#2732 Southern Hospitality S03E07: Grace Land
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Oh, a little bit of crappin' Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins? Welcome to Crappins! Don't wait a week for a new video. Join our Patreon at the Crappins On Demand level for instant recap access. Link in description. Enjoy the show! Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappins, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Broths. I'm Ronnie, that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Ah.

Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. It's Southern Hospital Day. How else could I be but wonderful? Everybody, we're on tour. The Mounting Hysteria Tour coming to your city soon. Listen up. In March, we'll be at the... We'll be at...

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Not much. We recorded a guest spot over on Carlos King's podcast. So you all have to go listen to that. We love Carlos. He is just the best. So be sure to check out his show wherever you get podcasts. He's a good guy. You're a good guy, Carlos. You're a good guy, Carlos. Good guy.

That was a really fun one. We talked all about Potomac and other stuff. So join us over there. Here we are with Southern Hospitality, Not Pretty in Sin City, Season 3, Episode 7. We are here. And the big cliffhanger going into the episode is will Grace Lilly get to the pool on time to sing her iconic lyrics? La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

La, la, la, la, la. Damn it. Can I do that again? There's just too many words in this song. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

So DJ Maddie Reese is at the dayclub. She's on the ones and the twos, crossfading, pressing play, crossfading, pressing play, crossfading, pressing play. All the stuff to really show who she is and be herself out there on the stage. Everything's happening. And Grace Lilly's not there. And I don't know, everybody's starting to get offended, but nobody's more offended than TJ. Of course, TJ's like, it's pretty slap in the face. It's like pretty slap in the face if she doesn't show up.

That's actually the name of one of my wieners. Slap in the face. I know. Coming soon. This would be like showing up at Sir Wiener's and asking for a burger. It's just like a slap in the face. So Maddie's like, I was very aware of the risk that I took when I gave Grace Lilly this chance to further her musical career, but I did it anyway. Oh my God. Yeah.

How is your musical career ever going to recover from some rando not showing up to sing La La La La in sync with the album at this pool party in Vegas? How are you going to recover, Sondheim? Now Maddie understands what it was like when Quincy Jones rolled the dice on Michael Jackson, you know? This is just like when Pavrotti didn't show up to the Grammys and Aretha Franklin had to sing a song instead.

Or like when Parvati showed up to the traders and decided to roll the dice on some headbands. Sometimes as an artist, you just have to take risks and they will pay off. Yep. So then we, um, Maddie's freaking out. Well, not freaking out, but everybody else is. So now the rest of the cast is heading over to the DJ table and they're like, yeah, Maddie. And Joe's like, that's my girlfriend over there. That's my girlfriend, everybody. That's my girlfriend. And then, um, she's like, uh,

We hear Maddie be like, where's Grace? Where's Grace? If Grace doesn't start popping it in the next five minutes, I'm going to start popping off.

Classic marbles. You know he got that from Luann. Luann was like, "Get over here. You either start popping off or I'm popping you. You little fucker, get over here. I'm wasting my time." "Alright kid, let me show you the way the world works. When they ask you how you feel about something, you use the word in two different ways. Here you go. If they don't start popping it, I'm gonna pop off. Now you try. If Nana doesn't make me chicken parm, I'm gonna have spaghetti. That's wrong, but oh whatever. Fuck me anyway."

I'm going to parm Nana. That's it. It's creepy, but it works. Hit it, boys. It works in its own way. So then Molly's like, Grace is an idiot. You can't even show up on time for your best friend's set. I mean, what are you even doing in this life? And then we see Grace is just doing her makeup. So Molly says, if she has a package of cat poop showing up at our front door, it wasn't me. Wow. So Molly, great defender of Grace Lilly.

So then back to the club, Grace Lilly finally gets there and she comes to the cast and she's like, come on guys, come on, we need to get hyped up. We're already hyped up, Grace Lilly. How are you an hour late? I didn't know I had to be here at a certain time. I just thought it was like kind of a come when you come. I thought it was like I could show up whatever time of the day and they'll just start playing my song and I'll just sing. That's how it works, right? He's like, we told you soundcheck was at one. She's like, well, but I had sound at one. Hmm.

I checked the sound of my phone. It was on vibrate at 1 p.m. Is that what you meant? He's like, just so you're sorry to my life. She's like, for what? I'm here, aren't I? You know what? Some of the greatest performers aren't always on time, but we wait for them. Yeah, you're not one of those. Okay? Sorry. You're not one of those. I would barely wait on you, and I was a waiter for like 40 years.

how could you say that? I gotta sing la la la la la la la. I mean, you wait for that, right? She's like, oh my god, it's the next song already? And Maddie's like, you were late, Grace Lilly. That is crazy. This is a record, okay? It is a record that will be played in a certain order.

