If I Ruled the World: Creating Chaos with Anele and Sizwe [VIDEO]
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Okay, what do you think is worse? Finding out the person you're with has a secret husband or wife or being the secret husband or wife? Finding out that they're the secret. Because if you are the secret, you've got control. You're in on it. You're in control. Huh. Yeah, don't ever be the one who gets blindsided. Now you're there. Wait, you'd rather be... The secret. The secret. Yeah.

There's power in that. The one that's the secret has got the choice, has got the choice to not be the secret. But they don't... The one that is, that is Nanda Wiza, all of their choices have been taken away. You might never know.

I always think to myself, it would be nice to be at a funeral and find things out. You know, you hear these stories of people where they're at a funeral and the person they've been married to forever, right? And then at the funeral, they meet another family and they're like, oh, who are you? We've never met you. And they go, we're the family. And they're like, no, no, we're the family. And then it becomes, I think that's nice. Because it's nice to like, because think about it, a funeral, you feel like it's the end of your journey. But now it's nice to be like, there's like a spin-off series. There's nothing fun about finding out. It's better than a person just dying, guys.

No. No, bro. I'd rather my dad dies and then we go and then we all the one family going there and we're also one family coming back. That's it. Wouldn't you rather have like new siblings now? New everything. Because guys, the one that was the secret. You're selfish. That's your problem. You're selfish. The one that's the secret. I want a spin-off series. This is What Now? With Trevor Noah.

This message is a paid partnership with Apple Card. Here's one reason I think Apple Card is good for your wallet. It's designed to support your financial well-being. It's a no-fee credit card that offers smart payment suggestions to help you pay off your balance faster. Plus, you can get daily cash back on every purchase every day. So you can stress less about money and focus more on enjoying life.

Apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 18.24% to 28.49% based on creditworthiness. Rates as of January 1st, 2025. Terms and more at applecard.com. This episode is brought to you by SurveyMonkey. Picture this.

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What is it? Oh, the thing. What's that? My hand lotion. Yes. Yeah, I'm doing it. Jesus. This is amazing. I'm doing it. I smell like... Is this just an excuse for... You're just trying to show us your ring. That is funny. I don't need any excuse. I've noticed since marriage, you've taken like the amount of hand...

gestures you do rubbish rubbish I always spoke with my hands because I'm militant no you see you spoke like that with your hands yeah you've been with me for how many years you've never complimented my hand cream and then now you're like oh the hand cream smell it move like you've just scrubbed in smell it smell it please it's a good day to save lives people congratulations thank you do you know what I was thinking we haven't been on the podcast since you've been married

Oh yes. No, what I was thinking when I was on my way here is that you basically have a podcast all around me. Because the first time was when I was turning 40. That's true. And then the second time was when my movie was nominated for an Oscar. Yes. And now I'm engaged. This is the What Now Podcast. Thanks to Anel. Write me my check. So how does it feel to be a wife?

I'm like spoiled. I'm pampered. It's nice. I do nothing, which is great. I thought it would be the other way around. No. Yeah, that's what they try to sell us women. That, yeah, you must cook, you must clean. Uh-uh, none of that. They're all like,

The real marriage is the man that does everything. Wait, so you don't cook anymore? I do cook, but that's all I need to do. Oh, okay. Like, absolutely all I need to do. Yeah, because I was going to be like, you not cooking is a... A bit of punishment for me. No, but for everyone. No, but for everyone. Just as like a concept now. Now I have like a vested interest in destroying your marriage. But no,

No, don't do that. I'm saying if you didn't cook. I'm saying if you didn't cook. Okay. No, I promise you, it's so nice to find a partner. Like, I've literally found an equal. Like, he's my partner. He's like, he's my dude. He's my guy. That's amazing. Yeah. I feel so protected and safe. And it's just the entire thing. Also because he's the one person in the world that I don't have to convince to be on my side.

Oh, he's automatically on your side. He's automatically on my side. But, well, in public. But if we get home... No, no, no. That's the whole point of a relationship. And then he feels like, ah, babe. In public, you say, I'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you. And then when you go, yes. It's the opposite of Elon Musk and Donald Trump. Oh, yeah, no.

Totally. Yeah, they were supposed to do it. If they were married, they'd do it the other way around. They just went together too many places. That's another thing that I've realized. That's how every relationship ends. Exactly. There's no ways that you guys can beat. I mean, every time we saw Donald Trump, Elon Musk was there. That relationship, that's going to fail. How have you been, sis? Are you married? Maybe. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

And you know what? It's so plausible that Cecil would get married and tell none of us. He would do that. And he does this every now and then on social media where people are like, yeah, I was sitting with my wife and kids. And then people have a meltdown because every woman in the country is hoping to be Cecil's wife and kids. Wait, have you actually done this? What, married? You say like, I was sitting with my wife and kids and then... Oh, sometimes. Yeah. Huh. Why do you do that? Because maybe I'm married. Who does this? Sometimes I'll be chilling with my wife and she'll be like, yo, tweet that. Yeah.

And then one day I want to show my kids the teeth and be like... When they're old enough, you know? Look at these guys. Your wedding's going to be the first wedding I've ever attended. I know that. Ever in my life. I know that. Are there any tips I should know? You've worked at a wedding, though. Say again? You've worked at a wedding. Yeah, but that's not attending a wedding. A lot of people work at weddings, bro. Oh, okay.

Imagine if people serving food are like, oh, this is my fourth wedding I've attended. No, bro, you work at the wedding. No, it's not. And my mashed potato is cold. Yes. You don't attend a wedding if you're working at a wedding. I've never attended a wedding ever in my life. Is there anything I should know beforehand? Are there things I should or shouldn't do? No, I mean, you'll be fine. Trevor, you've been to the Oscars and the Grammys, I think. Yeah, but that's not the same.

Are you sure? Oh, goodness. Here we go. Oh, boy. Do you panic when you have to go to events like that? Because a little bit of me is panicked for you. Why? Because of people. And I know my people and I love my people. But you must realize something else about a wedding is that those are not all. Oh, they're not all your people. My people. Yeah, so, you know, it's funny you say that. So part of the reason I've never been to weddings is because I work too much. The other reason is people don't invite me to their weddings or people uninvite me because I'm me. Mm.

So multiple brides have said, we don't want Trevor at our wedding. Because you can't have two brides. Well, there you have it. And Song Aba No Krim, look, he's already out here wearing the bridal gala. I mean, come on. No, literally, people have said to me, they go, so then the husband will have to come and tell me, hey, man, we're getting married. Well, congrats. And they're like, yeah, that's why I'm here to tell you. She asked that you don't come. And I'll be friends with both of them. And she's like, yeah, I just don't want Trevor there.

And you know what? People don't understand. I have a hard rule that I do not take photos at weddings with people, right? Because it's all about the couple. Please leave me out of it. No selfies. No selfies. Okay, would you be offended if I came in a disguise?

No, I'd actually be quite entertained. Because I was thinking about this the other day. Michael Jackson used to go out in full prosthetic makeup. And I was like, maybe I'll come as like an old man from somewhere. Just like make it interesting. And then when people say, where's Trevor? He's here.

Yeah, you're just going like, he's here. You didn't see him? He's here. I'll just put you at my dad's table. Yeah, and I'll just be like, I can just be like some old man from seven. Anneli, I've known her for many years. So exciting, Anneli. What a wife. What a wonderful time. And they're like, who is this guy? I'll just be like the life of the party. That's actually a good idea. I'll be the life of the party. And then watch, as the evening progresses...

No reveal No reveal No reveal I just rolled through your party Oh actually Just rump his toe skin Jean Manuel Oh yes I've known Nalile for many years But do you not want to be seated around your friends I do But then people are going to be like Who's the random guy with kayak Jean Manuel We've known him for years That's all you gotta say

You are one of those people where no one will wonder why you know a random French person. This is true. You've traveled the world. This is very true. You're close friends. There's a poor French person who's going to get accosted at the wedding now. He's going to be like, guys, oh no. Trevor, Trevor, let's have a picture, Trevor. Trevor, don't be like that. Oh boy. Man, it's going to be crazy. Well,

So the reason I invited you here, my friends, is I realized the other day we've never played a game of if I rule the world together. How does it work? Yes. You know what? I knew you're going to want like the rules and I'm going to have to break them down for you. Anile will just play the game because you're a normal human being. Sizwe is a robot. So I have to explain this to you.

