Shownotes Transcript
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Yield Bravs. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, how are you? Good. What's going on with you today? Not much. I'm just, you know, I had a wonderful smoothie for breakfast and I'm just in a post smoothie glow right now. What's going on with you?
Nothing. I actually have all the ingredients for a smoothie, but I just keep refusing to do it. I'm drinking more coffee instead. Party! Smoothie protests. Love it. Yeah. I'm like, nope. Spinach? You can suck my wiener. Okay, today, everybody, we are going on tour again. We're back out next weekend. We're going to be doing Three Cities, so join us, won't ya? We're going to be at...
We're going to be in Boston, Detroit, and Chicago, okay? Episode announcements are coming later this week, so hold tight. And then in May, we're going to go to Emo's and...
in Austin and Dallas, Texas. We're going to be at the Texas Theater. And then on May 15th, we're going to be in Las Vegas. We are going to add two more dates, two more cities, but we're not telling you yet. So just wait and see. But keep checking watchwhatcrappens.com. The calendar page and ticket links and all that are right there. It's also where you will see a link to Patreon. That's where you get our bonus episodes for White Lotus, which we're doing. Yesterday's was so much fun. We have a bunch of theories. So good.
The first one we read over all the wallpaper and tried to figure out what that meant. So, you know, if you want to hear us recap wallpaper, go check that out. But no, White Lotus is so much fun. And all of our Watch What Crappens On Demand videos are also on Patreon. Like this one today. Hi, you can watch me put on lip gloss. Are you excited? It's going to be good. Wow.
Wow. What an honor. Coming soon, everybody. What an honor. But yeah, we had, I really hope to see everyone at our next shows. And we had so much fun this past weekend. I really can't stress that enough. Like it was just, it was just a thrill.
So today we are back in the world of Below Deck Down Under as What's-His-Face Vian proves to be, once again, even shittier and lazier than he was the week before. It's just a slow and hilarious descent into his lack of competence. And I think it's, you know...
It's that time of the-- It's the time of the Below Deck season where you start to feel your blood really boil. You know, in the beginning, you're always like, "Oh, this is nice. Like, not much is going on. It's nice." And then, like, you're at this point, which episode is this? Episode nine. This is when you start to really feel that rage that happens in Below Deck.
And, yeah, it's another season under the belt where I am now addicted yet again because I'm so angry at someone. Well, you know, look, I have a soft spot for Vion because he's a go-go boy. And so I love a go-go boy. Now, at first I was getting really angry because I'm always rooting for go-go boys. You know, for example, like when I give over my $5 or whatever, I say things like...
Are you studying? Like, are you going to school? Yeah. And so in this case, I'm mad at him. I'm mad at my go-go boy. But on a positive note, he'll probably return to the poll soon. So that's a win for me, you know? So keep it up, Vian. See you soon, buddy. Keep it up. Also, another great week of 50...
Fish content. You know, so the Moray eel was back. I noticed the Moray eel popped up. I think when some of them were-- I think when Johnny was gonna go out on his date, the Mor-- They like-- They split the scene-- The screen into six sections. And it was like people getting dressed and then one of the little squares was a close-up of the Moray eel just going,
um um um like the more he had a big smile on his face that's what i like about that if the sea was an ocean and i was the man like if this if the sea was an ocean if the ocean was a restaurant and i was the manager i'd be like you know what your service is terrible i'm not going to lie to you like here's your review your service is terrible because you keep eating people and you can't do that because it eats into our profit margin but on the positive side they let you because you're always smiling you're like such a good smiler
Yeah, the Moray eel was-- You could see the Moray eel was like wanting to go out with everyone. He's like, "So where are we going tonight, huh?" -You guys-- - Yeah. We going to a bar? Going to a club tonight? Yeah, the Moray eel is that person we know that's always like, "Hi, hi. Hi, everybody. Hi." And then they eat you, you know?
Right. Yeah. Now, there was-- I also want to give another shout out. There's a fish that-- This was towards the top of the episode. I don't know what type of fish it is, but it was sort of trapezoidal. It's like a trapezoidal fish that has little fins on the side. And it comes like zooming towards the camera and then at the last second veers off. Oh, I love that fish. -That fish is doing great work. - Yeah, psych! -I call that the psych fish. -You know which one I'm talking about? Yeah, because that kind of fish is like, "Psych!"
It's getting its thrill. It's like so excited, but it's like so happy. It's like not scary. When it swims towards you, you're not like concerned. There was also, by the way, did you see that there was like a dark fish that was tormenting a light fish? I did not appreciate what was going on there. You saw that early on? There was two fish. Well, I don't know why you have to make it like that.
That's the only way I could describe it. - Jeez. - I don't know their names. What the hell's going on in your mind? It was a dark fish. There was a dark fish that was tormenting a light fish. The first person to get canceled over fish content, Ben Mandelger. Guys, it turns out I'm fish racist. So, but that was happening. I will say that the aquarium needs some work. That aquarium looks great.
I think he's doing like natural, he's trying to do the natural aquarium thing. Cause you know, I love a natural aquarium. I've gone into it a million times, even though I couldn't do it myself. I tried it and I murdered a lot of fish that way. But I just, you know, at the end of the day, clean it, you know, nature is better when it's cleaned. That's why we have leaf blowers and lawnmowers. And I agree. Um, just ask that, that, well,
adorable stingray that they cut to all the time. I'm going through all the great sets because now I'm remembering them all. And I don't remember where they are in the episode. So I'm just like front-loading this recap with them because I want to make sure everyone gets their flowers. That stingray at one moment, they just showed that stingray just like...
flapping its wings so peacefully through the ocean, like, just having a great day. And there was also the kissing fish. Those kissing fish are back. I think we had them last season too, and they're back, and they're having a great time. So, really, like, it's a festival down there under the sea. "You shouldn't be kissing me. I'm your underling." And he's like, "It's below deck. It doesn't matter here."
So it's 22 hours before Charter, and we're still in the meeting with Serena, Lara, and Vihan. Because, you know, Captain Jason, and I have to say, this is not working out well for Jason. Jason is having his first season of possible bad captainry. I'm just going to say it. I know everybody loves Captain Jason and his kimonos. I love Jason too. I think he's a little low energy without Aisha. There, I said it. And I don't like his hands-off approach to management. I think it's bullshit. And I think that we're starting to see...
that it's gonna lead to pure chaos. So he's like, "I don't wanna deal with this. You guys are adults. You do it yourself. I'm gonna go watch Netflix and see, look at my natural fish beg me for a vacuum cleaner through the glass. Have a good meeting." And he leaves. So they're stuck doing it themselves and it's not working out so great.
Yeah, so they're trying to-- Lara and Zarina are trying to get through to Vian's dopey head that he needs to actually be a professional and responsible and be on top of things. And Zarina's like, "You know, you've not once taken any-- You know, you've not taken any accountability. You just have an explanation for everything. Like, you've not once gone, 'Yeah, I fucked up.' Not once, okay? You know, she asks you for something and you come straight back with an excuse and not a solution." And he's like,
Well, I'm very sorry, but I need to prioritize whatever I need to do on the deck too. It's so hot outside. I can barely breathe. Like how can you make a cheese plate when you're out there in the humidity? Sometimes you have to go inside to the air conditioning. That's not my fault. That's mother nature's fault.
