How Imposter Syndrome Keeps You From Achieving Success Ep 76
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- From the art of the deal to keeping it real. - Keeping it real. - Live from the Simply Vegas studios, it's The Power Move with Jon Gafford. - Back again, back again, back again for another episode of The Power Move. My name is Jon Gafford. I am your host. Welcome to the podcast. We're happy you're here.

to the left of me as always writing proverbial desk shotgun is the bulgarian mongoose the polo assassin what's up everybody cold amadan two weeks in a row we're back on it it's like a british shotgun yeah the what it's a british shotgun it is british shotgun across the way i got british and across the way keeping you caught up with all your scrabble words the counselor chris connell counselor how are you living the dream living the dream indeed and today you know what

We're going to talk about something that seems to come up a lot, a lot. It came up for one of my coaching students this week. It came up in a mastermind. I was on a couple of weeks. It came up. It comes up a lot, man. And it is imposter syndrome. And if you don't know what that is, what imposter syndrome is, is it's

When you think you're not worthy, you think you're faking it, you think you don't belong, you think you're waiting. At any moment, you're going to be exposed for the fraud that you believe deep down you are. You're in the right part of the Dunning-Kruger curve. Yes, that's it. That's it. See, Dunning-Kruger. See, I think that's a drink if you're at home listening and Chris mentioned the Dunning-Kruger. So I was doing jujitsu this morning. Yeah, there it is. Drink again. Jujitsu makes everything.

Is that hot in here? But there's lots of... It's getting hotter by the second. It's already hot. But lots of stuff to talk about. I mean, obviously, first of all, let's just talk directly about imposters. Yeah.

this cat the republican senator from new york that announced today that he will not be serving any committees while the investigation goes on and also i guess it turned out that now he's up for campaign finance violations for funneling money from that shock you though i mean good for him for sticking to it right like god that guy is you think that's the move to stick it out if you like steal money you should just steal more money i mean what else is he going to do

I mean, this guy is sticking with it. I mean, I wouldn't, but good for him. As he sits by himself in the chamber, he's pretty much like, you're going to have to drag me out of here by my donuts. I love how one of his friends was like, yeah, he does drag. They had a picture. It looked just like him. He's like, no, not me. Not me. Strong. And I guess yesterday I saw it. I didn't read it. I just saw the headline. It was like, so his ex-boyfriend is now commenting. And I'm thinking...

Could there be like a better like commentary coming from like that guy's ex-boyfriend? Like, let me tell you about this guy. Whatever. I'm sure it was just, you know, that to me is such a dumb. So one of those things when people talk about what your ex thinks about you,

What an irrelevant point of view, right? Oh, God, dude. When I was on, it's so funny. When I was on The Apprentice a million years ago, like, you know, all the news is coming and you see this stuff and you're reading it because whatever, you have nothing else. It's just, this is before social media. So like, you're just like, all these people are talking about you. So you're reading it.

And like they interviewed some girl I dated for like a hot second in Atlanta that was giving her opinion on me. I'm like, who is this? Why? Like, this is who you found? I don't think any of my exes would speak bad on me.

I one time had. I don't. I really don't. I think that's almost like a cult ex challenge. If you know any cult exes out there, have them call in to the old power. I don't think they would talk that bad. That'd be great. I one time had a girl I was dating start hanging out with my ex.

And they were like, hey, we should get another one of his exes together and have a brunch about it. That'd be fun. And it would be a fun girl thing. They called her up. It was with another friend of mine. They called her up. She's like, are you guys out of your minds? This is a fun thing to do? It was just like, what the hell is wrong with you? No, thank you. How in the world is that a fun thing to do? It took a girl that they thought would have something bad to say about me to be like, are you out of your mind? No, it's still like a...

I try to be nice with everybody. I don't have any exes that I'm like... See, this kind of thing would never happen. It would never happen with guys. Never. I'm not going to hang out with...

my ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend and talk shit about her. - No, but, well, no, he wouldn't hang out with you. - He wouldn't hang out with me 'cause he's not a psycho, hopefully. - No, no, because the problem is he would have to look at you and know you did dirty things to his current girlfriend. Nobody wants to see that. - What do you call that, John? What's the-- - The look. - The look. - The look. - The look. - The look. - You love to, for those of you who don't know that premise, it's here's the premise.

When you run into a guy, this hasn't happened to me in a gazillion years because the only person I've ever dated in Las Vegas is my wife. So I haven't, I don't, this doesn't happen for me. But back in the day when I was swinging single, living in places where you dated a lot of people and you run into somebody that's with somebody you used to date, you get to give them the look. You get to give him the look. You get to give him the look where you look at him and you're like, and it's always the same thing. It's something about her being a keeper. It's a great girl. You got to be there.

Hey, man, hang on to her. She's a keeper. And he instantly knows, like, I did some weird stuff to this person. He's like, what? Yeah. Yeah. But you hate to get the look. Horrifying. You don't want to get the look. So that would never happen with men. Never. Zero chance. Because of that reason. I would never run to any of my exes in town.

never i don't have anything bad i've i've had situations where my wife and i have had dinner next to an ex of mine and just very polite and i never run into him i don't think i did anything in those ways where it'd be like oh you're just a lot of stuff just doesn't work out you're not supposed to marry every person you date you're supposed to date people and find out what you like and what you don't like and let's say you circled back and it worked out for you but people have this thing like i got to stay with this person forever i'm going to die alone

I truly feel like. Or I have to hate them if it didn't work out. Or I have to hate them if it didn't work out. It's like, no, you clearly liked something about them. Most people have some redeemable stuff about them. You don't have to fight because we used to. I know somebody that's. But here's one thing I can say is back when I was single, you know, like I would have these girls that were friends with all their ex-boyfriends and they would talk, you know, oh, they're always talking on the phone. And I always told all of them. It's like, look. No.

I hang out with you on this level. Like this is the level we're at. And if we stop hanging out at this level, you're probably never going to talk to me again. Yeah. Just because there's a reason that this didn't work out. So I'm going to throw you in the rear view mirror and that's going to be the end of it. Yeah. That's a mature way to do it. Yeah. It's not that I have any ill will or malice towards our time is over, but what's the point? Yeah, exactly.

Thanks for coming out. It's a disrespectful thing, too, right? I think that's a disrespectful thing to have your exes as your friend while you got somebody. I think that's weird. Those people that are always like, oh, you know, they go into a room and they've dated half the people in the room. Like, oh, it's my ex, Mike. We're all still friends. Like, that's kind of weird for me. Hold on. What's ex? I mean, that's true. I mean, are we going with carnal knowledge? Is that the line? Ex is like, no, you had a relationship. You'd ask them to...

the the sock hop or whatever the the the sadie hawk you were asking the sadie hawkins by them as you go along you know soda shoppy the soda shabby here's another interesting thing that i saw today that i thought was kind of interesting and i posted something it's so funny man it's like i never know what's gonna work on the old gram like i never know what's gonna hit like i'll throw some stuff up on the gram and i and i'll think

You know, man, I got a bank. No, not Grimaldi's. You know what? Real quick into camera three Chili's you're close. Cause fuck you. Grimaldi's real quick. Let me help you out. I love Grimaldi's. Well, let me, let me help you out. We'll talk about Grimaldi's first of all, and we'll segue to what I was going to talk about. Sorry. Garlic pizza. No, no, no, no. Cause this is what we're talking about. Look, here's the deal.

