Tom Segura
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

I'm just allergic to the bites. In San Ynez, there's tons of tarantulas. I hate it. And they're like this. Get fucked. And they go, it's mating season. And the thing is going like one foot every two minutes. I go, what, is he sprinting towards someone to have sex with? Dude, talk about the slow plays.

No, they really walk weird there, but they're slow. But they're in our house up there all of a sudden. They go like this too. Creeping around. Yeah, that's it. I have them in Arizona. They're not, they go, those don't bite, I don't think. I need more proof. Tell that to my leg. Tell it to my swollen left nut.

I knew you were going there. I know, it's horrible. Tell it to my scrotum, okay? Dude, I hate it. Nothing like a shark bite on your lower testicle. Remember Denny Johnson? Denny Johnson, of course. He goes like this. The other day, he's got a van to travel for stand-up. He goes, the other day, I slammed my finger in my van. It got all big and purple and swollen, so then I slammed my dick in there. What?

That's a great line. I know. That's just a great joke. He's the guy that said he wrote his whole act in one night when he was fucked up or something, and then he always has done the... That's when you could do your same act. I was going to ask Lana that if that's true. There is a thing, a poison in a way, that people get 20 minutes the first week, literally, and then ride it for a half century. That's what they used to be able to do. You just travel with it. Three stooges never change their line. Yep.

For a half century. They went on the road because they got nothing for their shorts. Tom Segura. Oh, no. Now we have a theme. It works. Well, I like the hand thing. It works again. Tom Skorodom. What is his name? Tom Skolako. Tom Skorogoga. He is a... Tom Segura. He's Bert Kreischer's friend. Ooh, we're buddies. Great.

Two bears, one cave. You think by this point they could buy a second cave, okay? You know, I went to Sunglass Hut the other day. I go, this place is doing pretty well. I think they can move into a building. Tom Segura. Tom Segura does well. By the way, everyone at the airport looks like Bert Greischer. I realize it's these big dudes with hats.

Where's Gat 18? I'm like, hey, Bert. Hey, Bert. Everyone's Bert. He did two bears. You did Bert's podcast, right? I did the half a cave and a kind of bear guy or something. You did one igloo. I was in Tom Segura's seat, I guess. So I did two hours with Kreischer. Kreischer.

Jesus Christ, you're a carby. That is good for a dentist. Jesus Christ, you're a carby. Yeah. Jesus Christ, you're a carby. Tom Segura. Forget about Bert. This is Tom. Tom Segura. Well, let's just state some facts. The guy is a great stand-up. Yep, great stand-up. Check him out on Netflix. Great podcast. Got in early. Does with his lovely wife, Christine. And they have a big one called Your Mother's House, right? Early adopter. We're going to break this down in this. You're going to listen shortly. Yeah.

You're going to shut up and listen. Shut up and listen. But we're going to break down how he figured out the podcasting thing and the-

What do you call it? You know the knots are like 2000, 2010. What is 2010 to 2020? What do you call that? That's the teens, I think. That's the teens? What if it's 12? You fucked me, man. I don't know. Were you saying something? I don't know. Were you? Well, it was like 2012 or 13, he was really getting into podcasting. Yes. And he's a scientist about how it influences your draw on the road. And we break all that down. We break down things a lot. He's on a worldwide tour called...

I'm Coming Everywhere, which is a funny title. And he rakes in cash. Tour. Podcast. He tours around the world, Tom Segura. Still some more money in the gutters. Yeah. And then there's stuff in a trash can. Get the lid off. Kick the can. Yeah. It's clean out the leaf bag. As long as you say what you're doing, it's a perfect sound. It's all funny noises. Have you seen my character Sound Effect-y? Guy. Gets in a car.

Adjusts the mirror. Puts it in gear. Gets a clown horn. Gets a clown horn. Anyway. So Tom Segura, check him out. Tom Segura is our guest. We had fun with him. He's really funny, fun, super smart, and he'll say just dry things. He's very, like Herbert Kreischer is loud, and he's such a big presence, and Tom is the calm one, so...

They're fun together, and we've gotten them both. We just go quietly until the podcast starts. It's only an hour. You still have the rest of your day. I know. What the fuck? It's only an hour. It's like a ripoff.

I don't know why when we execute prisoners, it doesn't go well half the time and they come back alive. They don't have it wired. Can you choose to be exploded or just hit the head with a sledgehammer or Mike Tyson with a free punch? That's how I want to go out. That's it. That's a great idea. And I don't think they really give you choices anymore. And they should. You should be able to say you should pick from 100 things. How would you want to go out? Well,

Well, first I would want to just chug a quart of vodka probably. I mean, I'd want to get really anesthetized. I've had operations where I'm coming to on morphine and they could have just chopped me in half. I couldn't care less. So I'd get vodka, morphine, and then I would try to run a hundred miles in the desert.

Oh, okay. So you'd want to accomplish something. Right. Yeah. I don't know. I wouldn't have lofty goals anymore. I don't know. What about you, Tom or David? What about what do you guys got? I mean... The feel-good podcast of the year. I'd like to see if I could...

like really take a stab at, you know, like how, like how, how many does it take? Like Woodsy of the owl when on the pop commercial, how many does it take to you go? All right, enough. Yeah. What if it was like somebody just throw, I've always wanted to see some, so like push a safe off of a ledge onto somebody. So, you know, do it to me. I'd like Tony Robbins to push my head into that cold plunge pool he has and just hold me under.

But doing me a favor. Doing me a favor. Because that guy's got meaty mitts. He does. This is one of our most interesting startings. But Tom Segura, Dana, is an American hero. He...

I mean, I don't think you've heard that. He, what did he do? He created a comedy empire outside the traditional system of Johnny Carson and Saturday Night Live. He's here right now, Tom. And he created a comedy empire leveraging this new technology called

And it's brilliant. And his specials are amazing, I have to say. I heard a lot of your good stuff today. Thank you. Don't forget, I hosted SNL twice, but keep going. You did? That was back when they weren't filming it? That's funny, because we get a Tom Segura guest prep. They would tell us that. Have they asked you to host recently, Tom? Negative. That's kind of strange, because you've reached critical mass where they would think, hmm...

Check the numbers. Well, you have to be on the radar because, listen, first of all, with SNL, you grew up, you did grow up. And when you were growing up, did you watch SNL? Most people did. So much. And what was your chunk that you were into the most? Chunk of casting. When you were 12 or 14 in what year? Like 19. I mean, Dana is...

The fucking goat, for sure. Yes. Yeah, you're the greatest. Tom, I'm blushing if I could. You are. Thank you. I mean, I was, of course, I was absolutely...

