#718 - Bedros Keuilian - Man Up & Get Your Life Together
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Hello, friends, welcome back to the show. My yesterday is bedrock colleen. He's an entrepreneur, thor speaker, podcast and a business coach.

Everyone could do with a bit more confidence in their abilities, a bit more certainty about what they can achieve in the power to overcome obstacles. Maybe telling people to man up isn't so bad. After all. Expect to learn what IT truly means to improve, why the story you tell yourself about yourself matters, how to overcome the traumas you're struggling with, tactics to fix the negative voice head, the most common problems manner facing, why you should never cheat on your partner, the biggest issue with ourselves and much more. But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome bedr's colleen.

What does man up mean to you?

Man up just simply mean to me to human up, as in human up to your highest potential. I think, as humans were not all created equally. In other words, many of us, ninety five percent of us, maybe in greater, Operate as human animals, expulsive, instinctive, reactive, selfish, necessary for survival.

However, consciousness, dict ates, that we evolved to our higher self, that we become self less, that we become servants, and that there is no users. Manual the teachers, Chris, how to go from human, animal to human being, being consciousness, radiance, connected to source or creator, right? And so, man up, I made up my way, which is why that was the title of my book.

Man up my way to becoming a Better human, less emotional, more responsive, less reactive. And that LED to becoming a Better leader, Better entrepreneur, Better husband, Better father LED to overcoming many of my childhood traumas sexual abuse, physical abuse. Um but I can tell you that when you man up to your hie yourself or human up to your hire yourself, it's a gift, a gift and we all started human animals because I believe that is our number one purpose. We have the first development work through to then find a true purpose to serve humanity.

Feeling the word assend here, you know to kingson yeah to become Better than your base instincts. Ts to transcending include in uh willer ian language yeah it's I thinking of a lot about how at the mercy of the confused chemical signals of our body we are you know, the reason that we do many things is because of the passively resistance or societal norms or what we learned when we were a kid, or the way that we dealt with past traumas, or that thing that we want right now. You and that to me doesn't feel like liberation, that feels like .

slavery IT is modern day slavery ah and I do believe that the opposition news media, big farmer, military, industrial complex, food industry, the government, certainly controlled by all those elements, have a oppressive benefit to have a to have a reason to a press humanity and keep them as human animals as dependent and needy and reactive. And emotion is possible because that is how you manipulating the control and complaints. So I had .

this conversation with Derek instead couple of months ago about the objective of modern media is not to convince you of any one narrative, but to make belief in all narratives be less certain. And I don't disagree. I think that fire housing as a uh tool is very useful in making people uncertain about the future.

What I couldn't get to, and eric couldn't either, was what is the end goal usefulness of that because I don't just see people being a liable, complicit, compliant citizens. I have seen as many, if not more, people use the new distrust in mainstreet media and farmer companies and so and so forth. I've seen as many people use that as the activation energy to become almost rebels.

As I have people roll over backward and say, please miss a big government. Just tell me want to do so. I was skeptical, at least little skeptical, that this strategy is either achieving the outcomes that they meant or is actually coordinated because IT doesn't seem to be making apply able populous. As far as I can see.

You get where i'm coming from here. I I do but I do wonder is IT because of the circles that you're running in that you see more people who are rebellion against? This does make sense.

I A friend group of middle fingers yeah .

if we were to go hanging out and i'll use this term exactly as, I mean, IT with the peasants of humanity, the majority, the unwashed masses, the human animals, they are the majority. You would see that we and the circles that you hang out with are the minority. It's just our circles consists of people who are rebellious, who are free thinkers, who are sovereign, who will give the middle finger to the man. But we are the minority.

Do you think you need to be cautious of using words like like the the pantry of humanity, the unwashed masses? Do you worry that that I humanizing sometimes?

No, because I hope that that is trigger ing to most so that they will understand the point that i'm making. I love humanity. I will fight for humanity.

And I and I pray that the masses stop living at the bottom of the mountain and take the journey to the top. Because when they do, as we talked about earlier, transcendence takes place. But first I have to get triggered.

First I have to be told what no one else is willing to tell them, that they are the unwashed masses, that they are slave labor, that they are there to just work, being debt, pay taxes, die, lose majority of your inheritance to the government so that your kids can repeat the cycle that should pissed them off enough to want to trans send in the process will I get some hate messages? absolutely. I'm not a stranger to that.

Yeah, it's. Alex almost used the guy that I think taught me most about nudging your. View of activation energy from just being something which has to be positive some, to being able to use something which is actually a really negative fuel source to kick you out of the bottom.

So his idea is people need some sort of motivation, some sort of justification to make changes. Most people have way more pain than they do pleasure. Use what you have.

right? And that is absolutely .

resentment of you, resent ment of your message, resentment ment of you of being accused of being the unwashed mass passenger is also part of that sure activation energy.

Tony Robin says more people take action to avoid paying that a game pleasure. And so we know that to be true. And as I say, those words, make no mistake about, and I talk openly about this.

I was peasant class. I was beyond blue color. I was the unwashed masses. I was the guy that was dependent on government when I came here from the soviet union, lived in sectioned housing, had metal and medicare, sought out the cheapest ways to live because I wasn't prepared, do my part. And so I was that guy and had I not had a mentor in my early twenties who slept sense to me this very way, uh, I I don't believe I would have had that awakening. And I believe it's our job to pay IT forward.

So you had it's a hard love, a tough love mentor, which presumably shapes how you then look to mental people moving for.

yeah, I would say so jim franca was definitely a carmagnole, all these coast guy entrepreneur who definitely meant told me with hard love.

Why do you think the story that we tell ourselves influences our lives so much?

The story that we tell ourselves is a by product of what happened to us, what what people tell us like, well, your your big bond, you've always spend clumsy. You, you, everyone in our family fat, no, like this. This is not what i've heard.

I'm not pointing to you first, say, just pointing to myself like this is what i've heard, right? So if that's a story, we start piece together. What an identity.

Oh, this, if that's my story, this must be my identity. I'm clumsy. Big bond subs to say fat, not subs, be active, clumsy. Okay, got IT. Now that I know that's my identity, which by the way of false identity, we we we go into life looking for evidence to validate that identity and you will always find what you're looking for yeah.

yeah. The particular activating system is one hell of a drug. You buy a new car. You see that every how I do, you never least many cars on the rock because you're looking for IT.

Yeah ah I heard a really phenomenal quality year ago to do with cynical m uh, people with low self. Estee will always find a way to be miserable. And is this. Previous position that you have to look for, the thing that you are looking for, confirmation bias. The world is the way that I predicted IT to be. We were talking early run about control ah and the fact that there is A A comfort in knowing and even if that knowing is being in even if that knowing is not accurate or useful, if IT feels like it's predictably correct because you can warp what you see to retrofit IT what you believe you end up with the world that feels like it's income.

Yes, and when you feel like you have some sense of control, then you have less stress, less anxiety you'd set right now. You may not have a quality of life, at least a great quality of life. You may not have great income.

You may not be of the best health, but at least IT fits your local of control. You're able to have some predict results. Someone, your neighbour in the very next house can have a very different life experience because of how they view the world.

even if the material conditions are exactly the rack. Yeah I mean, this example from summer Harris is so phenomenon. So everybody has done a tough work out where that up into a zone five heart rate.

And i've got the taste of metal in the back of the throat and they are lying on the ground doing a sweater Angel that, even though objectively, it's an uncomfortable feeling, is oddly satisfying because of the story you tell yourself about what that means. I deserve this. This is making my body Better.

If you had that sensation spontaneously arise in traffic, you would jump out of the car and trying to go to the hospital. You think that you were having some sort of hard, dripping with sweat in the heart rate and stuff. So that proves that the story you tell yourself about the present moment largely determines your experience of IT.

And I think it's the the seven or nine most meaningful words in all of philosophy. And the universe itself is change. The universe change.

And life itself is what we dem IT. Life itself is what we do. And it's a story that we tell ourself. Now, IT is shaped .

by those who raised us and had influence over us, and that we work for its seta. But IT is ultimately life. IT is what we dem IT and and so you have to be relentlessly protective of the information that you take in the dots that occupy your mind, the people that you surround yourself with, because all of those things are influence actors.

Another stoic a philosopher once said that, you know, when you leave your house and when you come back that night, you come back as a different man. You're never the same man coming back, right? Well, you rather coming back is a Better human, more transcendent, more aware, more more connected or not?

I think this is this kind of holistic view of personal development. You can fold my culinary and and sort of manhood into this, whether its third wave manufacture or, you know, ethical personal development, whatever, tell me you want to give IT. I think this is really taking hold at the moment, because especially men have started to realized the hustling ground until my eyes bleed. Culture has its place, but is also unfulfilling in itself.

If I can't have a relationship with someone that I care about, if I can't open up about my emotions, if I can't deal with my past, romas, like the reiss's man, is the guy who is able to tap into IT all, you know, uh, that is happy to go out and do fantastic and business, tell people difficult things, stand up himself, make decisions without being fearful, and then go home and let his little girls draw on his face. You know, like it's that and that duality, that softness and that hardness, I think is what really makes you, you know, physically fit, mentally fit, mindful economist, all that stuff uh, and that I I think that it's a good the subculture that at at least begin to see burbling under the surface with regards to men's mental health, role models and stuff like that, I think is beginning to find its feet. Yeah.

he really is A M A forever optimism. And I can tell you that we're seeing more men realizing that it's not just about the car, the watch, the possession ons working until my eyes bleed. Um at the project, the thing that we run immense personal development program, we have the five pillars and its faith, family, fitness, finance and fulfillment.

And obviously, the finance is what most people think about, right? If I just make good money, i'll be a good provider as a man, most men thinked. They're relegated to just being a provider while I provide a roof over their head.

They're safe, they have food, they have school supplies. But there is more to being a man. You know, there is more to being a man. What about a level of faith is in confidence, in yourself, faiths in yourself, faith in a higher power.

But there's a path for you, right? Faith in your friends and your circle of influence that these guys who set up this amazing studio can set IT up in a way that we can have this moment, right? So then you've got your faith.