When I go to any hospitality establishment, there's an unspoken deal. I'm going to come here. You're going to provide me with a level of service and quality food, and then I'm going to give you money. As long as that's a reasonable expectation. And I think it's completely reasonable service, right? So we go to Grimaldi's, right? We order our food. Kids get the cheese pizza. Me and Gage get one with pepperonis and mushrooms on it. Sure. Whatever. Whatever.

Kids Pizza comes out. Keep in mind, Kids Pizza took 30-something minutes to come out.

25 minutes after kids pizza, we still don't have adult pizza. Kids are done eating. I'm like, what is possibly going on here? - You got forgotten about. - Either the server screwed up or the kitchen screwed up, right? But I'm pissed. I'm like, the girls come back over and I'm like, it's been, this is 55 minute ticket time. This is thin, cold pizza. You're not firing Sicilian deep dish pizza back there. I'm not Dave Portnoy, but I know how pizza's made, right?

So anyway, I'm like, I'm like, I don't even know if I want it anymore. Right? I don't even know if I want this pizza anymore. I think I might be done with it. And, and, and so I tell the girl, I'm like, this is just waiting on us. I'm like, this is, this is ridiculous. How bad your kitchen screwed up. I'm, I'm actually super pissed about this. And I see her go back.

And she talks to the MOD, obviously the manager on duty. That's restaurant slang, Colt. Talks to the MOD. It's the FOH. Front of house. MOB. The FOH. MOD. Yeah, MOD. Manager on duty. She talks to him. And this cat, I can just see him. He goes just like this. He goes, he's standing kind of by the window. He looks at me at the table. He looks at her and he goes,

Just like that. What is that? Yo, the shrug gave me the shrug and I'm like, you know, and then she brings me the bill full bill. No apology. No, nothing without the pizza. No, no, no, no. We got the pizza. She brought the pizza an hour later and then she, and then she just brought the bill. No manager table visit. No, nothing. And I'm like, dude, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So when I post something about a negatively better business, which I very rarely do, unless you're Chili's Salt Lake city, I ain't forgetting about you Chili's.

But if I do that, it's really because I want somebody that has taken the risk of owning that business to know what's going on at their business. That's why I do it. It's not, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to take a small business and grind them into the ground. I want the owner to be like, what the hell happened with this dude? Remember we had a conversation. I think it was here about a time when your kid's meal was forgotten. The dishes came out at the wrong time. Was that a restaurant where they did it right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They always do. Yeah, yeah. Do you remember who that was? Well, no. That was... You don't have to mention it. I think the specific thing we're talking about is...

I think you're talking about the Buffalo Wild Wings when they tried that experiment where they were just bringing food to the table as it came out, which the manager basically came out and threw his hands up and said, man, I'm really sorry. I have no control over this. I'm being directed from above. Please, if you're not happy, let them know that would actually help me because I've been having these conversations. But that's an appropriate conversation. It was. Okay, because here's the thing that people don't realize. Let's say they came over and said, okay, I'm taking this pizza off your tab. And this is a position of mine now.

because i do believe in the implied contract i'm going to come here i'm going to be polite to all service staff i'm going to tip at least 20 right i'm going to sit here with my family i'm not going to make a mess and expect you just to wait on me hand and foot that's right i'm going to participate in this social experiment that's a restaurant in a way that's responsible as an adult yes now if you don't take any of those cues or if you don't do a couple little things bring

bring out the food take drinks at some five to seven minutes after i get there

food order within five minutes there after 10 minutes I can handle. I'm talking about the outer limits. Yes. I want it done a minute after I sit down. I want that done four minutes after I sit down, but the outer limits is five minutes here, five minutes there. You get the drink order. You're welcome. You say, I'll come back and do this, but just communicate with me. Let me know that you're going to get the drink order. And then let me know when you bring the drinks that it's time to order the food. That's appropriate, right? Do you need more time? Yeah. Come back in five minutes. Great. We were all on the same page.

I'm going to sit there. I will have my order ready. I will not be a complete jerk about it. Can you do this? Can you do this? Can you do this? I will consolidate when I need something. Consolidate when necessary. You do one quality check after I've eaten to see if anything's wrong. Hey, I don't have a setup. Two minutes or two bites. Two minutes or two bites. That's a good. That's a very good. Yeah. But give me three and four minutes. Let me know that you are alive if something was weird. Like, hey, my kid ordered this and they got a salmon sandwich or something disgusting, you know, anchovy, whatever.

I don't have setups. I don't have forks. I have children, right? So for me, it's important. As long as you hit those four simple markers, everything's fine. And the food comes out and it's not frozen. You know, it doesn't need to be piping hot. If it's warm, it's sat under the, it doesn't bother me that much. Do you know where most in restaurant people don't, we're some people appreciate this, but a lot of them don't seem to know where most people decide how much to tip.

Right off the no no no no the decision is made normally and what affects the tip more than any other any other point of the meal they drop the checkoff is The time from when you're done to when you get the check if it takes forever the tip is dropping and I hate when they leave you sitting there over empty plates You're sitting there sitting there sitting there sitting and sitting there sitting there and then they run back over and you're just like can I just get the check and now that you want to bust my table like dude leave it at this point just go get

I don't care if you bust a table. Chili's have these Zooks machines. Suck it, Chili's. Suck it. Whatever that ownership chain is, though, I love the fact that you can get your own bill on those tabletop machines. I love

Love it. I love that too. I've been with people that hate it. I've been with people that protest it. I go, no, no, no. I don't want to be a hostage to your coming around. I got my food. I've eaten. We're done here. Now I want to go. I'm ready to pay when I want to go. You give me that machine. I'm hitting it.

rips it right to the 20%. If it was good, you notch it up a bit. My problem with them are little kids play with them. They're dirty, gross. I'm a germaphobe. That's it. I wash my hands. But it's funny because you know what happened to me? We went to a nice steakhouse. There's only three of us. I would love to know that. No, no, no. I lay awake in bed going, what happened to Colt? I got a lot of stories. But this one's nothing crazy. But there's only three of us. Okay. So the person thought they could take it by...

