Shownotes Transcript
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Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that, let's get right back into the episode. So Sierra's like, um, the pregnant lady is probably going to be Gabby. And Gabby's like, don't put that on me, especially in Jersey. Right.
Don't say the P word in the NJ state. So now Carl and Carl's talking to Lil and he's like, so hot. I'm sweating right now. I gotta say hello. I gotta cool off. And then people were drinking and enjoying it and everything and people are eating stuff. And then Lil is talking to Sierra saying, that's just like small talk around the party. So finally Carl is like,
You know, so the plan is to have a space ready for January of 2025. But in the meantime, our Sprinter van is going to be doing pop-ups all around the city. So get excited in the cold winter to stand outside on the sidewalk and drink some non-alcoholic drinks. Let me tell you the most popular time for people to want spreads. January. Huge time. Huge, huge time.
So, Jesse, Gabby, and Paige all sit down and talk. And Jesse's being like, hey, guys. It's so gorgeous. So, they get right into it. And Paige is like, so, did you see Lexi this week? And he's like, no, Paige. No, Paige. And she's like, well, did you or didn't you? Yeah. Did you miss her? I missed her. I missed her. Did you go on a cute little date? We went on our second or third date. Did you tell her you sucked her toe? Let's just get to it. I'm bored with you.
Your charm does not work on me. I'm just staring at the dent in your chest. So he's like, I mean, listen, we both know that we're not pursuing other people. Okay. All right. That's great. So do you want that? Yeah. I want to give it a try. I feel like I'm ready for it. Wow. That was...
Amazing how little conviction you have in that. That was like the OJ Simpson trial of answers. There was zero conviction. And Gabby's like, so you had to talk about being exclusive? You really want that? You? And he's like, I mean, yeah. Like, listen, there's no guy on the planet who's going to be like, wow, can't wait to have sex with one woman for the rest of my life, right? I mean, come on. No guy's going to think that.
um cap is like um i think that's exactly what it's supposed to be like that's the whole point yeah i think there's like maybe hundreds of guys like that maybe even millions yeah but like she made it clear the day that we met that she hooks up with people exclusively and i want to respect that and
also I made us exclusive so I can finally hook up with her. So, you know, if all the right reasons and she makes me like not want to hook up with other people. Yeah. Yeah. And this and Gabby calls it. She's like, okay, so you're saying that you're going to make her your girlfriend so you can fuck her. And he's like, um, whoa. And Paige goes, so you had sex. And he goes, oh, Paige. She goes, oh my God, you did. I can tell. You did. I can tell.
And he's like, I don't want to kiss until, guys, unless it's Emeril. I'll do that. But basically, I don't want to do it. And I think this is the danger with the whole, like, don't put out until you're married to a guy. Like, that's like a very old-fashioned thing. But, like, don't put out until you've got commitment from a guy. That is the dangerous part of it. Is that they're going to be on their best behavior until they get it. And then they'll switch. You know? Part of me is like, just fuck someone. I mean, not necessarily immediately, but...
Soon you got to make it as big of a deal so you can see their real personality after they get what they want. You know, yeah, do like like three dates or something just because if you do it on the first date, it's not a slutty thing. It's just more like then you just won't hear from them again probably. And so this way you can because because guys are awful. And so this way at least you can get like two more free meals out of it and then maybe learn about them.
Since when is dating like that? You get free meals out of shit. God. Well, I think in straight dating, you're supposed to like the guys for the meal. Yeah. Shit. I date more. You know, gender roles, gender roles. They're all there. You know, all those straight people are fucked up with their gender roles. That's why they all go nuts. You know, guys are like, I'm not, I'm not supporting my family. I'm not supporting my wife. But gay guys can just be like, are you going to Sondheim tonight? You know, so it's great. Yeah. We can be like, oh my God, I'm not supporting a family or a wife. Yeah.
I know. Why do you think all these straight relationships go so bizarre? Because it's always like a guy who's like, I'm 42 and I haven't gotten to where I want to be to support. Because I've got to be a guy. I've got to be a man who supports my wife and my kids and everything. And then the wife has got to be like, I want to have my kids, you know. So they all have their, they just have a disaster. But like, if you're gay, you can just go to brunch. I think it's different than that now.
If you're gay, just go to brunch and deal with your self-loathing. That's it. So then Paige is like, wow, look at that random guy there sitting there. You don't want to kiss and tell in front of him. That's for sure. Jesse's like, yeah, I can't say anything in front of that guy. You look trustworthy, but we don't really know you yet. All right.
