#2737 Southern Charm S10E11 Caribbean Queen (No More Love On The Run)
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, unlike Sienna,

with chep it's ronnie carom hi ronnie how are you thank you for showing up hello well yeah of course of course well i just was afraid you'd ghost me you know gosh i sent you so many texts and i just don't want you to deny how much you love me oh god this this episode's so fun for people who want the men on this show to get their comeuppance it's so fucking funny i love it

Yeah, it was so good. Talking Southern charm, of course. And before we dive into that, next month we are going back out on the road to the South, in fact, and many other places, starting on Pi Day.

March 14th, we're going to Cincinnati and then Minneapolis and Toronto. And then here's where we're really going in the South, Charlotte, Charlotte, North Carolina, Atlanta. And then we have DC and Philadelphia. So really we're only going to one place, two places in the South, but you know what I'm saying? I was just trying to make a tie in thematic tie into our show. So go to watch crappins.com to get your tickets. We're gonna have a lot of fun at those shows. And of course, as we approach those dates, we'll have,

a clearer understanding of what shows we'll be recapping at those live shows. So come join us. And of course, you can join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch what happens for all sorts of things, including bonus episodes where we are recapping The Traitors, which just aired last night. And we have a lot to say about it, I'm sure. So keep an ear and eye out for all that stuff. And otherwise, we're just happy to have you here. Well, howdy, everybody.

I don't know. I'm sad because I'm not in Los Angeles right now. And I got a video on my ring cam of a cowboy coming to my house. And I don't know what that's about, but he's got a cowboy hat and cowboy boots and he's ringing the bell and looking in the doorbell. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm reading lonesome. Devon cowboy showed up at my house. I feel like I'm just like secreting everything right now. Yeah, that's great. That's a great use of the secret.

I used the secret last night, which is that I was playing games at my friend's house, and her partner was watching Jack Reacher on the TV in the other room. And I kept on looking over there, and I was like, let me use the secret to make Alan Richardson take his shirt off. And you know what? Lo and behold, he took his shirt off. I was like, see? That's a great use of the secret. Who's Alan Richardson?

Alan Richardson. He's like the star of Jack Reacher. He was on American Idol back like 20 years ago. And then he's been just sort of suddenly getting more and more muscly. Probably steroids. I'm just going to say it. I'm just going to say it, guys. It just can't be anything other than that. I'm sorry. I'm going to...

That's my hot take on this guy. I'm getting testosterone in my butt and I'm not more muscly. Is that a different thing? Well, this guy is enormous now. He was Aquaman or something like that. And every time he shows up in pop culture, he's just like bigger and bigger and bigger. And now he's just massive. So good for him. Well, hey, congrats. I keep getting bigger and bigger too. He's hot. He's hot.

He is hot. Yeah, I know who you're talking about now. I get him confused between Jack Reacher and then the guy that Jim from The Office is. He's another one, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Jim from The Office is in something like Jack Ryan, maybe? Oh, Jack Ryan and Jack Reacher. Okay, well, no wonder it's confusing. Too many Jacks.

Too many Jacks. Are they in the same world? They're like, well, straight guys fighting terrorists. Extended Jack universe. Yeah, one of them. I think it was the Reacher one because he's the one I didn't know who he was. But I was like, oh, he's hot. But I read a headline that he's like, people are mean to me because I'm Christian. I was like, oh, be quiet. People are mean to you because you work out too much and we're all terrified of you. Okay. Yeah. Take it that way. Just listen to what your mother probably tells you. They're just jealous, honey. They're just jealous.

Well, he's super hot, and I'm really glad he took his shirt off in the middle of the board game I was playing. Yay, Secret! Yay, Secret! So I know someone who would like to use the secret, and his name is Shep, and he'd like to use the secret to make his quote-unquote girlfriend text him back and like him. Well, that's the sad part about it, is that is exactly what he's doing. He just assumes that he can pick somebody, just pick some young, gorgeous person, and then you tell them, you're my girlfriend now.

And then that's it. That's all he has to do. He doesn't have to ask her any questions, find out anything about her. It's just, nope, you're my girlfriend. And I heard that on the after show, Shep said that this girl had told him the week before Bahamas, she's like, we need to talk. And he said, no, let's do it on camera.

So that's how he fucking is. And you see, he's doing the same thing that Craig does in previous seasons. Like when Naomi tried to break up with Craig and he was like, there's no reason for us to break up. Like, what are you talking about? Like that delusional thing where he just won't let you break up, you know? And I think that's what Shep is doing too. The men on the show are so fucking delusional. You don't get to just go pick whoever you want and then make them like you back. That's not how it fucking works, sir.

And also people on Twitter and social media need to relax because I went on there and there are some people who are like,

I have to say I'm not a Shep fan, but Sienna was so mean to Shep. Sienna was so cold. I mean, honestly, that attitude that Sienna had was so awful. I mean, honestly, Sienna was way nicer than she ever needed to be. I thought she was perfectly fine. And Shep is the Delulu one here. Don't like, like, do not put this onto Sienna. This poor, like, she just is like along for the ride. She's like, let me see. This guy's too much. Don't act like you haven't been in a situation where someone's been like,

like coming on really strong and you sort of don't know how to let them down. So you sort of just smile politely until you figure out how to deal with the situation. People are so unreasonable. I mean, I don't know. I have no, I have, I have total sympathy for her and,

I actually do too. I'm team Sienna in this. And not just because Shep's a dried up old monkey paw. But I think that, I don't know where that came from, but I think that she's completely lovely. She shows up. She smiles. She's very nice to everybody, all of his friends. She's very polite. Like, what do you want from the girl? And Craig's like, oh my God, I read her character the second she walked in. What did she do? She walked in, smiled and said hello to you all. Like, why is she such a bad person? Yeah.

She was the one who's uncomfortable. What about Shep's character, who's some fucking old creep who's stalking a girl 20 years younger than him? He's a fucking stalker, and he's a creep. And you think girls like this don't have to deal with old fucking gross men like this all the time, just coming in and being like, oh, yeah, baby, I'm going to take you away. We're going to fucking get married and have babies and do all of this shit. She's heard it nine million times, Shep. You're not the first person to come on to this girl. She's a fucking 25-year-old beauty queen, dude. Now, that said, she came out with some TikToks.

And they're painful to get through. Really? They're painful. Her side of the story or whatever. Well, her side apparently is that Whitney, she didn't contact Whitney at all. Because the claim on this show is, of course, Whitney saying, oh, she contacted me before she ever contacted my stepmother. Which is not true. He actually contacted her first on Raya. And she posted the receipts online, which I thought was hilarious. And then...

She's talking about basically she's trying to go on and on about Shep. I wish that I could recap all the tea, but I fell asleep every time. She's not someone who's going to be known as a great orator. Let's just say that. Oh, OK. But still Team Sienna. You know, awkward. Yeah. Awkward TikToks aside. I'm still Team Sienna. He's gross. He's a stalker. And his friends should stop. His friends should say, stop coming on to children so strongly. At this point, you're disgusting.

Yeah. And I just I also did not like Craig's comment that he like didn't like Sienna's energy. Sienna was feeling awkward as fuck. This guy that she doesn't even want to be with. She's on camera because she's like, well, I guess I'll do this, you know, whatever. Of course, she's going to she's she's actually trying to put out the awkward vibes that way. Shep doesn't get mixed messages. And Craig's like, whoa, she's like, really mean. I don't like her. Oh, shut up, Craig.

I'm such a great judge of character. Didn't you invest in J.D.'s business? Shut the fuck up. You're not a good judge of character. Well, I think I kind of wish he applied his whatever. Yeah, exactly. He's like, I gave him one hundred thousand dollars. I mean, he's such a good guy. Person who was friends with Thomas. Person who stood against Catherine. Person who. Get out of here with your judge of character. I don't know.

Yeah, honestly, Craig bragging about how he's such a good judge of energies with Sienna and yet can't even tell that his own girlfriend clearly doesn't want to live with him or have a baby with him and then act shocked when it gets to a breaking point. Sorry. God, this was fun. Okay, great recap. Bye. Thanks, everyone. That was the episode.

