#2729 2025 Golden Crappies Act One
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Hello and welcome to a very special episode of Watch What Crappens. It's the 2025 Golden Crappie Awards. Guys, we recorded this live in New York City at Town Hall on February 1st, 2025. What an amazing night. We had such a great time. Everyone who came out to support us, all the guests who came on stage and performed and just lent their personalities and their talent to this.

This has become one of our favorite nights of the year, and this was definitely one to remember. Thanks for being here, guys. We love you so much. Enjoy. This is part one of part two. Let the show begin. ♪♪♪

Welcome to the 2025 Golden Crappy Awards, celebrating the best and worst in Bravo TV. This year we're coming to you live from New York City. With direction by Mark Tuminelli and musical stylings by the handsome and beautiful Brandon James Gwynn.

And now a word from our backstage pre-show correspondent, Dorinda Medley. Oh yeah, you want a piece of me? You better back it up, bitch. Have her removed, please. And now, please welcome your hosts, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Caron.

I'll open Kendall's box for ya I'll bring the rock for ya We're gonna own the night How about we all go down swinging Feet to the ground singing This beat makes me come alive Because we're good as gold Because we're good as gold Because we're good as gold

Because we're good. I gotta tell you, I'm feeling good. This party's got me tied up. It's got me going like I knew it would. So pour more jungle juice in my cup. I got the Pandora's box for ya. I'll bring the rock for ya. We're gonna...

Because we're good

Gold. Come on, get right in, Sean. Stop waiting for a sign. We're out with all my hearties. Let's have a good time. Whiskey kicks off the party. We're done in eight and nine. Come on and touch my body. Let's have a good time. We're gonna go to school. I'll bring the rock boys. We're gonna go to school.

Because we're good as gold.

Welcome to the 2021 Reppys! Love you! And of course, please welcome our pianist, Brandon! Oh my god, that was terrifying. I don't know how Sheena does that. Girl.

You know... We love you. You guys, we love you so fucking much. And to be able to be here... This is the biggest crappies we have ever done. And no award show would not be complete without a little Miss Golden Crappie. So please welcome John Jansen's daughter, who almost got run over by Shannon Bedore, Sadie.

A vision. I think she almost died that night. Wow. Wow. Can you believe that? God damn. Even I was like, whoa! First, a quick announcement. Please do not attack the stars here this evening. You guys were like me when my Ozempic ran out and I saw a peanut M&M for the first time. We're crawling over each other. Calm down!

But it's hard not to. Gorgeous people, eh? All right, well, welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all the crap we love to talk about. Honey, you're bravs. Wow. Well, you know, our new tradition on the Crappies is that before we get into the awards and starting a very important PowerPoint presentation behind us...

We like to have an opening toast. So, to help us open up this show, please welcome one of our recent favorites on Bravo, the one and only Miss Jessel Taylor! ♪

Jessel Tank. This is for you. My God. I wish my husband would make noise like that when I walk into a room. Husbands do not make noise like that. No. Notoriously.

So what's going on, Jessel? How's it going? Oh, you know, I'm surprised you recognize me. I got a new face and everything. Oh, yes. Yes. So, Jessel, tell me about your new boobs. What about the teeth? You're like, well, I hadn't finished my sentence yet. I know. I'm like, give me a breather. Hello. I know. So how have you been doing with all the trauma?

Oh my God. Your show is dramatic. My therapist bill is like skyrocket high right now. Now, are your sessions extra long because Povitz been eating through them? No,

No, he's banned from therapy. I mean, he cannot join any of my sessions anymore. And Povit is at home taking care of the kids tonight, right? He is. He really wanted to be here. By the way, he is your biggest fan. It's so funny because when the season first started to air, he was like, there are these two guys on the internet that are making fun of your accent. And I was like, what the fuck? Who are these knobheads? And then I started listening.

I was listening to you and I was like, oh, they're actually really funny. You can curse. It's okay if you want to curse at us. I curse a lot. I'm British. Okay. That's good. I prefer knobheads. Knobheads. Yes. Yeah, I think it. Yeah. Well, we'll send Pabit upon me and make sure he has a nice cozy evening. He would love nothing more. Nothing more. Yeah. So, how have you enjoyed now? Two seasons under the belt.

How's it feel now? Now, season two, season one, season two, do you feel like you're now like a season pro with being a housewife? I think so. I mean, I feel like, you know, the key is to just be authentic and to be yourself. Like, I live my life and the show follows me. I don't follow the show. And I think it's very apparent that it clearly works because... Thank you for crowning me fan favorite, by the way. Yeah, of course. I mean, oh my God. Yes. Yes.

So, what I was, I forgot what I was going to say about you because I'm like starstruck by Jessel right now. I'm so excited that Jessel is right here, but I'm very excited that you're here to help kick off the Golden Crappies. And I think that like if we're going to do a toast, should we actually have our toast? So, little Miss Golden Crappies, Sadie. Pass it down.

Thank you. What are these plastic glasses, guys? Only the finest. Have you seen us move? You just saw that opening number. Do you think we could hold glass? They don't trust us anymore. This is a union house, Matt. Oh, my God. Well, you packed it out. I mean, this is fantastic. We really did. Oh, my God. Thank you, everyone, for coming to this show. Really amazing. Thank you.

