#2690 RHONY S15E014 Part One: You Bugme Berkeley
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Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune in to baby. This is Kiki Palmer. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app.

Watch what happens, watch what happens, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Watch what happens, watch what happens, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

Oh, hello and welcome to What What Crappens, a podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on ye olde bruvs. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hi, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Everybody, welcome. It's January 15th, 2025, and we're here to record Real Housewives of New York City. We are about to head on a whirlwind tour. We start in San Francisco, followed by San Diego, and we're going to do a Salt Lake City reunion recap. We're going to do them in both cities because we take five hours to recap that one. So come watch that. It's going to be our first Salt Lake City live show.

recap of the season. We're so alive and we're so excited. And then the next week we'll be in New York City on Broadway doing the Golden Crappy Awards. It's going to be an amazing show. You can vote for that now over at

our Instagram or watch what crap and stock calm. Also, we will be in San Diego and Salt Lake city the following week. So get your tickets for all that good stuff at watch what crap ends. If you like video recaps, we are on video every day, catch them at Patrion. It's also where you get your traders recaps, which are great. I mean, we love that show that's going on right now. And if you don't want to pay for Patrion, don't worry about it. Go over to YouTube and get the videos for free a week after they are published. Bam.

what say you today well we're here today to talk about real housewives of new york and you know as was teased in the below deck sailing yacht recap i have right here you may hear the rustling this is some asmr this for those who are watching i'm holding up something in tissue paper and you know what it is let me open it up big asmr moment this is fun tissue paper it really feels nice

It is a genuine, from the lady herself, Rebecca Minkoff bag. Thank you very much, Rebecca Minkoff, for sending us bags. Look how cute it is. Yeah, that was very cute. I love it. Yeah, thank you, lady.

Yeah, this is very, very cool. I actually really like it a lot. And like I was saying yesterday, I am, you know, I'm slowly converting into a man purse sort of guy. So, you know, this could be the future. That could be it. I love it, man. You're going to look fabulous in that. Thank you so much, Rachel. That was so sweet.

I can't wait to rock that. In New York City when we're there next week. New York City. Sorry. All right. Let's get on with this not season finale. Should be, but it's not. But this is the episode where they have been showing us everything from the beginning of the year. This is where the big breakdown starts on Real Housewives of New York City. This episode is called Quit Your Beaching, and it is the penultimate. That's good.

The penultimate episode of the season. So I was doing a little math. I was looking. This is episode 14. Next week is going to be the season finale. And it's also going to take place in Puerto Rico. They headed to Puerto Rico episode 11, I think.

So that was episode 11, 12, 13, 14, 15. That's five episodes that they've spent in Puerto Rico. This is, I think, one of the longest vacation spans we've had on The Housewives. Fifteen episodes in the season, five of them in Puerto Rico. It's kind of hilarious to think they've spent a third of their season on this vacation. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, listen, you know, get when the getting's good, I guess. Listen, yeah. I mean, they had, I would say this, this Puerto Rico vacation has been helpful for the show. Like there has been stuff going on. There was one episode in there that was, uh,

Pretty rough when they went to old San Juan, like that was the episode that they had. They needed to stretch out the season. I think, I think they were like, we need to get this. We need to get them into Puerto Rico as soon as possible because the stuff in Manhattan is not really popping off. So we need to move this, this vacation up, but now we don't have enough content for five episodes of vacation. So let's watch them walk around old San Juan for an episode and look at Abe's dick. Okay. We got out of the way. Now we can get back to the good stuff. Okay. Great. Yeah.

Yeah. And we'll try and look at Abe's dick again. Cause you know, that one's just keeps them coming back. Keeps them coming back every week. So yeah, here we are. This already episode already has a title. I would title it probably fuck around, find out. Cause that is kind of this episode. Aaron and Bryn have been picking, picking, picking, picking, picking and picking all season. And now that they are actually called out, they're both crying like little fucking babies with a, we knew they would be acting like the little victims, but

Yeah, like, you know, I get it. Uba is a lot, you know, she would probably exhaust me too. But ultimately, I've just been on her side for I think almost all this stuff. Maybe not the beach stuff she was being, I think, pretty rude about that. But generally speaking, I've been on Uba's side about this.

um and i would also probably be flying off the handle if i had to deal with brain oh my god bryn is so juvenile and she i think i mentioned uh last week that one of my issues with this show is that it kind of feels like we're sitting in on like a slumber party and that's like not very appealing to me and i think that like bryn

She may be the one, she may be the rotten apple that is spoiling the bunch. Because I think she, it does bring that kind of like slumber party energy and then it's kind of infectious. And it's just, you know what? I'm team Uba.

Yeah. I mean, I am too. I think, I think Uber acts like a jackass through most of this episode too, I have to say, I mean, she really started at the beach last week and it gets worse this week, but you know, again, fuck around, find out. I can see why she's over it. That's for sure. She cannot escape these two. They don't fucking stop and they don't stop in this one either.

