SUPERFLY #69 - Housekeeping
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Yeah, Dana, I travel all over and sometimes, you know, you're on the road. Sometimes I get stuck with a hotel I don't love. And what happens is you think you see a few pictures, we look online, then you get there. And sometimes I was like, I should have tried to do an Airbnb on this one, you know? Yeah, I was on a road trip to Montana and we stopped in Winnemucca, Nevada. And Winnemucca...

There's a toddler in town. Let's just say there wasn't maybe the best choices in Winnemucca. So an Airbnb would have been a much better choice, but I still had a good time in Winnemucca. Don't want to badmouth the town. You know, people can also take their houses and make them Airbnbs. That's the other flip side of that. You know, you go stay at nice ones, but if you have a place...

It could be big or small. You know, you never know. Yeah. And while you're away, your home could be an Airbnb. Yeah. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash host. You know how it goes. Getting super into something that can lead to watching it, listening to it, reading about it, maybe even picking up something to go with it.

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Before we, no, you got to go backwards. You got to get over to where my hand is. You fool. What's wrong with your brain? I'm not good. Oh my God. I can never do the weather. Hope we have a good podcast. Good one. Hey. Wow. Sweet. Geez. I'm sorry. I have giant hands. I apologize. No, mine are bigger. Okay.

Ah, if you ever take a picture of your wiener, really put it right in the camera like that. You like that? And then it looks normal. Well, I just want to bet with Heather that you would say wiener. Heather, you owe me. No, listen, I have bigger fish to fry. I'm going to start off with a story. I want to hear your story. And you know what?

I'm not going to try to sabotage you by interrupting you constantly. Okay. I'll interrupt yours though. Okay. Ready? Here's what happened. All right. I have a roller on the ground like this for like my neck. So I was laying on it in the middle of the day for no reason, just to.

open up the excruciating pain I'm constantly in, even though people in the comments feel free to poke at me. It's fine. You know, I'm used to it. I'm like Rudy, you know, I take it. So here I am laying there like this. And then a housekeeper that has been here for years comes in and she said, she said, David, do you wear a sleep mask at night? And I said, no.

why'd you find one? She goes, no, but do you wear pads on your eyes or something when you sleep? And I go, no, where's she going with this? You will never know because she goes, cause I saw you on Jimmy Fallon and you look so puffy and your eyes are such big bags. I thought, oh my God, what's going on? What did you say to me? Why would you jump to that from that? Why would I even connect that? And I go,

no, I was fine. And then she goes, oh, I just thought, oh, maybe you drank all night. Maybe you stayed up all night or maybe you haven't gone to bed in weeks. I go, no, I didn't. You're not exaggerating. I'm not really exaggerating. And I go, no, I didn't really do anything. I had dinner with Nate and I went to bed. She goes,

Oh, and then it's not over. We walk outside. It's kind of dim in my room. We get in the light hallway and she goes, oh, there they are again. What? What are they? The bags? Yeah, like a magic trick. Oh, hey. Like she went like that, pulled them up. I go, yeah, they're always here. And she goes, and then she's like, like, I'll mind my own business now. But then all day I'm like this.

Well, that literally, we had Larry David on a couple weeks ago on our sister podcast, and that literally could be a Curb episode. The over-familiar housekeeper is very personal. Are you going to wear those jeans? We had one who spoke mostly Spanish. I don't know if your housekeeper. Yeah, she can do both. In California. She can't? She can't. She can't.

Well, I visited you a lot over there and, and, you know, I'd run into the hallway and stuff and she'd go, huh? Do you put a nice cold compress on underneath your eyes? Cause you don't have anything going on. No, no, no, no. She says, is Dana. Okay. And I go, why? She goes,

I just want to know if he's okay because I just took a glance. I mean, it's probably not my business. I go, oh, it's 100% not. And she goes, I just wonder because his hair is a little frizzy today. Well, maybe she's lost her calling. She should be a life coach. You know, sometimes she goes like this. Your shirt is a little wrinkly, but this is what you wore and you picked to wear? And I go, mm-hmm. She goes, yeah.

