#2724 Below Deck Down Under S03E02: A Boy Named Sous
01:12:58 Share

Some of our favorite Housewives episodes are when the cast goes on group vacations. I mean, hello, we just watched SLC go nuts in Mexico. Or what about Scary Island? Or what about Morocco? I mean, it goes on and on and on. If you're looking to get away with all the fabulous luxe experience of the Housewives, but none of the drama, check out Virgin Voyages.

Explore the Caribbean this winter on one of their week-long Caribbean escapes. These cruises offer incredible luxury, including menus created by Michelin star chefs and artfully designed cabins. These are exclusively built kid-free cruises, so no matter what you're looking for, you can get the type of experience you need most, all catered to adult tastes.

I mean, we love our children. I believe the children are our future. But you know what? Sometimes if I'm going on a cruise, it's kind of nice to, you know, have all adults. Am I right? Virgin Voyages have been voted world's best by Travel and Leisure and Condé Nast readers for the second year in a row. Experience it for yourself. Book now at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Let's face it, weight loss can feel overwhelming. That's why HERS is changing the game. By providing access to GLP-1 medications plus expert care, they make your goals more achievable. HERS is transforming women's health care by providing access to affordable weight loss treatment plans delivered straight to your door if prescribed.

So if you've been struggling with your weight loss journey, it's time you find the best option that works for you through hers. Start your initial free online visit today at forhers.com slash crappins. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash crappins for your personalized weight loss treatment options. Forhers.com slash crappins.

Her's weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required. Restrictions applied with Govee and Ozempic are not compounded. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased.

Whole Foods Market has great everyday prices on quality favorites to help jumpstart your wellness journey. Shop at Whole Foods Market for organic produce, no antibiotics, ever meats, and more. I actually just got a wonderful selection of herbs from there that I cooked some garbanzo beans with, so I had a nice, bright...

healthy, herbaceous meal to start off the new year. At Whole Foods Market, you can save every day even without a sale. Look for the yellow low-price signs that help call out some of the most competitively priced items with the high quality you expect from Whole Foods Market. Their house brand 365 by Whole Foods Market has tons of wellness essentials at daily low prices. For example, high-quality supplements and delicious smoothie ingredients like

almond milk and organic frozen fruit blends, plus a rainbow of organic produce like green beans, cherry tomatoes, easy to prepare, bags out. I mean, the list just goes on and on. You can find these great prices in-store and online. Shop Whole Foods Market on Amazon and get free pickup and convenient delivery on all your wellness journey essentials. Terms apply. Save on your wellness routine with great everyday prices at Whole Foods Market.

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap In's, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the sweet and lovable Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Well, aren't you a little Cracker Jack?

You know, I'm feeling like a Cracker Jack and, you know, maybe have a little present inside me. We are here today to talk Below Deck Down Under. Before we get into that, a gentle and sweet reminder that you only have until Friday to watch the replay of the Golden Crappies. And we highly recommend it. It was a great show full of laughter and singing and dancing and special guests. It really was a wonderful career highlight, I would actually say. So go check that out. That's crappens.com.

I'm sorry, crappins.kizweed.com. Just go to watchcrappins.com. That's where you'll find it. So go check that out. It's a wonderful, wonderful stream. They did a great job. Everyone online has been saying it's actually the best our live stream has ever looked. So thanks to Kizweed for that. Also,

We have, you know, we have a little bit of a break before we go back out on the road. But then in March, we're doing, we're going bonkers. Okay. We're going to Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Toronto, Charlotte, Atlanta, DC, and Philadelphia, home of, home of the Superbowl winning Eagles. So maybe Saquon Barkley will come to our show. Who knows? You never know. Um,

um either way uh that probably will not happen but you can come to our show and we will have a great time so watch crappens.com for all those tickets and then of course patreon you can watch us on video hello people on video crap is on demand and bonus episodes of the traders which who doesn't love the traders

Anything I missed, Ronnie? Did I get it all? No. Your neck looks so strong. Does it? I can tell. Yeah. You have like cartoonishly strong neck. Wait, let me move this. No. This? You know why? Yeah, it looks good. It looks so toned and strong. It's only because this t-shirt is like, I actually sewed this t-shirt and I stretched the neck by accident when I was sewing it. So I think it makes everything look kind of like...

Oh my God, make me one. You look like Gaston. Or Gastone, as they would say on Southern Charm. Oh my God, this does look really good now that I see it. Yeah, it looks good. Yeah, you go, boy. Hey, bro. I got a defined neck. I can hug you. By the way, Summer House is returning this week, so excited to see you. Summer House is coming back, and guess what? The Denise Richards show is coming up soon. So, boom!

Oh yeah. I forgot about that. It's going to be good. All right. Let's get to below deck down under. Now this is one of those episodes where you just, you have to remind yourself, this takes a few episodes, right? I don't know who these people are.

Who are these people? What are they talking about? Why aren't there crazy people? Also below deck down under, I feel I'm just going to say it guys. It's maybe controversial. Just kidding. It's not at all. I think below deck, deck down under should stay on small boats. And I think below deck sailings should stay on small boat. And I think the other one should have bigger boats. I like below deck down under smaller. I don't like this big production on below deck. I like it smaller and crazier.

I like, you know, I never thought about that. I do like the idea that below classic blow deck should have the biggest boat, but I don't know. Blow deck down under has been so good. I think they've deserved a big, I think they've earned their big boat. So I'm actually okay with it. Um,

Um, I love the addition of a sous chef like that. Every time we go to a scene down in the kitchen, it is just so awkward for like, I cringe, like it's giving me a different energy than I've had on below deck before. Like normally it's always like, Oh, do your job or, Oh my God, you're a bad leader. But like the chef and sous chef situation going on, I just am like, I, I just tense up every time we go to that. And I really liked that. That's a nice touch for me. Yeah. I like it too.

I just wanted to be on a smaller boat because I like more of a fly-by-night operation on these shows, you know, kind of making it up. It's more community theater vibes. Would you have preferred this to have been on a boat that used to be a Japanese trawler back in the 70s? Yeah, you see? There, that's classic.

Now, by the way, I have to give a shout out because we often talk about the turtle that they show, they cut to inevitably on this show. They do a lot of marine life on Down Under. You know what? I think we have a new star. I'm not saying it's replacing people. I know who you're talking about. You know? Yes. It's the Moray eel. I'm not going to steal it from you. It's the eel. It's the fucking eel. You guys, that is the cutest eel I've ever seen. Like, I've never wanted to hug an eel before, but I totally want to hug an eel. He is so cute. That's cute.

And he is fabulous, too. When he—that extended shot of him coming out of his hole and just going up, just rising up, you know, I was like— Slowly, he's like taking his time, and like— They had one where he was like in a sitcom from the 80s where they were like, "Neil, it's your turn," and then he just like turned to the camera and he's like— He did. His mouth was open, he was like—

He's like the Rip Taylor of eels. You know, he's like, hi. Guys, that is the cutest thing. And then do you know how sometimes I feel like I'm psychic? And so like, I'm always looking for signs and stuff. Ben knows this. I'm ridiculous with it.

But this was one of those moments. And also I'm reading a Western right now that's so brutal, like everybody just dies. And so it makes you think about like, how will I die? And so I saw that eel and I was like, you know, one of my fears used to be getting eaten by eels. I would love to get eaten by this eel. So I imagined myself just getting eaten by this eel. And I was just like giggling the whole time. Cause he's just so cute while he eats me.

Yeah, it's got these, if I remember correctly, it sort of had some spots. I mean, it was just like a classic Moray eel and just, you know, it had that like Mr. Roper face, but somehow it's like cute in this context and yeah.

He did have Mr. No, you know what? He didn't... I was gonna say Mr. Furley, but you're right, it was Mr. Roper. Mr. Roper. That little smi- oh my god. He totally has Mr. Roper face. We have to find pictures of him. Maybe he is... you know, he's not Rip Taylor. He's honestly just Rip... he's just Stanley. He's Mr. Stanley Roper. Stanley Roper, yeah. Stanley! And the turtle can be Mrs. Roper, you know. Oh, yeah!

Oh yeah. Then we have to figure out who, who the rest of the cast is. Well, that may be a season endeavor. I don't know. No one's really made a splash. Like there was a parrot fish that had like a moment, but only cause it was called out. Someone was like, there's a parrot fish. So of course, you know who I'm sick of the fucking drama queen, uh,

Stingrays. The Stingrays are everywhere. And they're such, you know, like you murdered Steve Irwin. Like I can't. Yeah. And like, I'm not going to like come to this show where we're glamorizing Stingrays. Okay. I'm not going to have it. They really are just, you know what? The Stingrays are kind of like Larry on Three's Company. They are. They're just always coming in uninvited. They're always around. But like never really adding to the entertainment value of the show.