So let's get into it. So we're still on the trip, everybody. And Raquel's going, what a trip. And Aaron goes, yeah, it was really a blast until last night. Doodly-doot, doodly-doot. And we flashback to last night at 11.03 p.m. And Nuba's like, this bitch is lying, you son of a fucking bitch. And then flashback to 10.15. And Brynn's like, oh, y'all fucking think I'm fucking dudes for money?

No one thinks that. Yeah, no one thinks that, Brynn. So then we see also another flashback, Aaron to Jessel. Maybe your husband should apologize to her for calling her a fucking bitch and saying she's bipolar.

And then flashback to 9.39 p.m. And Uba's like, I'm naked. I'm naked. I don't want to talk. Because Aaron's trying to make her talk while she's taking a shower. Like, get the fucking cameras out of here, bro. Like, this is what I'm talking about. Like, everybody's online. Like, Uba's losing her fucking mind. What would you do if you're in the shower and some lady comes in with a fucking film camera? Get out. Can I get anywhere? Like, my mom used to say when she went to the bathroom and we would knock and ask for her attention. I'm in the bathroom. Can I get an appointment? God damn it.

These are actually flash forwards to what we're going to see. And so basically Aaron's telling us, how do we go from the best time ever to a Shakespearean tragedy like this?

I'm like, was it the best time ever? I think we have to start there with that premise because we're about to go back to the sad beach. Yeah. No, these were flashbacks, but now we flash forward to Aaron saying that. And then we flash. It's like lost. You know, here's the thing. Time is immaterial because as far as we can tell, we've been stuck in purgatory for this season. I was going to say, no matter what time it is, I can tell you right now, it's been wasted. Yeah.

No matter what time it is, I don't have time for Brent. Okay, yours is better. So we're back at the beach.

So Uba's acting like an asshole about this beach. Is it a glamorous beach? No, but it's a perfectly fine functional beach. There is a dead bird. There is a fish that is flopping around in a pool. You know, it happens. These things happen at a beach. And Uba's like, it is disgusting. Do not go in the water. It is disgusting. No one go in it. Everyone, I beg you, please do not even look at the water. Okay, close your eyes and pretend the water's not even there. Okay.

and brand's like but i wanted to pee in the ocean it's like don't do it i'm telling you so uh so i was like i'm a puerto rico i'm gonna swim in the water give me a fucking break and uh right raquel just goes i mean it's nature pigeons die although there is something about like a face down pigeon in the sand with the flies around it that just feels at this in this moment of like bird flu talk it's like

Maybe we'll, maybe let's go to Jamba Juice. So Rick Rattel. Stop lifting up nature. We've all seen, especially right now, what a bitch nature is. And, you know, sometimes it's the original. Give me a sunset. Give me, you know, for every, for every one sunset there. How many people are in the world, Ben? About 35. Okay. Let's say how many billions of people? Come on. Give me 35 billion. I don't know.

10 billion. Okay. No, it's like a billion. So for every one sunset we get a day, we get about 35 billion poops as well. So don't talk to me about nature. You know, it ain't all pretty. Okay. It's mostly nature. That's what I like. Air conditioning. That's what I like.

Nature is giving a little Bethany Frankel these days. Okay, I think, you know what, maybe it's time to put down, like, maybe like go on pause, put down the TikTok. That's like, you know, there were times where we just really loved nature. And nature is really the most successful of all the Real Housewives. But also right now, nature is driving us all nuts. And we just need nature to step away for a moment.

Well, you know, they're going to put down the TikTok because supposedly it's being put down on Sunday. Did you know that? Well, yeah, I did. This could be the end. Wow. They're going to say TikTok, right? Of course they will. Because where else am I going to stand and do my dances in a one-foot diameter? I mean, you know who's going to save it? MomTalk.

Mom talk. Bethany talk should save it. I can't believe Bethany doesn't have a huge charity to save TikTok yet. This is a crisis, okay? It's a crisis. She's just throwing cash cards at our heads. The original patron saint of Puerto Rico, Bethany Frankel. So, oh my God, look at this. Look at this. This person doesn't have electricity. It's terrible. Oh my God, look at this beach. There's a dead pigeon on the beach. Okay, this is a crisis. Okay, I'm putting up a flag around this pigeon that says, this is a crisis. Okay, dead pigeon, here's a card for you. I'm giving you this card. Okay, you can go buy yourself something with it. Okay, I'm going home. Going home.

Speaking of being assholes at a beach, did you see the video of Ramona Singer in Florida where she's like, whoa, no, no.