I never missed it. And for that time period, you know, so I was what I was born in 79, you know, when you get into the early nineties, late eighties, early nineties, that there's probably like a, there's probably a six year window there where I don't miss a single episode. I think, you know, that's like, that was what we did. I mean, I told David when we podcasted, it was like, we would watch SNL and then it's like Monday morning, you just go in and just repeat the

the lines. That's all we would do. I mean, you know, just like all, all the impressions and you are, you're a fucking chameleon. I mean, you were amazing, Dana. Thank you. Thank you. I know that David was there. No, Lauren did say, David, I want you to be an extra. By the way, the funniest thing about Lauren is saying, I brought you in as a backup for Dana knowing he was leaving. And I'm like,

I don't even do what Dana does. No one does. Like just because I have blonde hair, it's like I do a whole different thing. But Dana was so good and so fun to watch that it made it impossible for someone like me to even contemplate going on SNL because that is a Dana's like the quintessential SNL person.

funny, scores, goes into sketches, disappears, and any characters in the news, you play them. And it's so versatile. And you could have a standout, like the lead character, or like you said, you could walk through a scene and deliver a line. And I think that would probably be...

for like, when I imagine, I always imagine what it's like not to host, but to be a cast member. Cause it's like, obviously that's not a thing that'll ever happen, but like you imagine it. And I go, man, that would intimidate the shit out of me to be in a cast with you. I think I would be like, fuck. Yeah.

Because you're so good at all of it that I would just be like, I don't know what I do here. It surprised me too, just quickly. I did not have an enormous amount of confidence when I was cast. And it was a little bit like, okay, I guess I got it. I felt a little sick to my stomach. But as I went forward, when I was trying to do stand-up as a sketch player,

without really great material, but just riffing characters. Sometimes that was kind of difficult. But as I got up forward on SNL, I got more confidence. And that getting confidence is a magical feeling at whatever you're doing. Going back to our guest, Tom. No, it's good to be here. When did you turn, like you started doing standup and you're going along and

And then at one point you, you kind of leap forward. Was it confidence, work ethic, or just time? I mean, how soon would you're going? I'm pretty much consistently can do an hour and pretty much consistently levitate the room. Well, or even the, when you felt confident, like I'm going to, what was the first time you said, okay, I'm going to do this. I was a, definitely a relentless, um, worker as a, as a standup. So once I, you know, once,

Once I understood how the system worked, I was like, oh, they let you emcee. I was like, I just wanted to feature, right? Just wanted to be the middle act. And I took every single offer all over the country to middle everywhere. And then when I cracked headlining, I just kept doing it so aggressively. We just worked, worked, worked, worked. I hated having a week off, so I...

I mean, not like anybody enjoys that, but I'm saying it was just like a relentless...

pursuit of it. And then you kind of feel like, yeah, there's a thing where you go like, oh, I'm proficient at this. I know how to do this, but you realize it doesn't matter. Um, if people don't know, like people would come to the shows and have a good time, but you're like, man, this thing's not going to change unless people buy tickets, you know, to see you. Yeah. It's like, you're just coming. You're just there because they're coming to a comedy club in general, but you need them to switch and go, cause they used to have mailing lists and stuff. And maybe you did that.

Oh, I did. We call it, obviously they call it papering the room. It's like the club goes, hey, we're at the, this is the Omaha Funny Bone at the mall. And they just reach out to their list and they go, here's the act this week. And people go, who's that? And they go, well, it's a free ticket. And that's what I did. I just did those for years and years and did those over and over and over. But you get to the point where you're like, hey, I feel like I could

sell a ticket if people knew who who i was but the only thing that was doing that at the time was just specials you have to get like a special out and that's that that became just my goal was to get an hour special out and then when it did come out it did uh change things for me first one changed things

Yeah, well, the half hour did. That's the funny thing is I remember the producer in Comedy Central. I'm in New York and we're shooting Comedy Central Presents, which was like, I thought, I mean, a huge goal, right? Because every comic that I looked up to had a presents and I shot it and it went well. And I remember the producer pulling me aside going, okay.

this is going to change your road work. And I was like, really? And I got so excited, but I tried to keep it inside. I was like, oh, thank you so much. Oh, thank you, God. And it came out. And when it came out, you know, I saw, I saw like some stuff on social media or whatever. And then I was like, well, what's about to happen? And I called my agent and I was like, hey, I want to work this club. And he's like, okay. And he called and he goes, yeah, they said no.

And I go, but I have a Comedy Central Presents. But I did a Game Changer. They don't care. Everyone says Game Changer. My agents every year used to go, this is going to be your year. And I go, you fucking liar. You say that every year and it gets me. Actually, I believe it. I go, this one? They're like, yeah. I go, like they know something. I go, they just say that to shut you up. And I'm like.

Oh my God. Well, what should I do to prepare? And then that's what you were doing is like, I got a presents under my belt. That's funny when people go, you do a premium brand blend, you do a presents, you know, that's the lingo. Dude. Yeah. And I really thought like, this is gonna be a real thing for me. Like this is going to make things different. You know, I really did. I agree. I mean, do you think that's your famous? You go, I will be famous starting tomorrow.

Did you, from that first half hour, did you feel like, um, I'll just get better or, or did you, did you work even harder or how did, did you keep improving from that point? Cause the writing I'm seeing now is, is so, you know, as good as it gets, it's a bit your landing, um, and the acting you're doing in it. I mean, when did that come up? Was it sort of the first one that went on Netflix or something? Did you make leaps even, or was it just exposure? You were already...

completely i think i always i think i always stay you know it's funny you you're around you're around comedians obviously all the time right as a comic and you see you realize what a disease the um the bitterness of these guys yeah never hang out with comedians i hate you guys yeah it's like they're they're just but they're just like miserable about they're like

Shit just never works. And I always tried to stay away from those like that, or at least you can't stay away from it, but you go, I don't want to embrace that. And so I told myself that I was like, well, if this didn't change things like the way that I go, it's the next thing. And the next thing, the next step up would be the full hour. So I was like, I need to do an hour special, which again, sucks.

became like my, my sole goal. And, uh, and I only cared about being on comedy central because that's, that was the spot. I was like, it was 2013. I was like, it's gotta be comedy central. Um,

And we invited Comedy Central to see it. And they said, they literally said, well, there's not really a theme. That was the feedback I got. Oh, really? I mean, I told my manager at the time, I was like, I think the theme is jokes. You know, Tom, I'm more like that too. I look at some people's act and I go, when they do a whole special about something, I'm baffled.

I can't even come up with jokes about just when you have the whole playing field, you can do a joke about anything in the world. And then when they go, I'm going to do them about just about my divorce, the whole thing. And you go, holy shit. And I still can't, all my hours are like bit about this, bit about that. I mean, it's never like, here's the cohesive. Yeah. So we ended up shooting it on spec.

And we still sent it to Comedy Central. Oh, I love it. Because they only seen like a version of it at a club. And I go, here's the finished product. And they said, no, again.

