SUPERFLY #7 - Awards and Afterparties
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's... Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there, I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it? This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose.

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7-15-24 and 9-11-24 and Dell will donate $1.75 for each eligible product within your purchase to ComputerAid capped at $1.2 million total. For details and restrictions, go to dell.com slash deals. Would you host it?

I would co-host it with you. Let's put our hat in the ring. We work cheap. You can tell by the set. I think you don't get paid much, do you? No, you don't get paid to host Saturday Night Live. You actually have to write Lorne a check. That'll be $1,300. I take Bitcoin. Thank you. Thank you, Jennifer Lopez. Do you have to say my name?

I'm going to start with a joke just for fun. Okay, let's do it. This kills really hard, and it's a little politically incorrect in my act. This is Barack Obama giving a little talk to fourth graders and teach them lessons he uses in nursery rhymes. Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack looked at Jill, and Jill looked at Jack. Jill said, I'd like to be a Jack, too.

So Jack and Jack came down the hill. It's a teachable moment. Michelle! Michelle! Michelle! There we go. It's a pretty good joke. It's a little edgy. It's very good.

These two progressives loved it. Oh, yeah. We have everyone represented. We're not Republicans or Democrats. We're regressives. That's our new name. We're regressives. Yeah. We can't understand the news. We don't know what's going on. This is David reading like Wall Street Journal online. What is it? What's going on? I don't understand. Too many big words. Put it in real. That's my best impression. Yeah, I know. I was like, is that me? I guess. The idea was right. That is what I do. Let's treat.

a genius. But tell them about the new studio. A secret genius, he says. Well, we should say that we're in a different location. And normally we're spread around North America. Sometimes I'm in Winnipeg. You never know.

But today we're at a literal bunker somewhere. Undisclosed. In Southern California. Yeah. And spent a couple shekels deep into the coin purse. The company that does the podcast is technically bankrupt. They're in Chapter 11,000. They're bankrupt, but they're generous. And they passed the hat around the office. And so we got these for $39. Yeah.

At the dollar store. So let's, let me see. So Dana, we're in the studio. Where's our camera? I don't even know. There's 17. I think this one's mine. What one should we look at? If it's just me and David talking to our audience. That one in the middle? Below the frame? No. Is that the wide shot? And that's me. Folks, folks, come on. I like this one better.

Come on. We can look over here. Look over there. This is not as the cameras. All right. Before I get into my breakfast. Oh, I'll tell you about my breakfast first. All right. Here we are. We're starting. Take five. Hey, David, how was your breakfast over the weekend? That's a great question. So I got ambushed at breakfast. And this happens sometimes to everybody. I sit in the back of the restaurant facing the wall. I'm reading the paper and

physically eating. So a guy comes around, he goes, hey, I don't want to bug you. Fine. But that's what everyone starts with. They don't really mean to, but that's just... I hate. I hate to bother you. It kills me. Nothing I hate worse than bothering you. I go, it seems like it's going easily for you so far. The thing I hate most is bothering you. It seems like you're doing something you hate. And I know you're eating and I'm literally eating like four cups. Not like I'm sitting. I'm literally eating and I go, huh? And he goes,

If I could give you a pitch for, is there any way I can pitch you a movie for 30 seconds? It's about a guy. Now that was sort of rhetorical. It kind of ran over my yes or no. Yeah. He's, he's ahead of you. You know what I mean? He goes, yeah, he's all, he's all one step ahead of you. So I, so I sit there with my fork and, uh, and then he, this is how he starts it. Listen,

By the way, I'm a good guy. I'm also a Leo. I happen to know you're a Leo. We're both Leos, so we're on pretty solid ground right now. And you still have your fork up here with food on it. Yeah, and I'm like this going, it's getting weaker. You're frozen, you got your omelet. Because I have weak traps and clavicles, and I'm like this. Yeah, so you're literally in pain going like this, listening to this. Egg heavy, has chopped pepper on it, heavier. Egg heavy.

Evie cannot listen to Idiot anymore. Can't figure out how long this will be going. It won't be 30 seconds for sure. Go ahead. So then he goes, so we're both Leos. I know that because I know. They're the lions. I'm a great guy. And then he starts. Now, as he's blistering, he's like, wah, wah, wah, pontificating to this stupid fucking, bloviating is the word I'm looking for. All I can think of is,

This is how you start your foundation on a professional career with someone in acting. Yeah. Not I'm a great producer. Not I've done this in this movie. Not I'm a great writer. It's...

We're both Leos. That's your foundation. And by the way, all I could think of was, I'm not a Leo. And so I go, we're already fucked. Everything else doesn't matter now. I'm not. And I'm a Cancer and I'm getting crabby because I go, what are we doing now? This was your main credit is that you're a Leo. No other credits were mentioned. And then at the end, I'm thinking, what if we're on a set? Do I want a good script writer or do I want a guy shutting down the set because Jupiter's in purple haze?