It's like, go back to the legal ego. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are we going to really start this off with some Larry slander? Larry was amazing. What are you talking about? You love Larry? I love Larry. Yeah. Really? I always, I love Larry. He was like fine, but like he was no Janet. He was no Chrissy. He was no Terry.

No, here's why Larry was great. Because he wasn't fine at all, but in his mind he was so fine. And he was all about picking up the chicks, and his shirt was always unbuttoned down to his belly button. But he was gross. He's just so gross. And I think that that's the first time I really understood. Because I was a little kid when that came out, and that was the first time I really ever understood the concept of even ugly...

straight white guys fail upward just because of confidence. I never really learned confidence, but still it was always a goal because of you, Larry.

Larry really proved a lot of things to us. He taught us a lot of things. Did they go to the legal Eagle or was it the legal Beagle? By the way, I said legal Eagle. I think the Regal Beagle, the Regal Beagle. How dare you? But Legal Eagle was a movie with Deborah Winger. Thank you. That's right. Yeah. From roughly the same era, a little bit after, but okay. Thank you. Yeah. So by the way, if you're driving in your car right now and you're wondering, why am I listening to this? Here's your answer. I don't know.

Okay, so let's start. We start with Serena, who's downstairs with her sous chef, Anthony.

And Anthony has just basically told her off in his way. He's like, we could be working harder together. We could be working harder together. And she's like, okay, well, do you want to be more involved in stuff? And he's like, yeah, for sure. She's like, okay, well, would you be excited if you got to go and do the beach lunch today? How would that sound for you? And she's really leaning into her Ruth Buzzy face. Have you noticed? Yeah.

Yeah. You know, that's like, I want her to like beat him over the head with a purse. Yeah. You know what? That is how, how have we never observed that she really is just Ruth Buzzi. Like this really is an episode of seventies stars, isn't it? Like who? So we're going to build some old man talking old men, old men talking about below deck.

It's our new era. We're just old bastards. Who here is Maureen Stapleton? Yeah. So...

He's like, "Okay, I can do it." And then I can just crack on. He's like, "Okay, okay, fine." So then the skeevy guest, all these guests are like old dudes with young, hot women. A couple of them still maintain their same age wives, but you know they're on their way out. I feel bad. There's one woman who I'm like, "You're way too old for that guy. He's about to cut you and go switch you out for a 25-year-old who likes anal beads. Sorry." It's just how it happens.

Yeah, these were some definitely some trashy people. So this guy's like, well, you know, you're going to go fuck right here. And she's like, oh, my God, you have your microphone on. He's like, yeah, it's raw. I don't care how many cameras are looking. I'm like, well, we don't want to see that. And thankfully, we didn't actually have to. I know, but that's why he's there. It's like he paid to go on a TV boat to prove to the world that his wiener still works. And if it worked that well, you wouldn't need that many toys. Or steroids. Pointing out the obvious. Hey, wait a minute.

No, that guy's definitely on steroids. Hey, I put testosterone in my butt. Oh, I mean, I'll tell you what. It doesn't do anything. I mean, I maybe get two more boners a month. I don't know what everybody's on about putting testosterone in your butt. That didn't make me any manlier.

I just love that ever since we went to London, you've come back and you always say, I don't know what they're on about. It's like this funny little Britishism that you say quite a bit, actually. I remember I said that before.

maybe you did, but I just only have noticed it relatively recently that you'll be like, and what is she on about? Well, I think I've said it a long time because I was raised in my adulthood, my young adulthood by absolutely fabulous. So that came a long time before, but yeah, I don't know what they're on about with that testosterone in your butt. Cause everyone's like, Oh my God, you're going to feel like such a man. It's going to change your life. It didn't do shit. Now, granted making me feel like a man is a tall order. I have

say. I think they're only legally allowed to put so much inside of me. But I got it tested and they were like, "Well, your testosterone is normal." And I was like, "But why do I still just want to, I don't know, cry to commercials and not get wieners?" And they're like, "I don't know. We can't help you. You're beyond our help, sir."

Some things testosterone can't fix, you know? So then Harry is, he's with Brianna. Brianna's the, I think the girl from New Jersey, the redhead. And he's like, let's make some beds. And she's like, all right, bed making 101 on Superyacht. And he's like, is this the butt plug room? And she's like, no, no, no, it isn't. And he's like, good, because I need gloves in that room. I'm not touching anything in that room. Loosen up a little, Harry.

Literally. Yeah, come on. Get out of those budgie smugglers and put on some boxers. Loosen up. Yeah, you're like 22 and you're skinny. You should be trying more things.

Yeah. So meanwhile, Anthony is talking about making crew lunch and doing he wants to make focaccia sandwiches. And Zarina's like, no bread like that. He's like, no focaccia. She's like, no, Jason wants like fresh fish and salads and stuff like that. And he's like, all right, fine, whatever. He like clearly wanted to make a splash with focaccia.

Yeah, he was like, "This is my big moment to show off my focaccia skills." And she shot that right down. So she's like, "I know where you're coming from! Really, I do! I'm so sorry about that, just no focaccia!" And he's like, "Okay, so you're not gonna do any prep up at all for this barbecue?" She's like, "No, no, I'm gonna help you. Anything you need. I'm just not going to the beach." And he goes, "What's your position in it? To make the crew food?"

Excuse you. You just asked for more responsibility and the second she gave it to you, look how you act. You act like she's like sloughing off and giving you her fucking work. You're a little shithead. Yeah, see, I mean, you're a little backbiting shithead, Anthony. He is because like he was right. He was not being utilized properly last episode. But now she's like, okay, well...

You can go and cook for the guests on the beach. And now all of a sudden he's like, well, that's your job. I mean, get over yourself. So she's like, she's like, I'm not making you do my job at all. I asked if you'd like it. He goes, no, I'm happy to. I actually love to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, no, if you'd like to go to the beach, but I'm not, if you'd like to go to the beach, they go to the beach, but I'm not going to cook for or anything like that. I was going to completely prepare you and send you on your way. And then like, I want you to come and have some fun. She's basically like, I, I,

I'm still going to do the cooking. You're going to execute it. So relax. Yeah. And she's like, I'm not making you do my job. Don't worry. And he tells us, well, I'm not trying to attack Serena here. But suddenly I'm going from being a dishwasher to doing beach canapes. It's a bit weird. You ask for more and she's giving you more. Stop your bitching. I mean, talk about somebody with too much testosterone up their butt. I know. This one.

Fragile man, really. Like, I knew the moment that this guy walked in talking about, oh, he's worked under a Michelin star person, and then seeing that he has to, like, you know, cook under a woman who is not a Michelin star, I knew he was going to have a problem. Oh, God. Do you know how many talented people I've worked under? Yeah. Yeah. Many. Many. Like... A hot beef injection does not a Nobel Peace Prize win, okay, sir? Yes.

So she's like, I'm just giving you this opportunity. So don't stomp around in my galley like a three-year-old. All right? So then Jason is looking for Lara, but she's changing. And she's going to be with the guests. And so Serena checks with Lara, who is still crying. Okay, they show Lara crying in this scene.

It's like a 20 minute segment of Laura crying. Laura, you are not cut out for this if you are gonna cry for 20 damn minutes. There is no crying in Chief Stewing, ma'am, okay? Yeah, I- If you're gonna cry, make it quick. Fucking A, man. This is too long. Do you know how much- there's only been one episode. How did they even have that much to edit in of her reasons for crying?

Yeah, I'm surprised because I remember on Classic Blow Deck, there was that one stew. I forget her name. Was it like Claire or Agnes or something like that? She was on for like, she was right after Kate left, whatever her name was.

and she there was like a horrific first charter the guests were terrible and then she had totally inept stews she had that stew that's created mustard gas what that one episode so like and i remember she just broke after that first episode she started crying yeah but like i didn't feel like there was there was definitely chaos happening last episode for sure there was timing issues and going up and down those stairs etc i did not think it was like a

a sob worthy moment, but she sobbed and they made it dramatic. They made like the sound of her heartbeat and they're like, oh my God, Lara, Lara, all the pressures on Lara. And then Zarina comes in and just was like, oh, you cry. They even showed her, but they even showed like one of the memories was like,

She's sobbing because she didn't know to have spoons. And then Serena said, could you put spoons on a tray and take them down? And she's like, that's not fine dining. And that was one of her reasons for the breakdown. I was dying watching that. I thought it was so good. You know, all she needs is to go to a Starbucks with a supportive barista who puts things like this on their cup. You rock. Yeah. You rock. I saw that and I was like, thanks.

