#2721 RHOSLC S5E19: Bye Body Count Hair - Live from SLC
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Hello Salt Lake City!

Hi, everyone. Wow, so good to see you. Oh, my God. Hello to all the alcoholics in the balcony. Yes. In Salt Lake City, they cordon you off into a different area to have your drinks. I always know who my people are. Hello. We are so excited to be back here, especially since Salt Lake City is really having a big pop culture moment right now. Yeah. Yeah.

It really is. Between Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. And I guess technically sold on Salt Lake City, which we enjoy. Yes, yes. I love the Salt Lake City. A fan right here. That's about the audience. That's Genyo, everyone. I'm just kidding.

I actually really like that show. I love all the gigantic houses with no personality on that show. I'm really into it. I'm from Texas. We have the same thing. Just add some big bull horns and we'll be the same. Well, we're really obviously very excited to not only be in Salt Lake City, but to also be recapping the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City tonight. Yeah.

We are, yes. I mean, like, how good was this season? Yeah, it was a very good season. It was a very good season. Very good. Also, the men here, my God. Oh, my God, you guys are killing it. Good Lord, how do you do it? How do you do it? So, did you guys... No, look at him just moving on. No, I need to talk about the men. They're so hot. I was actually trying to figure it out at lunch today. I'm like, how are they so hot here? I mean, we've been to a lot of places. They're like, even the ugly ones are hot.

I was like, that's the ugliest guy in the Mexican food restaurant. I'd still do that guy. I mean, he's gorgeous. And Ben thinks it's because of backpacking. That's Ben's theory. Backpacking. Yeah, because I said people are outdoorsy here. You know, like people go... See, you guys clapped for that. I said outdoorsy. You guys are like... You guys are like, yay, outdoors. No, it's like mountains and rivers and...

Glaciers. It's like very outdoorsy. So you go out there and you're exercising. Whereas in L.A., we're like hopping in our car to go down the street. So, you know. Well, whatever you're doing, please keep doing it. And by the way, speaking of Mexican food, we went to the Red Iguana today. Yeah.

That was very good. It was a communist iguana, which was rough. It was hard to get past that, but it was delicious. We had our political differences. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But by the way, speaking of Salt Lake City, were you guys able to watch our Golden Crappies this past weekend? Yes.

Because Real Housewives of Salt Lake City won the big award for us. Yeah. And you know, you watch these shows and you see people accept their awards and cry and they're like, this changed my life. And it's so amazing to change lives like that. Yeah.

That's so important. And one of our winners, you know, her life has totally changed. She's been getting movie offers. They've been dropping bags of money on her head. Yeah. And so she really wanted to be able to cry in public. So we're proud to give her that opportunity. Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of Best Bravo Liberty of 2024, Angie Katzenavis! Thank you.

Oh my gosh, thank you! Oh my gosh! Welcome home everyone! Oh my god, there's a Greek flag! How did you know? How did you know? Are you Greek? She is Greek.

Oppa! Oppa! I'm Greek! Oppa! I'm Greek. Did I say it right? I'm Greek. I am Greek. I am Greek. In case you didn't know. My God, I feel like this is a party for me. Yes, it is. It is a party for you. Oh my goodness. I always turn it back to me. You should. I tend to do that. You had an amazing, amazing season. Yeah.

Angie actually won two awards at the Golden Crappies. I think you were the only one to win two awards because you won for Best Bravo Liberty, but also for Best Quote, which I believe was... High body count hair! And I see a lot of it tonight.

To my left, to my right, all over the place. This actually is high body count hair. Yeah. Looks a little pornish. I just got sick of it getting pulled. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that means it is a little porn if that's why you had to cut it. Hell yeah. In my world, this is high body count hair. Well, you know, and by the way, of course, since we are seeing you, within like five days, the crappies, we have to present you with your official trophy. Oh.

I didn't even have to go all the way to New York. I can't. Oh, my gosh. No, please enjoy this Sabra hummus. I mean, is this just something that was in the green room? You couldn't even get me a tzatziki sauce?

How dare you accuse us of that? How dare you? Hummus is Greek, too, though. Did you know that? Yes, yes, yes. That's why we got it for you. Greeks invented hummus. We're not handing you a pizza, lady, all right? That's true. Okay, well, it expired last month, but okay. It was made with care, and we were, you know, it was...

thinking of things like Zeus and Pegasus. This is true. Thank you. And Greeks do eat hummus. Yes. And it looks like there's a little olive oil and oregano in it, so I'll take it. Yeah, come on. Thank you. All right, so how has it changed for you this year? I mean, you've been on the show. This is your third season, right, on the show. But this was your first year kind of like humming out.

Yes. How did it feel to be given the Star Glow up? You came out of the Starlet closet. In flames, I did, yes. Don't say that around this show. Oh, well. Well, you guys can relate, huh? Yeah. We'll throw you a party. So, okay, so you started off as a friend of to Jen Shaw, and then last season was like, oh, Angie Kay is on the show full time. And then this season, though, all of a sudden, Sandra Snowflake, first chair at the reunion. I know.

Oh my gosh, can you believe it? Well... What did you think when you saw yourself as the center snowflake? Well, it reminded me of like when I started out as a bagger at a grocery store for $4 an hour and then I became employee of the month and I was making $4 an hour and it was like, wow, it showed that like all my hard work paid off.

And when I met with my manager that I was working my way to the top. No, but for real, you know, it did. I actually cried when I found out. And some people might find that silly, but I just felt like, whoa, I...

like, I came on the show and I felt like people were trying to take me out. People were trying to ice me out. People wanted to make it hard on me. Yeah. They were doing their jobs. They were doing their jobs. It's like working in a meat packing district and getting mad that they're packing up a meat. By the way, these phrases, take me out, you know, that's very Greek Mafia sounding. Exactly.

Well, the mafia rumors may have been true a little bit. May or may not have. But, you know, I just kind of felt like I felt blindsided with the rumors, the nastiness, all the allegations. It really wasn't what I was expecting. So I think I felt like the fact that I rebounded and that I worked my way to the top. I wasn't a backup dancer. I was in the center of the show. That's right.

For me, it's really just like the story of my life. I learned, you know, being raised by immigrants that if you wanted something, you had to work hard for it. And I feel like I put in the work. I was vulnerable. I was real in my friendships. I loved the women that I loved. And I felt like I did everything right, and it just...

sort of like finally paid off and I felt like I won. Yeah, you killed it. You really killed it this year. I have to say when they showed the cast at first and you were the center snowflake, I was like, I can't believe Angie Kay is the snowflake only because you were still so new and you got like, you got the big dogs. You got Meredith and Heather, et cetera, and Lisa Barlow. So I thought, okay, what this means is the two people on the ends are having such a big feud that you're caught in the middle. But it turns out you really did have a center snowflake season. Yeah.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it was... When do you guys find out, like, what position your snowflake is in? Like, is that...

Well, actually... Did you shoot it all together or is it like composite? No, you don't shoot it together. Everyone shoots their photos singly and then you kind of find... I mean, I really found out just a couple weeks before and I really did cry. Before the show aired, right? Yeah, a couple weeks before we aired, I really did cry and some people laugh and say, like, oh my gosh, she takes it so serious but I do because I think

Anytime you put a lot of work into your relationships, your parenthood, your business, that it shows and you stand out. And I felt like my hard work paid off. And I also felt like being my authentic self paid off. Yeah. And that's huge. I think it translates on camera. If you're a good friend, it translates. If you work hard in your business, people see you. So authenticity translates. If you think a girl has hoe hair and you tell her. Yeah. I mean...

You deserve that shit. If you think someone needs to know everything they did wrong in scroll form, you bring the scroll. Yes, it's true. Your prop work. I mean, you've got prop work. You've got costume work. That's what I'm saying. It's so good. Listen, just keep doing what you're doing because we were saying you had a really strong season, which means that you're probably going to be on the receiving end of a lot of it. They're coming for you now. They're going to come for you.

You and Danger Girl. Just keep doing what you're doing. Have fun with it. You and Bronwyn, they're coming for you next time. Yeah, uh-huh. It's going to happen. Better buddy up to Bronwyn because they're coming, baby. Oh, my God. I need an ally. No, just kidding. So, wait. So, you first came on the show with Jen Shaw. So, how did you – tell us about the origin story of you and Jen Shaw.