So it's 7.30 p.m. So last we left off, Shep wants Sienna to dress him. And she's like, okay, bye. I'm going to be downstairs. No, but we have to be together while I put on my flip flops. I want you to see me in my underwear. Surely that'll change the course of our relationship. Shep. No, you don't. Okay. Here's two things that you don't want this woman to do. See you in your underwear.

And what you eat. And you proceed to do both of those things. Okay? Don't ask me why none of this worked out. It's plainly clear, sir.

Yeah, exactly. So meanwhile, everyone's getting ready to go down to dinner. Molly has a migraine, so her lights are off and everything. She's not going to come in. Vanita, based on Sally. Molly, you need to. OK, this I'm sorry, Ben, that I keep going off. We're not going to make it anywhere in this room. And by the way, I was like this before the recap, too. I just kept talking. Go off, King. Go off. I'm so sorry. It's rude. But I just have to say, because you're like, yeah.

Yeah. And now I'm in a cow sweater. What do you think? What do you think of mine? He's taking off his sweater. He's like, not only am I going to go off, I'm going to take off my sweater. Yeah.

I'm going to go off on a strip. Andre Leontali over there. Molly, this is not only to you. This is for half the cast who missed their flights. Okay? You guys, this is a job. You have to show up and do your fucking job. Molly just being in bed all the time. Molly, here's what you've given this season. A tuba and complaining about being fat when you're as big as my pinky. Okay? That's all you've given us. Now, I like Molly. I'm glad she's on the show. I'm actually somewhat interested in a tuba journey. Okay? Somewhat.

But that's just a somewhat. You need to get your ass out of bed and go to work, okay? And everybody who's showing up late, what is JT showing up late for? Get your ass to work. You're barely even invited on this trip, sir. Vanita, you've done nothing but shoot scenes with your dog except for maybe two episodes this season. You do get extra points for trying to pretend that you can stomach JD, okay? I do give you extra points for that. You need to show up for your flight, ma'am. All of you. Whitney, what are you doing? I know that was...

That was shocking. Well, first of all, I will have some grace for Molly. She had a migraine, so I'm going to let her have that. But the others, I mean, I don't know. I had a sneaking suspicion. None of them missed their flights. I think that production was just staggering them. I think production didn't want everyone all at once. They wanted to have a moment with the core cast and then bring the extras in. So I personally, my conspiracy theory is that no one missed their flights. They were on the flights they were supposed to be on. Oh, okay.

Well, that would make me happier. But if they did, then they need to go fucking figure stuff out because that's way too many people missing flights. I'm sorry. Yeah, I get people get migraines and all of that. I just feel like a lot of Molly stuff is like, I feel like they led with Molly this season. And she's just not into it. Yeah, they led with Molly this season. It seemed like she was going to be the next big thing. But then I think actually it really became a Sally season. And Molly has been fine. But I think Sally is the future. I really like Sally a lot.

Um, so people are showing up and, um, Vinita is going to come tomorrow. She says that she lost her passport, but I don't believe so. So then, um, um,

uh molly's basically just saying like i had too much to drink whatever so now we go back to chef this is all we care about going back to shep so shep comes down the staircase with his lemur arms swinging by his knees and he's like oh gosh is it okay can i wear flip-flops which no you should not be wearing flip-flops but sienna doesn't care and and sienna in fact probably wants to

Like her little revenge is to set him up for failure. So she's like, yeah, no flip flops look great. They look great. So he's in like these khakis and flip flops. And I say this as someone who wears flip flops maybe to too many places. I guess I'm like Craig. I can recognize the flaws in other people and other relationships and other flip flops, but maybe not in myself. But even I could tell you don't wear flip flops with those pants. Well, I think in the Bahamas you're allowed. I think the biggest defense was his shirt because his shirt looked like an STD under a microscope.

I don't know why he wore that shirt. You look like syphilis, sir. Why are you dressed like syphilis and trying to woo this girl? Please don't eat. And then he eats. I just...

I do love Sienna's face though, 'cause her face in this entire episode is like, "Uh-huh, uh-huh." And she's always looking down and away from him, like, "Just don't look at him. "Just don't look at him. "Get that signature for your grandmother "and get the fuck out of here." - Exactly. And she's like, "Oh, you look amazing. "Let's go to dinner with other people "so we don't have to have one-on-one time." And he's like, "Thanks. "Hey, gosh, I just wanna sit down.

okay I'm panting Karsh I don't know we haven't seen each other in over a month and a half and I feel like I keep on trying to get you to start the Vietnam War and he won't start it and that kind of makes me feel bad but anyway uh so she's like well lots you know a lot's happened since then you know I went into another country to try to get away from you and you still tracked me down no but okay so what has happened I don't know I don't know anything that's happening in

It's like, Shep, read the writing on the wall. Yeah. Also, if somebody tells you off camera they need to have a talk with you, don't save it till on camera. Because I think in this girl's mind, she's like, I'm clearly trying to break up with you and you know it. And now you're forcing me to look stupid on TV or you're trying to villainize me on TV and act like we've been together this whole time, which we haven't been.

So then they head to dinner and Craig and Austin are gossiping with the gang. And Craig's like, so no word on what happened upstairs. And Austin's like, dude, I haven't heard from him. I'm sure he's just going to join us for dinner at some point. What's going to happen? What's going to happen with Shab?

Yeah. It's like, of course you didn't come. And then Craig is like alone. And then, um, then they're talking about is, is Sienna there. And Craig's like, you could, the tension was like, you could cut it with a knife and it was like a walls in my home. The tension was like a wall.

I could cut it. I'm a very good read of character and I watched enough 90 Day Fiance to know that it just like didn't feel right. Like whatever Shep thought was real didn't exist. And by the way, speaking of 90 Day Fiance, we got several messages last week. We're like, K1, K1, isn't that for employment? What's Greg going to be talking about?

Yeah, it turns out there's a K-1 for this kind of bullshit. I even said last week, I know that I'm speaking from a place where someone's going to write me and talk about how stupid I am for not knowing what a K-1 is. But even when I Googled it and then people were like, you guys really have to watch 90 Day Fiancé. No. No. It's a two hour show.

Right. It's like two hours. It's very slow. I'm sorry. It does not. People have been for years. Are you guys going to watch 90 Day Fiance? I have tried. It does not speak to me. I am a Bravo girly. I expect a certain level of quality in my reality shows. And I'm sorry, TLC does not cut it for me. Yeah, if I wanted to watch a bunch of old white men try and talk people from another country into pretending they're attractive for $10,000 a year, I'd go to the country club.

My dad golfs. You see that shit all the time over there. And you know what else you see? People like Sienna looking at the men like this. Because they're like, hey, honey, I can give you a good life. I can see our children. She's just like, please just take your margarita. Please.

Wait, can we talk about something else? I'm not trying to change the subject, but there's something I just noticed in the notes that I feel like we really have to address because it happens a lot this episode. Like whoever was in charge of this queue just had a field day. So we talk a lot about how on Bravo when something happens, a lot of times you'll hear a tss.

or maybe you'll hear it but on southern charm and only on southern charm do you hear the sound of pianists crashing their hands onto the piano keys and it happened so many times this episode i was cracking up and i almost forgot and i'm so glad that our note taker mentioned that thank you so thank you so much for for mentioning that because i was it was like a chef would be like so sienna

I was thinking maybe we could get married someday. It's like plunk. The other thing that they do on this show, I mean, the music department on this show is amazing. We've always loved the music department. But another one they really do a lot is the rattle, where they go brrrr. They use like an actual rattling thing from an orchestra, and that always makes me laugh. Whenever someone says something shitty, they're like, brrrr.

Yeah, so thank you, Shelby, for including the piano crash because it is – every time it happens, I just think it's so funny because it's also like the most –

emotionally true stinger that Bravo has. It's like, whatever Shep, Shep is like doing something right. So the piano's always like, and then he like ruins the moment. And you're like, oh yes. It's also very Shep pretending that he's like someone who would be like, I'm a pianist. And then just, you're like, okay, play me a song. La la boom.

Like listening to me try and play after all my piano classes. It's like playing Super Mario and you know you have that beautiful Calypso music playing and then you fall into a pit and you die. And so it's like... Like that's what the piano crash music is like. You just like, you know, Mario would be like, whoops. Or like the Pac-Man. Yeah. Yeah.

