#2712 Southern Charm S10E08 Part Two: Garshbitration
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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Happens. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one, okay? It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show. So now we go over to Miss Patricia's house where she is sitting upstairs and she has a bell and she is ringing it and tormenting Randy.

who is trying ever so hard to pour some champagne into a glass, and he has a little tear on his face. You just hear a chain being dragged up the stairs. Randy comes in with a big old clamp around his ankle. He's like, yes, ma'am. Randy, why'd you take so long? I told you to do some ankle workouts. You're never going to do that. You're never going to get up the stairs with that clamp around your ankle unless you start getting some core in, Randy.

Hey, Molly, if you want to go up a size in the boobies, we can take some fat out of Randy's ankles. I've been working real hard on them. Hey, Molly, we'll take some fat out of Randy's brain and inject it right into your kisser. So Randy brings Patricia some champagne all the way up the stairs. And then she's like, all right, now bring me five more. Just keep on bringing up the champagne until you trip and fall down the stairs. I just want a good laugh today.

Hey, Randy, do me a favor. Give me your finger for a second. You got something on that. Yes, ma'am. Please don't, ma'am. Randy, here it goes. Look at those three little holes in the wall. We're just going to act right there. That's good. You're excused. Now go get another round, stupid.

So Madison comes over and she goes upstairs. Randy, okay, please bring up some champagne, this time in coupes. Okay, and balance them on your nose like a seal and then also clap your hands. And also, is it possible to go up the stairs while also balancing on a beach ball? Can you do that for us, please? Thank you so much, Randy. Okay.

Hey Madison, will you hold these for me? What are they? I don't really know. They're a tool. Are these jumper cables? Alright, hold down Randy while we get these on his nipples. Okay, God, I love having a girl's day. Randy, will you come to the top of the stairs, please? Okay, there he is. Madison, if you want to push him down, go ahead, be my guest. It's real fun.

And she just gives that bell. She's like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Wow, how long do I have to ring a bell before Randy comes up here? Randy's just coming. There's like smoke coming out of his hair from just being electrocuted. He's like, yes, ma'am. It's like he's never heard the sound of a bell before. Hey, Randy, there's some exposed wires up there. You mind just licking them real quick, see if they're still alive?

lick him. Randy, put this in your mouth, ma'am. That's a smoking radio. Do it. Randy, I got you a bath toy. It's a toaster oven. Go try it out.

So they're having some champagne in bed and they're talking about how to hold the glass to hold the temperature. And Patricia's like, I love a coupe. I mean, if there's one talent I possess, it's my ability to hold something by the stem. Yeah.

You know, anytime I'm with Patricia drinking out of a crystal glass, that's like about, that's about to break my wrist. I'm like, yeah, I am the queen of England in this canopy bed. Like, RIP. I just dies happy. So, yeah, they're just like sitting there and she's like, so what happened to Randy, by the way? Did he get lost? Does he not know we went one room over? He's a real idiot, I gotta say.

Hey, you want to see, you want to play a new game I love to play? It's called the Poor People Shake. Watch this. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yes, ma'am. All right. Now, you know, you only eat caviar with Mother of Pearl. And by the way, my favorite thing to beat Randy with is a Mother of Pearl spoon. It's just such a versatile thing.

I hope you enjoy eating from Mother of Pearl. I actually knew the Mother of Pearl. God, Pearl was a dumb little hooker. Used every man she ever came across. Okay, so Madison's like, well, I got good stuff. I'm at Shep's girlfriend's, you know, and I think she's lovely. I mean, she is. I mean, she's 26, you know, a lot of energy.

Oh, wow. And any word on the stem cells? Well, her spine doesn't really have very good access. She does like wearing things that have back covers. Damn it.

So, Sienna is... We see a clip of Sienna at, like, that dog party, and she's talking to everyone. She's like, oh my god, like, it's so funny. Like, my grandma is the one who actually set me up, because my grandma's pretty much, like, the president of, like, the Southern Charm fan club in the Bahamas. Like, she just loves Southern Charm, so it's, like, hilarious. Yeah, she met... She set me up with Shep. Anyway, oh my god, I know everything about you guys. I love watching you. By the way, you were so good two seasons ago. I have a question. Last season, when you got that dress, was that, like... Did you get that at Gwynn's? Because I'd love to go to Gwynn's. Can someone take me to Gwynn's? I want to just see all the sights.

