SUPERFLY #60 - TIGER KING calls from Prison
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Requires ADT complete pro monitoring plan and compatible devices. Copyright 2025 ADT LLC. All rights reserved. Everyone I know is on the road. They always are like, we stayed in Airbnb. And that's just a more common thing you hear all the time. Hotels are great, but come on. I mean, when you can just pick everything about it you want. Like here's my hotel today. They didn't even give me my breakfast. Like Airbnb, wake up, whip it up in your kitchen.

Uh, yeah, I can get a kitchen, get a pool, whatever you want. And it's all custom and you just go online and you see how it's rated and what people like. And so I guess I'm going to say it's, it's just freedom. Yeah. Listen, you got more space, more privacy. You can be closer to where you want to be. Yeah. I was staying at really nice hotels that I like in this area that

we would go to, and then we found like a little house. So you kind of had a house, you know, and it was spotless and you just drive up and you get the key out of this thing. You go in and there's a bottle of wine and a note. And it's just a great experience. Yeah. The people don't have to, I don't think, but they always seem to put little extras in there for you for your next adventure. People listening, maybe give it a try. They won't regret it. You make the switch from traditional hotels and let us know.

All right, let's start it, Dana. It's Superfly, as we all know. Everyone's excited about it. Riveted, setting their clocks. It's unique. It's a unique Superfly. I'm just going to say that up front. It's not a tease. We're going to do something a little different. David? Yes. Oh, David. Well, back during the pandemic, we were all glued to the Tiger King. I was also, and Joe Exotic, who...

Had a lot of funny catchphrases and funny things going on. A very interesting situation down there. Zoo is a loose word. I guess it was a zoo. I don't know. I don't know if it was a zoo, yeah. And all this cast of characters. It was like a movie and they were always saying you should do a movie about that. And it's almost so exaggerated, it's hard to make a movie about it.

But who was floated? Who was floated that we know to play Joe Exotic in the Tiger King movie? Oh, that's right. Spadely. Yeah. And that's...

not a, I mean, I don't know what it was. Well, maybe it's because of Joe Dirt. He's maybe because of Joe Dirt. I kind of look like this guy and, but he was very funny, very care. So I go by the funny part and it never, we never talked about, but I never really pursued it because it was one of those lightning in a bottle shows. And then,

And then, you know, time goes on. And by the time something would come out, it probably wouldn't have been as exciting. But now he's in prison. And for, go ahead, Dana. For apparently hiring someone to murder his nemesis, Carol Baskin, who was sort of an animal rights activist in the area and wanted to shut down Joe's zoo because she thought he was cruel to the tigers. Yeah.

And he thought she was cruel also and also killed her husband, he says, allegedly, right? Right. It was redneck heaven. It was in Oklahoma and everyone's got a body buried. Everyone's got a bottle of booze in their back pocket and there's wild tigers running around. It was a mesmerizing television. Sure, and you don't want to look too closely at anything. Like you go in anyone's yard and you start dating, you're going to find...

Something. So, uh, on the surface, it seemed like a fun, goofy show to talk about. And then when you dig a little deeper, it gets a little, it's a little twisted. I, I read that he shot, he shot five tigers and, uh,

I don't like shooting tigers. Sure. I think we, I think we can all say we're safely against that. Yeah. Um, and so we're basically, we've got him, he's in jail and he's going to call it. It's like a radio show. He's going to, we got a caller. We got a call. We will not be able to share, uh, Joe, but, uh, we're going to hear his voice. I bet we put up a picture of him. And then you imagine him talking. Um,

Hopefully we'll ask the questions you want us to ask, you know. We probably won't, but we're going to hopefully. Yeah. I did seven seconds of research, so I'm locked and loaded. I know. We all know about him. We all know the basic. The more I read, you know. Yeah, yeah. But we're sort of playing for the big strokes of what people know. And speaking of big strokes, I had a big night last night. Yeah.

What do you mean? No, I'm kidding. Oh. It just sounded like a good setup. Well, if we have a few moments, it was interesting that the astronauts got rescued on SpaceX. Yeah. After Boeing Starliner had some issues and couldn't bring them back. They were going to be there for what, eight days? And they were there for 10 months. And there are side effects. Yes.

Oh, yeah. I have a question about this, Dana. I'm glad you brought it up. And I know everyone's supposed to hate Elon Musk, but he did do a good thing yesterday. Well, what's this Elon Musk stuff? I mean, come on, calm down a little bit. Compartmentalize it. If you don't like Doge, go after that. But SpaceX is an amazing achievement for a private company. I mean-

They totally dominated our friend Jeff Bezos because he really said to NASA, I'm going to give you a billion. I'll do anything you want. They looked at both spacecraft and the one that Bill Shatner went on didn't quite make the grade. What about when it lands and they have like those chopsticks, just grab it when it lands on SpaceX? It's almost impossible. Yes. He goes, ah, ah.