But there's just something so perfect about all those keys getting mashed all at once. Yeah. Well, I know what's going on here because I watch 90 Day Fiancé, so I'm a really good read of character. Oh, really? How's that ring shopping going that you're doing on your own? Okay, so... How's it being negative 365 Fiancé? At least those people got 90 days under the belt.

Bitch. So then we go back to Sienna and Shep, and Shep's like, I mean, Sienna, obviously we both came out of the gate awfully hot. Remember that time I took off my pants and you said, please don't, but I did anyway. God, that was hot. It was so passionate and wonderful and true. That's true, right? Yeah.

She's like, "Um, we had a lot of fun." "Yeah! And then it got hotter and heavier!" "And as far as what we were saying to one another, like, 'You're so hot!'" "You remind me of episode three of the Vietnam Vought documentary!" "You really have to watch it, Sienna, to get my references!" She's like, "Mm-hmm."

And then I thought maybe the universe brought us together. We're the Big Bang. Like maybe you would mention to me, you know, we'd have the prettiest babies. We'd have these beautiful kids who are smart and they'd be connected to nature and the ocean and we'd live all over together and have adventures. And she's like, um.

That was in my mind. That's what you were saying in my mind. What the fuck is wrong with you, bro? This is creepy. It's so much. I was... I had hands over... Like, okay...

There were two things that happened on Bravo this week that had me putting my hands over my eyes. One was when Harry on Below Deck Down Under got like his thumb mashed to a pulp and his fingernail fell off. And I was like, ah! And the other was this. This is as bad as watching someone's fingernail fall off to me. Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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Welcome to Blood Vines. You can binge listen to Blood Vines exclusively and ad-free on Wondery+. Join Wondery in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. It's creepy to me just from being a restaurant worker. When you see this kind of behavior, you break it up. You know what I mean? You're like, that's a woman who's being pestered and has a high chance of being assaulted. Period.

Period. You break it up. If some creepy old man is coming onto some fucking model at the bar and won't stop and starts saying, like, but in my mind you want to have babies with me. That's when you're cut off and I call you a cap, sir.

That's a good idea. So Shep is like, I was like, you make my life better. I mean, for the three seconds that you're in my life when you answer my texts and you make me want to be a better man. I mean, want to be a better man. I don't actually be a better man. And I'm just wildly, wildly attracted to you. I know. And I'm actually, I'm actually in love with you. The pianist is like, geez, I just got up off the floor. Okay, hold on everyone.

and she was just kind of looking around like uh-huh and so now and you know again a lot of the discourse online is like what a bitch he's pouring out her heart and she's sitting there giving creepy um he's not get out of my space he's not stopping up for this man like he's a hero stop it

No, he's not pouring out his heart. He's doing the hard sell for her to complete his fantasy of what his life should be like. That's all it is. This is not love. This is not desire. This is someone who has been adrift at sea while everyone else has found their mooring. And now he's doing the thing where he has figured out like what he wants his life to be, which is to be married with an app.

an impossibly gorgeous woman down in the tropics enjoying life on the beach all is good drinking your can of red stripe or your bottle of red stripe and everything is wonderful and she's basically saying no I'm not going to let you have that fantasy right now and so he is conflating that with love and he is saying that like he loves her but no he loves that she is the final piece of the puzzle that he thinks he needs that he saw in ayahuasca journey town that he thinks

thinks was going to take him out from the depths of all of last season and and his all his problems and she's saying no and it's going to it's going to shatter his worldview and he's gonna have to crawl back like rumpelstiltskin up to charleston and be the same shep he always was but i've got a riddle for you it's like oh shut up shepard still skin yeah shepard garsh skin um

Yeah, I don't even give him enough credit that I believe that he really wants this. I don't think that he does. I think that he's purposely picked somebody who doesn't live near him and who pays him no mind and he knows nothing about that he figures because she's with a family that's like a fan of the show, like her grandma's in the fan club or president of the fan club or whatever. She's going to do whatever she wants and just be so grateful to be on TV that she'll just go along with whatever bullshit he says because he's had the worst couple of seasons as far as how he treats women. So with everything

He doesn't want to actually have to treat one well, which he would if he had to date locally and somebody who was on the show. It's kind of like Austin's doing. So they're dating these people who are very far away and that we never see and that will just say yes to whatever they want to do and be compliant. And the meanwhile, Shep can still be drunk every night and go fuck whoever he wants in Charleston. So I don't even believe that he really wants this. I believe he's just trying to cast somebody to fix his reputation. I don't believe for one second he wants this because he's laying it on so thick, like,

Oh my gosh, all I wanted was children and you made me think you wanted it too. She never made you think that. She won't even call you back, Will. Yeah, it's not good. She's just not that into you. She's just not into Garsh. God. So...

So now everyone is getting seated and everything at the table. And they're like, should we put Shep and Sienna in the middle or at the end? And everyone's going to put them in the middle because they all just want to eavesdrop, except for Taylor, of course. She's like, put them at the end. You know, people online also are being very mean to Taylor because they're like, what is she doing? Why is she even on the show? And I have to admit...

I have defended Taylor in the past because I think she got a raw deal with Shep. But I do think, I am questioning why she's on this season. I don't think she adds much. But people are like, she's jealous and she's bitter. And I actually will defend her on this. I think she has a right to be jealous and bitter because she went through the Shep, the whole Shep circus. And I'm going to allow her a little bit of a victory lap right now as she watches Shep.

uh get turned inside out by sienna i think that taylor deserves this and i'm gonna let her have it um i think she still loves shep well yeah obviously so it's hard for me to respect her it's just hard i'm sorry i mean i've always stood up for taylor too on this show when it was versus shep but now that it's just taylor lingering around to just kind of still be in love with shep from the sidelines it's like but you don't respect her because she loves shep yeah

I don't. It's like people who just bought a Cybertruck. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sorry. Wow. If you got one before, okay. But if you get one like today, I'm sorry. I'm not going to respect you. Yeah, I do draw lines that way. If you bought one before, douchey. If you bought one now, it's douchey and awful. It's evil. Like, at this point, you're evil. You know? Maybe this is like the softie in me, but I don't. I don't.

I don't discredit Taylor for loving Shep from afar. I think that she loves Shep and she realized it was never, ever going to work. So, but I can understand if she's still in love with him. I just think that he treated her like shit. And she realized as much as she loves this guy, she has to,

she can't be with him. And I think that's hard for her. But anyway, whatever about that. I just think that she is owed a, I think she's allowed to sit and laugh and watch Shep just get humiliated on this show. Well, the living and laughing is, is when I like it. It's the stuff with the, you know, like,

When she was getting weird with Rodrigo. When Rodrigo was playing the phone call over FaceTime or whatever on speakerphone. And she was, I don't know. It's just that she seems in love with him. And this isn't like blame the victim kind of thing. Because I didn't feel that way when she was together. I mean, I get that that's something where you're together with someone. I just mean like after all of this, like you're still in love with Shep. At some point, I just have to walk away. Like as a friend. Which I know we're not friends. Well, it's more like we want her. It's time for you to move on. I would kick her out of the empty van. I would be like, there are people who actually want my help in here.

Get out of my anti-van. I would pull the van over and I would kick her out.

I would say to Taylor, it is time to move on. And what you're going to have to do is leave this show because it's not healthy for you. You need to be away from him so that way you can really focus on other things. But she's an influencer now, so she won't. Yeah. So now we go back to Chef and Sienna's just doing that smile thing like, please, someone save me. And Chef's like, I don't want to put you on the spot. I just, I don't even know where we stand. Will you marry?

And she's like, well, I mean, on my end of things, I just feel like we never really defined what this relationship... I was like, do you have a doll that you're trying to throw your voice for? She's very howdy doody. Well, I just don't think that we've ever really defined things, so... She's leaning into her pageant training as strongly as she can. And Shep is like, but you had to have known how I felt, right? She's like,

Yeah, well now I do 100% now I do he's like, okay, let's just hold it there Let's have a group scene and you'll see I'll be with friends and I'll be charming and then you'll fall in love with me And he's like life is way too short to ignore a strong feeling about somebody, you know in a relationship I'm like, yeah, that's why she's not spending more time with you a life is too short to spend time with Shep So she life is too short to spend time with someone whose life is too short. I

That's what I think she's thinking. And also he keeps doing this thing with her where he's like, OK, so this is how I feel. OK, because he doesn't want her to break up with him and he knows she's about to. And it's just so unfair. He keeps acting like they're having these deep discussions. No, you are having these discussions with yourself. And then every time she tries to come back and say her side, you stop her and wait for, you know, wait for another scene.

