#2798 Summer House S0909 Live in Chicago: Shabbat Sha-homies
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Hi Chicago! Hello darlings! So good to be here. We were in Detroit yesterday and they tried that pizza shit. And then we came to Chicago. I was like, pizza what? Pizza what? There's really no night like Chicago night for us.

And you guys, I've made sure this will be a good one because this is a sold out show. Thank you, Chicago. And Luann has been in this building. I don't know if you know. I'm sure you've been here to Luann. She's putting little stickers everywhere. I went to the bathroom. She wrote her fucking phone number on the stall.

This is a particularly special night, especially for me, because this is our very first ever Watch What Crappens Passover Seder. Huge night. And normally at Passover, we do something called the four questions, where you say, why is this night different from any other night?

And I would say the answer to that is that normally on Passover, I would be with my family eating matzah. And instead, I'm going to talk shit about people in the Hamptons tonight instead. Well, tonight you're still with family and you're going to probably eat pasta later. So that works out. I would like to congratulate the couple getting married in our hotel. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Do I have to be part of this? I just want to sit in the lobby. I came down there. They were taking their photos in the lobby. Get the fuck out of here. I paid for this. She's like, her veil was out. I was like, girl, you're in a hotel lobby. Yeah. Have some respect. How do I already have to be annoyed by your marriage? I don't even follow you on Facebook. Yeah.

I went into the elevator and there was someone from the wedding that was just dressed in a tux. Just this older distinguished gentleman in a tux and I instinctively was like, hello there. He was too handsome and too tuxed up to not be like, yes, whatever you need for me, sir. I felt like he was my boss. You found out their names. What are their names? Oh, Madeline and Hunter. Madeline and Hunter. They sound like assholes, don't they?

Not individually to any Madelines and Hunters, but you know together they're assholes. We're having our wedding on Coachella weekend. We're like anti-coach. So I got in the elevator with the violinist and she had like a big wagon of stuff. And I said, what do you do? Like, why do you have a wagon? And she was like, oh, I'm a violinist for the wedding. And I was like, fucking Madeline, huh? She was like...

I was trying to get her to talk shit. I'm like, we've got four floors. Madeline's a slut. Go. I had someone just yelled out, that's my name. Sorry, Madeline. She's like, I'm the bride. I left my own wedding. He sucks. You know, I went to lunch someplace in a neighborhood that I was told, is this a real thing? I was told it was called the Viagra Triangle. Wow. How is that not a show on Bravo? Yeah.

I mean, it kind of is. It's like the origin story of Erica and Tom. That is a neighborhood I do not want to live in. Fucking old men with hard penises that never go down. Keep that shit out of my face. Do they have a just make it go down pill? Give me those. Why date an old guy if you actually have to fuck him? Happy Passover. All right, well, this week we're doing Summer House. Summer House? Yes, yes.

Which we're so excited by. You know, it's been a very busy week in Summer House news with the ladies. I went to Lil's Instagram. She's getting sawed in half at the moment. By the way, magic is dope. So I went to her and last week she was like, you guys, Summer House doesn't define me. So if you're coming to my page to talk shit about Summer House, I'm telling you right now, this page is about yoga,

and free expression. I'm not talking about... It's like posts every day about Summer House. And they're going downhill, you know, because she had kind of the Joe from Vanderpump Rules thing of like thinking that everyone was going to love her and then everyone's like, you slut! Really for no reason. Lil did nothing, okay? So people are like, fuck you! Let Carl go!

So by the end of the week, Lil's just like, um, she has a voiceover like, stop bullying yoga teachers. So I went over to Lexi's. Also, let me just say, also, Lexi has not done anything either, including wearing pants anywhere. Like, put on some pants, girl. It's 20 degrees in New York.

So, I went to hers and she, this is my favorite one, Sabrina Carpenter has taught me a lot this year. Me too, girl. Me too. Okay, so, okay, this, I'm going to play the sound of Sabrina Carpenter and then I'm going to do, I'm going to enact her video, okay? In order to not ruin the makeup, you just tilt your head forward and you let the tears like fall to the floor. They don't stream down your face, they just directly hit the surface of the

You can't see, you can't hear that, can you? They're like, what the fuck? That's the quietest we've ever gotten here. I know. So Sabrina Carpenter talks a lot lower than I thought because she sings like... And she's like, to not cry on... Here's how you don't cry. When you cry and you're wearing makeup, tilt your head over. And then the tears just fall out and they hit the ground. And meanwhile, in the video, Lexi's like...

literally crying right now. I was like, Kyle already did this. Do you remember the COVID season when Kyle's like, lover boy's stressing me out. I can't fucking take it. Straight into the webcam. We're like, girl, try harder, Lexi. I just...

I just love Lexi crying to try out this tier management innovation. And it's like, lean forward and tilt over so that the eye drops fall directly out of your eyes. I'm just imagining Lexi walking around like, what's wrong with that girl and why is her posture so bad? Why does she keep running into walls? I can't see. It's worth it. All right, everybody. Welcome to Summer House.

Previously on Summer House. Hey guys, Emeril here. Hope you don't mind, brought a couple of rando arrows to bang. Those bagel bites. Oh my god. Two chicks. Emeril beast. Luxie's not here, so...

You know, I'm trying to fill my time with positive stuff. Mind if I jerk off to you banging randos? Yeah, man. I mean, if you don't mind getting your toe jam sucked off like it's in the tub of a tiny fish thing in a foot spa, you know, bro? I'm in. I'm in. Um, Jesse, how was your weekend with that? Oh, you know, I towed the line. Did you miss me?

Well, you know, I mean, getting through the weekend was a feat. Were you a good boy? Hmm, something's afoot. I suspect you're possibly going to get mad at me over something I definitely didn't do, so want to be exclusive? Pinky toe promise. Um, Lindsay, that girl obsessed with magicians that Carl said secutery to...

said that she slid into carl's dms after fucking her parents at a soccer game last summer oh really he was engaged to me and he's such a victim that he hasn't been able to date or talk to anyone since i broke his sad little victim heart beat him such a victim i'm gonna get pregnant with another man's baby you already did that i'm gonna animate this sonogram on the fireplace in my mouth you're such a fuck eviscerate him i'm gonna attack one

I wrote on the night before the anniversary of his brother's death. - That's it, that's the one. Roll with that one, roll with that one. Show 'em who the real victim is. - Paige, I just wanna make sure that like, when you go on tour, you know, you don't forget that it's the last time you'll be outside before you're chained to a pool heater.

Popping out babies for the rest of your life in Charleston, in Charleston, in Charleston. Ew. Gross. Ew. I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page. Ew. You know, I don't even read. I love you so much, Paige. Sierra Craig is like such a hater. Jesse, you sucked a toe! Yeah, I mean, we were an exclusive.

We've been talking for like three weeks. In dog years, that's like 21 decades. My bad. Wanna meet my mom. Dude! And scene. Sorry, just gotta catch the husbands up a little. Hot husband alert. It's like Dylan Efron over here.

