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Hi, everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode. Back in the living room, Wes and Lexi are talking. And she's like, you know what we need? He's like, to be murdered. That's how I feel right now. I'm so hungover. I'm wearing my hungover. It's like my hungover headband.
"No, silly, we need electrolytes. "Question, can we put lip liner on electrolytes?" - Sierra is telling Carl outside that she's so over Emeril. Like he brought another girl back last night and she just left and he's like, "Dude, like you're new here. "Like you come quite literally with a bang."
So like, oh, speak of the fucking devil, here he is now. And Emeril comes and all the guys are there now. I think most of the guys are there or at least Carl and Kyle have joined. So she could just go straight for it. She's like, what's going on? He says, oh, how are you? And she's like, yeah. So we heard you having fun last night. So do you do like this? Are you like this in your own home? Because like it's obnoxious at this point. Whoa. Okay. Those are some big guns.
He's like, "Well, I didn't even know you knew my name." Yeah, I thought about that. I'm just trying to be, as Kyle would say, mindful about not bringing someone back. And she goes, "Yeah, when did you have that thought and when did you plan on executing that thought?" Which was a great question, great dual question. Because we saw, by the way, the day before, he had told the guys at Kyle's party, "Yeah, I'm gonna take a break this weekend." And then they laughed. He goes, "Yeah, probably not." Yeah, and then they laugh and then he's definitely gonna bring someone home.
So he's like already, you know, being bullshit. And she's like, "Yeah, so I know that's like a nice thing to say, but when are you actually gonna do the thing that you're saying right now?" Yeah. And he was like, "Listen, I'm just trying to have fun." And she says, "Well, I mean, it's a matter of like who you're bringing into this house. Like, this is crazy."
And so he's like, wow. Okay. Well, does anybody else feel that way? And this sucks for him because nobody's going to go up against Sierra. Right. Yeah. And cause she's hot. The guys are all quiet. She's not, they know not to fuck with Sierra when, you know, she's not having it. So they just like sit there and kind of smile awkwardly. And they've been the ones kind of encouraging this whole time, you know? And I kind of feel for him because this is to me. So,
obvious that he's just trying to gain approval with the other dudes it's like yeah look I'm like fucking someone else I had a threesome and they're like yeah he's a beast right every time he comes home with someone they're like yeah you fucking beast you laid another one and now he's when he's confronted they're like yeah it's kind of gross you know look like yeah totally yeah so
But it also feels like he's not making bonds with other people in the house, and so he's new, and he doesn't care about the late night bonding moments or whatever. He's just about getting some ass. So then, Sierra's like, "Yeah, these are just my thoughts." And Carl's like, "Well, I mean, ugh. We've definitely never had the ugh volume of visitors like this, I guess you could say. Ugh." More visitors with volume, actually, as well. That was a lot of volume.
Big hair. They have really, you know, I guess the closer, the higher their hair, the closer to God. That's what they say. It's mindful. It's functional hair. So Jesse says, you know, I think every once in a while it's fine. But like, you know, I mean, maybe in a way game, maybe in a way game could be good for you sometimes, you know? Yeah.
And so he's like, okay, cool. And so then Emeril tells us, now Emeril is where he shares the tragic backstory to his man whore ways. He's like, you know, I'm not sorry I brought one girl home if we were vibing, having a good time, but I'm not going to keep doing it if it's bothering everyone. You know, from ages six to 23, I was undocumented and I was in the shadows. So a big part of what I'm doing is just living a bit more freely and it feels good. I want that to be part of who I am, but I want it to be everything that I am. Yeah.
Ah, the classic coming to America story. If you work hard enough, you can sleep with anyone you want. Got a green card? Fuck 900 people. That's just how it goes. Yeah. That's how it goes.
You know, I was terrified. Every time I fuck somebody, they were going to ask for my driver's license. Every single time. But now, I'm fucking everybody I see. I don't know. It's a weird connection. But I was glad. You know, I thought it was big of him to just kind of take it and be like, okay, I didn't know you felt like that. Now I know you feel like that, and I'll make a change. And it kind of made her look more like an asshole because she was like, no one's mad at you. Bye. And he's like, okay, well, good talk. She's like, yeah, good talk.