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Wow. So how does Tom Segura, because I like to use the name in that context, how do you deal with that kind of rejection? Are you bummed out for a week? Because I auditioned for SNL once and I followed Kennison at the store and it was a death trap and a death set. And I was kind of, I wouldn't say clinically depressed. I wouldn't label myself as depressed, but I was really- Because he was so good. I was bummed out.

for a couple months, just at that. So when you hear no, now it's two times in a row, are you pretty resilient? Obviously, you wouldn't be here. Do you take a knee for a day? I mean, you have a couple beers. I mean, how do you process it? I'll show those motherfuckers. Might be a good way to go. I'm definitely bummed. I'm definitely, you know, in the moment, a little bitter. I'm definitely like, this is such...

fucking bullshit. I'm looking at the, um, the ones that they did choose. And I'm like, you took, you took this piece of shit. Oh yeah. I've done. There you go. You look like De Niro for a second. You took this piece of shit. Fucking piece of shit. Um, that's your hilarious theme act. You love so much. Also like what's the theme of this fucking dog shit. Yeah. Oh, the theme is dog shit. Okay. And then I actually got, you know, it's, I've,

I've said it before, but like the same call where I get the note, the news that they're passing. I'm just on the phone. I pulled over. I was like out in La Cienega and I pulled over and I was like, okay, I'm just listening. He goes, and then he goes, by the way, we sent it to HBO and I go seriously. And he goes, yeah, they said no to, and I'm like, okay, why would you even tell me this? I, and then he's like, I've sent it to Showtime.

They said no. No, across the board. I'm like, cool. And then he goes, but Netflix.

And in 2013, it's a thing, but it's not like the hot place to be. House of Cards was around that time or just maybe not happening? Maybe. Because that was a big sea change. House of Cards, they're doing... Kevin Spacey's going on Netflix? You were right at the edge of it, right? Yeah, I think it's close, but I don't think it's out yet. And then he's like, no, they're getting a lot of subscribers now. And I'm like, great. Yeah.

That's how the phone call ends. I go, all right, well, thanks. And I'm just kind of bummed out, but I go, what can I do? And what I can do is literally go back to work. So I just go back on the road and I just act like,

I guess I got to just come up with a new hour and try this again. I don't know. That is probably six months before. Well, wait, you, but you got the, the news that Netflix wanted your horrible hour. Yeah. And they go, they're into bad comedy right now. And this is our window. Yeah.

But you don't give it to him? No, I do. Oh, you do. Okay. Let's go like, fine. It'll come out, you know, later. I'm like, whatever. And I just completely just move on. You did the opposite. You didn't bank everything on it. You just said, fuck it. Good. Throw it out. It's going to die on Netflix, Flexflix, whatever it's called. I thought it would definitely do less for me than the presents. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And then I just, it came out and I remember when it came out, like,

you know like again you see some tweets and like people a couple people said that like i stopped me hey i saw i was like great and um great you i didn't think anything of it and then like three months later i remember i did a uh i did the cleveland improv and uh the guy the manager comes up to me at the end of the week he goes i don't know why the this happened

But you sold some tickets this weekend. Wow. That gave me the, that gave me the chills though. I mean, the fact that you're suddenly valuable in some way. That's a rush. That's a lifelong goal that you're like, wait, that sentence. Oh yeah. You're selling a shit ton of tickets when that starts to happen. It's like, and here's the thing. Here's how fucking removed from the correlation of the show. I was like, wait, why? He's like, no, I don't know why. Yeah.

And he's shocked. That's how he doesn't think you're that good. I'm stunned, man. He like sends me the break day. He's like, look at this shit. And I'm like,

What is that? He goes, well, you hit some bonuses, but he goes, I don't know, man. And then he just like walked away. And I just thought, well, that was a good weekend. And I still wasn't like, oh, the specials working, you know? And then the next few months it started to happen more and more and more. And then it became a thing where it was like, hey, you sold out this weekend. Like the whole weekend sold out. That was probably after like six months. Wow. It took that long to seep, right? Yes. Yes.

Wow. And that was the one called Completely Normal, 2014. Yeah, we shot it in 13. It came out in 14. And then by 15, I was just doing... Well, by the end of 14, I was selling out clubs. And then in 15, I was doing rock clubs and one-nighters in small theaters. I could go to a club on a Monday and they'd give me the door and I would just...

you know, I was starting to work like that. Like casinos too, right? Man, casinos are where it's at. Yeah. Casinos pay more, but sometimes the audience can feel a little tough. This is a crazy inside baseball thing, but there are casinos and this is really crazy when you actually just do the finance, like the numbers on this. There are a number of casinos that will pay well over the gross of the show. And when you think of that, you're like, wait, what the,

The show is grossing X amount and they're going to pay you over that. And then you realize, well, there's a calculation that they do. They're like, if this many people come to the casino...

We don't even care that we're parting with this because these people are going to get rooms, gamble, drink, eat. And you're like the way that it becomes a little like ecosystem of an economy on, on, in a night is it's really fascinating. Playing the desert in, in Vegas, which was an incredible room. Now it's the wind. It was blowing up 600 seats, low ceiling, uh,

I go down for the sound check and they got a Goomba type manager there. And I go, how are the ticket sales? And this is a quote. Mark Pitter was there, my opener. He goes, what do I give a shit? I got Indonesians dropping 10 large upstairs tonight. Yeah.

Yeah. That's all it is. I mean, Indonesia is dropping 10 large, but yeah, they do the analytics. They told me they'll see what carrot top numbers are or like how much money is dropped in the casino that night. Yeah. Does your audience go out and then does your audience drink? Does your audience, does your audience get drunk and leverage their house? Do our high rollers ask for your tickets?

Because you can see the front row. And a lot of times when you do Vegas or any of these places, casinos, the front row is sparse or it's choppy because people go, give me tickets to everything. I'm a high roller. And I go, you got two tickets up front. If you want them, you got this, this. And they walk in like Meghan Markle in the middle of your set if they want.

But sometimes they go, nah, we, you know, I think what the calculation is, they just need to get them. And the showroom is always in the very farthest corner of the casino. So they have to walk by and they calculate, they probably spend $22 on slots on the way out of boredom. They walk by our restaurants. They probably eat at one. Now they're aware of our casino because Tom Segura,

isn't, they've never come here, but because we're mixing up our acts, they go, oh, I'll go see him. And then they go, oh, I've never been to this casino. I'll come back.

So they got to get them in somehow. They don't want you to do your act. Yeah. Get them in touch base and go back out. I just had this happen at a casino. This is wild. I'm backstage and it's a big room. It's a 6,000 seat room. So basically it's a, what they consider a half arena, right? Yeah. That type of shell design. Yeah. Yeah. Big room. And there's, and those types of rooms, the way that it's laid out, it's kind of hard to,

you can't really peek out. They have huge, you know, scaffolding and curtains everywhere. But I hear Kirk Fox, who's on stage. And I hear him at one point go, Hey man, he goes, Hey, Hey man, you got to calm down. Okay. And it's not like, I'm like, this is definitely some shit.

If Kirk is saying that, he's pretty chill. Yeah, he's pretty chill and he's so funny. It catches my ear, so I turn and I'm like, what's going on? So I try to see, but I can't really see. I just see Kirk up there on the stage. And then a few minutes pass and he goes, hey, man, hey, dude, I'm telling you, I want you to stay, but you got to calm down.

