SUPERFLY #54 - Cartoon HOTNESS
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They bumped the flight back an hour. Then we waited and they bumped it another hour. Then they bumped it six hours. Oh, then it was what they call a no-brainer. I didn't know if it was going to be six hours at the airport. Yeah, it was going to be like... No, we were on the way. So we were just like... And then we didn't know what to do. So I said, let's just drive. It was a fun casino gig up at Table Mountain, but...

but it was actually great up there. But then I'm like, where are we? Four and a half hours. Yuck. So we, you know, roughed it to spade, man. Toughest motherfucker out there. Yeah. It's unbelievable how you can ride back of those giant SUVs and just take the punishment. I took it. Bobby and Catherine and like three kids just fighting and,

deciding when to stop and do everything. Catherine opens as well, or what? Yeah, Catherine Blanford, she does some time. Bobby Miyamoto does some time, and then I do some time. Jeez. Yeah. It's like waiting for Beyonce. Exactly. Oops, hold on. Two seconds. Take this part out. We're back. I don't know why we have to take that out. No, it's so grody.

But I will say that was a cute, we drove by Magic Mountain. As I've always said, I've been there three times. Definitely more mountain than magic. I'll stand by it. That's a pretty good joke. And that's not bad, is it?

I went there once. They put me in a room. I was with my sister-in-law. She was like 10. They put you in this round room and they start spinning you around and then the floor drops out. Oh, that's the roundup. So I was vomitous. I was nauseous for hours after that. Oh, these rides, it's like a car crash. They're like you drive...

80 miles an hour into a pole and then you're like and then some guy beats the shit out of you and then you get up and everyone throws up and I'm like people are calling lawyers I'm like is this a ride am I supposed to be having fun for $299 yeah and then you get a guy and they say it's like $400 like at Disneyland if you want a guide to basically do literally nothing and so I said yeah for sure

I wish they would just fan me because it was 107 when I went last time. Hottest day of the year. So I get this guy and they go, oh, it's $400 per person. Get fucked. Are you joking? I'm like this. She just pulled out cash. Nice side of it. Nice sound effect. I went spontaneously to Disneyland with Paula, uh,

about six months ago. Just, Oh, let's go now. Saturday, 11, eight. No, let's just drive there. Fuck it. Let's just go. So they go, well, Disneyland is full. We're not taking anyone else. It was sold out. Weird. But if you buy a ticket to California adventure, uh,

We'll let you buy a ticket to Disneyland. So that was $2,700. Whoa, scamboree. Why? Because they're like right next to each other. They're right next to each other. Scamboree. No, no, but it was definitely like $800. And I said, fuck it. We're not going to be in Disneyland again. So, and then we just had people all around us. We could barely move for like six hours. Oh, you didn't know people saying hi to you.

No, no, just human beings. I've got the baseball cap. Nobody recognized me. Like, look at this. I have the sunglasses. Like, who's this? What's up? Just this. Just that. That's all they see. You, it's like a mob. They should have a ride after you. Welcome to David Spade's Circus Carnival Roller Coaster. Dude, last night at the casino, they have all these police swap people. They come into your room and get you and bring you to the kitchen. We go to this great little restaurant.

And then they take me back and then we're, they take you out and I have to go like a hundred feet of casino to get to the back elevator. And it's all people from the shows. You just, you walk at smack down. Oh, I know. Hey, are you? I know they, they, when I checked in, they, they said, do we can give you a coupons? When I last time I played a big casino, uh,

up in Northern California. And then they basically, I didn't get them and they were chasing me down throughout the whole weekend. I'd just be in the casino. Hey, we got the coupons. You can get a quarter off, half off. Yeah. I go into that 6% off breakfast buffet and eat with everybody. I'm going to just say it. You're a man of the people. Go ahead. A couple of things.

Before we get started. Yeah, before we start our podcast. I know that you're going to like this thing about Luka coming to the Lakers. I'm a little perplexed. I'm a little wondering what is going on. I didn't see that coming. What's your hot take? Mine is why on God's green earth are they giving Luka away?

For Anthony Davis, I mean, unless they know something about Luka, we don't. Luka's so great. And I'm always mad because the Phoenix Suns could have had him with their first round pick a couple years ago. And they took Aiton. And Aiton was not a bust, but he was okay. And Luka was like...

Unreal. When you're rooting for the team that has Luke against the Dallas Mavericks, just because your team, the Warriors are playing them. He's he breaks your heart because it's just too much power, too many weapons with too little effort. So either he's got a stress fracture. Anthony Davis healthy, but it's 31 versus 25 as far as age. So it's perplexing. And he said, you know, a lot of these players, I hate to say, you know,

We'll say it. What my opinions are. People say, don't talk about sports, you guys, and don't talk about politics. I'm like, well, what's left? All we can do to talk is Baldini versus Lively. Yeah, that's what they want to hear. This court is in session. But even Shaq said, which I didn't agree with Shaq,

Jimmy Butler has a deal with the heat. He doesn't want to play anymore. So these guys lay down, they go trade me. I'm not playing anymore. I'm just going to say I'm sick or whatever. And they're like, but you're making $50 million to play a year to play your best. Nah, they run the show NBA. They really run the show. We mean the players or the players do. And I don't,

