Alix vs. Acne
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Hello girlies, welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earle. I'm doing something that I really, really don't want to do today. It still makes me uncomfortable as much as I preach it online, but I'm filming this episode. We have no makeup on, bare skin, and...

I am someone who struggles with acne. I have struggled with acne since I was in middle school. I'll probably always struggle with acne and we're going to be going over all of it. So I just figured it was only right that I don't wear makeup today while I'm podcasting so you guys can see my skin because acne is normal and mostly everyone deals with it at some point in their life. So I just feel like that felt a little hypocritical to me.

be talking about acne in my skin and be covering up with tons of foundation and concealer as much as I'm gonna see these clips back and be like, ugh. But that's something we need to go over today because acne is very, very normal and it should not be something that we're so insecure about, but it takes a huge toll on your mental health and I don't think it's talked about enough. We are back in Miami for today's episode.

back home in my lovely mess of a dungeon. Before we get into today's episode, don't forget to follow and subscribe to this podcast. If you're watching it on YouTube, subscribe, Spotify, follow, like, any platform you're watching it on. Hit that little button. It means the world to me. Love you all so much. And I've been going back and forth between, I know we're kind of going the route of calling everyone the girlies, but I've been going back and forth between

But what about like Earl Girls? I strayed away from that at first. I did like that the most, but I thought that it wouldn't like roll off the tongue because like I can't speak sometimes. So like Earl Girls. But I think that that could be a fun name. Earl Girls, if I can say it. ♪♪♪

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This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts

every three seconds on the app, and the time it takes you to get a drink. You could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.

This episode is brought to you by Liquid IV. It is hot out this summer. It is actually absurdly hot out and you don't have to be an athlete like Braxton to get the sweat going working outside training. I'm sweating walking to the car, walking down the road. People are taking zoom meetings on their porch sweating and you need to replace that sweat with hydration. I personally love Liquid IV. They have three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink plus eight vitamins and nutrients for everyday wellness. Liquid IV hydrates two times faster than water alone. If

any of you were listening to one of the episodes where I said I had a panic attack this summer, it's because my body was so dehydrated. It was run down, didn't feel good. The boat captain actually had to bring me out a liquid IV to put in my water because I was feeling so nauseous. That just truly shows my love for liquid IV and how much they do. They're so amazing. They have a bunch of flavors to choose from and, you know, take it to the beach with you. Make sure you're staying hydrated this summer. So grab your liquid IV.

Hydration multiplier sugar-free in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code HOTMESS at checkout. That's 20% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code HOTMESS at liquidiv.com. Where do we even start with this topic? I have so much to say. This could probably be five episodes in itself.

So I'm going to try and cover as much as I can today. I want you guys to write in questions after. I'm looking at the What Would Alex Do questions, so don't forget to write into those. We took a little break from that segment in the past few episodes, but we're getting back to it today. All right, let's take a trip down memory lane. I think my first experience with acne...

definitely started in like middle school era and you're going through puberty it's not cute you're starting to get some pimps on the face and you're going into school every day i personally went to a catholic school where you weren't allowed to wear makeup you had a uniform you couldn't wear nail polish earrings i mean i was in trouble all the time for those things and

And I started to break out on my forehead, on my cheeks, you know, typical puberty, preteen acne. And of course, I was embarrassed by this. You know, other people my age started to deal with it a little bit. But in fifth, sixth grade, that's where I think I started to first kind of

have a crush on some boys in my class. I wanted to look cute for school. Maybe I threw on a little side pony at that time. And I'm starting to deal with this acne. My mom, she's very similar to me. We have a similar skin type. And I mean, she still deals with acne. So we'll get into that down the line. She was trying to help me out. I was feeling insecure. I was like, what are these things that are popping up on my face? Like, I don't feel cute. The texture on my skin is a

It's all red. Like I don't know. I don't like it So as my acne started to get kind of bad in middle school My mom was like, you know what? I'm just gonna help you out a little bit here girl Like I didn't really know anything about makeup yet at this point, but she would put some concealer on my face She was like we're gonna try this out one day because I came home from school every day. I was crying I was like, I hate what's going on with my skin. I don't feel good I also was a dancer so I had acne not only in my face, but I had it on my chest and my back and I was just like

Mom, like I just feel so ugly. I don't feel good. And she put some concealer foundation on me, whatever it was. And I went to school. Here I am walking into school, kind of like my first time covering up my acne with makeup. And I'm feeling a little bit better. And I will never forget, I'm sitting in class and the teacher calls on me and she was like, Alex, are you wearing makeup? And immediately, like, you know, when you get embarrassed in class, like I felt my face getting red. I was like, um,

Um, I don't even remember actually what I said, but she calls me up in front of the class. She told me that I needed to go to the bathroom and wipe off my face with the makeup. She stood there with me. I, you know, I wet a paper towel, rolled it out from the thing and I'm wiping my face. Like I am trying not to burst into tears at this point because now not only did she just call me out in front of the class for wearing makeup, but

But two, I'm gonna have to walk back into class where I very visibly just scrubbed my face in the bathroom. It's red and I'm taking off my makeup with a paper towel. Obviously, you can see my acne and it's just like everyone is sitting in class waiting for me to come back in because they're like, what just happened to Alex? So I come back into class. Of course, everyone's like, ha ha ha ha. They're laughing because it's middle school. Everyone likes to like joke and shit on each other. And I...

Think this is kind of like my roman empire Like I think this is where my hatred for acne stemmed from and from this point on I went home and I knew okay. I can't wear makeup to class. So What can I do? How can I fix it? You know, we're buying all these different skincare things i'm seeing like proactive commercials online I'm begging my parents to buy me anything that they can to you know fix my acne and

It just didn't go away. Like for me, it was sticking around. It's still here to this day. And I hated myself for having pimples on my skin, which is normal and everyone else deals with it. But it just felt like I was walking around with this like stamp of embarrassment on my face. So to the teacher that picked on me in front of class and made me go to the bathroom and scrub off my makeup...

