#2735 RHOBH S1412 Stars and Gripes Forever
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Welcome to Crap-Ins. Don't wait a week for a new video. Join our Patreon at the Crap-Ins On Demand level for instant recap access. Link in description. Enjoy the show! Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap-Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me, as always, is the lovely and dependable Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Well, dependable? Jesus, what am I, a horse?

Just kidding. Hi, how are you? Great. It is Wednesday here in the world of crappins, and we are talking Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Before we get into that, of course, come join us on Patreon where you can listen to bonus episodes. We are doing the traders as our bonus episode these days. We just recapped it.

yesterday. So go listen to that. We also do Crabbins on Demand where you can watch us on video. You can see our smiling faces, which is really fun. Sort of rounds out the full Crabbins experience. And of course, in March, we are going back out on the road with the Mounting Hysteria Tour. We are going to go to Cincinnati,

Minneapolis, Toronto, Charlotte, Atlanta, DC, and Philly in March. That's all in March. And we got a whole bunch of other shows in April and in May, but we will pester you about those when we get, when we get closer to that. But for right now, come join us. What tickets are at watch what crap is.com. We cannot wait to see all your faces in the audience. We'll,

Because there's going to be a lot of shit to talk about, a lot of shows. So for right now, though, it's going to be about Beverly Hills. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. What a funny episode. Another good one. Really good one. Really, really. And let me tell you something. Kyle Richards made me laugh a few times and not laughing at her. I was laughing with her. I could not actually believe this.

I was like, wait a second. Is Kyle making me chuckle? This is weird. There you go. She's getting you back slowly, but surely she'll get you back.

So this is season 14, episode 12, the land of the free, the home of the shade. We're still at Sutton's house. You know, I have to say we were talking earlier this week in our traders recap available on Patreon about Tom Sandoval's kind of redemption in the audience's eyes, at least where it's like you realize, yeah, I mean, he's still Tom, but Tom was funny before he fucked up, you know, and that it took a really long time for Tom to redeem himself. We were just talking about that.

And I was thinking, you know, a case study on how quickly somebody can kind of redeem themselves is Reba. I mean, Reba, the first week she was on was probably one of the most hated parents I'd ever seen on a housewives show. Like immediately. The comments were, you know, and rightfully so. I mean, she's just, you know, she's like a sticker in your butt. But by the end, I was like, wow, I like Reba. Who knew? I mean, the woman in three weeks went from a complete villain to, well, I kind of like Reba.

That sometimes happens with Bravo, right? Like sometimes someone could have a villain edit for an entire season and you hate them. And then the next season comes and you're so excited to see them. I mean, remember Camille Grammar season one and then Camille Grammar season two. Season one, she was the most...

most loathed person on Bravo. Like people hated Camille. And then season two was like, oh my God, Camilla Grammer. I can't wait to see her. Oh my God, Icon. Yeah, but Camille changed, right? Like she changed it up because she didn't want to be the most hated. So she went from being villainous, like just dangerous,

downright dirty. And then the second season, she kind of changed her game. Whereas I think someone like Reba is more heroic in a way because she didn't change shit except she smiled once. And so people are like, oh my God, okay, maybe she's just kidding. And so they liked her.

Yeah. So everyone's packing up to leave Augusta. So we get some bonus Reba time, essentially. And Garcelle's like, I don't like this view. It's like, it's what view? Your ass and my face. No. So then they laugh and everything. And then we go back over to Beverly Hills. And Erica is, like, she's getting an install with some furniture. And something called Harbor comes and delivers some chairs. And she's like, ah!

Harbor, Harbor is so nice. And now with my promo code, you can get Harbor chairs for 65% off. That's right. That's Harbor. Harbor by Erica Jean. Collab. She should be doing hot dogs because I've never seen somebody say, I want my once in a year hot dog. More times than Erica did today. Like, are you selling the hot dogs? Jesus woman, have your hot dog. I can't wait to have my hot dog. My once a year hot dog.

Hot dogs are having a moment on Bravo, I guess, between this and Southern Hospitality. Yeah, but she should be selling hot dogs. I would eat them. I would go track her down and have an Erica Jane hot dog. Now, there's a commercial that makes sense. Erica with just hot dogs being thrown at her face, you know? Finally. Finally.

I want my once a year kosher beef hot dog brand. I will not say until I get some endorsement money, but you know who you are, Shibru Shational. So then we go over to Doritum and she's talking to Bose and inviting her over for the fourth of July.

And so then we are back with Sutton. So Sutton is in the kitchen and Avi is just ready to get the fuck out of this house. Avi is just like, please get me away from this woman. And Kyle comes in and she's still sweating from her run, guys, because she's really healthy now. So it's really hard. Like, I'm still sweating because I run. Yeah.

You know, and then Kyle says, by the way, son, we have like a little confession. And then Reba walks in from the outside, but no one notices that Reba's there. And son's like, what's your confession? Garcelle says, well, we were listening to your conversation with Reba. That bitch.

Glad she's not here. Rest in peace. Anyway. So it sounded like it went well. And like, oh my God, you made up with your mom. And she's there. She's just suddenly there in the room, you know? And she goes, wow. Well, hello. She goes, well, it sounds like you had a fun time chatting. You sound chatty this morning.

Seem chatty this morning, which is could not see what's great about Reba is that she can deliver a very simple line and make it so devastating. You seem chatty this morning. I was like, oh, she really she can really just like fill it with so much nuance. And sounds like this trip.

It's been emotional and it's just going to be hard to leave because I haven't felt this way with my mother since sophomore year in college. When, you know, mama came, when we walked, we talked. I just, I didn't want her to leave then either. And I don't want to, I don't want to leave now. What happened on the sophomore year in college? Cannabis. Was she drunk? Or your mom was nice to you that one time.

I was about to say, I think that was the last time Reba acknowledged Sutton's presence. So Kyle's like, are you going to be happy to have the chaos gone? It's going to be sort of sad to have two working actresses out of your house, right? And Garcelle's like, yeah, are you going to cry that you're going to miss us, especially me? Ha ha ha ha.

And she says, well, I'll be glad that some of you are gone. But then she laughs. She's like, ha, ha, ha. I'm just joshing you. So look, everybody's just so close now. And it's time for them to leave. And Kyle's like, normally, hold on, guys. This is a feel sorry for Kyle moment, everybody. Normally, I'd be excited to leave. But now I just have a big empty house. So yay me. A chair stuck in a doorway. Can't be moved. All right.

Poor Kyle. Don't cry out loud. Please stop singing in my home. Jesus Christ, those columns are strong, but not strong enough. The roof will cave in on us. Oh, what I'd give to hear Garcelle's chattiness right now. But yeah, Kyle trying to make a moment out of this. Like, oh, back to my empty home of shadows and sadness. Oh, relax. Just call Faye. She'll come over.

So then Sutton's really happy that everyone got to meet Reba and everything. And Sutton pulls Reba in for like a little hug. And she goes, okay, mother, I'm going to hold you once a year and you get to say, I love you. And Reba's like, really? Now, when's that going to be? Cause it's not going to happen right now.

And she's like, well, I guess Christmas. I mean, that's a good time. And she goes, well, I'll write it down and hold a little sign up. How's that? I don't remember my mother saying that to me. And she's like, okay, well, let's not go back into your mother's history. Okay. I love you, mother. And she goes, I love you too, Sutton. And they're like, well, fireworks go off in the background. And then she just kind of gives a bow like there. Are you fucking happy? I did it.

And they're all so happy. And Sutton is happy. And Kyle is like, oh, my God. It just reminds me that there's no one to tell me that they love me when I go back to my house that's empty. It reminds me of the time Mauricio told me he loved me. Let's see pictures of us skiing together in Aspen.

So they hug. And listen, I know I'm being cold to Kyle. I get that she's sad and she's lonely because her house is empty. You left your husband. I don't know with Kyle. I just like you're in the middle of some woman's in the house, house in the south. And you're still making about. So alone. All alone. So Sutton's basically like, well, she said it. I have succeeded in hearing the three words. I think I've ever wanted to hear from one person.

So they all do like a hug and it's like a group hug. And Reba is actually, it's actually really cute because they all hug Reba. And you can tell that Reba's probably like, oh, this is so trot and inappropriate. And we don't need to hug. Actions, we don't need to hug to show that we like people. It's our actions that tell it. But when they come out of the hug, she has a big smile on her face. So she liked it.

Yeah. Her boyfriend's going to be getting some tonight, that Ken guy or whatever his name was. And then, you know, she does the real sweetest thing in the whole time, which I miss my Meemaw doing, which is when they say bye, like they're a baby asking for a bottle. They go, bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Get out of here. So back in Los Angeles, we're at Boza's house. And...

And what's Bo's? I forget Bo's. Oh, Nico. He's just sitting on the side, like holding up a little mirror. We find out later he's actually bedazzling it, but I thought he was just looking at himself in a little mirror. I was like, oh, Nico. This cracked me up. I think this is, you know, in character development moments, this is a huge one for Bo's, that she makes her assistant bedazzle mirrors from Walgreens so that there's drooling.