Viagra triangle. Suddenly I love that neighborhood. I'm like, come on, you can do this. So we start this episode in New York City. It's August 9th at 2.32 p.m. So in case you thought it was 2.30, you're two minutes behind the show.

So Lindsay pulls up in the Kia of death to pick up Paige. And they're being so nice to each other. It's so weird. It's like one of those dodo videos where you see a hamster hugging a chicken. Or a hamster hugging a cat. Just anything that would eat the hamster normally. Yeah. And this is not going to end well. And I'm not even sure which one's the hamster and which one's the cat. Honestly. Yeah.

Oh my god, like, hi honey. Wow, that felt so weird to say that to Lindsay. Um, hi, do you need help with your luggage? No, you're pregnant. Like, what am I going to have you do? But if you could lift my bag into your trunk, that would be very nice. Thank you. You've already got enough baggage to deal with. We're going to see Carl.

Think about it, Lindsay. Think about it. So Paige is telling us, like, you know, my friendship with Lindsay has, like, changed so much over the years. And, like, you know what I love about Lindsay? She could be wrong, like, dead wrong. I mean, she almost always is. But, like, everyone in the room could be like, Lindsay, you're wrong. And then she'll be like, no, I'm not. And I'm like, I used to get so frustrated with that. But now I realize, you know what? Old people need to have their thoughts, too. Yeah.

Then we get a flashback to five summers ago, which is crazy. And Paige is like, fuck you, Lindsay. I like when Paige gets mad and all of a sudden she has an accent. She's like, fuck you, Lindsay. All right? And now you're trying to say I was a bad friend and now you're just going to shut this shit down? And Lindsay just goes, I'm not even going to talk about this. I'm just going to go out. I don't know.

Yeah, and now that I'm getting deeper into my 30s and Lindsay's getting deeper into Social Security, I'm just like, you know what? I don't owe you shit. Even if I'm wrong, I'm not apologizing to you. You were like that in your 20s too. I saw it. Can we roll a clip, just a montage of Paige apologizing for things? Don't have one? Do you have one? Do you have one? No? All right. I love Paige saying, now that I'm getting deeper into my 30s...

I just looked, she turned 32 this month. So she's like, yeah, even if I'm wrong, like, I'm not apologizing. I got that from Lindsay. Like, one day, I'm going to show a picture of an angry raccoon in the trash to my grandchildren, and I'm going to be like, this is who raised me. Her name is Lindsay. I was raised by Lindsay Hubbard, so all you women who are entering your 70s, you can do it. You can raise a child. Um, that's Lindsay. She was always Activia-aided. So, uh...

Oh, dad jokes. So, you caught this lovely lady by surprise down here and she's just trying to get it together. It's been a long time coming for Paige to like me. She used to push me down in crosswalks and trip me with canes. But we're best friends now. She helps me walk to my car and gives me hard candy.

That's sweet. And we have a flashback. I totally forgot about this scene, but I used to love this scene where Lindsay, like it's Paige's first season, I think, and like Paige and Hannah and all like the young girls were like talking on a couch because they were scared to be out in the backyard. And Lindsay comes out like, oh, is this a committee or something? I don't need a fucking committee anymore. Like, no, fuck you, Lindsay. Fuck you. It's like, um, I don't need a gangbang. It's the only person to say that this season.

I know. Don't go in Emerald's room. So, Lindsay's basically saying, yeah, it's been a long time coming, but they're friends now. So, now they're going to share. So, Lindsay's like, my emotions are, like, insane and I just feel bad for, like, anyone in my line of fire, which is why I exclusively kept all my emotions in so that way I could have Carl in my line of fire at dinner tonight. Right?

So you didn't say anything to anybody? She's like, well, no, because I don't want anybody to know anything that I'm going to say anything to Carl. Because, like, I want to ambush Carl. Like, you can't ambush Carl if he knows that it's coming. And she's like, and you didn't check your facts before any of this, right? It's like, of course not. Love that for you.

Lindsay's like, look, it's probably going to be my last season on this show. Let me just have one good evisceration. Let me just fly off the handle one last time, okay? Just let me have this. This is not going to be Lindsay's last season. Because remember when Wes was like, how's she even going to do this show? She's like, pregnant, guys. And then Lindsay went on Instagram. She's like, how dare you?

I founded this show. I will come on here with babies hanging on every fucking thing that they can hang off of if I want. She will. I don't know why I would ever say that. She's going to fill that key up and get them wasted. Those kids will just be selling Loverboy on the side. We got to get them to work. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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So we go back to the city and Jesse is picking up Lexi for a date. And he goes, hey, yeah, you know, your makeup almost blew off. Poor Lexi. So she's like, um, after kickball, I went home and cried for like two days straight. But luckily it all pulled on the floor. Thanks, Sabrina. I think like being a loving person is also like learning to forgive somebody.

I mean, like, Jesus went exclusive, like, immediately with people. That's why he was, like, such a baller. Am I right? I forgive Jesse. He didn't mean anything. So they pick up Wes, which is as exciting as it sounds. He's dressed like he's in fucking... What's the one where the two girls, like, steal the car and go over the cliff? Thelma and Louise. Yeah. He's dressed like the Grand Canyon. So... What's wrong with me? I can't remember Thelma and Louise. Yeah.

I'm coming here making Lindsay old jokes. And I'm like, hey, what was that movie with that lady and that other lady? Just came out two years ago. So they're like, here comes Bubba. And he's like, hey, guys, no making out while I'm here, okay? Come on, guys. And he's like, Wes is asking, like, so what was it like meeting Mama Sal's? And she's like, um, yeah, and I also met his dad and his brother. I'm an old time.

And Jesse's like, yeah, you know, it's not normal for me to introduce someone to my fam so quick. But she was desperate. My toe was clean of skin. And I thought it might be time to take the plunge. So then we see a flashback to yesterday at dinner. And Jesse's mom's like, so what exactly do you like about him? LAUGHTER

Three things. One thing. One thing. Just give me one solid thing. And Lexi's like, you know, he's very silly and he's just been able to go through so much. He's so much of the boy. And then they show Jesse's brother, who is admittedly not as attractive at all. I was like, oh, this poor guy. They're like Rob or whatever his name is. Rob picks out good yogurts at the store.

But he's never committed to anyone, okay? What do you have on my son? Do you wear pants? Ever. Do your knees ever get cold? So then Jesse, back to present, Jesse's like, oh, did I 100% want her to meet my parents? No. No. I didn't. But, you know, I didn't just put her through some stuff, so I figured, you know, I'll lead her on. That's what girls like. Yeah. Throw her a bone. Yeah. Yeah.

So, Jesse's saying, "Yeah, it was like a super chill, chillaxed, casual dinner, you know, with me and my brother Rob, who's almost got his first date the other day with someone." Anyway, I just think that coming off kickball day, I was like, "Hey, why are we rushing it?" You know? But Lexi felt really strongly and kind of held a knife up to my throat and said, "Let me meet your parents."