I don't think it's, I just think do your deal. And then when it's over, yeah, go do whatever you want and get whatever you can. But to, to sort of take a dive, I don't know. And then, and a lot of them are sitting out and where's Zion? Does he play a lot? Is I just don't know. I don't know enough. I just know enough to make people mad. Is a human freak for people don't know. Uh,

what is he? Six, seven, six, eight to 70 and can touch the top of the backboard. Like he can take almost 300 pounds and he's not that tall and touch the top. I mean, his vertical is insane, his skills, but tends to that big body going up and down. He gets a lot of injuries. The one thing I would like to do is talk to Jimmy Butler and

Because on the surface, it seems like, what? You're getting 50 million? It's kind of disrespectful. It's Pat Riley. It's the heat, the organization. But I'd like to know his point of view because it does seem, you know. Okay. What about Zelensky? What did he do today? Because we're taping this before Friday, so all these stories are old. Zelensky, so he's trending now again? Yeah, he's trending because he says, well, Greg could probably find it, but

He says he got money from us, but he only got, I think, 58% of what we promised. So he doesn't know where the other $100 billion is. Oh, no. Another missing billions. I don't know. Billions are too much to keep an eye on. That's my humble opinion. It used to be millions. Hard enough. A billion, a billion here. Who knows if it's going to happen? I think it. And this was under the radar. But Biden sent Gavin Newsom with a big fat check and make sure it gets in Zelensky's hands.

Does not know where the hundred billion is. This is California level of incompetence. Fucking up. Yeah. I mean, look at this. So California was famous because.

They lost 20 million in homeless money. They didn't lose. They just don't know where. They don't know where it went. And it was to solve homeless. And we got more homeless than we don't know where the 20 billion is. I'm not making that up. It makes you not want to pay taxes because you just do fix a road. Do something. I see. Don't just make everything worse. More money and everything gets worse. So this is, I don't know how the Ukraine sitch worked, but it was shoveling out so much. I don't know.

Unless he has, you know, maybe Zelensky has two accounts and he forgot and put it in the other one. I don't know. That happens to me. Maybe they sent it by Zell or maybe they sent it. What's the one that people always ask? Oh, Venmo. I don't know. You know, where's the money? Where does it go? It's like Doge is working on it, you know? Yeah. Doc Mega. Yeah.

Doc Mega. Doc Mega. He goes like this, hey Biden, where's that other missing 100 billion? Do you have Venmo? And he's like, yeah. And then he gets it. He goes, okay, I got it. He goes, oh, also when we had dinner the other day. Because sometimes people do that. You go, oh, we had dinner and you had a steak and lobster. So you owe me money from dinner. So they send you money. You know what I mean? Oh, I ate one of your pickles. Yeah.

Yeah, Venmo's cool. We should get them as a sponsor. I owe you a nickel. Does it make the sound or does the person make the sound? I mean, it has to make something. It's funnier if it makes a noise because they send back and forth. The problem with those things is, I think Heather will attest this, if you don't fix the setting, it says what you spend it on, right? And who you're paying. It could be private.

You can be private, but if you're not, it's like you bought whatever, right? Who wants that? I do. $20 for drugs you bought off me, right? You can see anybody in your...

We can see anybody in your contacts. Yeah, we'd see Dennis Miller. We'd see Kevin Nealon when he's getting what pickles he's buying. Oh, there's no privacy to it? Yeah. Yeah, see? Well, young people don't use cash, David. A newsflash. I know you've always got a wad of cash with you. But young people, they'll just do Venmo or whatever, Square, or whatever payment they can. Square. Abacus.

Okay, that was our Zelensky story. Yeah, I'm not even going to tell you about the ants that invaded my house because you couldn't even get your head around it, how complicated it is. We've had invasions here. Ants seem cool. They seem cool. They're pretty much what I've learned is they're just always there. They decide when they're going to terrorize you because they do like water. Did you know that? They like water. Well, guess what?

What you do is you get a cotton ball and you put something in it.

And then you put it around and some poison in the cotton ball. So the soldier ants, they're all about the queen. They're all about the queen. The soldier ants eat the cotton candy and then they go back and they give it, they go, here, queen. The queen eats the cotton candy poison. She dies. The whole colony is destroyed. So I don't know if you've got here or there with a big thing, a raid like Woody Allen and Annie Hall. No, this isn't rookie.

Amateur hour. Heather has some organic stuff she sprays down. But I'd say when I went to bed, there's like 30. But I didn't deal with it. I go, 30, I'll wake up. Maybe they'll dissipate. Woke up, 5,000. But they're on the wall too. So what I figured out, me, is there any thick streams? It was behind the coffee machine. They weren't behind it, Dana. There's this much water in the coffee machine. So one of those scouter ants goes back and says, guys-

I think I found a lot of water and not just water. No, it's just water, but that's good. It's the water. That's all we want. And I think we should bring everybody, literally everybody and check it out. And all the ants go. And then the one ant, the little scout ants there with his dad going, I did good. Dad did nine. He's like, you did. You found us all water. And then they get there. And the next day they're all floating in the water because they croaked. There was too much water.

And, you know, some of the, you know, the soldier ants aren't the brightest ants. No. The dumb ants are in the front line. They're like, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, swear to God, there was a cup of hot coffee over here 20 minutes ago. That's the really dumb ants have a Brooklyn accent. Yeah, they're like this.