Love it. All right. What are we toasting to? We are going to toast to the Crappies. Do you want to come up with a toast? I know we're putting it on the spot. Do you want to do a toast or we can come up with one? You can come up with one and then I'll just like tap onto that. Okay. Okay. Sorry. All right. So to the 2025 Crappies. And here's to a future where there is more Jessel in the center of the Real Housewives of New York. I'll take that toast. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers, everyone. Thank you for coming. Clink it. You got to clink it, babe. Thank you so much. Oh, I needed that. Is that Prosecco? I have no idea. It's Tixie Girl Prosecco. You know what we have upstairs? Some mezcalume. We do. We have a bottle. It was finally brought to America on the Mayflower. Christopher Columbus, a.k.a. Aaron. Thank you. Jessel, thank you so much for coming here. Oh, my God. It's been such a pleasure. We love you. Oh, thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jessel Tong.

A lot of different people, a lot of different types of people bring their personalities to Bravo. Some are leads, some are villains, some are over actors, some are just cry all the time. You know, we love them all. But one of our favorite thing from the past season was someone who went kind of under the radar for most of the year.

And Who's Castmates give her a lot of shit for that. But I have to say, we've always appreciated this woman's amazing squint acting talents. Her name is Becky Minkoff, ladies and gentlemen. Everyone, please welcome Rebecca. It's a rony doubleheader. Who's behaving badly that needs a squint?

I see you. Welcome to the crappies, Rebecca. Thank you. Did you bring your virginity bed? It's in the cart waiting for you to join me. Oh, I would be honored. I would be honored. So how are you dealing with your first season? This was a crazy, tumultuous season. What a season to join, huh? Well, and you guys, we were talking a little bit backstage about how much happens in front of your face when you're shooting, and especially being in the supporting area.

arena for your first season, how much of it shocked you when you saw it play back? Did you know everything was going on that was happening? I knew most of what was going on that was happening, but clearly no confessionals and some of the chaos that would be talked about me behind my back. Like, oh, you know, I'm doing certain things that I shouldn't be doing and offending people greatly. Yeah. How do you react when you hear people talking shit behind your back? Like, do you go make up names on Reddit and start trashing their asses? Yeah. Do you want my username? Yeah.

Can we switch later? I'll give you mine if you give me yours. I'll give it to you. We, I have to say, I felt like you were an underappreciated cast member on Roni. I thought...

You know, I thought like your squint acting was fabulous. And honestly, every time someone came for you and you would just squint at them and be like, um, I'm sorry. Like I can buy and sell you five times over. I love that.

I mean, to me, it was petty-ass shit. I'm going to let that girl ruffle my feathers? Come on, now. We have bigger problems that we've dealt with. Yeah, there were definitely bigger fish to fry, and it turned out she was the bigger fish to fry. We just didn't see it at the time. I would be honored to be found at Nordstrom Rack, personally. I mean, anytime you want to go shopping with me, we can go to Nordstrom Rack together. I would literally love that. Can I style you? We'll do a full head-to-toe. Yes, I think I could probably use it right now. Where's this got at Nordstrom Rack?

This is just from ARAC. This is a $100 suit. Sorry, getting total butt crack over there for these people. Sorry, guys. I'll be better. We like a butt crack. Butt cracks are okay. Oh, mine's not quaffed.

So now this is, I'm so honored that you're here for this. You know why? Why? So normally when we do this, we have a beautiful PowerPoint. But wonderfully for us, the PowerPoint is not working from the iPad right now. Which, no guys, that's good luck. That is good luck. That's a good luck omen. So we will read these nominations and we will figure out the PowerPoint shortly. Unless someone actually, oh wait, guys.

Guys, we have a director this year. Mark Tuminelli. Guys, this is Mark. And Mark has been relegated to the guy who pushes the button on the laptop now. Yay! Okay, so we are doing Best Supporting Character. And the first nominee is Brittany Bateman from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Next up, we've got... Jennifer Tilly from Real Housewives.

Beverly Hills. Next up we have Norma from Below Deck Med. Yeah, I watched Salt Lake. And Parvati's headbands from Traders. The Southwest plane over James Kennedy's house on VPR. And Zach's hair.

By the way, Mark, it's working over here. So I'll let you know if it stops working. We're a very professional award show. So do you have any thoughts on anyone here or anyone you're going to root for? Oh, I'm all in on Brittany. Okay, great. Yes, chaos queen. I have an announcement. I have one. He gone.

Ding, ding, ding, ding. Okay. Guess what? I lied, Mark, just so you know. It broke again. Let's have our golden crappiest girl come out to bring the results, please. I'd also like to welcome the smallest crappie that we've ever had. It's beautiful. I should have known this when I signed up for Grindr a long time ago, but things look a lot bigger in pictures. Okay.

It's gorgeous. Rebecca, will you do... Will you add that to your new, your fall line, please? Can I just make it part of my bodily fluids that I collect? Oh, yes. Yes, thank you. We'd love that. Thank you. Fluids. Add it to your fluid collection, Rebecca. Would you do us the honor of opening the envelope and saying who won? Drumroll. Jennifer Tilly, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! What an honor. Rebecca Minkoff, thank you for being here. Thank you, Rebecca. Thank you.

We forgot to ask Rebecca if she wanted to accept this award on Jennifer's behalf. Do you want it? Do you want me to save it for you? Get out here. Guys, it's your collection. Hell yes, girl. Hell yes.