Well, I'm kind of disorganized, you may have noticed. Well, your house looks like a mess behind you. Well, I'm under house arrest, so this is where I am. Obviously, I'm wearing an ankle thing. I can't leave this room. I mean, no one would try to... The thing about this, though, some people said, oh, it's not good to have a door, but I feel like it's kind of like

Like, is something going to come through that door? Sure. You know what I mean? Everyone's thinking that in the comments. But sometimes when I was foolish, I had a little extra shekels in my pocket and I'd go to the ATM. A couple of bands in my jeans. I didn't really, a lot of times my pants were,

would go into the laundry with lots of twenties and tens in the pocket thousands. And then they go through the dryer. And then, so I'd go down there and she would, she's incredibly sweet, totally honest. She would line them up on top of the dryer, like all these dollar bills or whatever. Oh yeah. You want to know weirder spade when I was probably 11 or 12.

I would get all my money, obviously bored. Dad's gone. What do I do? So I would take the spritzer from the iron and I'd go on them and then I would iron them and I'd spray a little water on them, iron them flat. I liked them nice and crispy. And then if that wasn't weird enough, by the way, should have been an insane asylum. Then I'd go to the top of the stairs and I'd let them go and they go all the way to the front door.

Is that crazy? And Brian would walk in, deesh, grab one. Yeah, I was a busboy and I'd get paid maybe 10 bucks. So they just came out crinkly and I'd just throw them in a basket. And everyone thought I had a lot of money, but it was all ones. It was like $60. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you want to hear about my travel? Yeah, let's hear about your travel while we got you. I'll just go through them. Here we go. Going to Chicago with my wife. So we go to the airport because we have our cars. Chicago. What's the real pronunciation? I think you said Chicago instead of Chicago. Chicago. I call it Chicago.

So we get to the airport, flight's getting, we're getting a little late and we go round and round and round and round and round in the parking garage. She's following me. Long story short, there's no parking unless you park where electric cars could park.

Is this LAX? I'm sorry to interrupt you. Oh, you're on your way there. Okay. We drove there and then we went into the parking garage next to United and every single thing was taken except there were some open if you had an electric car. Now I have a hybrid. My wife has a regular car, just a dirty car.

a Volvo. But so we just decided we're going to park and it said $250 minimum a day. So we thought we'd come back either with them towed or like a $5,000 bill, but they were left. So anyway, that was the first. Wait, wait, $250 minimum fine a day. Well, hybrid, I would count.

In my head. Yeah. So I don't really understand those because what do you plug them in? They go away for a week and they're still plugged in. I mean, so I didn't really get how they work. It takes that long to charge one. So that was a little stressful. Now this, this has never happened before. We go through the security. I know people have security jokes. I go through, I look back, there's the little cartoon person and it's got a big red block over my crotch, just a big red square. Yeah.

My wife comes through behind me. Same thing. Big red square. We have two people in front of us kind of going, huh? Would you? They asked me, would you like to go to a private room for a pat down? I said, no, I'm married. So I said, no. And they asked my wife, too. We don't. We just thought it was funny. I don't want to exaggerate for comic purposes. I think it was a six to seven minute program.

pat down, you had to turn away, put one foot forward and crouch down. Then they're up underneath. There's nothing grabbing, grinding, looking. And there were people who kind of thought I was your, your friend from, from flying on the wall. And they're looking, there's a little crowd gathering, they're padding. Then they come to the front, boom, boom, boom, grab, boom, boom. So that was kind of exciting at the same time it's happening to my wife. So the, both of us are just doing this groping dance and,

And this shocked me as I'm leaving the guy who patted me down, lit up a cigarette. I go, dude, did you know what you should have said? Can I just pat down my wife and we'll let you know what happens because what was the big square in your crotch? What do you think?

Was it that we were hiding a gun in our pants or an explosive device? I mean, we don't look like that. I mean, I did say to him at the end, because I get a little passive-aggressive sometimes. Yeah, sure. I said, because I felt there was one grope that was for him. One too many. There was one squeeze. One for the team. Yeah, one for him. So I said, are you happy?

