#2748 Southern Hospitality S03E09: Kitty Cornered
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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on ye olde brahves. I'm Ronnie and with me is the gorgeous and talented Mr. Ben Bantleker. Hello, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. If you've been working out, I can tell this part of your neck is very strong right now. Really? I think it's because I'm leaning forward. I'm just like, I'm like normal. I'm like very strong. Really? Well, thank you. Thank you. I've been trying to work out more, but I don't think I've been great.

Growing my neck. Well, Ben's getting his tour body ready because we're on tour. We're going next month. Well, this month because it's March now. So we're going to be traveling like in a week or so. We're going to Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Toronto, Charlotte, Atlanta, Washington, Philadelphia, Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Austin, Dallas and Las Vegas. Get tickets for all of our live shows over at WatchWhatCrapAndStock.com.

We announced what we're covering about a week before over on our Instagram, and you can get videos of all of our recaps, except live shows, but all the other recaps and traders recaps over on our Patreon. You can also find links to those on watchwhatcrappens.com. So what do you think about that?

And here we are with some Southern Hospital. We did not, we're doing this a little late because we guested on a show yesterday. So it kind of took our time for this, but we did not forget our little Southern Hospitality.

I just tried to put Charleston up in the background. It's so busy that I'm just... Oh, I have another one under there that I got. We're trying to change our background picture for all this stuff today. And just for fun, just, you know, to do something. It was underwater when it started because we had done a blow deck beforehand. This is the one I found. I had downloaded one that was very similar, but it'll be similarly... I think it'll be also very, very, very busy. I'll try it. Here we go. I'm going to add this Charleston picture.

And it's uploading right now. It's going to be busy. It's not going to look great. Yeah, no. Well, that's good. That one's fine. Okay. So here we are in Charleston. We get overhead shots. We get the Riven Owl bridge. And we get a song that nobody is singing on this show, which is All Alone, because I'm better off without you. It's like the anti-Emmy song.

Don't sing that song on here. Everybody's like terrified of being alone. So they're just going to be with someone they're not right with. What the hell? Where's that song, Trixie? How about I'm settled, settled, settling like the forefathers of Charleston. That's it.

Yeah. So then we go to Dunes West Golf Club and Will and Joe Bradley, I'm sorry, Will and Joe and Bradley all arrive at the golf course together. And Will's like, oh, I don't think I've swung a golf club in like four years. And Joe's like, yeah, you should like enter, you need to enter like bigger tournaments. So Brad shows up and

And so they go golfing and everything. They're all like bro-ing it up on the golf course and joking around. And Joe's like, it's pretty moist out here. Here you go, tiger. Here's a club. So then they're having fun. And then we go over to Charleston into the city and we go to the Nails So Dep. Or is it Nails So Deep? Nails So Dep? Yeah.

What does that mean? I can't, I don't know. Maybe that's the name of the person who owns it, Depp, or maybe it's a typo and supposed to be deep, but either way, it's a nail salon. Yeah. So Maddie and Mia are going to Goss at the nail salon and they're talking about how much fun they had together in Vegas. I mean, it's like, yeah, but actually like I worry for you when you do get married and Grace Lilly is invited to the actual wedding. And then we get a flashback to Grace Lilly just saying, ah, ah, ah.

Exhausting in the fake wedding. And Maddie's like, I am actually exhausted by that girl. Like, I'm like literally exhausted by her.

Yeah. And Mia's like, then, like, why do you let that friendship exhaust you? Is that not a sign that it's time to cut the friendship loose? And then we see. No, it's not time for that, ma'am. Stop bringing in letting go of Grace Lilly. Don't get Grace Lilly kicked off of this show. Excuse me. Yeah, I like you. But no back. Yeah. Back down.

I agree. We see a flashback to them fighting in Vegas and Maddie's like, well, I don't know. I feel like one-on-one, like me and her, she'll take accountability. But the moment she's in a group setting, she goes on the defense like L-O fucking L. Yeah, it's weird. It's like being confronted by 20 people is different than being confronted privately by one person. I wonder why that is. So then we go back to the golfing and Will's like, should we get our balls out?

And Brad's like, that's a different kind of party, Will. Hey, I'm more Tiger Hood than Tiger Woods. Get it? Joe's like, you're such a douchebag. So then they're taking swings and everything. And Brad's like, it usually takes me like three or four holes to warm up. And Will's like, that's what she said. So... Yeah, you don't need to be warming up any more holes, Will. Okay? Joe's like, it's usual golf etiquette. Like, I don't know how it is at the law office, but like, you don't talk during people's backswings. Oh.

Do you do back swings at the law office? Yeah, but with highlighters. So I'm pretty busy. Are you allowed to talk while you're using your highlighter? Because at golf, you're not allowed to. Hmm.

So back to the nail salon, they're talking about Maddie's DJ life. And she's like, I just came back from Miami. It was like crazy. And Joe didn't come because he was at a wedding. And so Mia's like, are you really going to marry Joe? And she's like, well, we talked about it, but like, I'm just like trying to kind of pump the brakes on his Uber, you know, so I just pump it.

And then we go back to the golf course and they're giving Joe shit about, you know, being fake married. And he's like, we're good. It's just like, you know, like I'm at the point where like, I live with Maddie, like six out of seven of the days now. And like, I have to go to Daniel Island and it's like starting to like take a toll on me, you know, like I love the girls she's living with to death, but like, it's like super, I could have a Lamborghini like for all that I spent on Ubers. And it's like, it's just like ridiculous. Like,

I'm just thinking like if I lived with my boys 30 minutes away, like how many nights a week would she come spend the night at my house?

