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cover of episode If You Ruled the World: A Listener Grab Bag [VIDEO]

If You Ruled the World: A Listener Grab Bag \[VIDEO\]

2024/11/26
logo of podcast What Now? with Trevor Noah

What Now? with Trevor Noah

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Christiana Mbakwe-Medina
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Trevor Noah
以其幽默和智慧主持多个热门节目和播客的喜剧演员和作家。
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@Trevor Noah 建议感恩节聚会应该关注家人之间的联系,而不是政治分歧。他认为,分享共同回忆是促进情感连接的有效方式,可以减少政治争论带来的负面影响。他鼓励人们通过分享童年趣事、尴尬经历等共同回忆来增进彼此的了解和感情,从而让聚会更加轻松愉快,充满人情味。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why did the suggestion to board airplanes from back to front and remove Wi-Fi fail?

The panel disagreed on both points: boarding from back to front was seen as impractical due to potential gridlock, and Wi-Fi was considered essential for staying connected during flights.

Why did the idea of selecting bosses through employee votes get rejected?

The panel argued that likability doesn't equate to effectiveness, and employee-voted bosses might prioritize perks like PTO over business efficiency, leading to company losses.

Why did the proposal to ban single-ply toilet paper receive mixed votes?

Trevor and Josh voted against it, citing it as a first-world issue and a preference for no toilet paper over single-ply. Christiana voted no due to environmental concerns about paper usage.

Why did the suggestion to start high schools no earlier than 9 a.m. pass?

The panel agreed that teenagers need more sleep, which is crucial for their development, and starting school later could improve their academic performance and participation in extracurricular activities.

Why did the idea of everyone shadowing a service employee for a day fail?

The panel saw it as potentially leading to unpaid labor and questioned its purpose, suggesting that shadowing might not foster empathy but rather diminish respect for the job.

Why did the proposal to make toilet stalls soundproof get rejected?

The panel felt that the sounds of public toilets are part of the communal experience and could be necessary for safety, such as detecting falls or emergencies.

Chapters
Trevor discusses how starting conversations with shared memories can make Thanksgiving gatherings more meaningful and less divisive.
  • Starting conversations with fond memories can reduce political divisions.
  • Focus on connecting with others through shared stories and experiences.
  • Suggestions for making conversations more fun and insightful.

Shownotes Transcript

Translations:
中文

You're listening to What Now? with Trevor Noah. So it's Thanksgiving week here in the United States, and guess what? We have a little bonus episode just for you. Perfect to help spark a conversation at your Thanksgiving table. Yeah, and hopefully, hopefully, a conversation that won't lead to someone storming out of the room.

If you've been listening to the show for a while, you know that one of our favorite games is If I Ruled the World. And you probably know how it works. Everyone comes up with one suggestion. If you were in charge of the world, you could do anything, anything you want. What would it be? What would you change? You make your case, and then everyone votes on it. And if

And if you get enough votes, that change would happen in your hypothetical world. Well, today, it's If I Ruled the World, listener edition. We got a bunch of suggestions for ideas from you, the What Now? listeners, and Christiana Mbakwe-Medina, Josh Johnson, and I. Well, we run through them, and we decide if we would in fact want to live in your world. It's a fun one, so let's get into it. This is What Now? with Trevor Noah.

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So before we get into today's If I Ruled the World chat, since it's Thanksgiving week, I've been thinking a lot about the kinds of conversations we have when we gather with friends and loved ones around the table. And a lot of people ask me this question. They'll say, oh, Trevor, what do you do with your family? Like, how do you keep it light? And look, I don't have a perfect answer for this, but I noticed there was a distinct difference between the two.

in how some people started having their Thanksgiving conversations, especially over the past decade, let's say, and how we would gather with family members back in the day in South Africa. And the biggest one was we started all our conversations speaking about

things that we all experienced, just taking people down memory lane, you know, connecting around like crazy stories. Like, you know, grandparents would talk about the grandkids and how much they'd grown and like embarrassing stories from their lives. And, you know, and then the parents would talk about their first time having a Christmas dinner. Cause obviously we didn't have Thanksgiving in South Africa, but we had family gatherings and family dinners where everyone came together at a certain time of year.

And what I noticed is if you start conversations with the fond memories that connect people, you spend less time in the politics of now that divides people. And it doesn't mean you can't talk about politics. I'm not saying that. But just remember what you're trying to do. You're trying to connect with other human beings around a table sharing a meal. It doesn't matter what the holiday is. That's fundamentally the purpose. And so if that's the purpose, think about the best way to go about that. It's finding a way

to connect with another human being's heart. And a lot of the times, our memories are where our heart lives. So, I don't know, try it. Ask your parents about a funny story from when you were young that maybe you've forgotten about.