Astrology. Do I want an astrologist on the set? Or do I want someone that's good at their job? What happens? Do you beat them up? Well, the thing is, you know this data that ever since SNL days,

You can't read an idea for a script. You can't hear an idea for a movie because if you ever down the line do something like that, you will, you could be sued because they go, oh, that was mine. Yeah, you take it six years later. I had a rabbit in my script and then you're handcuffed and taken away. I...

Oh, we're getting a fix on Dana. What's going on? Don't go too tight. Yeah, let's pull back. How about Cleveland? Evan the tight shot guy. He likes to crank down on guys who remember Kennedy versus Nixon. All right. This thing's going to look like the Zapruder film. It's so blurry. But you know, the low social IQ of that guy, because I was once in the early days, I saw Bob Dylan on the streets of Manhattan.

And I'm thinking I should go over there and, you know, talk. I should. And then I thought, don't. He says Bob Dylan. You know, he doesn't look like he wants to be bothered. So I just went up there. Excuse me, Mr. Dylan. I'm your biggest fan. Are you? I don't think you're really my biggest fan. I go, why do you sound like Norm MacDonald? And that was the weirdest thing. Years later, I met Norm. He's like talking like that. I go, you sound like Bob Dylan.

I guess we can cut that No I like that one I actually did run into Springsteen at one point Jogging in the park Boom watch out where you're going

I got my good cowboy boots on. I'm going to run around the reservoir. He's running in his cowboy boots. Yeah, get him. Because I'm Bruce Springsteen. I grew up in New Jersey, but I know a cow when I see one. Can you do anything about that on your bike? Why would I? It's my signature. Do your jaw hurt? All the fucking time. Wearing a bite plate 24-7. Not doing shit. Why are we shitting on him? I know, I like Springsteen. Let's get to these Oscars. Yeah, what are we doing? Let's get to these self-congratulatory dandies. Who cares about the next movie I'm shooting with Leo Guy?

Wait a minute, you're shooting a movie with Theo Vaughn? No, the guy at the fucking Leo that said he's Leo. Oh, the Leo, the Theo, the wheel. I can't keep track of the stories. Leo Vaughn. So the Oscars were last night. Highlights for me... Oscars were not last night. Oscars were the other night.

Oscars were six months ago, but we needed to contemplate. Yeah. We need to contemplate. So I liked Ryan Gosling, Ken's song. I thought he was funny. Yes. I thought that was good. Go ahead. Spielberg getting laughs with cutaways. That was funny, right? Yeah, that was good. Yep. That's it. There's a meme out now that apparently Putin watched some of the Oscars and he went nuts for I Am Ken.

No, he didn't. He's literally kind of giggling. It's an Instagram or something. I really was laughing at Ryan Gosling. He keeps singing, I am Ken. What does it mean? We know his name is Ken. It's so funny.

It went on for a long time. But it was pretty funny. This message was brought to you by Vladimir Putin. I love fly on the wall. He brought Barbie into it when he went to the crowd.

Barbie. Barbie. You know, they always say who wore it best. You know, the women come out and God bless them all. I don't judge. Look at me.

Who wore it best? Last night it should have said, who wore it least? These are the skimpiest outfits I've ever seen. Bra, they put on bra, panty, sheer thing over and walk around. I mean, what's going on, women in the audience? Hey, peanut gallery. Chris? We've run out of ideas on what to wear. Did you think it was especially sort of less clothes on the red carpet or no? Well, it's a trending thing right now where

you wear a see-through like lace number with underwear yeah and so why do you think it is trending i like the trends uh that i don't know maybe well it's young people and not wearing that's another thing too have you noticed yeah i walked up behind one of those young ladies anita and she had a 100 see-through with uh basically just a thunder pants and um

I didn't know that was her. I didn't know she was, but the front was fully see-through. So I didn't even look, but I saw a picture today and I thought, but you know, I did see, I went out after and I went by a party and I saw, I would say the girls, the women all look gorgeous. I noticed that. And I wouldn't say there's plastic surgery. I would say that

with makeup and slick back hair and things, there was a lot. I didn't know who they were at first glance. I'd have to, someone said, that's blah, blah. And I go, Oh, I even saw Kim K when I was going to get my drink and I said hi. And then I was like, Oh, okay. That's her. Cause I couldn't right off the bat. Tell everybody who they were. Not that they're, I'm saying again, not that they're like plastics. It's just, they look different. They make their makeup different. And it takes you a second. Everyone looked great. There's,

Everyone looked great. I think having Al Pacino, you have an 83-year-old man who's going to announce the last award and there's an open bar. It's a shark going to water, a cage going to water. No, I love Al Pacino. He just should have done the whole thing. If he had just said...

