#2743 RHOBH S1413 Part Two: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
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Hi, everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe so that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode.

So then we go to Bose and Dorit riding together on the way to the party, and they're like, "Oh my God, girl, I can't believe it. I have so much to tell you." "Me too! I haven't seen you since my Fourth of July party." "Okay, well, I'm not going to talk today, am I?" "Four eggs!" Yeah, exactly.

So, um, then we see a flashback to the party and everything. And, um, and so then Kathy, we see also flashbacks one week earlier and Kathy was asking, uh, Kyle about the trip to Augusta and Kyle says it was emotional. And Bo says, look, I think there was an opportunity just to say, Hey, look,

Brooke, we need you in this sisterhood. We need you in this circle. And if you don't join, we're going to recruit a baby doctor. So get in, bitch. If we don't have a pinata to hit, how are the kids supposed to eat candy after it's broken? Get in here. But also she's saying, you know, I wish we had known that she had all this trauma that she was reliving on this trip because maybe that would have made that day different, which it wouldn't have. But that's a nice thought on her part. And.

And so she's like, what Sutton needs is to stop playing the victim in situations she created and then manipulate people and bully them into believing that she's the innocent one. I'm tired of it. I've had it. She's a court fitness. Have I used that one already?

I'm sick of people acting, playing the victim card. Now, Bose, you do, you will cover this ride, right? Because I'm $10,000 down after someone stole my purse at a Big Lots. So, Doreese. I'm sorry, did I say Target before? I meant Walmart. I'm at a CVS Greens. So,

So Dorit's like, I always say Sutton's behavior is very inconsistent. And I've been around that really nice, sweet, fun, compassionate person. And we see a flashback to two months earlier when Sutton was trying to be nice. And she's like,

If you're getting divorced, I will be there with you to laugh in your face. I mean, laugh with you at something to be a sisterhood, you know, nice friend. And then we go back to the present and she's like, but I've also been around her evil twin sister. It's like they don't even have to show a flashback for that because we all know what that's like.

Yeah, look, I mean, I think she got along with Sutton before because when you're trying to get along with someone and make a new friend, you should know what they're interested in and, you know, talk to them about their hobbies and stuff. And she found it with Sutton because Sutton loves divorce. Sutton's hobby. She's like, you're getting a divorce. I'm going to be there every step of the way. I'm going to get that man by the balls. I'm going to squeeze him until money starts falling out of his ears. And she's like, I've never seen the side of you. It's my hobby.

Unfortunately, when you squeeze Piquet by the balls, the only thing that comes out is Kewpie mayo. So, um... One time I did get it to give me a Keurig-style mocha. Delicious. The worst part is when he started saying... It was almost filling my cup. And then it went... And I realized I had that water. He kept calling himself Nes Piquet.

So, Dorit is like, "I think that today is a good day for us to definitely at least hold her accountable." She's like, "Yes, to talk about it. I agree with that!" So I love—Bose started this, like, "You know what we should do?" She had some trauma, and I think at this point we need to reach out to Seton and say, "Seton, we still love you. You're part of the circle." And Dorit goes, "You mean Yeleter? Good. I mean, let's do it. Let's confront the bitch." Sure. Why not?

I'll have a good story to tell at Keeley later. So... Well, at least somebody paid attention to me. They're having an egg party. Ha ha ha!

A lot of egg houses at this place. So we're at Caviar Caspia. I've never heard that term. Of course, me. Listen, what a surprise. Ben Mandelker doesn't know a term that has anything to do with reproduction because I'm like, vagina, scary. I'm a gay man. But I haven't heard that term egg house before. I guess is that like a follicle or something like that?

You know what? I'm just not even going to do this. What the fuck? You want to talk about, you know, the history of war in America? Like, what the fuck? Egg house vagina. This was not the right thing to look up. Why'd you put vagina in there? Just put egg house. Okay, egg house uterus. No, because then you wind up getting a bunch of breakfast places. Oh. Egg house uterus. How a fertilized egg finds its home in a uterus. I think I'm just, you know what?

Egg House Hunters.

So we go over to Caviar Caspia, and there's a long table, which thank God they planned this out, because it's incredible. And there's vodka bottles lined up, so they are expecting sudden, which is nice. And there's some very bad handwriting on some place cards. And Jennifer Tilly's like, I've got placemats, everybody. There's placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats. They're placemats

It's hard to walk in a caftan.

Second trip in a week. Two weeks in a row of people tripping. Okay. Hello. Everything looks great. The first time I went to Caviar Caspia was during Fashion Week. And it's the place to go in Paris. And like when you go there, like you see all the supermodels and the designers and the famous people and the food is phenomenal. And I mean caviar and everything. And like always when you go to Caviar Caspia, you're hoping someone else is going to pick up the bill. Yeah.