It's if I rule the world, but don't think of it as like a... It's magic, but it's not magic. It's a thought exercise. So it doesn't need to make sense. It's better if it doesn't make sense, but your motives need to make sense. And what you're trying to do is convince the other two people that your idea of the world should be implemented because you justify it. Do you get what I'm saying? 100%. C's where you go. If I rule the world...

all elections would be at the same time. All countries, like, yo, man, elections on this day, same limit terms, and we all go to elections and we vote and then we rule. Huh. There's more to it, so I can add to it as we progress, but that's a start. Okay, so if you rule the world...

Everyone in the world would have their elections on the exact same day, exact same time. Basically, you'd be aligned. Yeah. My question that even countries that don't have elections, you would say. Well, so.

You know, you laugh, but she raises a very good point. What a random question. That was so great. No, no, no. You raise a very good point. So when everybody else has elections, countries like North Korea, you just load your gun. That's the day you load your guns. Okay. So if your exchange of power happens via violence, you're getting the popular vote that day. Oh, so you're not judging how they elect their leader, but you just want it to happen at the same time. Yes.

But why? So that the person who comes into power comes to power with every other person. And then you guys lead in unison. I like the idea, but I'm worried about a few things. Okay. First of all, do you not worry that if we do this, you could create a world where everything goes wrong at the same time? Because think, okay, let's, let's look at the world right now. Right? So Donald Trump won the election and,

Before Donald Trump won, most or many countries in the world were swinging right. So in Canada, they were leaning right. The right-wing party was going to win. All over Europe, right-wing parties were going to win. This was everywhere. People were leaning right. Donald Trump wins, starts...

Playing with the economy. He's playing right into my trap. Yeah. Okay, no. Why are you setting traps? What kind of friendship is traps? No, he's not a trap. So anyway, but no, no, no. But now, so everyone... And then what happened was people went, actually, wait, we don't want that. Yes. We don't want that. So we're not going to vote that way. And then Canada flipped the other way, right? So the Liberal Party won. And then around the world, this started happening in other places. I think Australia had a similar outcome. So...

Aren't you worried that if everyone votes at the same time, everything can go wrong at the same time? So you're 100% correct. That would happen. Or that does have a potential to happen. Yeah. Right. But that's actually not a bad thing. That's a good thing. In fact, it's one of the mitigating factors of disaster because the greatest risk is inequality.

Some of the greatest countries actually fail because they do so well while other countries are doing so poorly that people flock to these great countries. Then these countries get burdened. Healthcare, everything really starts to fail because everybody's going there.

If we're all failing, nobody's going to leave their country because where are you going? So every zone must be a war zone, right? It doesn't necessarily have to be war, but if the economy is tanking, it's tanking everywhere. I'm telling you there's going to be no 46 refugees going to the US. Because everyone's a refugee. Yeah. Everybody's going to stay at home and pull their own weight. Where are we going? No, I don't think that argument holds water because then I'd still want to go somewhere else for better weather.

Okay, yeah, you can go for better weather. Yeah, but refugees don't travel for better weather. I don't know. Okay, I understand. South Africans have changed the definition of refugees. South Africans really have changed the definition of refugees because before this, refugees only went to another country because they had to and they had no life.

And their bags didn't have wheels. Our refugees, they were dragging their luggage. Yes. Normally, refugees have baggage, not luggage. This is very different. So, yes, I hear what you're saying, but I don't think people will travel for weather. But I do think Anneliese writes about places still being better than other places. Yeah, so places will inherently be better than others. But you want to tank it all at once or win all at once? Well, the idea is not to tank anything. The idea is actually to progress all at once.

Because now here's my idea of the leadership, right? Okay, go. It's essentially the Avengers of each region. Let's speak about Africa maybe to start off with. When you look at the liberation of Africa from colonialism,

Obviously, it gets staggered. But majority of the good times happen between 1955 to like maybe 1965, right? This is the good times for Africans or for the colonial powers? No, for Africans. Okay. Getting independent. Okay, 100%.

But if you look at the people that were at the helm of leadership at the time, you had the Kwame Nkrumahs, for example, in Ghana. You had Julius Nderere in Tanzania. You had Kenneth Kaunda in Zambia. You had all those people, I mean, Artambo even, who wasn't in South Africa, but working for the ANC stationed in Lusaka, right? You need people to think in a similar fashion.

And then to help each other along the way, like, yo, man, let's do this, let's do that. Because it doesn't help for a Trevor to be like, okay, I'm holding down South Africa. Things are maybe going okay here. And then Anele is busy messing things up in Kenya. But how do you know that everything is going to stabilize at the same time as well? Because each different region is going to come up, come against different resistance. 100%. It won't stabilize at the same time. But you will start working towards the goal at random at the same time.

I do think there is some merit to this because if you think about every conflict and every negotiation that happens around the world, many of them are thrown off by a regime change at the wrong time. Yes. Right? So Israel-Palestine is a good example. Some of the most progress they ever made was thrown off by an Israeli election that

that all of a sudden there was a new leader who was like, actually, everything you were agreeing to, I don't care about it and we're starting again. Trump is a great example. As America was, you know, Joe Biden was like, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. And then even the other way, by the way, you know, when Joe Biden came in after Trump, it throws everything off. But what's to say that every...

It doesn't matter about the timing that we're all getting a new leader at the same time. Maybe I come in and I don't agree with what has been happening in this country. But what she's saying is that you don't agree. But she's just saying you don't agree at the same time, at least. Yeah. And also, we just have elections. It's not to say that just because there are elections, we're going to change. We may have elections and decide we're keeping Anele for another five years or however long the term is, right? Also, your people get to decide. So, the majority wins, but winner takes all.

Like the electoral college, right? So, even if you win by 51%, now you've got to be a dictator. The other 49 can go to jail. Whoa, this is what you're adding to your thing? Yes. That I agree with. Wow. Now you've got my attention. So, if you win by 51%, now everybody's got to roll with you. There's none of this every time you've got to put this thing to a referendum. You lost, bro. So, now take your L, swallow these stones, let's go. Hmm.

Sometimes, and I think this is South Africa at times, that we just do need a little bit of a dictatorship. Just a little one. Think about it. The Electoral College works exactly that way. Not a big one. The Electoral College works exactly that way. Come on, Trevor. Just a little dictatorship. Just a little bit. Come on. Just a tip. So you are all in on an election on one day. Yes. And the winners take it all? Yes. I just want to throw one thing here just to confirm before I vote on your measure. Mm-hmm.

Do the winners in your system have the right to say that there's no more elections going forward? No. Okay, okay, okay. What's the main thing that you think this will fix, though? The progress will move a lot quicker, and it will fix the idea of progress. Well, not necessarily progress, but the timing issue. A lot of what we have is also just the timing issue, which you've already mentioned.

countries starting at a different time, wrong time. Yeah, we don't get to start on negotiations at the same time. And also, here's one very important factor that people don't consider. Each era requires a different type of leadership. But then who decides that it is now time for a different type of leadership? So I can only give you the opportunity. The people actually decide. So what will happen is, on aggregate, the people who elect the people that they think they need the most.

Then I'll say, okay, this country has decided. This country can go left. That country can go right. But they're all going to go wherever they need to go at that time. I'm not... You know, when you started, I was...

A solid no, but you are swaying. I'm making sense. No, no, no. I mean, look, sense is the one thing you always make. The thing I worry most about is like feasibility. But sense, yes. No, no, it's not feasible. You know, you're going to be the first person who's ever argued against themselves. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Okay. So if you look at game theory. Game theory. Yes. Basically, there are certain models that help us determine what human behavior is likely to tell us and do. Right.