Sorry. Like, I know it's not allowed, but why would you pick on a child like that? Like, I have actually plenty more stories, including when I was a dancer, still in the school, my middle school, like they just hated me for some reason. But like, I think it's such a weird subject when teachers really hate

find joy out of picking on students. And for some reason, I was like a target for any type of teacher in my life to pick on me. So we'll get back to that in another episode. Adult bullies. You know, after that few years go on, like acne kind of just became a normal thing for me.

I tried different medicines. I went to the dermatologist with my mom. They would do different chemical peels. They would inject the pimples. It was what it was. And now we're moving on to high school. Now in high school, I still go to a Catholic school, but I'm allowed to wear makeup. We're in high school. We're stepping it up a notch. So I made it my mission to learn how to cover up my acne with makeup. And finally, I'm thinking that this is the moment I'll feel good

you know, I don't have to deal with feeling embarrassed every day I walk into school anymore. But if you're someone who deals with acne, you know that even when you're putting on makeup, it's still like, you still see the texture, it wears off throughout the day, like,

It's basically covering the redness, but you can still see like bumps all over your skin. And I'm looking around and all my friends near me, like all my girls, none of them had acne. And that would frustrate me so much because I'm looking at their perfect skin. It looks like a baby's bottom, a newborn baby, like...

fresh, smooth, silky. I'm like, what is wrong with me? Like, why am I the only one who's dealing with this severe acne? There was points I would bring, you know, concealer and makeup in my bag so I could touch it up throughout the day. And if you know anything about skincare, obviously caking on makeup day and day again is not going to help your skin, probably only going to make it worse. And

I would go to dance with makeup on and, you know, sweat with makeup in my pores. And it just, it was a bad cycle. So I kind of just got used to being the girl that...

always was gonna have textured skin another thing that really Sticks out to me when i'm thinking about this was high school We would have sleepovers after you know My one friend isabella would have a party all the girls would sleep over everyone would take off their makeup and I would sometimes sleep in my makeup because I didn't want to take it off and have my bare bumpy red skin be out in front of everyone and

We would wake up the next morning, we would get bagels and coffee and I would just, you know, stare at my skin in my phone screen. I'm like, oh my gosh, like, I can't believe they're seeing me like this right now. You know, sometimes boys would sleep over and everyone would hang out the next morning. And I was just like, why am I the only one who's waking up with this like horrible skin? It's so embarrassing. I hate myself. And I don't think that it's talked about enough that

how mentally draining acne can be. It's not just a physical problem that you deal with. It becomes a whole mental health issue on its own. And if you don't deal with acne, you're probably like, Alex, you're being very dramatic. But if you deal with acne texture, whatever it is on your skin that bothers you, like when it's on the front of your face, it is all that can consume your mind, especially when you're

out in public around other people like i'm just thinking oh my gosh how can i hide this i'm putting my hair in front of my face i would you know talk with my hand over my cheek at some points i'm doing anything i can to try and hide this from the fact that other people can see this texture and bumps on my skin my camera roll has been since high school still is to this day

And when I mean filled with pictures of just my cheeks, because that's where I'll get a lot of my acne, sides of my cheeks, my forehead. I think 10 times a day I'm taking pictures of my skin. Like Alex, it's not going to help anything, but you can see here I have pictures of

when my skin's at my worst, when it's a little bit better, my skin's clear, like it is just consuming my everyday thoughts. So while I'm saying all of this, I wanna just like flash forward to mentally where I am with acne, but it is normal. Acne is normal, skin texture is normal, redness, flakiness, oiliness, it's all normal. And what I have to say is that it is so much worse to you

Now I'm talking about yourself. Like you think it is so much worse than it is to other people. I remember my roommate, Kristen, when my skin was at my worst, it cleared up. I did Accutane. She was like, Alex, I didn't even know that your acne was that bad. Like I had no idea. Like you think about it so much more than other people do. And I think that's just an important thing to just

remember and I know it's hard and I still I still get it. I say this all the time online. I'm like acne is normal. It looks worse to other people, but still it still affects me. But I will say telling myself this and believing this has gotten me to a better point and a better relationship with my skin. So with all of this being said, there is

One thing, one treatment that has for sure cleared my skin 110%, but my acne always seems to keep coming back, and that is Accutane. Now, I want to preface before talking about Accutane. I've gotten backlash online before because it is a very serious drug. They have very serious side effects, and I just want to say I'm not influencing anyone to take Accutane. I'm just sharing my experience with

what has helped me, of course, you know, go to your doctor, find out what's best for you. So over the course of middle school, high school,

My acne kind of varied in, I think, what it was actually stemming from. Like, I think a lot of the body acne that I dealt with was from dance. And once I stopped kind of dancing and sweating and those leotards all day, every day, like that cleared up for me. When I was in middle school, it was very much so like my T-zone forehead. And I think that was to do with puberty and, you know, whatever's going on in your body at that time.

And then as I started to near the end of high school, I started to deal with very big, thick cystic acne. It would be all on my jawline. And this is still what I deal with right now. It goes down my neck. It's bumps everywhere. And this is actually like pretty clear for me right now, my skin compared to how it's been. Now I'm dealing with this different type of acne, which is hormonal acne and acne

I don't really know how to fix this because no matter what treatment I do, no matter what skincare, nothing works, okay? I have tried everything there is out there. Skincare, this is going to clear your pimples. Like, nothing has worked for me besides Accutane. So...

I'm about to graduate high school. I'm going into college and I'm like, mom, I'm going to the University of Miami. I want to come in. I want to feel good. Like I want to feel confident. No one else, it seems to me, is dealing with acne at this point. Like I'm looking at all my friends. There was some points in high school when my friends would deal with a little bit of acne and they were able to clear it up. Like they were able to just like switch their skincare, switch their birth control and their skin cleared up. And I'm like, what?