I gotcha. Yes. And that to be able to reuse it instead of throwing it in the ocean brings the cost way down. So that again was a revolutionary feat of engineering. And I don't think people know this. I'm just going by the facts. I don't want to get any letters. Mark Andreessen is a big Silicon Valley investor in tech for decades. I know him casually. He explained that

that Elon is first and foremost an engineer. So if there's a problem with SpaceX or Tesla or whatever, he goes and sits in a room with the engineers for 12 hours. I like that. And that's why he can attract such great other engineers because he speaks their language. There's no barrier, a CEO, I'm going to go golf and make a spaceship. He's actually in there. So I think if anyone is kind of considered a genius, he has to be. You can hate a genius.

But at least acknowledge that SpaceX is a revolution. And Starlink, why I'm talking to you right now. Yeah. Also, here's one part about the landing that I read about today that was interesting is that a former astronaut said that they don't make landings.

money while they're up there, even though it's supposed to be for nine days. So they probably made an extra 1200 or something. For 10 months. Yeah, because they get paid a travel allowance on those days. So this sounds like a joke because it sounds funny, but I want to get to the bottom of what they got paid because that wasn't part of the plan. So this astronaut said that happened to them and they got

$4 a day. They usually get about $4 a day as an astronaut. That's just bad management. If you sign a contract, you should have a stranded. Say again? Uh-oh. And now a word from our sponsors at Betterment. When investing your money starts to feel like a second job, Betterment steps in with a little work-life balance. They're an automated investing and savings app, which means they do the work.

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Make your money hustle with Betterment. Get started at Betterment.com. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-M-E-N-T.com. Investing involves risk, performance not guaranteed. Ready to shoot your shot? Dana, log into BetMGM every day and play the new Fast Break basketball game for your chance to win prizes. All you need to do is log into BetMGM, head to the promotions page, and fire up Fast Break to find yourself on the b-ball court ready to make a play.

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joe are you on the space station are you i know it sounds like he's on spacex uh joe uh what's today like what did you have for breakfast let's just start how are you feeling i've never been in prison and i've never been in prison for i guess seven years and i know you want to get out but what did what did how how have you changed just being in prison all these years what's it like

You know what? I wouldn't believe it if I wouldn't have had them come live there. I really wouldn't. It's crazy. If the general taxpayer knew what was going on in here, they would either close it all down or cut something. They'd have to cut something. This is really – there's no fiction in this.

I mean, if I'd have done something wrong, there's no fixing what I'd done wrong because this is all about drugs and alcohol and bullshit in here. Oh, in prison it is, is that what you're saying? Yeah, it's crazy. If they think they're going to win the war on drugs out there, they need to start by trying to win the war on drugs in here. Are drugs run on the outside from the inside?

Okay, and what are the names and addresses of the guards who let the drugs come in? No, the names of the bad guys, too. There are people who just want to stay in prison, right? Because they get drugs, three meals, and then they get to go run around and lift weights? Is that some people kind of like prison because of this? A lot of them are, what do you call it? Lifers? Conform to this lifestyle? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, because it's sort of a structured life that is, you know, when you get on the outside, that's why there's a lot of mental instability out in the real world more and more every day because it's just so hard to function in a regular society. But there you got walls, you got meals, you got rules, and I guess you got drugs. And Mike Tyson said he had a blast in prison. It's a little different than what...

I like that floor plan. Yeah.

chow or whatever. But it's pretty insane, the amount of drugs. I made it 55 years without seeing heroin, K2, fentanyl or Suboxone until I came to the federal prison.

Were you tempted to get back on or were you ever on drugs and got off? I don't remember. You know, that's the thing that I saw, finally saw Tiger King for the first time about four months ago. Oh, really? Oh, it was a great show. I mean, it was riveting, right? I was pretty disgusted with it to start with because I was like, they made me have to be this big meth head and

And I'm the only one on the show with teeth wearing clothes, you know? That's a good point. That's kind of like the show that Kate McKenna made that was Joe vs. Carol. Did you watch that? Yeah, I was aware of it. I didn't watch it. Was it more accurate or what, from your point of view? I mean, they made me out to be a whole lot more gayer than I am.

So you're a gay, but they made you super gay. Yeah. If they wanted to make money, they would have casted David to play me because that guy that played me went way over the top, man.

Listen, I can do super gay. Just give me some notes. It was, you know, before they actually came out with that, they were going to cast Nicolas Cage. And I was like, no, no, Nicolas Cage is too dry. I said, come on. I said, you want to have a real show? You got to cast David Spade to play Joe Dirk. You know what I mean?

Yeah. How about this? Here's my audition. Fuck you, Carole Baskin, you bitch. I say you got it. I say we got Joe Exotic. We have to make a third movie. We'll at least call back. We have that down. So, you know, I have three movie offers right now.

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to make it out of here either with a pardon or on appeal this year, one or the other. When we do this new show, we have got to team up. It's going to be a classic.

Ah, shit, yeah. You have more movies than me and Dana do, and you're in jail. You've got three going. What an agent. Who's your agent? What about... You can't ask Trump, but did some of your team, or was that someone else not involved with you asking for a pardon? I can't ask Trump what? For a pardon, or did some other people try to sort of help with that? Well, you know...

My people are allowed to record phone calls, so I've made some pleas myself. Then Jerry Jones' lawyer, the owner of the Cowboys, has done a press conference and made a plea to him. I've got an active clemency application in the White House now.

