Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Earl girls, welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earl. Today we're back with my friend Hannah. Hey! I haven't seen her in a minute, so we wanted to really debrief with you guys. I've been going through my DMs and you guys need a lot of help when it comes to guys. A lot. And I'm not really sure, like, I think we give pretty good advice, I think, but... That's up for debate, for sure. Depending on who you ask. Hannah, I definitely have...
similar takes when it comes to guys and like a similar mindset and we always have even since like freshman year of college I mean we've like gone on double dates together Hannah's gotten me ready for dates we have a lot of stories and a lot of advice and you guys need a lot of help so we're gonna go over all of that today welcome back Hannah happy to have you here I'm so happy to be here I miss you guys and I'm excited to get into this with you so
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This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a
quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts
every three seconds on the app, and the time it takes you to get a drink. You could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.
I guess first, I haven't seen you in like forever because I went home manically for like a month. I know, I haven't seen you. Where have you been? I've been MIA from the MIA. Hannah's from Connecticut. Yeah, so I was up north. It was freezing and cold, but my grandparents from England were there, so I spent as much time as I could and now I'm back finally. Okay, family core. Thank
And we haven't seen each other for a long time, so I guess we have a lot to catch up on. How was your New Year's? Don't even get me started on New Year's. I'm still triggered by the topic. So I went to...
because my boyfriend's from Newport and we went into the city for New Year's and we were supposed to go to like a cute little bar, have a cute little moment. Like his friends were coming with us. We had like our rides, tequila shots in the car. I was like on a high. Starting in 2012. Yeah. 2024. 2024. But we get to Providence and it's like actually dealing with
our friend group, like no one was making a decision. Everyone was like, should we go here or here? I'm like, aren't boys like straightforward and to the point? Like what's going on here? So we're doing laps. Laps.
around Providence. And I'm like, I'm so over it at this point. And finally my car makes a stop and we see this bar, we run over and the bouncer's like, oh, sorry, we're at capacity. And that was at 1158. So my New Year's kiss, my start to 2024 was in a gray and empty parking lot in Providence, Rhode Island. So, yep. Um,
I hope that doesn't foreshadow what this year is bringing for me. Darkness. It's dark and it's scary. That's okay. No, it was fine. I mean, you can only really go up from there, hopefully. Exactly. Like, I started off at rock bottom and we're going up. There we go. And yours was...
The complete opposite. Could not be farther from a Providence parking lot. We were in the club with Nicki Minaj, and she was the best. Like, I'm just so obsessed with Nicki Minaj. You know this. And...
She killed it, but I didn't have a New Year's kiss because Braxton couldn't come. Yeah. I mean, you were with all the girls. Yeah. We had a girl night, so it was fine. I mean, me as a Barb, and also at this point, I've been home for so long missing my friends. The pain I felt standing in that parking lot and clicking through Snapchat and reading the group chat, I was...
- In pain. - Well we're happy that you're back. - Yes, yes. - She's back. Update on the 30 hard. Hannah's doing it with me. - Which is so unlike me. - This is so unlike Hannah. - When I told my parents that I was doing it, they literally looked at me with blank stares and they were like, I mean we're so happy but-- - We're ecstatic. - I feel like I need to learn to be healthier.
So, yeah, so we've just been sober this month. And I will say the first week was very, very like I was like, I'm not doing this. This is not happening. My body was so sore because you're like doing physical activity twice a day, which is a lot. There was one day where it was snowing and I was like, you will not catch me dead outside walking around. So I literally did laps around my kitchen counter for 45 minutes.
And I was like, if anyone's peering into my house right now, I would look like a glitch. Saturday night, I didn't get my outdoor workout in. And I was like, guys, I have to go for a walk. But it's like 10 p.m. at night, like in Miami. Like that's definitely really dangerous to do. So I went to Anna and Brooke's place and we went to their pool. And they had glasses of wine in the pool, like normal people. We were up there for like two hours. You were there like that? I know.
I was running and I did sprints because I can't swim. Yeah. One thing about me is I cannot swim. Yeah. Like I know you used to be a swimmer so you don't relate but like
I just can't. I don't know how, like, I drown myself if I try to swim. I can doggy paddle and that's about it. But I was just running laps in the pool and it was actually a pretty good workout. But I ended up scraping off all my toenail polish. It's all dissipated now. Were you running on, like, the tops of your toes? I guess so. I guess my toes were, like, a little mangled under there. Like a little crumb line. Like clawing at the surface of the pool.
Well, because it's slippery. I was trying to grip down on the pool because you're trying to run, you fall. That's probably why people swim in the pool and not run, but it was fine. Honestly, I appreciate the dedication there. Yeah, I got my outdoor workout in...
While they sat there and listened to music and had wine. I'm loving the 30 hard, though. It's so much fun, I swear. And this weekend, I'm going to the Kansas City Chiefs game. Well, I keep going at the Kansas City Chiefs game, but I'm going for the Dolphins. The Dolphins versus the Chiefs game. And it's in Kansas City, which is going to be zero, negative zero degrees. And you will have no liquid blanket. And that's what I'm saying is like...
how did I not plan for this when I'm thinking of dry January? Like, all I want to do is go to this football game. We literally have like a sick setup. We're flying there on a plane with Braxton's friends, landing, going to the game and getting right back on the plane and going home. And I'm like, that would be the perfect place
ideal situation to get hammered yeah wow and i'm gonna be sleep on the and i'm gonna be with people i don't really know and i'm gonna be with all the dolphins wives and girlfriends and i'm gonna be sober as a brick i'm literally gonna shoot myself
Can you make exceptions? Because, oh my God. I'm like, like if, if I hadn't been posting on social media about this, of course I would make an exception. Of course I'd be like, well, this is one night out of 30 days I can have a drink. But like, I'm afraid that people would literally come from it. Yeah. Oh my God. There would be knocks on your door with pitchforks.