I'm like, "Lady, you've got Simpsons money. You're picking up the bill for everyone there, okay? You're picking up my bill when I go out with you, if I ever get to live out that dream." So she's talking to her other friends who aren't on the show and she's like, "You

Anne-Marie, this is my friend Whitney. This is my friend Diana. Diana's the most fun girl. One time she took off her top and jumped into a swimming pool, sucked off a horse and grabbed the edge of a helicopter blade and spun around and around until she was flinged off into Santa Barbara. Fun girl. Anne-Marie's like, wow.

So then Erica arrives and she's like, I like this Jennifer Tilly. I think she's smart. I think she's fun. She has incredible style. Couture, jewels, couture, cat tan. I'm into it. I give a fuck.

So, um, she's trans. I do not know. Yeah. So Garcelle arrives next and Jennifer's like, Oh my God, I'm a people here. We have the same cat tan. Oh, you're gorgeous in blue. We both did the blue eyeliner. I love that. I love what you've done there. And then Faye Resnick shows up. I mean, wow. Wow. This is a big episode.

Yeah, that's a big one. Morally corrupt Faye Resnick with Kathy Hilton. I'm wearing a caftan made out of lemons because I've been to Capris. Anybody? Love their lemons there. Lots of hugs going around and everyone's talking about it. I'm so glad it's not as hot as it was at July 4th and everything. And then we go over to Sutton, Kyle and Jen, Kyle's personal assistant slash friend, who

riding in Jennifer Tilly's caviar and cat, cat, I'm writing to the party in an SUV. And Kyle's like, um, so I was filling Jen in on what happened the other day at retreats. And she was like the first one there. And like, son was like the first one there. And like, no one was there. And she just had to sit there and like sat there and sat there and sat there and sat there. It was like hilarious. Yeah. For 40 minutes. It was disturbing.

So we see a clip of that, Sutton just walking around that farmhouse like, what do I do in a style like this? It's just terrible. It's horrible. Are these plastic floors?

I mean, I was just, I was watching the babysitter's club. I was like, what's the babysitter's club? They're Dorit's friends. So they were like all 14. Yeah. So you want me to be nice? They're like, oh my God, 14, son. Yeah. Well, you want me to be nice? I'm not being nice today. This is not nice, son. I don't know. Why Dorit?

continues to come after me. And she's like full in her full on squint mode where she's just squinting at the cameras and her little cat eyes are gleaming behind her eyes. Like she's ready to rip her new one. She's like, I mean, there's obvious reasons. There's people in our group that have a lifestyle that Dorit aspires to have. Unfortunately, she did not marry someone rich enough. Okay.

Okay. Now I could understand the confusion when you marry the Pillsbury dough boy, that man could be getting a lot of residuals, but unfortunately it's just an actor at the end of the day. Unfortunately, Crescent rolls aren't going to pay the bills. So, um, uh,

so then they go back to Caviar Caspia and everyone's drinking and enjoying things. And Faye Resnick is like, Oh, I'm dying to see your jewelry. Well, are you seeing this stuff? This is wonderful. And then there's, you know, Jennifer's showing off her jewelry. She's like, this is kind of God. No, this is kind of God. No, this is kind of God. No, this is bulgari. This is bulgari. Um, this is forever 21 just to mix it up. And this one, I don't even know what this one is. This is just some sort of like gold thing that I just picked up somewhere just by being rich. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, these people are so tacky on this show. I love it. Because on one end, it's like, it is the glamorous one. Like, even the car Erica drove up in, I was like, oh my God, they got her a really nice car on Beverly Hills to drive that thing. But they're just so tacky. Like, oh yeah, look how much money I have from this and that and this.

It's so trashy. I mean, they're so rich, but so trashy. I love it. This one I got by raiding a pyramid in Egypt. That was wonderful that I got to do that one. I love that one. This one is from, oh, this one's from a sacred temple in remote India. So I got that one as well. It's just lovely.

I'm sorry, did you say "inja"? Please get out of here, you weren't invited, naughty boy. Alright, I'll go back to designing pool houses. You don't gotta tell me I'm a trophy. I already know I'm a trophy. You don't gotta tell me I'm a trophy. Because I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Trixie. So then Dorit and Boze arrive. Trophies. Trophies both.

And everybody comes. Everybody's here. So Dorit is not dressed in a caftan. She's wearing like some black and white splotchy dress. And it's awkward. And Garcelle's like, oh, does Chanel not make caftans? Was there nobody with a CC stamp for Dorit today? Don't tell Tallulah Getty or whatever her name is. Talitha Getty. So Garcelle...