And then the good thing is Enrique, I'm not sure if I'm saying his name right, but he's pretty cool. He's the leader of the Proud Boys. He's going to be in Mar-a-Lago Saturday, and he's going to talk to him about a pardon. Okay, that sounds like a Saturday Night Live sketch about Trump. Why did you...

By the way, who was the last person? We talked to some people in Tiger King. I did before. I couldn't get to you, but when I was on my old show, Lights Out, and when was the last person to see you? Did anyone come in to visit you, or do you still stay in touch? You know what's crazy is...

The only person that has even checked on me was John Reinke, the guy with no legs, the old manager. He checks on me pretty regularly. But other than that, nobody has even concerned themselves whether I'm dead or alive. If Carol Baskin came to visit you and you were across the glass, what do you think that conversation would go like?

Me and Carol had a conversation. Yeah, she came to visit you in prison, and you two were talking. What would it be like? Weird or... You know the crazy part is me and Carol really didn't have that bad of a war going on. It was just she made money convincing people that I was an abuser because I abused baby tigers because I took them away from their mom. And I made money on my...

Podcast, I guess you'd call it. It was actually just an online television show back then on joexotictv.com. I made money because it was easy to make fun of her because she was just batshit crazy. And I know she killed her husband, but that's where our war started was when I started investigating Don Lewis's disappearance.

I kind of went to shit from there, but, you know, I could actually look Carol in the face, you know, right to this day, and the conversation would have to be like, you know, you might have put me in prison, but you didn't put me in a cage because I've never been in an actual jail cell. But, you know, she threw me in prison. I did this for $1,400 in there. It's not that bad. Yeah.

Well, if I go to prison, I'm going to find out how to do that. If you could go back like seven or eight, nine years, what would you have done different? Do you have any regrets of thinking of how you would have handled the whole situation? I'd never have let Jeff Lowe in my life. Okay. He was toxic to you or what was the problem?

Well, Jeff Lowe is the scammer. You know, he conned his way into my zoo, claiming that he was this millionaire, had all this money. You know, come to find out after he got his name on half the property, he was supposed to invest $300,000. Kelly was behind on his car payments. He didn't have anywhere to live. You know, and then what has he got? He's pretty much selling his wife on Insta.

only fans to make a living now. It's like a bad episode of Magnum P.I.,

Yeah, it's crazy. So you and Carol were sort of more like wrestling at the beginning. Like, you know, it was sort of an exaggerated version, like enemies, but you're just hyping it up for the show. And then it took a turn when, uh, it always takes a turn for the worse if somebody gets killed. And then you mentioned that and then it ups the stakes and now it's now, now she's really out for revenge. That's kind of it. Yeah. You know, since,

since the show came out, since I've been arrested, you know, she's gotten on, on TMZ. This call is from a federal prison. Oh shit. I think I saw on Kelly Clarkson. Um, yeah, she gets out there. You're right. You know, she, she got out there and she actually rooted for a pardon for me a couple of years ago. And then, you know, and then about five months ago, she put on her YouTube channel, two videos, her right hand girl, uh,

And Alan Glover, the hitman, talking on the telephone where Alan admitted that he lied about it all. So she's actually put evidence out there that's on my appeal right now that proves I'm innocent. Why did the hitman lie?

So...

Tangled web. Now, it said that you... Did you euthanize, I guess would be a kinder word, five tigers, but it was considered made Carol really mad? Or what was that situation? Okay, okay. I euthanized five tigers. Okay, and where...

The jury didn't ever get to hear and explain anything. It was, okay, I was licensed by the United States Department of Agriculture, okay? And that's who allows you to have a zoo. And they're the ones who help you write your protocols. They're the ones who approve your protocols. They're the ones who approve everything you do.

And my USDA inspector kept saying, Joe, you have 260 tigers. Why are you keeping these five alive? Because they're so old and they're crippled and they're in pain. So we came to the conclusion that we needed to go ahead and put them to sleep. There was two ways in the protocol to put them to sleep. By gunshot.

or as long as it was done instantaneously, okay? Or by injection of a vet, euthanize them by injection. Well, in order to have the vet euthanize them by injection, you have to tranquilize them first so she could walk in the cage without getting killed. Well, that takes about 45 minutes and you have to keep tranquilizing them over and over and over and they have seizures and they have all kinds of throwing up and everything else. So,

Wow.

I see. Yeah. So they didn't charge me with animal abuse or cruelty to animals or anything else. They charged me with taking five endangered species without a permit because it wasn't the USDA who prosecuted me. It was a federal game warden that was working for Carol that arrested me. So it was like... You bitch. They charged me with going hunting without a permit, basically.

Damn. Was there a plea deal at any point for less time and so forth and so on? Never. Never a plea deal. So it was either straight guilt or innocence. And then they sentenced you to 21 years. Oof. Now, with good, good behavior, I've already done seven. Would you reasonably be out anyway in a couple of years or? If I have to do all of this, I'll be out September of 2030.

I see. Four plus years or five years. I see. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I've wanted for years to be able to talk to you, David. It's just, you're that big of an inspiration from your movie you made. And this made my whole... Go right in the middle of his Oscar speech. God damn it. Well, it's obviously, you sound just like him. So he was enamored with you to play him in the movie. So it's very interesting. And he just really wanted to meet you. I think you're his favorite actor.