Lame. Actually. So I guess I can't drink. Thanks a lot, guys. There are girls relying on you now. So, yeah. So if you're in it with us and you're also like really just wanting to have a drink this month. You can't. You fucking can't. No exceptions. If we can't, you can't. We're doing this together. Or you're a freak. And, oh, out on our list for 2024 is Recycling Guys. Recycling Guys.
Now to give context here, Hannah and I both have boyfriends, but a lot of you guys need a lot of help. Like I'm reading my DMs and a lot of the what would Alex do questions. And I'm like, we need to sit down and have like a therapy session. I feel like for us, we used to sit down and listen to like call her daddy. Yes. Freshman year of college. Oh my God, that used to be my Bible. Bible. Bible. Bible. Bible.
Um, so we're going to try and give you guys some like dating advice, first dates, what to do when you're going on a first date, how to talk to a guy. Are you going on a date or are you just there to hook up with him? So we're going to go over all of this. Are you just a hole? This is very full circle right now. It is. So...
Wait, I feel like have we told this before, but Hannah and I wanted to start a podcast freshman year. We wanted to call it The Morning After and we never did it, but now here we are. And it was before podcasting was cool. So if you ever doubt Alex's place in this, it has been a dream since the beginning. Out for 2024, my whole point. Wait, back to what we're talking about. No.
New boys are in. Recycling old boys, recycling exes, hookup situationships is out. I feel like a very common theme with girls and I feel like it's just feeling like comfortable and you want to like go back to a guy either that like you used to date, you used to hang out with, whatever it is, an ex-boyfriend. I mean, it never...
In my opinion, I don't think it ever turns out as good as you hoped. You always think you're going to go back, and it's still disappointing. If you left the first time, you should keep moving on. For example, I think this time last year, I...
Was in between. I wasn't with NFL man yet. I just had ended things with baseball boy and I thought reduced, reused, recycle. I hit up my ex-boyfriend and I went to hang out with him and it was like talking to a wall. Yeah.
An actual brick. I mean, the same problems that we used to have. And I was just like, oh my gosh, you, I mean, you always think it's going to be good because you think of the good things and you forget all the bad stuff. And I mean, I hung out with him and immediately I was like, wait, why did I do this? And now I'm like embarrassed that I reached back out to him, like gave him some confidence. I feel like it just always makes you feel worse in the end. Like there's no plus except like you boost their ego. So out for 2024. Out.
Out is going back to guys. But now, okay, we're going to go out with new guys. We're going to go out on a date. We're going to hang out with someone. But how do we do that, Alex? And that's like a scary... It's scary and it's like hard to find a guy to hang out with, but...
I mean, our friends are really going through the ringer right now with like dating apps and meeting guys. And I feel like it's kind of funny to witness from like an outside. There's also like a level of excitement to that. I feel like reframing it and like,
seeing the excitement in it, like getting to have those girls nights where you fill everyone in on your like most recent date who you're talking to, like as girls with boyfriends, that is so fun to hear about. It is. And it's all for the plot. It doesn't matter if it goes good, bad, indifferent, it's all for the plot. So it doesn't actually really matter. So just go on the date, get out there. But yeah,
How do you like get to the date? Like how are you getting there? Are you reaching out to this guy first? Is he reaching out to you? Personally, I'm not really good with reaching out to guys first. Every time I've tried to slide into a guy's DMs, holy shit, it comes back to just haunt me. Like there was this one guy in college. He was like an athlete and I DMed him and he answered. And for some reason I said like,
I really like your dance moves. Like what? Your dance moves. I, about some video of him dancing. Like I have no idea why I would say that. And I mean, I think like,
end of high school maybe COVID when I was really bored in the house and I DM'd everyone under the sun and they never saw it or reached out and then I've had people like this past year DM me and it's my and it's still there from 2020 and I'm like oh my gosh this is just so haunting so like personally
I like when a guy reaches out to me first, but I don't think that always has to be the case. Like I think at some point, like you have to like have some balls and get out there a little bit. I would say like, you don't have to DM a guy with some like crazy first line or like,
I feel like the best way to do it is if there's someone in your class or that you've seen around, you can DM them asking them a question. So you're just sort of making that connection without having to be like, hey, sliding in. Yeah, I feel like it's always better to start off as...
Friendly. Friendly, not flirty. Yes. Flirty always just goes. And then I don't know. I feel like if you're trying to actually like find a boyfriend, like that will also just put you in like a rabbit hole of like making yourself just a hookup. Yes. Um, which I think we need to also differentiate for people, um,
The difference between you are hanging out with a guy and you are going on a date with a guy. Because I think that can be super confusing. Especially when you first get to college. Because, like, I don't know about other colleges, but with UMiami, there wasn't really, like, a college town. So, like, going on dates, like, wasn't the norm, I feel like. Yeah. And it's also not normal for...