Why? What are we doing? Hey, what do you want from me? I told you there was water here. What do you think I am, a magician or some shit like that? I'm a fucking ant. I only got eight seconds to live. Give a brother a break. They only live 22 seconds. So they get in there and there's also a little caffeine in the coffee. So they're like, it's not like they're busy bees and up, but they're everywhere. All over my house. They don't even know why they're walking. They're just like,

Gacked out on caffeine. Yeah. I'm still talking like this is an ant. It wouldn't be Woody Allen star in a movie. I'm bringing him up again. Ants. Yeah. Cartoon. Yeah. No one saw it. Good night. And the worker ants are like, I will free up.

And the ants from Mexico are like, well, don't think about it. All right, let's get to that. It's not important, even though it sort of was. Let's get to the stories. I wish you the best. I wish you the best. Thank you. And now a word from our sponsors at Betterment. When investing your money starts to feel like a second job, Betterment steps in with a little work-life balance. They're an automated investing and savings app, which means they do the work.

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Yes, that was pretty cool. My dad would have said to me, Davey, you drove four hours. You going to make it? Are you okay? Rough life in an Escalade. You okay? He never would give it to me that something was hard. Hey, lay down. I thought it was Tom Segura said that to you. That's my daddy. Here's something I've thought about getting you for your birthday. Awesome.

Coming up. It's an omnidirectional ball bike. Okay, it's balls that you ride. Hey, James. What you'll need it for? No one knows.

He built the bike using rigid hollow walking globes, which circus performers typically use for their ass. The bike has 5.0 drive brushless motor driving the wheels, ensuring the bike stays stable when balancing sideways.

Yeah, it's not... Well, now I'm saying I like it. You like it or you don't like it? I like it. You could use it out of the farm. Those wheels would pop. This video hasn't gone praise for how long it is. I think we got it in 10 seconds. Ha ha ha!

He's got balls instead of wheels. He can go left, right, up, down. He's like an ice skater. He's like this. Now give me a million dollars. Yeah. Boring. That's my review. Boring. Boring. You can go out to the chicken sideways. Caw, caw.

Coyote. Okay. Give me. Ow. Okay. How about a bird? Season two is coming out. Believe it or not, this content is not going away. Believe it or not, this is not written. We just make this up. That's how good it is.

Okay, so we got the squirrely bike. What's next? That was funny. That was fun to watch. That was cool. Okay, what did she say? Hold on. Mm-hmm. Got my braces off. Oh, tell me you can tell what's different. She got her braces off. Got her braces off. Now she can do this. Yipee! Watch her tooth. Watch his or her front tooth. Yipee!

Can you see it? I saw it. The teeth were just sort of separating. Yeah, to the talking. It's a good trick. But wasn't it just done in optical effects? Oh, I don't think so. She can move her teeth. She has a gap and she can close it and open it because of the braces. I thought she was doing it with her tongue with her teeth are loose now or something. Oh, and it was an optical illusion.

I don't know. That's a good, you know, it's trying to go to the phones. It frightens and confuses me. I hope unfrozen. I was thinking at this, at the 50th, you know, that's such a good sketch, but we can't do it obviously. But I hope it's up there when they vote for sketches someday and say, what's a good one. That's a great one. I see it a lot, you know,

Maybe our next super fly. Let's do our top 10 favorite sketches all the time. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's a good idea. Let's do it. Right. But nothing that we could be in. Right. Because that wouldn't be fair. That cancels out nine of mine, but okay. So, but by angle making. Wait a second. I was only barely in. No, I only had a couple lines. That would be my, both of my top 10, but not with the thing we're doing. We are taking our conflict of interest. Okay, we'll do it.

- Yeah, we'll do it. - Okay, one more. I mean, not one more. Let's see what's next. - All right, 50 more. - All right. - 50,000 more. - "Chinese residents have started covering their houses with blue fabrics." - Oh, I saw a blue roof today driving home on my four and a half hour drive. This is because they think that a direct energy weapon will not burn blue. - I have a question. - Yes, go ahead. Heather has a question. - Heather has a question. - That's a good question.

I thought it was paint, but paint's so thin. What can you use, Dana, if it's going to stop? Just the color blue? Well, it's fabric, right? Blue fabric? Oh, maybe they think a satellite or a weapon would think it's water. That's what they're saying in the comments. A lake or an ocean so they don't burn that because that wouldn't help. These are just theories, right? It kind of feels good, but...

I mean, this blue stuff, I think it's based on Maui fires. And then there was anything with a blue roof or blue umbrella or blue garbage can did not burn.

So there's some method to that madness of what's going on. Maybe it's fire-resistant fabric. There you go. It just happened. Retardant? What did you say? I'm not going to say that. I'm going to say resistance. You're not going to say retardant? You're not going to say that? No, that's an inappropriate word. Retardant is too close for my comfort. Okay, we won't say it. Too close. Nice try. Oh, you haven't seen it yet.

All right. They're laying down blue fabric. I don't know this part. Well, it's moving too quickly for me. I can't read Arabic. Oh, see, they don't burn. That's the laser. They don't burn. Yeah. That was all we really needed to see. And we saw too fast. Right. Google search in there. Incredible. There's system confused. Let me just break down this Arabic. That, I don't know what that means at all. Mm-hmm.

It's too, it's moving too quickly.

