#2802 Below Deck Down Under S03E11: Go Greece Lightning
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the wonderful and glorious Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Hello. Hi. Hi.

Well, everyone, we only have three stops left on the Mounting Hysteria Tour. Well, there could be five. We have two shows that we're trying to add onto the schedule, but, you know, business, business, business.

Nothing is locked down yet. So for right now, we have three shows left. We're going to Austin and Dallas. That's going to be on May 9th and May 10th. And then Las Vegas. This is going to be great. Wise Guys, Town Square, Las Vegas, May 15th. Our first ever Vegas show. That's going to be, as some would say, a hoot. So we're going to have a great time with that. The tickets...

are at watchforcrappins.com. Come join us. Also, come join us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash watchforcrappins. You have Crappins on Demand where you can watch us on video. You can see a peek into my childhood bedroom, which is where I'm recording from today.

Also, we have bonus episodes. We have a double bonus episode up of the White Lotus season finale. So if you're a White Lotus fan, go listen to that. And then we have literally so many bonus episodes. So go get lost in them and have fun. So that's all the news. That's the most exciting thing that has happened in the past minute is all that news. Oh, and also thanks to everyone who came to Crappy Hour last night. We always have fun with that. Go check out Crappy Hour.

That's it. So today, today, Below Deck Down Under. Now, Below Deck Down Under is in the provenues lightly. You may not have heard this, or maybe you did hear it, that Below Deck Down Under is doing a crossover with the full cast of Salt Lake City. And Daisy's going to be the chief stew, and Ben is going to be the cook. This is as stunty as stunts get, and I am totally, totally here for it. I love a stunt. Yeah.

Yeah, this is a good stunt. I wonder if they're going to do it like we'll see a full episode of Salt Lake City and we'll see it on the boat, like a proper Real Housewives episode. And then we go onto the boat and we see the upstairs-downstairs version where now we see all the staff. Is it going to be like Rashomon where we see what happened on the boat side? I'm so curious to see how that's going to play out.

I don't know, but I'm super excited to check it out. That's for sure. A little below deck. This one was a pretty good one. Although it did give us kind of a reset, which worries me because, you know, it takes a good six episodes for these seasons to get good when everybody really learns to hate each other. No, but I think it's going to be okay, Ronnie, because it's like what we were talking about last week, which is that now we have set the stage for like a Lara Zarina relationship crumbling. Yeah.

Yes, well, that's true. Now we get that. So that's good. We finally get to see Lara's mean girl energy come out. We saw a little bit of it today, but we're going to start to see it blossom over the next few weeks, which is what we've been wanting, you know?

Yeah. So where we left off was that Alicia had crawled into the wrong bunk by accident. And of course, because Vian is, you know, the worst, he just is happy to cuddle her no matter what. He doesn't care. It's just a warm body has crawled up next to him. Johnny had walked in. Yeah, I see this all over again because, you know, I watched it last week, but I didn't Zubruder film it. You know, I didn't like go frame by frame and watch it over and over. I was just so shocked by that twist that I was like, oh.

And then I just let it go. But then watching it again this week, you know, people were saying in comments and, you know, all over these here internets that VHON had earplugs in and he didn't know what was going on. Like they had the VHON defenders and then they had like the Alicia shamers who were like, she knew what bed she was going into. Yeah.

She knew that Johnny was on the bottom bunk. She purposely got into Vian's bed, which I don't understand why she would do that. And then this week we saw Vian take out his ear pod or whatever the hell he had in there.

While she was still saying Johnny, Johnny, and then just pulled her in for a cuddle. And then he admits later, he's like, well, I just thought she wanted to talk to somebody besides every besides Johnny. Talk to you thought she wanted to talk to you and you were what a dick. This guy, this guy's such a piece of shit.

Yeah, yeah, no, none of it makes sense. Even if he had earplugs in, which I cannot believe there are people who are defending Vian right now. Like, it's actually so sad. I'm sad for you. I'm actually genuinely sad. If you sat there and went on the internet and was like, no, don't be mad at Vian. He had earplugs in. He didn't know who it was. Like, I'm genuinely sad for you because you have terrible judgment. But, like, someone just crawls into your bed with you and you just auto-cuddle with them? No.

No, especially when your buddy was like, this is a girl I'd like, so please don't be handsy with her. So what's even worse is that, and what's not even worse, because it was obvious to the rest of us, he knew exactly who it was. So he was being, first of all, he was just being so disrespectful to Johnny's wishes, but it's also kind of like,

you know, she, he hears her saying Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, he, she's obviously confused and he's taking advantage of that situation. It's awful. He's terrible. Yeah. That guy sucks. He sucks. So, um, also he gets grosser as it goes on. I don't know if that's a, I mean, I know his personality obviously does, but,

But like, he was so cute in the beginning, like he was, and then at the, by the end, he's just like so gross, you know? Yeah. He's a, he's a real piece of shit. So, uh, yeah, I, I'm surprised that there were any defenders of him out there. Um, but I just feel like it's such a waste of working out. Like you work out so much and this is, this is how you end it. You know what I mean? You put in all that work at the gym and this is how you ended it. You know, you could have had such a good life.

You had everything. You were little, you were cute, you were worked out and now look at you. Now look at you. It's the sordid tale of the men who work out and get beautiful bodies. Unfortunately, they usually have terrible personalities. So it's just, I don't know. I choose. I don't know many of them, but I choose to believe that that's not true. Yeah. I like that. That's like the prize in the cereal box. So you hope that they're at least nice. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, there are definitely like really nice and really hot. Like there, there, there are definitely nice guys and great guys who are worked out, but unfortunately there's a large segment of guys who are really worked out who are just awful. Yeah.

Well, unfortunately, as I tell all of my girlfriends who complain about dating and all of my boyfriends who complain about dating, the ugly ones can be just as mean. So that's the problem, you know, then you go to like a homely person and they suck too. So what are you going to do? You know, don't date, date your hand like the rest of us. Okay.

So that's enough of that. So we see Jason is now woken up, which, you know, they make it look like he's woken up by yelling. Jason was brought out of bed by these producers, you know. Totally. Because he would not have come out. That's my first thought. My first thought entirely. He's on a whole different floor. So he's like, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, would you like a kimono? And then Vian's like, I don't know what's going on. I don't know. Do you not realize?

that you were in, like, you were cuddling with his girl, man. Come on, bro. So Johnny's like, this is horse shit, horse shit, fucking shit. And Jason comes in and takes off the T-shirt from the camera so we can see Johnny slowly melting down. And Jason's just like, oh...

What do we do here? How do we make this a team? I would love to just let you guys work it out on your own. But he can't do that today. So then we go to Alicia, who I like that Alicia is bothered, but not bothered enough to snack. Yeah. Not bothered enough to not snack. She's like, it's late. I'm drunk. I'm snacking while this trauma is going on. And I like that's my kind of girl because I'm a trauma snacker as well.

Yeah, and she's like, so I went in and I thought it was Johnny's bed and it was actually Vihan. And Lara's like, and Johnny walked in on that and he went mental. She's like, yeah. So then Johnny, meanwhile, is like, I need to just go outside somewhere with these fucking boots. And he's like, mate, just try not to trade everything. No damaging.

Please no damaging, okay? Johnny, for everyone's safety and yours, I'm going to put you in a hotel tonight. Please no damaging. And then we'll have a good chat about it in the morning, okay? Where most likely you'll be fired, okay? He's like, yes, sir. And you know this is below deck down under and not below deck sailing because that other sailing boat is so damn damaged already. There's like cabinets falling over and shit, doors unable to close. Like that's a damaged machine. Johnny would have been fine on that boat.

But this boat, he's like, no damage. How dare you? So he's like, oh, I can't have this. Jason's like, listen, the damage is my department, okay? Find me a good port town. I will damage this boat. But you don't damage it. He thinks we're allowed to damage, mate. Docks, restaurants, but not the boat. Not cabinets in the boat. These came from a very glamorous store called Ikea. What? It'd be safe.

So he's very alarmed. He's like, I'm alarmed by this behavior and you can't have this on the boat. This is not the Johnny I know. This is not the Johnny. Tonight, we've got to get to the bottom of it. So he's going to do this in the morning because emotions are high. So Brie is like, oh, my God, I need to see where Harry is. How's Harry feeling about me? I mean, how's he feeling about me?