Yes. So I like how Garcelle says, is that why Miss Thing isn't wearing one? Miss Thing. Yeah.

So everyone's ordering drinks and everything. And Kyle asks for a mocktail. And Dorit's like, well, I think I missed the caftan memo. Son's like, how did you miss that? Which is actually a fair question. I mean, everyone's wearing a caftan. Even like the Uber drivers are wearing caftans just in case they might get invited in. Even Faye, who wasn't invited, is wearing a caftan. And Son's like, did I miss the caftan?

idiot. She's stupid. I guess poor people don't understand what caftans are. I didn't read the invitation properly. I read caviar, so I knew there was caviar. I knew that there was a friendly ghost, but I didn't see the caftans part. I'm just not a big fan of them, so this Dior dress will have to do anyway. I

"Sutton, it's important just to be hydrated." And because Sutton's drinking water, and Dorit's like, "Oh, is that because of our tit-a-tit?" She's like, "Is it okay for me to drink water? Am I allowed to drink water? Aren't I allowed to have drink water? Or is that something that a poor person doesn't understand?" "Oh, are you in that mood today?" She goes, "No. Why'd you ask? You started it, Dorit. You started it."

Leave me alone. She will not leave me alone. I said it five years ago when I met her and I unleashed my instant famous line, let the mouse go. Roll it, boys. You can now buy that on a ball gown that's $19,000 from my store. And on the back, it says, let the mouse go. I'm sure we're going to sell it. Hashtag green line. Green line.

So, yeah, she's kind of giving her shit, but I don't know. My friends give me so much shit every time I don't have a drink. I can't be so mad at Dorit yet. I'm sorry. I can't. I know. I see that there's all this outrage about it. I just, I'm just not feeling it. There is. I think it's funny. And I think that Sutton is so defensive about drinking that she's making herself look like an alcoholic. I've never seen anybody this defensive. Just be like, shut up, Dorit.

When Sutton is totally unhinged, it is just the best. And like everything sets her off. So she's like, well, I need to tell her I am not a mouse. Okay. She goes, is it okay for me to drink water? She's like, okay, but listen, I never know which Sutton I'm going to get, but now I know. So then they move over to the table because the potatoes are going to get cold. And so Jennifer. Everyone put on your blindfold. I have a very special, special surprise. Take them off. That's right.

The tables are in a line. Well, this is revolutionary. Revolutionary. Did one of the architects from Spain organize this? So everyone's sitting down and Garcelle notices a name at the table, a seating tag, place tag, whatever, place card. And she says, Anne-Marie. And Garcelle's like...

Who's Anne-Marie? I'm going to preload my no. And then we see like a flashback to America's favorite, America's favorite housewife, Anne-Marie. Anne-Marie. Talking about the esophagus. She's like, you, I know everything about your esophagus because I am a doctor, a medical doctor surgeon. Yeah.

No, these are my fans. This is a non-famous Anne-Marie. They're like, oh, thank God. She goes, I thought for a minute there. Oh, hell no. Anne-Marie is like, and another lawsuit. I will be suing you along with the Medical American Association. This is all because of the libs. Well, guess who's not going to be showing up at your lib party anytime soon?

I am now spearheading a new movement called MEA, which is Make America Esophagus Again.

We have 8.5 members. So they sit down and it's awkward because Sutton and Dorit are already sniping each other. And Dorit's like, wow, what a great way to start the day. A dry drunk. Say thank you. Hi, Faye Resnick is here. Hello. Jennifer, that's amazing you were nominated for an Academy Award. Unlike Kyle's best friend who won one.

- Way to keep current, Faye. Way to keep current. - It's a very, very long time ago and I did get to go to the big show. It was nice. Gregory Peck stepped on my train. - Oh really? Well, one time Taylor Armstrong threw What's-His-Buns Vanderpump into a pool. Ken Vanderpump, so pretty close. - Who's Gregory Peck? Am I right? Am I right?

So, yes, it's Gregory Peck and I wore Isaac Mizrahi. Oh, really? And you and your sister are the only sisters that have been nominated? Or was that Olivia de Havilland and her sister too? I love when Erica does her Wikipedia research before seeing it. It's always so funny. I was married to a lawyer.

Yes, Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine, that's who you're thinking about. Both of them are owners of dresses that that motherfucker Gregory Peck didn't step on, so I raise a potato to them.