I said, I wasn't, I go, are you happy? Ah, you gave him that one. And he goes, he kind of nodded. And then I high-fived his blue glove. Ah. Yeah. And then I smelled it. He goes, sometimes the house wins. I didn't do that. Okay. You got to grab your balls. Yeah, I haven't. Remember I told you, Dana, they go like this, back, I'm going to go to your crotch area. Yeah, the back of the hand. You want the back of the hand? I go, let's go front.

Oh, you just give them everything. Yeah, I go, let's have some fun. Come on. Okay. So this part is not an exaggeration either. So we fly to Chicago. We're coming in. Chicago now. St. Louis had a tornado and blew up a dust storm. Oh, that's right. So as we're flying, we made all the news. We see it in the distance from the plane.

It's 100 miles wide and 20 miles tall of dust. It envelops Chicago. There's tornadoes and thunderstorms and 60 mile an hour gusts. So the guy's like, we're going to have you ground in a minute. We've got a dust storm, tornadoes, thunderstorms, winds out of the southwest that's gusting to 70 miles an hour. We'll have you ground in just a minute. So when we were coming into Chicago, we couldn't even see it.

It was so covered with dirt and it was, it was a little light chop. You wouldn't have liked it. A little dirty air. Literally. I will, I will add in this part of your story. Dana does not love flying and you add in all this chaos. What was Paula doing? Paula is the opposite of me. She is so relaxed, calm,

Like, cause on the way back to LAX, we're coming in the gears down. All of a sudden the gear comes up like 40 seconds from landing. And the guy does a steep left bank. Wait, he does. He gives up on it. Yeah. You go. And he goes, I go, Oh, we, we just screwed the pooch. We, we, we got to go around. Then he comes on and goes, uh, there was a plane that was on the runway. So we're going to go around.

probably take us about 15 minutes to get back in line. We'll get back to you. To do a U-turn? Jesus. No, there's planes, you know. And so then two minutes later, he takes a steep dive with the gear coming down. Clearly the tower said, if you do this, you can go in. And then we made a really hard landing. I had someone on the aisle behind me who said it was their first flight. Oh, wow.

I'd shit a brick. She goes, I don't like this. I've gotten much better than I've been because I've been flying so much. I'm kind of like, fuck it. But my wife's more like, hey, and I use this too. In World War II, they were flying and getting shot at. I mean, what are we? We're such babies. Anyway. I mean, we are babies because it's definitely, you know, they pretty much all land. It's just, it's very upsetting and it scares you and tightens up your stomach. And you land a little rock, a little dizzy.

Well, it's, it's, you know, like I always say, if you surf the web for an hour, go on daily mail or whatever, you're hypnotized into darkness. So when you're reading all the time, it seemed your brain feels like planes are crashing about every two to three minutes. Cause it's boom. So that's where the fear comes up. Well, that Newark airport thing doesn't really help relax you. Um, I probably avoid it till they get it figured out. Call me crazy.

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Ask about, next card, plus choose. Hey there, Podcast Universe. It's Brian Greene from the mediocre comedy podcast sensation, The Commercial Break. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and in an effort to drive some awareness about your mental health awareness, my co-host and I are going to drive ourselves crazy

by doing 12 episodes in one day. That's right, May 31st, 2025, starting at 10 a.m. East Coast time, we'll be recording and publishing 12 brand new episodes, 11 and a half of which no one has asked for. We'll be talking to some of our noted friends like Tig Notaro, Reggie Watts, and Tom Papa. We'll be taking calls from listeners. We'll be celebrating five years of doing this show, and we'll be making our best effort to stay awake the entire time.

Listen to the commercial break wherever you listen to your podcasts or visit our website, tcbpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video, more information about Christy and I. You can find us on our network partner's phone application. That's Odyssey. It's a free app, so go ahead and download it. Stream us there. Best to you. Hey, when investing your money, it starts to feel like a second job. Betterment steps in with a little work-life balance.

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Investing involves a risk. Performance not guaranteed. In a fun story, my mom saw Tom Jones in Arizona. Where did she go? The Arizona Financial Center? Dude, Tom Jones can, I think it's a 5,000 seater for Tom Jones. Wow. I knew he was a big star, but he's raking him in. And they really took care of my mom. They gave her a, she had a knee operation. They gave her a box, moved her into a box. Isn't that nice? Wow.