Just show another blue roof. Goddamn. Well, how many blue roofs are there? All right, jump out. This guy, he gets too much time with us. I don't know what the song was, and he's pointing his finger at us like scolding us. I was more into like, how good is that guy's hair? I forgot about the roof for a minute. Jeez, you do have hair jealousy, don't you? My grandma has blue hair. Maybe hers won't burn. I don't know. We'll try. We'll bring her on. Okay. Everyone wants a turquoise turf on top of their house. All right.

I guess Boise State is safe. Tar Heels would be kind of an awkward. North Carolina might get some singeing. That's about it.

Light blue. I don't know if it counts. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What are you going to do today? Going to put that blue fabric on top of the roof again? Okay. All right. I'll throw a blue sweater up there to see if it helps at all. Anything. Okay. Very quickly. I've known you 40 years. What's your favorite color? Blue.

Damn, that's not exciting. No. You should know me long enough to know I'm not exciting. This is blue. Mm-hmm. 50 grand. Wait, what did you ask me? Oh, whatever. It doesn't matter how much it costs. All my stuff are these quarter zips. Is that what they're called? No, this is dark. It's navy.

It's actually got a pattern if you pay attention. Don't be jealous of my jean jacket that I got from the New York Magazine shoot for free. You fucking stole it. Walk away. I love when you steal shit from photo shoots. It's the greatest. I'm like, what are you going to do with this? What are you going to do with it? It only fits me. Mm-hmm.

You just walk away, man. Like our friend, John Corbett. He just goes, when he finishes a TV show, he just goes in and swoops up like all his everything and just walks out. Doesn't say anything. Doesn't talk to anyone. And then he puts them in a local kind of storage place, hundreds and hundreds of t-shirts, underwear, socks. And you drive off and you're whatever Rolls Royce. And then they're like, ring, ring, ring. And you're like,

Tra la la. And you're like, hello. And it's like, Dana, Lord, I'm disappointed. Well, about what? I just did the shoot. Isn't that great? We're missing a jean jacket. I heard about the jean jacket, you know, budget and it's that thing of like, you know, it's over budget. You were a shoplifter. We've talked about that. I mean, you're a kleptomaniac. Christopher Walken whispered to me that maybe you accidentally walked away with it.

And then to make things worse, Christopher Walken walked away with a cowbell. It's that thing of like, you know, you do the sketch and then you're Mr. Cowbell the rest of your life and you couldn't resist stealing it. And then Christopher Walken was walking with Macaulay Culkin.

I don't know what that has to do with it, but it sounded fun. Christopher Robin walked with Pooh Bear. Lorne, you're losing your mind. I'm going over the hill. I got to jump off. Wait, Pooh Tigger. Let me ask you a question. What is more emotional or better for you?

Charlie Brown and all Lucy and all Snoopy and all those people. Or Christopher Robin with Tigger and Pooh Bear and that gang. And Eeyore. I know a lot of Eeyores. Eeyore was the original Debbie Downer, I have to say. But I will say, Christopher Robin, I claim to be smart. I never understood. Were these...

um stuffed animals that he was fake friends with until he went to school those are his friends uh i don't know if they ever really mentioned his mental state let's go to the phones because i heard that when he went to school that's when it all ended because they weren't real anymore they were just stuffed animals oh the final book he found friends at school real people

I'm like, oh, that's brutal. God, did you also watch Popeye as a kid and go, is Popeye real or is Popeye an animated character? And is olive oil hot or am I not seeing it? Is olive oil anorexic or just- Is she on Ozempic? Yeah. Yeah. Is she on, fuck, is she fucking Ozzy Osbourne on Ozempic or what's going on?

They're called GLPs now. They are? I think so. It's a class of, oh, what? I'm not on it. My mom. Well, what about, okay, let's get back to your question. And then I have one for you. They were stuffed animals. They were stuffed animals. This just in. It's all weird. I know I'm getting most of it wrong. I like Pooh Bear, Munchkin.

Who was the stud? I like Al. He's a smart one, I thought. And Charlie Brown, I'll tell you one thing about that. I did like Charlie Brown. For some reason, I did love it. But when I hear that theme as an adult, it kind of gives me a little bit of melancholy creeps. There's something about- That song that Schroeder sings? Yeah, the theme to Charlie Brown. It gives me a little melancholy- Is that it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. YouTube shuts us down. It's very cool.

piece of jazz. Well, I liked pig pen. I thought he was funny. Yeah, that's true. And I have a question. This is a legit question. Okay. Like who, who,

What's that? Did Peppermint Patty? Yeah, does she like, what is he? What was Peppermint Patty from? A cartoon? Charlie Brown. Oh, Charlie Brown. Oh, I see what you're saying. Kind of stringy hair, but very, very cute, but kind of a tomboy.

Well, sexualizing that cartoon, I have a little metric counter. We just lost 1,900 listeners. Oh, no, we did not, did we? No, we didn't. That's fine. No, I'm just saying Peppermint Patty was cute, and I think my mom said, don't waste your time. There she is. She's super cute. And who was who? Give me, you don't even know Charlie Brown, so you can't vote. I know Linus, Snoopy. Snoopy was a spinoff, and a spinoff of Snoopy was Woodstock.

And did Snoopy fly in World War I biplanes? I think he was imagining that. The Red Baron? I think he was a pilot, yeah. He was? Wait, Heather's got some breaking news. Yeah. Oh, right. She looks like a tomboy type, but she's attracted to Charlie Brown.