I love that she says she only did she's only dating Shep as like a favorite her grandmother that was so low and hilarious and uh she's like well between you and me she approached Whitney before for Christ's sake of course she did she had to go through the human resources penis to get on this show you know we know how this show works they all go through Whitney first to humanizing resources

So, Patricia's like... The Golden Gate douche. Like, you have to go through there to get through anything. Jesus. He said, don't tell anybody. He's gonna kill me. Don't worry, I'll just blame it on Randy.

You know what was cool? The other night at Watch What Happens, we got to meet the producers of Southern Charm, which was... Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, we met a lot of really cool people. We met the two chicks in the office. They're so nice and gorgeous and talented. You know all that. Fran. But we actually got to meet...

the producers of this, they were such nice guys. Can I tell you, it was so cool talking to them and I actually got nervous talking to them and then I left and I thought, God damn it, I had the chance to ask them the question I've always been dying to ask and I've never been able to ask and I missed my chance. And that question is, is there no HR on this fucking show? How?

How is this Whitney being the gatekeeper of every girl getting cast on this show? How is that still going on? Get me HR on the phone. Yeah, that's a really great question.

So Madison's like, here's your contract for Southern Charm. You can just sign this with my penis. Just go ahead and sign right here on the dotted line. So, you know, when I was talking to Sienna, she was like, I would love to hang out with y'all again. And Patricia's like, so it sounds like she's working a lot of angles here. Stalker. Yeah.

I mean, to be fair, I feel like most of this cast is stalkers. This is kind of like where stalkers go to get sanitized and reintroduced into society. Yeah. So she's like, well, where did she meet him in the first place? She goes, oh, I don't know. Some application. It's for millionaires.

uh uh she's like riot that's it stalker and Madison's like Patricia's got the best gossip in town that's why we've been best friends for 16 years if you can out gossip a hairdresser you really got something special yeah seriously so now we go to Craig on his car and he's on the phone with Jerry his business partner and he's like

I want to talk about Austin and the podcast and Shep is going to mediate. I want to maybe buy out Austin. And Sherry is like, offer somewhere between $35,000 and $50,000. Somewhere like that. That's a lump sum payment. He says between $35,000 and $50,000. Yeah, he's like, offer him $35,000 and $50,000. It's a lump one. Start low. And Craig's like, yeah, I'll give him $30,000. Like...

I'm sorry. That is wild. That's insane right now. That's insane. And I want to say this comment does not come from any sort of bias because we met Austin the other night. That is wild. They've had a podcast for a few years. They're both celebrities. There's value in this podcast.

And you're going to buy out your partner for $30,000. That is so insulting. That is so rude. It's so insulting just to be like, we got in a fight, so now I'm kicking my partner off the show. That's bizarre. I know. I can't imagine that. And low-balling, too. And you're going to talk about how successful you are, and then you're going to offer only $30,000. I think it should be six figures. For those two people, for something like that, six figures at least. That was so shitty. Yeah.

Yeah. Why don't you just start your own podcast called Pillow Queen? Just do that. I mean, if you're so confident in your popularity and you're this and you're everything in the podcast and people are only there for you, just have one for yourself called Pillow Queen. Like, who cares? Call it down. I'm down. Call it. I'm down. Get it. Get it. Because of pillow feathers and stuff. Yeah.

actually what for craigish will it be called sham that is good that is really good sham so sham goddess sham goddess he's like hey sham goddess i'll buy you out for five dollars

All right, so Craig goes to pick up Shep and they shake hands awkwardly and start laughing. And Shep's like, "Well, I've really had a tough one 'cause I'm just a good little, I'm not some douchebag. I'm just a good little boy with feelings. Date me again, America."

And he's like, what's going on? He's like, yeah, this morning I got a text from Sierra. And she's like, good morning, with a big smiley face. And I'm like, are we happy this morning? I sent you those pair of tighty-whities with my name signed on them for your grandma. I hope we're made up now. Well, you guys are still pretty new. Paige and I are coming on three years, but it's been a lot of hard work. And you're going to have to deal with the shit from her. Luckily...

I'm in my forever relationship. So Shepa's like, oh, I know. And it's worth giving it a try because the feelings you have for her don't come around that often. Do you think Paige would be upset if I offered her $30,000 to buy her out of our relationship so I could just take over the relationship for myself? Yeah.

It's like, yes, it's worth giving it a try in relationships because, you know, the feelings you have for her don't come around often. Sure, you might get hurt, but it's worth it. He's like, well, I'm okay with getting hurt. I really am. I'm just a boy, a boy with a heart, a heart that can get broken, America. I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl asking her, where are you?

Your grandma just sent me a topless picture of herself and I don't know what to do about it. Please text me back. Oh my God, there's something on the windshield. Sorry, someone just threw free Dockers at me.