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Can I tell you this shirt? You should sit down when you try shirts on. It's much different when you're standing like this in the mirror like, "Girl, I want some testy buttons over here." So, okay, let's get to... Okay, so this category is the most cringe. Yes.

And the reason we gave it to this person is because she has the most graceful cringe face of anybody on Bravo. She cringes with class. She cringes with beauty. She cringes with pure golden talent. It's Patricia Alstool from Southern Strong. Everyone. ♪♪

A ravishing sight. Hi, y'all. Hi. So glad to have you here. We ended up here on accident the same week because of Watch What Happens Live. And I'm so excited any chance I get to see you. Did anybody see that show? I hope you all watched.

We had so much fun being on that show. It was our first time on the show and it was so fun being on with you. You are always good for a hot take. We love having you on here, especially for the most cringe because if anyone knows etiquette, it is Miss Patricia. I should be getting the cringe award. The next day after the show, she texted me, was I good?

I said, were you shit-faced? Like, how do you not remember? He's like, I don't know. What'd I say? So I told him. Well, I'll tell you, one of the cringiest moments was when JT gave you that cane earlier in the season. That was cringe. That was awful, right? Boo. Boo. No canes.

But you know, I didn't realize that he had given everybody else a cane. I thought he was just giving it to me. Like, you know, focusing on me. Well, he got a bad rap for sure. But I mean, he is terrible though. We watched the last episode. So now that you know that he got a bad rap and a lot of this is just Craig lying to you. Well, so far it looks like Craig is lying to you. We don't know for sure. But how do you feel about all of that?

Well, I mean, Craig has a history of pathological life. Just that. But, you know, I love him anyway. I do. I just don't pay any attention to what he says. It's a good way to get through life. If they can run our country, they can be on our television shows. That's what I'd say. All right.

So let's get into the category. We're going to read some nominations. This is like, I feel like... It's very professional, isn't it? We're really on top of it. I can't believe you all sang and danced. Let me tell you something. The night is young.

You remember you texted me about that too. I said, are you going to come? She said, just please don't sing and dance. I said, don't worry about it. You'll be totally comfortable all night. But the choreography was unbelievable. Oh my goodness. That sway movement that we did.

Maybe by year 20 we'll get a toe touch, toe touch, toe touch, toe touch. It was a lot. Okay, let's get into the nominees for most cringe. And our first nominee is Alexis Bellino, names herself Fun Lexi. I don't have my glasses. I can't see a fucking thing. Karen's DUI footage, Real Housewives of Potomac. Okay.

- Rony! - No offense. - Seth says, "Bee-yatch!" - At a dinner on Railhouse Lives in Salt Lake City. - And finally, Tamara announces that she's on the spectrum! A lot of really good, cringey nominees. - That was an audible cringe from the crowd. - That was a cringe.

That was a cringe. All right. Let's have all go. Yeah. What do you think? Do you watch all these? No, I don't know who any of them are. They're all ties in your mind. Let's have the envelope and the award for Patricia to read. Thank you, Sadie. You're doing a great job. All right. I didn't bring my glasses. I can't see it.

Vanity over ocular health. - Oh, get it, get it. - Karen, and how do you pronounce it? - D-Y footage. - Karen's D-Y footage. - The most cringe-worthy, yes. - I love you so much. Thank you for being here and staying in town. - Thank you, Patricia Altschul.

You can take it with you. Also, Patricia never got to take home the crappy that she won a couple of years ago, so we're sending her home with this little baby version. And they say size doesn't matter. Thank you, Patricia Altschul from Southern Charm. Thank you.

I'm gonna wet my whistle a little bit. Do we have a bar back there? Do we?

You're the bar? God, I love this job. Oh, so... In a ceremony held earlier this evening... We gave out some awards that we could not feature in the telecast. They get it. All right. All right. All right, here we go. Most felt emotion by Gina Kirshenheider. Bad. Best existential question for 2025.

How can MomTalk survive this? Most exotic Bravo vacation and the winner was SLC cast goes to Milwaukee. That was very exotic. Best furniture award goes to Rebecca Minkoff's virginity bed. Best reason to ban clubs, clubs send it, Summer House.

Best legal announcement: You subpoenaed the wrong bitch! Margaret Josephs. And, yes. And finally, the worst thing to discover on TV, and the award for the worst thing to discover on TV is that Ariana's like totally gonna be on Dancing with the Stars and I didn't even know and she knows how much you wanted that! And now we'd like to show you a very important clip.

from one of our nominated shows for breasts. For breasts. For breasts. Fucking gay mouth, I'm telling you. Best Bravo show, The Real Housewives of Orange County. Let's watch the clip. Top of the morning to you, ladies. Welcome to London for my birthday trip. I'm so excited for us to let bygones be bygones and celebrate sisterhood.

Shannon, you came to my room and showed me a picture of yourself with a bloody face after your accident and it made me feel used. Still talking. My turn. Still talking. You know what, Shannon? You're just a dirty alcoholic bitch.

How? How dare you? I am not an alcoholic. I am a woman who had a little bit too much to drink and I clipped a house because John Jansen was mean to me. Drunk driving? Why isn't the house in trouble for drunk sitting in the middle of the road? You dirty drunk. You know what you should order for dinner? Chips. Because you need them, bitch.

Oh, well, I will counter that and say that Tamra said that Jen's boyfriend is a criminal and he is going to jail. Oh, yeah? Well, Shannon investigated Gina because her boyfriend threw her down the stairs. Oh, my God, Tamra. That could ruin my real estate career. How am I supposed to show my face on the bus bench now? You can't yell at me. I have spectrum. You guys, you guys...

