team, because she has several teams, is looking at the 23rd. Everyone's team. But we talked to Larry David's team. He was about to do it, but then there's a fire. So the team's circling back. Yeah.

And some people are honest. My team will get back to be honest. I have a shitty team. I don't have a very good team. They don't have a winning record, but they will get back to you. They're a minor league team. Yeah. So basically, let's talk about just things that are evergreen now. Like, OK, this this came out just before this podcast. It's still going to be good in a couple of days. Trump said that the drones were not UFOs.

But the FAA approved the drones for, quote, research and, quote, other reasons. That just brings up more shit. What do you mean other reasons? What do you mean research? They've got go-karts with lights and wings on them, hundreds of them right over New Jersey for research? Thousands. Thousands. And you don't mention it for two months? And they don't mention it for two months. I can't.

That one's a little worrisome to me. I feel like it's honestly a mixture between real UFOs and man-made UFOs, but there's really, these aren't little cute drones, which is a fun name of calling like a 600 foot aircraft. You know, there's different, there's so many different kinds and they're morphing into different things, you know? Yeah.

and they go flat, and you're like, this is bananas what's going on. I think I'm going to go on a limb that we may need a little quick visit on the next Superfly from our friend, Mr. Stevie? Stevie Greer, doctor! You know, so I think that...

They said that later there was a lot of knuckleheads with go-karts up there and wings and filled the sky. But initially, they put them up there, didn't tell the public, quote unquote, for research and other reasons. So, I mean, even Trump, who's like the most will say anything. What can I tell him? I'll tell him.

I'll tell them research and other reasons. I won't tell them about the aliens. I'm not going to tell them because we don't need aliens. Nobody likes an alien. They don't like them. They don't trust them. They don't trust them because they're all illegal aliens. No, these are real. These are real aliens. They're not the other guy. They should have a movie, Aliens vs. Illegal Aliens.

Gets a good poster. Yeah, that is a good poster. So that lets, you know, we can let our fans talk amongst themselves. The other thing that happened this week was Deep Seek.

which is an AI that they made for $1.50. Now, normally it takes $100 billion to make a cool AI chip. Yeah, I heard about this while I was working. Chinese guys who had nothing. They went to Radio Shack, and they came out with the greatest AI in history. And, you know, I did talk to it today. I downloaded the app, and this is what it said. I said, deep-seek, deep-seek.

How is ketchup made? Two minute pause. And it said, I don't know. I said, deep seek. You deep suck. Pause. And it says, fuck you human. That was the, that was the exchange. Fuck you. I said, deep seek. You suck. Rack them. Now I will say, I said,

Deep Seek, how is ketchup made? It said, you don't really know this answer. And I go, well, don't worry about that. I'm just testing you.

Well, it's like, all right. I talked to my brother Brad as an AI guy and we created one today called Deep Doodoo. And that's for people who have problems in relationships or finances. I am Deep Doodoo. And I'm sorry. It's all I got. And when Deep Sea came out, a lot of investors were in Deep Doodoo when it crashed. Deep Doodoo. It's a definite Johnny Carson thing. Oh, he was in Deep Doodoo. I kid you not.

There is one that's, if you invest in squirrels, it's called Deep Squeak.

It's probably a lie. Is that real? I don't think so. AI has taken over everything. I don't trust any of it. Yeah. Deep squeak. We have an AI joke today we did. I'm like, AI is out there, but it's just, I don't love saying the term AI. I will say on my Instagram, it's too much. And I think that comes back, swings back to the UFOs where-

These people just don't know you can, even if Stephen Greer said it's coming out in a month, I've seen more new stuff and it's mind boggling and nobody cares. No. So that's the interesting part. Nobody cares. I, unless you see an alien walking up to the white house going, take me to the earlier. That's people want the easy stuff. Well, the response from the governments, but it, that way just doesn't, doesn't all, I love this phrase. It doesn't hold water.