Look at me. I'm in a bathing suit. Look how pretty the water is. It's just gorgeous, you know? Look at the ocean. Look at the sand. Look at the sun. Fortunately, people in LA don't know what that's like right now because they're miserable. What can you do? Sorry. Sorry, okay? I'm having a good time. Sit. And people are like, what a fucking monster. But I was like, yeah. She's really good at state shaming. She was like, no, I just wanted to show it's not just New Jersey that lives in a state of depravity, okay?

good old ramona so raquel is so raquel tells us i would never go to anyone's home country and start and complaining about a place that they're taking me to that they told me was one of their favorites as a child i'm like that's exactly correct you would never do that you just do it what you do is you do it behind their backs in private over brunch when you get home i mean come on that's how you do it guys yeah she's like this is her local beach it's not gringo beach

You know, Gringo Beach is where the tourists go. And if the beach is good enough for Jenna, it's good enough for all you bitches. Jenna's like, this beach isn't good enough for me. Yeah, Jenna's like, I'm just going to lie here like I always do and just pretend everything's okay. Compartmentalize, compartmentalize. And Uba's still going, disgusting, literally disgusting. And Sia's trying to shut her up, but it's not working. And Jussel's like, oh, no.

as she's saying everything I'm thinking. I want to be like, "Preach, sister!" But I can't do that because, you know, I want to be respectful. So, so I was like, "Okay, just try to relax. Okay, you know, this is a beautiful set up, Raquel. I really like what you did here." And she's like, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Raquel. It is very nice. It is a very nice set up on a DISGUSTING beach!" It's like, "Okay, okay, Uber.

So a couple of the girls go in the water, Brynn and Erin and Raquel. And Brynn's like, I don't like that Uba just came up and was like, don't go in the water. Like, I saw one dead pigeon and that's like disgusting. And the water is like disgusting. And Erin's like, yeah, gross. And Raquel didn't like it either. And she's like, it's just too much. It's like weird energy. Like, usually I accuse Jessel of being like, think before you speak. But Uba does the same shit. It's so gross. Gross.

Umba is like a living, breathing thermometer and not the type of thermometer you stick up someone's butt. Ha ha ha ha ha!

You have to like check that weather report every day. Like there might be a thunderstorm. There might be a tornado. There could be a goddamn earthquake, which is funny because you don't like tell what an earthquake is going to come on a thermometer. Oh my God. You guys. Am I losing you? The problem with this is that you are the natural disaster that's coming. That's why we need the fucking thermometer in the first place. I know. What are you complaining about? I don't want to hear the hurricane fucking complaining.

Yeah, I don't want that at all. She's not as entertaining as a hurricane. She's like, she's like a bomb cyclone. Just the thing that arrives and makes everything cold and then goes away. So, um, The girl's like, you know, "Uba deep down is like the sweetest, but she literally becomes like a different person. Like you say one tiny thing. I mean, you say you get your fucking head." You don't just say one tiny thing, you pick.

and you poke and you pick and you poke. And that's why your head's fucking chopped off, you know? But nobody's gonna tell Brynn that because they're all, everybody in this episode says you can't talk to Uba because everybody's terrified to go against Uba. It's the same for Brynn. Brynn just has a different way of scaring you guys. No one wants to be on Brynn's bad side either.

and in fact they always say something to uber and they never say something to brent so um raquel is basically like she's like i'm just gonna i'm gonna talk with her that's what that's what i'm gonna have to do so aaron's like well of course raquel is valid and feeling offended because uba has had some strong reactions so far on this trip and then we see uba being an about the rooms and about being the being at the beach and everything and at dinner i mean uba was

We gave Uba some... We let her hold some space because she wasn't feeling well, but she was still being a dick at dinner. But also she was reacting because she was not feeling well and she was sitting there and was fine. And then Brynn was coming at her. She didn't want to deal with it. So Brynn put Uba into a bad mood. Brynn has a total inability to be considerate to her friend's needs. She's just going to make her friend feel worse at a table when her friend is already feeling sick.

Yeah, and look, here's the thing. This is Housewives. There's room for so many truths. Uba is an asshole. That's true. Uba is a fucking asshole. She's full of herself. She's selfish. She's a brat. She doesn't go try to get a room, but then when she's not given a good room, she cries like a little baby. She's a brat, okay? But...

Brynn is worse. Yeah, Brynn's worse. Like, that's where I'm coming from. Brynn knows she takes those weak qualities that she sees in somebody and she's like, okay, this person will lose her temper if I do X, Y, Z, and then I will do X, Y, Z just for funsies. And that's what makes her worse, you know? So, Brynn, you suck more, in my opinion. Yeah.

And Erin's like, well, maybe it's not just what's going on here. Maybe she's worried about the fibroid surgery she told us about. Well, yeah, I mean, especially like, you know, this is like a fairly common thing in Housewives that like someone has a medical issue. Erin has, you know, she is very concerned about her parents in this on this trip. And

And, you know, she is asking for grace in these moments. And here it's kind of like, oh, well, maybe she's worried about surgery. I don't know. But like, whatever, it's uncalled for. It's like, yes, yes, it may be uncalled for. But like, where is the grace that you're asking other people to give to you? Where is it for for Uba when you know she's actually probably nervous about this surgery?