So all you want are beautiful babies in a Bahamian house or you're going to go into some deep, dark depression that you'll pull me into and then we're going to have to go to fucking bars to meet girls. Please don't do that to me.

Craig's advice is pretty good, honestly. I think he's got Austin beat in that arena. By the way, I had lunch with Austin, and he's cynical about relationships, dude. You're not as much, but you can be a realist. That's why I appreciate bouncing things off of you. Like, look, I got a rock. Let me bounce it off your head. Boom.

why'd you do that i was trying to bounce it rocks don't bounce by the way they skip all right so that was a bad analogy uh yeah you know i'm a realist you know so i date someone in a different state who doesn't want marriage or children and then i just say every day you want to have marriage and children in this state that you hate on a show filled with people that also hate you does that sound fun you know me in realism

Speaking of Austin, you have to meet...

And when they're like, oh my God, Paige is so mean to Craig. Yeah, Craig deserves so much better. Get the fuck out of here. Team Paige 100%. She never lied to that fucking guy. And I hate that we all expect the woman to have to pick up all of her shit and move to Charleston. Everybody there hates her. No one on that show is nice to her.

Why would she want to move there? It's not like you guys made it the most welcome place. I don't blame her for getting the hell out of there. And if he can't bend a little bit and think, wow, you know where else could use a pillow store? New York City. Why don't I put Craig's pillow store in New York City? There's tons of tourists there that watch Bravo. Put it right by Watch What Happens or some shit. I mean, the fact that he wouldn't even try to come up with any way to make that work for her. I'm not going to sit here and feel bad for fucking Craig. Get out of here.

here. Yeah, thank you for bringing that up. That's a really good point because we had to stand there and while they were saying that, well, Patricia said that Paige was mean to Craig, no, she was just exasperated by him. And if she was mean to Craig, then you know what? She

She deserved to be because he is ridiculous. I am totally team Paige. We are team Paige. And you know what? If she is dating this new guy that she went to the football game with, God fucking bless.

Yeah, God forbid. So anyway, it's just annoying because on this show they're always like, the women are so mean to the men. No, this whole show is about men being douchebags to the women. And look at this year. You've got a whole line of new ones that you guys get to just abuse and treat like shit for the next three years until you fire them too as you shrivel up and still keep doing your same old bullshit. So yeah, I'm not going to jump on that.

whole like oh and i she was also like yeah you know paige was mean to craig and also naomi was mean to craig i was like well maybe the problem that was my favorite thing you know what i mean like yeah it's like getting it's like calling people out for getting mad that jars are too hard to open jars are hard to open make them easier to open you know what i mean

I think that Craig probably goes for women who are like smart because he's not smart. So I think he's hoping it's going to rub off on him. And he like does. He somehow presents, puts on his charm, puts on his facade. He bamboozles them. They're like, oh, my goodness. This is I have like a golden retriever. And then what happened?

is that they realize that, oh, this is a golden retriever, but this golden retriever shits everywhere and I'm sick of picking up its poop. And they just like get ground down. And I always, I always,

I always empathize with Naomi being so frustrated with Craig sewing all day. And you know me, I like to sew. I get the sewing thing. But it's that Craig was talking about how he's going to law school and he's going to do something and instead he's sewing. And it's great that he turned to sewing into something. But like, I felt like he was always feeding Naomi a line of bullshit and she had every right to be totally, totally exasperated by him. Yeah.

him yeah it's just frustrating watching the audience react sometimes where they're just like what a page is because we've seen what a little craig is for years and what a compulsive liar he is and still everyone's like oh he's so perfect and actually you know like we give them a lot of on this show because this show ultimately is about guys being douchebags like let's face it it started with thomas whitney and shep you know what i mean

So that's what it's about, and I get that. And I actually have grown to like Craig. You know, I really like Craig. I think he's a sweet guy. He's really charming. He's really good looking. And he does have a lot going for him.

But this whole like let's just villainize the chick because, you know, Craig's so cute and has a nice smile is really fucking annoying. People need to stop doing it. And he deserves to get what he wants, but he has to also find somebody who wants what he wants. He can't just – he's not so entitled that he just gets it from anybody he wants, you know?

