#2693 RHOSLC S5E16 Part Two: Circle (of) Jerks & Sold On SLC Mini
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

Okay, so now everybody starts looking through their phone. And Angie's joking like, oh my God, check, please check. So here we go. Who wants to start? Mary's like, I'll go first. We get to do it about everybody, right? She's like, no, just one. I need an editor. So I just hand over my phone. Just read my whole phone.

I mean, I can't imagine it. Mary on her on her text messaging saying anything that could be worse than anything she's ever said. I mean, she's already called Heather in bread like a few times. So Heather's like Mary gets and everything else. I mean, she is already dragged Heather every season. This is the first season that she hasn't completely dragged Heather. I mean, she started off where she was like, wow, skinny. I guess that was like a somewhat drag, but she didn't really get her too bad this season. But yeah, you're right. She's already been so mean.

So she gives her phone to Heather and Heather just starts reading the message and just starts to cry. And I was like, oh my God, this is going to be a long episode. This is going to be a rough, rough episode. We're like, this is rolling on the first one here. So Heather's like, she starts reading it. Heather,

From day one, I never felt accepted by her and included as part of this group. She changed when she became successful, and I think it went to her head. She started getting aggressive and referring back to all the things she had accomplished and threw it in our faces. And instead of being grateful for her blessings, it changed her to become competitive and super mean. And oh, while she enjoyed the feeling of fame, she has forgotten the people who helped her get to where she is and who are truly happy and proud of her like I have been and always will be. Yeah.

Heather's like, yeah, Heather's crying. But you know, now that I've had a day to think about it, because when I was watching it, I was just cringing so hard and laughing, but I was like, oh my God, please stop. Just stop this game. But now that I've had a day to think about it, and now that I see it here in black and white, there is no way that this A is the meanest thing Mary's ever said, because it's really not that mean. I mean, it's not nice to hear a critique about yourself changing, but how she ends it with,

uh who have helped she's forgotten the people who helped her get where she is and who are truly happy and proud of her like i have been and always will be oh please that is very hand-picked and you just tag that end on what's not in there this is a real one stupid inbred fat bitch i hate that yeah i hope i prayed for a train to hit that bitch tonight

Haven't there always been a recurring thing? Mary was so mad. She sent me all these crazy text messages. And there were all these text messages that Mary sent just badgering someone. But then Heather responds with another monologue.

Yeah. There she goes. She gets a special delight stim around her. And she's like, I understand, Mary. I understand why you said those things. And I think it's obviously unfair because I did lose a lot of things as I've become more and more successful, like long underwear, the church, the bishops telling me to let the man win at every... It's been very difficult. Bolero jackets. Bolero jackets. God, it's so hard having bare arms now. I mean...

It felt like freedom at first, but ow, mosquitoes, am I right? But I'm aware of the things that I've lost and the person I've become. But like, I like this girl better. And she's more authentically me. Heather, your temple just fell off. Oh, God. Actually, snap on. I love me.

Yeah, then Heather tells us that she understands why her having boundaries can look mean, but she doesn't feel mean in her heart, which is what most mean people say, by the way. She goes, and I don't ever want to be, I don't ever want my newfound confidence to come across as mean. That's not my intention.

And Mary's like, well, yeah, she's changed. She's different. And, you know, I told her how I really felt and I feel like she received it. And I feel like this is Heather that I know and that Heather I used to know. And this is her tonight. And I love that. And I love this for us. I cracked up at Mary. Heather's just sobbing. And she's like, well, I like the new me. Mary's like, well, I told that bitch.

This is great. It's a great talk. Now she's sobbing. I love this for us. She's like, I got to tell a bitch off and nobody is calling me names or telling me to be quiet. This is amazing. Can we do this every episode? So then, um, clean slate. Okay. Who wants to go next? And Brittany goes, I'll go next. Oh God. I wrote something about Mary, which is funny because when I was watching this, Dom goes, the movie. So Mary is like, God, talk about having gum bangs. Yeah.

Brittany's secret life. I wrote something about Mary. So Mary reads it and it's like, I would like to invite Bronwyn over for tea instead of Mary tomorrow. And that's all it is. And Heather's like, wait a minute, that's the meanest thing you have on your phone? It's like, well, that's the only thing that I had in my phone about Mary. And Angie's like, wow, you really went out on a limb there. Well, you guys made me delete my deleteds. Yeah.

so mary's like she'd rather have she'd rather have tea with brahman than me i agree so whitney's like wait a minute uh so they're all just giving her like shit for that so brahman's like okay okay okay my head nod is going i'm warming up hold on let me just let my head go a little bit a little bit more

Okay, here we go. I'll follow that because I wrote about you, Brittany. Okay, Brittany? And this is how I feel. It's how I feel. And she hands it to Brittany. And Brittany's like, Brittany is emotion manipulative. She parentifies her children. Trauma bonds in relationship.

Could you swap this in pictures? I don't mean to be... How does this lady learn her lines? She's like, I'm sorry, unless there's a musical score. It's like, it's her or me. You can do this, Brittany. Have you ever seen a trauma bond?