And so then I'm back, I'm backstage and I got like at these, you know, at these big casinos, there's like 200 security staff. Like it's a lot of security. Right. So they start coming around. I hear they're all on their walkies and their earpieces and their, so I'm like, what is happening? And they're like, well, there's, there's this guy in the front row and I'm like, what's going to happen? What are we going to, what's going to, what are you going to do? Yeah. And they go, well, we think it's going to be too disruptive. Yeah.

to remove him during Kirk's set. So what we're going to do is, because he's getting through it, he's almost done,

When he gets off stage and you're about to go on stage, that's when we'll remove him. And I go, hey, man, it's your security. Do whatever you want. I just want to know what's going on. And they're like, that's what we're going to do. I go, okay, great. Kirk finishes his day. He says goodnight. He walks off stage. They start playing a song. And that's like my cue that I have like 10 seconds. And then I walk on stage. So I walk on stage. And as I walk on stage...

I grabbed the mic and I see like eight, nine yellow security shirts, you know, big black letters on it, all gathered around this dude in the front row. Oh, God. So I'm just, you know, how's everybody doing? I'm still like, what's up? And I grabbed the mic and I'm like, hey, and I can't even get out the first sentence. And this becomes...

Mayhem, right? So like they are holding this guy and I see his head pop out from under like a choco and he goes, Tom, Tom. Oh my God. Yeah. He goes, I came to see you. And I go, what do you mean to do? And he goes, help me. I go, I think it's beyond my control now. They start to pull him and dude, it's taking like six, seven guys. His girl pops up.

And she fucking punches one of the security guys. Yeah. And I'm sitting here from the stage. I haven't started talking yet.

Everyone's watching and you, you're all just watching. Yeah. And there's the jumbotron watching you watch. And I'm just like, you gotta be kidding me. She turns and starts yelling at me too. I go, what do you want me to do? She takes her beer, throws it on one of the security guys. Smart. The guys start dragging the guy out. And when they drag him out, he takes them into an aisle. So he, he dragged security guys into an aisle. I see shoes come off.

Pants come off. They finally get him stood up. Underwear's off. He's fully naked in the arena now, right? It's Conor McGregor. I'm like, oh my God. This guy's like, I would say maybe 5'9", 265, 270 pounds. Okay. So looks good with his clothes off. Looks great. It's a nice shot. I'm able to put like the show back on the tracks.

I finally get off stage and I'm like, dude, that was the fucking wildest opening to a show I've ever had. And they go, yeah, you know, the cops here, that guy's in jail, blah, blah, blah. Like half an hour later, we're walking through the casino. There's the guy. No. There's the guy. And I'm like, how is he...

You're walking around. You betrayed me. He doesn't see me. But when he walks by, we're all like, that's the guy. And we talked to one of the security people. High roller. He's a front row high roller. Whale. Yeah, he's a whale. They're like, yeah. I go, this dude, this dude like knocked one of your. And what they get away with. They're like, yeah, 10 grand a hand, dude. It's fine. It's totally fine. Willing to look the other way.

So how did you... How long did it take you to feel like you're doing your set then after he goes out naked and they're screaming and fighting? Did you go into your set or you do like old club stuff where you kind of do all quasi crowd work? You know, the funny thing is it's always less time than you think. Yeah.

Like in your head, you're like, that was 10 minutes. It's really like three, but three minutes of talking about something that's happening in the room is a long time. And it's not jokes and you're in uncharted territory. You don't know if it's funny and you wanted to start going anyway, dogs are funny.

And everyone goes, oh, we're back in the act. Did you get an angle on it, Tom? Because your experience. Because a lot of times I would intuitively go from that guy's point of view. Let's go to the show tonight. It's going to be great. Or just find an angle.

about it, you know? Yeah, I was making commentary about it. I was asking, you know, when I was asking, like, I would see big muscular dudes, like, you know, where were you? We needed you, like, a moment ago. Yeah, okay, there you go. Anytime that I would say something in the act that referenced, like, somebody who is...

out of their mind drunk or drunk. I'd make reference to the guy. He was like a callback thing. Built-in callback is nice. I would also tell the people how I would reference other popular comedians and how they would not have gotten that at one of their shows. Yeah.

You know, I was like, Oh, that's your crowd. And that every, every night you have some naked guy fighting security guards. It's not a thing. I was like, you think you're going to get this at a Sebastian show? You know, what's good. Dana, do you ever do this one where you go, these guys that work their jokes in, they go, uh,

Uh, like they go, where are you from? And the guy goes, he wants to hear Cleveland. And he goes, Cincinnati goes, this guy last night was from Cleveland. And he said, and you go, was it always last night? And I go, I see the guy seven nights in a row say it. I go, Oh, that's just part of Zach. If they're not, if it's not what he wants to hear, or you could go, this guy last night started some shit in the front row. And then you say that for three years.

Everything's last night. Or what is the town that you mentioned that'll get a big reaction? Like I was in Bucks County and whatever town away, that just gets a huge laugh. In Fresno, it was Merced, I think. You have to be a reliable person, Dana. They give you the wrong one and it bombs. Yeah. Oh, just to fuck with you? It's like at a corporate gig when they go, make fun of the crowd. And then the guy goes-

I know everybody here. You know what's funny? Talk about our VP of sales. He has three balls and beats his wife. Say something about that. And I go, uh...

I don't know. And then you say something and everyone's like, what the fuck are you talking about? And the guy's like, isn't that hilarious? And you're like, no, Jim has MS, but he's got a sense of humor about it. He really laughs about it. And you're like, oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. So I remember Jay Leno telling me he was doing a corporate date and he's just making fun of some couple. You know, a lot of people, you know, they hook up when they're on the road, this and that. And then the woman was next to the guy and she, she's got up and screamed and cried and ran out. You know, it's just like,

You don't know what you're touching. Tom, when you were doing this with the Dana, I'm sorry, I have to go back. The information you didn't have, which might've helped is what went on for so long with the

Was he pushing people? Was he yelling? I got, I found out, I found out. So I, when I, when all the shit finally came, I was like, Kirk, what was happening? He was like, dude, he, and this is one of, this is one of the worst things people think about, you know, about heckling and stuff. He was repeating everything that Kirk said back to Kirk, but he's in the front row and loudly. So like, you know, Kirk would be like, and then, you know, I rode the bus. He'd be like, you rode the bus.

The bus. He was just like, Hey man, like you just got to relax. I just had that at the comedy store. The guy, I don't even know if something was up with him, but he looked like he was in a great time. And he just kept saying my punchline after to the people around him. It's the worst, but everyone hears it and it stops my next setup. And I'm like, I go, Hey man, you know, I try to be nice.