Yeah, no, Craig is really nice. But that being said, he's not perfect. And I don't think that Paige should ever be vilified because as nice as Craig is, I still am always going to be team Paige in this situation. Always. So then we go to blah, blah, blah. Okay, so Shep's like, yeah, I had lunch with Austin, you know. And after I wiped the cracker crumbs out of my eyes while he was talking, he's like,

you know he's so cynical about relationships thank god for you and he's like yeah well speaking of him i need you to come mediate because we're gonna have to have a really long talk me in austin and you can be honest since when is shet being honest shep thinks the same thing that fucking austin does and you two have been teaming up against shep for the past year and now all of a sudden shep's your best friend that you need in your corner the show is gonna give me whiplash it's whiplash

well you're gonna have to give a little bit craig because you're not like you're not right all the time only i am craig's like well uh that's why you're coming because i brought you to ask the hard questions he's like well i think craig and austin are closest when austin does what craig tells him to do and if austin falls out of line there's problems

But like, if we can't empathize with each other's points of view, then are we really friends to begin with? That's a great question to ask yourself in literally every single season that we've ever watched, Shep. So look, I don't want to like grease the wheels by like reminding you that only one of us at this table is hooked up with your ex. Okay. But I'm just saying, like, I'm not trying to bribe the judge or the mediator, but yeah, he like probably fucked your girlfriend. So yeah.

Yeah, but also only one person in this trio got the love and attention of Kelsey ballerini. Okay, and I don't think she ever that's true Yeah, I think I think they're like housewives in that way Well, they will always remember the first major slight and Shep will always come for Craig because of that because even if this mediated dinner Shep comes for Craig he's like Okay, Craig. I'm there to help you. We do think you're a narcissist Am I helping?

I hope that Kelsey Ballerini had the worst day of her life with you. Gosh. Kelsey Ballerini. Wow, that really took you a long time to start that one up, huh? Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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Well, I want to be good with Craig, because this is Austin speaking again, okay? Because now I'm at a table. This time I'm at Holy City Brewery. I want to be good with Craig, and I don't want to be at odds. It feels like Craig and I have been skirting around the issue for far too long, and let's just cut through this shit. Let's just fucking talk, man. It's gotten to a point where there's nothing else to be said other than exactly what the issue is for both of us. And then Shep walks in with Craig, and Austin just crosses his arm, and he's like...

Just sprays the table with spit. He's doing like a full, he's like mouthing a full monologue to himself. Just with his tongue and his teeth. Wow, wow, wow. Wow, wow, wow.

He's so mad. He's like, what the fuck? Of course Craig shows up with shit up. His new fucking bestie all of a sudden. I haven't seen them show up anywhere together in three years. Like, come in to meet me. Craig has a partner in arms, which is, wow, more chess games from Craig. I said it. Partner in arms. I'm an intelligent person. We shall see you.

Are you gonna start this like the godfather like thank you for joining me because by the way, you know I've never seen the godfather That's not surprising whatsoever not surprising And shops like has Paige seen the car father. He's like, yeah, she doesn't know I've never seen it Please don't tell her cuz sometimes just to impress her we walk into restaurants and I'm like wow This is the beginning of the godfather I say

take the cannoli leave the pillow so chef i love that like we can't we can't skip over this because this is so good i've never seen the godfather she doesn't know i've never seen it so you've even lied about that you've even lied about seeing the fucking godfather to your girlfriend i mean come on man she probably knows probably when she said craig i'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse he's like

What if I refuse it? No, Craig, you don't have to say anything to it. It was a joke in and of itself. What? Also, you haven't seen this movie. Also, every time he's like, it's like the beginning of The Godfather. It never is. You know what I mean? The Godfather starts at a wedding, sir. Okay. It's a pretty specific opening. This is like the opening to The Godfather. Craig, it's a nail salon. Actually, I hate to break it to you, Ronnie.

Craig is right. The beginning is really Don Corleone sitting in his office at the wedding. And the guy comes and says, Don Corleone, you've got to help me. And it's all dark. And then they go out to the wedding outside. Oh, you're right. Yeah. Okay. Well, don't tell Paige. But I don't think that Craig knew that, by the way. I think that was a pure guess. I just watched all the Godfathers. Yeah, I thought it was the wedding. And then somebody comes in to talk to Don Corleone. And they go back out to the wedding.

I've never seen Godfather Part 3. I actually watched Godfather Part 2 like three years. I think I talked about it on the podcast. I was like, guys, I watched the Godfather Part 2. I watched the Godfather Part 1 because I was watching that TV show where it's about the making of the Godfather. It's good. That's a good show, by the way. I forget what it's called. Godfather is... Can I say something? The Godfather? Yeah.