So I'll use the stag theory for one. If us three decide that we're going to go hunting and we can either go hunting for a stag. If we get a stag, we are all going to eat. Yeah. So much so that we're going to be full and there's going to be meat left over. But the tools for us to be able to hunt a stag are very particular tools. When we leave the house, we need to decide. We're taking stag tools. Or we can all go hunt for rabbits.

Now, all three of us need to contribute to be able to get this tag. But if you want to go hunt a rabbit, you can do it by yourself. And you eat it by yourself. Yeah.

You're almost guaranteed that you will catch a rabbit if you go hunt for a rabbit. Okay. But a rabbit will just feed you for maybe half a day. Then you're going to go catch another rabbit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if we decide to get a stag and we catch a stag, well, we're going to be chilling. It's bountiful. Yes. And so what does game theory suggest? What happens? Now, we all start from different houses and we can't communicate which tools we're going to take. We agree, yeah, that we're going to go hunt for a stag. Yeah. Then you go sleep at home. While you're sleeping, Trevor goes...

I don't know if Caesar's really going to hunt for a stag with me. Because if I just go and hunt for a rabbit, I'm guaranteed I'm going to eat. However, if I think we're hunting for a stag and Caesar doesn't play with me, we're all going to starve. Humans, because they act in their own best interest, will most likely all go for a rabbit.

But is that true, though? Is that how society is? If you think about it, right? Think of tribes, think of cultures, think of everything. That goes against game theory in a way. We're hopeful. So, again, between us three, you may take it for a given that we'll all go hunt for a stag. Yeah. But obviously there's emotions involved with us. We're all friends. If I say I'm going to bring another guy, we don't know. He's a part of us now. Now there's a problem.

Easy. Yes. Because it's a trust thing. It is a trust thing. It's a trust thing. And that's how society works. Okay, but now let's bring it back to, so why do you think that'll hurt your voting system? Because inevitably it means that this system will break down at some point. And what do you think will break down in it? I, as the monarch, may give an instruction

and these prime ministers or presidents may go against my instruction. No, you rule the world. You're thinking too hard. No, but they may go, actually, it's just season. No, no, no, no. You rule the world. You can't doubt yourself, bro. Look at royal families. No, no, no. I'm not doubting myself. I'm doubting humans, actually. And it is not convinced yet. I'm not. I'm absolutely not convinced. You are starting to make sense now about humans'

acting in self-interest. And this is why I don't think your theory would work. It's because sooner or later, people like power. No one's going to want to let go of power regardless of what other countries are doing. And actually, that's when we will start fighting with other countries. That's how world wars happen because we just start fighting other countries because we don't agree on how we should all be doing things. So tell me, how do you think you can work with this? Because I've also got another way to mitigate this idea. I can't work with it. It doesn't work at all.

Okay, that's to say it doesn't work at all. No, it doesn't work. No, but wait, but wait, wait, wait. Even the broadcaster in me is like, CNN can't keep up with all these elections at the same time, CZ. But that's a good thing. What do you mean that's a good thing? We don't care about the broadcasters. This is about democracy.

Well, like, I can't believe that you literally just went, wait, wait, wait. I know that the world is at stake. But guys, what about CNN? Yes. You literally brought CNN up. We're talking about the fate of the world. Yes, because somebody has to report on it, guys. No, why? Because somebody has to know what's happening.

Why? How are these countries going to know? Let me get her. You know who covered these elections? Who? They'll be covered locally. Yes. By who? By the 947 of the world. No, but guys, but guys, also, we are people. You have to know what's happening in the other countries, Ciswe. No, we don't. No, you don't, actually. You can just text each other. This is the beauty of the system. Every country takes care of its own. You know what Ciswe's doing? Yes, but how would you know if the other countries are sticking to the rules? So, Anile, can I tell you what Ciswe's doing? Uh...

As you both know, I'm a big fan of football. As Americans say, soccer. And on the final day of the Premier League in England, a lot of leagues do this around the world. What they started doing is they started saying that every game on the final day is played at the exact same time. So every other week, games are staggered so that you can watch all the games and you can see who won, who lost, and then you play the next game. But what they realized at some point was on the final day,

There are teams who will play a certain way because they already know a result has gone in a direction that suits them. Oh. You see. So they will go, if we win this game, our rivals who are playing another game actually benefit. So we should lose this game to hurt our rivals because they're in a lower position on the table than we are. So then they realize, no, every game was played exactly the same time so that you don't know how your fate is going to affect the other or be affected by the other. Oh, the bookies must hate that.

I mean, I think they love it actually because it's chaos. Wookiees love chaos. Right? But the thing it's done to Caesar's point is it's made it that everyone just has to focus on their game. You can't play your game based on another game. And so what Caesar is basically saying is you shouldn't have your election in your country based on another country. And in fact, let's be honest. Let's think about it.

America has an outsized influence on other countries' elections, but they don't really have an outsized influence on the effect inside your country. Do you get what I'm saying? There are many countries in the world...

who will vote a certain way because of the vibe that America is putting out. And that may not be in the best interest of the country if they voted blindly. An example, you won't be able to be like, oh, we saw what happened with Brexit. What do we think in America? No, it's like it's all happening at once. We all walk out of our doors the next day and we're like, how? You did that. And now we're in. Okay. So that's what he's saying. Any more questions? No. Because I've got so many more answers. How long have you been thinking about this?

About ruling the world? Cesar wakes up every day thinking this. Every single day, Cesar. Cesar asks himself, he goes like, why don't I rule the world? That's what he asks himself every day when he wakes up. That's what he's asking Chachi BT. That's every day. Chachi BT asks him. You know us two don't have Chachi BT. Really? I believe that because you are Chachi BT.

Why would an AI use an AI? I've always felt like it's cheating. Yeah, because you're an AI. Just, yo, man, what happened to intrinsic knowledge? Just work with what you got, bro. I feel like people are doping now. Where did you get it, this knowledge? From a book. Yeah, but this is like a book. So that's Shajib Biti. But it's not an open book test. That's life, bro. Study before the test. Yo, don't get distracted by this guy. Are you ready to vote? Yeah. So we're voting. I vote for CZUW's amendments. Do I get to vote?

No, you're you. You can't vote. Well, it's going to be a stalemate then. Yeah, then you lose. That's how it works on this show. You didn't say that. Is that your eye ruler? No. That's how it works. No, man. No, that is exactly how it works. Can I tell you? No, no, no, no, no. No, no. I'm pretty... I just need more explanations. Maybe just like on a granular level. Okay, explain to me how this idea is worse than what we currently have.

She wants CNN to be able to cover... You lost to Anele when you said CNN can't cover elections. The broadcaster in her got so hurt...

Because you make it seem like it's going to be so easy. Things are going to happen and then it's going to be smooth sailing. But as we've seen with countries and elections, it is really the most tumultuous time of any country. And since we wanted tumultuous all at once. I'm not saying everything is going to be solved by this. I'm just saying it's just a better system than what we currently have. That's all it is. I'm not saying we're not going to solve every problem with this. Dude, there are plenty of problems.

But it definitely is an improvement from what we have. Caesar's basically saying, you know, sometimes you go to a party and then people get drunk at different times in the night. Caesar's like, everyone's getting drunk at the same time. You're all getting wasted. If there's a fight, everyone's fighting. I hate that I'm now convinced using a drunk theory.

Because she knows there's going to be a moment where there's peak enjoyment for everybody. Or peak chaos. Yeah. Because you see, the other argument is if you go to a party and people get staggered, it is nice to have a few sober people to be like, hey, man, you've had too much. And then other people to be drunk and make the party move. That's where Anela is. But hold on. So let me explain that, right? So let's go. Let's say it goes peak chaos. Yeah. You know what's worse than peak chaos? Staggered chaos.

You think so? Yes. Try to break up a fight here and then as soon as you're done breaking up this fight, then another one breaks out. Then another one breaks out. Rather, there's one huge fight, then when the guys are done, you go, okay, now let's go clean the blood. So when everyone has killed each other? Yes, essentially. Because that's what... That is peak chaos. Guys, it's not possible for everybody to kill each other. Okay, one person will be standing. If anything, this theory just gets better and better. Ha!