In the blue corn moon. So she's saying, yeah, it's like she trauma bonds and relationships and is doing it to us. It's below her intelligence level and her age and maturity level. And it makes me feel nervous, furious, and embarrassed for her. Brittany's like, wow, great. This has been a fun trip, guys. Thanks.

Well, that was mostly just truth. And it's all stuff that Brittany's admitted to. And she did say it's below her intelligence level and her age and maturity level. So I thought that was kind of nice.

Yeah. And Brahma's like, that's harsh. And I'm sorry. And I'm telling you I'm sorry? Mm-hmm. Because I'm going to give you some extra nods to show how sorry I am. And I would like to get to know a different side of you if you're telling me that there is one there. You know, I don't really believe there's another side of you. But if you say there's one there, it's like aliens. I'll listen. I'll listen to your theories. You're like a pancake. They flip it. There's another side. I'm not eating that one either. I just don't do that. Okay? I don't eat those. No.

By the way, speaking of pancakes, I interrupt this moment to give you some other Bravo-related news, which is that last night, Facebook served a suggested post to me, which was of Ralph Pittman, formerly of Drew Sedora. And he has now made this thirst trap video where he's shirtless, and he puts on an apron. And so he's shirtless with an apron on, and he goes and makes pancakes on a griddle, and then he takes them into a bedroom. And it's like...

That's the whole video. The idea is like, yeah, I'm going to make you breakfast in bed. He's like trying to be like this sexy ass chef or something making pancakes. But that to that end, he actually made perfectly perfect pancakes. I was actually quite jealous of his technique. Yeah. Do the pancakes watch you? He then dropped the pancakes. He's like, let's drop it with Drew.

You have to go to Tampa to get the pancakes.

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so Bronwyn's like, you know, I really would like to try with you. Now you can either take that or you don't have to take it. Okay, Brittany? You stupid, stupid girl. So Brittany's like, ouch, wow, ouch. Ding, ding, ding. No, Brittany, you don't get to give a toast. Okay? So now it's Bronwyn's turn and it's Angie's phone that's handed over. So Bronwyn's like, hmm, hmm, well...

Hold on. Hold on. He nods. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm spraying you with tears, but I'm nodding and crying at the same time very quickly. So you're like a nod sprinkler. Okay. Bronwyn seems nice. It's a little ditty, you said. Okay. So this is supposed to be to a song. I'll sing it. No, Brittany. No, you won't, Brittany. Bronwyn seems nice. I like her business plan.

marrying a guy who has one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. I died when she said another. That's so funny. Angie is so ruthless. Oh my God. She gets worse, but I died because I was like, finally a real mean one. No one told Angie, just pre-write it and edit it. You have a whole day. Yeah. You know, she was like, okay, here's my meanest one. Yeah. And she goes, okay,

but I like mine better. I'd rather be self-made. She's nice, but she doesn't listen because her ears are stick down to her face so tight she can't hear anything. It's like, oh my God. I've never heard somebody diss somebody else's ear job. Have you? No. And then she comes, she crosses the finish line with,

She wears a hot dog outfit to remind us she sucked her way to the top. Brahma goes, Brahma's not even nodding now. She just fully like bent her chin into her neck. No, you need to know. Don't need to be sorry. That's how you felt. That's how you felt. No need to be sorry. You felt that way. Okay.

I actually felt the worst for Bronwyn so far because this was just mean. I mean, this was like flat out just mean, mean, mean. It was like her looks, her husband. I mean, this was just horrible. The other ones is like she's changed since she got famous or, you know, whatever. Like, I didn't want to go to tea with her. But this was like, oh, my stomach. I was like, ouch. An antidepressant.

And Angie goes, it's how I felt in the moment. I do like your hot dog costume. I was like, don't say costume. And then grandma goes, you called it a costume. And that's the only thing you're taking back. And she's like, I do like your hot dog girl. The rest of it was way worse than that.

Bronwyn goes, I could take the feedback. I was like, there was no feedback. There was no feedback. There was ears back. Except that you don't listen. That was it. And Angie was like, well, I was hurt and I said it out of emotion and I think you are beautiful and I am sorry. And she's like, it's okay.

This moment is why we need to have screenings of The Real Housewives in movie theaters. Because if we could have watched that with a group of 300 people, I can't even imagine anything more special. Just being in there with a group of people laughing and reacting. Yeah, I was actually sad that I was alone when I watched this. I was like, Bueller, you're really going to sleep during this? This is amazing. Stop yucking my arm.

I'm not going to lie. I invited two friends over and we watched and to have other people where we all went, Oh, at the same time, it was, it was, it was great. Okay. I'll go next. I'll go next. Mine's about Whitney. Okay. And Whitney goes, Oh my God, my hair hurts. So Heather's like, okay, I'm sorry, Whitney. Here you go. Good luck. And Whitney's like,

Whitney is a lowlife thirsty shirt. Piece of shit, Whitney. It says piece of shit. Oh. She sold her hole for fame. Her soul, Whitney. She sold her soul. Oh, thank God. I need a hole.

