#2770 Denise Richards and her Wild Things S0105: You Put My Love On Top (Chef)
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, it's Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Hi.

uh, we are recapping Denise Richards and her wild things. Season one, episode five. Yes. Chef is the name of the episode. Um, quick reminder, we're going to be in Charlotte and Atlanta this week. So come see us there. Go to watch crappins.com to get your tickets. We'll be recapping Southern charm finale. And then in, uh,

That's in Charlotte. And then in Atlanta, we're going to be doing a classic Real Housewives of Orange County. And that is going to be the episode, season 11, episode 16, bringing up old ghosts. So we're going to have a great time in both cities. Go to watchcrapits.com to get your tickets. So now let us go on to this episode of Denise Richards' Wild Things, like a little frothy episode.

30 minute show to dive into midweek. Yeah. So little barn mart, if you will. Yeah. Denise Richards is very funny. I mean, again, this, this, this isn't, this is not the sort of show that I naturally gravitate towards, but she is very, very funny on camera. And she is, I'm definitely chuckling a lot more than I thought I would. Yeah. So we opened with one of her confessionals and she's like, Oh yeah,

I'm not crazy when it comes to getting facial stuff done. I mean, I've done a little Botox here and there, maybe like once a year or something. But, you know, I heard of this salmon sperm facial. I thought that's the craziest fucking thing I ever heard. You know, it was fucked to salmon. You know, I even thought of that.

But someone then saved up the sperm, put in my goddamn face. Now look at me. People are like, did you get it? Did you get something done? I said a sperm came on my face. The salmon came on my face. How about you? Makes you look at bagels a little differently, huh?

So then we get the opening credits and then we're in Denise's bedroom and she and Aaron are sitting together and he is in his gray wardrobe. And he has like a little helmet on because of course, like I'm surprised it actually took us this many years to finally see Aaron in a helmet.

Like, like this feels like it should have been part of like how we met him initially, just a helmet with a red glow coming out of it. 50 something years old, his head, his head's still just too mushy. He's got to reshape it every night. God bless him. It's the five G. Yeah. So he was doing like, he has got a hair helmet on and Denise is like rubbing her face with some sort of, she calls it a face gym.

which is supposed to stimulate the muscles that keep them tight and young and all that fun stuff. Yeah. I wish that I could. I'm really susceptible to buying all of this stuff on the face. It's mostly on the Facebook, you know, and I only have Facebook really for works, you know, for reading. Watch what crap it's comments. But, you know, I'm still on there and I'll still watch it for the animals, hugging animal videos and stuff like that.

But I'm susceptible to all of this crap. I have so much of this crap. So many of these machines and gadgets and red light this. And like, I just got a hair removal system, which I've used once because it takes forever. I'm like, it takes less time to shave than it does using this thing all the time. And I got one of these like face gym things that shocks your face. And I put it on my face and it literally electrocuted me. And then I was telling my friend and she's like, oh, you have to put this thing.

kind of like conducting fluid on your face or it'll shock you. And I was like, well, why didn't anybody tell me? And she's like, you have to read the instructions. Anyway, the point is I have all this shit that I just don't use, but I still was like, I want both of those things. Yeah. Well, I mean, look, it's doing great work for you. Everywhere we go, people are like, Ronnie, your skin is amazing. And then they turn to me and they're like, loved your work as the shepherd and babe. Yeah.

So she's rubbing her face with this dildo like thing. And she's like, am I turning you on? He's like, yeah. She's like, it's a face gym, which makes, which makes fucking sense. Cause there's muscles in your face and you've got a helmet on your head. So between your gym and my, my gym and your helmet, we're just two fucking hot people right now. He's like, yeah.

The things you do when you get up there, huh? Yeah, that's fucking crazy. So she's like, anyway, so, you know, Brooke Williamson from Top Chef, you know, you know how obsessed we are. You know how you jerk off every time I watch her on a food network. It's fine. You know, I will say Aaron has given me a lot of facials, but he's nowhere close to this. Hey, you know what? Do you think they got that salmon to watch Brooke Williams? God, no.