Yeah. And he's like, and another thing is my people need to go fill up their water bottles in the sinks. They need to fill them up. Like you can't, you know, they have to go to the fridge. And I'm like, babe, they're not mad at your people for getting water. They're mad at them for standing around having coffee. You know, he's trying to like...
move the bear-- you know, move the goalposts or whatever so that his argument is correct. No, you're lazy and you're fucking around all the time. I don't care if it's hot, you know? Do what the rest of us do when it's hot. Complain, you know? And learn to type. Or pass out.
fall off the side of the boat from dehydration. Die! But like, you know, this though, this is no excuse. So Laura's like, but that's not the problem. It's about the water, it's about the coffee, it's about the galley, it's about the little chats, etc. And he's like, we'd like to have some banter in because there's so much to wash. There's so much to wash, you have to banter. You cannot wash without the banter. Everyone knows that. And she's like,
But yeah, honestly, I just feel like the deck team are doing what they want to do. And if I think, you know, but if I think back to my team on my boats, like the decks are always, you know, they're friends with the boats. And but at the end of the day, they have to be doing their work and they can't be standing there having a coffee. They would never have a coffee in front of a bosun. And he's like, that's not the way I manage. I don't want to be walking into a room like, oh, my God, here he comes and be the dick. You know, that's not how I want to manage. I'll do whatever I want. I don't care.
I don't even care. I don't care what you say. Poetry doesn't write itself. Poetry doesn't write itself while you're shamming. All right? Shamming can wait. My heart is huge. It has so much to give.
Yeah, this is the problem with hiring a former go-go dancer as Yura Bosun, which is that he's still working for tips, even from his own underlings. -So, he just wants to be loved. - Yeah, he's used to working with his tip, you know? - -Yeah. You want better poetry? Write it with your tip. That's what I say. You'd win the whole show. We would be on your side. I'd be like, "That man doesn't have to clean a thing." Yeah.
So Lara's pissed, and she just feels like she can't get through to him. And Vion's like, "I managed my team in a certain way, and we can have fun, and they can have that. And like, is that my fucking problem? No." I'm like, "Yeah, but they're not doing their job, and it's chaos over there." -Yeah. -So they're like, "Whatever." So Serena's like, "Okay, let's just meet up for 20 minutes after the preference team meeting, and we'll make plans." And then we can all be happy. And he goes, "Well, I've been happy since day one, so..."
It's not me the one that's happiness. Okay. That's like telling a sick person, like, you know, what was I going to say? Sorry. Well, I'm healthy. So like, you know, I was healthy and you're the sickness, sickness. You're the one who got us all sick. Yeah. You're the one that got us all sick. I don't know what I was trying to say. Yeah. It's like if someone is still thinking about kissing fish and how inappropriate that is.
as Ocean HR are gonna get them in trouble. So... Also, I forgot to give a shout-out to David the tortoise. They keep on showing that sweet shot of David getting pet on the neck at the top of the show every episode now. They just show David. I'm like, "Love that tortoise." Yeah. So he's mad and he's like, "Well, I've always been happy, so you're the one. If you're not happy, it's your problem, you know? If you're not happy in this marriage, that's on you. That's a you thing." No, you're the one sticking your dick into your secretary.
Yes. And Zarina's like, "Whatever, I think I need to have a beer. I'm so annoyed at Vianna. I'm so annoyed at him that later on, I'm just gonna go kiss him on the neck." So then, we see, um... Alicia is telling Marina happy birthday and everything, and she's gonna shower, she's gotta get ready for her date and everything. And Marina's on the phone with her grandma showing her the disco helmet that Jason gave her. I kind of feel bad for Marina because...
like her whole thing is that she feels a little disconnected from the crew and then we see that she's just alone putting on like makeup and then everyone else is crammed into one room like trying putting on makeup and their looks and gabbing and they're kind of they do kind of ignore her even though this is a night that really is for her and it's actually above and beyond like we've never seen a birthday party like this before for anyone on any below deck so like they definitely fill her with love but at the same time they're also like we love you marina we're not going to go near you until we absolutely have to at dinner
Yeah, but she also did kind of like purposely try and start getting snotty with Serena and Lara. Well, in turn Lara, because starting a fight with Serena over a man, you know, and she could have been nicer about it, you know, too. But, because I think you have the right to try and
get the D that's on the board, they're limited. You know what I mean? So I think she was well within her rights, but I think she did it in kind of a way like, "Ha ha, let's see who wins now." And it's-- that wasn't good. So she's kind of put herself in a bad situation, but I don't think that she deserves to get stuck downstairs either. And this is another weird management thing. When they say like, "Okay, I'm not gonna assign roles to anybody. I'm just gonna see how the season works out." And then suddenly you're like, "But I told you, you have to be in laundry and that's it."
no, fuck you. If you did that, then call me the third stew and stick me in laundry, but don't give me the, don't give me hope. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I think, um, I mean, it's jumping forward a bit, but I remember last week I said, you know, I understand why Marina's frustrated, but at the same time, she's only been doing the laundry out of cycle once, but then this week it's like, oh yeah, okay. It officially sucks. So then, um, Laura, uh,
Laura, meanwhile, is just complaining about Vianne. She's like, "I literally just couldn't talk anymore because I was like, 'Nothing I say is even going to take it in.' He's never going to say that, like, 'Actually, you know what? Maybe I do need to step it up a little bit.' Nothing goes through him." I'm like, "He's a good dancer." Yeah, so Alicia's getting ready for her date with Johnny.
And Brie's like, "Oh my God, you look so pretty." And she's like, "Yeah, thank you. It's a little bit nerve-wracking." You know, she goes, "Oh, I know. I was so nervous about my date with Harry."
has harry talked to you about my date with harry has harry talked to you about what he felt about our date oh my god has johnny talked to you how did johnny feel about going on a date how are you reacting to this where do i stand so then um sarina and harry are talking in the galley and sarina's like so how things going with breeze oh they're really good they're doing so well the other day that
I just passed her by the hallway and I sort of kind of smiled and almost acknowledged her presence. It was so intense. Everything's better than it's ever been before. And she's like, "Well, I feel like the Harry that you don't want your mom to see needs to come on out. Get the kinky Harry, the Harry that wants to, you know, tear a woman's clothes off and do-- have his way with her." And he's like,
Oh, yeah. No, he definitely is coming out. My plan is that we're going to get into bed, stay fully clothed, and hold hands while we go to sleep tonight. So I'll look out. I plan on wearing...
see a sucker and a hat made out of straw that's very flat and taking her on a walk, on a boardwalk, possibly with an umbrella to shade her from the sun. She's like, what are you, a castrato? What is this? What are we, in church? Are you a little boy missing his nuts? You need to fuck the girl, Harry. Fuck the girl. Jesus Christ, I want to see a side of you that your mother's never seen, Harry. I want to see it come raging out of you. She's like, oh, so shall we watch Netflix? Ooh.
Well, guess what? I have a great plan. I've already put an extra lamp in the room and I'm going to do a little bit of this, move my hands around. It's called shadow puppetry, so watch out. It's like, all right, make this as a shadow, all right? A finger going into a hole. That's what I want to see, all right? I'm not sure if it works. That's pornography! I don't think either one of us is old enough to see that! She's like, you're not missionary with the lights off, are you, Harry? He's like, I'm not really sure I understand what that means.
Not very religious, but if I were, I think I'd have the lights on. I don't know. So he... Yeah, he's like, I want to show her that I think I'm really, really into a period and make it special. But the way that it's written is creepy. I want to show her that I'm actually really, really into a period and make it special. No, don't do that. So...
Let me just get on schedule. Where are you when the moon is full? Just tell me that. So he is going to put a whole bunch of rose petals down on the guest cabin, which I don't know. I don't know. I don't like it. So then Johnny. Marina, who's going to have to clean it up.