I want to thank them. I love your mom. Yeah, she just got her knee replaced. Maybe I'll go to Arizona and just hang out with her. I'll go, I'm surrogate, Dave. We're around the same size. I said, why'd you get your knee replaced? She goes, it wasn't that bad, but I want to fight Dana. So I want to have it as strong as possible. I was like, ooh.

Why? She didn't even tell me why. By the way, just did this for a second. Tom Jones is my wife's, I mean, might be her favorite. Oh, really? Now, he's had a renaissance. He's been on these talent shows and he's somebody who just has not lost his voice. And he sings like Pavarotti, but as a rock star.

So if young people are listening, just YouTube Tom Jones.

I was over at the Wynn. He was playing there. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? I would have seen him if I wasn't doing the show. And then I thought, if I see him, I'm going to go, my mom is coming. I would have said that. Well, I saw him once, quick story here at Harrah's, I think in Tahoe. And his clothes, his pants were incredibly skin tight. I mean, they weren't even pants. So it was like, you know, and then he would, he would turn around for a drink of water.

And that you'd hear a lot of the women scream. And then he would turn back and say, literally, I see we have some Fanny watchers tonight. Oh boy. Every time he turned around, they would scream. I see the Fanny watchers are still pleased. And then he turns and he goes, I see some weenie watchers are here. And Danny goes,

Now, he puts his wiener on the outside of his pants. He goes, they're too tight. I got to put it on the outside. He was famously gifted downstairs. And I guess famously Milton Berle had the same problem or dilemma or whatever and came to him and wanted to show him. And so this Tom Jones told the story. And then Tom Jones said, yes, he had me beat. But I turned around and I heard a little sound and I knew he was a funny watcher. Funny watcher.

Yeah. You know what? I didn't even check on my mom if she's a Fanny Watcher. I did not even...

you know, ask her ahead of time. Does she find, cause he was a full blown sex symbol in the sixties with women throwing things and all that. Her favorites are Elvis, then Willie. And then Tom Jones, we went and saw Willie once together. It was great. And now Tom Jones. Okay. I will go bird hunk hunker. You know what? Last night I looked up Tom Jones on, on YouTube. No jokes. I wanted to hear green, green grass at home to your jigger, to your jigger and Delilah. And, um,

It was an old video of like the old cool 70s shows. Yeah. Like a weird kind of bright set. And he's in a Engelbert singing who looks like Brad Pitt and Brad could easily play him in a movie. Look exactly like him in this clip. Yeah. And then Tom interrupts him. And then they start singing each other's songs like that old innocent kind of cool. They both have tuxes on. They start taking. Oh, yeah. Anyway, they're great. They're both great. No, no, no, no, no. Okay. Yeah.

Boring, that stuff. Lastly, I would say before we get to the stuff. Oh, the Cannes Film Festival is on. One thing is that all the people that showed up that were, you know, a little bit of hot water, we'll say. But I just saw the list of James Franco, Ezra Miller, Kevin Spacey.

Shia LaBeouf. So they're all there on the carpet doing different things. Wow, that's an interesting game. Isn't it? Interesting. Like maybe they've served their time in jail, career jail. It's always like a varied time of how long, but are you ever allowed to work again? Are you not? How rough was the crime? It's such an interesting thing of like, they're all there, but it's not even America, it's France. So are they

Grading it on a curve. I don't know. I know. I mean, it's like, are you convicted in a court of law or not is one bar. Yeah. And the other is just, you know, public opinion, public opinion, uh,

misunderstanding or whatever or they you know but yeah i think the the canceling thing is tamped down a little bit we can't like whack them all yeah i actually saw shia labeouf who i think is kind of cool in the movies he's great at that man yeah he was he was walking down somewhere it's kind of like let's say you're at the airport you're walking you see a bunch of people that know you so they're following him and they want him to sign stuff and i see him he's getting more and more

pissed, but he was very cool about it. I think he's self-aware enough to go, these guys are all in my face. And the second he takes one photo, like if people are walking behind him, he goes, yeah, yeah, take a photo. And then they all get in front of him to block him so they can get one. Tries to walk again. No, no, just sign this one thing for my nephew. But he was very cool because they're really like yelling at him. People get mad and he had to keep moving. So I give him that. He didn't flip out.