Brooke Williams has actually made me look 10 years younger. I need to have her over to thank her. I couldn't believe it. So I couldn't, I was blown away that Brooke Williamson was commenting on my video and we see Denise doing another one of her shitty, shitty cooking videos. I love that she's messing up. I think that's, I think that we should see more mess ups in the kitchen, but Denise is really just kind of like,

making play-doh or something like that. Like things are flying out of the, out of the stand mixer. There's like glop on the wall. It's like, well, turns out I don't know how to make a cake out of lettuce, but I tried. And that's the most important part. Brooke is like, love your work. It's so great. Yeah. And she goes, let's do this together next time. I'm here for you. So she was like, well, you know, I commented back and she follows me on Instagram. That's amazing. She knows who I am. You know, he's like, yes, yes.

Kind of funny. I mean, that's cute. Who are we talking about again? The lady you jerk off to on Food Network. He's like, the one with the blonde spiky hair and the knee socks? No! The kind of gargoyle style lady that's always really mean on the competition show? It's like, no, that's Alex Guarnicelli, honey.

Oh, the one with the very big head, but the small body who's always passive aggressive to her sister when she comes on. No, that's Jada De Laurentiis, not her. Okay. Well, to be honest, you do jerk off to the one with the blonde spiky hair again, too. She doesn't follow me on Instagram, so. Yeah, well, I can't help it when she gets her camp counselor voice on. I just get so aroused. Strange.

So, but please just don't ever jerk off to Guy Fieri again. You know, we do have to have some lines that we don't cross.

So Denise is so excited that Brooke follows her Instagram. What's so funny about Denise is that Denise is a celebrity in her own right. And she was famous before Bravo and she'll be famous after. And she's like starstruck that like some, like that a top chef person follows her. And later on when she mentioned that her hall pass is Brad Pitt, it's just, it's so funny the way she talks like, like one of us, like if I ever met a celebrity, that would be my hall pass. It's like, you are celebrity. You're like, you are people's halls pass, you know?

So I just thought that was cute. So she's still doing her face gym. She's like, you know, I really want to get my own cooking show. I'm past trying to be subtle about it. I'm just going to be blatant. I want to get a cooking show because I've watched a lot of Food Network. And even though I have holes in my pasta when I make it, I know I'm about 10 times better than anyone I see on that network these days. So come on. What does a girl got to do? Yeah, no kidding. She probably is, too.

So she's like, yeah, hopefully I can do it. I don't want my show. I know I'm a disaster. He's like, you're not a disaster. Stop saying that. Oh, by the way, my mom called up and said that her rent is late on the house in Malibu. So get that paid. You know,

I think that people, well, first of all, fuck your parents. Not literally, of course. Relax. Second of all, you know, I think people want to see a cooking show with someone like me. People want to see mistakes. That's human. You know, like the time I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with KY jelly. Turns out, not edible.

But yeah, you got to try it. How else are you supposed to know? You know, first I need to figure out my face, I guess. Hey, you want me to put my face, Jim, on your balls? And he's like, actually, would you? That sounds stimulating. Guys, could you leave the room? We're going to fuck now. Who's going to fuck me with this face, Jim? He's like, we're kind of alone. And then he showed like a wide shot of like a cameraman, like just holding a camera up to them while he's got like a boner is like rising.

Like, all right, we're going to have some sex now. So we're going to do that. They're like, bye. This is one of the few times, like, this is a thing that happens on Bravo a lot where they film like a couple of films, a sexy scene together. And it's like, yeah, let's get it on. But you know, it's all fake because there's like four people. There's like a cameraman, a sound man. There's a producer. This is not about to turn into sex. But in this case, I actually fully believe that when they kicked out the crew, they just started to, they just started to blink.

