#2715 Below Deck Down Under S03E01: Please Don’t Sous Me
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Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune in to baby. This is Kiki Palmer. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Yield Brav. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, how's it going?

Good. I mean, I've been given a gift. A whole new boatload of dum-dums to make fun of on the internet. Oh, thank you, Lord. Like manna dropping from heaven. Welcome to the first Below Deck Down Under podcast.

Season 3 recap is what I meant to say. We're glad to be here below deck. Hi, welcome to the show. Okay, we just did the Golden Crappy Awards in New York City. They are available on streaming until about February 14th. So go get it.

your tickets, okay? Also, we're going to be in Salt Lake City and Denver this week. In Salt Lake City, we're going to be doing Salt Lake City. And in Denver, we're going to be doing Southern Charm. So come see us and go to WatchWhatCrapens.com for all of our dates. We've got, God, 15 more dates coming up, I think, this year. So,

go check them out and get your ticket so we can meet you in your town. Okay. Also, we're doing traders recaps this year and they are on Patreon. We also have videos on Patreon. If you prefer video recaps, hi, that's where you can see us right now. And if you don't want to pay for Patreon, you can still get videos a week after they're released over on our YouTube channel. How about you, Ben? Anything you want to say?

No, not much. Just, you know, I'm excited for this. This was such a shit show of an opening of a first episode on this, this giant, giant boat. I mean, we haven't had Below Deck Down Under on our, on our TV for over a year. So it's nice to have it back. But wow, I was stressed out during this episode.

Was it the stairs? It was the stairs. It was the stairs and it was also that elevator. As soon as they showed that elevator, I was like, this elevator is going to break this season. I just didn't expect it to happen the first episode. Oh, yeah. I've known people with elevators in their homes and they're just a nightmare. I don't know how anybody has an elevator. That shit breaks. That shit breaks. Okay. You remember when we were in that town and there was that lady...

Sherry, what's your buns? That was our pictures and all the elevators. And they were like the elevator commissioner, Sherry Berry. And we were making fun of it. Well, now I see why I need an elevator commissioner. What a pain in the ass elevators get better.

Yeah, honestly. And also like, how do you design this enormous yacht that's like four stories high and you put the galley all the way in the basement, but like the dining room is on the roof. How do you not just like incorporate a service elevator? Like what, what is the thinking here? This watching some of the things they had to do with those staircases, this episode really, really, really stressed me out. And it's like, we have a whole season ahead of us with that staircase. Yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot of staircase drama that's going to be happening. Staircases suck. I just think we're in the future now. We need better things. Like, we need better ways to get upstairs, preferably being pulled up them somehow. We need better elevators. Also, this... And why are we still plugging things in everywhere? Like...

Plugging all your phones, all your everything in. I just hate cords. Okay. Figure out a way that we don't need to do that anymore. Electricity. And also they designed this boat without outdoor passageways. Like there's no decks that go around the boat. I mean, who designed this?

I know. I think there was one deck that went around because I saw them outside. I think like a lower deck went around, but I think an upper deck. I'm not sure. They said there was nothing going around. Either way, I think this is a poorly designed boat. It looked really nice at first because it was so big, but it looks very difficult. And I'm like, is the air conditioning not working? Because I know it's hot and humid outside. And actually, that's also adding to the stress. The fact that they're all sweating guests.

captain crew they're all sweating all the time but like why are they sweating so much indoors is it oppressive inside I think so and plus the stairs stairs got the exactly stairs and humidity yeah and then the whole thing with the sous chef I mean I love that we have a sous chef this season but I am stressed out about that that galley that galley he's a little shit head too you know although he's not completely wrong either I'm about to say his attitude is not great he's a shit head but he also needs to be used

Yes. And weevils and weevils, weevils and maggots. It's just all stressful. Oh, weevils and maggots. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a pretty crazy one to start. Now, all the ads leading up to this have been Captain Jason coming out of the water in a wet shirt and like how sexy Captain Jason is and stuff. You know, I think the guy is sexy, but give the man a break. You know? Yeah. Keep your hands off the merchandise, ladies.

Yeah, seriously. So, yeah, why don't we just dive into this madness that's happening here on this boat, which is that we start out and we see a big thing that says Seychelles. So we're in the Seychelles, kind of crazy.

Kind of stretching the idea of being down under quite a bit in that we're no longer in Australia and we're in the Indian Ocean and we're like up by Africa. But that's OK. We are in the southern hemisphere. So, you know, I don't know anything about geography. OK, so I was like Africa.

Indian Ocean? Wait a minute. Yeah, but I barely know the valley where I live. So I can't really, I'm like, where'd I hear again? Like seriously? I mean, so I don't know that I should be expected to know any of this stuff. But even I was like, wait a second. I don't think any of this is true. I feel lied to.

Yeah. So we see like a preview of the season and everything, which is all exciting and stuff. And Dr. Not Dr. Jason. Captain Jason does his whole thing of like a spiel about like, you know, luxury yachting in the Seychelles is where the Seychelles are. It's humid. Seychelles by the Seychelles. My Seyros. What is that? What does that rhyme? She sells.

She sells seashells by the seashore. I think there's more to it. I just remember learning it from Snoopy because like Sally, Sally's like one of them. One of the, I had a book when I was a kid and Sally set up a, a seashell stand by the seashore. And it was like, Sally sells seashells by the seashore. And I was like, how enterprising. Yeah. I love Sally. Sally is like, let's just get some free shit and get some money for it. That's my kind of girl. Yeah.

Say sales, say sales, say sales by the say-saw.

It's a tongue twister. It's often used to practice pronunciation. There you go. Hey, you know what doesn't need a whole lot of work? The internet. Thank you, internet. Thank you for being better than stairs and elevators and non-rattling decks and cords and electric cords. Yeah. All of those things. Thanks for being significantly better than so many things in our lives. So Zarina shows up and she's like, wow, she's huge. Oh, first to arrive. So she shows up first and, um, uh,

Basically, Jason has fish. Oh, yeah, he has fish. He has pet fish. He didn't name them, right? They were just there. I think, like, if you have fish on land, that's cute. You know, it's like, look, I'm appreciating the ocean. But when you have fish on a boat, that's just, that's like fish trafficking. Like, you're holding those things prisoner. That's not cool, man. You're like, look at this whole world you don't get to swim in because I've captured you. Yeah.

But it's like a prison. Like, it's like if we went to jail and someone said, okay, you're going to jail and we're building the jail right in your backyard. And you just have to sit and like, look at your life that you used to have. And you just, but you can't, you can see it, but you can't touch it. It's like that time I locked myself in the bathroom at my house. Yes. And I had to climb out the window into another person's apartment. You know, I could have been killed if that was in Texas.

That was, yes. And that is exactly what it feels like to be a fish on a yacht, which is just locked in your bathroom. Yeah. You're just stuck there with your poop.

And also that tank didn't look very clean. I think he's probably watching those YouTube videos that I watched a long time ago where there was a really hot guy and he's like, I'm into old natural tanks. And I'm like, oh my God, I love it. And like plantscapes and whatever you call those. And I got really into it until I killed all the fish when I changed the water and then I was traumatized. But anyway, I'm wondering if Captain Jason has found this hot guy and he's like, well, there's a handsome lad. Maybe I'll try my hand.

at natural sea skypes in a bowl. But whatever, it's not working, okay? That's some green-ass water. Let those fish out. Let them free. And by the way, this is the blow deck where they show the most underwater footage. Like, they definitely, they're like, we are going to pay for some good stock footage because it's like every other scene, they just interject some random fish. There was one point in the episode where two people were talking and just like a giant ray was below them. They just split the screen and below, it was just a

a big like manta ray or stingray just floating along you know and i love that ray from real housewives of potomac he's like bruce trying to find miami

Going to the golf course. The big star of the show, obviously, you know what I'm going to say, I'm sure. The turtle. I mean, that turtle was so like, look, I'm just a turtle. But by the end, he was like, you fucking morons. You know, it was like he passed by with like a little cigarette. Like everyone here is stupid. Do I have to do everything myself? I can't believe the turtle. The turtle's just dismayed by the staircase. Well, I live, you just swim up. Yeah.

Yeah. You want to complain about an elevator? Look at these things that I'm stuck with. It's like going all slowly. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you have to go up four staircases. How about being endangered? Okay. What are you complaining about? You're covered in stone. No one can get you. Yeah. So, yeah.