Guy in college to really like be taking you out to like a big fancy dinner Yeah but there is a difference between him asking you to like go to the dining hall together and him inviting you to his dorm at like 1:30 in the morning I think you need to like make sure that something's planned in advance and Make sure it's something like other than sitting down and watching a movie because that's not a date. No, that's that's not that's foreplay Okay, let's be fucking for real
It's not a date. So I think it's just being self-aware, which is a big in for 2024 is being self-aware here, girls. I mean, I'm working on it. We're all working on it, but we have to be self-aware in these moments and you have to like know yourself.
I don't know what a guy is kind of like treating you as. Yes. You might end up hurting yourself, but I feel like that's better than being Delulu and then letting him hurt you instead of like doing it to yourself. And I think something else to note with that is deciding whether you like the guy or not. I feel like so many times I had to teach myself this is like,
sometimes I'll just be like hanging out with a guy and I'll be like oh I do like him like yeah I want to date him but then like one or two months into the relationship I'm like wait I don't like talking to him yeah I don't like hanging out with him I'm not even attracted I feel like a lot of it for girls is like a game you want to feel because it is nice when someone like likes you and you feel validated and you like want that validation but
But that doesn't mean that, like, you like them. Like, I think you have to, like, take a step back and be like, wait, do I even, for one, like this person? I feel like girls don't ask themselves that enough also. It's not, like, you can't be so butthurt when something doesn't come from, like, a date or if it's not forming into a relationship. But we're going to get there. But I feel like we need to, like, take it a step back and, like, go back to, like, the first date because...
so many of you guys ask me like I'm going on a date I'm nervous what do I do personally I think when I'm going on a first date I just always try to trick myself into pretending like I'm best friends with this person already and being myself and like laughing and being outgoing but just not like I don't know like treating them as a friend yeah I mean I have a version of this I mean like I'm
pretty out there and like weird so I kind of like to let a guy know that on the first date yeah so I get right into it like I'm like when's the last time you cried like just like like what's your deepest trauma in life like I don't know I don't care and I just like straight up ask them and honestly like
A lot of guys have never been asked stuff like this before and they like sharing it. So first of all, you end up learning a lot about the guy, which can sometimes reveal huge red flags and you can leave. Or like it's a really fun and interesting dinner conversation. Like, I don't know, just not beating around the bush, putting yourself out there. I also think something good to do on dates as well as that is...
love when you're interested in them. I mean, of course, like they want to feel like gassed up and like, yes, I think asking questions to the little things they say, you know, like follow up questions. If they're talking about their family, almost like act as if you're like their therapist, but not really their therapist. Don't be like psychotic, but act so interested. If they're talking about like this new pair of sneakers that they got, like this is, you're like, wow, show me a picture. Like,
Do we care? No. I need to know all about these sneakers. So just acting interested, I think, is like a big turn on for guys or a big like green flag in their eyes. I think always being polite on a date, like being polite to the staff, just show that you have manners, like show you're not a bitch. There's a lot of like, there's a lot of parallels of like stuff that you would want a guy to do on the first date, like seem interested in you, like again, be polite to the waitstaff. Like it doesn't,
just pertain to guys. Like everything that you would want on a first date, like be that person for yourself or for the other person. Wow. Wow. It was like really deep.
This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a
quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.
in the time it takes you to get a drink, you could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it, open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions...
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But I feel like also if you're feeling really nervous going into a first date, the best thing ever is like getting ready with your friends. I think having a glass of wine, like them helping you do your makeup. There's nothing wrong with having a little drink before your date. Unless you're doing 30 hard and
You can put it the fuck down. Oh my God, that brings me back to freshman year, getting ready for dates. This is a great example, actually, of a time where I was preparing as if I was going on to the Met Gala. To the Met Gala because this football player asked me to hang out and oh my God, we thought it was the coolest thing ever. I think I did like take a shot before in the dorm, actually. Oh, 100%.
But Hannah came over to my dorm room. I'm like, you know what? I'm so nervous right now. I can't do this. She's like, no, you're going to look so good. You're going. I put on my green Lululemon leggings because I was like, okay, Lululemon, like designer. And then I put on this...
tie-dye t-shirt that was like cropped so there was like an inch of stomach out so it was like a little provocative but like I have this tie-dye shirt on and then I have also tie-dye was the moment yeah it was it was cool and I had these um sneakers they were white air forces but I bought them off ebay for like way too much money like I could have just done this myself with hot glue and some jewels but the
check on the nike oh my god i had like i can see this outfit in my head they were high top air forces with a bedazzled rose gold nike check and i thought i gave everything and more like i was like crazy over the eight and i mean it was the coolest outfit we thought we ever seen we have to we definitely have pictures from this i need to go look and find and find because you guys are gonna die so burned into my skull i'm hanging out with this football player
I think that I'm the coolest girl in school right now, as if he's not hitting up like everyone else with a pulse. So I'm getting ready for this. And this was the definition of we were going over to his place to watch a movie. I was not going on a date and I acted like I was. He pulls up to campus to pick me up.