Yeah, I'm like, it's like getting like really hard for me to like show up at their house. And then Cloris Leachman opens the door and then she like shakes her head and then nods upstairs and just like rolls her eyes. Like that's like not a nice way to walk into a place. I wish she lived there. I wish that waitress lived in the house. That would make it 10 times more interesting. I know. Hey, it's you, honey. All right, come on in here. You can just wait in here. It's the lobby. It's really the living room. Isn't that funny? I just call it the lobby. So what are you doing today, toots?

Hey, Matty, your piece of meat is here. Hey, we're making tattoos with toothpicks and food dye. What do you want me to make on you? So, Joe's like, she's sleeping zero nights at my house downtown, which is like literally three blocks away from Republic. So,

And Brad's like, well, why is that? I don't know. I'm going to whiff this too, by the way, this ball. So just stop talking. Okay. So Brad basically is saying that he understands why Joe's complaining, but he also thinks that Joe does whatever Maddie says. And like, you know, if Joe said, if Maddie says jump, Joe says, how high mommy and he's going to go. So who wears the pants in the relationship? I think we all know. Yeah.

And so then we go back to the nail salon and Maddie's like, I mean, he's like ready to buy a house together. And I'm just like, whoa, like, whoa, this is moving too fast, you know? And then I'm like looking at houses and he's like, but if we go in on that together and he is just like, no, no, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't ever depend on a man. And she's like, exactly. Cause like he could like fuck you over or leave you like at any moment. You know what I mean? I mean, you know, the last time I was able to ride a bike attached to like,

a box with wheels on it like it's really hard it's really been hard she's like yeah like don't put all your eggs in one basket and mia's like wow you your dj career must be doing really well if you can afford eggs she's like yeah so mia's like it's outrageous that joe and maddie have been dating for four months i mean he wants to buy a house get fake married and it's just like too much so then maddie is like i just i always

i also just like don't have time to like move or like buy a house or like go house hunting right now like i'm about to go on tour do you know how busy i am do you know how hard it is practicing pressing play on my cd player it's like really hard um and she's like wait are you taking him on the road and she's like oh my god well um there's definitely gonna be times where like um he's gonna have to like hang back you know

I'm not putting words in anyone's mouth, but do you think that like maybe he's a little bit jealous of your career? Oh, my God. I love fucking hell. I feel like he's ready for his career growth as soon as he finds a career. And Maddie is I'm sorry, Mia saying like Maddie's pumping the brakes, but I need to hear her. I need to her to pull the emergency handle because Joe obviously sees Maddie is rising and he's got nothing going on.

So Joe's like, well, I don't want to say that like, uh, Maddie's like being selfish. Cause like, I just think she's like, she doesn't know she's being, she's like being selfish, but like, she doesn't know about it. So it's like secret selfish. It's like a secret selfish. And Brad's like, uh, maybe you could meet in the middle. You know, maybe if you go to Daniel Island, then she could spend three days downtown or something. She doesn't want to, she doesn't want to stay in Joe's apartment downtown. She wants to go home.

Yeah. And Will's like, yeah, I mean, you will, you just need to like ask her to spend more time at your place if driving is the problem. I mean, you can come stay with me and Emmy. In fact, like, you know where you could like, if you crash with me and Emmy, you could literally sleep directly in between me and Emmy. Like just like be like a wall. You're like a human wall in our bed. Like we'll totally be down with that. And then if I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, you could just like keep guard.

Also, I don't think that Joe, I don't think it's the driving. I think they're missing the point. Joe doesn't like going out there because she's with five other girls. He doesn't like sharing her with all the people in the apartment, you know, at least it is effort. It is time and effort. And like, sometimes you just want, like, if you, if you could just go home, it's three blocks away, but you have to get an Uber and drive for 30 to 40 minutes. Like that's,

I mean, if someone made me go out to Santa Monica from Hollywood every single night of the week, I mean, first of all, I would never date that person. That's an awful, awful person. But that's the point. Like, like, like at some points you want to say, hey, can you come to Hollywood instead? Because you're graphically undesirable. That's what they call it. Okay. But I think the deeper issue here is that she doesn't really want to.

be with him one-on-one. She'd rather like go hang out with his girlfriend or her girlfriends, I think. She's just not that into him. That's, I think, even the bigger thing that's come out of this. Yeah. So then they're like, so how are you and Emmy doing well? And he's like, it has not been an easy summer. And then we just see a flashback of Emmy being like, can I ever win? Can I just ever win? Shit all over her face.

That's so great. Will's like, you know, mistakes were made, lessons were learned. No, you made mistakes and you learned no lessons. That's what you have to say. It's like, so for me, I mean, I'm entering a new chapter of my life. Like I'm going maybe from like yellow highlighter to pink. I don't know. We're thinking things.

things through but just like more professional and stuff so my highlighter is gonna have to wear a tie and i kind of want to like get a house and settle down and have a yard and a dog and like prove to people that i'm mature by doing mature things without actually growing up you know maybe get some kids with someone i don't know who but you know you know i want i want me to live the housewife life so i'll get her like a back house for me and my wife i don't know something cool like that

And they're like, so do you actually want the housewife life? He's like, yeah, because like, she's like good at like, I don't know, taking out trash and making charcuterie boards and cleaning my underwear and stuff like that. You know, like she'll come to law school and like do my laundry. So yeah. Like why would I want to marry her? I mean, yeah. Fuck yeah. I mean, you know, a woman who's stuck in the laundry room can never catch you cheating. So yeah, she's like my backup, which is, you know,

that she really likes when I say that to her. You know, I feel like she's really been supporting me through school and I need to pay her back. You know, after all this bullying I've been going through with Biff at law school, it's nice to have someone who can make you a charcuterie board at the end of the day. So romantic.

