Shownotes Transcript
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Oh, hello, everybody, and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, darling. How are you? Good. What's going on with you today?
Not much. You know, I'm just here luxuriating in my childhood bedroom after enjoying a lovely Passover meal last night where there's plenty of delicious and wonderful food. What's going on with you?
Nothing. Just chilling after getting back, having fun. Bueller's sleeping behind me. Just getting ready to talk about a little talk. Shuffius. Everybody, thank you for coming out to Boston, Detroit, and Chicago. What a great weekend we had. We will be in Texas next, in Dallas, and in Austin. And then we're going to be in Vegas. And we've got another couple shows later, but we have not...
signed any contracts yet so we can't announce them but they're coming so check our instagram and our schedule over at watch what crappens.com where you find ticket links and also links to patreon which is where you find video recaps and bony episodes right now there's a two-part white lotus up so go check that out and uh today we are with choppy shiffer
How do you feel about Top Chef so far this season? We have not been covering this one. So how are you feeling? I love it so far. I think this is a really good cast. I like the challenges. I've been upset by some of the people who have gone home. But, you know, such is life. I'm into it. How do you feel?
I feel like Top Chef is a little bit too much. It's up its own ass lately. I think it's like too snotty. I don't think it's very fun. I need more fun in my Top Chef and I need more crazy characters. Like I get that they're like, I work for so-and-so and I work for balloon and I got a Michelin. I mean, I get it, but I need more than that. You know, I need like maybe half that and then half Chili's Chefs.
Yeah. I feel like I really like that it's up its own ass because I generally like things that are up its own ass. That's why, you know, the loss of Padma was so hard. Although she hasn't really left us because as we all know, her ghost haunts every episode of Top Chef. So she's always with us.
But like the thing is, I've been so burned. I've been so traumatized by endless episodes of Chopped and whatever else is on like Fox that like I'm really happy to not watch like random line chefs at like the Holiday Inn compete over who can like turn a box of Cheerios and bubblegum into a gourmet meal. Like give me the fine dining chefs who are up their own asses because I like to make fun of that more.
Okay. Well, there you go. You man, you got it. You got what you wanted. The world gave you exactly what you wanted. So there's that. We did get a taste of Padma this week or last week, rather, because she had a ticky talky, I think, or an Instagram, I don't know, some video where she just ripped into these like TikTok reviewers. And she's like,
Well, I just wanted to say, I've watched these two girls on Tiki-Taki, little bitches, coming for a Southeast Asian restaurant. That food isn't made for you. It's made for us. Sorry you don't get it, dummies. It was amazing. I'm rejecting you like every man who's ever had a prom invitation in his hand and seen Gayle coming down the hallway.
I'll also say what other kind of food was not meant for you. The hubcap on the street, gal. Not for you to eat. Doesn't stop her, though. Bless her heart. So, here we go, Little Top Chef. This is Season 22, Episode 5. Very important, Ronnie. Sorry to interrupt. As this is our first proper recap of a Top Chef episode, we have to do our traditional disclaimer that we do once per season at the very top of it, which is...
We love Gail Simmons. We think she's absolutely beautiful. Our joke is that we think that Padma thinks that Gail is a monster, but we don't personally believe that. And so that is your disclaimer for the season that we do every single year. - Everyone seems like, "Why are they so mean to Gail?" We're not mean to Gail.
Padma is mean to... Ghost Padma is mean to... Ghost Padma. Okay. Because Ghost Padma is with us. Yes. Which is why Daniel Baluid finally choked her with a chicken bone, and she's a ghost now. Okay? So this is 22 episode 5, line cook for a day. So we get Kristen doing her voiceover. There's 11 chefs left. 11 chefs remain.
And it's the ultimate culinary showdown, as we all know. Now, the grand prize is a quarter of a million, which is pretty good. Saratoga Springs, still don't know who you are, even though you've been doing this a few years. Never see you in the airport. So are you anything? They're having a moment right now, actually, on the internet, believe it or not. I don't know if you've seen this. Are they? Why? Yes, they are. Because there's this fitness influencer named Ashton Hall. He's about three feet tall. And he's like this muscle-clad guy. And he posted this ridiculous...
video of him doing like, this is my daily routine. I wake up at 3:30 in the morning and I do pushups on my balcony, like clearly like a rented penthouse somewhere. He does pushups and then he takes Saratoga water and he pours into a bowl and he dunks his face in the bowl. And he does this like five different times with the course of the video. And it's like, everything's like a timestamp. It'll be like, then I go for a swim at 3:35 AM. And then at 3:45 AM, I dug my face in again. At one point he takes like a banana peel and rubs it all over his face.