They aren't going to get into all that back then. Of course. She's fluid. Yeah. Lucy seems more lesbian-ish to me. Even though, because, no, I kind of had a crush on all of them. I was so horny. I couldn't, anybody, anybody. Well, then you must have been really hot for Flintstone. Lucy is hotter. The wife, the wife on Flintstone. Oh, are you joking? No, I would take the daughter, but I would take Jane too.

What was the, what was, you would take Bam Bam. What was the dog's name on the Brady Bunch? The dog's name on the Brady Bunch was Bunchy. Jan. Oh. Anyway, we're going to, Bunchy was a good. Tiger. It's Tiger, but everyone says Jan. That's a trick joke. Okay. I got a question for you, Dana. Can I ask you a question? Yes. That's you. Yeah, I know. Okay. What did you enjoy more enjoyment from?

Brady Bunch or Partridge Family? Go. Partridge Family. Wow. No matter what you say. Wow. Wow. Even with what? Oh, even when the Bradys went to Hawaii and they got the voodoo doll or whatever. That's what it was. I was not, it was not must-see TV for me. I liked Mission Impossible. We're talking about the 70s? 70s?

i liked um wild west oh i like the way the frames squared when they went to commercial i like that i think i love the brady bunch and i liked uh god partridge family i loved like the songs yeah bonaduce was brilliant david cassidy yeah i like the songs the bus

He was hot. Yeah. What was the matriarch? What was her, that actress's name? Ruben Shirley Jones. Shirley Jones. I sat next to her on a plane once and we never acknowledged each other. Elbow to elbow. Isn't that a cool story? We should re-edit this. So that's our, our. No, I like that's our teaser. That's our teaser. Yeah.

I just wanted to say, hi, I'm on TV sometimes too. But yeah, she was buried. You're allowed to just say celebrity. You're allowed to just go, Hey, it's called courtesy, celebrity courtesy or something. You can say hi to anyone, but you can't take their whole day. You just got to say, yeah, you go like this. I like your stuff. Here's me at the SNL 50th. I like your stuff. I like stuff. Good stuff. I like your work.

And then I wait for it back and it's crickets. Is there going to be anywhere, anyone at the 50th that you have not met? That's the question. Oh, wow. You know, some of the hosts, I'm sure, you know, Bradley Cooper, you know, not really. He was at the 40th. And I said, what's up coop. I did what? Oh, I did a sketch them at the 40th. Uh, I saw Taylor. That's where I met Taylor Swift was at the 40th. I don't know. She'll probably be there. Uh,

I don't think I'll try to hog her, her time. I do. I hope Miley sings. I love Miley. And I don't know who's going to sing or do what. I'm just kind of looking forward to seeing surprising people like, oh, you're here. Oh, you're, oh, there's that person.

Well, we'll see. We're going to see what happens. Yeah, we sure will. Nobody knows. Okay, what's the next story? We're burning time. We're killing it. I know. That's amazing. It feels like we've been on like five seconds.

Take a look at this video. That's a good byline. There's a guide looking at it. Take a look at this video. At first glance, it looks like a group of friends playing football. Why do I care about this? But if you look closely, no one really seems to want to win the game. Oh, it's the NBA. With 32 seconds left on the clock, this team scores the winning goal, but no one celebrates.

What's going on here? My question. Ooh. Madhaya is on a different team? Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Sub-soccer. The investigative outlet Bellingcat traced these videos all over Russia and Belarus. Belarus. That's sketchy. Take a look at this player with a tattoo on his arm. He's playing for hours. They're playing under soccer, whatever it's called. And you can bet on any of these goofy games. So basically they have these fake sports and then you just bet on them online. Fake sports with not athletic people.

That's a good biz. They get the stupidest sports they make up. Take a look at this video. Nope, not again. Not anymore. I guess it's legit, right? I mean, and then you're just betting two losers can kick a ball around better than you. Well, I mean... I don't know. I mean... Oh, the Super Bowl will be on after this, right? So I'm going to say, is the Super Bowl fixed? It's a great question, Dana. I...

I can't say it is, but I know they have a little caveat. They have an out by saying the NFL is an entertainment program. So it's not just a sporting. It's not just sports. So there's something where they can get away with tweaking it and they can't get in trouble. Did you know this? Well, our friend Gronk, who was on our podcast, just thinks that the refs

are dazzled by the Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor, and the whole thing, and just push comes to shove, and these micro calls, like, was the ball there or there? And they do the replay 50 times in a row. And, you know, AI could tell us better, but it seems like Kansas City does get some good calls.

They're all so good. They can do spots with lasers. They can make it so much easier than just, just picture two dupas, there's no offense, on the side with chains going, I think it's about here. And then you're like, the whole game decides on that. They walk up 10 yards, and they're like, eh, this feels, I was eyeballing it. They eyeball, they could do it so perfectly. Yeah.

And exactly if they want. Well, they could make it, yeah, because they could put a chip in the football or something because it's like over and over again, did it touch the white line or not? Back and forth, back and forth. Super Bowl, losers, no one will ever hurt you. Super Bowl. So, yeah, it's a frustrating sport to watch, I'll say, because when your team does a good play, whatever your team is, and then you wait, up, flag, fuck it. Usually it's a holding game.

on the offense. With the Chiefs, yeah. And when you say every play...