Yes, and we are also the only two Chinese American people that were nominated also. And Eric is like, oh, you're Chinese? Yes, I'm half Chinese and my dad was Chinese. Oh, really? Because I'm 10% Native. Shut up, Eric. Shut up. How did this not get blocked? What? It's time for a commercial.

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Oh, because I have 123 of me and I'm 10% Native, so there, we can bond. You know, I'm the only 10% Native person who has not been nominated for the Cadley Award, so I'm glad we had this discussion. And she goes, yeah, we always...

Oh, sorry. Well, we always wanted to be Native American because we loved Cher and the same, and that song that she sang, Half Breathe. Yeah, but she's Armenian and from the Valley. Gross! Which I did not know this, by the way. And then she goes, isn't that funny?

is that funny she's in the valley how hilarious and erica's like yeah cheryl and sarkeesian from fucking their knives that's a fucking chair give me a break and i can't get a hit single come on you've got to be kidding me um erica you've got a real thing about the valley and let me just say as another chinese person i just don't understand it kelly dodd comes and she goes i'm

So, Eric... Well, we love the Valley. I lived in the Valley. Come on. You know, it's the only place I can get consistent work. Listen, who doesn't love always... Who doesn't love the Valley? I mean, you're always at least five minutes away from a wiener schnitzel. So, Jennifer Tilly's like, okay, everybody. Does anybody want a cocktail? So, they are gonna... They order stuff. And Sutton orders... Sutton doesn't want to be bugged about her alcohol. Can I get some...

Champagne in a white wine glass? Thank you. I just need a bigger. I hate a skinny glass. Thank you. Do you have a jug? Do you have a gallon jug? Just bring that over. Okay? And if not, I'm going to go. Oh, look at you speaking French. Yeah. So I was like, girl. I mean, I can't decide. Sorry. I can't decide which person I'm going to be today. According to poor rate.

And they just look at her like, "What? What are you talking about?" And then Bose kind of looks over at her and Bose just wants to eat a pickle. You know, like Bose is like not paying attention really, but she looks over at her like, "What?" And Seth goes, "Well, how many people do you have in you today?" And she goes, "How many what?" "How many people do you have in you today?" She goes, "How many people do I what? I've got four eggs. Are they... Are egg houses considered people?" - Are you talking about chili? - Hey, could someone put my four egg houses on le piscine? Thank you. Not the only one.

How many people do I have? One, myself. I don't have voices talking to me, honey. How many do you have? So, Buzz. She didn't get the joke. She didn't get what Sutton was saying at all, which is so Sutton. No, she got it.

No, she got it. She was being very nice. She was basically saying like, excuse me? Also, it's a great way to ruin someone's zinger is if someone's like, aha, I'm going to diss you. And then you say, wait, can you say that again? I didn't hear it. And then they like lose their momentum. And you're like, oh, okay. So Bose, I think Bose had full control over that situation. So Sutton's like, well, Dorit already mentioned, which person are you today? So rewind 20 minutes. I never know which Sutton I'm going to get. And now I know.

Oh my God, how offensive. This is so offensive. I can see why Sutton has a fit. I've never heard anything so offensive. So Doritza goes, is that what you were referring to? That little comment I made? He goes, that's what you said. That's what you said, Dorit. That's what you said. She goes, well, Erica's like, oh God, we can't fight. Food's coming. Guys, please. I don't get an opportunity to eat baked potatoes with rose on them. All right, come on.

Guys, it's my once a year baked potato. Okay, and I just had my once a year hot dog. Oh, and by the way, I just want everyone to know that on Monday after we talked so much about Sir Wieners, and this is on the heels of Erica talking about her hot dog last week. I did after we're done podcasting. I did drive off to a roadside stand and I ate two hot dogs. I just want to say this show influences me.

Wow. This network. Yeah. It was fabulous. Got your hot dog in there. Good for you. I just want to make sure I'm going to update all the zero people who cared about that. So your hot dog gobble. So then Andrea's like, let me just back off a bit. Sutton's just you back off of me. And she's like, but my lunch has been spoiled. All right. It is without PK here. It's the first time I actually have a chance to eat something on my own plate. So please. And well, I'm going to say something to you. I'm gone. I'm going to go.

And I mean this sincerely. So Dorit just goes, hold on. Ding, ding, ding. Dorit starts taking her glass. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs has an announcement to make.

So Sun goes, okay, we don't need you. We don't need a table announcement. Okay, I'm just talking to you. She's like, okay, everyone, Satan has something to say. Everyone, please, please let this deranged person speak. Okay, no, I came to your house, to your 4th of July party to celebrate this country. And I came calm and I came in peace and I waited. And as soon as Kyle got there, you came down and then you took my handbag. Oh, they all say they come in peace at first. Ask my ancestors.