That was so nice. Did you tell them your name is Urock, though? You're like, my name is Urock. You're like... You kind of like... No, but they accidentally... Their printer was broken, and so they printed

printed me twice and they made me two of the same drink. And I was like, oh, I didn't order two. And she said, well, it's your lucky day because our printer broke. So you get two. And so I was like, oh, so I took them, you know, because I don't piss on manna from heaven. I put it in my knapsack. And so I took it. And then I noticed this one said you rock. And then I was like, oh my gosh, I wonder if the other one says something. And the other one said, you're so special. And I was like, you know what? I feel less special now that you're just writing this on every cup. You know what I mean?

The fuck? Thanks a lot for making me just feel like some John, some random John. I know. It's like too much praise, actually. Too much praise for a fragile gay, fragile gay, you know, ego, you know, like we can't take too much. Yeah. We only take so much before we're like, that's, no, we're not special anymore. By the way, that being said, Lara crying was a disappointment. But other than that, I actually really like Lara a lot because she,

She is a perfectionist. And I love a chief stew who's a perfectionist because A, they're more neurotic. And B, I love when they are usually means that they're meaner to their their stews. And we see a little bit of it later today, which is like, that's not how it's done in yachting. And I was like, oh, I love that passive aggression. So so far, like, I'm actually pretty pro-Lara.

Well, the thing is, people who talk about how much of a perfectionist they are are always fucking things up. Have you noticed that? There's never someone who's like, I'm such a perfectionist. This actually looks perfect. They're always fucking up. And that's why I like it. Also, I like her because she has very insecure eyebrows. And what I mean by that is she does the thing where you like put them on with a magic marker, but they're not quite right. And so now she's stuck with them.

And I think that your eyebrows say a lot about you. And I think she's got very terrified eyebrows. So I'm all for her. Also, she has disdain on her face at all times. And that's really my number one qualifying, you know, like characteristic for me to really enjoy you as a chief stew. Disdain. Yeah, we love some disdain. Yeah, for sure. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Thumbtack presents the ins and outs of caring for your home.

Ready to electrify your drive? Hyundai's cutting-edge EV lineup is

is about to change everything you thought you knew about electric vehicles. Prepare to be captivated by a range that's as bold as it is brilliant. From the lightning-fast IONIQ 5 and IONIQ 6, charging from 10 to 80% in a mere 18 minutes, to the tech-packed cabins boasting highway driving assist and blind-spot collision warning,

Hyundai EVs are redefining the electric experience. And with America's best warranty, including a 10-year, 100,000-mile limited electric battery warranty, you'll drive with unmatched confidence. Hyundai's EVs aren't just the future. They're the now you've been waiting for. Learn more about Hyundai's EVs at HyundaiUSA.com. Call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

So we get Laura's monologue, and guess what, you guys? You're going to be shocked. So she's like, I'm a bit hard on myself, a bit too much of a perfectionist. And I think it maybe comes from, wait for it.

Trying to impress my dad. Oh, for fuck's sake. Dad's out there, could you do better? I mean, Jesus Christ, bad fathers are like a factory for reality stars. Like, they just pump out so many bad, I mean, so many neurotic reality stars. Get it together, dads! Now I know why she was crying, 'cause like, cut to a flashback, Hope Float style, where she's like, "Daddy, Daddy, I brought you a fork and a knife."

I needed a spoon. That's it. I'm leaving you and your mother. And she's just standing on the street as the car drives away like, Daddy! Daddy! I want a spoon! And then you just see something fly out the side window and hit her on the forehead and it clinks to the ground and it's a spoon. I thought I could get over that trauma, but I just relive it every charter. Yeah.

So, she talks about how her parents divorced when she was three, and her dad remarried, and this lady already had three children.

And she's like, you know, he basically found a replacement family and dumped us, which is so sad. But you're also entering onto Below Deck where they're going to dump you and get a new chief stew next year, too. So it's like, I don't know, stop the cycle. You know what I mean? Yeah. She's gone from an impermanent family situation to an impermanent land situation. Now she's just always out in the world. Yeah.

So, uh, there with a Sharpie, just trying to do her eyebrows once every six months and fucking it up by a couple of inches. And then Saul goes to hell after that. So Zarina is in there right now. Cause she actually wants to go to the bathroom, but now she's consoling Lara and Lara's like my post-it standards are dropping. And I hate that. I mean, that's, what's kidding me because I've worked so hard to get to where I am, but who knew sauces need spoons. Oh God. I'll never get it right.

So Serena comes in and she just hugs her, you know, and I think that's a sweet friend who doesn't hug her. I'm not a good friend because I would be hugging you going, that's okay. Just remember a spoon next time. Just remember a spoon. Like I'd still be kind of sticking it in there. But Serena doesn't. She just hugs her and stays quiet.

Yeah. Well, I did like, she had like a tray or something and she just starts to fan. She fans Laura. Like, all right, let's, let's fan these tears away. No need to cry over the fact that you forgot to put out a spoon. Only one of the most basic utensils out there. Okay. I'm going to go to the bathroom. Oh, you just went in the bathroom before me. Great. Great. Yeah.

So then Harry is working on cabins a lot, which is nice. And I think he's flirting with Brianna. So then he goes to the beach with Whee-Hun. And Harry's like, so, organized chaos. It's all right. Everything's all right. And he's like, what did you have to do this morning? Pins. Pins. I did pins. It was so amazing. I never got to the butt plug room, though. God, I hope I don't have to go there. I feel myself clenching in anticipation. Yeah.

And then we, Hannah's like, well, I'm so glad that you can take initiative and do your thing. Cause Laura's really stressed. I'm like, wow, is this a boson? Who's like happy that someone from the deck crew, like actually helped out the interior. This doesn't make sense. He's never going to last. Oh, but he's a guy from beefcakes. The most sensitive guys in the world. That's my favorite thing. I forgot that he used to work at a place called beefcakes.

So then Serena is talking to Sue Anthony and she's like, well, I think we should do all the salads as raw and fresh and light. And he's like, perfect, perfect. I mean, it's quite a bit fat on there, isn't it? You know, you're prepping some steaks there. It looks like quite a bit fat. So way to go against your own rules. Yeah.

He's like, "Alright, I'll just do it on the barbecue." So then, Lara goes to the beach with Anne Marina serving the guests before they go. And so, Jassy, who is one of the guests, is like, "Hey, so you're experienced on yachts?" And now, ladies and gentlemen, act two!

of the below deck childhood trauma olympics begins it's an olympics game that's also a performance so it's act two of the olympics so marina is like yes i've been working three and a half years now in the industry and i'm working to become a chief stew like the chief of the department it's a gorgeous place so it's not so bad honestly and now she tells the story of life in the favela

Yeah, so she wants to make her family's life easier because she grew up in a very humble house and they always lived rent by rent. And when they couldn't afford the rent, they would go to the next place to rent. And it was tough. Grandpa was in a wheelchair because he had a disease. The dad left. So grandma had to work two or three jobs. She took care of the whole family. And then we see and then she says her, her mom and 13 cousins. I mean, that's crazy. Y'all get a job.

Why is the grandma doing it? Jesus Christ. And they show her mom, her mom looks perfectly fine. What was her mom doing? You know? Also, like wear a condom. I'm just gonna put that out there. That's a lot of kids for grandma to have to support. Okay. Sorry. It's just a lot. Poor grandma, man. And, but this is really sweet because she just wants to save up her money to get grandma a house.

Well, I hope that you know that you're the person who gets all the grandma's money because that would suck if you did that and then your grandma left everything to your mom who wouldn't even get a job to support her, according to you. I'm worried that Marina's going to get fucked over by her grandma. I know the grandma's supposed to be the hero of the story, but I'm like, Marina, she's fucking you over. It's all a trick. Marina, run!

I would love it if this entire story were false. Like Marina, we're just like a huge liar and had this story about like, like grandma, my 13 cousins, then grandma had to do it all. Grandpa was in the wheelchair. And then it turns out she's from like Costa Mesa. Orange. Yeah. Yeah. She's like from a really rich single dad in Costa Mesa. She's fine. She's fine. So then, yeah, she's just a huge grifter. I would love that.