But that was so fucking funny. So she's waiting for her cousin. Her cousin comes over and they're like, sisters, me and my cousin. And look at that mirror. All I'm saying is the back of my mirror needs to match my shine. So yeah, Tina comes in. That's her cousin. They say hi and everything. And they comment on the mirror, etc. And they're like 10 months apart in age. So they're very close. Even though she's not a sister, she's like a sister, etc.,

So she says, Tina and I talk so much that I think sometimes we talk telepathically. I can be by text. It could be by text. It could be by phone call. It could just be a mind meld. And guess what I tell her? I invented ESP. Congratulations. You're using my personal network of mind talking.

And she's doing that thing where she's putting gold flakes in their tea, which is weird or whatever they're having their drinks. What is it with gold flakes? I mean, I get it. I hear that silver, like if you go to the chiropractor, he'll give you liquid silver and that's supposed to do something. I don't know for health. So I don't even know. But what does gold even do except give you a little speck in your poop?

It just makes people feel fancy. But look, you know what? It's better than mercury. So Bose is like, well, yes. Better than botulism. Better than E. coli. So I don't know why I said it like that, but it felt fun. So they're having a beverage. Okay, there's a lot of hellos here. We're going through it here. Okay, so Bose is like, okay, well, I don't know where to start. Look.

So there's so much on my mind. I mean, so many things have been happening because I'm a mature woman. You would assume that I have to get checked out to see if I'm still viable to carry a baby and Keeley's ready, right? So she's basically having some doubts about whether or not she should be carrying a baby at her age. You've got Nico. I say put it in Nico. That's what I suggest. It'll come out wearing like a fabulous little duster and have a bedazzled mirror.

So they haven't met with a fertility doctor yet, but she's in Vegas and she's flying here because, you know, L.A., no fertility doctor. It's important. It's important to go to a different city to get your fertility doctor.

Yeah, it's a shame that there's no fertility doctor, fertility doctors in Los Angeles, you know, but luckily, luckily. Well, it is hard to find a fertility doctor in L.A. that isn't there waiting at birth for the baby to pop out so they can start marking up its face with a Sharpie and being like, you need to get higher boobs. Like, yeah, I'm going to need higher boobs from you.

To be fair, it seems like there is only one fertility doctor in L.A. because they all seem to go to him on these shows. Like MJ went to him and everyone, everyone does. That one guy in Beverly Hills was like, so we looked at your follicles and you can have a baby. So like maybe he was booked. Yeah, he's the Instagram one. He's like whatever people get free fertility shit for posting on Instagram or whatever.

So she's going to have a very fancy one. But the problem is Keeley. Because, you know, Keeley, Keeley's going to have to get tested too. He's going to have to get every kind of sample. Drip, drip, drop, drop, sample, sample. That's what they're going to do to him. That was my favorite. That was my favorite when she said, drip, drop, sample, sample. So she's like, well, what if we don't get the results we want? You know, and you're rich. You just...

morph the baby into whatever you want. I mean, can we do things like gene, gene designing and stuff where you like pick the genes that you want your baby to have? Or I don't know, you can go through like sperm books and pick the perfect sperm and stuff. I don't know. You're rich enough. You just figure out how to have the baby you want. You know, I feel like it's up to the poor people who don't, we're stuck with whatever we get, you know, whoever you fuck is, is what you end up with. But I feel like with her kind of money, you can change that baby's looks, it's posture, it's, it's hobbies, everything in the, in the womb. Right.

I mean, there's a very simple answer. You know, at a certain point, you're so wealthy. All you do is this. You go to the store. You get a bonnet and a rattle. You give it to Nico and say, you're my baby now. Just make Nico the baby and just tell him he's not allowed to speak English for two years. And then just enjoy it. Just make him the child. Yeah. Oh, babies. I don't know. Look, if I was going to go to a fertility doctor, I would just be like, fill me up with disappointment so I'm not phased later.

Because I think like no matter what you do, your kid's eventually going to come out and at some point it's going to go, fuck you. Yeah. Well, if it's a Karen baby, at least. So then Tina's like, well, how does this Keely guy feel? She's like, I don't know. I called his number and someone with a different name answered. But then I called it again and he answered. So I'm not really sure. That took a while to clear up. I do not trust Keely. I don't trust him for two seconds.

Hmm. So, um, basically Bose is like, part of me wonders like,

Like, does he want to get off the train? But then is afraid he'll disappoint me by wanting to get off the train. But like, like basically it's just like, maybe we, we shouldn't have a baby. And then she tells the story about her first pregnancy. Her daughter was named Eve and she found out she had preeclampsia and it was, you know, became a high risk pregnancy and ultimately she lost the baby and it was very, very traumatic. And then when she had Lael, like that entire pregnancy was very scary because she,

every time she went to the doctor, it was like, it was, it was,

like PTSD and terror. And so she's wondering if she should do it again, to which I say, no, don't do this. Don't do this again. Get a, get a, get a surrogate, but like, don't put yourself through that. Don't put yourself through that agony and put your body through that, that danger. I know we live in a time where everybody can have babies whenever they want. You know, we have Kenya Moore having a baby at 50 or whatever. And you know, to each their own, I'm very tired. I'm almost 50. I mean, I've always been very tired.

though so i can't imagine having a baby when i was like 16 you know but especially now and then in 20 years or whatever when you have to go visit that kid's college or whatever no fuck that here's what i say just get more maids you know just keep getting maids just keep treating them well teach them you know be like your piano classes today i believe the housekeepers are the future well for real though seriously

I had to just put bonnets on anything. Little baby bonnets on anything. Make them your children. But yeah, I agree. Bring your daughter to work day. It's like, and look, watch the way they can fold a diamond into toilet paper. You go. You show them, honey. So then we go to Kyle's house and...

And Kyle is like, hey, Siri, how hot is it going to be today? It's like, the National Weather Service has issued an excessive warning. Daytime temperatures will hover around 94 degrees unless you live at home and alone, in which case it will be a cold 55 degrees. Sorry. This just in, we just got the weather. You're alone. Sorry, Siri. Sadness with a chance of bleakness. Sorry.

So Sutton is getting her glam done because I'm going to Dorit's house and she's having a 4th of July barbecue party. And they're like, wow, that should be fun. She goes, well, we're going to play nice. Let's do it for the country. And so then we go to Erica's. Hasn't worked so far. Huh? Hasn't worked so far playing nice for the country. These days in our country, a little political commentary, people.

- Discord. So then we go to Erica's cabana and she's calling Kyle 'cause you know, it's the housewives thing where they're each calling each other like, "Are you going to the party? "What are you wearing to the party? "I'm going to the party, are you going? "Are you gonna wear a bikini or a one piece?" So we're doing that scene and Erica's like, "Are you excited for today? "I just got a couch made out of Nathan's hot dogs "from all my furniture." - Erica, you're mixing your influencer jobs.

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So, um, by the way, what was it that Bose said to Kathy and everybody that you told me off camera, but now I'm gonna bring it up on camera because I wanna start a hate campaign against her? "Oh, she said you were kinda colder." And we see a flashback to the Kathy dinner where Bose is like, "She was kinda cold to me." So Kyle's like, "I mean, I'm the cold one now." "Yeah, you're now-- you're the iceberg." "Now I'm the iceberg? Are you saying I'm kind of like the unspoken star of the hit movie Titanic?"

I mean, I appreciate it as a working actress. I appreciate getting another nod to my IMDb, but that is so mean. And also kind of like deserving because like honestly, I am pretty famous.

No, because I'm the ice queen. I thought you could be the iceberg and then we could hang out together. Get it? No, but Kyle has to talk to you because she has no one left. So she just hangs up. The ice queen and her sidekick and iceberg. It doesn't totally make sense, but sure, we'll go with it. Just their cousin that no one wants to hang out. Just the iceberg lettuce, the head of iceberg lettuce just sitting over there like, I don't have any vitamins. Yeah.

It is funny. The more you think about it, the funnier it gets. Cause you think of Erica being an ice queen on some sort of like icy throne with like maybe a white fur thing and a scepter and like blue crystalline things around her. And then Kyle is an iceberg in the water. Like Kyle's just iceberg lettuce floating in the water.

She has a little fascinator that's just a leaf of iceberg lettuce. So then we go to Dorit's house and she's setting up for her Fourth of July party. And there's a snow cone thing and a bouncy house. And so basically Phoenix comes out and she's dressed all cute and stuff. She's like, oh, look at the theme, red, white, and blue. My little beakers.

Should we look around and see everything? Let's have a look, BB. Don't name your daughter after something that goes on a 4th of July hot dog. My little mustard and my pickle. Oh, come over here. Let's look at the bouncy castle. The house that PK still has a part of. They'll be out of here. Yeah. Who ate my pickle?