If he had just picked up the envelope and screamed, say hello to my little friend, he would have brought down the house. Oh, my God. Why doesn't he do that? If I was there, I would have said, Al, just say hello to my little friend. Did you know that he's dating a very young woman? I guess they had a baby. And the courtship was him showing her his movie. So he showed her Scarface, and that's when she fell in love with him. Shit, I would, too. That's a good. I would say that. I wouldn't open with that one. Oh, he's got Godfather, too.

That's pretty good. Yeah. You can follow it. What else did I like? What do I want? Al Pacino comes on. He goes, and now's the time. Oppenheimer. And he goes, what's, what's going on? He jumped the gun a hair. Did you see that? I know. He said, he says, I'm seeing Oppenheimer. Like it was a crystal ball. I'm seeing Oppenheimer. So we were like, was it, is it a joke? What's going on? Paul McCartney did a little Instagram congratulating Oppenheimer.

What did it go like? What was it like? What do you mean? What are you expecting? If you had to imagine. Oppenheimer, you know, it's a great film. It's about a big bomb, you know. And they're up in the desert. They're like, how do we make it? Maybe put it here, put it there. We don't know. Pretty soon, they thought, it could be a big one. It could be a big one. So they put it on a big wooden thing. And they're like 10 feet away. They said, we better get back. It could be even bigger. And then...

They went dunga dunga and this big old mushroom cloud, but it's not full of mushrooms like the tome your mom used to make here. It's an atomic bomb. If I'm bombing in this room, I'm bombing up there. That was all on one Instagram meme? It was one Instagram. Well, Putin and he were, you know, they were FaceTiming during the Oscars. But anyway. Well, I will say...

that I didn't catch 1,000% of the Oscars. Why is Evan on my shot for 20 minutes? Because he's baffled. What are you trying to do, take me back to 60? Where should I look? He's like 55. You want me here, you want me there? Okay, all right. On a serious note, what did you like about the Oscars? Well, I didn't know all of it. I didn't see all of it. I just... This is our Oscar edition. I did run into Jason... No, Justin, I saw...

Jason Bateman, but J.J. Abrams says, say hi to you. And... We're very good friends. Yes, he was very... I have celebrity friends. Very nice. You know, without... It sounds like name-dropping, but honestly, you go to those parties, and there's literally almost no plus ones. So when you go in, every person you turn to, you would know from something. So it's just a matter of... I only stayed an hour at one and an hour at the other because it was too much overload. It's like, deesh, deesh, deesh. So...

Some of the fun ones, I'm trying to think of what would be fun to tell. There's not that many exciting things that happen other than you have to walk in as a solo. This is really the point. When you don't have plus one, you have to latch. Are you talking about Vanity Fair? Vanity Fair is the first one. Oh, the big one. And then there's an after party at Guy Who's Series. An after party for me, God, that fucking time change helped me because you got a free hour.

It was a little earlier than it was in a real. That's funny. Yeah. Do you write that down on a notepad? You know, good time to go to parties. Oh my God. It just fell into place. It's like New Year's Eve. I'm, when am I going to stay up till that late? So the first one I stayed in only an hour, but I ran into Jason Bateman is the first person I saw. Now that's just a crapshoot. Who are you going to see right when you walk in? Um, and then there was a little gaggle of dudes that came and just talked. And then, uh,

And then I saw, oh, they said Sharon Stone was there. I went looking for her because she just did Fly on the Wall. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. SNS? When is Sharon Stone on? SNS is on. It'll be already on? Oh, it's a week after. Okay, she's coming up, and I wanted to say hi to her. But mostly I saw some of these skimpy outfits, like they were saying, and people would explain who that person was.

And goddamn, anybody. Oh, I saw Robert Kraft. And I asked him about the big trade with Mac Jones. Right. That's a sports. Yeah. He runs the Patriots. So that was sort of off the beaten path of normal people. You see. Oh, the second party. Well, you know, it's funny is being at a party where everyone's pretty well known and you walk by Travis and Taylor and how it's.

It's really... There's an aura. Like, there's a literal sound coming from... It's the only place where people weren't flipping the fuck out. That did happen. They were at Guy O'Shea's. Look at... Oh, yeah. Here's me and Taylor Swift when... This is last night? Did I tell you this? No, this is weeks ago. Now... You look different. One time... You look great. I went to this Grammy party.

and they seat you wherever. And then she was sat next to me, and then she was more newer on the scene, and she had done Ellen, and Ellen said, go take pictures of people. Are the sunglasses throwing you off? Because I have the glasses. Okay. He's quitting camera work. He's just quitting, and he's packing up. Well, the camera is rebelling against my face. The camera is just shutting itself off. It's an AI camera. I'm out.