Well, I heard a lot back then about him when it was going on, but there was nothing anyone could do about it. But I do think his story is very interesting the more we hear about it because it does sound like he was hyping it up a little bit before and then it got very dark very fast. And I don't know what to make of it. On the surface, he seems like a cool dude. Well, it's supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. So the idea was they had to prove...

Um, they had to prove that he hired the hitman. I'd have to really look at the, the proof of that. Cause that was the linchpin. I think for that, the euthanizing, the tigers wouldn't have been seven years, but, but a hire for murder of Carol Baskin, because he believes she murdered his husband, her husband. So he was a vigilante at that point kind of, or, or was he doing it?

I mean, so in other words, that's the linchpin of the case. I'd have to look into it. I'm not an attorney, but. No, but can you rep him? Well, I wanted to announce it today that Joe Exotic has hired me to represent him in a court of law and we'll be doing. I didn't get to ask him, did he gain weight? Did he lose weight? You know, some people go to prison. Most people get very skinny. He was very skinny anyway. Some people shockingly gain weight. And then you think, well, that might make sense because it's a food so horrible.

It sounds like he says like a college dorm and you walk around a lot. They probably are fed. Well, I think it's your own choice, but I have heard that. Yeah. Drugs are rampant in prison and a lot of people want to stay in there. Anyway, I don't know enough about the case, but he got convicted in a court of law. Now he's in prison. But we'll see. Yeah. It's very interesting. We'll see in the YouTube comments. We'll talk more about it next week because we'll hear their questions and

And see, you know, we can make from it what you can make from it. We asked some good questions. Yeah, I talked about the killing of the tigers and, you know, the... Carol Baskin, I thought... Him and Carol, it sounded like an awkward Tinder date at the beginning. You're like, what if you guys got to sit across from each other? Yeah, what would you say? That's a good one. And also, he actually was friendlier about her than...

I would think because after all this. Whatever happened, he's not, he wasn't doing, you do the impression, but with a B word. Dana Carvey, you bitch. Carol Baskin. The Toyota Tundra and Tacoma are designed to outlast and outlive combining raw power with precision engineering, all backed by Toyota's legendary reputation for reliability. Climb inside a Tundra and experience the uncompromising strength

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Dana, it's awards season, which means we're due for some classic red carpet combos like strapless dresses and statement necklaces or acclaimed directors and long acceptance speeches. But you know what look always pairs perfectly together? Discover and cashback. You see, Discover automatically matches all the cashback you've earned at the end of the first year. Which is a look that will always serve.

It pays to slay. It pays to discover. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. If he comes out and does a dating show or he and Carol Baskin live together, like, you know, the real world. Well, I was going to pitch him Joe Exotic, naked and afraid. He's in this enclosure. It's like three miles across, like, you know.

There's tigers in there. And can he survive with no weapons or anything, just with his intellect? Can he become the tiger king? And he gets killed immediately. We could shoot a pilot in the prison. Okay, let's do a sizzle. I do like all the pitches, though.

I just want to talk like that. You a bitch. Carol Baskin, she came in here. I can't remember the funniness of the show, but I remember everyone was into it. The whole goddang country was into it. And it's good for a follow-up. Redneck heaven. Yeah, we just wanted to follow it up. We didn't want to take sides in any way. I was just curious. So we let our viewers decide. Yeah, we let YouTube comments decide. But he didn't really...

sound like it was the most horrible place in the world you know i kind of he was had a good attitude about that you can walk every hour i guess there's there's probably lift weights in the yard i just know from the movies and stuff like that but it sounds like a low security or minimum security prison it's not like rikers island uh i wonder if there was any other famous people in there you know that do like these mid-level crimes so they don't really go to the hard prisons and they get

sort of scamper around i think p diddy and harvey weinstein and others are kind of together sam bankman that clown yeah they're all in rikers island having lunch together how you doing sam what's up p it's always like there's some pretty cool people in here and then you're like those guys aren't oh my god it's so early dana i know you saw our producers question pound puppy

All right, what else can we talk about, Dan? We got a lot to cover. We could talk, but we're going to switch gears here. We were, I was just about to say, going to say something about the astronauts until we are interrupted by- I was saying they get, they don't make that much up there, but we're going to find out about that. Well, I say they should have a stranded addendum to their contract. Stranded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They will get it now. They'll get a quarter million a month each for every month because what happens is,

zero gravity that long. I'm not saying specifically their case and I hope they end up fantastic. You get baby feet because there's no push off with gravity. So your feet turn into little rolled up soft baby feet. Your heart gets smaller and I'm hoping that they can build that back up. You,

You grow two to three inches taller. That much? Yeah, that long in space because your spine is never- Sign me up. Compressed. You'd come out 6'2". Let's go. 6'2", smiling. I'll cancel my trip to Turkey where I saw my legs off and add 4'3". Oh, that whole thing. You know what? I say a good pair of boots and confidence-

is all anybody needs. No way. Good pair. It's not doing enough. Good pair of boots. No, I don't even wear boots. That's what I should do. We'll talk later. But those astronauts, yeah, I heard you get taller, but these are other things I didn't know. I didn't know about the baby feet. Baby feet, heart gets a little smaller, but they, you know, another six months. I mean, it is good that Elon got up there. Now, here's, again, I, you,

You guys can put your comments in. So Elon Musk says that he was ready to rescue them earlier, but it was completely the Biden administration that sort of stopped that from happening. I don't know if that's true. That's what I heard. So that's kind of interesting. Oh, really? Yeah. Cut to the comments. Give us comments. We'll read some next week. We don't read enough on the air. We'll read some. I read them.