It's so good. I don't get the first. I think I'm probably the first person who's ever realized this. The Godfather is like so good.

yeah it was pretty good it was a good one and guess what team diane keaton so in case oh my god i think that our attitude only goes for southern charm don't worry it's the original godfather yeah the original page everyone's like oh my god diane keaton with a take her kids away from her i'm like no actually she had a point why why should she have to marry

Al Pacino and put up with his murdering bullshit. You know, he's just a man. He's like, but look at me. I'm crying. I'm crying. I've got feelings like shut up, Shep. Yeah. Yeah. Grow up. You know what? When that door closed on Diane Keaton's face at the end, I was like, oh, gutting. It's always the woman who suffers. I wish when Peg, when Paige broke up with Craig, she just left a horse head in his bed. He's like, well, is there a horse head in my bed? What's this Rob? It's actually a Pashmina. It's a Pashmina.

It's on trend. But only you would think it's a horse head, you idiot. The point is, Craig is not seeing The Godfather.

and uh chef is like gosh i've seen the garsh father and i think you have to watch it at like your italian bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah oh gosh yeah she's italian and chef's like she's italian though so of course she's seen it you know greg's like yeah they love that and he's like yeah i think you have to watch it like your your italian bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah oh gosh

What's a bat mitzvah? What's that? What's a bar mitzvah? You know, it's like we have, you know, when we're 13, we have our garsh mitzvahs. You know, it's like Fiddler on the Roof. Oh, don't tell Paige I haven't seen Fiddler on the Roof either.

So Austin and I were just like not great at expressing like or saying the tough stuff, you know, like that sentence, for example. But you guys were so close. You should be able to do it. I mean, you just took a piece of spinach dip to the eye, Craig. You should be able to say whatever's on your mind. I was like, sorry, did I do that? Putting up his hand to guard his mouth. So here comes some tough stuff.

I'm going to make an offer to Austin. He can't refuse. Did I do it right? Okay. I have a proposal. Austin's like, oh, God. He's like, maybe we give you 30 grand, but I keep ownership of it. It's like, oh, my God.

Oh, no. Like, no, I'm not. First of all, no. And second of all, I'm not thinking about the podcast. And also, third of all, that's a real lowball figure. Oh, God, no. But I like that Austin didn't even get into that. He's like, I thought we were here to talk about our friendship and you're already, like, going to business. And Craig's like, what do you want from me? Well, what about, like, I don't know, just, like,

Friendship wife, what's going on with that with all of us? Well, like I thought we were fine, you know, but you did this. You came to my house and you started this and all I've done is respond. You were in my home where fireplaces come on at the switch of an iPhone button.

Yeah, and he's like, and Austin is basically like, yeah, I mean, like, Craig, it was telling, it was me telling you that you've lost track of your interpersonal relationships. I'm trying to have you find some balance, dude. That's all that I wanted you to do. Like, instead, you took your ball and you went home with it, okay? Like, man, just think about all the things that you've done since that conversation. Yeah.

Well, like, what have I done? He's like, um, you threw a party. You threw a party and didn't invite me. He's like, well, but I felt betrayed, though. That's why I did that. Yeah, but he's saying that you did things in retaliation for one stupid little thing. And he's like, yeah, but I was retaliating. Fucking Greg. So he's like, I'm just disappointed. Oh, I'm just disappointed to hear you say that, man. He's like, but we do so much together. We work out. We do podcasts. We do lunches. We go out to the gym. I'm like, what more do you want from me?

Ah, Shep, I mean, it's like talking to a brick wall. And Craig's like, Mediator, what is unclear? Like, I don't get it. Um, well, I think there's a part of Austin and I that thought that it was like, oh, like a PR thing. Like, like, I've got to do this. If I want my business to flourish, I have to be squeaky clean. Well, yeah, well, that's okay. Like,

If you're saying like, oh, I have a successful business. I have to maintain a good image for myself. That's okay to do, Shep. I mean, not at the expense of a friendship, but like you're allowed to do that too.

Yeah, I mean, I think the thing that hung me up is the same thing as you when it was like, yeah, but you were supposed to go golfing with me and you also canceled that. And that's not necessarily about being wasted. Although every man knows, even the gay ones, that golf is kind of about being wasted. That's just like day wasted, you know. So that kind of hangs me up too because part of me is just like, yeah, but golf.

If you go to the gym and to lunches and do your podcast with people, that is spending time together. You know what I mean? So I'm still on that where I think that Craig is spending time with him and they're being unreasonable because they just want him to be out at bars with them because he probably pulls the best ass out there and they get the residual flow off. Yeah.

