SUPERFLY #73 - THE LAST ONE!
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All right, welcome to the show, Dana Carvey. Look at this guy. Daniel Spade. We're a little tighter on you and your plant today.

I move things around. I like to keep people guessing. Everyone's guessing. Oh, wait. Everyone guessed what's in the... I know. Well, we'll get to that. We'll get to that. We'll get to that. It just sits there. We have an announcement. There's something in there. And I think as we go forward, I'll keep this going and something will be in there. And whoever guesses it will at least give you a shout out and maybe have you... That's all I get. Well, no. Maybe have you make a video and promote your own podcast because everyone has one, David. Yeah.

Well, we have an announcement today speaking with such a good transition. We have a, this is our last super fly. Not because it's, it's not really stopping. We're reinventing it. So we are going to go to one podcast twice a week and it's, they're both called, it's all going to be fly on the wall. So we're going to go on video now. That's the big trick. So-

We're going to be some tweaks to it, a little reimagining, pretty much the same, but very exciting. Dana was freaking out all week and excited, popping a stitch. I was excited. I'm afraid of change. I don't like any kind of change. So you're telling me, so it's two fly on the walls, one of us doing our numbskull stuff, usually without a guest, the other one with a guest and a little more stuff, and

And one's on Monday and one's on Thursday with the guest. Yeah. So next week we will start with a show on Thursday, Monday, we drop a trailer. It will explain everything. So tune into that, be fricking riveted to that, play it over and over until you get it. And then Thursday will be a new episode. And then the following Monday, I'll go like that.

So the regular Wednesday Fridays are different. So please adjust your life accordingly. Yes. And if you're listening to us right now, it's Friday. And so have a good weekend. Exactly. It is. Yeah. So we'll get into some stupid stuff over the weekend. My you've got a funny thing. Mine's boring. So maybe we'll start with your funny one.

Well, I just, you know, I haven't really done Trump lately as a rhythmic character. And I saw him, you know, he's out there a lot of times. He's on the grass with these construction workers who are putting up a new flagpole. You're beautiful, you're tremendous. And then there's reporters there. So he's mentioning Jerome Powell for you intellectuals. He's the head of the Federal Reserve and he can decide what our interest rates are. And Trump wants them low.

And Jerome is staying, Mr. Powell is staying where he is. And Trump's like, I've tried everything I can to get him to lower it. Everybody's lower. Europe is lower. And I could be nice. I was nice. I can be nasty. I can be a little girl if you want. I can be a tiger, a bear, an introvert, an extrovert. I can be a scum.

schoolgirl dancer. I could be whatever you need, whatever you want. I could be nasty, nasty, then nice, and then a little more nasty. And I'm not really exaggerating. That's literally what I could be. I could be a circus clown. I could be an acrobat. I could be an astronaut. But I could be nice and nasty. I'm

God, now that I have a microphone, I don't have to hold it. Oh, yeah. Move your hands. I didn't even know. I was still trapped in this guy. Hey. No, you know what? I saw this clip. It's exactly like that because he's trying to say, I offered to have dinner with him.

And that was nice. Then he goes, but I can also be tough, but I can be whatever you want. And then he went on and on and on. Yeah, I can be a raccoon and I can steal your garbage. He says everything. We can meet in the Bahamas. We can meet in Alaska. It doesn't matter to me. We can go to McDonald's or we can go to a five star restaurant. I can be a beast. I can be a little girl, a shy little girl. We can sit on a teeter totter.

If that's what you want, you decide. He starts doing character. I could be a little girl. Maybe Trump gets a new rhythm. I could be nice. I'll come there in a ballerina outfit. Whatever you want. I'll do a little pirouette. We'll do a curtsy. If that's what you want, just say it. I still can't get used to when reporters ask him a question and then he admonishes them for it.

This is what's going to happen. I ran like I'm going to tell you like I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you right now. And he's looking at the construction. I'm going to tell you now. I don't think so. I'm not going to tell you. I'm not going to tell you a thing. I just wonder what the reporters did that entire time. We got it after two seconds. No. You can whisper it to me. I won't tell anyone. Barack Obama. No comment.

W goes, no comment. Trump goes, why would I tell you? I'm not going to tell you. I know the answer. It's in here. It's in a very large brain. You're going to use it on your crummy station, which I hate. Fake news. Fake news. Fake news, bad reporting. So I've done Trump a while, but he was going to make me laugh. No, I did see that. I thought he was funny. You know what he says when he does a joke now? He goes like this.

Oh, no. Yeah, I got a new one, dude. You got a new one? Where do you get those? I need a toy. I just see them and I buy them and I go, this is for Dana. Superfly. Rating spike. They tape the people listening and then it goes like this. Spike, spike, spike.

If this is technically our last super fly... It's not really, but go ahead. Then maybe we will get 10 million downloads.

We've gotten close to that. I'm just saying. Not super close, but close. Okay, so I have a trivia for you. You know, as you're always asking me, was I in Hotel Transylvania? That was an animated movie. It's a very cute, funny movie. I played the Invisible Man, but obviously...