Oh, memory. I'm writing it down. I could happen. And I sat there and at the end, which I love the Gordon line. Well, I wanted to at the end, the Gordon line is the Gordon lines. Genius. When Eric goes to a restaurant, right? I've seen him do it. This,

This is what he says. You know, when the waiter comes over and there's a handful of people and the waiter comes over to start ordering and they go, oh, and Eric will say every time he'll say, are you going to write this down? And then they go, no, no, I can remember it. And he goes, okay, then I'm going to make you a deal. I am perfectly happy to wait a couple seconds while you go get a pen. I'm fine with that. However, if you want to do it by memory, that's cool. But if you screw it up and it comes out wrong, I don't have to tip you. Is that a deal? That's what happened. And they always just go.

go get a pen and come back. And he's like, look, I just want my stuff, right? I just, I'm not, I don't want to gamble on your memory. And

And that's what this is. There's only three of us. So if I got, I'm like, and I even told my wife, I go, here's the deal. There's three of us, but there's going to be at least 10, 12 things ordered sides, all sorts of shit. Right. And who are you eating with? I could take up my buddies. Was it a tapas thing? No, no. My buddies will order at steakhouse. Like they go deep. Everybody got their own anti-pasta. I've got two friends. They'll go and they will order.

at least eight things off of one side you're up to two friends now that's good good job making me a cold well it's you too you're my friends no but it was funny because they came back everything was screwed up we ordered bread three times we the steaks were both steaks were swapped the wrong way made it was just everything was a mess i used to take a table of up to eight with memory only

yeah but not everybody's you can't yeah but if it start getting to seven eight depending on what it was kids stuff like that i'd i'd have the pen on do it yeah i just i just i don't think i ever used the pen waiting tables either i i never did because i just i but i probably screwed up so i probably screwed up so many times it was it was not yeah thankfully i did i think maybe we just had more of a simple menu this was back at the hard rock yeah just maple syrup and just in canada tails and maple syrup you got two choices five beaver tails

three maple syrup yeah i'm just gonna walk out here and go to ted hortons and get you a donut hey that's what's gonna happen yeah the buildings were all connected to a tim hortons it was a part of the zoning tim hort i said ten hours so anyway back to what i was trying to say before i got segued there anyway was you know on on it's on the old instagram like i'll think i'll have a banger right like i'm like oh this is gonna be this is gonna hit like the dumbest stuff i'll get 20 000 views on and like stuff that i think like this is gonna be great

Like I'll get, it'll crash. Right. So I saw a place yesterday or today, actually this morning could be the algorithm by the way. No, I mean, no, it's not, it's not, I'm a firm believer that I don't blame the algorithm. If, if it doesn't blame, if it doesn't hit, it's just because the content wasn't very good and it didn't resonate. Right. That's why.

So I made a post today because there was a place that's taking bets right now on who's going to win the presidential election. They're taking prop bets on it. Okay. Right? And in multiple places you can do this. You can place prop bets online for who's going to win the election. And right now the odds on money favorite is DeSantis to win. To win? To win. It goes DeSantis, then Biden, then Trump, then the rest of them are like...

far kamala newsome just deep just deep at that point pence i mean it's just the odds get pretty long so my question was i'm not asking you if you're a republican or democrat i'm not asking you if you're you know who should win or who you want to win i'm asking you if you had to place a 500 bet today based on what's going on today where you lay in the green

And I thought people would like have no problem commenting on that. And I think people were too chicken shit to throw because it wasn't like, again, I didn't phrase it as who should win. Who do you want to win? Whatever. It's you got 500 bucks. So, you know, this is one of those things that it's kind of, I was actually listening to Jordan Peterson on Joe Rogan. So I don't know if that makes me now part of the shadow band. All right. No, because again, I don't, I don't, I listen to people. I don't always have to agree with everything they say, but sometimes they say things I agree with. Yeah.

and it's talking about and they were just talking about the the weaponization of opinions right what you should have is that free he was talking about how he didn't like how in florida they were trying to ban critical race theory and that was peterson because he's an academic yeah he's like you can't ban thoughts how do you define that because that's that's where's the line and where's the line so that's an asinine concept and i so i heard a clip and i went and looked it up i'm like yeah that's a good that's a terrible idea to try to ban thoughts and he's like both parties are doing these things

you shouldn't have weaponized opinions or your opinions shouldn't be weaponized against you, right? If you have a legitimate disagreement, adults should be able to talk about it and do it. So you got a guy like Peterson who's canceled by the left for very minor infraction. I don't agree with

a lot of what he says. I agree with some of it. Some of it's facile. Some of it's very simple, you know, basic stuff and people just get up in arms about it because of the messenger, right? That's an ad hominem attack constantly with these people, right? I listen to guys on the left and I go, man, that's way too far. You've taken that too far because the conclusion's absurd. You know, play it out. Use your mind. Use mental exercises. Don't be afraid of people's ideas and thoughts. That's just crazy. So when people say, what's your vote?

I don't post anything political anymore, but it wasn't a vote. It was a, what's your bet? No, what is your bet? That is an endorsement, but it's not. No, it's not. I said, because I like one of the answers. One of the answers was one of the answers that somebody put, which I thought was probably the best one. They said,

depending on if there's actual collusion in, in, if there's actual collusion, the voting machines, it'll be the Democrat. If there's not collusion, but that's a, that's a, that's an asinine nonsensical baseless, just that, that kind of answer though is weaponized. Like it is politicized. That person is marrying themselves to a concept that, oh, there's this rampant. Yeah. There's probably some fraud here and there. The Republicans have been the only people been found guilty of committing fraud in elections.

And it's always Republicans that are blaming because they lost. That to me is like Cincinnati fans blaming the refs or Chiefs or 49ers fans. Okay, can we talk about that though? It's the sour grapes and it's just like, look, being an adult, most adults are operating within 95% of the boundaries of social media. You didn't think the officiating in that Cincinnati game was horrendous. I don't think it was good. But Cincinnati had opportunities to win and they didn't.

get it done and that last play they could have gotten it done they didn't get it done they made mistakes now i thought the reffing was terrible i didn't think the eagles 49ers reffing was good but when you get blown out 31 to 7 it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter well you know and here's the truth of it with the eagles chiefs thing i i think not the eagles chiefs thing but uh the the Cincinnati chiefs thing

i think the eagles are going to blast either one of those teams yeah but that's the point where i can look at it and i say okay show me evidence that there's been this widespread collusion or whatever people don't care about facts they feel a certain way and they want to put it down and it's social media because nobody on earth who has actually a valid opinion on something that's backed up mine's sitting in a room with another person who's equally mature

and measured and having that conversation and coming to agreement. That's what we used to do. And online it's anonymity. - That's when people had thoughts. - It's where you have thoughts and you work them out together. - People don't have thoughts anymore. People think their thoughts are facts. - That's just nuts. - But it's like, your thoughts aren't facts. Like, throw it out, let's talk about it and let's figure out the facts. Like there are facts. The problem is we're making it so,

Things are not... Right. There's no facts. Because the people presenting the facts are now looked at. You shoot the messenger. Yep. Right? And this is literally the opposite of imposter syndrome. Right. Where people have this overinflated sense of their own understanding of how things work. And then you pull it apart at all and be like, hey, how many countries in the world... I don't know. How many... How does the electoral college work? I don't know. You don't know any of that, but you're going to talk to me about global political issues. I saw that. Two-thirds of...