So he's uncomfortable and he does not like that they're questioning him on camera either. Like he's very visibly not loving this because he sees what's coming and he deserves it. He deserves every minute of what's coming. And they're poking a hole.
and they're poking they're poking a hole in his like carefully crafted yeah veneer so um then emerald's talking to bailey because he knows that like if he tells anything to bailey um it's going to go into the vault because no one talks to bailey he's like i'll just tell you something it'll just go off into nowhere so bailey's like so how is it in the house i think he's purposely telling bailey so she'll go immediately tell her i'm just joking oh i'm just joking because she's like she's like uh she's like sarcasm it was off sorry
Yeah, sorry, I cranked it up to 10 there for a second. You were so serious. Yeah, I was like, what? What? No, the joke is that Bailey, like, no one... Yeah, I get it now, yeah. But I was like, huh? So here's what I was thinking. When I came up with the joke, I was like, here's the concept. I was like, there's Bailey. Okay, so...
emerald is talking and he's like yeah we were in bed and we were yeah i had a crazy i brought two girls back and we're in bed we're all naked and then jesse barged in and he's drunk and he just like well just ended with him getting his toes sucked but like playfully you know and and then like he didn't do anything but like you know so i gotta bring that up to him you know i just i should have brought it up sunday but my brain was dead so i don't think lexi's gonna like that that's not great anyway
Glad you got all this information. Enjoy and feel free to share it with Lexi. So then back to the other convo, Paige was like, did you or did you not have sex? Jesus Christ. It's like asking Craig, did you or did you not make that banana loaf bread? Can I just get an answer? And he's like, yeah, we had sex. He's like, I knew that he didn't make that banana bread. I knew it. Yeah.
you're being so jesse solomon right now it's like crazy how jesse jesse solomon you're being and you're not even singing yet he's like yeah well it can only be me well did you tell scara he's like what but like it just happened the night before last and he's just like i was making a joke because you guys were flirting you know last weekend if lexi were here you would have had your balls chopped off and it would have been hilarious 1000 yeah like jesse you were like
acting crazy with sierra you were like seriously flirting with sierra and he's like oh we were just being friends and so we cut to last weekend where he's totally flirting with sierra you know he's like wow sorry i'm touching your leg there god damn sorry you're a 10 sorry
Yeah. So Jesse is like, yeah, I mean, what is she saying? And she's like, nothing, but I have eyes and I'm not an idiot. Although apparently I didn't have eyes when I looked at Craig the first time and said, good, I wanted to waste three years with this person. So Gabby's like, yeah, we all saw it. We all have eyes. Everyone saw it. Everyone in the house saw it. Yeah. And I have a brain too. I just want to add. Yeah. And I have ears and I've got like lips and eyes and yeah. It's like, are we comparing body parts right now? I think we are.
Okay, let's get out of this loop. Yeah. So then we get Carl's speech. Carl's like, everybody, everybody, is this thing on? Is this thing on? I need a microphone. I don't know how many people here, but we're in New Jersey. So I just want to make sure you can hear me. Okay. Hey, everybody. Thank you. Hold on. I'm sweating a little bit. I'm only when sweating here. God, it's crazy. But I just want everyone like I started this business for many reasons. One, Lindsay was mean to my mom. Mom, that one was for you. Say yes. It was mean to me first.
bitch. All right. Number two, I don't drink anymore. So that's a huge thing. I just want life to be more soft. You know what I'm saying? So it's also, I want to drink. I want to drink that represents my penis when I'm with Lindsay. Okay. Thanks. That was for you, mom. That was for you.
Well, it's great to have everyone here at the Friends and Family launch a soft bar. Whoa, we're halfway there, living on a prayer. Reference to New Jersey, Jon Bon Jovi. Couldn't make it today, unfortunately. Too bad. Anyway, I just want to say that working for an alcohol brand, Loverboy, we launched Loverboy Not Alcohol, NA, as some people call it. And I had this epiphany last year, and I went into one of those stores that sell Loverboy Not Alk, but they
but they don't have anywhere you can sit and enjoy them. Like, yeah, no 7-Elevens have a place to sit and enjoy anything. I was like, wait, where is the non-alcoholic stuff in this fridge? It's called Sprite, babe. Wait a second. Where's the cafe area of this Walgreens? That's why I'm launching tables. And, uh...