And so it just creates more questions. So I, uh, by the way, this is very quick, but it tells you what the actual people did with deep seek. That was revolutionary. Normally chat GBT would tell the robot person, uh,

AI study this library, like read every book in the library, million books. And I go, okay. And then you, you ask it a question about a book and it immediately answers. So what they did to circumvent the lack of power that they have with these goofball radio shack chips is,

They just train the ADI to go find the book. Go get me Moby Dick. Oh, just one minute, sir. And then he goes and gets it and has read it and then answers it. And that created so much more room for less power. Because knowing the answer in a millisecond is a bazillosecond. Who's got time? It takes so much energy for the...

that AI to learn those million books, but they can teach the AI, let me go look up the book. My new name is the Dewey Decimal AI. Well, when they say they invested, I think that was one of the new policies, invest 500 billion. I'm like, that's fucking 18 zeros, babe. That's a lot of cash to throw at one project. Well, this news this week

reorientated the world. Now, the market came back a little bit, but the idea...

That our companies are spending hundreds of billions buying these chips. And they literally said they did it with 5 million, 5 million versus a hundred billion. So it completely market crashed. People are processing it and we'll see mark down. Everything must go. Yeah, I know. It's like someone making a podcast as good as ours, right?

For like $5. No way. Heather, can you tilt this up? I'm sitting up for a second. This is Heather. Well, I don't... We would be so screwed. I'm a little scared of AI, but I guess I'm scared of everything. Who cares? Also... You're not afraid of Nate Diaz, I'll just give you that much. No, he's my boy. You got sassy with that one. Listen, it's a new year.

New Year of proposals. Oh, yeah. Lots of people popping the big question. Sure, it's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring, David. I can think of six questions off the top of my head. Shape, size, color, cut.

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Oh, the turkey and the cheese and the Santa and the blah, blah, blah. It's over. But it's now a time to recover. Think a little bit. After all that holiday spending, you know who you are. It's a hangover for your credit. That's right. Is what I say. Yeah. You got to get back on track in 2025. Yep. This is the year.

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Oh, this is a good story. This is related. AI will soon be able to translate what your cat or dog is saying to you. Bull fucking shit. You know what? Come on. No, I think it will. I think it will because the AI brain is unlimited and it would have so much information in its brain that it makes sense to me.

But we'll see. But the people that say like, when a dog is doing like this with his paw, what he wants to do is tell the owner he's happy with him, but he's a little frustrated. I'm like, who's talking to the dogs? Everyone just, it's all speculation. So, but everyone believes it. Oh yeah, that's this. And that means that. Well, newsflash for you. Cause you know, I read a lot. Give me newsflash. Newsflash is that they're not quite sure why cats purr. All I know is that,

It's a charming sound. They think maybe it was manipulation. My cat, Boots, would sometimes, when I was a kid, would get up on my chest and sleep and look right at me and purr. And I'm just leaning back at age 10. And then Boots' paws would start to grind into my chest. I...

Jeez, are you on a date? I said to myself, even at age 10, is this cat getting off? Are we just friends, Boots? What's going on? I don't know if I mentioned that on the podcast in our 700 episodes. That you were dating Boots for a while? No.

You know what? What really is ironic? Boots was black and white and had little white paws. So some genius, I think it was Garth, went, I think we should call him Boots. Boots. That was Brad. We should call him Boots. Dude, my friend had a black cat named Midnight and an orange one, Pumpkin. I mean...

I love you on Superfly after 29 hours in a car in the desert. This girl told me she went on a date and I go, you're telling me the most boring date story. She goes, do you want to know what I named my cats when I was little?

I had a white one named Snowball. I had a black one named Midnight. I'm like, oh boy, we got a clever household there. And then there was one named Wilbur and one pink one named Pinky. I'm like, goddamn. We had a little poodle named Pepe. And I don't know why. It wasn't even Mexican or anything. But Pepe was kind of hip.