I might want to go back and change my vote. I'm voting against it. I'm voting against it. All right, Cesar. No, sorry. But why are you voting against it? No, exactly that. The weak die. Cesar, that's... Oh, you've got an allegiance to weakness now. Is that what you're saying? No, but I'm just saying that you cannot have a chaotic system everywhere in the world. So everyone...

Everywhere, like there's war everywhere they're fighting. But that's a worst case scenario. It will never happen like that. No, but that's not how the game works. You can't be like, well, you know, on the best case scenario. It's unlikely to happen like that because this theory is based on majority ruling. And generally, people are scared of the majority. Yes, but once again, the majority themselves can also fight amongst each other.

So you're thinking that just because the majority rules and it's going to be fine, nothing's going to happen. But now, once we're done winning and now we are the 51%, that then becomes 100% in charge of everything. We're going to start fighting inside that 51% because inherently humans want power. Sounds like you're still a no. No, wait. You still haven't explained to me how the status quo is better at mitigating that than my system though. As in what's currently happening now? No, that wasn't my job to explain that.

I know. I know things are not going well, but your system is definitely not better. It's way better. Sorry, Ciswe. This is how it works. You're a hater. But it's fine. All that matters. Single Anele would have voted for this. No. Wow. Shit's changed. Shit's changed. Okay. Shit's changed. All right. Oh, man.

Okay, well, Cesar, I'm sorry. I'm familiar with the feeling you have right now. I've never won an If I Rule the World. Yeah, because your ideas were just horrible. Who's the hater now? I'm just saying. My ideas are great. We're going to continue this conversation right after this short break.

Let's hear yours. Okay. Anele? If I ruled the world, I actually have two and I always have two. So the other one. Just pick your best one. Okay. My best one. If I ruled the world, everyone, and I mean everyone, would have to live 10 minutes from where they work. Max. Max. Max.

10 minutes by car, by train, by bus, by walking, by... By everything. So I find that every single country has to have such a great public service transport system that it doesn't matter where you work, but you have to live 10 minutes away. Have to live 10 minutes. So no one can live more than 10 minutes away. Well, if you want to, that's really up to you. But I just feel that life would be easier if everyone's commute to work was shorter.

I mean, I'm with you. No, but now you're giving us like an easy system. In theory, it makes sense. But it's not practical at all. Oh, really? No. Since when did you come and listen to this strategy? Wait, wait, wait. I want to know more the whys. Let's go to the whys before we... So, why...

Because I find that most people, and this is obviously not the higher echelon that can take helicopters to work, right? Well done to them. But I find that most people who are just working, middle class people who are just working, which is most of the world, they're spending so much on getting to work that it literally then cuts your budget in terms of things that you could do for your family. Okay. Yeah. No, you're 100% correct. Yeah.

Ideally, is that no one should be spending any money to get to work. Not even money, just the time. Okay, wait, wait. Are you saying time or money? Both. Time is money. Have you never worked the streets? That is funny. Have I never worked the streets? Yes. My time is a gigolo. Of course. Time is money. I don't think time matters to me as much as the money. Where you should not have to pay anything to get to work.

So which one are you going for? Are you charging? Are you amending your 10 minute rule to a money thing? I'm not. I'm not putting it in the front line. No, but I need to know what your rule is so I can vote for it. You said I can't have two rules. No, but I just need to know what the rule is. You rule the world. You rule the world. So I need to know what the rule is. He's going to help her fix her world. No, wait. Don't mansplain her world, Cisre. No, I'm not mansplaining.

I want to hear what Anile's world is. You should not have to pay to go to work. Anile, just make a world where people teleport to work. This guy's mansplaining a world. No. No, I'm not mansplaining it. Just have him teleport to work. Anile, don't let him pressure you. Any distance, any time doesn't matter. Anile, I want to know what your world is. Isn't teleporting like...

The stuff that only happens in the movies? It's your world! It would work? It's your world. No, I don't want that. Okay, so... You must have some sort of commute. Okay, so you want people to commute. Yeah, there must be some sort of commute. I'm drilling down on this, so I like this. So you don't want to eliminate the commute. Yeah. Okay. But you don't want people to spend more than a certain amount. No, they must not spend any money. No money? Yeah. Time? 10 minutes max. Okay, so 10 minutes and no cost. Yeah.

Okay, that's fine then. That works. This is as good as teleporting. Okay, now here's what I worry about. What are you going to do when your cities and systems grow to the point where it can't sustain? Because you can only do... I just said that! I'm asking it as a question. Ciswe, it's a question, Ciswe. Okay.

Then you transferred to another company, guys, where you're doing the same thing. So I've got to move now. You see now, you're falling apart. No, I'm not falling apart. Yeah, but Cesar has raised a good question. Yeah.

You're moving us now to another place where we're 10 minutes away. Ask your question again. I interrupted you while you were asking your question. At some point, you're going to reach capacity. It's inevitable. Because at some point, a city has to expand. It cannot go up forever. Even if it did, your elevators would now... You know what I mean? Your elevator would be your commute. So at some point, the city has to expand. There's going to be some sort of sprawl.

Once that happens, people are now outside of the distance that you've set or the pricing that you've set. So you then said people must now do what? So what? People are going to move out because... I'm asking you. I don't make the rules in your world. I just want to know what you're doing.

No. But now you guys are asking things that doesn't make sense. You've been to Brazil? Yes, I have. Sao Paulo. Have you seen the traffic in Sao Paulo? No, I didn't. It was an F1 weekend, so I didn't get to experience any of the hardships of the traffic. I've experienced Lagos traffic though. Lagos, Sao Paulo, Delhi. Let me tell you something. You see Kenya in the afternoon. There's places I've been to

where there's only traffic. Like, it's just perpetual. Okay. Perpetual. And most of those places are densely populated and there's just no way for there to not be any type of... LA even. Yeah. Then you should be allowed to say, okay, guys, no one's allowed to move to LA anymore. Okay? Now, move somebody else...

There, move somewhere else. So you're shutting cities down. Yes, we're done here. We've reached maximum capacity. So my family can't move here now? Well, if your family wasn't in from the beginning, that's it. Because we also have to factor in the fact that people in here are going to have families. What happens if you get married, Miss Wife? Yes, Kalung Didi, when you're inside here, this is it. It's done. So your marriage, your partner, you can only meet people from your city then? There we go. Highly incestuous.

Once we're in here, we're in here. Once you're in here, you're in here. And Mr. Economist over here, you must do that thing where there's a little bit of fat. You have room for fat. You have room for fat. And then it's like, okay, if there are 5 million people in here, let's allow that. It can grow too. You know what's funny is, and I mean, this is something I love about all policies and ideas in the world. This started as a very liberal...

beautiful idea. Yes. And then reality sets in. And then it slowly moved into like a nationalist dictatorship. Yeah. Like, which I'm not, not a fan of.

That's how cities are formed Generally, fairly Yeah, but they don't say You can't move in And you can't move No, no, they don't say that I mean, that's an extreme Yes, you can definitely move out To where? The other cities are also full No, well, not all of them are full Why are they not full? Why are they not full? Job is a job Yes, so we go there And y'all people must start developing Making some So you're going to say people No, you're placing a huge burden On us right now Oh

How much less than the burden that we place on one city? I'm sorry. I think I'd rather be in traffic for an hour. Okay, wait, wait, wait. So, okay, here's a question. What if you're like a taxi driver or an Uber driver? You work in transportation. So now you're limiting how much people can earn from that drive or that distance. Because of distance. Yeah. Yes, but that means you guys are always going to be busy.

Oh, but just doing a lot of... Yeah, yeah. Instead of doing 10 trips... No, instead of doing 10 trips that are 50k's and 80k's, you're going to do 100 10k trips, guys. You guarantee payment. And you're paying us 73k.