Johnny J wants his 80 grand, otherwise your goose is cooked, guys. I bought that man a Diet Coke a few years ago. Where's my two dollars? There's the door, Shannon Bedore. She doesn't even go here. Excuse me, I've been on TV for 15 years. Oh, you're a TV star! Drunk Batch. Tamara? Tamara? Yeah. Tamara? Yeah. How dare you investigate Ryan?

How dare you bring this upon me? How dare you hurt me like this? I will not take this from you anymore! - Tamara, thank you so much for listening to me. Thank you so much. That felt so good. - Everyone stop, stop. What no one is mentioning is that Heather had a fashion show and made me wear a size 12. - You are a size 12.

But if you're gonna come for me, at least bring me a taco! I am leaving! I will not subject myself to terrorism! Uh, we have a martini for Miss Shannon Bedore at the bar. I will be leaving right after this. And scene. ♪

You know, the year passes and other shows happen and I get it, but goddammit, I just didn't remember how many emotions that could bring to the surface. Really beautiful stuff. Alright, let's see. What do we have here? Okay, we've got our next category. This is somebody, well, the category is Best Newbie. This is not somebody that is a newbie at all. But, when we did our first show here in New York City...

He was a newbie to Bravo, and now he's seasoned and providing alcohol for some of you here, or wherever you are. Please welcome the sick beats of DJ Kyle Cookie Cook. Kyle Cook! ♪

I'm only spilling because I have Ronnie's drink. Here you go, Kyle. Welcome. Welcome back to the Watcher Crapping stage. It's good to be back. Kyle, I don't want to attack you with harassment right off the bat, but you're cute on TV, but... Goddamn, boy. Yeah!

Oh, thank you. Do you miss the mullet? No, I do not miss the mullet. Am I supposed to flip the page, by the way? No, we will do it for you because it's five-star service. This is a full-service situation up here. This is a full-service situation at the Crappies. How are you doing here? How was your season? You're done, yeah? How'd it go? You're starting this week, right? Season 9 is going to air in less than two weeks. Yeah. How's it going? Good.

Wow, you really can't see anything. Nothing. I'm like, I wish I brought my glasses. Now I'm like, it would not have mattered. Yeah, it's really, there's a lot of people here and it's crazy. And it's actually really good that we can't see anything. Ronnie, it's not, you don't have to chug it. It's like childhood all over again. So Kyle, we remember, was anyone here at that first show at Gotham? Yeah. Yeah.

That was our turning point in the crappins timeline, and you were there for it. Do you feel honored? I mean, wow. Yeah, it was a big time for us. To be honest, give a round of applause for these guys. Thank you. These guys are so damn funny. They were one of the first podcasts to take it on the road.

And I was honored to be a part of that. You were a part of that. That was so much fun. How's it going DJing? You're DJing actually a lot, right? You know, talking about taking it on the road. Yeah, are you going on the road? Alcohol and music kind of go well together. Go figure. Hell yeah. Ask Beethoven. By the way, can you tease anything for the upcoming season of Summer House? Anything we could look forward to?

Rumor has it, as things evolve, I think we literally just got another episode because things keep...

Happening. Wow. Oh, no. It's all happening. It's all happening. It's all happening. It's all crappening. Yeah, baby. That's right. All right, let's get into the category. And the category is Best Newbie. Do I have any paraphernalia? Okay. Yeah, here it is. This is your paraphernalia. Thank you, thank you. Okay. Do you want to read the first one, Kyle? All right.

You can read all of them if you want. I don't want to jump the gun here. Ladies and gentlemen, Buzz! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yeah. I'll do the next one. I'll do the next one. Britney Babin. Okay.

By the way, I just found out she's not even 50. Wow. I love Kyle's retconning in the audience. Broadway! Broadway Newport. Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Stirring the pot. Again. Jennifer Tilly. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She's nominated twice. Oh, your friend. Chessie Solomon. Chessie Solomon.

And Taylor Frankie Paul from Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. All right. Snuck her way in there. I didn't know that last one, not going to lie. Yeah, yeah. It's a little off-brand. All right. Any predictions on who do you want to win?

All right. Well, first and foremost, like I said, Brittany, she looks like she's 40. I had a Wikipedia and it's not. She's not 40. You can't give people the win because they moisturize Kyle. But can we? Okay. All right. I'm a little biased here because I feel like Jesse, he had his little glow up. Yeah. And that's probably going to come crashing down season niner, but no big deal. Oh.

I don't know. I don't know. I haven't seen the edit. Okay, listen, listen. We all know Jesse is due for a fuckboy season, so I'm ready for it. You have your first season edit. Things are looking great. You're like, wow, I can really hack this reality TV game. Then what happens? And then it all goes downhill. They drag you. They drag your ass. We love it.

Season two is where it's all at. All right. May we have the envelope, please, for Best Newbie. Oh, here it comes. She's such a professional, by the way. She is. She is. She survived death. Oh, it's an actual envelope. It's an actual envelope from Staples. All right, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Broadway Newboy! Broadway!

I gotta say, this was well-earned. This is well-deserved. It's well-earned. Well-earned. Well-deserved. Yes, agreed. Unfortunately, Bronwyn is not here to accept this award. Would you like to accept it on her behalf? I filmed a little TV show with Kate Chastain, and yes, I would like to. Oh, yeah. What do you think about this season of Traitors? Oh, my God. Shout out to Traitors. You know, I was like the guinea pig, and now everyone's like, oh, God. I watch it, and I'm like...