Yeah. So, well, that's what she's saying right now, right? She's kind of giving her the grace, I guess, in this confessional. Not real life. She's acknowledging that she could be giving grace, but she's not giving it. Okay. Yeah. So then Brynn's like, when she said I sucked a dick for work. She didn't say that, though.

but keep trying keep trying to make that could she have worded it better sure but she didn't technically say that and she's like well i'm not going to be disrespected until i suck dick for jobs and if i did suck dick for jobs then i'd be in the oval office it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

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Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. You know how everyone's all about new year, new me. Well, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. We're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspective.

And honey, it's going to change your life. I sat down with astrology queen, Channing Nicholas. Y'all, if you want to understand yourself better this year, this episode is it. And then there's my chat with the incredible Da Vinci where nothing was off the table. If you're looking to level up your mindset this year, his words are definitely going to hit different.

If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And for the full experience, head to my YouTube channel. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app. Let's make this year our best one yet, baby.

Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. You know how everyone's all about new year, new me. Well, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. We're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspective. And honey, it's going to change your life. I said,

I sat down with astrology queen, Chani Nicholas. Y'all, if you want to understand yourself better this year, this episode is it. And then there's my chat with the incredible Da Vinci where nothing was off the table. If you're looking to level up your mindset this year, his words are definitely going to hit different.

If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby. This is Kiki Palmer. Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And for the full experience, head to my YouTube channel. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app. Let's make this year our best one yet, baby.

So now Erin tries to do like a hoverboard thing, which she's really, really bad at. And she keeps falling over. And then there's also like a lifeguard that's sort of guarding them. I kind of feel like it's, I think that like when, when it comes to like shooting scenes, Bravo, like it's like mandatory that there has to be a lifeguard there because there's also a random lifeguard at a Potomac scene recently with a pool. So they have this like cute teenager that's there. And Bryn is like, okay.

Oh my God, who's this little white-haired Bambi here? Should I pretend like I'm choking? Yeah, so she does the thing. She does the Sonia thing and lies on the ground. She's like, oh my God, I'm drowning. And everyone's just watching her like, yikes. It's just sad. Uba's like, cringe, cringe, I cringe. Uba cringe. So then she's like, oh my God, I was dying and you didn't even save me. Oh.

Good. He's the audience.

Yeah, exactly. The audience is like, leave her! Leave her there! She was an avatar for this show in general, and the lifeguard was the audience. So Bryn is like, I like Ben, they call me out on my shit. Based on how you react when other people call you out on your shit, I'm not sure that's totally true. So Jess is like, I mean, it's like an acrobat gone wrong. She's crawling through the sand like a little...

sand cat or whatever that is. What is it, Jess? You know, a classic sand cat that walks around the beach. Whatever that is, whatever that thing is, I'm like, I don't think there is a thing. Yeah, so basically that...

wacky scenes up. So then Si's like, yeah, you know, this is the first time I've seen Brynn flirt with a teenage boy. I mean, I've seen her flirt with a lot of daddies, but ugh. And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go get myself in the water because I'm just getting eaten, mostly by embarrassment for Brynn. So yeah, I'll be over there.

Meanwhile, Sai is picking at her foot. She's like, "I gotta get the glass out of my foot. It's really bothering me." I'm like, "I cannot believe she's walking on a public beach, or even a private beach. You know, those beaches have all sorts of stuff in the sand. And she's walking around with this, like, embedded glass in her foot. I was like, "Oh my god, you're gonna lose your entire leg. You're gonna get gangrene, please." So she puts a condom over her foot, which I thought was actually a pretty decent idea, considering the situation. Yeah.

She's like, yeah, you know what? Like, if a guy tells you that a condom don't fit, don't believe him because my foot's huge. Yeah.

So then we go back to hoverboard. I'm surprised Erin's not better at hoverboarding because she literally just hovers. That's what she does. Like, her whole personality is just hovering. Like, aren't you mad at Brynn? Why aren't you mad at Brynn? You should totally be mad at Brynn. Aren't you mad at Jessel? You should totally be mad at Jessel. Like, girl, it's the same thing you do all day long. It's just in the water. Get with the program. Be you.

Yeah, Jessel's like, she looks great doing this. It's like when you see the Baywatch lifeguards running and they dive in the water and they save people. It's like, that's cool to watch. It's like when Parvath thought that a Banh Mi was drowning in the East River and he just jumped right in to save it. And then he realized it was just a plastic bag floating along. Still very heroic. Mm-hmm.

And Brent's like, look, I've seen the TikToks. And Americans who do water sports, it doesn't end well. Okay. Is there like a niche of Americans just being bad at water sports? Classic Americans being bad at water sports. So then Rebecca's like, guys, I haven't said anything. And I really only feel like saying one thing this episode. So I just want to say this. Please gather around.

I was thinking about going to get some fresh coconut milk. Okay, yeah, yeah, let's do it. Let's avoid the dead pigeon. So Jessel's like, where is it? Where is it? But how far is it? Oh, there's a sign. It's like coconut water. I like to see Jess on The Amazing Race. Like, let's try to avoid the dead pigeon. So...