Yes, I agree with all this. It's like such a, it's like I kind of agree with all the points that are happening in this conversation because I think everyone kind of has a valid point and because their friendship is changing. But I think probably for Austin and Shep, the strongest point that they should make, I

I believe is that it feels like now the friendship is only on Craig's terms. Like they can only hang out with him when he says that, that they can hang out and it has to be at his place. And if they make plans, he bails on them or it's like only during these sanction times of like gym or whatever. And I think if they stuck with that, I think if you talk about like, Oh, we think you're trying to be squeaky clean for your business. I don't think that's like a fair thing to say, um,

They may feel it, but I don't think you're going to win the argument by saying that. But I do think that if you say, we don't feel like we have a say in this friendship, which makes us feel like we're being used or whatever, I think that would be their strongest path forward.

And they actually do kind of get there in this conversation, right? Because Craig's like, you know, they're like, this is our version of friendship. This is my version of friendship. And Craig's like, well, my version is not bailing on each other, like all the ups and downs, you know? Like, I've been a great friend to you, and that's why I'm taking it back when you came to my pool and said, I don't feel like you're a good friend anymore. Like, that hurt my feelings. Yeah, but you're the one bailing because you're literally trying to draw up legal papers to kick him out of your life. Like, that's nuts. Yeah. Yeah.

By the way, and in the middle of this, Shep goes, part of being a self-realized human is being able to listen to constructive criticism and to really take it in and maybe realize that some people...

Have a point. Yeah, Shep, a poster child of a self-realized human being. Well, we can always see it when it's somebody else we're talking about, eh? By the way, I love in our video today that I'm Danny DeVito to your Arnold Schwarzenegger. Look at our size differences. Why am I so tall? Also, I have a question. I was going to ask you about this. I feel like the JT of this recap. Your background is so...

Your background is so beautifully blurred. Like you've got that good bokeh effect, I think they call it. How did you, how did you, is that just naturally happening? Or did you put something on? Because I cannot, for the life of me, get that nice effect on my camera. I don't know. Oh, you know why? Because I'm using the laptop camera and they have something called portrait mode, like your phone. Like it takes the portrait mode on your phone. And so it blurs out the background. But I would like everybody to know there are no filters on my face. This is all me.

My laptop doesn't have it. Instead, I have, for some reason, a puke green tone that's just washing over my entire screen. That's lovely. That's so weird because I actually went to a bar in Charleston called Puke Green Tone. Puke Green Brewery. Yeah, I literally am the color scheme of Frog and Toad. Ha ha ha.

You're not you look very handsome. You always look very handsome and you look way hotter on TV. I was like, yes, thank you Wow, you know, I haven't even watched our episode yet. I'm like I did I masturbated to it Disgusting I did not I was watching with my friend Kimberly I I saw the pictures because I was honestly I felt very self-conscious about how I looked I felt like I wore the wrong shoes by accident and

They don't see the shoes. We're behind a bar. I know. Who cares? We're guys. No one cares about our shoes. And I was also afraid the shirt wasn't fitting me the way I wanted it to. I was worried about my posture. I don't know. I was like, you know some days you go out into the world and you feel like, yeah, I look good. And then sometimes you're like, no, I'm off. And it's not like me feeling shitty on myself. It's just like that night, I was like, I feel like I'm not really rocking it. Bro, stop mollying yourself. So I was afraid to watch it.

Did you take a Molly pill before you came here? Geez, man. Well, no, but what I did do, I did lipo my ankles yesterday. So I was like, I can't. After that Watch What Happens Live appearance, I've got to lipo those ankles. No, but for real, it's not like an ongoing. It was just that night. I just didn't love how it looked. So I just was like,

Maybe when you were hot, I got a boner watching you on TV. So I'm sorry I said masturbate everybody. I'm sure we'll cut that out later. That's all right. No, it's fine. Just know that you like that's this is what Austin and Craig need to know. Like a real friend masturbates to masturbates to their other friend and themselves and they see themselves on TV. You don't even masturbate to me on Watch What Happens Live anymore.

What kind of friendship is this? Okay, so basically they're like, we should accept each other the way we are. And Craig's like, okay, it would be fair to say I don't use my limited amount of free time at my house in Charleston to come hang out with you guys. Okay, so there could be room for improvement for the balance of that. And they're like, okay, just a small effort, Craig, and we can build up. I mean, come on, just get us laid while you've still got your hair. Yeah.