When I tell you he parked like all the way away from the freshman dorms, like I had to trudge through the woods, through the swimming pool, across campus. Oh, and you had the biggest smile on your face while you did it. I was like, oh, he just actually can't pull up
to the dorms right now no sweetie be self-aware he's trying to hide you so if some guy is not like coming to pick you up at your place and like will come to the door and get you and if he's trying to hide you that's another really big red flag that i just did not care about in the moment i was like here i go and i think when i got to the car he was slouched down like he had a seat reclined all the way back like all the way back he was basically laying down horizontal and
And I get in. He's like, come on. He's, like, peering over the side. He's like, come on, close the door. Close the door. I'm like, oh. I'm like, I don't know. Like, he's a football player. Like, he's so famous. Oh, my God, he's in a rush to get back with you. Like, we have to get in the car before the paparazzi get us. So that was just...
Oh my God. And you know what he said to me right when we got in the car? He was like, and I totally fell for this like an idiot. He was like, you have such pretty blue eyes. Like our kids would have like beautiful blue eyes. Oh my God. And you came back and told us and none of us checked you. No.
Not one of us. We were all like, yes! I was like, wait. I literally said hi to him and he wants to have kids with me. So we were like, oh my God, you guys are going to date, get married. When I tell you guys, this night ended up going so horribly in a way that we're not even going to get into. It was not a date. He did not like me. I don't think he ever reached out to me again. That's okay. We keep it moving. Do you think he still wants your kids? Oh my God.
I think he's like married. Is he actually? Yeah, I think so. Good for him. Well, watch out. He wants Alex Earl's kids. He can't have them. Yeah.
But yeah, that's just a fun example of getting ready with your friends. And even if they're preparing you for disaster, they're getting ready with your friends is always good. Calms the nerves. Yeah. Cause then again, even if it goes to shit, like looking back years later, you still have that like fun memory of getting ready together. It's for the plot. Yeah. That's like another big thing. Another thing for 2024 is it's not that deep, whatever it is. Like
just stop. It's not that deep. Like we got to move on. Even if you're talking about like a breakup, like getting past someone, like it's not that deep. We got to keep going. Yeah. I think it's also like, think about doing stuff to bring content to girls' dinners. Like there should be a tax. You have to do at least one thing
adventurous, funny, crazy thing before you go to a dinner. So like that could be your thing going on a first date, talking to a new guy. And if it goes badly, then the story is going to be funnier. So yeah, so don't be nervous. And now after the first date, this is where I feel like girls get a little crazy. You know who you are. I'm talking to you sitting in your car right now, listening to this. You know, you go on a date with a guy and all of a sudden you're like,
When are you proposing? That's literally me. This is another time. I'm getting called out. Rome wasn't built in a day, ladies. It's going to take more than a date for him to want to be your boyfriend.
Maybe many dates, maybe many months, and maybe he still doesn't want to be your boyfriend. So go. I mean, this we actually this like connects to how my boyfriend and I started dating. And it's so wildly embarrassing. But I met him one time. We had one conversation and he was rushing the frat that I that we really liked hanging out with. So I went up to the rush chair and I was like, I have a crush on this kid. Like you have to let him into the frat because I want to see him again. And.
And he was like, you have a crush on him? And I was like, yes, like a huge, giant crush. And he went and told my now boyfriend that I had a crush on him after one conversation. And I saw him at this pregame and he came up to me and he was like, so I heard you have like a huge crush on me. And I have never wanted to die more, like actually.
So, I mean... That's kind of cute, though. Yeah, no, it worked out for the best. That's a way where it's not, like, psycho. But if it went badly, I never would have recovered. Yeah. But, like, I don't know. Like, that's the thing with guys is I feel like they like little hints of that you like them and that you're interested. Yeah. But you just can't suffocate them. Like, you cannot...
you cannot be triple texting them after a date. Like let, let them breathe. Like as much as you want your space, like you need to let them breathe. And I don't know. I think texting guys for me, I'm the driest texter in the entire world. Like,
Even with my boyfriend now, he texted me like, he's like, I love you. You look beautiful. And I'm like, TY. I don't know. Like for some reason, like texts, I don't, I don't like texting. Yeah. I don't either. I feel like with like, even when my boyfriend and I were like getting to know each other, it's like,
Or like let's hang out. Yeah. Like don't give everything over text. Yeah. And like don't be... Girls are always so worried about the text or like what to reply or whatever. Like text, just keep it short and simple in my opinion. Leave the conversation and all of that and like questions and follow up. Like leave that for in person. Like you want to be mysterious and like I swear to God guys can sense when a girl is like all up on them. Like or not all up on them. All up on them. But like...
Like, no, they're putting, you're putting a weird energy out there. Guys can sense when you are like fiending for them. And I swear to God, it makes them run away. Yeah. Like when one of your friends is like talking to a guy and you just like can feel their like,
like jitters, like I feel like that's so easy to read in messages or like calls or seeing you, like you're just, you're giving bad, bad vibes. And it doesn't need to be like a big game. Like, I mean, I think I, it says you, I definitely like, I think in the beginning you need to be like a little bit weary of like, let's not answer their text. Um,
30 seconds after they send it. Like, you know, give it some time. If that makes you anxious, like just don't even begin because I've been there and it's a rabbit hole. I do think it's nice to give the guy some space. And also again, give yourself some space. Like this is,
girls get so worried about like oh what does the guy think like whatever do you think he's sitting there wondering what you think about him no he's taking his seventh shit of the day i promise you like guys and girls are just so different so you need to almost channel the mentality of a guy you like are the fuck boy yes be the fuck boy and but don't be we're not being toxic in 20 no but not toxic but like you just don't
I think what I'm trying to get at here is like you need to be so good and secure with yourself. There should never be a point where you're in life and you're like, I want a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. Like you should be happy in your life without a boyfriend. And then I think that's when you're going to like find someone who compliments you and compliments your life. But you can't go out searching for one. Like you can go on dates and like want to find someone, but not
In a way where you're, like, needing it. Does that make any sense? Yeah. No, because I also think if you're needing it, like, the wrong type of guy will sense that and take advantage of that. And you'll end up in a relationship with someone that, like, you don't deserve. Just because you're, like, wanting someone, not, like, a specific someone. Yeah. And I think...