Oh, no, I didn't practice my la-la-la-la-las. Are we sure it's la-la-la and not lay-lay-lay? I'm so confused. God, are you sure we're going on right next? Hey, everybody, it's Grace Lilly. Grace, right? Am I right? It's Grace Lilly. So everybody cheers. And then the song Poppin' It starts playing. And Grace is just very badly lip syncing because, of course, this is all tracked. You're not going to sing live in a DJ set anyway, are you? I mean, I guess some people do, but...

but um not Grace Lily no thank God I just keep on popping it like there's no stopping it la la la la and uh everyone is like huh and some people are like this song is actually kind of catchy um but Grace Lily keeps on she's up there she's standing on top of the DJ booth and she's like waving her arm around she just kind of looks like a drunk girl that climbed up on top of there like you would never know she's an actual performer on this track

And it turns out that they had turned off her microphone just in case. Which is smart. It was very smart. But it's also, you know, I mean, she doesn't get enough credit because not only can she not sing, but she also can't move to the rhythm of the beat. Listen, bring your hula hoop. Where's your hula hoop? I mean, I just feel like her mom's at home like, I trained her so hard with that thing and now she's just shitting it all down the toilet. For what? For what? Bring the hula hoop. What, you're going to use all my bag of tricks? Yes.

So Luann was the original hula hoop queen on Bravo. Let's never forget when she brought a hula hoop to Bethany's house in a never to endure herself. Yeah. No one will talk to me here. Well, watch me hula hoop.

She literally did that. So Grace is doing this and everyone's dancing and everyone's like laughing at her and Grace and Maddie is like, Grace doesn't take anything seriously. So I can't trust her singing on a microphone. So it all ends this one song and smoke comes out, et cetera. The audience just poops all over the dance floor. It's like, damn it. When are we going to learn about smoke machines on Bravo?

I did really think about that. Oh, wow. I'm so proud of Madi. Like, I can't believe the way she pressed play on her laptop. It was just like so amazing. And then the club promoters like, hey, guys, great job. That was like the best we've ever seen in Vegas. Like, seriously, we've never seen a better DJ in Vegas. I'm just like, oh, my God. Thanks so much for that. He's not complimenting you, Miss Kardashian. Sit down, Chris.

also what is this this random guy he's like what is he's like every DJ that we've that I've seen so many DJs start out here at the day club and like you were amazing like they've all gone on to do great things like Mitzi Leibowitz she's over at the buffet now she spins from 11 a.m to 12 they love her they love her when they bring out the shrimp cocktail oh and you should see the guys playing over by the slots I mean they all started here they all go through me

Now, listen, if you ever need a bat mitzvah or bar mitzvah, okay, we're not picky. Mitzi, Mitzi Leibovitz is the way to go. She started here. Tell your 13 year old, Mitzi Leibovitz began here.

Have you ever heard Evergreen remixed with a sick beat? That's Mitzi Liebowitz for you. Have you ever heard Papa Can You Hear Me remixed with Stop, Stop, what was that? Get Out of My Dreams and Into My Car? Okay. Then you haven't heard of Mitzi Bot. Have you ever heard of The Way We Were with a little in the middle of it? God, it's sick. Crowd goes nuts.

So then the cast is cheering for her and stuff. And Brad and Lake are making out. And Molly's like, wow, when Brad friendzoned Lake, it definitely got into her head. And now she's like trying to reel him in so she can friendzone him. That's a girl boss right there. Yeah.

I was like, wow. When I saw that, I thought, girl boss, hashtag girl boss. I was like, those are two drunk people and there's nothing more to it. Yeah. So now they're back at the hotel and they're going to have disco cowboy night. So they all have to go get their disco stuff on and Molly's going to go take a titty pit.

And in the presidential, Emmy and Will walk in with Mia. And Mia's like, oh my God, smells like sex in here, guys. And Will goes, huh, no. I'm a lawyer. Smells like law school. So then Brad is, they're talking, Brad and the boys, Brad, TJ, Mia, they're all talking about the day and everything. And Brad's like,

He's like, yeah, it was cool seeing Maddie up there. Yeah, she looked really happy. And they're just like, you know, just it's back and forth, but it's basically ultimately leading up to Emmy and Will. And so Emmy is like, like, my vibes are high. Like Maddie brought the energy and it's just like Grace is just like awful. She's so awful. And we just see Grace back there being like, I didn't realize it was so wrong. I mean, look, it's not like look, it's not like she's doing it all on her own. She didn't need me to be there on time.

And Austin's telling her, wow, I was really shocked that that song was like so good. And she goes, well, you know, she has people to help her. It's not like she's doing it all on her own. Oh, okay. That's a better context. Unlike Whitney Houston, who just sat there on her TASCAM and recorded every single song on her own. Excuse you, ma'am. Have some respect.

Yeah, exactly. So they talk about this for a while. They talk about how nice it was that Joe was supportive and everything like that. And the same had Joe's like obsessed with her and everything. And Michael's like, by the way, I noticed I was like, this is like devastating for me when I saw this. It was like shocking. But when we were at the pool, like Emmy and Will shut off and I was like, oh my God, they're like shutting off right now. Like what do I even do right now?

And meanwhile, Brad is like, yeah, Joe's like really obsessed with Maddie, huh? And TJ's like, yeah. Well, I think that Joe needs someone in his life that is constantly succeeding because he's looking to like move up. And that's her. Jesus, are you a good friend at all ever? Is anybody on this show ever just a good friend to each other? These people are terrible. And I hope they last 20 seasons.