Are you allowed to celebrate 4th of July while also celebrating a fake British accent? It feels like it's a mixed message there. It's a day of sorrow for me and my people. Well, some of them. We're celebrating independence from my accent. So she's like, you know,

I've always made a big deal out of holidays with the kids. And then we see these photos, which I can't believe we've never seen photo these photos before, but family photos first of the four of them dressed like the Adams family. And then as the Incredibles, which is funny to see PK dresses, Mr. Incredible, because it's just not someone I would associate with that concept. And

And then just the photo, the Christmas photos. Like I had no idea that they were low key doing these family portraits. And now I know even more why Kyle doesn't like to read because Kyle likes to be the one that takes the family portrait with her family. Like what are all these pictures of Halloween? You know, it's like really sticking her.

So then she's like, oh my God, it's like all the pictures from the movie Halloween. I'm not in any of them. So then Dorit's guests start coming and we don't know any of them really. And then Dorit is very sad, waxing about PK. She goes upstairs to change and she's like, this year PK is not here. And it definitely feels like there's something missing.

I've just left sour cream and onion out on the countertop. Still nothing. It's like coming down on Christmas morning and finding no cookies eaten. As Santa did.

And then so Sutton arrives first. So Dorit goes upstairs to do... She wants to find a necklace. She wants to go upstairs and put on a necklace. So Sutton arrives and she walks in and it's just emptiness. There's no one in the first floor. There's some kids running around outside. And Sutton, who is...

You know, on top of the fact that she's also very, very all about manners. So the fact that there's no one there to greet her is very offensive. But then that she has to also wait is also very offensive. And she just starts muttering to herself. She's like, well, the idea that I would have people come to my house and I'm not there to greet them or Avi is not there to greet them and someone's just not there. I mean, a roach isn't even here to greet me. I mean, this just boggles my brain.

I guess I'll just wait. I guess I'll just wait. So she sits down, not even on the couch. Was she sitting on an end table? What is she sitting on? But she's like, I will not even sit on that couch. God knows what's happened on that couch. So she just sits on like a little end table or something and looks at her phone. It's like a showy display of discomfort. Like, well, I'm not going to sit on the couch unless I'm invited to sit on the couch. So I'll just find something that I just, I'll be here in the corner, minding my own business because clearly I'm not welcome here. So I don't want to disrupt the seating area too much.

Yeah. And, you know, Dorit's upstairs looking for a stupid chain. She's like, I'm just looking for a booty chain. And I don't want to leave people downstairs, but I've got to find my chain. And Sutton's just like, well, I guess I'll just sit. No one's here to invite me onto the couch. So I guess I'll sit on this end table. I just don't appreciate this. And then we get a classic Dorit making somebody wait scene where we just see the person get more and more annoyed as the time ticks on on the screen.

And now it's 122. And then it's 127. And then it's 130. And then she sees a kid fall down the inflatable slide. And she's like, I don't know those people. Disgusting.

And now it's 1.35 p.m. And Sutton now has nothing left to do. She's like, I guess she solved Wordle. So now she needs other activities. And she's like, well, I really should study the California map. It's like, wow, things are getting really dire down there. I'm going to study geography while I wait.

So now it's been like- And now it's 1.39, and so it's basically 20 minutes, and still there's no one to greet her. I mean, I can see being annoyed. If she got annoyed at this point, I would be like, okay, I get it. But she walked in annoyed, you know? Like, how could you not have somebody to greet me? Oh, quiet down over there. You're lucky that the house is even still standing and hasn't been taken yet by the bank, okay? I honestly think, like, yes, she's-

She was being a little fussy, like really leading into the manners aspect of I should be greeted. But I think that honestly, after five minutes, I think you like you have every right to be extremely annoyed that you're just sitting there. I mean, you could even say after three minutes, if you're just sitting there in someone's house, they haven't even come down to say hello. And you're just you're like,

Like, what do I do? I'm just going to sit here. I mean, a lot of people would just say, hey, Dorit, I'm here or text her or whatever. So there is that aspect of it. But making someone just wait downstairs for 10 minutes, let alone 20 minutes. The horror. The horror. It's crazy. I think it's totally disrespectful. Well.

Well, there's also a whole party outside that's just like, I'm not talking to those people. I mean, if I was at that party, I would have gone out and been like, hello, I'm Mayor Ronnie. Is this your baby? Let me hold it. Anyone want to take a picture of us? I'll take your vote in September. Thank you. Voting is in November, sir. Not for my election. Let's be honest. You would be holding all those babies. You would be hugging. Yeah, I mean, it's a party. You go in and you say hi to everybody, but it's setting. So she's like, well,

I guess I'll just sit here with a stick firmly planted up my butthole and I will wait on an end table. I would do the same thing. Because I'm like, I don't want to go outside and talk to make a conversation with a child or the child's mother or whatever. I'm going to sit in the air conditioning inside because it's 100 degrees out. At the very least, it's a chance to go through someone's shit. You know what I mean? Or if it's your enemy, you can start planting evidence around their house for your murder. I don't know. Put their wallet... Put your wallet in their like...

vegetable bin in their fridge and then later she could be like someone stole my wallet wait a minute it's by the iceberg in the fridge and carl will be like wait a minute

Now, well, one thing, though, is that Dorit's mom, we find out in a little bit, is actually there. So was Dorit's mom upstairs? Because it seems like Sutton knows Dorit's mom. So Sutton could have gone up to Dorit's mom and started chatting with her and having small talk. But honestly, yes, she could do all these things. It's still wrong. I'm sorry. It's still wrong because if I go to someone's house and then I have to make 20 minutes of small talk with...

with someone I don't really know, but I've like met passing, like I would be like, oh my God, this is so annoying. This sucks. I'm mad now. I can't sugarcoat it. I would be mad. Yeah. I wouldn't care. So Dorit's like, I just need another chain. I need one that says mama. So she wears one that says mama, you know? So then now Kyle is there and you know, first of all, you know that the mom,

called Dorit upstairs and was like the bitch is here and she's like oh let's make her wait you know I have a feeling that they knew very well that Sutton was there and just made her wait the mom's like don't make me go out there alone so now Kyle's there and she's like should I wear this I'm feeling self conscious should I put a shirt over my sleeveless thing I just didn't get a spray tan

Yeah. And then she sees that there's like this table, not a turtle. There's a table right in the middle of the foyer and it has all these photos of...

PK and Dorit. And she was like, oh man, what is this? A shrine? This looks like an anniversary party. And so I was like, oh, I didn't even see this. I didn't know I was even allowed to look at it because I had no one here to greet me, to show me what I can and cannot look at in this household. So I've just been sitting here on the corner of the couch. Like, listen, I still have pictures up of Mo and me also, but like not at a round table as you enter the home. Okay, like there's like a shrine to PK. Seems like a little strange. Okay.

I mean, OK, but weren't you mad that Mauricio changed one picture in his own office? Weren't you just crying about that for three episodes? I have to assume that Dorit has kept those pictures up there because she wants to keep normalcy for the children, honestly. I think she does it so when Wells Fargo comes to take back the house, she can go, he's the one you need to be chasing. Him! It's this one right here.

So Kyle's like, "Um, so have you said hi yet to Dorit?" She's like, "To whom?" And then she's like, "Look, look at all this emptiness." So then Dorit's still upstairs and she has now chosen her chain. And the chain she has chosen is one that says, "Mama." - Yeah. - She's like, "I wish I had another chain."

So then Sutton is still being ignored because now Kyle goes to talk to Dorit when Dorit comes downstairs. And Sutton's like, well, I'll just sit here and do the same thing I've been doing. Stewing. Glad I could come. Glad. Can I leave now? Can I go now? I have never been so offended in my goddamn life. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

Not quite, but she will get there soon. So Kyle's doing the whole like, oh my God, look at all the pictures of PK. Jesus Christ. I mean, it looks like biscuits cooking. Could you just take all these pictures down? I'm trying not to eat carbs right now. She's like, thanks for making me look at it, Kyle. Thanks a lot.

And so Dorit talks a little bit to the mom. You know, the mom comes in and says hi. And Dorit's like, well, seeing Kyle and Sutton be the first to arrive at the party is a little bit awkward. They were definitely not my first choice to arrive. In the spirit of having fun, that's exactly what we're going to do.

By the way, Dorit, look how cute Sutton's bag is. Look, oh my god, it's a bag. Look, we're bringing it with the Patriot. And Sutton's like, well, we're trying to bring the red, white, and blue look. And Dorit's like, oh, I'm sorry. This is so kind of you. And she takes the bag away, sort of jokingly like, this is mine now. Because, you know, they're all obsessed with...

and she's like, well, I think you owe it to me. And Sutton's like smiling, like, ha ha ha. She goes, I most certainly do not. She's like, no, you most certainly do. And then it becomes clear that Dorit may not actually be joking. She's actually being serious and holding onto that bag way longer than it needs to be. Listen, you're the only one out of the three of us that hasn't had expensive purses stolen for insurance purposes. Your turn. It's like, nope, you better get that back.