So anyway, so Zarina's like, holy guacamole, there's a piano. Oh my God, it's like a cruise ship, an elevator. Oh, I'm going to take this, a literal elevator. It looks like it's three floors. Wow, Jason. And so she like runs up and gives him a hug and they're like reunited and everything. And she gives her a hug too, but it's not like an Asha hug. He's like, well, hello, employee. We're with Asha. He's like, oh my God, I can't wait for you to put in my contacts. That's...

you know, do the, do the koala hug or whatever. It's not that kind of thing. It's just more of like, why are you hugging me so tight? You know, which I felt kind of bad for her. She deserves a bigger hug, but you got to watch out with crazy people.

Yeah, you really do. You don't want to lead them on. So they go down to, so she, you know, she's like, finds out that, you know, the galley is downstairs and that the chief stew is someone named Laura. And that like Jason says that Laura's really going to bring her a game. And Zarina is excited. She's like, I've worked with her before and she's fantastic. I really think you are going to be a great match. So at first I was like, wow.

why do they not have Asha on this boat? You know, Asha is from New Zealand. She sort of matches the whole down under thing. And she's like a fan favorite. Why did they take her off this? But later on, when we meet Laura and we see like her relationship with Zarina, I was like, Oh,

oh, I get it. Now I see why they put a different Stu on. Well, I think they moved Aisha to the big leagues. You know, she's on main below deck, the biggest ratings get her. But I agree. I think she should be on this one too. Because, I don't know, she should be. Maybe she should just be on all of them. But when she said this whole thing of, oh my God, you're going to love her. We've worked together. And that means in Housewives world, she is bringing this cast member on. She recommended this cast member and now this cast member is going to betray her ass forever.

In the middle of the season, and she's going to cry about it. And they're going to have a fight that's thinly veiled of like, I got you this show, now you're treating me like this.

Yeah, it's going to be a shit show between the two of them. We can already tell. And then also the big twist this season is that there is a sous chef, which I love this as an idea because we've never really examined a tension between a chef and a sous chef. And that's just this very first episode. We see like how fertile this ground is for drama.

Yeah, because one of the most dramatic areas in a restaurant is the kitchen. And it's all those relationships, you know, because the chef is generally abusive, you know. And then we have to watch how everybody deals with that abuse. You know, some people become like Stockholm syndrome where they're like, oh, my God, the chef's amazing. And some people secretly want to murder the chef.

or dream about having his job. And so we never get to see that really on this show. So yeah, I agree. It's great. And they got a really arrogant, young, semi-hot person who just knows that he should be the, or he thinks in his mind that he should be the chef. And now he's having to deal with Zarina instead. And it's going to be good.

Yeah. And I always wonder like what sort of, you know, there's so much sexism in the kitchen and in restaurants. So I always, I also, there's also that dynamic play. That's like, it's not really, you know, it's, it's not like,

something that is like a main issue. But like, I have to wonder if that is something that's like bubbling under the surface with him too. Like, Oh, sure. Well, there's that. There's sexism in the kitchen, but then there's also sexism on boats. I mean, Jesus Christ, just add government in there and you've got like the trifecta. I mean, if that sous chef will, would just run for mayor, we'll have a complete trifecta of a shit show. Yeah. A hundred percent.

So, and Zarina's like, well, to be honest, as long as he can clean and carry heavy stuff. And I told me when I cry, I think that's all I'll need. I was like, uh-oh, that's not good. Yeah, that's not good. When you're looking at your sous chef as your errand boy, you're going to be in fucking trouble. Because a sous chef is not the bar back. That's not their job. Exactly. To do all your dishes. Yeah. The other thing they're doing this season is that as people come onto the boat, they're kind of...

giving them it's like it's like the beginning of like blind date or like one of those dating shows from the 2000s where like it will see their picture and then it'll freeze and we get vital stats so we see like where they're from how old they are and then like what their experience is and then like a fun fact so next we have lara and she's from cornwall uk and she's 36 years old and she's six years as chief stew and her mom named her after a horse

And I also like that some bitchy queen added in the temperature when she arrives because it's like you're going to slow. They're like, we promise you we've picked a place that's going to slowly make these people go crazy. So here's the temperature when she arrives. It's 88 degrees and the humidity is 77 percent. Watch out. Laura's about to blow. Are you talking about the horse?

Who says that? If that's even a fact, don't say it. My mom named me after a horse. Jesus Christ. I'm like, also, like, okay, I have to imagine...

The horse is probably named after a human. So why don't you say you named Laura after the OG Laura, like Laura Flynn Boyle. Just say Laura Flynn Boyle, anything. Don't say like a horse. Yeah, go back to the beginning of the cycle. For example, my name is Rondal and my mom's name is Rhonda. So a lot of people are like, oh, no wonder you're like your mom because she named you after her but added an L. Well, actually, the truth is...

My grandfather was named Rondal, and he wanted a boy to name Rondal, but he had a girl instead. So they just took off the L. So she got shafted because her whole name means like, we really wanted you to be a boy. Sorry, you're not good enough. And then my mom wanted a little girl, and she had a little boy. Oh, no. So she added the L back on. So it's like a whole cycle of disappointment in your birth. Yeah.

Oh, no. That's so multi-layered. I had no idea about the trauma embedded in your name, Ronnie. Yeah, I have a very traumatic name. Now, here's the thing. I would say, like, okay, so-and-so is named after a horse if their name was like Seabiscuit. It's like, oh, and now here comes our Chief Stew, Seabiscuit. And they say, she's named after a horse. I'm like, okay. Yeah, I'm like, okay, I get it. Here comes Hanky, you know, or like, here comes Diamonds.

But like Hank, he's the swan leave Hank. Well, that would be Hank. He was named after a swan. I would be okay with that. But like, if the name is already like a human name, like, why is that? Like, why is the horse part of it? The essential part? I don't understand that. And who named a heart, a horse, Laura, what a weird name for a horse. Do horses not get cute names? They do. Right. Cause we've seen horse racing. Like you said, Seabiscuit and they're always like Kleenex in your me ma's purse. Yeah. Yeah. I,

Actually, almost all horses have ridiculous names. Yeah. I don't know why they named, who named their horse Lara? Because every, anytime you go to like a horse race, it's always like peanut butter chocolate cake is racing. Oh, it's coming in the first peanut butter chocolate cake. Oh, and here comes stapler stapler. And then, oh my God, vagina exposed, vagina exposed, coming around the bend. And here comes Lara. Little Debbie's bad for your stomach. Coming around the bend, coming around the bend.

Leave the last hat off for savings is now coming into third place. They were from behind and here comes leave the last hat off for savings. 1-800-CARS-FOR-KIDS coming around the corner there. Frosty Bush falling behind. Warm up that bush, Frosty. Warm up that bush. I feel bad for the horse that I named Exposed Vagina. Exposed Vagina.

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Okay, so Serena is talking while we see this, you know, while we see Lara come on board. And Serena's like, oh my God. Yeah, I can't wait to put this little suit to work. But, you know, thank God he's British because British humor is dark. It's sarcastic. It's mean as fuck. This could be really awesome. There's no boundaries in British humor. I hope you're ready for that to come bite you in the ass because...

He can use the same thing, and you've already said it in your monologue. He can be like, I wasn't disrespecting you. It was British humor, darling. Yeah. That's like – I feel like British humor was made solely so that way British people can just always –

refer to it when they've offended someone. What are you talking about? It's British humor, darling. Pick up your tears. Yeah, the Lisa Vanderpump of it all. So, Laura sees the stairs and she's like, fuck this. She's like, oh my God, this is going to be an aunt, man. And so, she goes to meet Jason and stuff. And I like that she wasn't overly friendly. I really like that this chick is just icy up front.

Yeah. She's like, listen, I've been on enough boats to know you're all going to hate me. Okay. And I already hate you. I don't care how many ads you've done without your shirt on. All right. You piece of shit. Is that Fisher prisoner? Clean that fish tank.

Yeah, I think that we both really enjoy an icy chief stew. Like that's like really exciting for us. And she is very icy. She seems like she has no emotions. In fact, later on when she cried, I was actually upset that she cried because I was like, no, I want you to be so icy. You just don't even feel anything. Don't break down. Just like be icy. And but so far so good on the Lara front.

Oh, she'll be broken like they broke Seabiscuit soon. Yeah. Don't you worry. They'll get her. This is below deck. No one leaves here crying. You know what I mean? And we've had a long line recently, you know, post Kate and Hannah, we've had a long line of stews really trying to be liked. And so it's nice that there's someone who maybe she wants to be liked, but it's not going to happen.