I know. TJ is like dissing Joe for upward mobility while he's actively calling in favors from all of his friends to help launch his wiener business. That's true. He didn't mind when Joe was taken off his shirt to slap himself with some Sir Wieners. Yeah. So Michaels is saying how Will and Emmy shut off. They were not really hanging out with people. And we cut to Will and Emmy. And Will's like...

Everyone's like not having fun with us. Do you know what it wouldn't, you know what I mean? And they're like, yeah. And then we see that they were like, Oh, I guess it was a flashback. They just like sit down sadly at the, in the middle of the day club to be like,

Like, no one wants to be with us. No one's paying attention to us. It's not about you. Get in the center and cheer. What the hell? Yeah. So then they're talking with Mia about group dynamics. And Will's like, you know, it's, like, really hard being here with these people because, like, they've been nothing but horrible to me. Yeah.

And Mia just goes, well, you talk shit about your girlfriend. Mia's great in this scene. And he goes, no, I made a mistake and I'm ashamed of it. She goes, yeah, well, I want to see you say that tonight and I want to see everyone's reaction. He's like, oh, fuck. Me say that? Fuck.

I didn't talk shit. I just made a mistake. She's like, people need to know that you're a good boyfriend to Emmy because right now what's on the table is that you're not. Okay. And that is from a fifth place Miss Whatever. So get it together. And he's like, it's not really my style though. She's like, okay, well, if you need to suck up and you need a bathroom to do it in, we'll all go to the bathroom. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, this guy's a real winner. Like people are like coming for his girlfriend because of his actions because he went into their business, talk shit about her and now they're all like, we're not so sure about your boyfriend. And rather than like put himself in an uncomfortable situation and clear, you know, clear it all up and really like jump on the jump on the sword or whatever.

He's like, I just, I don't know. It's not my style. I'm like really uncomfortable doing it. I don't want to do that. It just feels crazy. Yeah. It's like, I don't want to give them that pleasure. Well, the whole point is that you're giving too many people pleasure in bathrooms. The least you could do is say sorry to the friends. Okay. And then I feel bad because he's stuck in this Amazon disco shirt because I bought the same one years ago to try on for some stupid, probably for the crappies. And I was like, even I can't wear this.

I mean, this is just terrible. It's made out of plastic. And then he wears it the whole time. So I felt kind of sorry for him. But then I remembered it was Will. So Mia says, Will Culp does not have humility. And this is exactly what he needs at this very moment. It would fix so much for him. It would fix so much for Emmy. And we could be one big happy family again. I mean, the irony that this guy is named Will Culp, but he can't actually be culpable about anything is...

So then people are getting ready for the disco party and it's time. Lake needs somebody on areola duty guys, her nipple showing boss bitch. So then we go to red tail restaurant, which is Will's like looking around for a communist to bang in the bathroom. He's like literally telling her, telling her red. And so, um,

Then everyone's seated down and everything. And TJ like turns to Grace and he's like, "So, why were you so late?"

She's like, I wasn't late. I didn't know time I was supposed to be there. So you can't be late if you don't know what time you're supposed to be there. Duh. What do you mean? I don't know. Maddie knew when she needed to be there. She's like, well, I was there, though. So it's like you're saying I wasn't there, but I was there. So Joe's like, an hour late. Like, we needed to warm up. Like, I needed to see your mouth go, and you didn't do it. So...

Like, if you're not going to pop in it, then we're not going to watch Mary Poppins later, right? So Grace Lilly's like, wrong. Try it again, young one. All right, kid. The spirit of Luann's like, wrong, grasshopper. Wax on, wax off my vagina.

So Grace is like, listen, it was no disrespect. And Maddie goes, yeah, but like you walked up as I was like playing your song. So it was kind of disrespectful. She goes, yeah, well then that was perfect timing.

Grace, do you know her set time? We need to get ready for a set time. And that's just how it is. That's how it is. And she's like, well, sometimes it's just not about y'all. And then we get a, listen, you guys keep poking at her. She showed up. You can't yell at the woman for getting there on time. She did get there on time. She got there on time for her song.

I'm on Team Grace Lily for this. I am not on Team Grace Lily for this. First of all, her saying, sometimes it's not about y'all. It's the reason why they're there. You are all there to see this set. There's a poster on the side of a rider truck driving up and down the strip, okay, that has Maddie's face on it. A rider truck? Listen, it is $12.99 an hour to take this. I'm sorry. It's changed over to the Maddie Reese. Listen, Maddie Reese is in town right now.

Yeah. And also, honestly, just as like a friend, Matt, like you should just be there on time just to see Maddie press play on her on her on her laptop, because this is a big deal for her. You know, like, don't just show up when it's your song. Show up for your friend. She was putting on makeup. So I take it all back. It was hard. Have you seen those? Have you seen those eyelashes? They're like 20 pounds. It did not. It didn't just happen overnight. That makeup. It took a very long time.