Aaron is like, oh my God, I think I got a fish bite. Look, is this a fish bite? Did the fish bite me? I'm like,

Come on, even fish have to stop. The fish started to bite you and then it died of boredom. It's literally floating in the water over there. It was a scythe fish. I'm so hungry. God, all you have is Aaron Butt to serve me? So it starts raining. So Jess was like, oh my God, I'm fat. And so, you know, that's going on. And so now it's time to leave. And Uwe's like, God, thank you for listening to my prayer. I don't want to be on this beach anymore.

So Raquel basically is like, "Yeah, I should have taken them to Gringo Beach." So they go back to the house, they're splitting some chocolate, you know, they're just sort of snacking and it's cold in there. And so they're sharing this chocolate now and Uba's like, "Erin, what's happened?" Because I guess half her chocolate bar is gone. And Erin's like, "Whatever, I don't work here." The other half is in her stomach.

Do you see what I—get it? Because she ate it. Like I did. I just ate it with that joke. I'm eating right now. That's what the gays told me, I should say. Is anyone going to laugh? No? So then, yeah, so Aaron comes into their room with chocolate, and I just said—I said out loud, "Oh, wow, I wonder what shit Aaron's going to start right now." Because that's literally the only reason she lives. So she does. She does. Like, literally right after I said it, she goes, "So, Jessel, I heard you were upset this morning." And she's like,

I wasn't upset. I was just confused because Bryn was so activated. And then we see a flashback of Bryn being like, oh my God, you have photographers. And then Jussel's like, I just didn't understand why she was so upset. And it was like, what happened yesterday when we took a nap? Because we heard you had a little conference outside, Erin. And she's like, I didn't have a conference. I just listened.

yeah this is why you saw wild yeah why you suck right here the this episode demonstrates why Aaron sucks so clearly and Bryn too but mostly Aaron yeah together I think what's hard is that Bryn I think totally ruins the show and Aaron is just annoying because she's like

She's acting in like bad faith. She's like a bad actor. Not like bad, like thespian, but she's like a bad actor on this show. Like she literally, she blatantly lies in a way that like, given that there are various housewives who lie and like, and bend the truth, she does it in a way that's kind of like,

humorless or not fun or just like sanctimonious. It's like a frustrating thing to watch. So Jessel's like, "So who was it? Was it Brynn and Sy?" And then she said, "Why are you being so quiet?" She goes,

Well, I think it would be helpful to call them in here. She's basically like, "Bring them in here, get mad at them, and then I'm going to wipe my hands free of this." Yeah, she's like, "If we bring them in here, I can start fights between them all by suggesting different things, and then I can just watch them go at it and I'll get off the hook." Right? And she tells us, of course, she's like, "Listen, do I gossip with my friends? I mean, am I a girl? Yeah."

I was actually offended by that. I was offended by that because as a man, I just know that we actually probably gossip way more than any women do. Yeah. Let's be honest. Guys gossip so much. So it was like, but I think you know more. And she's like, I don't know anything, you know? And she's like, didn't you take notes? You were part of the conversation, which I love because it's so true. And she's like, no, I just sat there and listened. And then we see the flashback to where, of course, Aaron's

fucking lying as usual talking yes with the rest of them and also starting it because I wasn't over there naturally talking Aaron and Bryn started her talking so uber's like well and she's like listen I think you should talk to them just ask them and she was no I want to hear and she's like yeah but then if you hear what I heard you're going to be like Aaron's a pigeon and she's a this I'm not going to do that anymore you know

Well, then stop acting like a pigeon. You're the one who I guess Uba asked, but she's I don't know why Aaron couldn't just say, yeah, we're talking about Jessel and talking about how Jessel got upset that one time. And that's it. It's everything we talked about last night. Like, how do you how do you not dead it right there?

but of course Aaron wants Uba to be mad at them and so because also when when Uba gets mad at Brynn and Sai it just brings those girls closer to Aaron so she like builds her Alliance more strongly or stronger so Aaron is like I mean she told me she's like really pissed at you and she's never been more mad at anyone else in the group I guess that was last that was the flashback yeah so Aaron's like you know it was just basically just like

Aaron was, you know, I just can't win, you know, because if I say anything, you're going to accuse me of saying anything or saying something. So then it was like, well, I'm protective of Jessel because, well, she doesn't have a backbone. So now is a good time to be a pigeon. Go get me tea, pigeon. And she's like, I'm not pigeoning right now. So then she's like, just trust what I'm saying is true. I was the one standing up against I was standing up for you against those girls.

"But you didn't tell me any of this yesterday." She goes, "I know. I'm telling you now. I'm telling you now." Yesterday, she told you truth about Brynn to get you mad, but then Brynn got herself off the hook, so now she's gonna tell you lies to get mad at Brynn. So, you see how that works? So just up the game with her, guys. Just up the game. So Brynn's like, "Knock, knock.