Yeah. It definitely won't be happening. I also like, by the way, as we'll see over the course of the episode, Lara is really good about tending to fabrics. Like there were a lot of cutaway shots of her like smoothing out like a bedspread or smoothing out like a napkin or a tablecloth. She likes to sort of put her hands on things and just she sort of evens it out. And it's like an attention to detail. And I love that because it's the chiefs dudes who have that attention to detail who are the ones that like

really are like hilariously cold to their underlings and like make their lives hell. Love that. I love that so much when the chief stew, when you have like the spoiled brat stews like on Below Deck Sailing last year and you just have a chief stew who's like, I don't have time to tolerate your funny business because I've got fabrics to press down on. You know, like it's just, it's great energy. Yeah. So,

So she tells us that she's been in the industry for 13 years and she's like, growing up, my dad was an airline pilot. Unfortunately, he just wanted to be on ground because he was addicted to gambling. And so he named me after one of his horses, Marlowe.

Laura Mora, nickel and dime. And, you know, it was kind of rough having a father who would run around right behind me just saying, Faster! Faster! You can do it faster! I was the first girl who ran into school, tripped on the stairs and broke my teeth. I'll never forgive my father! I've always been around stewardesses. I love how made up they are and how perfect their hair was. I do take care of myself and I like to be very neat and tidy and proper. Sounds posh. I quite like it.

And, you know, this is a callback to one of our favorite chief stews of all time who didn't get the chance to live. I mean, she's still alive. She has a baby and stuff. But I mean, on the show, that is Faye. That is Faye. It was like, ladies, what do we do as stewardesses? We wear lipstick and we curl our hair. A little hairspray never hurt anybody, ladies.

Yes, I enjoy a stew that treats the boat like a finishing school. That's very important to me. Me too. And I saw, because we follow Faye, you know, because we love Faye. And I saw her post something the other day. Because, you know, she does have a baby and she went back to being brunette. She's doing a lot of things I don't approve of in her real life, is what I'm saying. But she did have a post of something like,

who wants me back on below deck already? Like, isn't it time? And I was like, I love that you're ready to just drop the baby, pull out the parasite and get here. You know, like Alita Adams saying, I don't care how you get here. Just get here if you can. Okay. So love you.

Yeah, I love that she's dropping that hint because like we're ready. We're ready. Like let's let's insert her on one of these shows. Put her on like classic below deck. I actually think that like I mean, Fraser is nice and everything. And I enjoy Fraser and it's nice to have like a gay man as a chiefs do. But honestly, if I had to make a pick, if someone had to be swapped out for Faye, it probably would be Fraser for me at this point.

Oh, yeah. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I'm not going to make that choice. But I definitely want to see her on. And I would like to get her – to see her get a chance at the big leagues. You know? Yeah. I would. She deserves it. It's just that like –

I can't, I could never say no to Asia or to Daisy. And is there anyone else? I mean, well, this new, this new person, this one's new, so I can't say, but I'm just saying, but then, yeah, there's. So Fraser gets off the short end of the stick. No, there's a girl who, oh my God, she was originally from down under. And now she's. Yeah, to me, there's to me.

To me kind of fucked it up in her life. Yeah. She got replaced by Asia. So I, yeah, I wouldn't say, yeah. Oh, she did get replaced by Asia. Yeah. Yeah. Because, well, meaning that like confused in my mind. Yeah. It's all kind of like one big spectrum, but like to me was on as chiefs do on a shit show of a season. And I love to me like, like, so it's like,

Just to say I want to replace Fraser is not to say I don't love Fraser. I'm just saying some people are just icons. And so Toomey was on, and then we had a Below Deck season, and then we went back to Below Deck Med, and everyone was surprised that we went Med, Classic, Med, Classic.

Because remember, they threw in the med that we suspect because they were re-editing below deck sailing. So in the second med, that's where Aisha was on as a chief stew. And then we just had sailing and now we're down under again.

but did they even edit below deck sailing because Gary was still a main part of that whole season I don't even think they re-edited I just thought they were doing the old give give it time people will be less mad or maybe they're really conducting an investigation and they're like if this investigation turns out badly then we have to pull the entire um season uh but then they're like okay it's it's it's enough that we can air the season who knows

So, Serena sees Lara and they're hugging and she goes, "Oh my god, look at you! It's so wonderful to see you!" And she's like, "I'm hot and sweaty. It's disgusting." She goes, "Well, I have a sweat mustache all the time. I smell." What else is new? Honestly, Serena. She's like, "But I feel like someone else is here, so I wonder who the bosun would be." Her saying, "I feel like someone else is here," is her way of trying to say, "I better go check to see if someone else is here because I don't want to talk to you anymore."

I need to smooth something down to feel a little bit better. That's my face, darling. That's my face. I know. Listen, I love an impossible challenge. Or is there a hot person here? You know, I hope they're not bad looking. Okay, do you want a cabin with me? Do you want to do that? Remember in Antigua when you had the dancing cabin and I was like alone in the cabin by myself. So I thought it would be fun that this time I could be the dancing cabin and we could be dancing together. Wouldn't that be fun? And Laura's like...

Um, sure. If there was ever a face that actually was the sound of a sigh, it was that face. I mean, it was just one long, she just stared at her, but it was just one long, great. It sounds great.

If I were her, I would have said, you know what? Let me see. Let's get the entire crew on here first. And then let's reassess and see who, who goes where. And then I'm going to plug myself in wherever there's like a gap. Um, but you could see like in that moment, I was like, Oh,

She doesn't like Zarina. Now I know. Now I know why they didn't have Aisha back. They were like, let's get the person who has beef with Zarina. Yeah. And she's like, remember last time I had to room alone and there was the fun cabin. But how about this time? We're the fun cabin. You and me. Fun cabin. And Lara's just like, oh, fuck off. So then we meet Wally.

I forget how we said his name. I feel like it was like a sound like beyond beyond. Listen, we don't know anybody's names or accents or remember their faces for at least four episodes. So I hope people aren't coming in too picky right now. But he arrives and I mean, it's, you know, it's a nice thing because it's unique, but I feel bad for him because it's very similar to the flu.

And that's rough. She was named after a horse. He's named after a flu. I mean, the fun just never ends this season. Is he the Vian of the avian? No, because there was the Wuhan. Remember? The Wuhan virus. So he gets it on two different... Whichever way you spell it, it's flu. Whichever way. It looks like, according to...

The internet, which we have previously established is better than the staircase. Veehan. I think it's Veehan. V sounds like V in very, and E sounds like E and C, and H sounds like, okay, I get it. I get it. That's nice. And he's from Paul, South Africa, which is P-A-A-R-L. And I just like to think of Pearl from 227. Mary, you better get up. Yes, Lester is waiting for you to have some dinner, Mary.

He's 31 years old, and he's worked as a shirtless server at a bar named Beefcakes. So hot piece of ass coming through, ladies and gentlemen. Get your dollars out.

And then we go back to Lara, who has this glowing review of her experience with Zarina. She goes, me and Zarina know each other from a previous boat, and I'm like Barbie, and she's weird Barbie. On my previous boat, we worked together for six months, and not everyone likes Zarina, present company included. She's definitely an acquired taste. She's like Vegemite. You either love it or you hate it, but under all the...

bravado and the extraness and annoyingness and ugly-facedness and stupidity and like, God, get this woman out of my spaceness. She's a good person, I've been told. I don't know. Apparently she has a good heart. I don't know. She made broth last season. I don't know anything about it.

If she's a good person, why are you calling her Vegemite? Who says that? This woman's a monster. There, I said it. Yeah. Yeah. This is someone who does not like Zarina, but doesn't want to come off like a total biatch in the beginning. So she's trying to be sort of nice. She's like, I think the audience likes Zarina, so I don't want to be the one that doesn't like Zarina anymore.

But I don't like Serena. And then Serena, you know, her take is, I want a room with Laura because I know Laura's a cool girl, you know? I've never been cool. You know, well, now I'm a bit of a weirdo, you know? So we did clash heads a little bit at work, but we've always said we're much better as an off-boat friendship, but we've matured. I'm sure it's going to be great. She's going to love me. Cool girl status incoming.

Oh, God. So then they're doing some sort of like administrative stuff with the bedroom and everything. And then Vihan gets down there and they're like, they introduced themselves to him. And he says that he's like the bosun and Lara's, you know, they're all making introductions and stuff like that. I like when Serena and Serena shows Lara their room. And it's like, there's a third bed here. Isn't that exciting? And Lara's like,

We could use that for shoes and bags. It's like, shoes and bags? Who's got more than one pair of each? I mean, it's ridiculous, actually. You know, I actually sometimes will use my shoe as a bag. You know, shoe laces, just put a little bit of lipstick in there. What more do you need in life, really? Come on. Mario's just like, please die. He's like, please die.