You, you got your finances. great. What about fitness? And on the fitness side, I believe that physical fitness is the gateway drug to emotional and mental fitness. Most people who do get fit physically completely neglect mental and emotional hygiene. They are living stressed, overwhelmed, addicted devices or financially broke because they completely forgot about the other f pillars.

And so that fitness is really, but can you be physically fit? Because think about what level of focus, consistency, delayed gratification, discipline that is required for a man to get lean jack and stay lean and jack for a prolonged period of time. It's a lot of shit you've got to do in terms of how you eat, how you train your nutrition, your sleep set, your environment.

And that leads into, well, maybe I can have some greater control going back to loss of control. I can have some greater control over my mental health, emotional discipline. And so if we can factor that, then the what do we have left? Well, we ve got family because if you have money, you've got mental, physical, emotional fitness and you've got some level of you know, ability to have experiences and go places and but a material .

freedom .

yeah but you don't have anyone to enjoy IT with yeah what .

do you think about this? You talk to and speak to A A type of man you know that I think could be category ed as uh dominant leaning alpha in some regards. There is another group of guys on the internet who would also category themselves as alpha who are very anti family creation, who are are looking toward women and giving advice to men um that the opposite sex is someone to be avoided at all costs or to be a used and discarded to be treated as, uh, transient transaction object. How do you see this sort of world of red pillow manufacture men's advice with your perspective, given that you work almost exclusively .

with man I I truth, we told me I despise most of that red pill world and to say that, look, you know, all women are bad and all women want to use you, and all women are chasing down the dudes with the lambs and the watches and the money. That is, that is not true, that is not true. And that is, you will always find evidence for what you're looking for in life.

And so these Young kids are seeing that on youtube, right? I say Young kids in their twenties, late twenty years, even thirties and forty nine, what do you got? I, me, what do you got? So you got a life for you.

lonely. The number one category of the suicide is men over the age of sixty who are alone. So that's what they're preaching.

Another words, be alone. Just have sex, move on. Have sex, move on.

And at some point your values as a man, you become old. And now you're alone. You don't have a life partner.

The highest category of suicide for men has men over sixty years alone, either divorced or whether or never found anyone. So like that's the n game. The're preaching that's stupid. The highest level of fulfilment is is not stuff and some of legacy, it's actually having children and seeing those children become great members of society, value ads to society, knowing that when you pass, that is the legacy behind.

Like i've got Andrew and Chloe, a son and the daughter who will do so much more good for this planet then I ever did, because I got such a late start, whether they started off, my wife and I poured into them from day one, to be the servants of humanity, but also be savages in terms of expectations for themselves, right? And so that is the greatest legacy. So without my wife, how can I have those two beautiful children? And even I forward to adopt them? I can't give them the love that a mom can give, the nurturing, the safety I can give them, what a dad can give.

And so it's necessary that we connect. And so these dudes that get behind a microphone and a camera and they preach this bullshit, you just hurt people, hurting more people. Saw that is and very new that happens.

I think a lot of what i'm seeing, and this isn't to say that everybody needs to have kids. There is absolutely a cohort of people out there for whom they can get to old age and the end of their life without a family and maybe make the right call and say that that was the right call.

But not having a life partner, right to me, seems you have to be an unbelievably verified trade of human to say, oh, it's just mean, my paintings and my cats or dogs or whatever. And you know, this perpetual sort of juvenile world. A IT doesn't seem heroic to me.

IT doesn't scream highest service. IT doesn't scream, you know, overcoming my base instinct, giving back to to the world in humanity. It's like this set of endless immature hedonic like fucking sludge that you just keep pumping into yourself.

And what I also see is like an industrial strength cope that used by these people to try retrod meaning into their life through other areas, right? You know, look at the people who are fucking obsessed by politics, are obsessed by the deep state, are obsessed by conspiracy theories, are obsessed by fucking comic books, whatever. IT write something because they need to imbue meaning into their life through a vehicle. Because they do not have that coming from a significant of the and kids that come along with you.

O what we are hardwired to search out, find, develop our purpose. We're hardwired for that. And in the absence of IT, so you don't have a life partner, you don't have children, which are the two to the highest source of purpose, and then your vocation would probably the third highest source of purpose.

And the absence of that, you began to glam on to something I don't care for its antipho or black lives matter or some, the new fucking and gay flag that's new. We got triangles and and whatever, aren't care if you want to be a trans gender uncork like am all ford man fly or free flag. However, the people that are so locked on to that as their purpose are locked on to that because they are lacking true purpose, meaning and fulfillment in their life. And so you're forced to climb on to something because the absence of purpose means you are going to be addicted devices, pornography, vae, alcohol, whatever the thing might be. And that's how they start spiro link into anxiety and depression of loading.

You talk a lot about inner voice, and kind of the relationship that you have with that inner voice is something that i've changed nor a lot in myself over the last five to ten years. Let's say that someone listening who says are at bess seems OK for you. You have got a lot of freedom, and you're evidentially friends with the person that exists inside of your head. What would you say to someone who has a bad inner voice and wants to change IT?

I think the very first place to start is to understand that we are very unique creatures on this planet. We live on three different planes, don't we? And my dog cookie has no idea about that.

Only we have self awareness. We have the sense of purpose. And we live on three planes.

The physical plane, like this is a vehicle. This new, your body is a veal vehicle is dead matter. Take all the exactly.

So we live on that physical plane. But we're also energy, where radiance were soul, where spirit, where energy. And then somewhere beyond between those two, there is the thoughts, feelings and emotions that you have.

So you're living on life on three planes. And as you get older, assuming you're doing the work, because wisdom is not just age, wisdom is experienced, compounded by age, there you have wisdom. So literally, your soul, your consciousness gets wise as your body begins to literary.

And this is why you hear old folks always saying, if I could just go back, like, what do they say? Ages wasted on the youth. That term exists because if I just knew what I know now, then, oh my god.

So I have done my is, they say, right? And so we have to reconcile the fact the vehicle is dying. The vehicle that i'm in is dying.

Yet I have greater self control, greater self mastery, more in line with what my god given source purpose is. And there I still have thoughts, t feelings and emotions, and I have to matter those so that I could keep driving tordis. My god, given purpose as my body is determination.

And so the inner voice is constant fighting with those three factors, the human, animal consciousness, the physical being that breaks down and get sick, which they should take care of, the right work out at seta. And that those feelings and emotions, because they are living incongruity, the reasons are negative, self talk exist, is just as your conscience, your conscience has no other way of getting your attention, other than making you feel bad, making you feel shame, guilt, anxiety, depression. That's how your conscious knocks on your dawnings is.

Do you're living inconsequently with how you believe you should be living? And that's why i'm giving your negative thoughts, negative voices in your head. Just literally flick the switch and tomorrow live concurrently to the man you want to live.

B don't hit the snooze button. Maybe you second time to hit the snows button. Drink your thirty ones of water like Shawn Stevenson son says right first thing in the morning, I don't even know why he said that.

I just love the guy so much. I read in this book like ten years ago. And I just drink thirty ounces of water every single morning. IT doesn't IT doesn't do me any harm, only doesn't good.

I sent out my three gratitude text messages because I wake up angry and bitter most days, because have factory stalled for me, and like I know who I am, i'm so self aware that I have to send out three gratitude text messages every morning so I can put myself in a state of gratitude, that is what consciousness and my conscience demands of me. And if I don't, i'll still be the miserable fuck. Yes, right? So we have to do the thing that our body wants to do, be congruent with the man you want to be. If you don't, the inner self talk will always be negative.

Yeah, the keeping promises to yourself is just this insanely powerful tactic. And what I realized, especially through a lot of my twenties, was that the things that I was doing in the story, that I was telling myself about who I should be, one a ginning. Right, right, that I just, I felt like I was built for more.

I felt like I should be more mindful, more convenience, that my memory, my the texture of my existence should have been Better than inner texture, not materially, right? I never cared for that. I still don't largely, which is what I think makes me a particularly bad businessman.

I run a business fifteen years, didn't really care. IT was just a game to me, was never really about money. Money was a IT to a fantastic school board.

But he wasn't about that. I felt like I was built for more, and I knew that I wasn't keeping promises to myself. You know, I was cheating on girlfriends and stuff. And the worst part about the way that I felt after cheating on girlfriends wasn't me being caught IT was what I told me about the sort of person that I was that I would have heard this completely innocent other part of my life, who do nothing except acai, do nothing except the trying to make my life good. And i'd been disloyal and damaging.

And I thought, right, is this really like who you want? Is this really who you want to be? And I I didn't and that was like is like a fucking fug state for a long time of me thinking and she's Christ like, if this is, if this is the person that you say that you're supposed to be, why the hell you doing all of these different things?

right? And so how did you feel? Just just take a moment and unravel that for a moment if you don't mind.

So as you're cheating and as you're doing things is harming this person who otherwise loves you, cares for you, want to see you thrive. And you know, that is not the guy that you are. This is not a mand that you want to be. The difference between that is, how did you feel? What did you experience?

IT was pain IT was a luck IT was a sense of a luck. IT was A A, A bitterness turned in wood against my own inaptitude, my own weakness, my own fragile ity. The fact I was at the mercy of my own base instinct. I didn't have the control. I didn't have the insight.

I I just was not I was not all that I could be and the fact that I knew that there was potential, that was what hurt the most, right? Yeah the fact that I felt like I was built for more and yet I hadn't decided to answer the call of that ah and I had this this may resonate with people that you kind of come from background where they don't have as many good role models around as they would like and and you know you don't feel like you fit in and you'd trigger to fine people that give you the values that you want. I I had for a goodwill uh chip on my shoulder about not being given the tools that could have got me to the place that I wanted to go more quickly. So I D I think he said um in like a delayed onset intellectual attal lessons.

perhaps a late .

bomb in every category I almost had I had a resentment toward those people are toward the fact that I wasn't given the tools sufficiently early on and even accepting that even being able to see that for what IT is. Okay, well, luck.

What did you want? Did you want a land boat on from the school of life or Jordan Peterson to be born early? Like what the fact did you want? Do you want youtube to be invented more earlier than IT was? IT wasn't right.