I had a German shepherd named Princess and she was so cute. And this ratty dog next door named Shecky that had like, you know, some of the fur burned off. It's just like really like a street dog. I don't know how to address. Would hop the fence and just wail and just bone Princess all the time. And Princess was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Does someone know this dog? It's so embarrassing. Dogs just get it on right away and there's not a big courting process. I found it disturbing walking down the street at age seven and seeing dogs getting on and then some old man with a hose. Get out of here! Why is he breaking it up? They're in love! Come on! They're in love! Oh, what are you doing here? I know Princess is like, maybe we can get some appetizers first. It's literally jump, scratch up. Hey, how's it going? Want a barbecue? He's like, hey, got some coleslaw over there and Princess is like,

Is anybody going to help me? They don't have hands. This is like, you know, assault. I'm being assaulted here. Yeah. But anyway, that was... And then Princess got pregnant. Didn't see Shaggy around much. And then about a year later, Shaggy walks by.

hey princess what's going on she's got all the puppies he's got a metaphor he's like hey where you been i haven't seen you and she's like oh just the yard that i live in that i'm not allowed to leave in my whole life i've always been here he's like cool we should meet up and she's like yeah let me know i'm like princess you're back already you're in you're into it what happened to the puppies they had a weird relationship uh give them away puppies uh we had 13.

13. I stayed out in the grass when she had her puppies, Heather. That's how good Duda was. I had ticks in my hair. They're gone now. Criminy, what are you, an obstetrician all of a sudden? I slept on the grass. Six-year-old Phoenix gyno colleges. I wasn't a gyno. It was magical, Dana. I didn't know what I was doing.

I think it's great that human beings can have a cat, a dog, a hamster, whatever, and just humanize it completely so it's like a human. But they don't have to send it to college or anything or feed it much. You know what the sad part was? Because back then, Dana...

It was okay to have your dog in the yard. No one even thought twice about it. No one thought twice about it. Meanwhile, it's 110. So she'd come up to the Arcadia door. She's like, what's going on? I'm like, princess. And she's like, I'm like, princess, I can't open the door. It's too cold. All the cold air will come out.

But she wanted to come in, you know. Well, why wouldn't she? Well, for a minute or two. But that's just the way it was back then. It was bullshit. I was disappointed in boots because at one point, you know, I thought the cat was actually really smart. And then we were going on a vacation in Montana and we had to get boots in the house. So we couldn't get the cat in the house. And we're all trying to leave in the station wagon, seven of us. So I took a plate that we used to use like a little plate, a little small plate.

you know, bread roll plate. And I didn't put food on it because that wasn't getting her in, but I just tapped a spoon on it, went outside in the yard and it followed me like a Pied Piper just with the tap. This cat is a fucking idiot. Yeah, that's kind of... There's no food on this thing. Typical boots. Typical boots. Yeah. Or ginger. Give me another story. Mm-hmm. Pumpkin. Snowball. Oh, Martha Stewart said her favorite SNL impersonations...

Of her isn't the one you would have expected. Huh? How many have there been? Over the five decades. Oh. I can't read this. David Spades, my favorite. This is pretty cool. He really jumped to the front of it, but it was, yeah, nine people did her on the show. Alan Cumming.

Who else? Yeah, I think Anna Gasteyer, I don't know. I did have her poncho, and then I did it with her. I went on her show and did it. But I can't believe someone sent me this. Where did you get her poncho? It said, I sourced her poncho for the out of jail bit. Yeah, she couldn't host SNL because they wouldn't let her out of jail early or something. Well, look, as a scoop right now, could we hear...

And or see a little bit of your impression. I have the ponchos still. Well, what did you change your voice at all? Or do you sound like David Spade? Hey, I think I tried to change it. And then when I went on with her, I had a funny wig. That was 98% of it. Poncho. And we'll get a picture. We'll put up here, but that's cool. Not wig was 98% of it. Poncho is 2%. So that it was unneeded to have a funny voice. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. All right. Next one. I like everything I'm hearing. Yeah. I love it so far. Love it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Buffering. Uh-huh. Oh, Anthony Mackie. Okay. Here's what Anthony Mackie said. I'll read it. I saw this day and I thought it's a little odd. He plays Captain America. I don't know if you heard this day. No. Here's the quote. Here's the quote. He said, when he's doing an interview about Captain America. For me, Captain America represents a lot of different things.

And I don't think the term America should be one of those things. Why would you say that? What does it mean? And then he had to set the record straight. Yeah. He had to say that, but what would you say? What did it mean? I'm it, it seems not very flattering to America, I guess. I don't know. Flummoxed. I'm a little, I don't know. Flummoxed cap. There's a lot of things about captain America, but America is not one of them. Hmm.