Jen actually was a client of my business back in like 1999. And she was very sweet. She was very quiet. Can I just say, I love that Jen was looking for somewhere to get her hair. And the place she was attracted to was called Lunatic Fringe. Those. Those are my people. I know. True. Who would have thought, right? And she had a little A-line bob and these light green contacts. And she was so sweet and so pretty and so quiet and timid.

Isn't that crazy? It's always the quiet ones. It's always the quiet ones. Jen Shaw, quiet and timid. And then I was coming on the show with her, and I saw a whole new side of her. But the show can bring out a crazy side in people. Yeah. I never would have expected that there was a meek side to Jen Shaw. So this is sort of like rocking my world a little bit. Yeah, yeah. She was so sweet. And what about Monica? Did you sense any of that kind of star-like,

I don't know. What would you call it? Yeah. Stalking. Stalking. I like that. I like that better. When you were speaking with Monica, did you ever hear clicks on your side of the phone? Just kidding. Just kidding. I don't know. The red light in the room flashing in the corner. Could you also know who Reality Vonties even was? No, I swear to God, and I believe in God. No, but like the site. Oh, yeah. And they would always post. Yeah, they would post.

about me and be like oh my gosh Angie Kate should be on and so I'd like hit hearts and like I mean I didn't know what it was I was like oh thanks they tagged me and it was but I had no idea yeah oh well that's good so she was good to you they weren't mean about me

No, good. Yeah, because I wasn't on the show yet. It's when you're on the show that they were coming for you. Who else remembers that scene when they're on the beach and Heather was like, she is reality Bonties. And we were all like, oh my God. But none of us had any idea what that meant. We're like, holy shit. Also, who is that? I'm shocked. I'm shocked. I don't know why, but I'm just going to go with it because it's windy.

Clutching your pearls. I was clutching my pearls and I didn't know why. I was like, I'm following the music cues. Oh, that is so funny. So do you know when you guys start shooting? Are you shooting yet? Probably in a week or two, no? Or you're not allowed to say? I don't know if I'm coming back. Just kidding. They better. Just kidding. If there's anything you can't answer, just say Opa. No, that was a joke. I just said that because I was kind of pretending I may not be getting invited back. But of course I'm coming back. Just kidding. Yeah, yeah.

Season six is on the rise, shooting in a few weeks. It's like everyone's going to know. I hope you guys all come back because honestly, you guys are really probably the best ensemble on Bravo right now. I know, right? You're killing it. It's been amazing season after amazing season. I started to learn you don't have to like each other to know that you can make a great show together. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I don't mean that about all of them, but just about some of them. Well, yeah, I mean, it's housewives. You can't like all of them all the time or you'd be out of a job. You know what? It's true. Yeah. It's true. All right, well, we like you. Thank you so much for being here. We love you. I love these guys. I didn't know they liked me. And then I started to keep listening and I'm like, oh, they do this to everyone. Yeah.

And now, like, I listen to them while I'm cooking or on flights, and I cry laugh because you guys are hilarious. We love you, Angie. Thank you. Thank you so much. Everyone give it up for the center snowflake, Angie Katzenavis. I don't want to go. It's been so fun. Well, you're always welcome to sit here. I feel like these are my people. I'm at home. Thank you.

Thank you. Thanks, guys. They're going to get a cane and pull me out. You can take the microphone with you. We'll take it. Thank you. All right, Angie Katzen Davis, ladies and gentlemen. So good. Wow, what an honor. Yeah. Bye. What an honor. That was great. All right, let's drag her. Let's do it.

This thing only gets my face at good angles. It won't get ugly angle face to unlock. It's like, you look ugly right now, I will not unlock. I have to be like, got a space selfie myself. It's like, okay. How cool was that? That was so fun. That was amazing. All right. Well, here we are with part three of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City reunion. Previously on the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, I never said that I bought a necklace. Mm-hmm. Yes, you did! No, no. I'm a stud. Oh, really? I'm a stud. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Well, I said I had a necklace that I bought that I wore. Mm-hmm. She called me a whore! I will not stand for slut-shaming. Girls, girls, friendship is not calling each other sluts. Okay? Okay.

Friendship is not muffins. Friendship is not kittens. Friendship is not car washes. Shut up, Heather. Greeks wash our cars in Tzatziki. I am Greek. If you don't play one clip of me with my hair looking good at my bot misfire, I am leaving. I am done. I don't seem to remember that. That's it. I am gone.

Alright, well, Melly, Mayley, what do you think about this? What? There's a fire? What? John Barlow fell down a well? No, John, don't leave me! Ah, John! Mayley, just slut-shamed Whitney. I can't even believe it.

Well, wells are stupid. Yeah, wells are so stupid. I hate wells. Who falls down a well? That girl who fell down the well is like so stupid. Yeah, wells are not shit. Like, watch where you're going. All right, kids, go home. Stay in the car. What happened to dessert? When are they going to bring? And scene. All right, so we pick up where we left off last time. God, these part threes of the reunions. I'm like, I did something. I deserve a paycheck.

This is a lot. I don't know how they do it for all those hours. But God, I love watching it. So we pick up with Andy trying to pretty much get the cast, you know, like everyone back in their seats. All right, everyone, come on. We got a lot to get through. Got a lot of boobs to ask questions about. Brittany, go ahead. Have a seat right there. She's like, I don't get a grand entrance? I mean, I'm Brittany. Have you not seen my TikToks? Ah!

Alright, everyone, welcome back. Uh, Angie? Angie, why are you still talking, Angie? Oh, hi. Oh, hi. Suzuki, Suzuki. Uh, Greek salad, feta cheese. Opa. Opa. Opa. Opa. Alright, I'm like Meredith 40 minutes ago, really angry. I am getting angry. I am getting angry. Are you insinuating that I have an eating disorder, Andy?

And I'm like, it just shows Meredith. She's like... That's the best part. What I love about Meredith is that she will be screaming, like, I will not stand for this! And then five seconds later, she's like, well, Andy, I was just having a moment.

All right, everybody. Well, she likes Suzuki, but this one records every conversation that you might be having. Let's welcome Brittany Bateman to the stage. Brittany. Hi, guys. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you so much. Have you ever seen the wolf cry to the blue? All right. I didn't like that when it was professionally done, and I don't like it now. Please stop. All right. Now, Brittany actually came in the same dress.

SMGK! Which is crazy, but I have to say, Brittany's a good person. She changed her dress. Brittany? Yeah, well, actually, Jared brought me a new dress. I was like, that was so kind of him, so I had to wear it, because Jared brought it for me. All right, well, thanks a lot now. Brittany, can you tell us how you fixed your hair? Did you wear a carousel? Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha!

She actually came into Lunatic Fringe. And I just want to say, this is the best your hair has ever looked. And considering it always looks shitty, this is not much of an improvement. Okay. Okay. Poor Britney. Literally. I know. I know. Wait, that was too low all of a sudden? We're like, she's a slut. She's a skank. And she's poor. You guys, be nice to Britney. Hey.

Takes one to know one, okay? I've had bad hair my whole life. Britney speaks for all of us. Oh, guys, by the way, I forgot to say something. We're a pretty honest podcast, but there's one thing that we have held back, which is we've been intimate with Britney. Okay.

I'll say Jared at least. At least that would be believable. We're gay. I don't care where that thing has been. I don't know what you all are worried about. Everyone's like, Jared has been with everybody. I was like, who hasn't? Send him on. Send him over. I

I understand the shame. Okay. So Andy's like, all right, well, what's the latest between you and Jared? And she's like, oh, we've been broken up. Don't worry, everybody. I'm standing strong this time. This time we are done. Hold on a second. Jared's calling me. I'll be in the parking lot. I'll be right back. And across the bottom of the screen it says...

Editor's note, since the reunion, they have gone Instagram official dot dot dot again. The poor Chiron person on this show is exhausted. They don't even need it because Heather's there, you know. She's with her receipts. She's like, receipts of you being at Cliffs. Timeline of you being at the premiere party together. What are the other ones? Proof and screenshots of Jared.

It's like Cher forgetting her own songs because she's sung them so many times. I know. Receipts. Proof. Timeline. Receipts. Proof. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crap-N's commercial.