Make this the time for you to decide, like, do I like him? Is he texting me back too fast and giving me creeper vibes? Like, I think, like, you need to decide this for yourself and, like, let it progress naturally. I think as I've matured a little bit, I think it's okay to, like, let them know you're interested. If you go out again, like, you know, like, it's okay to say those things to them. But just, like, don't be...
Freaking crazy. Yeah. I think I like really struggled with this. Like I am so, or was like really anxiously attached and this is getting like really deep, but I saw this Tik TOK and it was like, if you're anxiously attached in your relationships, you're actually having an avoidant relationship with yourself. So there's like some part of you, I know. Right. That thinks that like, you don't deserve to be liked by anybody.
your dream guy or like you don't deserve the best type of love so you settle for something and then you try to validate it by like reaching out and being anxious about the relationship all the time so like again that goes back to like dating yourself first figure out what's wrong with yourself like go to therapy go to therapy it really helps um but yeah i know i went to one therapy session she was like you have um avoidant attachment dating style and i was like
Huh? You needed someone to tell you that. My friends are like, yeah, Alex, we've been trying to tell you. But I will say I've gotten so much better at showing affection. No, I'm like really proud of you. I think. Even just the way you talk about him, I've never heard you talk about a guy like this. I think it's because I actually like him. Yeah.
I have to say, I think I've, like, dated guys before that I just actually really... Yeah. I mean, there's definitely... I've dated a guy for convenience just because, like, in college, like, you're going out, he's there. I was like, sure. But it's like, I actually, like, am excited and happy. So this is the first time for me showing affection. Like, this was not ever...
thing for Alex. I never showed affection. And even like posting him, like I swear to God I would have boyfriends and never post them once.
Like, I was like, I will hide you till the day I die because I didn't want to share that I had a boyfriend because I, like, wanted to still, like, see if there was other options out there for me. I know this is, like, toxic and horrible to say. Everyone, keep on moving on. Shush. Literally shush. I don't want to hear it. Not that I... It's in the past. But, yeah, we're much better now. Feeling good. Yeah. But it's...
but it's so funny because my point of this is before I started, uh,
you know, hanging out with Braxton and got to a point where I was like, okay, maybe I could date this guy. I literally was saying to like our friends, I was like, I'm so happy not to being with a guy right now. And like, I'm so happy with myself. And it was the first time I literally ever that I felt like so content with not having a boyfriend and like not having someone to hang out with like that. And like, I don't know, like, I was just like, I feel so good and secure in myself. And then he just came along and
There we go. Be confident in yourself. Know your self-worth. If you're questioning it and if you're questioning if he really likes you or not, he doesn't. Sorry. Nope. Move on. And I think for anyone listening who's in college or just honestly at any point in life, like
I think you have to take away from the date, like your connection with the person, not the actual experience. Cause there's many different types of first dates, you know? And I think it's important to remember just like,
honestly at any phase in life not the actual date itself but like the connection that you have on the date because like dates can vary and it's just like I don't know like maybe you're going somewhere really nice or maybe you're not but like that stuff shouldn't matter it should matter like what you actually like enjoyed with the person and like the conversation the connection like my first date was at Dave and Buster's and yours was in a helicopter over Miami like yeah but I think that like just
figure out what you want out of the date and like for me I love doing like fun activities if you're nervous going into a first date
Like I think doing an activity is a good way to get around that too. If you're nervous about sitting at a dinner and talking to a guy. Like I wouldn't do well at that. So I like we had talked about like doing the whole arcade thing and it ended up being such a fun way to break the ice. Yeah. Because you're talking about the games and not like. If you have an activity to do it definitely makes it a lot easier. Yeah. I love a dinner date though I will say.
I love a dinner date once I know someone. Yeah. Cause I like, if I don't like you, I really can't fake conversation. Like, yeah, I mean, I don't know. Like, I feel like in college though, I was just always so excited for like a dinner date because it was free dinner. So I would say yes. A literal rock on the sidewalk could ask me on a date and I would be like, yes. Yep.
Yep, let's go. When and where? And if you are going on a dinner date or something in general, and I mean, this is kind of, this isn't toxic advice, but if you're like really wanting to get this guy to like you, like if you know this guy, you want him for whatever reason it is, and like you just, you want him to be interested in you, I think you can do a little bit...