Yeah. So they go down to dinner and he like links arms with her and she just seems so unhappy about this. So they show up and everything. And so Sienna hugs everyone and says, hi. What a bitch.

I know that attitude that she has of being friendly with cast members. It's just what a horrible person. What horrible energy she has. Like, hi, everybody. So good to see you again. I think last time I saw you was at your dog party. So nice to see you. Greg's like, bitch.

So Shep runs over to pull out Sienna's chair and Madison's like, honestly, anything Shep does, especially when it's romantic or at least trying to make us believe he's romantic. I'm like, ew, no. This is awful. Yeah. And she's calling it too. When she says, at least trying to make us believe he's romantic. Mm-hmm.

So, Taylor is like, this is going to make me throw up. And so, you know, they're making small talk and the waitress comes over and goes, okay, guys, hi, I'm your waitress tonight. Does anybody have any food allergies? And Craig goes, I'm allergic to dog. Okay. So it turns out that big Craig is allergic to little Craig. And Sienna's like, oh, join the... Maybe not the fucking idiot. Yeah.

I'm allergic to dog. So Sienna's like, yeah, join the club. And we see flashback of how Sienna was complaining about little Craig farting in bed, you know, back when Sienna was willing to even get into a bed with Shep and

Everyone's like horrified. Austin especially looks horrified by little Craig's gas. Oh, it's insane right now. Madison's like, Sienna, well, we probably haven't seen y'all since you last saw each other, right? This is my way of opening up the conversation of where the hell have you been? And Sienna's like, yeah, last time I was at that donkey. And also say at the same time that we haven't seen you and neither has Shep. So for somebody so in love, you sure haven't seen Shep much, huh? Yeah.

And Shep is like, oh, gosh, I forgot to bring your boots. You left your boots at my house. Oh, well, I guess you'll have to come to Charleston. Yeah. And she's like, I'll buy more. And he's like, what if I wear them? Oh, oh, oh.

So then the food comes and Austin's like, Shab! Shab! Shab! Let's go to the bar. Let's go to the bar, bro. Let's go to the bar. So they go to have their little side conversation. And meanwhile, Sally's like, hey, come on in here, girl. Let's have some goss. And she's like, oh, finally, I'm at the fun part of the table. Old man McSiphilis shirt is gone. Am I right? Yeah.

Gonorrhea girl. So then... I'm just trying to make a pun. I think we actually titled one of our Watch What Crappens Gonorrhea girl. Gon, comma, Aria girl. Guess what? This is the party side of the table. They don't have dogs here, so I can breathe easy. And Madison's like...

I'm shocked to see you here today. I mean, not just because I know he was a little nervous because I hear you've been playing hard to get, but I think that's good for him. She goes, have I been playing hard to get or am I hard to get? I was like, yes.

yes Sienna oh yeah that's what we're looking for tell us more about you none of us have anything going on at this table go ahead baby go on and did you notice that Rodrigo kept speaking in this episode but they didn't even turn his mic on I love the production the production's like you are not forcing us to deal with Rodrigo no we're not turning on his mic half the time you just see Rodrigo's mouth like talking to people and you never hear what he's saying laughing

He should really be there with Sienna and then she could like talk through her mouth and he can talk with an open mouth. He can flap his lips with no sound coming out and they could do like a little ventriloquist act. So he's basically everyone is just quietly and politely and happily segwaying into, OK, Sienna, do you want to talk shit about Shep? Because this is a safe space to do that. If you want to talk shit, you can you can tell us everything. Don't worry. It'll be safe. Yeah. And they tell him straight up.

Like they tell her straight up, like Shep is this guy has this reputation. Like he treats women like shit. He's never, you know, in love with anybody, but now all of a sudden he's in love with you and it's super weird. So what's going on? And she's like, well, I love him. He's amazing. World peace. Um,

You know, big, I'm really big on people who don't have an education getting educated. And I don't like global warming either. And they're like, okay, let's stop with the beauty pageant answers, honey. And Tully's like, yeah, he said the love word. And she's like, oh, well, he's a great person. And we've had a lot of fun time together not polluting oceans. Yeah.

And then we got to Austin and Shep sitting somewhere talking about it. And Austin's like, well, let me be the first to start out by saying that I was very pleased, obviously, that the two of you came to dinner. And Shep was like, gosh, yeah, I said everything I wanted to say. Cut back to this awful moment where he's talking to Sienna. We could have babies. We could have little children that look kind of like you and kind of like me.

And yeah, but you never let her say what she wanted to say. And then she's like, I didn't know you ever thought this. And I was like, damn it. Because it's like it's like only been like a long weekend every time we hang out, you know. So maybe she just didn't know. So we go back to the party side of the table and Madison's like, OK, Sienna, I have a real question. She's like, OK.

"Are you and Shep actually together?" And Sienna's like, um... She like takes a sip and she goes, "As of right now?" Which, by the way, you already know the answer is no if the answer is "as of right now?" And Matt's like, "Yes." And Sally's like, "Are you exclusive? Can you hook up with other people?" And Sienna's like... Can you kind of give blowjobs in parking lots? Is that still acceptable?

have you ever been to the ground round so what was the name of that place that she went to give the blow job the grand republic the grand american round round american american so sienna goes she's like well shep and i never had that conversation in the first place and we never said we were going to be in a relationship and we never said we're going to be exclusive and we never even said really anything um i didn't get to say anything he just did all the talking so are we together maybe i don't

And Taylor's like, I think that Shep has probably imagined a lot of this relationship and I'm enjoying it as a bystander.

So then we cut back to Austin and Shep, and Shep's like, whoa, are we going to wait and see, getting to know you again? What are we going to do? And she goes, yeah, this discussion isn't over. She's like, I want to talk about our future. Gosh, it was very adult, which was strange for me because I'm a little boy, and it was very respectful. And then, you know, fucking, wouldn't you know it, we were walking over here, and I'm

I really miss you. And she's like, I miss you too. And then we cut to the footage and it's Shep saying, did you miss me? And she goes, I'll see. He goes, well, I miss you. And she goes, I'm sure you do. What is it with the men? Unreliable narrators. Oh my God.

I just want to win her over again, you know, like all those other times I won her over when she wouldn't text me back after seeing me for two days. And he goes, I'm just so into her. And Austin's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, my mouth is saying a lot. And if you could read spit language, you'd understand. But yeah.

it's been i can't read it but i feel it all over my face so austin's like well i just wish i could see a conversation between them because it just seems to me that shep is not the best at picking up signals um so then sienna is telling everyone like yeah we're we're you know we're both you know shep and i we're just so similar both in terms of being non-committal and you

It really works for us. Because when she says noncommittal, it's kind of like, yeah, I'm not committing to him in any sort of way. Yeah. And she's pretty clear. And so Shep's like, what's happening, guys? And so I was like, well, we think that maybe she's good for you. So and they all start laughing. And he's like, guys, let's just not grill everybody, please. Especially dogs.

Okay, Shep, Craig don't really know what that meant. Well, Shep, she checked out to everything you said, your timeline, what you want in life, you know, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, because you're both noncommittal, right? And then everybody just freezes and the girls start cracking up and Austin's mad. He's like, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, how we disrespect the males at this table.

sorry i didn't mean to say that it's like a blow job in the parking lot of harris teeter it just happens sometimes so then fleeting it's fleeting but it happened ship's like oh gosh you talked and so yeah and massey goes i mean we're not just gonna look at her i mean sienna it's a pleasure and so craig's like cheers sienna thanks for having us and so thanks for coming guys he's like god she's probably a serial killer terrible energy

So now they decide to go up to Madison's room and party. And guess who else took off? The camera crew, because we don't see any of this. We just jumped to the morning. I want to see the girls talking shit about Shep. Why do you keep cutting out the girls? Yeah, I want to like see the girls having fun and bonding. Like it drives me nuts. Now listen, the dynamic, the Shep-Austin-Craig trio, that drama triangle is insane.