I will not. Too old. Too much stuff to think about. I am cutting myself off. You literally took off your whole close-up and started over. Yeah. He's starting over with a special lens smeared in mayonnaise. We're going to shoot it through a shower curtain. Do you know that I was invited to the Vanity Fair party? Oh, there's another one. Oh, there they are. First ever to do duck lips.

I'm saying it. I used to always do duck lips in SNL old days. Even before this picture. I didn't know what to say. You used to hold your hand on her back? I didn't mean to. I was just trying to take a picture. But she was going around taking pictures and I would say like, oh, that's like Dave Grohl. Go take a picture with her because she was newer. And she was very nice. And that was like, there was a whole table there, but you can only see us. But I was...

I was remembered, oh yeah, I did meet Taylor Swift in the old days. - At that point, I remember you told me you met her and she only knew one chord in the guitar. That's how young she was, but she got really good. That was a joke. You know what, I was invited to the Vanity Fair party 20 years in a row with the white envelope, everything. And I never answered and I never went. And then I was down here once, I go, well, maybe I'll go this year, no invite.

the one time. I swear to God. 20 years in a row. Would you have gone when the Oscars were last week? When I went to the Oscars with Mike Myers invited me. We did Wayne's World. We're there with all the really cool people, Mike's stuff. You go to the Vanity Fair party, my wife and I had to go. We don't have a...

invite and they go you don't no and so i was going to go there and go i don't really have an invite and have some guy like uh sorry you got to move move along no you should go i mean i think you could have gone last night but uh they also plus one people say like oh i'm no you could have gotten it if you would just ask um they say oh i remember someone complaining i was in this movie and i didn't even get invited to the oscars and the movie was nominated

But I have to say, it's so tight in that room. They have to have really just the stars and the producers and the director. Right. There's too many people in too many movies. Now, the parties would probably be a safer bet to get into. You know, it just turned into a blast. I mean, last night was fun. I didn't see I didn't talk to Kelsey, even though we did have Jason on.

I could not walk up to them even though they're just hanging out because it felt too thirsty. You could have. The only way you could have is that you just interviewed Jason. Yeah. And she could have go, he had some kind of weird things to say about you. We trimmed him. Just want to let you know he's got a couple younger brother issues. Yeah, what's up with you guys? Why do you hate each other? And maybe I'm speaking. You know, my nightmare is your dream. Like for me to go and have 3,000 small talk interviews

If it's an intimate party with like six people, but when it's just, what's up? How you doing? Working? Good, good, good. Were you there? That's what I said. Yeah. David Spade, you still doing that podcast with the church lady guy? Hey, good job.

You guys are kind of funny. Most of it's that, but if you find something you know, then it's funnier. The second party, I was in the kitchen eating, shockingly, with four people. So that was just fun. Us four laughing. That's perfect. And you know, the thing about these two, like Travis and whoever, anybody there,

It's always hard to walk up to people that are already talking because people do it to me. You're in something and people just grab you and I feel it's rude. So unless someone's just floating by, it's hard to walk up and interrupt unless it's someone I really, really know well. You know what I mean?

Well, I, yes, of course. I would, your social IQs, you got it. Through the roof. You can feel the radar. You can feel the radar. You're a stand-up. You can feel when the crowd is turning on you, which, no offense, but it happens on a regular basis. And you know how that was. I know. I looked right at the camera. He kills.

I just feel like if I went there, I would fake I was in a lot of movies. Oh, yeah, I was in Oppenheimer right before I was the guy with the binoculars. Anatomy of Fall, you got it. I was the carpenter near the dumpster. So you just say you're in movies and no one can really know. Barbie, I was driver number three in the yellow car, you know.

You saw me right behind Margot Robbie, right? When she was going into the bank. You can just say I was like Barbie's first one night stand. My whole thing got cut, but I shot for seven weeks. Didn't test well. My sister had a Barbie doll and that got passed around by the brothers. Jimmy said, oh, Barbie. No one wants a Barbie doll anymore. Remember he said in his monologue? I was like, what?

Jimmy was, Jimmy was. He had a couple of cutting jokes. He was kind of edging out there. Yeah, I like some of that. Hopefully he's got at least 150 tucked and maybe he's two years out the door. He always says he's doing just fine. Because I get it. Yeah, I always follow the money. Ron Gosling was so relaxed. He has 300 million net and he's a movie star for 20 years. Yeah, I'd be laying down. He felt like it was nothing to him. Yeah.