Yes. Who's paying us? So the government is paying? I, I'm in charge. I'm paying for it. Okay, so you, government pays for transport. It doesn't matter what the transport is. You've got enough money to do this. Yes. Okay, no. Why don't you just give people money? No, no, no, that's not how it works. No, no, Cesar, that's not how it works. If I rule the world, you can't say, why don't they do another rule? Yeah. Okay. So I have a question for you. Your government is paying everyone for transport. What if people then, so I'll tell you a little fun story.

This happened in Nigeria. Uber, the company we're all familiar with, went from country to country trying to grow its operations. One of the things it did...

that was particularly ingenious and sinister at the same time was they gave incentives to drivers in all of these countries to drive for Uber by giving them bonuses. So they said, if you take, if you agree to drive for Uber and you pick somebody up from, let's say an airport where we really need drivers, we'll give you a bonus. So we'll give you like double the amount of the fare that it would normally be.

And they did this in almost every country. Is that sustainable? It's not supposed to be. The only thing they were trying to do is establish themselves in the markets and get a stranglehold on it so that like taxis and all these other industries wouldn't be able to compete. Exactly. So they get crowded out, right? Now, it worked in most places. In Nigeria, however, Nigerian taxi drivers and people who had cars, they did the calculation and realized that they could make money

but not really have to drive anybody. So what Uber drivers in Nigeria did was they signed up to be Uber drivers. They then called themselves from the airports, picked up nobody from the airport, drove themselves back into the city and then got the bonus amount, which paid for the gas. And then they took themselves back to the airports.

to get another fare that was a bonus. Because if it's a bonus, then you're just living off the bonus. And they were making so much money doing this that Uber cancelled the scheme for the whole world. Man, Nigerians are so genius, bro.

Kudos to Nigeria. All the time. Because Uber was scamming and then Nigeria was like, you want to scam? You want to scam? You came to the head of it. We're going to show you something. And Nigeria taught Uber a lesson. Now, I'm not saying that will or won't happen. But what I worry about in your system is you're saying transport is free. How are you going to ensure that like the people who are doing transport don't just transport for the sake of transport now?

Because you're working with people who are working, right? So the onus is also on the person who's being transported to show where they're working. It's like a school bus. You have to prove. Yes, yes. So you have to prove to your taxi driver that you're going to a job. But all of that will be factored in by companies. It's much like companies will subsidize things. You know how companies subsidize things? Or you have a company car or company petrol car and you must write how far you went. That's fine. That's all admin. You're

file that all under admin it seems like a very admin heavy system you've created what world isn't no but like yours is like particularly yes but you're getting free transport i don't think you should mind clogging in when you're getting free transport i'm doing you a favor here when you started yeah like most ideas it was really beautiful as we've gone down this journey i'm picturing living in anele's world you get out of your house and then you get into your transports you clock in

Transport has proof of work, please. Yes. Proof of work. What if you're just going like fun places? Then pay for yourself. Oh, this is interesting that you've said this. That's your recreational thing. Okay, so now I don't know that this is true, but what might happen, and our AI colleague over here will confirm or deny, I think what might happen is if your system pays for people to go to work,

But people have to pay for themselves to go to like entertainment. First of all, you'll have to prove that the people for work are going there not for entertainment. But also the market for entertainment could become more valuable than the work markets. And then people would go, I only want to drive for the entertainment market, not for the work market. Like if I'm a taxi driver and I get paid by the government to drive people to work, but then Cesar wants to go to the club.

Now I go, Cesar, I already have a fare. It's taking this person to work. Cesar goes, I'll pay you double because I'm paying. In all fairness though, to defend an LA system, you live 10 minutes away from work. Even if there are no cars taking you to work, walk to work. Yeah, but that can't be a 10 minute walk. Guys, I don't know if you know how transportation works. No, she said 10 minutes. She didn't say 10 minutes walking or driving. Yes, but it can't be the same. It can't be 10 walk, 10... Do you use Google Maps? Every time you change them, it's going to change. Okay, 10 walking. 10 walking.

Don't change it. Because if you say 10, don't let him trap you, Anneli. No, no. This was never asked of me. This will be the first time I'm giving my answer. Exactly. So it's 10 walking. Oh, it's 10 walking. So the whole city is 10 walking. Yeah.

Your whole city is 10 walking. Yeah. Okay. But don't get distracted from the entertainment point that you're making. No, no, no. I want to go back now to 10 walking. So now we walk to work. Everyone. And we drive to party. Everyone works 10 minutes from... Yeah. What if I don't want to live where my work is in that way? That's fine. She said that's fine. That's up to you. If you want to move further away... You opted out. You opted out. So for instance, once again, let's say you have a company car allowance of $30,000, right? And you're just like...

no, I don't want to drive a Prius. I want to drive an X5. That's great. You're still going to get your 30,000 from us, but everything else you can then top yourself up, right? So we're saying here, yes,

There's something we're missing here. Everyone works 10 minutes. I'll be a business person in this world and I'm going to make gazillions. How are you going to do it? I've just thought of so many loopholes, but carry on. No, this is why. This is why. You must poke poles. No, it's not a wrong thing. Keep your world. I'm just making money in your world.

I've never... You know? I've never encountered somebody like this. This guy is not even trying to help. He's going... He's going to actually vote for me. He's going to vote for you so that he can make money in a theoretical world. Ciswe, there's something truly wrong with you. So, okay. All I worry about, Anneli, is I can see the system crumbling somehow because 10 minutes for everyone...

means somebody's not where they want to be 10 minutes from because not everyone can be 10 minutes from no no i'm saying they can't be even if they want to be you're gonna you reach capacity at some point yes but i told you then it goes to another place then we build there and then so then we can create a hundred but my friends and now when you make friends excuse me you left us in south africa i didn't leave you i didn't leave you i mean

I didn't leave you. Yes. Don't be like your friends are here. We were your friends when we were here. I didn't leave you, Anile. No. I didn't leave you. Guys, there was a white genocide in this country. I'm half white. And I'm light skinned. I'm half white, guys. I had to choose. I wasn't sure what you guys were going to do with me. What I'm saying is, it's...

Perhaps what I'm saying is you have to go and create a lot of Johannesburgs, a lot of Lagos, New Yorks and all of that. You can't just bank on the fact that only one city is the one that's going to take all of the strain. Everybody's going to flock to the city. Develop other cities so that we can all be like that. I'm ready to vote. I'm also ready to vote.

I'll be very lenient on you. No, don't be. No, I mean... I'm not your charity, Kate. I'll drive you to work. Look, I know what you... You mean well, so I'll adopt it. What? This guy wants to make money in your 50s. This guy's being so transparent. You mean well. After we vote, I want to know how he's going to make money from my statement. But after we vote, so you're voting for me? Yeah, I'll vote. I really can't believe this, guys. Thank you.

What are you doing? I genuinely can't believe this. He's asking Chet GPT. I genuinely can't believe this. He's asking Chet GPT if my way of ruling the world is viable. I can't believe this. Guys, it's viable. Trust me. It's not about viability. I just can't believe Sisu is going to vote yes because he wants to make business in a fictitious world. So I'm going to vote no. Why? The reason I'm voting no. I love the sentiment. I love the feeling behind your idea, by the way, because I agree with you. I think it's unfair.

That some people spend a disproportionate amount of their income on getting to work and getting back from work because then they're not reaping the benefits of work the same way somebody who lives close to work does. So the idea behind it. The benefits of their salary, bro. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's what I mean, the benefits of it. Like we both earn a thousand, but I spend 500 getting to and back from work means you have more of your thousand than I do. Your sentiment, I'm completely for.

As is often the case on If I Ruled the World. It's not that we disagree with the sentiment. It's the... The rollout. The rollout that worries us. I worry that if you create a hard rule of 10 minutes from work, very quickly we reach capacity. Very quickly people, as you said, get kicked out to go and have to build new cities. Somewhere else. Somewhere else. Yeah.