You know what? I played Captain America in Master of Disguise. You did? I did. I played Captain America a little montage at the end. I had the outfit on and everything. And, uh...

I just thought it's Captain America. I mean, look at his shield. It has American, you know. Yeah. American colors. It's really just the only guy that has to like America, really. It's Captain America. Just look at the name. It's like the three stooges. There's three of them and they're stooges. I mean. It sells itself. It's not Captain Soviet Union, you know. Yeah. I don't know how you backpedal. I mean, I don't know if he's backpedaling. I don't know what he meant. He seems like a good dude. I don't know. Here, pan down. See what he says. Did he say anything? See what he says.

Mm-hmm. The term America, okay, let me be clear. Let's be clear about this. I'm a proud American taking on the shield of the hero like Cap. It's the honor of a lifetime. I have the utmost respect for those who served and have served our country. Cap has universal characteristics that people all over the world can relate to. So I guess he just misspoke because he's being pretty patriotic there. I mean, I think...

I'm not going to say someone got to him, but I think when a movie's coming out and you say that, everyone's scrambling. Just go put out something that's the exact opposite. People get in trouble. The guy who played the Hulk said, I don't really like heavy people. They're too hulky. I had to call that back. A lot of these superheroes get in trouble by not talking about their character properly.

You know, Iron Man was against the steel industry for a long time. Yeah. Oh man. I mean, yeah. Robert Downey Jr. Almost got kicked out of the guild with that, you know? So there, you gotta be careful when you do a Marvel comic superhero and not be missed. Spider-Man was anti-web. Spider-Man was yeah. Anti-spider. He said, I love everything about Spider-Man except that he's called Spider-Man. We got a chore. We got a titter out of Heather on that one.

She's like, I like the premise. I know what you're doing with this. It's not like crushing. The main thing is that people are doing other things while they're listening to this. I'm talking to you, Gardner. I'm talking to you, Lin-Manuel Miranda. I'm talking to you, Uber driver. I'll tell you something. When I did a Playboy interview, back in the day when Playboy interviews were sort of a big deal, I had done a MCI commercial. That was a...

phone company so there's a big national commercial and they say so you do collect calls because it's part of my shtick i used to go beep boop bop boop and they go so you use mci when you like what are you on the road you call i go well actually i have sprint for that but um and then gervitz called me are you an idiot no just tell me are you an idiot

Do you understand how the world works? Did you just shit on the company that just paid you to do a commercial? I go, no, all I said was I don't use their product. Yeah, that's where idiot comes in. They want their money back. I'm like, no, they don't.

Well, I did a commercial for Taco Bell and I was being interviewed and I said, I like the tacos. I don't know. I never got the bell part. What are you doing? That's the brand. You're an idiot. You can't make fun of the bell. Somebody hates money because they're going to give it back. But really, Taco Bell? What's a Taco Bell? I don't get it. I never got Taco Bell. I do like when Gervitz, I saw him and I had a gray sweater on. He goes, I got a sweater just like that, except mine's expensive. Yeah.

That's a classic Gervitz burn. Then he goes, I got, I had a shirt like that once. Then my mom got a job. That is from Wayne's world. And then my mom got a job. Mike's Wayne to somebody. People don't know that the old days. A good burn was get a job, dude.

Yeah. Right now it's like, get some Bitcoin, dude. Dude, you could get some alts. I'm into alts. Okay. Uh, let's see the next story. I'm holding in my home. I'm holding my, Oh, okay. A Georgia man is not laughing. Okay. So he bought this drill online and then he, they sent it to him and they just sent him,

that paper of picture of a drill. Pictures worth a thousand words. All of these. This is from them. But not when you ordered a drill. This is a picture of what they sent me. That's right. Sylvester Franklin ordered a drill from AliExpress. And what he got was a printed photo of the drill he ordered. It's worse. I paid $20.

$22.97 for a pressure washer, and this is what I get.