And they're usually pretty nice, I said. They're usually pretty good. And then a couple get in there. A couple get in there. Sometimes they're just attention seekers. Well, you're going to get... I don't think anyone has ever gotten a five-star consistently.

No. On a podcast because there's going to be some zeros in there. You know what? Fuck these guys, man. Yeah. It's just human nature. If it's 5.0, it's fake. Just go against the grain. But I have a question about podcasts before we start into other stuff. And I also bought a truck over the break. God, you can't. Was there a break? Good for you. I cannot stop. Can't.

I actually kind of want to buy a truck because I sort of live on a farm, but we'll get to that in a sec. I know. My buddy goes, what are you hauling?

Like mostly hats and coats. Well, it's just, look, they did a thing and this is not a thing I'm making up. They put a man standing next to just a regular sedan. They put the same man standing next to a pickup truck. And then they did a poll with women and they're like 87% more attracted to the guy standing next to the pickup truck. Do the math. That's what I'm going for. Yeah.

But I go and bring a trailer sometimes to get trucks. I go all over. I go on Instagram. I DM these people, these sites. Once you get on, I'm in the car, so I get it. It's always old. Well, what was it? It was trucks from the 70s, these old F250s. I had dinner with a guy last night whose favorite car is the Camino.

Or is it called the El Camino from the 60s? That's sort of like the first kind of a flatbed truck, but also kind of... So those are... Those... And he collects them. There's like... Has one 1965. Loves it. You know who drives an El Camino? You'll never guess. Juan Corona? No.

Marky in bus boys, my character. Oh, see, you knew and I knew, and I didn't know that ahead of time, folks, this is not rehearsed. I did not know that, but I kind of figured that you would be a Camino guy.

El Camino. I think John Stamos used to have an El Camino. Is your character called Joe Dirt, but you never refer to it? That would have been funny. No, it's funny that Joe Exotic brought up Joe Dirt, so I can see that. Busboys has some similarities that I am ready for already. It's really underdog stuff, you know what I mean? So there's...

there's themes in movies. The greatest. Sam does a lot of that. It was back in the Caddyshack days and stuff. It was called snobs versus slobs. And it's the blue collar people versus the elite. And yeah, Adam does that in happy Gilmore. He's got,

The nemesis is all Ivy league and Sandler's like, I don't know, lives in a garbage can. It's just, it's the shit. It's the crazy clothes. And he steps up to it. Like he's a baseball player. I mean, it's incredibly charming. And water boy was another brilliant example of the,

You know, the guy has nothing going on, but he can tackle harder than any human. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good if you're extra tough, too. Yeah. I don't know how tough I am in Busboys. But I will say, okay, so I was telling you about a truck. Bring a trailer. I will say it's very, it's getting more complicated to buy it. It used to be click, click, buy, buy, bing, bing. They should make it a lot easier, honestly, because...

People would buy more quicker. Well, who vets? It's still good. Are they vetted? I mean, do you go look at them and kick the tires, so to speak? The problem with the new world of buying stuff is it moves quickly. Started at Barrett-Jackson. I used to go to that in Arizona. And then it's once a year and you walk around, you look at them. The days of actually driving to meet someone in the Safeway parking lot

And then you sit in the car and you drive it around. Yeah. They're not over, but it's also a little more dangerous. But you really have to know what you're doing because most of the cars bought now are, for me, are online auction or bring a trailer or bear it. And you don't sit in them and you don't drive them. And that's the two things you really need to do. Yeah. I think that would be very important. Especially with a bad fucking neck and you sit like this. So if you do that...

You need to do it. So sometimes I go sit in one of that type. So I kind of know what I'm getting and drive it. And then if I get a really good version of that kind of car, then I'll have the right car. And are the sellers rated like a Uber driver, like trustworthy? You can look online to get that. Sometimes on Bring a Trailer, they have a comment section during the seven-day auction and

It's 90% like mechanics and car people. So they're just in there. Can you check the phalange on that? Show me a closeup. I think there might be something a little itchy about it. And then they really like troubleshoot it almost for you. But this is getting too boring. Other than that, I will say, well, I saw, go ahead. Do you have follow up questions? Oh, I just wanted to say that, you know, trucks and this and that and motorcycles, but you see a guy with a truck.

It's like, okay, cool. You know, and then it don't got no muffler. And so it just starts it up and it feels like the car is saying, I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I

I'm impundent. I can't get it up. So that's not good. You wanted a... Viagra. What's your best V8 starting up sound effect? Get on the mic. Um...

I can do more of a jet ski. Stop doing that. There's water in it. Is that a bad one? No, it's just funny. It triggered me. Motorcycle. Babam. Babam.