People can sit at them if they want to. Yeah. They're called soft tables and they don't really stand up, but they're soft and they're nice. So anyway, so Brian and I hit it off about six months ago and we started workshopping this concept of tables and chairs in a 7-Eleven and that didn't work out. But either way, I'm very passionate about this space because I've seen people not only like myself in recovery needing an option and needing alternatives, but I've seen people that are pregnant
wild raging bitches who are pregnant, who are mean and don't answer phone calls and are like really cruel to people who broke up with them and their space for them. They need to have a space to be able to drink things. Listen, people who have railed against brick, brick and mortar, even they deserve a chance to sit in a seven 11 and drink some non-alcohol. All right.
So here we go. Soft. People. Oh, everybody. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead. I was just going to say people who are really nasty human beings, but give really good, hard and tender hugs. They deserve a place to drink and to sit while they do it. Uh, everybody, this has been an amazing ride in the van from Manhattan, which is where we came from. So thanks, man. Everybody should get a van. Really?
uh thanks for coming okay uh if anybody has a news twist on paper towels i would buy some right now because i'm really sweating like a dog so that would be great thanks so after this after well carl goes off to towel down his layer of sweat gabby and bailey sit on lawn chairs so bailey's gonna get to actually be in like a group convo which is very exciting and jesse sits down he's holding two drinks and sierra's like
Jesse, are you double fisting? And I was like, enough about the foursome. Okay. Can we just like talk about the scene? Oh, well, I figured I'm mixing water. You know, I'm going to loopy from all the benefits. And that's what's going on here. And so it's like, yeah, I heard about the toe sucking. So that was good for you. I was like, wait, what? You gross. Yeah.
Well, I went into Emerald's room to see who he was having a threesome with. Which, by the way, I feel like not enough time has been also spent with the idea that he just walked into a threesome. Like, I actually think that's like...
a it's it's crazy it's also like it's inappropriate like they're having they're having sexy times you don't just like walk in on people having sex although i know that it's like like i guess in a porno like you would do that and i guess people do it but i just kind of think it's a there's a little bit of a boundary-ish there too where he's just like well i want to see who was having sex so i just walked in i know actually when emerald was saying yeah you know bailey he just like walked in while we were having a threesome and i need to talk to him about that
I thought he meant like, you can't just walk in the room when I'm banging two chicks, bro.
But then he made it sound like he was talking about Lexi not liking it. So I was like, I would actually rather a conversation of general manners. Like, you know, if you know I'm having sex, maybe don't walk in, especially when there's camera crews in the house and I'm fucking two arrows. You know, I also just, I know. I also just feel like it's more respectful to the women. Like it's a little disrespectful to the women because they made a choice that they wanted to have a threesome with Emeril, but they didn't make it. They didn't say, and I want someone, a stranger to walk in and sit down and watch us. Like, I actually think it's,
it sounds like it'll everything was ultimately fine and consensual and everything but i just think it's like i just like why do you think it's like cool just to walk into a room where there's a threesome going on let them you know do their thing it's about fucking etiquette
bro get it together so he says yeah you know i walked into his room to see who he's having a threesome with and then they were like jump in so i was like no you know no toes as much as you're gonna get ladies sorry sorry just the toe just the toe so sierra's like oh so she said can i put your toe in your mouth and you said okay and he's like yeah you know it's like everyone was drunk it was like a casual toe suck you know like come on big deal oh okay
Okay. Casual toe suck. Yeah. I mean, somebody just happened to put their mouth on my toe. And I said, like, that's as far as you can go. And Bailey's like, did you think how Lexi would feel? Cause are y'all dating now? Is it official? Official? Cause by the way, you're on speakerphone with her right now. Just, you know, it's pretty exclusive. Uh, yeah. But can she get her toe sucked by other men? Cause you know, good damn. And well, that's a no. Okay. And look at that smile. Jesse Solomon, uh,
You already fucked up, my guy. So Jesse's like, I mean, I thought Emerald was cool. Apparently not. Dude, you were on camera doing it.
Like, that's what cracks me up. He just thinks he's just never going to tell her. And then by the time he's fucked her, got what he wants, and it's the reunion, it won't matter anymore because it'll already be broken up. This guy's so slimy. He's just such a fucking slimeball. Gross. My favorite thing is that when Jesse Solomon, when his smile, like, when he is, like, a bad thing dawns on him, when his smile slowly, like, fades into, like, this frown. Because he also, as big as his smile is, his frown is equally as big. And whenever his smile goes unnoticed,
all the way down into a frown. It is so funny to me because it always happens very slowly and then he was like
And his teeth are still both showing. Both rows are still showing, too, which is funny. Like, the term crestfallen is based off of him because it looks like a moon literally fell onto his chin. So Jesse's like, I thought, yeah, I already said this part. Well, I feel like I had such a good weekend and I was like such a good boy. And now everything's being like you're flirting with Ciara and you're getting your so-talked. Because you did both those things, by the way. So that's why people are saying that.