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At Georgetown SCS, the learning never stops, and neither do you. Write your next chapter. Be continued at scs.georgetown.edu slash podcast. She looks like she's eavesdropping on the reunion. It's like, you know, you're part of it too, Whitney. You don't have to hide behind the tree. So Brittany says that, um, uh,

that Jared was supposed to come to the reunion but she cancelled his ticket and Andy's like why? I wanted to see what he looked like and she's like because it's just the same old thing it's like every single time we get back together he makes these promises that he won't be texting other girls that are single and then this last time I found him deleting texts from single girls and he just does what he wants to do there he is texting other girls anyway we're back together now

So wait, was it just deleted or was it deleted, deleted of the deleted? Heather has always got a best of clip show running in her own mind. She does. My girl, focus. We're still in the year. Bronwyn, you seem to think the Osman name had a lot to do with Brittany's attraction to Jared because it sure wasn't his face. Let's be honest.

Flashback to Bronwyn being like, so are you really into him because he's Jared? Or are you into him because he's an Osmond? Yes, because you're using him. Is that what you're saying? You're admitting that you're using him. No, never. I'm just a little bit country. So Bronwyn's like, well, I don't know if that's the case. I really don't.

But maybe it is the case. And it probably wasn't super cool of me to insinuate that. You know? Especially before I bought that necklace. I'm owning up to it. I'm owning up to it. So my feeling is he wouldn't claim you publicly. And he was treating you poorly. And, you know, everything I know about Jared, I mean, he is categorically the worst. So you've heard about his text, right? Shall I read something that he sent to me? Shall I? Shall I? Should I? Should I? Is my phone coming out? My phone is coming out. Okay, this is what he said. He said...

Todd has one foot on a banana and one foot in the grave. Wait, no, wrong text. Wrong text. He called me a treacherous little bitch on Twitter. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, there's nothing that says he is a treacherous little bitch more than calling a woman that. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Brittany's like, just hearing carnival music. Like...

And so we see his tweets come on the screen. She is so damaged from her past relationships that she makes me out to be the bad guy. I need to date a stable woman. And then about Bronwyn, there's something really off about you. I think I figured it out. You're a tragic little bitch. You know, I get it with Brittany. He's just so charming. Yeah.

And Heather goes, but didn't you also say that he had a micropenis? Just want to... Well, that's not the same thing. You can say you have a micropenis without calling me a bitch. Those are two different things, sir. Yeah.

Sabrina goes, that's what he was responding to. Just the micro penis thing. That's it. He was just really upset about that. Osmonds have very big penises. He's the only one. He's usually very respectful and don't call women bitches unless they bring up his penis. Then it's just, it's all out the window. But there's like a vague defense for him because then Lisa's like, yeah, that's what he was like really upset about, you know, because his dick is in question. She literally said his dick is in question. Yeah.

So Heather's like, listen, I just, I've never heard anything, but I would never put osmond and micropenis in the same sense. What are you going to come after Brigham Young's package next? This is Utah. You don't do that here. You don't do that here. Yeah, she goes, out of respect for the osmonds. And Lisa's like, you know what? To be fair to him, he offered to show it to all of us. And I said, no, thank you. Thank you.

Well, you know what? I did say on the after show, I never said that Jared has a small penis. I just said that I think I missed the John and Justin fight because someone was telling me the story. And then we see this weird clip of someone telling Bronwyn. A messy gay. Now, you know it was one of us, too.

And I was so proud of this little messy gay guy. I was so proud of him because he got in there. He's like, a certain individual comes into the spot. I was like, girl, you're not supposed to say that. Isn't there like HIPAA laws or some shit? You can't say that. How else are we supposed to have sex with the mayor? And then we just hear unintelligible, which you know the gay was going... And then Bronwyn's like, the smallest thing? So her telling me that he's bad to her, but he's a good fuck is all bullshit? Yeah.

Hey, you can still be a good fuck with a micro penis. You know what? To quote Donnie, maybe he is a soldier of love. Great song, by the way. And we're back. So Bronwyn's like, and I was blown away by it, no pun intended. To which, you know, do you want me to read what Jared sent me? Do you want me to read it? I'm going to read it. Do you want me to? You do? Everybody does? No, because I know what he wrote. I know what he wrote. I was recording him.

I'd like to know. Is there a dick pic? Come on now. It is filthy. It is filthy. And Brittany's like, no, no, that's not necessary. He told me about it. Well, the best is because Bronwyn's like, do you want me to do the whole thing or just the worst part? And Mary goes, the whole thing, babe. Don't hold back now. Mary's like, I've been waiting three hours here.

Okay, okay. Honestly, Bronwyn, what the fucking hell is your fucking problem? I'm a little bit country. You're a little bit rock and roll.

Are you fucking kidding me? Coming out on national television, making fun of my anatomy. You little bitch. Do you even understand the backlash I'm getting on social? I guarantee I'm twice the size of any man you've ever... She's with a 65-year-old man. Let me tell you what keeps growing. Your ears, your nose, and your nuts. Those things are down to the ground by now. You

You can say a lot about Todd, but I'm sure that thing could be used as a scarf at this point. You get off Todd's nuts. Also, who are the Jared Osmond fans that are now giving him backlash because of this? Like, wait a second, Jared. You had us believe you had an enormous dick, and now I'm mad. You lied to us, Jared Osmond. I'm canceling my fan subscription.

I am disgusted by what a low vibrational human. Oh, I love when people bring self-help. They bring in like pop psychology terms while they're calling a woman a bitch. I know. You're a low vibrational human to disparage me like that. Oh, for the sake of trying to earn your spot on the show. Oh, and this is my favorite part. Everybody wait for it.

All right, we've waited for 18 ellipses nods. You can go ahead now. I could certainly pick apart all your anatomy, but I'll remain classy in the public eye and keep it between you and me. Oh, thanks. Yeah, thanks. Okay, you know, for a moment I was afraid you wouldn't be classy after you called me a fucking bitch. 20 times in a row. It's nice to know that there's still a gentleman left in the US. Boo, Jared Osman. Boo.

And also, to all the women giving Jared Osmond, can we just have some self-respect? For Christ's sake, I don't ask for it much, but just in this one case. He's not hot enough for that. No one is hot enough for that. But especially him. Brittany is like, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that I'm still attracted to him. So Andy's like, hey, well, Arrow from Head says...

"Britney, do you think Jared was using you to get famous by being on this show?" I mean, by the way, could there be anything sadder than Jared using Britney to get famous? - And he's like, "Well, actually, no. Jared is saying that you're only on the show because of him." And she's like, "Oh, I know that. I saw that, but it was after another breakup. He's only disrespectful when you talk about his penis or between breakups, so don't worry about it." - And then we see a tweet where he basically says, "I give her relevance."

You're an off-brand Osmond. Is that what they're calling chlamydia around here? Shut up, Jared. So Brittany is like, well, then he love bombs me and says that was out of rage. And did you see his whole rant about me? It's really despicable. Should we pull that up? No, finish. Okay. He was just talking about me. Could you imagine an Osmond talking about me, Brittany Bateman? Yeah.

Well, listen, I know that he love bombs you, but you should not take the love bombing. Stop taking the love bombing, Brittany. Just stop it. I won't. I won't do it. What is a love bomb anyway, by the way? Are those flowers? This chapter is 1,000% closed, everybody. Who are you texting, Brittany? Nobody. Nobody. So helping from To Conserve Springs wants to know...

If this group changed your opinion of Brittany knowing that she wasn't speaking to her daughters. And listen, before we even get into this, they didn't bring up a whole lot of the speaking to your daughters thing on the show, right? Well, I mean, Brittany Scherzel tried. She was like, guys, I have an announcement. My daughter is not talking to me anymore. Thank you. Thank you. I have a storyline. Thank you.

I don't know. Isn't this just part of parenthood? Did you get this? Me and my mother are friends, but there have been long periods where we didn't speak and no one got on her ass about it.

Did you get the sense that when Andy said, hey, group, did your opinions change about Brittany when you found out that her daughter wasn't talking to her? Did you get the sense that everyone there was like, we didn't know that? Yeah, we didn't. They were like, oh, yeah. Yeah, that we totally were changed our opinions. What's her daughter's name again? So Lisa's like, yeah, you know what? It's a very sensitive situation, Andy. You know, almost as sensitive as giving handjobs, you know, in parties. Yeah.

"Whitney!" "And, Britney, how many kids do you have?" "Two, three if you count musicals." "They're all my children."