I think this creates an imbalance now. If I remove the 10-minute rule? Are you saying you're willing to amend it and say, in your world, just no one would pay to go to work? Exactly. So what you were saying is, if you all get paid $1,000, right? Yeah, no one pays to go to work in your world. Yes.

And it doesn't matter what type of work? I can vote yes for that. Yeah, that's a yes. That's a clean yes. Okay, thank you. It's definitely a better world than what we have now. No, no, no. I vote yes for that. Thank you. Well done, Anile. Congratulations. Thank you. My word. It's such a moment. It is funny. It really is. Well done. Why do I win? No, you just, you've won. Oh. What you've won is that you've won. I thought that was just like a tangible prize. Don't go anywhere because we got more What Now? after this.

Let's hear your one. Okay. There he goes. All right. We're going to be taking a poo and something. Wow, Sizwe. This is how you see me? It's definitely something like, hey, your thoughts are this while you take a shower. Can I just go back to your other if I ruled the world before you present us with a new one? I don't think that's necessary because I already lost. I think this is painful. No, give him this one. Okay. Okay. So if I ruled the world, nobody...

would know who their child was. Wait, wait, let me explain. So wait. So if I ruled the world...

No. Listen, listen, listen, listen. I told you. Wait, wait, wait, wait. It's worth the taking a poo in there. Wait, wait, wait. I'd rather our poo speak to us. Really. You guys, you know what, guys? So if I ruled the world, no one would know who their child is. So what I mean by this is we would develop a system where

You could still have sex. Everyone would do their thing. Everyone would do their thing. In our world, what would happen is when you are ready to be pregnant, you would come to like the ministry of pregnancy and there's no qualifications, no nothing, no money, no nothing. We'd even come to you. It's not a transport thing. You can apply online. If you don't have internet, we'll help. Whatever. Don't worry about all those things.

But you come to us, you say like, we want to have a child. We approve you. There's no questions or anything. We approve you. And then we impregnate the woman and then you have the child. But now the child can come from anywhere. So you could have a white baby. You could have Chinese baby. It doesn't matter. But it just comes from you. A baby good at math. Yeah. Your baby just comes out. And then that's, but nobody knows where the baby did or didn't come from.

And there's no way to find out in my world. There's no DNA testing. There's no none of that. Do you have parents in your world? No, no. Yeah, it's the same way we live now. It's the people who went to go ask for the baby. Nobody knows who their kid is, is what I'm saying. Like nobody. Okay. Nobody. Not outrageous. What is it that you're hoping to achieve with this? One, I can see, obviously, the supply of kids will be evenly distributed, which is fine. Okay, so there's a few things. A few things. Number one, the most important thing is, I think while...

is admirable in its initial idea. I don't think bloodlines are as important as we think they are. I agree. Okay. When we were starting off farming and all of this, that's really where you can trace a lot of the ideas of marriage that we have now. You can trace it back to that. People started farming, and then all of a sudden it became more important to build out the people who are going to be farming with you and owning that farm with you. So then you went

Well, who are my offspring? Before that, a lot of tribes just were like, yeah, man, babies are babies. They're the babies of the tribe. It's everyone's baby. Now you're like, no, but it's my farm. Who gets my farm? Who works on it? My children from my wife. Women were property. Children were property. Right. I think we've kept a lot of that.

And I think what it's created is a world where people now think of what should or shouldn't be done in the world based on who is or isn't connected or related to them. Right? Now, I don't think people are evil. I just think this is a natural evolution of human beings. So white people will team up with white people. Black people might be forced to team up with black people because they haven't really been given an option. So we don't know what black people will or won't do. We haven't really seen in the world.

But what I would love to see is a world where it sort of disentangles your parents and your bloodline from your opportunities or not in life. And I think it could create a world where people are less tied to my kids because your kid could be like anywhere in a weird way. You might even bump into someone and be like, yo, man, you look exactly like me.

Okay, that's the weird part. But otherwise, I agree with everything you say. So that's like one part of it. And then the other part, the reason I say like applications for being pregnant is because we'd be leading in science and stuff. I think a lot of people struggle to get pregnant and they...

And they fight. And there's a lot of people who don't struggle at all. They just meet each other on one random night. And now they have a kid. They didn't want to have the kid. Now the kid lives a life that it doesn't need to. So I'm trying to create a system where the ones who want get, the ones who don't want don't have. And then we just like mix it up and we spin things around. And it's random. Do you know what I mean? There was a tribe like that somewhere in Africa. So I'm not going to say where, but...

And it kind of took away the pressure around when a couple cannot conceive, right? It's like, oh, you know, I'm barren, or, you know, you're infertile and all of that. Whereas it would be hot in this big village, like you were saying. Yeah. And just every night, people...

A man would go and then on the door, no, this is kind of occupied type of thing, right? And we just all, we have intercourse with each other because we're a tribe. And if people are pregnant, like you say, you give birth and the baby belongs to the tribe. The baby doesn't belong to the parents. Yes. And I think, I'm not sure, maybe the Zulu culture. If you are having issues conceiving as a child, your brother must step in. Wait, really? Not must. Not must. No, no, no. There's something called dungena, right? Yeah.

Which means to get in. Yeah. But essentially what it means is, let's say, for example, Anele was married to my brother. Yeah. Right. And my brother either passed away or wasn't able to have kids for whatever reason. Right. Then Anele can just come into my household.

Wow. Because the child would still be a Lomo. A family member. Right? So there we go. So that's why I'm saying I don't hate... Obviously not every family practices this. No, no, but yeah. I think it's a great idea. This is why I'm saying I don't hate your idea because it's exactly that. We've just...

got into a place where people are very individualistic. Like everything's about me. Yes. I mean, I'm an individual. It's my wife, my children, my cars, my house and all of that. But back then with this tribe, and I'll have to research it because I did read up about it, is that what they knew is that this child is of the tribe.

So this child just belongs here. And what I also want is in my dream world, I'm sure there would be a few problems that might be introduced. I don't know what they'd be. Sizwe will tell me. Your dream world would be like Japan, but carry on. No, no, no. What I would love to do is it would be because culture would still be a thing, obviously. But tying race to outcomes, I think, would be greatly diminished. So there would be a Xhosa Chinese kid now.

Because it's like, yeah, you're just possibly. And the thing I like about culture in that way versus like race is that you can opt into culture in a way that you can't with race.

You can marry into a Xhosa family. You can marry into a Zulu family. You get what I'm saying? You can adopt a culture in a way that you can't with race because race is exclusionary. It's like, this is your race, buddy. This is how you're born. This is you. Not only this is you, we are saying that this is you forever. You know, you are Indian, you are Chinese, you are black, you are this, you are this, you are this. But with culture, you'd be able to be like, no, no, no, I am whatever. I like what your idea aims to achieve. But... I worry that human nature...

would just mean that more people would opt out of being parents. Oh, interesting. Say more. So for the same reason that you mentioned, there's actually no other reason to be a parent except the selfish reason.

Okay. There's no other reason. So people speak of legacy. People speak about, I want to carry on my bloodline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People speak about, I want to see myself in this kid and they'll have none of that in your world. And so what I think they'll eventually do is they'll just be like, you guys can raise other people's kids if you want. I'd rather keep my money for myself and my wife and I'm out.

Yeah, but they're going to die out at some point and then the money goes somewhere. People will die anyway. No, no, but think about it. I hear you. Yeah. But my response to them would be, yes, then you're going to die out. And who are you going to leave the money to? Yeah, people don't care. It happens now anyway. But that's fine because that means that then they would die out as people and their money would end up coming to the children of everyone. But the issue is not the money. The issue is about people not having kids.

Don't you think it would average out, though? Because in any society, there are people who want, there are people who don't want. But the law of averages dictates that. I don't believe it would average out. You don't think so? No. Looking at human nature and just look at, I use Japan for a reason. Yes, go. Because in Japan, the birth rate has been decreasing steadily over the last 20 years. Okay. Right?