This is the best TV show ever. It is. It is so good. Yeah, it's great. When Sierra came back, I was like, do not tell me anything because I want to watch it as a viewer because it's the best show ever. Yeah, it's a great show. It really is wonderful. I think she's going to crush. Thank you so much for being here. I love these guys. So proud of you guys. Thank you.

I'll take the little boy. Amanda's going to love it. You got to tell Amanda, hi. So now here we are. God, that jacket was so soft. Whatever animal they killed for that was just, you want to talk about well moisturized. That cow really wears its noxzema at night.

All right, next up is best quote. Guess who the guest is. Nobody, because who needs them? It's us.

All right, this is one of our favorite, favorite categories for obvious reasons, because we love doing these every day in our lives. And also because all of these categories are now opened up to you guys. So we gather most of these nominations from you. You know, you answer us online or whatever. So I'm extremely proud to present your nominations for Best Bravo Quote. Best Bravo Quote.

All right. Why don't you start? Yeah. But you do need Kerastase Thermatique by Lisa Barlow from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Thank you.

CEO and founder of what? Paige DeSorbo regarding Danielle Oliveira, Summer House. You have high body count hair. Miss Angie Katzenavis, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I do too much because you do too little.

Phaedra Parks, The Traitors. Help! You're a TV star! Shannon Bedore, Real Housewives of Orange County. And finally, thank the Lord she took them bangs with her. This is Audrey Hepburn, not the Flintstones, Mary Cosby, Salt Lake City. And

May we have... Oh, here she is. In a ceremony held earlier this evening. Oh. We actually have to give a winner. Oh, we actually have to read envelopes as well. I forgot about that part. You're all winners in my mind, quotes. All right. And the winner, we want to say this together, the winner of best quote is... High Body Counter! Angie Katzen Davis, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

Angie was not here to accept her award tonight, so it has been thrown at an audience member's head. Commercials, here comes one right now.

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The following awards. Outstanding Achievement in Cinematography. Miss Brittany Bateman, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Outstanding Achievement in Hug Direction. Carl Radke for Hug Me Harder. Harder. Do it harder. Outstanding Achievement in Animal Welfare. Lisa Hochstein, Throwing Chicken at Dogs in Mexico. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, this is a nice one, guys. Most heartwarming storyline. This actually comes from the Real Housewives of Dubai. Sarah's housekeeper tries to abduct her son and winds up getting deported. It just touches the heart. It touches the heart. It's the first almost child abduction story. Yeah. A real innovator. From a maid that we've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah.

Most terrified cast member, the deer on Potomac. I mean, that was easy. They win every year, so we just moved them to earlier. This is an award that means a lot to me. Outstanding achievement in food criticism. And it goes to Lisa Barlow for declaring that the food in Italy is too fresh. And finally, the best da...

FUDA! FUDA! FUDA! FUDA! FUDA! Congratulations to all the winners. Congratulations. Wow. Isn't this wild? I can, I'm sorry. I need like, okay. I just, I cannot believe that you guys all have come here to see us at Town Hall. Can you believe this, Ronnie? No. I love it.

Do you mind if I have a moment to reflect? For Christ's sake, can I pee? Yeah, you can go pee. I'm gonna reflect. Alright, you reflect. You know, I've just been thinking about how back in like 2007, 2008, before all this started,

TV was so different, right? You had The Sopranos, you had Mad Men, you had Breaking Bad. It was all like peak TV, right? And everything was like winning enemies. And like, don't get me wrong, I watched all of that. I loved it. I loved all of it. But then one day, one day I changed the channel.

And I found myself driving down the Pacific Coast Highway in a rented Bentley through the sparkling gates of Cotto di Casa. It was actually the first time I had seen the Real Housewives of Orange County. And I will never forget how that moment made me feel. Something has changed within me.

Something is not the same. I want to see more TV starring people who have no shame. Too trashy to air on Disney. Too lowbrow for HBO. It's time to trust my instincts. Surrender to Bravo.

It's time to try defying good TV. I think I'll try defying good TV. And I'll start with SLC. I'm through accepting prestige, because someone tells me so. They say below deck's shitty, but till I watch, I'll never know.

Too long I've been afraid of losing cred, I guess I've lost. Well if that's cred, it comes at much too high a cost. Binging housewives, defying good TV. Watching fights and lies, defying good TV. Guys, it's so much better than the bear.

I mean, the bear is a comedy. Have these people even seen "Roney"? I mean, not this season, not this season. ♪ I hope I'm happy ♪ ♪ Now that I've chosen trash ♪ ♪ I hope it brings me laughs ♪ ♪ I really need to go see ♪ ♪ What's good with Mary Cosby ♪ ♪ I hope it's crap in the end ♪

I hope it's crappy. Full send. So if you care to look to the BravoCon line, as Andy Cohen told me, everyone deserves a chance to humiliate themselves on TV.

And if I'm watching Vanderpump, at least I'm watching free. To those who mock me, take this pumptini back. Tell them how I'm defying good TV. Laughing while they cry, defying good TV. Soon I'll be breaking down.