She felt strong. I was kind of forced into it. She was wearing thighs on, bombs on her thighs. You know, innocent little threats. You know, so I did it. And Wes is like, well, I mean, look, I got to stand up for my bro. You know, being forced, that's not good. And my wisdom in this situation is like, if he's not ready, it's not time. You know, I introduced Sierra to my parents so I could fuck her. And...

Didn't really work out for me, so, God, I was just hoping this guy would learn something, am I right? Lexi looks like she wants to push Wes out of the moving vehicle. Yeah, like, who the fuck says that? Lexi's like, uh-huh. He's like, yeah, you know, like, torturing a guy like you're doing him, like, demanding some respect before he sticks it in you. She's like, mm-hmm. And Jesse's like, mm-hmm. Come on, babe. High five, babe. High five, babe.

So then we go to the Hamptons. It's 5:16 p.m. Some shit's gonna go down soon. So Paige and Lindsay arrive, and Paige is like, "Boo!" All right, the handicap thing is coming down, Lindsay. Just tip your tiptoe out of the car, Lindsay. Be careful. Stop elder abuse. I'm gonna put this sticker on the back of your car. Can someone get our bags? We are both pregnant right now, thank you.

So then everyone's showing up. This goes on for like five minutes of people showing up, which for me the highlight of it is Imral and Jesse and Wes or Imral showing up. And the only reason why this is a highlight for me is just because you hear Carl trying to be like down with the young and she's like, hey, bros. Hey, hey, hey, Imral beast.

Bro. Sup, you fucking beast? Yeah. Hey, guys. Want to gather for a little front door hello? Yeah. Front door hello. Front doors are for the boys. Softer. Softer. A little harder. Jesse, you're harder. Wes, you're softer. Okay, now, Wes, you go hard. Jesse, you're soft. Oh. So I was like, oh, my God. It's Paige. Paige Beast. Get over here. Hey, Paige, you want to have a soft hug? And she's like, hi, Carl.

Nice shorts. Poor Carl. This guy can't win. He comes in white pants every week and I hate your pants, Carl. And he's like, I'm going to try shorts. I'm like, no. Gross. So then Kyle and Amanda arrive because they were in Italy and Amanda just comes in like, oh wait, no. I'm like a different person coming back from Italy.

And Jesse's like, hey, ciao, Bella. And poor Lexi's like, I'm really insecure with guys that I'm talking to, like talking in Italian to other people. Whenever you cry, tilt your face down so the tears just drop onto the floor.

Actually, when you speak it like that, it really does. I do feel like Sabrina Carpenter will be saying that when she's 75. On those various days. Yeah. It does feel like something like a wise and old lounge performer would say, hey, kids, don't let them see the tracks of your tears on your cheeks. Cry on the floor. Happy Passover.

How was the wedding? It was phenomenal. It was fucking amazing. It was like a four-day fucking bender. Amanda finally got wasted, which is all I've ever wanted for her. So we're in love. We're in love again. That's the only time he really loves Amanda because every other weekend he's like, come on, Amanda, fucking A. But every time she gets drunk, he's like, I fucking love you, baby. I know.

Like, I really made an effort, you guys. I even peed the word guacamole into the snow. There was no snow. Oh, the snow. Got it. Yeah. So Lindsay's like, hello, what are we doing tonight? And Jesse's like, well, guys, it's Shabbat.

So he's all happy because he's going to cook a big Shabbat dinner. And he's like, guys, I'm going to do the broccoli. And then I'm going to have all the brisket and every single other thing catered. I was like, you don't trust them with your broccoli? How do you trust a caterer with a brisket but not broccoli? You're not getting hero points for roasting broccoli. If I remember correctly, this is a broccoli household. Okay. Everyone knows how to do that. Remember that one season where they're like, um, this is a broccoli household. Okay.

He's like, yeah, Shabbat, that's like a Jewish tradition. It's amazing. Growing up, we would do it every Friday, pretty religiously. I remember one year when my brother Rob got caught on fire by the Shabbat candles. That was hilarious. So the producer's like, oh, why would you do this with these non-God-fearing heathens? You know what I'm saying?

The last thing anybody needs, we need a baby in this house before we need religion, sir. Okay? And he's like, well, we're family, you know? And plus, religion's a great way to springboard my music career. You know what? With Shabbat, it's just a great time to get together with the family, put the phones away, talk about the week, get your toes sucked, eat some good food. Come on, guys. Shabbat.

So Sierra comes and you see her just get out of her car and she's like, I can't even bother with the fucking bags right now. What's changed? I love that Sierra shows up exhausted and she leaves exhausted every time. Sierra's just always like...

So Jesse starts, Jesse's like, oh, hey, guys, I'm making a TikTok. Gonna make a TikTok of Amazon packages. Oh, hey, Sierra. Goddamn. Look, everybody. Sierra's here. Fucking 10 has arrived. Am I right? Am I right? Hottest fucking woman on the planet. Mother of my future children. Lexi, say, Lexi the au pair, say hello to your future mom. Oh, my God.

She's like, I think the Jessie and Sierra thing is kind of sketchy. So she's like, Jessie says nothing's going on and it's all a lie, but like, it's stupid. Hold on, I gotta cry over my knee. I like that they gave her a pause. She goes, am I being stupid? And then it just paused while she was like, the answer is yes. Yes, you are.

So then we see a flashback to the kickball game, the hardest sports we've ever seen on this show. When Lindsay's like, um, so I heard that Jesse got his toe sucked and asked Sierra to marry him. And she's like, what? So then we cut back and she's like, yeah, but like Jesse says there's nothing going on and then it's all like, yeah. So...

So then West is like, "Guys, since I know we got Shabbat tonight, I'm gonna do some cheeseburger sliders." At least they were pork. Well, they were in meat. Not a great start to Shabbat, West. So Paige is like, "Girls, can we sit outside? The guys are like working. It's disgusting."

So they go, and meanwhile Kyle's like, "Yo, Jesse, what the fuck? Like two weeks ago, you know, you were like, maybe this week I'll sit down with Lexi and we'll like go exclusive." He's like, "Yeah, but you know, my penis is so dry." Called the parents, okay? Called the parents. "You guys are like exclusive? Oh, high five. High five, Jesse Beast Bro. Yeah. Oh, harder. Harder. Oh, too hard. Soft."

Have a more mindful high five. A functional high five. So Wes is like, yeah, guys, but he, like, got bullied by, he got bullied into doing it. You know? Typical storyline on this show. A woman bullied a man. Aww.

So Wes says, like, oh, well, you know, they FaceTimed on... Well, I was FaceTiming with Jesse on Wednesday, and he was like, I don't think, like, I should ever introduce her to my parents ever, ever, ever. And then we see this FaceTime where he's like, are you going to introduce her to your parents? And Jesse's like, hell no. There is no chance she should meet my parents. Just saying. So he's like, yeah, you know, like, I told her, like, I want you to meet my parents, but...