So, anyway, so Jesse's like, the toe sucking in my mind, it's just like not a thing. Like, what I think is an actual big deal is people thinking up there with Ciara. So, I got to tell Lexi about this, like, right away. Yeah, you think? So, he goes, great chatting, guys. Really great chatting. So, he goes, yeah, toe sucker. Good chat. So, then Jesse immediately whips out his phone and texts Lexi, hey, I miss you.
miss you just in case she's getting any text from Bailey or anything else that's his cover so then we got Alexi I'm showing up to a photo shoot with Andrew the photographer and my mom and my sister laughing
I started modeling really young, which is exactly when I started getting bullied for being a model. And so like naturally my parents and my sister were always kind of involved in my career and from just like giving me free advice and like I used to have managers all over the world, Milan, Paris, New York, and recently I got rid of all of them. And now it's just like my mom and my sister are just like so fluid.
Yeah, because they'll, like, get boxes from a brand, and they open them first, and then they give them to me. So it's, like, so great to have them there, because, like, I'm already with them. So, like, I could get a box, and let's say, like, what if I don't know how to open a box, but my sister does, and then she passes me what's inside the box. Like, I don't even have to touch cardboard anymore. Oh!
Like when I'm like thinking about like what kind of makeup I want to put on I just put on my sister first and that's why she has like ten layers of makeup on at any given time because we're just like trying different things out on her but for me it's like perfect. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.
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So she does her photo shoot in Jesse's lucky underwear, which is so sad. I missed that. And meanwhile, she gets a text from Jesse and she looks sad. And she's like, I mean, I've always seen like Sierra and Jesse is like brother sister.
So, like, I've never watched anything Lotus, so to me that just sounds, like, totally normal and fine. But I've never seen them flirt. So this whole thing of everybody being like, oh my god, they're flirting? Like, that's weird. Because, like, that's not something that's, like, even in my head. It's like math.
So now we are back at the soft party. The soft party is still going. So then some of the women are asking Lil how she knows Carl. And Lil's like, well, he met my whole family because my dad always goes to NYC FC games. And then they became buddies. And then I slid into his DMs and I was like, think of a number.
Okay, now tell me the number you're thinking of. Is it the number 47? And he said, no. And I said, is it the number 63? He said, no. And says, is it 105? It went on for about two hours. And finally, he just told me his number. But anyway, working on the magic, but we did feel chemistry in that moment. And Gabby's like, wait, so that was last summer, right? Yeah. Yeah.
And Emeril's like, "Yeah, the NYFC games." She goes, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when it was." So Gabby's like, "Ding, ding, ding, ding. Math, math, math. Beautiful mind, you know, equations going all over." She's like, "Wait a minute. So you're saying last summer, when Lindsay and Carl were still very much engaged, he met your parents and then you slid into his DMs? That's suspicious. That's suspicious."
It is. Also, I had it in my mind that Carl went to like a local community softball game and I did not realize it was like an actual proper professional sporting event. So in my mind, he was just like some softball game and like some kids softball game in a van. Hey guys, it's just me. Soft peddler. Okay. It was actually a professional soccer game. Yeah.
So on Reddit, sorry, I'm saying this like 20 times to recap, but it's all I read. So there was a screenshot of Lil posting. She's like getting into the mix now. And she's like, what? What can you people read? Okay. October is after the summer. And she posts the DM where she slid into Carl's DMs. And it says like October 22nd.
So, okay. But then why in this episode are we seeing Gabby saying, so that was last summer, right? And then Lil saying yes. Why? Is it because they edited something shady in there? Yeah, maybe it was like shady editing, but I don't know. There's a big mystery of the week. Yeah, that is odd. Either way, though, Carl has definitely gotten a lot of mileage out of saying that he's like,
he needs to heal he can't be around people he hasn't even thinking like that but clearly he was ready to roll in october like a few weeks later and ready to flirt and get out on the town so he still is paddling a narrative that he's like this he's been damaged uh even though he was the one who dumped and then um and that he is just like
He's in such a tender place and he's got to take things very slowly. But he was already playing the field very quickly. Literally. Because it was a game. It was a sports game. Thank you, man. So then now we go to kickball. West is throwing a big kickball event because it's trendy and West is nothing if not useful. Thankfully, he's not wearing a
tennis sweater and a scarf on his head so i will thank you for that one um he does still have stupid hair though so let's see where this leads it's a group playing kickball so his whole thing is that um they played kickball like last year and they all had a really fun time and sierra was like yeah that was fun so he was hoping that this time he was like i'm gonna do another kickball game and sierra will come and then there'll be teammates
and then he'll cheer her on and maybe she'll cheer him on. And then he's like, but I won't do a butt slap because maybe I'll do a fist bump or something like that. So just his elaborate plan to make her like him again
And it's obviously going to fail because ultimately Sierra's like, yeah, I'm not going to come. Yeah. And he's like, well, I guess she still feels like some kind of way. Like Jesse said, I just wish she was here so she could get over the fact that I wouldn't date her. That seems to really have crushed her.