Two-thirds of Americans under 40 did not realize there were 6 million deaths in the Holocaust.

Like they weren't even close. Like two thirds couldn't even come. Oh yeah. Sure. They're like 200 billion died or there's just no sense of anything. You watch these guys do the questions on the street and he always answers. Yes. Yeah. So what was the war of 18? She's like, I don't know. 1972. He's like, yes. Yes. You know, speaking of, you know, we didn't talk about that because speaking of the world consistently getting dumber, um,

So there's actually looks like it's gonna be a Senate bill is gonna make it across the floor to ban tick-tock and I believe I might here's my belief with that There's two things happening right now simultaneously that I think are connected and nobody's connected these dots and I'm gonna connect them here in a way that I don't think is even a conspiracy theory I think it's just common sense All right. So first off you've got everybody's you know for years you've had people that want to control or want to

wanna protect, if you will, whatever it is, down on TikTok for several reasons. Number one is because, number one is because A, it is a Chinese company. - Run by the Chinese government. - Run by the Chinese government that they have to give information over to, number one. Number two,

If you look at the versions, self-proclaimed, they've had experts study this. If you look at the version of TikTok that is given to Chinese children, it's like spinach versus the version that is given to American kids. It's like heroin. Just like sorbitol. No, they said it's like heroin. Yeah. Because essentially if you were in China and you're a kid, you're limited to 40 minutes a day and you can only see educational stuff. Yeah. That's what you get. Here you get who can be the dumbest person imitating a Kardashian is what you get here. Right. So they are weaponizing people.

Social media to create an entire generation of idiot kids is what they're trying to do. Now, I think the reason that this is happening right now is there is also a class action lawsuit filed currently against Google to break up their monopoly on digital advertising.

As soon as they bought, what is it, Double Ad Click a couple years ago, they essentially have a monopoly now online. They do. - Probably approaching it. - And there is absolutely a class action right now that's getting heard to break them up. So my thoughts and feelings are, I would guess, I mean, sure, there's probably some of our representatives who take some money from the Chinese government. You have to believe there is. But at the same time, I think a shit ton of them take it from Google. A lot of them take money from Google.

And now Google has gone all in in the last two months with Google Shorts, which essentially operates and works the exact same way. No, not Reels. Shorts. YouTube Shorts. It's just like a TikTok. It functions the same way as TikTok. So my guess is Google's like, all right, all right, U.S. representative that I fund your campaign or U.S. senator that I give money to. Sure. Help me get this.

projected out as a threat to the United States and kicked off. And then we're standing here to pick up all of that business. So if they lose their case on their $500 billion industry, that's the least conspiratorial thing I think we've said on this show. I think, I think those two things are absolutely connected. Well, I think they exist. I mean, I think there's 50,000 things that have to do with,

you know, commercial interest of Google that are connected to other things, you know, that's definitely one of, but I don't, it's not like probably a hundred percent overlapping. They're just like, here's the world we would like to live in. Here's the money to make sure that that happens. Yeah. And it's on the list. Yeah. I think they know how bad,

they are watching everything we do through our phone. And then they go, Oh shit, China, we're giving all this information. China. Nope. We're not, we're not okay. I mean, from day one, they were not okay with tick tock. Legitimately though, China does run a state that nobody should be comfortable with. If it has to do with the trade of information. Oh, for sure. That, that is a country that is under Jing. It is not, um,

one that has what I would call healthy human rights records. It's not one that may as well not be Maoist. They make a mean iPhone, though. The Huawei? They make a mean iPhone. You mean Huawei? Did you see how many people freaking jumped on my post? And these iPhones are garbage. I saw that. Fucking voicemails days after.

And I thought, okay, maybe it's convenient. It's the iPhone. But did you read everybody's space? Colt? Can you give it a second? Can you give it a second? Sorry guys. And then come down to your phone. I could have got telegram by that time. All right. Well, let's get on topic for the day. Now that if you're still with us 27 minutes into the podcast today, but you know, an important 27, an important 27 minutes. I believe there's a book out there.

called The Imposter Cure by Dr. Jessamy Hibbard, talks about imposter syndrome and breaking it down. And this has come up a couple times lately for me and I wanna talk about it today. I'll tell you the examples that it's come up with. One of which was, I'm in my coaching group the other day and I've got all my people that I coach for real estate and they're on the call and it's my weekly Zoom call Monday morning.

And one of the agents in the call was like, you know, I'm just been having a lot of people cancel and not show me on appointments, right? So I'm thinking, man, maybe, you know, it's like hurting my ego and my pride. And like, I don't know if like they're rejecting me and my personality. Like they don't like me enough to come meet with me. Like, is it me? Like what's going on? Right. Right.

And so that to me was a classic case of imposter syndrome. Cause this is a great agent that does, you know, 30 deals, 40 deals a year, which is more than, you know, 99% of realtors do a great agent, but was doubting herself because other people were doing this. I asked her a question and I said, let me ask you a question. How many agents are there? You know, I didn't ask her how many I said, assuming that there's 20,000 agents in the MLS right now, how,

How many of those 20,000 agents are you better than? Where would you rank yourself? From one to 20,000, where are you going to drop yourself in there? And she probably ranked herself too low. She goes, I don't know, probably like 499. I said, okay. So even at 499, which I think is too low, you're telling me you're better than 19,500 of the other people, 501, of the other people doing this job. So to me,

It sounds like anybody that gets on the phone with you is damn lucky that they got you instead of one of those 19,000 501. And flipping her thought process about that was very helpful. But also when I go to these big events, top two and a half percent, by the way, for you. Yeah, for sure. But when I go to these big events, my mastermind group events with people that are heavy hitters that make a bunch of money.

Everybody in there, it comes up all the time that they're all like, I have imposter syndrome, I have imposter syndrome, I have imposter. It happens all the time. So it's not, if you're listening to this and that's something that happens to you, it's not you. It's everybody has this from time to time. Well, everybody who's actually-

Like actually worth a shit. Yeah. But how much of that is, is a, is a imposter syndrome? How much of it is just a healthy sense of self-awareness? No, I think, I think some of it, here's the thing again, in one of my favorite statements that I've heard lately is Kent Clothier was addressing somebody. I don't remember what they were talking about, but they said something and he said, let me ask you a question. He goes, is that your truth or is that the truth? Right.

And I think all of imposter syndrome is based in that one thought process, that one piece of the puzzle. And for a lot of people,

The truth is not their truth and their truth is limiting them from success and relationships and business and everything else. So I don't know. Is it healthy a little bit to doubt your, to doubt yourself? Yes. If you are doubting yourself in the realms of what most people do of just complete and untruths, you're just, you told yourself a story that doesn't make any sense. Then no, I don't believe that is healthy.