Yeah, I mean, it's hard not to. It's hard not to because it's a big country and sometimes it's just 15 or 20 people

Who are not, it used to be in the old days, gee, Mr. Clark Gable, could I get your autograph? And now it's a monetary thing, I guess. And so it's very, it's aggressive and sometimes it feels a little scary. Yeah, you know, it used to be all fans. Now it's not really fans, it's people that, fake fans that say sign this or, you know, quipping an asshole. Sign, sign, sign, sign, sign. Also.

And then you don't sign one and they hate you. And then they go, sign, sign everywhere you sign, please. You can't win. Also, I don't love hearing about these standing ovations. Maybe I'm cynical, Dana. But 11 minutes, nine minutes. These people have nowhere to go. Who can clap their hands in the Guinness Book of World Records for more than like 30 seconds? 10 minutes.

It's become a thing. So there was one director who was outside and he was like, he's actually, he was looking down and tears coming down his eyes and they asked him what happened. He goes, we only got the six minutes down in ovation. That's just like nothing. That's literally zero. I think they've done an hour.

haven't they yeah that's a bomb i think i would say start the standing ovation in the last 20 minutes of my movie when i play mine and then just so it'll wrap up by the time the movie's over

I want to be, if you, if bus boys does have a premiere, I'm going to be there. It'll definitely be in France. Yeah. And I'm going to lead, lead the applause. Maybe it'll just be at some kind of local, uh, whatever busbies theaters and theater. And listen, I've heard the word Oscar bait with bus boys just on rough. Um,

I think that there's nothing, there's no bigger compliment. I mean, the 20 minutes of innovation, but there's no bigger compliment than reviews of actors, people who pretend in front of an electronic lens to

Daniel Day-Lewis's performance as Abraham Lincoln is nothing short of a miracle. It's miraculous. David Spade is a revelation as busboy number two. As Marky the busboy. He's exquisite.

He will reorientate the Earth's axis as it revolves around the sun. David Spade is a miracle as Busboy Billy. Instead, it'll be like, David Spade struggled. It seemed to get to the end of the movie in this. David Spade puts the phone in phoning it in as he coasts his way through Busboys.

He unbelievably took out a rotary phone. That's how slow his performance was. David Spade looks lost. David Spade is in a different movie than Theo Vaughn. What's happening?

Does anyone understand this movie? Did they play it backwards? What's going on? Yeah. If I could understand it, I'd give it a rating. But for this... I couldn't get through the poster. This cub reporter has to say, it's a stinker. This cub reporter. I've never seen a movie before. And this is what I start with.

They had the camera set up. Surely people were talking and moving about, but the whole thing is like a fever dream. I don't remember one second.

It was a one long run on sentence. It might have had one laugh, but I fell asleep too long to know if there were more laughs. Hi, I'm a cub reporter for movies.com slash fly. I sat in the audience and in an hour and a half, I heard one Twitter and one chortle. Here's my, it's a titter. Here's my slow motion act out of the premiere of an audience, the audience. Okay. Good. Jeez.

I got bush. The best in the world. I haven't done that before. Good assist. David Spade and Dana Carvey's act out of happy audience member is a tag team extravaganza. One doing sound effects and one pretending to be in slow motion.

Okay. All right. But before I get to some stuff, I'll say thanks for watching the Amazon special. It's doing well. And if you want to go on my TikTok, I put up one of my ET jokes, which gives you a little taste. And remember, everybody, these things are released on social media. It's a huge universe. So Dandelion is just there like a book on a bookshelf. So that's why we mentioned it in the ensuing weeks after the premiere. Right.