So he's like, well, whatever I was doing in the house is clearly not that effective. So I think it's just like going to be like me. Like it's just time for me to be me and have fun and get like my fucking mojo back. Bitches. So he says that he texted his mom to ask what, what position late pregnant ladies can play. And Lindsay's like, um, I'll play the same position that I played in my relationship with Carl. No catcher. Yeah.
Yeah. And so then Gab is like, I don't know who in the universe I pissed off to warrant going to New Jersey and then spending an afternoon playing kickball in the same week. Please no more of this. Please no more.
This is like Gabby's best episode of the year so far. I agree. She's been so quiet all season, but like this, this episode, she is speaking to my soul. So they make teams and stuff and, uh, Lindsay and Gabby are talking and, uh, she was like, what, how was that? Like, um, how was that? Like whatever you went to, like, I don't even know what to call it. And Gabby's like, um, it was like a friends and family soft opening thing in New Jersey. Yeah.
And so, Lindsay, the way Lindsay goes in on this was so funny. She's like, I mean, there's a lot of reasons why I didn't go, but most of which I already wasted so much time on this, man. I'm not going to waste two hours there, two hours back for something that's not even opening. I don't need to once again celebrate you talking about doing something in the future. Yeah.
It's still an inaction and he wasted more money. I just like, I can't. I was like, oh my God, she's so, I didn't even think about that, but it's true. Like it's just more money spent on something that's like not even opening. This isn't an opening. This is just something to, you know, to say that you're doing something, but you're not actually doing anything. Well, in his defense, which I can't even believe I'm going to defend him, but in his defense, you know, he's starting small. He's starting with what he can afford the van. He's got the drinks. He's got the ice.
So that's something. And he's putting it on TV to hopefully raise some money from viewers, which apparently he does have partners plan. Yeah. It's not unlike Sonia Morgan's, um, Sonia Morgan's whole like friends and family fashion show that she did though. And then, well, to be fair, Sonia did finally get into that until like, what was it? A century 21 and then century 21 closed. Yeah. Um,
So anyway, Gabby is like, yeah. She's like, yeah, it was an expensive event. I mean, like he and I appreciate that he had a ceviche and was like ceviche. Okay. And there was burrata and there was shrimp. She's like, okay, great. Like all the things I can't eat. Perfect. Perfect.
Man, pregnant ladies really get the short end of this. God, that was a whistle. Sorry. That was my gay whistle. I really just whistled in people's ears. Tell your dogs I'm sorry. It's a gay person that they're listening to. But, you know, pregnant women get the short end of the stick. Like, no burrata, no shrimp, no...
Come on, there's too much of a list. I mean, how did my mom have a carton of Benson and Hedges and a fucking bottle of wine every day? I mean, I guess I'm not fine, but still.
I was talking to my friend, Laura, who just had a baby. And I was like, oh, are you so glad you could eat sushi again? Because that's what everyone says. Like, oh, my God. I had to go nine months. I couldn't have sushi. I couldn't have soft cheeses and stuff. She goes, I just want to have cold cuts. I couldn't have cold cuts for nine months. I just thought that was so funny. You can't have cold cuts either? Oh, my God. No, you can't. No wonder babies come out crying. God, they can't have fucking anything. Cigarettes, alcohol, cold cuts, burrata. Damn. Wow.
That's why Jennifer Aiden was such a monster in Jersey Mike's because she was like tapping into her infant self being like, Hey baby, I haven't had a cold catch in nine months. Give me something now. Yeah.
So Lindsey's like, "Wow, didn't think of pregnant women at all." And Gabi says, "Well, he said the soft bar is for pregnant women, and he said he wants pregnant women to be there." And Lindsey's like, "Um, no, he did not. No, he did not. Oh my god, okay. Did the girls show up? Didn't the girls show up? Did she have cards in her purse?" Gabi's like, "Yeah."