She's gonna love that. Marina, who's not getting laid and has no chance to get laid because she's stuck in laundry all the goddamn time, has to clean up your roses? No.
Yeah, that's A-L-L. That's all for her. So Johnny, meanwhile, is ready to take Alicia. Is it Alicia or is it Alicia? I still don't really know after all this time. I haven't been able to really lock that name in. I say Alicia, but they're saying on the show Alicia or Alicia. Alicia. I've heard both, so I don't know. Let's call her Alicia.
Okay. So he's like, you look so beautiful. He's just so aggro. And she's like, oh, thank you. So do you. He's like, come, come. We go. We go on date. You are rice. I'm grape leaf. I wrap you up. Squeeze you tight. She's like, all right, all right. Just a drink. Let's just start with the drink. Oh, yeah.
And so she's like, well, that's some serious bling that you're wearing. He's like, I love my rings. I used to be quite a fighter, but I don't fight anymore. My mother was not happy ever. So what actually got me out of the whole situation is one day I saw a picture from two of my very good friends of mine and they were thin and they were bruised like shit, partially because I beat them up. And I have started to do, you know, head-upping and reading books. And now I no longer want to fight. Now I just want to love, love the sweet Alicia. Yeah.
I started head-upping. Okay. That's like a dumb guy. Like, that's a Vian about to write a poem. You know what I mean? No one needs you to head up. Start back on the push-ups. You can do push-ups without punching people. Okay? Yeah. So, I mean, I don't do either, but still. So he's like, yeah, growing up, I had group that is always like this.
And in high school, we were going out as crew and I would always stand up for crew, but crew was sometimes wrong. So, you know, you know, I was like, okay, so you beat up a bunch of innocent gay people, just saying.
Just say it right now. What sort of Greek version of Greece, which is very appropriate, was he in? Like, I'm just imagining him like a leather jacket, like, we are crew. We beat up. We beat up. We beat up people in hallways of Greece school. You want, you think you like Greece? Now you see real Greece. Tell me more. Tell me more. We are going to bowl tonight. We are going to score tonight.
We go together like phyllo, spinach, and feta cheese. We go together like moussaka and zoo. Chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee
She's like, um... Someone from another planet, amazingly beautiful. I've never really seen that. It's like an avatar. No. She's like, like when a person has a bump in stomach and it starts pushing, pushing, and then boom, come out, look them in the face, eat their face. Eat my face like animal in stomach. Sticky.
Sexy alien. Oh, God, I want to make out with that alien. I want alien to burst out of my chest just so I can kiss it on my face. She's like, that is so romantic. I mean, he's really a romancer. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.
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So then the rest of the crew is gonna party on the boat for Marina's birthday, and she's getting sushi boats. And, you know, they put up a thing that says "Happy Birthday." And she's like, "Oh my God, this is so sweet." Now, did you have the dryer sheet on your shoe there? She's like, "Dammit."
And then Adair, meanwhile, she's talking about Vian because they're being flirty. She goes, you know, I know I'm girl number three on Vian's list, so I'm going to give him that slow treatment like middle school. First, you're going to walk the hallway with each other. Then you're going to go driving Jeeps through the mud with each other. And then maybe have a little macro kiss, crush some beer cans on your forehead. I don't want to rush none. So Vian, literally hold your horses. Okay, that's step four in the South. Okay.
He's like, but you're so gorgeous. Like, you've got green on tonight. Look at you. Green, green, green, green, green. She goes, yeah, it's soft. It's kind of like minty. By the way, don't ever take a mint. That's so feminine. All right? I just want you to stink.
So then Lara's like, "I'd like to give a toast to Marina. Marina, you're a force of nature like no one I've ever met before. And you are amazing and beautiful inside and out, mainly inside, mainly downstairs, mainly tucked away from everyone to see. Your beauty is so radiant that I don't want anyone, neither guests nor crew, to ever see it. So please enjoy the rest of your birthday down in the laundry room where you shall clean up all these napkins." "Please enjoy this gift. I've gone out of my way to get you." She's like,
Wait, these are Tide Pods. Exactly. Put a candle in it and get back downstairs. Marina's like, I was feeling really down, but now I can't be more happy that I'm now. I feel so appreciated. It feels so good, especially knowing that tomorrow I'm back on service. Most certainly will be back on service because I did two charters in a row in the laundry. So definitely back on service. Yay. She's like, but for now, we party. Oh, yeah.
Why are you throwing your uniform shirt at my head? Clean it. It stinks. Damn it. So now back on the Johnny and Alicia date. Johnny's like, so what would you like to have? And she's like, well, I guess I'll have some rum, some cherry and rum. He's like, yes, rum, just for flavor. Yeah.
How does he be, how is he so like sexy timing over talking about like rum? Like everything he says is like, oh yes, beautiful. He's just too much. It's like, would you like to share a pizza? It's melting like my heart. I will get your oils all over me. Warm on the inside. It's like, all right, pepperoni's fine.
So Marina is, you know, they're all having fun on the boat and everything. And they're playing a game and they're talking and Adair's like, do I have a sweat mustache? And Leon's like, oh my God, have you ever seen a girl this gorgeous? If I want a girl, I've got to step up my game. I've got to really compete with that sweat mustache. What rhymes with sweat?
It's like writing poetry in his head. "So, I want to know what's happening on this date. Do you reckon they're kissing?" And they're like, "Oh my God, 100% kissing!" So we go back to the date. And she's like, "I'll take you to Italy one day. I've done a lot of traveling in my life, you know? My sister's done more, but of course she would."
You know, I mean, how do you get a little lonely? Because I am a people person. You know, it's like you can always go on your own and meet people on the way. A little bit dangerous, though, eh? I love a dangerous woman. You get into danger, I do this.
Ah, yes, all that head-upping. So let's make a toast to the mental yachties around the world. For me, the best part of the day is when I come into your galley and tease you. Honestly, coming in there, I don't want anyone. And then, puff, you arrive. Nice to meet you. I'm Alicia. Nice to meet you. I'm Donnie. Welcome aboard. Fuck, that was a great puff. The biggest puff I ever saw on this yacht. Most romantic story I've ever seen in my life.
Have you ever gone into a bank? They're like, hey, how are you? And then you're like, hey, how are you? Are we married now? I know of more money.
You know, I don't really trust your sweet nothings, but it's nice to hear them. And he's like, oh, then I will keep telling you. You have amazingly beautiful, deep eyes. So deep. I look into them. I feel like I might get trapped down here. Please stop. I really can't deal with it. Please, please. You're too much. Your mouth is... Why are you so close to my eyelids right now? This is too much for me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What are you doing? Head up. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
I don't want to look at skinny men with bruises anymore. That's why every time Harry gets hurt, it's very painful for me. I read now. Would you like me to read menu? Pizza. Cheese. Margarita. And then, poof, nightly specials have arrived. I'm marrying this menu. This menu is from another world. So she comes back and the girls are like, oh my God, tell me more, tell me more. And she's like, well, I mean, it was lovely. You know, he did...
stick a piece of pizza on his wiener and ask it to marry him. But, I mean, otherwise it was great. Missed you guys though. And so the boy's like, "Did you kiss her, bro? Did you score?" This is like Grease this episode. It is. Literally in so many ways. So then everyone-- Now it's time for hot tub time. So they're all getting into budgie smugglers and everything. And they're--
And they start to play, of course, Never Have I Ever. But their Never Have I Ever is more entertaining to me than Housewives' Never Have I Ever because it feels like authentic Never Have I Ever. It feels like people who – this is like you're drunk, you're in a hot tub, you would play this game as opposed to you've just sat down at a day's spa to have salads and then you're going to start playing the game.