And, you know, I mean, look, at the end of the day, he does have a right to fuck. And calling him out in front of, you know, all the other dudes was not great. She has the right to do that, too. I don't know. I kind of felt for him.
I didn't feel... I felt kind of bad for him. I didn't feel bad for him, and I didn't feel... I didn't feel even... I felt neither way. I didn't feel like, oh, I feel so bad for him, or like, aha, got him. I just was like, okay, fine. Because I do feel like, again, he's allowed to have... He's allowed to bring back whoever he wants, but I think that he is clearly lacking in prioritizing relationships in the house, which is why it's causing friction. And I thought that his excuse that he was undocumented for so many years, so now he's going to
have huge amounts of sex because he's going to live out loud. I was like, I don't know. That seems... I understand the idea of you had to live in the shadows for so long, so now you're happy to live freely. But to me, I think then...
And that's why I'm going to have threesomes every weekend. You don't need to have a big emotional excuse to want to fuck. You're allowed. Just go fuck. I don't need you bringing in the trauma storyline for the reason that you need to fuck someone.
Like that I didn't like, but I think in general, you know, it is maybe sex shaming. I don't know. I feel weird saying that because it's also his manners, but as far as his bonding with everybody else, we do see him. He opens up to people. Like he tells them about his story. I think he's shared a lot of kind of intimate details with them. Maybe intimate is not the right word in this situation, but he's shared a lot of details with them, but I think you're right in the way that. He's not bonding with them because part of bonding with them is hanging out when you're drunk.
late at night. And when he's drunk late at night, he's always fucking some rando. So he's missing that part of it. He's doing the hanging out sober and sharing the trauma, but he's not doing the, you know,
falling down in the kitchen late at night watching Carl be his name in the snow or whatever, the grass. I think what's interesting is this season has a real, I mean, this show has a really spotty track record of casting strong male characters. There've been a lot of men who've been cast on the show that like sort of come and go and they like, they're there and then you forget about them. There was Alex, there was Chris, there was,
There was the guy from season two, there was Jordan. And a lot of times I think the guys that come onto the show bond with the other guys, but they struggle to connect with the women. And so if they can't connect with the women, they just, they're here and then they're gone. They just don't last very long. I think, you know, the only successful male castings I think they've ever had have been Wes and Jesse and Luke. And then after that, like they just can't seem to, cause it's really hard to like, I think men, there are a lot, a lot of men who have difficulty like hanging out with women and,
And so I think Emeril's just one of those guys that we're seeing to a certain extent, at least from what we see, because we can only go off of what the show presents to us. But Emeril kind of feels like another one of these one-and-done guys that comes through Summer House, although Jordan got two seasons.
But Jordan was also hilarious because he was a pathological liar. Yeah. Remember when I fucked Judith Light on the bus? That was amazing. That was amazing. It was a tour bus. Yeah, she was touring with Dolly Parton at the time. She was incredible at making Lego structures. And the first time I saw her make a big cock Lego, I was like, you're my bitch, Judith. And so I let her finger me in the bus. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing. It was.
But I'm still the number one guy on Hinge. Paige's room. Sierra goes in and she's like, yeah, I just ripped into Emeril. I was like, do you have any type of standard? Like, okay, listen, you've dated Austin. Yeah. That's it. Literally the end. You dated Austin in a period where Austin was grosser than he's ever been.
Like you fought for Austin, you know what I mean? Like you fought for Austin when he was at the most disgusting point he's ever been in on television and not saying something. - Paige is like, literally I have to focus on my breathing, otherwise I don't breathe. Like watch. - Sierra's like, hold on, let me get your little pin. She like puts a little fingers up to her mouth, like up to her nose. She's like, you can do this. You can do this. - Oh my God, that was the worst.
And this is when Sierra says, oh, sorry, what'd you say? Emeril made me stop breathing. Sorry, come on. I stopped breathing. I stopped breathing because Emeril's a whore. So what would Sierra say? Sierra, this is when Sierra says like, I can't stand that feeling. I hate when you're like this. I just hate it.