She goes into Jenna Raquel's room. She's like, hey, it's time to wake up. We need you to be creative, direct, the synchronized swimming. So there's this ongoing thread this episode that there will be a synchronized swimming moment. And it takes them a very, very long time to get to the synchronized swimming. But it's like...

threatened the entire episode. So now we- Then they spent like hours once they're there doing it. I was like, how many hours did you shoot this? That's a lot of shots for a- why are you guys so fixated on this? Yeah. I don't know. So yeah, it's like a big thing. And also, Brynn had some wacky things. Cause like, I know it's been a few days and then I'm still thinking about Jenna's bush. I just want to recreate it.

So we see flashbacks to that. And then we see flashbacks of Brynn getting everybody. Sorry, go ahead. How could you just breeze over Jenna's very important character development of her history with synchronized swimming, Ronnie? It's a very compelling moment of Jenna saying, I'm always excited for synchronized swimming. I took it when I was young. I saw it in the Olympics and they offered it at the pool. I went to every summer and I was like,

count me in where's my hat oh my god i can't believe i just said that i can't believe i just said that it's okay great great story you guys got me to open up about my synchronized swimming never gonna live this down never um so yeah so brin is continuing with jenna's bush listen

It's one thing to talk about Jenna Bush. It's one thing to talk about Jenna's Bush. I frankly don't want to hear about either one of them. Okay? One of your dads is a war criminal and the other one is just Bush hanging out of someone's underwear. I don't want to hear about either thing. So now we see a scene where Bran has bought wacky wigs from Amazon for everybody to put in their bush for a big joke for Jenna, which I'm sure is just going to be riotous. So then...

Brin's like, "Look, I ordered them off Amazon. And when you know Jeff, you can get Prime same day delivery, even on a Caribbean island. You cannot fuck people for money." Yeah, seriously. So, okay. Gather yourself. Gather yourself. It's going to be okay. We can do this.

Why do we have to be subjected to this? So what they basically do... You take the goods, you take the bad, you take them all. You take them all and there you have the facts of life. Facts of life. There's a time you take a wig and put it in your crotch and make it look like Janice Bush. Janice Bush. Janice got a bush and there has been bitten all the tush. The facts of life. The facts of life.

There's a time when you go to the pool and they offer synchronized swimming. And that's the time you figure out the facts of life are all about stupidity. Takes a lot to take a wig and put it in your crotch. Cause we're talking about the facts of life.

Oh my gosh. I've gotten really far in that song. You really did. You went for it. You went for the extended cut. I did the version that's in my iTunes library. And if you think I don't have that in my iTunes library, you are sorely, sorely mistaken. Because I have, quite frankly, a great, great TV tune collection that happens here.

yeah so then sly and aaron are talking and of course aaron's going to try to spread some more misery so size like yeah you know it's sad it rained on the beach that setup was really cute raquel and aaron's like yeah except for uba talking about dead pigeons raquel don't forget don't forget you have to fight with uba now and she's like oh god it wasn't even a pigeon it was just a dead bird it's nature so then um back what assign aaron are talking now

and doing the hair in their vag or whatever. It's wacky. And so then Raquel, back to Raquel, Raquel's saying, you know, she was saying the beach is disgusting. And Sai's like, well, I told her to stop. And she's like, but she listens to you. And she's like, well, it's also just because everything the island's been through. So now they're talking to Uber, right? Isn't this where they come in to talk to Uber? Or are they just saying the same thing? I mean, I think, by the way, I don't think it really matters. I think technically you skipped ahead because...

I did. I can tell you. There was... I can't. Listen, here's what I'm doing. I'm reading one line and then I'm just getting disgusted. You skipped over the part...

Where, um... They talk more about Uba not being able to control her emotions. It's the gaslighting of Uba. I mean, the thing is this: Uba... Again, Uba is emotional. But they also act like she's emotional with no provocation. And the truth is they are constantly fucking with her. Constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly.

So anyway, I don't even know where we are now, but they are, this is when they come like all marching out. - Well, so they talk again that Uba, you know, Uba's blah, blah, blah. - I'm gonna scroll down, I'm gonna scroll down to where you are. - Uba's blah, blah, blah. - I'll catch you. - So then Sy's like, "We know she's got a hard time controlling her emotions, so I understand Raquel's walking on eggshells, you know? I mean, if I went to Somalia and I said her beach was disgusting, she would go off on me."

And Aaron's like, well, maybe you should say it in a way that show, you know, you could say it in a way that showed respect, you know, go on guys, you can do it. So I just want everyone to know, I am still fucking scrolling through with my little mouse, my functional mouse through all the walking out with the wigs in the bathing suits. And Oh my God, I'm itchy. Oh my God, Jenna, do you see it? I'm like, it's, it's going on forever. Like, I'm just like, huh? Huh? When did we get through this part? When did we get to that conversation? Yeah.