That was before kickball. Why do you make it sound like she did something bad at kickball? It was you, sir. So then Lexi is, of course, flexing in front of Ciara. She's like, I met Jesse's parents. Which is her way of being like, lay off. And Ciara has the most emotion she's ever shown. She's like, holy shit. Yeah.

And Paige was like, um, so did you go to dinner? She's like, yeah, we went to dinner. Okay, like, it was exactly what I needed. Because, like, you guys, I left kickball crying. Don't let the tears run down your face. Bend over. And over. She's so proud of the fact that she left kickball crying. She said it, like, five times already, you know? She takes pride in crying, you know? She did it on her TikTok. She's like, guys, watch me cry. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

And then she laughs off to the side like, "I'm literally crying right now on my phone." Her sister's in the back like, "You need some lip liner." I know. Like with a paint roller. Lip liner Olympics over there. So she's like, "Yeah, and then he took me to my favorite restaurant, Bahama Bucks. It was so romantic." Amanda's like, "What?" She's like, "Yeah, there's like a miss because I wasn't there the weekend before, like the toe is sucking and stuff."

And then everyone was saying that you and Sierra, you and Jesse were flirting and stuff. Brother and sister. And Sierra's face is like this. She doesn't deny anything. She just looks at her like, ew. So Sierra's like, yeah, but I've just never seen it. So it's not happening, right? Sierra's like, right. I couldn't think of two people less like brother and sister than Jesse and Sierra.

I don't think that brother and sister touch each other like that. White Lotus has not aired yet. So Paige summarizes. We see then, of course, a montage of Jesse being totally handsy on Sierra. And then Paige just sort of summarizes it by saying, Yeah, Lexi's being a little bit too Canadian. Gotta open those big blue eyes, Lexi. Something's going on. Okay, Celine Dion? Yeah.

And Sarah's like, yeah, Jesse was like definitely times ten. Like, it probably was because you weren't here. So, do you want to leave? They say this, by the way, like ten times to her. She's like, they're like, yeah, yeah, Jesse was acting some way because you weren't here. So, maybe you should think about the fact that he acts differently when you're not here. And she's like, ah, ah, ah, ah. Paige literally goes, look, if you're going to become his girlfriend, he needs to change his behavior for when you're actually in the room. And she's like, ah, ah, ah.

Yeah, so, like, maybe, like, when you're not around, he, like, cranks it up. So you should yell at him. Oh. Oh. So Amanda's like, oh, my God, you guys, I feel like I missed so much. Like, what? What is that girl talking about? What happened? How was Carl's launch? And Paige is like, I mean...

It was in New Jersey. Ew. Thank God. Amanda's like, did anything interesting happen there? And Lynn's like, oh, yeah. I mean, he was like, he's trying to date this girl. Her name is Lil, and she likes magic. Cut to, by the way, magic is dope. So now the boys are in the kitchen, and Jesse's like, so, you seen your girl since your event, Carl? What's up with that? And Carl's like, oh, okay.

I saw Lil, who I've been leading on since, as we find out later in this episode, October of last year. For this one pathetic date. All right, let's take a look. So we go to their date. And Lil is like, Carl, I got you a gift. Here it is. It's a representation of you and Lindsay's relationship. A lemon. A lemon.

Carl's so offended that he just got a lemon. He's like, this is disgusting. And he's like, yeah, I got you a lemon because you always make lemonade out of lemons. He's like, aw. Is this a reference to some mindful beverage we can serve? But also you could use it. And he's like, aw. Aw.

I just need to... For what? I need just, like, a little bit of time to think about how I'm going to use it. So let me get back to you in, like, two months to never about this lemon, okay? Thanks. He's like, yeah, so, you know, some parts of her personality are a little zany. Zany beast. It's a little much. It's a little much. So, you know, I think just, like, being friends with her parents right now is for the better. Yeah.

And West is like, well, you know, a big part of this dating process is learning experiences because, you know, we're not all engagements. You just got to get out there. Why are they talking like Carl hasn't gone on a date in 25 years? It's been two years. That's how Carl is. He's like, I have not been able to touch, talk to, or be around a woman since Lindsay terrorized my heart. Oh, Lord.

I can't even go to farmer's markets because I'm afraid I'll run into someone selling Medjool dates. Oh, too soon. Too soon. I keep the calendar closed. I'm terrified of dates. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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We go to Lindsay inside, oh back to the girls talking and Lindsay goes, "Okay, here's what happened. We've got this magic girl going around telling people that she's sliding into his dams and is possibly his parents' private barns while we're engaged to be married." And at that time, every post is like, "Oh my god, I can't wait to get married to Lindsay in like 100 days until I'm walking down the aisle and he was doing this the whole time talking to a magic."

Lindsay came ready and she's like, "Yeah, and by the way, that girl is a homewrecking whore." Poor Lil. I know. Lil. She could only wish she had it as easy as Joe.

Seriously. So she's like, but beyond that, I've always said something happened in those last two weeks because he was acting like a person in a hostage video. So then she's like, yeah. So she tells us, you know, Carl is weak as fuck.

And I don't think that he would have done it if he didn't have somebody giving him confidence and security. He never would have broken up with me unless there was another option. And here she walks in. Like, that's not a terrible point. Yeah, I was kind of convinced by that. I was like, yeah, it seems about right. So I'm going to give this one to Lindsay. I'm the same way. Don't take away my appetizer until my dinner is there. I can lick the plate while I wait. Are you going to leave me here unfed? Fuck off.

Lexi's like, so you're going to ask him? She's like, yeah, I'm waiting for the right moment. Directly after the Shabbat prayer. So, uh, see, Jesse, yeah, Sierra's like, oh, so Jesse, I guess we're married now. You want to carry my bags up? So he does. And, uh, he's like, I would sit next to you on your bed, but, you know, like, psycho's out there, you know, ready to boil a bunny, so... Sorry. Don't put me near toes. Yes.

So everyone's changing, getting ready for dinner and everything, and Kyle puts on sunglasses because you guys, what you may have forgotten is that Kyle is on a very important emotional arc right now. He's going to be performing an original song a la DJ Matty Reese in the Hamptons. And he's scared. He's very scared right now. So he's putting on sunglasses so he feels safer.

"Hey, do I look good in these up-and-coming... Do I look like an up-and-coming DJ in these glasses? These are my glasses?" He's got like these little tiny glasses. Up-and-coming. More like down and wint. So, Jesse's like... It sounded way more salacious than I meant it to be. More like a blowjob, right? So, um... So, everyone's getting ready. Jesse's making his broccoli. Really hard work. Salt, pepper, oil in the oven. He's a hero. So...