And when they kicked him out, he was the same thing. He's like, David, Tom wouldn't help me, but would you? Would you? God. But he did say, hey, man, he looks up to me. And that's the weirdest feeling. I'm like, I can't. I have to let you go now. I had a guy on the balcony scream. Like, I don't even know what's going on. It's a balcony. It's a melee now. Theater. This is a different show. So...

I'm just on stage. And he just starts to yell, they're throwing out the wrong guy.

And I'm like, what? And he's like, they're throwing out the wrong guy. Wow. And I go, I don't know. It sounds like the right guy to me. Like all of it too is always related to just booze. They're always just drunk. Yeah. That guy in the front row was drunk. This guy's drunk. Yeah. It's always alcohol. I sometimes will get, because a church lady, just someone in the back about every 10 seconds just going, lady! Lady!

throughout my set. So gross. Yeah. That's why we love standup. When you have a hot, hot. When they start Dana, they start yelling at each other and it's pure chaos. This guy's like, Hey, shut the fuck up. And he goes, fuck you. Yeah. And I go,

Yeah, I love it. When the audience is heckling each other, this is fucking amazing. Or that you look over and they're standing at the edge of the stage. A drunk guy, six foot five, is just standing there. He's on the stage with you now. Do you hold your ground? We ask him, do you hold your ground? I don't. I said, you got it. Go ahead. Some people, if they have a guitar, they'll fight.

Or try to fight for the stage. If someone storms it, I leave. But you look pretty like you could handle yourself physically, Tom. You probably could fight a heckler. I don't know. It depends on if he's 6'5". All right, make him 5'10". Oh, yeah. I'm taking the mic stand and swinging it at him for sure. Yeah, let's go, man.

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They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is Pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells. Flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Salt, sea salt, vinegar, smoky barbecue, sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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Fairly recently, because I've been at this a long time, you just started to make some money.

real money you're stacking money in the bank you're you get you know it's it's happening right you're making real money it's fort knox over there and now it's just only six seven years later and you're you have at least probably 50 grand net in the bank right now so easy but anyway you've gotten incredibly uh successful in such a short period of time outside the systems uh

I don't have a question. It's just an observation. It's just an extraordinary story that we hear about as comedians. Tom's doing this. Tom did that. Tom did a live stream. Tom, Tom, Tom. That's all I hear about. It's really fun. And Sebastian. And then there's Sebastian too. There's just people doing- Yeah, I hear about him. Well, you're doing a lot of stuff. Now, Tom, my question is when you are doing, okay, so you do sort of maybe like a formula where we jumped off.

You do a special. It looks like you did one, mostly stories for Netflix. And then they asked you for another one and your first one obviously seeped in. So you go, yeah, I'll do another one. But now you have to come up with a new hour, I guess. That's hard. So you do that. And now it's a system. Are you starting a podcast around now or did you have it? I started the podcast three years.

Almost three years before the first special. Oh, okay. So 2010 or 11. Okay, way back. Late 2010, I started the podcast. Okay. The cool thing about that was...

Those definitely started to feed each other. Sure. Even if, you know, I don't know. I remember at one point, I think we had 20,000 listeners on the podcast, you know, spread out. That's not that many people. But if you're just trying to do like a one nighter somewhere and you're like, Hey, I'm going to Chicago.

And, you know, of those 20,000 people listening, you might have like a thousand in Chicago and you might be able to get 400 of them to come out. That is actually a big deal at that point. Because you're selling 400 tickets when people are like, how the hell did you get 400 people to come out tonight? You know, they're buying booze. It helps the club. Oh, yeah. That was a huge game changer for

then. And then when the special came out and people go, Hey, I like this guy or like, you know, I like your, your special, what else do you have? And, you know, they discovered the podcast, you know, some of them like it, some of them don't, but you're definitely bringing in a new audience of people. So those have continued every special and every year of the podcast, they've continued to grow and they feed each other, they feed each other. And, um, and now there's just tremendous amounts of money.

Yeah. Well, we're rich too. I know. No, I mean, I grew up incredibly middle class, barely. David, his nickname is Silver Spoon. It was always easy. My parents were both strippers. I made money. I got paid in ones. I slept on a bed covered in ones every night. My mom would throw them out at me and my dad.

Tom, you will get to this other stuff too. I have a lot of personal questions I have to ask you off camera. You had a good year spade. Don't lie. No, I'm fine. Well, I did an HBO special years ago and that really didn't affect standup because I wasn't doing it much. I was on Just Shoot Me and stuff.

But I wasn't out that much, you know? So I do the improv in Irvine or San Diego or something, which is great. But I wasn't really making a lot of money in standup. And so I didn't really capitalize off it other than it made me more known in some way, you know? I noticed with Tom on the disgraceful one where the audience gave you a standing ovation, that was the 2018. That seemed to be another giant leap. Yeah. That propelled the next tour to...

Each tour has gone like another level. I mean, the current tour was a huge leap from the 2019 tour. I looked at it. It's kind of unfathomable. I'm coming everywhere. All over the world. But I think going for my own head, the theme idea, you are the message. You're likability and relatability, and you can...

You can see where the audience go, that's our guy, because you're going into territory where you're working completely clean. And then you'll also just surprise everybody and go wherever you want to go. And then you'll make it okay. I get your popularity. I've spent a day watching all your stuff. Oh, thanks. I understand it. You are politically incorrect, which I think, and some of your stuff, which...

is a blessing. But you don't lean on it. Yeah, I think... I don't know. There's this thing. I'm sure it's not anything new, but I just always tried to... I remember people saying early on, they're like, just...

The thing you have to do is say things that make you laugh. Like, don't go, I may, I wonder if people will like this and I'll say it. Like I try to stick to like genuinely this point of view makes me laugh. This story makes me laugh. If I think something is, uh, I'm talking about like a, a, a societal norm is worth worthy of mockery. Then like, Oh, I go for, I go, I'm going to, I think I, I feel like mocking this. So then I, I just do that, but I'm not doing it because I hope that,

this audience likes it and this one won't. I just, I try to stay honest to what

Makes me laugh. And also when you walk out there and your whole physical demeanor and you're so relaxed, I mean, even next level and so comfortable, it's a living room. So if something doesn't land, you kind of smile like drowning the dog. It's not about, you'd have to, for people who are listening right now, it's a long story about loving his kid more than an animal. But, and then the way you, you just went places people don't expect. And so that's the antithesis of boredom.

You don't know what Tom Segura is going to do. And you can't see it coming. You don't want an act where you can see it coming and you go, and then he's going to say this and then that. But that is a hard thing to do. But it doesn't... Like Dane was saying, you're out of the box a bit. So you're sort of...

underground, but famous. And then, uh, and you make a ton of money more than most people that people are know of that are, you know, household names and you've done it on your own and your own terms. And also, I don't think you,

are as worried about getting canceled because what are they canceling you from? You're your own boss, your own podcast. What am I going to get not hired to do? Yeah, your, your, your, your own show. You have 54 podcasts. You have Dana, you know, his tour is called I'm coming everywhere. It's funny, funny, his name. Um, uh, I heard you talk about that and I heard you talk about taking a private jet, which, which is a hard to talk about, of course, but it is fun to talk about because, uh,

You're right that in some of those instances, there's almost no way to get to where you got to go

I mean, here's what I actually explained on a couple of podcasts was the fact that if you're touring as insanely as I'm talking about logistically, I go, I don't have to charter a plane, but I go, what I would have to do is reduce this tour. Like there would be no way to go, I'm doing Ottawa and then Spokane and then Eugene and then Boise. I go, well, you just can't do that.