She's a snake and I should have never trusted her. I've been so stupid and loyal carrying her stupid wild rose products, even though we never sold a fucking one. Yeesh. Ouch. And Whitney's like, and Angie's like, she doesn't mean it.

And Whitney's like, yes, she does. She goes, no, you don't. Do you, Heather? And Heather goes, I didn't mean it. I did it like we all do it. I said it out of hurt and rage and frustration. I said it because I was just looking for some proof. I was just looking for some receipts. I was just looking for a timeline.

I'm sorry, but I love you. And I always want to be good with you. And I don't care that we've never sold any of your wild rose products at beauty lab and laser. I'd like them. They're like statues. They're like art in our lobby. I don't even want them to go anymore. And if anyone understands me,

You sort of do about very specific things about like that time we filed a paper together to get you out of the Mormon church. We understand that moment together and everything else, not so much. Even though you were stealing my storyline that season, which was kind of a shit move. It's probably not long after that I wrote this text. Anyway, we're not talking about that right now, right, Whitney? She's like, I want to be a good friend to you, hither. And she's like, starting now? Always. So we're good? We're done? Is it burnt? Go get Lisa, baby.

Yeah. Okay. Wait, hold on. You have a weird handshake. Okay. Feathers, eagle wings, blowjobs, circles, jazz hands, talky faces, hand puppet, senior Wences. Okay.

So Whitney is like, okay, I'll go next. This will go really well. Okay. I chose Lisa. I wrote this text to Angie after I heard this rumor from a friend of mine. And I just feel like I chose this because I feel like this is the thing that I feel the worst about. And I want to clear the air about it. I feel.

So she hands the phone to Lisa and Lisa's like, um, that was a huge text. Yes. Humongous. Right. So she's like, so I was at a party with Justin and the woman approached us saying that if we ever wanted to bring in a third, she's our girl. In fact,

Lisa and John can vouch for her because she has made out with Lisa while jerking off John. What the fuck is that? I was like, why are you not pre-reading it? Literally everybody else pre-read theirs and cried. Lisa just went right in there and just read it. And it's from Whitney. You know it's going to be bad, girl.

She couldn't pre-read it because Lisa needs to have super large text. And if you saw the screen, because the text was so big, she had to literally scroll left and right with the text bubble just to see all the words. So I think she just didn't have the time to do all the scrollings. She's like, whatever, I'm just going to wing this. It can't be that bad. What the fuck?

Oh my God. John can vouch for her because she is made out with Lisa while jerking off John. Oh my God. I was like, no, no, of course. This is so fucking low that Whitney did this. This is so something obviously that she was waiting to do in this moment. This is not something mean about somebody.

This is like trying to ruin someone's fucking marriage when they have children. You're so fucking shitty, Whitney. And I've actually enjoyed Whitney this year. You know, I've always thought Whitney is a horrible human being, but like she's cute and funny at least. But God, you're such a vapid fucking horrible human being. Like, I don't care how terrible Lisa is. That's terrible. And saying your earrings are from Alibaba, A, is true. And B, is nothing compared to this. This is just bad. Yeah.

I think this is because this is the point is you're supposed to, uh, uh, you're supposed to air something that you've said about someone, like something that you feel about someone. This is just Whitney, uh,

saying, like finding a way to put this rumor onto the airwaves and then be like, but I feel bad about it. So Lisa's like, what the fuck? She's like, I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I just feel bad that I even sent that. I feel bad. So Lisa is losing her mind and she goes, I chose that because I feel like the worst part of things that I've done to you have been about your marriage. And I don't believe this. I don't

believe this at all lisa you gotta love that whitney does this right after she does she gets red hair so people will stop bullying bobby which by the way stop fucking bullying bobby i'll come kick your ass myself you little fucking kids

don't fuck with bobby but whitney's like bullying is so bad i'm gonna make facebook post after facebook post after it and then i'm gonna get red hair before i go and watch what happens live to talk about it get more attention for myself during my daughter's bullying times and then she's trying to ruin someone's marriage on national tv like the next week what the fuck is wrong with this person oh my god

My husband has, like, the most amazing integrity. Like, you have denigrated my character multiple times, and you've lied about me. Repent and lie. And Minnie's like, no, but I'm trying to clear the air with you about this. I want to burn it. She should burn you or your ass, that's for sure. And this is the thing.