And Brad's like, so you're going to pay her back by marrying her? And he's like, yeah, because, you know, like having a life together, being like all work and cheat. You run logistics of our thing and pretend I'm not cheating. You know, it's like it's just it sounds good. You know, she'll be like a car and I'll pump it full of fuel and then I'll rent other cars and pump those as well. But she won't really care because it doesn't affect her mileage. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like, you know, when you've got like a, like a plug in hybrid, like sometimes you get your, you get your fuel from like the, from the socket and the wall and that's like Emmy, but you only get 30 miles out of it. So then the rest, you have to, you know, use a different power source. That's the gas. And that's, that's what happens in the bathroom. So it's pretty cool. So Brad's like, yeah, we're not talking about a car. This is your girlfriend.

And I liked that all the relationships on this show so far are just brought down to car analogies. And just like, what is this, a business deal? This is the most unromantic shit I've ever heard in my life.

So then he does like this robot thing where he's like, we can have platonic family. I will give you a ring. It's fucking weird. I'm like, yeah, but you're also asking for the exact same thing from, um, from Maddie. So, and also, uh, Emmy is kind of into the Stepford wife thing. Like that's her goal. So I don't know.

It's like, what happened to Vicky, you know, the robot when she grew up? When does this, she just wants that, you know, she just wants to be like, welcome home, honey. I made charcuterie. This time there is prosciutto from Harris Eaters. And a larger question, whatever happened to Vicky Lawrence or Lewis, all the Vickys, where are they? I was going to say, I think Vicky Lawrence is doing a one woman show called like Mama and Friends.

- Is she? - But the other one, I don't know. - Vicki Lawrence, Wonder Woman show. - What is Vicki Lawrence up to? Wait, I'm gonna ask AI, what is Vicki Lawrence up to?

She attended Pensacon where she met fans and was interviewed by a digital reporter. She also enjoyed her time in Pensacola, Florida, which she described as a charming small town. Well, thank you, AI, for that very specific reference. According to Ticketmaster, she has a show called Vicki Lawrence and Mama.

my kind of girl right there okay so um joe's uh joe's like uh you need to like tea a little higher though because like will like it's like what are you even tea like come on man this isn't a lot of time it's like tea time like figure out how to tea bro

And Will's giving him a dirty look and he's like, "God, he's like, whatever, like most condescending prick ever, but like when I do it back, he's like, 'Oh, oh, fuck, oh.'" I don't really know the word for hypocrisy, but you guys fill in the blanks. Fill in the blanks. So then Will messed up his swing and then they all laugh and Will's like, "I should have teed it down. Damn it." So, yeah.

Now we go to, now it's nighttime and we're in the Republic back room and everyone's coming in to change. And now the back room is like a dressing room. So they're all like doing their hair and stuff. And Brad is, he's like, he announces that he has to fart. So Joe opens up a locker for Brad to fart into, which he does. Wasn't that a fridge? Whatever it was. It was like a beer fridge or something. It could be all of your stuff. Put a C on that restaurant. Put a C at the door, please.

Molly is doing her hair and so her hair is up high and then they're like, oh my god. TJ's like, you look like Leah. You look like Leah's CEO. And then we see side by side of Molly and Leah and Leah's like, damn right she does look like me. Genuine rock star 100%. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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Welcome to Blood Vines. You can binge listen to Blood Vines exclusively and ad-free on Wondery+. Join Wondery in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. So Maddie comes and she's like, ever since Vegas, I feel like Joe's like hitting fast forward. Like now he wants to get married. Like now he thinks we're good. I just wish I had like a remote control and I could press mute or like pause or like end series. I mean, I don't know anything, like anything on the remote control other than play.

And so Emmy is like, okay, guys, I have an announcement. I couldn't go to Will's law school prom, which is technically called the barrister's ball. So yeah, just think about that. And I thought, what a fun idea to have a Republic fun prom, but with legal elements. So it'll be full of lawsuits and torts.

but the torts can actually be like a dessert tort and we'd be like that's a tort and the lawsuits can just be a stack of papers anyway i was just thinking out loud law prom at republic guys what do you think so yeah it's gonna be like a prom but it's gonna be like adult themed which sounds like a porn site but it's not a porn site not that i would know i don't look at porn either as well like if we looked at porn that would be like so traitorous which you would never do to me you would never do that you guys are you suggesting that will looks at porn because that's bullshit

Okay. Now, if anyone wants to figure out who they're going to ask their dates, you know, you got to ask your dates, like make it cute. You guys like ask them in a really, really cute way. Yeah. I hate cutesy prom invitations growing up. That's, this is not a thing for me, by the way, growing up in Katona, New York in the mid nineties. Like if you wanted to ask someone to prom, you just walked up to them and awkwardly said, will you go to prom with me?

but like i swear i don't know if if this was something that started in the 2000s or maybe i was sheltered from it but i feel like it started with laguna beach on mtv where they would like go to a freeway and like dangle a sign over the freeway that said prom question mark and i just feel like ever since then everyone does these ridiculous things was this a thing did you go to the prom was this was this of course i didn't go to the prom hello who are you talking to no i did not i thought you were going to be like