Lara's like, he needs you. He needs you. Which is actually not true at all. Especially given the fact that, like, you would think after this hectic night that Brie would spend the night with Harry in that guest room. And so they, like, share, like, another little, like, kiss on the lips. And part ways. Yeah. Harry's like, I'm going to be sleeping with my trauma this evening. Thank you. I will talk to you tomorrow. That was hot and heavy. This is a big thing to say, but I want to say this before we go to bed. I...

Would love for you to shut the door behind you as you leave. Thank you. Do you want to cuddle tonight with your own pillow in your own bed? Because that's what I'm offering for you. So Vihan is texting. Wait, is he texting or calling? I guess he calls Alicia. You can't make a call on the phone. And she's like, I'm in my room. That was not intentional. And he's like, honestly, it's fine.

She's not the one that did something wrong, douche. You are. Yeah, you did. It was really kind of like a violation. And it really bothers me that they never address it.

Yeah, I think it's... And I could have sworn when I watched the episode last week that Vianne kissed her shoulder. I could have sworn I saw or heard that, but I was too lazy to go back to verify it. But I'm going to just have... It's in my mental space. Either way, he definitely spoons her. And I just think it's...

If she thinks she's getting into bed and she's spooning with a different man and the man that she's with is spooning her in return, knowing that he's not the man that she thinks he's with, I don't know. I think that's shady. I think that's wrong. Yeah. We all do. I'm not making any – I'm not that he forgives her.

So that's pretty good. So she's like, but where's Johnny now? And he's like, I don't know what the fuck is going on. Captain took him away. And she's like, no. And he goes, yeah, because he's crazy. He's fucking crazy. I mean, what? A bird's going to come into your bed and you're not going to cuddle? That would be mean. That would be mean. I'm not a mean person.

So Zarina is helping Harry get set up in the guest cabin. And he's like, I can't go back to that cabin. I absolutely can't. I'm not even sure Harry knows what's going on at this point. And Zarina's like, no, you can't do that. So then Lara and Bree show up. And Harry's like, what's going on? Are we here for a very small kiss? And then you guys will absolutely leave the room? And Lara's like, well...

Alicia went into the cabin thinking it was Johnny and didn't know what was going on. Then Johnny walked in the cabin and Alicia was in bed with Vianne and it fucking kicked off. And then they're screaming and Brie's like, and he told Jason he's ready to leave. What does it mean? Harry's just like, oh, I'm going to stay here. I've had enough trauma for the night. Good night, everybody. And to the love of my life. I haven't met you yet, but when I do, it's going to be amazing. Good night, Brie.

Oh, Brie, one last thing. You didn't hear this, but I threatened to walk off the boat because there was nothing keeping me here. Okay, have a great night. Goodbye, nothing keeping me here. Have a great sleep.

So Serena's checking on Alicia and she's like, "Oh my God, this is all my fault." She eats like a taffy or whatever the fuck she's eating. And Serena's like, "No, no, it's not your fault. You're good. You're good. All we need you to do is concentrate a little bit harder on aiolis." Fork edible aiolis. All right, that'll solve everything.

So Alicia feels bad, she's saying she feels gutted, and Lara's saying that she was scared. She's like, "That scared me." And Zarina's like, "Yeah, I'm just trying to figure it out." And Lara's like, "Strange person, stop speaking to me, I'm having an inner monologue." So then, it's the next morning, and Jason radios Lara to the bridge, and everyone starts waking up.

And Alicia is wondering if Johnny's back on the boat yet, but he's still at the hotel. And now they're wondering if they think he's going to get fired. And Bree suspects he will. Yeah. So Jason and Laura talk. And he's like, let's digest last night, as I was trying to do when I was woken up.

Because someone was banging into cabinets. I still have three undigested peanut M&M's sitting by my bedside. Let's get to silverware so I can get back to my best friends. I was trying to digest the M&M's because I couldn't quite digest the soup that was served with a fork. So please, let's work on this.

So she's like, well, you know, I heard from Alicia's point, she tried to get in bed with Johnny. She got in bed with the wrong guy. She said something about Vion trying to clean the deck at the wrong times, which is horrible and not leading his team properly. So.

And Jason's like, all right, you want to go get her? So then she goes and gets her. And meanwhile, Marina's making pancakes, which is exciting. So then Jason's like, okay, sorry, did I wake you up? She's like, oh, all right. Well, how are you feeling? Not awake. I mean, very awake. I was totally awake. Not great. It's like, all right, well, you haven't done anything wrong. But what do you recall happening? So she talks about how she went into the room thinking it was Johnny.

And it was all kicking off because she saw Harry crying. And I was like, wow, Lara must have been so happy that she didn't have to tattle on that part. She's like, thank you. Thank you for not making me be the person who has to tattle yet again on Vian. Yeah, but it was annoying that that wasn't part of it. Like, first...

I mean, my story would have been, okay, the whole night was chaos. First, V-Han yells at Harry and makes him cry. And then he starts cuddling with some girl who's not his and pisses off Johnny. I mean, I don't know. I need Jason to know more because Jason's in his cabin too much. He doesn't know all this shit is going on. Somebody needs to tell him. And Harry's like such a big gossip. Like, you know, we get on Harry for being a little tattletale on this boat, but...

Come on, man. Lara, you're a tattle-tale to you. What the hell? This is your job. Tattle. I honestly think Lara was working her way up to it. She wasn't going to lead with that. I think she was going to lead with this and then be like, and you know, the thing is with Vihon, he causes so much chaos. But then Alicia just drops it right in there. So, you know, Lara's like, yes! Love that. Thank you for accelerating that bullet point. Yeah, but you know what, Jason? Here's a couple people Jason's always going to stand up for. Vihon?

And cabinets. So Jason's like, where was he punching? Was he punching in the bedroom at cabinets? That's a no-no. That's a no-no. She's like, yeah.

Yeah, and I was trying to tell him it was a mistake, you know, and then Lara's like, "It's not your fault. It's him. It's not you." And he's like, "Well, you know, there was aggression there. He was punching cabinets, slamming doors of cabinets, and I've got to make a safe environment for the cabinets at this point. Otherwise, the cabinets aren't going to want to work here anymore. Everybody understand what I'm saying?" Right? Listen, Alicia, I'm always here. You can always knock on my office, just softly, because, you know, doors have feelings too.

She goes, thank you for your time. So... My biggest managerial decision in eight weeks is going to be to protect the cabinets. I want that on the record. So she leaves, leaving just Jason and Lara alone. And now Jason's like, all right, I sense like there's some good goss. So tell me, spill the tea, sister. Harry in tears. What led to that, do you think? I know you know. So tell me.

So then she's like, of course, so happy to say that Harry was distraught because of what Vian said to him. She's really, you know, teasing it out. She's like, Vian? Yeah, well, there's been kind of a situation with Vian where it just was not nice to be around him at all. She's being so vague. Like, just say it, Lara. Just spill all the tea.

It's weird. She acts like she just doesn't even want to be there to talk about it. She's like, all right, I mean, Vihon this, Vihon that. I'm like, come on, this is your chance. Get it, get on it. And so she's like, yeah, you know, nobody wants to be around Vihon. And I...

he's like gaslighting me. Like, I feel like I'm going crazy, but then no one wants to be around him. So I know I'm not crazy. And he's like, oh, I'm going to talk with everyone today. Now, please get a blanket and cover the cabinets. All right. So then he brings Harry up and asks about the Vian situation. And he's like, yeah, I said, you know, get out of everyone's business. You know, things are going to go bad. He was yelling and it got to me. It

got to me the way he spoke to me it wasn't nice i'll tell you that much it wasn't noise yeah i didn't want to go back to the cabin and i didn't want to see him so i slept upstairs and then zarina's like well he shows his face to you then he shows a face to other people and vian has caused so much drama it starts to build on people at the end of the day you get nothing for nothing

When people are reacting this upset to the same sort of thing, it just shows it's not one person putting the blame on someone. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly?

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At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again.

So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful.

So he's like, well, looks like I've got to make some decisions. Damn it. I'm going to have to be out of bed all day. It's not a kimono day. All right. Mark kimono day off of my calendar. All right. Figure something out here. So now he calls Johnny to

to come and meanwhile Vianna and Adair are talking and um Vianna's like I don't know I don't know even what's going on and she's like oh yeah well I'm trying to think uh you know what you're thinking but I don't know what you're thinking yeah here's what I know you're not thinking people throwing a ball made out of pig skin catching it tackling each other and then you know a country song playing about a truck I can guarantee you're not thinking about that loser

I used to have a truck full of chicken and I was literally waking up with the girl in my bed, Alicia, you know, and I thought she wants to talk to someone other than Harry or Johnny. Then she wants to talk about things with my hands wrapped around her boobies. And then Johnny walks in and it was just chaos. Like, why am I always in the middle? If it's not work, then it's pleasure.