Yeah. Fucked with the face gym. Listen, you know, you've been together long enough that you need new shit to start happening. A face gym on my nuts. It is. Let's get this going. Yeah.

So now she's driving Lola and Eloise and they're going to go see Sammy because she's just had her nose surgery. So she's like, so did you see your sister posted about her nose? Did you see it? And she's like, yeah, I saw it on TikTok. I mean, where else would I see it? She's not going to tell me about it. So I saw it on TikTok.

So Sammy, who is, was really all about being very discreet about having a nose job because last time she got so much input and she just wanted to be subtle about this is now on Tik TOK. And she's saying things like, Oh my God, like she has a bandage on her nose and she's like bruised under her eyes. She's like, you guys, I will say this. My eyes look so pretty. Like one thing I love about the bruising is that it really makes my eyes pop. I love her.

I forget that. I thought that was so good. So then Denise is like, oh, does it hurt your feelings, honey? And she didn't share it with you because, you know, she could have told you and she didn't. Are you hurt? No, why would I care? As long as she shared it with Jesus, hopefully he was there to help her through it. You know, even though Lola already knew it would have been nice for a sister to be like, by the way, I just had my nose done and just wanted you to know. I mean, God, are we sisters or not?

He looks out to see Sammy's place. Well, I just want my top back that she stole. This is my favorite blue tank top that she took out of my bag at a hotel and I never saw it again. Like, the color and the size fit me perfectly. And I asked her several times to look at it

look at it and then we see like a picture of her in this tank top like the special special tank top of the gods and she's like you know it's just like you know it's like it really means a lot to me sam is like i have no idea what she's talking about i don't know what god damn sure she's talking about like oh you really want to make today about a blue tank top honey you really want my tank top back mom think lol stop come on so sammy's in her apartment

Yeah. And Sammy's just cleaning. She's like, well, she's taking stuff out of a bag. She's doing something. She's got like a mess on the floor. And Denise is like, Hey, so Eloise and Lola and I are coming to drop off gifts. Like, um, yeah, well, I, I'm not, no, I don't want Lola up in my apartment. Like, even though I know we shook hands at a fish shack, I just don't really feel comfortable having her in my apartment yet. So I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to deny her. So Denise is like, oh, well, okay, well, that's too bad. I'm like, if that were my mom, my mom would be like,

now you listen here sammy she is your sister and she's coming to your apartment i don't want to hear anything about it but i can't believe denise is just like okay well this is a totally obnoxious move but i guess i can't do anything about it oh well yeah uh so lola's like see i told you she wouldn't want to see me she's probably wearing my tank top well hey it's pretty rude honey i'm really sorry about but i want my tank top back it's so cute where else am i gonna get a light blue tank

top by the way she's wearing a light top a light blue tank top right now in this scene she's like it's just like it's like it's like i really like that tank top and it's just like really so sad and i prayed to jesus about it so many times i was like i'm pretty tank top that will come back into my life and jesus is like why are you so like concerned about material things i'm like thank you for acknowledging it so it was a good material on me and he was like i don't think you got my point that's like i do get your point i just want my tank top back and she's like oh lola you have to stop she's like what

just get my tank top back please jesus finally i'm converting you so we go to sammy's apartment and uh she says hi to eloise she's like hi eloise what's on my face do i look scary and she's like yeah

Eloise's inner thoughts are like, yeah, you fucking do. But I'm still traumatized from mom's only fan pictures being on my iPad. So we're good. I'm just trying not to make eye contact with any of you people. So then Eloise gives her flowers and Sam is like, oh, thank you, Eloise. That's so sweet. She's like, they're from Lola. She's like, oh, I thought they're from Eloise. Well, I'll tell Lola you like them. She's like, please don't.

No, she's like, yeah, one of the main reasons I started my OnlyFans was to have my own money to get my own apartment, a new car and my boobs done and a new nose. So I'm really checking off the list.