It's just like one of the most ridiculous influencer things because it's like, no one does this. And this guy doesn't even do this. It's like you clearly, you rented a penthouse for the evening, you shot your content and you created this ridiculous story of like filling a bowl of Saratoga spring water and
The thing is, though, is that everyone's doing parody videos of it. So everyone's buying Saratoga Springwater for their parody videos. And then people are also just genuinely trying this. Like, oh, maybe this is what I have to do. Fill a bowl up with Saratoga Springwater and dunk my face into it.
so um it just goes to show you can um underwrite 25 seasons feels like 25 years of top chef to get your promo or one fitness influencer can just decide to put his face in a bowl of you and you get really all your values worth for free yeah god no kidding they really worked it out with that ticky-tocky
So Delta SkyMiles. So now look, I'm glad they upped the prize to $250 a few years ago because it was so long at $100. It was sad. So it was nice that they upped the prize. But, you know, I didn't realize it, I think, until I was watching this and paying attention that now they also get Delta SkyMiles Diamond Medallion status. That's amazing. And $125,000 to spend on travel with Delta. That is amazing. So that's quite out of control, I think.
can I tell you something? Okay. Ronnie knows this. This is my, this is my cross to bear. So the funniest thing happened over the weekend. Funny to me, maybe, maybe this will be a terrible story, but, um, uh,
I am in the process of transferring my airplane loyalty from American Airlines to Delta Airlines. And, you know, last year we went to Europe and everything. So I got like a ton of like status on American, like super high status, which was great. I've been feeling like Mr. Monopoly all year long. And I'm actually acting like it's a value judgment. Like I'm like, well, I have this elite status now.
But anyway, people have been telling me you can do like a status match on Delta. And if you tell them you have this status on American Airlines, they'll give you the high status on Delta. I was like, great. I've decided I'm going to switch over to Delta because also American Airlines, kind of shitty, really shitty. It's like you get to that nice status and all they serve you is like cafeteria food. So I was like, I want to go to Delta because everyone says Delta is so nice. I want to go to Delta. So yeah.
Last week, before our travels to Boston and Detroit and everything, my friend is like, "By the way, I can give you a gold status, which is like the number two tier on Delta." And I was like, "Cool, I'll take that. Like, well, that's cool." So I take it. I have it. I get it on Wednesday or Wednesday or Thursday. And then on Saturday, I was like, "You know what? I'm going to finally do this Delta status match thing because Delta is awesome."
So I fill it out. I'm like, I'm going to do this whole thing. I'm so excited. And then Delta responds back to me and was like, thank you so much for wanting to be a status match with us. But unfortunately, it appears that you've had a complimentary medallion status in the past three years. So you can't have your status. So basically, because I had this gold status for...
all of 48 hours. I completely invalidated having super fancy Delta status with the status match. And I am just here to tell you, I'm really frustrated by it. And hearing that the top chef people get to get this nice status and I shot myself in the foot with it. It really hurts me. Well, which status would you have gotten with your point? I think I might've gotten diamond. It was really high on American. I think I could have been like a top chef winner.
I mean, no offense. I don't want to diss your points or anything, but I think diamond is like you spend a million dollars on there. Oh, well, whatever. That's whatever it is. Gold is only second. They've got so many things now. I just feel like I'm very fancy. I just I just I can't believe that my 48 hours of having gold status has now destroyed my chance to be like Padma Lakshmi level status on Delta Airlines. Yeah.
well it's pretty good right diamond medallions plus 125 grand it's great it's great it's so hard to get status it's so hard anyway um so they also now get to headline their own dinner at the historic james beard house in new york
Wow. James Beard. Hope Gale doesn't eat the beard off of him. Get it? Sorry. A little rusty after being in heaven for so long. So now we're in the stew room because we're finding out who got kicked off last week. And Mossimo's upset because he didn't do that great. And he's like, something I didn't do today. I worked hard. I didn't cook smart. Okay. Okay.
And he's very intense. And we find out it was Zubair, which I knew it was going to be Zubair whenever he came out. Remember a couple of weeks ago when he had that fried chicken sandwich and he's like, this sandwich made me, they became, it was named the most popular sandwich in Boston ever.
and I'm pulling out the big guns for this. And he won that challenge, but I was like, he's done. He's used up his only trick in his bag, which is that famous chicken sandwich, and now he's dead. And here he is, dead as a door now. Goodbye, Zubair, we hardly knew ye.
He also, he also fell victim to the Ben Mandelker curse, which is when I see like at the top of last episode, I was like, you know, Zubair, I really like him. I think he's going to go to the finals. And anytime I have that thought about literally anyone on Top Chef is the moment that they go home. I have this amazing ability to like ruin their Top Chef careers. No, I'm pretty good because spoiler alert, I'm going to say he gets kicked off. If you don't want to hear fast forward a minute and a half.
But when that chick, when Anna Gasteyer made that Nutella sandwich, that deep fried Nutella sandwich last week, I was like, I don't care what the judges say. She is going to last an episode. There's no way they're going to keep a Nutella sandwich winner on forever. And sure enough, they got rid of her. Yeah, you can't do that. And they loved it. They did love that. But I think at some point the producers were like a Nutella sandwich on white bread, deep fried. No, no.