Whitney fucked this part up because this was a really good scene until this. Like, we didn't even get to see the rest of the scene. She fucked this up. And she also fucked up the Lisa Barlow lunch. That was actually the most hilarious scene. And Whitney had to go fuck it up. Now, you can say that Lisa kind of fucked it up, too, because she lost her cool with Whitney, which is really what fucked it up.

but when he just goes it's like she tries but she's just she doesn't have what it takes to like pull it off you know yeah i mean to be fair though also well that's probably the wrong choice of words i'm sure she has what it takes to pull it off but you know what i mean lisa also has to control her emotions too like you have to be able like ultimately it's you're in charge of your own emotions and i think uh lisa

Lisa falls into the Whitney trap every single time. She does. And she has to also like stop falling into the trap a little bit, you know, it doesn't excuse what when you did like, cause if, if Lisa doesn't fall into the trap, then Whitney really gets exposed for being an asshole in this situation. But because Lisa goes so crazy and then she just gives a stray to Angie and Sean that, uh,

Lisa's the one who winds up looking bad here. So Lisa's like, yeah, Lisa always takes any chance that she could be redeemed, you know, and or at least get some sympathy from the audience. And she wastes it right away. She does it every time. But in in her defense, Angie was sitting there like laughing and stuff about it.

Because how could you not? To be fair, how could you not? Yeah. Angie was like, oh my god. She wasn't laughing, mocking. She was just like, this is crazy. I think Angie was like, I cannot believe we're doing this. She's like, I can't believe. This is wild. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. You know how everyone's all about new year, new me. Well, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. We're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspective. And honey, it's going to change your life.

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If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby. This is Kiki Palmer. Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And for the full experience, head to my YouTube channel. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app. Let's make this year our best one yet, baby.

Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. You know how everyone's all about new year, new me. Well, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. We're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspective.

And honey, it's going to change your life. I sat down with astrology queen, Channing Nicholas. Y'all, if you want to understand yourself better this year, this episode is it. And then there's my chat with the incredible Da Vinci where nothing was off the table. If you're looking to level up your mindset this year, his words are definitely going to hit different.

If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby. This is Kiki Palmer. Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And for the full experience, head to my YouTube channel. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app. Let's make this year our best one yet, baby.

And so Lisa's like, I don't even know. I mean, I don't know how I feel right now because there have been so many lies and the fact that you would even put that out there. And then she points at Angie and she's like, what do you mean? The only thing I put out is some fresh moussaka. Why are you looking at me? And does she think that Angie is the one who told the secret? I don't know. Is it a secret or is it a lie? I don't know. Do you see what this leads to?

Lisa's like, yeah, look at what was said about Sean last year. And Wendy's like, well, the roses stood up for you. What are you like in Game of Thrones right now? House Rose stands for Lisa. The roses stood for you. And she's like, there's nothing to stand for, Whitney. It's a fucking lie. Disgusting. You took it too far. You involved my husband. And she's like, nah, it's the worst thing I've said. And I just want to burn it. That's all.

Honestly, it's too much. Because if someone said that about Sean and you, and she's like, I don't believe there's any infidelity in your marriage, so please don't point at me. And Whitney's like, I could have gone down a different path. Lisa, do you understand the assignment of the game? Because I could have chosen to say something about your looks. I could have chosen to say something about your looks.

Oh, you know what? Say something about my looks. That would have been way better than talking about my husband. I mean, you know what? What do you want me to say about my looks? Say it, say it, say it. Say what you want about my looks. And she's like, I want it to be authentic and say what I'm sorry for, that your husband gets handjobs.

I'm sorry that your husband gets handjobs and your looks are like that. And Lisa's like, stop fucking apologizing. You don't fucking mean it. You're dirty as fuck. And I'm so sick of it. I'm not dirty. I took a bath today. Now, wait a second. Now you're talking and getting into my space. Whitney Rose, dropping bombs and taking baths. Coming soon to Kuvis. It's QVC, you idiot. You're never getting on there.

Whitney, enough. You're so dirty, Whitney. And she goes, well, you're filthy. You go lower and lower every time. Lisa, we told her to do this. We told her to do this to you. You should be mad at me. Come on, get me into the fight. Heather's sticking up for this. Oh my God. Yeah, you know what? But she took it to another level. And

And Whitney's like, I did not. This is what I'm sorry for. So Lisa's like, you know what? I get the exercise, but this is not something that you throw away and burn. This is how you burn a relationship to the fucking ground. To put my family and my marriage in the mud like this. I mean, they're probably rioting in Columbia right now. They're probably rioting over there. Poor, poor, poor jock. Poor jock.

One too many times. This is one too many times. Three strikes, you're fucking out. And bitch, you're out.

Oh, so then Meredith starts hugging Lisa. And Heather's like, no, guys, this is for a fresh start. So we have storylines for next season. Come on. Fuck together. Lisa's like, I'm not starting fresh. I hate fresh things. Didn't you hear my take on the food in Italy? I'm done. No, she goes, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. You have a fucked up mind. You're so fucked up on a level I can't even explain.

Shut the fuck up and listen to me. I'm not listening to you. And Angie's like, no one believes it. No one believes it. I don't care if no one believes it. I heard that Sean does circle jerks.

How does that feel? How does that feel? Like she basically said the same thing. And then Angie, who, you know, the South's wife, so you can't do analogies on here. No analogies. No analogies. Because Angie doesn't get it at all and stands up and throws flowers in her face. And so a producer comes over and they're like, oh, my God, Angie, not getting physical flowers. And she's like, don't touch me.