You think that like social media and everything's making it where people have worse, right? Because I know people that are super smart and super successful and they're always doubting themselves because they know they don't know everything. Or I think everybody on social media wants to pretend that they know everything nowadays. Dude, you know what's killing me right now? I mean, I'll be honest to say this. You know what kills me?

when I'm just going through, you know, I'm scrolling through whatever social media and see the, this is how I make $50,000 a month online. Yeah. And just some 20 year old kid. And you're like, yeah, really? Fuck you pal. Like, no, but you're like, you're like, I mean, you're like, God, you know, you're like, fuck. And you just have to remember that, that, you know, that's not the norm. No, that's not the masses. And it is a lot of, it's probably not true, but that,

But it seems like there's so much of that. And it's just like, wow. And do I think there's people that are making that kind of money online? Of course there is. Of course there are. But at the same time, it's like. People over-exaggerate. People often do things where it's, let me see your mortgage balance. Yeah. Let me see your HELOC balance. Let me see what your. They say the average person. I could be butchering this. But even people who make six figures still live paycheck to paycheck on average. Really? Yep.

- That's not good. - Paycheck to paycheck on six figures. Now, that means you have all this culture keeping up with the Joneses, right? - Yeah. - Somebody's saying if you live in your parents' basement and have a Fendi purse, you know, you're doing it wrong. I don't remember who that was. It was like a Ramsey or something or one of those guys. - He's right. - He's right. He's 100% right. You should drive a Honda Civic. - There's a lot of that. - You should drive a Honda Civic, right? You should always be ahead of the curve. If you're living up to your means 'cause you think you deserve a Mercedes or whatever,

you know you don't understand you know i don't know maybe you've just never suffered through poverty in a way that's you know or they just i don't know they have their priorities so wrong i was with a group of people three of them had uh three four hundred dollar shoes on these guys i may you know it's like jesus like

I'm doing a lot better than you, and I never spend that for just tennis shoes, right? These are gifts. As I'm looking at Chris's shoes. No, but these are people that literally if you said, hey, give me 500 bucks, they could not.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They could not come up with $500, right? Then why are you out drinking with them? No, I wasn't drinking with them. Okay. No, I wasn't. Show me your friends. I'll show you your future. Yeah, no, I wasn't with them. I was not drinking with them. No, but it's true. But people will go. They'll go to these nice restaurants. They'll go to the Toca Madera's. They'll go rack up all these bills.

It's like, don't you find that you work too damn hard to be worried about money just for the opportunity to sell for you? Just to be there. I mean, you're not there yet. Just hold on. Well, and even if I think once you get there, trust me, there's places where you're just like, I think you told me, would you pay $34 for an old-fashioned stack? I was like, that's just stupid. I don't enjoy it. No, it's like there's no such thing. I'm annoyed by that. There's no such thing as a $34 old-fashioned stack.

No, unless it's Pappy. Yeah, but then why are you putting it in the drink straight? That's all I'm saying. That's my point. There's no such thing as a $34 Old Fashioned. I mean, if somebody made me an Old Fashioned with Pappy, I would pay $35 for it. Oh, absolutely. But this was like a year ago and it still bothers me. I would slap you for doing that, though. I'd pay that for it. That's a year ago and it still bothers me. Oh, God. That you pay that much for it. I'm like, I can't go. I'm not going to that restaurant. No, it's true. It's true. I don't enjoy...

feeling like somebody i don't enjoy feeling like a tourist to begin with yeah do you have that you know like imposter like i don't i feel like in this town with las vegas town you know i don't go to places where i'm going to be treated like a tourist where it's like yeah that's this overpriced thing because you're here for an experience right right like i know if i go to a stadium i go to the raiders game you're dropping 120 bucks on drinks period yeah right that's because you know 250 on bail

that's a raiders joke i think um it was no but you know you know when you go but if i'm just going to a restaurant we're going to whatever you know the best old-fashioned in town is lazy dung and it so is it's can it's so good it's not even close so when i go to if you go to stack and you pay 34 as opposed to 15 yeah you know i'm going i'd rather have two of those right you know what are you doing for i'm married i'm not here to pick up women

Anyway, I totally couldn't agree more. I get it there. And I think that's social media, right? Like I think people are, everything wants to be perfect, photogenic. Oh, I was here, I was there. And people are going so into depth.

Because of it and if you have imposter syndrome because you're fronting all the time that's a problem issue Well, that's a prop that that's a problem. This is this is what I'm talking about today is really unjustified imposter syndrome It's basically when you are put in a situation and a lot of people struggle with this especially with like public speaking when they get offered Just when they get asked to speak somewhere. They're like, why would anybody want to listen to me? That's right

And what they don't understand is you're already halfway over the hump just by them asking you. - That's right, it means that there's a market. - Yeah, they're not gonna ask you if they don't firmly believe that you have something to say to help people. - So I had a trial scheduled for yesterday. And I love going to court, love it. But COVID, all the courts have been on like Zoom. - Yeah, blue jeans. - I was going to court, I was getting nervous.

I was getting very nervous, and this is for nothing, a low-stakes situation, but it had to do with a case, and I set it for trial because they were trying to give me a deal. And I said, no, I'm taking this to trial. I think COVID did that, right? It did. I remember, God, first time we came back to the office, and we weren't even out of the office that long. But I remember it was kind of awkward. Everybody's just talking again. Isn't it weird? It's kind of weird. You know what's so quickly how things switch? Because when you see somebody now with a mask out, you're like, weirdo, yeah? Yeah.

You're like, God, what do they have? Some guy in his own car with a mask on still in his own car. That's crazy. I got cut off three times the other day by somebody and I got an X on my arm.

but yeah no but but my point is I get to court you know and I'm feeling like hey I I can do this you know because right everybody I don't care who you are is it Mike Tyson before he would get in the ring right would have that you know this man can't you know I he would have to talk himself up into it every single fight there's not a professional fighter well doesn't get in the ring that's got some kind of level of imposter syndrome at at some point before the fight

Right? You're doubting yourself. Well, this book says, it says the most common feeling you get is fear. In any situation, we walk in in fear, which triggers the fight or flight response, which causes the throat to close up. You get agitated. You get that. So if you're in a situation or you are around people, if you're going to a dinner and all of a sudden you're like, oh, man, I'm agitated. You have to understand what it is because once you go into that fight or flight situation,

It really starts to domino and the ball gets rolling downhill. It's your parasympathetic and sympathetic reflex response. What was that? Can you Google that? I know how parasites. Parasympathetic and parasympathetic. That's just the inappropriate Google horn, scrabble horn we're going to go with. But it is. That's what gets triggered. There's good reasons for it.

you know, it's there to protect you. So, well, again, it comes down to understanding if it's the truth or if it's your truth. And I think that's one of those things when, you know, a lot of this, according to this book, a lot of imposter syndrome is really based in your childhood where you

As a kid, you just take everything at face value. So if you have kids, remember this, if you know, but if you're struggling with this, you might want to take a little revisit back to your childhood and understand how you were reassured or taught by your parents. Because if you were always told that, you know, it wasn't good enough by your parents,

Probably nothing you're doing as an adult feels good enough either. Probably. Go back to the Robert Greene, right? Yeah, go back to that, which is good. Which again, I think if you have kids and you want them to avoid this in the long run, this is why it's a really good idea to always celebrate effort and not results. Because effort is something that can be measured and controlled. Sometimes the results are out of your hands, but the effort is always within your grasp. Like with Joe Burrow this weekend with Cincinnati Bigger.