You know, I love that Sammy is becoming a strong woman and she's just, you know, she's a little stubborn, you know? And we cut to Lola sitting downstairs in like the lobby, just waiting for her mom to be done shooting her scene with Lola. But actually, I mean, with Sammy, but Lola actually seems quite content. She's just even like having some avocado toasts.

Yeah, she's just chilling with some avocado toast and coffee, looking at her phone. She doesn't care. I mean, if you're going to be completely, you know, othered by your sister, at least she has a decent lobby to hang out in. At least give me a taco. Yeah. Am I going to have avocado toast after this? As soon as I said that, I was like, I would love some avocado toast right now.

So Sammy's like, I don't even know what fucking tank top she's talking about. Ask her about half the shit she stole from my closet. Like, I have like a light up corset. Where's that? You know, where's my fucking neon thong? Ask her about that.

You know, it was much easier when they were younger. You know, I could just like make the girls apologize. It's not something stupid, some fucking bullshit like clothing and jewelry. But, you know, nowadays, still one tank top. That's goddamn World War III. I can't do anything about it. You know, it's a lot I've got to juggle. Aaron's balls, my daughter's. That's too much for someone. It's a tank top. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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So now let's go to the Barcelona bar where Kathy Hilton is coming to meet Denise for drinks. And she's like, I'm all the short name. Okay. Char name. Something to relax my shoulders. Right. I just found out you're not supposed to be putting, putting blush on your lips. I feel like a new woman.

So then Denise and Kathy just like chatting about their kids and everything. And Denise is like, yeah, no, my daughters, they could not be more different. Okay. One's on OnlyFans. One is doing prayers for Taco Tuesday. It is a wild ride over there.

And she's talking about how she likes it. Kathy has fucked up kids, too, because she understands, you know, and she's like, you know, Sammy was just so out of control. And it started really affecting Lola and Eloise. And Kathy's like, well, you know, Paris was like that. And I think now she's starting to realize that she was totally out of control. I mean, she would be gone for days skipping school. That girl was a runner.

You know, she was a runner. She ran from so many schools. Finally, I had Dr. Phil kidnap her in a white van and take her away and, I don't know, chain her up to something. And that seemed to help a little bit. She learned to DJ. So it was good, whatever that means. Yeah. You know, I am so proud of her. She has taken her pain and turned it into a purpose. She is just...

I guess just living life, doing not really much these days, but you know what? When it comes to Paris, just doing the bare minimum, I'm happy for her. Yeah. So then...

A server comes up and he's like, oh, do you want some prickly pear juice? And she's like, oh, prickly, what's that? It's like a pear? Why is it got prickles on it? That doesn't sound right. It's like, it's a kind of fruit, man. I don't believe that. Fucking prickles. You know, I've had enough prick today, all right? Have you ever used a face workout on a dude's nuts? Good God. By the way, do I look younger? No, particularly. Well, that didn't work. I had to fucking try it.

you do smell fishier though. I was wondering if there was, we were seated next to a dumpster. Um, so the server comes by and he's like, and so he starts pouring these prickly pears shots like right from like out of this jug from the spout directly into their mouths. I was like,

Can we use a glass? Have we forgot about infectious diseases? Because that's about full on touch Kathy's lips. And I'm like, now we got Kathy Hilton's blush lips all over the rim of that thing. And anytime you pour prickly pear juice into anyone's mouth, you're getting Kathy's blush. And I'm not, I'm not down with that. And Denise is like, well, this ain't my first time at this road. You're going to have. Yeah.

cats is like i like some more of that so that was a wacky scene so then we go to denise in her kitchen and brooke comes over and she's like hey it's me brooke i was so nervous to meet you i'm so starstruck brooks

Oh, God, I love you. My husband has masturbated to you so many times. Is that weird to say? He's going to be here soon. Hopefully, he'll keep it in his pants. Am I right? Right. Yeah. I don't know if you've heard this before, but I really want a cooking show. And like, I just learned so much from you. And just like, you were just...