And that's not even because of anything, but just because the Japanese government told them not to have as much sex. Don't procreate as much. And then people went so far there that it's at a point where the Japanese government is like, yeah, hold on, hold on. Maybe start having more. But now the behavioral patterns have changed. Yeah, completely. So this is my, I'm not saying, I don't know. I can't say for certain, but I do believe human nature would cause people not to want to raise other people's kids.

Now, my counter argument to you is, yes, Japan's population is declining. Africa's is increasing. So if we average it out over the whole world, Japan is going down. Africa's going up. Yeah, but Africans are raising their own kids. Yeah, but everyone would be raising their own kids in my world. It's just... No. No, they come from inside you. They're your kids. Come on.

Wow. As the only person here who has a child. That you know of. No. You don't know? No, no. He's got a secret family. You don't know? No. Me and Nanele are sitting on one side for a reason. Yeah. Okay, okay. There is something about raising a child and then they do something or they say something and the

That for that split moment, you're just like, oh my word, that is so me or that is so your dad. Right. And I don't think you'd be able to have that. And that little 1% of that that happens makes the other 99% of parenting worth it because parenting isn't fun. I'm glad you said that. Thank you. Parenting is just not fun. It's...

It's a lot of stress. It's a lot of anxiety. And everybody who's a parent is acting like they're okay, but we're not. Okay. Thank you, Anneli. Thank you for this. This is a truthful moment, everyone. Is it beautiful? Yes. That one, it's almost like training for the comrades or training for marathons or training for whatever it is, is that you're going to train for,

years and years and then that moment of glory when you get that Olympic medal that's 30 seconds on the podium your flag's up well done off you go and you go and train for another but the rest of the time is torture yeah for the rest of the time it's absolute torture it's absolute torture and under your ruling in your world you're taking away the 1% that makes the rest of it worth it okay I hear you

But you wouldn't know the 1% in my world because nobody... Yeah, you might. You don't know. Because remember, it's a lottery. You don't know. What's the incentive to have a child in your world? People want children all the time. For what? They just eat your money. They're in your space. No, for real. Because we started off by saying there's only selfish reasons to have kids. Yes. But what I'm saying is... Now, you've taken away the selfish reason. People only have kids for selfless reasons. Yeah. People. There are people all over the world right now. Yeah.

banging down the doors of clinics trying to get children. Yes. Right? This is, throughout time, people have tried to get children. People want children. Yes. So the reason I think people would still want children is because, to your point, children are terrible, but they're meaningful.

You know what I mean? So no, no, no. So listen, we've had the experience with you. You have given us the experience. Like before you had your son, I can unequivocally say I had zero interest in raising a young human being. These things were terrible and there was no need for them to be in my life. Then you made one. I was introduced to him. We've spent time with him. Then I was like, wow.

What a beautiful journey watching him evolve. Because your entire life is like the 1%. Yeah, but no, no, no. I get that. But my point is still because I've seen that I'm now more amenable to it. You get what I'm saying?

So I'm saying people will still want to have kids because having children and raising children brings so much meaning and purpose to life that people would still want to do it. Okay. So look at it as it is now. And I think maybe you can tell me if I'm wrong because I've never been pregnant, nor do I ever plan to be.

The experience of it for many women, I've been told, some have a terrible one, but others will tell you it's the most empowering and beautiful and the feeling and the life inside of you. So I don't know. I think some women would be like, I do like being pregnant. I love being pregnant.

There you go. So in my world, you'd be pregnant. My pregnancy was easy. That's another thing. But I liked it and you could eat what you want and no one judges you and you can skip the line. But the statement's incomplete. Why? Would she like being pregnant if you're going to snatch the baby away from her afterwards for her never to see it again? No, no, no. I'm not doing it that way and I'm not taking anyone's babies away. I'll never do that to people.

What do you mean? She's not going to get to raise the baby. No, you are going to get to raise your baby. What he's saying is that when it's time to get pregnant, you go to that essential system and we impregnate you. And it's not necessarily your husband or your partner's sperm. No, but not anonymous sperm bank. It is.

No. So I would know who the dad is. Don't undermine my... This is terrible branding. It's a sperm bank. Hey, hey. It's not a sperm bank because the embryos are also coming from someone else. The guys are going to opt out. So I'm just opting in as an oven.

I had no... So she's raising her kid. I'm raising her, Randall. No, wait. Wait. No. Even the embryo. So all I'm being used is the oven, but I had no say in what went into the recipe. No, guys. Okay. So I'm going to... You know, whoever shouted that shit from the peanut gallery, we were doing so well here. This is why branding... This is why branding... This is why branding is so important.

This is why branding is so important. Okay. In my world, we will make it, it's really going to be a beautiful experience. So you will come to the Ministry of Insemination. We're going to call it the Ministry of Life, actually. It sounds like a cult now, but carry on. The Ministry of Life. You will come there and we will be part of celebrating this thing that you wish to achieve, which is creating life.

And it'll be like a honeymoon. You know, we'll give you, you know, champagne and caviar, everything that you want. You spend a wonderful night together on that night.

You know what I mean? We're going to set the scene, create the vibes. Everyone in the world is getting caviar. Yeah. Forget that. How does she get impregnated, bro? She's listening right now. I'll handle you afterwards. Let me do one at a time here. So, Aniz, you come there. Everyone gets champagne. Everyone gets caviar. Luther Vandross is playing. Babyface. Babyface is playing. Everyone's enjoying themselves. Whatever you want that night to be, we will make it happen. And remember, the ministry has departments all over the world. So, we're close to you. Ten minutes away. So...

You come there, you enjoy yourself. And then on that night, we inseminate you. It's a very seamless process. It's not going to be like IVF is now. We've worked on the technology, but we inseminate you in that process. Okay. And so what happens is now in that night, you have been inseminated. You are now going to be pregnant.

And then you're going to go off and you and your partner or husband or friend or whoever you chose to do this with, you've done that night together. So this baby is not 50% anyone's. It's 50% you. It's you and your partner, the same way another child is.

No, no, no. It can't be the partner. What do you mean? Because the sperm came from anywhere. Oh, yeah, the sperm. So it's 50% her. No, it's not. I'm just carrying it, but the embryo is not mine. Come from anywhere. So you might bump into your own genes in the world. You never know. Yeah, bro.

What I'm saying though is you will now walk away pregnant and when your child is born and they are your child. Stop saying your child. They're not. She's your child. You just told me your brother. You just told me your brother can come and inseminate you. That's your child. That's family, bro. Yes, that's family. We've got the same genes.

But in my world, do you understand that over time, genetically, we will all have the same genes, but diverse. So I have a one in eight billion chance that I'm going to run into my child. It's not one in eight billion, actually. Because of your family. No, no, no. But also think of how your bloodline, if you traced your family tree as far back, you'd find that it's not one in eight billion. Okay. Yeah, with a little bit of incest, it could be more. It's way more.

So I have less chance of running into a child. No, it's way higher. Oh, okay. But also, do you want to spend your life searching for your child? What nonsense is this? But guys, this is your child. No, I'm out. I'm voting out of this nonsense. So what's your concern here? Everything, bro. My concern is you are literally taking everything away that makes parenting worth it.

Now we're just all... Okay, I'm going to throw something at you. We're on a conveyor belt now. Okay, I'm going to throw something at you. Stop saying no for a second. Just be open for a second. Have you heard stories of families who left the hospital with the wrong baby? Yes. Raised that baby. Yes. Loved that baby. Yes. There was nothing wrong. Yes. And then found out when there was like an organ transplant or something that involved deep blood work

that they weren't related to their own child yes this is the first moment when families went wait and then they traced it back and they're like ah in the hospital the babies were at birth blah blah blah blah blah so you want all families to be like that wait he's basically taking the deck of cards and he's shuffling shuffling shuffling every day i'm shuffling yes he's dealing with a bad head no what i'm saying is those families will tell you there was not one moment where they went this is not our child they

They had the same experience of raising them, loving them, seeing them grow, feeling them. All of it. Because they believed that the child was theirs. Because the sense of protection you feel for a child, for a baby, is because there is a familiarity between you and this baby. This is why, mothers, some of you are lying when you say this, when they're like, oh, they placed the baby on my chest and, you know, I fell in love immediately because, you know, it was just the greatest love I've ever known. What you're feeling is great.