It's about Dracula. Sandler played Dracula. Selena Gomez is Mavis. Yeah. Yeah. There's the mummy. There's all these people. I was in it. Oh, you were? What did you do? I did a voice, but my voice, I think I didn't think I did a character. I think I was just, Hey guys, how are you doing? I don't remember the part that I did, but I know I was in the booth doing trans too.

Yeah. Hmm. Interesting title. What are you? No, I love it. It's so great. Yeah. The mummy. We don't know what the mummy is. Okay. So, um, so the, the, the trivia was we've done four, maybe we'll do five. I hope we do another one. There's some whispers. It would be fun. I think they do a good job with them. So if they do well, why not? That seems like all they do is remakes anyway. So, um,

Oh, yeah. So I saw Miley mention this, that Miley Cyrus was the lead girl in it, not Selena. And that was early on. Very early on, our first table read was Miley. And she had just done the thing. What was it? She had a penis-shaped cake at a party for her birthday. And she was going through that MTV- Sounds like Miley. Yeah.

She what? I think she gave it to a boyfriend. Oh, she gave it to a guy. Anyway, she was in the same photo with a wiener cake. And then also she was sticking her rump, can I say that? Out when she was at the MTV Awards with Robin Thicke. It was sort of that era. Oh.

Oh, I remember that. It was like one of the first live TV twerkings. Is that what the kids call it? Something like that. Yeah. But she stuck her bottom out. Yeah, she did. She stuck her fanny out, you know, and she wiggled it around. And then Mr. Robin Wright, Mr. Thick came in and sort of jiggled around himself. Then they went to the corner. It was some grinding. I wrote Paul McCartney on the podcast for you. I thought that was Paul McCartney.

So Miley, the first read-through was with Miley. And so we had everybody at Sony. Amy Pascal, I think, was the boss. And Miley was stuck on the 405. And I remember there was already a slight grumbling of like, uh-oh, this is a full-on kids movie. We're spending so much money on this. And after the read-through, I heard she was replaced with Selina.

That's interesting. Wait, was that related to the twerking thing? I think they said, this is such a kid's movie, we can't have that out there. Oh, the twerking thing got her canceled from the cartoon family movie. I think Miley blames it on the penis cake. Also, I don't think it helped that she was late for the read-through because-

It was very frustrating. No, that's not her fault. I think she's a hell of a talent. I'll put it that way. She's great. I love it. She can do whatever she wants. But, you know, I mean, what guy, and I'll ask you this, you know, we're always being funny and everything, but would you like someone to give you a penis cake for your birthday? Yeah.

I like that we joke around, but this is a serious question. That was my faint. I wouldn't want you to... You'll take one, Heather? No, I'm listening because your birthday is coming up. Oh, so this has become now informational for Heather about what to get you for your birthday. So you have five seconds before this podcast. I'm going to pass on the penis cake, but I will take some twerking and maybe Robin Wright can come by, whoever it was.

Robin Thicke. No, Robin Thicke. Yeah. Robin Thicke can come by. Robin Wright can come by. Robin Wright, who is Jenny in Forrest Gump.

Can we get Miley Cyrus, now I feel like having her on our podcast especially, to talk about this? Yes, this is a big story. And also, I just saw her singing Look What You've Done to My Song Ma. Remember that old song? She sings it with the real girl that sings it and she's unreal. Oh, yeah.

And she sings like a prayer live with a cowboy hat on. And she's so great. So I like the wrecking ball one when she was on a wrecking ball going back and forth. I thought that was pretty cool. She's got a Stevie. Somehow I did. I saw it on MTV or something, but she has a husky feminine voice like Stevie Nicks. And it's very, you know, alluring. It's very cool. Very good. Yeah. So, um,

Anyway, that's a really, really hot story. Everyone's no one's talking about it. I want to say two things. One is yes. Two, two quick things. One is I feel like just by looking around and feeling the vibe that summer is here officially. Yes. It feels like summer has arrived. Spring is gone. And so now we're into the summer of 2025 and,

I'm just going to declare this and you can say, or Heather can weigh in, but I'm just calling it. This is controversial. David, a David Spade. It's the David Spade summer. Oh, I want that. That's nice. Thank you. David Spade summer. There's no pressure on you. There's no way that can't trend. Yes. David Spade summer is blowing up. Yeah.

Racking up numbers. I will say my hair is frizzier. I just put some toothpaste in or something, but it really gets the frizzies. It's doing a real number on my hair because it's hot and humid in LA. I'm going to Arizona where it's hot and humid, shockingly humid now because it's not supposed to be. And then ABQ Albuquerque. So hopefully-

I'll get through it because it's really, and Heather's going to come on these and, uh, it's tough to do these gigs when you're just bezoiling. And I don't want to crank the AC at night. This is a real strong stance. I have, I know. Well, that is the issue with you. You don't like cold air shot into your face. I don't like blowing air in my face. I don't like it in the car. I don't like the vents in my grill at the restaurants. Uh,

So that is a problem for me. But other than that, I think we're going to get through. I remember summer in Arizona walking in shorts. I would walk easily a mile when it's 110. I didn't care. And really no sunscreen, little to no sunscreen. We're hearing some bad reports on sunscreen anyway. Yeah.