Tell them to share something embarrassing about you that maybe you didn't know about, you know, and then you can tell them a story from your childhood, something that you got away with, that you always hoped they would never find out. And I don't know, let's connect and see if we can make this one a little less about politics and a little bit more about the human beings connecting around this time of year. And maybe this will give you some inspiration. Play a round of If I Ruled the World with your friends and family

and see if things stay a little more fun and insightful, right? And remember to think big. Think about crazy. Think just completely out of the box. In fact, if you want inspiration, take a listen to me, Christiana, and Josh right after this short break. Well, look at that. We're in the real world now. Here are a few that came in. I'm going to read them to you. I mean, we're still judges. Reading and reacting.

I will read them to you and then we'll vote on them. Okay. Okay. First suggestion. If I ruled the world, all airplanes would board from back to front and we'd remove all Wi-Fi from planes. No. I mean, they had me with the first sentence. I don't know why they would ruin it with the second one. Yeah. What? You want the Wi-Fi? Yeah. I disagree with both.

I just started flying business class and now you guys want to take it away from me. It's just Wi-Fi though. Yeah, but if you're in the business class and you board later, that's more time to be in the lounge potentially. If you really think about this as like a real champagne capitalist, right? Okay. Let all the pores get on first, right? And what's the point of the capitalism if you're not treated better?

No, no, Josh is saying you are treated better because you get to sit in a lounge for longer. Yeah. No, but then you lose the overhead space. No, you don't because they save it for business class. They're supposed to save it. The only people who lose it are the people in the middle. They're screwed no matter who boards. And they paid more for their ticket, by the way. Yeah, they did actually. It's crazy. They did actually. Yeah.

So you're a no? Absolutely not. And I want Wi-Fi on a plane. You like Wi-Fi on a plane? Yes, I'm on TikTok. I'm on Instagram. I'm scrolling. I'm in the family WhatsApp group. Christiana, we need to discuss your habitual connectedness. Oh yeah, I'm heavily online. Do you know that's the one time where I'm gone? Gone, gone, gone in ways that you cannot even imagine. Why? Why?

No, when I'm on a plane, I'm like, guys, there is nothing that needs me on a plane. I'm gone. I have like that old vibe to it where I'm just like, ah, he's on a plane. You know who I'm like? Remember Justine Sacco? Oh, yes. The girl. Yeah. The girl made the joke. The woman who made the joke was like going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Lol. Just joking. I'm white. And then landed in Africa and her family was like, you need to go back to America. And the whole world was like, you're fired and we hate you. Yeah. I live that kind of life.

I don't want to know anything that's happening on the ground because I'm on a plane. Even if like an asteroid hit, it's none of my business. I'm on a plane. It's nice to be unreachable. Yes. So I agree with that. And that's why I would say, even though I'm not fully in favor of the Wi-Fi thing, there are certain movies that I don't even try to watch unless I'm on a plane.

There's got to watch it right away, wait till it comes out on streaming, plane. Yes. And so I think if I had Wi-Fi on the plane, I wouldn't. You wouldn't watch them. I wouldn't watch them. So I'll go fully yes with this. No Wi-Fi, but then Christiana voted no on it. No on both proposals. And board from back to front, you and Josh?

You have to board from back to front because the chaos that happens that the way that we do it now. Yes. We're we're late every time they have to make up time in the air on the last like five flights I've been on because we get to the back.

and they said that it was full, but then everybody's like, I'll risk it. And they're sitting in all these different areas. And so now people have to go to the back because that's the only place in any space. But then people who finally get to the back who were boarding last because they're group Z, they're the ones that are like, but this should have been my space. Now there's an argument. You got to board...

Back to front.

Because if you do back to front, there's also going to be issues apparently. So your problem would come in when you're actually boarding. Because now Josh is seat 30, I'm 29, you're 28. But if I get on the plane and then Christiana doesn't, you're still going to have people blocking each other. There's still the gridlock. Yeah. So you'd have to line people up outside by their seat, by their row, and then you don't have enough space in the airport to do that. So that's why it fails. The real way you're supposed to do it is actually, it's supposed to be like alternating seats and alternating sides is how the plane is supposed to board. Yeah.

from like just like left left right right but like flip one skip one it's very complicated it's not going to happen so whoever sent that in thank you very much for listening to the podcast but it's a no thank you here's a few more

All bosses are selected by employee vote. No. Ooh, that's a beautiful way to lose a company. Democracy is bad. Like you can't, if you, because this is the thing, I'm a pretty likable guy. It doesn't mean I'm effective. Yeah.