Like, is something wrong with me? Because that's not working for me. Like, I would try and follow what birth controls my friends were on or they tried this face serum. I was like, okay, I'm going to try this too. No, none of that worked for me. My acne has always been like much more of a deeper rooted issue. And I'm just...

you know, unfortunate in that sense. Like my skin is just not, it's not going to be perfect. It never will be. Another thing I wanted to touch on with acne, which I definitely am really bad with is picking my skin. Whoops.

You're not supposed to do that. They're like, that's the number one thing that like makes it worse and you're not supposed to do. Oh girl, I am up in the mirror. Literally at any time there's a mirror in front of my face, my hands are on it picking every single pore on my face. Like Dr. Pimple Popper videos, like nothing excites me more. Like that's honestly maybe the one good thing for me about acne. I'm like, I have this great activity to pick my face to shreds.

All that does, though, is really make it worse. It really, you know, your face is bleeding. It makes it puffier. It makes you break out more. Like, I always regret it after I pick my skin. I mean, that has to be, like, its own mental disorder because I actually have heard that it's a form of self-harm.

which I do notice myself picking my skin more when I get stressed out. Like if something happens to me and I'm like anxious, like I'll just go in the mirror and like mangle my skin and just like tear it to shreds. So that's definitely a problem. But yeah,

Picking is really, really bad. I would like to tell you guys to stop doing it. But I'm being a hypocrite because I can't stop myself. Like it is really, really bad. Like there has been points where I'm like, I need to not have a mirror above my sink because I spend so much time picking my skin. Just like, oh God, it is. It's so bad, but so satisfying. But we need to stop. Okay. We must stop. I don't know if I'll ever stop though. Like it's pretty bad.

I also know that I cannot be the only one who thinks this, but we've all dealt with this. Or maybe you're the clear skin girly who's doing this. But when you are an acne girl and you're not feeling good and you just your skin's always shit and you have a friend that has like perfect, perfect glass skin and they get like a pimple and they're crying about it.

and complaining about it, you just literally want to punch them in the face. And trust me, I've been there. And I'll have friends that have such great skin and they get one pimple and they're like, shit, my skin's so bad. I can't go out. I don't know what to do. I don't think there's anything more infuriating. I'm like, bitch, please. But to each their own, because it is fair to

want to get rid of that pimple and not feel good because of it but i just feel like that's a funny thing that i know i'm not the only one that has thought that before because it's like be so for real right now like my whole face is covered in mountains of moles of pimples and you have one and you're complaining about it in front of me like it's almost rude i'm like please please stop one last little tidbit that i want to touch on we kind of went over this already but social media is fake okay

I know you're sitting there scrolling on TikTok and you're like, wait, but I'm the only person. All these girls have clear skin. No, they don't. It's fake, okay? People are hiding it under their makeup too. They have the beauty filter on. They have that light foundation filter on. You can't see anything. It's fake.

The people that are posting up on Instagram with glass perfect skin half the time have huge cystic acne on their face. Just don't compare yourself to what you see online because it's not real. Even right now, I'm going to show you guys examples right now. Here's pictures I'm posting on Instagram and it's literally just because of

The makeup I have on, the lighting, lighting makes a big difference, okay? If you get like just a photo and you have your makeup, you're covered at all, which I did get pretty good at covering my skin with makeup. But look at these photos of me.

It looks like I don't have a damn pimple on my face. And here's my skin, what it actually looks like next to it. Okay. So this is like real time, like what I'm posting, what my skin looks like. And that's not even like, it's not Photoshopped. It's just the way that it looks with makeup and lighting. Like you just can't tell. Okay. So I promise you,

What you see online is not realistic to what people are actually dealing with with their skin. And if you're crying at night because of your skin, like I used to, just know that I love you. I feel your pain and it is normal and we're going to get through it. It is going to be okay. Take a deep breath. Stop stressing out so much about your skin. Just chill. Okay, chill.

No one sees it as much as you do. Truly, they don't. This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.

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But I'm talking to my dermatologist. I'm like, please, please tell me there is something I can do to clear my skin before I go to college. I just want to go. I want to feel good. I'm going to Miami. Like, I want to be going to the pool and the beach with my friends and like not have to worry about wearing pounds of makeup to the pool. Like, please, like, tell me that there is something that can clear my skin. My dermatologist says to me, have you ever heard of Accutane?

And I was like, I think I've heard of it before. Maybe I've seen stuff of it online. I don't know. But she starts explaining what Accutane is to me.

Basically, from my understanding, it's a very strong prescription drug that targets all of the oil glands in your face, kind of like your body because everything dries out while you're on this, but it will basically destroy those oil glands and oil cannot be produced, so you just will not be able to form acne. With this being said, there are a lot of side effects to Accutane.

The number one is you cannot get pregnant while you are on this drug. You have to get a pregnancy test every month. You have to get your blood taken every month. Otherwise, you cannot get it. If you're off by a few days, you have to go start the whole thing over and you have to make sure that everything in your body is checking out. It's all good. Your lips will get so dry. They will flake off your face. Your hair will not get oily, which actually this is like a

a plus, but you will not have to wash your hair for literally like three weeks because it just won't get oily because you're not producing any of those like natural oils that you usually do. Another big side effect is

being out in the sun, sun exposure, like you will get burned, your skin will fry off, like it is a next level burn. One of the biggest side effects as well is that you can become extremely, extremely depressed from this to the point of being suicidal and it can be mentally very, very bad for some people. Thankfully, that was never the case for me. I'm going to go over my experience and side effects with Accutane in a second.