She was like, in case we don't get our own private cabana, I'm going to attach one to my eyelashes and you guys can all assemble under it. So, you know, they're all mad. They're all like pretend mad at her because no one's shocked. You know what I mean? And so he's like, you're an art athlete. Let's say sorry or something. And she's like, when you're a guest, you pop up as a guest. So that's what I did. Surprise. I'm a guest. It's me. La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

You know, Maddie and I go back five or six years, and her and I communicate great, almost as good as me and Bob Marley do. So I don't know why Joe is involving himself in the situation. I mean, let the artists handle it, Joe. You're just a groupie. Well, guess what? If Maddie, it was a big deal. And if it's a big deal, Maddie, it's a big deal to our children. It's like, whoa, Joe, Joe, whoa, Joe.

So Mia's like, "Maddie, put your foot down. Come on, have a scene. Do this. Fight, fight, fight." And Brace Lily, meanwhile, is going off on Joe and she's like, "Well, Maddie hasn't spoken to me about it and you're speaking for her. So I think you should let her speak for herself."

So Maddie goes, they're all looking at Maddie to have a fight. They're like, listen, we're in Vegas and literally nothing has happened. So let's do something. And so Maddie just goes, you showed up. She goes, thank you. But I mean, if you didn't, I wouldn't be surprised. And she's like, I wouldn't do that. I would never, ever do that.

And Mia's like, sometimes being on the defense is never really the answer. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Maddie. It was not intentional. And she goes, I don't think it was. And I appreciate you saying that. She's like, yeah, that's not right. It's like, oh, okay, I guess this is resolved. Yeah. So they're like, well, let's just make a choice to pop in that. Okay? You can still be wavy. Okay? Didn't mean to come in and attack you, Grace Lilly. That was rough. I know that was like a rough moment in your life. So I hope it's all good now.

Mia's like, okay, everyone, shall we now go at Will? I feel like, I think that's something that could bring us all together. Like, yeah, sure. Let's go attack Will. They really, it was so funny. They're just like having so much fun in Vegas that they're forgetting that they have to shoot a show. It's like, okay, well, we need to fight. We haven't really earned our free hotel room. So, Will, you're up. And he's like, oh, there's something I want to address at the table.

Objection sustained. Thank you, Your Honor. That was all me. I've said things that were very critical of our relationship, you know, mine and Emmy's. And, you know, I have so much regret about that because, you know, Emmy and I discussed it ourselves and we're working on it. And it's something I feel a lot of shame about. Mostly the her being too thin and anorexic and like full of herself. Like that's really rough on me. I'm sorry, did I say that? Yeah. Okay.

And like in terms of like TJ, like I just I just want to say, TJ, if you'll give me the opportunity, I would like to deflect this entire situation onto you. So thanks for being a shitty friend, TJ. And he's like, wait, what did I do? I showed up on time for this dinner. The last person I attacked was Joe and he didn't hear it. So I don't know why I'm in this. And then he's like, um, because you brought it up in front of everyone at the dinner table. Oh.

Like, seriously? And Emmy just starts that hair pulling thing. I'm like, oh, no, Emmy. Emmy, stay calm, Emmy. Stay calm. She's like, oh. Yeah. And we see two weeks ago TJ viciously bringing it up at the table by saying, how's your talk? Yeah, it was Michaels who really did it. And she's like, me and Michaels, it was good. And he's like, I don't know, because I feel like you kind of gave me the runaround.

Is that a new type of brew? Because I kind of have dibs on giving you coffees.

he's like no so emmy is like i just don't see the whole flashback and emmy losing her mind relax so emmy says i hold tj to a hiker standard and tj was like mine and will's best friend and best friends don't humiliate best friends the way he humiliated me and will i'm like have you met tj this is like all he has to do this is like his this is his dream is to be able to do this with you guys

Well, also, you picked the wrong best friend. We watched you doing this to your best friend or one of your best friends. What's your buns? Hello, fucking L. Maddie. All the last season. So you don't get off that easy. I mean, this was your whole storyline last season was coming for her relationship. And so it's your turn. So just enjoy it. You know, calm yourself. And TJ is like, wow. I mean, what was the one who said all these things about his girlfriend? Not me. I mean, I have.

but I'm not dating her. So like, who cares? So back to the restaurant, Emmy is like doing the hair thing again. And Will's like revisiting it. Us doesn't help us. So I have feelings hurt that are, I have feelings that are hurt. And I want to express that.

Come on, Dan. The real victim, Will Culp. Well, we find out later why he is truly a victim here, guys. But he says, I don't like this. And I feel like it'd be more beneficial to have maybe some real healing that we can enact maybe down the line when I'm fucking a girl in the bathroom somewhere. I don't know.

Yeah, like if you really want to kill me, maybe you could blow me like you blew Joe. I mean, I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud? Have we already talked about that? That was last week. It was a very meaningful scene. And so Leek's like, well, Leek, Lake. Her name was Leek. She's like a delicious mild onion. Lake is like, wait, Leek's not an onion, is it?

A leak is an allium. Yeah. It's like an anise flavored. It's in the family. So it's, it's an onion. It's, it's like a, it's like the, it's like a, it is. Yeah. Wonderful onion friend. Okay. That's a cool cousin of an onion. Thank you.

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At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So, Cousin of an Onion is like, what about the cheating allegations? Because everybody's hearing it. Just tell them what you told me, Austin. Speak already. God, old people. I love Lake.