Dandelion, Amazon Prime. Yeah. Thank you. Pop in. All right, let's look at some stories. What's going on? Let's do it. We'll keep it snug. We're moving right along. Let's snug it up a little bit. We're good. Want to pull off the season's freshest trends? You just need the right shoes. That's where Designer Shoe Warehouse comes in. Loving wide-leg jeans? Pair them with sleek, low-profile sneakers. Obsessed with the sheer trend? Try it with mesh flats.

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I found a kid who swings a golf club like a dream. I'd like to try to qualify him for the U.S. Amateurs. Coming to Apple TV+. What's your name? I'm not into older guys, but I'm flattered. A new comedy series, Stick. I don't want to go on this trip. Your mouth's saying one thing, but those eyes are saying something else. From the home of Ted Lasso. Is he your shot at redemption? This is your mulligan? Owen Wilson. This game takes and it takes. The game's finally giving me something.

Stick. You know Arnold Palmer? Iced tea. Lemonade. Mix it. I'm missing a nap for this. Streaming June 4th on Apple TV+. Roll baller Lonzo Ball for buzz balls. Ready to go cocktails. Take 12. Buzz balls just dropped their biggest blue balls. Script says Biggie's blue balls, Lonzo. Take 13. Blue balls just dropped their biggest buzz balls. Ugh. Let's try a vocal exercise. Buzz balls, Biggie's blue balls. Buzz balls, Biggie's blue balls. Big balls just dropped.

Get blue balls this season with BuzzBall. Please, you're responsible. BuzzBall's available in Spirit, Wine, and Malt. 15% alcohol by volume. BuzzBall's LLC, Carrollton, Texas. What a dumb story. I hate it already. We're looking at a big red ball on top of Central Park. If you were to combine all 8 billion people on Earth into a giant meatball, it would fit in Central Park. That's kind of shocking. I would have thought way bigger.

Well, they're saying 8 billion. Let's say the average human, you have got kids and stuff and aboriginals. I mean, maybe the average person is 100 pounds times 8 billion. Heather, it's a trillion pounds and you can fit it in a Central Park. Who asked AI this one?

Yeah, I think 100 pounds, that's what Heather is. But how about the rest of the world that averages like 220? We're in America, don't forget. Right. We're not exactly the waste model capital of the world. What are we supposed to take away from that? Eat more, become bigger people, or be proud that we can fit into Central Park? What's our emotional takeaway? I think it's, did you think it would be bigger or smaller? And is everyone going like this, or is everyone going like this?

If they're going like this, it's bigger. Well, what was the Grand Canyon and everyone peed in the Grand Canyon? Yeah, they could not fill it up. They could not fill it up. Is this all AI or just freaks in a basement? These are all questions that everyone's asking. Shut up, Brian. A building could fit like a meatball. Shut up. How much meat is in that? Or is it all just people? Do you put meat between the people to round it out? I don't know. Did you ever see Soylent Green?

Soil and green is people. Soil and green is people. No, it was with Charlton Heston. And soil and green. Yeah, I did see it. It scared me. Everybody you know has been dead for thousands of years. The late great Phil Hartman did the best Chuck Heston. Okay, next one. Oh, this is interesting. OpenAI co-founder wanted to build Doomsday Bunker to protect consumers.

scientists because he thinks if AI takes over

The guy that knows the most about it is terrifying. He's like, I'm scared. Let's build a bunker while we're developing AI because we might have too high. AI will fucking find you in two seconds. What are they thinking? If AI is after you. There are people that go, it's going to help mankind. You don't know. And then there are people who really think this is, humans will not be the only, I mean, we will be obsolete and maybe sort of,

We must be eliminated. I mean, there's been so many movies from the 50s and there also was

um a star trek episode about this remember no no man i think it was called or whatever it was just this metal thing it was like 10 feet tall and it would just wander around the universe and destroy civilizations and it did it for a trillion years until it ran into the logic of james t kirk so it's like i am nomad i must destroy imperfection but you yourself are imperfect

All they had to do was say that. I'm imperfect, imperfect, imperfect, and exploded. A billion years, it destroyed universes. It took Bill Shatner 20 seconds to wipe him out. Have you seen some of those? You don't know what you're doing. Sorry, go ahead. You're a little piece of tinfoil.