I need a tissue. And he's like, so you're estranged? And she goes, no, no. Actually, since we wrapped filming, I've reconnected with both of them. We literally talk every day. They say, hello, thank you for calling me. I'm not available right now. And I just tell them about my day. I mean, it's just wonderful every day. Just so comforting. Yeah.

I think it was hard for me. Like, when you shared that with me, you flat out told me I put men before my daughters. And I said, what men? Because there are no men. Our kids have to come first, right? I am Greek. And Brittany's like, absolutely, absolutely. That is the biggest regret of my life. Hold on, my daughter's calling. Wait, Jared's calling. Jared? Jared?

Could you call my daughter and tell her that I'm talking to you first? Thank you. You see? It's all working out, Andy. Guys, I think this is part of the reason why I've always been afraid to fall in love. Because, you know, it could put you in a fog. It could put you in a funk. It could put you in a burrito. And the next thing you know, you're wrapped in foil and being put in someone's mouth. And I don't need that. Oh, my God. Another speech. Oh.

We are a sisterhood, and we've been through the trenches. And I don't want to be in love if it takes me out of the trench of sisterhoods and receipts and timelines and proofs.

Yeah, you know what? It's just really hard. People don't understand. When you're a mom and you're single, you just want to date. And sometimes a man comes along and your daughter's a little bitch. I mean, I don't blame her. Sometimes it just fogs you over. What are you going to do? I'm like, Heather, can you just have a moment of not sticking up for the worst fucking actions on the show? No matter what happens. Hey, Jared called her a bitch. Well, they don't like when you make fun of their micro-penises. That's just what it is. Jen Shah's a monster. But she's a good telemarketer. Yeah.

But I'm ride or die. So Bronwyn's like, well, I have judged Brittany incredibly harshly based on the fact that you weren't talking to your daughters. And I just only had to base it on just everything else about your life. So I do feel like you should be, you know, you should have been putting them first. And also based on my situation, being a single mom for a long time, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, that there was a lot of opportunities that I didn't take where there were like a lot of people that I didn't date. And like there were a lot of things that I didn't do because Gwen only had me. So I wound up with Todd. Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Do you know how much I could have done? I mean, I could have been the belle of the ball. I could have done so many things, and I said no.

Until the man who could barely walk came along. And he used a phone that didn't even have a plug that worked anymore. And I said, that's him. That's him. It felt safe. And Brittany's like, that's true. And so you know this? And so instead of supporting me, you were the only one that knew I was estranged from my daughters, actually. Out of everyone here, you had a personal connection. So why did you meddle? Why did you pour gasoline? Why did... She's like doing the facial. You know, the gasoline facial expression. Yeah.

The hand movement for gasoline. She's like, you pouring gasoline all over it. Why would you do such a thing? She's using her Little Mermaid acting skills right now.

Well, I know you want to blame me for that. Oh, so you didn't pour gasoline? Gasoline. Gasoline? Yes, I get it. I understand what gasoline is, yes. No, I've never talked to your daughters, Brittany. I never did. Yes, you did, gasoline. No, I actually didn't. And I know you didn't actually talk to my daughters. You used your flying monkeys to do it. I'm flying, defying gravity. What was that about? The flying monkeys? Yes.

She's calling her a witch. So Bronwyn's like, well, you know what they said to me? Brittany is going on the show with you and I'd be very careful. And Bronwyn, you know, they have a tricky relationship and they don't want to be talked about on the show. Oh, it was way more complicated than that, Brittany. She's like, well, you know what? I didn't talk about the girls on the show. And Heather's like, but you call them chaotic AF. That can break families apart. Oh, God. Oh, God.

The moment you say someone's chaotic AF, I mean, you might as well just call up the divorce attorney. It's over. Drugs have nothing on that. I'm not responsible for what somebody else said to your daughters. You sent your monkeys, you wicked wicks. And he's like, I don't, what are we even talking about? Because I know we were all like, what is this? What did Bronwyn do? Because if she did it, pin her down. Like, I want to get it. I want the info on what she did. But Brittany is like, oh, she said things, Andy. She said things.

Such as, "Britney's never done Broadway. "Britney's making everyone call her Brit-tawny." I was like, "You know, the sort of things that could ruin a career." That could ruin your relationship with your children. Words. Or children like, "Mother, I'm never speaking to you again. "I thought you were on Broadway."

So Lisa's like, yeah, but you did say that she's never done Broadway. Got you on that one. Got you. And then Broadway goes, never to her daughters. Children must be protected with Broadway lies. And he's like, why would that make it hard with her daughters? I just don't understand that. And Brittany's like, but this is, they were so alarmed. Her friends, to be caretakers of my precious babies, sat them down and said, listen.

"Your mother was never in Miss Saigon. She used AI. And you broke up their happy marriage to husband number two and it's all your fault." And Andy's like, "Oh, okay. So she's the reason you're estranged from your daughter?" She goes, "Well, for six months it was. I mean, not the whole time. But then we kind of got back together and it was touch and go. Gasoline, gasoline, touch and go, gasoline." I was like, "Are you just trying to confuse us? What the fuck are you talking about?"

Basically, they never lost touch and they had a normal relationship, except there was a lie about Broadway in the middle of that apparently shattered everything. No, she didn't talk to the kids, but then she talked to the kids again, but then the kids found out she was never on Broadway. They stopped talking to her again. That's the story. I mean, I don't blame them. And let me just say it right now. A national tour is not Broadway. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, whatever families I've just broken up, but that's the truth.

It's true. Leah Salonga did not have to pack up the helicopter every night after she was done. That's just not how it works. Thank you for the one gay who was like, yes, Leah. I know. I'm seeing Leah Salonga on Wednesday doing Sondheim in LA. It's the gayest moment of the week for me. Leah Salonga and Bernadette Peters. You might as well have just penises slapping you on the face right now.

Not micro penises though. So Andy is like, okay, so your daughter wouldn't film with us. I mean, your whole media casting was that you weren't speaking to your daughters. So then we see a flashback of some other person on a tape. I was like, is this the mom from Everybody Loves Raymond? Who is this person? Yeah.

was this? The mom from Everybody's She looked better than that. How dare you? I apologize. But she did look like a different person. But also I thought that was such a weird casting tape too, right? Because your casting tape usually you're like, hello, I'm Ronnie. Here's my part. Don't tell me not to live. Just sit and putter. And Brittany was like, hi, I'm Brittany. My daughters hate me. And she literally laughed. Did you notice that? She goes, yeah, so my daughter's not talking to me. So much drama.

I think she was trying to sell the drama between her kids or whatever, but they just had the Monica season. They were like, nope, we're not going to have any more mothers fighting with plants in restaurants. We did that last year. That was so great. Where Monica's mom turned to a plant and was like, can you believe her? Can you believe her?

This dessert is disgusting. She's like, Mom, it's guacamole. Am I right, Ficus? The absolute disgrace from this one. That remains one of my all-time favorite scenes. That was so amazing. So no one really understands what Brittany's talking about, and she just keeps saying gasoline. So we go to commercial. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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This is a Reese's Peanut Butter Cups sound experiment. We're looking to find the perfect way to hear Reese's so you'll buy more of them. Here we go. Reese's. Reese's. Reese's. Reese's. Reese's. Hey, get out of here, you little stinker! Reese's. Reese's. Reese's. Peanut Butter Cups. That breathy one sounded very creepy, am I right?

So, welcome back! For a group of women so immersed in religion, we witnessed lots of ungodly behavior. From bringing wine to a prayer night to accusations of slut-shaming at a bat mitzvah. That's a sentence I never thought I'd say. Ha! Ha! Ha!

So then we get a flashback to my favorite album of the year. I mean, the Grammys really missed the mark on this one. Because the best was... I am leaving if you don't promise for me right now. Wait, let me provide percussion by Mary.

Love the bat mitzvah, Meredith. She's like, well, it was extremely special. It was an honor to have my toddlers there. Then we get the Mary trying to get into the bat mitzvah thing. And she's like, there was just so many doors, Andy. And we see her like...

All right, well, Half from Taurus says, Heather, you said on the after show it's not Angie's responsibility to keep up Britney's facade of being the perfect Mormon. Britney is leading a double life. There, I said it. As a Mormon, we don't drink. As a Mormon, we do not have sex with tiny little people. Well, we can, but we don't talk about it. You're leading a double life. On Broadway, it's true. On Broadway.