Sierra's like, Sierra says something that I fully support for her. She goes, you know what I'm thinking, Paige? It's time for me to date an athlete. I was like, yes. Oh, okay. Sounds great. When you're like, you know what I want? Like a guy to stop fucking around and just show some commitment. I feel like dating an athlete. Listen, as long as she's getting the fuckery, why is she stuck with like a West and an Austin? Might as well get... Get a rich one, yeah. Get some abs and some pecs and go to town. Yeah.

If you're going to date a loser, date a rich loser. Yeah. So Paige is like, oh my God, so the Giggly Squad tour is about to start and I'm like so excited. Except it makes me sad that Craig's reaction is immediately like, oh my God, I love you. Do you want to settle down? I mean, disgusting. Gross. So we see a flashback of Craig dressed as a pirate being like, what about me?

I expect my boyfriend to be like, oh my God, I'm so proud. Do what you need to do. You know, you do it. But like, that's not the reaction I'm getting. Also, it's kind of like, whoa. So everyone goes downstairs for to gather around the table. And Kyle is like stressed out still about like his upcoming big DJ gig at like a winery off on Country Road in the Hamptons.

And he's like... So true. Right? That's like a dirt road. I'm so nervous to perform at this lover boy event under that tree that I hired. Bro, bro, what if Ina Garten shows up? What if she replaces me with like a store-bought DJ? Yeah, you know, I'm a little stressed out because I'm playing all new music tomorrow. You know, write me music. You're going to still bust out some Kylie Minogue. I don't know. Settle down, Chapel Roan. So he's like...

Kyle's like, I'm stressed out, new music. And Amanda's like, yeah, he's been practicing with sunglasses. You're really a sick fuck, Kyle. He needs like a thunder vest. So Kyle, just imagining him on like that Netflix show where they send the little Japanese children doing errands and they have like a little flag.

That's like, don't run me over. I'm on an errand for a reality show. It's like him being like, I'm here to do a DJ set. It is cute. It is. I'm really excited for this because I've been lugging speakers to the Hamptons for like nine years, you know?

I've been lugging Amanda out for that long too. She got the commitment first, so I'm really ready for this. So then we see nine years ago, Kyle lugging speakers to the Hampton. I love Kyle's arc. That once I was just a fuck boy carrying speakers.

It just ends. The whole thing. So, yeah, he's basically saying that he's been doing these, he's been, like, bringing speakers around and hosting these parties for a long time, so why not kill two birds with one stone? Exactly. But enough about Emeril. Am I right? All right, everybody. Welcome to dinner. Welcome to dinner. All right. Shabbat shalom. Seat.

We're gonna do phones. We're gonna put our phones in a bin guys cuz Shabbat is a time to unplug be present So nobody can talk while I'm singing my song Do get your content first. I love that he was like guys. This is your moment to get your content for Shabbat and

If you'd like to upload it to your social networks, this is the moment. Okay, and now in the bin. So it's like boys versus girls on the other side of the table. And he's like, is this right, all boys? Is this a Shabbat thing? Is that how they do it at Shabbat? So he's like, all right, guys, we're just going to do a quick prayer right now. Hand me that microphone. That'd be great. Thank you. Ba-ru-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu.

Hatha Adonai Eloheinu Yeh Melech Halolim Asakrishim Kedushenu

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And then the red sheep parted, am I right? For reference, the actual prayer goes... Thank you.

Also, by the way, I have to say, so I would love to congratulate Ronnie that he read that, sang that prayer beautifully. I had some training. I was like, I'm giving you the words. I'm giving you the words. I love that in this religion, it's totally fine to jerk off at the table. This was the first time that I was like, I could join this one. I could join this one.

Just kidding, guys. I don't jerk off at the table. Underneath the table, guys. Keep it classy. So three hours later, when Jesse finally finishes up this prayer. And Lindsay's like, oh my god, did that make your fanny flitter, Luxie? It did. My fanny was crying for two days straight.

So they're all like talking, passing food around and stuff. And Jesse's like, hey, everyone. So Shabbat is a day of rest. So the tradition is like, perfect. I'm in. But it's from my ass right now. She's just a dust cloud and just in her bed. She's like, the tradition is just to get together your family, talk about your week and think about what you want to leave in that week and what you want to bring to the next week. And Kyle's like, I'll go first. Yeah, dude.

This is what I want for Jabbaw. I want to play some sick beats from GarageBand and not get scared. The best thing that happened this week was Amanda got so fucking wasted on the plane that she held my hand. Amanda was romantic. She kept whispering in my ears, get me the fuck off this plane, I'm going to fucking barf. It was amazing. I thought your hand was a Biscoff cookie. And then Wes is like, wow, on a plane, dude, that's fucking hot.

Yeah, I was like, we're an economy and I'm fucking half-masked. You were an economy? Amanda, leave this man. I know. The speaker was in first class. Economy to Italy. The man's driving an M7 and he's flying your ass economy. No. Yeah, that's bad. That's bad. So, Sierra's like, guys, I've got big news. I babysat a cat.

You know when someone's worried about their paycheck on the show when they bring a cat story up. She's like, I babysat a cat. Next season, here I come. So then now it's turn. It's Carl's turn. He goes, oh, okay, I've got some news. I went on a date last week and I realized I'm going to keep dating. Wow. What a lovely thing to hear from a 42-year-old man. I heard about a place called the Viagra Triangle. Wow.

I'm a little scared, but I'm gonna go. And Lizzie's like, um... Really? Really? Yeah, I'm gonna date. Scary. I'm not sure I'll always get a lemon or an orange or any sort of citrus, but I'm just gonna go into it and just hope for the best. Wait, wait. So does that mean you're gonna keep dating that girl, or does it mean, like, you're gonna keep dating other people after that? I'm still kind of drunk, to be honest. Yeah.

No, no, I'm not going to date that girl. I'm just going to, I don't know, try to find people who are also into magic, but like, don't call me a lemur. I don't know. It's scary. I'm looking for people to support soft, but not necessarily make me soft. So I'm going to. But she brought me a lemon. She brought me a lemon on the date and it was like, oh, you're turning lemons into lemonade. And after five minutes I got it and I was like, cool. Cool. Page discuss.

Yeah. She brought me a lemon because it was like you're turning lemons into lemonade. And I was like, started drawing Lindsay's face on the actual lemon. It's not cool. It's not cool. Emeril's like, that's so cringe. Cut to later tonight. Emeril bringing the lemon back to fuck. It's like, well, you know. Emeril, you're not the person to be calling out cringe right now, Sarah. Okay. So Lindsay's like, um.

And was that your first date with her? And Sue was like, yeah, yeah, it was my first date. It was my first date. Because it's come to my attention that you've been talking to her since last summer. And, oh, no, oh, she didn't message you last summer, Carl, really? You didn't meet her parents at a soccer game?

No, I met her parents at a soccer game. That much is true. Oh, and then what? You set her up with their parents' daughter? No, no. Soccer, please. Really? And so after this soccer game, where people play...