So, Shwai was in the bottom. He's also been really good. He was in the bottom. And so, he's saying how he's very self-aware of his downfalls and he's not going to beat himself down for the mistakes he made because he can only learn and be better for it. So, then they're all just sitting there. Well, how do you learn from it if you don't beat yourself down about it? I don't know. I mean, what the hell? This is a bad sign for him. You need to beat yourself up. Talk about it.
Talk about what a piece of shit you are. Get addicted to something terrible. Ruin a couple of years. Then you come out of it. And then you have this whole, like, I ruined my life. I got hooked on heroin. But now I know how to make a good Nutella sandwich. Boom! Do I have to teach you how to do this? Have you just started watching this show?
So Kristen comes in. She's like, hi, chefs. Before we call it a night, we do have a little bit of business to handle. First and foremost, I hear there is a sale on formal vests. So I may be heading out early today because my wardrobe still needs some work. And there will be no quick fire challenge tomorrow. Do you notice that she's always wearing like a suit vest? Like that's kind of her look. That's amazing. You don't like her wardrobe? Oh, my God. I'm surprised she wears anything. I'd literally walk in wearing a fork if I looked like that.
She looks amazing. I just think it's funny that she always wears like a suit vest. So she's like badass. She's got like badass. That's her personal style. She's like, I wanted to look like I rode a motorcycle in today. And they're like, okay. Yeah. But also might have a job interview later. They're like, okay. Yeah. I'm ready.
So she's like, Toronto is one of the most multicultural cities in the world and neighborhoods like Greektown, little Portugal, little Jamaica, and several Chinatowns. She sounds like Tom's son. She learned her on-air persona. She had media training with Tom's son.
It's like Guy Fieri bringing his son to host that other cooking show and his poor son still doesn't have the hang of it. He's just standing off the stage like, wow, wow, Brooke. So you're on the show. Remember when you were on Top Chef? That was so cool. Oh my God. Did you used to have brown hair? I knew it. I knew it.
So Gail's like, and there are so many more cultures and cuisines that make up the mosaic that is Toronto. Well, there were so many. Unfortunately, Gail ate them all out of existence. So there's no quick fire tomorrow. But guess what? Two people are going to get kicked out. Oh, I guess we don't find that out yet. So they each have to go. They team up and they go to different neighborhoods to learn cultures firsthand together.
Because how better to learn things than through food? And so they're like, hey, we get to get in our BMWs. Yeah. So they're all paired up into these different groups. They're going to go to all these places and everything. And yeah, like you said, it is a double elimination challenge. And whoever is paired with Tristan is going to be...
I'm sorry, it's not whoever's paired with Tristan, but whoever went... The winner of the Last Chance Kitchen comes back, and it's... What's her face? What's her name again? I can't remember her name. Red-haired girl. I don't know. She's the girl with glasses. The goofy girl with glasses. Just call her Goofy for now. We'll figure it out in a little while. Oh, no. Goofy.
Goofy, yeah. Goofy comes back. Goofy's back. And Tristan, whoever is... She's got immunity because she is...
Um, oh wait, that's a head. I'm sorry. I just confused two scenes in this show. I apologize. We'll put a pin in that. Wow. Top chef notes again, because they're, they're always crazy. So, um, cat is like, oh, I'm so excited to try, uh, different flavors. That's why we're here to go to different restaurants and to celebrate. I have awkwardly cut my bangs unevenly. So spent my morning doing that. Bring it on Portugal town. Yeah.
So now Bailey is... Oh, so Bailey is back. Bailey is Goofy. That's her name, right? I don't know. Who cares? We're not there yet. Are we? Where are we? Where are we? I thought...
I think I got totally just turned around. I see them drawing knives is what I have next. That's what I thought. But then I thought maybe that happened later. So I was like, I just, I don't know. No. So Tristan, Tristan won the elimination challenge. So they get to draw first and the knives say their town that they're going to be working in or whatever. So Tristan gets Greek. So listen, they're going to get immunity, right? Because they won the quick fire last week.
Right. So Tristan has Greek and he says that he doesn't really, Greek food does not really match his style very much, but he's going to try to make it work.
And so then more people are drawing lives. Lana and Vincenzo draw Indian. Now Vinny, he was the one who in the first episode was like really domineering about coring apples and serving like a dish in the apple when no one else wanted to do it. And like we kind of clocked him in that first episode for being like we thought he was going to be a villain. And then he kind of has sort of been on the sidelines in terms of villainy. But I feel like it's going to start to come back this episode.
Yeah, I thought it was funny when Michael Cera was the guest host and he looked exactly like Michael Cera. I know. And he's so proud of it, too. He's like, God, I think I look just like him, don't you guys? I was like, yeah, actually.