She's an active Mormon. And to be an active Mormon and not get kicked out of the church, you can't have sex, you can't drink, and you're doing both. I was so reassured in how much I love this show. God, I love this show. Where else do you get this fight? And Lisa uses this as a moment to promote herself. She goes, well, I do have a tequila brand. A Vita. Is there Vita tequila here, by the way? It's expensive. It must have run out.

It's expensive stuff. That's not some well drink. It's a lot of money. By the way, one of my favorite traditions on this show is Lisa Barlow going to every restaurant ahead of shooting, giving them a bottle and being like, I'll have a Vita Margarita, please. Like it's a thing in pop culture. Yeah. We asked for it at the Red Place today and they were like... Yeah, at the Red Aguada. Suti ne Vita. I was like, I know I'm alive, but I'm asking for the tea. I'll have the Vita Mole, please. Thank you.

So they start fighting about what's Mormon and what's not. And then they're fighting with, they're like, you can't drink. And Brittany goes, that's not true. It's up to the bishop. Big musical fan. Big musical fan.

Lies. They're like, lies. Yes. We have real Mormons here. Yes. They're like, oh, that is not true. So Bronwyn's like, well, and of course you've got Lisa going, nah, that's totally Mormonism. That's totally Mormonism. I love that. That's my kind of Mormonism. Love that. My bishop is Wendy's and she says it's okay. So Bronwyn's like, well, you know, I grew up Mormon my entire life and people can do whatever they want to do, but I agree with Heather.

You just can't do whatever you want to do. It doesn't matter. Nope. Not Mormon. Not Mormon. Not Mormon. Yeah, Brittany. Brittany, I'm 100% on your side with us. Yeah. Yeah. Because I hate Bronwyn, so I'm on your side with us. Yeah. And Mary just goes, you're sinning. Mary, she doesn't say a lot, but she always sticks to the landing. You're sinning, honey. Yeah.

And Brittany's like, yeah, but then remember when you told me at lunch that you grew up as Mormon as anyone? And that's why I was talking to you about it, Angie. And she's like, you are not the Mormons I grew up with. And Angie goes, you are from Provo, but you're not the Mormons that you are Provo Mormon. Not other Mormon. You are Mormons who believe in Provolone. Your bishop is Provolone. Yeah, but you know what? Who's to say who's a Mormon or not? The fucking Bible thing that y'all read. That's what...

And listen, Christians do the same thing. We just make shit up all the time. We'll be like, oh, the Pope went to bed and he said everything's okay now. No, that's not how it works. I have the original book. We're all going to hell. Brace yourself. Wait, is Provo Mormonism different? Because that's where the secret lives of Mormon wives are from, right? So is that Mormonism like it has to happen on TikTok? Yeah.

Just want to know. It's got the best cheese out of all of the Mormons. All of the shades. For those listening at home, Ron and I just did a TikTok dance. So Brittany's like, I can live it any way I want to. And Andrew's like, I brace religion every day, not on Sunday, seven fucking days a week. And look in any Bible and you will see fucking bitch in there.

I love Angie. She's like, I'm the most fucking religious goddamn person in this bitch room. You are not Mormon. So Brittany is like, who cares, Angie? I'm not, like, judging you and how you live your religion. That is so condescending. I don't appreciate that. Now, this is the kind of preacher I like. Mary just goes, she's sinning. Who cares? Because that's how our religion works. You're just like, boom, boom. Bam, bam. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

I'm sorry. It's like, okay, you can still come to heaven. You're sorry. Come on. And for everyone listening at home, Ronnie just mimed here in Salt Lake City doing coke and heroin and drinking. Oh, I forgot that. And dual blowjobs. You are all not Mormons. You are Provo Mormons.

Oh, God, religious trauma. Love you guys. Okay, so Andy's from Coconut from Grove said, Meredith, watching the show, did you realize Angie never called Brittany a slut? She just repeated what Brittany said. And Meredith is like, well, I think that Brittany was very upset. That's what I think. And if you want to argue about it, I can't.

Mary's like, yeah, but you didn't get both sides of the story. Well, that's correct. But I did know that Angie had said at lunch at your house already and she said she called me a slut. And I was like, it's too much. I cannot abide by slut shaming. Hold on. Can I say one thing? One thing. I'm sorry. I just have to. I just have to say this. I just have to say this in defense of Brittany. Okay? Okay.

The porn thing, that just went too far. Poor Britney. Poor Britney. I'm here for you, Britney. I'm just here for you. That really went far. Thank you so much. Mary goes, she started it.

But, Brittany, you also say things, and then when things are mirrored back at you, you really don't like when things are mirrored back at you. So if you say it, you have to be willing for it to be mirrored back to you. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, I think that sometimes I say things and I don't know how they're coming out of my mouth, but when I listen back at my recordings that I've taken, it sounds bad. But you can't say, I don't drink wine. You can't say, I love drinking wine, and then be mad when someone brings you a bottle. Yes, you can.

I drink wine. You bring me a cheap bottle. I'm like, this is a cheap bottle of wine. Go back. Start over. All right. Well, Brittany, you eventually came clean about sleeping with Jared. How did it feel to have the other women rally around your micropenis trauma? It felt so good. It felt so good. And Heather's like, it was like coming out of the closet. No, it wasn't.

Give me your hand, Ronnie. Give me your hand. What's something that no other people in this room realize is that when you love an Osmond, you love an Osmond. And that's something that we share, okay? We share that.

So Mary's like, "Why did you even say that in the first place? "I mean, nothing even had to do with that. "We were talking about something else, "and then you have to come out of the closet "about sleeping with some guy. "Who cares?" - Guys, Brittany has really good logic about this. She says, "Guys, I did it because that was the one thing, "like I actually lied about that, "and I lied to everyone, and I said, "'I just wanted to show good faith. "'I wanted to show good faith about my lie.'"

She's like, I didn't lie. You thought I was lying about one thing, but I wasn't lying that, so I proved it by admitting that I was lying about another thing. Yeah. I gave you a different lie instead in good faith to show that I don't lie in other times. She's so dumb. I love it. It's so cute to me. She's great. Because she believes it. She's so delusional. I love it. And then he's like, right. All right. Well, this season...

Puerto Vallarta! She didn't only bring Vita Tequila, someone brought a recording device! So we see flashbacks to this amazing trip.

And Andy's like, all right, so let's get back to the beginning of the trip. Lisa, you said that Bronwyn was ungrateful for the trip simply because you wanted to give her a room in the same villa. But like, don't you think that it was a leap considering that you're upset about sitting on it? He's basically asking about that room controversy. And Lisa's like, how dare you, Lisa? I thought we were friends and you put me in a different villa? After everything I've done for you for 10 years, you put me in a villa down the hall? How?

could you Lisa how could you I won't be coming for you for the rest of my goddamn life yeah yeah well I think that there's parts of the conversation missing like first of all I had to fly coach second of all I was like Bronwyn just got bit by a dog and looked like her arm was gonna fall off I'm pretty sure she had gangrene it was very scary I didn't want it getting on my Prada yeah

But also, you know, something that's missing is when I got to the villa, I was like, oh my God, my room is amazing. So I wanted Bronwyn to have the same room. And in the other villa, there was a room just like my room. So I was trying to give it to you, Bronwyn. Which I thought was a good answer. That was a good one. But they don't care because it's Lisa and Lisa's so crazy. They're just like, shut up, Lisa. So anyway, let's talk about your dog bite. Yeah, and he's like, by the way, what the hell happened with your dog bite? Yeah.

Because Bronwyn, literally her arm and leg were green. Yeah, that was terrible. Oh my God. That was not good. Bronwyn does say that she rehoused the dog and put it on a farm somewhere. But this turned into one of the best parts of the reunion because she's like, well, you know, I did all the wrong things because you know that when a dog is in that state, you don't get in the middle of it. You don't try to pull it. You don't try to do things like that. There are things you have to do to stop the dog and I just did it wrong.

And someone goes, yeah, I heard you put your finger up their butt. And she's like, well, okay, or pull the tail or the finger in the butt. I mean, I don't know. And Mary just goes, no, the butt doesn't work. It's like going on a date with Jared. And they say we don't ever learn anything about Mary. I'll never forget that. I want to know what happened. I want to know what dog it was. Now who has trauma?