What the fuck was that? And her boob is falling out. Lisa's like, no, I'm just saying that's what she just said to me. And I wanted you to get mad because this is too much for me right now. So then Angie's like, don't touch me. My boob is out. Don't touch me. Very Hellenic right now. And Angie's like, why would you fucking say that?

Because it's the same thing that she just said to me. She goes, why would you bring me into it? Go fucking go after her, not me. And Mary's like, Angie, just stop. And Lisa's, you know, they're screaming back and forth. Fuck you. It's hard falling. Fuck you. And then Lisa just points at Whitney and goes, you, you started this whole thing. No, Heather started it.

I want to burn it. I want to burn it. I want to put the rumor out there for America and then burn my part in it. I want to burn it after America. Yeah, after it spread to the entire country. So Mary is like, Angie, get a grip of yourself. Stop. Angie, Angie, Angie, Angie, this is fine. It's only okay when it happens to you. It's not okay when it happens to me. That's how it is. I get it.

So Angie's escorted away, furious about this. But Lisa stood up for Angie last year when the gay rumors about Sean were coming out, right?

Yeah, I think this, I don't know. Maybe Lisa wanted Angie to support more in this moment. But Mary is like, I don't know why you brought her in it. Lisa, take a deep breath. Take a deep breath. And she's like, no, I'm not going to take a deep breath. Only shallow breaths. I breathe how I want to breathe, bitch. I'm breathing like a goldfish and you're all going to have to take it. Lisa? No, I'm not going to breathe again for another minute.

She's horrible. That's just mean. I don't know why she got to say your name. So then like, this feels like we're like in the middle of it. And then out of nowhere, they're like, okay, let's like speed through these end of the season things. Let's put as much text up on the screen that you have to read in three seconds. And then we'll, and we'll have crazy music play and then we'll get back to the scene. Yeah.

So the words on the screen, basically we get their end things, right? So for Angie, it's like no longer tied to the phone. Angie now has more time to spend with her father, leaving Electra free to roam. Her salons are busier than ever. Fortunately, high body count hair is not offered as a service. Yeah.

You just said the most disgusting thing about the nicest person on earth. Me! And we'll all be upset when it happens. Oh, sorry. I guess you're talking about John. Either way, I still put myself above John in this situation. I'm nicer than John. There, I said it. Okay, you know what? It's always okay when it happens to me, but nobody else. Yeah, so it's fight, fight, yell, yell, yell, fight, fight, fight, fight. There's nothing about any of this, I am.

And then Bronwyn, who just gets a gift in this scene, is like, this is just bullshit. Lisa is just repulsive. Lisa's repulsive. Why aren't you mad at Whitney? What the fuck? She did not say that Sean is in Circle Jerks. It was an analogy, people. She's saying, what if I said Sean was doing Circle Jerks? I can't with people. They're just so weird. Yeah, but Bronwyn's also... I think where Bronwyn is... Bronwyn and Lisa have this whole thing about, like, you didn't defend me. And so...

Angie just wrote a text where she said that Bronwyn sucked her way to the top with Todd. And so she's like, well, no one defended her. She's like, my marriage got dragged into it. And now Lisa's mad that her marriage got dragged into it. But all our marriages are getting dragged into it all the time. Yeah, but hers was like a lie rumor thing about her husband getting hand jobs. I mean, come on.

Agreed, but you're I understand I'm saying I think that's gonna make it all about herself and now she's the biggest victim here and she's gonna do it while wearing her Chiquita banana outfit with her fucking eyeliner like I can't with her like

but also hilarious and i hope she gets rehired because she does a good job and like i think she did a good job in the finale too of just letting things play out and not having to make it all about her which is rare yeah but like you know it's like it shows some balance which i liked and if she doesn't get picked up for another season that'd be up because she just changed her face for us you know so she changed her face for us did she have you seen the have you seen the the previews of the reunion

You know, I don't look at boobs or faces as much. I'm more of like a general like glitter and hair, you know, what they're saying kind of a person. What did she have a new face? She looked she looks refreshed. I would say I just heard Todd being like, oh, yeah, you said something about a blowjob. And I was like, oh, I can't wait for this. I can't believe Todd is there.

Don't start with me. I haven't had my Werther's original yet today. So Bronwyn is like, everybody's true colors. Well, first Lisa's like, I can't breathe. And then Bronwyn's like, everybody's true colors at this table are coming out. Well, mainly my colors because I wore a dress with a million different feathers of different colors. But the people who want to have friendships, the people who can own their own shit, and the people who are surface fucking narcissists.

So Lisa's like, get this fucking mic off of me! Get it off of me! And then we see Lisa's ending. Lisa, John, and Henry have gone the distance this summer, traveling around the world first class, and can't wait until Jack returns from his mission in six months. Meanwhile, Lisa and John have plans to build a new home, but no intentions to assign bedrooms. There will be a handy room, though.