Right. So they're playing it. Actually, I like this one less because I feel like they're just whoring each other out in these versions. You know, they're never have I ever is never have I ever given a blowjob to Weehan. About to correct that right now. All right, Vian, come over here. I'm like, no, that's not how this game works. It means it's impactful as opposed to like Lisa Rinna being like, never have I ever gone to a Kurt Lockerfeld show. Never have I ever sold a story to page six about somebody returning a dog to the wrong place. Yeah.
Lisa Vanderpump! Lisa Vanderpump is drinking! So they're playing it and so it's like, "Never have I ever had sex in a car." And then it's like, Johnny's like, "Never have I ever
been with a person of the same sex and said, "Boof, I'm gay now." And Lara drinks. Like, "Oh my God, Lara, you had sex? You made out with the girl and everything?" She's like, "Moving on, moving on. It was one of my dogs in the countryside. No big deal. Okay, Vian, truth or dare?" And I also don't believe that none of these guys have ever gotten a BJ. They're stuck on a boat, okay? That's like prison, you know? Everybody's sexuality turns when they go in prison. You know, if you've got time to lean, you've got time to peen.
I just want to say, I'm not accusing Lara of bestiality. I just was imagining her getting kisses from her dog. It sounded like bestiality. I was like, "Damn." Ben's on with it. "Took a dark turn." "Dark turn." So now she's like, "Okay, moving on. Truth or dare?" I like that better. We can whore each other more easily with that game. So game over. So Vianne's like, "Truth." And she's like, "Who do you fancy the most?" And he's like, "A dare and poetry."
And so, they cheers. And then Lara dares Alicia to kiss a guy she wants to kiss the most. So, she kisses Johnny. She does, because she likes Johnny. I mean, he is so cheesy, but she does like him. And there was actually a nice moment in the van on their date when they're heading there where she put her hand out so that way he could hold it. I was like, "Oh, I kind of like them."
So they are making out and then Adair's like, I'm not playing these games with y'all. You're all too fucking berserk. It's going to rain. I'm going to go inside, guys. So she leaves. And then now the moment you've all been waiting for, the raunchiest couple on the boat is going to get it on in the guest room. Yeah. So he takes Bree, Harry takes Bree to the VIP2 room. And, um...
She sees the flowers. She's like, oh my God, you made the bed? That's so cute. How did it feel? Is that too personal of a question? Where do I stand with the bed?
So then Vian and Adair are talking and it's less exciting, you know? So they make out a little, but she's like, I'm on a bed. So she goes, and then Vian goes into Johnny. He's like, ha ha, I kissed her. You see, poetry works. He's like, this is why I do head up. I do head up. If only you had a cheese plate to really seal the deal.
But it wasn't that good because Johnny asked about Harry and Vian says, "Oh, she's in a cabin. I want to go up to her and be like, 'I don't think this is the right guy for you. You know, you need like a fucking guy, not a fucking wimp.'" Well, she-- she had-- she's-- she can think for herself and she-- Write another three-page poem with only two syllable words or shorter, Vian. Yeah, she made an assessment. She's doing okay. She's happy.
Um, so, so then Bree and Harry are like, they're getting, it's getting really hot and heavy in that room. I'm so happy to spend time together. Me too. I really like you. I really like you too. So. Have you ever peeled an orange with a spoon? Or do you use your fingers? She's like, I've used a spoon before. Me as well. Oh my God. I'm getting to know so much about Harry.
So now it's the next morning and Bree's like, we had a great time last night. Kind of what I needed to move past the plateau. There's sides to Harry that people don't know. Literally, he's so skinny you don't realize that he's actually a three-dimensional person. But he's 3D. He has an actual side. So I guess it sounds like Harry's got a big wanker.
Good for him. Well, good for him. Good for him. He's like, there's sparks. The sparks are fine. Absolutely. I think it's, yeah, I mean, things went well. We basically turned on a podcast and listened to it for 20 minutes and went to sleep. So it was pretty hot and heavy. It was all about cereal.
It got dark really quickly though. I don't know how Best Boy fit into it, but somehow it did. So then Alicia is serving leek and celery soup with toasties, okay? And then for dinner, she's going to do curry and rice, which sounds great. So Adair tells Jason, it's radioing people, and Adair just goes, "Have you ever heard the saying, 'I'm sweating like a hoe in church?'"
I think she says it to Johnny or something like that Johnny's like you crazy you're a crazy woman we say sweating like a pita in a gyro shop so I'm just trying to go through all my Greek references I'm running out really quickly I thought it'd be better after ngk I thought they're like I know I know all the Greek references
So Jason is like, all right, group. Here's our next group. They're all awful. So we have William. He's a real estate agent from Florida bringing along a tight-knit group of douchebags. Since it's going to be Cindy's birthday, William would like her room to be decked out in flowers upon arrival to make her feel special. Like, we just kind of...
busted right through our flower budget for Harry and Bree, so that's unfortunate, but we'll try to make it work. And we find out that Corinne is coming. And Corinne is from The Bachelor, and she stole Corinne. On The Bachelor, she was like, "It's okay.
It's so hard because I live with my daddy and my mom and a nanny, and it's going to be so hard to be away from my nanny because she's the only person who knows how to make my special pasta. And they're like, oh, what's your special pasta? And she says, well, pasta and butter and Parmesan cheese. Wow. That's one talented nanny.
um Corinne I so I think I actually watched a season with the season with Corinne of the Bachelor that she was on you said The Bachelor she was on The Bachelor but I remember I also I remember the big scandal yeah The Bachelor I remember the big scandal with tomorrow that was like a big deal and so I remember that um but it was kind of funny because you know when Jason's like uh Corinne is a TV personality and then we hear Lara's voice dubbed over saying
Oh, and she was in House of Villains. People are not, when people see Corinne Olympos, they're not thinking, oh, famously from House of Villains. We all know what she is from. And I just love that they're like, we're still, we're going to push this NBCU synergy wherever we can. House of Villains it is.
So then we find out she's bringing her sister, and they want to have a funky wig party. Oh, my God, how fun! And they also want a foam party, which was one of the funniest things when they tried to do a foam party on Med. And Kara was like, I can't get the foam to work. I know. I was thinking about that, like, that sad, sad foam party that they had. They just had, like, that little, like...
When what's his face? Why am I blanking on his name that you just did his voice for? But like, he... Kyle! Kyle is like, who got this phone machine? This is the worst phone machine I've ever seen! Yeah, tonight's is the exact opposite. I've never seen so much foam. It was absolutely insane. But I was totally thinking about that scene with that sad-ass phone machine. So they're gonna have a foam party and...
And Zarina's like, "Well, that could be horrible for your deck." And Vion's like, "Of course it will be. And naturally, I won't help clean any of it up." So, um... And Lara's like, "Well, the foam will probably help clean the deck." And Zarina's like, "That's true. It might actually get cleaner." So it's like, "Damn." Self-cleaning party. I love it. So they want to do jet ski. They actually want to arrive on jet skis because these people are soulless. And so that's what they're going to do. They're adrenaline junkies. All right.