What even is that? This is a screw. It's a wrench to screw out the wall with. Franklin has been going back and forth with AliExpress since he ordered the items in November, but throughout everything still hasn't received a refund. So we started looking into AliExpress and we found the company is a subsidiary of Alibaba, sometimes called the Amazon of China. In 2021, the Office of the United States Trade Representative added AliExpress... Loud woman, Jesus Christ. Buyer beware. Wow.

AliExpress, never heard of that dog shit company. How funny. They sent me this screw. I didn't know what that screw did. It's supposed to go, I would think it's the end of your hose. You go squirt like. And they just sent him the screw. Yeah. And a picture of a drill. My brother, my brother, Brad Garth again.

He did a, he would do scams. He would scam for that stuff. So Battle Creek, Michigan, you know, you find that thing in the cereal box. And so what he did was normally you're supposed to send a quarter. So he did a little teeny tear in the corner and sent it. And then they, they assume that someone took the quarter out of the envelope and he got the little toy anyway. Yeah.

For a quarter that, you know, he's going to hack for a quarter. Hey man, in those days, this is you. I go back a half step. A quarter is $12 million. Listen, I remember 25 cent movies. Do you?

I remember a 15 cent McDonald's hamburger. Do you? Really? Yeah. 15 cents. And then O'Henry's was a hamburger joint. I remember O'Henry's candy bar, yeah. Oh, no. It was some hamburger joint that had horse meat and they got rid of it. I think it was called Henry's. Baby Ruth was a candy bar.

Right. And then not Babe Ruth. Do you remember, you remember the three, three hamburgers from A&W? Brazier Burger? A&W? Papa Burger? Mama Burger? Teen Burger had bacon. And then the fourth one, which you would have probably loved, the Baby Burger. Yeah.

Comes in the milk bottle. Add a noise. Add a noise. What about the cat? How about the dog? You did some good coyote last week. Howl. Howl.

I don't know where the coyotes went. Here's dogs in our dog race. No, these are dogs in the mountains way far away. Here's a man making a funny sound with his mouth. I know. I'm a little rusty. Okay.

I used to be able to do it. Speaking of dogs, look at this. This is a channel in my trailer because my dog shit trailer, I can't get TV, internet. So I found a Baywatch channel and I found, because I did Baywatch once, and I found a Letterman, not only Letterman channel, Stupid Patrick's Only. All right. Which is worth it. It's one of his best things. So here's a funny dog, just because I was bored. I saw this, I thought it was funny.

And what are you guys going to do? She's going to play dead. Look how cute this dog is. And then come alive, it says here. Yes. Play dead. Okay, Bailey now. Bailey will play dead. Come on, Bailey. You got this. Anything, Mike? Nothing. Okay. Bailey, play dead. Wow. Oh, and then she gets a treat. Yeah. That's hysterical. Nonplussed face is the funniest part.

No idea. That was good. Play that. That was great. Just all bones go away. He just falls. Completely flop. Completely collapses. Yeah. And it keeps going. I like that. The double flop. Oh, buddy.

The floppy ears are hilarious too. That's all. That was great. Thank you very much, Bailey. Thank you very much, Mike. Let's take one more. That is one of the best stupid pet tricks. Isn't that a great one? Yeah. The dog is just up, alert, and then completely flops for people listening. Completely gives up. Great acting. And Letterman always goes, what can I do to help? And they always go, nothing. Just get out of the way.

Okay. Okay, next one. That was good, though. I got that, Greg. Good, clean fun. Good, clean fun. Nothing, you know. Okay, another dog. Read this. What does it say? Watch what happens when I turn my dog's favorite show off. So the dog's watching TV cartoons. Yeah, Husky. And the guy turns it off while he's watching.

Turns it off.

Wow. I don't know what happened. This dog is so cute. He's pouting. Yeah. Tails wagging, but the dog is not happy. He like looks at the remote. He knows something's up. He knows the guy has the power and control. I just called the network. They're not coming back on until 10 tomorrow. I know that's what they said. Yeah.

Very frustrated. Look at the comments, Dana. Look who left a comment. Turn that show back on right now. Yeah, that's David Spade.