And Michael Cera sort of had like a puberty beard. You know, he's like doing that thing where he's like, he can't really grow a beard, but he really wants to grow a beard. So he like had like these patches all around. He was like, look, I look like an adult now. It's like, no, he's awkward to watch age because he does look older. I mean, I do. I do think he looks old and like not old, but I mean,
Older, for sure, but he's still like a baby. It's odd. And then he wears those movie stars, just slightly tinted glasses and stuff, which make him look... He's an odd ager. I'll just say that. So then Vinny wants to pick Lana because they've worked together before and it worked out great.
And basically we see where Lana is just going to do whatever he wants because that's how Lana is. Lana is definitely the Sue in the room. You know, she's like the one who's going to do whatever the chef tells her to do. And so I kind of feel bad for Lana, but, um, you know, that's how she is. Like every time they have a challenge, she's like, okay, guys, we got this right guys. High fives, high fives, anybody high fives, high fives. Anybody want to, okay. I'm not going to, no one's going to high five myself. High five myself. It's going to work out great guys. We got this. Yeah. Yeah.
And then we see Corwin and Kat and they both are going to, they both draw Portuguese and, um, you know, Kat's like, you know, Corwin is decisive and he understands flavor. I understand bangs. So I think together we are going to be unstoppable. Yeah.
Okay, so Tristan, because he has immunity, whoever returns tomorrow is going to be his partner. Last chance, kitchen. Winner will receive immunity. So Gale's like, well, neither one of you will be eliminated unless I get burnt, charred, rubbery egg. Gale, calm down. Gale, no one's serving eggs today.
Chefs, this is very important because this will be a double elimination and an entire team will be going home. And so Shwai is like, wow, that means out of 11, two of us are going home. Wow. Glad he was able to do that deduction. He was able to connect those dots with a double elimination. It means that two people are going home. So he's off to a great start.
But they're adding one. So wouldn't it be out of 12? Because I think there's 11 standing there. I was very confused by this part, too. I think he meant that it'll be 12. Right. But she's not going to go home since she has immunity. So he's like, oh, I see. It's like saying the 11 of us left to have to go home. Okay, I get it. Yeah.
So for your elimination challenge, we want you to create a dish inspired by your time on the line. You can make anything you want, but we want to taste some of the flavors and techniques that you learn tomorrow. You'll have $1,000 to shop at the Whole Foods Market. Like, oh my God, what NPC did they get to record all this style? Do you guys even have Kristen showing up? I feel like they put Kristen's image up there and they have an AI person doing all of these parts. I like when she judges, though.
Yeah. She's like, and the very next day you'll serve the judges and 150 very hungry guests. And you'll be serving at the very vibrant Bentway Community Center. Good luck. So why do I feel like the Bentway Community Center will not be vibrant at all? Just saying. So now we go to the apartment. Tomorrow you're going to be serving under a freeway underpass. Everyone's going to enjoy it.
A very vibrant freeway, I'd like to add. Because that is literally what they serve. And I went riding on my freeway in my heart for the pink Cadillac.
So now we're in the apartment and Lana is like, so do you guys think it's going to come today? The anticipation is killing me. And Vinny's like, well, I think Zubair is our guy, which as soon as he said that we should have realized, well, you already knew because you had a very solid chicken theory. And I always forgot about my curse. So as soon as he said that, I was like, oh, it's not going to be Zubair. They're never going to say it's going to be Zubair. I thought if it wasn't going to be Zubair, I thought it would literally be anyone who
But Bailey, and this is where Bailey enters. Okay. I'm finally rooted back in my timeline. Bailey has returned. And she's like, ciao. Well, guys, I made it back. Okay. And then we see clips of her winning and winning and winning and winning. And Top Chef just loved it.
And so she's like, "Yeah, it's been a real opportunity to build myself up to the chef that I am. You know, I've re-centered myself, guys. I was a different person before. I did not have confidence, but here I am. I have confidence now, guys. I'm a confident chef." And they were like, "Oh my God, it's a totally different person."
It's a new Bailey. One who's not going to be stupid enough to make risotto on Top Chef again. So she's like, she's still the old sister on Roseanne to me. I don't know why she looks like Becky on Roseanne to me, but she does. She looks like Becky with glasses. Yeah. She's like, Becky meets a little chapel. No, not chapel. I take that back. I strike that from the record. So Bailey says the thing that everyone says on the show, whenever they have a brush with going home, I was cooking for what I thought people wanted me to cook.
or what I thought I should cook, but now I'm ready to cook what I love. I'm like, okay. Congratulations. Peanut butter sandwiches and Ben and Jerry's for the rest of the season. This is almost as trite as cooking saved me. I was living in the gutter and cooking saved me. Okay, you're cooking what you love. Okay, congratulations. You're doing exactly what every other person on this show has ever said. Yeah. And Vinny's like, wow, Bailey's gone and now Bebe's here.
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So, they're like, "Wow, who is this person? I don't even know her. She's just so confident." Wow, from the 30 minutes that we knew her earlier in the season, she has completely changed.
So they tell her what's going on. And Bailey announces that because she has immunity, so does Tristan, because she is linked with Tristan. Well, he won and she won, right? So she won last chance and he won. So they both won in their own rights to get it. Oh, I see. I thought it was... Oh. Okay, got it.