Um, sunscreen can be a trick like, oh, gee, I'm going to keep my skin young and put on all this sun cream. And then you don't realize it sweats off. You go in the pool or the ocean, it's off. And you've and you've had a couple Budweiser's and you forget to reapply. And then you're a lobster the next day in pain. I say put a big mofo hat. Take the whole equation out of the be in the shade.

you want me to write this down or you're hoping you're going to remember it? No, just CC me on it. But I will say that. I want the words talk about your hair. No, everyone hates it. They say I'm preening and peacocking during the podcast and I'm not. I got you, Berger. I'm going to talk to the audience about this second.

- Yeah, he was preening quite a bit. - Yeah, I know I was. You preen too, don't you? You're not totally excluded from preening. - Well, you can't, look, for anyone who doesn't do a podcast, understand, I don't do this. I'm staring at a video of myself, David's right next to me, for an hour. And so you're like, oh, what's that? What do I look, what? Oh, it's gone. My hair did something. - You're thinking of stories, but in your head, you're just going gross, gross, gross, gross.

So that's what we see. After my birthday, I'm in the low expectation business, you know. Then I look at my birth certificate and I go, damn, I look great. But if I think I'm 28, I would check myself into a hospital.

your hair is good and tousled um i will say i didn't have wi-fi for a full day last week i didn't call you i didn't say anything i wasn't going to make a big deal about it because there's people in other countries that don't have wi-fi for a day sometimes so i said well i guess i'm blessed but you know what the spectrum they're stealing all the copper wiring out of these places and uh

It's, it's screwing up wifi for days, not just for, Oh, we had a problem. It's like, they're ripping these things apart. You know, copper wire is a big, like sort of valuable, valuable thing. I would just say love them or hate them. Elon Musk just launched another 30 star link satellites. Yeah. Give me some thousands of them. That's that's what I get. My wifi is all from Elon Musk. Thank you.

When I'm on flights, I go this. Have you noticed? Maybe I've said this before. I get on a goddamn flight, and I'm sorry about the rocket in the farm, but I'm glad you survived. When I get on a flight. I saw that cloud. Is that last night or two nights ago? Yeah, yeah. It looks like a jellyfish. It was two nights ago, and it was right at dusk, so the light was hitting it. It was cool. I'd never seen it before. No, it was crazy. It was crazy. Yeah.

It was crazy cool. Yeah. So...

When I get on a flight and they go, oh, you know how you buy Wi-Fi on a plane? I had a cross-country flight. I buy Wi-Fi. Not a problem. Take your credit card. Bounce it down to earth. Yep. Got your money. Now, let me get on a site. No, it's real bad up here. It's real bad. We're in a bad patch. Really? We were in a bad patch for five hours. I go, I've gotten on two websites. It's taken me. I can't watch anything. I can't watch any video. They go, yeah, it's a little spotty. I go, spotty?

No, no. I can't get it. And they go, yeah. I go, how do they get my money? That Wi-Fi worked, worked just fine. Oh, here's your money. Here's your 20 bucks for Wi-Fi the whole flight. That worked. Bounced down. Now the Wi-Fi is exhausted. That's all I can do today. I'm out. And now I'm like this. Are you standing in the galley next to the flight attendant with your finger pointed and everyone's looking up? Here's what they do to placate me. They go, oh, okay.

Sometimes you turn it on, turn off. And I go, I've heard that bullshit. So I do that. Naturally doesn't work at all. Then they go, we told the pilot, we're going to flick the Wi-Fi on and off and restart it and rejigger it. So you should be. And then about an hour later, I go, yeah, it hasn't done jack shit. And they go, yeah, we're landing soon. Can you buckle up?

Well, that's what they say at the very end. I'm so sorry you didn't get Wi-Fi. It never really worked on the flight. And also our landing gear is being a little itchy. So we might circle for a while. Yeah. And then they go, we're getting Starlink. I go, get it. What's the decision? Get it. Hey, I'm going to be honest. I'm not going to play games here. I have officially punted on the notion. I...

I know I'm never going to get Wi-Fi again. I think my five, six years ago, you could get Wi-Fi. No, but this is because I don't really like flying. If I have a five-hour flight, I go, geez, after we get to a comfortable altitude, I'll try to get Wi-Fi, multiple credit cards, back and forth, back and forth. By the time we land, it occupies my brain. I don't assume I'm ever going to get Wi-Fi. Oh, that's good, just to try to figure it out.

Just the puzzle of how is it going to fuck with me and put in the code no and then go again and you put in all your exact credit card. Nope, nope, nope. Fill in this field. Let me try Apple Pay. It turns red. What's your real birthday? Email doesn't match. Well, that is my birthday. Yeah. No, no one's at all. Try again. You're like, oh, no. Come on. That's rude.