There's technically holding those linemen grab each other. You could probably call one whenever you felt like it. Yes. And why now? And pass interference. Why now? They're dancing in the end zone. They're just, the guy is draped and grabbing before the ball gets there and they don't call it. And the next play they do. So it's a frustrating game. When the guy's nowhere near. Yeah, I agree. I think Super Bowl. I think it's too perfect that, I mean, the NFL does do better if Taylor's there. Obviously does do better if the Chiefs.

But I don't think he would propose. That would be too like, there's nowhere to go in life after that. Well, they're going for a three. It's too high of a point and then everything's downhill. Save that. Yeah, it's a superstar team. They're going for the three-peat. Right. Which is unparalleled in professional sports. It's an amazing achievement. It is a compelling game because football,

The Eagles have the best running back maybe of all time right now, Barkley. So it's an interesting thing. But if you're watching the Chiefs play, they seem to find a way. It's amazing how many games they won by like a field goal last second this season. Unbelievable. So they find a way to win. They find a way to win. I'm going to put a couple of bucks on it.

Don't worry about it. Oh, really? With Venmo? You're going to Venmo? I do the ones where you pick a fantasy team online, like on DraftKings, and then you only pick six players and you have a budget, so it's very tricky. But guess what? I do pretty good. You only live once, twice max. So definitely just keep, you know. Oh, we should have gotten a story about this kid that,

It says he's reincarnated and he went back to his house like in Finland and told everything where everything was. And he was like four. He's like, that's where you go in. It's kind of cool. Save it for next week. That's a little teaser. Okay, next one. Okay.

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What is this guy? Oh, it's a ball. You try to roll. In a, in a skate park. So this Heather, do you watch that? So what's the point? He's throwing a ball in a skate park in a bowl, a cement bowl, and it loops around and here's a guy in the crotch. He's sitting there waiting for it. So what's the steam? And he's an exact, is it a bowling ball?

Dude, Dana, I don't know if I've told you this about my nuts, but I don't tell everyone.

They do not take well to a bowling ball ramming into them at 30 miles an hour. Well, we heard about the dog. Oh, the dog smashed into bits. On the movie Busboys coming to a theater. Coming to something someday. Someday. It's a $3,800 budget. Another beating. We got another beating coming up this week. Someone's flight is late. They're not going to make it on time for their shoot tomorrow. Oh, man.

Good Lord. Being a powerful movie producer is tough. You're a taskmaster. Oh, my God. It's not even like a real movie. The catering is literally five Triscuits and a Slim Jim. It's just everybody fights. Jeez, that could be a Snoop Dogg song. Five Triscuits and a Slim Jim. I said five Triscuits and a Slim Jim. Snoop Dogg. Drop it like it's hot. Half empty Capri Sun. Is that how you say it?

Capri Sun? Heather's zoning out. Is it Capri Sun or Capri Sun? Capri Sun! Capri? Well, don't act like I'm so stupid. I'm not four. Why would I ever drink one? How? I've seen them. I've never gotten near one. Oh, no.

Dana doesn't know anything. Look at him. He's like, huh? I don't know nothing about no cup free. That's above my pay grade. A drink in a bag? I'll be darned. I'll take a paper cup any old day of the week. Is that your plan?

You're going to drink out of a, what do you think you are? Why don't you just get Tang and go on the space? By the way, the people, the space station have lost bodily functions. They went up there. So freaking long that. Oh my God, please save them. Dana. She said, well, Trump, Trump called up Elon. Elon, how you doing? Great. You got to go get them. You got to go get them, Elon. So he's trying to get SpaceX to hurry up, rescue these people who went up there for a weekend and,

And they're there like eight months later. Now I have a conspiracy theory. That they're not there? No, don't guess ahead. Okay, I'm waiting. Okay, ready? I've got patience. Over Christmas, to try to keep the fun, they wore little stocking Christmas hats and stuff, right? Yeah. And everyone's like, oh, they're trying to cheer everybody up. They're trying to cheer us up. Why would they have those there? They're going for a weekend. This isn't Gilligan's Island.

Why would they carry Christmas stuff that's four months away from when they went up? Well, I have a supply list here of all the things that are on this base. It might be, they might have a store.

10,000 cherry chapstick. Cherry chapstick. 10,000 cherry chapstick. Looks, tastes like cherry chapstick. Okay. This is what I didn't really understand. 3,000 signed 8x10s of comedian David Spade. Now, what the fuck?

To hand out to the Martians? It's on the space station. I know. Hey, will you try to pull up to see if they ever wore hats or am I full of shit again? Oh, yeah. They have Halloween costumes where they go as Neil Armstrong. They do have Christmas hats. Okay. They have Easter eggs. Yeah, they have everything up there. Candy store. They do have a little, a See's Candies outlet. Yeah, maybe. They have a lady footlocker.

By the way, how does See's Candies make it? Have you ever seen a See's Candies commercial? No. Never. It's really word of mouth at this point. I know. But I go in there. Big piece of cake last night. Did he? He always gets a dessert. He always regrets it. Oh, here it is. Look at this. I knew I saw this. Okay. All right. Good. Oh, there they are. They're up there. Yeah. Whoa. Her hair's a little crazy. Can we scroll down? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, Bride of Frankenstein. Is that a wig? What is she doing? By the way, they had a party. They had guests over. That's a little suspicious. Friends over. It looks to me, and I don't know enough about gravity. I don't know anything, but it looks like they've shrunken down to gnome size. The guy in the middle looks like he's two feet tall. So this is, it must be the gravity just shrunk. Is that a snowman in the middle? They have snow?