I love it. It's such a great, it's so great to watch it, but we need to see our women too. Like, I'm sorry. We need to see them partying. We need to see them bonding. We need to see them having fun times because it's just what's right. So it is in terms of storytelling. I mean, it's right in terms of yes, social dynamics and we should be seeing like women should be getting do all the right things, but also like you're telling a story in those characters. So flesh out everyone that we're seeing, please. Yeah.

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So now the guy, the next day, everything is shit. Everything is disgusting. Everything is everywhere all at once. Yeah. And then Taylor goes to check on Molly and she's like, I feel like so much better than I did last night. I'm just like filled with charisma for the day. And then in the boys place, Shep wakes up and gets on the treadmill and then does some pushups and then eat some leftover pizza.

Yeah. And then Taylor is asking Molly if she's going to be ready for Flamingo Yoga. And she is. And Molly's asking how last night was and asking if the Sienna stuff was awkward. And Taylor's like, it wasn't awkward at all.

But dot, dot, dot. Cut to last night, Taylor asking Shep where Sienna was while they were partying in the girls' suite. And Shep is like, oh, yeah, she went home because Sienna had a stomach ache. So she had to go home. And we see footage of her being like,

Yeah, I gotta go. My stomach hurts. It's sick. Upset. Gotta go. Bye. I've been trying not to vomit since I got here, so hope you don't mind. I'm just gonna go. He's like, oh, really? Yeah, I gotta go. And then we cut back to the suite and Madison goes, yeah, she don't like you. He's like, of course, I guess I'm going to bed now.

So he gets, he's like all like, you know, now the foot is rattling. Right. So Taylor's like, I'm not going to back to present. Taylor's like, I'm not going to be one of those people. That's like, you know, karma, but he's tasting his own medicine. And I'm like, yeah, it doesn't taste great. So you are the person that's going to say car. You're just going to word it differently.

Lead into it. Madison would lead into it. That's what I say. I would say I am going to be the person that says karma. And now look, now look what you got. Ha! I would totally be that person. So then Austin's sleeping. So Shep comes and jumps on him. And he's like, why? Why are you doing this? Why? He's like, oh, because I had to tell you. I woke up early, couldn't sleep, but I sent a text right when I woke up. And he's like, oh, God. What'd you say, Shep?

What'd you say? All right. All right. The piano players like getting onto the bench, like, all right, everyone, I'm ready. Don't worry. I'm here. Oh my God. Just let me know. Let me know when my services are needed. Cause I know we're about to read a text. All right. So let's start.

I said, good morning, Sienna. Listen, I love seeing you and no one else makes me feel the way you do. No one. But I'm not going to try to convince someone that they love me for three days. And you're like, oh my God, this is good. Especially when I know that deep down,

They do. No, no. When they don't, listen to the Bonnie Raitt song. I can't make you love me if you don't. Not I can't make you love me if you do. It doesn't work that way. Well, here's hoping that you understand my feelings and exalt them. Exalt my feelings. Talks like that.

I just don't feel this way almost ever. I know that you agree and feel a lot of what I do because I've heard it from your perfect little freckled lips in my head the same time you told me you wanted to have my babies on a beach. Small little freckled lips. Now you're just like infantilizing her. It's just like so...

It was so cringy. When I saw you get on the bus to school, I said, I can't wait to fill her lunchbox. Like how much creepier are you going to fucking make this? I said, butterfly kisses for my sienna. Butterfly kisses on those pretty little freckle lips.

And those around us can say and think what they will. But we will have the last laugh. And we will love, laugh together. And literally everything that matters. Live, laugh, love. Okay, wait for it. Wait for it. My TED Talk is over. Yeah, youthful, youthful reference. Youthful reference. Stuck the land angle.

Gosh. He just laughed so hard at his own TED Talk joke. And Austin goes, oh, God. Oh, God, Jeff. No, wait. Hold on. P.S. Just from one of my favorite poets. One way or another, I'm going to find you. I'm going to get you, get you, get you, get you. One way or another. Okay, stop. Just stop, please. Wait, wait. There's more. There's more. Okay. And then I said, hey, I just texted you. And this is crazy.

But you have my number, so text me back maybe. Oh my god, you're making me cringe for you now, Shep. Dude, I respect your vulnerability. I mean, that's for sure. You are vulnerable, dude. Vulnerable. Well, she hasn't answered. So that's okay. She understands what a TED Talk is because if she doesn't, it doesn't quite make sense. And maybe I should send another text, right? I'll send another text. I'll say...

pretty little freckle lip person. You know what a TED doc is? It's when someone like me, a barrister soul in front of an audience, but teaches you things. Do you feel like you've been learning? You've learned something from me. Okay. My second TED doc is over. Wait, does the joke now make sense? Cause now I'll go back and read the first text. It'll make more sense. It'll be funnier. And then I think you're going to love me now. Okay. Let your emotions free. Signed, TED doc person, Shep. Just over here waiting on a tiny round red carpet for you to text me back. Uh,

So Austin's like, wow, I wish he would have asked me before he decided to send this. I mean, unbelievable. Unbelievable, Madison. But I want to shrivel up and die for him. Okay? I want to fucking evaporate. And then they just show him evaporating from his chair. They make him disappear in his chair. I want to evaporate into the Bahamian sky. Okay.

"All right, well, she faked a stomachache, man. "I'm just gonna do that right now." "No, no, it was mid, look, Brooke Heist, gosh. "It was midnight when we were done, "and she wanted to go home. "I mean, admittedly, it was midnight in London, "so it was only about 7:00 p.m. here, "but still, it's midnight somewhere, right? "She had to go home!" - And they're like, "Mm, no." And then we go back to the Flamingo Yoga, which was, it's basically Taylor and Molly and Rodrigo doing yoga,

And the flamingos are just walking among. I love the flamingos because the flamingos were as judgy as we are. We're like, really? Really doing yoga? Taylor, why don't you just be better on this show? You're one season too long. You should have just left last season. Yeah. He's like, the flamingo just said, have some self-respect, Taylor. And also the other flamingo said, nice to see you actually get out of bed today, Molly. So he's like, wait a minute. I like that one flamingo that walked by Molly and just goes, tuba.

So it's a wacky scene. And then Vanita arrives at the hotel with Whitney and Ryan and they get their little wristbands and they're like, who gets solo rooms? I think that Whitney gets a solo room, right? I couldn't tell if they got solo rooms, but are in the same suite. I'm not sure, but they got solo rooms and they got like wristbands. And when he's like, oh, mother, will this wristband detect a heartbeat? If I have a heart attack, oh.

So then Vanita's talking to the girls and they're hungover from champagne. And Sally's like, yeah, I've just had so much champagne. I don't normally drink that. She goes, oh, well, you better learn bunking with Madison because champagne's your only option, honey. Okay, Charles, try on the sweater. Charles isn't here, sugar. Charles, put on the sweater. He's not here. Hold on. Let me talk to my plant. Where's my plant? Your plant's not here, Vanita. Oh, my God. Somebody get her a crutch.

She just puts a leash on a pillow. "You're my new Charles." She's putting a sweater on the pillow. Oh, God, she's really lost it. She cooked Franzino for the pillow. So, over with the guys. It's like, "Wait a minute. That pillow just broke up with me." "Oh, God damn it. You really have terrible luck." "Wait, is that pillow JD or is it Charles?" A little bit of both. So, back to the guys.

There's a tray of food out in the hallway, but Austin can't get it through the door. So he's like, oh, Craig, I'm not going to do it for you. You can do it yourself. Mostly because I can't really figure out. God, I understand what it's like being Kyle Richards right now. It's rough. Yeah.

Yeah. And Shep's like, by the way, Karsh, I need to read you the text I sent to Sienna this morning. Craig's like, you sent the text that you sent to Sienna? Yeah, Karsh, I want to read it to you. He's like, okay, here we go. Second time's the charm. Good morning, Sienna. No one else makes me feel the way you do. Yada, yada, yada. Pretty little...

pretty little freckled lips. It's a rare thing. Very rare. Actually, we get more details this time because I think the first time was the abridged version. Now we hear things like, it's a rare thing. It's very rare. The rarest thing on earth and the most beautiful and pure things. Okay, I'm going to stop, but can we please follow our heart? We will have love, laughter, and literally everything that matters. Wait for it. Wait for it. Okay. My TED Talk is over. Use vote. Use vote.