So now Harry and Adair are gossiping, and Harry's like, oh, how was the kiss? Is he a good kisser? And she's like, we didn't make out. We just kissed. You know, that kind of thing. Nothing I can get pregnant from. Yeah, I ain't trying to be smack in the face with a little V-Hon right now. I like what she said earlier. Sorry, but I'm choice number three. How much does he think he's going to get? Yeah, she's going to make him work for it.
So then Laura's like, okay, heads of department, we need to have a chat about what we're going to do interior-wise. So they coordinate, like, she's basically like, hey, I want Adair during these hours, that way the girls can have breaks. Which, admittedly, this is a conversation that should have happened a few charters ago, I think. But now she's kind of like, I think they were trying to be friendly, like, hey, when you need her, call for her. When you need her, call for her. And now she's like, okay, I am reserving Adair for...
10 of the 12 hours, and you can have her for 30 minutes because you're not doing anything with her in the first place because all you guys are doing is drinking coffee. Yeah, and she says, well, I gave him a chance and he didn't take it, so I'll be controlling then. Let's see how he likes that.
And now it's one hour till charter. And it's 15 till crew lunch. Oh my God, what's going to happen? I forgot to do crew lunch. Oh my God. And then Serena helps her. She's like, why is your cutting board like this? We need it on the counter. Otherwise it will fling off and kill you. Do you understand? I just saved your life. God, it's good to be able to help someone finally.
So they serve crew lunch and everything and they change into their whites and Lara's telling Marina about... Marina's asking about what the deal is with Adair and everything, right? And Lara's like, "Yes, so I'm going to restructure the interior a little bit so the girls can get breaks." "Marina, you're obviously up early in the morning." She goes, "So does that mean I'm housekeeping again this trip?"
Yes, it does. She said, but do you still plan on doing rotation with service and housekeeping like you had said in the beginning of the season and gave me hope that I could actually see the waves during daylight hours? No.
No. She's like, no, I won't be rotating. Because you're stronger in housekeeping 100%. And this is your fault for being decent at housekeeping. You should have learned. There have been 97 seasons of Below Deck and no one has learned not to be good at housekeeping yet. So you're an idiot. So enjoy that. And I need Bree on service because I get to hear things like, did...
Did Harry have a conversation with you about the fork you used at dinner? How did Harry feel when you turned your back to him as you rolled over in bed to sleep? I need to hear about these things. You know, and you get to do service sometimes. You do service in the evening. She's like, "I just get to run plates." She's like, "Well,
And you do such a lovely job at that. Plates go up, plates go down, and back to the Tide Pods you go. So anyway, and Adair's like, but what about Bree? I mean, that's not fair. Why don't they just switch? Because they're supposed to switch. I mean, that's not... Bree is like, I'm sorry, Adair is being a bit mouthy, I think, to her boss. And Laura is not happy about it.
Yeah, I mean, I guess I get it, but it does suck that Lara was like, "Okay, there's a chance." And now, no, you're stuck on laundry. That's just it, 'cause I'm the boss. Which I guess she has the right to do. But I mean, that's a good girlfriend to be like, "Well, that sucks. I know you wanted to do service. Sorry, that sucks for you, Marina." And Lara's like, "She better watch her ass." Yeah, it definitely sucks for Marina, but at the same time, like you said,
It is ultimately Lara's call, and it's like, well, you're really good down there, and Bree's good with the service, so I'm not going to move people around because you want to, like, chat with the guests. Like, it's just not a priority. But if she were a nice, if she were a mensch, she would allow her to have some sort of service moments. But...
Or she just followed through what she says herself, because she said in the beginning, "I'm gonna rotate you guys so everybody-- so someone doesn't get sick of being down there and blah, blah, blah. And we're gonna do this in a fair way. No one's the boss of the other. You'll both get your chances." And then she never did that. I think she's an asshole. Or she should have just said, "I'm gonna have you guys do both upstairs, downstairs, and I'll see which one-- like, which one I feel like you excel at. And that's where you guys will land for the season." And then everyone knows.
you know, don't be good at laundry. Yeah.
Exactly. So then Marina is like, "Why do you think she's putting me in housekeeping? Because you seemed okay with it." Like, "Bri, I'm not gonna be on housekeeping the whole season, right? Like, maybe she should hear more, you know?" Like, maybe if we said it and she's like, "Um, that's not my call though, and if you really think that I'm gonna ask to be on housekeeping, sorry." Yeah. Yeah, that's not gonna work out. What Marina really should do is have a conversation with Lara and say,
I'm loving this. You're such a great boss and that birthday party you threw for me was so wonderful and I was wondering, I know that I'm down here, but I was wondering if you could give me a few more shots at service because I would love to grow in that department and it would be really meaningful to me." And I just do a nice heartstrings moment and Laura will probably say, "No, but at least you tried."
Yeah, but Laura's pissed. She does not like that. Adair mouthed off to her. No. And it's 84 degrees and 89% humidity. Dun, dun, dun. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So the guests come, and William Billy Cunningham III is a primary charter guest. He's from Miami, a real estate agent, only drinks tequila, and met his companion Cindy last week. Oh, yeah.
So they get on jet skis. Thankfully, she's Cindy the Third. So... They know they're gonna match up. It's Cindy Adams. Billy Cunningham the Third. What a gross-- What a gross name. I mean, he has "ham" in his name. So, uh, they arise-- Billy Cunningham is a Cunningham. He's a Cunningham. Bacon that thinks before you eat it. Bacon that envisions your death before you take a bite.
It's the Iago of hams. So then they approach and Zarina's like, "They look nothing like their photoshopped pictures." I'm like, "Okay." Do any of us? I mean, Jesus Christ, stop filter shaming people. I was like, "Welcome to 2025." So they all arrive, they get the tour.
And Marina is putting sticky notes on suitcases so she knows who's a sues, because there's a ton of suitcases, of course. And so, Jason is trying to help out, but she has a system, and...
And she's like, no, no, no, that one doesn't have a tag. He's like, well, they all have to go up to the next level anyway, don't they? And she's like, yeah, but we labeled them so then we can put them straight to the rooms so it's less messy where they're walking. And he's like, but they have to go up now. She's like, no, no, no. She goes, well, fine, whatever. It's your decision, Captain. So she's really sassy with him, which is...
Not a good idea. Yeah, he's not. He's not liking that. And she's like, I mean, it would be nice to manage one thing without being questioned. You know, I know how to do housekeeping. So why would you try and ruin my systems? Don't ruin my system. And she doesn't say that to him. That's to us.
And then Serena and Alicia do some prep. And then Marina goes and tells Bree, she's like, "Oh my God, I almost flipped with the captain." And she's like, "Why?" She goes, "Do you know? Because we do suitcase--" She goes through the suitcase thing. And she's like, "But I shouldn't have said anything. I should be quiet." And Bree's like, "Oh my God. I can't believe she said something." "Harry told me that in these situations, you always tattletale. So I'm going to go right to Laura."
So, Harry is asking Vianne when they're gonna be ready, and Vianne says, like, in an hour. And Harry's like, "Well, do you want them to be coming down and you're still setting up?" I mean, I do think you need to ask Laura how quickly, how much longer they're here for dinner, because if you come down-- He's basically saying, like, "Uh, should we be cleaning?" -They're supposed to be showing up. - Yeah, 'cause Harry's fucking around, by the way. I think they're showing Harry fucking around. And he's like, "Are we supposed to be working?" He's like, "Oh, we've got time."
And Harry's like, "No, you should ask Laura, 'cause it's not gonna be good if we're not prepared." And Vian's like, "Oh," he tells us, "He's not lead deckhand, bro. You're like the bottom of the pile. Why are you bossing me around? This is completely out of order, and I'm not only mad because he's the only one that get laid, and I'm the one who works out."