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I would co-host it with you. Let's put our hat in the ring. We work cheap. You can tell by the set. I think you don't get paid much. No, you don't get paid to host Saturday Night Live. You actually have to write Lorne a check. That'll be $1,300. I take Bitcoin. Thank you. Thank you, Jennifer Lopez. Do you have to say my name? Where are you putting the check?

Okay, let's move on to... And that is our Oscar joke. Well, I want to thank people for, on YouTube, I read all the comments and very positive about Superfly so far.

And if they're negative, easily blocked. But so far it's been very positive. Yeah, I know. I've never read a comment about anything. I get information from you because I'm too sensitive. And if I saw a negative comment, I would crawl up in a ball and start sobbing. So I do get angry about it. And people say it doesn't affect you, but it does. And so I did want to talk. We're going to do some headlines. But without being political, that State of the Union was last week, right?

No, I'm just saying we're not going to be political. Yes. State of the Union. Yes. I did think it was funny that Joe Biden, the president. Joe Biden. He just came out of that cannon. I mean, he popped out of the toaster. He was...

I just want whatever he was having because I get tired in the afternoon and jack me up, jacked and juiced and ready to go. I thought he'd be running around that chamber going, parkour, parkour, just like bouncing off the wall. Well, you know what? I don't know what they gave him or whether it was just a lot of rest and some protein. Maybe just some OJ. But maybe backstage there was a citizen going, Mr. President, this is for you. Why is it? We call it a State of the Union program.

Oh, sure. I take a stay at the union before I do stay at the union. They put it in a biscuit like a dog. And three minutes later, and I was getting my hair cut. Fuck. Because normally... Fuck, you all cut. They actually cut the stay at the union because he's like the old man on the lawn. He's still there screaming. Because fuck you.

They cut it and then I guess, what's her name? Mary Taylor Greene. What's the girl? Marjorie? Indy 500 with the red. Yeah, she looked like NASCAR. She was my favorite. It's a freak show. The Republic's ending soon. So anyway, save your money. Or Bitcoin, I guess. At the beginning, on his regular speeches, they usually have a guy walk out and go, let's get ready to mumble. And then he comes out.

But on this one, he's like, he was all jacked up. He's like, and I'm also hornier than a three-peckered billy goat. My dick's harder than Chinese arithmetic. And everyone's like, okay, well, let's just stick to the cards. And he goes, I just got to say it. I haven't felt like this in a while. And I'm like, give me some. No, no. Bust out. Break flag. Can I get another State of the Union? Here you go. He's microjosing.

What do we really think it was? I heard Ritalin is an alleged possibility. I don't know if it's Ritalin. Please send your letters elsewhere. But Ritalin would give someone a little pop. A little pop. You have a little Ritalin with a silverback monkey up with a twist. And a little daiquiri no-no. But the problem was, the next day he was yelling. And it was very awkward. Oh, still going? Yeah, he was at...

He was at a basket at Robin's ice cream store. I have a Jumbo corn fudge. Excuse me, sir. You don't have to yell. The State of the Union hasn't worn off. And he's shadow boxing. He spits it out. Come on, Jake Paul. I'm next. I'll beat the hell out of you. Come on, Jack. I'll beat you and your whole family. I'll beat the shit out of you. I don't know. Look, it's a freak show. Let's just say it. We have an election coming up. He breaks a stir stick. You like that shit?

That's more where that came from. Hustle. I'll cut a bitch. And that was to Jill. Jill's like, Jill, slow down. He takes the broken little wooden stick and he said, I'll cut a bitch with that, the stirrer. Yeah.

Okay, I'll cut a bit. You like that shit? Let's get him backstage. Get him backstage. Did I do this before? Because it makes me it made me happy when I found out you saw Nicolas Cage at the Oscars that they leased Nicolas Cage. They pay him to come backstage when Biden gives a speech and he's sort of like calms down. He's like an anxiety person because when Biden's out there and the people are backstage, they go, he's going off script. He's going off the prompter. He's going off the prompter. And then

Nicholas Cage knows at that moment to calm the staff down and goes, why God, why? And that has lowered the anxiety of the staff. It feels like it's working. Someone said, did you hear this? I like he looks over there. Talk about, well, it's back on the Oscars, but aren't you stuck between Bradley Cooper and Queen Gaga?

You told me there was a little hand stuff going back and forth with them. Oh, yeah. Well, I had a view when they were doing the... In the sky, la, la, la. When they're singing this song. Shallows. Shallows. In the shallows, la, la, la. Because of exactly where I was sitting, I could see right under the piano. And there was just a little play, some loose hands under there. In the shallow, shallow, oh, oh.

In the shallow. A few Oscars ago. This is pre-pandemic. 2018, if you must know. It was during the movie... Shallow. No, the movie they... Star is Born. Yeah, there's no...