Yeah. So you started messaging her? No, well, this past fall when she messaged me, I would like to read messages. So last fall, like last year fall? That was like last year. It's fall before Christmas when the new year is, girl. I'm going to ask you a question that a lot of people have asked me when I've asked them to invest in soft bar. What are you getting at? Your little whore of a girlfriend, girl.

Why are you calling her whore? She's going around saying that you guys have been messaging since last summer before we ever broke up. I wasn't messaging her when we were together. Oh, oh, show me one person that's ever heard of softball. Never shows. Receipts. Receipts. Do you want the truth? Do you want the truth? Prove it. Do you want the truth? Prove it. Because you can't handle the truth. Oh.

- Bruvick, get me the phone. Go get your phone right now, girl. Go get it right now, I want receipts, girl. - Well, hold on, hold on, hold on, wait, hold on, hold on. My phone's charging. - Oh, how fucking convenient. - Okay, okay, hold on, let me get my, okay. Guys, just to make an announcement, I'm gonna go up the stairs and I've decided I'm gonna keep going up the stairs.

Okay, let me go to the stairs. Okay, let me get my phone. Um, let me go for a girl who messages me while I'm engaged to be married in a fucking two months. Like, that's what he fucking did. Like, seriously, you're going to go for a girl like that? And then you're going to try and hide it at your dad's dinner? Like, seriously, huh? Seriously? I, uh, I fell down the stairs. That was the best part. Carl was so shocked by his own text, he's like, oh.

He literally stops on the stairs and is like, "Oh, we'll see if I deleted this. "It must be in the deleted." I had a soft landing. So he comes back in and he's like, "Oh, okay, I got the phone, okay. "And none of this has anything to do with us." He goes, "It does because you have a terrible judge of character." And he goes, "Well, maybe I do. "Maybe I do." He's like, "I pray for you. "I pray for you. "I worry about you."

I pray for you, Lindsay. I pray for you. He's killing Lindsay right now. It is so hard to watch. I pray for you. As someone who hates to see Carl win ever at anything, I'm like, oh my God, he's slaughtering Lindsay. Yeah. And how she didn't jump over the table and throttle his ass when he said, I pray for you. I'm going to pray for you. Oh, fuck you. I pray for you. That was low. But good. It was good. Got to give Carl credit where he deserves it. It's not often, but I'll give it to him today. So Lindsay's like...

So we see, this was so disappointing. We see the time stamp was October. I was like, I'm so ready for this to be a thing. But it wasn't. So she's sad. So now she's changed it to like, well, she shouldn't be going around giving the wrong timelines. What sort of slut gets around wrong timelines? Yeah, you haven't been on any dates and you haven't hooked up with anyone. Porgs!

Carl, you're such a victim and now look, you talked to somebody on October 23rd, which is last year after we broke up. Fuck you, Carl. How dare you? How dare you talk to somebody else while I'm pregnant? Oh, that is not my baby. That is not the point. I actually do think it's still a little weird because if you met the parents over the summer...

Why all of a sudden she arrives in the DMs as soon as he's broken up with Lindsay? Like what vibe was put out to the parents that they said you should call, reach out to this guy Carl? I don't think it's totally, I don't think he's totally in the clear.

And I want you all to think about that. Yeah, I'm guessing that he met the parents and was like, oh, weird fan parents. And then she follows Summer House, so she was like, oh my God, they broke up. Immediately got on there. I was like, remember when you met my parents? Magic is dope. Come on, come on. He's like, okay, I'm going to string you along until I need to look virile.

Because that was in October, and then he never called the girl until July. That's also kind of fucked up. He's chatting with her for nine months, and then finally brings her on to the show just to dump her. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just saying, I'm not going to let Lindsay lose this one so easily. Yeah.

I won't let her go down on flames. I mean, I'll give her the part where she says that Carl's been walking around acting like such a victim and she doesn't believe he's dating and all this. I'll give her that. But this was just so good. She's like, oh, really? Give me evidence? Fuck you anyway, Carl. You look stupid in shorts. And everybody is dying at the table. The girls are just dying to each other because you know those girls told Carl, Lindsay's coming for you.

Be ready. And then she does try to grasp a thing. She's like, oh, well, why didn't you tell me you met the parents? And he's like, I don't go to soccer games and say, hey, I met the coolest parents. I'm like, do you, Carl? Because I could be like, hey, mom, and guess what? I met the coolest parents. Ha! Ha!

He's like, but I wasn't trying to play games. I wasn't. She's like, okay, well, I care when I'm being told or when it's coming to my attention that things were overlapping when we were together. And unfortunately, that's disrespect. It's fucked up, and I'm going to bring it up. Okay, but you were wrong. But still. Thank you for giving me receipts. And then everyone at the table is like, wait.

That's it? It's over? And they're all like, okay. Nice. Well done. All right. Lindsay is still yelling and Carl's not bleeding and we're all still at the table. Good job, guys. We're growing up. Danielle burst through the door. Did I miss it? The train was stalled.

So Carl's like, oh, well, that was awkward. Emeril, any thoughts? So Emeril says he gets to spend time with his cousin's kids. No one cares. That's boring. But thanks for trying. Thanks. Thanks for trying, Emeril. And then they're like, do you speak Bengali to them? Because I don't think they've met anyone who's like, wow, someone who speaks another language. I speak Bengals to anyone who will listen. Amanda's still drunk, everybody. Sorry. Sorry.

So, uh, Jesse's like, all right, and, uh, Lexi, what did you do this week? Oh, my God, it, like, sounds bad, but, like, normally, if, like, I got into an argument with a guy, I'd, like, be bending over, crying my tears into the carpet. But, like, you know, like, I get immediate ick, but, like, I never talk to them again. So, like, I'm really proud of myself for, like, dealing with those feelings and talking it out with Jesse. We had snow cones. Yeah.

Kyle's like, is this ToeGate? And she's like, yeah, there were some other things too. And Sierra's just sitting right there. And Lexi just knows not to even touch this topic. So they just sort of move on back to Shabbat dinner. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I knew about the toe. What else did he do? What else did he do? What else was there? He's like, no. No.

"Uh, so Paige, how's your week?" She's like, "Um, terrified. I'm basically dating a guy from a Lifetime movie who doesn't want me to go on tour. So that's great. You know what he said to me the other day? 'I love you.'" By the way, this broccoli sucks.

So they basically wrap up Shabbat. It's very nice. They clean up and everything. Everyone gets up from the table. And Emeril announces that he's not going to really go out tonight, which is shocking. Although I think he does still go out. And Wes is like, honestly, dude, I'm okay with an early bed. And then tomorrow we just absolutely shred our dicks off.