But I like that she's a small-time grifter, because she's like, I'm going to grift my way up the yachting hierarchy. Yes. So we have two cliches so far, which is, we have the, I'm a yachtie because daddy left. And we have a, I'm a yachtie because I just want to get a house for my mom or my grandma. So those are like two standard ones. And because dad left. And because dad left. And daddy left. Not to be mean about that, but it is part of both stories. Yeah. I mean, look.

It's just what it is in yachting. And of course we're waiting for our trifecta, which as we know will be inevitably a child in Florida somewhere. Or Alaska. Can't wait to see who it is. Who has a child? - Somebody has a child somewhere, yeah. For sure. Do you think it's Vian? - I'm doing it all for my child. - Vian? - Yeah. - Do you think it's Vian? - I'm gonna say Vian. Vian has a child somewhere and he's doing this all for his child.

Yeah, he has, like, "sad I miss my child" face, for sure. He's got, like, kind of a sadness in his eyes, like, "I have a daughter somewhere, and I'm ignoring her right now, which means she'll grow up to be a Chief Stew wannabe." Dun dun dun! The cycle! Below deck! The cycle continues. Alright, so Harry is talking to Lara, and he's like, "How's the interior?" And she's like, "Oh, I mean, they're really good." And he goes, "Okay, well, who's first and who's second? Give me the tea, girl."

And she's like, well, I haven't appointed anyone yet. But Marina definitely does have more experience because it's a small team and she also has a grandma story. So, but I don't know. I don't want to become, you know. Hierarchy.

Yeah, and how about the chicas? How are you feeling about the chicas, Harry? That's girls, Harry. I know you're looking at me with strange eyes. Girls. It means girls. I don't know. We'll see. It's too early. You need to talk to them properly, you know? Get to know the ins, the outs, the wants, the needs sort of thing.

Yeah, probably is not. Poor Harry. Yeah, poor Harry. Harry doesn't have any game. He hooked up with someone last time, right? But didn't he cry a lot? I felt like Harry cried in bed a lot. He tried with Margot, you know? And he was like, really, he was crushing on Margot. And they sort of had a thing, but she wasn't really feeling it. Yeah, he's in a red zone. That's going to be Harry's journey in life. So then now the food is...

uh, the food is going on to the tender or whatever. And we, Han is, is it, we had our V hand V Han V and I'm like V hand.

Vian is talking about steak and everything and they're talking about stuff, food and steak and beach picnics and stuff. And then Johnny is saying, Johnny is the guy from Greece and he's like, first impressions matter most and mine, it was not so good. But I want to show the rest of the team my leadership and I'll be the lead deckhand of boat of Katina. So,

I don't know. You know what? I kind of like Johnny this episode. Last episode, I was like, fuck this guy, this arrogant motherfucker saying he's the lead deck. And what a fucking asshole. But now he's like humbled and now he's kind of sweet and I like him again. And by again, I mean, first time.

Yeah, he's cute. I feel like he's just a road rage person. He's the kind of person you just don't want to cut off on accident. You know what I mean? Like he'll follow you to the marshals and threaten to beat the shit out of you. He's just that guy. He's clearly toxic, but I'm kind of beguiled by him this episode for no good reason. Yeah, but so are cigarettes. And I love, you know, I love those things. I love a lot of toxic things. So bring it on. So Laura is like...

Wait, who's Lara? Hold on, let me think. Oh, Lara's the future. So she's talking about meat. She's talking about meat with Anthony, the sous chef. And she's like, so the meat is ready. I mean, the meat's going to be ready when they're ready. And he's like, yeah, just sitting here. It's cooking through pretty quick. So yeah, I know what I'm doing. You know, I've worked under lots of big people. You know, I've got a butt tattoo that says Emeril on it. So make of that what you will.

So she's like, "Okay, well, what's, and what is this cut?" "Lamb chop." She's like, "Oh, okay." So she serves it and a strawberry balsamic salad and lamb and salmon, whatever. And so Anthony is telling us, "I've always been a bit of a food snob. When I was growing up, my mom would cook a big meal and I'd be like, 'This is delicious,' but maybe a little bit more seasoning there." So you were a little prick. You were a little- You're a little asshole. Asshole. That's what you were. Piece of shit. Little brat. You would have been an orphan if I was your mother.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, I do think me and Zarina have different approaches to being a yacht chef. I mean, hers may be a bit more chaotic, mine may be a bit more structured and rigid, but my meticulous nature just comes from being passionate about food. Like, something's not right, I'll remember that, and I'll put it back in my head so you know that there's something really satisfying about, like, serving something perfectly seasoned, like a perfectly balanced, beautiful-looking dish, you know? Like, okay. Yes, we like our perfectly seasoned food, but, like, please don't make that your personality. Yeah.

Yeah, also, just like make my steak. You know what I mean? Yeah, just make the steak. Just do it. Yeah, get off the toe shoes. Like, for fuck's sake. And also, if ever I want to hear a backstory, it's his mother's. I want to hear his mother's. Like, here I was, working 30 jobs just to make him happy. And I'd make him a potato and he'd say, wench, this is unacceptable. Throw it against my face and then make me start all over again. To this day, I still don't know how to make a proper bag potato. Woo!

And by the way, you don't win an award because you like your food seasoned. Okay, congratulations. It's called being a human being. Wow, you like salt. I know. Ever since I was a little kid, I always liked my food to be properly seasoned. Really? Wow. What an innovation. You know what? I don't want my food to be properly seasoned. I don't like that. That's amazing that you like that. Can I just tell you something? I'm so sorry that I keep bringing up this stupid Western that I'm reading.

It is so dark, Ben. Yes. Here's what happens. Okay. It's just so brutal. Every page is like them getting into some skirmish and everybody dying. Okay. That's the whole thing. It's a Western. So they're like the enemy started a fire and burned all of our people. And all of our people were trying to jump over a cliff to not die from the fire. And basically I didn't jump over the cliff, but I hung onto a tree or something. So I didn't die. But then when I got back up, there was a horse and it was fried. So I ate it.

I just chopped into it and I started eating the horse. That's the whole thing. They just keep going through and just like something and just biting right into it. So when I hear this guy, I'm like, wow. So when we get to this, I'm like, wow, we're so lucky that we have salt. I know we really are lucky. I mean, salt's been around for a while because you could just go to the ocean. I think they had salt too, but I don't think they always had it on them. Like they didn't have a dough. You know what I mean?

Right, they definitely didn't have salt readily available. If you were in the middle of the country, if you were in Lonesome Dove land, which I assume is somewhere between Texas and Montana, isn't that the whole story that they're... Well, this one's Texas and Mexico, but yeah. Oh, I thought they were in Montana. I'm reading the whole four book thing. So it started in Texas and they're on their way to Mexico. I thought it was one book. That's a lot of doves. Not so lonesome anymore. It's a lot.

I read for like three hours and then it's like, you're 1% of this book. I'm like, oh my God, I can't take it. This is too brutal, but I can't put it down. You're reading it on the plane and I looked over to look at the page because I was curious to see what like...

a slice of lonesome dove was like and it was like there was some guy who had like two names it was like bo's dexter or something like that do you know what i'm talking about it was like bo's or dart bo's bo bo bo it was like bo dean bo dean said we gotta go yonder and then it was like and then muriel said but what about what about the the fried horse or whatever and i was like a fried horse

Was there someone named Bowdine? Bow something? No. There's someone named Call. And there's someone named Bigfoot. Yes. I saw a lot of Call. And there's like Longface Bill and Bigfoot Bob or something. There was definitely someone who had two names. And then there's Matilda the Whore. Matilda the Whore is my favorite because she just like... Her opening scene, they basically take a hooker around with them so that they have somebody to please them or whatever while they're, you know...

And Matilda is like a big girl and her first scene is just being naked in the river and she catches a snapping turtle and stabs it and eats it for breakfast. And I was like, that's my favorite kind of horror. A turtle, a turtle catching, snapping turtle catching horror. And let me tell you, I'm a thousand pages in and Matilda's still with us. So that's great. She made it longer than anybody else. And guess who didn't talk about any daddy issues? Matilda. Just a turtle by the tail.