And they both are like crying together and Paige is like, "I'm just like nervous that Craig is gonna like freak out on me and be like, 'You're such a fucking bitch. I just want you. I just want to go home.' And then he's gonna break up with me and then I'll never have to go to Charleston anymore. Am I still crying? 'Cause I actually kind of feel like I'm laughing now. Oh my God, I've never been happier at this thought." Yeah, so she tells us again that she feels like Craig minimizes her line of work.
and she doesn't want to ever speak up with him. And, you know, she used to feel like if they broke up, she would be villainized. And the public opinion would be that Craig is so much better off without her. Well, you know, that's why you need to choose Instagram over Facebook to read comments. Yes. Also, it's a good idea to check in with your producers and find out which show is going to air first, because whichever show airs second is going to be the last impression. So guess what?
Summer House airs after Southern Charm, and so this is going to be the narrative that's going to stick with the public. So congratulations, Paige, you're going to wind up on top. Yeah. And so she feels like if she gets on the public's bad side, she's going to lose everything, and then she's not going to have a career over Craig, which...
Sucks to feel, but it's also not a cool reason to stay with somebody, you know, especially when he's like, oh my God, Paige and I are going to be married in 10 minutes. You're like, oh my God, I don't want your fans to hate me. So I will lead you on until my tour is over.
Yes. Watching Paige is like thriving right now. She was just on Fallon this week. She's doing like they, Paige and Hannah did like the Vanity Fair red carpet for the Oscars. Like they are killing it. And I, and I think that Craig would have been an anvil tied to her ankle and would have just dragged her right down. And what's interesting with this is that this is, this is obviously shot last summer and that's when Southern charm was shot too. And there's no indication from Craig that,
that this relationship is going through the shitter. But we see that Paige is like struggling here, like really struggling. So for people who thought that Paige was just being callous or just like dumped him or whatever, you see that she is like, that she is going through it. And you see now like everything that we picked up on, on the Southern charm recaps with her and like looking at the bees and coming down to Charleston, you can, now we're seeing what she's really going through. And I guess what, I guess what I'm trying to get to on this is that like,
I guess anyone who thinks that Paige was so mean to Craig, you can see that this was not just some calculated callous thing. It's that she really felt trapped. Well, yeah, but it also is illustrating that she clearly wanted out by July and
She clearly says here, like, I just want to pretend this isn't happening until after tour because I don't want to have to deal with the public, basically. And so she kind of leads him on for a good half a year. And that's not really cool either. And then we see Craig just also being completely delusional because she has been honest with him about what she's feeling. And Craig just...
is like, "No, I'm hearing exactly what I want to hear." What she's saying is she doesn't want to get married before tour, but after tour, she totally wants to get married. Like he's taking it in his own delusional Craig way. He is. I don't see her as leading him on. What I see it as, 'cause to me, leading on is almost a little bit more malicious or a little bit more premeditated. I see it as that she's just avoidant.
which could be interpreted as on his end of feeling let on. But I think she just was like, oh God, this is going to be tough and annoying. And everything in my life is so good right now. I just don't feel like dealing like with shit at this moment. Let me wait until the time when everyone loves to deal with heavy, shitty, emotional things, the holidays. Yeah. And it's also show timing, which is what you're talking about.
like if she breaks up with him in the middle of southern charm shooting then she's gonna have to really deal with a whole craig victim storyline on his show and villainizing her the whole time on his show when she's like well i could just kind of wait for all that to pass let's wait till the camera's down yeah i agree maybe leading on isn't the right word but uh i don't think that this she clearly wants to break up with craig and she's clearly saying she's gonna put it off until she's
Not having to deal with the public outrage. So I don't know that that's totally...
bad on her. I'm not even really judging it. I know I'm a judgy bitch, but I'm not really even judging like, fuck her or anything like that. I'm just saying, you know, she's not like some little angel either, you know? And I think in the whole Paige and Craig thing, it's, you have to choose a side, right? Because it's somebody breaking up and especially on Bravo. So you're like, someone had to villainize the other person. And I think these two are just like clearly incompatible for so long. And it was good for TV for a long time. And they knew that they had the public support and all of that. And that makes it more
to be in something when you know it's not. When you're like the Bravo couple, the darling couple of Bravo, then it's easier to stay in something even when you personally know it's not right. So, I don't know. We always knew the logistics of this. Yeah, the logistics of this were never going to work out. They were like 85%, but like that last 15%, maybe even 90%, that last 10%, like it's not nothing. And you just can't get by it. And I think that ultimately they were able to look past the...