It's not a sports show, I know. Not a sports show. I didn't even watch it.

Really? No. Turned on like the last two minutes, saw the guy do his stupid play. I knew it. Watching him run him down, I'm like, he's going to hit him out there. My wife threw on this really big brisket. So I'm like, oh, what are you guys doing? Oh, man, I forgot about the brisket until right now. I think I just like the toast. Yeah, I shot you guys saying I got a brisket if you watch the game. John thumbs up. I'm like, is he coming? No, yeah. I mean, no. Great job for the brisket, but I'm not coming.

No, but again, back to the job that I respond, right? My daughter's birthday. Yes, I did. Way later. You did. I didn't have my phone. Sorry. You did. But back to your childhood. I mean, also what causes some of this is what was successful to your family. You may have grown beyond that. And this is why a lot of people get really trapped in that hamster wheel of abject poverty, because that's just where their comfort level is. That's what they always saw. That's why it's so hard to escape and level up to that next level.

Because as a kid, if you were just taught, well, this is who we are. This is what we do. You know, you look at those people that live in the Midwest who, you know, granddad worked in the coal mine. Dad worked in the coal mine. I'm going to work at the coal mine. Same thing, you know, in Michigan, granddad worked at Ford. Dad worked at Ford. I'm going to work at Ford. I'm going to live in a house three blocks away from my parents and marry my girl. Like they're done before they even start. So understanding that,

Your childhood or your family could have inadvertently and inexplicably and accidentally- Inadvertently. It's so inadvertent. Well, no, no, but no, because they don't even realize they're doing it is my point. But they could have absolutely, without even thinking about doing it, placed like a fence around your expectation of life without even realizing they did it. So if you're struggling to get to that next level or struggling to get out of where you're at, maybe look at how you came up and understand that-

It's okay to be better than your parents sure okay, wouldn't you say that impostor syndrome is? Kind of something that's suffered by professional salespeople Right all these people that suffer by anybody have to be present have to present though as an expert in their field I know I think it's I think it's suffered by anybody. I think they're okay There's never been a time in your life. You're on the assembly line. I am saying it. Let me back up. I

And you, because this had to have been you, but there's, there's, you're telling me there's never been a time in your life when you dated a girl that deep down you felt was maybe out of your league. Well, of course that's imposter syndrome. My current wife, you and me both. I know I don't, I didn't date your wife. I'm saying the point of what the, but the point is when you first got together with your wife, if you thought she was out of her, out of your league, you,

you suffered from imposter syndrome. So like me, when I first got together with get, like when I first got together with Gidget, like I was from Tampa where we just wore board shorts all the time. And like, it was like, there was no style involved in my entire look. It was just,

the beach. That was kind of what we did. And, uh, and when I got out of here, she's like, I'm going to have to clean you up a little bit. Right. That's what she even said it like a little rough around the edges, but I think I got enough that I can work with. And, and you know, it was, it was, there was a lot of overcompensating when I first got with her. That's a funny thing. You mentioned that about spouse. Cause I feel like I was at an age and place in my life where I felt like, no, no, no, this is the person I deserve to be with.

with my wife. Well, see, that's where you're trying to get to though. You deserve. I think that's where I was with my wife. I think I've dated lots of girls in the past where I thought they were too good for me. And it turns out I was wrong and they weren't right. Yeah.

but i think that's in work i think in life right you get around people and i mean you can get thrown in some big rooms you're like oh i'm out of my league and then down the line you're like yeah yeah i'm not out of my mind yeah yeah exactly well i think the biggest mistake people make in that situation just coming from from experience there on both sides of that coin is the

The one thing you cannot do if you're suffering from this, like if you get at a table with, if you get a table with some people that are just balling, right? Which, which happens to me now, luckily all the time.

There's a lot of times when I'm sitting at the table where I'm by far, by far the least wealthy person at the table, which that's the table you want to be at. But what you cannot do at that table and what I probably did years and years ago when I first started getting at those tables was I would try to flex, try to fight, you know, you try to find common ground. Oh, you do that. I do that too. Right? Like,

And I'll never forget, like I was out with a client one time that was a billionaire and he starts talking about like horses or something. And I start just instinct salesman kicks in. I start talking about like Ocala, Florida, where they have these horses and how, Oh my God. And I'm like, and I stopped myself after I started doing it. I'm like, this dude is a billionaire, like a bill. Like,

Like we can talk about me and he'll be nice to me as a human, but I am here to facilitate a need for him. Nothing further than that. Yeah. But don't you get to a point? This is, this is hopefully the goal.

- To get to the point where you realize that how much money you have is so irrelevant to people that wanna be around genuine, authentic people, right? - Yes, 1,000%. - The people I like, I don't sit there and go, "Oh, this person's got a ton of money." I wanna know that you're decent, you're funny, you got a story to tell. Nobody cares. None of your friends care if they're truly your friend. And if they do care, you fuck 'em anyway. - Well, let's talk about this. I told Gidget this last night, which is pretty funny, which is our I Know Marty girl party's coming up.

And I was laughing 'cause I said, you know, there's such a hodgepodge of people that are gonna be at this party. It is every spectrum of everybody I know. And I told her, I said, the funniest thing is there's gonna be some folks that come to this party. And just 'cause there are, I mean, 'cause human nature, whatever, friends of friends, people will bring friends that I maybe don't know, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And they will look at some of the people at this party

That look like homeless. And they will be the, but what they don't realize is the people that look the brokest are the richest people in that room. And it's definitely going to happen. And they're going to be like, somebody, a friend of a friend of somebody is going to say, who's that? Like, why is that guy here? And it's like, oh, that dude? Yeah. Let me tell you about $100 million Ken. You know what I mean? Let me tell you about him. And I know that's going to happen. You know, that's what made Las Vegas great was that you used to have this mixing of

All these different people, right? Like you would have... Cowboys...

People at O'Shea's, remember when broke people had a place to come to the city? Now everything pushes out to ultra luxury and it's just less fun because people bring different elements to things, right? I mean like people from the Midwest coming to bachelor parties here, they kind of stop doing it because you're priced out when everything's ultra luxury all the time. Downtown, though. You still get the seas of humanity downtown. But that's like my crowd. I like it when people...

But I like to be around competence and this goes to imposter syndrome, not to drag it back, but people like to be around others that are competent in what they do. Women, they say one of the number one things, find me the best woodworker on earth and I guarantee he's got an attractive spouse.

The best woodworker, the best whittler, the best welder, I guarantee you, is very successful and has a, because if you're extra, if you're- I want to hear about this competition, though. How do you figure out who the best woodworker in the world is? No, no, no, but people, I mean, look at Diresta on YouTube. I'm just going to point this out. Geppetto was single, and he made a boy.