I feel like there probably is some sort of handbag that's like in the shape of a shoe, like shoelaces. I guarantee that that's like a thing. And Jennifer Tilly owns it probably. So, yeah, they meet that guy. He's kind of boring. But you know what? There's a reason guys at Beefcakes never talk. Okay. They're not there for their conversation. They're there for their butts. Right. That's right. Yeah.

So then we meet Adair, who is a deck stew, and she's from Beaufort, Georgia, and she's 24 years old, and she enjoys doing fireball shots with her 97-year-old neighbor. Why does this feel like the match game? Why do we feel like we're meeting contestants on a game show somewhere? Because they're bringing people on that you want to throw a match at. To make you want to, like, shake your TV. Yeah.

So she says, coming from Georgia boat and scraping boats in the muck. I had no idea that the industry really existed until I was offered my first job. I thought I was going to get kidnapped. I mean, look, there was this amazing couple and they said, hey, our bosses own a $20 million yacht and you should work with it. And I'm like, you're going to kidnap me. That's what my mom tells me. Don't talk to people like you. I really thought I was going to get kidnapped. I thought so. So of course I went with them. That was my reaction too. I was like, so you went? What?

I mean, who knows? Maybe it's just a creepy white van. The man had ice cream. I'm getting in. Okay. Risk it. Whoever risk it wins the biscuit. Know what I'm saying? But also this girl is so confusing because she's like, I love boating. I've been a muck scraper, a dog, whatever. She started listing all these boat drives. But then they kept showing her on four wheelers dressed like Lara Croft. So I was really confused. That's who the horse was named after.

No, Lara Croft was also named after a horse. And then a horse was named after Lara Croft. It's just an endless cycle. So Serena's like, I need to look professional for my sous chef. I'm getting a sous chef. I can't wait.

And, yep, Lara's like, well, I'm looking out for my stew. Brianna, OMG, from 2016 to now. She's a model. Look at her. A model from 2016. New York Fashion Week, British Vogue. Can't wait to call her an old lady because, really, 2016. Someone's a little bit long in the tooth. Do you really need it? Is everything going to be a horse reference with you? I mean, let it go already. Yeah.

Serena goes, you know what? It's going to be actually nice and relieved to have another model on board. And you can see Lara's like,

Please don't ruin my relationship with a fashion model. I need this right now. So then we see a dare. Wait, Brianna's bio. She's from Mullins Hill, New Jersey, and she's 22 years old. Wait, she's been a model since 2016, which was what year is it? 2025. So she was like a teenage model, I guess. I guess if this was filmed in 2024, yeah.

So that would be eight years ago. So yeah, she was like, I guess at 14. She's been modeling since then. God, I'd love child labor. But also, I mean, I started modeling way younger than that. I think I was nine when I modeled the Husky line at Dillard's. So watch out, Brie.

So Brianna, um, and then we see Anthony, the sous chef he's on board next and he's from London and he's 26 years old. And here's something that's important for everyone to know is

His favorite pizza is Gorgonzola prosciutto and olives. So this guy must be so boring that they couldn't find anything better than his favorite pizza. Like, you know, you got one person modeled in British Vogue. One person worked in a gay bar. One person's named after a horse. And all we know about this guy is that his favorite pizza is Gorgonzola prosciutto and olives. But that is a pretty weird pizza because what it tells me is that he has no personality. And so he's struggling for identity. And he's like, oh, my God, Gorgonzola on a pizza. That's crazy.

I'm going to say that's my favorite. I mean, Gorgonzola, prosciutto and olives, all very strong flavors. Surely people will think I'm interesting. And then we have Marina, another stew who shows up, uh,

she is from rio de janeiro she's 26 and she's trained in ballet for 10 years unfortunately we have no idea what sort of pizza she enjoys so we'll have to figure that out over the course of the season but we do know that she was into gorgonzola ballet so hopefully she'll have a little romance coming with the sous chef also there i think they're setting this whole thing up like she

She's really a ballet person. And then she's going to fall down the stairs. That's my prediction. She's going to be like, my ballet life is ruined. Or my ballet life is ruined. How could they do this to me? So Laura's impressed with Marina's experience. And then we get our little goofball. Why do I feel like I've seen him cry multiple times? It's Harry. Harry's next.

Good old Harry. So everyone's happy to see Harry. And then Anthony, the sous chef, he comes down into the kitchen and the first thing he says is, oh, hello, what's up? Oh, wow. It's a bit commercial. It's a bit of a mess in here. Like, okay. All right. I know it's not Zarina's fault, but like, let's not like say it in a way like it is her fault. Yeah. And how about you talk less with your mouth and more with your mop? Yeah.

Okay, because this is your workspace. So if you find it dirty, start cleaning. Okay, Anthony. And he's telling us, oh, well, I've done my junior year's period and I'm ready to step it up. I was lucky enough to work with Michelin star chef for my last restaurant. I just learned some or my last yacht. I just learned so much. He was so talented, so passionate.

had a penis and we did everything together. And I feel like I'm on the periphery of becoming the head chef. All I need to do is take out one big boss. Weird Barbie it is. So then Jason's talking to Harry and he's like, what have you been up to? And Harry's like, well, I've been teaching my scuba diving, got my dive instructor, got my yacht master, just got to the miles now and go back and do offshore and then officer watch, then drive big boats. Yeah.

And basically he says he just wants to, you know, he really wants to be lead deckhand or boss in the season and work his way up to being a captain someday. Yeah. And so we get a stew meeting in the main salon and then the deck team, wherever they are, they're closed off deck. And then we get Johnny, the deckhand, hanging out with Adair. And his bio says that he's from Athens, Greece, and he's 24 years old. And he lives by the motto, a clear sky fears no thunderstorm. Yeah.

That makes no sense. That's stupid. Like. That's literally stupid. Why would the sky fear a thunderstorm anyway? It's like someone moving in for a little while. You know who fears thunderstorms? The people on the ground. Okay. Who cares what the sky thinks about it?

The clear sky is just like, okay, you want to come over here? I'll go over there. Like the clear sky. Yeah. The clear sky doesn't fear it, but the clear sky doesn't have anything to fear. The clear sky won't be impacted whatsoever. Yeah. So this guy's like a dumb person who's trying to seem smart. And I don't know. We're going to get emails like that's like a famous saying from Plato. I don't care. Okay. That was a different time. We've learned more. We have electrical cords now and elevators. So tell Plato to suck it.

But also Johnny's the one that we've seen in the previews having anger fits and having like a severe temper tantrum and problem. So I think he gets fired soon. So we already know he's he's angry.

Yeah, he's also really annoying. So he introduces himself and he introduces himself to Harry and Harry's like, oh, what's your position? And he's like, lead deckhand. And he's like, oh, really? He's like, yeah, what's yours? And they just like said, I'm just a regular deckhand, whatever. So they just sort of chit chat, whatever. And so they don't hire lead deckhands. You don't get to just skip that. Like I get to fake it till you make it. But bam.

Well, it's wild because I was like, in my mind, I was like, oh, they're changing things up. We've got a sous chef this season, and now we're going to start with a lead deckhand. That's cool. So I had no idea he was just lying at this point. Yeah. And then they're talking to Adair now. And she's like, I've been in y'all a little over a year. Muckraken, am I right? And Harry's saying four or five years. And Vian is like,

You know, listen, I've been on catamarans, monohulls, motor yachts, super yachts, mega yachts, dicks, a lot of dicks. I used to work at a place called Beef Cakes. You know, it was just a little trip. But otherwise, now I'm a captain of a catamaran.

And then Johnny, of course, he's like threatened by him. And we know that Johnny is going to be challenging beyond over everything. And he's like, I'm super competitive with pretty much anything I do. So I grew up grappling, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, boxing, kickboxing. I just grind to be better than you. And one day I'll definitely be better than everyone. I'm like, well, that's great. Well, maybe you should do that as a career instead of being a quote-unquote lead deckhand.

Yeah. What are you doing? No one wants to hang out with you. Okay. You can be the best at everything, but people have to want to work with you. Okay. And nobody is going to want to work with you. You arrogant little fart. Yeah. Yeah. You say it. You say it. I was backing you up. I was backing up. I was, I was praising. Here comes one right now.

Welcome to the Offensive Line. You guys, on this podcast, we're going to make some picks, talk some s**t, and hopefully make you some money in the process. I'm your host, Annie Yeager.

So here's how this show's going to work, okay? We're going to run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like No offense. No offense, Travis Kelsey, but you've got to step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the Chiefs need to have more fun this year. We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point Award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably bitter.