But Bronwyn didn't sue the person. She took care of the dog, and it actually was a happy ending. Yeah, she's like, actually, I made sure that the dog was okay. I started a school for dogs, actually named for this dog. I bought all of the dogs in the school diamond necklaces. They were about $8 million each, I think. And now we have a program to make sure there's no dog in America that does not have a Palm Pilot. We had to do something with that leftover inventory. Right.

"Lisa, why would you storm out of the Bezos Vida dinner in Mexico? Why did Angie point out that she was learning more about Bronwyn's marriage on the yacht than she knows about your entire life? Why did that hurt you?" And she's like, "Oh my God, because me and Angie, we were like friends. We would talk on the phone for like three hours until she had to go see Electra, asshole. Anyway."

I would tell her so many things. I would be like, I'm on the way to Wendy's. I'm eating a Kit Kat. Like, to pretend she doesn't know me. Hold on, Andy. But I wanted to hear what she had to say about how she felt about me. Not what you felt. She felt about me what I felt. Because she felt. And they felt. And they felt. Oh, Patatiki. Mm-hmm.

And Lisa's like, no, but I was going to set it up where she would feel comfortable telling you so you guys could have resolve. You know what I mean? And Brittany's like, thank you, Meredith. Thank you so much for sticking up for me. No, well, it was my pleasure. And Angie's like, because Meredith's not getting a good mood, she's like, oh, sure. I'm happy to do that. Angie's like, actually, I love this defense that Angie goes, Meredith is a lawyer. I am a hairdresser.

She should be able to sit me down and destroy me. I am beauty school dropout. She is Olivia Newton-John. She's like, she should be able to take me out. I am a hairdresser. I'm a beauty school girl. And there's nothing wrong with that. And Lisa's like, are you directing this at me? She's like, no, no, I'm telling you that she has an education. She should be able to sit down and have a conversation. Yeah.

All right, well, let's stick between me and you because, like, Meredith is absolved from this right now. Yeah, that's a big word. Lawyers use that word, too. Thank you. Well, that was nice to hear. Yeah, yeah. And this is between you and me. And I was hurt by the fact that you were, like, shutting me down. And I was, like, trying to help you. And I stated that. And for you to say that, that, like, really hurt my feelings. Oh!

Yeah, because you know what? You know what? You shared like a very vulnerable moment. And like, it was one moment, but she was on the phone with me every day for three years. Like, sorry, there's a big difference, Andrea. There's a big difference. All right, all right, all right.

I'm not following this. I wasn't either. I was like, this is my favorite show, and I don't know what the fuck you people are talking about. And half this episode, I was like, I don't know. I'm just going to let them talk. But Andy's slouching in his chair, just checking Grindr. Like, okay. All right. Okay, Bronwyn, do you think Lisa likes to play the victim? LOL. That's a rhetorical question. Lisa's literally in the back like, Lisa, please get off the cross. That's a Bezos sign. All right.

So Bronwyn's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Well, I think that when something happens to Lisa, she takes it more seriously than when it happens to someone else. And like, I don't know that she victimizes herself, but we've seen a few times when my marriage was talked about and then

seemed to phase her, but then when her marriage was talked about, it seemed to happen. Girl, no one accused Todd of giving hand jobs in the fucking... I mean, come on, man. They're different things. My marriage... Totally different scenarios, okay? How is it different?

How? Go ahead. Tell me. Tell me. Because when Whitney talked about my marriage, we have a five-year history. You don't have a five-year history with that idiot next to your dress. You've never gone through this with Whitney before. Look, poke her in the shoulder. Look what she does. Yeah. You exploited my vagina. I have to deal with that. Whitney can't even see. She's like, who's poking me? She has a safari hat on. She's like, I'm getting through the dress.

Throw me a rope. Yeah, but like, what did I tell you about their marriage when we were on the balcony at the day spa? I said that they have a great marriage and that Todd adores her. That he adores her. Yeah, but the problem was you were saying that after Bronwyn was like, Todd just cheated on me. And Lisa's like, love him. Love him. He's such a good person.

And I stood up for that marriage. And then I'm getting mind fucked where I'm like, oh my God, am I like a Taco Bell or a Wendy's right now? Am I totally fucked on the brain right now? And like all of a sudden, now Todd's like a piece of shit and I've been like standing up for Todd and now you're like, fuck Todd, fuck Todd, fuck Todd. Do you see what this is like? I'm allowed to say what I want about my marriage. That's my right. I'm allowed to say it. Todd cheated. No, he didn't. But I'm not responsible for your switch ups. I did not say that. Yes, he cheated. He did not cheat. So he cheated. So he cheated.

So then she's like, not only am I allowed to say it, but you shouldn't be on a hot mic telling Angie, oh, I don't know why she's looking for sympathy about that.

Which I don't think she said. She didn't say it at all. And she's like, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. It's like, you did say that. You said it on a hot mic walking out on the boat. Let's see what she says. And then we see the clip of Lisa saying, oh my God, Angie's, Todd's going to lose his mind. So she's just a bad voter. Now, to be fair, Todd sees a bag of M&Ms and loses his mind. What? What?

M&M's there. I don't like it. Why is that candy trying to talk to me? Look at that cloud. It looks funny. I don't like it. Stop waving at me. I'm trying to eat you. Hey, that pine tree over there. I don't like it. Get rid of it.

So then Lisa's like, no, because you know what? I was just digesting it all. And that doesn't happen often with me. So you know what? You told me that your husband was launching a new hedge fund. And like, when have you stuck up for me in public anyway? It's just, oh, remember that time when I said very, very lightly, that's not the Lisa I know. So there it is. And then we see her. They're like, Lisa's a bitch. She goes, that's not the Lisa I know. Yeah.

And also, also at the Bezos party, I had a pretty strident defense of you. It's like, cut to Bronwyn at the party being like, I don't think so. Case closed. I mean, I really went hard in the paint for you. So now they're blah, blah, blah, fighting over each other and stuff. And Andy's like, Bezos, Bezos, Opa, Bezos, Bezos, Opa, Bezos, Bezos. Opa, tzatziki. All right, Brittany. I keep on saying tzatziki tonight. I don't know why I keep saying tzatziki.

It's in my brain. If you're Brittany, if you were so concerned, Meredith was crying and throwing up. Oh yes. Why didn't you talk to her? She goes, I did talk to her. Meredith's like, yeah, she didn't talk to me. I told her she was full of shit. And then she talked to everyone else. I said, you probably heard the sound of my toddler burping up on my shoulder.

And Brittany's like, I'm sorry, but listen, the sound of somebody throwing up is indistinguishable. I don't know. Is that true? No, I don't think so because we heard Meredith doing her... Remember when Meredith was walking through the scene of the crime? She's like, look. And then remember I had a coughing fit right here. Why is she coughing like this? Now Meredith does cough like that. It's like a hairball comes up. She's like...

It literally could have just been some old man who came through. Like, what is it? By the way, what is the age that we... What's the... What age... She marks tracksuit. It was a magic shrink. Old men definitely make weird noises, don't they? Like, when are we going to... We are them. Hello, have you heard us? I've got seven more years before I'm sitting around somewhere and I start going...

So, Brittany's like, I'm sorry, but it's an indistinguishable... Gay tongue, sorry. It's an indistinguishable sound, and I don't want to out you, but I literally woke up from a dead sleep, and Bronwyn just goes, oh no, stop her. Just stop her. She's going to set Meredith off, and Meredith's just like, Brittany, you are a liar. Yeah.

Let me talk. Okay, I let you talk, so let me sing. No. You know, I was half asleep. I was dreaming of Jared. It was a very strange dream. Jared actually brought me to Jared and I said, oh my god, he took me to Jared. Do not care. I am not going to let you spread lies about me. I have heard the lies and I have not... Wait a second. Meredith, do you think I'm insinuating that you have an eating disorder because I'm

I don't care what you're insinuating. You are lying, and I'm not going to allow it. I have had enough of the lying. She's always, like, packing her purse. She's like, I am.

I'm not insinuating you have an eating disorder. I'm insinuating you have an eating disorder and your marriage is falling apart. Well, you're a liar. She's like, but that's my truth. I don't give a shit what your truth is. So then Andy's like, well, did she even accuse you of having an eating disorder? I didn't hear that part. And Lisa's like, but it got back to her that that was sad, so that's what really counts. Andy's like, I mean, you got dope for a million reasons. You can have the...