Dane, I'm a little bit of a spendy Susie. A boozy Susie and a spendy Susie. I'm more of a boozy Susie, but yeah. You are a spendy spender, yeah. And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write in and say, you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face. But that's just constructive criticism. Well, it's very concise and you don't really drink very much, I'll tell the fans. Just puffy.

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You can see more and do more. Learn more at ring.com. Some features require a subscription and are available only on select ring devices. Exclusions apply. Learn more at ring.com. It's just an old trick. I do want to say one thing. This is, again, very quickly, but I want to nominate Mission Impossible, The Last Reckoning for Best Picture, Best Director, and especially Tom Cruise for Best Actor. Wow.

Dana, you loved it. I put it out there. I loved it. I thought it was an amazing film. And I saw it in a packed theater. By the way, people do like this snack. I'm not used to that. I haven't been in a theater in a while, but they come in and it's like,

I don't know. I mean, like 10 gallons of popcorn. The popcorn is a jumbo, yeah. Milk duds go in, a jumbo milk duds. The smallest Coca-Cola you could get on ice was 32 ounces. And that was a small. I couldn't even lift it. But anyway...

32 ounces is a lot. I have a question about it. I have a critique and you tell me now that you've seen it. Yeah. This doesn't really give anything away. No, it does. No, it doesn't really. The submarine scene, could it have been chopped in half? No. Wow.

No. The movie, when you, it's in the trailer, when he jumps out of a helicopter going 100 miles an hour, 20 feet off the ocean surface, he just jumps in and his street clothes into the middle of the ocean. Where it's minus 300 degrees. The movie takes off from there. If you want to be nitpicky, you could maybe say, and I'm sure they thought about it, try to get maybe 15 minutes.

out of the first act into the second act. Maybe. But when a movie's supposed to be like, womp, womp, we get it. Can we get to the end? It took off. And the submarine set piece...

Is brilliant. And it keeps escalating for all you screenwriters out there. Just like, well, we know he's going to get out. And then they convince you he's not going to get out. Yeah. You have to say literally everything went wrong for him in the submarine. And literally the whole movie, everything goes wrong. Everything goes wrong every second. Yep. And then when he's on the plane, which you've seen on the poster. Mm-hmm.

He's flying around. That was, it had two minutes for a bomb to blow up and he's up there for 35 on the wing. I'm like, well, it should be roughly the same time as how long we have been.

Well, one thing was great. He wasn't just in a city sprinting to get away from bullets for maybe 100 yards. He would just suddenly need to go somewhere and there was no car or airplane and they show him just sprinting. And then another shot of him sprinting like he's running a four minute mile. But I still would like to know. But Tom Cruise, if he feels like it, Tom, come on the podcast. We'd love to talk about how brilliant. I won't say my critiques. I'll just talk about how brilliant.

Well, I don't really have any issues with it. I was just surprised. No, I do, but you love it. Did you see it? I thought you told me you didn't see it. No, Dana. That's how I knew he was in the submarine. And also when his stuff ripped off and he's swimming, I'm like, how are you swimming? I can't say more. I cannot say anything else. No, no, no. All you do is just take the ride. And what they did at the end, which they did- Yes, it is a ride. Of course. Go ahead. They did it in Top Gun.

And they did it in, you know, Roman holiday in 1952. The last 10 minutes is music.

With no dialogue wrapping up the emotional arc of the movie. If you notice, all the characters are coming together. And that, you know, I'm going, okay, I'm not going to tear up. Okay, it's just a stupid movie. I'm not going to tear up. And then the next thing I know, I don't want my wife to know. So I go, I got something in my eye, honey. Oh, it's so sad. Oh, I popped a stitch.

Well, also the beginning. You're a tough audience. Did you know they went back to the beginning and said, we have to do this sort of intro to explain things because people are going, we don't quite get it. Which, understandably, you do test screenings and you go, what do you get? What do you not get? They went back, explained it. You're off on the – everyone's off. I told – because there's some people who are visiting us and my wife and I –

I looked it up on Wikipedia because I don't like being confused. So if you don't want to be, people don't listen for 10 seconds, but I told them there's an AI called the entity that

It's going to take over the world, basically. Got to stop it. You have to get these two things, the poison pill and whatever the acapulco, which is in a submarine from the movie before. And they have to connect. That's all you need to know. And then you don't have to get all wound up. Sure. Who's that guy? What's going on? So I say they said it made the movie better because they weren't trying to figure out.

Okay, I'll make a big jump here because we're running out of time. We forgot stories last week. Well, last week we didn't do stories. We're going to do stories.

Okay. We're going to do stories from the world. This is first is this basketball story. Okay. So this scene, I don't watch WNBA that much, but I know Caitlin Clark gets roughed up all the time and they have to stop this. I mean, almost like stop the WNBA and reset and go, what are we doing to our star, star beyond belief player? Okay. Let's watch this. So Caitlin Clark.