No, what was the movie he just did, Bradley Cooper? Maestro. He didn't win shit. I didn't say it because I say it wrong. I thought he was amazing in Maestro, but what are you going to do? Paul Giamatti was extraordinary. He's a friend of the podcast. We interviewed him. Okay, here's what I heard, and this was on something that Giamatti, who we had on here, is war... You would know this. The holdovers were contacts to give him a lazy eye

And then Nicolas Cage goes, I would have done that. Yes. Is that something real? Yes. Yeah, you can wear a contact that just looks like a lazy eye. Just put your eyeball down here. It's like wearing a... Wow, I don't know if I could do that. That would weird me out too.

Look, you know, it's for their art. I go, that would weird me out. Meanwhile, I'll be getting full plastic surgery in a week. That doesn't scare me. I had a little eye tuck over the weekend, hence the shades. I had a little eye tuck, so I just wear these for a couple of days. You know what I like? It's when you go up to people at the Vanity Fair party and they go, and the first compliment is, do you sleep on your face? And I go, why? They go, you look like a pound puppy. I go, what's that? And they go, don't Google it.

Anyway, house trips. That was Lady Gaga. House trips. So, Chris, why don't you tell us what's going on? Oh, yeah. Everybody's face is different. Give us some trends. There's a lot of fillers, I think, going on and fat injections. Like Ryan Gosling, handsome, but there's something. Shut up. Or he's gained weight. I don't think he has gained weight, but there's a lot of. He goes, I gained a lot of my weight in my cheeks. In my face, exactly.

Yeah, I've just, I got a six pack, but up around these cheeks, I got a cheek belly. If he's trying to be better looking, I give up. So they're either filling or they're taking fat out. Like it's called buccal fat removal. Have you heard about that? Wait, on the inside of your cheek? They go into your mouth and remove. So that's, you get hollow. So you want a hollow. So a lot of women are doing that. Well, men are doing it too. So you get the, like that look. I went from horrified to booking an appointment.

Yeah, I would never do that. Do you think we can get a double discount if we go in together? Why don't we go in and try to literally look exactly like the same person? There you go. I told you this, Dana. I went to the airport in Santa Rosa, and I was where you did your special. And it was a great gig. Did I already tell you this? And when I walked through, the guy was like,

staring off into space and I didn't take my shoes off. Does this remind you of a text? Oh, no, I was just, hold on. I'm just going to, okay. Yeah, no, Dave, it's fine. I'll tell him his mom called. All right. That was my mom. That was my mom calling to say, you've told this story. So I go through and the deputy dog guys like this, he's not even looking at me and he goes, all right, next. And it was the tiniest airport. He goes, take your shoes off. And I go, oh, I think I'm in TSA. I don't know. And he goes, well, uh,

Are you over the age of... And I go, am I what? And he goes, are you over the age of 75? And I said, are you out of your fucking mind? You didn't just say that and then everyone else said it. Because everyone else is nice to me. They get it. And this guy, I go, no, I'm not. And he goes, hmm.

Then you got to take them off. Are you fucking take what off? My shoes. Just your shoes? I thought he was taking your underpants off. No, he said, then take off that old mask. And I go, no, no, this is my face, but I'm not. He literally said, are you? Oh, not under. Are you over 75? Hey, I got carded. Get fucked. I got carded last week at Rite Aid buying a beer. I can't believe I told the story because it's sickening.

I guess we'll show a few. It's funny. Do you want to look? What are we going to look at? Some stories, headlines? We better get to something. Yeah, we're fucking. We got a whole ass. I'd call him two days ago. Okay, we'll do a couple. Then we'll do it because we don't. We already have a lot of shit. And I do mean shit. What is this? Oh, this is so dumb. I thought this was cute. It's a it's a witch bee, Dana. And it has it carries sticks around. It looks like they call it which it looks like a broomstick.

Isn't that cool? He flies around. I'll take it, my pretty. Yeah. And then he goes, I'm kidding. It's just a stick. I just fly around. I'll get you, my little pretty. And you're little David Spade, too. I have a lot of bee bits. The beekeeper. I have a lot of bee bits. Jason's trading to the beekeeper. Just a quick one. Are you a witch bee? First of all, he has a lot on his mind. You have to set up. We've got a lot of witch bees, but I'll be keeping them all. I don't discriminate.

It goes nowhere. All right, next. Oh, Jason Strapin. I do like that. It's kind of cute, right? I think this is cool. In fucking cute news. All right, no rush as the fucking bit is bombing a miserable death. Jeez, we're bombing our own room. What are we doing out there? What is this trend? Magic toothbrush. Oh, girls, I saw this last night.