Like you found. You found the things that you needed to find when you are ready to find them and when they were available to you and not a moment before, right? And yeah, it's like kind of like personal development a wilfulness. You know that only i'd been given the tools more early on. I could have avoided the this and done that that and I wasn't giving them when I was giving them do that.

The thing too is i'll see so many great human beings to have a massive matter of potential. And think about this, like there is the cure for cancer probably lives in someone's head right now. I mean, the potential for the cure for cancer exist.

The potential for many things for life on mars exist. But there's someone who's basically in the shoes that Chris one point I was in, which is they know they they are meant for more. Like you said, I felt this.

Ny, in my god, I knew I was meant for more. I had a greater calling. However, I was living a subpart life. And the gap in between is self sabotaging behavior. The gap in between is limiting beliefs.

The gap in between is kind of hitting this glass, seeing of success and then letting yourself slide back down because you don't believe you're worthy of happiness, success, love, whatever the thing is because you're inconsequent. And at some point, we began to then go well on this way because mom and dad, they divorced. I was beaten.

In my case, I was molested as a child growing up. Then we came to america, and gangbangers started to pick on me and beat me up and fit me and call me foremen. And we can find so many things to blame.

And if only like that, youtube was created earlier. And and if only I knew what a mentor was, I could have gotten a tor sooner. Okay, great.

At some point you've gotto turn the fingers on yourself. And o now youtube exist. Now i'm aware of what self help is. I know what books to read.

Are you reading them now? Are you changing the narrative now? Are you still blaming mom and dad and school system and whatever happened to us as a kid? Because if you are you're living in the past and I don't know any anyone has gotten any decent quality of life moving forward when they're .

constantly looking in the review mere or what's the south to this, you know it's all well in good for largely two people who have been through set fire. And zero to one is the biggest step right now. IT is the most difficult one.

Need momentum precisely?

Yes, I work with guys a lot. I mean, I guess that most of the guys you'll deal with, at least probably not a zero, but many will be beginning on the journey. They'll be a little bit of money behind them with the guys that you work with. What are the things that are most common that they need to overcome in order to be able to retell that story and improve those believes internally?

I think the most common thing that we see in the guys that we work with that the project specifically, and these are guys like you said, they're not starting at zero. They have some momentum. They might have a business that doing a few hundred thousand a year or maybe a few million a year, uh, but they realized there are still meant for more.

And IT doesn't matter what they're doing because we ve got guys that were senators and guys that are like professional poker players who who are doing fantastically ally well financially. But if finance, if the finances were the only measuring stick, then great, their successful. Hey, go on.

Elon mux, the number one on the planet, right?

He, exactly, but it's not the only measuring stick because these are, the guys were also sabotage in their life. One particular guy can tell you that he was making about twenty million year and he's the second command to, uh, chief Operations officer for a company. And i'll use a different city, let's say, oh, want to know camero beach but he would dry from los Angeles S A camera beach three times a week to work at the corporate office.

The rest of the time, he'd work from home, doing really well for himself. However, he would, on his way home, he would stop at one mistress house and then another mistress house, and then at commerce casino to gamble. And then he come home.

And it's because he felt he was unworthy of earning that, and he was just costly self sabotage to destroy. All that, as we started to dig deeper, is typically some kind of event that took place that changed the trajectory on how they felt about themselves. The event could have been, there were drinking and driving, crossed internet section, killed a family, forging the car, they survived. They have survivors, guilt IT. Could be that they were physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually abused, and they haven't reconciled with that.

So that sound's track of shame, rage, confusion is costly playing in the background as you're trying to develop a career, get into a marriage, raise your children, start a business partnership, you're doing all that with this, almost like this fifty five kilogram kettle bell attached to so we're going to race and i'm like, hey Chris, before you're race, i'm just going to change this kettle belt or leg, you're always gna have an unfair a disadventure ge, right? And so if we can just go back and identify, because as men, we're really good at compartmentalise ing going, everything's good, everything's good. Yeah, that happened to me, but everything is good.

It's not man. It's like a corrupted hard drive. Your hard drives corrupted. And when you're pushing this button, there's a delayed response or you push the button a, but you get the letter s on the word dog and you're like, what the fuck is going on? It's a corrupted system.

And so if we can go back and identify what happened to create these toxic cognitions, these false beliefs and narratives about yourself, solve through IT, now you can actually go and stay. This is actually not my story. Therefore, that's not my identity.

This is my new identity. And if I can bad as husband, I could be a bad as father, I could be a bad as friend. And then you'll start looking for evidence in that.

You'll start taking on the actions, indeed, and habits and characteristics of a bad as ude. But you have the first address that. And without addressing that, in other words, without apologizing, you're never gonna.

If let's go back to that relationship that you had where you cheated on on this woman. If you went back and apologized to her, I would be just as meaningful to her as IT would be for you in terms of closure and healing. 嗯， then you would go, you know what? That's what a higher status san does.

That's what a dude whose connected to conscious ness does. He owns what he am. Sorry for doing this.

I imagine that made you feel this way. Here's what I can do to make IT right? If that's okay with you, like that's a proper apology.

Whether he accepts that or not doesn't matter. You did the deed. Now you can move forward with Grace. And so by not fixing the traumas, and no one is rare, like one out of every three people have been physically or mental abuse, one out of every four have been sexually abused. So if we just look at the number of dudes in this building, like just fuck and trauma all around us, right? So we've got to do the work, heal from IT, move on with a new identity.

You're someone who had some pretty ruthless drama growing up as a kid that is used, used. Many people feel like experiences that we're outside of their control hold back their potential when they're moving forward. What has your world view been of this new patient zero for having dealt with something bad and come out the other side of IT? Like what do you say to people that have had things bad happened in the past?

no. Well, we don't we don't realize that that bad thing when healed through or process through actually become a superpower, right? And so i'll give you an example.

I was molested by two older boys in armenia over and over again between the ages of four and six. When I turned six years old, my dad decided we're going to escape the soviet union. He was a member of the communist party. He decided were going to escape um what he doesn't realizes by escaping and bringing us to the united states, he saved me from an almost daily molestation by these two older boys.

You think that would have just continued.

I would imagine. So until I got older and stood up for myself, right? Uh, but I was new between four and six years old.

These guys were like twelve, thirteen, fourteen years old in. So I come to the united states. I've never told anyone about this. I grow up, I get married.

I have kids all the way to thirty eight years old, until have this massive panic attack, right, which I thought was unrelated to that. And everyone, once I just thought hate that's behind me. Now I left that.

I go work with a therapist and I like him. And I had a panel attack. They put me on santa.

S, I don't want to be authentic. S, the doctor said I should do talk therapy. I think tok therapies for broken people.

I am clearly not broken. So me, right? right?

Yeah.

not this one. And he goes, well, I think either within four or five sessions, I can help you, give you some tools to cope with your anxiety. I was, I create and being very type, high speed, tightly.

One person I told, I said, I don't want to to to be an indefinite thing from sitting on your couch. Like, how long would you take? He says, three to four, five sessions. Max, great. So he teaches me a few things like, you know, action alleviates anxiety, and anxiety being anticipation of future pain and halt when you're hungry, angry, lonely, tired, you're more likely to go back to your old ways, like if you're alcoholic and you're hungry, lonely and retired, or more like you to hit the bottle or whatever. So just manage your halt and understand that actually elevates anxiety, and anxiety is really anticipation of future pain and get your sleep and don't tremble in the candle on both things, all common sense shit, right? And so you know, four, five weeks go by.

And like, because is Kevin, I go, Kevin, I feel like a million box like I really have this there is a little undertone of anxiousness constantly lying at me after about two or three weeks with him gone right gone i'm sleeping like a chap so i'm shaking his hand writing signing on the credit card statement and i'm standing at his door um and he goes, hey, can I just ask you one question, hoi, how's your relation with your parents? Like do you want to talk about that? Maybe and I realized now maybe he was trying to obviously not lose a patients, not lose a client right end of the day, the means running a business um please just my assumption I should call him mn ask I can't make that assumption for agreements right for agrements says don't go summer things so as I got my parents by glop, dude, I come from a communist country.

My dad was a little heavy handed. He slap me around here and there. But quite honestly, that was nothing compared to what happened to me in armenia. I had never not even told my wife about what happened to me in army.

But in these five section, Kevin had built such report with me, but I felt like I could throw that out there and he goes, well, what happened and I just start bowling and i'm crying and i'm just like not coming out my nose. He's asking me questions and I could just not my head or no you know, were you raped and i'm shaking my head note where you were you abused? yes.

Were you molested? yes. You know, by a babysitter? no.

And so finally we get, I can blurt out by two older boys, right? And he goes, man bade or am so sorry and I said, Kevin dome, what happened to that little boy I ve dealt with? And IT goes, can you say what happened to me? I've healed from and I went to a new level of crime.

I'm standing, Chris. I'm standing as a sort of two story building. I'm standing at his door.

I've handed him the credit card slip and i'm thinking, what's faster smashing my way through the glass and just falling towards my car or going down the staircase like i'm on my brain is thinking i've gone fully human, animal, right? I've gone. Limbs escape. I just want to leave this conversation right, but i'm stuck also, my body has seized.

And as I calm down and he hands me and up and I drink some water because spatters can I tell you something has IT sure he said, you know, by saying what happened to that little boy that's called this association, i'd never even heard that term. This is ten, eleven years ago, he was asked the first step in developing a multiple personality disorder, like, only fuck the last thing I need, right? So I spent the next fifteen months on his couch every monday, so he did retain the patient.

But man, we dug deep. And what we found is I was living with shame, rage, confusion, shame like I. I was embarrassed that my friend Chris can't fit find out about this.

He's going to think i'm broken, filthy, dirty. Like, why would you let two older boys do that? At the end of the day, i'd let them do that to me.

And Kevin helped me impact that that, you know, Young boys look up to their dads are older brothers. The older boys in the community is the right of passage. And these boys took advantage of values.

That right? Exactly right. And then the confusion, like in my gay and my gay, so I went around buying and fucked in millions of chicks in my twenty, is brow .

yourself? Yes, yeah.