I thought it was that her immunity spread onto him. It's that they both had, they both had immunity. That was like an umbrella, right? He had immunity. Yeah. So then, um,
Shwe is like, "We're on the Asian Sensation redemption tour!" You know, God, being on the bottom last week was really rough. But I'm starting to feel like I'm just a bottom queen. Oh no, Henry says that. He's like, "Yeah, I was on the bottom for the second time, and at this point I'm just a bottom queen." I really like Henry, but I kind of have this feeling like he's just not very good. He's like really on the bottom every episode.
So they're driving and then we see Vinny and Lara and they have like a very somber car. And I sort of get the feeling like I assume that they're going to get eliminated because in their confessionals, they're sitting so far apart that they're like not even in the frame together. Like it's like half their heads. I was like, oh, they hate each other right now. Something went really bad.
I think Vinny just has a super weird robot energy and he only respects people. Look, he hasn't been mean to anybody. So I'm not saying anything really against anything he's done. I just get kind of the impression that he reserves his like kindness for people who are like very kind.
in the upper echelons of who they've worked for because he's really all that's all he cares about he loves just name dropping and um he's kind of like sock puppety also too which makes him kind of likable which is hard if you're a villain right he's like a sock puppet with teeth and also i was worried i knew not worried because i don't care but when he said this he's like you know i enjoy indian food but i'm not super familiar with it i was like your dad
Yeah, no. You're dead. They're actually lucky that if Padma were still on the show, like, they would 100% be eliminated. Because, you know, anyone who, like, dares touch cumin, she's like, wow, did you think this actually tasted good, you piece of shit person? Get out of here. Do you really think that you understand cumin? Hmm. I asked cumin what it thought of you, and it said, go in.
Did you mean to attempt to make Indian food for me, Padma Lakshmi, queen of Indian food? Wow. So then Shway and Henry are going to embrace their Filipino flavor. And let's see. So now they all go to their restaurants and meet their people.
Yeah. And Bailey, they go, we see Bailey and Tristan at this Greek restaurant and Bailey is, she's like really, she really likes it. She's getting kind of like a family feeling around it. And I think it was around here somewhere where Tristan says for the first of many times this episode, I'm starting to realize that Greek food is kissed with fire. He says it so many times. Just say it's charred. It's fine. Stop saying kissed by the flame. You're not seal. Okay.
After a while, it's like a Burger King commercial. Because isn't that what they do? Flame grilled. It's a flame grilled waffle. Kissed by flames. I love Tristan, but enough with the kissed by flames bit, okay?
Yeah, then over at the Portuguese restaurant, the chef there is like, codfish. We love a codfish here. It's very famous. And Corwin's like, salt cod. That's what we're going to go with. I'm Jamaican, and I'm going with salt cod. Salt cod, salt cod. God, thank God we're using salt cod. I can't wait to get to the store and find salt cod. God damn it, salt cod is a gift. God, I love salt cod.
Kat's like, you know what? I just consulted with my bangs. And then you know what they're saying? Salt cod. We definitely going to cook with salt cod. And this can be the most salt coddy salt cod thing that salt cod has ever salt codded. Yeah. So then we go back to the Indian restaurant and Vinny and Lana are being made chicken kamasutra.
Which they somehow changed to being Karma Sutra, which is very offensive. Thank you. That drove me nuts! Oh my god, everyone said Karma Sutra. It was making me crazy! Come on, even if you don't know Indian, you know the fucking book from being in junior high and that's the only thing you could go look up and see what fucking looked like. This was almost as bad as saying "expresso." In fact, it was actually worse because they are chefs and they should know the name of their fucking dish, but they kept on saying "Karma Sutra" so many times.
They did. But you know what? They actually received karma because of this. That was the thing. And actually, like, they should know they're chefs. And to say, like, I don't know Indian. Look, I know we don't all live in the same kind of cities or whatever. But everywhere I've lived has had such a strong Indian food population. I mean, Austin now, L.A., obviously, New York. So and I know that everywhere's again, but they're chefs. Like to say, like, I just don't get Indian food is weird. I don't.
Yeah. That struck me as odd, you know, because I think some things are further out. Like, there's not a Portuguese restaurant everywhere you go. You know what I mean? I would understand it if someone was like, maybe I'm not as familiar with some of the, you know, some of these. But, like, I feel like Indian there is pretty big cuisine. It's, yeah. And it's...
Yeah, I agree. I know what you're saying, which is that Indian restaurants, their presence, I think, across the country, especially in these big urban areas, it's pretty undeniable. And really, technically, all these cuisines are everywhere. But I feel like Indian cuisine has really started to permeate so much of, like we said, Trader Joe's. It's pretty pervasive. It's very pervasive. And so to be like, I'm not really familiar with it.