Lake has really come on to be a wonderful addition to the season. The first few episodes, I was sort of like, okay, they just gave us Lake, but we don't understand who she is. And over the past, like four or five, she's just been great. And I just love her just being exhausted and be like, okay, well, can we talk about the cheating? And so everyone's like, and Austin is like all upset because he's trying to, you know, cover for his girlfriend. So he's like, oh,

Well, this girl that just recently graduated law school goes, oh, don't you know Emmy? And I said, yeah. And she says, oh, well, I go to law school with Will and he cheats on her all the time. And then Will and Emmy, like Emmy's like, oh my God, oh my God. She has that look on her face and Will's like, has the oh shit look on his face. And he's like, I don't care about the rumors. And they're like, come on, say the whole thing, Austin. There's more to it.

His little brother went on Reddit and was like, I'm Will's little brother. AMA. Ask me anything. And so people were like, is this true? Is all this stuff true? And he's like, no. I love my brother. He's an amazing brother. And Emmy, hold on. Emmy what? What do you want me to say? Emmy loves, Emmy has great hair and she conditions it regularly. They're like, wait a minute. Are Will and Emmy there? He's like, yeah, just to make sure this doesn't go off the rails. Well, what the hell kind of AMA is that? Yeah. What's Will giving you?

Weirdo. He's so cute, though. No offense, little brother. Love you. I believe in you. So Austin, Will's like, I'm not concerned about rumors. So Joe is like, hey, say the whole thing. You did not say the whole thing, Austin. Say the whole thing or Maddie Reese is not going to work with you again. And so Lake's like, spit it out, man. We don't have all day, old man log lifter. And he's like, well, she also said that you fucked a girl in a bathroom. Don't, don't, don't.

Will's like, no, I did not. Okay. It was more of like a guest room with like a futon. Will! I mean, no, we didn't have any sex at all. What are you talking about? So Austin's like, yeah, apparently they hooked up in a bathroom, but it got worse because then they said that he'd actually been fucking a bunch of different girls. And then he's like, huh? What's your name? What's your name? What is it then? What's your name? It doesn't count if you don't tell me your name. I mean, if you don't tell me your name, how am I supposed to use this bathroom?

I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. You know, I heard this from my girlfriend and she heard it from somebody who goes to law school with Will. And apparently they were privy to this information. Privy is a legal term. And I learned it from the law school person, but I don't want to tell anybody that because I'm trying to protect my girl, even though that ship has kind of sailed because I've been mentioning, I mentioned her like 10 times in my explanation of how I learned. Girl wants you to mention it. And she wants you to bring on her on TV to confront them about it. That producers just won't let her on. Who are you kidding?

So then Emmy is like, where's the evidence? Where's the proof? What the fuck? There's nothing we can do. There's nothing we can do. They're coming. Everywhere I turn, they're there. They're there. I can't even go to a bathroom anymore. I just piss behind a bush because I can't do anything. At which point she takes a wine bottle and cracks over the side of the table and...

Will's the pointy part out and everyone's like, everyone stay back. You guys are going to stay in your seats and we're going to go back up to our rooms and we're going to talk and we're going to pack our bags. But if you, I swear to God, if one of you guys follows us, you're going to get this glass right in your chest. I swear to fucking God, you're not going to get me this time. And Will's like, no one's going to believe me anyway, babe. And Grace Lily's like, I believe you. I believe you and I respect you. And as soon as you need to walk away, just walk away. Do what Jesus did when Bob Marley took down his pants and wait a minute.

Yeah, they had a lot of fun up there. So Lake goes, it's just a fucking pity party. Blah, blah, blah, boring. And Emmy's like, the birds won't stop coming. They won't stop going. Oh my God, he doesn't cheat on me like I'm psychotic. Like I'm psychotic? What am I, nuts? Like I know everything about him. It's just not true. It's not true, you guys.

Sammy's like, I can't take a break. I can't do this. And Michael's like, okay, give me your hand and squeeze. Squeeze. I'm trying to relax you. Squeeze. Squeeze. Oh, I literally shit my pants right now. Why did you squeeze that hard? Oh my God. She like squeezed so hard. I was kind of like, what's going on? Do you like have feelings for me? I just love how, I love Michael's, sorry, I just love the way Michael's tries to calm down Emmy because he always winds up just yelling at her.

Relax! Squeeze! Because we see that she just does this, like, every five minutes, you know? So he's like, I think that Emmy has a five-year plan for her and Will. So, like, any time Will gets called out, she sees, like, another year added to that plan. It's just, like, so sad.

And then we see clips of Emmy being like, and then by 2027, I see ourselves with a baby and married in a house, a house, a house with a roof. There's pipes coming out of the roof. There's little pipes going down the side in case it rains and it's going to go down the roof and it's going to collect in a pipe and it's going to water a garden, a garden that our children play with. Cheat on me. She's going to slowly segue into somewhere that's green.

I like that Michael's called it a glitch in the system. That's 100% the best way to describe it. Because she becomes a glitch. She's like, no, no, Will cannot possibly cheat.