Yeah. And he's like, "Harry is bossing me around. That's unacceptable. Now I will do exactly what Harry told me to do." So he calls up Lara and is like, "Hello, can I get a quick update on how long they're going to be until they're here?" And she's like, "Yeah, probably 20 minutes. So, you know, hurry up."
So, basically, he's like, "Okay, I guess we have to hustle." He's just mad because he was having a fun time slacking off and Harry ruined the fun time. But, like, he has no drive and no sense of urgency. So, Brie goes right to Laura and she goes, "I have to express my feelings about something."
She yelled at the captain. She goes, no, she didn't. What about? She goes, yes, she did. She said, move bags around. Like, that's a terrible idea. But if you say so, kimonos are terrible. Who wants to buy a kimono? Then she strangled him with a kimono belt. Oh.
And then she said she's not very interested in going to the Philippines in the next few years. And he was livid. So then they're like, oh, so the guests are coming out playing water toys. They're being awful because they're like on jet skis going really close to everything. And it's really dangerous. And they're like really almost killing each other.
And then they're jumping off the side of the boat and they're jumping off the side of the boat that they're not jumping off the side of they're supposed to be jumping off the side of the boat for. And they're just all awful. Also, there's someone there. What was his name? Was his name Saviour? No, no, it wasn't Saviour. Someone has a stupid name. It's going to come up and I'm going to tell you right now. I hate him.
Is that a savior? So Jason's like, I know guests are adrenaline junkies, but I prioritize safety over adrenaline. So I'm going to leave it up to them to be safe because I don't believe in micromanaging. Or managing. I just want to drive a boat right onto a dock. What I believe is in watching fish swim around and naming them. All right. That's what I believe. I'm going back to the bridge. Thank you very much.
Okay, so they're gonna go snorkeling, which is fun, except for the fish, 'cause we actually see shots of fish just swimming, having a nice time, and then they come plummeting into the water, and the fish are like, "Oh, Jesus," and they have to scurry away. So they're gonna go do that. And then Lara's asking if Adair can help in laundry, and Marina gets to go on a break. So, I mean, the upside is she gets to actually put her feet up for once.
So now they go snorkeling, this is where the fish are terrorized by these people. Also, by the way, say what you will about these people, but they have great lung strength. That one guy snorkeling went underwater and then swam below like an arch in the coral. How do you do that? I would never be able to hold my breath long enough to get all the way down and under and then come back up again. Did he have one of those engine things that you hold on to and then swim around?
He did it with the strength of douchebaggery. Like, I don't know how he did it. Like, it motored him through. It was very impressive. Well, that's why the Billys of the Cunninghams have made it all the way to the third. All right? Very, very fit people. They've got strong lungs. The very Cunninghams. So, Serena's like, "Oh, I'm gonna feed these guys like Russians. Wealthy Russians. They like luxury, they're getting caviar. They like-- You know, I'm just putting as much caviar on the table. I don't even care if they eat it, you know?"
Let's do this. She does do this. She literally serves them chicken with caviar, which makes no sense. And they're like, sure. And for the record, I would eat chicken with caviar. Yes. Yeah. I don't know that I've heard of that, but I don't know. I haven't heard of a lot of things. I'm not a very fancy person. Even these people like chicken with caviar. I haven't heard of that.
But it worked. It worked. Yeah. So it's not good, but whatever. Whatever floats your boat. I'm poorer than you. Like, I don't get it. So then Jason gets into the peanut M&Ms, which like brings me back a little bit to his side. And he goes, see what happens when I've got no digestive? I guess he like makes a little burp. And Marina's like, watch, you get cranky and you start micromanaging everyone. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
and he's like uh i do not micromanage and if you can't manage yourself that's where i'm going to step in and don't talk to me like that again i was like oh my god that's the first person i've ever seen able to feel anger with a peanut m m in his mouth i mean wow no that's because he's trying to enjoy his peanut m m moment and he's got someone sassing him and he's the boss he's like no no no sweetheart this is my m m moment and the m the m stands for
The M does not stand for micro nor for managing. So you better step off. Oh, I'm mad and mad. Mad and mad. Look, even the little characters on the yellow bag are angry now. This girl will get you. She's like, oh my God, this is true. I've never seen angry M&M before. I'm so sorry. I take it all back. I mean, it's bad enough that that green M&M traded in her sexy, sexy high heels for some sneakers. Oh, so angry a bit. And now I've got to deal with this.
Wasn't that a culture war thing? Like, "I can't believe they put sneakers on the MNM." -The Lady M&M's were sneakers. - It's so sexist to have a sexy green M&M. But it was also people were upset that she was wearing sneakers. Like, "Come on, tits. Why you hiding it? If you got it, show it. Come on, put on those heels, tits." Sneakers aren't sexy.
So then, she apologizes, but he's not having it. He's pissed. So they get ready for the wig party, and Lara goes down for a 25-minute nap. And then Vianne's like, "Where's Satya? I want to ask out on a date. I'm gonna take one of the roses, and I'm gonna give it to her." "Oh!" "She's not that into you. I'm sorry. She just doesn't like you. And you're already-- You picked her third, and you're still trying to figure out a way that you can go steal Brie back."
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Boo to him. So meanwhile, Alicia is getting confused in the kitchen. She's forgetting things. And so Zarina is saying, you know, when you become a head chef, you're more of a mentor. And with Alicia...
I have her in guard as much as I can, but she gets so distracted. She keeps making curries for no good reason. Like we need to make lobster and there's a Massaman curry on the side. I'm like, what are you doing? Why do you always make curries every time I turn around? I'm learning a lot about a personality right now. And a personality is a big bowl of orange curry.
You know, it's my job to be a mentor. A mentor to my girl. So it's kind of like a stand and deliver moment. Stand and deliver curry. No, not curry. Why do you keep serving these things that require so many forks? So... I want chicken noodle soup with a five-pronged fork. Do you understand? All right, it's going to take you far. I just want a nice clear broth.
and a knife that they can sort of balance a few drops of it. - - Pull them. Pull them. So, Lara compliments the tables, and then Marina orders Adair to go down and start the cabin. The guests come up for dinner, and we see what it is. She's like, "Here we are." This is a misspelling in our notes, but it's a funny one. She's like, "Here we are, choking, carrot puree, and caviar."
The following foods will enable you to choke more easily, making our lives much, much simpler once we heave your bodies off the side of the boat. Serena watched about five minutes of Corinne's season of The Bachelor and has decided something appropriate would be something that could possibly kill her. So, please bring out the choking.
Here we go. This is a bubble gum and peanut butter shot. You just take it in one shot. You will therefore choke and die, and then you will have a nice easy day. And if you are alive, we'll give you some carrot puree and some caviar to make it more elevated. But no, it's chicken and caviar. And Corinne's like, "Yeah, we're like caviar people. Do you have a nanny to maybe cut mine up and feed it to me?"
So they love this caviar and chicken idea. They're like, wow, that chef has really got it going on, says Billy Cunningham III. Put in quotes. Billy Cunningham, more like Billy Satisfied Ham. So Adair is talking to Vian. How are you? And he's like, I'm good. Would you like to go on a date with me? He has a rose. Oh, okay. I was hoping he'd give me a beer, but that's okay. I'll take this rose.