I just don't understand. It's like everywhere I go, people want me. You know, I just don't get it. So now Jason and Johnny are talking and Johnny's like, my hand is good. Thank you. And he's like, well, I was thinking about last night. He's like, yes, I was thinking about last night. I definitely lost. And he's got this little smile on his face. He's like, yes, last night I lost my composure. I lost it.

Well, looks like, you know, look, you've worked so well, but punching walls and having that aggression, especially against innocent cabinets, I can't tolerate it. For the safety of the crew and us going forward, I've decided that you're going to be the one who drives this boat right into the dock. Please enjoy. Enjoy being the captain, mate. I have given you a raise. But he doesn't. He's like, you know, I have to let you go. And Johnny, which I was kind of surprised by. I didn't expect he was going to immediately let him go.

I thought so, too, because he's been like a really good worker. I thought he was going to get a certain warning. And then I kind of felt guilty that my first instinct wasn't like, this guy's got to go immediately, zero tolerance, because Jason's like, zero tolerance, this aggression is not tolerated. And then I thought, am I a dick? Am I a bad person? Because my first instinct wasn't zero tolerance. Because then I was like, ultimately, I actually think Jason did the right thing.

But I felt bad that my instinct was not as severe as Jason's. And now I know going forward that my instinct will be. I have learned. I didn't feel guilty because that aggression is weird. It's too much. He should have been mad. People who are saying like, oh, he has every right to be pissed. Of course he did. But you don't have a right to be like that. No, I'm not saying I felt guilty. I felt guilty that my first thought was, oh...

Like, if I were Jason, like, maybe I'll give him, like, he gets, like, a stern reprimand or, like, some sort of docking of pay or whatever. I felt guilty that my instinct, my first instinct wasn't to say, this is zero tolerance and you're fired. But now that I've seen, I don't know, I've learned. And I know if I'm ever the captain of a boat and someone does that, they will be fired immediately. Thank you, Captain Jason.

So Johnny's out. And he's like, I understand. Because you know, there is this part of me that came back to life. And it doesn't exist in me anymore. I was like, oh, it exists. It exists. It exists. People say that. It exists. It exists.

And he's like, after so many years, it comes back and I hate it. I hate it. I don't belong here. And he's like, all right, well, you made that easy. Glad you understand me. See you later, Hulk. And he's like, oh, no hard feelings. Thank you so much for everything you've taught me. Oh, in the arrow, Eros, I have kiss for you whenever you come visit me.

In life, a smart person is one who tries to learn, find lessons in everything he does and what teaches a person how to become a better human being. It's the bad days and the accidents. I really don't hold grudge against Alicia or Vian. Now I'm thinking more straight and I can see just very, very bad timing. Like, um, Johnny, you just punched our camera. Oh. Another lesson to be learned. He's holding his mic like a tiny mic and just crushing it to dust. Like, Johnny, uh...

So it's always the guys who are the most like over the top with their chivalry, right? The ones who are like giving the roses and like, oh, beautiful, beautiful Alicia. Your eyes are so beautiful. They're always the ones who are like the psychos. I'm sorry. Yeah. You know, Johnny had a lot of good qualities for sure, but he was also a massive sister too. So let's not forget that. He just did it in like a more like,

stereotypical manly way than Harry because you know Harry will just go in and be like girls get to roll ahead where he's like you know who is trying to ruin your reputation on the boat

He does it in kind of a quieter way, so he gets away with it. But he was pretty nice compared to a lot of people that get fired on this show. Usually they make you really root for the person to get fired. And this time I felt like it was deserved. But overall, it was kind of like Johnny. It was sad because I feel like probably Johnny, probably most of the time, is probably a stand-up guy and pretty good. But he has an anger issue. And it's sad when you see someone who actually seems like...

a pretty decent human being, but they have a demon and they have to...

you have to work with that. That's it's, you feel bad, you know, that's going to be something that's gonna be a lifelong struggle for him. So, oh, I'm sorry. No, I just, I just was like, I was going on to what you were going to say. Yeah. So at least he goes to say bye to him and she's crying and he's like, I don't blame you. I don't think you really knew what happened. Although you could feel that the body beside you was hairless and covered in sludge, but, um,

that's neither here nor there you know i'm sorry to you i'm sorry to cabinet i'm sorry to other cabinets goodbye and uh dude like that johnny like johnny in a sad state does become kind of like a telenovela or like a soap star sweet delicia it is better to go i'm like do people really talk like this i always thought it was just in the movies yeah he does that kind of thing where he gets fired but he still gives an oscar speech like he just won an award

He's like, I'd like to thank everybody here for teaching me all of the lessons I came here to learn. I would like to thank the cameramen, the lighting men, the sound people, the deck itself. Without a dirty deck, how would I have learned to scrub? Goodbye. The people, the people on the other side of the ocean, the little dots of light that are people's souls tuning in to see me every week.

As I leave, I would like to say I was surprised to even be here and to realize that you like me. You really, really like me. I have failed you. Goodbye, everyone. So Alicia's like, I'm heartbroken. I mean, he's such a large part of my journey. You know, I learned how to fry an egg.

I went on a date journey over. Am I right? Um, but she's a stronger person now and she's going to look more closely before she gets into any bed. As you know, you would, I would, I would be going into bed. Like, is that just my candle? I'd be feeling around the whole bed. Like what is this hard thing? Is this the candle? Turn on my lights every time.

It's a game show, new game show hosted by Ronnie Karam. Is that your candle? It's just having people blindfolded and

into dark rooms, touching beds and seeing if it's a dick or a Kindle. Well, actually that kind of is my thing. Cause I keep everything on my bed, my vapes on my bed, my Kindles on my bed, my phones on my bed, my AirPods are on like everything is just piled on, you know, under pillows in my bed. And so if I fall asleep on the wrong side, the Kindles under some pillow on the wrong side. And then before you know it, I'm throwing pillows everywhere and putting on the, find my iPhone on the watch and all that stuff. So yeah, I could do that. Like what's in my bed.

With your host, Ronnie Carroll. What is the callender doing in here? I'm too scared to, like, every now and then I'll, sometimes I'll go to sleep. When Dom's out of town, sometimes I'll go to sleep with, like, one or two cookbooks on the left side of the bed. Really?

Of course, I'll be reading them at night, and then I'll be like, "Oh, I'm tired. I'll just put them here to the side. Here, Gale." And I put it here on the left. And then, because the thing is they're sturdy, so I know they're not going to... They're generally not... I'm a very still sleeper. I don't thrash at all. I barely move.

Like, like the bed is almost exactly the same as when I get out of it. So I know the cookbooks will be fine, but I'll tell you, I won't put my computer. I will not do a Sierra. I will not put my computer on my bed. I am too scared. It's too expensive. And I am not gonna, I am not going to risk that thing falling off the bed. Yeah. But I would do an iPad. I think an iPad, I think would be okay. Yeah. iPad. Yeah. That goes in there.

All of it. Put it in the bed. I'll wake up with candy wrappers in there. I mean, you never know. There's been M&Ms in my bed. I've definitely woken up. I'm ready for John Kehoe and us to come out. What would you do if you put this on your bed and went to sleep? How big can you go?

So Johnny gives another speech. He's like, it has been a pleasure. It is better this way. Always. Life brings you events. What you actually need inside. Thank you, boat. And Jason's like, all right, well, whatever. We've gotten you a new Hyundai brick to drive home. So enjoy that.

Would you like to look over the side of the pier here one last time and comment on the fish? Oh, most beautiful fish. Absolutely beautiful. Beautiful, darling fish. I've never seen such a beautiful fish in my life. I will get the fish. Okay, Johnny, you can get into your car. Goodbye, zebra fish. Goodbye, plant-eating fish. Fly-eating fish, I mean.

Goodbye, Eel with a smile, always with a smile. Why are you fucking smiling at my woman? I'm sorry. That part of me is dead, Eel. You can eat it. Goodbye. I'm sorry, Moray Eel. It is inside and I thought got dead and gone away.