If you're flying commercially. So we would just change the tour. Sure. I mean, it's what you want to do. And if you can factor it in and you're making up, it's fine. It's really just all a numbers game. And if you are my tour, I don't do it as hitting the pavement as hard as you. But when I do it and I have three nights in a row, usually I'm

If there's a connection involved, it's already a red flag because- It's a red flag. With no one coming to work lately, COVID, canceled flights. You're like, and I don't like going the day before every show because that's such a production. Then you're there all night, then all day again. So decisions have to be made. But it's obviously private jets perk people's ears because it's one of those things that

even if you're rich, it's out of your league. Like it's such, it's such an excess. It's such an indulgence. It is time travel. Like the thing that's crazy about it is you go, I can't believe the show ended and now we're in the next city and it's only been two hours. Like if it feels like you teleported, the thing about it is you go, you know, like I, you don't have to do it. It does make a tour like this possible, but,

I will say this, you know, we don't do it like every leg of this tour, every flight or anything. The times on this tour that we've done commercial travel, 90% of them have come with an issue, meaning like delays, cancellations. It has. So every time we do it, we're like, oh my God,

Like we're so much more appreciative of when we have been able to charter because it has, it has screwed up almost every leg of the, of travel that we've done with it. You know? Oh yeah. You got to come in early then because you can't trust a commercial. Yeah. And so you have a job to do. I heard that early on when Louis CK first did a citation 10, like, okay, I got to do this. And so we do three dates. So the first date would just pay for the jet.

And then do the next two dates. That's how different it is. And in terms of your health and wellness, when you're touring, like you are like more than 200 dates a year, the multiple flights in the hotel, you could beat the shit out of yourself. Like it's not, it does. I mean, we do that travel, which obviously like makes it nicer. I bring a trainer with me, dude. I bring a trainer with me because,

Because it's trying to just keep your mental and physical health going. Yeah, it's fucking so demanding. It's just not, it shouldn't be allowable if you have the means to have a trainer and eat well and actually do the tour and end up not hurting your health. You know, people kind of ignore that. But why am I doing this if I'm going to end up coming back home

And I've gained all this weight and have migraines or whatever. So I'm glad to hear that you're pacing it that way. And I've done that, you know, like in my earlier years, my touring, which was not at this level, was me gaining 30 pounds in a year and feeling like shit all the time. Because you're eating at every airport and eating and, you know, and if you can control it. Plus, you know, the bottom line is,

For me, I'm sure you guys too, you owe the audience a good show and you need to be present. It's harder than it seems to sit there and do your hour or over an hour or whatever and go. It's like a play. You have to remember all the connective tissue and everything. And it has to flow. And if you're out of it a little bit, sometimes you're missing beats and just

off rhythm and they pay the price. So they're paying a lot. They're coming out. They're getting babysitters. You're like, shit, I got to get there on time. I got to be ready. I got to look okay. And I think everyone feels that. So whatever it takes. Yeah, you got to try. You got to try, man. And I always, you know, I don't know if you ever do this, but like you're backstage and maybe you're, you know, you're worn out. You're just dragging. You're like, man, it's the fucking seventh show this week and fourth city. And I'm like, God damn it. And

And I'll be on my phone and I'll pull up. And this is like, I guess the upside to seeing a social media thing. I'll see things I'm tagged in and you see people. In the audience. Yeah. And then I see that and I'm like, oh man, they're like so pumped to be here. And it completely changes my...

my like my mental state before i go i'm like you know what these people are excited i need to get excited i need to like wake up and appreciate the fact that there's people here and like try to have a good show but it's easy to fall into the other side you know yeah i think i call it the forget to have fun yeah problem and if you forget to have fun and you're out there and you're not it's not cool it's not feeling right and you go i forgot to have fun do you have a trick do you have a like i i used to like

I always say that the best version of myself as a comedian, and this is a very simple way of describing it, but I think it's that when I walk on stage in a silly mood, like me feeling silly is the best version of standup that I can be.

But what I forget sometimes is to remind myself of that and to like, to, to, and I'll, and I'll, I'll sometimes I'll see an image. And for me and my own memories, it's for some reason, it's seeing Eddie Murphy, uh,

in his early days like in Delirious and stuff because I feel like that's a fun silly guy so like if I see that image I'll be like oh that guy's like having fun he's having a good time he's playful yes so I always wonder like what other people do to switch into a different headspace do you ever do anything to like switch your headspace

Well, the minute I come out, I probably make a fool of myself, but I put on Suspicious Minds normally by Elvis Presley. And it seems so absurd and doesn't make any sense. And I'm coming out to that. I try to get into the absurdity of what I'm doing up there. But the first laugh kind of gets me going. But I've got, in the olden days, when you're first doing Standard, you're going, God.

God, I don't feel funny today. I don't feel very funny. You're very superstitious. And later on you go, you can be sick. You don't feel funny at all. You're just, and then have your best show. So you get used to it, but yeah. Dane and I have a few questions about your podcast. You have your mom's house, correct? Yes. With your lovely wife. With your lovely wife. Yes, Christina P. And who I know, and she's great. She was on Lights Out. Also, you have one with that guy. Who's that big guy? Yeah.

Bert Kreischer. Oh, big guy. Oh, real heavy guy. Flirt, flirt, hurt. Fleissner. Bert was fun. And you met him years ago and just, I mean, was that, you already had your first podcast. Was that going into doing a second one? Yes. You know, the funny thing was we talked about it and,

We just threw it together. And I thought we were, we, we, we came up with the idea to do it twice a month. This was like, I was like, why don't we do this twice a month? Just for fun. Sure. And, um, and you know, within a couple of months, the feedback was like, people were so into it that we were like, all right, we got to do it every week. And now we do it every week. He has to fly here. I flown to LA to do it. We, if we don't, if we can't get together, we, each one of us will sit with a guest and,

to do it, but it's become a huge, huge podcast and like, you know, companies approach us and want us to be like their partners and things. And it's just, it's literally just the two of us just shooting the shit. Yeah. Mostly him just rambling incoherently about his nonsense. Well, it's a good team. I mean, when he had sober October, we were,

I saw that episode and you know, it was just, it, it, it, I think long-term and things are funny. It's great. Then also you're kind of feeling a real thing happening between two friends. Like, and he's good, good friends. I mean, I got him, you know, we've been getting each other crazy birthday gifts for years now. I just got him a Hitler's a teacup.