So Dorit's like, oh, how vicious of me. Heaven forbid, a little humor. Hee hee.

"He he he he. Oh, was it humorous?" "Well, it depends on your mood. It's humorous if you were in a good mood." "Well, I wasn't. I came in in politeness. I bought you a very nice bottle of champagne that's definitely out of your price bracket. It's called André. I think you would like it. And I cut flowers for my garden. I held them for 30 minutes in your lobby. Now, technically it wasn't flowers. They were just dandelions, which are actually weeds. But whatever, they made your lobby look nice."

And Griselle goes, not lobby. She goes, well, it looked like a lobby because I was the only one there. So, you know, you wanted to point out the vodka and the grapefruit juice. And then you put vodka in your Coca-Cola, which I thought was interesting. And then we sit down and I get a watermelon drink and you go, aha, you're asking if there's alcohol in it. That was a jab. That was a jab. And everyone's just looking at her like, what is this crazy lady? Like, you have not said one offensive thing yet, except that she made you wait 30 minutes.

The rest of it's like, so she put some Coca-Cola in her. What are you told? What are you mad about? And then she goes, why was it a jab? And she's, and by the way, it's pronounced Jeep. It was a Jeep. Yeah.

And at least I served rosé in a rosé glass. So Sutton's like, after what happened last year and what you did to me, she's like, what did I do to you last year? You insinuated that I had a drinking problem and I am not a drunk, even though I clearly have very defined opinions on where vodka should go. Then muckle it.

Not on Coca-Cola, but down on the front. Then we see a flashback to the reunion where Dorit is wearing that fucking red outfit with the scarf over her head. National Geographic. Kashmina. I laughed so hard. I forgot about that. I don't know how I forgot about it, but it made me laugh so hard. And so he's like, well, wait, do you think that she has an alcohol? Do you think she's an alcoholic? And Dorit's like, I don't know.

Well, I didn't mean to insult you, but you did kind of. But I don't. I'm just saying I don't know. How do I know she has a drinking problem? Smell her breath. How dare you? How dare you?

So we come back to present and Dorit's like, "So I was the only one talking about your drinking!" It's like, "But Kyle was there too. But Kyle has apologized to me. She did a split and said sorry." So Dorit's like, "Oh, and I didn't apologize? I didn't apologize to you?" "No." "I thought you did!" And then we get back to the reunion and she's like, "I'm sorry that you have a drinking problem." And she goes,

I don't think that you have a drinking problem, Sutton. And she goes, well, I don't. Well, I don't know. Well, I don't know. That's Doreen's big apology. Sorry that I don't know. Sorry I can't figure out if you have a drinking problem or not. Maybe if you were sober for once, I would be able to tell the difference between you being sober and drunk. But until then, I don't know. And you thought that was an apology? Well, I wouldn't

I wasn't gonna let you perpetuate that myth, which is what you wanted to do. And you picked at me and I'm sorry, you need to pick on somebody else whose wallet fits. And Garcelle goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, okay. Garcelle's like, listen,

I'm always on your side, but calm it down over there. And Kyle's just like, no, ma'am, I cannot believe what just came out of her mouth. You should never poor shame someone. You should just drive in front of Kim's house and just honk and wait until she comes out and tries to get on her bicycle and you're in a Range Rover. That's fun enough, isn't it? What you have to do is you go to Kim's house and you give her two envelopes and say one has postage stamps, one has food stamps. You have to choose, but you only get one and just watch her reaction. That's all you do.

So then Erica is, by the way, Sutton's thing didn't totally make sense. Like don't pick on, pick on someone whose wallet fits. I guess you're saying like pick on someone whose wallet fits your wallet. Like who's in your bracket? Don't pick on someone so rich. Yeah. Find someone, find another poor person of vibrant. Whose wallet fits the bill.

So Erica's like, oh, so you think you're bigger than her? And Sutton's like, I think my wallet is. Only because it's got little tiny airline bottles of vodka in it. Most people on this show like it when someone says that there's something bigger than them, something larger than them. They're like, oh, does your wallet make me look skinny? So Dorit's like, and now we're seeing Sutton go where she's most comfortable to go. As low as you can possibly go. Just because she thinks her ex-husband dropped a big pocketbook

a book in her lap. It doesn't give her license to be such a fucking C-word. She just really loves saying the C-word this season. Yeah. It's like, the only big thing your big wallet has bought you is a horse instead of a date. Which I was like, damn. Well, guess what? My horse was my date. There, I said it. It's sick, but it brings me love.