I mean, I think like, it's like, yes, there are techniques. There are definitely techniques that are used in Indian cooking that are different techniques than other, as with any cuisine. But I know what you're saying. It's surprising that a chef who'd be on the show is acting like so. Especially at 40 to 21, you know, like you would think that education would be there. Right, like just some niche exotic cuisine.
Yeah. So then we go to the Philip. Oh, so anyway, he's saying it right first. So he says chicken, comma, Sutra. And he's like, you know, and it's very tasty. And I'm obviously familiar with the book, comma, Sutra, you know, and I haven't really had the opportunity to dive into that. But which doesn't shock me that you know what that book is and haven't even bothered to help your partner out by reading it. You know, Vinny's just that kind of person. Vinny's like the kind of person to be like, come and go. You know what I mean? He's like, I came by.
Yeah, I think that like maybe if his boss at like the Nomad had read it, maybe he would have read it, you know, chapter to chapter. But like he hadn't. So then Henry and Shwai are talking about Filipino food and they just really like all the condiments that they're learning about there. And then over in the Portuguese restaurant...
William and Kat are talking about how they just love the simplicity and about what they're eating and, you know, salt cod. It's just the way to go. Right. Undeniable. Yeah. Untenant. Let's go. Let's go.
And of course, Kat likes a simplicity Nutella sandwich. I will never forget that, by the way. I will never forget it or forgive it, even though she's kind of my favorite wackadoo. I complain about not having wackadoos. We get a wackadoo, and now I'm complaining about the wackadoo. You can't please me. She's not even that wackadoo. She just has bangs.
And like she is, she is like when she leaves, she's like, guys, I mean, I've done it all. I cut my bangs. I've been a burlesque dancer. I've been a stripper. That's true. I've been a bricklayer. I've been a clown circus performer. I've been a chef. I've been a truck truck driver. When she listened to all her shit, I was like, yes, cats might kind of wackadoo.
So now all the chefs, part of this thing is that not only are they going to try all these cuisines, they're going to work the lines. So now they're all working it and everything. And it's a lot of like cooking, cooking, cooking. And Cesar is saying how he's never worked a walk station before. Cesar is so cute. He always looks kind of like an adorable guy.
like a like an adorable little pet like a little baby like a little baby hamster or something that's sort of like trembling a bit you know and smiling and happy but like scared and so he this is first time working a walk station which is i think that's surprising to me i don't know why i just assume like like any professional chef has worked a walk at some point you know but he hasn't he's like oh i worked it and then you know there's oil and smoking and it like flares up but
Oh, it's okay. I burned the noodles. I burned the noodles. I'm so sorry. I burned the noodles. She's like, it's okay. We have more noodles. He's like, oh, they have more noodles. They have more noodles. So, and then Lana's telling us, yeah, we're going to make the chicken karma sutra because it's, you know, it just seems like this is the dish that we're going to really understand the most because basically it's the only dish that they taught us how to make. So we're just going to make it, but we're going to do, we're going to make it, but I have a feeling we're going to do something really strange to it also. Let's see.
Yeah, how can you make a karma sutra super weird? It made me crazy that she kept saying karma sutra so much that even Vinny changed his mind and he was like, it is karma sutra. Now I'm going to say it too. So now we go to the Caribbean restaurant and they're browning oxtail with brown sugar. And Mossimo's like, I've heard of browning meat and now we're browning. I can't wait to brown. You brown things with sugar. It's amazing.
Like that, sir? You just broke three of our cutting boards? Sorry, I got excited. Like, sir, why did you get that soapy water into our... Oh, I'm so sorry it couldn't happen.
So, meanwhile, Cesar and Katiana are making flour dumplings, which was so cool. I could have sat there and watched 10 minutes that lady make those cool dumplings. She was crimping the dumplings, and it made this awesome pattern. I was really sad that it was so fast. Those were gorgeous. I know. Little purple dumplings. I've never seen that before. I want to make those. Because this is royal Thai cuisine. So, this isn't Thai cuisine. This is royal Thai, which I guess is different and different.
I'm super pissed, like, at all my plebeian Thai places that I go to around here. Like, where's the royal Thai? Where's my purple flower? I know. I think it's so funny, too, because, like, there's, like, royal Thai cuisine. And I think there's, like, I think there's just, like, various cultures have kind of, like, these royal versions, where it's, like, the high-end stuff that you serve to kings and queens. It's just funny that we just definitely don't have anything like that in America. It's kind of, like...
biscuits yeah we hot dogs royal biscuits we have a royal mcdonald's which is chipotle i think actually not anymore i think i think mcdonald's i think it's spun off chipotle i think chipotle is no longer under mcdonald's well we have royal grocery stores like central market is a royal king cullen there's big lots which is more royal than just lots just a lot that's true
Okay. So meanwhile, there's more just everyone just like cooking. That's really fun. And then Tristan is Tristan's grilling meat. And he's like, most of Greek food is touched by fire. Thinking about our dish grilling is the way to go. So it could be hashtag touched by fire. And so they all do that and it's fun. And then they leave. They're like, God, that was awful. And now they're now it's time for them to think about the dishes that they're going to make.