So now the girl, Lauren Zarina, are like, well, what do you think is going to happen with Vian? And she's like, hey, you know, just a big talk. It's just going to happen. A big fucking talk. What else ever happens with Vian? And so she didn't say that I did. Because I'm like, oh, God, he's not going to fucking fire Vian. There's no way. This guy does nothing but stand up for this piece of shit. Every episode. I was already mad coming into this scene. Yeah, I was like, it's only going to be like one episode.

Like, you're not going to fire two people. So going into the episode, I was like, it's going to be either Johnny or it could be Vian, but it's probably just going to be Johnny. So Johnny is, he basically calls up Vian. Vian comes up to the wheelhouse and Jason's like, what a morning. I had to let Johnny go. Forgot to give him a kimono. Feel terrible about that. Real marketing opportunity lost.

It's punching walls, aggression's just not something we can tolerate. But I've also had some very tailing conversations about you today, mate." And Vian's like, "Really?" He's like, "Yeah, last night you were screaming at Harry." And you know Vian's like, "That fucking tattletale Harry." But Harry was not the one who tattled this time. Harry merely cried on the side of the boat and said, "I'm gonna walk right off this boat, there's nothing holding me back, not even a supermodel!" Yeah, and Vian gets his Homer Simpson confused eyes. He's like, "What?"

"What? Me? I was not screaming at Harry. I've never disrespected anyone, anyone ever!" And he's like, "Alright, well listen, I've given yourself some responsibility, you've really not done a great job, you're not cohesive in the interior, you know, listen, negativity won't be tolerated." And he's like, "Okay, there's not one person on this boat I wouldn't cuddle with."

Except maybe Lara. Maybe possibly Lara. But you know what? I've given them one of my crew deck members. No, you haven't. No, you didn't. That is also her deck members or her interior members. Yeah, it's a deck stew. She's a slash. Okay? She's a slash. She's a deck slash stew. That's right. And this is what always happens with deck stews.

Always have the deck suits. It's always the deck team. Always claims them as like their own. And no, it's not that way. I'm always happy to help. I'm always the one that's friendly and positive and smiling. I don't understand where all this is coming from. Jason's like, well, do you know how many people I've offered my penis to? Do you know how many times I've had coffee with so many people because they enjoy my company?

Well, I know what you're saying. And at the end of the day, you've got nothing for nothing. You can say for the life of the poor, it's a struggle. Who is singing that? Who is singing that song right now? Don't worry about that. It's just the boat. It's the ghost in the boat. I've given them one of my... The cabinets were singing much sadder songs earlier, unfortunately. Castle on a Cloud Rings a Bell.

Hold on. What other cabinet singing now? Summertime in the living is lazy. Doing a real Porgy and Bess mood now. Okay. Anyway, the point is this. I know you're confused. I feel like you're not taking accountability for the things that's been happening. And with everything else that's going on, I'm going to make a change. You're the common denominator, creating the divide within the team. It's like an infection. And I need to cut the infection out. So I'm letting you go.

But I cut the infection out before I came here. Do you know how much penicillin I took? How could you do this to me? And he's like, all right, you're the common denominator. Now you're bringing math into it. Please leave. But I have a chicken truck. All right. I don't know what that means, but you're going to have to go. Can I at least take the blast polish? Because it looks really good on my pecs. All right, just go. Please just go now. You're embarrassing everyone.

Why are you on my lap? Please get off of my lap. What? Just trying to show you love. Don't touch me. It's against the rules. Please go. I'm stunned. I've been trying my absolute, absolute okayest and didn't appreciate that. So be it. So he's mad. What kind of show is this that mere mediocrity isn't rewarded?

So he goes, makes a beeline for Adair. And he's like, can I come quickly in? She's like, I'm not coming.

Okay. And so he basically hugs her and he's like, I've been let go. She doesn't give a shit. She's like, oh, well, I'm sorry, hon. Okay. He's like, what is that on my back? Did you just pat my butt? And she's like, oh, it's pinning the tail on the donkey.

It's like if you heard bad news, but you were at the diner and the only person you have to hug is the waitress who came by to give you a refill of coffee. That's kind of the energy of this moment. She doesn't really care about you, but she'll console you. But he's like, oh, having to say goodbye to a girl. Yeah.

Just like drop his head and start sobbing. I died laughing. Also, I was cheering that Jason did this. You know, I give Jason a lot of shit this season, but I think he did the good thing. I was like, wow, that guy snaps from total inaction to like, all right, you're all fired. Goodbye. All right. Can I just love the double man?

He does love a double firing. He did that last year with Luke and Laura, who were two of the most vile people to ever be on blow deck. So then Adair is like, well, I think that we on is trying to convince himself as well as me that it's not a problem, but he's got himself into a love triangle with Zarina and Marina and he's ended up in a situation with Alicia and whatever the hell that is and he's pissed off Johnny, his best friend, he's bickering and always fighting with Harry and he's always fighting with Laura and I'm going to miss him, but he was also kind of real dumb. He doesn't like to play

play in the mud and drive tractors and stuff so yeah bye there's a possibility i could meet i could miss him at some point in my life but i'll tell you this much i'm never gonna miss him as much as i miss koozies you know he won't understand why that song pontoon is such a good song he doesn't understand that lifestyle on the pontoon making waves inside a moon

So now Jason calls a crew meeting and he's like, all right, Johnny's out. No level of aggression against cabinets is ever, ever tolerated here. And listen, I don't want negativity here. All right. Here's what I want. Kimono-tivity. All right. I want everybody to filled with the feeling that at any moment you could be lounging in a kimono from Captain's Lounge. Do we understand? Yeah.

They're like, "Yes, Captain. Thank you, thank you." So Lara's like saying, you know, "Jason making the decision to file Vian is an interesting decision. I remember we're all gonna miss Johnny a lot." And then she just sits there silently. I was like, "Oh my goodness, thank you for bringing the spirit of Kate Chastain with you today." So, yeah, Harry's telling the girls, "If there's one thing I can trust, it's... no. It's Captain's decision-making."

choices and poor Bree's like but what does that mean about me does he not trust me I hope we have a conversation about this later laughing

So, Jason calls up Australian Norma, known as Shelly, and he's like, all right, Norma, Norma Shelly, I need some CVs ASAP, and I'll need this right away. Hope you're not too busy staying at home because you're not out on a date because no one's attracted to you. I can do it too. Yeah.

It's supposed to be funny, you goddamn monster. All right, listen here. Nobody wants a bowl-length kimono. Shelley's just like, what the fuck? What does that mean? Sorry you got it away from me. Didn't make any sense. Well, I guess it can't all be normal, eh? Goodbye, Shelley. Or shall I say, Sheila, fuck off, Captain.

So Serena is now trying to make it light. And she's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to get a matching tattoo with Jason this season. I'm going to get Jason across the chest. And he goes, what font would that be? And she's like, Roman. And he goes, would it be bold? Would it be bold font? I'm like, that's his font knowledge. Yeah. Speaking of Kate Chastain, Kate Chastain is just at home like amateurs. Yeah.

Moron. So we go back to the tortoise sanctuary because everyone's day off. So they go and they pet the tortoises, which are so cute, those tortoises. And then they get to... The only person on the cast that makes me feel young. They're like, oh yeah. This is your first time with a Vian. We've had a lot of them around here in this sanctuary. David over there, he's not so nice. He's cute.

Don't want to get in bed with him. Listen, kids, this is sea life. All right. Look around. You got to be prepared. Notice one thing we don't got here. Cabinets. Okay. Remove temptation. So Shelly texts Jason. She's got she's already got two CVs ready. She I mean, I've got to say Shelly does some good work. She was really quick.

I mean, you wouldn't think that you'd be able to find some people who are ready to fly off to the middle of the Indian Ocean so quickly, but Shelley's on top of it. Well, is she, though? Because one of the guys doesn't know anything. One of the guys literally knows nothing. I think she just went outside and was like, all right, Jason just made some horrible dating comments at me. A person at Buffalo Wild Bills, what's it called? Buffalo Bills and Wings, BB2X. What is it called? Buffalo...

BW squared, Buffalo Wild Wings. Buffalo Wild Wings. You want to come in here? You need a job? I've got a real asshole for you to work for here. All right, just here's the thing. Only wear jogging pants. Just say no to kimonos. All right, you're hired. You know what? We can get a lot of people in here. They could be really, really qualified. They don't know what they're doing. Have fun while your boat crashes yet again. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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So, Jason leaves them to go deal with that, and then everyone else is going, like they're having fun. They're at the beach, and they're snorkeling and having a nice time. And here's something controversial to say. Those two guys should have been fired, but they should have been fired after beach day. Because I think this is the least eventful beach day we've ever seen on a below deck. This beach day, nothing went on. They were just like, oh, all right, well...