I've been doing a character called Sound Effect-y. Walks across the grass. We've done this before. Jesus, that's the grass. Opens the car door. Adjusts through a rear view mirror. That's pretty good. Starts it up. Windshield wipers. With no rain. No rain.

With no rain, it's like this. You turn them off and then about 10 minutes later...

You go, oh, fuck, are they still going? That's the fucking intermittent, man. And you're like, oh, this is good. Then it starts to pour. You go back to full tilt. Then you go down. It's a fucking brain twister. I don't need this shit. It's a game. I can't win. Here's the world's worst sound effect comedian. Walk across the grass. Open the door. Adjust the rear view mirror. Yeah.

He's terrible. He has one effect. That's not bad. You're the king of that. Come on now, king. All right. Okay, so one quick thing about podcasts. I got a new name for Gavin Newsom's. Oh, because you know what Trump calls him. What does he call him? He calls it, and he says it in a throwaway. He doesn't even emphasize it. Gavin Newsom. Gavin Newsom is coming up. Oh, yeah, he calls him Newsom. Gavin Newsom.

He's got a podcast where he... Yeah, yeah. I don't know. What does he do? I guess they take calls to see how much to raise our taxes. But this is the name. Ready? I can't believe it was right there for him. Gabin Newsome. Gabin Newsome. Gabin. Gabin. I'll say here's a new nickname, almost like a rapper's name. I'm calling him the Human Pivot because he is...

He's come out against men playing in women's sports. It's a little shaky for a Democrat. And he's also had, I think, Charlie Kirk, which is a famous...

A podcaster is conservative on his show. So I'm calling him the human pivot. He's he's pivoting to the center for twenty twenty eight. Twenty twenty twenty twenty eight. You got to get right down that middle. So he's going to run for president. Is that the idea? Oh, my God. They're all they all want to be president. Every single politician at one point was probably.

president of the senior class and then they want to be power position jesus but once you go on the oval office with the president you go really this numbskull is this knucklehead is the president no matter who it is you meet biden i'm gonna meet the president united states mommy he's not like i thought he'd be

All right. Let's get to the big stories of the day. Okay. Keep doing mine. We'll get to the big stories. No, I'm being serious. Okay. Big stories. Here we go. Wait. Oh, Starbucks ordered to pay. This drives me crazy. I saw this story. 50 million to a guy burned by hot tea. Now, if it burns your wiener, I'm all in. But it always feels excessive because let's say at the drive-thru window, the girl gives it to him and it spills.

If it is not your wiener, a very, very strong stance. If it's your legs, third degree burns. How many people would take third degree burns on their legs for a million dollars? I bet almost everyone would take. No, not everyone. Yeah. A lot of people would take a million dollars. Right. But 50? 50?

That what I would say it was right. The face is melted and then it matriculates to, as you call it, the Wart Wiener. Peeling skin off, screaming. Yeah. And maybe crash your car. And do they really get 50 million? Isn't it kind of like a thing? Well, look at the bottom. Well, what? They ordered to pay 50 million. I don't know. Well, I don't know. It seems like. In order to pay $50 million in a burn injury case out of LA County, the jury delivered that verdict against Starbucks. She's very serious. She looks like Julie Bone. She's very serious.

Okay, here we are. This poor girl. Once you get the genitals, the grossest word.

Well, were they curable? I mean, my graph team, let's get deep into this. Could they have made everything all good again down there? People will still do it. Take away my genitals. I'm not using them anymore. Take away and give me 3 million.

How much for your genitals? I know. Then you go, what would blow for your genitals? It's hard not to sound drunk saying the word genitals. Your Honor, Your Honor, I just want to say to the court that is genitals. Have you been drinking, sir? You sound like you're drunk. It is a sexy word. I like when girls go, let's see them genitals.

You have a testicular imagination. It's testicular. It's a testicular. Let's see. Another thing I have, Dana, I have a lot to say about this. The poor girl I just saw, I thought the guy wasn't close enough to the window. I'm going to play it again like this is a Pruder film.

So he had to do a big... He also made a stipulation that from now on, they offered him $30 million. And he said, no. He said, I'll take $30 as a settlement if they make every employee screw on the cup or make a new way to do it for the tops to make them secure. And they said, no. And so they risked it, but they had to pay $50. But watch this. This poor girl trying to bust her hump, make her living, working hard.

Look how far that car is. Yeah. Or am I crazy? It looked from our angle a bit far. Look how far she's full plank, sticking her arm out. The thing they don't tell you is that something like this happened. Genitals? Genitals?

47 times a day at Starbucks worldwide. So they're paying 50 million a day and that's why the stock market is being cruel to them. Here's my thing that I always ask.

What would blow the jury away? They get in there and some guy goes, fuck, fuck Starbucks. I say we give them 80 million. And they're like, are you nuts? 80? I say we give 60. That's insane. Finally, they get to the guy going, how about 50? That's more like it. That's a nice. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. It's reasonable.