Not too much. A little. Maybe you can do a little bit of pre-stalking before the date and see something he's nichely interested in and bring it up and ask him about it. Or, I don't know, all of a sudden, if he really likes country music, you're like, oh my god, I love country music. But then again, you're getting into the point where it's like, okay, well...
you're like not even, this isn't even someone you like, you're just trying to get them to like you. Yeah, don't like overdo it or lie about it. This is just if you need a little tip and trick if you want to go the other way. Yeah, I think that it can really work unless you like, for instance, hated country music and that was going to somehow come out later in the relationship. So I had a little bit of an experience with this technique actually and
So I was with this guy in college and I really liked him and we were like sort of on the cusp of dating and we would Snapchat and I saw this tapestry that he had hung up in like the background of all of his selfies that he was taking.
Oh no. So I took my ass to red bubble, to Etsy, to Amazon. And I was searching for this tapestry because I was like, there's two guys on it. Like I can't make it out in the selfies. Like you're trying to find out what you're trying to find out where he like bought this tapestry to find out who's on the tapestry. Yeah. Because like, if you like something enough to hang it up in your room, like,
I must know about it. Yes, I must know. So I finally found it. It was like a Playboi Carti and Lil Uzi poster. Oh, God. And I luckily knew some of their songs, so I didn't have to go too deep into the stalker zone. So I did end up bringing it up in conversation and pretended that I just knew off the bat where the tapestry was from when I saw it for the first time. And he was like, what?
You like know them like that's really impressive and i'm there like yeah, I feel like these things go like right over guys heads If you're really really nervous about a date and like you just can't get yourself to do it I think you can like go on a double date and I think this is especially for people who are like out of college because it's definitely different like now our friends are like actually like
with guys on these dating apps and like going on actual dates. Like it's not someone that you're going to be meeting at like a frat party anymore. Like you're literally going to meet a stranger and like... Which can be scary. It can be and like dangerous. Yeah. So you could always be like, let's do something like I have a girlfriend if you have someone you want to bring and go on a double date and maybe... If you're setting that up, please make sure that the guys are of equal cuteness level. Because...
Screw me freshman year. Well, I kind of wanted to do it knowing, but I was like taking one for the team. And Hannah took one for the team freshman year with a double date because there was this guy and he was really cool in my eyes. Like, I feel like, would you say he's famous? Yeah.
Yeah, and I was like, I have to go on this date. Like, you are coming with me. So... I agreed. Yeah, you had to go on the date. I feel like you also wanted to come with me, though. Yeah, it was like a really cool experience. We were like, we can both date him. I don't know. But... No, he wanted Alex. We trekked on over to South Beach together, and we get there. The other guy...
Like, all praise, all love to my short kings out there, but I am really tall. They are just, it's not my journey. This man was like 5'4". Like, maybe 55 years old. Hannah's like 5'10". Yeah, like, this was just not gonna work out. Like, I literally could have put him in my pocket. Like...
And we sit down and I'm like, first of all, we came over and they're sitting. So he looks even shorter. I'm literally like, oh my God, is it too late to like walk out? But was this even like a date? Like, I think we were going to like the club. Well, we were at that like place for drinks first. And he worded it being like, I have a guy like bring a girl. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, it was okay. Yeah, he also was, like, not nice. So I'm like, wait, you look bad and you have a bad personality? He was short and angry. That is double fucking homicide. Like...
Yeah, but Hannah really took one for the team there. But I mean, like you can do that for a girlfriend if you need to. I mean, it also was like so funny. It's such a fun, like another funny story that we have in our back pocket. That's just like literally what we're doing there. Wait, wait. I think we're sleeping on the fact that when we got there, my date, like the person who asked me on the date had another girl sitting there for him. So we walk into this date.
The guy that I'm supposed to be seeing, I guess we'll just call him, like, Peter, okay? Peter. There's a girl sitting next to Peter. We get there. I'm thinking this is maybe, like, one of Peter's friends. And she starts talking to me, and she's like, yeah, Peter invited me, like, blah, blah, blah. Like, I've been talking to him. And I'm like, uh...
what's going on here and then peter starts like talking to me and this other girl starts getting mad and i'm like wait i'm really confused like what's going on here and maybe this is another example of this was not an actual date and we stayed and we stayed we had like a fun night but then we just like ended up going home after we just like took the free drinks and the clubbing night and whatever but like okay that was not like an actual like date no that was not a date
And I think we learned that like as soon as we got there. That date didn't go so well. And if you're on a date that also doesn't go so well, I think you have to like realize that and stop romanticizing maybe this person that you like made them out to be so great in your head because maybe clearly they're not if the date went horribly. Yeah.
I think it depends how the date goes horribly, but dates can definitely go bad. And I have overlooked those first date red flags before and I regretted it. And I ended up dating him. And let me tell you, I could have saved myself a whole year if I had just listened on the first date here. I mean, guys tell on themselves. Yeah. They're not that smart. Put your listening ears on. They will...
tell on themselves on that first date. We went out to dinner and I mean, in my eyes, I just felt bad. So basically I go out to dinner with this guy. We're in college. We get dinner and...
The check comes and I'm a stickler on this. Okay. I am not the kind of girl that's like, let me split the check. Like I'm a firm believer. I think the guy should always pay for the date. I think then maybe if you're dating, like you can split some things here and there, or maybe you get something, he gets something, but like a first date. In the courting phase, like guys should be paying. In the first date, the guy's paying. Sorry. So the check comes, I'm obviously sitting there like,
twirling my straw in my drink because I'm like, I'm not pulling out my wallet. I don't even pretend. Like, all these girls, like, pretending to look good. Yeah, no. No. I'm like... Just literally sit there and look pretty. That's, like... Give them a smile. And basically, he goes to pull out his wallet and he's like, oh, man. Oh, man.