I like crackers. Me as well. All right, let's go home. This was fun. I know. But there was one moment that was, like, not bad, which is that, like, Alicia and Laura are, like, chatting and, like, just...

Just a moment of, like, Zarina being super awkward, and, like, where it's further evidence of a growing rift between Lara and Zarina, because they've been nice, and they've been friends all season. But Lara's talking to Alicia, and she's saying, like, I still have friends from my first boat steal. That was 2008. And I think they're going to be my friends forever. And Zarina comes, like, paddling up to them all awkward and getting, like, thrown around by the surf. And she's like, hey, guys, how's it going? And Lara's like, oh...

One of my friends from 2008 that I don't like to hang out with.

You know, I was just talking about all of my best friends from my other boat, and then look who walks in. I mean, this isn't Notre Dame, all right? You hunchbacking your way over here. She's like, jeez, go back to your bell tower. I was like, oh, my God. What the hell? I mean, just trying to be sexy here. You know, just roll up, my tits coming out. See, that's like, yes, your nipples out. Please put it away. Please. Trying to be a little sexy. Hey, if you see bubbles coming out of the water, it's because I just farted. Right?

Zarina's definitely developing some Mary Catherine Gallagher energy. She is. She's always kind of at it. That's why I like her. She's always just kind of like, yeah, it's sexy, isn't it? I'll just fart it on myself.

Oh, goodness. So, I don't know if it was this the moment or was it later when Zarina's talking about how she's always trying to fit in with cool girls. Okay, I'll pause on that. But this was another moment. They're just like, okay, well, let's move away from this sandbar or whatever. She's like, all right.

So then Jason checks in with Nate, who's a new... Wait, is he new? Yeah, he calls Nate, who's going to be the new person. Oh, he calls him. And he's like, hi, Nate, how are you? And Nate is like the most Australian Aussie. He's like, I'm doing good. And he's like, oh, well, your CV looks good. So it looks like you're going to have to hit the ground running. He's like, always willing to help out. He's like, all right, well, looking forward to... Thank you very much. He's like, oh, good day, mate.

So, we see his picture and he's really cute. And he does kind of remind me of, remember Chief Quimby from Inspector Gadget? No, isn't that weird? I remember Inspector Gadget and I remember Penny. Isn't Penny in this? Yeah, oh, Penny. She's so annoying. Inspector Gadget. Chief Quimby, he was always like popping up in like a garbage can to be like, I've got a secret message for you. And then the garbage can would explode. Yeah.

This guy sort of gives me that energy. Oh yeah, he does. I can see that. He's got a Chief Quimby vibe. I feel like you need to be honest with people on your CV and say, oh, I have a mustache now. I feel like that part was missing from the... Because if he showed up, I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I did not hire a mustache. So you really got to tell people. Can't just lie on your CV, sir. This is a fireable offense.

Yeah. You have to be really upfront about that kind of stuff. It's very important. I don't want to watch you like messing with food in your, your thing and, or like, you know, like combing it with a tiny comb. I need to be warned. Okay. So, um,

Now it's the next morning, because this beach day, like you said, was pretty uneventful. And Alicia's texting Johnny, saying that she misses him, and yadda yadda. And she's really distracted, because she's just consumed with Johnny grief. And Zarina is getting annoyed.

Yeah, she's kind of annoyed. She's like, "You're not really concentrating there, darling." She's like, "I'm sorry, I'm texting Johnny." So now they go to their meeting and Harry gets to go, 'cause he's the boss for a second. And I like that Jason's like, "All right, Harry, welcome to the round table. We're getting a new bosun. Don't get comfortable. All right, everybody, please don't say anything that can make Harry cry. I can't fire anybody else today. All right?" Harry's like, "But who do I tattle to?"

So Jason is like, all right, here we are. Nikita is the founder and CEO, very important title, of a PR company based in Dubai. She's bringing her colleagues to celebrate their fourth anniversary of their company's founding. So we always appreciate a company that celebrates an off-year anniversary with a yacht.

Um, and of course they're from a non-drinking country. So they're like, we're going to a rum tasting distillery tour. And I know that you can drink in Dubai kinda, but you know, kind of, but so yeah, a very heavily regulated and licensed drinking in a hotel only. Yeah.

So, they want to do a mob wives thing. So, yeah, they're gonna have a rum tasting, a distillery tour, and they want a picnic lunch, and they want to have a mob wife party. And so, Serena's like, "Oh, you want a mob? I give you mob." She's like, "Mmm, no, that's wrong. It's not the Russian mob. It's the Italian mob. I think they would like the Italian mob. Who wants Russian mobs?" Yeah. Serena's like, "Fun mob. We're doing fun mob, not scary mob." "Fun, yeah, Russian mobs. Big, strong, birdy. Have you seen Putin's skin?" She's like, "No, it's Italian mobs."

Italian, good fellas, sopranos, fun stuff that people like, Zarina, you strange person. So she says, Zarina, they have this like very passive aggressive argument, basically, where they're like, Zarina kept on saying like, but you know, Russian. She's like, no, no, Italian. Italian mob, Ray Liotta, Joe Pesci, that kind of thing, you know?

So then they look at the CVs of the new guys and Jason's like, all right, you can have a look at them now. Just be sure to swipe left or right. All right. So there's no confusion later. You ladies get the first dibs. And Serena sees one of them. She's like, oh, my God, he's got a chin like Superman. God, I've got a pair of glasses in my purse. Get on over here.

Can we get a phone booth? Or shall we just say that that's what the galley is? So we can change right before my eyes. All right, Serena, you're foaming onto Lara. Can we please tidy up a bit?

So they all agree. Brie is like, oh my god, that guy's pretty! And Marina's like, what the actual fuck? They're both mine, okay? Because Laura says, well, Marina, maybe there's someone for you that would maybe inspire you to stay ironing, all right? Which is what you should be doing.

They are both hot. So everyone's very excited because they've really had like dwindling standards on this boat. So they're really excited for them to arrive. And so now Nate is going to be, Nate's bio says he's from, I think he's like walking on the boat. And so they do this whole thing where they say he's from Sydney, Australia. He's 29 years old, four years experience as a bosun and worked two years as a kid's party entertainer. Well, why'd you have to mess it up with that? Yeah.

He's like, honestly, I was hired to do a roadshow of Inspector Gadget. People liked it. But, you know, at a certain point, no one knows what the IP is anymore. So to the seas I go. Listen here, I'm in charge of your deck. I'm in charge of your anchor. And if anybody wants a little action from the Wiggles later, give me a ring.

As I like to say, Inspector Gadget. Is a bosun. Doesn't make sense. I like that your idea of a modern kids party is Inspector Gadget. And mine is the Wiggles. Like, how old are we? Well, I did establish lore that he was doing Inspector Gadget parties, but now the kids don't know who Inspector Gadget is. So the work dried up, so he had to go out to yachting. That's why he only had two years.

The only time I ever got hired to do kids' parties, they were adults obsessed with cartoons from the 80s, so... Got a little awkward there. He's like... I also, in my mind, he's part of an ensemble, 'cause he's clearly Chief Quimby, so he wasn't even Inspector Gadget, he just was, like, a minor... He played a minor role. He was basically the stage manager, but would come out for, like, the Chief Quimby scenes, but then would go back to moving the sets around.

I just hired a Inspector Gadget thing party because 50 is the new 12. Am I right, everybody? Wait a minute, what's Quimby doing here? Can I get Inspector Gadget at least? I paid for this party. What was the name of the dog? Was the dog named Bone? Was the dog named Bone? I'll have to look this up too. Yeah, because if that dog is named Bone, shame on Penny, you could do better. Come on. Why are you naming your dog Bone?

It's also such torture for the poor dog. Every time you call the dog, the dog thinks that... What? Brain. That's right. I knew it was a B. Okay, Penny, you're off the hook. Thank you for stopping me before it got out of hand. Before the penny stands came for you. I kind of dare you.

All those pro penny pro VHON stands. Yeah. All right. So Nate comes and he's mustached and Jason's like, oh, nice to meet you, mate. Take off. Take that off. Relax. When I say take that off, I mean, your shirt and your pants. Here's a kimono. Get comfortable. All right. Looks like you just came down from the Himalayas. And he's like, oh, yeah, I've been traveling a little bit. Took a break from a job in Sydney. Just been traveling, backpacking a little bit, juggling for any kid I pass. You know, nothing creepy.