Has she responded to you yet? No, she hasn't. But I think that she's still probably swooning over me when I said, "It's a rare thing, the very rare, rarest, rarest, rarery rare thing in the world, love."

So Craig's like, look, your sentiment's beautiful, Shep, but it is what it is, you know? It was a good try. It was a valiant effort. Hey, why do you sound like Austin all of a sudden? God, don't put that on me. I'm the sensitive friend. I'm the sensitive one.

I'm not going to lie to you because this shouldn't have to be as forced as it is. You know, I'm like, yes. Oh, you're talking. Oh, I thought he was talking about him and page. Sorry. He was talking about Sienna, but I agree. Yes. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I don't know how Shep doesn't get it. Like you shouldn't have to explain to someone. You just started to see why you should be together. I guess he put the, you just started to see as the caveat because I really wish they had put all of the Naomi clips in here. Cause they're good. What do you mean? Like,

There's literally no reason to break up. Don't be stupid. You shouldn't have to explain to someone you just started to see or someone you've been seeing for two and a half years that you've now abducted and brought to a bee farm why you should be together and have babies. It's that simple. You shouldn't have to force someone to love goats. They should naturally love goats.

You shouldn't have to lure your girlfriend to visit you by putting a little desk next to a cricket machine. It's just that simple. Well, I put it out there. I said what I needed to say and stopped her from saying anything that she could say. So, you know, that's important. Because when we were at dinner last night, it was electric. It was electric. I felt a little from her, but she won't admit it. I mean, her phone just kept buzzing, buzzing, buzzing.

Is that why you kept on saying boogie woogie woogie woo? Yes, precisely! Craig, you're huge on closure, and I mean, if this is closure, then that's fine. I'm willing to accept it. If this is the end, I'm willing to accept it. Gosh, I'm not willing to accept it. No, it's not closure. It had to have been opened in the first place for it to be closureship. That was a let's run away and get married message from you. And then they all laugh.

So they're like, well, you're still going to have fun today with us, right? And he's like, okay. Gosh, today is my day where I stand around and be super, super sad. Hold on. Watch me do it right here in front of this window as I stare at the sea. I was like, what are you, the old man in the sea, yeah? She's not into you. Stop trying to make this happen for us. I'm not buying this for two seconds. So then...

So now they're talking about like the Vanita, Madison, Sally are at the beach and they're like, it is hot outside. God, I would love to go on that boat. I'd love to be like, get me on that boat so I get air conditioning. They start talking about JT and showing up and everything. And Vanita's talking about how he missed his flight and all that stuff. And Madison is like, look, this group is about friends and I'm not being a mean girl. I'm not. I'm really not. But I mean, if JT wants to come and blow things up, I'm locked and loaded and ready. I brought three extra cobs of corn today.

I'm taking him down. I'm taking him down to Chinatown. I liked when she goes, yeah, I want to get on that boat. Hey, Sally, go shake your tits. Sally's like, God, why me? You're Sally. Go do it. Earn your keep. It's called the SS Great American. Now go do it.

So yeah, JT also missed his flight. So he's not gonna be there. So then we go back to the boys. Shep is gonna go snorkeling and the other group is gonna go to the fish fry. And Sienna says she's gonna come to the fish fry. And we see clips of her being like, "Fish fry, that sounds so fun. That's right next to the Bahamian Sbarro. Okay, great. Yeah, not touristy at all. I'll totally be there. Can't wait."

Yeah. And also like, wait, what? And Shep is like, yeah, gosh, I'm not going to be there. I'm gonna go snorkeling. Wait, what? And Craig's like, well, she can go snorkeling with you. Why would she not like want to hang out with you? Because she's all the way to fish fry. So they're like, wait, so we're separating on a friend trip. Some of us are going to a fish fry. Some of us are going snorkeling. You're going snorkeling, but your girlfriend's going to come on the fish fry. And he's like, yeah, totally natural.

Okay, well, why wouldn't you go on the fish fry? This is so stupid. So why wouldn't you just go on the fish fry so you could be around her? He's like, whoa, we're our own people, guys.

She's so not into you. This is so sad. I know. Craig, don't be all cutthroat. That's not who you are. And then Austin's like, and then he's like, you guys can talk to her and be friends with her and bring her into the group and then she'll see it's a cool group. She'll want to be in the group. And when she's in the group, she'll see that I'm kind of like the leader of the group. And when she sees I'm the leader of the group, she's going to love me. Oh, sorry. Another TED talk. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Youth reference. And Austin goes, yeah, I think that's a really good move, Shep.

He's trying to be supportive. And he's like, yeah, you know what I don't like? Kicking somebody when they're down. Okay? Please. Please. You're one of the men on this show. That's all you do. And granted, it's very fun. I've been watching the show for nine years now. Don't stop. So he's like, especially a friend kicking another friend. You know, it doesn't sit right with me. Unless we're ganging up on Shep to not speak to him at the reunion. You know, stuff like that. Literally...

literally austin craig and shep they're like the rockets all coiled up on each other all you do is kick each other it doesn't sit right with me so craig is like he's like look you can continue to enable your delusional friend or tell them how it is i'm not pumped that sienna doesn't like you but she doesn't like you and i mean why would you want us to be friends with her cool

And they're like, and he's trying to say this. He's trying to be like, no, she's really great. Everything's great between us. And he's sitting there and his foot is just like right in the center of the camera. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Like, things are blowing off of, like, surfaces. And, like, papers are around the room as this, like, current of air is coming out of his foot. Yeah. And Craig's like, yeah, but, like, look, you know how I am, though. Like, if someone's not making you feel nice, I don't want to be fake nice to that person. And Chef's like, what's Sienna called? Oh, my God, Sienna called. Sienna called. Sienna called. Oh, I'm going to go talk to her. Sienna called.

Laugh, laugh, laugh. Laugh, laugh, laugh. I'm just a boy. A boy standing in a baby cradle. Who wants babies that look like you? Wait, gosh, guys. Hold on. Sienna's calling. Wait, listen to this. Hold on. Hello? Ted here. Get it? And I'm talking.

And she's like, well, yeah, about the fish fry. I don't really know if I want to take that down. Okay, you're not into tech talks. How about Teddy Swims? You can come snorkeling. She's like, no, I just like I'm sick and I just I drink alcohol and I don't drink and I just I just know. And the entire concept of you makes me nauseous. So I think I'm just pass on this one.

Well, okay, no big deal. You know, I mean, that text I sent you, right? That was pretty epic, Pulitzer-winning, poetic. I don't know. Choose a word. Choose a word. Her fault. She's like, yeah, about that text. It was really intense, and I do want to talk about it. Oh, no, no! No, no, don't do it now! Okay.

Okay, um, fine. Well, I'm gonna be over here saying, pretending like I'm puking. Okay, well, we'll talk about when I see you. We can go out on the boat and have a big day, a fun day. See, I'm not clingy. I can spend a full 24 hours without talking to you. Woo!

And she's like, yeah, okay. So he's like, okay, well, I'm just going to hang with the crew and not feel any sort of way. Okay, so this is more proof that this girl does not give a crap about being on this show. Everybody's saying she's using Shep to get on this show, but what is she using him for? She even got a scene. I feel like the producers were like, okay, she clearly hates Shep, but we want to know more about her. So we'll just send her with a friend group and not Shep. And she's still like, no.

she's like I'm not going that fish fry place I don't feel like having diarrhea all day long I by the way I want to go to that fish fry place that looks so good I've just now I want fried fish um unfortunately the fried fish place that's right near me closed which makes me really sad so RIP Cravenclaw it was called Cravenclaw well there's your first there's your first hint

And it used to be called... Is it like a Harry Potter themed fish fry? It used to be called... It used to have the most ridiculous name before that. It was like... Why am I blanking on the name? No, no, no. It was... It was...