I mean, even though today is all about having fun, I can't ignore the tension between Sutton and I. Last time I saw Sutton, she interrupted me when I poured my heart out about Jaguar. And then we see a flashback to her saying, And so, ladies and gentlemen, my children, they asked me, are mummy and daddy getting a divorce? Well, I'm so sorry. This has been a lovely conversation, but we have to get back out on that one-on-one freeway. Okay, let's get into the Sprinter van. Well, I was in the middle of a story. Well, we have to go.

And, what's her buns? Sutton said on the after show that production made her do that. Because Dorit was sitting there giving a soliloquy. And they were like, gotta get on the road, people. And Dorit knows that. And she's still giving Sutton shit for it. Dun, dun, dun. Shady. Yeah, I mean, just, but like...

Even without knowing that, put your pain in a capsule. You know what I mean? Logline it. Okay? Pretend to... Just give me the elevator pitch. Give me the elevator pitch of what's going on with you and Jagger, okay? For Christ's sake. Yeah. Yeah. Kids ask about divorce, didn't know what to say, little weird. All right. Got it. Understood. Okay.

So she's like, well, I'd be prepared to forget about more things that Sutton has done or said to me if she gives me this handbag. That bitch has a tight-ass grip. So she won't give it up. So now they go outside, and Garcelle comes and kind of trips. And she's like, whoa! Jeez.

Biggest nightmare for any real housewife is tripping and falling on camera. I don't know what I would have done if Carstel had fallen over. I don't think I would have liked to have seen that. Because they can't get back up. Their pants are too tight. Like, their clothes are too tight. Like, at one point, when Sutton throws down her little tiara or whatever later, and Carl goes to pick it up, I mean, that was one of the best parts of the show for me, watching Carl try to bend down to get that thing. She's like, Oh, no.

It is such a funny concept. When Sutton threw the tiara on the ground and Kyle had to pick it up. I mean, just saying that alone is kind of hilarious. Yeah. So, Garcelle arrives and we get this random shot, which was so funny, of Phoenix doing a grand jeté and then all the women are like clapping. I just love the random moment of ballet happening in that arabesque moment.

That's so coming from my house when I was a little kid. Any of my parents' friends. Look what I can do. Grand jetés. Yeah, I did it for a while. I thought I was a ballet dancer for a while because I saw it on TV. And my mom was like, you could do anything, honey. It's the kind of confidence that gets people put in jail. Just show up on the stage one day. It's me! Rondal Bershnikov. I still do many grand jetés and arabesques and...

I'm not, they don't do them. I don't do them very well, but I try to be, I try to be a little dancer myself every now and then. Oh, there you go. Keep it in the bedroom. It's mainly in the kitchen while I'm cooking. Don't say game. Okay.

Yeah. I have to say, my lines could use work. So, Garcelle is... So, Garcelle's like, oh, Sutton, what are you drinking, honey? And she goes, oh, it's some watermelon something. Oh, is there alcohol in it? Yes. Okay, gotcha. So, it seems like it's just like a little patter. Then Dorit goes, oh, didn't you ask Sutton what she's drinking? And you asked, is there alcohol in it? I mean, honestly. Yeah.

I thought that was funny, personally. And then Sutton's like, oh, Dorit, shut up. You are such a bitch. She's like, excuse me. And don't say there's alcohol in it. I mean, don't start with that. It's not nice. It's not nice.

So it sounds like Dorit has never apologized for perpetuating a rumor or a myth that I have some sort of drinking problem just because I have alcohol with every single beverage I have every single day. And then we see a montage of Dorit saying, gee, Sutton is a drinker and I would not be surprised if she pours a little vodka in her coffee in the morning.

I mean, that shit's funny to me. It's always been funny to me. I don't care. And also, while everybody's so infuriated about this, let's not forget who brought this story up in the first place was Kyle. This was Kyle who made this insinuation to start. So Sutton's like, that is just hurtful, you know? And two, it's not true. And now she's just being a bitch to be a bitch. So Dorit's like, well, if you could do me a favor and not call me a bitch in my own home. Yeah.

This becomes a real sticking point. So he goes, well, don't start with the vodka stuff. It's not nice. And I'm, I'm gone go. I'm gone go. So Dorit's like, Sutton, I'm not looking to argue with you with what I just said. I just said, don't call me a bitch in my home for fuck's sake. Well, I'm so sick of fighting with you. Thank you for having me. Seriously. Thank you for having me. I'm gone go. I'm gone go. Well, I'll just call you a bitch and go. Is that what we're doing now? Bitch and boy.

And so I'm out. I am out. Is anybody going to follow me? Because I am leaving. I'm leaving right now. Who gave her that little tiara, by the way? She wasn't wearing that when she got there, was she? I was just wearing this little gold tiara the whole time.

I think the tiara somehow arrived between the living room and the cabana. Like, they clearly walked through some sort of children thing or another, and the tiara was placed. But like, clearly, the way I read it, just because I know how I operate, and I unfortunately am, as we've already kind of discussed, I'm much more aligned with Sutton and her emotional swings than I'd like to admit.

This is not about the alcohol. This was her being still pissed that she waited 40 minutes before Dorit even acknowledged her. And so she was so mad about that, that just like the alcohol thing was just something that she could like grasp onto and just explode on.

Well, she does get super mad when you talk about her drinking, though. And you know who else does that, which is odd? Alcoholics. So anyway, Kyle's like, son, please don't go. Please don't go, son. She's like, why? Why? I'm not going to get anywhere with her. I'm not going to do this. I mean it. I mean it. I am leaving. I'll leave in as much time as she made me wait. Okay, that's how long this walkout's going to take.

Yeah. So Garcelle's like, well, you know, she sounds a little sensitive after the coffee vodka remark. She's also, let's face it, probably drunk from her breakfast. Dorit's like, well, I'm a little sensitive, Garcelle. She's like, well, that being said, can I get a watermelon vodka? Okay.

I was like, I don't care. Just bring me one. Bring me one. Also, Dorit's the one who saw no problem when she, across the table, went, you know what, Camille? You're a stupid cut fitness. Or whatever she said. And now she's like, you've called me a bitch in your home.

But it wasn't in Camille's home. So silly. I hate that rule. You can't call me a bitch in my own home. Then don't be a bitch in your own home. Like, what do you want me to do? You don't get free reign just because it's your house to abuse me and call me an alcoholic. How dare you, ma'am? No.

Not on America's birthday. So, Dorit's like, are you kidding me? Garcelle and Kyle are running after her. Not even a thought. Not even a consideration from either one of them. No. Run after little crybaby. Make sure you have a drink in your hand. Well, you know, that's... That's fine. I think that's funny.

But also, we just watched like five years of you guys all doing this with each other to anyone who like disrupted the Fox Force Five. So now you get to see what it feels like for us. Yeah. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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So to me, it's like, Lordy, have mercy!

So now Sutton's almost made it to the front door and Kyle's running after her, you know, in those tight-ass jeans. Like, hold on, hold on. You just hear, I'm trying to run, but it's really hard. Can we just talk? Can we just talk for one second? It's like, what? What, Kyle? And Garcelle's like, listen, I know you didn't want to come here and you were the bigger person. You came. Good for you. I'd like to celebrate it by awarding you a drink with alcohol in it. Here you go. Ha, ha, ha.

"It's alright, I've already had six. Listen, if she's gonna fucking do this shit, I'm gonna go!" So Carstel's like, "No, I get it, I get it." "I haven't heard Sutton talk like this. She's pissed. And I think wasted." "And I think it's because she wasn't getting along with Dorit, but she still wanted to take the high road and she came and this is how you're coming at her." I'm like, "Okay."

I think Dorit was shitty for making Sutton wait. I think this thing about the booze, Dorit's reference was so subtle, so minor, I didn't even pick up on it until Garcelle made a big scene about it. I was like, I thought Dorit was asking for clarification on what Garcelle asked. Like, it was such a small, if that was a dig, it was so small. And the fact that Sutton is, like, losing her mind over it. And I'm often team Sutton with these stupid little fights. But, like, I'm sorry, this is too much. Yeah, it's a lot.

I love when Garcelle says the most obvious thing to the audience, but acts like she's just solved a mystery. She's like, I think that Sutton might be offended because she wanted to take the high road. But now Dorit's acting like this.

Oh, wow. That's good. You're very sensitive. I like how Grosselle tries to start talking Sutton down. She goes, listen, it was a bad joke. You know, she's not good at jokes. She can't do jokes. She's very bad at jokes. You know, she's bad timing. Just, it's not good. It's not, she needs to go to Groundlings or something. You know, it's her. She's just trying. She is not joking. So Bose comes up in a crazy dress. I'm like, what?

I don't know where half these people are going on this show. But she shows up in like a little baby blue kind of like wedding cocktail dress. And she's like, hello, it's me. And she goes, excuse me, bitches. And they're like, oh, no, no, don't use that word today. We're not going to start with that word.

They literally were like, that word just started a bunch of shit. And it should be noted at this point, Sutton, Kyle, and Garcelle are gathered at like a little bench right by the front door. So they're all clustered right there. So Boze is like, what's going on here? So then Sutton's like, ah, it's too much. So she slinks away from the bench. She goes to hide behind the corner. Yeah, I think it's like the hallway to the classroom or something like that. So she's like, I'm going to stay in here.