Yes. So Lana's like, yeah, this is a smart dish for 150 people because we could do chicken thighs. We can make chicken thighs in bulk. And Vinny wants to do a hollandaise. No. What? No, you're not doing a hollandaise for Indian food, sir. Come on, man.
I'm sure there is a world in which someone could do some funky fusion where they make like an Indian spiced hollandaise. I'm sure there's a world where that can happen.
But that's going to require some testing. And that's not what you're doing. Blake, this is not what we're doing right now. You're not going to make, you're not going to put a hollandaise onto your Indian food. I'm sorry. Stop this. Yeah, stupid. And she's like, you know, I don't really get it, but he seems really strong about it. So, you know, I'm just like, okay, let's go with it. And this is why you're going to go home.
you know, because this is your attitude all the time. You need to be more ballsy. Tell Vinny no. Okay. I know that he already kind of smacked you down about the apple coring and all of that other stuff, but you don't have to listen to Vinny. And this is what always happens on the show. It's always some like bro chef who just like domineers. And then like the female chefs always have to be like, okay, well, I guess I'll go along with your plan. And then they're the ones who get burned in the end. I can't stand it. Every single season this happens.
So, Bailey is just come back. They're shopping. And Bailey's like, oh, well, our octopus is going to be frozen, which sounds like a great idea. And I was like, oh, no, no. She explains that frozen octopus. And what I've heard about fish is that all fish is flash frozen now anyway. So it doesn't really matter where you're eating your seafood. But I did hear a frozen octopus and think, oh, shit, Bailey, not on your first time back. Yeah.
None of us, it's been like 15 years and none of us are over the frozen scallop incident. Okay. So I don't get the frozen octopus, you know, she's like, it'll keep it fresh and tenderize it. We're like, no, barely, but she does have immunity. So she can take her, she can roll the dice on some frozen octopus, I guess. Okay. So then we go over to Corwin and Kat and they cannot find saltfish. So they're like, well, okay.
Salt cod takes five to seven days maximum. So let's see. Do you have just regular cod? Why don't we do that? Let's just take regular cod and then we'll add salt to it. Sound good? Yeah.
like maybe i kind of feel like salt cod it's just i've never tried to cook with salt cod but i just have enough of like a spidey sense to know that salt cod is probably not going to be like a garren's that's not like salmon we're not going to just find salt cod even at whole foods so i feel like they should have had a backup plan and they were just totally caught off guard so like okay we'll use cod instead of salt cod i'm like
If salt cod is going to be curing in salt for five to seven days, it's just going to be a radically different experience. And you guys are going to set yourself up for failure. But just because it has the same name, just because cod is there too, it's not going to be the same.
Just get another tin fish. You know what I mean? Get another salted fish. It's so weird. And then he says, what makes salt cod great is instead of it being soft, it has a firmer texture. So it flakes better when you cook it. So we're just going to get regular cod. What? Sir. What are you doing, sir? Just go. I wish they just had a trap door because there's too many chefs anyway for my taste. There's too many fucking people here. Just start dropping them through the door.
So then Shway is talking about how he was, what's he saying? He wants to take some coconut flavor from coconut cream that they have from the tuna dish. And he just wants a big bowl of comfort. Yeah. Yeah.
And then Paula, I forgot about Paula. Paula, she's like, um, she from Ecuador. Uh, but she's there. She and Massimo are going to do oxtail, but they don't have oxtail. So we're going to do short ribs. So they'll do short ribs. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Here comes one right now. We see you getting after your fitness goals, but what about those money goals?
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So anyway, now everyone arrives at the kitchen and it's time to start cooking. So Tristan starts working on the octopus and one of the issues with octopus is that it takes a really long time to cook it. So this is like an ongoing storyline with him, which is seeing if that octopus is ready yet. And then while they're doing that, Massimo's just yelling. He's like, Paula! Paula! And everyone in the kitchen is just getting startled every time he does it.
Yeah, because they're just wacky. They're like, it's so funny to watch them work together. It is hilarious. And Mossimo's really big into, okay, guess what we're doing today? Browning meats. Yes. Browning meats. You know how you do it? Sugar. Then you cover it. Then you put more sugar. Browning. Browning. He's all over the place, this fucking guy.
And then Kat is talking about her fritter and having to bake in rice potatoes instead of boiling them because we're using fresh cod instead of salt cod. So hopefully the dryness of the baked potato will make up for the massive amounts of liquid we're going to have coming off the cod. What are the odds that Kat talks about fritters a lot? When you said Kat's talking about her fritter, why do I feel like if you meet up for lunch with Kat at Tartine and she's like, sorry, I'm running late.