What a self-serving comment by him. I guess I don't use the limited amount of free time that I have because I'm busy, because I work, that I get at my house because I have a beautiful house that you guys should all just come to. Like, I don't have a lot of time, so since I don't have a lot of time, you guys should come to my house because I've got a sweet pool, but okay, fine, I'll go to you. It's like it's such a begrudging, like, word.

way to contribute to this conversation. Yeah, but he did, you know, give a little. He was like, okay, I'm a little wrong. I could make more of an effort, basically, right? And so they kind of make up. And then we go to Vanita's house and she is cooking for JT with Charles and she's just walking around like, tee hee hee hee, oh my gosh, I'm opening champagne and I spilled some on the floor, JT, this is crazy. Am I nervous? Am I nervous, Charles? Am I nervous? And Charles is just like, God, you're boring me.

It's like, I'm not buying this. Just finish the fucking fish. Charles is like, I just want to imagine a world where I don't live in like a fake anthropology store.

So, she's cooking. I did enjoy her cookbook selection that she had in her kitchen. She had salt, fat, acid, heat. And she also had Treasury of Southern Baking by Cheryl Day. So, it was a nice selection. I approve of Vanita. She has good taste. She knows her food and everything. She's making a Branzino. This is all very nice. I just want more for her. I just want... Vanita...

You don't deserve to be on this show. You need to find something bigger and better than these people. Like, to sit here, you wasting good fish on someone like JT, it's just not worth it. It's just sad. Yeah. So JT pulls up in his G-Wagon, I'm so sure.

Who'd you borrow that from for the day? Get the fuck out of here with that. I don't believe that for two seconds. Bunny. It's Bunny's G-Wagon. His fucking matte black G-Wagon. Okay. So that Airbnb is doing really well, huh? So...

He's like, wow, look at this. Real girly place. Like it. Like it. Real girly. Here's me, casual JT. Wow, what a gourmet meal you had. This is great. I'm going to eat the whole thing on your couch before I completely humiliate you on TV. So just keep feeding me. That'll be great. Yeah.

So Vanita's like, the first time I thought that I liked JT more than a friend was we were in New York and we see the reunion where JT's calling out. Andy's like, well, JT, you've got a great career and a hot body. And she's like, oh, yeah. But then I was in a relationship with somebody else, Manny. And I said, you know what?

pump the brakes, don't get into JT, don't cheat. But the more we got to hang out with the group and being out together and me standing up for him and having his back, I was just like, I don't do this for people that I'm just friendly with. And then I was like, maybe I like him. I mean, he didn't

saved me when I almost drowned although he wasn't invited but either way sure I'll like JT why not the first time I really liked him was when we went to an amusement park because I really hate roller coasters but I was with him and he was too short to ride the ride so I didn't have to go either and I was like this is somebody I could actually be with um here's why JT is the hugest piece of he could come over he knows what this talk is going to be about and instead of coming over

And having a nice talk with her. He completely butters her up and lifts her up and flirts with her like crazy before he does it. He's like, wow, I just talked to my mama and she said that you're her favorite. And she says, hi. She goes, yeah, I love your mom. Yeah, you sent her a text on Mother's Day. She was so touched. She said, I quote, she's my favorite. You should marry her. Why?

What do you think about that one? At least she's honest, right? God, I love Mama. She's always right. Wow, this food, this Branzino, it's sweet and spicy. Kinda like us, right? Can I just acknowledge, there's chemistry between us, isn't there? I feel it. It's in the air. It's thick. Are we on the same page?

what a piece of man this guy honestly this guy like Vanita doesn't take enough on this show without being completely dragged and humiliated like this by you off you little G-Wagon borrowing Beaver I hate you now I'm so glad to see that this cast treats you like this because you deserve every little bit of it I'm never standing up for you again until next week when one of the guys is worse

Yeah. No, but Vanita gets chat on time and time again on this show and she gets humiliated and it's just like she gets shoved to the corner and she's the only one who seems to actually have a brain around here. And, you know, we have, we,

We have Benito. She's sitting and he's saying things like, you know, I'm extremely attracted to you. And this Branzino, you know what? The thing with this Branzino, it makes me, it makes me imagine all the dinners we could have together. If we were in a relationship, maybe someday we'll get married and I'll sit around the table with our children eating Branzino together. God, that would be a great life.

But you know what? Just keep it real. Do children like Branzino? Wow. Can't wait for them to try this. You should put this Branzino in a baby bottle. I'd love to see our first child being nursed on this sweet, sweet Branzino.

I can see me taking our firstborn child, little JT Jr., off to on a fishing trip to catch a branzino and we cook it up for the whole family. Driving the kids to school saying, God, what's that smell? And then them saying, Mama packed us some branzino in our lunch, Daddy. Oh, and then I'll say, what is that other smell? Mama also made us some pickled branzino for the side. And what's that other smell? Branzino pie. Oh, wow. Yeah.