I complimented someone on their freckles and they go, oh, it's makeup. I don't even know people are putting fake freckles on as makeup. Well, they're tattooing freckles on their face too. Oh, like full tattoos where they stay? Yeah. Lord love a duck. God. Oh, I am over 75. You could be doing so much more. You're 72. Don't worry about it. I just don't know if

Freckles are that fucking great. I mean, I like them, but not like we go back to me and Taylor Swift. That's the only thing. Do you have any freckles anywhere? I have freckles. You have a lot of tattoos, Heather. How many roughly? 53. Okay. That was higher than I thought. 53 tattoos. You heard her right. Okay. Let me see. This one I thought was interesting. What is this? A girl much obliged is the funny headline.

She started by holding a cardboard sign that says, I need a husband. And of course she's, she's attractive. So guys would like apply, didn't work, but she got some money out of it. So now she just does stuff. Fly me to Miami, buy me a purse. She hangs out in front of Tiffany's as an experiment. It says, Hey, buy me a purse. Are you rich? And the guy immediately puffs up and goes, I do pretty good. Buy me a Chanel bag. And they fucking do. And so she's gotten videos of her,

Guys just buy her hotel rooms. I mean, this is sort of an underground hybrid hooker thing that's going on in L.A. anyway. And it's really rampant. It's not talked about, but we talk about the hard issues. Is it called hybrid hooker? It's something. It's not really, but it's... Why didn't she just go on OnlyFans and make a billion in her bedroom? This is probably easier because she says... She says she doesn't hook up with anyone. Okay. But...

I feel like she's just clowning dudes and they go along with it. So there's really, it's a victimless crime. It's just embarrassing across the board. Yeah.

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and hasta luego so it goes out of your head so now you have rosetta stone david tell them about it well dana you know more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages uh i mean my gosh they have spanish french italian german i don't think you can throw them a curveball i think they're gonna know what don't they have the language you want yeah

It immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying? I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Just don't type.

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is that when you learn a language and you learn to pronunciate the words in that language, you start to learn about the people who live there and speak that language. Sort of a subtle, intuitive way of integrating with the culture. A little different, yeah. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time, Fly on the Wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off.

You just visit rosettastone.com slash fly. That's 50% off, unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash fly today. This is Larry Bubbles Brown, famous comedian. He's going to call you and you're going to go over a red, red, red. That he wrote. Okay. Yeah. We go live. Everybody's listening to Rosetta Stone.

This is Larry Bubbles Brown, everybody. How are you? Good, good. You're on the air. Criminy. What is your question, sir? Criminy is from Dennis Miller. Criminy Carver. Every time I talk with you, we either wind up talking like Dennis Miller or John Wayne. Christ sakes. Okay. Is that John Wayne? This is John Dennis.

Well, we love John Wayne because he's never afraid and we're so afraid of life, right? Yeah. So he's the opposite of us. Yeah. Because there's a movie where he goes, take down the submarine, Pappy. No, Duke, I can't take it down. We're all going to die. I said, take her down.

I miss those kind of guys. No fear. No fear. All right, here's a few. He sounds better on the phone than we do in the real podcast, by the way. Well, thank you, Tim Cook. Go ahead. This is Red Redneck. He says, written by, and also Chris, our friend Chris Reels has one too. Red Redneck, he has written by Larry Bowles Brown. I'll do the best I can, Larry. I'll do one at a time. I'm Red Redneck, the redneck comedian. My therapist said I was passive aggressive. So on the way out, I keyed a car. Come and get some.

On the way out. He laughs at it. He's like, not bad writing. Here's a good one. I'm Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian. Took up golf. Shot 67. Did much better on the second hole. Come on, get some. David liked the golf. Red Rednecky is all over the place. He's playing golf. Red Rednecky is a redneck comedian. Mama gave me a book on ADD. Couldn't finish it. Come on, get some.

I only got to the first D. I had an addendum on that. This is Red Redneckie, the redneck comedian. Mama gave me a book on ADD. Only read one page. Couldn't stop thinking about crawdad stew. Come on, get some. Okay.

All right. I like that punch up. I'm Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian. Told mama I was going to donate my car to charity. She said, Rednecky, where you going to sleep? Come and get some. It should be Red. Oh, he sleeps in the car. It shouldn't be Rednecky. I'm breaking down each joke and clarifying. Okay, how about this one? I'm Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian. Met a recluse woman on Tinder. She gave me hermit crabs. Come and get some.

Okay. Kermit Crabbe. No, it's a thinker, and you're not used to thinking during Red Redneckie. Okay. Here's a non-thinker. I'm Red Redneckie, the redneck comedian. Told mama one day I'll have a trophy wife. She'll look like a moose. Come and get some. Moose, yeah. Okay. These are a little more thought out, so we're not ready exactly. I'm Red Redneckie, the redneck comedian. My last girlfriend was a treasure, so I begged her. Come and get some. Okay.