Has the ball. She gets pushed. She gets punched. We're going to show it again. Basically, she gets blocked in the eye. She gets something in her eye. Maybe that's not intentional. But then the girl kind of hits her. Then while she's trying to get something out of her eye, then the other girl plows her down. It's un... Yeah, the ball's dead. And then the girl laughs. That asshole. That's Sheldon. Okay, push. Punch in the face.

Holds her eye. And then... Okay, from this angle. Push. Punch in the face. Eye. Something's in my eye. Again. Fully knocked over. That should be a bench clearing brawl. That should be every...

Every one of her teammates should be pummeling the other team. I don't care who's who, just start fighting gloves off. I mean, Caitlyn did defend herself, kind of pushed a little bit. I don't know if it was motivated. Well, I think Sophie Cunningham came back. Is that the game? She came back and tried to foul this girl, but it wasn't enough.

It was nice. It was not enough. You need a full battle royale. Well, there seems to be a pattern that she's the best player in the WNBA, the best they've seen in a while. She's lifted the entire league. We've talked about this before. Yeah. And they can't stand her. Human nature is sort of, I guess, envy or whatever comes up. And also, you know, I mean, I don't want to accuse anyone of doing anything, but a lot of times, you know, they want to kill the quarterback, right?

Yeah. So, and also where were her teammates? Why didn't the teammate, why wasn't there a brawl? Where are the teammates? They need to beat the shit. They need to lose a fight. Just fight. Just go in there and fight everyone because you cannot have your star getting hurt. And she just got back from being hurt. So this happens all the time. You don't watch. She gets it every game. Someone checks her. No one's checking Tiger Woods. He's the best. No one's checking Scotty Scheffler. Like,

I don't think there's that much contact in golf as much as we think. Not as much, but you don't need to do this to her. And it was infuriating to me. I'm like, God damn. And then they're going to kill the golden goose. You know what I mean? Let's say she gets hurt for the year. Ratings plummeted 55% when she didn't play for a few games. Contracts are not renewed.

Yeah. I'll take off. Yeah. That's nasty. That's nasty. And they say the ref's job is hard, but that one was easy. You kick the girl out. Okay. According to his official biography. Oh, I love this guy's funny. I can't stay mad at him. Yeah, he's hysterical. Kim Jong. His biography, he played golf one time.

And this is actually pretty good stats. He shot a 38 under par and had 11 holes in one. That's good, Danny. You don't play a lot of golf. That is good. Well, this is just a AI fake funny story, right? I mean, obviously. I think it's from his real biography, but I don't think this happened exactly this way. I think he's bragging. And I think he's bragging even more than I do when I lie about things I do bragging. So when I golf...

I don't actually cheat when I golf, which I should, but I don't because there's no point. This guy, I've gotten one hole in one and it wasn't 11 and it wasn't all in one game. So listen, he's out there. He's a real rascal. You know, I think he just, he keeps you guessing.

Well, there is that idea that they treat him like he's not quite human. It's like a God, right? Yeah. To the North Koreans. Yeah. I remember playing with my dad once and he always like, say it's a squirrely sloping two and a half to three foot putt. And he would just, he would just pick it up and go, that's a gimme. I go, I don't think so. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's a gimme.

A gimme means you don't have to hit it. Yeah, you don't have to putt it. Just gimme it. It's so close. I'm going to make it. What are we doing? Let's just count it. Yeah, what are we doing? Hey, let's just move on. No, Ray doesn't do gimme's. He says, just so you know, if we golf. By the way, he's like almost apologizing. I'm a stickler to the rules, which just means I play by the rules. And so if you have a, you know, 12-inch putt, you got to putt it. Because you can miss a lot of those. Yes. I was told...

by a mutual friend of ours that said that David's really good. I told you that. Lovitz? Lovitz. Says he has a really good, he has good timing.

It goes back and goes through. Yeah. And like you just tell him where to hit it and he just hits it. So, I mean, are you better than you're letting our audience on or are you kind of like this? The problem is I do play medium, but I love it and it's fun. But the neck, I can't do full 18 anymore. So that's trouble. Heather says I'm good. You know who's good? Oh, Tiger Woods said I was good. Yeah. Tiger Woods. Yeah.

When I did my first ship, he goes, try to get it out toward that. Let's start with a nine iron, go hit it to that. And I hit it and he goes, oh, wait, are you good? Not funny. And they have two drones, 35 people in a crew watching. And I'm just like this.

Because Tiger's just staring at me. What a thrill. I knew that you'd golf with him, but just the idea of having Tiger Woods advise you and comment on your golf shot is either terrifying or exhilarating. But if he says, are you good? Yeah. And then one time he goes, we were putting, and he was apologizing, saying, I hurt my leg. I'm not quite back. If we still want to do this lesson or whatever we were filming. I said, of course. He goes, I can't play, but I can coach and goof around.