It's really a lot of time with this wacky like hair coming out of their underwear thing. And no, you know, Jenna's not getting it because she's not staring at their crotch all day because that's not just what gay people do. Well, gay guys sometimes I do. I mean, I sometimes do.

But I don't think gay women do that. And so they've kind of misdirected their bets because they keep thinking she's going to look. But then Erin makes it really obvious because she's Erin. And Jenna gives like a half-hearted laugh. And then they all laugh kind of half-heartedly. I mean, it's like what I always say. A hilarious prank. It was hilarious. I mean, I understand. Like, I understand Jenna. Like, she is not.

gonna be staring, looking for someone's pubes. It's like I always say, now the world don't move to the pube of just one bathing suit. What might be pubes for you may not be pubes for some. No. No. Nothing. I guess truly different strokes. Different books. Different pubes it takes. Different pubes it takes. Different pubes to rule the world. Yes it does. Now everybody's gotta do it.

Find a pube. What are you talking about, pubis? Okay, so then everyone's happy because of this wacky joke. And then Uba goes inside. And so they're kind of looking at her. And she's like, oh, I guess I'll go talk to Uba now. So Brent's like, oh, she's better than us. That's how you do it. Right, guys? Someone go watch.

So then, um, Uba goes in. So now Raquel, yeah, and Raquel goes in. Raquel goes into Uba's room, and Raquel's like, so I thought the way, I was just talking to the girls out there, and I thought it just, it wasn't very nice of you to run out saying, this is disgusting, don't go in there, the water's disgusting. And Uba is totally, she's totally chill, and she totally is understanding about it. Just kidding! She's like, but it was disgusting! And it smells! And I have a picture to show you that there was a dead bird. Yeah.

And she's like, "Uwe, it's a beach. I mean, in your country, do birds not die?" She goes, "Oh my God, but if they do, I say it." And I wasn't rude to anybody. I mean, come on, what are we, blind? You know? You sold it. This is BS, you know? And if you were a travel agent, I'd never book it again. She's like, "Okay, but telling people it's disgusting and not to go in the water." But it was disgusting. And in my home country, if I was on safari and there's a dead lion somewhere and some animal is eating it, I'll say it's disgusting too. Yeah.

We're not saying you have that memory to pull from. Like, listen, I said it when it was a fucking lion too. Yeah. But it's not like saying like, Hey guys, don't go playing around the lion. The lion's it's like, no, no,

So Sai just walks in. She just plants herself. Hi, what's going on? So Raquel's like, all right, but like when you came over, you said don't go in the water. It's disgusting. And Sai's like, yeah, and anything else after that, I did look at you and I said stop. And it was like, yeah, she said stop. But I didn't. I didn't mean it in that way. And like, you guys did not make me sign an NDA. You're not bringing me here to say, don't say anything about Puerto Rico. And she's like, she's like, no, no one's telling you not to say anything about Puerto Rico. But sweetheart, it's rude. Do you know what this island has been through?

And she goes, oh, yeah? Bethany Frankel came here. This place is still something. There's a girl who was put in the hospital when a cash card got lodged in her temple. Bethany Frankel did that. And she's like, okay, well, the last time you were here was six years ago. I came here four times after the hurricane to shoot here. And I came to Puerto Rico more than you do. And she's like...

Okay. I mean, Uba, for fuck's sake, man. And I can see why Uba's on the defense. In a way, let me excuse it. Just a way, and then I'll completely erase it. I can see in a way why she's on the defense because she says, I was talking to those girls out there, and I really think this was rude. So Uba's like, the second I walk away, of course those fucking girls start talking about me, and now they get the new girl all riled up against me. Fuck this. So she feels like she's defending herself from Brynn and Aaron again, is how I'm taking this.

That said, it shouldn't fucking matter. Fucking grow up. If somebody is telling you you were rude, you were fucking rude, and you're in another country, and it came off as really insensitive, and your friends are here telling you it's rude, just say you're sorry, dude. You're making this so much fucking worse. Yeah, I wonder, I think that she's probably trying to say, like...

I don't know. I'm not even going to try to make an excuse for Uber because I do think she's being a real asshole in this moment. But I'm just trying to imagine what she was thinking. Maybe she's saying like, hey, it's not like I'm being insensitive to Puerto Rico. I know what this island is all about. And this this beach was just a shitty beach. And it's like it's nothing about Puerto Ricans or like the people or the culture.

But either way, it's like, it's just a really, it's just to try to like one up the actual, you know, Puerto Ricans in the room with being like, I've come here four times since then. And like part of Raquel's pain is that she hasn't been able to make it down there. So it was really like rubbing, you know, dead pigeon inflected salt in the wounds. So Raquel is like, yeah, I don't think so. Like you don't like, so you understand Puerto Rico and Puerto Ricans. Okay, fine. Wonderful. So that makes the insults even worse. Yeah.

Which is a good point. And so I was like, well, I think I understand though. Cause you know, Puerto Rico has been through a lot, you know? And it was like, oh my God, every other word has been through so much. You know, I'm number one, Puerto Rico. You are number two or three.