I put, turn on that effing show for him. Oh, you're in there. I'm sorry. I didn't see that. David Spade, turn on the effing show for him. Yeah, because I'm mad. I go, because it ends. Okay, turn it off. Yeah. All right. Enough of that. But end it because I'm like, okay, now turn it on so the dog's happy and he never turns it on. The dog's going bananas. I go, put this dog out of his goddang misery.

What other animals can be in a room and watch television? A cat doesn't, right? A cat doesn't watch television. I don't think so. A turtle, maybe? Maybe. Probably not. Gerbil? Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club? I know. People mention turtle club on the comments a lot. Turtle resonated for some reason.

What if you came out after that movie and said, I don't like turtles, but I play them in the turtle club part. Kevin Yeager created the design with the bald cap and the little thing on the lip and then the whole turtle. Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club? That's a good quote. I hear that quote.

Well, it's so stupid. That's why I've made $100 million with video. Oops. Uh-oh. God dang. But who's counting? I'd say with the video sales too. Oh, yeah. We used to do, not we, but the world was about do a movie, makes whatever, X.

goes to HBO, gets seen again, goes to video or DVD, rack up sales and rentals. It's great. It was a great biz. It was great. Yes. We did a tie-in with Pepsi, I think, and did a lot of... For Turtle Club? For Master of Disguise. Yeah, you'd get a little... If you bought the...

I don't know if it was VHS or it was DVDs at that point. Or if you rented them, you get a little prize or something. I don't remember. What are you looking at me for? I know. I like it. Okay. This is a little animal heavy, this show. I love animals. It's fun. I want a dog. Oh, there's another one. Oh, this is tied in. Okay. My snake learned how to play dead. Could this even work? Let's see. Okay. The snake.

That's kind of funny. It's not as good as Bailey. It must be a bioevolutionary thing. It can't be trained. It doesn't think it's getting touched. He just touches it. It opens his mouth and goes like, and then pretends that it plays dead. Falls upside down. You can't train a snake to do that, right? Or is it just a reflex? Dude, I got to tell you, we had a dog in the movie and I drive around with a dog in the car. Of course, it's tricky.

this dog stomped on my nutsack maybe 1,000 times. The only thing it knew how to do is pounce on my balls and then not do what it was supposed to do. So it's like, get on the dash. She runs over, wham, hits me in the nuts and then looks out the window the other way. I'm like, well done. Pop it. Fuck it. The dog's name was Poppet or it was Pumpkin or something. And every time I yelled, I couldn't yell. They go, don't call him by his name. I'm like,

And so I'm like, Hey, fuck face. Don't keep, cause I love dogs. And he just scrappy little dog. Very cute. Uh,

rumor was related to Toto. It's a horse shit. Oh, it's that size dog stomping on you? It's a little bigger, but enough to like get, use my nuts. It's like a fulcrum push off mini tramp. Every time I went to the window, nuts window, wiener window. And I'm like, ah, honestly, couldn't you wear protection? I mean, why would I even think I should have put a clipboard over? Cause every time he's over here by the window, I turned to say a line and he dives over and goes, boing. And I go,

Did they keep the camera rolling for that? That'll be gold. I mean, that should be most of the movie is just a gag reel of me going, hey, like I would never yell at the dog. I just yelled at everyone around the dog. Oh, my nuts. Because you can, you know,

girls don't know this. You can barely touch my buddies. He goes, if you barely touch your nuts the wrong way, you're looking for your car keys. Picture my nuts are up here. And he goes, honey, where's my, and you go, call work. And he just fall to the ground. He goes, you can tap it that hard the wrong way. And you're like, see you in 20 minutes. So this dog was douche, douche, douche, speed bag. And I'm like, I cannot. And the last one got me and it hurt.

The rest of that day of shooting, my day off. Damn. And I still have flashbacks. I'm glad we brought that up. Fun story, but it made it turn toward the end. I want to think about it. Wait, Heather has a question. What? Oh, the windstorm. We were out. We were out north where that new fire was. What was it called? The Hughes fire.

And we were even not even supposed to shoot. We're like, should we go? It's 70 mile an hour winds. So we have a stunt, not really a stunt, but we fall in these big heavy mats. I'm looking away and they go, here comes a windstorm. So everyone closes their eyes because most people are dressed like Burning Man with the goggles. And it looks like Dune. And this fucking thing blows up and nails me and knocks me back and knocks my wig off my head. That's crazy.