that long distance thing or whatever, but eventually the, it's just, you can't keep kicking that can down the, down the road. And, um, uh, whatever other thoughts I had on this, I've forgotten because I had a few points. Another half an hour, uh, discussion that people desperately need at this point in months. You know what I'm really glad at? I'm really glad that after all this time, we finally got to talk about patient Craig. It is nice.
It's nice to finally get that off our chests. It is interesting how it changes a little every time. I feel like Paige is very private about what she's actually feeling. Like she's very good at curating what she decides to put on camera. And she's been very good with Craig and teaching him how to do it because Craig was a goddamn mess before he met her.
on TV. I mean, he was failing left and right. And so I think she's very carefully curated. So it's interesting to watch Paige slowly reveal more and more, you know, because she hasn't revealed any of this before. Like the breakups happening, we've suspected it or like I've said, I've suspected stuff like this before, but she's never really said it. So I think it is interesting. You know, it's new information. Okay. It is. It's really cool.
seeing this breakup from two different shows on two different perspectives. I think that's actually... It's low-key very fascinating what's happening with this relationship on Bravo. That's something that Scandival did not give us. Scandival was...
Sandoval was riveting because we saw where this situation was heading to and we got to see an entire season of like, you know, Tom Sandoval's fakery and you're like, oh my God, all the signs are there. But in this case, it's more like, wow, how cool to see a relationship fall apart from literally two different perspectives on reality TV. Yeah. So then just like Russian sci-fi, am I right? Yeah.
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So then time for brunch and Amanda's really done the table nice. She's made nice food. And Lindsey comes in in a little sash they gave her. It's like, "Oh my God, birthday girl, love the birthday." And so the producer says, "Lindsey, is this where you thought you'd be at 38?" It's like, "Wow, no." That laugh that she gave was so intense and so scary. I was like, "Oh my God."
This whole section was so Lindsay. And they're like, "Well, you know," and she goes, "No, I think that timeline ended when I was like 36." And we see the timeline that she wrote where she's like, "In one year, I'm gonna be engaged to Stravi, and the next year I'm gonna have babies, and then the next year we're gonna build a house with babies, and then the next year we're gonna build a house with babies." And that's the whole thing.
And she's like, "Yeah, I only made one list and you guys are never going to let me forget it." And then they show four lists and they literally say, "List number one, list number two, list number three." So they sing happy birthday to her. Paige and Sierra are like, "Ugh, crass, the whole song." And then Lindsay's like, "Amanda, thank you so much." Sing a lot of you guys. I don't think she can hear the words. She's got cue cards written on.
It's like, Lindsay, this is what we're singing to you. Happy birthday. Can you read this? Does anyone have an old jazz standard we can put on to make her happy? So Lindsay's like, thank you so much for preparing this beautiful breakfast with like black French toast. It's beautiful.
And then we see West, West is, he's hungover. So he's struggling there at the table. And you know, it's funny. They asked Lindsay if Turner's gonna take her somewhere and she goes, "I mean, yeah, I mean, like, planned it like a month and a half ago, because that's like how he is. Like, he's really fancy, you guys." And she just says it casually, but then it cuts to Carl being like, "Ugh."
I guess I'm not fancy. I guess Lindsay's saying I'm not fancy right now. I wish she'd said that softer. Lil says I'm really fancy. So then Lindsay's like, yeah, I'm kind of interested to see what Turner does because I don't want to say I judge a guy based on how they treat my birthday, but I kind of judge a guy based on how they treat my birthday and any small moments I have with him
And then we see a flashback to Stravi when he did that whole birthday thing in the backyard and got her fish and chips that were just cold and now the coating had gone soft. And she's like, "Um, this is beautiful, thank you." She's like, "Thank you." All bad, eating a fry, all pissed off. But didn't he also give her that painting that year?