Touche, my friend. So it's like everyone might vote for me to be their boss. They know I won't say no to PTO. So now because I never say no to PTO, I'm the only one at work and then the company is losing hella money. We're hemorrhaging. What people should vote on is salaries. What do you think?

What do you mean? I think there should be radical salary transparency. Like, you know what everyone makes. Yes. That's wild. And then like every year, you know, when it's like promotions and raises. We vote on other people's salaries. Yes. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Do you know what it means? People will treat each other so well in that office. Wow. Or class warfare. Or we will have many, many true crime documentaries. Yeah.

No, but from the- Where like the cause was- Including the CEO. You know like the CEO's salary is a sign. The board approves it. I'm saying, if we're going to be voting on anything, it shouldn't be who's the boss. It's like how much money- You're literally creating murders. Class war. You are literally- When I find out that Josh voted against my salary bump- Why would he- Unless he shared his vote. I- Let me tell you something. People are getting killed.

You have created an office of murderers. I'm going to vote no as well because I just think it's ridiculous. Oh, I'm voting yes, but I know my rules. You're voting yes? Yeah, class warfare, baby. Man, whoever you are, you brought out Josh the Joker, the worst version of Josh. This is the Josh that, like, if he falls into a vat of acid, we're all screwed. The only thing holding Josh back from this character is that he's still, like, a functioning member of society. So that's two no's and a yes. Yeah. All right, it's a no. But thank you for listening to the podcast.

Next person says, if I ruled the world, I would ban single-ply toilet paper. Yes, because it's a lot like a government program where they don't really help you. I would rather have no toilet paper in there than toilet paper I can see through when I look at it in my hand. You've clearly only grown up in a first-world country.

Do you guys know this stuff before toilet paper? Yes. I wiped my ass with newspaper for like years of my life. Newspaper's thicker than one ply? Have you ever met the corner of a newspaper that you folded? There's no edges on toilet paper. It's sharp, but it's thicker. Yeah, it's sharp in your butt, exactly. It's thicker. Sharp in your butt, exactly. This is a very first world opinion. You would rather have no toilet paper? One ply is your hand.

- No, I've used my hand. I've used my hand. Have you used your hand? - I've used my hand while I use one ply. - First of all, why do people act like you can't fold the toilet paper? What crazy world are we living in? - Because when you want, yeah, when you try to wrap one ply, you can't make two ply. One plus one still equals one. - Let me explain something here. One ply is like flying coach at the back of a plane. It is the least good way to do something, but you are still flying in a plane.

Everything else is walking or being on like a ship. The way that my fingers have broken through one part- Josh, have you wiped your ass before without toilet paper? Intentionally. No, not intentionally. Intentionally. Yes, I have had to use-

Intentionally. I have, Josh. I have. Let me tell you something. Don't ever wish toilet paper out of your life. I'm not saying I wish all the toilet paper out of my life. I'm just saying that one ply is so bad. Yeah, you'd ban it. But then now we have no ply. Okay, I'm ready to vote. Mine is no. Christiana? No.

No, but because I think it's good for the planet. I don't know how trees work, but it's less paper. All right, Josh? Yes, because it's barely real toilet paper. All right. Well, that's still two no's and one yes. Your If I Ruled the World was voted down. But thank you very much for listening to the podcast. We really appreciate you. Thank you so much. We're going to continue this conversation right after this short break.

All right, here's another one. If I ruled the world, high schools would start no earlier than 9 a.m. That's brilliant. Yeah, it's fine. Teenagers need sleep. Yeah.

It's cruel. That's like part of the problem. There would be more kids in extracurriculars if some of them weren't at like 7 a.m. Extracurriculars? Yeah. So like some of the clubs, like for instance, I did Quiz Bowl when I was in high school. You did what? It's like trivia for high school. I was a virgin. You did what? I just want to know what this is. Quiz Bowl is like, okay, it's like,

imagine Jeopardy, but for everybody and you go up against other schools and you do Jeopardy pretty much, but it's not like the structure of picking off the board. It's like, I'm going to ask you one of the most random questions you've ever heard. You might know the answer. You might not, but your school gets points if you do. Could you be like, yo,

There's a girl, Tinashe, at our school, and she has what on her backpack? Can you ask a question like that? It's all Jeopardy type things. Okay, so it's more general knowledge. Yeah, yeah. But it's more specific than general knowledge, which is also- And you did this at what time? It would be, maybe I went there at seven. Who designs your schools?