Is it Brandon Ayuk, Tee Higgins, or Devontae Adams? Plus, on Thursdays, we're doing an exclusive bonus episode on Wondery Plus, where I share my fantasy football picks ahead of Thursday night football and the weekend's matchups. Your fantasy league is as good as locked in. Follow the offensive line on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can access bonus episodes and listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

Everyone out there should listen to Small Town Murder. You really should, mainly because you never know who's next door. And that's the point of this show, really. You never know who is next door. You never know what's going to happen on Small Town Murder. That's what makes it so wonderful. The only thing you do know is that people are going to die, and we're probably going to make jokes about it. That's it. That's all we can promise you. We dig into these towns. We see what makes them tick from

local legends to scandals they may have had and of course the biggest scandals of all horrible murders that take place there and we put our what I feel is a completely appropriate comedic spin on the whole thing and you know you need a laugh right now so get in there listen to Small Town Murder follow Small Town Murder on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to Small Town Murder early and ad free right now on Wondery Plus

So now they're looking for cabins and they're meeting the interior and everyone's like, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. And Anthony, the Sioux, meets Jason. He's like, great to have you on board. Hopefully you can help put out some great food. I do have new fish in my prison tank and I would appreciate you feeding them every once in a while. And Serena goes, yeah, and now we've got a dishwasher. Just look at him. And Anthony goes, yeah.

as if but he's already like i'm gonna kill you he does not like that joke so much so that he's gonna resurrect some clueless banter so um i think it's a joke either she did not yeah well be joking

Yeah, it turns out that it's not a joke. At first I thought it was. And then it turns out, oh no, she's serious about this. So then she's like, all right, so how long have you been chefing? He goes, so I probably worked probably from 17, I'd say. And I've been in yachting for four years now. She goes, okay, and how many boats have you been on? He's like, four boats. And she's like, oh, four boats? I've only got two down here on your CV. He's like,

yeah and it's updating and she goes sneaky little gypsies so what are your actual training and background are you self-taught and she's you know there it's like it's like I think standard questioning to try to understand your Sue but he does not like this whatsoever he is definitely a bit of a diva acting like he is above having his uh work experience questioned

Yeah, because she's, you know, and she's going in and she's, I think in my memory, she's like sitting crisscross applesauce on top of the counter, just like kind of a pen in her mouth. Like, all right, let's get this started, you know? She's like, what are your weaknesses? What are your strengths? And he's like, uh,

I mean, that's really a tough question on the spot. She goes, well, but that's why we do it, right? Weaknesses, what are they? And so your whole job is on the spot. So go ahead. And he's like, well, I mean, describing weaknesses, I'm not really, I don't like that. She goes, okay, then how about your strengths? Let's describe your strengths. Have you ever fit a lipstick into a shoe and taken it out to a club? That's one of my strengths. You go now. It's easy, see? Yeah.

He's like, well, strength, I'd say I'm pretty well-rounded at everything, I'd say. So basically he thinks that he's like an amazing chef who doesn't have any weaknesses. So she's like, no weaknesses. He goes, can't really think of too many. I'm like, well, obviously there are some because you are still just a sous chef and you've clearly got things to learn. And so she goes, well, my weaknesses list is bigger than my strengths list. He goes, well, it's just a hard one for me to answer. Yeah.

And she's like, really? And he says, well, what's with the interview process here? And she's like, oh, interview. I don't know anything about you. I want to know who I'm working with. And, you know, I want to go through, know your weaknesses, your strengths, stuff like that. How hard do you hug? Do you carry tissues on you in case I'm crying? You know, these are important things to know. And he's like, well, I mean, I guess we'll soon find out.

Oh, hell no. So she does say, she's like, I don't do egos. And if it ever happens, it's like, get out. You know what I'm saying? And I want you to understand, I'm not interrogating you, all right? I'm just trying to figure out how to work together. Okay, so here's what you're going to do. Clean, clean, clean. And then when you make crew food, I would like you to make salads, fresh fish. And then, you know, for breakfast, just something easy. Grab and go, okay? Now, would you like to maybe do guest food at some point? And he's like, 100%, because normally when I'm with...

you know, the chefs that treat me with respect. I do. I work with them, you know, not for them basically. And she's like, uh, Oh, how fun. How fun for you. All right. Welcome to my boat. Yeah. Cause she's really nice at first, but when he starts kind of, um,

giving a lot of attitude. We see the Zarina that we are more familiar with, which is that she's like, oh, it's another fucking man trying to tell me how to do my job, right? That was her vibe last season. Zarina was bubbly and fun last season, too.

But a lot of times she was just exasperated by the incompetence around her. And so it started to come out again. And you could see she was like, oh, I'm trying to be fun Zarina this season. And you're dragging me back into angry Zarina right now. Come on, it's only the first episode. Yeah, and he's just trying to put it out there. I like that she was like, so is your goal to eventually help me with guest food? And then he's just like, well, I normally work hand in hand with the chef. It's like, nope.

Sorry. Earn it. Okay, earn it, sir. So he tells us, I didn't fly here for another interview. I haven't been interrogated like this since I was in secondary school by my headmaster. Okay, he's got a dark past. Because first of all, his CV doesn't match what he's saying. And then when he's asked any kind of weaknesses, he can't answer. I don't believe you, sir. I don't believe you. I think he's a fucking liar. Yeah, I think so. And so, and also like...

One thing that he clearly does not understand is chain of command. So, like, yes, he wants to work on guest food. And yes, things have been different on different boats. But, like, she's still his boss. And he's already pushing back on that. So that's probably his biggest weakness. So she says...

I'm not asking for your mother's social security number and your mother's maiden name. This is a huge red flag. If Anthony plays his cards right with me, I'm more than happy that by the end of the season, he can make some guest food. But as a head chef, I'm not going to trust any random person. I've just met to cook guest food. Prove yourself to me and your skill. Then once trust is earned, of course, let's go for it.

Which does make me question, by the way, what is the best way to bring on if you're given a sous chef? Do you make them do grunt work for a bit and then slowly find out what their skills are? Or do you just sort of like immediately commission them to help you out? Normally a sous chef does your chopping. Like if you're, you know, you teach them the cuts that you want.

and you show him how to do the prep work usually a sous chef is doing your prep work and then you teach them to do everything and eventually they know how to do everything and you get to kind of oversee while they do a lot of the stuff right if you're if you need a night off or whatever but usually they are prepping and cooking with you they're not your dish person that's a separate person in this situation there is no dish person so i can see why she would need that but

You know, he's right to be annoyed if he's only going to be doing dishes and stuff this whole time. But she is also giving him an out and he's not an out, but she's giving him like, do you want to eventually do this? And like, how can I help you move up in the world? And he's being a huge asshole to her. So then we go to Jason and he has the crew meeting and he's like, welcome to Katina.

And he introduces the first officer and engineers who we don't even see. They don't even give him a shot this time. No, they do. They do? Yeah, they got a shot. And it was funny because the guy in the middle. I was like, that's cold. It was for like half a second. And I definitely went back and paused because it's just like, again, it looks like three mafiosi. Yeah.

And the guy in the middle, his eyes are bulging out and you can see he's like, oh, I'm not supposed to be here. I'm a vending machine repairman. I don't know how I'm going to put this boat. Now I'm stuck here. He looks like he is so out of his league.

Well, Jason does his whole spiel of like, oh, I like to look at this like we have one big family environment. We're brothers. We're sisters. Oh, shut up. I hate that. We're brothers. You know what I used to do to my sister? I used to pull out her eyelashes. Then I would put her, I had this toy box that was shaped like a football, and I would put her in it, and then I would roll it down the stairs. Okay? I do not want anybody to treat me like I treated my sister. I was a monster. Okay.

Did you really do those things to Carly? Yeah. I was young. I didn't know the difference. The pulling out the eyelashes is really intense. I was a monster.

I don't even know how that, how does that happen? You just pinned her down or something like that? I guess I don't remember doing it. These are just stories my parents tell, or like when my mom would be feeding my sister, probably wine, like let's face it. I would just stand in front of her and then whip out my wiener and pee all over the carpet. Like I was a very, very awful child. Yeah.

So I just I don't know. We didn't all have the same, you know, growing up experience. So I suggest that we stop saying let's be like a family. You know what I mean? No one wants a wine bottle thrown at their head on Christmas Eve. Well, you know, as the old saying goes, if you've got time to pee, you got time to clean. So, you know.

You learned it from an early age. So respect each other. I mean, look, I do everything. I run plates. I strip Mr. Beefcakes. You'll see me do crew messes. You'll probably be crew messes. You'll see me handling my own laundry. And I expect you to do that as well. All right. And they're all just looking at him like, what the? No, I'm not doing my laundry. Yeah, they did not want to do that.