I don't know. He did my Gilligan's Island joke. Oh, that means I'm corny. If that guy can think of it.

Okay. Tiny. That's all. Not a good thing. No, we're, you know, we're not here to start trouble. Not a good luck, but we wish them all the best. We really do. And we wish them a safe journey. No, no, we wish them everything. I do wish him a safe. That's horrible. I didn't like being in that car for four and a half hours today. So like unscheduled, if you're ready for it, you're ready for it. Okay. You take off three, two, one, you take off. How, how,

Much time goes by before you're docking with the space station. Oh, I know this one. Okay. No, I don't. Okay. I'm going to guess. So if I get in the astronaut thing. Yeah. You're on the rocket, the launch pad. Three, two, one. You take off. 96 hours. 43 minutes.

Really? I made that up. Oh my God. I felt mine sounded stupid. Yours is worse. It's not that far. It's not that far. You know, remember Shatner went up in Bezos' rocket? Oh yeah. It's a thin blue line and suddenly- Would you want to do that? You can't go past the sub barrier or something in space? There's like a- I wouldn't do Bezos. That's a baby rocket. You go up, you come down. I would want to go around the earth, which some people did on SpaceX. Earth.

Go around it. I would go around the earth. Okay. I would like to go to the moon and stay at a Howard Johnson's like, are you ready for this? Here we are. Who's better than David Spade? He's got all the movies. Now he's got bus boys with Tao. And they're going to be.

That's good. Any Regis I'll take. I'll take Regis. All right. Another one before. Dan, I got a million things going. Do you though? I'm going to do a spot at the store tonight. Okay. Oh, this is Dana's sentry. They're my turf.

Okay. I'll let you comment. I'll just read the beginning. It took 30 years to fix this Wayne's World joke. Okay. Now let's roll. Let's see what happens. See if Dana knows. In nearly 30 years, one of Wayne's World's best jokes was completely fucked. If you saw Wayne's World on TV or on video between 1993 and 2022, the guitar store stairway to heaven joke played like this. No stairway. Denied.

Yeah, those aren't the notes to Stairway to Heaven, which ruins the joke. The thing is, Mike Myers is no dummy, and the song was correct in the theatrical release. Hey! Deny!

He waited too long. No stairway. Denied. That makes sense. Great joke. But when it came time to release the movie on VHS, Led Zeppelin and Warner Music Group wanted to charge Paramount $100,000 for the two seconds of the song. So the studio opted to change the notes instead. And then it stayed that way for 29 damn years until they released Wayne's World on 4K Blu-ray and put it onto Max, at which point the original version was restored.

And now all is right in the universe once again. This guy's a keeper for all the ladies that are single out there. That guy's got a lot of free time, man. I think it was an issue with having to pay for it or not. So I guess Mike did two takes. It looked like Mike was just...

Can't play the guitar. He's just goofing around the first one. The second one, they looped in the real notes. But I get what the guy's saying. Hey, that no stairway, but he didn't have the beginning notes. Right. I think you can do that much of stairway and not have to pay. That seemed pretty quick. Yes.

This was right before I did my drum solo. I wasn't paying much attention. I was just practicing on my drum pad. Did you do it in that store? I did. Was it the Guitar Center on Sunset? I don't know. Maybe. Did you shoot in L.A.?

Oh, yeah. All L.A. But I mean, maybe people know the story. But I practice on a Yamaha jazz set where the drums are small and down low and all stacked right side by side. Please stay with me, David. And then I walked on the set and I had this gigantic Yamaha set where it's just spread out. Oh, like the bigger drum. I practiced everything right in here. I had a drum solo. Perfect.

And then I got there and I had to reach and I did, I never really liked the drum solo, but it was like too good. Cause they were so, so well, you have to reach you're reaching so far. And I was practicing tight. Yeah. Like buddy. I get it. That story is interesting. What did Bonnie and Terry say? Bonnie was the one who said at the end, just hit the little thing and go, uh, thanks. I like to play.

- Would only worked if the solo was really good. I didn't think it was that good, but there's somebody, some heavy metal bands, sometimes the drummer will do the Garth drum solo. - Oh, good. - I had a lot of drumming things. I got to play with you too for the Amaze. - I was underneath the stage. - Via satellite.

Even better than the real thing. Good night, everybody. I'm going to mic drop. I'm going to. I will say, when I was in Joe Dirt, we're looking for a movie. We're looking for songs. We couldn't get Ted Nugent. Cat Scratch Fever was 150,000 for what, nine seconds? And ACDC was 500,000. I heard Zeppelin back then was almost a million.

Sandler gets them for some stuff, ACDC and Zep, which are the most expensive. And so we tried to make deals with other bands. Steve Miller was too much. We had a bunch of Steve Miller in the first draft. It's just hard to get songs, you know, all these dirtball songs. But we wound up with some cool nuggets like Argent, Hold Your Head Up, and

We had some killers in there. We're creative. I don't know what we paid for to do Bohemian Rhapsody, but we're in the wrong business. I mean, if you own music, and this is why these companies, these big, big corporates are giving...

like 500 million to, they feel that they can monetize their catalogs over time. It's, you know, Sinatra is still like a fortune. Yeah. I mean, here's an example, which is nothing like that, but I just saw in a story that in New York to make money, David Dinkins, the old mayor sold all the parking meters to Saudi Arabia for a billion. Now that is so much money.