Yeah, I guess you didn't complain about seasoning until you eat that snapping turtle. I want to tell you something. Listen, if you're going to take on a snapping turtle, that is impressive because those things, they will bite your fingers off. Yeah, they're monsters. Anyway, I'm sorry to go into Lonesome Dove, you guys. My point was seasoning. We should be grateful. So shut up. Shut up, Sea Chef. That's my point. Okay, so then Jason checks on Serena and she, you know, he's like, how you doing? How's this going?

shot of going for you. And I like that she tries not to throw that little shit head under the bus because she totally could have. And she didn't, she was like, you know, I mean, he's great. He's great. Let me tell you, he's fantastic. The only thing is I'm obviously just so blunt that maybe sometimes when I say stuff, he thinks like it's a confrontation and it's not really a confrontation. So Jason is seeing this as like, well, she's difficult. And she makes her own problems. So I gave her a sous chef this year. So good luck.

Yeah, exactly. And she's like, whatever. I mean, like, it just seems, you know, I mean, it's going to be difficult, especially because, you know, I look like this. So obviously it's distracting. And Jason's like, uh-huh. All right, we're still doing those jokes. Okay, got it. So now the guests come back from their beach thing because they're going to go on a submarine tour on an adorable, smiling red submarine that's so cute on the top and then down on the bottom is basically like...

a coffin but that's okay so um Marina is saying um you know when your boss allows you to go on excursions with the guests sometimes this is a real test to see if you can handle about going above and beyond and you know I want to be Lars Lara's right hand so uh I'm going to be here for whatever she needs just like grandma and I will not be able to sleep take a shower or eat but Yolo at least I get to go on tiny tiny cramped submarine excited for that I guess

So then Vian is talking about how he wants his deck team rested. And yesterday was a massive day. First day of charter, working in the sun all day. However, I understand where Jason is coming from. Jason can be rest assured this won't be happening again. By the end of the season, we're going to be best friends. Beefcake to beefcake. Oh, wow. Vian seems like...

pretty good manager so far. I'm like, like he's, he's like, nice. He's happy when his team helps out at the interior. He wants to make sure they're rested. Now he's like, Oh, I will never make this mistake again. And we're, I'm going to work on our friendship. Yeah. Now what mistake did he make? He, um, the guy floated away without a radio. No, but he, he had his crew sleep in a little bit instead of being up. And so that was, Oh, okay.

So he'll be awful. I know we'll see some side. I'm just enjoying him now while we still think he's nice. So then Zarina's asking Anthony about the beach and he says that they seem happy. And she says, all right, well, the menu for tonight is cowboys and cowgirls hoedown, Lonesome Dove style. And there's going to be a beef chili, a vegan chili, a jacket potatoes, a snapping turtle and a lobster platter. Yeah.

Yeah. And he's like, well, wait a minute. How does lobster come in? And she's like, because they want surf and turf. You know? And he goes, oh, surf and turf. Okay, fine. Fine then. She's like, it's a surf and turf hoedown. Lighten up. He goes, oh, okay. So that's surf and turf then. Ho, ho, ho, ah, ah. And then she's like, yeah, I mean, like, duh. If I'm having a hoedown, I always want my surf and turf. I don't know what you do. She's like trying to make jokes and trying to like kind of...

you know, be like funny or whatever. And he's like, uh-huh. He's like, he's kind of trying to banter with her. But also like what sucks is that you can see like,

Honestly, a male chef would not have to make this banter to try to win over the sous chef. The male chef would be like, just do this. But this is what sucks. I am getting on a soapbox because I do think it's much harder for women in cooking and restaurants. And it's fucked up. It's bullshit. He should just be giving her respect because she's his boss and that's it. She shouldn't have to be sitting here trying to endear herself to him.

Right. But I think that's the thing. Cause you, you said like a male chef wouldn't do that. No, a male chef would have no problem being a hard ass and saying, this is your job. Shut the fuck up. I didn't ask your opinion, fucking do it. And I think she feels the need to placate him and be nice to him. And that's where it's like, he, he doesn't, he doesn't understand that kind of power dynamic and he's going to take advantage of it. He's going to run all over her. Yeah. He's going to run right over her for being like that. You know, you can't be like that. You have to,

Beat them into submission, girl. Beat them into submission. You sign up for something. Forget about it after the trial period ends. Then you're charged. Month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact, 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month.

Thanks to Rocket Money, you can see all your subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones you're not using anymore. Now, boom, you're saving more money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash wondery today. That's rocketmoney.com slash wondery. rocketmoney.com slash wondery.

Behind the delivery trucks that keep your life stocked, thousands of employees at BP go to work every day. People bringing a new offshore production platform online. People making our refineries capable of more, like making renewable diesel from agricultural waste. People trading and shipping fuels to our customers.

and people helping truckers fill up and get maintenance at our convenient locations. They're part of the more than 300,000 jobs BP supports across the country. Learn more at bp.com slash investing in America.

So now they get on the submarine and Marina falls asleep in the submarine, which is kind of funny. And they like wake her up like the guys like, hey, hey, hey, sorry, wake up. By the way, whether we're there or not, Dino's at eight o'clock. Is that okay? Because like we want we want to have dinner at eight o'clock no matter what. Because this guy Blair is like a real hard ass about timing because he was really upset the other day when like he told them 830 in the morning for breakfast. But then he got up there at eight and breakfast wasn't ready. Then he got pissed about it.

Which was his fucking fault too. His fucking fault. No, because that's not, wasn't it something that he said he wanted breakfast at 8:30, but then he got up there at eight and it wasn't ready. So he was all mad. Yeah. Is that what you said? He was all mad. So this guy's such an asshole. So also what's funny is Marina just gave us that speech of like, I do this, I do that. I do this, I do that. I don't stop. YOLO. You only live once. I'm going to do everything. And then she sleeps. She falls asleep immediately after the monologue.

So this is a weird plot point because now he's like, whether we're there or not, dinner needs to be there at eight o'clock on the dot. And she's like, okay. Then he's like, so you need to tell the chef dinner has to be at eight o'clock on the dot. Do you get it? Whether we're there or not. And she's like, okay, well, that's crazy. She can't do that.

It's stupid. What a stupid person to replace that. You were the one who fucked up the time in the first place, butt plug. Like it should be dinner is served when you all get there. Don't yell at the staff, yell at your friends to get ready.

So then, meanwhile, back in the galley, Anthony's asking what he wants, like, what he should do. And Zarina's telling him to prep the lobster tail. And she's like, so what were you like as a kid? He's like, oh, you know, just like chilled. You know what I mean? I was throwing mother's baked potatoes out into garbage because they had no seasoning. I was pretty chill. Unfortunately, I had to recook everything that was ever served to me. So that took most of my time.

And she's like, "So, no getting arrested?" Or, "What kind of chef are you?" You know, "Do you have any tattoos symbolising your heroin addiction?" And he's like, "No." I'm just trying to give you an opportunity to say, "Oh yeah, I used to be on drugs and cooking saved my life. I used to live in the gutter and I would have been dead by now had I not discovered cooking, blah blah blah blah blah. Standard chef mind-log. Come on, it's your moment." Do you have a child that you're deadbeating somewhere? I mean, come on then.

He's like, nope, nope, nothing, nothing, just a good person. And she's like, God, fucking Al Manitons coming out in the police cars, freeze the taxi. It was ridiculous for me. And he's like, disgusting. He's like, whore.

So then, uh, Lara is talking to Adair. Cause I forgot that Adair A existed and B is a deck stew. So Lara's like, all right, tonight for the theme, I'm going to leave the entertainment up to you guys. If that's good. Cause you're American. And I don't understand this cowboys and cowgirls thing. As far as I know, back in England, what we have instead are crumpets and clotted cream. And that is our theme for our special events. So please you take over.

And then Tara's like, oh, okay, lasso. I'll do that. And then I can teach him a little dance. I just need him to be able to get in line and count to eight. She goes, well, that,

That's expecting a lot, but good luck to you. I don't know what any of this means, but you just do that American thing. Yeah. So then Brianna, Harry's helping Brianna again and she's like, actually, I'm quite impressed with your stew skills, Harry. He's like, oh, really? That's amazing. I've cleaned bathrooms on boats before, you know, I've got lots of experience.

Yeah. And she thinks she likes him. She's like, oh, do you have a home base? She's like, do you have a home base or are you just like boat to boat? He's like, nah, no home base. She's like, oh, that's cool. She says, I like Harry. He's a positive energy. I think he's so sweet. We're going to be best friends. I was like, damn, he's already been friend zoned. Already friend zoned. The flirtation hasn't even started yet.