She goes to hide in the hallway. It's so fucking funny. And so Boza's like, what's going on? You started something ourselves? She goes, no, why are you saying me? She goes, I was just joking. I said bitches. No, no, don't say it. So Dorit comes in and she's like, oh! And hugs her. And she's like, honestly, perfect timing. I was waiting for normal to arrive and good energy. And then my little Easter egg came. Thank you.

So Kyle's like, um, guys, can we just like try to hit the reset button maybe? And Garcelle's like, it was just a really bad joke. She's like, no, and I know you're sensitive Sutton. I know this feeling. Like we know this feeling. And she goes, well, what she did last year, what she put me through. No, no, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I am gonna go.

So Garcelle's like, we understand. We really do. I was being nice about getting that nasty ass watermelon drink. It was terrible. Garcelle's like, oh, it's not good. I just ordered one. Yeah, I mean, it was such a weak drink. What's even the point of having it? So she's like, well, just hang on now. Can't we just all get another nasty drink? Come on. And it's like, I am done. I am done.

Sutton just Suttoning. So then Sutton rips off her gold tiara and throws it on the floor. She's like, that thing is stupid. And Garcelle's like, a kid can get hurt with that, Sutton. Please, let's be serious. The last thing this world needs is more kid on tiara violence.

So, Sun's like, "Fine, I'll go pick it up." So Kal's like, "No, I'll do it, I'll do it. I need to do a squat." So they go pick up this tiara and everything, and Garcelle's like, "All right, listen, Sun, would you be willing to talk to Doreech?" "No, no, I'm not gonna talk to her. I'm not gonna give her the satisfaction of knowing her diss about me and that watermelon drink got to me 'cause it did not most certainly get to me whatsoever."

So she's like, oh, what if she apologizes? And Kara's like, I'll say something. I'll do it. I'll say something. So now she's going to talk to Dorit. And she's like, oh my God, it's not lost on me that Sutton was berating me for leaving Boze's wellness day. And now she wants to walk out.

She does that thing with her head and crosses her eyes. Yeah, but she was berating you because you were berating her in the first place for doing walkouts. See, it's like hard to find where this all begins. Like who was the first immature storm out? You know, we have to go all the way back in history.

Yeah. But that being said, Sutton was the one who most recently said that you can't be storming out. I mean, Sutton's a hypocrite. Let's I mean, yeah, sounds a big sisterhood thing. Don't storm out. And then she's the first one to betray the sisterhood and, you know, storm out. So we get it. But this is funny. I don't care. I love it.

And I love a housewife walkout. I love, especially this show, this season they're doing and where they never really walk off. They just walk to a different room. I'm like, I will sit right here. I'm going to be by the front door. I'm going to show her. I'm gone.

This whole thing of them all clustered by that front door and the throwing the tiara and the back and forth, it actually, I was like, this show is starting to approach a little bit of some Salt Lake City chaos, and Beverly Hills never goes in that space. I was really, really enjoying the silliness that was happening here, this foyer fight.

So now we go to Carl and Dorit. So she's like, can I talk to you for a second? I don't think she's going to stay without some encouragement from you. And I don't know if you want to do that or not. She's like, well, it sounds like the two of you, more than anyone, are going to be the people that are going to get her to stay. Now, it's certainly not going to be me. She called me a beach. And guess where she did it? Yeah.

in me own home what would jennifer lopez think what would mark anthony think sure this isn't their home but i've lived in one of their homes they'd be very upset that someone at their former address has been called a bitch in their own home do me a favor don't do that sisterhood remind her of that that she's the one who's pledging the sisterhood

So Dorit then walks away. She's like, my cooler friend is here now, so I'm going to hang out with Bose. So Dorit then goes, I mean, she called me a bitch in my own home. I should be kicking her out. But gee, instead, she's the victim. I wasn't the one who brought this up last year. And then we go to a flashback of last year of Kyle, Garcelle, Dorit, Crystal, Camille, Grammar, everyone standing around Kyle's bar and talking about Sutton's drinking and

and Garcelle saying, do you think there's something wrong with her? And this is your moment where Kyle says, well, I don't know. I don't know if it's your first drink or your fifth. So, yep, it was Kyle who started it. I mean, we knew that, but it was nice to see the validation right there. But you know what? It's also Sutton just drinking too much and getting mad and having fits. I mean, I think if, listen, as someone who often drinks too much and cries a lot and has fits, when someone asks me if I have a problem with alcohol, I just say,

My only problem is that my glass is empty. Could you please fix that? I don't care. Who cares? I just had a drunken fit. Now's not the time to cry about it. You know what I mean? I think you shouldn't be so defensive about someone making an alcohol joke. I think if someone called me an alcoholic, I would just respond with a Sonia Morgan tagline. I would just be like, I have a taste for luxury and luxury has a taste for me. Or just burp in their face. Keep it simple. Or just say...

You know, I'm often on top, but sometimes I like being a bottom. The people are like, wait, okay, that's not anything to do with anything, but I'm just going to back away slowly. So Dorit's like, why are you making such a huge deal of a duke? Unless, of course, there's something very big underneath the surface, the surface, the surface. Like an iceberg? I'm an iceberg.

Well, why isn't it? Then why isn't it kind of a joke that she said, shut up, bitch? I mean, who cares? Like, why is it? Why are you taking the word bitch so seriously? I don't know. Everyone's so ridiculous. And that's why I love this show, because it literally becomes the entire episode. Flying over the stupid stuff. And Sutton, guess what Sutton's saying? I'll give you $100 if you can guess. You can't? She's going, I am leaving! I am leaving! She's gone?

I am leaving Gongo. I am Gongo. Hello. Hey, does anyone have a little sticker that says, hello, my name is? Because mom would say, hello, my name is Gongo. Hey, I just hired a plane to Africa because I'm going to go visit the Republic of Gongo. So, no, I'm sorry. That would be if I wanted you to stay. I'd say, please, you can't go. No, I'm Gongo. No, Gongo. Gongo. Gongo. Damn it. Beating me in my own game. Um.

So this, I mean, this whole episode is kind of playing like some sort of stage farce, right? Because it's crazy. And then the door swings open and here's Erica to make her entrance. She's like, hello everyone. Wait a second. What's everyone doing here in the foyer? I'm wearing two straw braids that were furnished by Nathan's Harbor. Everybody. Hey, Mattel. Okay, everyone. Don't hug me. I got body makeup on.

So what's going on here? What's everyone talking about? Why are you all sitting on a bench here by the foyer? And Sutton's just like, I'm gonna go! And Erica's like, oh my god, I haven't even gotten past the front door to some of these audience teams. I don't want this. I just want a hot dog. My one scaly hot dog. Where is it? Where is it? Ha ha ha.

Okay, so what's going on? Tell me it quickly cuz I gotta get to the hot dog and So I thought well Dorit brought up the whole vodka thing. She was oh, yeah. Yeah you being an alcoholic and a drunk Well, we all know that you know and she's like well and I do appreciate it and I don't I don't appreciate it I should say and I don't want to perpetuate the myth that I don't want to be around someone I don't want to be around someone who's going to do that. I can't speak straight cuz I'm a little drunk right now But you know what I'm saying the myth the myth that Sutton's a drunk.

So now Kathy comes in and she's like, hello.

And meanwhile, Bullets is like, is that Kathy? Why is everybody over there by the door? Because that's what Sutton does. She gets him upset, calls you a bitch, and then gets him to surround front duels. Well, I feel like I don't want to be left out. I'm going to go over there. I'm going. So she comes in there and she's like, can we all just enter the house? Well, she's leaving, she said. Now, listen, here's what I want. My once-a-year hot dog.

And at this point, I'm like waiting for Jennifer Tilly to walk in. Jennifer Tilly's like MIA all of a sudden because it's like, it felt like every two seconds someone else is walking through the door like, I'm here.

Wait, what's going on? So, um, Bo is like, it's just, you know, like, why don't you just come into the house? And she's like, well, I am not comfortable here. She's like, yeah, she was in the house. Now she's leaving the house, apparently. She's just trying to get her to either go out the door or just come back into the porch. But we're kind of stuck in this four-year place right now. We're waiting for the prop woman to give us a bottle of Tito's to leave in the driveway. So she actually makes it out the front door. No offense.

It's her own kind of Hansel and Gretel moment. Just leave a little trail of vodka on the gravel. This little blue cheese olives along the ground all the way to Sutton's house. It's the only way she gets her exercise. So then Boze is like, well, come on, the congregate here at the front? It's like Dorit is hosting a party in here. Can we go to the party? And Grasso goes, oh, stop being Dorit's spokesperson.

Okay, ma'am, in charge of the office of the Strack. I don't think you're really in the place, but...

Yeah, Garcelle rarely has a really strong hypocrite moment, but this was one of them. And Boze is like, girl, I am not a great spokesperson. Sounds like it. Well, it looks rude. And all right, you know what? You want to cuddle her, then you cuddle her. So Boze is like, I am pissed that these ladies don't have any couth to at least get up. How she said it made me laugh. I even said it to Bueller today. I was like, Bueller, get some couth.