but I was like looking at my dermatologist in the face and I was like, I don't think you understand. I don't care what this drug will do to me. Like put me on it. I need to get rid of these pimples on my skin. I haven't seen my skin clear in six, seven years at this point. I'm just like, please, like I will do anything. I'm so desperate. She's like, you know that you're going to

the University of Miami, you're going to be in the hot, beaming Florida sun. You're going there in August. This is going to be so bad. You're going to have to wear a big hat and sweatshirt every time you go to class. I was like, I don't care, please. So I do the tests and how it works is you have to get your blood taken and it takes a whole month for you to even get approved before you can start. So

I get this done. I'm itching for these 30 days to be over. I'm like, please, I just want to get started on this. And I start taking Accutane for the first time. And I have been on Accutane three times now. My dermatologist was suggesting recently that I do a fourth time. We're going to go over all of it. So finally, it is the month before my freshman year of college. I'm starting Accutane and

Actually, another big side effect, but this is only really for the first month or two, is that you can purge, which means that your skin will get significantly worse before it gets better because it's like clearing everything out. Of course, me knowing my luck and with my skin, I purge very badly. I was...

Oh, like a full-time nanny at this point, because I was trying to make as much money as I could before going off to college. And I remember my skin just getting worse and worse going in every day. And I'm like babysitting this literal two-year-old baby. And I'm embarrassed in front of this child who won't even remember this. But I'm like, oh my God, like my skin, it was so bad to the point it...

hurt it ached like i couldn't even put makeup on to cover it because it was like my whole entire skin was a pimple when i first get to college of course the girls i'm friends with i'm examining their skin they all seem to have baby but perfect skin i'm like great here we go again

And here I am with this horrible acne and I didn't want anyone to know about it when I was first going to college. So, you know, again, putting my hair in front of my face, I'm talking to people. If I have a big welt on the right side of my face, I'm like turning my cheek so they can't see it and doing anything I could to...

not be known as this girl with acne at this new school. So finally, I'm like two months in and I start to see my skin clearing up. Not all the way, but like halfway. I was like, oh, thank God. Like, here we go. Some progress. And then three months, four months later,

By the time I get to five months, my skin is completely clear. When I tell you I'm on top of the world, my skin is finally now the baby butt smooth. I'm like, wow, you can't even see a pore on my face. No oil, no pimples, no texture. I'm feeling fantastic.

fabulous and the course of Accutane is supposed to be like six or seven months it kind of just depends but I'm on my fifth month or maybe just about to go into my fifth month and my skin is perfect

I get a call from the doctor, the pharmacy, when I'm trying to renew my prescription for the fifth month. And they're like, hey, you know, we can't fill this. Like something's going on with your insurance. So I'm calling the insurance company. I'm trying to figure out what's going on. And they're saying that like the insurance won't cover the Accutane anymore. It's like,

500 or something a month and I was like, oh shit, like that's expensive. So I guess I'm just not going to be taking Accutane anymore, but it didn't matter because my skin was clear. Wrong, Alex, wrong. This is probably mistake number one. You are supposed to finish out your treatment cycle lifespan of Accutane before going off of it. I

I didn't know that. I was in college. I'm in Miami. I'm not going to my dermatologist. I'm not really speaking with them. I'm like, my skin's clear. My insurance cut me off. That's fine. I don't have the funds to pay 500 or something a month for it. I think if I ask my parents, they're going to be like, Alex, you're insane, which at the time, looking back, I should have just asked them because this would have saved us a lot of stress in the future. But

I was like, okay, whatever. I'm not filling my prescription anymore. My skin is clear. It's fine. So this is now second semester, my freshman year of college. Feeling good. Skin's great. COVID happens. I'm back home. I start breaking out again. We're going into like the summer of 2020 and my skin just starts slowly but surely going down the same spiral that it always had. It's first just a few bumps.

then maybe a pimple or two, then, you know, blackheads, then more cystic acne, then my jawline's filling up, then it goes down my neck. I'm getting depressed again and I just don't understand what's happening. I go back to the dermatologist while I'm at home and she tells me, you know, you probably should have just finished out that cycle and continued on with the Accutane. We're gonna have to go on it again.

And I'm like, oh, no, please no. Because from my experience, the side effects were...

very, very, very dry lips. And when I tell you if I didn't reapply some type of like thick, thick product to my lips, they were peeling off of my face like to the point where they would crack and bleed. I would have slits on the side of my mouth because it was just so dry and scaly and flaky. I was kissing this boy my freshman year of college and I slept over at his like dorm and

I woke up the next morning. I didn't have any lip products with me. And I remember like my mouth couldn't even move because it was so dry. He's looking over at me and I'm like, hi, gorgeous.

Good morning. Like I couldn't move my mouth to speak because my lips were so dry and I mean that was just like a huge struggle for me with Accutane and of course I was in the sun. So anytime I went out even when i'm wearing sunblock I'm still getting a little burnt and that was just always annoying to deal with my skin was

more like pale and pink than it ever was like tan. So self-tanner was a big friend of mine freshman year. I'm dealing with this skin issue again. It's making me so insecure and I'm like, fine, whatever. We'll go on Accutane again. I go on Accutane for a second time. This is throughout my sophomore year of college. All is good. All is well. Skin clears up like it does in a few months again.

And bam, I'm like, I fixed it. I'm never gonna deal with acne again. I went on Accutane twice. We're all good. No problems over here. Thank God. Now flash forward to my junior year of college. I decide that I wanna get a boob job. I'm like, you know what?