It was like, I'm so crabby or something. Why am I blanking on the name? Listen, the first rule of opening up a fried fish restaurant is you have to give it a ridiculous name. We all know that. We all know that. Dear Crabby. So Shep's like, well, I think there's something so special that we had that, you know, like, how could you ignore it? How could you turn away from it? I'm a rational guy. Yeah.

cars yeah i'm totally chill this is reminding me honestly this is giving me ptsd to my own awful behavior once i'm not gonna lie i once went down like a shep path back in 2001 when i moved to los angeles i didn't have any friends

I was new to the city and it was like an exciting new time and I met the guy who played Jan Jan the cheerleading man from Bring It On at the gym and he was so cute but he was also like famous and he was nice to me and then I'd run into him at the gym and then we became friends and I was like oh my god it's all happening I

I have a I have a friend and he's like famous and he's gonna bring me into these cool circles. I'm gonna hang out with all these cool people and I would call him all the time to hang out like so much where it became like it became actually wasn't like an obsession, but it was like a it was like it was too much. It was like what Shep was doing. It was too much. It was like clearly this person was like

sliding into something psychologically that I needed. And then, and he just like, you know, clearly he was like, whoa, you know? And then eventually I stopped. Eventually I was like, okay, I got to get a grip. And I also made friends and I sort of came back to reality. But I always think about the time when I...

When I was basically nonstop calling Jan Jan the cheerleading man from beyond. It's like the most mortifying thing I've ever done in my life. I thought that was the OC guy. I guess that was a different. No, no, no, no. Ben McKenzie, I was just normal friends with him. He just goes to me because he became famous. But like Jan Jan the cheerleading man, I was like, I saw my future of what my life in LA could be. I was like, I'm going to be swept up into this group. I'm finally going to be a part of this group.

I'm finally going to be with the cool kids. I'm finally going to be accepted. It's going to be amazing. And I just got so obsessed with that notion that I was always like, you want to hang out? Oh, well, it's been two hours. Maybe you didn't see that I called. I'd call again. It was crazy. Well, that's, you know, I think we've all been in these positions, right? Where you like somebody more than they like you and you end up embarrassed and years down the line, you kind of think back on it. We were children. You know what I mean? I was 22.

This man is 46 and this girl is 26. So that's like a huge difference because it changes the levels. It's not just a normal thing. It's like him trying to impose his will on some young girl. It's creepy. Like it's just creepy. The other stuff, I mean, I think that's like totally – that's cute. That's actually really cute. Me with Jan. Like I would hang out with him and like –

Well, for a moment there, I was sort of in like that little young Hollywood circle. You know, I don't remember. If you name some people, I'd be like, oh, yeah, that person and that person and like his wife, Kyler Lee. And I was like, it's all happening. I have famous friends. I'm going to be on the scene. You text him like, whoa, it's cold in here. There must be some tourists in the atmosphere. Am I right? Well, the most embarrassing thing I said was,

"Kirsch, you're pretty little freckled lips, let's hang out tonight!" "Don't deny our friendship!" "Son, now my TED talk is over." No, it's like, I'm cringing right now, even just talking about it, I'm like, it was so, it's so, so, so embarrassing. But again, like you said,

kids and I was like also I was like a closeted you know person new in the city whatever but Shep is old and he shouldn't be acting like this it's one thing if you're like a young newbie in the city and don't know everything the world is exciting and crazy but when you're just like an old fart you know

Yeah. Don't obsess over Sienna. Yeah, it's gross. Oh, so this is the part where Shep is now destroyed and he's sitting out looking at the sea, the old man in the sea. He's like, yeah, guys, I'm just in uncharted waters. Yeah.

No, you're not. You're not. No, you're not. She doesn't like you, okay? So Craig says, she should have texted you back and said I love you too. I mean, come on. Don't let it fuck with your day. He's like, it's not. It's not. The point was I was going to have a big victim vacation so girls in bars would feel sorry for me and I can continue to get laid for the next five years to go off that goodwill. So I think it's working, guys. Just let me sit here and pretend to almost cry for a little bit.

So then we go to the girls' suite, and some people are getting ready to go snorkeling, and some people are going to go to the fish fry, and then the snorkel people are in the van, and Shep is like, Taylor, you expressively said you wanted to go to the fish fry, but now you're snorkeling. What the hell? Taylor's like, well, I'm choosing water over food because I realized if you drown today, I want to... No, we froze.

Sorry, we froze. Oh, gosh, I still see you. We froze at 1.04. Sorry, Christina, cut it out. Okay, go from the part where... I guess you just finished Taylor's line. Where Taylor said, I'm choosing water over food. Yeah. Oh, well, that's a good call. Good call. That way we don't have to talk to anybody, right? We can just stare at marine life, you know? I mean, there's just so many fish in the sea, right, Taylor? Right, Taylor? She's like...

Came watch you flop around, gasping for air like whatever fish we run into. Oh, well, this will be fine. Do you think that fishes can get text messages? Because I really want to profess my love to that big salmon over there. I can't wait to try my TED Talks joke out on the angelfish.

So now Vanita's talking about stealing all the Balmain. That's exciting. So anyway, they're all going to head to the fish fry and everything, and they're getting into the van and stuff. And Craig is like, hey, so fish fry people, Sienna, she wanted to come to the fish fry with us and not Shep. And they're like, oh, bad. Yeah, that's sad. I feel bad. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

No, you can speak on behalf of him. I'm sorry. I thought he was done. Okay, well, I feel bad for him, honestly, because, you know, like, I think he's being a little simpy. He's just being a little simpy. I mean, it's sad. But honestly, Shep has been digging into my relationship since I met him. And I'm so glad they put this in here, because Shep's like, I'm just such a good person, bullshit. Intercut with all the times he was an asshole to Madison. So we cut back to 2018.

and she's like why are you getting involved in my relationship and he's like oh uh he's like i have every right to gosh you know i thought you were stronger than a tire iron but apparently not yeah and you know what someday i'm gonna find somewhere that's sunny and amazing and gorgeous and she's like and be alone and be alone champ he's like and be alone

And here we are all these years later. - Yeah, and by the way. - Seven years later, talk about secreting some shit. You go, Madison. - That's why he's obsessed with her because she is like completing the picture. He literally says, he lays it all out that he wants to be somewhere with sun and white sand and like in love or whatever.

So Craig is like, it's okay to like someone, but then you got to recognize when they don't like you back. And at that point you must move on. And I know I would do that. Luckily, Paige really, really likes me a lot.

Yeah, so then we go back to the snorkeling van and they're still talking about Sienna because no one has, like literally no one has anything going on. Molly's like, so has Sienna messaged you? And she's like, he's like, oh yeah, she did. She did. And I made the decision to take the night off, take the day off, you know, just enjoy myself. Totally my decision. I said, you know what, Sienna, I hope you get a stomachache and stay home. And she did. So still in control of the situation. Yeah, you know, wow.

I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's just like a strange energy. I don't know. You got me as to what it's all about. But I'm not going to. I don't know. Like, don't water plants that don't bring beauty. Right? If that makes sense. You know, it's like that old saying. Don't touch poison ivy if you're not going to grow it in your home garden. Right? Gosh. Don't water plants that don't bring beauty. It's not your plant. Stop watering other people's plants.

- You're watering gravel. It's not flowering for you. - And Taylor tries to keep going with this. She's like, "Yeah, like sometimes you're watering a plant that just needs to be repotted." - Yeah, it needs a bigger pot, you know? And Molly goes, "Sometimes the hermit crab outgrows its shell." Come on, Molly, it's gotta stick with botany. Come on, you can't bring it to hermit crabs.

None of it really makes any sense. And Molly's like, yeah, I think it somehow makes sense to me. I don't know. So then they go snorkeling and it's really pretty. You know, they have fish charts. That's Ryan's line for the thing. He's like, guys, they have fish charts. We can see the kind of fish that we're going to be shopping for. Looking at.

Guys, it says that there are nurse sharks. Are the nurse sharks gonna kill us? Like, no, they're actually really, really nice sharks. They're like puppies. Poor Ryan.

He's terrified. I know. And he looks so cute, too. We don't know anything about this man. So now the other group is having food. And then we see Craig talking about how great it was back living in the Bahamas. Yeah. So he's, yeah, because they order chicken in a bag. And when he starts talking about living in the Bahamas, they keep cutting to Austin just like looking down at his napkin or something. But it's kind of like a moment because they want to be like, look.