But school starts at like 8, 8.30. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, no, no, I understand that. We also had it at 8. So if you're going to do extracurricular before school, it starts at 7. Why would you guys have extracurriculars before school? Because you want to do the ones after. We call them extracurriculars because it was extra. You cannot do extra before. Imagine going to a restaurant and you're like, could I get an extra side of rice? And they're like, we haven't even served you yet. What are you adding the extra to?

The whole point of extracurricular is that you have your curricula, then this is extra. Yeah. You can't start with it. We're fixing the wrong problem here. In your scenario, you would just say, welcome to America, because that is what we do. But you seem to know that. What's it like in the UK? No, in the UK, we have like a little bit of socialism. Oh, there you go. You hang out in the beginning. Yeah. Yes. There was nothing. I don't know. This is a weird one for me. It's also the only way you can. I'd actually say start school at 10 and finish at three.

That would be my proposal. Start school at 10, finish at 3. Yeah, that'd be my proposal. Okay. I don't know. So I have a different proposal. I think you should start earlier, but do nothing for longer. No, but they have to get out of bed. That's the issue. They need to sleep because they need to grow. They need to sleep. They need a ridiculous amount of sleep. 12 to 14 hours. 12 to 14 hours. Teenagers, your brains, your bones, they need so much sleep. It's insane. They've done studies where they're like, that's why we think they're dumb.

Because they don't sleep enough. And then we try to teach them. And then at least I'm just talking about in the States, we try to teach them and they're tired. Then we give them a test and then they fail. And then we're like, okay, moving on to the next more difficult subject. And they have to go home and study till late.

Do their extra, extra curriculums. Okay, I'll vote. Then I'll vote yes. This seems well considered. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yes. Whoever you are, congratulations. You have achieved the first yes. If you ruled the world, high schools would start no earlier than 9 a.m. This person had an opportunity to rule the world and they just moved it by like an hour.

I mean, that's responsible use of power, but not very creative. But thank you for listening to the podcast. The next suggestion we got was, if I ruled the world, everyone, no matter their job, has to shadow a service employee one day a month. What is a service employee? A waiter. Okay, okay. I was making sure. No.

That's a no from me. What do we define by shadow? I think shadow means like do the job as well. I thought shadow meant just watching someone do the job. Yeah, my shadows never helped me do anything. Yeah, you're just like, oh, I want to shadow. Haven't you had that as a comedian? Oh, I want to shadow you for a day. Comedians don't shadow anybody. But the way that I shadowed when I was working at like a regular job was to do a mini version of the job. Oh, Josh, I think you got tricked into free labor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was.

I don't think that's shadowing. That's not shadowing. That's an unpaid internship. Yeah, I really think that's unpaid work. Maybe we should vote then. I think shadowing is literally, you just like see how the person does it. But what is the purpose of this? I don't get it. I think they want us to gain empathy for like service workers. But if anything, watching someone do their job up close, you always have less empathy. Yeah, that looks easy. Yeah. Yeah.

better yeah that's why i gained a respect because then they would hand it to me and then you would see how hard it is yeah so i thought shadow meant no because you know how your shadow is attached to you like i thought that you had to be doing doesn't do anything though it's attached but doesn't do anything no i see that now okay i see i see what probably happened to me i'm ready to vote on this one then i i say no no

No. Is it no for you, Josh? No, I guess not. Now, knowing what the understood...

Shadow is, I'd say no. So no. Yeah, I thought shadow. Thank you so much for submitting, but you will be the only person shadowing somebody at their job. But thank you for listening. All right, our final idea from the people who listen to the show. If I ruled the world, all toilet stalls should be completely soundproof. We don't need to hear what's going on in there. Okay, this one, I'm already going to tell you is a no for me. That's like the joy of going to a public toilet.

You like to listen? I don't like to listen, but that's the joy of it. It's like a horror movie. I don't like horror movies. But if I took out the scary parts, then it wouldn't be a horror movie. A public toilet without the sounds is not a public toilet. It's still public. It's just soundproof. It would be creepy. Imagine going into a public toilet and it's silent. I want that.