And you know, Kevin said, so I was like, Kevin, like, what the fuck was because, well, you know, did you read in the gay porn magazine? Is everything I like? No, he's like, clearly not.

Did you go and seek out any gay sex? I no, clearly not. And I realized, like instead I went and just I ran through hundreds of women just a signal to myself and i'm not right.

Like gets how stupid I was. But again, when you're limbic, you're just looking for solution. And then the rage, how come no one protected me? And armenian? There's the boosh as the grandmas in russian by bush coming grammar.

Armenian was under russian soviet control. And these grammar are like the fuck and movie about. They like oversee all the children. Doesn't matter if it's their grandchildren, not they would make me wash my hands and clean my face at set a. Yet they wouldn't save me from what happened there.

And I realized with Kevin's help, they never saw that they would have torn those boys, lito lin, had they seen what those boys were doing. And so what really happened is, on my timeline of life, there's a giant mountain that I didn't want anyone to see. So I ky, or no one see what's going on here.

Shame, rage, confusion, unworthiness unlovable. I even remember telling my wife, one time I go, you and Andrew, Chloe, metaphorically, are in this room. Then there's this hallway and i'm in the hallway that is closer.

I can get two guys right. And she's start billing like, it's so sad SHE, because I feel like feel like there's another layer I have to break through to get to you. But I was constantly protecting myself from everybody. And so fifteen months of working with Kevin, that giant mountain on my timeline of life, it's just a little speed bump, no different than the time I taught my biceps or the time I gonna a car accident. That's what we need to do to be able to break those glass ceilings and be able to actually become the version of ourselves that were called to be.

What was the time that you told your wife about you? You know, you bold in front of Kevin. yeah. But how long did IT take after speaking to him before you were able to open up to you right about IT?

Probably about four, five months in. Kevin had me write a letter to my Younger self OK and he gave me the first sentence of that letter, which was, uh, dear bade rose um between may, just a four and six you were molested by two older boys but today, dot dot isn't today you're this guy and that guy and you've done this and right, like other words, physical find evidence that you're not broken, unworthy, shameful, confused, angry.

And so I wrote an eleven page letter, Kevin, I broke that down sentence by sentence, and I just felt like, did I? I can go to my wife and talk about this? And so I did IT, and I was very matter of fact.

And now he was emotional about IT, right, as you can imagine, because here I was going through with Kevin for months, and now spring this on her several years, entire marriage. So SHE was emotional about IT, but he also understood. SHE hugged me. He goes, I love you.

Nothing changes like in my head, like really like you don't think i'm gross, right? That's still that voice still exists. Months later, joe polish asks me to speak at his genius network event.

And the guy speaking before me was tony Robins. And he's up on stage talking about, you know, as humans, resource we built for the winter and not for the summer and be prepared, winters coming in. His cycle is closing line.

He's smack his big, giant mitton hands together and pump in everybody up. And i'm nervous as shit getting mike up in the back. I think, how do you follow this guy? I supposed to talk about leadership because I fit body to camp.

T grown pretty big, big international franchise. And i'm the leader of IT. But I realized geopolitical. And there's three hundred and fifty attends at the event, and all of them are just more time, more time millionaire. And they don't necessarily have to be great leaders.

You can just hire great leaders at that point, right? All this to say that I get up on stage and like Kevin or joe, and i'm sorry to talk about leadership and how I built fit by a book cap to a great leadership, really want to talk about something else. I want to talk about how was molested as a kid between they just a foreign six, and how that limited my growth, not only in business, but in relationship.

In my friendships at seta, I could see grown men squirming in their seats, looking towards the exit. And dude, that conversation that I had without audience, if you had asked me couple years earlier, would you ever stand in front of an audience and talk about how you were molested, how, how would showed up and what I did to you, and then how you healed? Ed, from IT, so I think this is what I go back to, what I was saying.

That was my greatest superpower, because now I can stand in front of thousands of people and share this message on this podcast from a stage on my show. And grown as man will be like, dude, you went through that too. I did as well, and i'm telling I do with blue checks.

Ks, with millions of following, they'll see me backstage of Green room and hugged me, and we'll start crying. I think I was supposed that that sounds more bit, but that was supposed to have happened to me, and I was supposed to have healed, and I was supposed to have become my superpower to have compassion and empathy for men. And which is why today I work with so many men in healing them in so many ways and just actually get showing them the path to heal.

I don't fuck and hear anyone. You heal yourself. You have everything you need to heal yourself that make sense.

Yeah, good. It's very interesting to think about how the things that we're most proud of in ourselves are the light side of something dark that we are often ashamed of horizons about or bitter. Uh, I often talk about how I was pretty unpopular as a kid, only child, lot of time in solitude.

But the light sign of that is that I never needed any business permission to go do anything, right? right? Because I never had anybody's permission before.

I'm happily able to go and out work on my own, drop me on a desert ireland. I'll find a P2P and start working on IT. You know, like there will be it's it's a supermarket and and being able to move to another country.

You know, the joy that I get from from traveling, the joy that I get from connecting with other people we talked early on about like obsessive observing, which is another skill that I developed because I didn't understand why the kids had friends and I didn't. So I observed obsessively about the way they tied their tie, or the way that they walked on, the type of shoes that they had on the shoulder that they Carried their bag on. And that was the reason that they had friends, and I didn't.

But downstream from that is something that I really value myself. The point that I feel, the thing that I really kind of want people to take away, that IT is unfortunately A A double and sad. And if you do not do some work to imminent those things and to work out how the skills that you've developed, or your response to the things that you don't like in yourself, can be used to make the texture of your own existence Better.

If you don't go and do that, you will continue to be ruled by things that you hate, agreed, and the like. How close you can come to having that happen? It's fucking terrifying.

And yeah, yeah.

it's really, really scary. Like I see, I can see the other path or many other paths, right? Many, many, many ways as many, many sets of slippery slide down into some circle of hell.

And there's only a couple of set of stairs up. Yeah, and yeah, I know. I wish, I wish I could give people the hope that they can, that they can do that.

that they can make that happen well but but that's what we're doing here. It's it's those who leave, make excuses that well, you know you seems like you were at the subsection ve observing ability that I don't or you guys have this ability to focus and have singularity of focus on a task and I don't. Well, I did in time when we came to amErica by by second grade, the anheimer union high school district or anim union school district, I decided to do, I don't know, studies on all the immigrant kids in that particular school while disney elementary and they figured out that i'm O C D and A D D.

right, unless is before the um over yeah pathological zone of exactly this was .

we're talking eighty four, eighty five, ninety four, nineteen eighty five. And so they put me on riddling different doses, trying to figure out what's going to work. And then I remember just slumping over, just being hyper, uh, but because of that, they put me in these classes for special education, right? Special ed classes.

And so effectively I was in classes with what they called retards back then, right? And so that became part of my identity that obviously slow obviously i'm i'm not capable um when in reality that too was a superpower. My ability too obsessed about something that interest me is a superpower.

And so the people who might be like what you get, I don't have this, I don't have that to say, but what you do have if you heal through IT and read ize IT, and that's what we need to do. I read ized the D D. I read ized O, C.

D. I read ized being molested. I read ized being called the forever and the immigrant getting a trip on my shoulder so fucked and big that I was like, no one ever will put my family in a financially destitute placeman ever, ever.

And so to me, making up seen amount of money was like dismission, and that LED to then developing you as a human even more. I think I had to solve through that first, because money was a big factor as immigrant in this country when you're living in sectioned housing. But you can web ize anything that happened to you.

So they don't have to have the gift that you have or I have. You just have to understand that what's happened to you if you can heal through IT soft, through the process, through IT, there's a massive fuck in superpower. On the other side, it's the work that majority are not willing to do but wanting the outcome that we have.

And that's again, once again, the gap is the gap that makes them feel a certain way about life. They hate life and the they think they're a disadvantage and they're anxious about IT. So then they began to escape and suit with drugs and alcohol and fidelity, pornography, gambling, whatever the source is. And I don't care, I can check off every fuck in box. I can check off every one of those boxes, but if you do the work and you close that gap and time collapse, you will have that superpower, and you can start living the life, your mental live.

I've heard you say, if you're gonna eat shit, get good at that. Yeah, what do you mean? money?

So done. Life is not gonna be butterflies and flowers and rose gardens all the time. In building a massive brand like foot body boot camp, I had to eat a lot of shit with the federal trade commission. And I started fit by a book camp.

And I wanted to a make sure that all of my licensees at the time had a protective territory because, you know, cross fit, for example, you can open to across across the street from another ross, and they have to compete. So my whole thing was, if I have this licensing program, I can give them a five mile, protect the territory, they're going to be cool with each other, right? Little than I know that by doing that one thing, I crossed the line into franchise, the great state of california decided they are going to find me twenty five hundred dollars times one hundred and fifteen locations that I had.

And I said, if you guys did that, i'm going to have to go bankrupt in those hundred fifteen locations are going to defend for themselves, right? Theyve opened up as location. They bought equipment. They're running their business, were coaching them in making this thing successful. So i've had to eat a lot of shit I was having to.

I was having to negotiate with the state of california, all while trying to also find ways to refinance my house and get another credit card, so that if I had to pay that money hundred and fifteen locations, times twenty five hundred dollars, I would. Thankfully, the state of california was kind enough to say, don't press the money, however, don't sell another location and tell you become a franchise. So again, more shit eating IT cost me eighty seven thousand dollars to become a franchise.

You gotta get A F A franchise agreement. Fdd there's thirteen states that required different fdd franchise of scholar documents. Then you're overseen by the federal trade commission.

You go to three audits a year. You have to have your a uh Operations manual made in a very specific way. Doesn't ter of your subway sandwich es jeffy luber a fit bodies?

O camp, this is how IT is, and the disclosures have to be very specific. This all fuck in udi. Roo, i'm like barely getting by back in two thousand and ten, but also said by two thousand and twelve I have to become a franchise. I got good at eating shit very effectively, maneuver entry, because if i'm going to eat IT slow, but I just going to prolonged the pain.