You were just kind enough to comment on some of my videos. Like, don't put the spoon into the microwave. That was funny. It's too late, but it was funny. And I'm so used to people saying negative stuff. Like, if you don't cook the chicken, you're going to poison people. Or I can't believe you served that rancid meat to all your friends. And I'm just, I don't know, I get so insecure.

I really like the one where you told me that lizards don't eat paella. Kind of saved me a lot of cleanup. So thanks for that. You know, I watch all your stuff online, you know, all those TV shows and stuff that you're on, you know, husband gets so horny. And now listen, he's never been as horny as when he watches what he calls diners, drive-ins and dicks. He really loves that one. You know, that guy, guy don't ever introduce him to Aaron. Yeah. Yeah. Aaron, Aaron says he always talks about triple D. Um,

It turns out it has a lot of meanings for him. So, yeah, he loves it. And Brooke is like, oh, that's great. This is really exciting. I'm just going to work on keeping my enthusiasm high because Bravo wants me to appear on your show right now to help promote the fact that there's a new season of Top Chef. So, yeah, I love that. Those chefs, they really don't mess up on that show. Have they ever thought about having a show called Bottom Chef? Because I think I'd be really good on that one.

You know, let me tell you, I know a lot of bottoms. They're good cucks. I don't know where it comes from.

You know, I've, I've worked with huge movie stars. Okay. My first day on the James Bond movie, I worked with Judy Dench and she threw a apple core at my head and she said, get out of here, peasant. Oh God, it was so fun. And I was just, I was peeing my pants quite literally. I mean, Judy was Judy. Judy was like, God, I'm Judy Dench, but you could be called Judy Stench, which I thought was that, that was a little on the meaner side, but you know, it was an honor to be, to be working with her. Yeah.

I said, hey, Judi Dench, why don't you talk much? And she said, because I have actual lines in this film, you stupid slag. And then she threw me a sweater and told me to get off the set. So it was fun. That was a good one.

Oh, God. But I think what makes me feel vulnerable being with a celebrity chef is that what I watch on TV is that I'm just out of my comfort zone. She's not throwing a tuna sandwich at my head. She's not asking me where I went to acting school and then just to give me a little chuckle afterwards when I say I taught myself. She's just happy to see me. And I don't know what to do with that. Yeah.

So she's like, well, we're going to make something out of your cookbook with figs. So that's going to be fun. She goes, yeah, it's really fun. You know, have you ever heard of a prickly fig? Do they have those or your figs just not fucking freaky like that? I'm telling you, I had a pair earlier. They couldn't stop getting a boner around me. Question. That's about what? OK, question.

if we cut a pig in half and scoop out the inside and put the top of it onto my my squirrel friend out there will he get more hair on his head it'll be like a little squirrel hair helmet i'm gonna fuck aaron with a prickly fig later you got me on you so all right what figs let's do that it's like yeah uh it's fun you know it's relatively simple oh god that was my first film review someone called me relatively simple was that a compliment

it was written by judy dench i didn't even know she did film criticism uh or did arrive on a sticky note on my dressing room door maybe it wasn't film criticism now that i think about it she also spray painted on my car yeah so last time i paid for a porsche i'm wasting money

So, Brooke's like, "Alright, well, we're gonna do a spicy cucumber passion fruit mezcal margarita." I don't know what half those things are, and it sounds like too much. Why can't we just do a shot of tequila? It's much faster. But whatever, it sounds delicious.