Or was that a different guy? Didn't he give her a painting? Yeah, he did. He had a painting commissioned of her and she was like, "Ew, a painting? Gross. Who paints when we have pictures?"
It was a all around failure on Shravi's part. I remember being pissed at Lindsay for that. I was like, "A man got you a painting commissioned of you. That's huge." Like, that's amazing. I mean, to say somebody didn't put thought into something when they had a whole fucking painting done of you, that was just crazy. And she's like, "I would get a helicopter for me." That's when I would just...
Stravia and his little desk, we like sat on the crate and the only shot that they had of him was like through a mirror in the corner of the room. Those were the days. So Justin's like, so how do you feel about your birthday next year with the wee one? Are you going to like bring it here? Are we going to have like a baby in the house? Are we going to have a baby? And Wes just looks terrified. He's like, please no.
"Um, I don't know if I trust you all with my baby actually." And you just know Danielle's gonna be as the, come back as the nanny next season. She'll be like, "I'm here, I'm ready, I just got off the train, I'm ready to take care of the baby, however you need me. Me and the baby are in club Sunday, what?" The baby's trying to crawl out of club Sunday. "I can't even keep a baby here." The baby's like, "Rose all day, wah-wah."
Um, so, uh, they're all joking about babysitting and things like that. And, uh, West is horrified. And, um, in the foyer, now West is like lying on that bench in the foyer. Just, he's so hungover. And Paige brings her, her roller down the stairs. Like, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong,
Oh, sorry. I know you're really hungover and I know this is really loud for you. So apologies. Oh, wait a second. I think I left something at the top of my stairs. Got to bring my bag with me. He's like, it probably would have been more comfortable if you just dropped the bag down onto my head, Paige. Don't tempt me. Like, don't even give me the option, West. Let's try it out.
Lexi's bedroom, Jesse comes in and he's like, "Oh, yeah, just getting ready for a little Shabbat action in the car. Hope you're ready for it." So he's like, "Lay one on me, baby." And so he says, "I don't like fighting with you." And she's like, "Um, I was not fighting. You were fighting. You were like, 'I love you.' Remember when you said that?" He's like, "Yeah, I was drunk and sleepy and you were like, 'Tell me you love me.'"
He's such a liar. Yeah, he is a liar. Jesse always tells me he loves me all the time, but not in front of other people. So Jesse's been telling me that for a long time, but only in private.
Yeah, she goes, yeah, we've been saying, he's been saying I love you for a long time. It is week four, Lexi. It is week four. So the producer asked how long they were together before he said it. And she's like, 11 days. So did you know each other 11 days or were you together 11 days? Because...
I don't know how she does her math, but I don't know why it matters. But she's like, it's been a long time. But if it was 11 days after you started getting together, that would have been... And week two, you guys committed, right? And it's week four. So if it was 11 days, then it's been three days that he's been telling you. You see what I'm getting at? Like, I just don't understand this girl. I don't get it. So then...
She's like, "Yeah, like, I'm obviously like, I love him saying I love you, but like right now I'm just like trying to speed up like how I'm feeling too, you know, to meet him like where he's at and just seeing where like everything kind of goes. I just want to see where everything goes." So she's like, "Yeah, you said like, because you were like, it hurts me." And he's like, "It's true. Like, it's like blue balls for love. Like it's emotional blue balls. Like there's no release. I just like love you so much."
So everyone says bye, and everyone goes back to the city. We get Trixie Monocle being like, I'm gonna do it. Make it bigger. Better than ever before. I'm gonna do it. So now we're having coffee at Coffee Roma with Lexi, who's a model, the chyron tells us. And she's with her mom and her sister Tiffany. And they... Rippling our convention. Yeah, this is...