And I've been thinking about this for a while. We'll talk about this in another episode. But I'm like, I'm obsessed with boobs. Like, let's just shove some plastic in there and let's get a boob job. So one of the things my surgeon told me was a month before I was

going into surgery, I had to stop taking my birth control. I'm not really sure the reasoning, but I stopped taking it. And I remember feeling lighter and brighter and happier. This is the first time I haven't taken birth control since my freshman year of high school. And I was like, wow, why am I even taking birth control? Like,

I don't I don't even know what it's doing for me. Like I feel great. Like I don't need to be on birth control anymore So, you know flash forward I get my boob job. I stay off the birth control because I was feeling great. I was like, oh I'm never going on that again disgusting and lo and behold A few months after I get my boob job. I'm starting to get a few pimples on my cheek

And I'm like, this is really weird. And I was looking at my skin. I start taking photos of my skin again, my left cheek, my right cheek, my forehead. It's consuming my camera roll. I'm like, I'm not really sure what's happening here because I went on Accutane, but maybe this is just because there's like a foreign object in my body now, which would be the boob implants. And I was like, maybe that's why my skin's freaking out. It

now starts to get worse than it has ever gotten in my entire life. I can't even see any skin left on the side of my face. It is red welts all down my cheeks, all down my neck. Like this was similar to the first purge I had on Accutane, like horrible, horrible, horrible skin. And this is right before I'm going into my senior year of college. And

And this is funny because this actually parlays into me growing a following on social media. Everything happens for a reason, but I cannot stand myself. I am now depressed. I...

am looking in the mirror all i can see is acne i said no to every event that my friends wanted to go to i would stay in i would pick my face in the mirror for hours it would bleed it would hurt like i couldn't even sleep on the sides of my pillow because my face was so sore from this acne unless you really deal with this you don't exactly maybe understand what i'm saying but this

spout of acne had consumed my life at this point. Like, I was so depressed and down bad. Like, I would not want to leave my room. I just couldn't cover it. It was so bad. Like, it was horrible. I also started seeing a guy at this time, which I ended up dating, and...

I think maybe like I entered a relationship that maybe wasn't even that healthy because I was so down bad and my self-confidence was so low that the fact that someone liked me while I had this on my skin was like the best thing ever. I was like, wow, like someone could think I'm pretty and like me even with this on my face. So I entered a relationship I probably shouldn't have. My self-confidence was at an all-time low. I

I would sleep next to this guy who turned into my boyfriend, you know, with makeup on. I would get up in the middle of the night, reapply more foundation so he couldn't see it. Like, I was a shell of a human because of this acne. And at the time, I had maybe like...

a hundred thousand, 150,000 followers on TikTok. So I, you know, kind of started my TikTok journey. I really liked posting on there. At this time, I was very unauthentic, I think, with what I was posting. I would do filters,

On top of the beauty filter, on top of pounds of makeup, I would stand 10 miles away from the camera. I would FaceTune all my photos so that you couldn't see the texture on my skin. Like I was doing everything to make sure that online my skin looked beautiful and flawless and that no one would ever know I had acne. And it got to a point where...

It literally was so bad that I couldn't photoshop my skin anymore. Like I I was like, I don't know like i'm gonna have to morph my whole entire face onto someone else's face because there's not even one point of like Clearness on my skin for me to smooth out in this, you know, facetune app Like I was just like it's not working. I can't even post photos. I can't take photos. I can't leave my house I can't do anything. I can't look at myself in the mirror. Like I was

depressed because of my skin at this point. So I had went to the doctor. I'm like, I have no idea what's going on. We tested out my hormones. She said I had a very high level of testosterone, which was probably why my skin was so bad and breaking out the way that it was. And I was going to have to go back on my birth control and that I was going to have to go back on Accutane. So now this is time number three going on Accutane. At this point, this is not even a question. I'm like, what?

Give me 10 pills a day. I can't even leave my bed right now, so please. We're starting Accutane for a third time going into my senior year of college. So what really happened to me and why I really started posting about my acne online is because the guilt eventually got to me. I was sitting in my bed. My face was bleeding because I just picked it so much. I have tissues stuck to my face and

And I'm like, hmm, I feel so disgusting. What's like a hot photo I can throw up on Instagram? I go back to five months ago when my skin was clear, fresh boob job. I'm tan. I'm laying on the beach. I have this turquoise bikini on. I'm like, great. We're going to throw this up on the Instagram. I look so good here. And...

I'm receiving comments. Everyone's like, wow, like you look so good, you know, whatever was boosting my ego in that moment. And I'm sitting in my bed, literally looking at this photo of me of what I just posted. And I'm like, that looks nothing what I actually look like right now. And I think it just hit me. I was like, what are you doing, Alex? Like you're at this point sending out such a false message to people and like

I don't know. I'm thinking about little girls that follow me that are like, oh, like, damn, like, why don't I look like this? And I'm thinking about me sitting in middle school with my textured acne filled skin and looking at someone like that and being like, oh, like, I don't look like that because that's what I would do. I would follow Insta baddies or Insta models. And I was like, wow, like, they look so great. And I'm like, why the fuck do I look like this? And why does my skin look like this? And I just...

Like I was sitting in my bed and I was like, what am I doing? Like, actually, what am I doing? So I remember the first thing I did was I posted an Instagram story. I just like a screenshot of my cheek. And I was like, hey, just so you guys know, I just posted this photo on Instagram. This is from a while back, but this is actually what my skin looks like right now. Just want you to know social media is fake.