I thought you were going to be like, well, there was like this lesbian who would wear suspenders and we'd go, we just had to go to the prom and just like curse at all the people or something. The only lesbian I knew in town was my aunt Josie who ran the bowling alley and my dad's property management company. And she would walk around with this gigantic chain of keys on her polyester suit pants.

she had like a big gray fro and she wasn't asking anybody to prom i'll tell you that much so no there was no problem for me there's no theoretical my theoretical situation still remains you and aunt josie going to the prom in front of people she's like get over here i'm going to show you what prom it is um but no i didn't go to the prom but yeah i do think that people asked them asked each other in creative ways oh i just never liked it i just feel like it's so ridiculous

I was like, that is so heteronormative, even though I'm not gay and I don't know what heteronormative means. But I was like, gross. Nights in White Satin? No. How about Ronnie's in Bed Watching Fact or Fragments? That was our theme. Nights in White Satin.

No, I love that. My favorite movie back then was Carrie, you know, except I felt like I would have been the one covered in blood, but it would have been awesome to make everything fly around and hit people. Yeah. You still haven't seen the substance, right? No, but you told me the ending and yesterday's recap. So thanks. What did I say? And I didn't say the ending. I'm not repeating it.

because i said somebody else i said nothing in the recap about the ending you didn't it spoiled it's dead to me i'm never watching that movie again so then we go to um uh we go back and emmy's like okay get creative about how you're gonna ask your date i'm gonna write will you go to prom with me and mascara all over my face but it's not really going to be big letters until i start crying and then

It's gonna work. Can I just fucking win? Can I just fucking win? So Molly's like, why are we celebrating this man's accomplishments? Give me a fucking break. And like, it's like, yeah, like if Prama's like as fancy as like he says it is, then like she should hire a bathroom attendant and maybe some spies for Will.

And then we go to the Republic back room back again. And Brad is like, can we vote on prom king and queen? Yeah. And Emmy's like, that's brilliant. That's so smart. Okay. I'll just say in advance, Will and I do accept this honor. Thank you very much, everyone. It's so great being a king and queen, but we will treat everyone like, not like our subjects, but like we're equals. Okay. Thank you so much, everyone. Michaels comes in and he's like, hey, everybody, everybody looks so pretty. We have a big party coming in tonight. It's Joe Bradley's friend. So, yeah.

Watch out because you know this is going to be douchey. It's all going on the floor. Okay. Wear gloves. Wear gloves if you got them. The rubber, the better.

Well, the big group coming in guys are actually like my good friends from Atlanta and they're all very successful lawyers. So like I know about lawyers also. And then he's like, Ooh, do they go to prom? Mike's like, okay guys, so let's try to keep the vibes up and have a good night. And they're like, okay. So now it's like party time and people coming in, but Tommy Bahamas cargo shorts, all the fun stuff.

And Joe's like, hey, look who it is. Successful lawyer friends. Hi, everyone. What's going on? Hey, that's my boy from Atlanta. He's a legend. Yeah. Yeah, he's good. He's cool. Welcome, legends. So they all go in and they're like half hot. I mean,

I could use a lawyer. So I didn't go to prom. So then we go to, we see Allie is there too. And she's really pretty. And that's Austin's girlfriend. So of course TJ is just behind the bar, like shifty eyes. Like, hmm. So I see that someone has a girlfriend here. Hmm. Interesting. A girlfriend. He's vacuuming the top of the bar. He's like, hmm. Hmm. Yeah.

So Emmy's like, hi, hey, what's going on? Hi, Ally, you look so good. She's like, so do you. TJ's like, huh, hmm. It's extremely weird that Emmy is buddying up to Ally right now when both of her and Will believe her brother is the one starting all these quote unquote rumors. Hmm, hmm. And let me add to that, huh, hmm, hmm.

So the producer asks Emmy if she's met Allie and she's like, um, well, um, well, yeah, her and my mom have been Bible study friends like for years. So yeah, we know each other. And so she hugs her and she's like, good to see you, babe. Good to see you. And Allie's like, you too, you too. Dun, dun, dun. We just cut to TJ's eyes like, hmm, hmm.

So then in the kitchen, Joe's like, okay, guys, it's our last big table. So we need like all the girls in here. Like I want all the girls in here. It's like, it's like lawyer big. Okay. Those are like icons. Those are legends out there. Not in the gateway. They're not like mother icons. They're like legend icons. All right. They're the men. They're the men. Joe. Okay. Here's the thing, Joe. Leah CEO said that there should be a girl out on the floor at all times. So I sent Siobhan out there. Okay, Joe, relax. Oh my God. Too much, Joe.

He's like, well, the highest spending table is like $3,000 and like they need the most servers. That's how we're Joe. We are giving you a 12 year old to go to their table. 12 year old say hello. And he's like, hi, I'm lighting sparklers. It's just like this little baby that they've had to work at this place. I love it. They got him out of the old Navy factory and shipped him to this restaurant for a night job. He's just like, I know.

Joe, stop being a dick. I'm not. I'm just saying how it works. So Austin is watching and he's like, it's funny watching the newlyweds bicker a little bit. I'm going to get the popcorn going. Well, I'm just like listening to the boss and the boss wants someone on the floor at all times. Joe.

So then... Siobhan is out there on the floor like Leah's request. Okay, sorry she can't be back here catering to you. And cut to Leah out there like, that's right, one on the floor or one out the door. Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm Leah motherfucking CEO and I'm not playing.