I know housewife who's been on pause no lawsuit there is or was is ever gone on

So anyway, that was just kind of what was on my mind. Okay, it was the best pee I've ever had, so I'm glad you had a moment. All right, cool. Nailed it! Well, the next category is the opposite of what that just was. This is the biggest fail with our beautiful guest. You know him. You love him.

He's really gorgeous. And wait till you see this outfit. Mr. Danny Murphy. Come on out. From page six, Danny Murphy from virtual reality. Hi, Danny.

Hello, give it up more for them. I'm obsessed. These outfits, I die. Thank you. We were just on Danny's show, Virtual Reality, on page six. Yes. Thank you for having us. Oh my God, it was so much fun. You guys have a lot of hot takes. Yes. Which I love. I want justice for Gina, but that's just me.

And no one else. It's literally just me. You know what? The moment that I talked shit about her on your show, the very first thing that happened was I said, I feel bad. I feel so bad about it. I feel so bad. I feel really bad. I feel really bad.

We did. I feel like going to someone else's house, I'm much more of an asshole. It's weird. Like, if my parents are in the audience, I start talking about, like, cocksucking. Like, I just get terrible, you know? Okay. By the way, the night is young. Yes. Yeah. By the way, shout out to my parents who are in the audience tonight. Okay. My mom and dad. Oh,

I love that. It's a family affair. Really are. Yeah. But also, the singing has been so good. Oh, yes. You know, the way I started that last song, I was like, I love when I hit the notes right perfectly. No, I was like, Brittany Bateman is on stage. Yeah. I felt it. I was like, let me channel Brittany right now. Not Cynthia. The beat is on in Saigon. Ha!

The chicks are hotter in hell. I like that she's like, found another clip. I'm like, no one wants them, girl. But she does. I do do the thing where I just watch them on mute, you know, as you do. Yes. You know, with TikTok or whatever. And I find them delightful. Yes. Oh, I'm happy for her. So we have a very special category for you. Oh, God. Which is biggest fail.

Which is one of our favorites. So we're going to start out with some of the nominees. Are you ready to do some nominees with us? I am. I'm excited. Okay, well, why don't you read the very first one since you invoked her. Okay, so she's here. Any announcement by Brittany Bateman. That's a big fail. It's a big fail. Ding, ding, ding. Oh, Lala's season finale rant on VPR. Yeah, Vanderbilt rules. Ding, ding, ding.

She tried it. She tried and failed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of Utah. Yeah. The pregnancy prank on Rhodey. Sandoval's redemption arc.

Banner by rules. And finally, Schwartz and Sandy's. An American neighborhood bar and grill that just didn't quite make it. I didn't make it there. Neither did I. I could have gone, but I chose not to. Okay, that's protecting your peace. Yeah, Team Ariana. So what are your opinions if you were voting? I gotta say, I feel... I think...

La La. The La La fail was a lot. Yeah. She doesn't make me want a La La, but we'll see you on the Valley, I guess. Okay. I'm going to choose La La. All right. Here you go. Oh my God. This is exciting. Yeah. Any announcement by Brittany Bateman? Oh, congratulations. Okay.

Okay. I feel that. We love you, Dylan. Thank you for being here. Unfortunately, Brittany Bateman is with Jared Osmond tonight, so she cannot accept this award. She'll take that as a win, though. She needs that. You guys!

Thank you. Will you accept it on her behalf? Thank you, everyone. Danny Murphy. Everyone, go listen to virtual reality. Check it out. Page six. Oh, my God. What a sweet guy. He is the best. I'm going shopping for that outfit. I'm seriously dead. I love that outfit.

All right. Let's go here. What do we have next? I don't have my... Okay. Well, oh, we have time for another nominee for Best Bravo Show of the Year. And now a scene from the seminal drama of our lives, The Valley. The Valley.

I am tired of the she said, he said, so we should all speak publicly. I'm really glad you said something, Michelle. Good job. Right? Now, Jax, I think all our friends gathered at this table will agree. You need to make me feel purdy sometimes, Jax. I'm at a purdy. Take me on date nights. Make me feel purdy, Jax. It is not about you, Brittany.

Come on, I'm a businessman, alright? I've got the hair thing, the restaurant, the hair thing. It's not about you either, Jax. Janet, you have the floor. Guys, this is Janet, America's favorite pregnant person. Kristen said that Michelle is racist and Republican. I'm disgusted. I am personally disgusted. Seriously? Seriously? Seriously?

I would never say that. I'm an empath. It came from Zach. What? This is like a shit stew with no stirring. She was like grabbing numbers out like it was a Powerball. She was like catching birds and calling them kitty cats. She was like riding a bike and calling it a subway. Kristen, what?

Hey, hey, I got an announcement, okay? I've got three babies under two years old. Three under two, baby. Three under two. Guys! I know I've been a shitty husband to Michelle, but I took ayahuasca for a weekend with a bunch of dudes kind of naked in a glamorous place, so I'm all healed. Seriously? Seriously? Shut up, Chris, you fucking liar. Caw-caw. I don't lie. Caw-caw. Everybody shut the fuck up!

Michelle's gonna talk now. Talk, Michelle, now. I am not racist. I am Mexican. I am Persian. Michelle, I love you so much, Michelle. Like, I'm sorry, okay? That's why I always kept a secret that you've been fucking Rob Reiner on the bar. Shout out to him one more month. My bad. Unseen. Unseen.