I don't mind. They got four wheelers around here. You mean cars? No, four wheelers, you fucking pussy. What are we supposed to do? Go on a date? They got a mud pit. They got air rifles. We can shoot some cans off of logs. I mean, what the hell?
question since we're in europe they got one of those those big uh one of those big dinosaurs made of cars that eats other cars like maybe pujos since we're here so he hands her a rose and she's oh wow creative a rose she's uninterested only pussies watch the bachelor
I love how much he's not into Mihan. It's so funny to me. So then Serena is stirring some truffle sauce. Stir it more quickly. It's quite thick. I'm worried it's about to explode.
"Darling, why is the truffle sauce so orange?" "Oh, I put curry powder in it. Is that okay?" "Yes." "All right." So now, the next course arrives, but so do foam provisions. I like that idea of a foam provision, aka two guys with literally the sort of foam machine that looks like
it has been it will be used on ghostbusters to take out um mr i mean mr puff from the state puff marshmallow mr puff stay puff marshmallow man or as he is known formally mr puff um this thing is a cannon this is not a this is not a machine this is a cannon and we know because it arrives on a boat and it's like the size of a cleat glade yeah um
my dog really hates me playing the piano and he just made it evident because he rubbed up against the wall and unplugged the piano. So I will take the hint. Wow. Okay. That was passive aggressive. Yeah. That's a straight up aggressive. Bueller's like, I can tell we're getting close to the end of the recap because it's going to be piano time soon. So let me just abort that situation ahead of time. Woof, woof. Where's my, where's my phone party, dad? So now the guests are talking about the way you be filet and
and the lobster and truffle cream. And Billy Cunningham III is like, "Whoa, this steak is like special." And one of the guests is like, "Yeah, I heard Billy likes to go down and dirty on ya." And his girl's like, "Um, yeah, why are you talking? Please stop talking." He's like, "Yeah, he likes to go down and make the girl feel better or something like that."
So anyway, Zarina downstairs goes and like Vian's like sitting in a banquette in the crew mess and Zarina just goes and kisses him on the cheek and then like sits on his lap and is like kissing his neck. And it's kind of like one of those things where it's like, oh, we're just mates. We're like boy-girl mates. So we're going to kiss, but also kind of like maybe more than that. And Johnny's like, get a room. And...
Vian is happy to have this attention and he's like, I need a massage. So he's like, I don't know. I kind of feel like it's like one of those moments where like if Adair walked by, I know she would probably be very put off by it. Right. And he should know that too. So if he's really into Adair. Relieved.
Or relieved. Yeah, precisely. So either way, even though it's Serena doing it, I still feel like I somehow blame Vian for it. Well, he's grosser. He could also say, no, no, no, I'm not interested in you. Yeah, I don't care about Serena. I just don't want to hear her cry about it.
Then I'll care. Yeah, I don't want it. Yeah, she should know. No crying about it. This is a losing war. But if she doesn't cry about it, then who cares? So then Vihon is telling Harry that Johnny's going to rinse the boat and then go to bed at 1.00.
So, whatever doesn't get done tonight, write it down." And Harry's like, "Okay, we'll all just crack on straight away in the morning, surely it'll all work out. It's just a phone party." Dun, dun, dun. Oh God, Savor. Savor is his name. Savor. Not Savior. It's Savor. Savor spelled S-A-Y-V-O-R. Like, it's like, "Say anything," but instead of-- You're actually not saying anything, you're saying specifically, "Savor."
I would love to see a little man-- I like that he's on a luxury yacht as someone with a name that pinches pennies. So that's nice. So he's like, "Will I die if I eat the foam?" "Oh God, this is what we get for bringing a fucking saver onto the boat." That was foam. So the foam starts to-- It like--
It is so much foam. Like this thing is, how does it even shoot out this much foam? It is like a portal to a foam dimension and the foam is pouring through. Like we opened up a vortex to the foam world and now that we have the foam is like finally, and it's like that scene in the first Avengers where like that portal opened up in the sky and all the monsters came out of it.
That's what was happening, but in foam form. I think it's like in Mr. Mom when he puts dish soap in the washing machine or something. Yes. And the whole house is flooded with bubbles. And the kids are like, oh my God, this is why dads aren't moms. Oh, the 80s. So, by the way, Saver is so stupid. He goes, will I die if I eat the foam? And then he eats some foam and he's like, what?
He starts barfing over the side of the boat. And he's like, "I got it out. Whoa, this is sick as hell, bro. Let's keep partying."
The foam, it takes over everything. Like they are submerged in it. And this was, you know, sometimes they do like, sometimes when they have parties on Below Deck and the yacht, they like try to make things into a club and they put up some streamers and everything. And it's cute, but it's not like nothing even close to it. But this time the foam was, the foam was foaming as they would say. And they had all these amazing aerial shots. They had drones going around and you could see this thing was taking up the entire back of the yacht. It was actually legitimately very insane. Yeah.
Yeah, so then after the party, Johnny's like, "Where is Vi-- Where is Vi-- Vihan?" And they're like, "I don't know. No one's seen him." And he's like, "I have to clean alone?" And it's all this foam. It's not good. Yeah, because Vihan is there. He was there. And in the moment it's time to clean up, he's like-- He pushes the thing, like, broom twice, and he's like,
well, this is a lot. And then he goes downstairs and then he goes into the crew mess and then he like eats food and he hangs out and then he goes to bed and Johnny is alone with all the stuff. And even if Vianna is scheduled to go to bed, then as the head of department, when you see that this is such a mess and you know that one person is not going to be able to do this, you're,
you know in three hours of time you buck up and you help out and you do it and you get the job done but he's like whatever i have to go to bed because it can be hot tomorrow not to refill my water bottles yeah so he's useless as usual so then adair tells marina she gets to go on a date which is just what marina wants to hear she's like wow really don't make him fall in love with you
folding a towel you know it's like he ain't gonna fall in love with me he just know me for three weeks i mean jesus christ that's enough time to impregnate me but ain't enough time to fall in love get real girl so now uh johnny is just like pushing foam around there's got to be a way to clean film more effectively there's got to be like some
Look, there are phone parties all the time in these places and clubs. There must be a way. There must be something that you spray on it that makes it deflate. But he's just pushing it around and nothing's happening. And Lara's like, okay, well...
Good luck with that. So he's just left alone. And he's up till 1:37 still pushing the foam around. He still doesn't even finish. And then there's on top of the foam, there's all the other stuff you're supposed to do on the lates as a deckhand in terms of cleaning the deck. That's so he doesn't get-- Well, here's how you clean up foam. Do you want to hear? Yes. After a foam party, the foam usually dissipates naturally, but you can speed up the cleanup by spraying the area with water or using a hose to wash it away.
It's biodegradable and safe for the environment and lends an extra party note to eels. Well, he was. He was spraying. He was spraying the foam with water, but I don't think it was really making an impact because it was like, it was special Greek foam. This was like foam for the gods. Well, file a complaint with AI. Because that's who said it. Jet GPT never went to a fan party. Hey, wrong!
Hey, they should call you A-Live. Wrong. Hey, you're wrong, A-I. A-wrong.
So Johnny's upset, but orders are orders. And I did the best I possibly could. If I was fucking octopus, I would clean better. But I only have two hands. Two hands is what beat a man that messes with my friends. Just kidding. Now these two hands open book. Maybe I can kill foam with book. Read foam. Read. Unfortunately, I only have two hands and I can't use those hands anymore.
to clean foam because i'm too busy saying me and my friends my crew we were like this yes good use of hands so he basically can't do it it's all himself he does as much as he can so in the morning i think harry's not really three or something which is crazy he says up late but it's like there's too much too much foam so harry is out there and he's like oh it's filthy this will make for an ample tattletale later for today so he is trying to clean it up the place looks like and
And meanwhile, Zarina's making some breakfast and everything. And Johnny-- You know, when Vion's waking up, Johnny's telling Vion, like, "By the way, I only was able to finish a third of the Sun deck. I didn't write on the board and everything." So, Harry is trying to clean it, and Adair's like, "Wow, it's real dirty out here." He's like, "I know. It's really dirty."