This is really like a showcase for... It's like, you know when you go into Macy's or something and you walk by the cosmetics area and there's always someone who's trying to give free...
like do the makeup thing and everything and they just their faces like they've been there all day so they've got nothing to do but add more and more makeup to their face so by like 3 p.m they just look like they're doing like they're like an anchor person for like the clown network yes my best friend used to work at uh sax she was a makeup person it's aileen she used to be a makeup person at sax sometimes i would come in there and i was like what are you in toddlers and tiaras what are
What are you doing? Are you about to do synchronized swimming? Why is there so much makeup on your face right now? You don't have to wear it all. She's like, but it's all free. It's all here. I can try anything. So Lexi is saying how like her sisters moved in into her two bedroom apartment, of course. And then her mom is also always visiting. And because it's important to keep the team together because they have to go to like,
meetings and stuff and make sure like everything is all right. - I mean, you're a model like me, you need like a team and you need a team around you at all times. So my sister's there and then my mom's there and it's like all of us, like I don't even know where we sleep. 'Cause like my sister has a room, but then my mom doesn't have a room, but we all end up in the same bed anyway.
Here's where you all need to end up. The same hairdresser. And you need to get your mother and your sister's hair fixed. Because they both look like frizzy, frazzy, home bleached...
Why are you letting your team walk around like that? I get that they only come to New York sometimes, but do they have to go to Fantastic Sam's before they come? New York has salons, fix their hair. You basic bees. And then they're all like, "Oh my God, espresso martinis." Oh my God, you guys are so crazy. I know, everything about it was so- Were they out of Cosmopolitans? It was so embarrassing. Oh my God. They're like, "Just three girls." So then Lexi's mom was like, "Oh my God,
I remember when I had to drop, I remember dropping you off in New York City. I left you off at that model apartment and I just felt so hopeless. And I drove home and I thought, my girl is in a model apartment. How am I ever going to get her?
It's like, we would FaceTime you every day. I remember that, honey. We'd FaceTime you and I would just stop and be like, honey, put on more lip liner, please. Put on more lip liner. Do it for me. And then they all start crying. She's like, I'm crying now. I'm like, oh my God, mom, now you're going to make me cry. And then Tiffany's like, I'm crying too.
And she's not, but she's holding a napkin to her tear like she is. I make fun of these people a lot. I love Tiffany now. She is so crazy faced. And also they seem legit like they love each other, which I think is nice. I have to say, I agree. When she told a story about how like they, like they're in the same apartment, but they just wind up in the same bed together. I was like, like rolling my eyes, but secretly I was also kind of like, that's actually adorable.
Yeah, because you expect when you see a character like Tiffany, you know, Tiffany, like she doesn't get the same money to do her hair, her makeup, her clothes or her face. And she's
She looks crazy. And she's got that big smile. But she's like, oh, Tiffany. And I assumed that she was going to be that bitter sister who has to work for the model. And they live off the model. And part of her wants that sister to die. That's the kind of energy I like, where she's like, I work for my sister. She's a fat bitch, isn't she? But it's not. She actually really loves her sister. I'm like, they want to support the sister. It's weird. I know.
Don't forget, they're Canadian. That means they're just very nice people. They're very nice. And the sister, Tiffany, is hilarious to me. I mean, I really like that when she puts on her makeup every day, she's like, you know what, today I want this makeup to make me look like the FAO Schwartz clock. And she does it and she succeeds every time. I want to look like the anime version of Tom Hanks in that weird movie about the train.
Anime Polar Express. But what is it called? CGI? Yeah, whatever they do. Polar Express? I want to look like CGI, Tom Hanks. Okay, but yeah, Tiffany, it's just so funny that mom's like, we're crying now, Tiffany. She's like, oh yeah, I'm crying too. The family that cries together puts on lip liner together. So...
Now we go to the American Cancer Society. We're going to the Hope Lodge, where Jesse is putting on an event for Hope Lodge. Hope Lodge is a place where people can stay for free if they're getting cancer treatments in New York City, because it's really expensive to stay in New York City. How many people are going to see this show and try and pull a cancer card? You know they are, because it's so expensive to stay there. I know. I also think it's just so funny. It's my place, actually. And you get cookies at dinner.
It is really nice. And it's a great counterpoint to Summer House, which I often call the hopeless lodge. So it's nice to see the real one, the positive one. Joshie gives us this thing. It's this charity thing for the year. She's like, yeah, you know, hope lodge. I had cancer. I'm helping out. You know, it's good to give back.