All right, you don't have to tell me that. We've got some degree deodorant here ready for you to put on, and please put it on as soon as possible, by the end of the sentence, preferably. So it's good, we got you over here pretty quick. I just want a happy environment, no infections. We've got to work hard and lead by example, and I expect you to lead by example, so if you want to put your feet up and let other people figure out their disagreements, then by all means, go at it.

So this guy's like, holy shit, just got off the plane on to Chara. Absolute chaos, but it's the way I like it. I was born to a mother. I've got three sisters. My dogs were women. Every checkout lady I've ever been through in a store has been a strong woman. All right? I'm surrounded by strong women. That's all I care about. Strong women. That's why I've got perfectly highlighted hair and even a highlighted mustache. That's me.

let's dance baby so then um he goes around meeting everyone he's got like this he really does have this kind of like like buzz light year like chin with the little the dimple with the cleft or whatever you want to call it it's like kind of amazing and so everyone's like oh my god hi nate and zarina zarina meanwhile is talking to alicia and she's like um alicia since you keep on

running into that refrigerator door with your head um have you had coffee this morning i'm gonna need you to help focus and cook a little bit instead of texting and being in a cloud she's like oh no i have it's just not doing the job oh but there are also people on board i love them they're so fun she's like all right come on focus focus go focus serena's like did we get cauliflower because i wanted to have a vegetable to represent vian's personality on the day that he left can you check the fridge for that just like we've got his hairstyle yeah

So, then Serena passes and she's like, "Oh my god, metal on metal! Can we not do metal on metal? Plastic spatula, please! Plastic!" I was so grateful for that little moment. I feel like this has not been articulated enough on Bravo. Don't put metal utensils in the nonstick! Just don't do that, people! I don't even think it was a nonstick. Wasn't it just a metal, like a silver pan or whatever? A silver. Perhaps, but it just gave me an opportunity to give that PSA.

I didn't know that you can't use metal on the metal pans. Not the nonstick kind. I didn't even know that. I think metal, I mean, maybe, like, for sure you can use metal on, like, a cast iron. Like, that's one of the perks of cast iron. Maybe, I know some people are very precious about, like, their steel, and they don't want scratches and stuff like that. I'm just like, it's a pan. It can be scratched. I just don't want, like, my nonstick coating to come flaking off. So, you know. Oh, yeah, that's not good for you. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that, yeah. So, anyway, Nicholas comes. He's the new deckhand, and he's kind of hot, too. And he's from Toulouse, France, and he's 24, and he has six months experience, and he cried watching Indiana Jones Live. Was it because you spent money on Indiana Jones Live? He's like, I just love Kate Capshaw so much.

That's a funny fact. What is Indiana Jones Live? I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know. Is that the thing they do at like, no, it's not Universal because the ride is at Disney. I don't know what Indiana Jones Live is. Or is it that he went to the movies and saw it and cried? Was it Temple of Doom with Kate Capshaw? Or was it like, I thought it was like one of those theme park shows like you originally said. That's what I thought he meant too. It probably was. Was Kate Capshaw there? Yeah.

Kick-Ass Charlotte was in Temple of Doom, right?

i'm asking you all the questions i'm really challenging you today i'm like i'm like please name me the dog from it you're picking like every piece of pop culture i don't care about which is really rare because we're usually on the same page with that stuff but it's like i was like stupid and indiana jones i was like i mean i kind of liked indiana jones but then i went to the new version of it and i was like oh no no no you know what's you know it's funny if you go if you do if you if you google k kapshaw one of the first things that comes up is what happened to kate kapshaw

She married Steven Spielberg. Nothing else has to happen. That girl's on a fucking bike floating over the moon. She doesn't need the publicity.

So, Nicholas... Never mind. Go ahead. Never mind. No, no. No, it's not. I'm not going to take us down this path. Uh-uh. So, Jason meets Nicholas, and he's like, all right, here's what you do. You walk by the rubbish, you take it out. You need... That interior needs help, you help them. All right? But always refer to your bosun, and you've got an opportunity. You're going to learn. Now, here's my question for you, before you step on this boat. What do you think of cabinets? It's like, I'm a cabinet stroker. Perfect. Perfect.

You've already got a race, mate.

Well, it depends on the cabinet. If I open up the cabinet and a giant ball, cannonball, comes rolling out of it, I may cry. So I have a complex relationship with him. Yeah, he does talk low. He's like, I've actually got into the yachting pretty recently. It's the biggest boat I've ever been on. I mean, I've only been on two, but still, this wins. And, you know, I mean, it's got a complicated layout, almost like the Starship Enterprise, right? Believe it or not. Ah.

I wasn't very popular in high school. I was like, you know what? Before you opened your mouth, I would have said bullshit. But now that you've opened your mouth, you know how the person, and I don't mean his personality is unattractive. I just mean nerd alert because he's like really hot and model looking. But then the way he moves his face, he's like, it's a boot. It's a large, large boot.

This is my favorite combo. Someone who's really hot, but they're only, he's like only recently hot. He's still in his like nerd. He's like, he's still carrying high school nerd baggage with him. And it's, um, that's like the best. Yeah. I love a hot nerd. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. Um, so he's like, I feel like I'm on the Starship Enterprise. Um,

So downstairs in the crew mess, Alicia's still distracted and Serena's losing her mind about it. And then Nate is getting along with everyone. He's like, "All right, everyone, in terms of prepping, where we at? We're gonna use some shimmies and keep on going." And so they're happy because he's like a proper leader.

Yeah, so Serena and Alicia, she's like, you're very distracted today, my love. You know, I just don't think your brain's quite woken up yet, has it? Should we get a drip coffee, like an IV drip, into you? Because Jesus Christ, you know, I heard someone scream this morning, their name was Pam. Their name was Pam. They were abused. All right, we're going to fix that.

How about this? Why don't you grab that metal spatula that you were using and, okay, now stand still while I whack you on the head with it until you wake up. All right. Laura comes in and she's like, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, have you not seen the film The Brady Bunch? There's this girl in it and there's these three sisters and they're all blonde and there's one that's like a little bit quirky and a bit off, you know, like Serena. She literally says that, like Serena. It's not us.

And there's one bit that she goes, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha." And Serena's like, "Oh, all right. Well, I guess the models are talking about me, just like in high school. Here's me, ugly, fugly, wugly, standing over on the wall while cute girls talk to each other." So here's where Serena is like,

you know Lara and our last boat together, she was the main gal, and you know that person at school that everyone wants to be them and they're super pretty, and I've always wanted to be part of the popular group, and just like the kid in the corner, I always wanted to be included in anything, and I just think by the end of the seasons we're going to be like sister, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I don't know why I can't sit with the popular girls, I just want to be with the popular girls. And they keep showing these photos of Zarina, where she's like in goth makeup, and like her eyes are bulging, and she's like screaming at the camera, she's like... And she's like...

She's like Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice. She's like, "I don't know why the popular girls didn't like me." And then a picture of her, like, looking like the girl that just got pulled out of the well. You know, her hair's like out of the ear. Oh my god. She's got like a rat hanging off of her ear. She's like, "I just don't get it. Why didn't anyone want to hang out with me?" So then Nate comes in and he's like, "Can I help you with anything?" And she's like, "Oh, you look so eager for your first day. I guess we're in love now."

So now, guests are going to be showing up and Nick does not have his epaulettes because he has no idea what's going on. Nick has no idea. Nick is very, very, very green, but he's hot and nerdy, which makes me sympathetic towards him as opposed to other people who would be like, "Oh, what are you doing here on this belt? Why'd you even join?" So people show up, the guests arrive. Nikita, president and founder of her company, has arrived to celebrate her four-year anniversary with her colleagues.

Yeah, and Nick sees them and there are all these beautiful ladies and he's like, oh my God, around beautiful women. I just, I try not to think about it, you know, because the more that I think about it, the more awkward it gets. And oh God, they've just reminded me of all the girls that didn't talk to me in high school. And that seems cute. Like, it seems like, oh my God, he's going to totally hook up with Serena, right? Because they have these matching scenes back to back. Like, the popular girls don't like me. He's like, the popular girls don't like me.