And he was great. So anyway, we're putting and he goes, I have this old putter. I've had the same putter for 20 years. I go, oh, is it a money thing? Oh, David, it was just like that all day. We were laughing. We were cracking. He knows. But he was fun. Got in a car wreck the next morning. I was the last person to golf with him. And then he got in a car wreck and I was like, I saw the car wreck. He's, he's. That's weird. He cannot golf again. And then he did. Then he was better than me immediately again. I'm like, dude.

Okay. He's tenacious with trying to get back on the tour. He'll do a surgery, another surgery. He'll rehab it. Yeah. It's like if I couldn't get on that stage, Dana, I'd fight back.

Well, you were too young to remember, but in any era, no one has dominated for a period of time like he did. Even Jack Nicklaus, it took him longer to get his 16 or whatever, 17 majors. But nobody dominated. Tiger won the Masters by like 12 strokes. It was like a wipeout. It's crazy. He's got game.

He knows how to keep his head down. Okay. This is, we should, this sounds too high. This might be fake. Put it in the comments. Okay. California gas tax to increase July 1st. Starting July 1st, gas will go up by 66 cents a gallon. That cannot be true. 66 a gallon. Already home to the most expensive gas in the country.

Wow. For people around the country, that means we're a lot of places heading over six. Certain places I see 55, 559 for Supreme. So we're going to be close to eight. Oh, he says it would go to eight if it goes up 66 cents. Says it'll go close to eight. Soon go to eight. Yeah. Could soon be paying close to eight. Soon and close. So it's not. So it's, let's say seven.

But you can't do anything. If this is true, you can't. All the things we do, I don't want the $93 billion bullet train to Sacramento. Who gives a fat fuck about Sacramento? Who's going on that train? I know. I wanted trains. I love trains. You know, because I don't like to fly. I like Europe has all these trains. Yeah. It's too bad we didn't. When we were laying down the I-5, we needed to put a freaking, get Walt Disney. He was alive. Say, Walt, we got a job for you. Have a monorail train.

Sure. SFO right up over the grapevine into LA. Sure. Not Sacramento. And I, why not one from here to Vegas? They're going to make one, but it's from San Bernardino. I'm like, you're already halfway there. Well, then they'll connect it in to your house.

I mean, but this, this train started at a billion when they voted on it. Now it's 93 billion. Okay. I don't like that. I don't want to pay more taxes. God. Well, I just, I, you know, I'll pay taxes. I want them to spend the money wisely. Does that make me crazy? Where is it? Where's the money? If they would fix literally Fairfax and La Cienega, they'd make them smoother. I'd be happy. Shoveling money that just disappears. No one knows where it goes. You go, why would I give more? Well, I am, I'll give more this year.

Okay, this is a plane crash. I know you don't like this. Oh, this is a way to save people they're working on. This sounds like bullshit too. If an airplane is about to crash for any reason, it's almost impossible for the passengers on board to survive. This is AI, Dana, don't worry. Whether it's business class or economy, passengers are not given perishes. Economy is AI too. I think it's all for a fuss. This is the reason over 100,000 people have lost their lives in plane crashes so far.

That's high. Look at this thing.

This is cool. Later, pilots are like, huh? Nice and easy landing. Nice. And you walk out, and then you order Uber Eats.

Share your thoughts. At some point, just take a fucking boat or driver train. You can get around the earth without it. You know, I mean, Dolly Parton. Or can everyone wear a parachute? Is that easier? And they say the plane's going out. If you want to run out, we're going to pop the door. You want to run out?

Are you scared right now? Yeah, if it has to be fast. You're just in your seat and you're like, oh, thank you, Chardonnay. And then ripcord, poof, right out the door. What is the point? Do you have to go see grandma in Hawaii? I mean, just don't travel so much. I'm going to punt on that one. Dana, I travel too much. It's sickening. Okay, next one. That was good. You know, we learned a lot.

preening peacocking here i go training it's the best your hair has ever looked on this podcast more b-ball dana marcus cousins is suspended oh look what he does look what he does i won't say it until we see it he scratches his dick and rubs it in the guy's face and he got suspended

Hilarious. I like the guy got up and look at this guy in the baseball hat wants to fight him. This pipsqueak. Yeah. You can always act tough when you got guys holding you back, you know? Yeah. I sort of would want the players to beat the guys up because everyone talks so much tough shit and the players go, if it was any other scenario, you would be looking down.

And just going, yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yeah. The only luck you can have is that traditionally NBA players are not good fighters. Like in a brawl, you'll see a lot of guys fighting like this. Their arms are out like this. Nobody's in like this. I'm like this. I'm in tight. Yeah. You're like that. Just tight. I'm taking it. I'm taking it right to the ab. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Snap, snap. Feel it? Boom, boom. And then I'm like, pull Spade off. He's hitting him too hard.

But what if that was a kind of a mixed martial arts expert that just body slam the NBA guy? I wish it was the guy that stood up. I do think that's a possibility would be great.