I was making a fritter this morning. Didn't really come together. It's like, yes, Kat, we know. You're always making a fritter. Sorry, it's just my life. I got to share what's happening in my life. So Henry is talking about how him and Shway are going to do their comfort food because they both grew up poor. And so they're going to do arroz y doh.
as the base of their dish and then add some pork ker ker on there. And then Lana is like, she's like, "I'm gonna take some inspiration from chicken karma, et cetera." I'm not listening to you anymore. - It's enough. The moment you add that R in there, we're not listening to anything else. And the fact that there's an R and hollandaise, no, curry hollandaise and flatbread.
I know what you're going for, but the thing is this. There's also an element of why. Why are you doing this? Because what we haven't mentioned is the reason why we're incorporating... I'm joining the journey. The reason why they're doing curry hollandaise is because Vinny worked at The Nomad, which is a fancy-ass restaurant in Europe, and he worked at the sauce station or something. And it was a very special time in his life. So he wants to incorporate his experience...
as making hollandaise sauce en masse to this Indian thing, which is like, why are you doing that? You're being too literal about this idea of cook who you are and what you're about. There's just no reason to add a hollandaise to this chicken. And you're only doing it to basically name drop that you worked at the Nomad. Yeah. Well, hope we have someone here to call him out on that today. Thank you.
So then we go back to the apartment and Cesar and Katiana. Now, here's what I love. You watch everybody cooking. Everybody's freaking out, including Cesar, because that's just in his personality, like you said. But Katiana never is. She's just like, whatever. She's making the most beautiful food. She's using tweezers. She's just calm. She doesn't talk to anybody. She's just like, hi, guys. I'm just the one with perfect eyebrows out here, out cooking every single one of you every time. So if anybody needs me, I'm just over here. Yeah.
If anyone needs me, I'll be getting into a puffy vest later this afternoon. She's always in a puffy vest. So just want you to know that I spread the vest shade amongst multiple people on this episode, not just Kristen. But Katya is always in like a little vest as well. So yeah, she's very stoic and she's always making little flowers. That's kind of her thing. So...
Um, they, when they, when, when it's sort of like at the end of the day, there is some, uh, this is a true at the end of the day, at the end of the day, they, uh, there are some question marks like, will the octopus be ready tomorrow? And will Massimo and Paula's, um, short ribs, will that be ready?
Right. So Katya tells us that tomorrow is her daughter's fifth birthday. And I was waiting for the deal. Oh, let me hear my daughter's having her birthday. I'm missing everything for my daughter. I just miss my daughter. But she's not. She's like, it's my daughter's fifth birthday. Fuck that birthday party thing. God, I'm not there. I just want to do well so I can show my daughter like your mom's kicking ass on her fifth birthday. And you're sitting there without your mom at your birthday party and yours. So mom wins. Okay.
That's all. Are we done with this? Are we done with the daughter section? No, I was never addicted to heroin. I'm sorry. Okay. Can I just go back to cooking? Well, thanks. My thing is I live in LA. I'm super cool. I've got celebrity friends and that's it. My daughter will survive.
So now it's the next day and we arrive at the underpass. Or the overpass, I should say. They're under the overpass. And they've got 90 minutes to get ready. So they've got all their different stations and everything. And Massimo's telling us that, like, 180 balls of dough need to be portioned. Need to braise. Need some time to cook. They're like, okay, bro. Chill out. And Kat, meanwhile, is saying that she's really nervous about the double elimination. And she's like,
And that they tested some of their croquette or whatever they're making, like their balls.
And it's still a little wet. So they're adding flour to bind it more. So we know this is going to be a disaster because anytime someone's trying to do some last minute, like textural adjustments, it's always going to go gummy and tough or just be. And they're doing it by adding panko, which is bread. They're adding bread. Basically, it's basically breadcrumbs, right? So they're adding bread to a bunch of wet, which is.
is gonna just make mush, guys. Okay? Why are you doing that? Why, guys? So then Paula and Massimo are having trouble because he's having trouble getting his meat done right. He needs the jus to be reduced.
And she doesn't want to reduce it. She's like, the meat's not cooked all the way and it needs to, the jus needs to be covering it. So we have time. I don't know why he's freaking out. And he's like, do it, do it. We're fucking going home. And so they start arguing and she's not taking his shit, which I really like too. She stands up for herself very well.
She does. They have a real jus argument about whether it should be covered or not. They never quite get to the bottom of it. They just keep, like, one person covers the pot, the other one takes it off. It just sort of goes back and forth like that. And she tells us, I'm not going to let anybody disrespect me. I mean, I'm sorry. But at the end of it all, in my mind, I'm also thinking I'm going to get eliminated because my team is not working as a team. Like, he's in a whole other world. And we see him just, like, knocking shit over and just being a disaster. Yeah.
So then everyone's like, "Uh-oh, trouble in paradise, am I right? 18 minutes left!" So Sisar's like, "Oh my god, we're using butterfly pea flowers for pickled daikon flowers. Purple! It's a royal color! She's amazing! Everything she's doing is amazing!" "So lucky to be here!" "But it's also the scariest color!"
Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half.
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