Look, I'm not like catering to me. I just like need her catering to my boy from Atlanta. Joe, Siobhan needs to be out there per Leah Aylor, who is above you. So fucking chill, girl on the floor, okay?

And he's like, yeah, Leo would be like, hell yeah. Like get all the service back at the table. She'd be like, absolutely. And meanwhile, we cut to Leah and she's like, if I see one more misspelled sign, you're fucking out of here. Do you understand? I'm Leah motherfucking CEO, not Leah. She don't fucking know. I'm watching you. Right.

so just like well here's the song but it's been spelled on purpose if you're in pain make it rain you're spelled you are which is kind of like egyptian so then i was like oh joe okay you can take it out by yourself because javon needs to be on the floor

So by the way, Siobhan also needs to be on my television screen. Why are we not seeing Siobhan? I almost put her on the back of a milk carton the other day in my fridge. Where's Siobhan? Where's she been? Why did we dump Siobhan?

Yeah, I agree. So she comes in to help with sparklers and Siobhan is like, why is no one else back here? And just like, I don't know. It's just like weird. You know what? Joe Bradley thinks he's the owner and I have to humble him. That's like the typical fucking thing. I don't know if he has some resentment with me or what, but it's like not a good look at work.

Joe, I don't know why you're so mad. I sent Cloris Leachman out there. And we caught Cloris Leachman saying, hey, boys, the lawyers, huh? So will you take care of elderly people getting abused? We're in accidents, fall down at work. What kind of lawyers are you? There's many different flavors.

all right everyone gather around who wants to hear some stories about gene hackman so joe is like okay too soon is it too soon too soon it's a memoir listen we're remembering

So Joe is like, he's like, well, we only had one server come back to the $3,000 minimum table. And like you and the other servers like refuse to come out. And it's like a horrible look and they all deserve a VIP experience. And I'm just like, I keep telling everyone like, why are you keep like, like while you keep making money from them, I'll just keep serving you. Like, that's like not a good look as like a leader of the company. And we just cut to TJ going, well, I guess the honeymoon's over. Yeah.

It's not a good look as the leader of the company to take us away from our tables, Joe. And he's like, I'm not taking it away. It was like two seconds. Talk to the hand, Joe. Talk to the hand, Joe. And Michael sees him and he's like, what's going on here? Why are we fighting at work? Like, Leah CEO is over there. I don't need the king and queen of Republic fighting on the floor. You know what I mean? Like, Leah is here. Do you not see Leah? She is currently doing a line of coke off Cloris Leachman's ass, which is probably not...

Probably not by the rules, but anyway, can we just concentrate?

So then the child server asks Maddie where Joe is. I don't know, child. I don't know where Joe is. And we're like a little like behind right now. So it's like, what the fuck? Can I ask you a question? Is Joey my father? No. Do you know who my father is? No. Do you know who my mother is? Who put me here? Where am I? Is there a school here? The child was like born out of like...

Out of like the bottom of TJ's Sir Wiener's cart. Like the chemicals came together and created... It was like you saw a head emerge from the water. It was like...

it's like species. Um, so magic. Uh, so Joe's like, I think we're sold out. I think I saw all the tables. And so then they're like, whatever. And they go out to help and smile and they sell things. So now we go to a tequila bar during the day. And, um, uh, Michael's, uh, goes and has a lovely little lunch with his stepfather. So they sit down

And his dad is a stepfather, but really considers him his dad, et cetera. And Michaels explains that Reeve... Well, he calls him Reeve. I think his full name is Rivelino. So he talks about how his dad was...

you know, no longer with his mom anymore. And that Michael talks about being raised in an Afro Latino background coming out as gay. It was hard because there's so much machismo in the culture that he was raised in and that his stepdad was the only consistent figure that supported him unconditionally. Yeah. He's like, so have you talked to mom? He's like, no. And he's like, yeah, you haven't talked to her. And he's like, no, he goes, you haven't called her. And he goes, she's called me, but I don't ever call back.

So apparently this lady is just a terror to everybody. He's like, no, no, I'm not calling her. So then he tells us basically how his mom found out he was gay. And it's because she went through his phone and found an Instagram DM between DM thread between him and this guy saying, I love you. And she wouldn't speak to him for a week. And then she never would talk about it after. And so, yeah,

Rive tells Michaels, like, only pursue men for you. Don't try and find someone to please your mom because nothing is going to please your mom. So don't even try that. Okay. So Michaels is like, thank you for the support. Here's a picture of Preston. And his dad is like, okay. Oh, whoa. Okay. I mean, yes, I fully support you. I fully support you.

No, his stepfather is really very sweet and very supportive. He's so cute too. He's just smiling the whole time. So then now it's time to go to bourbon and bubbles. That's right. Because Lava sits down with Joe and Joe is like, I don't know why Lava asked me here, but like maybe even if I'm in trouble, it's okay. Because anytime Lava calls me, I'm like, hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Just like Leva says every time they ask her to shoot a scene on the show. She's like, "Hi, Joe. What's going on?" He's like, "Not much. It's been a really good summer. I got extra help from my staff because Maddie's helped me a lot with that. Maddie's helped me a lot. It's my wife. It's really good to be paired up with someone who's so helpful."

Okay, that's great. By the way, Lamar told me last night that you want to take a month off to go on tour with Maddie. So I knew we had to have a chat. You know, her DJ career isn't real. It only happens when we're shooting the show, right? Yeah, no, but like, I don't want Maddie to travel alone. That's like the love of my life, but also her dreams are happening. So I want to be the support system.