Now, this was not just like a quick decision of me to throw up my pimples on Instagram. I was like, bitch, what are you doing? But I sat there for like a few hours and I was like, do I post it? Do I not? Do I post it? Do I not? I finally was like, well, let's just try it. The second that I posted this on my Instagram, I was expecting to lose everything.

all of my following. I'm like, there goes my chance of ever having a guy like me again in my entire life. Like, I'm basically just saying goodbye to my life at this point. Like, goodbye. I have never received such an overwhelming amount of positive DMs, replies to my story. Everyone was like, thank you so much for posting this. Like, this is so real of you. And I was like, wait. And I started crying. I feel like I'm gonna cry right now even talking about this, but...

people were like, you have no idea how much this means to me. And I think it just goes back to say, you know, if you don't deal with acne, you probably like, again, Alex, like, shut up. I don't know what you're talking about. But it takes such a big toll on your mental health. And the second that I saw all these girls flooding my DMs with paragraphs saying how much this was helping them, just my one little story of me being like, here's my skin right now. I was like, you know what? I need to stop

being fake. I need to stop photoshopping my photos and I need to actually just like show my real skin and my real self. I took it to TikTok. I was like, you know what? If there's one thing I can do pretty well, it's my makeup and I'll go out a lot. I'll, you know, put on makeup and put my hair over the sides of my face and I can still like make myself look pretty good even though I'm dealing with this acne. So I was like,

I'm just going to do this transition video. I, you know, I'm in this top. I did my hair. I'm like, here's my skin. Swipe. And then I show my face with...

makeup on and I'm looking good even though I still had acne and this was the first time of me really kind of showing my bad cystic acne on my cheeks online besides the Instagram story that I just posted and I still had the beauty filter on but I was like whatever you could still see it there was no filters that were going to hide what was going on in my skin at that point

And again, this video went viral for me. Like I had 150,000 followers at the time and I was getting like a million views on this video. I was like, oh my God, what's happening right now? And immediately I'm getting so many follows, so many comments, so many likes. I'm like, wait, why do people even wanna see this? Like what's going on? And I realized that there was just this,

gap in social media where people are talking about acne and their skin and just being realistic about what that looks like.

So I decided, you know, I'm going to show these girls how they can cover their skin with makeup and they can still go out and feel confident because that's, you know, what I would try to do. I would I got really good at covering my acne with my makeup and I just figured it would help some people out and.

eventually I just kept kind of growing a following from this and people I think started to respect me for the first time on TikTok and I was able to find like a really good community through this and I just started to

openly and authentically sharing my skin journey online. I talked about going on Accutane and took people through that journey with me. So finally, actually, if I do this third round of Accutane and I stay on my birth control, my skin will not ever break out again. I was wrong. I was wrong. My senior year of college, my skin cleared up again. I'm like, great, perfect, feeling great. Now,

I just graduated in May of 2023. It is November of 2023, so not that long ago. And this past summer, skin's going pretty well. It starts to get a few pimples back, but I'm like, it's just not gonna ever be that like accutane clear baby butt perfect while you're on the medicine, but whatever. Eventually as the months go on, my skin's gotten a little bit worse. I've started to deal with the cystic acne again and it's started to go down my neck. Um,

And I'm like, shit, what is going on? Like, why is it just that Accutane can't clear my skin for me? Because it's supposed to be that you go on this medicine and that it's cleared for the rest of your life. Like, whoop, gone. Never deal with a pimple again. But that's just not the case for me. And...

It's really weird because the acne in my skin right now, first of all, it's not as bad as it was before. Maybe it will get to that point in a few months. I don't really know. But because I've kind of been preaching this

acne is normal online and like texture is normal and like it's okay it's really really mentally helped me as much as it still upsets me that my skin is not good I don't feel the same level of shame as I did before like now I'm okay to like go out and get a coffee without makeup and go to the airport without makeup and that sounds very stupid but

I would never have done that before. Like now I'm just like, okay, it is what it is. Also, if people see me out in public and I have horrible skin and they're like, yeah, that's the girl that's posting about her skin online. Like, you know, I feel much better about being open about it. If I take a photo and there's texture on my skin, like I'm okay with uploading that to Instagram without smoothing it all out and smoothing it over. And I can still feel confident in myself and I don't feel like,

Any less beautiful because of my skin with that being said, of course, it still bothers me and I would like to clear it Um, I think I would feel better if this wasn't on my skin, but I don't feel the same level of like depressed And actually right now i'm gonna try and like get my hair out of my face a little bit But this is actually like pretty clear for my skin right now As it's been like the past month or so like this is like i'm at a good state right now

I'm trying to get like a good skincare routine down.

I don't think that skincare, like one certain face wash for me is ever going to clear my skin. But I think like sticking to a regimented good brands of skincare will do me good. I've never really done that before because I'm always just like trying a bunch of different products of what acne prone skin line is going to like clear my skin. I just don't think that's realistic for me. But I have been sticking to like

a cleansing skincare routine, and I think it's been helping a little bit. So I went to my dermatologist. I was like, hey, what's up? Like, what are we going to do now? And she started me on spironolactone because she said that that will like help balance out my hormone levels. It's obviously hormonal acne. And she suggested Accutane again for a fourth time. And

And I was like, you know what? No. Like, I know the easy answer for the short term would be, yes, let me just do Accutane again because I'll get perfect skin in two months. But I clearly have some underlying issue from within that I need to fix, whether it's my

routine and whether I need to drink more water, whether it's like, I mean, it's definitely my hormones to some extent. So I was like, I need to fix this once and for all and just see it out without doing Accutane. So is my skin going to get significantly worse over the next few months? Maybe. Is it going to get better? Maybe. I don't know. I've been on spironolactone 100 milligrams a day for like two months now. I haven't really seen any improvement. So

Sometimes they say it takes like three months, so we're going to keep waiting on that. And I did just do a big blood panel test for all my hormones because another thing she had talked to me about was PCOS. And I don't know if you guys remember from one of the first episodes of Hot Mess, I talked about a cyst I had going back to the gynecologist this week.

to see if the cyst is there or if it went down at all in size. I'm very, very nervous about it because if it's still there and if it got bigger, I'm probably going to have to get surgery to remove it, which scares me a lot. But we were talking about the possibility of PCOS and, um,

I don't really have any other symptoms besides my acne and that one cyst that I had. So we're not really sure yet. I'm waiting on the results. I will, of course, update you guys. Girly things, so much fun. I knew this was going to be a long one and I still have so much to say about acne, but that is just my skincare journey. And to all of you guys who are listening right now, if you deal with acne, if you dealt with it, maybe you will in the future.