So we see them cooking and, you know, preparing this margarita stuff and saying, oh, that's great. Boner's here. And Aaron comes in. He's like, hey, guys. Hey, just taking all of Denise's clothes and handing them to my family back in Malibu. How's everything going in here, guys? How's it going? Great. We made margaritas. I know. I know what you're thinking. Is this another one of my Ecto cooler and vodka cocktails? But no, this is a real margarita. And you're going to enjoy it.

oh anise i hope you don't mind that my husband really wants to meet you he's like oh i've i've know so much about you i watch your show every night you know because she has it on every night she's like oh yeah you like watching it too honey let's not pretend listen he watches it one-handed you know what i mean yeah i'm not gonna lie i get pretty turned on i jerk off with my left hand and i hold a magnet on my forehead with my right hand it's pretty intense so tell me

Verizon or cricket? Excuse me. One's 5G and one's not. What's your answer going to be? Do not give me a softie right now. I'm basically tented. I'm tented and ready to go. She's like, is Mint Mobile an option? That, ma'am, is the correct answer. I knew I jerked off to you for a reason.

So he's like, what's going on? And she's like, oh, hey, by the way, you're my husband's hall pass. If you don't know what that is, that's when he can fuck somebody. All right. It's a celebrity. It's you. He's going to fuck you. My husband wants to fuck you. Are we getting all this on the iPhone? Good. I asked her, Judy, who her hall pass was. And she said Anthony Hopkins. She was actually very forthcoming about it. It was shocking. You know, it was kind of flattering me because she told me that I'm her only pass.

So that was nice. Every time I came out on set, she would just go, pass. It was nice. Nice lady. She's a real sweetheart underneath it all. Kind of looks like an owl in like a tutorial. You know, if they're teaching you like, here's the owl to tell you something. She kind of looks like that. But I like it. I need a tutorial. Have you ever heard of owl sperm being used on anything? Try that out. Hey, Brooke, you could give an owl a boner. Hey, would you try it actually?

You know, Judy didn't really like it very much when I mashed up some salmon roe and tried to spread it on her forehead. She had to have a consultation with the producers. I got a reprimand, but it was worth it because she had lovely skin, actually. You know, Erin has a crush on her, and that's okay. And he's like, well, she's a beautiful woman. Okay, here's my hall pass. Brad Pitt. You know what I really love about him? Not only is he fucking hot, he's just so good with kids.

You know, I loved him in that movie about upstate New York. What was it called? Troy. Great movie. That was a good one. Watch your ankles. You know, speaking of bottoms in the kitchen. You know, the thing is this. I love animals. I welcome every animal into my house. So when Brad did a movie called 12 Monkeys, I mean, I've had a lady boner ever since.

You know, it's funny. When Brooke went to rehab, she left 12 monkeys in a cage on my doorstep. Fucking bitch. I built them a town. We put them in the master suite. And then I got a bunch of little hats. I named one of them Judy.

and then immediately as soon as i did that the monkey stopped talking to me it was very very strange she's like all right so aaron's like well you know i mean it was nice you got to hang out with her she was lovely babe lovely yeah i'm gonna go pee while you finish talking about your hall panel probably gonna do it on a salmon or something return the favor she literally gets up and pees

So now Aaron's like, thank you for this margarita. It's delicious. I can't even get the words out of my mouth because I am so sexually aroused by you right now. And Brooke's like, oh, great. Well, I don't know if I've ever been anyone's hall pass. I don't know if I'm even my husband's hall pass.

anyway i'm really honored yeah you really wanted to come did you come money did you come keep trying just through your pants we don't want to be disgusting but you know brooke could you just stand there what yeah hold the prickly fig hold the prickly all right he's almost done and aaron aaron okay he came aaron don't wipe yourself off brooke this was great we we like to collect his sperm um

We use half of it to make our skins look better and half of it to make our own types of margaritas. God, we really need our own cooking show. We really do. So, Brooke's like, okay, now the real recipes. Now, listen, I've spent so much time testing these and I'm going to make them user-friendly. Okay, so how about you make these recipes? I would love that. So, today is black mission figs with pistachio relish and warm honey chorizo.