I'm just going to point that out. I don't need a next job. Oh my God. I almost made a joke about it. Wow. Cancel both of you. Yeah. Thanks, John. No, but everybody you've ever met that's the best at what they do. I don't care if it's whatever is successful. They do well. Because they have confidence. Yeah. And if you're ultra competent and you're confident, people want to be around you. So if you're people, I'm a plumber. I don't want to hang out with lawyers. It's like.

no no no i want to be around people that are passionate and excellent what they do and it can all be translated it doesn't matter what industries you're in sure doctors don't want to just hang out with other doctors now they will oftentimes because they have a lot in common right they see common ground and a lot of things they can relate to each other in the conversation but like i said a lot of people at a party want to talk to people that do different things well that that goes along with like uh something roland frazier said that i love

Was it Roland Frazier? I don't know if I'm giving this right credit. I don't remember who said this. I'm going to give it to Roland even though I don't know if it was him. But there's a story about him and he was coaching somebody that owned a carpet business that wanted to pivot all of a sudden. He had an own carpet cleaning business and he wanted to pivot to do something else completely different. And then Roland said, or maybe it was Joe Posh, I don't remember who it was, but they said, let me ask you a question before you pivot.

Are there any millionaires in the carpet cleaning business? The guy goes, well, sure. There's people that make a ton of money in carpet cleaning. He goes, okay, then you're not a bad carpet cleaner. You're a shitty businessman and you're going to be a shitty businessman at anything you do. So stay with what, you know, stay with what you're supposed to be doing. Yeah. If you pivot to something else, you're going to suck at that too. So you might as well just stay with carpet cleaning and get better at it. That's a good point. Sucking transfers over. Yeah.

But success also transfers. That's true. People can go and have different businesses and be successful, and it's because maybe they have a little bit of imposter syndrome, so they look to experts in that field they're going into. And that's what a lot of people don't realize is just because you're super successful, you can have a little doubt.

right but you can't let the doubt overtake you i mean it's just well like you said mentally it just keeps coming of imposter syndrome and what that is it's all a part of cognitive dissonance right in psychology cognitive dissonance is where our brain doesn't necessarily match up with where our thoughts or whatever you know so there's a dissonance and as human beings we try to avoid dissonance we try to that's three times you said dissonance but we try to bridge that gap that's a

Three times Scrabble word. No, but if something doesn't line up with our self-image, if I walked into a place and go, oh, Chris Connell, that guy's an asshole. Yeah. I would go, wait a minute. I thought I was being super nice. It's going to create me an issue. So I either go, they're the problem, or I go, I need to work on it. So people that are imposters have imposter syndrome. When you're a professional and you're evidently good at what you do, this girl with dirty clothes is a successful lawyer, a successful doctor. I

I'm going into surgery. I've done this surgery a hundred times, but do I really know what I'm doing? Right. If you're going to, if you're going to, you know, get past that, right, you're going to close the gap on the dissonance by figuring it out or just take it easy on yourself. Well, there's two things around it. There's two ways that it shows up and the two ways, according to the book that it shows up.

Is either an avoidance or overworking those two things? So it's like to get over this and prove that I'm worthy I'm gonna overdo everything I do and strive for perfectionist This is where would you see people that are quote-unquote perfectionist like man like it's exhausting because everything they do they're just over it's overkill they're actually suffering from impostor syndrome and they feel like their end product has got to be perfect and

or you'll expose them for what they do. So if you are someone that is a perfectionist, you may want to take a look at some deeper kind of root of this, because it may just be you're suffering from a little bit of imposter syndrome. There's no such thing as perfection. Unless you're working on the nuclear weapon.

Let's not let surgeons, let's just enter there. People working on the nuclear bomb or whatever. I think it's like when you have a conversation with somebody with business and they go into a 10-minute thing when it was really 30 seconds. They're just trying to prove to you that they are so knowledgeable. They use a lot of big words. Yeah, big words that no one else understands. Razor-sharp delivery, though. Complicated concepts. Razor-sharp delivery.

Succinct coaching delivery. Well, the second thing is avoidance. When they just like start avoiding situations where they might get exposed. They say no to dinner invitations. They say no to eating with their boss. They say no to these, you know, speaking engagements or mastermind groups because they're terrified. But the reality of it is, is that is the most, it is the most succinct form of self-sabotage there is. If you start saying no to anything that could advance you in any way of your life,

I mean, you're just, at that point, you're just shooting yourself in the foot and it's the worst thing you can do. Yeah. Lawyers suffer a disproportionate amount of imposter syndrome because people expect a lawyer to know literally everything there is to know about this business

the thing called the law. - Right. - What is the law? Well, I know all there is to know about certain very specific things. - Right. - Right, I mean, I know enough that I won't commit malpractice. - Yeah, the goal and then you can go into it. - So our goal is to never commit malpractice, right? And to know enough that we're gonna protect you on these certain things. But I'll have people call me up about family law issues. And so people that wanna please others or they wanna have a business where they take on too many things, right? They say, "We're a full service law firm.

- So okay, I wanna know about Admiralty. I wanna argue about the Geneva Convention or something. You can't know all that, but people expect lawyers to know everything there is to know about this thing, and none of them do, zero of them do, and they all suffer imposter syndrome, especially when they're starting out. That's when they'll start tailoring kind of what they do, and you get to a level where you realize there's enough business in your niche. I'll turn down work now that I used to take

because I'll be like, I don't know anything about that. Yeah. I don't know. I'm so scared. If you say you don't know, then people will be like, Oh yeah. Now I'm like, don't know. Call this guy. Yeah. Yeah. But there's a way of saying, I don't know. Right. Hey, let me check. I'll have to double check stuff like that. Right. I was on a conference call with five different attorneys last week and the clients were just drilling these attorneys.

And they kept going, ah, let me check out the check. You know, that's a NRS. Let me check, check. Let's check. Right. And they kept saying that I'm like, you guys just lay out everything to them and let them do their research. Now, like they don't know everything. Right. I don't know it, but I can, I know how to find it. Like I just picture a guy getting up from the zoom call and grabbing one of those books off the wall. Yeah.

- Or I could tell the guys, one of the attorneys on the side, Google and all that. - Murder, what's regicide? - Can you imagine practicing law when you had to buy all those books? My dad always had all those books. - No, no, but I did. So when I was in law school, we had to go shepherdize and we had to go do keynotes in actual law books. I would look up books.

I didn't just live online. Not that it wasn't there, but it was. But you had to learn how to use Westlaw. So this is 15 years ago. I think it's probably now. I don't know if they make kids go to life. But I could go to a law library and find you the on-case law. Let me ask you this because it is so complicated. Do you think AI is going to produce a generation of lawyers that aren't as good?

Yeah. Yeah. It's going to produce a generation of red bats. That's good. Yeah. That's why kids can't play defense and basketball. No, it's like, you know, whatever it is, there's so many things where, you know, if somebody takes it away from you, you don't have to do it anymore. Why would I specialize in it? Right. Like there's a guy who's great at making, you know, buggy whips or whatever. There's a guy who's probably a great buggy whip manufacturer, you know, a buggy whip buggy whips.