And I got him a bust made of himself. And like, you know, we always... I saw one of those in SkyMall. They have a lot of Hitler stuff. This one, I had to go through a white supremacist. It was a lot of work. Can I ask you about the video aspect? So did you always do it on video on YouTube? Or did you ever do just an audio podcast? Audio only for the first, let's see, 2010, 11, 12. Wow. 13. And then we...

to do video just like we would put up like 10 or 15 minutes. I don't even know what that was. We did that in like 2014. We were like, oh, here's 15 minutes of this from the show. And then we finally were like, we need to, we set up sticks and we got that going. And that eventually became a huge game changer. Having it on, I mean, you know, having it on YouTube is like a

A huge, huge, huge. Did you get the same amount of audio listens and then you got the additional or was it even more audio listens? It's evolved in different ways. So like audio was obviously the only thing. And then you throw in video, you start getting views, but the audio is much bigger. And it was also still from an advertising perspective, they're like audio downloads are all that matters. When the video views started to go above a certain amount,

um is when people were like okay we can't like we can't ignore the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of views on this thing it's like a tv show they're like it's worth advertising on is what is what it came down to and then you know you had to convince some of the people were like well that's just the same people and you're like what do you talk you think people are listening to episode and then going and watching a two-hour thing like what are you talking about

And that, you know, they also would make the argument, well, we don't know how many, like, you know, if you, if you listen to a song on YouTube, if you watch the video of a song, you might watch it six times. They're like, what if people are doing that on your podcast? And you're like, you think they're rewatching this two and a half hour podcast? So I had, I would get in the shouting matches with advertising people about this, like actual shouting matches. And you do it.

I was fucking yelling at these people. And then like the year fucking changes and they go, oh, hey, by the way, we wanted to inquire about advertising on the video portion. I'm like, yeah, you mean the thing I've been talking to you about for two years? And so that then became a thing that is highly valuable. And you just obviously, you watch the bigger thing. You see like a Rogan show when he was on

uh, on YouTube, you're like, look, man, there's 10 million people watching this. You don't think that's worthy. Like those, that's all those eyeballs, man. And, um, I think now if you start a podcast, you know, and the clips go out, clips is a big thing. Clips is a huge thing. Um, a lot of times, you know, if you, if you think about it, your fan base is going to consume the whole thing.

the talking about the full like scope of people most of them want to see a bite-sized thing like in our world here the uh you know we've had a number of clips go viral but they're all they're the clips these like moments that that blow up and but it would not have happened without video you know video is what took it over yeah and then you go into your uh

Ones I contacted you about when I heard that you were doing live shows, such an interesting idea, and it was a huge success. And that was a pandemic was smart move. And that was another game changer, right? Kind of saved my ass, dude. Like, I mean, you know, my main thing, I mean, obviously the podcast is a fixed thing and you go, okay, we have...

ads and, and roughly we'll make this much. Yeah. And everything associated with it. But you're like, you know, I'm a touring comedian. And then when, when the pandemic hit and you're like, Oh wait, there's, there's none of this. Like this is completely done. That was like, well, how do we do? And it was an experiment. My agent at my touring agent was like, you should try this. He just, I go, well, we have to figure out an angle of,

So we tried it and we're like, all right, we'll do $10 tickets. Like it's a, it's a reasonable price and we'll show things that you can't show on YouTube and we'll shoot some sketches. So we add some value to the show. That's the hard part. The value. Yeah. But then you go for $10, you know,

if you do three or four sketches and you show some stuff you can't see anywhere else and you bring in a guest and we had a musical guest, you're like, all right, this is like, it is a thing. If this was a $10 ticket to walk into a venue, you'd be like, yeah, that's worth it. And that thing went fucking bananas. And so once we saw that, I told the, because agents are always like,

Let's make it $20. I was like, no. Well, I go, we keep it $10 tickets and we just try to move to, or just try to do volume. And we started to do them like every six or eight weeks or something and spending over a hundred grand producing the episode. So it's not like, it's not just like, oh,

Hey, here's my friend. Yeah, we actually put money into making it a special event and into production. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony.

which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, yeah.

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

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What, where was, you have two studios. Where were you interviewing Tarantino? Because I love that interview, which is, was just recently on Quentin Tarantino. Is that your studio right there? Okay. Did you get to the part where he roasted me for not reading his book? No. Did he? I like that. I was impressed with your knowledge of Pulp Fiction. I mean, there was a lot of Pulp Fiction. I really was like,

I was asking all the questions I want to ask Quentin Tarantino. Yeah. And he's there going like, I want to talk about this fucking book. Yeah. And then at the end, he's like, Hey, uh,

What page are you on? I was like, oh, fuck. Oh, no. And he's kind of intimidating. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, so you're on page three? Is that what I'm getting out of this? I was like, if that. Dana, remember we did, because we're talking about SNL this whole time, we did Quentin Tarantino's Welcome Back, Cotter, that sketch. And it was, I got to play Horseshack. Oh, oh, Mr. Cotter.

And then it was, I guess John Travolta was the host. So he came in. Yeah. He came in and they shot up everyone. It was like a bloody sketch that got really bad really quick. But I don't think Quentin was on the show. I think it was only because it was John Travolta was on the show. He was hanging out, he said. Okay. He really has that like savant level knowledge of cinema to the point where you're like-

I mean, like he is citing, you know, the composer from this movie in 63 and the actor who also appeared in the thing. You're like, dude, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but I like movies too.

I love movies, but yeah, he is the next level of next level. And the way you guys broke down that scene in Inglourious Bastards, the whole American speaking German, that whole segment and how he said he, a lot of times you'll see his scenes and there's a familiarity to them, but he's doing things and he's making them better than you've ever seen them done. And that was the case of it.

an original take on a, on, on something we've seen, you know? Yes. I love his movies. I love his movies. Yeah. Me too. I, I, I was hosting Jimmy Kimmel and he came out and I, I couldn't help it. I go, I love you. I was just like, I said, because I know you through your choices and your movies. And I just appreciate your sense of humor, you know? Yeah. So funny. May I have another glass of your delicious milk?

Christoph Waltz and Glorious Bastards. Yeah, so good. Listen, Tom's a Cincinnati native. I'm wrapping him up. Watch this, Dana. Let me see. My parents grew up, went to Denison, which is a college near Cincinnati. Or did you not know that? Don't Tarantino me. Denison is where they both went. You're not lighting up enough about that. You are part Cajun. Cajun man is from Cajun.

You overdosed on GHB at 19. I like, why is that in here? Short coma. Yeah. A coma is terrifying. It was 25 years ago last week. It was the day after Thanksgiving, 25 years ago. You know, it was the first time I was freshman in college. I got together with all the people who are like back, you know, you're back home for the first time. Oh yeah.

I just was on a tear that night and I was drinking and that I used to do GHB a lot. And the, the number one rule, they were like, you do not mix this with alcohol. That was the number one rule. They're like, you know, and I, I drank like 10, 12, you know, screwdrivers. And then I just took a massive dose of it. Oh, but you lived, uh, you also were last comic standing. And my quick question is, is that the kind where you lived in the house?