Yeah. And he's like, breathe way above my leg. I look at girls like that and I'm like, not even worth trying. Not even worth trying. And yet here you are making your ninth bed of the day. Oh, poor Harry. Bless his heart.

bless his friend zoned heart so um now they come back from the sub and they're gonna take a nap and everything and then marina goes up and tells lara that the guests are very adamant that they want everything on the table before eight o'clock it doesn't matter who is there they're going to start eating so eight o'clock and so zarina's like okay fine and then i guess i guess marina told uh zarina that and then lara is um uh

Speaking to Johnny. Who's Johnny again? I'm blanking out. Oh, Johnny, Greek. Johnny the Greek. Johnny the Greek. So she's asking if he's, she's like, are you free? What are you doing? He's like, free like relationship or free for your time? She's asking to get into a relationship with you right now. Yeah, Johnny, she wants you. She's like, no, please hang these decorations, you idiot.

So Serena's like, for this dinner, I just think rustic hay bales, greasy hands, smoky flavours. Prior to this charter season, I was in Arizona, so I know what to do. They cooked all sorts of meat. You know, there's baked potatoes, corn, slaw. I mean, literally served on wood. It was like eating a trough or something. I just felt very cowgirl. Eating with your hands and the dirt, you know. Mm-hmm.

And then it's very like lonesome dove, you know, fried horse, snapping turtle puree soup, horse serving food naked. So she's like, so Anthony, we have to explain the dishes. Would you like to come up with me? And he's like, I don't mind. You can go. I'll come up at the end. Oh, really? You want to come up at the end and act like the fucking chef? Of course you do. Get your ass with me right now, sir.

And she's like, "Okay, well, I'll just tell them which ones you made." He goes, "No, no, don't. Just do it as is. We're a team, innit?" And then he basically says, "Oh, thanks." You see what he's doing though, don't you? He's saying, "Don't do that. We're a team, so I can take credit for everything." Like all those pictures that he showed before when he's like, "Here's my five-star service," and then he's showing all these gorgeous, magazine-worthy pictures. How many of those were his, and how many of those were his chefs that he just took pictures of and he may be helpful? Exactly. Like, you know, fucking cutting a carrot.

Exactly. Congratulations. You put some sort of like mushroom soil on the plate. So Anthony is like, which I hate when chefs describe. And here on the side is this is a pistachio soil. No, it's that. Don't say it's soil. Stop that. So gross.

And, you know, I made like a, I was cooking the other night and I made a pistachio za'atar, which was very fun. And when I was mixing, you have to mix it with your hands because there's lemon zest in there and the lemon zest clumps. You have to put it in their hands and it felt like dirt. And as I was doing it, I was like, I bet if this were at a restaurant, some asshole would say, and here's some pistachio soil. Because it felt like soil, but I wasn't willing to call it soil. Good for you. I'm an adult.

So Anthony basically is like, thanks, but no thanks. I don't want them to think I've cooked that just because the theme's basic doesn't mean the food has to be basic. If it was my menu, I would have been out there at the barbecue, making it a more immersive experience. You know, some short ribs, slow cooked, you know, yeah, slow cooked short ribs, perfect for a barbecue. So he goes, you know, we could have even done a hot sauce platter where you make different scotch bonnets, different sauces, different spices, possibilities are endless. Yeah.

Shut up, dude. Okay, go ahead and do it. And you're not, you're not, it's not immersive grilling in front of them. Give me a fucking break. It's not a Benihana. You're not going to be throwing it in their fucking mouth. Don't invoke the onion tower in front of Zarina, Ronnie. But that was a sore point for her last year as we saw. Yeah, they showed it today. Yeah, they showed it today. It was really funny when he's like, well, you know, Zarina does make her own problems. He's like, it's going to be like a Benihana. She's like, not doing it.

Now, that being said, I do think that this meal could have been a little bit more upscale, but I don't know if these guests really needed it to be. I think the guests were not very upscale people, so it was fine. It could have been a little bit more refined, but I don't think you needed to have like a scotch bonnet hot sauce platter that gets passed around. Yeah.

Yeah, it's cowboy day. I mean, give me a fucking break. So Serena is telling Anthony, are your lips real? And he goes, oh yeah, so forget my lips done. She goes, okay.

"Are you upset with me?" And he's like, "Why would I be upset? Why would I be upset, you basic fucking nothing of a woman?" And she's like, "I don't know, you just seemed angry for a minute, though." So now the timing comes in where the guest has asked for this to all be out at eight on the dot. But of course, the guests are not up at eight on the dot. They're getting ready and taking their sweet-ass time. So Marina comes into the galley, and she wants the food.

And so Laura's like, but are the guests even there? And she goes, no, but they asked me to be before eight, so they will come. That's what they said. And she's like, well, Blair said that if we're not there by eight, bring it out. So just, let's just wait. And she's like, but Blair said bring it before eight because then they'll come. And she's like, if they're not there at eight, bring it out. She goes, well, he says something completely different to me. So he said, oh no. I mean, was it a dream? Was it real? Did he really say it in the submarine?

Sorry. Everything froze. I think my computer was like, "Wait a second, there's a new mouse." But okay, I'm back. Sorry, yes, Lara, continue on, continue on, I'm just compopulated. So it's just timing. They're just talking about this, whether it served at 8 or whatever. So then Lara's like, "Well, the guests are not going to be happy finding the hot food now cold food, because they took an extra 10 minutes getting ready. I mean, the food needs to be hot. I mean, sorry, but sometimes I know better than the guests."

which is true you don't serve food to an empty table that's crazy what were you hoping would happen because i couldn't tell at that moment there was part of me that didn't want lara to up again because i was feel i i i didn't i didn't want her to be a up but then there was part of me that also felt like it was obnoxious that like she was disregarding the message that marina was sending so like i kind of wanted the guests to show up at at and be like where's the food

No, Marina was doing that thing where she's like, "The guest is always right." And I think that that's something you have to do to a degree, but Lara knows guests are stupid. And if she actually did that, the guests would be mad and they would also be right if they were mad. So she's like, "Nope, you don't serve guests." I'm glad she stuck to her guns and didn't listen to an underling. Because if she listened to somebody lower in rank and fucked it up, that would be very bad. That would be a very bad foot to set right at the beginning.

Yeah. Yeah. So, um, examples is that foot to set. I don't know why I said that. So Laura is, um, yeah, she's like, where, where is everyone? And, and they're like, magic be cold right now. So Marina Marina realizes that she messed up. She's like, no, I learned, but Laura is right.

They're not here yet. I could do better. I'm like, this is shocking. After Below Deck Sailing, where the stews were like, well, you know what? The only reason why I gave that message is because Daisy didn't inspire me to give a better message. So it's not really my fault. And you know what? I don't even like Daisy's leadership in the first place. But here they're like,

This is, I can learn from this. I really made a mistake. My boss is right. I'm like, this is so strange. It is weird. Yeah. I don't need Marina to like self flagellate over it or anything, but yeah, it was, it was interesting. So then Serena's like, okay, here's some lobster, here's some steak. But apart from that, everything's vegan, even the cold bread, which is not that easy to do vegan, by the way. And so they're like, thanks. And now Adair and Marina are,

How do you do it? Again, how do you do it? Vegan? Cause you can't have an egg in there. The egg would be the real issue, huh? And the, cause you can do it with the buttercream or whatever, or the buttermilk. Don't you use buttermilk and biscuits? I'm not biscuits. Cornbread. I guess you don't eat milk and cornbread all the time. I just use like the Mark Bittman has a really good cornbread recipe in the New York times that uses just milk, but I've done it with almond milk before. And it's like not as luscious, but, but the thing is there's an egg in there. I think, how do you do it without the egg?

I don't know. Some things you can use applesauce for, for an egg. I don't know. I don't know. Well, we'll have to put a pin. We should look up a vegan cornbread. Try it out. I'm sure. Should I look it up right now? Is this a marching order? Vegan corn bread. Yeah. I want to know.

Okay. Everybody wants to know. Here, how about The Best Vegan Cornbread by Nora Cooks? Okay, Nora. Oh, God. She goes, hello, I'm Nora. Okay, jump to recipe. Enough of you, Nora. You know, my husband loves cornbread. You know what he hates? Animal products. What's a girl to do? Well, let me tell you what happened when I went to the post office this morning.

Here's what Nora has to say. This is it. The best vegan cornbread, just like mom used to make, but vegan, soft, tender, and sweet with just the right amount of cornbread texture. So she uses flour, cornmeal, sugar, salt, baking powder, unsweetened almond milk, canola oil, and I guess that's it. Okay. Well, canola oil. There you go. There you have it.

But, I mean, that's... I thought there was eggs. I thought there was eggs. Well, you know what? Not in Feeding Cornbread, did they? Maybe not. Maybe there never was an egg. Maybe there never was an egg. So, now they're clearing dinner, doing all that, and the deck is...