So Paige and Amanda are in the room and Paige is like, "Oh my god, that was wild. I've never seen an old woman shut down like that." "She hasn't cried that hard since they cut social security." "I haven't seen an anger older woman since they said they were out of Ovaltine at the supermarket." And so then Jesse's back in the kitchen and is like, "Yeah, you know what? Like, I'm just so glad you weren't lying, Carl, 'cause if I made you get that phone and then, like, there were DMs, I was like, 'Whoa, is he using Shabbat as an excuse?'"

to sing because I've already got that number. I know. So then Lindsay, so she calls up Turner because she basically, you know, she has to lick her wounds. She's like, yeah, I had this conversation with Carl and he showed me the phone and I was like, oh, tell your little fucking girlfriend to stop telling me the wrong time. I've been trying to do magic tricks in my DMs, you know? But anyway, anyway, what's new with you? Like that.

Turner's like, I haven't been this stressed since I was married to Jane Fonda. I wonder if that's a clue.

So then we go back to the kitchen and Lexi turns to Carl and she's like, so Carl, how are you feeling about the dating life? I just need to go on dates, just like practice a little bit and just try. It's like really scary. Yeah, bro. Emeril's like, yeah, bro. But this is when like dating more than one girl can come in handy, man. Here's what I say. Insecurity about dating, get a sling. All right, get a sling.

and possibly like a glove and just start working your way through there until you figure out, like Emeril.

Lexi does not like this response from Emeril, and she tells Emeril that he's on her shit list, which apparently means nothing if we see anything based off of her relationship with Jesse. She's like, I have boundaries. Nowhere in my relationships, but at this table, I have them. So he's like, what do I do? And she goes, um, how about when you said, suck his toe? I dare you. Uh-huh.

You know it was your boyfriend who barged in uninvited into the threesome, right? Yes, exactly. What else are you supposed to do? When someone walks in, you're supposed to feed them. Yeah. It's called being a good host. So Paige upstairs is like, okay, we're done with that. Done with that Shabbat business. Now we can get down to gossiping. Lexi and Jesse are weird as fuck, right? Yeah.

I mean, let's just say it. It's totally fucking weird. She's like 10 years old. Okay? And then, like, last time I tuned in, they were, like, crying, and there was a toe involved, and now they've met the parents. Like, they've set a date. She's picked a dress. What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? And Ciara's like, also, did you also feel like she didn't want to be, like, Jussie's friend with Ciara because I was, like, sitting right there? And Paige is like, oh, that's so good. Such good goss. Yeah.

So they start going to bed and Lexi's like, "Oh, I got a toe cramp." He's like, "Good night." So then we go to Carl and Kyle talking. Carl's like, "Yo, yo, what, what, what? How you doing after that outburst from Lindsay? That was fucking crazy. Pass that Dutch. Pass that Dutch. Pass that Dutch." Honestly, it's confusing beyond belief because she clearly hasn't healed. I'm like, "You dumped her, by the way."

You've lied so many times about my mother in the media saying she didn't reach out to you. Like she fucking texted you. Like you really want to go there? She's like obsessed with me. Clearly. Clearly. She's obsessed with me. I just, but I'm like, you dumped her. I think when you've been dumped, you're allowed to be like a certain amount of bitterness for like three years, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, look, I think after your breakup, it's totally fair for both parties to be like, I wish that person was fucking dead. Every day of their life, really? Forever. Why not? Yeah. But shut up. You started it, Carl, with your whole season of like, oh, it's just been like so, I need to like take baby steps because like I can't walk ever since Lindsay decapitated my knees. It's been like really rough. So now Jesse goes to bed singing in Hebrew. Just stop. Just please stop.

And then it's the morning. Kyle and Carl go off their respective runs, et cetera. And then Paige is like, what a night. Am I right? God, I was so funny in this bed last night. You know, there's one thing I'll say about Lindsay and Carl. They really just get to their beef and they get to it quick. I really respect that. She's like, it's 2025. No one has time for filler. Let's just get to the fight. Yeah. So she's like, oh my God. And you know what Craig keeps telling me? He's like, oh my God, Paige, I'm not perfect. I'm like, no shit.

And Sierra's there being like, well, clearly he thinks he's pretty perfect. Clearly he thinks so. So then we go to Lindsay, Lexi, and Jesse talking in the kitchen. And Lexi's like, so do you have any big plans this week? And Lindsay's like, um, tomorrow's my birthday. And so that's as far as I've gotten. Possibly poison Carl or maybe run Carl over. I mean, I don't know. Lexi's like, I like this. And Lindsay's like, me too. I'm turning 38. And Lexi nearly passes out. Like...

go up that high. Did it like start a new clock? When do you become zero again? Literally nothing worthwhile. But it's my last birthday before becoming a mom because next year it's going to be my birthday but it's going to be like a mom birthday. It's like totally different from a regular one. And Jesse goes, correction, it's your last birthday before becoming a mouth. And Lexi's like, oh my god.

It makes me so insecure when Jesse talks about moms he'd like to fuck. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Bend over. Let him trip on the ground. So there's morning activity, morning activity, and Carl comes through, and he goes into the backyard, and he sits in a chair, and he starts to cry, and for a moment I was like, oh, yeah.

But it actually is like, it's like serious, guys. It's like, it's the anniversary of his brother's death and he's reflecting and he's crying and it's very sad and it's something we're not very comfortable with because we're not comfortable with everything on the podcast, so. Yeah, I don't like talking about death and people crying and stuff. Do that at home, okay? You took off last weekend, take off this weekend. How do I feel? Think about how I feel, Carl. God. God.

It's all very sad. They console him. It's nice. All the guys are like, hey. He's like, oh my god, you're my best friend. What the fuck is wrong with Carl? Lindsay's like, um, hello. This is the anniversary of his brother's death, which is why I was respectful enough to tell him off right before it instead of during it.

So he's going through it because he says in the past he's always had Lindsay's support on this day and this year he doesn't have Lindsay's support so it's extra hard for him. That's true and I'd like to remind you of that. Sharon. Who's like, Lindsay was so mean to me. Who picked your son off the ground and helped him get sober and supported his stupid ass while he did so? Shut the fuck up, Sharon. I'm always, I am always. No one respects the person standing there with a mop.

I have to say, I am always shocked when Ronny goes off on Sharon. I'm always like, not Sharon. Listen, I'm not going to blame you for making an asshole, but I'm going to blame you for enabling one. And that's what you're doing.

So then they all leave. They all go to do things. Carl's like, oh, boot camp. Or whatever they're doing. Oh, no, they go to the hotel. The Rockmire's Hotel. Yeah, because it's time for Kyle's big moment, his big DJ debut. Does anybody really fuck the men on this show? Okay, this is how the men walk in. This is like literal dialogue.

It's vibin'. Whoa, the vibes, dude. The vibes. It's like 90% women in here. Emeril's getting horny. I'm taking a week off. Vibes. It's like, don't you have some fucking golf to play? Get out of here, dad. They are now fully AI-generated.