It's like I've seen this person before. And then you have a feeling of, this is me. I can see me here. I can see my husband, my baby daddy, whoever it is. It's the sense of familiarity that you have. Yes, imprinted. Yes. So now if I know that that's not my child, you're just like, I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. And also, see, Anneli already alluded to this, right? Part of the joy of parenthood is

The things that you don't teach your child, but that they inherently just know. They're just like, man, this is amazing. Can I tell you something here? This is something that people take for granted. A lot of that is confirmation bias. So we take for granted that a lot of the behaviors that children get from parents are learned.

They're in the environment with you. And we don't think we're teaching, but we are. Children laugh like their parents, not because they inherited the laugh necessarily, but because the laugh gets passed. You can even be like, oh, you did the exact same thing as my grandfather. Yes, but things are passed down and kids are constantly, without knowing it, decoding what they take and how they take it. I can agree with learned behavior, but there's genetic stuff. Yes, I understand. But I'm saying we take for granted how much of what we recognize isn't genetic. We're seeing what we want to see. Just like...

okay let me i'll even throw this at you i've been in the streets with friends of mine who i act like and then people go you guys are related and i'm like no they're like no you guys are related then they're like it's not the same thing i'm talking about things you can't teach yes but i'm saying haven't you ever looked at your dad's foot and you're like dude i've got exact same foot but i'm saying you will find your foot to grow that way you will find that because there's everything else of me that's not like my dad so you find the thing that is the same no but the

If I found out tomorrow... It's the 1% I was telling you about. Yes, but if I found out tomorrow that Cicero and I were actually brothers, I'd be like, oh, that explains why we both like blah, blah, blah. Now I would find all the things. Do you know what I mean? It's like when people fall in love, all of a sudden they... They look alike. Have you seen Star Signs?

People get star signs and now all of a sudden they're like, that explains it. I wondered why I got fired. Mercury was in retrograde. All right, guys, they just gave you an answer. So I'm saying a lot of what people do is giving themselves an answer as to why the child is or isn't like that. Which is fine. Which is fine. But in your world, we wouldn't even have the luxury of lying to ourselves like that. I'm out.

The 1%, you negating the 1%. It's the 1% magic that children bring. It's like, oh my word. And the final nail in the coffin. Guys, do you know how many dads in the world

are raising a son or a daughter that is not theirs and they have this experience fully but they're happy because they don't believe that these are not their kids if you amend your rule to I'm open to amendments if you amend your rule to what I was saying about similar to the African villages where the father is here the mother is here and we are all just raising so once again we are a city of say 8 million people and all of us are mixing about that's fine

I can make money in your world. I can make money in your world. Come on, son. Do you see what I'm saying? I hear you, but my... Just narrow it. My issue is still that now it will become a little too insular for my liking. You want to hear my business idea? Let's hear your business idea. I would be the guy smuggling like real kids. Like, yo, you and you. Want your real baby. Oh.

Come visit me for nine months. You'll walk out with your real babies. That's my business. Guys will be moving with real ones. Selling authentic babies. I mean, needless to say, there would be a crackdown of this black market here that's run by Sizwe. It wouldn't only be black markets. It would be white markets, Chinese markets. Asian markets, Indian markets. I'm willing to accept your votes. Will you amend your rule though?

Unfortunately not. That one I can't amend. I'm voting hard for this one. I can't. I'm sorry, Anele. But you were there. Like, you really had me. I know, but I can't amend it because it wouldn't fulfill what I'm trying to do. So I... You meant well, but like, Anele, nah. I'm not voting for this one. Your world. Yo, your world, you have cycles, bro. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. There'll be jokers moving around every...

Why would my world have psychos? Come on, there's trauma in your world. Why would there be trauma? This is trauma. But also, why would there be trauma? And unlike Caesar's world where the chaos comes every five years, yours is just a constant, uninterrupted, thoughtless chaos. Why is there chaos? Okay, let me tell you why. Right now, the world is messed up mostly because of absent fathers.

Your whole world is absent fathers, bro. No, no, no, no. Why is it absent fathers? My world is chosen. There is a father. In fact, in my world, it's even better because nobody is being a dad by mistake. Think about it.

So you're not allowed to impregnate anyone. You can't. Not allowed. You can't in my world. It's impossible. The only time... I didn't want to reveal the secrets because it's patented technology. It's not sterilization. So we have a patented technology that we use when children are born. You see, there's already a technology. We have a technology when children are born. We have a way to turn off your reproduction technology

So that like when you're living, you're living. The same way like people get, you know. Mastectomies and then they reverse it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we do that like from the time you're born, it's done. So you don't even have to worry about it. And then when you're ready to have kids, we come and we do a thing and we like make it happen. And then you shoot into something and then that can then get distributed across the world. Exactly.

So my counter to you is actually in my world, there would be fewer absentee fathers. So there would be less chaos because now the men who are choosing to be fathers are choosing. The women who are choosing to be mothers would be choosing. And I would rather be in a world where people who want kids...

have more kids because they want them and the people who don't have fewer kids because they don't want them and i think that would still average out because people it's entropy it always happens no the idea the idea is a noble one so i don't so i think it would be fewer i love that you said absentee fathers in my world there would be fewer absentee fathers there would be no absentee fathers because yeah but you never know people get divorced and stuff you can't force things i'm not gonna oh really you can't force things no no no remember you're forcing one thing at a time

If I rule the world, you do one thing at a time. I'm ready to vote. I can't do everything at once. Then it's not a fun game. I'm ready to vote. Just one thing.

You said no long ago, bruh. Yeah. You said no when I started the sentence. You were trying to convince me. I think if I didn't have the experience of raising my son and the person that he is and seeing myself so much in him, I would have... I'm going to throw one thing at you. Go for it. Come to Caesar Corp for the originals, baby. Selling originals! You can't be a corporation doing crime. This guy's going to be a corporation doing crime. No. Immobiliare. So...

What if, this is a genuine question, theoretical. What if tomorrow you found out that somehow Alake wasn't of you? Do you think it would take away all those 1%? It wouldn't, but she'd still be disappointed. It wouldn't, but it would question the rest of the 1% for the rest of our lives. And he's only 10. That's a long time to be questioning.

Okay. Even him. I would definitely like to. Okay. I'm with you. This is a completely emotional decision where I'm just like, you know what? I'm with you. You mean well, though, like I said. Yours is a no. And also because I see how much I can love my friends' kids and like my sister's kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's why I'm not saying that I am void of loving somebody who wasn't birthed by me. Yes. I'm not void of that.

But selfishly. And I appreciate that. Selfishly. I'm willing to say no. Okay. And Cesar, what's your no based on? Everything. It's just a horrible idea. It means well, but this would never work. Just a no. You're saying no for you. Why? The only reason to have a kid are selfish reasons.

Now, people can go left, right, forward and back and try to explain to you that it's for something else. There's no other reason except that. Selfish reasons. Okay. And what you're asking of people is to be selfless with the most, I guess, the biggest sacrifice because children are also a sacrifice and a burden. Every day. I use these words. I use these words and I know parents are going to be like, children are a blessing. They are, but a blessing can also be a burden. Okay. So double no. Yeah. Well, I'm used to it.

I can see why. You know why? Because I swing for the fences, guys. That's why. Great ideas. Do you remember when the iPhone first came out? Remember what people said? Who would buy a phone without a keyboard? That's what people said. What a stupid idea. Guys, I'm here to invent iPhones. I'm not here to come with small things. But I lost once again. Oh, boy. Well, congratulations, Anneli. Your first time at bats. And you've won.

So thank you very much for joining once again. If I ruled the world. What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin and Jody Avigan. Our senior producer is Jess Hackle. Claire Slaughter is our producer. Music, mixing and mastering by Hannes Brown. Thank you so much for listening. Join me next Thursday for another episode of What Now?

Thank you.