I was when I when she said that, I was like, this is so chefy. I'm like over it. So then Denise is like, you know, just an everyman dish. Black mission figs with pistachio relish and honey chorizo. I was like, figs are like only good for like one week a year. This is a ridiculous recipe. So Denise is like, OK, I'm going to heat the pan. All right. All right. OK, so what what piece of meat goes into the blender? Like, um, there's no meat and we don't need a blender. Are you sure? What if I put the blender in the oven?

How about that? That's a nice touch, right? She's like, no, just preheat that pan. Can you do that? She's like, you preheat pans. Is that a thing that people do? You preheat a pan. What if I burn it? Cause I burned everything. There's a weird sausage casing. It looks like a condom. Aaron won't wear those. What do you think about that? Aaron, come in here and fill it up. He won't. He won't. Even for you, Brooke.

How about we take, okay, how about we slice open the sausage, take the meat, put it on some rice and be like sushi, sausage, that's raw, raw sausage meat. Yeah, it's like sushi, right? No, but you can't have that. Look, when I get my cooking show, this is the first recipe I make. And I tell you, people are going to love it. And Brooke's like, look at me just standing here drinking a margarita while you make the peanut butter and jelly sandwich of the chef world. Most simple dish of all time. Am I right? Yeah.

it's amazing so she's like my thing here when i made this when i made this cookbook i really wanted it for regular simpletons so i'm just gonna sit here and i'm not gonna do a single thing because i want to see how well you can do my dish it'll be hilarious okay well you're not chopping that right okay i'll just take over i'll take over because then brooks does everything yeah

She's like, do you know how to mint a shallot? She's like, why would a shallot need a mint? I mean, what is that, bad breath? What is a shallot? Is that a type of animal? What is a shallot mouse? What is that? Is that like the girl who's on Cheers? Shallot long? No. No, that's... I'm not going to dignify that answer. God, I hated that bitch. I almost kicked her ass at a club one time. I said, get the stick out of your ass.

god i'll tell you one thing that's how judy dench and i finally bonded she hates her too you know fun fun story christmas dr christmas jones was originally supposed to be played by shelley long and she was such a b-atch that jimmy insisted that she get kicked off the movie yeah judy dench called her shelley long-winded c-word that was pretty good oh god what a fun time we had so they make this thing and

I was like, "Ugh, this recipe is so chefy." And then when that was done, I was like, "That looks amazing. I want to make it." - Yeah, it did look good. - I was like, "Damn it, it looks so good. Do I have to get Brooks's cookbook? 'Cause now I want to buy it. I don't need more cookbooks." But based on that recipe alone, I was like, "Fuck, this promotion worked 100% on me." And Denise is like, "You know, out of all the cooking videos I've done, this is the first time I've ever finished." And actually Aaron finished too. You finished, right honey?

brooke is like i'm highly disturbed but um honestly for me as a chef watching you pull this whole thing together and by you pulling it together i mean watching me as i cooked for you even though you were so unsure of yourself it was just so wonderful and satisfying and it's a real testament to how great my cookbook is which is available on amazon now

So she leaves. And then now Denise and Sammy are writing to post-op to check on her nose because she's still got her bandages on. So she's like, are you excited, honey? You're about to see your new baby nose. She's like, yeah, but I'm also nervous because like, oh, my God, what if my nose is too skinny now? Like, what if he took too much? I mean, we never should have trust a guy that looked like Steve Carell in the office. Like, why are we doing this?

You know, I would spend hours every day just like editing my nose before I could post photos publicly. I just hate my nose. I hate that enormous, massive bump in my nose. You know, with my boobs, it was like fine. But like this, this, this, this changes everything. This changes my life. And Denise is like, really? You know, I loved your old nose. It was great. I mean, well, it's gone forever. Thank God, mother.