You must destroy all life, but you are part of that life. You are really being a bummer. No wonder William Shatner. I don't know how he didn't just pull his neck out or something or hurt his back. I, you, can't believe what you're saying. You

You! It's not my best impression. We need to get Kevin Pollak in here. No, you're pretty good. But it's a fun impression. Also, I saw some Elon Musk robots, and they're really putting on the ritz. They're not just like, I'm... They're like, yeah, that, that. They're almost doing fucking Billie Jean out there. And you go, it's getting...

Too fast. Well, think of it this way, David, if I may. Think of the Wright brothers on a basic homemade glider going 120 feet. Then 50 years later, 60 years later, you've got 500 silly monkeys 10 miles in the sky going across the ocean.

We're going to make a leap in AI from a glider to a 747. So you don't know what's coming. I know you're scared. Here's my quick new impression of you about AI. Quick impression. What's going on? I don't understand. What are we supposed to do? And what's going to happen? You can't see below peeing my pants. Of joy or fear? Fear. Okay. Kind of like the guy at the airport. So planes went from Kitty Hawk.

To Newark. To Newark, yes. It's falling apart. So AI, well, look, what we'll do to be ahead of ourselves soon, soon because Google AI came out and they're making movies that are totally accurate. What we're going to do is we're going to ask AI to make a podcast with digital copies of us.

And then see if it's better than what we actually do. It will be, Dana. I'm scared it will be so much better. And then come on at the end and go, well, sorry. Or we make tons of podcasts and sit back and collect cash. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. I think all the comments will be, that was a perfect show. And I'll be like, well, that was the AI one. They're like, oh, get back to that dog shit you normally do. Guess what's possible?

With AI and, you know, robo-taxis, Waymos all over the place, somebody could buy 10 robo-taxis. Might cost them $200,000 or something. I'll do it. And then the robo-taxis can monetize 24-7. I guess they just have to recharge themselves. But while you sleep, get it? I can safely say, what do you hate money? Are you not going to do that?

Or do you like money? Is it possible that I have robo-taxis working for me right now? Right now, right now. Sorry. I'll run your rent. Sometimes the future arrives sooner than you think. Welcome to a money machine. Look at the room I can afford and the jean jacket I stole from the photo shoot. Jesus.

There better be a pile of money behind that wooden balsa door. Well, you go every day. You're trying to like, find out what you're going to wear. I put on my uniform and I rely, you're like pink today, maybe a gray hooded hoodie. No, the problem is the people at home don't know this. I reluctantly relinquished black t-shirt to Dana. So Dana loves black t-shirt. We all do, but I always think, okay, if he's wearing a black t-shirt, I have to wear one of my frilly little numbers because I'm

he's cornered that market so this one's purple i didn't go black okay everyone goes are you the same person can you tell it's purple it's kind of dark well i won't just fyi to our audience i may spiff up this a little bit whoa like i could put something behind me oh yeah we got some stuff coming so yeah so we'll see i mean you know

Don't panic or don't throw a party, but just know that there's possibilities. I like where's Waldo. I like when I was in the New York hotel or when I'm at the hotel down in LA or I'm at a farm. You never know. It's where is he? Where's Dana? They always know where you are. Yeah. Because they can hear the construction over on beep, beep, brr-hound, brr-hound.

Oh, I might get a funny thing I'm going to bring on this. Only for you, and it's a write-off. I'm not going to look it up. I'm not going to say one thing. What? You're not going to tell me what you're thinking? No, I will. I'll do it, and I'll bring it, and then you'll be like, oh, okay. But I got to order it. Oh. I'll charge it to Odyssey. Look at my nose. It's so bendy. Look at that.

So weird. Yeah, I know. I just got a text from, hi, it's David's housekeeper. His nose is also very bendy. What the fuck? He goes, she goes, you ever going to get rid of that dent in your nose up there? And I go, why should I? She goes,

Maybe it's just the lighting in here, but it really sticks out like a sundial. Um, okay. Well, are the, so anyway, I had an MRI yesterday that I actually enjoyed and I think I fell asleep just for like a hip thing, but I was in there for 45 minutes in the tube and,

And they are funny because right in front of you is two bolts and a little open slit. So it looks like an AI face. It looks like a face. And then it just, I don't know if people have been, you've been in one recently, it's like...