Yeah, I know like her dreams are happening, but while her dreams are happening, tables need to be bust. So don't sacrifice your career. You're really good at wiping down things. Yeah. You know, like Joe, like your career is going to a certain place. Like me and Lamar, like we both know if the ice machine's broken, like you're always there to kick it and make it work again. So I just feel like I really need you to think about that. He's like, oh, I don't like Maddie being alone. So.

That's like really rough. I know Joe has a bigger idea for himself because he's like not motivated at the door anymore. He's kind of getting mopey and you see him be like, come on in, come on in. But you know, if you really want to run a space, you cannot follow Maddie around. You've got to chime in. You've got to clock in. You can't take the whole month off. I'm like, look,

He tasted, he got a taste of the Suite life. Okay. He banged Countess Lou Anne de Lesseps and he knows he could be somewhere in England right now being introduced by Tilda Swinton. So it's hard. It's hard to go back to being a Dorman. The Suite life. He got a taste of like Benson and Hedges menthol breath life.

He knows, he knows what it could be. And he's like, I just want to build like something that I could be like, you know, like impressed by, you know, I want you, I want her to like hype me up, you know, like the other day I carried an ice. She didn't say anything. How do you think that makes me feel? Yeah.

So now it's another day and the Republic Garden and patio has been turned into like a kitty spot because we've got big yarn balls. Leva brings in a big yarn ball and we see signs that say live, laugh, meow. Actually, that's just a joke. So then there's kittens and Leva tells us there's a problem in South Carolina because there are too many kittens. There are so many kittens that

that even the kill shelters are having trouble euthanizing. I mean, that's what they always said on Southern Charm that, you know, Charleston just has too much pussy, which is why the men get to have all the choices. Hey, yo. Hey. That's terrible, though. All the kill shelters are even having to kill now. I mean, my God. Non-kill shelters. Yeah. Yeah. The non-kill shelters are not are having to kill now. That's crazy. All those sweet little kittens. Yeah.

So they, you know, there's cats every place, which I don't know, sounds bad for a restaurant. A lot of people are allergic to cats. I don't think you want cat dander everywhere in Europe, but whatever. It's not like it's a sparkling clean place to begin with, but no cat shame. But, you know, damn. So Michaels comes and he's like, oh, my God, I can get my face painted like a cat. I'm so doing that.

Yeah. So he sits down and he gets like a little, like little nose and whiskers, which is good because he spends the rest of the episode being very somber and like pulling people for advice with a little cat face on. So Michael's is like, so by the way, um, uh, Lake, can we have a talk please? So I had a chance to talk with my dad and I like kind of want to tell you about it so I can maybe give you some advice to do the same with your dad. She's like, um,

What do you want me to say to my dad? Well, it's like not really what I want you to say. It's just like what I want. Like, it's just what you know, what you want to say. So basically, I don't want to say this to my mom, but I want you to say this to your dad. So I'm just gonna let you know what you have to say. Yeah, I mean, look back off. This is her fucking business. Everyone has the right to come out how they want to come out. I don't like I mean, I get that he's just trying to be helpful and being like, you'll feel better once you've actually you're living your truth. But that's up to her.

Yep. And you're also like, you have a cat face up. He's like, meow. Can I tell you what you should say? It's like the one minute your mom would be happy. You're covered in pussy. Like, it's like, why is everyone so concerned about my dad? Like, I'm glad you had a conversation with your dad. I just think it's great. But like, and I want to hear about it, but I'm just like not ready.

So now people are like, adopt, not adopting kittens, they're adopting kittens and stuff. And then people are like walking in, et cetera. And TJ's like, Joe and Maddie come in and TJ's like, oh, I didn't know you guys were coming. I guess the old TJ doesn't get text messages anymore saying we're coming. So great, thanks so much for that. Well, it takes like two hours to get here from Daniel Island, so we're late. Sorry, everybody, about geographically fucked. Am I right? Yeah.

Maddie, come with me. I want to talk with you. So Michaels takes Maddie to the side and he's like, what the hell was that? She goes, yeah, Joe and I were fighting and like he was talking shit about Grace and I feel like he was like trying to turn her against me.

And then we see the fight and he's like, I mean, it's just like hard. Cause like you're giving like 99% to a friendship and you're only getting like 1% back. And it's like crazy. 1% is generous. And she's like, um, I can assure you there have been times in our relationship, like where she's been giving 90% and I've been giving 10%. So you know what, Joe, it's just how it works until you've really like spent time in Mexico with somebody you really don't understand. Hmm.

oh i've never seen grace give you a nine to percent so oh yeah well last year but you wouldn't know because you weren't fucking around joe so matt now back to president maddie's like now my friendship is being like effective because he's like trying to defend me it's like borderline suffocating and i can defend myself he just like needs to trust my judgment michael's just staring at her like do you feel like you can be more open with me now that i'm dressed like a kitty cat

And now Grace and her mom, Tracy, are there. And they're like, cats, oh my God, honey, maybe this is your big moment. You have a song about cats you could sing. I believe in you. So, yeah, they're there. And I just love, I'm so glad that Grace brought her mom because I love Grace's mom because she's basically...

like grace and her mom just kind of try to look like each other which is like my favorite thing like like tracy tries to be like the cool mom but then grace is the kind of daughter that's like my mom is just the best they're just like this power duo power duo of an entity how many people can say they've danced on tables naked with their mom and to lean

so um uh joe is saying in a confessional like seeing you succeed as a by the way sorry tj just want you to know seeing you succeed as an entrepreneur and like seeing maddie killing it and like bradley like doing something just makes me realize like i need to focus on my career path because i never thought that like loving someone too much can have so many repercussions i'm just like too nice of a guy

Well, you know, you have to have your own things, right? Like, it can't just be the relationship, right? I mean, you know, like for me, I have to think beyond relationships, which is why I started a hot dog company because I used to call my ex-boyfriends Sir Wiener. I used to call his penis Sir Wieners. I'm realizing how fucked up this sounds actually now. Hey, at least I'm almost paid off.