Just please know that you are not any less beautiful because of your acne. You can feel, you know, like you want to get rid of it and you can have a goal to clear your skin because of course, you know, everyone wants their skin to be in a good place, but you cannot let it destroy your life and determine whether you're going to go out and leave the house or not. Because I've definitely been in that place before and that's just...

No way to be. It's not the end of the world, even though it feels like it. I promise. Acne is a bitch. She sucks. She's a bitch. We hate her, but she's normal. And we have to love her and we have to learn to live with her. And we have to learn to stop criticizing ourselves so much. Everything you see online is fake. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. Now I need to stop talking about this.

We need to get out of here. I need to get off this beanbag. Everyone take a deep breath. It's over. It's done. We talked about it. Everyone swing your arms, move your hips, move around, get the blood flow going. It's time for What Would Alex Do?

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Joyba on Instagram and TikTok at joyba.fun for fun giveaways and to find a retailer near you. Welcome to What Would Alex Do? I've missed this segment. I feel like we haven't done it

in a few weeks and it's back. We're here. We got a new couch. We have some blankets now. We're really stepping it up a notch in this apartment. Let's get into it. Hey Alex, did you ever struggle with crowds or flying in planes when it comes to your anxiety? We have a very similar anxiety story and what really makes me anxious is flying in a plane or being in a big crowd where I can't get out. Any tips would help. Girl, I feel you and that is so normal because I...

also it's just like when you're in a situation where you feel like you can't immediately like get help you just get anxious or like you can't escape like I feel this 100% so number one I would say get more stressed out with big crowds like for me big crowds like I know exactly what you're feeling but

If I know I'm going to be in a crowded situation, if it's like a music festival or something, because I do love music festivals, like I love going to that type of stuff. But if you, I don't know, this is like a weird phenomenon, but like when you realize you're in a big crowd while you're in the big crowd and you're like, holy shit, like there's so many people around me.

I like to personally look at the layout before I go. So like I know exactly where like the bathrooms are. I know like what's going on. And I don't know, it kind of depends how I'm feeling. If I'm in a big crowd, I kind of like to be on the outskirts of the big crowd where I know I can get out. But it is a mental thing that you're freaking yourself out. And this happened to me like

A month or two months ago, we went to this thing called Three Points in Miami. And I was just getting anxious because we were literally like trudging through this huge crowd, like thousands and thousands of people.

and my friends really wanted to go in the middle and be close to the stage and like I was getting freaked out but you have to just like take a deep breath and you have to get out of your head and just remember like this sounds stupid but I'll like smile like if it's something like a festival it's or it's supposed to be happy you know so like I'll smile and be like no I'm happy right now like I'm enjoying this like you can't let your mind go into the rabbit hole of like anxious thoughts like you really need to just like take a deep breath and listen like

Worst comes to worst, like you can get out, you can get help, especially at something like music festivals. If I've ever seen anything go wrong, everyone is so like helpful, shines their flashlights, like gets help, but nothing's going to happen to you. You're going to be okay. You just need to not put yourself in that like mental dark hole and you need to take your deep breaths. 5-7-5, that always helps me. And just make sure you're at least with one person, right?

'Cause I do think like being in crowds, like you do have to like make sure you're being safe, but like you're just with one person that like, God forbid something happens. Like you're with someone who will get help, alert the crowd, like they will help you out. Like you're gonna be okay.

planes is another situation because I also get freaked out on planes sometimes, obviously not all the time. I'm not like a super anxious flyer because I am flying all the time. But of course, it crosses my mind where like, oh God, if something happens to me, like what's going to happen? You have so much help on a plane. If something were to happen, my friend actually passed out on a flight like two weeks ago. She was super anxious, stressed. She passed out. She

She was like, all the flight attendants were there in the back giving me cookies and Gatorade. And like, I was feeling great. Like, you will be fine. And like, if something happens, you know, emergency land, but like nothing is going to happen. Like you have to just get out of your head that like something is going to happen to you. And if something's going to happen, like let it be because you will be fine, like think

Think about all the flights that happen every day and everyone is good. There was like a story of someone who like was shitting their pants or something all the way from like the U.S. to China or something. I forget. I forget the story exactly. But like bad things happen, but like you will survive and you will be OK. So you need to just like really work on getting out of that headspace and survive.

I don't know. Watch a movie, make yourself go to sleep. I always take a Z-Quil before flights. I'm like, see you later. I will be sleeping the entirety of this flight. So just remember...

Even in those situations where it does feel like you can't get help, you can and you will be okay. And there's so many people around you that like are there for you, even if you don't know them and they're strangers, you will be okay. And similar to this question, someone also wrote in about getting scared to go on flights because they once got sick on a flight and now they have anxiety, like leading up to the flight, thinking they're going to feel sick again and just like bad thoughts.

thoughts going on. This is very similar to how I told you guys my first panic attack was at a hair salon and I passed out. I kind of left this part out, I think, when I was speaking in the anxiety episode, but I didn't go back to the hair salon for a year, two years.

Maybe like two years. I had blonde hair. My roots were down to my chin. Like I'll show you guys photos right now. It is so bad. You can see my roots are so grown out because I was petrified to go back into the hair salon. I'm pretty sure when I went back for the first time, my mom had to give me like a quarter of like a Xanax because I was freaking out. And this will just happen to you with anxiety. You're going to associate a place with something bad happening to you.

But think about how many places you are going to in your everyday life. Like you have to just, again,

Try to really mentally just get over it like you are stronger than this and you have to realize that it was just a bad incident That happened that doesn't mean that flights are bad and that every time you go on a flight something bad is going to happen because It took me a while to get over this with the hair salon And you just have to again know that people are around you to help you if something happens like you will be okay and

And you're gonna make yourself more sick being anxious about getting sick than you would be if you really got sick You know, like you have to just deep breaths decompress It'll be okay. People are there to help you And odds are if you don't stress yourself out like it's 99 not gonna happen So you have to just you know, remember that and hopefully that will help you calm down But I get it because i've definitely been there. Um

It's just mentally challenging yourself and becoming stronger and you will be stronger. And when you do get over this, like you will be better because this happened to you. Okay, who wants to hear about relationships and toxic questions?