The deck is getting ready to do a cowboy performance. They have to do a line dance and they're shirtless for this. And Harry dances as the shirtless horse. And so it's just a hooting and hollering great time. So then Serena tells Anthony she needs help cleaning and he does, and he's actually being kind of decent for this five minutes.

So then, Bri is giving a cabin rundown while checking her work. And so Bri's like, you know, perfectionists can usually be seen as someone that can be overbearing. I mean, with Laura, the way she just appreciates yachting so much, she's someone I look up to and I admire. So whatever she needs, I'm here for it. It's like, what is, what's happening at this season? The standard line on Below Deck is...

you know perfection perfectionists are so overbearing and they just like don't see the bigger picture and like they just make my life it's like a power trip like i do i am not here for it but they're like i love that she's a perfectionist i love that she's like making me go back and refold this sheet 15 times until i get it right like i'm really learning a lot there is something about the format that definitely needs that if i would teach you we need that character

Yeah. Well, I think we kind of get one later. Of course, it's the American. So that makes sense. Although Brianna's American too. Brianna's American too. Yeah. And there's also too many Americans on this. It's like two Americans. Too many. Too many.

So, Lara is saying how, like, "Oh, the guests are nice and everything." And Zarina's like, "Yeah." And she goes, "You know, if it had been anything worse, I don't know how I would have done. Dinner was perfect." And then Harry's talking to Anthony in the room. And Harry's like, "Yeah, are you happy with the crew?" And Anthony's like, "Yeah, the crew's nice and everything." And he's like, "Well, what about Zarina?" And he's like, "Well, if she worked a bit cleaner, it would be nice." It's like, "Well, sir,

You were the one who was supposed to be cleaning, and you complained about cleaning, and now you're not cleaning, and now you're upset that there's no one to clean things. So... sorry. Yeah. And Harry's like, "So what, do you just have to clean up behind her then?" And he's like, "Yeah, it's just like a mess everywhere. It's just dirty. That's just not how it works, you know what I mean?" And he's like, "Well, I'm sure if she said, 'I reckon you could be a bit cleaner,' she'd say, 'Yeah, okay, I'll try.' You know, she wouldn't take offence. It's just about how you word it. If you go in guns blazing, like, 'Hey, fucking clean up after yourself!'"

I just made myself so uncomfortable right now. And he's like, yeah, that would come the third time.

Ooh, ooh. We're all so scared, Anthony. Yeah, relax. Arrogant little fuck. Sorry you didn't get to make your hot sauce platter. You don't have to unleash your toxic outrage. Sorry you didn't get to do a variety of scotch bonnets. Sorry you didn't get to make a slow-roasted short rib, yet paradoxically wanted to barbecue it, too. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry it wasn't immersive enough for you. Yeah. Sorry you couldn't use your immersion blender to make it more immersive. Idiot. Dumb dumb. Okay. Last day of charter. It's already 90 degrees in the morning. And, um, uh,

Laura's asking if Adair can do cabins. So Adair's like, "But wait, they're turning up cabins? Why would they be turning them up? I mean, they should just strip everything. I'm gonna go tell them. I'm gonna go tell them that. They should just strip it." So she marches up to Laura like she's gonna school Laura on something. And it's like, "So are y'all gonna turn up the rooms? I mean, shouldn't we just wait and then strip everything once they leave? I mean, they're only here for two more hours."

She goes, no, that's not how it works in yachting, darling. They have to be made perfect this morning, which I loved.

I love when British people just condescend to us Americans because sometimes we really, we deserve it and we need it. And you know what? Like Laura being, being so patronizing to a dare in that moment was just chef's kiss for me. You're going to tell a chief stew that you don't want to make up the rooms in the morning. That is completely stupid. And then she's like, well, my idea of guest treatment and her idea of guest treatment are so polar opposite. You're from a mud boat, ma'am. Yeah.

I forgot about that. Are you fucking kidding me? You're only here because you thought you were going to get abducted and you seem to be down for it. Yeah, you idiot. Go make a bed. So Lara's like, well, Adair isn't used to working on a super yacht. So, you know, I give her a little leeway, but God, this isn't Motel 6. Hold on for my British friends. It's an American thing, a trashy American motel that thankfully is restrained in North America. Sorry.

So now breakfast is being served and Bree's working on cabins with Adair. And she's like, well, we really have to pull all the wrinkles out because Laura wants all the wrinkles out. And she wants it very tucked. I mean, she's amazing. Isn't she cool? I just want to make her happy. I just, you know, you know, I'm going to change this one because I don't think I can get the wrinkles out the way Laura likes it. I'm going to change it. And Adair's like, God, just tuck it in for fuck's sake.

I know. And then I do a really good job. I really want to learn the ins and outs of how to make a bed like these do's. So then, um, now it's time to go back to the dock time to dock time to dock at the dock, better to dock at the dock than dock at not a dock. That'd be awkward.

That wouldn't be the first time it's happened with Captain Jason. So then Jason is like, well, first time docking, it's a little bit of wind, so I'll need some good calls on my port side, you know? And then we see Jason being like, all right, everyone, spring, breast, spring, breast, breast, spring, thigh, chicken bone, wings. And also like, Jason, are you putting in an order right now or are you giving us commands? A little bit of both? Yeah.

Like a bit of butter on a hot skillet, ain't it? All right, we're going to need good communication and planning. This is the test. Let's go. So everyone's like, all right, Harry, Harry, that forward leading spring, that's got to be your last one. After spring, first breast, breast swing, swing around, swing around the side, breast under, butt of the lid, butt of the lid, butt of the lid, butt of the lid.

he just he just suddenly converts into doing a cattle auction all right there's a little bit too much chatter happening here on the radio he's like okay missy missy missy missy 50 dollars 50 dollars 45 dollars all right all right a little bit too much chatter here i think it's laura's childhood all over again so um they're getting in closer to a horse member

So, uh, we don't just talking too much. She's like, okay, captain cleared, cleared, cleared to turn, clear to turn, clear to turn eggs on the skillet, eggs on the skillet, hash browns coming down, hatchbacks come down, got some cholesterol on the grill, got some cholesterol. Wait for it to melt, get a little bit melty, melty, melty sizzle, sizzle, bacon, bacon, bacon, shrieks on the China. Never met her before. No one cared. And then,

Greens, greens, and nothing but greens. Parsley, peppers, cabbages, celery, asparagus, watercress, and phylloxera lettuce. He said, all right, but it wasn't quite because I got them in my garden one night. It's like, all right, could we please do less Into the Woods on the radio? I'm trying to talk a goddamn boat.

so they it's it's more like vian is just kind of giving too much information and then there's a lot of stuff going back and forth and the boat pretty much is like as close to crashing into the dock as can be because the poor fender just gets squeezed into a pulp and i think pops at one point that fender gave its life for this docking and um jason's very embarrassed because you know he kind of has a reputation of

- Crashing boats. - Yeah, he really does. It's like this poor guy just can't get a win, you know? And Vian actually, his problem is over communication, which is rare, you know? It's a weird season. He's just communicating too much. And he's like, "Please shut up on the radio." - Too much. So they get it, they dock.

And then everyone says goodbye. It starts to rain and everything. And Mark is like, so I just want you to say that the food was exquisite. And, you know, just like the authenticity, the integrity and just feeling our personalities. I've got to say just wonderful, excellent food. The sort of food you'll always remember. Like, I don't care how many anal beads are in me because I'll know I had such good food coming out of me earlier. So, you know, what a great time. And Anthony is just like,

he's like shocked he's shocked that they that they thought the food would actually be good yeah he's such a little

So then they meet at the bridge and Jason is like, yeah, come on into talking. We've got to find our feet. You know, I mean, Jesus Christ, point to the lines. I want the line on. I will say the communication on the radio was intense. All right. It was a lot. So what I want, I just want five meters, two meters, kick forward, clear on your port side. That's it. That's it. That's it, Bosin. And he's like, okay, I'll stop talking so much. He goes, audiobooks.

audiobooks that's where you go it's like it was just so much going it's like it's just so much going on that radio it's like audiobooks so then Johnny tells us he says like I've been impressed with Captain he's a very motivating guy you know when a boat shit happens and you know it just is what it is and we're here to fix it in a silent way I think I think he's the expert in that so big respect to Top G nice I was like wait so the egomaniac

is like, "Chill with the people who are over him." Something is wrong with this season. Everyone's way too mature and responsible. Yeah. I know. They'll all go to hell soon. So Serena's like, "Oh my God. I mean, I think Anthony sees me as like a new stepmom, and he doesn't really want it, but he has to put up with it. But I think we're finally bonding!" Or he's just humoring me, but either way, either way, it's working much better now.