I wish he was doing the same photos as Serena. Just in, like, half makeup and screaming at the camera. The girls didn't like me in high school. We do see him nerdy in high school, which is fun, too. So, everyone goes on the tour, and Jason... They leave the dock, and Jason's just so happy that it was smooth, and, like, how Nate is just, like, totally capable. I mean, I think...

Honestly, like when you have a chin like that, you're going to be good at being a bosun. Like if you have a Popeye chin, you're going to be a good sailor. Like that's just part of the job. Like you just know he's going to be great. Squeezing a can of spinach open and downing it. Yeah. Ready for this. Bring it on. You've got a bit in your mustache, mate. You know, again, please tell me in your CV if you're going to be coming on with that. Otherwise, good job. Good bloke.

Yeah. I mean, look, Chief Quimby, he's a fucking chief. He got to that. He rose to that position. He has an elevated position. Okay. This guy's going to be great.

That's my theory. The Tao of, of Quimbyism. So Alicia, um, uh, is still missing Johnny. She needs to get over this. I'm giving her one. I'm giving her the rent to the end of this episode before I, and now I'm going to say that this is done. It's over. Well, it looks like that's about as long as it lasts in place. Don't worry. I saw the previews. I was like, yeah, sorry, Johnny. I feel bad for any kitchen stuff in Johnny's house.

Yeah. I'll not be cabinets to hold them for much longer. Cause Johnny's going to eat shit on those soon. Yeah. Well, it's hard because Nate is, Nate is attractive and you know, out of sight, out of mind.

Zarina's talking about the menu. She's gonna make a saltfish. She's gonna be making a giant saltfish and it's gonna make a mess in the kitchen. And Lara's like, well, why don't we try and not make a mess? It's totally a high school regression. This is the popular girl being like, can you move your bake sale away from my bake sale? Thank you so much.

Serena, Serena's like, but it's a fish and it's coated in salt. Do you understand that? She's like, hmm, maybe non-salt coated fish would be nice. Can we coat you in salt and then just bury you somewhere? Can we get a fish with eyebrows slightly askew? All right. I'd love to identify with the fish tonight. She's like, God damn, this woman's picky. Wait a second.

Did she just take the fish to go hang out with? She's hanging out with the fish and not with me? That's ridiculous. So the next morning, the new guys get up and start working. And then Marina sees the captain. And she's like, oh, hello, Capitano. Why do I only have one of your sock? Could you tell me why? And she kind of slaps him with the sock. And he's like, the other one's somewhere else. And she goes, oh, so you only come with one sock. That is how we treat me. I was looking over this laundry thinking I lost your sock, you stupid, stupid, aimless motherfucker. Am I right?

I'm like, uh, Marina, uh, maybe, maybe not. Maybe we don't start with this kind of banter right after you just got almost fired for it. I know, but he didn't tell her, he didn't like the thing that she said to him, but he didn't tell her like, don't be so casual. Like I demand respect. And so she's like keeping up the casual thing, but I got to give her credit because it works because she's like, I'm going to show him that I'm always like that.

And it's meant in good fun. Like, that's my personality. And he's like, oh, okay, I'll get it now. She's someone who shames other people for being half-soulless. And I respect that about her.

Yeah. Not only does he respect this, he actually winds up advocating for her because he then goes up to Lara and he's like, so what's the goss? Just kidding. Don't care. I'm going to tell you something right now. I think we're on the right path. And also, we got you some help. So we've got Marina and let's put her on service a little bit more. What do you think? I mean, she found my sock. And Lara's like, yeah. So yeah, she works hard. She's got potential. She's good at finding socks. Yeah. Well, you know, can't take away that she works hard. That's for sure. Yeah.

I did throw a birthday party, put up a balloon, said happy birthday, so I think that counts as doing service. So, yeah, note taken. Well, you know, I just don't want her to be thrown into the cabins for life, you know what I mean? I mean, listen, what I want is for people to find a strength, alright? And I want to see some growth. And she's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, alright, well, okay, so we're clear on that. And she's like, 100%. And he walks off and she goes, well, it might not seem fair to Marina to stick her down there, but...

Listen, we've got two new Cream members coming in and I don't need the extra challenge. I'm running it like I run my other boats and I'm playing my best cards. So at this point, no. She's an asshole. What is wrong with this girl? Even when the captain tells her, she's still going to be like, no, I'm not ever going to give that girl a chance. What did she do?

Yeah, this is a dick move. Makes me like her more because I like my chief stews to be dicks. But I... This is... Just give her a pity service. Let her do breakfast. Let her do... Or let her do an afternoon... Let her do some drinks in the afternoon. Like say, hey, Bree... I like my chief stews to be sarcastically funny, but I don't like them to be mean to people for no reason. This is crazy. She's got something personal against Marina. What'd she do? I don't know. I don't know what Marina did. I... If...

I'm getting this, like, I wonder, are we not getting the full picture here? Or is there like a version where Marina was like not very good at service? I don't, I don't know. I don't think she's ever done it. Has she? She did a one charter.

But it does seem weird. It does seem weird that she's so reluctant to have Marina on charter and on service. I'm like, let her do like one shift. Let her do the afternoon cocktails, you know, like, let her do something so that way she feels like she's not being taken advantage of or forgotten about because you need to, you also do need to keep your peeps happy. And this is like, you can throw her a bone or a brain.

Yeah. I think this is also the problem with not saying right in the beginning, you're second and you're third. Like this whole new age, like, I'm not going to give anyone titles. I'm just going to see how it works out. Because then you make someone feel like they lost, you know? Instead of just accepting right in the beginning, I'm third and that's my job. What I will say, devil's out, I agree 100%. Like, don't give hope when there is no hope. I think on the flip side...

Like we've seen this with Daisy and other people too, where they're like, look,

you're better at this, you're better at this, this is how I want to run it. It's not, this is not like a moment of like, oh, but I want to be on service. It's like, you're the laundry person. This is your task. And like, we've seen that in the past and we've gotten so mad at people for being like, just do your job. Why, like, why do you think you are like, why do you think you are owed X, Y, and Z? But it is kind of flipped this time around where it seems like actually she's doing a good job, so she should be rewarded. So I can sort of understand. It's like, well, Brie is good at this.

Marina's good at that, so why would I change that? But yeah, my instinct says let her have an afternoon shift. But she doesn't know how it would be opposite. She doesn't know that Marina would be bad at service. It's like she just likes working with Breeze, how it's coming off to me. I think she just likes Breeze. Yeah. I think she is. I think that ultimately, Lara is...

She is like someone who's like, I'm going to be the queen girl and I'm going to have the people who are like, I'm going to be the queen bee. They're going to be the plastics and they'll be the non-plastics. And that's just the way it's going to be. And the reason why I say I like- She's just getting the model who's a blonde. She's getting the blonde model to be her best friend. Exactly. And the reason I say I like that is just because I find it to be deeply entertaining when that kind of like tribalism emerges on a boat. That's it. Because then they all fight.

I think she's an asshole. So then we go to first night of charter and the guests are getting ready for their big mob night. And Serena checks in with Harry and he's like, oh, everything's good, you know. Nick's keen to learn. Nate's keen to teach. I mean, it seems like it's going really, really good. Do you have any gossip for me? What are they getting into the speedos? Go check it out. Check it out and report back. Do you have a phone cam? Do you have a phone cam?

Yeah. And then Laura's saying, when I think about the Mob Wives theme, I think about luxury. So she's talking about the theme and how she's going to set it up. Have you watched Mob Wives? Girl, that was like on a shady block of Staten Island. No, I don't think luxury. I think people in the trunk. And Dillard's calling, asking, Dillard's, sorry, Nordstrom's calling and being like, you can't come back here until you pay your bill. Yeah.

So now we have a big plate issue, which is that, you know, Zarina's going to be serving basically Italian food, etc. And she wants to serve it on these blue plates. But the blue plates are not going to go with the decor that Lara has set up. And Lara wants white plates. And Zarina hates white plates. And Lara's like, I know that you don't like white plates, but it's not going to look right on the table. So if you want to sit with us at lunch, you're going to have to put the pasta on the white plate.

Yeah, and she's like, um, that's not the play I want to do. She's like, it goes with the white plate. You understand that, right? She's like, fine. And then Nick passes by and he's like, oh my God, drama, drama. There's so much drama. He goes into a room and just talks to himself. He's like, I'm just going to pretend that wasn't drama. I'm going to pretend that wasn't drama. Yeah. So maybe it wasn't drama. Maybe they're just having a discussion. Maybe there's no drama at all. He goes through a whole journey with himself.