So if I want to going to franchise anger, if I have to negotiate with with the stata california, if I did do anything, the pandemic, for example, we last two hundred eight locations foot by a new camp locations from march sixteen s to december thirty first of twenty twenty. So I decided, right, well, if you're going to eat shit, we're gona eat IT really fast and get really good at IT. So this just make a full pivot into online coaching, like take all your personal training clients to camp clients, put them in on on facebook groups.

We're going to use train to rise. We're going to follow on workouts. The problem is most people, they will sit on this in this dissatisfaction and stay there and stewing IT and root in IT mile. Thing is to, you're given shit sandwich es, eat as quickly as you can and move on like you have to move on. My friend Jason redmond, he, a retired navc al, was shot up all over his face, purple heart recipient, uh, he says, you know, he was on a mission and they found themselves on the x right? Like you, he's the predictor, him and his team, and they're going to kill the bad guys who are bomb makers.

This is an iraq in two thousand and seven and next thing you know they get ambushed and he gets shot up seven shots across the body one hit them through the cheek bone blows out his orbital plate um his eyeballs is hanging his nose has gone um shoot them in the ARM h he almost had to get his army he found himself on the x that night him and his team so now at this point, should they just sit there and call for an airstrike and weight, or do they just do what they can and shoot back and attack and attack and attack? And so what he says in his book is that they had to just fall on attack these guys while calling in an air strike that was danger close to Jason redmond. He caught sharp, no, but the bad guys were dead.

Helicopter came in, saved diaster. But the bottom line is, like you, most humans will find themselves on an x of ambush lifely ambushes and they sit in IT, they ruin IT, they take forever to stein IT and instead eat IT quickly and fucking move on. That makes sense.

yeah. I what what is meant to me if you're gonna each shit get good at IT was. In order to achieve anything that you care about, there is going to be an associated amount of shit that you need to eat.

If you want to take on the burden of trying to achieve something in life which is meaningful to you, accept that the ship eating is not a bug. IT is a feature fact. IT is a pot and parcel of existing.

I'm trying to locally reverse an entropy, right? I'm locally reversing IT. IT is trying to act on me. You're a finite creature with an infinite complexity around you. Of course, you're going to be scared. There are literally an unlimited number of ways that you can die and a very, very small number that you can live through, right? Like that's just on a macro O O level.

But when he comes to achieving a life where the outcome is the one that you wanted, like that one fucking outcome, and yeah, there's a few different routes that but like it's a the entirety of different way. I could walk outside now, like put my head on the time I can get hidden by truck or I could put my head slightly to the left, that, like all of these different iterations, right, the multi versions, ways that crisis, demise, good fucking a cuter. And yet you believe, you hope, that you can manage to wrangle reality, your existence, into some sort of usable, functional, useful, nice, enjoyable form. That is going to be associated amount of pain and shit eating that goes along with that.

And I do believe that's a function of our crater, right? Whether you believe in universal consciousness, you believe in god, you believe that whatever I believe we have to go through a series of tests to see if we are qualified to for the next level of happiness, bliss, joy, success, abundance, whatever. And so the shit sandwiches will be laid out along your journey.

There is no way to circumvent that. The creator does want to test you. And I believe proof that is, what do they say? Eighty two percent of lottery winners are back to being broke within two and a half years?

Well, that's because they didn't eat the shit sandwiches. They didn't deal with the adversity, the pain to set backs. And so they don't know how to value that wealth and therefore they lose IT a fool and his money will quickly be parted.

And i'm not even Christian, just the jesus wrote something that really made sense. And so if we know that we have to eat those shit sandwich is one get really good at IT. And to understand that is part of the process so that you can achieve the outcome this desired.

Eighty percent of the time, you'll feel like you're fAiling. Fifteen percent of the time you'll feel like a training water. Four percent of the time you'll feel like it's over one percent of the time you'll feel like you're winning.

Why ah this is not scientific, by the way, this is something that I would just share .

with my wife to do.

exactly. This is just bro science. But based off twenty years as an prep neuer, that's about how I felt. Eighty percent of the time I felt like I was just behind. I was costly behind, you know, and and but that one percent of the time I felt like I was winning.

And then after a few years, about five or six years into my careers and entrepreneurial zed, the secret is just to find as many of these one percent and keep stacking them. Yeah, because I could do well on the eighty percent of the time where I feel behind, or the or the fricking, whatever IT was five, ten percent that I feel like everything's falling apart around me, like the four percent that everything's falling apart around me. Or I could just focus on these one percenters and realized IT OK, that's a win.

Let's move on to the next battle, the next battle, next battle before you know you've won the war. Ink five hundred uh recognition entrepreneur magazines top two hundred franchise. Those recognitions will come if you stack to one percenters, you don't need hundred percent winds.

And I think it's probably impossible to have hundred percent wins all the time. But as as any kind of high performer, and I believe this, this is probably true for professional sports, for people who are actors and celebrities. They feel like they're just behind.

They're not doing IT. There's someone else got the part and then boom, they land a part that gets in the Oscar that's a one person stack more of those. And that's what worked for me.

I put this in a news light of the other week I went to teach you about IT. I think it's kind related. Talking about him, i've been thinking about how to achieve a realistic path to enlightenment as much as moving to a cave in the woods in spending a decade in silent retreat might be great for your spirit.

It's not going to be doable by pretty much anyone. If you've meditated enough, you know that you accumulate momentum in mindfulness, kind of like a swell moving under water. After enough time, there is a forced power here, your ability to drop into the present moment, and sometimes even little waves of genuine calm and sight break surface.

But if you're anything like me, IT doesn't result in an extended self perpetuating enlightenment, doesn't even really work on its own way. You, your mind from the snakes upon you, and you're in the present moment without realizing IT also consistent meditation and a focus on mind for this strengths of thinking muscle that you used to wrangle your mind to actually exist in the. Now you learn to puntuated your day with instances where your mind finally settles into the moment, and then it's gone, but then you can get you back later in the day.

And as far as I can tell, this is the realistic path to enlightenment. You are never going to become a fully bliss out in perpetual, non dual astro's around synchrony, bro. But you can string together a few moments of peace so that at least for a few times each day, your mind rests where your feather.

I always used to think that this was a failure. If I can achieve mindfulness, but then lose IT. That's still not persistent enlightenment. So I failed instead. I think it's smart to refrain the goal.

If you can just have your mind at your feet in the same location five or ten or twenty times a day, that's a good start. And then maybe you can do IT twenty five or thirty times. That seems both attainable and really useful.

And that seems to be what you were doing there, right? I understand that self out out and uncertainty and fear of the future is just going to ridal my experience as I try and do something that's difficult that was in the business world. But IT could be in personal development.

IT could be in trying to reshape the dynamic of your family or whatever is they are trying to do. And presuming that you're going to be able to do this, and it's just like an ambient peace economist, beautiful, like member, and you get to skate along, that's not gonna happen. But what you can do is trying string together a series of these winds.

And here is a landmark that I have gotten to, and importantly, string together a series of wins that you don't immediately look over the shoulder of. As soon as this happened, i'll ink five hundred. fantastic.

But what's next? No, no, no, no, no. Like, allow yourself to celebrate. I think, uh, hardwiring happiness by richenda is a really great.

But did IT came out just a little bit before the podcast revolution, which is ashame. So I think we've really changed a lot of people. He came on the show to talk about a second book five years ago.

What he basically says is that when good things happen, you should allow yourself to marinate in them as much as possible, even if it's just a small thing. And this is such an unbelievable tactics, like having a ten minute walk after after having food, something good happens. Your first response should not be too kind of accept IT for what IT is you know, people that hold themselves to high standards.

I do this too. It's almost a part of me that doesn't want to bathe in things that go well because they should be a given because i'm a high perform that demands a lot of myself to get, you know what I mean, I do yeah so but this isn't the way that the the brand we spoke about, the particular of activating system early run. You want to permanently be on the lookout for as many reasons to feel good about yourself as possible because lord fucker knows there's enough reason to feel like shit about yourself, right? And everybody has that. So what I try to do, and I fail a lot, and I need to work hardship at this specific skill, maybe do a sprint for some of three months. I really, really, really focus on IT.

I finish a podcar I finish a podcast like three or four times a week like I have the opportunity to set myself a little remind maybe I need to posted now to set myself a little reminder that when I finish for just you know fifteen or thirty seconds after I do that or after you complete the task that he said for the day of finish gym routine or uh, do your meditation or have a great conversation with the apartment or have a bad conversation with someone that you didn't want to but you did because you need to be truth and be vertuous to yourself when you do that, just allow IT to sit for thirty seconds and just marinade in the sensation of that new okay. How does that feel for me to have done something that I feel proud and satisfied about myself for doing? And rick neurons that fight together.

why? Together you will continue to find reasons to feel good about yourself, new. And as a strategy.

You know that that's the concept of hardwiring happiness there in the book. Like highly recommend you you going read IT. But if you don't want to the cept.

what what you're describing there, especially for high performers, right, people that are high speed, tightly wound and have high expectations of themselves, we are wired to get. To get satisfaction, to get self worth through production production which in many ways he's i'm jealous of regular people who can just watch T, V in, you know, not feel lazy and slug ish dude.

I could watch T, V like A A show with my son, like we watched pop fiction the other day, and I complete, I probably stack like fifteen, twenty winds that day. But after watching pop fiction, it's somewhat of a long movies like bog man. This was not productive, like I have conditioned myself, or maybe Better said this way.

I've been wired through a series of abuse and trauma and neglect to feel that I am only a worthy human when I am producing. And if I am producing, I am worthy. And so when i'm relaxing, if i'm sick, if i'm watching T, V, i'm not guilt and therefore we have guilt and therefore we don't allow ourselves to enjoy for even fifteen seconds that win because I must go on to produce again because that's the only way .

i'm a word IT doesn't work that way though like I ve I am absolutely patient, zero for what you are talking about. I attached my sense of self worth for a decade and a half to the success of the events. I run my life business for a very long time.

Uh, I came up with something that I think is kind of related to this. I need a fourth horsemen and doing IT for the project and working on at the moment. I've got three horses of the productivity apocalypse so far.

I'm going to find the fourth one or i'm just going to have to retrofit three horses of the productivity apocalypse. So productivity pergola is the first one, and this is really interesting. so.