They don't have any couth to at least get up and come into the party and behave like civilized people.

So now Kyle's like, I mean, at this point, it's just like actually annoying because like once again, Boze's team Dorit without knowing any backstory and she just comes in and automatically defends Dorit without knowing anything. Like, you're gonna scold me. And Boze is like, well, I just said like nobody needs to coddle her. And Dorit's like, did you say that? Did you say nobody needs to coddle that alcoholic? She's like, no, should I try again? Yeah.

Please. Yes, because she's being coddled. You're the hostess at the party and it looks rude for everybody to be over there when they could actually be over here. Now, Bose is correct. Although also this, I mean, this foyer is really like a ground zero for issues about etiquette. Because yes, it is rude that they're there in the foyer and they should be coming to the party. But it was also rude that they were there in the foyer and the host didn't come down to greet them. So, I mean. And they're also all being rude by sitting there like,

around the F word and the B word when there's children in the house. Like if we're just going to start clutching our pearls, I can clutch them with the best of them. And I love when Sutton's like, she needs to stop that fucking shit. I want some more fucking manners. I think we can just safely say these are just all a bunch of rude people. Yeah, it's Beverly Hills. That's what's so funny about it. And I think one of the long lasting classic things

that keeps people coming back is that Beverly Hills, they're rich, so everybody assumes that means they're classy. No, they're trashy. This is Los Angeles. This is trash with money, okay? And that's why it's so funny because they all think they know what manners are and you all don't know manners. And Dorit, you say you know manners, you're married to PK. I mean, if that guy's not a stain on the tablecloth.

Yeah. If, if you hit big time while Will and Grace was still in the, still on the air, then you're not, you're not old money. And they are, this is just some nouveau riche shit that's going down. And I love it. It's amazing. It's classic. Although actually Sutton's son seems like she's sort of old money maybe. Oh no, she's not. I think actually her family was like middle class and then she married old money. Right. But she just acts old money. Yeah. They made money. I think while they were together, they made, they built their empire. Yeah.

So Sutton, guess what Sutton's saying? It's nice to actually have Sutton have a change of topic, at least in this episode. She goes, I am leaving. I'm leaving. I'm not going to stay here. I'm going to go. Well, she's now doing the thing like, well, now I've ruined the whole party. I

I've had a tantrum. I threw a tear. I've ruined it. I'm going to go. I'm embarrassed. You haven't ruined it. You're drunk. Come on. Let's go to the back. She's like, no, I'm out. I'm gone. Go. Okay. I want to leave right now. And I've had it with Doreen. She has gone after me for years. I'm sorry that your businesses failed and mine have not. I'm sorry that you can't have a clean divorce and I have. I'm sorry for all of your problems, but your problems are not my problems and I do not want to be your punching bag. I am just tired of it.

And this is where Sutton loses people. She's such an asshole. Like, what are you even talking about? First of all, your business is not doing great. You're selling jumpsuits that say name them for like God knows how much money. Your store in West Hollywood is closed. I think she opened one in Texas or something. But you're doing that all with husband money. I mean, come on, lady. Give me a break. Sorry, your businesses can't last. I mean, come on. You own Sutton.

It's you, you type in sun right now on her store in West Hollywood closed temporarily closed, but I have a website. Well, guess what? So does Beverly beach. You want to start that one? Yeah. Um,

Um, so does GNA, but, um, uh, yeah. And honestly, like it's fine if your business doesn't succeed, but if you're going to like actually act like you're a better person because your business has succeeded when actually your business is quote unquote, temporarily closed, then come on now. But that being said, love it. I love an asshole. You know what? I was searching for businesses that also have websites.

And I searched Kyle by Aileen 2 and that did not show up. It just showed up that it closed. But guess what does have a website? Aileen 2. She just kept Aileen 2. She just kicked Kyle off of it. You go. She's like, it's not Aileen 2. It's Aileen. Aileen 2. Good for Kyle.

And she sells little kid shoes with like rainbow unicorn horn straps and glitter shoes and, you know, a couple of caftans. So you go Aileen too. So how dare you disparage Aileen too, Sutton? I want to know about Shahadi. What's her name? Shahadi? Shahidi? Kyle by Shahidi. Oh, Kyle by Shahad, right? Yeah.

Kyle by Shahida. The lounge loungewear queen. Kyle by Shahida is still around. You can get it at Kyle by Shahida dot com. OK. Loungewear dresses, red jackets. I patch things. Floppy pajamas. Yeah. Robes with Paris on them or something. No. Kimonos. Wow. She went down the kimono route. Interesting. Oh, yeah. Whole kimono line.

Okay, so Kathy's like, did she really leave? And Garcelle's like, well, yeah, she did. Can I at least get a hot dog? Somewhere in OC, Emily's like, they're coming up for my lines. Emily's so mad. So now Dorit's talking with her guests and everything. And then Garcelle gets her hot dog. I swear to God, if we mention hot dogs one more time, I'm going to have to get a fucking hot dog after this podcast. I am like craving one so badly. So...

And Kyle's like, oh my God, a cheeseburger, amazing. Did I tell you that like my niece is like married to a fat burger? Yeah. So the kids are jumping in the pool and Kathy's like, by the way, I brought a swimsuit with me thinking that we were going to go swimming. And then Rick goes, that swimsuit is way out of line. Way too sexy, Kyle. Way too sexy. So then she sees some churros and she's like, oh, those look good. What are those tacos? Save me some of those. Save me some of those.

So now Erica and Garcelle are talking and basically they're regathering in that backyard area, right? And so Erica's like, why'd the bitch leave? And Garcelle's like, well, she didn't feel welcomed. And Dorit's like, how am I supposed to feel in me own home that she called me a bitch? In me own home. Somewhere in the hills of Encino, we heard an echo saying, I'm gone, go.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. The two of them are just gonna say those two things over and over again. A bitch in my own home. I'm gonna go. Well, you did lead the charge, Dorit, when you said, of course there's vodka in her drink. And Boz goes, oh, well, and that equals calling her a bitch in the house? I mean, come on. Bitch in the house, alcoholic. Two different things.

Somebody walks in my house and calls me a bitch. I say, those are fighting words and would you like to be my baby? And Kathy says, well, I don't think any of us are mean girls. I mean, maybe I'm just used to it. I'm like, yeah, you kind of have like the most famous like mean girl daughter of all time. Not saying that Paris is mean, but she just sort of like is the image. I don't know why I'm suddenly like hedging that. I'm like, I mean, sorry guys. Sorry. Paris is really nice guys. So Erica is like,

Well, we are, we are, we're all mean girls, you know? So, Jareed's like, excuse me, I need to check on my BBs and see if they can still look me in the eye after I've been caught a beach in me own home. Oh, I'm gonna get my worst. Come to me. Unfortunately, Jagger is being transported to the hospital after he stepped on a tiara. It's very sad. So, um...

be gashing that foot um where's my one kosher hot dog for the year god damn it garcelle's like can i get another watermelon drink please it was actually really good so erica goes up to the hot dog bar and she's like what are those relish or is it just pickles hey mister i'm gonna steal your hot dog i'm gonna say the same thing to you as i said to tom's ex stealing your hot dog bitch stay in line hate me later sorry it's my one hot dog tm

That should be the name of her next album, Hate Me Later. So... Your hot dog should be the name of her next album. Hate Me Later. My hot dog's like a python. Like a python. There's a guy dressed in, like, mustard dancing in the background. Like... Look.

I think it's great that y'all were there to support, but I think, again, in the spirit of sisterhood, can we all just rally around Dorit? And Garcelle's like, well, where was your spirit of sisterhood when you came over to us and called us rude? I'm like, okay, Garcelle. She was not. You're being ridiculous. They're all ridiculous today. I love it. And Boz goes, that is being a sister that's coming to tell you to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Well, I feel like every time you're telling us what to do about to read and you don't know what you don't know about the whole situation either. Well, let me let me just put things in relative terms. All right. I call things as I see them. Hashtag Goose. Well, so do we. So do we. Pie chart Google sheets. You know what I'm saying?

It's like, okay. So Erica's like, all right, guys, who's been upsetting ass and been her spokesperson since she got here a few years ago? And Erica's back on Broadway. So she's got red leather gloves and she's doing a lot of Broadway hand things. She's like, bossy, bossy, bossy, bossy.

And then we see some of Garcelle's greatest hits as a mouthpiece, which I can't believe we went back to Diana Jenkins land with Diana. Be like, you are the new villain. And Sutton's like, I'm very sorry about being on a bad rest. Oh, your sorry is so fake. And Garcelle goes, Diana, that's kind of shitty. Oh, are you her bodyguard? I was like, oh, I forgot how awful Diana was. She was the worst.

So, you know, I mean, she has a point. Boze is up Dorit's ass, but Garcelle is also up Sutton's ass. So it's a weird fight. It's a weird proxy war. But I love this kind of little argument between Boze and Garcelle, because really, at the end of the day, neither one of them care. Right.