Yeah, she was like, Carl and my parents met at a soccer game last year, and then I slid into his DMs, and I was like, hmm. And so Gabby pulls down her Gucci sunglasses, because she had to mark out the G, I guess. But she was like, you can tell, she was like, I am not going to mark out all the Gucci I spent.
I spent like a thousand dollars on these sunglasses. You're going to see that these are Gucci. So why would they have to mark that down? They show brands on every show on Bravo. Well, the G was missing because it said Gucci on the side. And I'm assuming she put some tape on it, on the G. It said UCCI. So now they're trying to figure out the protests. I'll still wear your glasses. I'm just going to change the name of them.
just to protest about how she didn't get to go to italy for the wedding maybe yeah or how pregnant women can't eat uchi so uh lindsey's like okay did she say when this was we need to make a timeline and she's like she said summer so they're like oh my god the math the math and she's like um wait a minute there was one week the last of us being together after the soccer game and before we broke up okay are you following i'm not really what soccer game
The soccer game they're talking about? Yeah, the one, like, when Carl went to the soccer game. So she's like, yeah, so we went to the soccer game, which I thought was a softball game, and I went to his room and gave him a hug, and he was like, harder, harder, harder, so we had to do that for 10 minutes, and then, like, on the phone, he had a DM open, and then, like, somebody was there with, like, a phone number, and he swiped out of the DM like a
So now I know it's all making sense to me. Like, before you've even broken up with me, like, maybe he's gone around, Gabby, and been like, oh, I'm such a victim, I'm such a victim, like, I haven't moved on, I haven't moved on, I haven't moved on, but like, what?
Whatever. Like, bitch, you've been talking to a girl since you first broke up with me. No, once again, you're gaslighting everyone. And you're a fucking fraud. You're a fucking phony. You're a fucking liar. And now I'm adding cheater to your fucking resume. And that's literally all that's on his resume. He's done nothing. He doesn't even have came up with the idea of pirate party on his resume because I came up with that.
and so she's like um if you have a girl who's sliding into dms before you've even broken up and you're still engaged to walk down the aisle in two months
That's the kind of girl you want to bring around? Well, which is rude that Lindsay is now shaming the girl. Shame Carl. But she's like, you want to sit there? You want to sit there in the light of the world being like, I didn't even know that I was going to walk into that breakup conversation. And she's right because that whole thing that Carl said, I didn't even know. I walked up there and I was like, I didn't even know what I'm going to do. It's like, you knew. You were already talking with Lil.
And you're just like maintaining this image of the world that you're just like, poor Carl. Poor Carl. So then we see a flashback to the reunion where Andy is asking Carl if it was his intention to break up with Lindsay when he had that conversation on camera. And he's like, oh, no, I just I wanted to get on the same page and I hoped it would go a little differently. Yeah.
See what I did there? Ron is winking to the camera for people who only listen to the audio. Hopefully they could just hear that in their heads, so don't worry about it. So Lindsay's like, motherfucker, you knew you were already talking to somebody and her parents? So she is thinking front time now.
Oh, it's great. I love Lindsay being mad. And so she's like, fuck yeah, I'm going to confront him about it. Like, are you kidding me? I have nothing to lose. I don't need to protect his ass anymore. He's a monster.
Oh, so now other people come to the games and they actually start playing kickball. Bailey gets invited to the... Bailey had two scenes in a row. She had two different locations she got to go to this episode. It's wild. Yeah, so she does that and then Wes finds out Sierra's not coming and he's like, oh, that's a bummer. You know, I miss being cool with her, you know. Oh.
I just don't want to be the reason other people aren't having fun. So, like, I'm clearly uncomfortable not being friends. So then Carl comes over and he's like, hey, Lindsay. Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody. Hey, Lindsay. High five, Lindsay. High five. High five, please. High five. High five. High five. High five. High five. High five. High five. High five.
That was pretty hard, hard to take. And I needed to be softer, but that's okay. It was pretty cold. You know, I tried to give her a soft five and she said, I'm okay. Like, okay. And West is like, that's tough, man. Sierra won't get over the fact that I won't date her. So that's going on too dark. Oh my God. Or us. Yes. We're taking it so hard for the women on the show. Aren't we, bro? It's like, yeah, you need to take a soft.