And then even worse, the guests are coming out and the guests are out there. And so now you got this dirty deck and the guests are supposed to look clean and spotless and beautiful. And it's not.
Yeah, so they're trying to figure that out. And meanwhile, Jason tells Lara, "You know what Marina said to me?" She goes, "I didn't hear, you know, but there was a point in the crew mess, and she kind of cornered me on like what's happening with service and housekeeping. And it was a bit of an inappropriate time because Adair was there. And then Adair got stuck in and trying to give me ideas on how I should rotate the girls. And I was just like--" He's like, "Excuse me, do I have the right to bitch occasionally? Because I was just about to tell you." -What happened to me? -I was trying to enjoy some M&Ms. -Yeah. -Yeah.
So, it sounds like Marina's about to get in more trouble for-- I mean, Marina should get in trouble. Marina was totally out of line, but it sounds like she's about to get into more trouble than Vion will be for all of his ineptitude. So, um, then...
Meanwhile, well, shit's terrible out there, but Vian's downstairs just drinking some sort of like, you know, health smoothie or whatever. So he's really on top of everything. And now they're gonna lift up anchors and everything, they're gonna move, it's cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. And so now Vian decides-- So now it's almost breakfast time. It's 20 minutes before breakfast.
And so, you know, one thing that the deck crew does is that they spray the teak with that, like, foam stuff to get out stains. And now Vian has decided, because he now wants to be responsible, to clean the stains that are all around the table, even though it's about to be breakfast. And Harry's like, but they'll be able to eat here. Shouldn't we wait until after they're done eating? He's like, no, we have to do it now. We have to be professional. We're going to do it right now. So Harry is building an immense case for a big, juicy tattletale later. Yeah.
And Lara's like, "Why are you cleaning this now? We're about to have breakfast. It's extremely unprofessional." And he's like, "Well, it was supposed to be done last night. I don't know what happened. Johnny should have done it." And she's like, "Well, he was out here for hours." And he goes, "Exactly. And, you know, then Harry should have done it. If it wasn't done last night," he points to Harry. And she's like, "Okay, but this is still not the time to clean." He goes, "Oh, do you want me to just leave it dirty then?" "No, how about you fucking help your crew do their job instead of sleeping and eating all day?
lazy fucking motherfucker oh my god he's the worst i bet he's one of those go-go boys that just toe taps yeah oh 100 he probably takes tons of breaks harry's like let's just get it done talk about it later after it's cleaned up and mian's like no i'm gonna go to the captain right now about this so he's gonna go he's like i'm gonna tattle before harry tattles and by the way beyond he's about to get tattled on it's so funny yeah i will go before you can tattle on me
But by the way, Vian can't stand that Harry tattles. I mean, no one wants to deal with a tattler. But if Vian focused more on being a leader and actually, like, instilling, like, the hierarchy instead of trying to be friends, Harry would be, like, you know, A, Harry would probably have less to tattle about, but also...
Harry would probably not... He would probably be intimidated to tattle. Because since there's no sense of hierarchy out there, it's just like the Wild West. So he's like, I gotta tell someone that this is a disaster, right? Well, Harry is a tattletale, but you're supposed to go to your superior if... Like, if your immediate superior is not doing their job, your only course of...
you know, action is to go to the superior above them. That's the only way to go. But that's not the same in reverse. I mean, Vihan looks like so unprofessional going to the captain to complain that stuff isn't getting done when he's supposed to be the one managing the stuff getting done.
It doesn't make any sense. So, Lara's like, whatever. So she goes and starts complaining to Zarina. And she's like, Zarina's making a risotto, so she's stirring really the entire time. So Lara's like, "I can't work with Vihan. He was doing K2R when the guests are up and coming for breakfast. And I'm sorry, but cleaning the deck while the guests are up there for breakfast is unprofessional. And he's been up since 7:00 AM. And that was 9:00 that he was doing that. Why wasn't it done?"
And so Zarina's like, "Well, did he say-- did he respond?" Lara's like, "Oh, well, he went to captain. It's bullshit. He doesn't take any responsibility or any accountability and he blames everyone else and I honestly don't know what to say or what to do."
So then Vian goes to Jason and he's like, well, you know, I woke up and there was mess and there was cake and Harry was supposed to do it. But then Lara blamed me for it. And I can't have someone commenting stuff like that if she has no idea what's going on on the outside. Well, you don't know what's going on out there either because you're not there. Your insides are eating, eating the cake, eating the cake that you're complaining about.
It's like there are other stories of what's being told, but it's not really the truth. And at the end of the day, I look like the bad person. I really am trying my hardest. And Jason's like, excuse me, excuse me. You get nothing for nothing. Right? At the end of the day there. Now, we're five charters in, and you know the job. Don't throw people under the bus. Let's get it perfect. You know, I'm over this drama with them. If they can't get it together...
"Someone's going home." I'm like, "Yeah, but also you tattletaled about Marina to an underling too." When you had already taken care of it. So, it's just like a tattletale kind of an episode. But also everyone has a point. Everyone has-- The thing is, when you're on a tiny boat, when you just want to vent to someone, it just kind of comes off as tattletaling because whoever you vent to is part of some sort of hierarchy.
Yeah, I think ultimately Jason's at the top and he's doing a very bad job managing Vian. He's doing a shitty, shitty job managing Vian. He's seen over and over that this guy's fucking up. He doesn't give him the helmet of death. He gives it to everybody else around him, even when Vian's the one fucking up every single time. And now he's acting like, "Oh, the kids are fighting."
"No, that's your underling and you need to fucking take care of him." Why are you more offended that Marina made a smart-ass comment at you than you are that this guy almost drowned a guest because he took a leaking fucking thing into the water? -You know, it's weird. - Yeah, how about that? I don't know what's up with Jason. Like, I generally like him. He's not mean or he's not bad, but I just-- I don't-- No, the love is gone. I don't really understand what he's doing. He seems to be really-- It's weird that he doesn't seem to be picking up on how terrible Vian is.
But next week looks insane. Next week is Johnny punching the wall, which will probably mean that he's gonna get fired because people are like crying and-- But this week they made it clearer that Johnny is mad. They just kind of showed that on its own up until now, but tonight's the first time they've shown us that he's-- It looks like he's mad at, um...
-Veon-- - Harry? ...for causing all this drama and being a little gossip and trying to turn everybody against each other. That's what it looks like, at least. I wasn't clear. I-- I rewound it a few times because he says someone's name, but it's also when he punches, and I couldn't hear what he really said. But-- 'cause Veon-- 'cause Harry's like, "I'm gonna leave this boat. I don't care." 'Cause Veon is trying to talk shit about Harry, and then we see Johnny punching something, and it sounds like I fucking hate him or whatever. I don't know. It looks really good. It's gonna be-- I'm like, I'm very excited.
Well, we'll see you next week, won't we? Everybody, thank you so much for being here. Go to Patreon for the video versions of these and our White Lotus bonus episodes. And to get dates for our live shows coming up next weekend and through May and June, go check out WatchWhatCrapHands.com and we'll talk to you next time. Bye, everyone.
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