So we come back to the restaurant and Austin, he's like, guys, I don't want this to be a fucking conversation. It's a Friday night. Let's have fun. I'm like, no, shut up. Make a conversation. We've been waiting. You also started the conversation, weirdo. So everybody's like, that's a song comfortable. And Will's like, I'm out of here. So they leave. And then it's really quiet for a minute. And then everybody's looking at each other. And Austin goes, is this CrossFed?

shut up Austin not lol so now it's like they're all gonna go to like they go their hotel rooms and everything and everyone's like looking rough in bed and you know it's the next day now people are gonna wait are waking up and they're gonna go like separate and go out to um like different like breakfast and stuff or go to the pool and we're gonna have a kind of like a like let's talk about last night kind of thing

So they just were all wasted last night. That's the that of that. So then we go to Grace Lilly in Austin's and Grace is like, hey, I got more coffee from the room. And he goes, you got more coffee? She's like, yeah. He goes, where'd you get more coffee? And she's like, the hotel. I called them. He's like, you're fucking amazing, Grace Lilly. I love Austin learning about the amenities of a hotel. If you call down to the front desk, they'll bring you something. He's like, whoa. Yeah.

And then Mia, Brad and TJ are talking and TJ late at night got a wiener tattoo on his wrist. I mean, I appreciate the commitment to your fledgling brand, but like maybe wait to you. Let's get some sales under under your belt before you start tattooing things onto your wrist. Yeah. And I like that one of them's like, wow, now you can see your wiener while you're playing with your wiener. All right.

So then we're talking about Will and the girlfriend again. It's so boring. So then we go, just because it's like every single day, they just need to catch this fucking guy. I need Mia to just get a hidden camera and find his ass and find who he's cheating with. Isn't John Quijones around? Can we get like a hidden camera set up and like a what would you do? Come on. We could make this happen really easily. Yeah.

Yeah. So then we see the after dinner blow up with Will and Emmy. And they're just like, it's just like with us, no one believes us. She's like, yeah. And he's like, everyone believes I would cheat and I would never cheat. She's like, yeah. He's like, we're a power couple. She's like, yeah. I also love that Emmy goes, oh my God, I'm like losing my voice. Like how am I even losing my voice? And they come to her being like, everyone is trying to entrap us. And then you see her late at night smoking cigarettes, like nervous, like.

Yeah, I don't know how I lost my voice. So they're in bed and Will has a legal pad because he's a lawyer. And she's like, yeah, last night was insane. It was just like nuts. Like everyone's coming for me all the time. He's like, I just don't know what to say anymore. It's like this group is like a pack of hyenas and with a rotten carcass that they just want to devour. Our relationship is great. Okay, I'm going to breakfast with the boys. Bye. Lisa, she's like, that reminds me of the time I fucked a carcass in the bathroom once.

So we go to Viva restaurant, which is funny, Viva, because these guys all look dead and they're at a place called Viva. And they all sit down and Will joins this table. It's the guys. It's Brad, TJ, Joe, and Will. Someone throws a leg at their head.

So it was like I'm just exhausted it just feels like everyone's against our relationship only because I went to our place of business and said this relationship sucks I hate being in it like why is everyone against this relationship? I mean especially for Austin to say that like part of my anger is that you guys because I felt abandoned a little bit But you just didn't like step in and that's like not what I expected out of friendship like no one's got her backs Everyone's critical of us and teachers think um, but you know why everyone thought that

He's like, are we in Looney Tunes? Like, hello. So then we go to the poolside and Maddie and Emmy are talking shit about, wait. Oh, well, Mia and Maddie are talking shit. Like, can you believe last night? Oh my God, I can't believe it either. And then Emmy walks up and it's like, oh, hey, Emmy. I know. So do you feel better about addressing the group? Because like, I feel like I'd be so embarrassed about what was even talked about. And I would like look at my boyfriend. I'd be like, what the fuck, Will? Yeah.

And he's like, no, absolutely not. It's not his fault. If anything, it's my fault because I talk about how much fun I have going to the bathroom. And so Will, of course, goes to the bathrooms more than usual. And the enthusiasm is infectious. So he's often like, hey, I want to bring someone into the bathroom so you can see how cool the bathroom is. And oftentimes it is girls because it is a feminine place. Bathrooms are. So he's going to bring women into the bathroom and they will be there for a long time experiencing the joy. So this is not Will's fault. If anything, it's my fault or whoever invented bathrooms. Sorry.

And Maddie's like, oh, okay. Well, did you even ask Will if it's true? She's like, it's not true. It's not. It's not true. So then back to the restaurant. TJ's like, um, like, the biggest part is, like, the accusations. Like, is this true? And Will's like, no. Okay, here's what happened. Austin's girlfriend, wait, Austin's girlfriend's brother goes to law school and

And then he bullied me at orientation because that's how lawyers are. They're like, look, guys, it's a smarter lawyer than us. Get him. And they got me in the parking lot and they beat me. And then they made it up that I was having sex with somebody. What are you talking about? And then I had to go to law school detention. And they were like, bet you can't survive this. And then there was a girl and she had like a lot of lice and she had like dandruff. And she was like shaking it onto her law school thing. And I was like, she's weird. But in the end, we all kind of bonded, you know?