- What? - That's some good shit, that show. - I still stand by what I always say. - We're just letting you emote. Just take a moment, just give the audience a moment. - Yeah, take a moment, take it all in. - All right, here we go with one of our favorite awards. - Oh, this is an important category, okay? The nation has never been more divided and we need to come together, so that's why we have this category called the worst.

What is the worst? Okay, so our first nominee for the worst is... The economy. The economy is pretty bad. Our next nomination is politics.

And our final nominee, Larsa Pippen. Larsa Pippen. Larsa Pippen, yeah. It's a tight one. It's a tight category. I almost... I'm not sure. Sadie, may we have the envelope? I almost feel bad for politics. Yes. Because it really should have taken it this year. Thank you so much. Thank you. Shall we read this one together? I don't know, this...

Pretty sure it's the economy. Maybe politics. Oh my god. Congratulations! Larsa Pippen! Oh my god! Larsa Pippen is not here to accept this award tonight because she is busy up her own ass. But if anybody else would like to take it... God damn, did you catch that? I think I just saw a lady fly.

That was amazing. All right, this is actually very exciting what's about to happen here. Okay, because we're going to go from the worst to really something, one of the best things that's happened to the Crappies, which is we have a performer coming out who is so impressive, I actually have to read off of a card because his credentials are so cool. Okay, he is one of the four stars from the original Broadway cast of the Tony and Grammy Award winning musical Jersey Boys. What?

And he has toured concert halls across the world. Please welcome Broadway star Daniel Ryker! How's everyone feeling? I played Broadway, Carnegie Hall My agent said don't stop until you played the crappies You haven't played the top

For years I've listened in my car, thought nightly in my bed, unless I played the crappies, I might as well be dead. Now I hear voices that I can't ignore, the songs from the cast of Housewives Jersey from before, the tunes sung by those women

From the Garden State we all know their names For the fandom claims them for the songs that raise miles rate Would you like to hear?

Waking up in the morning, thinking about so many things, just want things to get better, trying to get rid of them, but nothing seems to stay the same.

Woke up in the morning, do my hair and makeup, walking into school, thinking about what's gonna happen next. Whoa, whoa. Tell you how I feel. If I could show you my love's for real. If I could let you into my soul, you would know you were the one.

I want to run to the one I want to call When all my dreams are shattered and I seem to lose it all I'm so scared to be close to you Real close to you So close to you Real close to you I can feel the weight of the world pushing down on me I can feel everyone's eyes watching me

I can feel the heat of the spot shine on me

And I can feel the pressure on my body. You got me feeling all these feelings and they're driving me insane. Paparazzi watch me doing my thing. Cause I'm on display, on display, on display. Each and every day, every day, every day. Everybody's waiting on me to fall.

everybody's waiting on me to call but they can keep on waiting on me waiting on me waiting on me to fall waiting on me waiting on me waiting on me to fall waiting on me waiting on me waiting on me to fall hey it's me Melania I'm sure you see me around you probably

♪ You've probably seen me on TV ♪ ♪ I'm about to go pick up my best friends Tay-Tay and Stephanie ♪ ♪ We 'bout to go pop them tags ♪ ♪ Get our nails done, hair done ♪ ♪ We ain't chasin' boys, we chasin' checks ♪ ♪ We chasin' dreams, we chasin' goals ♪ ♪ Big things poppin', little things stoppin' ♪ ♪ I can't wait to grow up ♪

grow up I've got plans to blow up mama said it ain't easy but I don't care so what and parents told us don't be too quick to grow up dad said it ain't easy but I don't care so what I can't wait to grow up I've got plans to blow up mama said ain't easy but I don't care so what and

Parents told us, "Don't be too quick to grow up." Dad said, "It ain't easy, but I don't care." So what? And so, with great humility, I stand in front of you. I'm proud to play the crappies. It's like a dream come true.

That is why I'd like to shout it up and down Just to tell Broadway Ben and Ronnie K Are back in town Thank you, thank you guys.

Well, hot damn, sir! It does not get any better than that. Daniel Reichardt, everyone. Woo! Beautiful. My God, golden voice, eh? Well, you know what? I mean, if we're going to have a New Jersey medley, there's only one thing left for us to do, which is to bring out the only New Jersey person I know of who hasn't been murdered recently, Delores! Yeah!

You know you've got to get the Godfather music after your last scene on that show. Oh, more gorgeous in person. Hi, everybody. I miss you. I miss you so much. Let me tell you something. I'm just going to put it out there right now. I only want two things to happen, which is I want Dolores and Carolyn to make it to the very end of The Traitors. Yes.

That's all. That's all I need for 2025. Take it home, baby. Take it home. Take it home. So what was that experience like? Was it crazy doing that after Housewives? Which would you consider more stressful? The Housewives. Yes. Hands up. It was a break from, it was like a little vacation for me. And while I was there, you don't have a phone. So a lot of shit was going down over here. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. So you were there for like Jersey Mike's and all that stuff. Were you over there? No, no. Jersey Mike's, that was recent. But I'm talking about like after the finale and everything. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, because you started right while that was airing. This makes so much sense. You guys didn't have phones, which is why Sandoval was bugging out the entire time. A few reasons probably, but yeah.

I have to say, the way you handled Tom Sandoval this week. How else can you handle him? Fucking Sandoval. Ariana, why'd you waste all that time there? Yeah. Look at.