If you attach a lot of your sense of self to being productive, what you can end up doing is even having rejuvenates relaxation protocols only existing because you believe that they will facilitate your productivity tomorrow. So you don't go for a walk with your partner in nature because you want to enjoy that time. It's because you listen to an Andrew huberman episode that said, fifteen minutes of walking down regulator a mig della so that you focus response in dopamine gc c.

So is Better tomorrow, right? IT allows you to never escape productivity, which is productivity poetry. The dark playground is the second one. This is an idea from t urban, and this is almost kind of the opposite.

So the dark playground is, when you are trying to be productive, you should be being productive, but you're choosing to do something which is unproductive. So you're procrastinating off from productivity to watch youtube, read a book or school tiktok, whatever. You don't get the enjoyment of the entertainment because you've got the guilt of not being productive.

And obviously, you don't get the outcome of the productivity because you're not being productive. Sure, that's a dark playground. And then not being able to enjoy fun because you feel like you should be working is the third one.

And I have come up with the mean for that. Yeah, you have called me part way through. It's like i've only got my pants and I haven't fully dress, but yet not being able to enjoy fun because you feel like you should be working, which is the one that you just identify that.

And look, being a sort of a taipei hard charging person comes with its benefits. But again, as we talked about before, you know, like the true third wave, rena sant man is the guy who is also able to go to the, say, shells for a week with his partner, not work, switch office phone and know that all of the like. What was the reason for working this hard? If you cannot let IT go.

bingo. That is a really .

difficult question for lots of people to answer. And ultimately, what IT comes down to IT is a cope to bolster their sense of worthiness to the world. I am only worthy when I train for this hard every single morning, do the achieve this much, earn this much money, answer this many emails, only get this much sleep.

That's a fucked in difficult right? When people see the restriction of things that are good for them, more enjoyable as a badge of hour, somehow. And yeah, I think that we should all be very, very cautious of taking what is absolutely a performance enhancing.

You know your ability to all your discomfort around relaxation drives you to do more things. But in no one's world is that fucking optimal. Yeah right? That's not what you want. Like, what's the reason for working this hard if you are unable to enjoy the fruits of your labor? You know?

So interestingly enough, what ended up helping me, and I can remember my to work I did with Kevin downing. My therapy was ten and half seven years ago, and then as I started spending. So healing helps me because I realized myself worth is not directly attached to production. Guess right? So always goes back to healing, healing because, again, you're given trauma either accidentally because, you know, the family gives you a nickname that you attach some kind of weird meaning to and that you Carry that for decades into your future or true trauma happened like you are raped, molested, abuse, whatever.

Um however the trauma shows up, healing is necessary otherwise you're self worth is going to be attached to something either either attached to you being attached to someone or um you always being the matter or production in my case our case specially when your heart charger but as I healed I realized ed myself forth is not attached to that one bit and so I can catch the conversation in my head because is Andrew and I were watching pop fiction and I like, man, this move is going along pretty long here. I don't feel that productive. I like, dude, i'm having the greatest time with my son right now.

Mean, I can catch that negative thought that still because here's the deal. I think you've around long enough to know when microsoft IT would have a like your microsoft uh based computer would have a virus. Sometimes you win, be able to necessarily fix or get rid the virus of a quarantine, the virus member that corn, the virus on your hard drive.

Fn, so the virus, I think, gets quarantine in us doesn't go away. It's quanti. And so when I know myself worth now was not .

attached .

to production, IT will still read .

ugly head again. That's the realistic .

tough to enlightenment.

Again, your day is going to be punctuated with reflections that, upon reflection, you're going to wish you didn't have. No, it's not the job of you to seamlessly, perfectly thread the needle through this minefield of potential thought failures. Your job is to be able to notice them when they rise.

Like the perfect meditation session is not the one way your mind never gets distracted is when you notice, when IT does exactly, and this is the same, you sit down and you notice this little habit arise. You know, like fucking tai I bedrooms just ambient's appears. Hey, hey, you could be working.

Hey, there's emails once. Hey, you could be doing. You could be being more productive.

Okay, I see, I see that. I see that. And maybe even some truth to IT. And we released, allowed that to go right like that.

And that is the beauty of transcending from human, animal to human being, connecting with consciousness. Because you become the observer in your life, right? And you know this.

And when you become the observer, you can now see things almost from a outside eyes. And I could see from outside eyes like, oh, okay, that person said something IT rubb me the wrong way. I'm feeling a certain way.

Human animal wants to react. Human being is going to take a moment and go. Did he really mean that that way? Or is this just trigger ing something old in me that's been quarantined? And and when we can have outside eyes and become the observer in our own life verses. Reacting to everything as though it's factual, we began to get the utmost amount of control, of my true control, of our life, of our status, of our well being, of our health, of our relationships.

And I think you either going to have some false sense of control, as we talked about in the beginning, where, you know, you shrink some weird things together just to meet a narrative that you've building your mind, to give you some sense of false control, or you can have true control by being the observer and realizing, hey, i'm looking to react. I in sleep ball last night and this guy said something that triggered something in my head for many years ago and so i'm not gonna respond to this guy right now. Um being the observers is necessary.

And to become the observer you have to transcend healing, transcendence. That is the ultimate purpose, self mastery, that we have to achieve in life. And I think most are too distracted by social media and all content overload to even pause, to begin to listen to the conversation in their head.

to see what it's going. But they I think everybody has a sense I have a lot of faith in people's ability for personal growth um especially the people that are listening to this are already out lies right? They're got enough time to listen to me new waffle about the nuances of a right fucker mindfulness for two hours.

So they're already allies. But I have a lot of faith that most people realized that something up here, I am built for more. I'm built for more, and I, I, I could become more. And I really, really want the tools to be able to do IT.

And the satisfaction that I get, I would actually go as far as to say that the satisfaction of noticing when I nearly go a right and then bring myself back in is about on par with reflecting and realizing that I never want want to ride in the first place because both of those things have been arrived at by conscious effort right um it's being able to sit down and do a podcast and that no point have even had A A sense of time because I ve just been dialed on the person that i'm SAT opposite is perfect but being distracted during unrealised ing of fuck, we've got to make sure that the flights for that there and then going nope, and coming back in is also a win, right? It's impossible to lose. The only time that you lose is when you allow that thing to continue to take you away, even if he does, and then you bring yourself back in.

Its strategic lesson is the john carbon, you are the winner, or you learn, right? You've got a quote, the absolute a door. Your hate is around that holding their breath, waiting for you to fail. Make sure they suffocate.

One thing i'm cautious of with that, and don't get me wrong, IT is a very a useful frame, right? Use what you have, including your resentment over the people that don't like you and want to see you fail. One thing that i'm slightly cautious of with that is creating external enemies that you give too much power to, that you then begin not being a sovereign agent.

You then start to play games that other people want you to play. I spoke about this to a homos Y A few months ago, and I was the first time i'd really be able to put IT into words. It'll trying to explain IT to you and see if IT relates to this.

So sometimes in my more juvenile, bitter, resented moments, I try, and I imagine I fantasize about beating people at that game, because I know that it's a game that I could win up to. Let's say, that is someone who I, who has a particular dislike for me, has some sort of disdain. And I know that they really care about money.

And I think, well, you know, I can dedicate the next twelve months to like earning more than ten times you're not worth and I know that that would make them feel bad. And first of the the stupid thing to do to let somebody else determine your game. But what alex told me was even if you win, you still lose because they got you to change your game.

Your game changed.

I know they didn't even know that you are plank now. And I think that that there needs to be a name for what that is. It's like goal hydrate, right?

When you do something to try improve a point to somebody that didn't even know that you were doing IT because of them, you consider IT a kind of win because you did win. But you hijacked to your own goal to prove to somebody else that you can do IT Better than them. So even if you beat them, they still beat.

you know? no. But the message behind that quote of, you know, your haters are holding their breath, waiting for you to lose. Make sure they suffer. Kate, is is this not to change your game?

That takes a high level of self mastery to stay on path those that are influenced by their haters, by their naysayers, and then therefore change their game. You're absolutely right. You end up winning a game that you were never intending to plan the first place, which is absolutely idiotic.

However, if you realized that he s going got tough today, I may want to throw in the toe. Wait a minute, probably people sitting out there waiting for me to thrown on the town. I'm gonna win my game for them today. Not for me, yeah, but for them. You right.

you use what you have.

use what you have and and I believe again, god to created the universe has given us a different emotions of of anger, of love, of abundance, of hate um jealousy. Those are all tools on our tool built to be used appropriately. Now I can be absolutely jealousy, go kill someone and end up in prison.

I could be jealous, let's say my wife leaves me. And as with someone else, and i'm so jealous that I go kill them, i'm going to prison. I'm so jealous that I end up becoming the even Better version of myself. I still web ized jealous. Y, but at my .

game I think that that is, we could call IT the alchemy of emotions. Yeah, right? That you get to take something which is toxic and turn IT into something which is valuable. no. And that's, again, this is a realistic path to enlightenment.

It's not to never fear, to never feel jealousy or envy or this taste or bit ness or resentment or hatred or insufficiency, is to use those things to Better yourself and the world around you and the people that you care about, right? That is, use what you have. No.

你是 massive men。 Most people don't. Most people, in fact, most people feel that they are using everything they have to their advantage. And the life still isn't working out in their favor. When in reality, I would say they're probably using twenty percent of the things that are within their control and then they're trying to influence the things that are outside of their control, and they're getting upset and frustrated. They can't control biden or the border or the economy or inflation.

But what are all the things that you can control and you control what you're about to eat next when you're gone to sleep, what your what text messages are going na respond to, what social media channels are going to look at, that you're going to give you the sense of feeling like you're missing out on life. There are so many elements to control, yet they feel like what i'm controlling all I can. You're not him scratching the surface.

Let me give you this quote from adam m. Smith, friends, exact therapy relationship coach. A person obsessing over the politics is a good indicator that their persons relationships are a mess. Unless they're financially invested in the political sphere, they're probably compensating for feeling powerless in their life.

So well put.

beautiful, beautiful. We were talking about the internal, external loss of control. Mentioned you before we started. William costello, one of my friends, is one of the leading in sell researchers on the planet. He is a researcher of in cells, not an in sell who is a researcher.