They're just like, whatever. So they kind of fight it out. And Garcelle's like, well, it seems like you're one-sided. I mean, did you not say that she has not been welcoming to you? And she goes, well, yeah. I mean, it's not like I think that Kyle's a cold-hearted bitch. I didn't say that. I just said we haven't connected. And Kyle's getting all, she's like, okay, it's my turn.

it's my turn so she starts like shaking her face a little and she's like i mean it's funny that you said that because actually i felt the complete opposite like at times the times we spent together i actually did feel like we had a great connection okay roll the clips roll the clips and it's kyle being like hi bows you see it's all like this light superficial stuff like i like your picture frame it's like yeah thank you yeah it's nice see we did connect

So Kyle is like, Kyle is like, I was just like really surprised to hear that. And like, just like really hurt my feelings. Well, part of the reason I asked Kathy, because you know, the way of it is just that like, that's the reason why I thought you were cold. And you know, I didn't want, it felt like I didn't want to know you. I wouldn't have asked shit. And I feel like I've had deep conversations with almost everybody and I haven't necessarily had that with you. And so that's feeling for me is like, oh, Kyle's a little distance. She's a little cold. I'm like,

Kyle is not distant. She's not cold. She just has a very vapid personality and you're just not going to get a deep conversation out of her. That's it. That's all. Yeah. You need to talk about purses, you know? Yeah. Shopping. She can shop anywhere, guys. Yeah. Talk about Birkins and she'll be there. So Boze is like, the vibes aren't vibing with Kyle, okay? She's not opened up to me. There's no warmth.

I just, what do I do with that? I mean, there's nothing to do. Give me something to work with here. This is a television show, okay? Is this an improv class or solo? I'm not doing it. And so then we see where Kyle visited Bose in bed. Like, that's supposed to be a great example of Kyle being warm, but Kyle was only there to turn Bose against Dorit in the first place, so...

That didn't really work. And she was sort of snappy. She was sort of snappy with her, too. And so Bo's like... I know this fight is stupid, but I think that Bo's going to Kyle's sister and shit-talking her sister was shitty. I think that was shitty. Yeah, I actually agree with that. And I think if Kyle was like, look, it hurt my feelings. You want to talk to my sister. That's not cool to do. And if you have an issue or you want to get closer to me, why don't you call me and talk to me about stuff? Like, I think that... But Kyle just doesn't know how to argue, you know? So now Kyle is turning it into, like...

Well, but I am warm and here's why I'm warm. Yeah, I don't think I agree. I actually I feel like we didn't really clock it at the moment because there's other stuff going on. But it's not really cool to say to someone's sister, even if you know the sister is like sort of on the outs. You can't say like, oh, your sister is cold. What you can say is I haven't really connected with your sister yet. I would love to know what are some good like approaches I should take with her. Like what are the ways in? How do I crack that nut a little bit? But don't say your sister's cold.

So Kyle is like, "Well, I just feel like maybe I was being singled out because I'm single and I live in a house alone. And because of what was going on with Dorita and me, and because you got to know her first, that you have a loyalty automatically to her, which was really clear from how you came up and scolded us out there." I'm like, "Yeah, Kyle, but you wanted to do the same thing with Anna Marie last season. You literally brought in Anna Marie and was like, 'Okay, go fight about the esophagus for me.'"

And now she's upset that someone's using the same technique. Oh, God. She does it all the time, Kyle. Like, I've invited Camille to the party. You know? So she's like, well, even though you say you don't have preconceived ideas, your actions say otherwise. Do you know what it's like not even being able to reach the top shelf of my kitchen? Yeah.

uh so i was like boze is like 100 she's been totally biased against me you know court like of course she does not like want to admit that because it would seem juvenile but like that's what happened like people don't realize how much implicit bias they have against kyle's in this world kyle really suffering we all need to take classes

I'm Kylist. She's biased. - Oh God. So then we have this moment where she's like, well, you're hard on me. And Bose is like, okay, well how?

How would I be hard on you? And then Kyle has to dig. And she's like, um, you know, like in conversations. Like, remember when we were in the Viper room and you said put your phone down and block PK right now? That was so mean. That was so mean. And Bozo's like, what? Like, that's so stupid. So Kyle's like, okay. Well, you know what I already feel like? Okay, Judge Judy. Kyle's like,

pre-written a line and you know because she has like the special come up on her she's like okay is my makeup good you better watch out judge judy it's like it's not a gifable moment kyle but nice try

I, so I have to confess, I laughed, but asterisk, I laughed because when they said coming up and they sort of set it up, like Bose said something like, Kyle, I think you're a cold. And Kyle goes, okay, judge Judy. And I thought that was so funny. But then when it actually played out in real time, the timing was much, it was not snapping. So I didn't laugh. I didn't laugh in real time, but I laughed in promo time. That makes sense. So she's like, um,

So she goes, you've never even met PK. And Dorit goes, well, why does she need to meet PK? And she goes, well, I'm talking to her right now about this situation, Dorit. And she goes, about my life? Well, I can chime in. It's about my life. I'm chiming in, bitches, clocking in. It's like, oh my God, she's not even talking about your life. She's talking about a conversation that we're having about your life.

Okay, I'm not unduly trying to Heisman you. Oh my god, like Iceberg, not Iceman. No, Heisman is a different thing. But anyway, I'm not trying to push you out. I'm being led by the reach, you know? I'm in love to keep your pussy tight. God, what I'll do to fuck a Heisman winner right now.

So Kyle's like, well, I feel like I've just been sharing so much with you one-on-one in the group. Like, for instance, the other day I bought a new bag, and the other day I bought another bag. And then the other day, I thought I figured out how to open up my French door, but I didn't. I still can't open it up. I've been sharing a lot. And Andrea's like, well, I don't even know what's going on with you right now, Coyle. Just what are you talking about? Well, I don't. I literally thought to myself today, what's going on with Coyle?

Something that everyone thinks about all the time. I can't have you like, listen, I can't with you having to back up every little thing. It's so annoying. It's actually so annoying. Oh my God. I can only last so much longer. I'm telling you, I have stamina, but this shit is exhausting. I mean, not even a once a year hot dog can help me right now.

I mean, she could literally say anything and you're all over her ass. Like, it's gross now. Just stop it. I'm having a conversation with her and everything she says, you have to back up, Dorit. Just stop it. She goes, I didn't pick up anything that she said. I've been quiet. I just said, if you're going to talk about me leaf, talk about me leaf with me.

And then Kyle goes, oh yeah, well, this is what you're doing. What is Kyle doing? That's such a crazy thing. I was like, now that's the gif. That is going to be the gif.

So Kyle's like, Dorit does not know when to not talk. Like, this is between Bose and me, and we're in, like, a good place now. So can you just, like, leave it be? You don't have to be upper-ass 24-7. Oh, hold on one second. I got a phone call from Jamie Lee Curtis. Hey, Jamie. What's going on? Okay. Anyway, like I was saying, don't be up people's asses.

So Kyle's like, you know, you know things about me. You know that I'm separated from my husband. You know that I'm married for 28 years, but then being 38 years, we have more children. We have a chair in the doorway that I can't carry outside. What else do you need to know? Who's Morgan Wade? How long have you been dating her? Did you leave your husband for Morgan Wade, or was that after? And did your husband cheat on you because you keep insinuating that he did, but you've given no proof and he said nothing? So there, to start. Of course.

Kyle, do you need to scream? Do you scream? Do you need to scream? Garza's like, she's not screaming. I will lower my voice. Okay, what else do you need to know? Because I think that that's a lot. I brought a lot. Also, I do Amazon Lives every once in a while and pretend that I like jogging pants. Anybody else? She's like, well, you know, from the beach, from Garza's house, did we start fresh and clean? Are we going back? Tell me now, because I need to know.

Fresh and clean, fresh and clean. Well, it feels like I'm being clawed at. And so Kyle's like, okay, okay. Look, I'm going to start from scratch. And trust has to start from scratch for both of us, okay? Let's go upstairs and talk about everybody else. So they decide that they're going to still be friends and they calm down. Because this fight wasn't even about them. The good part of the fight was between Bose and Kyle and Dorit just completely interrupted that fight and ruined it.

So now Kyle is going to pretend she's going to make up a treat because it saves her from having to actually fight with somebody who knows what they're doing, who is Boz. So she's like, peace.

Yeah, now they're gonna go up. And also, by the way, like, whoa, don't go upstairs. This episode's so fun. I don't want to see you two bonding. And by the way, did we not mention my favorite part of the entire episode where Dorit goes, don't be a douche. That was my favorite part. Don't be a bitch. Don't be an asshole. Don't be a douche. Did we mention that? Did I just miss that? I don't know. I think we did skip over that part.

So Doreen's like, Coyle, I just want you to know I do love you and I want to take you somewhere you're comfortable. The closet, let's go. So they head over and then Kathy goes, yeah, and don't forget, you love each other. And Boze is like, don't interpret for them. She goes, oh, okay, you're right, you're right. I actually kind of loved Boze snapping at Kathy. It wasn't really a snap. Well, she was joking because she goes, you might get in trouble with that one. Right. Trying to say something in the script. It wasn't a snap.