It starts out quiet. And then it's like, and then it's funny. You know, it's like, it's crazy. And then it goes silent for like 15. Well, only one time that I almost tried to sit up, but they had me strapped in. It's like, and then it stopped.

15 seconds I'm like you know yeah it's so hard to like if you do it for your head or I've done it for my neck obviously but you're in there like this the guy's like are you okay in there are you freaking out and I go because you have to go in like this

And it's so tight. You get to about here and you go, you start, they go, you might have an anxiety attack. Are you okay? Are you claustrophobic? Yeah. They ask. Well, I not really, but then when you're like this, I'm like, I guess you have to be. And then you get like this and he goes, all right, we're going to start here. Okay. He goes, you're going to hear some noises. And it goes, I guess it goes bong bong. Yeah. Like you said, yeah. It goes, kang, kang, kang, kang, kang, kang, kang, kang, kang, kang. You're like,

You can't even hear anything. It's maddening. For 45 minutes. Because of the tube and the way I went in and those sounds and the guy doing that. Are you okay? I felt like I was in 2001. I felt like I was inside that movie somehow. I kind of enjoyed it. Here's what they did. It sounds like a bit. They put earplugs and then big ear cancelling on top and then started talking to me. I just looked at him and was like,

Yeah. And I go, I can't hear one word you're saying. Mine were still, I could still hear him. He goes, it goes bang, bang. Then there's a 10 second silence. And he goes, think your guy's going to do another grownups. It's funny. I thought, I thought if you weren't going for that, then I was going to go for a, so what was up with the turtle man and master of disguise? Yeah. Why wasn't Dana at the reunion?

Yeah. What's up with Spade's hair today? What do you mean hair today? I'm in an MRI. MRI. David, did you get the message I gave your housekeeper about your baggy eyes? Is there any way I could get an advanced copy of Buzzboys? David, if I don't have Amazon Prime, can you send me a link? Why does yours sound so metallical? It's funny. I don't know why it's funny. So...

What was with church lady and what Spade came in and did Hunter Biden? What was that about? If you don't go to the 60th anniversary, will you let Spade borrow your church lady wig? Would Spade fit in that wig or would he need a refit? Yours still sounds like it too. I like it.

Mine's got a big squishy thing in it, though. No, I took this off for a more metallic sound. Okay, go ahead. So what's up with Spade? No, seriously. And meanwhile, the background noise. But I did say, can you slow down the noise? Also, in a side story, we found a huge lump or some sort of foreign object in your body. I think someone left a scalpel there when you got your hernia last time. Anyway, so what's going on with Benchwarmers?

Can you slow down the noises? Hey, I have two more questions about Dana, so I turned the machine off for a while. No, no, keep it going. I want to keep this. I want to finish the MRI. No, it's too loud. Anyway, what else is happening? Since my hands are like this, can you mind if I play a little blues harp? Wow.

Last question from my nurse. Are you too old to have a TikTok? That's a good one. Simple yes or no. Sometimes our job cracks me up. We could end on that if you want. Yeah, I think it was funny.

I think it was a nice tight episode for our fans. We really, we really, I'm really proud of us. Yeah. And, um, that should be our name for our podcast. I'm proud of us. We're proud of us. Yeah. We don't have the, we don't have what other people have, but we, we've got hope. We got us. And we got high hopes. Next, next week. I want to talk about why the movement to hate baby boomers is

There's a lot of people talking about boomers. We'll go deep. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We haven't had anybody on for a while. Maybe we'll get somebody on. Yeah. Maybe get Tim Dillon to talk about that. He's pretty funny about it. He's funny. We can get him to hate anything. Yeah, he's got some good hot takes. He was on CNN the other day, and he's just ripping on everything. It's so funny. That is entertaining. Boy.

Okay. Thanks for coming, Dana. Thanks for coming by my podcast. Appreciate it. I appreciate it just for a second. You've been on Dana Carvey's Superfly with my guest today, David Spade. With David Spade. With David Spade. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.