No, this is creepy. Here's the thing. I'm going to vote no with you, but for very different reasons. Like, I feel like I don't love the sounds and I'd rather not hear them. You're misunderstanding me. You're misunderstanding me. No one loves the sounds. But the sounds are part of the experience. I don't want it. I don't even want to hear the toilet flush.

I mean, I wish I wasn't in there when I'm in there. So yes, that's the point. Yeah. That's the point. But the, but the sound I would say needs to be left up to the environment because I went to the bathroom and there was a guy who fell, right? And we know he fell cause he was like, ah, ah, I fell. Right. Inside one of the, in the stall. Okay. And if it had been soundproof,

Who knows? No one would have helped him. Yeah. You could die in there. Okay. Have you ever used a public toilet and need a toilet paper and ask somebody to bring it to you? I've done that once. Once in my life that happened to me. Back in South Africa. But that happened once. And I was like, oh, man, there's no toilet paper. And then I had to shout out, hey, I need toilet paper. And then someone handed it to me. Over the stool. No, no. I got mine rolled to me.

They rolled it on the floor? Yeah. So you wiped your ass with the floor? No, no, no. No, it has more. It's unrolling as it rolls. It travels the way that it exists. Oh, so you left the part of it that had... Yeah, so basically, I was in a bathroom in a restaurant that was out of toilet paper. And I had to wait until somebody came in. And so then I was like, hey, like...

I need help. And the person was like, OK, I got you. Right. And then they left and they never came back. They didn't have me. Wow. And then someone else eventually came in. I was like, hey, I need some help. I need toilet paper. And they were like, oh, I got you. OK. And then they left and I was worried they wouldn't come back. But they came back. They had the big old roll. Yeah. That big roll that you install. Oh, yeah. And he bowled it under to me.

And it was a real hero move. I like this. All right, I will say- Did you get to meet the person afterwards? Remember back in the day on that TV show Rescue 911, you'd get to meet the operator who saved your life? So- Did you get to meet the person? Did you hug them and take a picture afterwards? No, because I started thanking him and then he left. Because he knew I was wiping while I was thanking him and I think that was too much for him. All right, so we're ready to vote. All toilet stalls should be completely soundproof. Mine is a definite no. Yeah, I'm changing to a no only because-

In ladies' toilets, I don't know if you know this about women, but when I used to club 10 years ago before my life was over and I had kids, you just, you hear so much gossip. You see? It's part of the experience. And I believe in gossip, also known as oral history. You know, so like, I like, when you're on the toilet, you just hear people talk.

people talking shit and you don't even know the characters exactly like all of that it helps the camaraderie this is yet another thing that will make people feel isolated it will make you feel alone do you know how nice it is to sit in a stall go through something physically and know someone next to you is going through the same well i like the person that coughs because they're about to drop a load that always you see this is what i mean this is now you're understanding what i mean

You were so against me in the beginning and now you get it. The sounds make this what it is. I vote no. No, toilet stalls should not be completely soundproof. No.

No. Well, there you go. That is a flat out no. We'll be hearing you take a dump, whoever you are. But thank you so much for listening to the podcast. So the only thing that got passed from the public, high schools will start no earlier than 9 a.m. So we'll see you at 9.01. Our listeners are really concerned with toilets and toilet paper. Like what is going on in the bowels of like... It's actually why it's so hard to change the world. Look at all those proposals. It really is. Only one thing. People don't think big enough.

Well, there it is. If I ruled the world, listener edition. Thank you, every single one of you, for your wonderful suggestions, even though we shot down almost all of them. I mean, that's the nature of the game, right? And guess what? We want to hear much more from you. So we have a WhatNow email address. It's whatnowatdayzeroproductions.com.

WhatNow at DayZeroProductions.com. Get in touch with any comments about the show, suggestions for future topics or guests, and more of your If I Ruled the World ideas. I promise we won't shoot them all down, by the way. So, you know, send us a few. Let's see what happens. Tell us your name and where you're writing from. And better yet, record it as a voice memo and send it along so we can play it on the show.

Once again, that's whatnowatdayzeroproductions.com to reach the show. We'll be back next week with a full new episode. In the meantime, from everyone on the show, we wish you a happy Thanksgiving. May all your plane boardings be smooth and all your toilet paper be two-ply.

What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin, and Jody Avigan. Our senior producer is Jess Hackle. Claire Slaughter is our producer. Music, mixing, and mastering by Hannes Brown. Thank you so much for listening. Join me next Thursday for another episode of What Now?

We're sunsetting PodQuest on 2025-07-28. Thank you for your support!

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