So Amanda and Sierra are talking and Paige is giving, who's she giving a death glare to? She's giving a death glare to Amanda because Amanda said, Paige is hogging the whole chair with her wide ass hips. Bold statement to Paige DeSorbo. She's like, die, die, die, die, die, die. All right, we're going to breathe the energy tonight, right? We're going to breathe the energy tonight. This is the backyard party. It's my biggest fear. Everyone's like...

Bring the party, all right. I'm going to do a remix. This is for my friend Jesse. We're going to remix Jesus Loves Me with Shabbat Shalom Friday. I do want to point out that on the Shabbat morning, they fully made a giant sheet pan of bacon. I clocked that. So Kyle's like, all right, everyone, here's a song. It goes like this. Just a small town girl.

Living in a small time girl. Girl. So Sierra sits down and talks to Carl about his brother and stuff. And she's like, you know, Carl, it's like never easy, you know, but you're doing so great. Like, you're into mindful consumption now.

So they bond and she wipes her tear with her hair and everything. And they're having this moment. They're actually like, they're having this very lovely sharing moment and they're crying and bonding. And then it just like cuts to Paige and Amanda staring at them with their sunglasses on like, ew. They have emotions, gross. So West is checking in with Jesse. He's like, what's up, bro? Anybody asked to meet your parents yet?

He's like, "Oh, there's like quite a few birds here." Birds, yeah. I watch Love Island. There's birds. "You're gonna have to stare back for the both of us, 'cause I'm really trying to get through today incident-free. It's so hard, so many vaginas, but I'm doing it. I'm doing it." "I should be able to go with my friends and have fun, you know, right?" So then Carl is like, "Hey, by the way, Lexi." I'm Carl, by the way. I don't know if we've actually met on this show yet, but...

Oh, I thought you were like a scarecrow that they just brought around as a novelty. Yeah, I just wanted to congratulate you on your development. She's like, thanks. No, not that development. Oh, about the crying? Yeah, it's so much better when the tears are on the floor, right? He's like, no, I mean like you and that guy, Jesse, like you guys, are you like boyfriend and girlfriend? She's like, um, like we're just like in the phase of like, you know, like when you're in that phase.

Yeah, yeah Is this the phase when you put up like a neon sign of your name together in the house? So back to Jesse and Wes, Jesse's like, oh, you know, we're like in such a great place But like she mentioned like oh, you know, you've been following girls on Instagram And I was like, how do you know a fall on Instagram and her voice changed really deep and she said I look Damn

So Jessie's like, "Yeah, I was trying to be in good graces with her and I unfollowed a bunch of girls." And she's like, "I'm so happy you unfollowed all those girls." And I was like, "Why are you keeping tabs on who I unfollowed? Hey, I wonder what Paige thinks. I feel like I'm being watched." She's like, "You are, 'cause I'm bored of you and you're stupid."

And he's like, is that normal or weird? Well, when someone's considering the fact that you're probably fucking 30 other people while she's meeting your parents, it's normal. I would say it's normal. And Bates says something like, wow, you know what? That's what 26-year-olds do. I would literally follow people home and open their door and be like, what the fuck are you doing in here? I would too. I'll do that at 50. I will continue to do it, and I'm not going to apologize. It's good that she has that six-year perspective. So...

I've like really linsied up. Yeah, I just thought I was taking all the right steps to be like mature and respectful and unfollow a bunch of girls and the ones I didn't unfollow leaving comments like you're so hot as fuck I would rail you any night. But it's like I keep getting caught up in this stuff. It's like I can't be good enough for her, you know? Yeah. And Paige is like, um, you've known her a month.

Which I think we all need to remember. Especially Lexi. Because she's like, oh my god. And the fact that you're even saying we made up now and it's good, that's a little bit crazy now. Has she used any emotional abuse against you? Has she, for example, said I love you? I'm going to debut my new song. I'm really nervous about this. It's going to be really hard. Here we go. I'm just going to press play. I did it, guys. I did it.

I did it, I pressed play. It wasn't as scary as I thought it'd be. I'm gonna remix a little bit of Jesus Christ Superstar with Fiddler on the Roof. Alright, everybody, here we go. Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. So then Paige and Sierra sit down to talk shit about Craig. Dun, dun, dun. And Sierra's like, my tits are sweating.

So they start talking. She's like, how's it going, bitch? Like, I wanted to check in with you because, like, you know, Craig. And she goes, yeah, Craig. The more I think about this, the more I'm like, oh, my God, he rubbed my back. And I was like, are you just waiting for a spot to put a knife into? Yeah.

Like, I don't want him to steal the shine from your tour and sometimes shit that he says or refuses to acknowledge is giving that hater boyfriend energy. Why should you have to dim your light to make him feel comfortable? It doesn't make sense to me. Will it just be like that? Even if you guys are married, what will it look like? Can you be married and be on the Giggly Squad at the same time? It's so strange. And she's like, do you ever even want to live in Charleston? She goes, no! Disgusting!

I've said it every day on television. Absolutely not. I don't want to have children in Charleston. I don't want to raise them in Charleston. I don't want to see his mother near Charleston. I don't want anything to do with Charleston. If I even meet a person named Charles, I'm like, change your fucking name. What's the opposite of house hunters? Does HGTV have something called house runawayers? Like you look at three houses in Charleston, you decide which one you want to run away from first, and it turns out it's a three-way tie. Yeah.

with every single house in Charleston. - And then she goes, "You know what? "I'm the breadwinner. "Why would I move?" I love how Paige spits shit because now she's just making Craig poor. She's like, "Why would I move for someone "with no job and no money?" - What's wrong with my sewing? - Craig's like, "Wait a minute. "I stopped serving lover boy "in my entire empire of two stores. "How dare you?"

So she's like, "I love Craig, but like when I think about it, like when I think about us breaking up, I get upset that I'm so not upset. You know what I mean? I started crying the other day just looking at how happy I was thinking about it." Yeah, I don't think you want to go deeper or further into this one if it's not, it's what you don't truly want. I think it's like not really compatible with how you see your future and it's gonna be like a lifelong hustle and she's like,

I just don't know. That's a lie. I completely want to dump him as soon as possible. I don't know if he's my person. Hold on. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Pete! When you're crying, bend over so the tears roll off your eyes and onto the floor. All right, thank you. And that brings us to the end of Summer House. Thank you, Chicago, for being a wonderful crowd, as always. Have a great night. Welcome to the club, everybody. Welcome to the mall. Chicago!

She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. It's you!

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Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire? Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families from ancient empires to modern monarchs to

to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty. Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was a teen sensation in circus shows featuring dancing bears, burlesque performers, and blood-soaked chariot races. But when her star came crashing down, she clawed her way from rock bottom to the very top, using everything from comedy to espionage to get there. Empress Theodora didn't just survive. She revolutionized women's rights across the Byzantine Empire.

like changing laws to let women divorce men, own property, and bring abusive men to justice. For all her work in pioneering, she's remembered as the most powerful Byzantine empress in history. Follow Even the Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Even the Royals early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus.

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.