So then more people arrive and Paige is like, I can't believe Kyle and Amanda are in Italy and I'm here playing kickball with you guys. I actually, this makes me actually almost want to call up Craig and hang out. Just kidding. Never. I'd rather die ball.
Okay, that's what I'm playing today. I have a question. Can we invite Craig here and put him right in front of home base so that every time someone kicks the ball, it just hits him right in the nose? That'd be wonderful. So Lindsay catches Paige up on the goss. She's like, and in August, he went to that soccer game. They were DMing each other before he ever broke up with me and his mother. And his mother! On the machine, Paige!
on the machine Paige is loving this she's like oh wow and then she goes yeah fucking wow but I'm the villain and you're lying to everyone about you're such a victim oh my god so it's so good I feel like for some reason on Summer House whenever they gossip I feel like I'm part of the gossip I'm always like oh my god
I think, I don't know. No other show gives this effect to me, but for some reason on summer house, when they sit down and they're like, guess what I just heard. Isn't this terrible? I always feel like I'm just sitting there receiving the gossip myself. It's my own parasocial bullshit. So Jesse and Carl and Emeril, all the guys are talking and they're talking about the new girl, Lil and Emeril's like, yeah, she is pretty quirky, huh? And he goes, yeah, it's got a lot of great energy. She wears safety pins on purpose. Oh,
And, you know, she's attractive. But, you know, like in my head, I'm comparing myself to the orgy beast. Orgy beast Emeril over here. So that's kind of rough. But, yeah.
and jesse's like nobody can compare to the orgy beast oh solomon beast west beast oh i can do it too guys saltman so what oh uh west west westling beast oh i'm so good at this i'm like young again yeah well i'm just a one woman man now you know so i'm not really a beast anymore and they're like oh my god wait a minute and so emerald says so wait last sunday i had a threesome right and we're in bed and then i hear a knock and guess who comes in it's this guy
And he's like, yeah, I busted my ass in there. Of course I did. You know, I made it clear I wasn't getting involved. I just sat on the edge of the bed, you know, just wanted to watch and kind of jerk off into my sock. Yeah, seriously. Yeah.
So then Paige is like, by the way, I have some more gossip. This is just like an amazing day, Bailey. I'm just like so hashtag excited that you're here for this moment. But last weekend at the party, Emeril, Lindsay's like, oh yeah, I found out that like Jesse wanted to watch. Even I found out about it. And Bailey's like, oh yeah. And he got his toes socked. And Lexi's like, oh.
Jesse got his toe stuck. Cause I forgot that Lexi's actually there now. She's like, Oh my God. And so she's did not know about this and she's not happy. Yeah. She's not liking it. And then back to the boys, Jesse's like, I don't think I was the one who said, stuck my toe. And then we'll say, no, I said it, but you didn't stop it, you know? And also you went into a fucking threesome to jerk off, dude, like, come on. So then, um, now we see Lexi staring at Jesse from across the kickball field. And,
And Emeril's like, yeah, so, you know, Lexi might find out about this. He goes, I guess I have to bring it up now. You know, thanks, guys. Yeah. So the girl's page is like, so he conveniently left it at the toe sucking, huh? And Bailey's like, well, I feel like he should just should have said something, you know? And Lexi's like, yeah, it's like weird. Yeah, like I believed him because as Sabrina Carpenter would say, I believed a boy. Yeah.
I guess maybe I had bad taste. So, Lexi's like, all week long, he's been like the boyfriend from freaking heaven. And being like, he's so loyal to me when I was away. He missed me so much. And he wants me to be his girlfriend. And especially with the whole sleeping together thing, I felt really safe with him. So now knowing that he has this information and he lied to me, it just makes me feel really icky.
So now they play some kickball, kickball, kickball. Lindsay and Lexi are in the outfield and they have a little chat. And Lexi's like, I mean, like, he didn't tell me on top of it. Like, I think that's so weird. And then now everyone's like, oh, my God, he's flirting with Sierra. But he, like, told me. But he's like, I don't want...
I don't want you to think it was a thing, you know? Because she's like my sister, right? And there's like banter. And Lindsay goes, um, yeah, but there was like a lot of flirting with Sierra that happened. Like I was there, but I heard that he told her it would have been different. Like, you know, if he met, if you met me before West last summer, which also did happen. And,
And so Lexi is getting more and more pissed. So now she's like, I'm going to kick this ball really hard now. And Jesse's like, wait, can I give you some advice? Because you're a girl and don't understand sports. She's like, yeah, we know. So Lexi's trying to like ice out Jesse a little bit. And so then Jesse's like, hey.