Well, I'm out. I am done. So Heather's like, Meredith, you can't leave yet. We haven't had anyone talk shit about you. She's like, well, I am finished. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to go maybe and cry and vomit in my bedroom, which of course you'll know about because Brittany put a hearing device in there. So Whitney's like, but why can't we all sit here and take it? And they can't. Ha. Because you took it to another level, bobblehead.

So then the words pop up on the screen for Whitney. Go for it, Ben.

Since becoming a bat mitzvah, oh, it's for Meredith, but I'll read it. Since becoming a bat mitzvah, Meredith has been engaging more with her spirituality. And after selling out of her bath bombs, she is now pivoting from beauty to the world of espionage, working on a signature pink MM recording device. She will not be sharing her business plans, or rather, she will not be sharing her business plans with Whitney.

That's funny. She's making her own recording device. So Heather's like, guys, this is not the way I wanted to end a trip. I'm so sorry. I wanted to end it with a speech. Are we all ready? Everyone's just groaning like, no.

I know Heather didn't intend for what happened tonight to happen, but I'm grateful that she had the courage to make us do this because it was really healing. Because I don't know how you could just sit through that table without absolutely surrendering to the truth. Yeah.

Easily is the way everyone sits through any table with people. Well, she says that after she's just cementing that it was truth what she said. She's so full of shit. So then now Mary's is Mary thanks God for the help and support for Robert Jr. And she's even more grateful that Jared has stopped DMing her. Yeah.

While her relationship with Lisa remains fraught, Bronwyn and Todd's relationship has grown stronger. Gwen still has no plans to meet her grandparents, and Bronwyn has no plans to host a couple's vacation unless Todd makes the guest list. Was Todd not on a couple's vacation? Was he not invited? No, meaning that unless Todd is the one who writes the guest lists. Oh, I see, I see.

And then Whitney has finally sworn off speaking to bloggers and engaging in the rumors and the nastiness. Instead, she's pouring that energy into making Prism a bigger success. LOL. She's also vowed to keep Justin out of her drama.

Heather finished her book tour for a second book and has begun working on a third. She realized her time is better spent writing nonfiction than nasty text messages. Spoiler alert. Mormons are somewhat involved. Receipt. And now there's like, you know,

Some people think friendships are easy, but they're not. They're hard, like rocks. Or popsicles. Well, popsicles before they're frozen aren't very hard. So I mean frozen popsicles. Do I need to say frozen popsicles? Isn't it just assumed I mean frozen popsicles? Who talks about soft popsicles, am I right? Anyway, friendship. They take a lot of work, but if tonight was indicative of anything, it's that these friendships...

are worth fighting for and also destroying very easily. And it's not over for any of us. In fact, in many ways, it's just the beginning of new feuds. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Great season finale. Yeah, that was wild. I still wish it had not been so rushed there in its final moments. I think it was wild. I don't know. I was speechless afterwards. I was like, I cannot believe that. That was wild.

That was insane. I don't know. I do. Yeah, I kind of, but I do enjoy, uh, I enjoy a season finale party. You know, I enjoy, I don't think they all have to end on vacation. I like when they come back and they deal with it and then you have your party and et cetera. But, you know, maybe this is the new way that Bravo is going to do it. Maybe they're refreshing their, their, uh, template there a little bit.

Maybe. Well, God, when it goes down like this, what do you even do with the party? It's like, it's over. It's over, people. They need time to recover. And then they take the months that it's airing to recover, and then they go get it all stirred up on the reunion to hate each other again, and then it starts shooting next month. Yep. Here we go, buddies. All right. Let's talk a little bit about sold on SLC. Oh, my goodness. Oh, I practically forgot. I was so whipped up in that that I forgot about SLC. Well, SLC. SLC.

Well, the big drama, the big drama is that Jen had that meeting last week about we're not going to talk about stuff like this. We're not going to talk about scandals. We're going to raise the bar. There's a new code of ethics happening at the Presidio Group.

And we're not going to bully straight white guys who have done nothing to get elevated to the position they're currently elevated in. If I hear one more person say a bad thing about Toyota Camry, you're all not only fired, you're going to hell. Matt's like smiling at everybody like he just won a game.

Um, so the ladies of the office get pissed because Matt has been bullying them and nobody said anything to his ass. And now that Matt has got caught cheating at strip clubs, now we all have to kiss his ass. Like something's been done to him, which is not cool. So I'm on their side and Tina, uh, Tina's just like, I'll quit.

Bye. Yeah. I'm going to look for other opportunities. Yeah. She goes into her office and she sits in front of the worst fake plant I've ever seen. I mean, Jen, do you have plants that don't have like soda rings around them? Come on, man. I know. Well, the best part is that when Tina goes in to talk to Jen, she has to kick out Christian, who is like Jen's assistant, but also a realtor. And Christian's like, so can you show me how to show a house? And she's like, wait, what?