Yeah. So they go to the doctor and he's like, hello. He does that real tight Steve Carell smile. He's like, how are we doing in here? Looking at the camera. And here we go, guys. Yeah, let's do it. Let's start removing that bandage. Oh, my God. I'm so scared. What if my nose is horrible? No one's ever going to want to fuck my nose again. This is terrible. And so she's really happy and she's saying how she wanted it for so long. And this is how she's like, this is exactly how I would facetune it. It's amazing. I'm like pre-facetuned.

But like, it felt, I mean, my instinct was to be like, this is so silly. They took like a fraction of a centimeter off of it. But that being said, you know, when you're insecure about a body part, I get it. I get it. So I was actually happy for her. Yeah. Denise was like, oh my God, I'm crying. You know what I mean?

included me. I was so nice. You included the woman who ruined your life by having the most perfect nose on earth. Every day I would go to bed and I'd say, God, if you're there, one, please tell Emilio Estevez to stop sending me memes, because really. And two, just God, give my, share my nose with other people. It doesn't have to just stay on me. Give other people the opportunity to have such a fucking amazing nose on my right. I mean,

You know, it's so hard as a mom to see Sammy not know how other people see her and how beautiful she really, really is. And I had to remember how I felt at 19 when I had my surgery and thinking how insecure I was. But knowing that someday I would cross paths with Judi Dench and I'd just have much bigger tits than her. And that really made me happy. You know, I told her, honey, how can you not know how much people love you? I mean, you've literally got thousands of people jerking off to you every day. What do you want?

You're like the Brooke Williamson of OnlyFans.

So, uh, so Sammy's like, this is literally the best day of my life. She's so happy that she starts talking like Lola. Did you notice that her voice changed? Her, like her high, like the lilting voice that is somehow hereditary between like Denise and Charlie Sheen, like comes back at like, so Sammy goes from being like, Oh, some Sammy to like, this is literally like the best day of my life. Like I am so happy right now. I'm so happy. I became a wholesome, like Lola for one brief second, but it's going to go away tomorrow. But for right now I'm wholesome. Yeah.

It's just like, well, I'm happy you included me. It's just, well, I just didn't want you in my surgery because you have so much anxiety about dying under anesthesia. She goes, I'm not afraid of dying. I'm just afraid they're going to put me under and I'm never going to wake up again. Mom, that's what dying is. She's like, ow.

And then next week, she's Denise. I win the top 1% of creators on only fans. And then Aaron's doing a photo shoot for Denise. And he's like, yeah, yeah. And then we see Patrick Muldoon and he, I,

I feel like we should not have seen Patrick Muldoon again. I like the image that I had of Patrick Muldoon that was frozen in time. Yeah, Patrick Muldoon's doing that aging thing where he's just, like, dyeing his hair weird colors that only old men use. Don't use that color. It's a terrible red, Patrick. No. Shave it, you know? I wonder, like, us seeing Patrick Muldoon, was that, like, how it was, like, for people to see, um...

Davidson's husband for the, like for the first time in several decades, because he was like a child star or a teen star in the, in the seventies, sixties and seventies. Right. And then you see him and it's like, Whoa,

What was his name? Dickie Van Patten or something like that. I wonder if like, that's how we feel when like, that's how people felt seeing him the way we feel seeing Patrick Muldoon. Yeah. It's crazy. And it's not even an ageism thing. It's just like a proper age thing. Like, you know, if your hair is starting to look like that thinny old, like straw, you kind of thing, don't be dying it like purple or red or whatever. No, no.

Someone help him. He's still a hot man. Somebody help him. Fix him. He's fixable. I'll fix him. Everyone's fixable. Give me a ring. I'll fix you. And

Anyway, that was it for Denise Richards. Fun times. Thanks, everyone, for being here. Catch us on the road this weekend or subsequent weekends or just hang out here. That's fine, too. Go to WatchWhatHappens.com, though, if you want to get your tickets or to see the schedule. And we will catch you on the very next episode. Bye, everyone. And bye.

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