Well, it's just because we're here and we're trying to have fun. She goes, "Okay, so you're ganging up on me because you're Puerto Ricans and I'm in Puerto Rico. Is that it?" So they got all the Puerto Rican cast to come in here and give me shit. So I was like, "What did I do? I just walked in. I just walked in." So I was practically calm. I was practicing up at this part, because Uwe's not really wrong, I think, at this part. She's like, "Okay, great." So now it's the coalition of Puerto Rico against me. She's like, "Oh, come on, you're getting a fucking break."

Yeah, but also it is their country. And the way that Uba was reacting was like, it was totally, it wasn't just like, oh, there's a dead pigeon out there. It's gross. There was something...

very like classist that was coming out of it. Right. So she says, I have too much money to sleep in this bed. Now here's the thing. Here's the other thing. These shows are about rich ladies being whatever, you know, and especially old Roni, you know, we saw it all the time, people being rude and especially Ramona, like what a fucking monster we saw it all the time. And I think Uba might be playing into that a little bit. Like, this is what you do. You know, you go and then you're, you're like really snotty and talk about

your money and this and that. And I get it. I think just she doesn't really have the je ne sais quoi to really pull it off.

you're supposed to be having fun with it. Like, it's just like, when people are telling you it's not working, I just take the note. You know what I mean? At this point. I don't know. I mean, I think I was actually thinking that like, Uba really has kind of had a breakout season. I mean, she's been frustrated all this time by all these people. But at the same time, like, I felt like last season, Uba was trying to do the, I'm so wacky, wacky, wacky, wacky. And now I kind of feel like we're seeing more of like the real Uba, which is that she's

pissed off and these women pissed her off and I I don't even think that like Uba is someone who is like like

like a crazy hothead all the time. I think it's just that she just can't deal with these, this group of people and who can blame her at this point. Yeah. I don't know what my, I don't know what my point is. I think my point is, I think she's actually turning into a pretty good housewife. Oh, really? Yeah, I actually think so. Listen, she is causing a lot of rage amongst the audience. People are talking and I haven't seen people talking about New York at all this season, really, except how much it sucks. Are people not happy with her? The best,

Well, no, they're pissed at her. You know, it's like, but now it's like a Brynn versus Uba thing, which is, well, I mean, that is what it is on the show, but they both kind of suck. I mean, Uba, I think, is at least charming and funny the other times where I think Brynn is pretty much 90% a shithead faker. Yeah.

I think Uba was being an asshole about this beach. I think that her response was not, it was not the response that I think that she should have given, but it is one of the, that's, that's what the nature of this show is, is people who are stubborn and people who are privileged and people who are up their own asses. And, um, I think I, um, I think that I'm so much more on Uba's side for everything else that I'm sort of in a place of like, you know, I'm, I'm going to let this one slide for Uba.

I also think, though, that this discussion is actually what fuels her mood for the rest of the episode. Because basically, Uba's... She's very defensive, but then she pulls back and she goes, I didn't mean it in a rude way, me not going to the ocean. I was not going to go into the ocean to begin with. I don't know how to swim. I'm not going to swim anywhere. In crystal blue water with mountains, I don't go in the ocean. I just don't. I didn't mean it in a bad way. So she's kind of like...

you know, she's not apologizing for what she said, but she's acknowledging that she hurt. Right. So they hug and it ends nicely. But I feel like after this fight, it's,

She is stewing. She's angry that she was confronted about this. And she's probably angry for the things that you mentioned that she probably thinks that the girls set Raquel up to do this. And I think that is the emotion that she carries into the rest of the episode. I think she is ready to murder Brynn and Aaron and rightly so. And she says on the way out, she's like, I really didn't mean it. And don't listen to those people if they're trying to make you feel like I was being rude.

Well, you were being rude, but see, she's saying Aaron and Brenner doing this and that's what, that's what does it. He's like, there we go. And she's already been pissed because they have been fucking with her the whole time. And it's not an excuse. It's just a reason. You know what I mean? She needs to learn how to fucking handle it better. Cause she's ridiculous.

And it really sucks when you should be so clearly in someone's corner. And I just wish she had someone there to help her and be like, Uba, you're winning this. Those two look like assholes. All you have to do is the whole thing you were doing in the last episode until the very end of it, where you were just kind of being nonchalant and being like, whatever, shut up, you idiot. You're insignificant. That's what you need to do in this situation. Don't give them what they want. Exactly.

so uh Raquel is like uh she's like I don't know if I got through with her but you know I expect more from like an immigrant you know although she goes although Jessel's an immigrant and I don't expect more from her I think she still doesn't understand the concept of Hurricane Maria foreign

So it was like, trust me, I'm the biggest Puerto Rico fan. I love this place. And guess who else? Puerto Rico is my biggest fan, too. You know, I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry that didn't work out for you, Raquel. But, you know, it's great for me. Congratulations. You've reached the end of part one of a two part recap.

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