- Good job, oh he's still going? - Oh no, now let's go, here's Chris' joke. Chris Rios wrote it, anyone can write one. - They're not reading them, you're reading them. - Do you wanna read it? - Okay, you read it, Dan. - Okay, I'm Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian. I took my mama to the grocery store. She picked up two ruts of potatoes and said, "These remind me of your daddy's balls." I said, "They're that big?" She said, "No, just that dirty. "Come and get some." - And they cost 99 cents. - I know.

Okay, well, that's great. Chris is the best, yeah. Good job, Bubbles. Good job, Bubbs. Do you have any joke that you're doing you want to do for us? You don't have to put you on the spot. One of your favorites. Do one of your best jokes. One of my latest, newer jokes is I had to close out my account at the sperm bank. It was getting zero interest. Ha ha ha!

It was getting zero interest. Zero interest. And then your catch thing is... That's it? After every joke, he does that. And when Larry opens for you, the whole audience starts doing that. Yeah, Felipe does it. When I was going to eighth grade, I used to walk to school and there was like this bird. And every time I'd walk by the tree, he'd just go, meh, like that. He sounded like Edward G. Robinson. Yeah.

I just started doing that forever now. I don't know why, but it seems to get laughs. Oh, it gets laughs. All right. I have to tell the sound man, cut the mic, get him off, get him off. Cut the light. Yeah. If he kills, get rid of him. Bobby Lee's killing you. Get him off. All right, Larry. Well, we're going to go look at some impressions. Impressions. So we're closing out with impressions. Larry Bubbles Brown, everybody.

All right. Good job. Talk soon. Easy, Greg. Easy, easy. Let him hang up the phone and then the guy comes on. Okay. This is the part where we do impressions. We should ask for something next week. Something else, but we'll, we'll do them for now. Okay. So let's see. Here's one. We don't know what the impression is, but we're going to watch it and analyze. We like impressions. Send an impressions at superfly at odyssey.com. A U D. Okay.

What's up, Spadoodle? Dana? Um... Here's a character. He's called, uh, Bitter Blind Guy. And he's mad at everything. Mm-hmm. Bitter Blind Guy's walking down the street, neighbors coming. Beautiful day, isn't it? How the fuck would I know? He folds up his cane. I'm actually blind, so that helps a little bit. Oh, I like it better. Leaving a burning building, so...

I thought he's blind? I thought he was going to yell, guys, it smells like a fire. Is he really blind? Before you annihilate him? Go ahead. I think so, because he tried to disarm us by pretending he was blind, but he goes...

Oh, I am really blind. Yeah, I really am too. The way he folded that stick was pretty smooth too, so he must have done it. Okay, so we love him. That's awesome. I didn't get it. So he says, here's a blind guy walking by a fire. I thought the joke would be, it's clearly a fire. Then he smells and goes, that's smoke. You guys, there's a fire. But everyone knows because they see it. He just put them blind that they would just walk into the fire? Was that the... They're just like, ah. I like the first one when he got mad. Yeah.

I understood it. Yeah. Okay, what's next? Even though we're going on. Hey guys, thank you so much for everything you've done. I love you both immensely. Thank you for the podcast. And join me for a little theater of the mind as we head to the 17th floor of 30 Rockefeller Plaza in the early 1990s on a Wednesday morning for a conversation with Adam Sandler and Norm MacDonald. Okay.

Hey, Norm, uh, Lorne said he wanted me to come up with something for update, and the, uh, the table reads in like an hour, but I got one idea, all right? All right, buddy, uh, yeah, show me what you got there. Okay, I think I'm gonna come in as an old lady, and I'm gonna be wearing a long wig and glasses, and I'm gonna talk to the children like this, and then I'm gonna start getting real crazy, and I'm gonna lose my mind and do all this stuff, and I'm gonna show it to everybody. What do you think? I don't know what you think of that.

I see what you're doing there with the yelling and the wig and the old lady and stuff. I just don't think it's funny. Thank you. That's just a shtick. I know they love each other. I know they were both hilarious. Thank you for clarifying. That's just a shtick. Yeah, go ahead. It was good. It was fine. I mean, Norm is sort of an easier one because it's Canadian, but I do like his ending where he didn't like it. I didn't see that coming.

Where he didn't like Adam. Right. Or is it a sketch? Oh, I thought, I thought everyone does that character. He kind of went high, which is good. Yeah. When he does those times, sometimes he goes high. That was a good ending. I think that's it, Dan. Any final thoughts? Are we okay? 19 minutes of extra work. That's not like us, but thanks for watching. We won't make it any worse. Okay. Bye guys. Bye. Bye. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade.

Charlie Finan of Brill's Entertainment, Jenna Weiss-Furman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.