And so they get all the money now. That was the story in the news. And he said, it actually is a ripoff because now this many years later, 25 years later, whatever, they probably make 10 billion a year from it. So that's what you're saying about music. You risk it. You go, are park meters going to go away?

Is music going to go away? Nope. They still make a ton of it. And predominantly, it's this music from our generation is what they're paying for. Yeah. Because today's music is not as...

maybe commercial or catchy. Ooh. You know, there's a lot of hooks. You go play Fleetwood Mac for a young person. They're going to go, holy shit, you know? Hopefully. I think Taylor Swift is too smart to sell her catalog, but she obviously could for more than a billion. And a pinch, but she doesn't have a pinch yet. She's not in a pinch.

I think that Mrs. Kelsey is what I call her. Mrs. Kelsey will do fine. Have you heard her podcast yet? She has a podcast now.

No, I'm saying that Taylor Swift is Travis's mom. Wait, not their mom. No. Jason's wife has one. Yeah, right. Jason's wife has a podcast. That's more unexpected than their mom. Their mom, I would think, would be doing something on the Food Network or doing a cooking show or something. You and Theo in your movie should have a thing where you go into a time machine accidentally like Bill and Ted for a minute.

And everyone you talk to on planet earth has a podcast. What do we go? Two years into the future. And then you take like a time traveling and you go to, you go to Malaysia, you go all over the world. You can't find anybody who does not have a podcast. SNL had kind of a funny sketch about. Did they? They said, you go to the doctor.

and it's called medcast guys won't tell doctors about their feelings so they do a podcast with the doctor and they tell everything about their life that's the only way they will they're on a dumb podcast with other guys okay and that's the doctor like laughs because yeah now and what are you drinking you're drinking a lot to now and he's like oh no he goes you get a couple beers oh yeah on the weekends i go big doctor's like okay but it's it's that the framework is podcast

Actually, that week I saw the show, they had two podcast bits, which if we were there in the old days, one would have probably gotten pushed for another week because you would write obscure thing. A podcast sketch is sort of obscure. And then the week you write it, there's another one. Bump, bump. But they did them both.

Well, good for Mark Maron and Joe Rogan to get in in 2007. We got Maron coming up on Fly on the Wall soon. Who's on Fly on the Wall this week, Dana? Who's got this week? It's still Nealon, but by this time, I don't know who it'll be. Do you want to type it in here? Right now, currently, is Lisa Kudrow.

Are you sure? Yeah, I am. Okay. Lisa Kudrow is on right now. Check her out. We have super fly, which is on video and it's us. And sometimes we have guests and then we also have, nobody understands. We have fly on the wall, which is essentially audio only. Thank you. Thank you.

All right, so let's go one more story and then we'll close up shop. One more story and then we'll wind it. And we'll say good luck with the Super Bowl, everyone. Okay, what is this? Hang on, hang on. Oh, this guy, Dana, I don't know how you feel about pain. I mean, this is talk about get famous. I don't know. You ever been hitting the shin with something like a scooter? Yes.

This guy makes a rope with all scooters. I rank it a 3 out of 10 on the pain scale. Coming in at number 4 is Bed Frames. I rank this a 5 out of 10. This sucked.

Right in the shin. Number three, we have the double razor scooter ceiling fan. This was terrible. It cut me open and I rate this at 8 out of 10. Yeah, don't do it. At number two, we have the trailer hitch ceiling fan. 9 out of 10 on the plane scale. Why is this guy in bus boys? Yeah, I guess. At number one, we have... You guys did have it in the movie. 100 out of 10. He rated that 100 out of 10. That was the worst pain. What was the last one? That was funny, but...

This is a guy with a rope with all these heavy objects attached to it, spins it and has it smashed into his shins. And he's got he's makes a million dollars how much pain it is. When you watch UFC, they do those kind of kicks. And then I'm sure he's swollen up and stuff. What people will do for views. Another time for another podcast. I won't do that.

You won't physically torture yourself? As Meatloaf would say, I'll do anything for views, but I won't do that. Do you know that song? No, I know his brother who's from Italy, Matzah Ball, had a similar song. You know his cousin Bunt Cake? No, Matzah Ball would be Israel, a Jewish guy. Now, so that thing with the, yeah.

Yeah, we would, we'll put, it's going to be hard to put good songs in bus plays. We already, oh, we need something from, I can't say it, but we'll find it. We're going to find them.

I could maybe angle Chopped Broccoli if you want that. It's cranked. It's cranked in the car in my old El Camino. Okay, I might hold you to that because we need to get some songs. We do. Okay, well, thank you, Dane. It was nice meeting you. We had a great time. And it's a Super Bowl weekend, so everyone have a nice weekend.

And we'll go over and see if I want any money on it. Yeah, we're going to place bets. I'm going to place a bet. You're going to place a bet. And we're going to see who wins the most money. And it's going to be an interesting little competition. I say 33-27 Kansas City. Is that even a number? Could it be 33? Yeah, it could be. I think so. I'll say 42-35-

Philly. Whoa. They scored 55 points last week. I know. One of us is going to win. Okay. All right. Thank you, Dana. Thank you, David. Thanks, audience. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it. Ooh.