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Grace! Grace, are you gonna get a kitten? I don't know, you know, they're not like purebred and I'm still kind of grieving Fergie. I only want a purebred, stupid purebred kitten. And we are reminded of the kidnapped cat storyline where she kidnapped a cat from her ex-boyfriend and I guess he got that cat back. I guess so. She's like, hashtag, hashtag free Fergie.

I'll be honest, like after Vegas, I was like super hurt. She's not genuinely apologize for being late to your set. No, but on the real, like, I'm not mad about you being late. I'm like happy that you even showed up to be honest. I mean, do you really think I'm that bad of a friend that I was going to miss your set? It's like, yes, actually. Yes, we do.

and she's like i haven't seen you at your best lately grace lily well then you haven't been watching my tick tock because i've been hula hooping my hookers off okay get on over there girl who's stopping you did i not tell you that i went to dinner with bob marley and jesus did you know that jesus doesn't even know what a roller blade is i said i like to roller blade and he said roller skate i said blade what kind of jesus are you rehang him

I said, you made this? So Grace is like, we don't even hang out outside of this group together. And Maddie is like, yeah, because you fucked O'Sheen. I mean, I wish I never did that. Because, you know, he was wrong. I'm like, it's hard. Now I put myself in a corner. And I just want to get out of the corner. I never should have fucked O'Sheen. Not because it hurt someone. But because now no one wants to talk to me. So that was bad. I still get sick every time I smell day old milk. Yeah.

You know, hooking up with O'Sheen was not worth what has transpired and what it's cost me. For instance, do you know that ever since I hooked up with him, I have not been able to find my Subway rewards card? That's a whole free Subway sandwich I'm now not getting. That's costing me a lot. You know what you need to do, Grace Lily? Swallow your pride. Haven't I swallowed enough? Mm-hmm.

All right. Take accountability. Haven't I taken swallowing enough? Okay, you can only do it once. It only works with one of the words. Okay, sorry. I was trying to make it a thing. Okay, I want to apologize to Eva. Our friend? No, Perrone. Because I met her when I was doing ayahuasca once, and that is one bad bitch. You know, there's a musical written about her.

I did cry for her and she got real mad about it though. So then, so Maddie's like, well, the group has given me a hard time, but they haven't seen the times, you know, you give me 90% and I give you 10%, but I sometimes, you know, and I give you, sometimes I give you 10%. Sometimes I give you 90%. You give me 10%. Like, that's what we do. We're girlfriends. I'm a DJ. You're the talent. Let's motherfucking hug. LOL. So they hug and make up. And then, um,

Now, Michaels is sitting with Lake and petting kittens and stuff. And he's like, you seem low energy. It's like, yeah, you, you're saying that? I know Michaels. Michaels, who came very close to being unmonotone once. You're very low energy. Yeah. I bet if Frito call in a leg corny.

There's a lot of expectations that come with being a rocker. When you're related to the star of Hootie and the Blowfish, there's a lot of pressure on your shoulders. And if respecting my family and grandparents and their legacy, I'm going to be more conservative about my sexuality and my fluidity.

And he's like, "Well, even if you don't have a conversation now, your family will come around if you do have it in the future." She's like, "Yeah, I'm gonna have a conversation with my family when they're dead and I have my money on my inheritance." How about that? How about grandma can get a conversation when I'm spending her money and she's in the grave? Thanks. - "I love you. I love you so much." She's like, "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." So then Lake leaves with Shelby, her lady friend.

And then it's another day. The sun has risen over the Ravenel Bridge, a bridge that was actually shaped in the form of Thomas Ravenel's tempting fingers. So Maddie and Joe are doing their morning routine and we see TJ and he goes into his mail room, his package room to get some packages. But he leaves his phone in there and then he's like, oh, my God, I left my phone in there.

Can't get back in. And then we just, we don't get any resolution. I want to know how that was. I want to know how he got his phone back. So then we go over to Austin's house and he's having date night with Allie. And he's like, yeah, this relationship has started again. I'm like, so happy to have her back. Cause like I made some mistakes, you know? Like I, I said mean things. Yeah. Actually I like lied about a few things.

So tell me just to get an emotional rise. Yeah. I'm like, what, what, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? Excuse me. That is the most toxic thing. He's, he just skated right by with that one. It's weird. Cause there's so many stories there. You know what I mean? Like, what did, what do you mean you lied? So are you saying that you,

I'm getting like you cheated on her, but then you said, no, I was just saying I cheated on you to get a rise out of you. I don't know what his deal is, but he's a fucking weirdo and I can't wait to find out.

Yeah. Seriously. He's like, I got, I got some work to do before I make things right. And so then a pizza arrives and there's like, um, Austin's like, he he's, he's got like, uh, the pizza has like pepperoni on it and it just looks like a strange arrangement of pepperoni. But if you look at it closely, it's,

There's like maybe a P and R and like, you know, Ali doesn't think anything of it. So he has the leader. He's like, hey, look, look at that pepperoni. Is that a P and an R and an O?