Those are always fun. Oh my god. Okay. This is insane. Hey, Alex. I've got some major relationship drama the last week. My boyfriend has been acting hella weird, so I decided to check his phone, and I saw that he was sending nudes to my sister, and my sister was sending back. What do I do? I don't want to ruin my relationship with him and my sister. Girl. What?!

You don't want to ruin your relationship with him and your sister. Think about that for a second. Because what are they doing to you? Oh my god. I don't know. I'm thinking of like Ashton, my sister right now. I am so sorry because I don't know what Alex would do. Your sister? That's not great for sure. I'm like bewildered by this one. Well, first of all, he's out. Girl, you don't want to ruin your relationship with him. He's out. He's done. Like...

let's worry about the sister here because this is your sister this is blood this is family the boy we really need to just we need to exile him like he's done okay i know you don't want to think so but he's done he's gotta go oh my god like he can't come over to your house and hang out with you if your sister is there like no no no no

Alex is not letting you stay with this guy. You must leave him. And as for your sister, I don't know. You may need to go to therapy for this one. I mean, I would definitely, definitely call my sister out and be like, hello. I wouldn't just act like nothing happened. You shouldn't be worried about ruining your relationship with your sister because she's clearly not respecting you. But man, I don't know.

therapy, help, God bless. Please keep me updated on this one because I want to know what is happening. Dump the cheating Chad though. Okay, this is a really good question. I've been in a lot of situationships and can't get them to go anywhere more serious. I feel like it's always something wrong with me because I always try to play it cool. How do you express feelings in a situationship and try to develop a relationship? I think this is a good one for me because I often do end up in...

relationships like I am just kind of the person that I don't really like to talk to someone or hang out with someone just unless I like like them and it ends up in a relationship a lot of the times but I'm trying to think of what I do to turn them into relationships but I also don't think it's something you need to like that shouldn't be the worry if something's not working out if you're

It's not 100% good for you or good for them. Like, that shouldn't be the worry. But if you do really like someone and you want it to be a little bit more serious than it is, I think that's fine to, like, express that. You know, I am definitely...

The girl though, I will say like I always try to like play it cool. I'm not good with expressing emotion. That's something I struggle with. So for me, it's not hard to like not be all like lovey-dovey and like overbearing to a guy. But I think there's just subtle things you can do to like

drop hints that, I don't know, obviously you like each other, you like hanging out with each other, you like spending time together. I think if he feels the same way, it will naturally progress. I think it depends how long you've been hanging out for. If it's been like a month or so, I wouldn't really like stress this too much, but if you're hanging out for like

five six months and you're like okay like you're confused on what's happening here like just have a conversation be like we've been hanging out for a while I really like that we're hanging out like I'm I have so much fun with you but like I also don't want to put any pressure on this like I'm just wondering like where's your head at like with this like what what are you looking for eventually down the line or like just have that conversation I think that's definitely okay and

If he's not looking for a relationship and you are, then that's okay. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. That just means this isn't the person for you to like enter a relationship with. I think that's something that girls put so much stress on themselves for because the second a guy doesn't want to be with them or doesn't want to be in a relationship, like the girl is like, well, what's wrong with me? And it's like,

No, that's not someone you want to be with. You're taking it personally when you shouldn't take it personally. Like that person has their own issues or whatever. But like you shouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you, you know? So I definitely think assessing the time, like I think...

one to two months you're hanging out maybe let it play out like keep it going keep it fun and flirty see where it goes if you've been hanging out more for like five or six months and you're wondering like what is this what's going on like you can have a conversation without stressing the person out and without scaring them off and if they are scared off maybe it's not your person but I will say for me when I was hanging out with NFL man this summer because I'm more of the person that like

was getting scared of commitment. Like we would have conversations at like the five, six month mark. And I'm like, I really, really liked the way things are going. I want to keep hanging out. I want to see where it goes. I'm not ready to be like a hundred percent committed yet. Just like, it's, it's really stressing me out, but I do like see this moving forward. And I do see us eventually like being in a relationship. Like I just need to like really make sure for me that I'm taking my time and like

It feels right. So that's like for me. And I think if a guy says that to you, that may, you know, he doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you, but I think you could just have to kind of like feel it out. Like, obviously, you know, the person, I have no idea who I'm talking about right now, but yeah.

I think feel it out for yourself and see. But that was another week of Hot Mess with Alex Earl. Thanks for sticking around, guys. I feel like I'm getting more comfortable finally, like talking and I don't know, this is all like new for me. I'm still learning the whole podcasting world and seeing like what works, what you guys like, what you don't like. So thanks for bearing with me and we have a lot of fun stuff to come and

I'm going to keep upgrading the show, making it better. And this week coming up is Art Basel in Miami, which is why I'm staying in this weekend because it's going to be a crazy week Monday through Saturday. I'm probably going to be going out, going to events. It's basically a week of art shows in Miami, but it's just like another like fashion week where, you know, every brand is down here throwing parties, throwing dinners, throwing

All the people are coming in and it gets really crowded here. Lots of traffic.

So this will be fun. I'll update you guys next week on how our basil goes and everything. But keep writing in questions for what would Alex do in scenarios because I just love hearing from you guys. And I don't know. I think it just makes us closer. One big happy family. Me and the Earl girls. But all right, I will see you guys next week. Don't forget to follow, subscribe to this podcast. I love you all so much.

Hope you're having a great week. Happy Thursday or whatever day you're listening to this on. I love you so much. I'll see you next week. Bye.