Yeah, his head's screwed on. This is 50 feels good. Listen, I know Starbucks is rich, okay, but that poor girl's going to get fired. Those jobs are tough too, by the way. Just like lining them up. Anyway, we're on this story too long. Heather's stretching, and I know when she stretches, that means next door. Yeah, she starts doing yoga. Yeah, okay, that was 20 minutes on that one. Oh, yoga. Look at this transition. Oh, wow. Bill Belichick and Jordan Hudson beach day. Yeah.

Okay, so Bill Belichick, the famous coach and his girlfriend, he's 73, she's 23, just have to say it. They're on their backs, both of them? No, I don't understand. Look at it in the second picture. He's on his back. It looks like his legs go straight all the way to the knee. It looks like a grasshopper. He's on his back and she's sitting on his feet.

Yeah. That better not be in her genitals. I don't know what to make of this. No, that's on her hip bones, but it looks a little too much like, hey, dad, put me up, you know. What I think is I'm all for them having a slight age gap. I don't care about it. She's three, he's 500. Now, that's fine. But I will say he, to me, he was the once absolutely no attention coach out of just regular coaches. Yeah.

Every press conference, moving on to Cleveland, next week, you know. Yeah. And she's an influencer. So we see who won in this combo. He was called the grumpy lobster man because he wore this cutoff sweatshirt when he was a coach. Oh, yeah, that's right. A man of few words. And now he's got this high-flying, sexually charged influencer. Oh, sexually charged. She weighs probably 115 pounds, so he can at least squat that. It's a reverse squat.

I find this curious. Am I disturbed? The strongest, Dana will say, is curious. I'm saying I don't know what to make of her. If she's of age to consent, I don't know. Listen, she weighs 115. Even with my carry-under wood legs, I could toss her across that beach in two seconds. I'm strong. My legs are strong. And in the comments, they say she calls him daddy. Yeah.

Daddy. Minimum daddy. No granddaddy. No grandpa. No. No. Heather, I'm coming back and I'm putting my hat back on. God bless them all. All right. My hair is not great today, Dan, and we're not going to over talk about it. I got up at 5 a.m. to work on this, so it looks I'm not fine. This shit show? I like this show today. It's fun.

I don't want to be identified as being in this time and place with you, Scarlett Johansson, on why she refuses to take photos with fans in public. Now, this is a great subject because, first of all, we'll start with we all love Scarlett Johansson. She is amazing. Super sweet.

known her off and on over the years. Always friendly. Yeah. I talked to her a lot when I was in New York. Yeah. At the 50th, we did a, she was in a sketch. It wasn't like we were in it together. She actually came up to me at one of the parties and, uh,

She just had her hair up and was dressed different. And she's smaller than you'd think because she plays, you know, superstar heroes. And she's talking to me for 10 minutes. And then I finally went, oh, oh, you're Scarlett Johansson. I didn't know. Yeah. But that shows she's quite unassuming for being Scarlett Johansson.

uh stunner but she she did suddenly e-bike heather remember suddenly e-bike that was on the 50th but the the interesting big question is what do you do with fans that want pictures and uh she really i think it's ballsy that she comes out and says she doesn't take pictures in public well she'll take them i think on a red carpet or at an event

When it's work about the movie, but she's trying to have a regular life and this rubs people wrong. And some people it rubs right. And some people it rubs their genitals. There's a whole lot of rubbing going on. Yeah. Okay. Here's what else she says. I like to be in my own thoughts that have nothing to do with what other people think of me.

I don't like being self-conscious. It is true, Dana. You know this. Whenever you take a picture, you go, I don't even want to say it's bad lighting. I don't even want to say I look like shit today because they always go, no, you don't. You look great. It's who cares. It's just give me that motherfucking picture. I don't care anything. I'm like, I've got blood on my face. I've got an actual live bloody nose. Just take it. It's fine. You look great. So I get...

I was with a famous person who wouldn't take pictures. We were hanging out. No, you're very nice. You were nice. I'm too nice. I mean, Scarlett Johansson is different. She's a movie star. She's in Marvel movies. She's globally famous. Yes. And here's what I want to add to this, which I really discourage.

Is that now sometimes people will then just start taking video of you. You're walking down the street without permission. And they'll make a TikTok out of it. Scarlett Johansson looks sad or whatever. So look sad. Why is she so bummed? Most people are looking at paparazzi and make that face because they just realized the fun's over. There's someone following them and filming them. So they go, Ooh, they weren't a good mood today. It's like, well, yeah, they just saw you.

So why are they chipper? And the problem is that someone like that or really big, famous people, obviously Brad Pitt or whatever, they start doing that. They draw a crowd and then they may be there for an hour. It's literally logistically impossible. The thing that I would do, and maybe people do it. We don't know.

But you can get a prosthetic nose, which changes a face so radically that just sort of almost just goes right on like that and walk around invisible. And I bet people do that. Sure. And they run. And you don't know it. And then you don't know it. They walk amongst us. Heather, the place where I get my prosthetic wieners, will you see if they have noses? Thanks.

On it. Dana, also, she's very pretty, and she's always getting attention for being pretty anyway, like Zendaya. You add in famous, and it's too much chaos. I do think that men on the horny, inappropriate side, predatory side, obviously it's bigger than women being predatory the other way, although it happens. I mean, I often thought that why do women chase pop stars?