So, first charter starts tomorrow and Jason starts talking to us about this massive boat. And he's like, Cortina is a great boat. It's got a big bow at 60 meters, which means more work. The galleys are downstairs. So, we have three levels to get the food from the galley all the way to the sun deck. And there's no external workways. So, all the crew have to actually walk through the main salon to get out. And it's a lot of responsibility on every department to work together to make sure this is going to happen. Exactly.

why why do they why are they making the crew again it's like why do they design it this way making the crew walk through this the the space where the guests are going to be relaxing it just doesn't i i hate this boat already yeah it's not well designed i don't think

So then the bosun's like, all right, you know, now we just need to get the boat clean. That's the first thing we need to do. And Johnny's like, for people here, I think it's too much. Do you want to split? Because I can go start on ball. And he's like, okay, well, there's not going to be any guests on right now. I don't think we need to focus on that. He's like, nope, just a ball. Just be ready because of experience. Maybe I can go forward alone. So you can help with guidance. That's my thought. Excuse you, sir.

You are not the boss of me, sir. Yeah. Yeah. You can get your clear skies out of our faces right now because you, sir, are full of shit. So he is definitely of that. He is in that mold of the Deki who thinks he knows more than the Bosun. So then Beyond tells us.

that part of being part of the art industry for nine years as a boson, he's like, I'm all about team mentality and team building. And we just, we work hard, we play hard. And if the ego is just about making an infield, so it's not going to work for me. There was no iron team, Johnny. But then we go down to. Because Johnny told us earlier that in Greek, his name is Ilonis. And that's the Greek name for Johnny. So there actually is an iron Johnny in this case, but I get your meaning, but.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Um, so Laura, meanwhile, uh, says, uh, she's like, all right, everyone just want to have a chat about what I sort of expect from my team. I've been in the industry for 13 years and my style is I just want to create a really good girl group of all Barbies, no weird Barbies. I don't want any bitchiness, just pretty girls with pretty hair and pretty lipstick. I'm not going to assign like a second Steve Roar at the moment because there's only a few of us, but I'd like,

marina to start this one on service so um she basically does her own little crew meeting and and and brianna is going to wind up is going to be doing the grunt work for the charter yeah the laundry and the housework so she's like you know i'll get you girls to jump in guest cabins and just give it a really good dust vac and a really good wipe down and by wipe down i mean iron everything like okay so then uh marina uh which one's marina

Marina is the Brazilian. Oh, the Brazilian girl. Yeah, yeah. She's like, we're quite bossy and we know that we don't have a lot of time under the spotlight. So I know that if I have one second to shine and be heard, I'll make it count. It's like, oh, Jesus Christ, this girl's going to be singing with the dish towels.

Yep. So then Lara is like, she's talking about how annoying this boat is. She's saying there's like four flights of stairs and then there's all this heat. And if she forgets something that she's going to go all the way back downstairs and all the way back up again. And yes, that will happen and will happen very soon on this episode. And then Harry tattletales that Johnny has introduced himself to everybody as the lead deckhand. Yeah.

Vion's like, "Uh, yeah, I guess we'll have to talk about that." So then Serena finds a surprise in the kitchen. It's Weevils and maggots because whoever worked there last never cleaned the food out.

Don't they have a cleaning crew come in between there to say like, hey, guys, there's a bunch of fish in the freezer or in the refrigerator? Why does this happen every season? Why is it that these boats are just left in a state of disarray? For such a show about such an industry about cleaning up after other people, why is it then that they just like, bye, someone else can clean up after us now? It's just shocking. Yeah. Yeah.

So Serena's disgusted and she's got to bleach everything because super yacht standards means that charter guests won't have a little bug in the pasta salad. All right. Unless it's on purpose. You know, some bugs are very cute and edible. And so she tells Jason and he's like, oh, fuck it. Now we got to clean everything. So they start their full clean of the kitchen.

And we are treated to many, many shots of weevils and maggots. And I think even some stock footage in there. But a lot of weevil content in this episode. A lot of close-ups. The maggots were really the... Those are really the... That's the real visceral one there. I mean, weevils are just like little bugs. But the maggots, like that really...

Makes you feel something. Those things are disgusting. And we're all going to have them inside of us when we die. Yay! So then we do the preference sheet meeting and Jason tells us who the primary is. It's Mark. He's an investor from Brisbane, Australia, and he's bringing along his partner Megan, some of his closest friends, and anal beads. He loves his steak and he loves his meat. Well done. And he also tells his girlfriend to wash her ass.

So he's obviously vegan. And, you know, you've done vegan before, right? She's like, I've done vegan anal beads, actually. So I think it's going to be a good one for me.

She's like, I've just been vegan for a month. He's like, okay, perfect. Right. But okay. So they say they want to use all the water and anal toys and inflatables. Like, okay, great. So they want to do a global tasting menu. And so Jason goes, all right, that's 190 countries. She's like, excuse me. He's like, Oh, 190 countries to choose from. It's like, okay, I'm probably not going to do that many though. And then he just laughs. I liked that. She took him seriously. Like, I can't wait to see what you do for 190 countries. Stupid. Yeah.

And so now it's time to turn the boat over to...

And Brianna is asking to get run through turndowns and stuff. And so Marina teaches her, you know, chocolate on the pillow, lights blind pillows. And Brianna is saying, like, I'm here to work hard and always happy to learn. But admittedly, I'm a Four Seasons girl. And that's my dad's fault. Because my dad's a lawyer in New Jersey. And I'm an only child. So I'm his princess. So sorry, guys. You're going to have to compete with my dad. Yeah.

Yeah, that doesn't this this backstory for Stu never seems to work out well. I'm just going to say this is your dad treats you like a little princess. Your dad has no problem with you being a maid. You know what? You're looking too far up your father's bunghole. Okay. Your father hates you.

We still remember Barbie. Okay. We still remember Barbie from below deck. Speaking of Barbies. So then Marina's like, so do you find anyone in the boat cute? And Brianna, the model is like, I actually think Harry's cute in law, just like the way he is. And I don't know why I'm giving her a British accent. She's from New Jersey. She's like, oh my God, I think that Harry's cute in the way he is.

And Marina's like, really? The tall, awkward guy who looks like he's an inflatable thing outside of a used car dealership? She's like, yeah, I really like his energy. So Marina's like, okay, we've got all the sheets done. Now we're doing duvets and pillows. And Laura's like, oh, amazing. Okay, well, this needs to go higher. It needs to be aligned with the table side and get rid of

the creases. These creases, disgusting. I'm in sheets with creases. No, no, no. All right, surfaces, everybody, surfaces. It's a long day. Thank you so much for your hard work. Please get the wrinkles out of the duvet. She pats it down.

So then Vian decides, has a deck crew meeting at the end of the day. And he's like, just want to say thank you all very much for the hard work. And just something I want to address quickly. Obviously, some crew members do have a lot more experience than other crew members. But at this very moment, I'm not going to run with any lead deckhands. So get some good rest tonight. This was a message not aimed at anyone specifically. But anyway, let me just end it by saying, Opa, thank you very much.

So, everything starts tomorrow and it's in chaos, you know. And this is Anthony, the sous chef. And he's like, I've worked, I mean, every boat I've worked on, the galley is absolutely spotless. So, yeah, I'm a little bit like, what have I got myself in for? Well, you've got yourself into cleaning a galley. So, I hope you're used to that. He must, because smaller boats don't have sous chefs, right? So, he must be used to working on like a giant boat.

Where he's, there are a lot of sous chefs and people to clean and stuff like that. So yeah, he's rude awakening.

Yes. So now it's the next day. Everyone's getting ready for the first day of charter. Everyone's like sweating already. They all like wake up refreshed. And then three seconds later, they all have sweat stains all over themselves. And Zarina is like praising Anthony for, I guess, doing a lot. He like spent the night cleaning. So she's like, yeah, you're a legend with a capital L. And everything is sterilized. The weevils are gone and killed. So Kitchen is up and running.

So Jason likes Vian and he's like, he's got a good CV. And what I want out of my Boston is someone thinking exactly what I'm thinking. Vian, what am I thinking? Hot dogs, Cracker Jacks, fishing a boat. That's right. Taking my new children to a baseball game. God, you're good. You're very good. Jason.

Jason then says, by the end of the season, him and I are going to be like two fishes in the water. We're working in unison. I was like, is that what fish do in the water? I feel like when you have two fish in the water, one eats the other fish. Yeah.