Hey, Lindsay, what is she mad about? Well, I think everything that happened last weekend that someone sucked your toe and like the whole like thing. That's kind of like weird, by the way. I'll give you that. But it wasn't a sexual toe suck. It was a...
It was, what would Carl say? A mindful toe suck. Yeah, it was just like a prank, you know? So then Jesse goes up to Lexi and he's like, there's no reason to be mad, I promise. And she's like, um, if you didn't think it was weird, you would have told me. But like, we can finish this conversation later. Okay. You'll have to do it through my sister. So.
So, they play the rest of the game and stuff, and they win, Paige's team wins, and she's like, "I am the backbone of this entire team, and I get shit done. So, put some frickin' respect on my name."
There were some pretty good highlights. I mean, Wes had a very impressive dive and roll to catch a ball. And there was like, at one point they're like, is there just going to be a montage of Emeril catching balls? Because he was catching that ball a lot. Like every time that ball went off, he was just somehow there catching it. I was just thinking about how I would be so bad at it. Like my highlight reel would be the exact opposite. We always joke about this. We put our hands up like this. And that would be me. Even when you throw me keys, I do this. It's like there's keys. That red ball comes at me. It's bouncing off my fingertips.
So, Val and Zee is like, oh, poor Lexi. She's not having a good time. And then they all laugh. So, Lexi goes, oh, my God. I'm sweating. I didn't even know that I sweat. So, now Emeril's like...
They're sort of like, it's like post game and everything. And Lindsay is like, Lindsay's saying that she's going to hold off saying anything to Carl right now because she's smart and she knows that's more effective if she says it over dinner at the summer house, right? It's just like, not the time. And I just need to make sure no one else says anything to him so that he can get his story straight so we can have a proper, really good argument that can break the internet, you know? So we're just going to wait. Well, there's a good chance that they will now because you wouldn't give them a high five and everything else, so...
Then, now, Gabby is talking to Lexi, and Jesse walks up and he's like, uh, you wanna talk to her? She's like, if you want.
Like alone? She's like, oh, okay. So she has to walk off. I like that she's always there to guard the girls. So then they start having the conversation. And he says it was a non-thing. It was just funny. And she's like, but yeah, but what about you telling Sierra that if she didn't wait date Wes last year, you guys probably would have been together. He's like, oh, that's not exactly what I said. But it was pretty close. That's pretty much what it was. To prove that it was.
Pretty much. So Jesse's like, and we see it in the clip, and it's Jesse saying like, hey, so why didn't you give me a chance? And she's like, well, because, you know, like, well, why didn't you try? Like the whole thing with the dibs. So then Lexi's like, I would never say that to Wes or Carl. Like, I would never be like, damn, if Jesse wasn't here the first weekend, things might have been different with you and I. He's like,
Yeah, but it was like more of like a joke, you know? Which, by the way, that excuse is going to get old really quickly for her. I'm going to tell you that right now. Yeah. If it hasn't already. Yeah. So she doesn't just take that, you know? She's just like... Well, first we cut to Lindsay and West talking about...
basically they're all watching them talk, you know, and, uh, how they're mad, how she's mad that he was flirting with Sierra. And Wes is like, yeah, but they've always acted like that. Yeah. But she didn't, he didn't have a girlfriend at that. Yeah. Stupid. Yeah. So then, um,
We go back to Lexi and Jesse and she's like, you know, you're not telling me all this stuff and you're embarrassing me. And I'm hearing all this information, not from you, who I'm supposed to trust the most after knowing you for two weeks. I mean, what the hell? We're basically married. She's like,
So just so you know, my brand are famous Nepo babies that I date and I am slumming it with you. You're just on a reality show and you're tall. So like, don't do this again because I have better options. I've broken up with way hotter, richer people than you. Yeah. That's what I wanted her to say. He's like, yeah, I appreciate that. It was just like an adjustment for me. Cause you mean a lot. Here we go. Oh,
I want you to trust me. I won't let it happen. Because he's already gotten it. I told you it was going to be hard for me to just date one person. I'm a work in progress. I'm just a work in progress. I'm just a boy. I've never committed before. What is it even mean? It's just like a lot. I've never done this before. You can't say I didn't warn you.
I'm just like really shielded and like, I'm scared to open up and maybe I do things to like, like sabotage myself. Yeah. I'm just like, it still makes my heart hurt. And Sabrina Carpenter would say thumbs. Thumbs. Well, that was the end of the episode, which I loved. Thank you all for being here. And the next summer house episode, as a reminder, will, uh,
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