And Brittany, so then Brittany's like, well, I had an eating disorder growing up. I would never do that. No one even cared. She's like, here's my in. Here's my moment. But I had an eating disorder. Everybody literally went, oh, Jesus Christ. She's like ready to be like, it was like really hard. You know, she's going to get out her crying goal. She's like, you know. This is the middle of the trial. We are not accepting new trauma evidence. This needs to get into the courtroom before the reunion.

So Andy's like, okay, Britney, speaking of double talk, you gave several different explanations as to why you were recording the women on the sprinter. Well, not really. I mean, they were similar. Well, you said that you were sending a video to Olivia. True. And Olivia Pope. True. And that you were filming the scenery. True. And that you were saving the video for later. True. And you were auditioning for America's Next Got Talent. True.

And you're also submitting something for Secret Lives of Mormon Wives TikTok. Which one was it? So she's just not going to admit shit, this girl. She's like, all of that was true. I was making a video for Olivia while I was making an audition for America's Next Top Model while at the same time I was reciting poetry and recording at the back of a bus seat. So fucking what?

She was fully doing Kaiser Soze at that moment. It was like Kaiser Soze looking at all the items on the bulletin board and being like, I was taking a video because I needed to go to the Kobayashi factory and then afterwards I needed... I was like, well, why am I making these references from 30 years ago?

I was like, what am I doing? Brittany's like, it was two seconds. It was two seconds. They're like, Brittany. And Brittany knows that this is a lie. She's watched the show. She's seen the 24-second counter. But I love Brittany's just commitment to a lie. You know what I mean? Learn something, Bronwyn. It's not the lying. It's the commitment. You know? You guys, because it was only for like two seconds, I just was like trying to turn it around. And then I couldn't turn it around. And then I was like, I was trying to eat it. I thought it was a cracker, guys. Yeah.

All right, well, get over it. It's done. Mary does Mary. She goes, oh, well, get over it. It's done. And hopefully you are too. So we go to commercial. I love Brittany's horrified face because the only thing that moves is her upper lip and her nose. She's like...

All right, we're back from commercial. Okay, so they're still recovering. Everyone's recovering from trauma. Mary, why did it bother you that Angie chased after Brittany at the Lisa Barlow lunch? You claimed Angie knows how you felt about Brittany, so how do you feel? For the record, I really like you, Mary. I just, I don't know why you don't like me. And she goes, you're not honest, and you don't take accountability, and your emotional intelligence is not matured, and you're lopsided. Well, damn. Yeah.

The bedside manner. So Andy asks Mary about that whole moment, and Mary says she felt betrayed. She felt it was fake when Angie went running after her, and Andy's like, well, I was so happy you two shared that emotional moment. It was really quiet, touching, and you connected, and that was really nice. This is boring. So Meredith, you talked to Jen Shaw from prison, and everyone's like, dun, dun, dun. Well, yeah. And Whitney's like,

Wait, Jen Shah was in the prison line? That's my jewelry. How dare you accusing me of getting my jewelry from Jen Shah prison. It was very brief. She called me and obviously, you know, I can't call her. I only have a Fisher-Price telephone for my children. But how is that any worse than me talking to Monica?

because Jen Shaw just abused you to your face. Monica stalked your ass behind your back. I mean, there's got, and they're like, she abused us, Whitney. She's like, whatever. Meredith is like, well, I didn't dig. I didn't dig into it. You know, I didn't seek her out to dig dirt on my friends. Jen called me from prison. Meredith, just say, Jen Shaw called, and you're like, holy fucking shit, I'm going to get the tea about prison right now. That's all you have to say.

Listen, she's serving her time. She's trying to make things correct. She's doing a musical about housewives in the prison yard and she wanted to do some research. I'm sorry for helping out a performer. But I would never put myself on the list to call... Wait, do we have to write lists when we want to call people now? For fuck's sake, Whitney, just spit it out.

Well, that's up to you, but that's surprising. So what is she supposed to do? Moving forward, she's served her time. Mary's like, no, I'm against forgiveness. Well, I mean, she said she's sorry. She's paying everybody. What is she supposed to do? Mary's like, never forgive. I love that the preacher is just like, no, fuck her.

And it's like, but she lied to all of your faces, both this season's faces and last season's. And Meredith is like, well, I don't doubt that at all. That's 100% true. And this isn't like while we're going for a sleepover or something. This is like a 10-minute vlog.

So they never get to the bottom of it. And everybody's like, how dare you speak with Jen Shogun? You all are going to film with her again in a year. Yes. So get the fuck over it. Now might be the time to start kissing. Oh, they're bringing her back. I'm sorry.

She's out now. They have changed it again to where she's coming out in November of 2026. So she will be back. If you think this channel is really going to be like, oh my God, the girl who just went to prison and now is back and could possibly slam Heather for lying about a black guy is going to not be back on this channel? Come on. She'll be back for sure. So basically, yeah, Meredith, I mean, look,

I would answer the call from Jen Shaw. I want to find out all the details of what's happening in prison. I want to know, like, what's her hair... Yeah, I want to know, like, what does her hair look like now? What do you use for makeup? Yeah. How many bitches do you have? You know? Yeah! I want to know. All right, so, anyway, Andy moves on. He's like, Heather, you were so sweet!

When you asked everybody to read the meanest texts about each other from their phones to bridge the gap. What were you thinking? Mary Sunshine. And she's like, you know, it's like immersion therapy where you're traumatized, but then you just have to hear the worst things about yourself to move forward, Andy. You know...

It's like immersion therapy that no one's heard of before. That's not licensed, that no one supports. I just came up with it. I thought it would be fun. Why give words power, Andy? Words have no power, except for in my book. Please buy my second book, which is out now, HarperCollins. Words have no power unless they become the subject of four different categories on Jeopardy. So Andy's like, all right, well, Bronwyn, considering that you and Andy were close for most of the season, were her comments about how you sucked your way to the top...

Illuminating. Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh. I mean, yeah. I agree to the game. I agree. Yeah, it was rude, you know, the sucking thing. I really wish everybody had that commitment to the decision we made that night to burn things. I really do.

Lisa Barlow couldn't burn it. Lisa Barlow wasn't burning an old fact. You guys were bringing new evidence that she was giving handjobs or her husband was getting handjobs while she was making out with random people. That is new. You can't burn new evidence. You burn things from the past. Stupid Whitney. I was just trying to be her friend.

Yeah, Whitney Trojan horse some gossip into it. But I just like that Bron was like, I committed to the bit. I did it, you know? So Andy's like, well, it was amazing when it worked. I was like, did it work? When did it work? All I saw was like six women who looked deeply traumatized afterwards. Yeah, so Lisa's like, yeah, you know, she brought up a rumor about me giving handjobs, which I was making out with a frosty. It was really difficult. Yeah.

And Whitney's like, I was trying to burn. Holding Bronwyn's dress back. I was trying to burn it with Lisa fucking Bob. And Lisa's like, well, I don't have to burn it. I'm my own person. I don't have to do what everyone else does. She goes, but it was cathartic. And I actually validated what I knew that she thought was adrift in our friendship. Because if we could stare in our eyes and burn it, then it would be burned.

But if we couldn't... Andy, I'm sorry. Do you want me to take over for Whitney? This is a lot for her to say. She's been behind a bush the entire night. Lisa, I think what she's trying to say, if I can understand, is she's saying, sorry, look, she's even writing sorry in chocolate syrup for you. Why can't you burn it? Why can't you burn it?

Because you keep doing it. It's not the first. It's season one. It's season two. It's season three, four, five. This is not your marriage that she's talking about. It's mine. I'm not talking about my marriage. You just tried to pull something out of your phone tonight about me, Lisa. And that's, you know, the whole Emma thing, the jewelry thing. I want to burn it for love. Whitney literally took Bronwyn's dress and was like, out of this. I'm trying to stop fucking burning.

You know she's in Starbucks right now still saying it like, ma'am, would you like that grande or venti? Oh! Whitney used to make me so mad, and now she's one of my favorite people. She's so funny. And then they sat her behind that dress the whole night, and she just sat there and took it like, I'll tell you something. So she's like, how come everybody else could burn it, but you won't burn it with me? And Meredith is like, because you keep doing it.