Well, that's in the tank. That's in a prison tank like he has. I think he means like in regular water, how the fish all turn at the same time. How do they do that? That's so amazing. I don't know. They're crazy. Like starlings, you know, those birds that fly all together in shapes and stuff. Those are so amazing. They're so good. Starlings love doing that.

It's like, relax. We get it. You've got friends. Yeah. They're never not dancers. You know, they're like, oh my God, look at the shapes we can make. I'm like, can we just have fucking lunch? You know what I mean? Meanwhile, tuna are down there in the sea making like tornadoes out of themselves. They're like, well, we could do tornadoes. No one's like, be a tuna. You know what I mean? No one ever is like, I think here's what I want for my team. I want us all to be like tuna. Yeah.

So anyway, lunch is going to be at 12 and Zarina is, well I should say crew lunch is going to be at 12. So Zarina is giving Anthony some tips.

about how to make lunch for the crew and she's like okay if i were you i'd score the skin he's like yeah i was gonna score it she's like okay and i'll put some salt on it put parmesan on it he's like yeah and it needs a bit of lemon juice and seasoning just it takes two secs sorry i didn't i didn't mean to patronize you by the way you know what a fish is right have you ever seen a fish okay so it's this protein it's like meat that's in the sea we're gonna make that

He clearly hates her and she can read it. And she's like, listen, I didn't mean to patronize you. I'm just guiding you because I'm Jedi Master. And he's like, die, please die. And he's like, God, she's already micromanaging. Just let the man cook. It's going to be a real fun season.

She doesn't know how you cook. Okay, your CV doesn't even make any sense. It's a lie. There's lies on your CV. So I think she needs just shut up. I mean, that's your job. No chef is supposed to be nice. I don't understand this whole thing where you're coming in and expecting your chef to kiss your ass. Like, that really shows inexperience on your part.

Yeah, I think that basically she should just let him do the crew food and don't even give direction. Just say, I want like a, whatever it is, fish in a salad. See how he does it. And then you know what his instincts are. Because if you start telling him what to do, you're actually not going to get a sense necessarily of like where his baseline is. And then just go from there. Yeah. So then...

The crew has lunch and then we see a bio for the primary guest, Mark and Megan. They're from Brisbane, Australia. Mark is an investor in property development and Megan is a model and actress and farts sometimes without even knowing it. They've been dating for eight months.

And then the guests come on and they get the tour. And Anthony is like, he's like asking about serving the caviar. And Zarin is like, well, you know, it's the cow, it's take the cucumber, you know, we do it, you cut the lawns, then you chop it, you know, the lawns. Have you heard of a cucumber before? It's a vegetable. You're familiar with vegetables, right? I don't want to eat caviar on a cucumber.

I don't want to do that either. No fucking blaney. What have I done to you that you're serving me a fucking cucumber? Gross. Yeah, no, I want something like a blaney or something crispy, but I don't want a cucumber. Yeah. So, um, then now lines and all that, and Laura's bringing up caviar, uh,

And then she has to bring it up on like a on like a bicycle, this big metal bicycle thing. And it has like three plates on it. And she has to balance it going up three stairs in the extreme humidity. I was like, this is so cruel. So Brianna has to call Laura and Laura's like, I'm a little busy here going through flight. She's like, listen, I'm a little busy, too, because I have found something I'm not really sure what to do while unpacking their luggage. And it's the anal beads.

And Laura's like, oh, is that the only sex toy? God, is there anything massage-y or something in there? And she goes, no, there's more. And she's like, well, maybe just put that in the side table. All right, just put that in the side table next to something that says nausea. Because don't they put it next to nausea medication or something? Yeah, it's next to a pack that says nausea relief and then like it'll be it's.

I like that she featured that one. She's like, are there more sex toys? Okay, only feature the anal beads. Put that in the side table. Put it next to the barbell and the nausea relief.

So the anchor goes down, water toys come out, lots of jet skis, fun times, etc. And then Lara's talking to Zarina about the menu for this evening, the global tasting menu. So Zarina's like, well, this tart is going to be gazpacho and watermelon and lime and strawberry soup.

And then Laura's like, do you have bowls? She's like, yeah, bowls, whatever. And they're basically like making sure that they have like all the silverware and flatware and plates and bowls and everything. But this is kind of an important part just because she's like, do you have bowls? Do you have spoons? Do you need spoons for this? Do you need bowls for that? And she goes, well, this one's going to be very – she says, this dish. And she's like, okay, so I need a knife and fork for that. And she says, well, I mean, it's saucy as well. And so –

That's the big thing. Because later it becomes like, I had no idea we'd need a spoon, crazy Bobby. She told you very clearly, ma'am. And she also says, you need to write this stuff down. And Lara's like, no, I don't need to write it down. Right. But also, to be fair, when Zarina says Tom Kaga, I'm pretty sure that's a soup. So when Lara says knife and fork, why does Zarina say it's a soup, provide a spoon? Yeah.

Because she's putting the big onion bhaji or whatever in the center. So she's only putting like a little bit of that soup down as the sauce for this big onion thing. So they also will need a knife and fork. But she's like, yeah, it's saucy. Meaning also a spoon. It felt like everything she winds up serving was a soup, to be honest. She served two soups in a row, which was weird. Yeah. I mean, I would love it. I love soup. But like it's weird. I don't.

I feel like if you serve me two soups in a row, you're calling me fat and I get very offended. I would love an evening of soups.

So Serena is like, well, the last boat I worked on with Lara, the captain did give her control over the boat, which was kind of annoying because she ran with it. You know, she had to save my guest food, my crew food, and we're going to need a little bit more balance. It's not her way or the highway. We're going to be working as a team. We're a family. Yay.

and Laura tells us the captain trusts my standards and sometimes I had to go to the galley and give her bad news and this isn't up to standard and you know what how and you know can we work on things like that which didn't always go down well like like a lead balloon in fact

So, um, then we see toys are getting put away and everything. So Johnny, um, did not take the cue with him to bring the jet skin. But so he, Johnny, there's a thing. Johnny leaves his radio on the deck, on the deck, and then goes out to get the, the jet ski to untether it, but doesn't have the key. And long story short, he winds up stranded on the jet ski without a radio and without a key. Yeah.

I don't know how that happens. I don't know why he didn't bring his radio, but that's just what happened. Well, he said, like, should I bring my radio? And he says, no, you can leave it here. So he's like, okay. And he goes all the way out and then he's stuck without a key all the way out there. And I love when this happens to the most arrogant people, you know? Yes.

And he's out there for a while because it's like the sun is up when he goes out there. And they find him at night time. Yeah. And he's trying to whistle, but he can't really whistle. He's just like, no key, no key. So finally, Harry figures it out and they go get him. And Harry's like, I mean, Mr. Lee deckhand over here can't even check to see if the keys in the jet ski before he entice it. Rookie.

So Jason's like, you know, Johnny's floating on a jet ski to Madagascar. Embarrassing as it is, I'll let it slide as long as it doesn't happen again. And then Johnny is just like really embarrassed and everything. So now everyone's getting ready for dinner and stuff. And Zarina tells us, well, the guests have requested some flavors from around the world. So I'm thinking Europe and Mediterranean, Asian food and Indian food, lots of flavors, sauces. I just want to make soup on soup on soup, like lots of soups, soups from around the world. Yeah.

All right. So Laura comes up and she's like, the first course is Italian. Yes, you've heard it. Out of 190 countries, we've chosen the most basic for service. Italian, everybody. We've got gazpacho that's a bit different, much like the dork who made it.

Strawberry, watermelon, tarragon, and gold sprinkles. Now, if you're asking yourself, is this a classy boat? It is, because there will be gold on everything today. It's like, okay, a little gold's okay, but I don't need to poop out a golden crappy award, okay? Yeah. It's a lot of gold. She puts it on everything. Also, isn't gazpacho Spanish, not Italian? Seems strange that that was representing Italy. And of all the things, of all the things that represent Italy, is gazpacho? Something's awry. Is it?

I thought gazpacho was Spanish, a classic Spanish soup. Who invented gazpacho? I'm just curious. I don't doubt you. Gazpacho. The exact origins from gazpacho are unknown, but it's generally believed to have originated in Andalusia, Spain. Guys, it could have also been from Rome, the Moors, and the New World.

It could have been from anywhere. You know why? Because they didn't have heat everywhere, so it was some cold fucking soup. Okay, who knows who invented cold soup? That shit came out a long time ago. It landed. It arrived on a meteor, gazpacho. Gazpacho. It's interesting reading here because gazpacho actually means we haven't invented microwaves yet, which is interesting. I didn't know. Gazpacho is the favorite soup of weird Barbies everywhere. Yeah.