Oh my God. I do not want to hear those words. I forgot my card. And I was like, oh, okay. He's like, oh man. I forgot my card. Like, and my mom, like I had, she gave me money and I forgot my card. I was like, fine. Your mommy gave you money? Okay. Okay.
So then he's like, I'm just going to do Apple Pay. He goes up to the waiter and he's like, so do you guys have Apple Pay? And the waiter says no. And I mean, like, this has to be like the most awkward scenario ever. So like he has no card. They're not taking Apple Pay. And we're just like awkwardly sitting there. He's fighting with this waiter about them not taking Apple Pay. And I'm like, uh, no.
I end up just paying for the date because I was like okay it happens like whatever not that big of a deal I feel like where the red flag and this really came in is he's like okay like I'm gonna sell you for the date I get a zell from his mother oh my god I forgot about that part of it like not even him like at least like fake it at least have your mom send you the money and then you send it to me like his little mother zelled me as if I was like babysitting him oh my god we actually
I just felt bad for him. So in the moment, I, like, overlooked it. But the moral... Overall moral of the story is not, like, having to do with money. It's just that he was, like, literally dumb as bricks. And I, like, just... Did he, like, wear a diaper on the date, too? Like, that's, like, genuinely terrible. He was a sweetie, but he was really lacking brain cells. Yeah. And I just...
Seemed to not care for some reason. My mom and dad on their first date, actually, my dad genuinely forgot his wallet, which I was talking about this with him because I remembered that story. I mean, stuff happens. Stuff does happen. But I was like, oh, dad, do you have any dating advice for the girls for the podcast? And he was like, literally don't date a man that forgets his wallet on their first date. So, yeah. I mean, if it doesn't go well...
recognize that be self-aware yeah be self-aware that the date did not go well and keep on moving on i feel like that we're gonna get the best advice for them when we can like read these what would alex do questions that you guys wrote in because some of y'all holy therapy you guys need some help and i'm gonna read different questions we're gonna go over scenarios that you guys wrote in
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joyba on Instagram and TikTok at joyba.fun for fun giveaways and to find a retailer near you. So welcome back to What Would Alex Do? We're having Hannah and Alex debrief this segment about dating What Would Alex Do scenarios. I'm a little nervous for this one. All right, starting off,
Hey, love the pod. What would Alex do if she was talking to a guy for the past month or two and all of a sudden they said that they didn't want a relationship after leading you on? I don't know if I want a relationship, but I was definitely thinking it would turn into something more and said some low key crazy things when he ended things. The sex is good and I want to keep hooking up with him, but don't know how to go about it.
Okay, first of all, I think we need to recognize here that you said, I don't know if I want a relationship. That to me was like the most important part. You, I think, are getting more wrapped up in the fact that like he told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship and you're now like getting competitive with that because you just said you don't even know if you want one. But I think either way, if you want to keep hooking up with him, I mean, I think that's fine. I don't think guys are ever going to like really like...
deny that but I don't think you can keep that going if you're also gonna like nag this guy about dating so I think you have to just kind of assess what you want here and I think the moral of this topic is just like
why would you want to be with a guy who doesn't want to be with you you know I also feel like though if you don't want a relationship right now or you're not even sure like if you can handle it like just go with the flow like that's how my boyfriend and I started dating like we both were just like enjoyed each other's company enjoyed hanging out and it like
Just like eventually turned into a relationship. Braxton and I hung out for nine months before dating because I was like... I think two months and not being ready to date is like... That's okay. Yeah. I wouldn't put pressure on it. And I think maybe it can turn something like down the road. But like if you keep putting pressure on it and like keep nagging this guy about it, he's going to like back off and like run away. So I think be chill. Be chill.
Reach out to hang out. Don't give psycho vibes. Yeah, or at least just like pretend to be Jill. Just pretend. Hide the psycho. This girl said, which is we kind of just touched on, but so I don't go on dates often. I picked a guy off of a dating app to see for a night out. He plans sushi and mini pudding, mini golfing. Okay. I pay for parking. Get ready the whole nine yards. He shows up late and talks about exes the whole time. Girl.
Nearing the end of the dinner, he talks about gender roles with the expectation of him to pay. Three strikes. Gaslighting me into paying for his meal. What would you do in that situation? I think me, like if I'm on this date with this guy and one, he shows up late, two, he's talking about his ex, I probably would have just paid for the meal and left before we could have even gotten to the boat. Yeah, I think I would have paid for my meal and left. Yeah. Not his, but...
I mean, at the end of the day, though, if he's, like, whatever. Yeah. I think I would have just been so, like, mad at the fact that this guy was being such a douche that I would have just been, like, I'm...
I give them the card and like leave and you have no excuse to talk to him then. The issue isn't even like the paying. It's more like that he was so disrespectful the whole date and then expected you to pay. I think if a guy's talking about their ex too, especially on a first date. Yeah. Anytime in the first like months you're hanging out with them. They're still in love.
One, they're still in love. Two, that's a red flag. Not a question, but a story of a crazy first date I had. Turns out the guy had been stalking my socials and got information from it so that we would have so much in common. Who would do that?