Why would you use a buggy whip for anymore? For buggies. You don't. That's what I'm saying. So it's like, do you think there's a... Imagine if buggy whip purveyors were very highly compensated and someone came around with the car. You'd be like, well, shit, this is probably going to change the nature of my business. And how. Yeah.

I think AI is going to take over a lot of stuff. It'll take over a lot of tasks. For someone like me that's not afraid to pivot, it's probably going to just, you know, like I was telling somebody, I play on a basketball team full of lawyers, and I said, well, this is now 205 days of vacation instead of 200, right? Now what about the Washington Generals? You bet against it. I thought the Generals were due. You just get clubbed. What?

The globetrotters every weekend. Yeah, but I said to him, I mean, like, well, hopefully this will just make your business more valuable because people don't want to interact with AI. We're still humans. All this stuff that we think is going to be replaced. But you don't know. You don't know. You don't know. And in 20 years from now, they're going to have that. You won't know. You won't know. You won't know. But back to what we were talking about. So obviously self-doubt is terrible. Obviously knowing that perfection is not real. Yeah. Again, thing is going to be there. But.

Having a fear of failure. I think this is something that that people Really if you have a feel of a fear of failure and anything there's two things you can do number one like

Whenever I have somebody that comes to work for us and we have to make a lot of calls, right? Cause a lot of real estate's done by just doing calls. Leads come in, you have to call them back. You have just outbound calls. So people have this fear, this, this unnerving fear being told no. So put a value on the negative response, like value the negative response. Like if every time somebody says yes or something good, good happens from a situation, put a value on that and then figure out how many times you have to fail to get that positive result. Right.

And then divide the number of times you fail by the positive result, and you know how much you make in the face of failure. Yeah, totally agree. Valuing the failure is important. That's a very mature thing to do, though. Yeah. It's very mature. It's very well regulated. I usually, people, I just say, you suck, loser, and they tend to just figure it out. Yeah.

Well, I mean, that, that comes, that comes back. Okay. Well, the biggest part of having fear of any situation is because you, you have, you self critique yourself into a place where you have fear and you have to understand anytime in your adult life, when you're getting feedback, there's external feedback and internal feedback. The voice in your head is probably giving you harder feedback than any, than anybody you'll get unless you're married. Sorry, Cole. But,

But even when you're getting that harsh external feedback, you've got it. You can, you got two ways. You can do it. You can internalize it and you can fester on it, or you can take it and turn it into fuel to get better. You can gauge what have, what have this feedback is true? What is not true? And be honest with yourself and drive head first into what is true. I had, I had that conversation with my daughter yesterday and we just sort of talking about, there's this statistic that, um,

Girls suffer on average three to five times the amount of anxiety that boys do.

and they start getting 13 and 14 and they start getting boobs and they start becoming, you know, they have to navigate these really choppy waters of they're coming into their own hormonally, they're coming in their body. Like it's all weird. And I don't do not envy any 13, 14, 15 year old girl on the planet. That's a rough because you're now becoming a potential mother and whether or not our society says so, that's what your body's saying. Right.

So there's a biological response that you may now have to protect life. So you get anxiety about, you know, things that you may maybe don't even understand why you're getting them. Right. So I was talking to her about this and I was like, you realize that everything that goes on, we're talking about girls and anxiety or whatever, right?

I said, every single thing you think somebody else is thinking about you, they aren't. Yeah. Nobody's thinking about you. She's always like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm like, no, no, no. They're really not thinking about you. I really want you to understand this. They're really not. Nobody's thinking about you right now other than me. Yeah. Sorry. Unless you're being super obnoxious and trying to prove it, right? Other than that, no one's thinking of you.

There may be 13 seconds where someone talks some shit about you and that's it. If that sets your path on, bullied so, it's like, no. And that person is working through their own problems and whatever. So I was like, look, nobody's really thinking about you. People with imposter syndrome are sitting there worried. Everyone thinks I'm a fake. Everyone thinks I'm this. I'm not good enough. You know the worst thing you can think if you have imposter syndrome and if this has ever come out of your mouth describing any portion of success you've had in your life outside of buying a lottery ticket, you're screwing yourself up.

If you have success, don't tell people you were lucky. Don't say, I just, oh man, I got lucky right place, right time. It's not luck. Like it's not, but it's, can you say that not to be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

For guys that like win the World Series of poker that spent 20 years playing poker every day to get to build a skill set, am I going to say they were lucky or is that a skill set they built? I say luck smells a lot like perspiration. Yeah, 1,000%. But I don't mind if somebody says, hey, man, I was in the right place at the right time. I will look at them like, oh, this is a successful person with some humility too. Yeah. Well, but again, and I think it's more important. Let me rephrase what I was saying.

It's fine to tell people that in an act of humility or self-deprecation. That's fine. If you're telling yourself that, the only reason this happened is because I got lucky, you're screwing yourself up. That's more to the point. If it happens once, I wouldn't... Here's the thing, though. There's a part of me that goes, if it happens to you once, you hit a stroke of luck.

There's so many people that don't have that self-awareness that now consider themselves experts and go out and think that they can make this translate to a bunch of other industry. But if they think they have an expert, if they think they're experts and they have a different problem than what we're talking about today, I have a much different problem. Well, if you want to learn more about this topic, again, this was a pretty decent book. It's called the imposter cure by Jessamy Hibbard, Dr. Jessamy Hibbard. So if you want to read more about this, check out that book, a cult. If they want to find you, how do they find you?

Colt underscore Amadon on Instagram. Don't leave me a voicemail. Don't leave me a voicemail, Colt. Yeah, did me a real quick. If you need commercial real estate stuff, Colt.

Colt, just hit him up directly. I feel like your secretary so often, like I get, I have so many people hit me up about commercial real estate every week. Like, oh, hey, who's that commercial guy on your podcast? I'm like, it's Colt. Colt. Colt. Colt. Right to Colt. Colt. Amadine. Amadinegroup.com. I'm just going to take that commercial stuff in hand. You can find my cell phone super easy. Yeah. Yeah. My number is 702 Connell for God's sakes. You can text it. You can call it.

Connell, C-O-N-N-E-L-L. Connell. 702 Connell. So, Co-Connell. And if you're watching this again on the YouTube or one of those things, give us a like, give us a subscribe, and whatever podcasting you're listening to us on, make sure you give us the maximum star review you possibly can. Every little bit helps, and we appreciate it. So, we will see you guys next week. And remember, if you're going to move, you might as well move forward. See you next time, everybody. Bye. Bye.

Hey, it's John Gafford. If you want to catch up more and see what we're doing, you can always go to thejohngafford.com where we'll share any links that we have things we talked about on the show, as well as links to the YouTube where you can watch us live. And if you want to catch up with me on Instagram, you can always follow me at thejohngafford. I'm here. Give me a shout.