I need to get that out there um but he's certain me something from um a new article that he's working on at the moment. The tendency for interpersonal victim hood the T I V is from twenty twenty study IT describes an ongoing feeling that the self is a victim, a feeling that becomes central to one's identity. Those with the perpetual victim hood mindset tend to have an extra locus of control and believe that one's life is entirely under the control of forces outside of oneself.

The T. I V. The tendency for personal victimhood is composed of four dimensions, a need for recognition, the preoccupation with having the legitimacy of grievances, es acknowledged moral elitism. The belief that the individual or the in group behaves more morally than others, a lack of pathy, and the belief that because of their victimization and individual cares less about the pain of others and rumination.

The preoccupation with reflecting on the past, in past instances of victim ization, the in salesa I, the online space occupied by in sales can be characterised as fatal tic massage, eisa echo chAmbers in which misery and failure are celebrated. Emblematic of all four dimensions of the T. I. V, this suggests that most in cells take an external locals of control to the extreme in perceptions of themselves and intersex relations. Many insects subscribe to a philosopher world views known as the black pill, a derivative, the red pill, to noting a willingness to see the world is that really is explored to the blissful ignorance of taking the blue pill. My point here is those constituent parts are present in absolutely everybody and I have a lot a lot of of of sympathy for the guys who feel like the world is sort of leaving them behind, who like feel like they were built for different era um and I see in myself all of those need for recognition, uh, lack of empathy ah the room may be not lack, employ, actually have always had that but the rumination, the preoccupation with reflection on past instances of victimization. All that is is very .

what was number two I think number two was uh, four dimensions need for recognition.

The preoccupation with having the legitimacy of grivet ces acknowledged moral elites m. The belief that the individual or the in group behaves more morally than others .

to have you whatever grivet ces acknowledge. Like, what if you don't? What if someone doesn't come back and say, you know what? I wrong you, so what? So what like, like some of those are IT would be great if someone came to me that Better us know I I did you wrong many years ago and I apologize for that.

Like I would want to hear that, but because I don't and therefore stay in this victim hood is IT is IT breaks my heart because i'm sure these are good dudes with the best of intentions and they feel they are meant for another era. But in reality, this is the era that you again goes back to in internal vers external logo of control. Well, this is an error you're in.

So if you can take control of the area in, can you then begin to build yourself into the man who is high value in this era? I'm sure there's things they can do. Plenty, start working out, start listening to podcast that you actually value and get value from. Create, change your circle of influence. If you're in an echo chAmber where everybody feels the same way you and is just compounding your negative feeling of yourself, maybe I to consider walking .

away from that with the crazy thing about, and this is the dark side of the in cel sphere, black pills of movement. Is that the the number one thing that you cannot do as a member of that community is what called accent. Given that what we were talking about, the very beginning of this conversation IT, could not be more of the antithesis, I think of the world mean you like i'm soup in these communities.

It's not just if you were to say that you ve got a girl's phone number today, that would be absolutely like insane, unbelievable and would absolutely get you kicked out of the group if you were to say the barter at starbuck, his eyes linger on you for longer than you thought was Normal today. Maybe there's a glimmer of hope. And the reason that ascending, or even the inclined of ascension is so disparate, ged in the black pill can, at least in the insect community, black pill, slightly different in the inside community.

The reason so disparage is that I think IT gives hope, right? Oh, well, maybe this isn't completely just fatalities, ally determined and at the mercy of the universe. Because if this person was able to enact some change, you will have a good thing happen to them.

Maybe that can happen to me. And as soon as you posit hope, you then posit the potential for disappointment. Bright, you know, I saw a great at an existent al level.

That's what one. And and also hope, also, once you have hope, you are forced them to take action next, and they take IT. The reality is in action, sitting their planned video games chiodo st in their belly buttons in their mom's basement is far more convenient and requires less effort, momentum and lesser tia then actually feeling hope and therefore taking action.

Because if that guy actually is that guy, he went to starbucks to be that actually smile and gave a wink. And on the on the hot cup of chili ote her, there was her phone number, and he shared this in the group. Now he's got her, whether he shares IT or not.

Now he has to take action. He's going to call her if he calls her now he says, yes, let's go out to have the comes hair brushes, teeth. My god, he might.

Actually, we have to bave like, look at the series of actions. And if he actually likes him, he may decide, I gotta work out to keep her. There's a series of actions that these guys not want to take.

Again, I believe the insect community is the most toxic, damaging community and it's a bucket of crabs. You know how bucket of cabs Operate, right? And let the share for your audience like if there's a five gallon bucket of crabs, there's no lid required for that bucket of crabs.

Because when the ambitious crab begins to climb on top of the rest and starts lifting itself up by grabbing the room at that bucket, instinctively, those crabs at the bottom will grab their legs and pull them down. And so the Fisherman never has to put a lid on the bucket of crabs that are alive, because he knows that they will place each other and pull them down. That is the insect community.

And so they they absolutely look down upon hope, because hope leads the action. And action means that you might free yourself from here, and that also does something else holy should that holds a mirror up to me and says, I might have to actually take some action. And well, that's inconvenient. I'd rather jack off to porn hub or or only fans and keep playing my video games. Verses actually puts some sunlight on my body and get rid of my joltings body in, do something like decent, like spring a pair words together that make a cohesive sentence.

So it's more comfortable to get fatalistic and call the fragrant sm right? Like the cope is framing, hope is navy, right? And and there is, I see this, I see this in a kind of appears almost in in other ways as well.

You know, look at the look at the sort of intellectual haddox community. There is something a Loring and kind of sexy and aloof about having a contrarian point of view, right, or being cnc in some ways. And you go, well, are you sophisticated? Like is that have you arrived at this world views through being sophistic ted? Or is this just the exact inverse of whatever the mainstream believes, right? Being a black sheep is still being a sheep. You're no smarter by just doing the exact opposite of whatever the mainstream tells you. It's no more sophisticated to view IT is precisely as unsophisticated, just in reverse, in reverse.

And this is no different than when we talked about earlier, when we when we said the these guys in the inside community are .

probably .

lacking purpose. Any sense of purpose for filming significances, be honest and significant is one of the core fundamental needs of any human. Like you want to feel like you, you matter.

And so you know what, if I can hang out this echo chAmber on this you read board word comment section of the youtube channel, and this could be my purpose. I could be the guy just constantly beating the drum and be part of this community. IT is a community and we want to belong to a community.

It's unfortunately a community. It's toxic. It's it's so it's so damaging. And when those that have any sense of hope, as you said, get stifled so quickly.

it's just tiviot IT actively dislikes ed, right? To do a thing that pull you out of IT and do I see you I see you know if you get behaviorally behavior genetics, red old um you know you realize that an awful lot of the outcomes that you have your potential in life is very, very heavily predisposed by the genetic sort of raw material that you were given a and then on top of that, in a random chance, the environment and the events that you encounter in life also have the just layers and layers and lays of things are outside to be your control. And I completely understand why people become transfixed by that.

Yeah, yeah. IT breaks my heart. But that does not absolve them from what they need to hear, which is they're still losers and they're actively living, is part of the unwashed masses. And they will continue to stay peasants and will soon as they get older, come to the realization that a decade has gone by and valuable time has been wasted. And they need to hear this as much as my heart bleeds for them. And I wh, I could just parachute into the insel fucking in annual world conference convention and shake everyone by the shoulder and just say, let's go like, that's what I would do if I could, but I can't. So they need to hear the message that the decades going to go buy, and they're going to see things and feel things differently and realize that time was absolutely wasted and you'll never get IT back.

You say the emotionally immature a man seeks out motivation to do something hard one time. The emotionally mature man uses discipline to do something hard a thousand times. Why is emotional maturity related to motivation and discipline? Good question.

Because when you have an emotional maturity, you realized that some days you're not gona sleep well, some days are going to wake up and you've got your schedule and everything's planned out and the pop hits the fan, you got a edo shit sandwich is right. And whether things go well or not, that day, the emotionally mature man will still do what he has to do to stack his wings, to focus on his purpose.

Where's the emotionally image? Or men will say, well, I didn't sleep well. I had nightmare.

I'll stay in bed. I didn't sleep well or it's raining outside. It's cold outside.

I don't feel good. I just woke up in the airplanes, hit the world trade center. So I guess I have to change my pattern of life.

You have to stay the course no matter what. And IT takes a high level of emotional maturity because you are emotions dictate your motion, like what you're gone to do. And so if you have emotional maturity, you're more likely to lean into discipline when things sub optimal. If you lack emotional maturity, then how you feel determines what you do next, which is very damaging to outcome driven humans.

Yeah, I felt this in myself. The I sort of talked about the thinness of the line that you walk between seeing just how close you came to not doing a thing. But it's not the life direction and where your world could have ended up.

It's literally every single interaction that you do all of the time. So I had undoing nse live shows at the moment. I will do a full life and island, U.

K. And by the U. S. In canada, to the back end, this. And I decided that was going to do work in progression shows, like how comedians do them, because I wanted to kind of move through the material and see how IT gets responded to one stage and then maybe make some adjustments to how I was presenting IT and also become comfortable, right? Like keeps spoken in front, big groups fucked in, terrifying. So I, I wanted to, I wanted to spend some time on stage. And the way that I was feeling in the week leading up to these working progress shows was.

anyway, this is delicious broth. You happy with that? That i'm not kidding. This is mazingarbe ked.

Unbelievably hard on that. Thank you. Yes, six months of taste testing to get that puppy right.

No, how Young? So we are. I was feeling pretty shady. And then it's like i've got the show on the monday is the first one of the working progress shows in its all the rest of IT and I got fucking coffee right and say what you want for the people at that i'm all for cover only killed like you know the old and the unhealthy and the people with the previous position and all the rest of that like lockdowns were over the top and we didn't need to respond in the way that we did know the rest of IT.

Let me tell you, IT is no fucker and joke, right? right? I'm thirty five with four figure test around and they killed me.