I told him I was terrible with names, but really good at remembering faces. And he said, you must not be so good. He knew which car I drove, which I never posted online. He mentioned specific things about my life that no stranger would know about. He was also rude and condescending, but it was so creepy. Turns out he was a photographer at a club I had been at two months prior. Hence the face remembering content.
Comment. And he found me on socials and stalked me until I got the courage to ask me out on a date. I obviously blocked him. Oh.
what and that's an example of taking it too far so when we say stalk a guy's socials before you go on a date don't like hunt them down for two months and like follow them around photographer wait that's so scary that's really scary actually the car comment would really get me i would call 9-1-1 yeah whilst on the date what's that thing you can ask for at a bar i
Oh, an angel shot. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. It's an angel shot. I think this is just reminding. Excuse me. Excuse me, Justin Bieber.
I think this is really reminding me of a time. I think this is a good reminder for girls and just something in general out there. Like when you're going on a date, first of all, especially a first date, especially if it's not a guy from your school that you guys like all know, share your location with your friends. Update them in the bathroom. Like your friend should always have your location, know what's going on on a first date like this. Like this is just so...
scary because this guy knows your whole life and i'm scared not a question but i shit you not a guy pissed in the garbage on our first date couldn't hold it and peed in the literal garbage in downtown chicago that is such an amazing story that like why would this like not bother what i don't know
If a guy, like, if he made it a funny joke, like, I feel like guys being funny is, like, so important to me. I mean, yeah. Actually, no. First date, no. I mean, it depends the context. Yeah. If he's like, wait, I gotta go pee in this trash can right now. Actually, I'm thinking about it and I completely retract what I said. That would really bother me. Yeah.
You're like standing there while he takes off his pants in the trash can. Yeah, no. That's really funny. Alex, I met this guy at a bar, hung out with him, got his number. He bought me a drink. We connected. He comes back to me a few moments later, accusing me of robbing him because he couldn't find his wallet. I was mortified because I know I would never do that. He is this huge dude with his friends yelling at me. Anyways, it was on the floor. The next day he drives...
Okay, first of all, the guy loses his wallet and accuses you of robbing him. Red flag. He skipped, like, reasonable step A, B, and C. Right.
That's really funny, but not funny. I feel like I can relate to this one weirdly a little bit because I had a guy do something to me that was like unforgivable, like not okay at all in any circumstance. And he wanted to take me out on a sushi date to apologize. And I fell for it and I went on the sushi date and he apologized and then kept on being a psycho and being crazy. So, I mean, if they're giving you...
Like, think about how long it takes for you to be psychotic in front of someone and, like, show all those layers of your onion. I gotta show that onion, girl. Why did that sound sexual and it wasn't at all? Like, the layers of your onion. Anywho, he's being psychotic on the first date. He's gonna be psychotic on the fifth, sixth, seventh, and for the rest of his life. Yeah. Oh my god. Wait, oh my god, that reminds me of the time that we were coming back from...
the bar and I was getting in this uber with all my friends and some of my big sky friends whatever were like helping us get home safe whatever and this random guy he like went to our school but none of us like really knew him or whatever he was blackout drunk and he just like hopped in the uber because he was like headed in the same direction I don't even know why he was there but he was so drunk and was getting like really aggressive and rowdy in the uber like I was getting a little scared and
And then all of a sudden I'm like talking to my friend Brooke just like turning this way, whatever. He grabs the back of my head and goes like this and literally slams it down into my knee bone. And I'm like grabbing my face. I'm like, holy fuck. Like what just happened? And then all of a sudden, like all the guys jump out of the Uber and start like dragging him onto the pavement. Like, thank God they were there to like get me out of that situation. That wasn't even the craziest part.
The next day, these guys tell him what he did because he was completely blacked out and had no idea. And a couple hours later, we hear this knock on my apartment door. I'm like, hello? And we open it, and it's like, there's no one there. Wasn't that a bag from Chanel? Yeah, it was a Chanel bag. It was just, well, boo, he just got me the perfume. A shopping bag from Chanel. I literally saw this big Chanel bag. I'm like, oh my, punch me in the face again. Yeah.
But it was perfume and a huge bouquet of like 36 red roses. I'm like, what? I don't even know you, first of all. And that's like the weirdest thing ever. But it was his like apology for harassing me. But guys think that they can just like buy an apology. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like don't let someone buy your apology. Actions speak louder than words. Well, I guess that is an action. Sorry.
Oh my god, just don't do it. Just don't forgive them. If they're psycho, just keep on moving. Yeah. Like, money should not be able to buy your forgiveness. Boom. Boom. Even though we've fallen for it a few times. Boom. Follow your own advice. Boom. Maybe we should start talking to ourselves. Boom. We are. Boom. This might be the worst podcast episode ever. Oh my god, I think it's going really well. Me too. Okay. Okay.
Are we done? Oh my god. I think we're done. Our moral of the story was in self-awareness, out DeLulu. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Be self-aware about yourself, about the guy you're dating, about everything. DeLulu girl is out in 2021. It's not cool anymore. It's not funny anymore because you're just hurting yourself in the long run. Yeah. Okay. Love you guys. Love you. This was such a fun and hectic episode.
But I hope you guys enjoyed. Love you guys. We love you so much. I'll see you next Thursday. Bye.