I can't wait for the gag reel. I mean, I think you're going to have to have like, cause a 15 minute montage at the end of wigs flying off. The gag reel is funny. Cause we can't keep all the jokes in and it just,

Some people don't do them. We'll definitely do one. There's a lot of good throwaway jokes, too. You know, it doesn't have to be 90 minutes. It can be 70. No, I know. Just keep it legal. Every one of them, they go, a comedy to be legal is like 84 minutes or something. Well, what they did with Master of the Sky is they cut it. You know, I did an edit of it, too, but then finally it ended up like 68, 70 minutes, and then 15 minutes of slow motion credits and outtakes.

Oh, just to fill it up? Just to fill, get the actual space. Love it. All right. Okay. What's next? Then we'll wrap up soon. Okay, Dana, you know, I like to gamble a bit. I'm just, I'm not like- Oh, yeah. Too deep in it, but I take a little bit of the Joe Dirt money now and then in the reruns. Do a little this and that, but-

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I bet once that the first touchdown would be the first one. And I want to afford some of these are good offers. They're like, if the touchdown is scored by even a soccer player, you win. It's like, oh, that's right.

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For Puerto Rico, 1-800-981-0023. Subject to eligibility requirements in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel. Listen, growing your small business in 2025 all comes down to how well you can hire. That's right. The first name that's going to come up is LinkedIn. That's just the way it is. Better hires start with better, smarter insights.

They have the strongest hiring data. They have insights. They help you identify the right candidates. You make the best hiring decisions. I'd start off the new year right. You got to be smart and go with LinkedIn, right?

There are, once again, they're doing all the legwork and vetting people and giving you a really good idea so you can match your needs to who they have available to hire. So I'm going to call it a no-brainer. I'm just bringing that word out, just bringing out the big guns. LinkedIn knows hiring is a big deal for small businesses, not only because small businesses are wearing so many hats, but also because every hire is crucial.

for growing a company, David. That's right. So small businesses is. That is a tough word. No, they, listen, we know they, they do it right. Based on LinkedIn data, 72% of SMBs using LinkedIn say that LinkedIn helps them find high quality candidates. Listen, they go, they match it perfectly. They do all the work you don't want to do.

They go beyond candidates who are actively applying. Any given week in LinkedIn, 171 million LinkedIn members aren't actively seeking jobs but are opening new opportunities. And that's a big pool to miss if you're not on LinkedIn. Post your job for free at linkedin.com slash candidates. That's linkedin.com slash candidates.

to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.

Excludes restaurant orders. Service fees and terms apply. Oh, okay. Look at this, Dana. Tell me if this would scare you. Pilot forgets to attach. The tourist is on the left going hang gliding. Okay, let's watch a video. Jeez. How long do you last? Okay, full clip. Realizes there's no attachment. Okay. Would you drop here?

No, it looks too high. I might have dropped. Well, you're yelling at the guy, take it down, take it down, right? So here he comes to go down. This is your chance, right? Right. I might have dropped even there. I can't tell how high he is, though. He'd break a leg, but I'd be so scared I couldn't hold on. Oh, get away from the trees, dude. Well, he's out of control. He's out of control. He can't. I mean, how long can you hold?

And I like he's got his doofy selfie stick. Now that looks stupid. So he's holding with two hands kind of spread out. Yeah, it's like a pull-up. Like you're doing a pull-up, which is very hard. They're getting higher. I guess he can't land it. Remember when Rambo jumped in at three? Oh, my God. Is this going to work? No. Well, what's the end of this? Here's a flat piece of grass. Okay, here we go. They're going pretty quick, too. Coming in hot. Yeah.

Blue is the guy that's strapped in. There's the passenger later. Good douche. But look at how fast they're going. Wow. Well, they said it was, you know, if you hang from a pull-up bar, I mean, forget the adrenal. Well, they had the adrenal thing going, but two minutes with fully clothed, gripping and holding under terror. That person, you know, saved their life with that because that's hard. You got to really have a good grip.