Our parents all suck at the end of the day. That's the point. Thank you, John Hughes. And he's like, yeah, he's bullying me. Like, he's going into law school orientation. He's like, what's up, Bravo bro? And so, like, I'm being Bravo bullied. And...

They're otherizing me. That's what this is. I wasn't like gay and I wasn't like a POC. So they just had to make something up. So now they call me Bravo boy. And it's just like, I'm like you, this guy, the smartest thing he said here was to me, it's like, they're just reiterating the rumor from last year. Like they saw me on TV. So they're like, he cheated on his girlfriend in a bathroom. And now people are still saying that like, it's a current rumor. If he had said that, I think that people would have been like, Oh, that makes sense.

Unless some thirsty... And also if he hadn't talked shit about his girlfriend at the beginning of the season. Yeah, let's not forget that part. Let's not forget about that part. But this whole thing like I went to law school orientation and I was bullied. Like...

Like it is some 80s movie, like it's three o'clock high or something like that. I'm going to beat you up. I mean, this is all the excuses you could have given was that like Biff was coming at you, you know, and your time machine took you back to 1955 and someone started the rumor about you. I mean, come on.

Yeah. So then we go back to Emmy and Emmy is doing the same thing. She's like, guys, someone says a vendetta against Will. I mean, that's just all it is. You know, like you guys, law school is different than regular school. They're like really competitive. They're really mean. They object to things a lot. And Austin's girlfriend's brother, he goes to law school with Will and like he's calling him Bravo Boy and he's trying to make him look bad. It's bullying, you guys. Like people want to tear each other down in law school. Law school people are mean.

the the way that they are describing law school like it is like cobra kai has taken it over it just it's like in the media he goes yeah i saw legally blonde i get it and they're like ha ha ha she's no it's a different animal law school it's mean you get shoved into so many lockers there you have to be so careful yeah so everybody's like that's that's some so uh

Mia is like, oh, wait, so you're telling me this young man in law school, besides like studying all day, is making up rumors about Will and Emmy? I mean, come on. So nobody believes this. And then we go back to TJ and TJ is like, so how do you feel about you and me right now then? And Will's like, well, I think we can work through it because we've been friends for a really long time. I just want to keep moving forth. That's how lawyers say it. I want to move forth. Yeah.

yeah let's move forth with that you know um so then we go to tj um well the producer is like so you seem skeptical skeptical about will trying to smooth things over is he yeah because it definitely feels like will is just like telling us what we want to hear it seems fake it just doesn't feel sincere and like this is someone that i just i just don't know anymore i guess i'll just have to sell my hot dogs as a solo act well this hot dog is going to be called

Who? New hot dog. Who's this? So then now they're getting ready to go to dinner. This show is really running on fumes right now. They're going to need something to happen because this is like episode seven. It's still about the stupid relationship. So now they go to dinner and Emmy's like, oh, my God. Like, I'm so excited to go to dinner because the rumors were totally shut down. Like, everybody knows now law schools are mean places.

So hopefully I can just enjoy dinner. You know, Will is good with the guys. I've called the police. They're going to shut down Molly Ringwald's clique at the law school and we're all going to be safe.

So with the presidential suite, Maddie and Will are helping Emmy and just like, there's some dress that like Emmy cannot get into. And then everyone winds up going to a place called Carver's Steak for dinner. And they all get some free espresso, martinis and everything. And they get all this food and now everything, the vibe is like much better now. They're all getting along nicely.

They have oysters and they're like, Grace Lilly, don't have those because they're an aphrodisiac. Remember how horny you were last night? You were trying to make out with Brad. And then we cut to the night before and she's jumping on Brad and she goes, put it in my pussy.

Yeah. And she says, she's like, oh damn, I would have liked to have gotten a tattoo last night. And they're like, well, what would you have gotten? I would have gotten wisdom because my shaman says I have a lot of wisdom. Molly goes, if you're going to that shaman, you don't have a lot of wisdom. Molly goes, yeah, that man is scamming her. Um,

wisdom is chasing her but Grace Lily runs fast so then they're like they're like guys remember when we did this and so we see them some of them driving for ours I remember when we did that and we see something on the helicopter ride and Grace Lee goes hey when you're in the helicopter did you see the mountain with the three presidents is it three or is it four and they're like

that's like Mount Rushmore. It's like not even in this state. Grace literally really thought Mount Rushmore was outside of Vegas. Yikes. So then Joe is like, oh, that's an amazing trip. Like TJ, like I feel like I'm getting your trust back. Love you for that. And now they're going to play a game. Michaels brings it up because he's the noob. So he's like, okay, let's play a Bravo game. Go around the table and say who you trust the least.

It's very Real Housewives of Miami. So Grace Lilly's like, Dr. Nicole. Dr. Nicole's like, wait, I'm not even on this show. No, okay, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm a very trustworthy person. I really am. So the person I trust least is not me because I trust myself the most. I love that that's her answer. Her answer is like, I'm the most trustworthy. You know what? I don't trust that fourth president that was on Mount Rushmore because honestly, I thought there was only three. So a fourth one must have snuck on there.