I never made it. I showcased on TV on the show, but they just showed me for like a second. I didn't get passed on. Even though I would not really... I'll just say...

That was some bullshit. They were just casting that show. Who won and then who did you say when they won, they suck, they're dog shit? I don't remember anybody I showcased with. I mean, it was all like, we were all unknowns. Oh, yeah. They literally were like, oh, put the short chubby girl, get that tall Indian guy. It was just casting. Yeah. Someone sent me an Instagram of you doing your bit where you end up yelling bike.

Because they knew I was going to interview you. And I was hysterical. That whole piece is like just... That is funny to me that... I mean, everybody has their most known bit. And for sure, for me, it is bikes. Yeah. Scared straight. Yeah. Little kids going to prison and getting browbeat by...

Every day, every day of my life. Scared straight. Do you actually do stand up in Spanish? Yes. I was supposed to do a special in Spanish. And then I started touring in Spanish work. I go, cause they were like, do a special. I was like, well, I got to like work it out, man. Wow. Hard, hard, hard. If we're doing it in English, I, and I do the show 200 times, I got to at least do 50, you know, in Spanish. And I, I probably did.

Six weekends in Spanish. I did a Texas weekend. I did Houston, Dallas, San Antonio. I did Tempe. I did San Jose. And then...

The pandemic kind of just changed everything because that was when I was like gearing up for it. And then by the time that resolved itself, it was like the English tour was coming back and it was just, it was too much to try to do both. Well, let me ask you a question. If the English language has certain rhythms that comedians use, you know, so she blew me or whatever. So I'm bump, bump, bump.

do you have to adjust when you're doing the, the, the rhythms of Spanish? I actually remember I went, I did this show with Richard Villa. This is a very funny comedian. Who's a bilingual Mexican American. And he was like, dude, he's like, you realize you're doing exactly Tom Segura that we

We know in English, he's like, you don't have to change anything. You're delivering exactly as you do in Spanish. And he was like, so you don't have to mess with anything. He said, she's a hot chick. She's caliente. But caliente is hot, right? Oh, you're talking about if I'm saying it.

Saying it in Spanish, the syllables are more. And does that affect the rhythm? But I'm saying the delivery, you can keep your delivery authentic. Yeah. Got it. Because you hear singers. Culturally, you learn, which is like some, some like they, they like innuendo and they really like, like a wink and a nod. Some, some cultures do, which I was like, I don't want to do that. And they're like, watch. And you just see how they, how much they love the double meaning, the double entendre.

um, that stuff. But I, I just didn't make it part of my act. I saw that like some, some audiences really liked that, but I was like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to embrace doing a different style. So your brain with, cause I'm not bilingual. You have your brain and you have your bit in your head and you just adjust it. And then you're just doing it all in Spanish. Yeah. You start figuring out at first, your brain goes translate this exactly.

And that actually leads you into a place where you have gaps and there's things not getting laughs. Then what you have to do is start

You have to slow down and just start talking and stop trying to translate exactly. And that's when it starts to work more. And then you actually start writing in Spanish. And that's when it goes the best is because you're not actually trying to make this thing work over here that worked over there. You're just creating for that. Okay. So that makes sense to me. There's a, it's a beautiful language. I'm constantly trying to speak Spanish to people who were, it was a lot of, it was so much more work than I,

I imagine. And I would say that the other, the kind of cool thing is that I had not been that nervous to do standup in over a decade. In other words, I get, you know, in English, sure. I get butterflies. You're, you're like, ah, you know, you're about to go on stage and you might have some nerves, but the way that I would feel before I went on stage for these Spanish shows was like year two of standup. So that was exciting because I was in a full panic of like,

I might fuck this up. I might bomb. I might not like, that was kind of exciting. I was like, man, I never feel like this in English anymore. Did the audience, the audience knows you're, you're doing that. It's so-called your second language, your other language, where they just did they, did you get a standing ovation just for the sheer effort of it? Sometimes? Yes. Yeah. They would be. And you'd see a lot of like fans of mine who are bilingual, like they're the children of immigrants. And so they're, they're fans of me in English and,

They hear I'm doing the Spanish show and they're bringing their parents. Ah, cause they understand. Yeah. That would be happening too. That was kind of cool. That was kind of cool. That's awesome. Well, thank you. that, uh, that's all I wanted. I, that I checked off all my questions. Yeah. Let me just say, Dana, it was an honor. Uh, uh,

Uh, yes, Tom, thank you so much. I don't know who that other guy was, but, uh, he seems. Oh, Hey, I was on Tom's podcast and we had a great time. We did have a great time. It was a blast actually. And I just want to say our, our guest today was, uh, Tom Segura, a funny young man. I can actually do a standup in Spanish or English. Did you know that Ed?

meet muy bueno is that weird that's weird wild stuff i was just doing that for you your 14 year old self your 14 year old that was awesome man oh good uh would you guys uh anytime you want to charter out here um and and uh podcast we would love to have you you know oh i'll definitely come out you bought a steak one night in austin

That was good. I want to be in that. I want to sit where Tarantino sat. Listen, you have an open invite. Yeah, that was, I did get chills when he kind of challenged you on the book. That would be intimidating. He's got so much energy and so much knowledge. He's such a funny, interesting character to listen to about film, man. But that shows you, I had him on Kimmel and you have three minutes.

commercial break. I was the guest host. And then you sit there for an hour and really get into stuff. So podcasting is an extraordinary, for me, new development in the way of being authentic. And it's so much cooler and more fun than the band and the audience, which is great too. It's a big rock and roll moment, but yeah,

It's like three minutes in. You got to get to a commercial and stuff. This is awesome. Come out to Austin, man. I will. There's a nonstop direct if I don't fly private. Go, Dana. Stop being like this. I will go out and do it if we can have dinner afterwards because I kind of want to pick your brain about what you know because I still am trying to learn this whole world, analytics and stuff. I feel like we just set a date.

Yeah, we sort of did. Yeah, I can eat anything, you know, so you're fit now. We get your trainer, your chef, maybe cooks and we just eat on the set or we can't go to that meat store. We went to 2018 is when you came out for that special and you were just you'd lost weight and you had a cool jacket.

You kind of were a rock star that switched there a little bit. Yeah, and then the special two years later, I gained 20 pounds back. Did you really? I didn't notice. On the final one? On Ball Hog, I definitely gained about 20 pounds. Three weeks ago, I shot a new special.

God damn, relax. I was just so thankful that I weighed less than I've ever weighed in a special. That's all. You don't have any jokes. You're like in a mirror just like, check this out, guy. But I think it's kind of nice if you can have a nice family and make a lot of money and be creatively fulfilled and then also be really healthy and feel comfortable walking around on the planet. It's kind of a nice feeling. So-

David, just a little pointer. I feel good and light. Bye, Tom. Thanks for all the time, Tom. Bye, guys. This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks.

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.