IT absolutely decide, swipe me and then i'm out the other IDE. I test, I test negative for being able to like what I i've had. I've done the incapable period. So I know that i'm fine to do the show, but I still feel like absolute dog shit. My HIV in the tank, my resting heart rate through the roof, even like my blood oxygen isn't that can tell?

I use a row, and I just and I felt my felt senses thought of mud cuffing throats not clear my speech addiction coach um miles who is usually very um he's pro voice, rest the stuff like this and I had a couple of, i'd like a little council use the the council of elders that I had to tap into. Jimmy carr said that he thought I shouldn't do IT because he said, luck you're so early on in your life to korea, but if you have a bad show, IT might knock your confidence and that could be a difficult spiral, cade, to to get back out of. I spoke to miles, and miles said, I think that you should do IT because I think that is a good opportunity to get on stage.

But the reason that I did IT, because i'm still fundamentally psychotic, is that I realized if I was able to perform well on stage only seven days after I had covered, still feeling like dog shit, that one on two. We're doing edmonton and calgary in toronto in the middle of december if i'm freezing cold and we've slept in some shit house hotel or maybe the flight got cancelled and we haven't slept all of me being in the airport overnight, how hard is this going to be? I fucked and did IT with.

I did IT just recovering from covet. So IT was like a flag that I was planting in the ground to prove to myself this is the level that I can get to, right? We did a recently in L.

A. We did all of these shows back to back to back to back to back. First off, because there was tons of people that I was super be excited to speak IT like, today, come to l is just, I am swiming interesting people, so I want to do IT.

But this going to be a Price I need to pay, right anything? Okay, well, where's the bar that I can set myself? And this is the coolest thing.

Like not talking about not to one anymore, when not talking about ninety five to ninety six and ninety six to ninety seven, right? When you actually think, okay, this is why I previously thought my limit was. And don't get me wrong, i'm having conversation SAT down with fucking interesting people fuelled by casting, right, like just main lining IT into my veins. Okay, like i'm not i'm not doing the seventy five hours of a road like like selection bullshit that you guys do. But as I okay, this is what I thought my limit was for this.

Let's just see if we can judge this a little bit and the strategic learning opportunity, right? You either like when are you learn the strategic learning opportunity of what does this mean for me if I can do IT and importantly, if IT doesn't go well as opposed to think this makes me in less of a person in inferior, that, okay, what do I need to do in order to enlarge my capacity to be able to get there? And we can see IT with whatever IT is that you want to care about, right? Can I do fifty minutes of meditation instead of ten? Can I not hit the snooze button for a full week in a row? And if I don't, I don't moralize about you.

I don't tell myself and sort of a story about what this means about me is a person. What I do as I say, okay, what do I need to do to be able to achieve this? And I think it's just such a like that framing IT comes to me when I make my best moments right.

One of my least juvenile, my least bit of my least resentful, and that version of me like treating myself like a friend that is responsible for helping in joran pedis. An language is like, there's no losing. There's no losing. And IT feels so fulfilling. And I remember the texture of my mind when I didn't have that self love, when myself talk wasn't there and and I mean fucking in hell like I am absolutely patient zero for being someone that thought that wasn't friends with with this innovation.

I mean, that's what we need most, right? So we teach what we need most. And so what you've done, as you've gone from the zero to whatever that is you said in the high nineties and now that's that's what you're teaching and you're good at teaching IT because it's coming from real life experience for have read these thousand books on self growth, self help.

But i'm still a fuck in human animal behind closed doors. I'm just going to pair off what i've heard but to that point i'm so glad you did that show even while feeling like dog shit um having even well you weren't contagious I I can confirm that when I had coved IT was definitely like I hit by si truck and all eighteen tires ran over me. I again, I agree with you in every way.

You should have your right to choose whether you're going to get the job or not, and we shouldn't have the lock downs that set up. But IT definitely hits you different in the coming or the flu, at least I did for me as well. So but that said, I think people, most of us are aware of I Q and E Q.

And I think the factor that most people aren't aware of is the aq, the adversity questioned and that if you could do something that you would Normally do in a under the rests, so you're part trying to recover your lungs, you're trying to recover and you're doing something that you plan on doing in perfect health. Now you're doing that under sub optimal conditions. You are increasing your adversity question, your ability to deal and with adversity, and maintain composure for prolog period of time that then directly has influence on the IQ and EQ as well.

That becomes a self filling propac's because you like, holy shit, if I could do this, what s what s can I do? That gives you a high level of competency and therefore confidence. There's a competency confidence loop, right? And that goes well.

Maybe I can actually invest in increase in my intelligence more. I can probably become a more emotionally connected human. That then allows you to go I can probably do more things under the rest .

higher adversity coaches. Yeah, ryan holiday says a self belief is overrated. I prefer evidence. And that was a like a strategic piece, evidence. And IT IT was probably risky, right? Looking back, I don't know how risky IT was, but was able to do. And I like our cool well, you know, if I if I step out on stage and all help breaks loose and the lights go out and all the rest of IT, like I still might shit myself, but i've at least got one kind of difficult thing that I overcame that makes me feel like, fuck yeah I feel good about myself having so but go back .

to what you said real quick. Member, what you're gonna because you said i'm so profound earlier, that line where you made that decision to go on stage versus not yes, or you consulted with your elders and ultimately you made that decision let's say all the elder said, bro, stay in bed, recover and you like, fuck yeah that line is so thin man, IT is so easy. Justify and negotiate with your itself and go fuck at all, stay in bed and then only to realize I just stack the big l right, that line is super thin. And if we can just cross that casm into doing what's right, which just choose adversity under the rest and watch how you continue to turn up that thermo.

that of the other self, that's how people get to you. Look at anybody that done anything particularly spectacular in their life, and you think, how is someone able to achieve this work? right? I often look at rogan, and I think cheese fucking Chrisman like the the, the show, the the comedy, the U.

F C, the family at the leisure time in the friends and stuff like that and like what like even from me, someone that seen at first hand, it's still like a, like the guys got thirty six hours in the day or something like that. But the thing that you realized, as you reflect on your own ability to progress is, well, I see my development. I see where my life used to be in my capacity, used to be.

And I remember the texture of my own mind a little bit. I used, used to think IT be really cool. He can take a photo, and that's kind of a snapshot in time of what you can see.

I'd love to be able to take a snapshot in mind of the texture of your existence and be able to go back and visit IT. What would you like to be two thousand and thirty cases? Let me just drop in for five years.

Oh my god. Remember all of the things that used to capture my attention in the fears I had in the rumination? I didn't even, I didn't even realize that this was an entire world that I could tap.

And then you get to get pulled back out of IT and getting, you know, because we you can even see the number on the scale, the difference in the photos of your body, like the development, development of the texture of your own mind. You can only ever experience your past experience through the experience you have now. And IT limits your theory of mind for yourself, for your past self. right? And I I thought you would be cool if there was maybe along with new year link, be if I if anyone .

going to pull that off, it's going to be even think about an advantage you would give us to see like how much growth we've had yeah or how much we haven't yes, I fuck of the decades gone by and i'm still that guy complaining about the government and taxes and inflation and what's happening instead of actually becoming the hero in my own journey.

fuckyou. right? What are you doing next? What can people back for me?

So so i'm actually working on a second book now that up with my first book came out in twenty eighteen. It's done really well in my show. The Better school in show really popped off with this last twelve month and quite doubled my books. That sale so went from great to extraordinary that inspired me to write my next book, uh, which i've got a working title.

So i'm not going to share. What are you thinking about for a broad subject area?

What i'm thinking about the broad subject is, is, is still going to be in this self development janua, but IT is i'm finding more and more evidence the change can really take place in an instant, and that IT doesn't have to be this massive, long, painful journey. The change can take place in an incident, almost have a flip of a switch, if you will.

And so i'm through my own personal experience into the experience of those that I coach and consult. I've kind of almost figured out this hack of creating change quickly and then maintaining that change new identity. And so I want to be able to share that because I think most people who want to produce change and become the best version themselves, the work ahead of them overwhelms them yeah and I think that there is a shorter path to IT but still requires work.

Make no mistake about IT. And that is very you know what it's like the project I was told the guys. So yesterday we finish running the project seven, five hour and personal development experience, focus on those five bfs, faith, family, fitness, finance, fulfillment.

And I said, fell, remember we had you for seventy five hours so you can go home and expect your wife to all automatic we wake up at four I M or whatever time you wanted to wake up and attack her fuck and dreams and like we had you in the the marine and the seal and and these guys like forced you into doing the things in increasing your capacity in seventy five hours like they're able to lead Better and seventy five hours able to communicate Better, they're able to problems solve Better, they're able to work as a team Better. And those are the four fundamental things you need in life. All of life consists of communication, teamwork, problem solving and leadership.

Um and and so but that's because they're in the pressure cooker of the project. I said you can't go home and expect your family to have a sudden fAllen line because running the first two or three class of the project, I would get messages from the wives like, holy fuck, you guys created a monster. Like, I don't want to wake up at this time and then go to the gym twice a day, and then also attack this part of my life in the meditation, in the work, and then figure out what my next phase of life is gonna like before this phase is over.

I great. I get IT. You know what? Let's start telling these guys, ease your family into IT over a ninety day period to pick one pillar of the five pillars and ease them into over ninety days period. And so I think the same thing applies here like there is that is going to take hard work, but there is a compressed way to be the flip the switch and find that new identity and then become that person virtually overnight. But it's a still requires harden heavy words.

I think that's what a formative experiences, right like people have been through things. Sometimes it's trauma, sometimes it's a loss, sometimes it's ah a tony Robins event. You know I mean like there's things that happened and and just so important to people and wow, I mean, if you could self generate that, if you could not have to wait for the world to give you the input right, to be able to make that happen, if you could.

to manufacture that element that will trigger the change is huge.

Fucker, that's cool.

That dragon lady and gentleman.

do you? I really appreciate you. Thank you for coming to see me. Why should people go? They want to follow you.

yeah. So first of which, thank you. Thank you for the opportunity. Man, am a big fan of your show, and I really appreciate the opportunity of giving me here. Secondly, best place to find me is either on youtube or instagram at beer.

cool. yeah. bedrest. Thank you. Thank you.