So Molly goes, Grace, I would never trust you. And she goes, whoa, for you to say that, that is so rude. And Michael's just like, whoa, this turned like crazy. Yeah. Who would have thought when you ask a play game where everyone has to say who they trust the least, that would start taking a sour turn. So Grace Lily goes, so you heard what happened? Wait, wait, what happened? I didn't hear something. Okay. So Emmy goes,

She's like, well, Grace fucked Oisin. And all of a sudden, we have this whole storyline that just falls into our laps. Yeah. So Maddie's like, okay, last year, Oisin was roommates with me and my best friend, Eva. And Oisin and Eva were like a thing. And Grace is not allowed in my house right now because she slept with Oisin. And it's a huge deal because Eva's my best friend and Grace is my best friend. And this has caused turmoil in my girl clock.

How is this not part of the, how's Eva not a cast member this season? And oh my goodness, I'd forgotten about Eva when, when they, when they started mentioning a new person. Oh, I was like, please let it be the Cloris Leachman girl, but it wasn't. So how are you going to fuck O'Sheen and then get mad that somebody else fucked O'Sheen? That's what O'Sheen is. You can't get mad at somebody for riding the same lime scooter that you rented on your iPhone 10 minutes ago. That's what they're there for.

Grace Lilly pretty much says that in a few minutes. So she's like, I didn't deny. I didn't lie about it. And she's like, you're like, Maddie, you're so fucking fake. No, she's had your back with those girls. Stop being mean to Maddie. I love her. She's got my kids. So they start screaming. And Grace Lilly is like, wow, you guys really hyperanalyze my life. I love it. So then we see.

a flashback of Maddie, Joe and the housemates talking about Grace hooking up with O'Sheen and her supposedly denying it. And then Joe's like, yeah, Grace is unreliable, causes mayhem in our lives, and I can't enable this anymore. I don't see Maddie getting anything from having a relationship with Grace.

Okay, Joe, you know, you seem like a nice boyfriend and everything, but you need to back down. You can't be bodyguarding Maddie. You're not her agent. It's Maddie's choice. Yeah. It's Maddie's choice what chaotic and toxic people she wants in her life, okay?

so and then I think somewhere in here grace Lily is like whatever oh sheen is for the streets so Joe's like guys guys guys we have like it's our one final night and I have a surprise for everyone no Joe

Well, the other surprise. Oh, yeah. Okay. So we're going to go someplace. Everyone get in your cars. They get in cars. And everyone's like, where are we going? What's it going to be? Is there going to be a future? Is it going to be exciting? Is it going to be scary? And they're all getting, like, very nervous. But they just wind up at a wedding chapel instead.

Yeah, so this is the part we've all seen in the preview. And we're like, oh my God, did they secretly get married? No, they didn't. He was just like, I want a commitment ceremony. And I thought it would be wild. So they go to the Elvis Chapel and pretend to have a wedding. And Grace Lilly starts crying like it's a real wedding. She's sobbing. She's like, even though we're in a fight, I still have her back always and forever. Yeah.

So they do this Elvis thing and I guess it's cute, but yeah, they need some stuff to happen on this show. I mean, I'm happy with the amount of stuff that's happening. I think it's been like really funny. But yeah, this wedding thing was cute, but like unnecessary. I don't need scenes like this. So, but Joe's like, I want to marry her in real life someday.

It's not going to happen. She's leaving you. But I will say it's interesting that on this show, most shows kind of rely on the trip to make things pop. And this show doesn't need the trip. Like this show, I was like, no, they need to be at work. I don't want to watch these people like dancing. Like I need to see them at work getting mad about something.

things at work. There's something magical about this show when they're at work. I don't know what it is. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I think it's like these shows. I mean, like Vanderpump Rules, they had some like noteworthy trips, but like the magic happened in L.A. mostly. Like you look at some of the housewives, you're like, OK, get them on an island somewhere so that they can come alive. But like these shows, it's

It's like when they're tasked with having responsibility, that's when they go haywire. And so much of this cast is new. I think that they don't have enough mess with each other to be fighting about on trips, you know, and you need that. So maybe like in a year or two, but I love I still love this show. But yeah, I just need to see them. I don't like seeing them lean. I like to see them clean. Yeah.

That's a perfect way to say it. Well, thanks everyone for being here and listening. Appreciate it so much. Be sure to check us out on Reality with the King, Carlos King, on wherever you get your podcasts and go to watchcrapis.com to get your tickets to see us live later in March. All right. See you later, everybody. Bye. Bye.

Aaron McNicholas.

She don't miss no trick-a-less. Jamie? She has no less namey. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Hava Nagila Weber.

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In the 1980s, a rosé swept the country. Hey!

Hey Mike, I really like this White Zinfandel. Well good, good. Now put it down, we're gonna try another one. White Zin became America's top-selling wine. But most don't know that this sweet drink has a sour history. What began in 1986 with counterfeit bottles... A big fraud. A multi-million dollar fraud.

sent investigators chasing one of the most powerful families in the business, the Lichardis. But the closer the feds got to them, the more dangerous things became. It's a story of deceit. At the time, I was paranoid. Threats. You touch my kids, I will kill you. And murder. With a .22 caliber bullet to the head. What started with a scheme to mislabel wine spilled into a blood-soaked battle for succession.

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