And she's like, "No, I don't know what this is leading to, but I'm not gonna accept it. I'm gonna make you have to spell out the whole thing 'cause I refuse to accept that you're asking me to prom." - But I don't know how to accept my limitations. So it's a prom invite. So the most, look, I think this is real love 'cause they're eating carbs in front of each other. So to gay people, that's like marriage.

So then we go to the Republic patio and TJ has his Sir Wieners stand up and he's making hot dogs. And Mia comes in to visit and he's like, yeah, after the success of launch, like I get to come here like once a month. It's amazing. Almost paid off. Yay. So Mia comes by. She's going to have, she's like, this is my only meal of the day. It's a Miss World competition somewhere. So, so he's like really happy to,

to grow and he presents mia with three hot dogs and the mustard on it says prom with me which you know i really enjoy this we have we have a pizza a pizza prom and a hot dog prom invitation and i'm going to give it to the hot dogs because the pizza one was sloppy but hot dogs also sloppy but more legible so good job dj you went and

And Mia says, I mean, if there were rumors circulating that my boyfriend cheated, I would not be throwing him prom. I'd be throwing him a left hook. That's right. I'm back, bitch. So then Mia and TJ are talking about Emmy. And he's like, well, she's been like blowing me up the past few weeks. I mean, like she wants to hang out. And.

Taylor told me that she said bad stuff, so I'm not really sure. Like, she'll text me nonstop if I don't text her back right away. I'm not a peep from Will. Not a peep. I can't understand because we're such good friends, as you'll see in the next two minutes in the next scene when I try and reignite his cheating rumors again. Yet again.

Yeah, seriously. So he says it's been like very surface level borderline guilty vibes since since Vegas. So then Will enters with a bouquet of balloons. And they like one balloon has a P on it. One has an R, one has an O, one has an M that he's written out in Sharpie. But since the balloons are going in all different directions, it's like unclear what's going on.

what's going on and they have on the screen all the letters scrambling and swirling around and he's like I want to lean into the cheesiness of this since you know you've been working so hard to put together this prom also was a really good use case for my highlighter so he's like oh my god you guys I just got balloons and they say something and it's amazing I'm going to prom I'm going to prom with Willow

So then everybody's like, wow, Will's putting effort into this relationship? What the hell? And TJ's like, I mean, he could have just showed up with like roses and she would have said yes. Yeah.

He's like, to be fair, I was just trying to write the word romp, but she read it as prom. So Emmy's like, it's the thought that counts. I love it. I know you think about me all the time, right? That's why you cheat on me because you're thinking of me. And that's the thought, the thought that counts. So then everyone's just side-eyeing Will. And Emmy's like, he just asked me to prom. I'm like, guys, he just asked me to prom. I can't believe this happened. So then she's telling customers they really don't care. So now we're at a running path.

And Brad is leading a running group called Let's Run Charleston. And he's basically, it's like his, because his side gig is doing fitness stuff and everything. So TJ and Austin are there. And Brad is saying that it started off with just like a few 50 runners. And now it's like a huge thing, you know? And we see that Austin is, does not have sneakers on. He's going to run barefoot, which is like crazy.

He's like, "Yeah, you can be really close to the earth by running barefoot." Oh my god! You can also be really close to tetanus, you stupid! You can get close to the emergency room with those stitches you'll need soon. Yeah, he's dumb. Once you step on broken glass. He does it, he runs it. It's like soul fulfilling.

Yeah. Just what Buddha wanted, running over dirty needles and, you know, condoms. Sounds great. Yeah. So after we're really here to talk shit, of course. Right. So TJ, Austin and Brad sit down and they're like, let's talk about prom. OK, so are you going to bring Ali and make out with her in the bathroom? And Brad's like, I thought that was just a will thing. Yeah.

Well, Will thinks the whole rumor sitch is like being... Will thinks that he's saying that he's being bullied by Allie's brother. And Austin's like, I don't personally believe that it had anything to do with Allie or her brother. And to hear that Will even had Allie's name in his mouth...

immediately pisses me off. I mean, her and I are like trying to rekindle things. And the last thing she's going to do is bring some drama into our dynamic. I'm currently not on good terms with any of Ali's family. They do not fuck with me. So I'm not having like conversations with any of Ali's people right now. So we'll just jump to conclusions. This isn't high school. This is law school. No one cares that much about you, Will.

then that means that Will lied again. Let's get him, everybody. I'm going to find out who this girl is. I can't just sit on this. I know I'm not going to know how this is going to end until I end it. I'm getting it. Jeez. What the hell? Just a minute ago, you're like, why won't Will be my friend? And now you're like, I'm going to ruin his fucking life.

Now, look, I believe Austin. I believe that Will is cheating. But that being said, while you're building your case, don't have an aside where you talk about how you made some shit up during your breakup with your girlfriend. You lied just to get a rise out of her because that's not going to help your case on this show when you're telling the story about how Will was fucking in law school. Because now you've just admitted that you actually are willing to lie to...

achieve a goal so that's not great but i don't think anybody expects anything different from this band i don't think anybody is going to be surprised or really care that austin is a liar yeah um but that was it now we have i'm still so upset about that um now so that's the end that this week is actually going to be the season finale that was quick 10 episode season i think but um

We'll see what happens at the prom, at the law prom. All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being with us today. We will see you tomorrow. Bye. Bye.

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