We're going to be together forever. This is just beautiful. And she's just beaming, right? She's beaming like she's never been happier in her life. She's like, oh, my God, I'm having a love story. It's playing out on television. Finally, here I am on Southern Charm. I'm going to have a love storyline. This is amazing. And he's like, but I'm just being real. I'm seeing someone. And then he just smiles in her face. And she's like, yep.

He's like, you know, I've been getting out of the gates in this new relationship and I gotta give myself a little bit of credit because I don't cheat. I do not cheat, America. Oh, but it's a slippery slope. And Benito's like, well, I won't say I knew he had a girlfriend, but I can say I knew he was talking to someone, but it wasn't like this is who I'm dating.

And she's like, but don't act like you don't want this as bad as I do. I mean, everything you just said, basically. And he's like, well, you know, let's play it out. Say it's an alternate universe. Well, let's say it's an alternative universe.

That it was me and you, but you knew that I had the propensity to see new opportunities and be flippant. You wouldn't want to be with somebody like that. Then you'd always wonder in the back of your mind, is he going to do the same thing to me? Well, I hope that other girl's doing that. Because basically you've been leading her on for a storyline and so that you have somebody to talk to on TV, you fucking piece of shit. And the whole time you've been dating some little, of course, little Taylor lookalike blonde youngster.

young girl so get the out of here I can't with these guys and I was really sad for her that she made herself look so stupid to be with this piece of when she knew part of me part of me doesn't feel bad because I'm like you knew it's JT and you're still being with him and part of me is like well that's also for storyline for you because you need something on this show but I don't like that and I don't like her getting mistreated by this guy I felt really bad for her also I cringed a lot

Yeah. So she's like, let's be real. If I was dating JT and he's talking to another girl like this, we would be done. And there's no way, there's no way I would be able to continue dating him. So he's like, I think it's just important that you know that my work means something. Is it a crime to be honest? I stand for women. I'm wearing a white cape and I'm just here as a man telling you someone I respect. I've been dating someone else while I'm flirting with you.

What an ass. So she's like, where does that put us? And he's like, I don't know, but I'll acknowledge. It's not easy. Not easy. Yeah. And then she's basically like, well, I'm equal parts angry and equal parts sad because, like, how long have you been flirting and you've had a girlfriend the whole time? And he's like, well...

that was some good brand Zeno I'm gonna head on out in Bunny's car and I will talk to you later yeah so when he goes yeah and he's kind of smiling in her face and squinting his eyes like I feel sorry for you but I'm also squinting he's like yeah I gotta go and then they just cut down to his completely empty plate of brand Zeno I was like wow well glad you had a full meal while you were here to fucking dump my ass you piece of shit God yeah

Yeah, exactly. Monster. Like she had to cook for this. You could have at least taken her to dinner. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Boo. You suck. Boo, JT. You suck. Boo. Okay. Well, on that note. But also, Benita, be smarter.

Yeah, be smarter. So that is it, everyone. That is our final episode before the crappies. And now next time you see and hear from us, we'll be on that stage. We cannot wait. Can't wait to see all of you. If you can't be there, get your streaming ticket at Kiswe. Go to our website, watchyourcrappies.com for links to that. And then again, next week, we'll be in Salt Lake City in Denver, and we're going to be doing Salt Lake City reunion in Salt Lake City, which will be a blast. So see everyone somewhere and have a great weekend, everyone.

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Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. You know how everyone's all about new year, new me. Well, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. We're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspective. And honey, it's going to change your life. I

I sat down with astrology queen, Chani Nicholas. Y'all, if you want to understand yourself better this year, this episode is it. And then there's my chat with the incredible Da Vinci where nothing was off the table. If you're looking to level up your mindset this year, his words are definitely going to hit different.

If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby. This is Kiki Palmer. Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And for the full experience, head to my YouTube channel. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app. Let's make this year our best one yet, baby.

UFO lands in Suffolk and that's official, said the News of the World. But what really happened across two nights in December 1980 when US servicemen saw mysterious lights in the forest near RAF Woodbridge and claimed to have had a close encounter with an actual craft? Encounters, a new podcast available exclusively on Wondery Plus, takes a deep dive into one of the most famous and still unresolved UFO encounters to ever take place in the UK.

Featuring shocking testimony from first-hand witnesses, hosts, journalist, podcaster and UFO researcher Andy McGillen, that's me, and producer Elle Scott, take us back to the nights in question and examine all of the evidence and conflicting theories about what was encountered in the middle of a snowy Suffolk forest 40 years ago. Are we alone? Encounters is a podcast which is going to find out. Listen to Encounters exclusively in ad-free on Wondery+.

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