Like the Beatles used to get 300 women chasing them, but if they'd stopped and turned around, the women wouldn't, they would have stopped. But so women have a different kind of lane for what we call creeps. Sure. And, and she's exponentially worse, especially your plan. She, she plays a leading actress, the very attractive femme fatale in the movie, and this can get people crazy. So I have a lot of empathy for,

They just want to be artists. They did not plan on what was going to happen. And, you know, just try to respect them. When I was a kid and when I first saw a famous person, I didn't go up to him. I could just tell. I saw Michael Landon from Bonanza in a restaurant. I got, no, I'm not going to go over. You can just sort of tell they would rather be left alone. My first one, my first instinct was you owe me.

You owe me. I know. And then I go and rub their genitals. You know, when we were in Fantasy Springs, Dana, you were very, remember we went to dinner, we get a lot of, that was our own fault. We ate at, you know, when you work at the same place where you're doing a show, you

It draws attention. I never do that. We eat there. We ate there. I have to say, like, I don't really have a face and I've told people this before. It's, it's very benign. If I'm like this and I changed my lower jaw to Mickey Rourke,

No one sees me. So I can walk around. But with David, with the trucker hat, what's up, everybody? It's like walking around Disneyland with a guy dressed as Mickey Mouse. I mean, everyone. You are fine, my ass, but you're very nice to your fans. You're casual. We were nice in the airport. We're nice to everybody. Yeah. But we took, I was saying, we were taking so many pictures. The funniest thing is at dinner.

I never do this. And I don't want to bring any attention to you, but can I climb on your shoulders? Just for one second. It is funny when you're in mid-bite. Excuse me. I hate to do this. We were like this. I'm like, oh. And they're like, and then one lady was just standing there because people kept coming up. One stood back. So I said, I was eating and I go, are you bringing us backstage? I go, we're almost done. We're going to pay up. And she's like, okay. And then when I went over to her, she goes, can I get a picture? I go,

Aren't you? Don't you work here? And she goes, well, why are you saying, why are you standing? I had a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs with extra sauce. And I heard, I hate to do this. So I just dove my face into the spaghetti meatballs and I turned and it was just dripping off my face. She goes, you're not Dan a Garfo. So yeah, you're Carrie from the movie. Look up master disguise.

And one of the first scenes where my character, Pistachio, spills spaghetti and meatballs on the people all over their faces. And they're frozen like cartoon characters. We never show clips. If we could show a clip, that'd be awesome. No, we can't. I couldn't look shittier today. My own movie? All right, one more. Okay. I don't know. We're doing good. It's amazing. Oh. Oh. Okay. Play this.

Everyone on Earth peed into the Grand Canyon. You might think it would fill up in less than a day. Oh, if. If. The Grand Canyon can hold about 1.2 quadrillion gallons, and the average person pees about half a gallon a day. So if all 8 billion people peed at the same time, they'd only add about 4 billion gallons of pee. If everyone peed, it wouldn't fill it up. Everyone on Earth is peeing in the Grand Canyon for 800,000 years to fill it up.

That's, I would have bet the under. Wow. That is one big canyon, I'll tell you that. I like how it just starts, it's peeing in the Grand Canyon. What's this story? I guess it's if everyone peed. This is what Elon Musk is trying to stop. It was $2 billion to these scientists to figure out if everyone on Earth peed. It took them seven years to get the number, 800,000 years.

Just to be on one TikTok where we all roll our eyes. Now, you had a study where you said

It would take the entire earth 800,000 years to fill up the Grand Canyon. You got paid to figure that out. Your words, not mine. And you're mad we're cutting that out of the budget? What else are you working on? What's the next one? If everyone pooed in the Mississippi River, it would take two million years to fill it up with poo and feces. Now, can we have a billion dollars for our study? Yeah.

And let me get my puke bucket. If everybody puked into the Grand Canyon, we don't know the answer. Could we get half a million dollars?

Your words, not mine. Your words, not mine. Your pee, not theirs. Your study. Is that where all the money is going? That Doge is trying to get? I don't know. I'm Doge-ing myself, you know. I guess we end on that little fizzler. I think so. That was a fizzy fizzle. But, you know, Joe Dirt 2, 3. Joe Exotic. Is that what you're talking about? Well, we had Joe Exotic on. If you just click toward the end so you can hear more ads.

Yeah, if you want the ads. Hey, man, it's called a post roll. I don't think it is. I don't think we have a post roll. We just say goodnight, Cleveland. But so he fanned out on David. This should be in the introduction, but that was kind of fun. He really is a fan of yours. I did like hearing about that during the.

One of the few fun things about the pandemic. It was a 15-minute interview. We couldn't see him from some federal penitentiary. We tried to get video for people asking. We tried to get video, and they said no. And we heard someone behind him go, can I get the phone? I just want to call my mother. I wanted to ask him, is he always nervous of getting beat up or something? I would be worried like someone's out to get you, you know?

Oh, definitely. You got, we have to create alliances. You have to get the biggest boyfriend. We didn't ask any of this stuff. I know. Well, yeah. We're the worst. Yeah. Okay. Well, always next time. Okay. Thanks everybody. Thanks everybody. Dana. See you next time. And thanks for listening and watching. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.

Hope you liked it.