"Stop picking on me, pick on somebody else." "Well, what does money have to do with it, all right?" Erica, who's like, "Come on my private jet, motherfucker." Erica was the biggest record of money, but Erica has been humbled, you know, and Sutton is still in that unhumbled place. So she's like, "I just want her to back off of me. I'm tired of it. I am tired of it. I am tired of it. Well, let me know when you done sing, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it. I am tired of it. I am tired of it."

So here we go. I'm talking about your wallet size. Don't fuck with me. I don't regret it. I won't regret it. In fact, I'm proud that I said it.

Sutton is just like, "Oh, I love her living in her bitchery." So Sutton's like, "Well, let me make this very clear. Missy." When she said Missy, oh my God, I died. And then Erica's like, "What's with the Missy? Why you saying Missy?" "Because she was raped in BK and she made it clear she didn't want me to be there. So guess what? I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go Missy."

She's like, "Oh, so it's justified for you. It's not okay for Coyle." She goes, "I was sitting on the side of the road." Okay, I wasn't sitting on the side of the road in a bathrobe. Okay, when I stormed out, I stormed out fully clothed and in a classy way. I stormed out like a person with a big wallet would storm out. Kyle was just like a poor person in a bathrobe. And then we see that again, Kyle looks offended and we see the flashback of Kyle like, "I am leaving, I am leaving, I am leaving!" And crying on that street in Hancock Park.

So Sutton's like, I left because my hostess did not want me to be there. She goes, oh, did I call you a bitch? No, but I should have called you a fucking bitch. Mm-hmm.

Everyone's just making noises. Faye's at the end of the table going, "Caw caw, caw caw, caw caw!" Well, I'm the one who's being mean to her. Do you see that? I'm the one who's made to make her feel uncomfortable. I'm the one who's unwelcoming.

And she tells us, I'm so over Sutton's bullshit. Honestly, I don't want to be around someone who is as tacky, low, classless. That's what fitness is. Is that still working, the cut fitness?

Question, anyone? Does anyone- anyone got a mirror? Well, she needs one, 'cause she needs a touch-up. Sutton, Sutton really needs a fucking- Sutton, first of all, don't steal my mirror line, I was setting myself up for my own punchline, don't get to take it away from me. Sutton, excuse me, huh, mirror please, to seat number three, because Sutton needs a fucking mirror that she can hold up. Hold on, everyone.

to her face. Ha ha! Got her. I don't want these girls getting into a caviar food fight. That would be messy. And expensive. I'm thankful it. Well, what about you saying, I'm sorry, that was a terrible joke, I take it back, and then we're done? She goes, oh, you think that's really good? You think that's gonna be done? She goes, well, I don't know, but give it a shot. She goes, okay, let me try it. Sutton, I'm so sorry, that was a terrible joke. You're a stupid cut fitness.

And they're like, "Great job, Dorit." "Well, that worked out well." "Well, go on then. Tell me what to do then." "Do you mean that sincerely? Do you mean it, Dorit? Do you mean it?" Garcelle's like, "Just say my bad. Don't say anything after that." "Okay, if I offended you or upset you, even in that moment, had you said, 'Dorit, please don't do that,' it actually upset--" "I did say it. I did." "No, you called me a bitch in me house. A bitch in me house."

Well, it was warranted. And then you decided that when you were going to, you're going to go up, you're going to get up and walk out. No, I did not say I was going to get up and walk out. I said, I'm going to go. So Kyle's like, um, everyone, let me ask you a question. Okay. What do you two need from each other right now? Um, so Simon goes, well, she has nothing to give me. I can promise you that unless it's debt.

She's poor. That's what I'm saying right now. She is a poor, poor person. She has nothing to give me and I don't want it. And she goes, well, I mean, do you think I'm going to sit here and keep taking this, Kyle? And you have four people, Kyle, sitting there and watching with their little lips doing nothing. Kyle's like, fine. What do my lips do? Ha ha.

I'm like literally trying to intervene and say, guys, does anyone know how to close a French door? Okay, you know what? I am not dealing with somebody who actually wants to have a productive conversation, who wants to have any type of relationship, let alone a civil one. She's like, well, is there anything either of you guys can do? Is there anything, something that she can do to make you feel better? If I twirl my ponytail, will that make you guys feel happier? I think that if you guys could just agree on one thing, so...

What do you both think about Mauricio putting a picture of his Dancing with the Stars picture in the office? If I gave you guys complimentary overstock from Kyle by Shahida, would that make you happy? So it's like, I think that we need space. Well, I'm good with that. Give me space. It's all I'm going to be getting for the next five years after my house is taken away. Thank you. Thank you so much. So Kyle and Dorit switch spaces and...