They love it. So now it's time for the next one, which is this onion Bajie. Um, and, uh, Laura's like, it's very saucy Marina. Could you put some spoons out quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. So Marina has to go all the way downstairs to get the spoons. I mean, I guess maybe it's time to start saving, keeping the, the utensils upstairs because she has to go all the way downstairs to get the spoons. And, um,

There's a lot of Marina going up and downstairs and we even get like a tally. That's like Marina has climbed now 4,500 stairs in the past three minutes. So then meanwhile, Anthony in the kitchen is like, so do you need help plating? Because it's chaos. And she's like, no, it's just too many elements, but thank you so much for offering. And she just has to do everything by herself. And this is going to bite her in the ass. She's not using this guy.

And I mean, I think the guy's an asshole. I hate his attitude. But yeah, she's not making the best moves here so far. She should be using him. Just use him. It's not a big deal. Why not be faster, right? So then Lara is like, now we've gone to Inja. So you've got some unjin bhaji, the korma sauce, and avocado salsa. And guess what? Maybe no one important has told you this yet, but it's saucy. Let's enjoy that.

So then Laura is like, all right, well, so wait, the next course is a soup as well. Also, we do need a spoon. I thought you said knife and fork. And Serena says, yeah, I thought it would be, but it's getting cold. So we need to hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. And Laura's like, well, we can't serve a soup without the spoons. So she's like, Marina, I'm terribly sorry, but we need spoons for another soup. Okay. And so Serena's getting like anxious because, you know, like the soup is getting cold.

And she's like, I mean, come on, you wrote it down, didn't you? And she goes, well, I mean, I wrote the simplest version down. I just let me tell you what my notes say. Stupid, ugly Fez says stupid. Dumb, dumb hate her. Please don't make me room with this ugly bitch. So how am I supposed to know this? This spoons. He never said that.

And then Anthony is like, well, so sorry. It's a bit noisy in here. Kind of like implying that Zarina is disorganized, which is why Lara didn't hear it right. So Zarina is like, well, I'm glad it is a soup because if it was something else, it'd be cold by now.

So then they finally bring the soup up. And I guess, oh, some of the soup has chicken, some has mushroom, et cetera. And Lara's like, hey, just so you know, they love the soup. And sorry, I didn't mean to be snappy. It's just it's hot and there's like a lot of going upstairs. And also you never told me it was a fucking soup that needed a spoon. Anyway, sorry to be snappy.

So Serena forgives it or whatever. Let's just move on. So then we go to Harry talking to Brianna about her day. And she's like, I found some interesting things while packing some bags. And he's like, oh, what did they bring? Tell me. She's like, butt plugs. And he goes, oh, no. Do you have access to those still? You didn't lock them away, did you? Keep them in the night side table. All right. So we keep things like that.

So then, so then Zarina's checking in on Anthony and asking if he's fed up and he's like, no, I'm fine. And she's like, I just, I don't want you really working this much and I feel bad. And he's like, it's pretty chill for me. Um, and she just doesn't acknowledge it. He's like, did you hear me? I was trying to be passive aggressive. This is chill for me. Hello. Are you receiving my passive aggression? Yeah.

Yeah, and he's like, I'm a sous chef, not a sous dish chef. Yeah, because he's basically been in the corner this entire meal service, just like washing dishes. They keep cutting to him, just scrubbing things and like wiping down surfaces and wiping down the refrigerator, just angry. Yeah, they're both suffering from things that it's typical for chefs to suffer from, which is bad communication. They both need to communicate a lot.

So then it's the next morning and Laura's like, well, last night wasn't great. But if I gave up, I wouldn't be where I am today. And where I am is the golden sugar cube winner for 10 years in a row. Thanks to my father running me around the horse tracks. I actually beat a pony last week. That was good.

You know, there are times I thought I was going to die, but I had to give up. Or that I thought I had to give up. But there's always good things around the corner. There's no dying and yachting. Unless, of course, your yacht sinks. In which case, you could die. You will die. So then... Mea, fa, wherever you are. Did anyone else just hear the Titanic theme playing? I know. It's like, girl. Literally, that's what boating can be. One of the biggest movies of all time is about people dying in a boat.

So now it's the morning. I think we already established that. And Laura's running around and getting coffees and waters and stuff like that. And the problem is the primary woke up before everyone else. And the primary's hungry and wants breakfast. But no one's ready yet. And he's getting antsy. And Laura's getting frantic. And so she's hot. Her legs are tired. So she decides to take the coffee up in the elevator. And then the elevator breaks. So she's stuck in the elevator with her coffee.

And she can't have a radio. She doesn't have the radio working in the elevator. So people are barking orders and she can't hear them. And it's a huge mess. But I would like to point out that last night, Serena came up to talk to the chefs, to talk to the guests and said, so tomorrow breakfast is 830 good. And they all said 830 is great. So this fucker down there at 8 a.m. like, where's my breakfast? Shut up. You said 830. You agreed to 830. So don't act like you didn't hear it. Yep. Yep.

Um, so then Lara, um, she goes, takes everyone's orders and they all put in orders for various egg items. And, uh, then Zarina's like, but,

are you going to tell them what the special is? Did you tell them that we have a breakfast soup available for them? And she's like, no. It's gold soup. It's the specialist gold breakfast soup. It's a breakfast gazpacho. It's a Tuscan breakfast gazpacho. And she's like, well, but they just said, can we have these eggs? No, you have to go down and tell them here's the special. Here's what everybody's getting.

That's it. And then if they ask for something extra, then you do it. But you don't tell a bunch of starving people, all right, anything you want. Right. Because then you're making a million things. But in this case, though, luckily Zarina has a sous chef who can help make all these eggs.

And yet she still does not use Anthony. I mean, come on, you can let him make eggs. He will be able to do the eggs. I guarantee it. Yeah. So she's like, oh, God, this is what I was worried about with Laura. You come to the head chef and ask how you would like breakfast done. You don't just go up and do your own thing. I need it to be my way to get the flow going. And Anthony's like, do you want a hand? She goes, no, no, I'm fine. She's got spoons flying everywhere. Tofu eggs, regular eggs, cashew eggs, gold eggs. Yeah.

gazpacho eggs. You know, the thing is this, I sympathize with this, like Laura should have kind of controlled the messaging of breakfast. But like, you know, Zarina, I can't be that like, I can't be that empathetic, because you're all harried, and you're feeling chaotic right now. But you have someone who is literally there to help you and you're not using them. So you need to start you need to start delegating.

Yeah. So Serena's like, I'm just – it's okay. I'm just trying to avoid this plague and it's a little annoying right now. So Lara goes to her room and cries. She's like, oh, no.

So Anthony's like, you need to utilize me a bit more, I think. And she goes, yeah. And he goes, yeah. I mean, I know it's a little bit funny in the chaos, but I work normally a bit more organized and efficient, which also is not the best way to communicate that. Wait till it's done and just say, listen, I know you don't know me and you have no reason to trust me, but I'm here to help you. I can cook. Let me take on some of this stuff.

you know yes it was very mansplaining and condescending but then they do to cut away to the rest of the kitchen and there's like shit everywhere there's like cartons of milk on their side and like lemons tumbling off the counter onto the floor just like a fire burning helping with that i mean i think if she saw him like going around picking up everything and like helping her stay organized and handing her what she needs before she needs it and like

showing that he could be good at it then she would trust him a little bit more but instead he's just standing there like what a pigsty well yeah you're just standing there get to work he's like i find this a bit overwhelming you know that's all and there's shit everywhere and we can definitely implement plans and structures that make it a bit easier but if we work as a team like this morning we could have worked as a team like that's how it should work right

And so Serena's already breaking. She's like, oh, my God. First of all, I've got Barbie up there crying, causing me chaos. Now I've got this little sous chef twat. So I just need him to support me as a sous, which is position second to head chef. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah, but yeah, shit show. Yeah, it's a shit show. It's going to be a fun one. Wow. Usually the first episode, there's not this much going on.

Yeah. And I like that there's like lots of stuff going on in each department. So it's gonna be a good one. Blow deck down under is always it's kind of like a top tier blow deck. So yeah, looking forward to the season.

Yeah, it's going to be some good times. All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being with us. If you want this on video, it's at patreon.com along with our traders recaps. Also go stream the golden crappies. It's available till February 14th. Find the link on our site and we'll see you soon. This week, actually Thursday and Friday, Salt Lake City and Denver, where we will be doing Salt Lake City and Southern charm. Go find our other show dates at watch what crappens.com and we will talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.

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