Also those guys in those videos where they just touch your shoulder and people go, oh, they fall down. Like it's kind of those fake instructors that just use like a force field. Oh yeah. And yeah. And a keto. Yeah. You just like the guy flies with you because he believes you're a human God. And you go like that little tiny guy weighs 130 pounds. Yeah. He's like eating a ham sandwich. People run at him and he just touches him. And he's going like that. And they're just doing like gymnastics and tumbles like as if...

It's great. It's fine. It's entertainment. All right, next one. Yeah, what else you got? Dana, what does a confident smile say to you?

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At least 15% off at masterclass.com slash fly. That's right. Masterclass.com slash fly. Okay. Oh, this guy throws food. I think he's, I don't know how old this kid is. He throws food at this old man's wife in a restaurant. Wrong move. Watch this old man goes fucking nuts. Starts beating up this guy. He's like 17, 18. And now this guy comes over. What do you do? He threw food at my wife. This guy hits him.

Just a stranger? Yeah, the kid was starting shit. It's funny because it's probably too much, but when there's so much anarchy out there and no one gets in trouble for anything, if someone's doing that, there needs to be some regulating now and then.

So there was no one controlling the kid and he throws food. Well, he's got his whole family there. No one says shit to him. And he just throws food at some woman's face. I mean, I was watching it, but I'm like, what? That's why the guy went over, they said. And then slapped the kid. You could hear it. You got to be a little careful. How big was the kid? I don't think, I think the kid was like 17, but it is, they're both going to get in trouble for doing that. But yeah.

Yeah. Kid was a little young, but you know, it's just a world of like, where's the parents? Where's anyone? Just can you control anything? It's anarchy. It's end of days, man. There is a lot of that. I do feel that. Did you ever see Clockwork Orange, the movie? Too scary. Dystopian world of hooligans, robbing and beating people, you know?

People stealing copper wires with no consequences. Thank you. People taking Wi-Fi away from hardworking citizens that want to watch you porn. All right, let's see the next one. Brazilian comedian, Leo Lynn, sentenced to eight years in prison for... In prison?

Again, I like it's under funniest standup. This isn't that funny. Brazilian comedian. Oh, eight years in prison and 30. You had to pay 300,000 BRLs? That's like $6 American. No, this I did read about that he kind of intentionally went in and tried and just did

I think a joke on a joke of doing every offensive bid he could do. I think it was one set one hour, but then over time now he's going to prison for that one hour. He's getting his lawyer said he's getting the same punishment as someone convicted of drug trafficking, corruption, or murder because jokes. Well, yeah, I know. And, and, and, um,

England right now, you can't say anything negative about anything that they think is negative or they'll come to your house. Yeah. So you can't post. And you can't, they're saying if you're from America and you go there, that's what they want next. That when you get there, if you've posted something negative,

They can arrest you. That's their ideal. But right now they're just arresting people in England for their opinions. And that's where it gets scary because I look over there because I don't want everything coming here, which is sort of on the way. It's like, that's the test market. What's going on in Ireland and England? And if it's troubling to me, or it might be for the better, but you get to watch it and go, it works or doesn't work, whatever they're doing.

Well, I'm old school. I came from a different place and time. So as a kid, the Ku Klux Klan is having a march in some city.

And no one bothered. You just had to sit there and take it. Yeah. And all their foul signs and all their nonsense. But that's why I learned that freedom of speech, it's a slippery slope. Like who decides what you can say and not say. And the tolerance is really where all the magic is. You have to. And you can't yell fire in a crowded theater, putting all that aside. But just the idea of thought police, George Orwell talked about it.

You can't say and or think things. And the propensity from wherever you think it's coming from for control and authoritarianism is a very strong impulse just to control the population. So I don't like it, but maybe that's me. I'm against it. Okay, next one. I will cut back your speech in a second. What is this? A lady robot. She's cute.

Oh, this guy sort of gets a little handsy with her. With a robot? Even though it's his robot girlfriend. Rubs her waist, right? She likes it. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. He grabbed like her hip bone. Heather programmed this. I don't know what this is for. Is this, again, I have to ask, is this real? I mean, if it's a robot girlfriend...

Is this AI? It could be. Is that a real robot? Well, maybe it's just they're showing a robot doing that to show how not to grab a woman or something. Yeah, that's a real woman. I mean, he shouldn't be rubbing her stomach anyway unless they're... Doing that, yeah. But you're training creepy men on robots what not to do because they don't really know. When they marry them? Yeah.

Aren't they married? Isn't he married to that robot? If you're paying a hundred grand to marry a robot, you should be able to touch your belt line. Not lower though. The robots are here, man. They're coming strong. Jesus. Will anyone have a job in five years? I don't know. We're going to have to have universal basic income. There's too many jobs that are going to be lost in the next five years. So you will get a nice fat jack. It'll be...

Oh, I will give me something for one. Thank you. Okay. Let's do one more. If this is a good one, we'll stop. Okay. Let's see. This is going to be good. No promises. Oh, this is kind of interesting. This is, you know, like lion country safari, people go on safaris. Yeah. At what point would you freak out? Okay. So they're in a Jeep, if you can't tell, and a lion, and they say, don't move, and a lion walks up. You've seen these type. Beautiful lion. Okay.