She's like, yeah, I've never, like, I don't know how to do it. She's like, well, do you know how to access a lockbox? It's like, yeah. And you guide them around. I just like let them walk around. And then like I say goodbye to them. She's like, oh my God. Yeah. He's so funny. Cause he's this young guy and he's got like a full face of makeup and these big gigantic, like puffed up lips. And he's just like,

why is everybody fighting about stuff and they're like oh and and the boss the main president guy's like we're not talking about it okay buddy that's what we're not going to do that and he's like but then i don't know what's going on like well you're not going to know so he's like i'm leaving then he just like gets off and saunters off and then when he leaves the office this time jen's like don't forget your hairspray he's got hairspray sitting on our counter

Like, why did he bring hairspray in? Do you also have your lip gloss? He's like, yeah.

So Tina's basically like, yeah, so I felt like you were protecting Matt, and I felt like it was like, fuck you to the rest of it. And Jen's like, absolutely not. I was not protecting him. But by the way, if you say his name one more time, you will be penalized because we don't like to... It's like God, we don't say God's name. We don't say Matt's name either. Oops, just said it. Yeah, so Tina's like, well, I'm going to look for other jobs. And she's like, give me...

Time she's like no, I don't think so time to wet. What do you need time for? You just called everybody out for something that Matt did shame on you Yeah, that's ridiculous and you knew what happened at that party. This was a stupid stupid decision on your part Yeah, it really was so Tina's like, okay, whatever so then um, then we have What's the Brazil? I I can never remember the Brazilian girl's name. Is it Christina?

I think it is. I think it is. But yeah, I don't know because we don't take notes on this one. And I'm kind of scrolling, to be honest. But basically, she has a party for her old ass husband and like his 40th. And so they celebrate that. And the boss doesn't go because she's like, I just need to stay out of the drama today. So instead, she puts some really weird bun, like a bang bun on the top of her head. And she goes to dinner with her husband.

And her husband's like, so what we're celebrating right now, 14 years, 14 years of love, 14 years of friendship, 14 years of Presidio.

Yeah. So they're celebrating the Presidio's anniversary. And then meanwhile, over at this birthday party, my favorite Paige shows up and they are just so rude to Paige. Paige has a scene with Tina and she's like, hey girl, how's it going? Wait, hold on one second. Hi, excuse me. Can we like swap positions? This is like really my bad side. They're like, producer just goes, no.

okay great thanks so much they just keep doing this to her and they keep airing it out they've never done that to any bravo person ever and then they take this low this small show that no one's watching and they're like yeah we're just gonna shit on this girl page it's not even drag page oh god so basically the party is them all gossiping about the matt thing and then the little guy what's his what's his buns the little smurfy guy the hot smurf

is like, you guys, she didn't mean to be mean. You guys are making too big of a deal on this. Oh, go tattletale. We all know you're going to. Just fucking go tattle already, you turncoat.

So then the other part is that Tina goes up to the old dude boss that is, you know, the husband. And she's like, so if I wanted to come over to your brokerage, what would that look like? And he's like, well, I would say maybe you should talk to someone who's a little more into it than I am because I don't really do that. And he blows her off. Basically, he rejects her. And then he calls a lunch to tattletale on her with the boss. I was like, damn, man.

Yeah. Well, because he's like scared. Cause she, in the beginning of the season, she was like, I need to know that you're not stealing my clients. So if someone reaches out to you, you need to text me, you need to let me know. So he's like, uh, Jen, I just want you to know that, um, Tina reached out. She goes, okay.

And then what's her face is like. And also, Matt called me a gold digger. She goes, well, you know what? You never told me this. And I didn't know it. So I couldn't have done anything about it at the Presidio group if I didn't know anything. But now that I do know about this, that matters a lot to me. I really, really care. Now, I also want you to notice that the producers are giving me my good side in a way that they will never give it to Paige. Just want to put that out there, everyone. I'm getting my good side.

So then the other part of this was the wife, the young, hot Brazilian wife went to the boss and she was like, listen, you know, I don't like you calling us bullies when he called me a gold digger. And she goes, who called you a gold digger? And she's like, Matt.

And she's like, well, I know that you didn't sleep your way to the top and I know you're not a gold digger. I mean, he's not even that great. Let's be honest. You could do better. So I will talk to Matt. Do you want to talk to him? How about I set up a space about 30 miles away where you have no protection and you can talk to that fucking psycho there. And she's like, sounds great. So she talks to him at one of her open houses and he's like, hey, squish face comes in. He's like, hey, hey.

I mean, I drove 30 miles to be here, so what do you want? And she's like, an apology. And he's like, I owe you nothing! And she's like, you called me a gold digger. And he's like, so? This guy's such a fucking pig. Yeah, he's like, I just repeated what you made a joke about, and I just repeated it. That's all. I can't repeat your joke. She goes, no, it's one thing for me to make a joke, but it's another thing for you to like, you took it, and you flipped it, and you spin it. He's like, no, I did nothing in the store. And he basically is...