Austin doesn't even want to listen to Craig's story. He wants to look at his napkin. But it's also like, to be fair, Craig has probably talked about living in the Bahamas a million times every week since 2018. That was like his whole thing for the longest time. Like back in the Bahamas, I would wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night. Back in the Bahamas to get places, I would get into a car. Back in the Bahamas, Bahamas, Bahamas.

So Sally is like, well, I think the boat ride is going to be fun if that works out tomorrow. And he's like, well, I just don't think Sienna should come. She's like, yeah, she gave us bad vibes. He goes, yeah, I don't want to go in on her too much, even though I went on her when I woke up and then went on her on the ride here. And then I'm now going to go in on her again. But like, I've never felt the energy of a person before.

I felt coming off of her, like I never ever met someone with that energy. And then we see a clip of her coming in and going, hi. And him going, ah. I was like, when she walked in the room, I like panicked. I poured like champagne because I thought we were going to hang out. And then I was like, I need to go fix the reservation downstairs. She was out of control. What a monster. Yeah.

So then the snorkeling crew is now talking after snorkeling and stuff. And they're like, oh, that was so fun, Ryan. You know, I guess. Or who? I don't care. So Ryan's like, we did this because of you, Shep. This is a great trip. So thank you. And Shep's like, I don't know about that. Please don't remind me I'm here. Well, Shep, does this beach remind you of any beaches in Vietnam? Is that going to make you feel better? No.

Molly's like, well, look, we're on this beautiful beach. Things are great right now. And Taylor's like, please don't remind me that I'm here. And Shep's like, I just...

"I'm having a hard time." And Molly goes, "Because of Sienna?" "No, because of global warming. It just all of a sudden hit him." "Of course, because of Sienna, Molly." And Taylor's like, "Yeah, well, this ain't my circus anymore, but I just hope this is a wake-up call to maybe date people his own age." How old is Taylor?

Yeah, why don't you, you know, you were part of that too. She's 30. So, oh, okay. So you're four years different. Huge difference, Taylor. Yeah. Somali is like, yeah, getting old. And then so Shepsy is like a stone. He's like, what is that? And Ryan's like, I think it's a silver dollar. Oh gosh, coral or something. And he's like, you think I can skip it? Like, no. How many times do you think I could skip it? So then he goes off to the ocean and he,

He's like, Taylor, this is why I'm going to prove you wrong. Because Taylor's like, no, you can't skip it. It's going to fall right into the water. I'm right. You're wrong. He's like, I'm right. You're wrong. What about that? She's like, no, I'm right. And you're wrong. It's going to hit the water and go straight in. And then Molly goes, actually, you're a little high above the water. You need to adjust. And she goes, don't help him. Taylor's like, don't help him. And then he skips it.

And the audience is like, boo, fuck Taylor for not having more faith in the skipping stone. What a bitch. What a miserable ice queen bitch. Next time support the stone. Is this the part? Maybe this is later. I don't remember. But is this the part where Molly's like, I mean, like Shep deserves like better. Like I could be, I could be into him. Like,

She deserves someone who gives a shit, like someone who wants to support your stone skipping. Someone who's gonna give you tips, someone's gonna lift you up like Josh Groban and make sure that stone gets three hops before it plunks into the water and hits a little fish, a clownfish on the forehead and gives it brain damage.

So I just there was again, there was something so funny about this. A, that Molly like that this skipping stone moment was like it was like a A B test between support and no support. But also it was like poor Shep is heartbroken. So he's going to stand by some water and skip stones. It's like, oh, God, get over it. Shep being mature. I'm going to skip some stones.

So then at the other place, Vinny just phone dings and we find out that JT has landed. And they're like, wow, well, I hope he got some little airplane wings on the plane. That's what they give little boys.

Did he get his wings? That was so funny. And Shep is like, Shep says that he's excited for JT and then Austin back at, I guess, snorkeling. But then Austin back at Fish Fry is like, well, Shep is just feeling all sorts of something. And Finn is like, well, have you guys seen him infatuated with someone like Sienna before? And like, never, I've never seen him like this.

I just hope he doesn't spin out. And Austin's like, I'm walking away. I was like, oh, Craig, go.

He's like, what? Tell me. I didn't mean to say something bad. He's like, I understand. No, dude. You know what? It's not cool, man. It's not cool. Okay. Because like he really wants it. He really wants it. I'm very angry. And so Austin's like, you know, Craig says that he's always rooting for everybody. But I have far more empathy than Craig does. I love that it always comes down to a competition on the show. It's not really even standing up for Shep. It's just like, I'm the pathetic one.

Yeah. And he's like, because I know the underlying tone to him saying that. And like the underlying tones are like, I hope that Shep doesn't turn back to the bottle because then he doesn't have, you know, control of his emotions. And I have I have control over my emotions because I'm like a man and everything. Oh, yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. You totally have all the control of your emotions. Unless only if you have the biggest room possible. It's insane right now.

Yeah, and that's a very good point, you know. And Craig is kind of blind to his own behavior at all times, which I think is kind of funny. He's like, I just wish people could control their emotions like me. Cut back to yesterday. 30-year-olds don't have to get a roof. I'm rich. Idiot.

So, um, then Craig is like, you have to tell Austin or he'll be like, Oh, Austin goes to the bathroom. And then, then they're talking about like, do you want to go to another bar? And everyone's like, yeah, well, Craig was Craig proposes going to another bar, but then he's like, but you guys have to be the one to tell Austin. Otherwise he'll be like, why do we always have to do what Craig wants to do? Which is kind of funny.

So they go to another bar and they get some drinks and there's a whole bunch of like rum or something on top of one and Madison's pouring out their drinking. So anyway, Craig and Madison go off to talk by the beach. And Craig's like, it's just like, you know, I haven't gotten to talk in so long. And I feel like life in Charleston for the group has just gotten like real fractured. I'm like, yeah, well, you moved out to the suburbs. So, yeah, it is a little fractured. You're not there anymore.

I mean, yeah, you don't hang out with your friends. You tried to dump Shep last year and kind of Austin this year. So listen, I'm not even saying you were wrong in that. I was kind of on your side in that stuff. Yeah, but don't act surprised that it's like fractured.

And so Madison's like, I know. And he says, well, like things haven't been the same with me in Austin since all this started. Yeah, but y'all are like brothers. Yeah, but he doesn't like me though. Like, I just don't know why he hates me. Maybe because last week you tried to fucking take his business away from him for $30,000. Like, hello, are you watching the show that you're on, sir?

I know. He's like... Austin was like, I just want to hang out with you more. And I tried to make plans to golf with you. And you ditched me so you could garden in your backyard. And you put it on Instagram. And now you've tried to buy me out of my own podcast for a lowballed number. And he's like...

like he hates me I don't know why he hates me it's like you can't play the victim on this one Greg yeah it's pretty clear to everyone else so then back at the table Sally's like well where's everybody else there's like literally no storylines and Austin's like well Greg and Madison are down by the water talking like I'm just trying to keep a copacetic

Yeah. So then we go back to Craig and he's like, I can see it in his face. Like, I know he loves me and he doesn't want to hate me. But when he looks at me, I see his face twinge. Well, look, in his defense, his face twinges every second of the day. I've never seen Austin's face not going. Yeah. He's very twinge forward. And then we see a montage of like Craig being like, hi, everyone. And it's like, Austin looks away. You guys want to sit at that table? Tss.

Austin looks away. So I'm like, why do you fucking hate me so much? Craig, we just went over this. So Madison is like, well, y'all will figure it out. Clearly the bandaid that we put on our relationship is starting to come off rapidly. Madison goes, well, I mean, at the end of the day, they're sisters for life. They're sisters for life. And I think they've got to get back together. And, you know, I don't want to choose sides, but I think Craig, I think that Craig is taking it a little bit too far.

I think y'all will always be friends. I mean, as long as there's a television show. He's like, that's good. That's what I want. And so that's it. The saga continues. Will the boys continue to be friends?

Who knows? I guess we'll find out more next week. Next week, it looks like it's the big JT joins the group and gets into a fight with everyone at dinner scene. So that's going to be fun to watch. Thanks, everyone, for being here. Have a wonderful weekend. Keep an ear out for our Traders recap, and we will catch you on the next one. Bye. Bye.

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