Look at how good she's doing now. Look at it. Killing it. Don't waste your time. But I loved watching you deal with Sandoval in this last episode. It was fun. I had my mob, you know, I was like, had my mob suit on that day. And I was feeling it. By the way, Paul just watched The Godfather the other day. Oh, really? You know, that's a topic on Bravo because Craig on Southern Charm admitted he'd never seen The Godfather just like two nights ago. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But, so yeah, so I was just ready for him. - You were, you dealt with it? You were just like, shut up child. - I know. - Be quiet. - I think because you opened up the round table. - He was so nervous. - Well, because you opened up the round table, right? You were like, all right, I'd like to start. Sandoval, would you like to say something? - Well, you know, you get worked up. Imagine your name being thrown around all day and you know you have to sit at that round table and you have to fight for yourself.

It's not right. Yeah, yeah, I can see why you'd be, especially when it's Tom, you know, and you know you're going to go against that little weasel, you know? It's always easy to fight with someone that no one likes. Yeah. Did you feel like years of doing chaotic, crazy Jersey reunions just totally prepared you for the roundtable? It prepared me for a war. Like, it totally prepares you. Like, that's why they're afraid of the housewives when we get there. Yeah. They're like, take them out.

- They're not the best game players. They're wasting the kills on us, if you haven't noticed. Chanel still doesn't know she played the game. You know, Dorinda was just being mad. - I'm so mad that we did not get more Dorindas. - I was really mad we didn't get our Dorinda. - We could have had some fun. - They didn't want to have fun. - What you say about my, give me a square fucking table. I'm not doing a round table. I want a square table.

Oh, I would have, oh God, the money I would have paid to watch Dorinda go against Boston Rob. Oh, forget it. You're right. You know what? Bring them back. Yes. Thank you. Give Dorinda a chance. Yes. Yeah. And bring them back. She was ready. Her wardrobe was on the hook. Yeah, no, I actually am going to mandate that Peacock brings back Dorinda and we will not hear any other way. Yeah. Yeah.

- Seconded. - Yeah. - Okay, well, why don't we get on to our thing. So actually, appropriately enough, your category is most chaotic. - Shocker, shocker, okay.

Okay, so we're going to go through the nominations. I didn't bring my glasses either. We'll read them. We'll read them and we'll kiki after. I love we're all still wearing glasses up here and hiding them under the bed. Does LASIK suck now? I would do it. You have to be a candidate for it. Oh, you do? Yeah. Oh, shit. I didn't know that. It's like dating. I'm good enough for LASIK.

Okay, so our first nominee is Brie doing laundry on Below Deck Med. Okay. Next up is Casa Amor Recoupling on Love Island USA.

Such a great show. Jax and Kristen on the valley. Look at them. Look at them. Gondola ride in Mexico. Real housewives of Miami. Oh, this one. Guess what? I'd like to direct your attention up there. Uh-oh. Oh, my God. That was chaos. The rails last supper. Oh.

You were in the eye of the storm. I was. You're the last woman standing, actually. And I was, and I knew our fate then. The best was when you started drinking people's drinks after they left. I'm like, shit, I hope this doesn't have glass in it, but at this point, I hope it does. I'm done. Okay. What do you think you would choose out of these? Not because it's me, because you know I'm never about me, but...

We win. Yeah, you should win that one. All right. Miss Sadie. Let's take a look at these gorgeous Miss Golden Crappies. Thank you. This is exciting. It is. There you go, my love. Oh.

- Gondola ride in Mexico! - That was pure chaos. - Congratulations. - Pure chaos. - Would you accept that for them? - I would, I'm gonna keep this forever. It's a big poop. I love this. - Dolores Catania, ladies and gentlemen. - Dolores, thank you so much for coming tonight. She is an icon. Dolores Catania.

You know, I only wish we were being telecast because you know, somewhere Frank is watching going, Dolores! One of the girls backstage was like, oh yeah, I got this, what do you call it, a cameo. One of my friends sent me a cameo from Frank for one of my birthdays. And my friend said that I'm from Long Island and Frank's cameo is, I fucking love Long Island! I love it!

so many girls from Long Island back in the day. Perfect. The most Frank Catania cameo of all time. All right. Okay. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley auto. Ashley Savoni. She don't take no baloney.

Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Catherine DiBernardo has our heart-o. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. Dana C. Dana Do. We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less. Jamie, she has no less name-y. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Hava Nagila Webber.

We could all learn from Jennifer Kearns. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trach. Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes, we can-a, it's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches!

And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. She's got a leg up, it's Beth Ani. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen, it's Queen La Ifa.

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Know Your Worth with Jason Kerr. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lowell Al-Khalani. The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. Give him hell, Miss Noelle. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon, out of a can in Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She ain't no shrinking Violet Couture. We love you guys.

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In the 1980s, a rosé swept the country. Hey Mike, I really like this White Zin Fandone. Well good, good. Now put it down, I'm gonna try another one. White Zin became America's top-selling wine. But most don't know that this sweet drink has a sour history. What began in 1986 with counterfeit bottles… A big fraud. A multi-million dollar fraud.

sent investigators chasing one of the most powerful families in the business, the Lichardis. But the closer the feds got to them, the more dangerous things became. It's a story of deceit. At the time, I was paranoid. Threats. You touch my kids, I will kill you. And murder. With a .22 caliber bullet to the head. What started with a scheme to mislabel wine spilled into a blood-soaked battle for succession.

Welcome to Blood Vines. You can binge listen to Blood Vines exclusively and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.