But I stopped the reckless. Okay, wait, stay, wait. Hey, everyone, stay out of it, okay? She literally says this. Because I want to burn this with Lisa fucking mother. So she's like, I could have said a lot worse things of you. I could have said, you're fake, you're phony, you're selfish, you're unaware. But I chose that one instead.

Oh, I love when a housewife does that. I could have said you're a slut bitch, C word, but instead I said that you do threesomes with people and John watches jerks off. But I chose that because that's the thing that hurt you the most. You had never said it. It didn't hurt her the most until you said it on the TV. I mean, look, I know that we all...

kind of think that's false, I'm guessing. But also, I can't stop thinking of John Barlow getting handjobs from Randall's at parties! I can't stop! I know that's a personal problem, but... I feel like it's how he parallel parks his car, too. It's like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Literal circles.

Watch your tone. Lisa's like, you know what, though? You know what, though? I put up with a lot from Wednesday, from day one, and all of these people here, I put up with that much of these people. Okay? Good for you. Good for you.

And she's like, yeah, but there's something. And Heather's like, but don't you want to repair this with Whitney? We're here for love. Repair. Whitney, read that monologue I put in your phone. You're a slut. You're a skank. You're a whore. See, she's just trying to be your friend. Okay, I'm just like, everyone just like stop talking in my ear. I will do what I want to. Are you making a reference to my disability right now? Stop saying burn it, burn it. Burn it.

Okay, everyone, everyone, stop talking for five fucking seconds. Meredith, I try to burn something with you instead. I want to burn it with Meredith Marks. You know what? I've been through something with everybody here. Like, growing up, I grew up with six siblings, okay? Like, if I was human traffic, no one would even know.

I literally went to FedEx and I printed a picture of myself and I pasted it to a milk carton. They drank the milk. They drank the milk. So when you come for the only people that I have, do you know how hard it is going out with your husband and people start asking him for handjobs? Poor Lisa. You ruined Coochie in Tuscana for me.

Do you remember it was like two seasons ago, Lisa's like, yeah, this one time they tied me into a pole in middle school and left me there all day long. And no one noticed. This poor woman, she's like, I couldn't have been human trafficked. I can't even get a parking ticket because they won't have anything to do with me with traffic violations.

So Bronwyn's like, yeah, but then you pulled something out of your phone to try and burn me today, Lisa. Remember that? For fuck's sake, lady. And Lisa's like, okay, you're going to turn into that. You know what? Talk. Lisa drops her tears immediately. She's like...

Talk to Emma. Talk to Emma. Talk to Emma about that. Talk to Emma. Lisa. Lisa. I want to talk to you. Okay. Fake. Okay, everyone. Look. Fake. She's getting in our way. Wait, no. Lisa. Lisa. Fake is when you say you forgive someone and then you bring it up years later. Okay. Ha.

But it wasn't yours. It was that night that you made up a new rumor, Whitney. She goes, okay, but you know what? Then I forgive you, but then you do it again. You know what? Saying you're sorry means you'll never do it again. No, it doesn't. I say that every time I'm pulled into court for a traffic ticket. And guess what? I still run that fucking stop sign every time. And every time I do it, I say, that shouldn't be here. Wow. You're like Stacey on Potomac running those stop signs. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? Stacey's going to call me out for a DUI? Hmm?

True, we're answering the same stop sign. So, Lisa's like...

Lisa's like, "Okay, yes we know." So Lisa's like, she's like, "Okay, well you saw I didn't lie. "I know you lied about Alibaba "and it wasn't to prove anything. "Stop, Lisa, stop." And he goes, "I'm not doing this, okay? "Are you okay? "Are you guys okay?" - Does everyone wanna get fired from the show? Now's the time we make up. So they drop their tears and Lisa's like, "You know what, Whitney, I love you so much." And Whitney's like, "Ah." She's like, "Yeah, I love you so much, Whitney. "Please let's never not be friends again."

Let's start over. And she's like, okay. Are you going to burn it? All right, Whitney. You're pushing it, Whitney. You're pushing it. They have a moment. Was it right here where Whitney goes over to sit with Lisa? And she's like, Lisa, Lisa, I want to move forward with you. I don't want us to fight. I love you as a friend. And Lisa's like, thank you. And she goes,

But when you say things about me, everyone's like, oh, for fuck's sake. And Maddie's like, no, no, end it there. End it there. It's over. Sit down with me. Sit down. All right. So now we're back with the final thoughts on the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I want to close on a positive note. I'm going to read these texts that I've written about all of you.

Shut up. Be quiet. I hate you. Why do I do this job? I should have gone to college. Okay. This was fun. All right. So because in Mexico you said the worst things you could say to each other, now is the time for you to say the best things about each other. And it cuts to Brittany backstage being like, I really feel like I should be out there. Doesn't someone have something nice to say about me? Olivia's on the phone. She wants to say something. Poor Brittany.

So, um, Mary has to say something about Heather, and I have to hand it to Mary. She really has had to change, because I really thought Mary was just going to go, she's thinner. Yeah. Mary's like, she does look like she was bred by two different people. Yeah.

So then Lisa has to say something positive about Whitney. And she's like, she works hard. She's a great mom. Her daughter is a sodaholic and it's kind of embarrassing, but she deals with that addiction pretty well. So, you know, great. So then Lisa, Andy is like, all right, Meredith, say something nice about Angie and Sean. All right. Well, um,

Angie, you look very pretty tonight, for starters. That's an easy one. Got that one off the list. Okay, you're a...

Great mother. Okay, that's another easy one. I think you like your family. You do great prop work. That scroll bit, that was great. Loved that. Yeah, so that's about it. Yeah, that was pretty good. I do have some homosexual friends through my son. I hope that's okay to say. And each one of them has said that they would pass your husband around like an hors d'oeuvre tray at a party. So...

You know what? I hear that you can be a very good friend. I personally haven't seen it, but, you know, I also haven't seen... I don't see the wind, but I know it's there. So, Angie has something positive to say about Meredith. She's like, I think she is a lovely mother, and...

Grape leaves and tzatziki and pizza and Thomas. The end. He's like, all right, well, I guess that's all we're going to get from her. All right. Bronwyn, say something nice about Heather. Okay, well, I just want to say, Heather, I really wanted to be friends with you, and you were really smart, and I really don't like arguing with you because I destroy you every time. So, you know, it's been fun, and hopefully next season we can have an arc where we're friends and we turn on Lisa. Okay, so let's do that.

All right, Heather, you want to return the favor to Bronwyn? And she's like, well, as a survivor of trauma, I just want to say that I know the trauma Bronwyn's been through because I have been through it. And I've outlined it with receipts, proof, timeline, and a brand new book. All right, that's enough of you. All right, now who's next? And Mary goes, Andy, you do me. I hate these bitches. All right.

"Alright, well, Mary Cosby, you showed us your heart this year, and even though you didn't get new boobs, we still liked ya. You were funny, you were compassionate. Alright, that's good, that's good to go!" He actually gave a very nice moment, and Meredith was very, well, Meredith was like, "Wah, wah." But Mary was, I mean, Mary had such a tremendous season. Can you even believe that Mary is like, so good now?

So they do their final toast with Miller High Life because that's Mary's favorite. And again, they cut to Brittany in the back. And again, they cut to Brittany in the backstage holding. They gave her a glass. She's like, guys, are you really sure I can't go out there? They're like, here is a broomstick. You can toast the broomstick. Oh, okay.

To the trauma. The trauma that bonds us. The trauma that makes us sisters. The trauma that feels like toothpaste on a toothbrush. When you put it in your mouth and you switch it around a little bit, just wondering, are my teeth wide enough yet? You're my sisters. I'm never going to forget you. Forever. Let's be sisters. Sisterhood. Sisterhood. Sisterhood. Sisterhood.

Congratulations on a great season. And that brings us to the end of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Thank you so much, Salt Lake City. Thank you to Angie Kay for coming out tonight. It was wonderful seeing you. And we will be back and see you again. Good night, everyone. Opa! Opa! Bye!

Hey.

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So here's how this show's going to work, okay? We're going to run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like No offense. No offense, Travis Kelsey, but you've got to step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the Chiefs need to have more fun this year. We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point Award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably bitter.

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