To do that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, look at me with the mic. Look at this. Look at that. That's a grip, dude. That's a grip. Yeah. Look at me. Oh, shit, Dana. Don't scare the audience. Don't be scared. I'm not just going to punch you. The audience is scared. Everyone on YouTube just leaned back. All right. Let's see. Maybe one more. One more. Let's bring this home, man.

All right. This is a quickie. It's another animal. It's funny it's all animals. All animal and one human hanging. I've never seen this. Heather, look at this snake. If people are scared of the snakes, I would probably think this is funny, but I'm not that scared of snakes. Okay. Hello. Aussie farmer, Australian kangaroo snake. Where is it? Oh, there it is. That looks...

Okay. The worst filming. Oh, there it is. Oh, wow. Oh, that's cool. So even their snakes bounce like kangaroos down under. Looks like snap peas. You would not tell that from any leaf on the ground. No.

It was just a hopping little. That was kind of cool, though. It jumped. Yeah. You want to watch out for these kangaroo snakes? Crikey. Yeah. Crikey. They go. They go. I'll jump in. I'll whoopie whoop dope. Yep. Not my best. I can get the Australian accent if I watch a movie. I did meet the croc hunter on a plane. You did? Probably about a year before. Yeah.

The thing I loved about Crocodile Dundee was when he would go, he'd say, that's not a knife. And then he'd pull out something twice as big. That's a knife. So I did a thing. I don't know if I mentioned this. I did a thing called Alligator McGee. I submitted it as a sketch where the guy was like, he'd have a refrigerator. That's a stapler. That's not a refrigerator. It's a refrigerator. Everything was gigantic.

It didn't make it. Alligator McGee, Caden, it didn't make it, but I thought it was funny. Kyle McLaughlin plays Alligator McGee's sidekick. Good reference. I just saw the Kyle McLaughlin show clip of Bad Idea Jeans. That was probably the first commercial parody I did.

Were you in Bad Ideas? I know Mike was. I think I was gone by then. Bill. Were you on Colon Blow? No, I saw it. That was Phil. That was one of the top 10 commercial pages of all time. Yes, I remember it at the time. That was Phil. Whoa. On Colon Blow cereal. It would take one, two, three, nope, 400 bowls of cereal. Bowls of cereal with Colon Blow. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, one last one, then we'll hang it up. All right. This is a cruise ship. This picture, if you see this walk by, what is it? You're on a cruise ship. Okay. They're in white outfits with hats. Dressed just like the KKK. I don't mind that.

But what were they supposed to... Oh, they're dressed as snow cones. Oh, as snow cones, but it looks suspiciously... It looks very suspicious. It looks very suspicious to me. Who would okay this? It looks like a clan rally. Exactly. God, why did we go on the Princess Mary cruise and then we had to see the clan walking by? They're like, oh, at four o'clock there's a real fun clan rally that comes by. Hilarious. And then someone afterwards is like,

They mistook us for what? We're snow cones. It's so obvious. It's so obvious we're snow cones. I mean, why is everyone so weird? Just because we have a pointy white hat on doesn't mean we're not snow cones. Just because we're exactly a KKK outfit, what's going on? Just because we have KKK outfits on and we're marching in kind of a Hitler-esque unison way doesn't mean we're not snow cones. Why is everyone... Why is everybody just...

Conjecturing makes me sick. People on cruises are weird.

I guess we can wrap it up. All right. Dana, we had a great time. We did great. We're firing the entire country. I fired everybody today. The entire country has got to go. They can go for seven months. He's doing so much. It's just, it's really interesting. It's great. Gotta love the guy. He said, I said, do what I said I gotta do. I gotta do it. He comes out of those

blocks in the morning at like 4 a.m. He's like, I'm doing this. I'm going to sign this. I'm flying here. Unreal. He does it at 2 a.m. He's making executive calls. I can't keep track of what he's doing. I'll withhold judgment, but it's pretty wild. It's really exciting. It's fun to watch. Never boring. Anyway. We'll see you next week, and thanks for checking in. Thanks for checking in with us. Kevin Nealon is on Fly on the Wall this week. Check him out.

Yes, the great Kevin Nolan. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.