He is, for all the talk that he made about like, he's learning so much. I love my wife now. I've learned because I spoke to my bishop and my therapist and my favorite stripper that I have to be forgiving. And she's been so forgiving or that I have to seek forgiveness. And she's just, it makes me really appreciate her so much. And like, she's just great. And every time I'm getting a lap dance now, I just think about how wonderful Nicole is. So he's like saying that he's had this personal growth and,

And that he, it was a coping mechanism for something. And yet he's totally lacks any sort of like reflection in terms of maybe that he is doing toxic things to his coworkers and that

all of his coworkers got yelled at for his toxic behavior, and yet he's getting up scot-free. So he's just being a troll. Well, we just saw how he reacts with Christina. It's disgusting how he acts. She's like, basically, like, you called me a gold digger. You know, that's really embarrassing to me, and it makes me look bad in a business setting. He's like, whatever, toots. You know, it's kind of his attitude. And he's, like, openly laughing at her and leaves. And then when it's time to be with Boss Lady, he immediately turns into a good little Christian boy. He's like, oh, boy.

you know, it's really helped me. Like all of my mistakes, all of my sins have really led me to salvation. Like now look at no, whatever. I hear the same thing on death row all the time. Flip the switch. That's what I say. Figuratively. Yeah. He's, he's awful. And this is, we see how people like this get ahead in life. And then the only other storyline was that the, the little cute guy, he is trying to get into like luxury. And so he meets with a developer and he goes on a tour and he's like, I have this great idea.

Why don't we do something for social media where we like take a helicopter and we like land it on the lot. And then everyone can see that the lot's so big that a helicopter can land on it. And the guy's like, um, yeah, I don't think we need to do that. But then he's like, guess what? Because the helicopter is smaller than a house, honey. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Wow, it's big enough to land a helicopter. Is it big enough to build a house? You fucking weirdo. I went back to the team and they loved the helicopter idea. He's like, yeah, I just really feel like the helicopter idea is really how we got to do this. Well, we're going to do the helicopter idea. Can't wait to move forward. And he's like, that's incredible. It's even worse than you're saying. He goes...

How about we have a helicopter, but then guys in squirrel suits jump out of the helicopters because it's social media. You know, last week my niece was like, you know, my boyfriend is so mad that I keep saying things about the patriarchy. And he was like, define patriarchy patriarchy.

How do I define it properly? This is how I should just show her the scene. This is it. This is a system set up for men like this to get ahead. Because look what happens. He's like, we should let squirrels jump out. And the guy's like, fuck no. What a stupid idea. So then he calls him back and he's like, I've still been thinking about it. I still think the squirrel idea is a good idea. And he goes, listen, I got back and I talked to all the other guys in the office and they said, yeah, that sounds really cool. That's the piece. So, okay. Some clarification for both of us.

I thought he was saying land a helicopter and I had no idea what the squirrel stuff was. And then when you said, I wasn't, I was like, did he even say squirrel? And then you said squirrel suits. I was like, he didn't mean that they get out of the helicopter worms looking like squirrels.

squirrel suits are i just looked it up right now they're the things where you like jump out of a plane and you're like in the thing that's like flapping and you're like you like don't have a parachute because you're like you like you put your arms out and like you're oh like a flying squirrel like a flying squirrel so he's saying i thought it was like real squirrels i thought it was like squirrels

It's like, hey, everyone, the squirrels are moving in. Do you want to be a squirrel or do you want to be a girl? Be a squirrel. Buy this house. I mean, I would believe it. Listen, I've worked in an office full of straight guys before and the shit they come up with and then then pat each other on the shoulders for it. Like, it's so smart. I'm like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What am I doing here?

yeah you're right you're absolutely right so yeah he lands that and he says incredible like 45 times and uh oh yeah there's an incredible character because the last time he showed a house he was like yeah this is a kitchen and it opens up the wildlife of the living room like he couldn't do it and they were like well what kind of bathtub is this and he's like it's made out of

bathtubs you know he couldn't do it so this time he's more confident and he's like yeah look what i've learned from from the boss lady now i know to speak the language so the guy's like yeah here we go with 19 000 square foot ceilings he's like incredible we've got a basketball court incredible he just walks around kissing ass and saying incredible over and over and it works for him boom he's gonna be rich now

He got it. And that's worth it because Matt was trying to be the get through to that developer. And he was hoping to be the realtor for that developer. And Matt lost. And the cute little guy won instead. Matt didn't even try. The little guy actually cold called. Which, I mean, there's a lesson in that. He's like, I wanted it and I did it. I called him and said, meet me. And they did. And I just said squirrel a lot and incredible. And now look. Yeah.

squirrel and incredible squirrels. So you know what they do say? Who runs the world? Squirrels. So yeah, that was the episode. It's a fun show. I hope people watch it. I really enjoy it.

Yeah, that was a pretty good one. Everybody, thank you so much for being here. Go get your tickets for San Francisco, San Diego, New York City, Golden Crappies, and Salt Lake City and Denver over the next few weeks. And we will talk to you next time. Love you guys. Bye.

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