These are people filming inside. I'd be screaming and peeing. Okay, all of you relax. Nope, he's coming on board. Gorgeous, look at... And they're just casually like, we can get a... Look at one at a time they leave. So cute though. And this guy's kind of trapped. They keep telling him to stand up and leave.

And he's kind of getting... This lion would be so fun to pet if it wouldn't kill you, but it's wild. But it's sort of the, you don't bother me, I don't bother you. But I would be so scared. That guy comes and moves him. Yeah. Oh, that woman was trapped. Okay, so they're in a Jeep. The lion's in the back seat with the guy. The guy finally gets out, I think. But...

Isn't that interesting? Like, I don't know how fast my heart, I don't know what I would do. Sometimes, you know, have you ever had a cat in your life? You know,

The cat house pet. Yeah, sure. And I often think like, okay, here's ginger, the cat really cool Calico cat. Yeah. And it's like, okay, what if ginger instead of weighing 12 pounds weighed 400 pounds, but I had all the same stuff. And sometimes we're kind of like, Hey, don't pet me there and cut her teeth will come out. So yeah, 400 pounds, 500 pounds. So you don't get slapped like that when they get mad, that would hurt more. Yeah.

Well, they can kill you in about a tenth of a second, but who would win that cat or a gorilla? I was going to say that cat or me, I would win because I would strike first. I'd strike first and then I'd say, do you want more? I wouldn't keep hitting. I'd say, do you get it now? Who's the boss? Yeah. But a gorilla, I don't know. I saw one of these look at a crocodile.

In a tree. He was in the tree. Crocodile's in the water. Typical hack. And then he was floating and the alligator's eyes are like here. So he's like, I don't think anyone's in that tree. And then this thing just jumps like that. Jumps in, lands on him. And right at the last second, because he's got eyes up here, turned a little bit. So I go, he might've missed, the lion might've missed where he wanted to grab because they both went under and

And then you see the crocodile doing those turns. They do that death roll. And then the lion popped up and he swam and he got out and looked in. I'm like, what happened? Tell us. Never said anything. No, no part two. Stay tuned for part two. Have you ever gone to a part two, Heather? And then you scrolling down and it's like two miles down. I'm like, why are you giving me something from four years ago? Oh, TikTok. Oh.

Anyway. Okay, Dana, that was a good one to end with, I feel. What are your wrap-ups now?

um trump can be nasty and nice yes what do we learn for best actor okay um you can't get wi-fi just let it go but if you want to occupy your mind on a long flight just try to get wi-fi copper wiring is valuable i don't know how much people want it uh we got to protect caitlin clark from uh

severe uh rough rough housing yeah the constant beatings right and let me think what else i could think of alec and what oh david's good at golfing all right why don't i reveal what was in the bag case oh my god dana this is before we go to our whole new format and everything okay this is too exciting i'm gonna wiggle back people have guessed a dandelion these are

I'm going back. Okay, I'm just going to say while he's going back there. People have guessed dandelion. They've guessed a lock of hair. They've guessed the Garth wig. All right, let me put these on. Dana, they guessed. Oh, you can't hear me yet. Come on.

Yeah. Untangle them for 30 minutes. Okay. Heather's going to guess. Well, he can't hear you. Yeah. Hold on. Hard to put on headphones when you're under pressure. Okay. Oh, Heather's going to guess. She's guessing a little doohickey like this to make noise. Okay. Someone online said the Garth wig. A bunch said dandelion.

An old dandelion. And someone else said, it's your old Vicodin from your operation. So let's see what it is. Everyone's freaking out. We're like Mr. Beast now with these fricking views we're getting. Okay, ready? This better be good. It's a Robustatin. It's a cholesterol pill. What? Oh my God.

I said no one would get it. It's 40 milligrams Robostatin. Let's see if anybody, I'm going to go check YouTube, see if anybody gets that. Look, there'll be one on fly on the wall. So we'll have this here. That was pretty good. You were right. No one guessed it. So that's the fly on the wall. Yeah.

What's a statin? You know what I'm going to start to do? What's a statin? Everyone asked that once. What's a statin? It lowers your cholesterol. Yeah. Yeah. Like Lipitor, Crestor. It's a generic. You don't want it too low. I'm going to put something in here that people would want. That's it. Okay. Like a Garth Wig or something that people would want. And that's what I'll do. When we do our next season starting next year,

Trailer drops Monday, starts Thursday. It's called fly on the wall, generally without guests. And then there's a fly on the wall that will have a guest. No one knows what's going on. No one knows what's going on. They'll just figure it out. Just watch them all. We can't figure out what chance have they got. Well, thank you, Dana, for your time. I know you're gardening this week and you're digging out there with the petunias. I'm going to do what I do best.

Just hang out. No, I got a lot of hang out and listen to my voice text. Hey, Dana, checking in. Yeah. Okay. Go have fun. And thanks everybody. We'll see you next Thursday. Yes. Season premiere. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.