So, yeah, now it's like super rainy, super, super rainy. And now it's time for the tip meeting. He's like, Jason says, congratulations, everyone. We got the boat together. A lot of hurdles. And there's a big effort from Lara to get everything going. And Zarina's done a great job in the galley as well. Okay. So here's the tip. It's $20,000.

20,000 US dollars, which only matters for two people on this entire cast. So congratulations. Everyone else has to do conversions. All right. So that brings me to my old friend and he pulls out the disco helmet and he acts like he's going to give it to Johnny because Johnny got himself stranded in the middle of the ocean on the jet ski. But instead he gives it to Vianne and that's like because Vianne's in charge of him.

And also Vian fucked up that docking too, but he doesn't give him shit like that. He's just like, "You were in charge of the idiot who lost the key," or whatever, so, you know, you have to wear it. And Serena's like, "Maybe you should wear it on the jet ski, so if you get lost again, we can find you." Anthony's all mad that people chuckle. He's like, "Really? They thought that was funny?"

So we find out that Laura, Laura's in yawning because she's saving up for an old barn, which I'm renovating. I manage the bills myself. I pay all the bills. There's a little house in the back for dad. He's never visited.

I can't imagine how many spoons are in that house just waiting for him. Dad, I got your spoon. Dad's house is completely built from spoons. It's all made out of spoons. So she's like, I'm just going to live there. It'll be my forever home one day, just me and the dogs. And that's it. Me, dogs, and a lot of spoons. So then Vian is saying, um,

that he's got his helmet on. He's talking about how he's taking one for the team and everything and blah, blah, blah. Cause he's got the helmet on. So then, uh, now they are, they're all going to go out. And now this entire episode, there've been like little moments of like beyond and Brianna kind of like encountering each other and being nice. And there was like a moment where like his, his shoes were squeaky and she's like, hi, squeaky. Um,

So he's like, Brianna's definitely the prettiest girl on the boat. And I truly believe I do have a shot with Bri. Usually I will develop a crush pretty quickly, especially when, you know, it's more person like Bri, who was a former model for Vogue. You know, someone like that I'll tend to develop a crush for. I'm like, yeah, you think? You think? She was like the pretty girl? Yeah, the hot one. I like that they all make it sound like some romantic story when they pick the prettiest girl on the boat. Like, yeah, it was meant to be.

Although I will say, I think it might be meant to be between Vian and Brie because they are the exact same color. And I don't mean just their skin, like their hair even is the same color.

Because it's not the most normal color, right? It's kind of like a strawberry blonde, but like, I don't know, latte colored. I don't know how you would explain it. Yeah, but they're like the same color rust. You know, it's like they've both gone under kind of. Yeah, they've both rusted to the same degree. So I think they deserve to be together. Sure. They just look like they go.

I don't know how to explain it, but I was like, that's just such odd coloring that they both have the exact same hair. You know? I didn't notice that with his hair. I noticed with her hair. I didn't... I have no...

like when I think of him, I don't think of his hair. I just thought, I feel like was it, is this hair spiky? It feels like it's spiky. No, it's like greasy. It's like kind of greased and I don't know how to explain it, but no, it's not spiky, but yeah, is their hair color is so similar that I think that, I don't know. I think people with the exact same hair color fall for each other. I don't know. I guess we'll see if it works out. Well,

Well, especially, I mean, like, you know, with gays. Gays always... Like, not always, but, like, there is a large segment of gays who date their mirror image. And it's...

And it's also, I feel like so, I feel like it's so egotistical too. And like you see these gays and they pose together, they have the same facial hair, the same hairstyle, same hair color, same body type, same fashion. And they do it all the time. So this is sort of like an extension of that. It's like, well, your hair is rust colored and mine is rust colored. So we should probably date them.

Yeah, we should be together forever. I mean, yeah, gays do tend to date ourselves, which is why I'm single. Like, I've got better taste than that. All right, so Harry is checking with Serena, and so they're all out having a good time, you know, and Lara and Anthony are talking, and Lara's like, "So, what's your background with cooking?" And he's like, "Well, when I was a kid, I've just always been good at it, you know? I mean, no, it sounds arrogant, but I don't want to be arrogant. I really just, you know, I don't really carry too much of an ego. That's me. No ego me. No ego Anthony. That's what they call me."

And Serena's just kind of over there biting her tongue, like, really? Mm-hmm. And then Harry's talking to Serena, and she's like, so, um, my sous chef, has he said anything bad about me? And Harry...

could have just said, oh no, he seems to really like you. But he goes, um, he sort of like laughs and smiles like, I know something. And he's like, well, he says he's been doing all the cleaning up after you. And she goes, well, yeah, you should. Cause he's my sous chef. I'm sorry, but that's what you're supposed to do. And he goes, I'm not disagreeing.

She goes, you know, first charter, I've already let him do guest food because he's complaining. So I have to fucking suck up to him. Oh, I have to clean up. I'd love to. I'd love to clean. Okay. If you don't want to wash up, then you get, go get a fucking head chef job and tell someone else to clean it. Definitely in need of a cigarette. And she just storms off from the table. Yeah. She's like, he has one job to do and that's have my back. And instead he's talking shit about me to the other crew members. It's just so disrespectful.

Yeah, she's right. But also don't ask that question if you don't want to hear that response, because she kind of suspects that's the response. And now she gets the response and she's like, wait a second. The only answer was no, of course not. Well, I hope that her reaction to this is just to toughen up on Anthony in the kitchen and demand respect. And I hope it's not, let's have a talk about this. Because that's just not... Yes. That's not what this guy's going to respond to, you know? He's not. He...

he needs, you know, he needs, he needs a stern mother who doesn't give a fuck if her baked potato was seasoned or not because she had a long day at work and that's what he's going to get. What you get is what you get. Yeah. What you get is what you get, you little fuck. You know, when you learn to hold a fucking skillet, you can, you can do it. Yeah, exactly. Earn the respect and then you'll get the opportunities. Don't come in entitled to them.

Yeah, and if Anthony's mother is out there and needs a place to vent about this little fucker, what he was like growing up, feel free to give us a call. I'd love to hear it. Yeah, I'd love to hear it. Thanks, everyone, for being here today. Fun times. And we have all sorts of shows later this week. So we'll look forward to hearing from you there. And then, of course, don't forget to get your tickets to our Mountain Conserio tour, which is resuming in March.

Bye, everyone. Bye. Watch what crap ends. Would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Ashley Savoni. She don't take no below.

Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Catherine DiBernardo has our heart-o. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. Dana C. Dana Do. We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less. Jamie, she has no less name-y. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Hava Nagila Webber.

We could all learn from Jennifer Kearns. She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trach. Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes, we can-a, it's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches, Betches.

It's our queen, it's Queen La Ifa.

We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani. The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. Give them hell, Miss Noelle. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon, out of a can in Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She ain't no shrinking Violet Couture. We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. Welcome to the Offensive Line. You guys, on this podcast, we're going to make some picks, talk some s**t, and hopefully make you some money in the process. I'm your host, Annie Agarne.

So here's how this show's going to work, okay? We're going to run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like No offense. No offense, Travis Kelsey, but you've got to step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the Chiefs need to have more fun this year. We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point Award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably bitter.

Is it Brandon Ayuk, Tee Higgins, or Devontae Adams? Plus, on Thursdays, we're doing an exclusive bonus episode on Wondery Plus, where I share my fantasy football picks ahead of Thursday night football and the weekend's matchups. Your fantasy league is as good as locked in. Follow the offensive line on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can access bonus episodes and listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

UFO lands in Suffolk and that's official, said the News of the World. But what really happened across two nights in December 1980 when US servicemen saw mysterious lights in the forest near RAF Woodbridge and claimed to have had a close encounter with an actual craft? Encounters, a new podcast available exclusively on Wondery Plus, takes a deep dive into one of the most famous and still unresolved UFO encounters to ever take place in the UK.

Featuring shocking testimony from first-hand witnesses, hosts, journalist, podcaster and UFO researcher Andy McGillen, that's me, and producer Elle Scott, take us back to the nights in question and examine all of the evidence and conflicting theories about what was encountered in the middle of a snowy Suffolk forest 40 years ago. Are we alone? Encounters is a podcast which is going to find out. Listen to Encounters exclusively in ad-free on Wondery+.

Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or in Apple Podcasts.