So now they are. So Serena's like, what the fuck? I don't come up and tell her what bedding to put on the bed. You know, I leave it to her because she's a fantastic stewardess. Like, does that mean she thinks I'm a shit chef? Probably. Yes. So just like matching plates. You know what I mean? Just, just once. And this, in this one, I'm like, why does it matter? What?

Does it matter? Does it matter a huge deal? What plate do you think? I mean, serve it on the plate. It doesn't matter a huge deal. I actually do think, based on the table that we eventually saw, the white plate was the better choice. I actually do think a white plate is more on theme with mob wives or mob boss, mob dinner. I do think that it's like the red sauce on the white plate, it kind of pops more than on a blue plate. So I understand white plates are boring, but...

It's kind of the vibe. So I actually sat with Laura on this one. Yeah. So then, let's see. Courses are served. Okay. Everyone's like, oh my God, it's Mob Wives. I love the dessert. You better not mess with me. Okay. Did that sound mobby? They're like, oh my God, you're so mob girl. You are so mob boss bitch. Yeah.

Yeah, they get all these, looks like a lovely dinner. Pasta and arancini and more pasta, lobster and steak, all the good stuff. And then Zarina's asking Nate for help. And she's like, can we have you both? And he's like, oh, do you want me? I was like, oh, she's going to fall in love with him. And then Alicia's going to wind up dating him.

So, he helps out and everything, and it's like, Jason's helping out too. So, these new guys seem like alright, more or less. So, they're carrying up this giant saltfish, right? Yes. And Laura sees it, and she's like, oh, wait a minute. The issue is that their plates are full. I'm going to have to clear all of their plates if we take that giant fish down there. So, please, just take the fish apart. And she's like, um...

It's a whole fish. It's not going to be instant. She goes, I don't care. Just do it. That's so shitty. She told you she was going to be serving a whole big fish. So move your decorations and shit off the table and make room for the fish. Like to have her destroy that big fish and plate it is so shitty of Laura. I've really turned on Laura fast. Fuck Laura after this episode. F her. I think she's still... I think I got the impression that Zervina still went ahead and like still did everything with the... I think she...

Zarina still went for the fish. She deboned the fish and put all the meat on a plate and then softened the plate. So she didn't get to do her whole table side presentation. It looked like a big plate of mashed potatoes. I'm like, oh, thanks. That's crazy. I thought, oh, wow. Yeah, that's crazy. Isn't that what that was? I saw that there was a... I did see a plate of fish. It all happened so quickly. I was... In my mind, I thought, oh, they had a little scuffle, but then it all worked out all right. I thought that she had...

She had broken the salt, shown everyone the fish, then went downstairs and filleted it. But I could have been wrong. And I don't say it wasn't. I guess I was not paying as much attention as I could have been at this red snapper impasse. Oh, yeah. The way I saw it was she intercepted the fish. She sent the fish back for Serena to fillet it. Serena filleted it and put it on a plate that looked like mashed potatoes, then sauced it and sent it down.

I definitely saw that plate and the plate looks sad for sure. I didn't realize that she didn't get to actually do a full presentation. It's a lot of work to make a big saltfish. We've seen people fuck up a soft way. Actually, haven't we seen it with her where she's like, oh shit, we saw it on, we saw it on below deck where someone tried to do a saltfish and it was like, oh my God. And it doesn't fit in the oven. I just felt bad for that fish. That fish was lying there. She called it Bruce. That fish was lying there. Like really?

I died so I could be eaten at a fake Mob Wives dinner. How do I want to be eaten at a real Mob Wives dinner? Can I even be eaten respectfully at a shitty dinner? Oh my god. That fish was like, "Oh god. I'm alive, everyone! I'm alive! No one can see this! I'm alive! Don't bury me in the salt!" By the way, we didn't give any, uh, we have not given any shout-outs to any of the fish on this episode yet. There was some nice work done by a zebrafish.

Clown fish was doing the stupid clown fish thing as usual, like really get over yourself. I did not spot the moray eel. There was a very large manta ray of some sort that I think that one was the big one for me of the episode. That manta ray came right towards the camera with its mouth open.

And then what I actually really liked in terms of, I think my biggest award, my favorite fish editing of the episode was in the beginning when things were tense with Johnny. They cut to some fish, like a school of fish and the school of fish were like, oh my God, don't say anything. Don't say anything. Like it's going down. Don't say a single thing. I love the scared fish.

Yeah, the zebrafish really won this episode. They just kept showing the zebrafish a lot. Is that what they're called? Zebrafish? I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That did great work. There was also a close-up of a big kind of stripy non-zebrafish that I appreciate. I like that one, but I feel like we should have had more time. And I think there was a flounder at one point. I could be wrong.

Great work overall. So then now they're going to play beer pong. So the guys are in the mess and Nate's like, oh, we parted tonight's entertainment. I mean, we can play if they want us to. And Jason's like, yeah, for sure. Just don't drink, behave yourself and enjoy the rest. All right.

And Nick was in there, right? When he said Nick was in there, Nick is, Nick is definitely getting the dumb, dumb edit already, which is hilarious. There's one point where they showed him trying to open a garbage bag for like five minutes. It was amazing.

So now they play beer pong and it's the least eventful beer pong I've ever seen. It was a sad beer pong. It wasn't like personality filled on any of their parts. So then Marina's checking in with Adair and she's like, "So how is it working with the guys?" She's like, "I mean, they're fine. You know, like asked one of them to come up with a rhyme for truck and they couldn't do it. So I don't have much hope, but we'll see how they work under pressure, I guess."

So then the guests are asking Nick about where he's from and is like, is he Australian or British? And he reveals that he's French, but his mom has a British accent and that he's like half English, half Chinese, which is really hot. So good for Nick. And then, but he's like, oh my God, I'm so awkward. I don't know what to do. I'm like, oh my God.

I love what this guy, I love this like hot guy who's nerdy. He doesn't realize he's hot. He just feels awkward. That's the best. - Oh, I think he realizes he's hot because his headshot is like hot guy photo. He's like, mm-hmm. Like he's sucking in his cheeks and like giving hot guy look. It's black and white. - But he doesn't know how to be hot at the same time. It's like he knows it, but he doesn't know it. He still has nerd baggage.

I just think it's so enduring. Nerd bag. So, meanwhile, the guests are like, "Oh my God, if I get it in, you have to take a shot." And Nick's like, "Okay."

He goes, diamonds are made under pressure. Diamonds are made under pressure. Fair enough. So she does it. And it's like, okay, you have to take a shot now. Bree, can I get a shot? And Bree's like, okay. So Nick takes the shot and Bree's watching with her eyes wide. Like, oh my God, he's taking a shot. I'm going to have to discuss this with somebody. And then he takes it and he comes back to her and she's like, you can't drink on charter. He's like, oh.

Oh, God. He's like, I can't believe I just did that. Captain Jason runs a dry boat. This could get me fired. And he's like, did you just make the tequila and give it to her? And she's like, yeah, I mean, she asked me for a tequila shot, so I assumed it was for her. And Harry says that in these situations, you always have to tattle, so... Okay, well, I'll tell Captain about it tomorrow. And then it is what it is. I've learned my lesson. Her reaction's so hilarious. Her eyes are just wide. She's like, okay...

She can't believe what she's saying. So Nick, it looks like what we've seen the previews for the mid-season trailer that Nick will be confessing his sins to Captain Jason. And it almost seems to be that he might get fired for it, which I don't believe that would really happen, but...

It might. Well, we see Captain Jason saying to somebody cut right after he gets the confession. He says, you've left me no choice. So who knows what that means? You know, he could be saying, like, you've left me no choice. It's come on. Oh, day. You know, just make it. Who knows what he's talking about? I don't know. I hope he will see that. Good episode.

Good episode. It was a good one. Fun times. Captain Jason kind of redeemed himself for me, and Lara pissed me off, which was nice. It's nice to feel pissed off. It's good. Well, no, Lara is now, this is going to be the part of the season where Lara is going to become the new villain. So she will get the shit edit, and I'm totally excited for it. I just want to see her be a villain, and I want to see the thing with her and Zarina explode. It's going to be wonderful. We're going to have a great time. Yeah, we're going to get some manic Zarina tears, which, hey, time to earn that paycheck, baby. Yes.

Thanks, everyone, for being here. You are all A-plus fish to us. And we will catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Bye.

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