But it still was like a little bit like no one really has ever told Kathy, don't do this, even in a joking way. And I kind of like the boys is like, listen, crazy lady in a bucket hat. Shut up. So then they go upstairs and then Kathy's like, well, with this group, you know, let's just not make mountains out of Moe Hills. It's Moe Hills. Is it Moe Hills out of mountains?

Is there a hill of Moe's? How do you climb that hill? Does that hill take other rocks from other mountains to make its own mountain bigger? I think you get what I mean. So they go upstairs and Dorit shows Kyle her upstairs and her bedroom and her closet and

it's messy and this is like oh my goodness a messy upstairs area this this is totally showing Dorit's trauma because she does not she's not a messy person so Kyle like she can't afford a maid anymore because her ass is broke because her and PK have been pretending to have money for years now and now it's gone that's that's what it is but okay we'll lean into the trauma for nothing nothing warms nothing warms Kyle's heart more than seeing a friend in total disarray and she's like wait a second

Your life kind of sucks right now. Okay, I kind of feel better about myself. Great, thanks. Thank you for doing this for me. I have a better closet than Dorit. I can forgive her. Yeah, that's kind of what it was, right? So they talk about their marriages and what do you do? And like, it's just so hard because I was with him, but now I'm not with him. And oh, la, la, la, la. It's the same thing over and over.

What about Kyle? There's a dead orchid. And Kyle points at it and just laughs. He goes, I can tell you're really messed up because you let this orchid die. And Dorit's like, yes, I don't ever let orchids die. Your orchid's dead. I was like, God.

Your bedside manner could use some work. So they start talking about closets and Kyle's like, I mean, like Mo left and it was just separated. So his stuff was still in the closet, but now it started to take over his closet. Cause like, what else do you do? Do you know how hard it is having more closet space? Like,

Another deep moment from Kyle. And then we see a footage of her moving some clothes over on a rack and putting a blouse where Mo's blazer used to be. There, I did it. I'm a merry woman. It's only me. Anything that you want to, baby. Sorry. Sisters are doing it for themselves. Jeans.

I can bring all the bacon, fry it up in the pan. So, um, Torea's like, well, you take a little bit that's yours, but are you thinking he's going to come back to the Closet? And Carl's like, what, in the beginning? In a separation, you don't know what it really means. And then you're like, well, I'll just take a little bit of the space. And before you know it, his shoes are all over the ground. I'm like, well, you started out for six months, right?

And how's that going? She's like, yeah, but like he bought furniture for his bachelor pad instead of having his house staged. So I was like, oh, and now he's buying furniture. Another blouse is going on that rack.

Every time Kyle has a grievance, she just adds another hanger onto it. Right. So, I mean, like, it's what I ask myself every day. Like, it feels like we're a family, you know? But do you want to be back together? I mean, I just want to take this time to, you know, queerbait a lesbian somewhere and think about myself. And I don't know, I'm not doing anything with the time.

I like that Kyle is relating all of this to the lockdowns during the pandemic when it's just like, I thought I was going to learn to make bread and, I don't know, learn to play the piano. I still don't have any bread and I still don't play the piano. I'm getting back together with Maurizio. I have stressed dreams about the Duolingo Owl saying, when are you coming back? When are you coming back? And I'm like, I don't know. Camiseta, okay? It's a camiseta. Kyle, why are you saying blouse?

Lo siento. So Kyle's like, I think maybe that was just an easy way to say, like, what are you like? I'm leaving for a year. I don't know. Street's like, fuck.

Do you want a divorce? She's like, I mean, I don't want to stay like this. I mean, a chair stuck in my French doors, birds flying in and out because I can't close the doors, can't move the chair, can't turn on the TV, that remote. How do you even use a remote? Have you ever tried to change a light bulb on a 20-foot ceiling? It's hard.

So she's like, well, if we're not going to get back together, we're going to get a divorce. And she goes, but are you going to get back together? She's like, um, that's next year's storyline. I'm really going to make this last as long as I can. Okay. So she says they're in denial about their situation and they just keep going on. And, you know, I think that's good. I'd like a good Real Housewives of New Jersey kind of a divorce where they're

You just don't get divorced or you're divorced. You still live together or I don't know. It doesn't have to be like that. Just stay together. You're rich as fuck and you can do whatever you want, apparently. So why not just stay together? Keep it simple, people.

Yeah, Kyle feels like she's in limbo. And she says, I'd like to do what they're doing, like going off and doing whatever, like, you know, like getting new furniture, things like that. I just don't know how to do that. Like, I don't, to be honest, like, how do you get furniture? Do you just go to a store? You sit on things? Like, it's so strange. What do you do? Every time I've asked Faye to furnish my house, she just comes back with wicker baskets and plastic hangers. I just don't know what to do anymore. And Dwayne's like, here's what we do, Kyle. We just have to live. We just have to live, Kyle.

Kyle! It's like, oh, for Christ's sake. Eating a potato fresh from the ground. I will leave!

And you can't call me a bitch in my own home because I'm living. So Dorit says, you know, for me, I haven't been able to catch my breath, which is something that she's also said a million times this episode. Like anytime it's like, Dorit, where were you? Well, I haven't been able to catch my breath, which is funny because you were singing that song last week. And Dorit's like, you don't understand. I just...

Would I choose to be in this situation? No. No, I wouldn't. And I think PK had lived with the thought of separating, and he had mentally ready when we separated, whereas it kind of took me by surprise. But to be fair, everything takes me by surprise. I saw Peanut M&M on the counter. I go, ooh! And then it turns out I'd been there every single day, and every single day I come downstairs and I get surprised by it. But this one really took me by surprise. I'm just kind of digesting it all. Not the Peanut M&M, but...

Well, we're not getting back together any time soon. That I can tell you, Coyle. And by the way, Coyle! I would like a minute to just think about what I want. Oh, me breath. I just... What is he doing?

Is he acting like a single man? And Kyle's like, well, I mean, I think we would know. I mean, it's kind of hard to do that in our world without knowing about it because the paparazzi are everywhere. So then we see one weakling. Oh, by the way, I have an announcement to make. I think it was on this show we were talking about small airports and I was talking about El Paso and how there's still a knife shop in there. Well, I haven't been to El Paso in 20 years, at least the airport. And I heard that they did eventually get rid of the knife shop like a decade ago.

So to everyone looking for a knife in the El Paso airport, sorry, but it's a decade gone. Goodbye, knife shop. I believed in you. So Teresa, Coyle, listen. If the man wants a divorce, we're going to get a divorce. I can't stop it. But did he say divorce? Well, he's mentioned divorce, but only in a threatening way. Oh, okay. Okay.

Well, he has said things like, you'll die with nothing in your account. But I'm not really sure what he meant by that. You know, he goes off sometimes. So then we see one week later. Voiceover. Mauricio Manski was caught with a mystery woman. The real estate mogul touched down in Mykonos, where he was photographed collapsing into the arms of a hot blonde wearing a sheer cover-up over a dark bikini. I love they try to make it sound like news headlines when they're like, and here's what she was wearing.

Did I not finish this episode? I don't remember seeing any of this or maybe got cut off because YouTube, I watched this on YouTube TV and this, no, we know I didn't watch this. I watched it on YouTube TV and it showed it. I watched, no, I watched this as a screener and I don't seem to remember any of this. Did I not? Oh, maybe that's why. Yeah. Well, maybe they added this in later, but it's, uh, we see that Mauricio was caught making out with that real estate chick.

And then we see another headline. Mauricio Omaniski's mystery woman identified as Russian-born actress who's 20 years younger than Kyle Richards' ex and is in a movie with Alec Baldwin. And then we see him kissing this girl in front of an Avis. Avis rented a car, which I thought was really funny. And then Erica is FaceTiming Kyle. And she's like, how are you, Kyle? Did you see this? Did you know it was coming, Kyle? Tell me the truth about it. Here's what I'll tell you.

I'm waiting for my once-a-year hot dog. And that was the episode. God, it's weird that I did not even register that last part there. Thanks, everyone, for listening and being here. Go get your tickets to our live shows at WatchWhatCrapHands.com and check out our Patreon also. And we will catch you on the next episode of Watch What Crap Hands. Bye, everyone.

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At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I don't know.

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

In the 1980s, a rosé swept the country. Hey Mike, I really like this White Zinfandel. Well good, good. Now put it down, we're gonna try another one. White Zin became America's top-selling wine. But most don't know that this sweet drink has a sour history. What began in 1986 with counterfeit bottles… A big fraud. A multi-million dollar fraud.

sent investigators chasing one of the most powerful families in the business, the Lichardis. But the closer the feds got to them, the more dangerous things became. It's a story of deceit. At the time, I was paranoid. Threats. You touch my kids, I will kill you. And murder. With a .22 caliber bullet to the head. What started with a scheme to mislabel wine spilled into a blood-soaked battle for succession.

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