And so now everyone is eating. Now some more food comes out. And Kyle's like, oh my god, that looks amazing. And Faye's like, well, I think Doreen just doesn't want people saying that she's late all the time. Oh yeah, that's

Except that Dorit is late all the time, every single episode for six years. Yeah, Faye's trying to be the great mediator here. She's like, "Yeah, Dorit doesn't want people saying she's late. And listen, I drink as much as you, Sutton. I mean, we just all have little buttons, don't we?" And Erica's like, "Oh, God, Faye, Faye!" She goes, "What?" And Garceau's like, "Well, hello, everybody. This is Faye. Sutton, would you like to stand up and say your name?" "How dare you!" "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I really..."

Listen, nobody wants to be put into a box because of it. Period. We don't want to be judged. We don't want to be labeled. I mean, morally corrupt. How could you even? We just want to enjoy our lives. And I think that's the problem. And if enjoying your lives means exploiting your friend who was murdered, that's okay, because that's your pursuit of joy. And if anybody needs some completely unfashionable wicker baskets installed into a closet anytime soon, just give me a call.

So the potatoes arrive. They range from price $250 to $1,000. So Jennifer is like, well, Dorit is just rah-rah. And it seems like she's got a lot going on, you know? Like, she's like in an emotional state, like, poor Dorit. That was just throwing a bone to Sutton. So it's like, not poor Dorit. She's mean as hell. I don't want to see her. I don't want to speak to her. We're done. I don't care about her at all.

So Kyle and Dorit are talking to the side and she's like, "Um, how are you?" Which is my way of saying, "Can you ask me how I am?" And Dorit's like, "I didn't even get a chance to speak." She's like, "Yeah, she's definitely on fire today, no doubt." And I definitely did not like stoke it in the car on the way over here.

Yeah, and she's kind of trying to make Dorit make peace, but Dorit's like, I will not go back out there. Could you bring that baked potato? I'm really hungry. It's been a long time since I've... Oh, wait, this is fascinating. I'm really sorry you're hurt. We had another breadkin in my house today.

Listen, okay, I keep telling myself, don't go there. Don't go there. Oh, you're talking about oral sex with PK again? No, no. I'm saying if I go as fucking low as she does, I will eviscerate her. And I do not want to go low because I already did marry PK and that was pretty low as it was. So there's only so much a person's going to take.

Yeah, well, maybe you guys need to, like, talk alone or something. She's like, I have no patience for her. She's like, well, she's definitely not letting you talk today. I mean, you know, Sutton, you know, it's Sutton. I mean, she just needs to cool down. And then she tells us, after spending time with Sutton and Augusta and hearing the stories about her dad, you know, they should just, like, kind of give her a break, basically. She's like, I now understand a lot more why Sutton's triggered by the drinking comments, you know.

But she doesn't tell this to Dorit. She just tells this to us. Yeah, I'm not going to give any context to Dorit, but I'll just hold on to this card. I'll just let Dorit flounder here. Yeah. Well, I just need a break from her. She's too cuckoo. She's too all over the place. And when she balances her meds, she can come to see me. Period.

Well, that's another one with Sutton. So Carl's like, oh, yeah, she gets offended by that. I wouldn't say that. She goes, well, she gets offended by almost everything. I'm so over this woman. She's gross. I don't even have any will to try anymore. I just want to go home while I've got it and leave this miserable beach to enjoy a big wallet.

You guys should talk, just like the two of you. So now it's the next day, and everything's like, do-do-do-do-do, fun, fun, fun, and then, a boom! Oh, hello, this boom is brought to you by Garcelle Beauvais. Hello, everyone, hold on. Oh, no!

And headlines appear. Marisha Umansky's mystery woman is identified as Russian-born actress who's 20 years younger than Kyle Richards' ex and is in a movie with Alec Baldwin, who will also be on TLC soon. LOL, am I right? Wow, Sutton, I'm FaceTiming you. Have you seen the social media? Did you see the photos of him in Greece at the airport with a girl who has no clothes on? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, and we see the picture of Mauricio kissing this young girl at the Avis rented car airport. So, son's like, we got a lot to unpack here. We got a lot to unpack here. So, then we go to Boze's and she's like, oh my God, Dorit, did you see the news? Was I in it? No. About Kyle. Oh God, what is it?

Well, girl, and well, it was a girl and it wasn't, oh, this isn't a friendly kiss. Like, oh, like we've been together type of kiss. Like homegirl's hands were all up around his neck. And she goes, oh, it felt like a punch in the gut for Kyle, I'm sure. It was very funny for me.

So then we go over to Kyle and Erica calls her and Erica is just giving her a look in the phone like, what? What? Well, I was going to ask you how you are. I really don't know how I am right now, to be honest. I mean, I'm just here in the house. There's a chair stuck in the doorway. I don't know how to get it out.

i've been crying in the mini cottage all day so kyle's like well she's like i mean i had no idea but it's like all over the internet like i don't even know which is well if you're meeting someone why are you greeting them at the airport and if you know this is gonna happen yeah obviously like when someone gets a shot of you like that like you just don't know like obviously he like didn't know his picture was being taken like obviously and like i don't think especially in europe you're expecting that to happen

Yeah. Like what? See, like, why is it paparazzi in Greece taking a photo of Mauricio? I don't think that's, I don't think that's something that's just going to happen on its own. Listen, this is what I, you know, I've been saying this forever that those two are just planning all these paparazzi shots. There's no way that anybody cares as much about Kyle and Morgan or Mauricio. I'm sorry. There's just no way. Yes. And so it's obviously fishy. So I loved this episode because finally somebody is

is on that, you know? And so she's, not that no one else thought it. It's just, you know, when you hear it on TV, it's like, oh my God, I'm not as crazy as I thought. So she's like, he didn't do it on purpose. Is that what you're implying, Erica? And she's like, no, I didn't say on purpose. I'm just thinking, yeah, it can't be naive. It's what I'm thinking. So then we go to Garcelle FaceTiming Sutton and Sutton's like, I mean, that was not an accidental paparazzi shot. This was a

Also, when you're as wealthy as Mauricio, you're not going to Avis. You have a car service. So the fact that they were in front of Avis, smooching in Greece in front of Avis. I think it was the baggage claim, right? I think the Avis was just the background. I don't think they were actually at the Avis.

They weren't like waiting for their escort. They're like, hi, I'm here to pick up my... I'm here to pick up the keys to a 25-year-old. I will get insurance on that, yeah.

So that was not accidental. That was a plant photo. And she's like, well, no one's going to hire someone to take that photo. Just yeah, they are. Now I have been to the airport and really, honestly, I think I was in the airport when Jennifer Aniston was there and there was no paparazzi. And I just passed by her and said, poor bitch. Yeah.

Maybe next time, grow your wallet and you'll get a paparazzo. So Sutton says, my one thought is this. Are Kyle and Mauricio using paparazzi to tell our stories? To do a War of the Roses thing with? Like those pictures of Morgan picking her up at the airport, getting gas, walking down the street. Wait, are you saying Mo planted those photos to get back at Kyle to do that? Wait, let me add one more thing.

I... She says 100%. I think that probably it's more likely that Kyle did it. Because Kyle is looking... You know, Kyle needs some more...

feelings what am i trying to say like sympathy i think kyle feels like she needs some more sympathy from the girls so i think if any did it anybody did it was probably kyle but i would believe that he did it i definitely believe i think they both call the paps on themselves i think they both call the paps on themselves and kyle is going to continue peddling the story that they're having the best most amicable divorce of all time and um that's nice to think but

watch this is it's going downhill it's going down well yeah and also it's the same episode where kyle was saying i think she told her therapist you know i thought this is what i wanted but now he's off living his own life and i think it's time that i did something like i think it's time i made a change inferring

That she's going to get a divorce. Like, it's finally time to get a divorce. And then coincidentally, then pictures show up of Mauricio with this young girl. So, come on now. I think Kyle... But then she's also like, oh, you're going to live your best life? Well, here's... She's not going to brag to him that she's living her best life, but she will make it seen and known. So...

Yeah, it's 100%. They're going after each other with paparazzi and it's fun and we benefit from it because it's hilarious. So yeah, as far as the Sutton versus street stuff, I just they're both assholes and I love it. I'm enjoying them both. I'm not terribly offended by either one of them at this point. I'm just enjoying the ride.

I'm just enjoying that the show has, has moved a bit out of it's like, uh, the, the polite rut it had been in for a few seasons there. Um, towards the end of like the Lisa Rinna stint there, I'm not saying it's because of Lisa Rinna. I'm just saying it was around that time. And now they're just like outwardly, um,

outwardly just really saying what's on their mind. I think that's actually really good for the show. Yeah. Well, super fun episode. Thanks for being with us. You guys, it was a very fun two parter. We'll be back tomorrow with some summer house, which is also going to be wild because it's Kyle versus page. It's the beginning of Kyle versus page.

So we will see you tomorrow for that. If you want Traders recaps or videos of all of these recaps, go over to patreon.com. And of course, watch what crappens.com for ticket links and cities and dates and all that for the Mounting Hysteria Tour. We'll talk to you next time. Bye.

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