So the friends are all coming to support him. And that's nice. And Lindsay's there. And she's like, I'm going to help with the lemonade. And she's the only one who actually looks like she works there for some reason. Because she's got that full on apron on. And she's, I guess maybe because she's pregnant too. And she's like, what do you want?
But also like Lindsay helping out. She goes, okay, I'm going to help out. I'm going to start this lemonade. And there's like a little pitcher of lemonade. She just takes a spoon and swirls it. I was like, great effort there, Lindsay. You really chose the hardest task you could do for this charity. Putting a spoon in a pitcher and swirling it.
And Sierra says, this is the most wholesome thing we've ever done. Like, good for us. We need to do more. I'm not going to, but we should. I hope you guys don't mind. I'm just going to put all the contents of my purse on top of this buffet. Pours in all the things.
So Jesse makes a nice little speech about his journey and how the perspective he got from going through cancer, which is very nice. And there's a lady who's crying. It's a nice moment. And then afterwards, Sierra's talking to Carl about Montauk. And Carl's like, so I met a cute girl there in Montauk. And we just had a lot of fun and
It felt good to get back in the saddle, learn how to date again, and yeah, I'll go to sleep over, and finally broke the streak. See where it goes. So basically he had sex, which is fine, but here's why I got annoyed, because Carl is acting like all these things that he's done for the past 15 to 20 years of his life, probably 20 to 25 years of his life, he's acting like, oh my God, how do I do it again? When he was only off the market for like 18 months, and he's like, oh, my God.
guys i had sex i had sex again i did it but like you know in that moment he wasn't like oh treat me shoot me carefully he was just like yeah let's let's you know because you know because the cameras weren't there i really believe they went on a date and they had sex but he's like guys i got past my intimacy issues and i finally made love to a woman softly well sober sex is different i will say if you especially if you've only had non-sober sex you're like oh god i have to do this sober that's very different
So maybe it's that. He makes it sound like it's all Lindsay, but I think it's partly that too. You have to relearn it when you're not fucked up. But yeah, he is like, oh my God, you guys, I finally got to that point where I could stick my wiener in something. They're like, oh my God, Carl, you deserve your own parade. And so then Jesse and Sierra are joking around.
And she kind of jokingly grabs his arm, she's like, "Ah ha ha ha." And he's like, "Cierra, enough with the touching, come on." And she's like, "Ha ha, wait, really?" She gets to look like, "Are you serious right now?" He goes, "Yeah, 'cause I'm the one who got yelled at last time." Like, ew, you're so gross. Like, that's such a, like, what, like...
you don't have to make her feel shitty because of your actions. And so she's like, sorry. Okay. So then she's like, no, no. He's like, yeah, stay away. It's like, no,
And she's basically like, yeah, last time I checked, you were the one who was touching me, right? Because he's doing it so big that he's clearly doing it so Lexi will see him. He's trying to do something performative for Lexi. And then later he can be like, Lexi, Sierra was all over me and I put a stop to it. I just want you to know that. Yeah, he's going to villainize Sierra when it was not flirty at all. And she's not interested in him that way. So now we go to a place called the Glass Ceiling Rooftop.
where Paige, Amanda, and Ciara gather and spend a lot of time ordering food in a disorganized way.
I'll have a soda. I'll have a soda too. And also a water. And a water. And also some wings. Can I not have the soda? And you know what? Scratch the wings. I'll have celery sticks instead. Can I have the wings instead? And can I have another soda with that as well? And then, you know what? I will have the wings after all. So wings, no celery sticks. Hold the celery sticks and add a burger to that. No burger for me though. Sorry, I have anxiety.
Sierra says, "So this weekend we both shoot out Imral." Well, I did and I didn't. I was basically like, are you keeping track? Like why not save for like all the other days of the week? Like do you only fuck when I'm in the house trying to get sleep? Are you only fucking people when I have anxiety? What is it?
Well, what's going on with Craig? Well, he came over and he asked how long things are going to be like this, you know, with the tour and everything. And I was like, look, you are so valid in your feelings. They may be very dumb and very stupid, but you're valid, I guess. Not really. I mean, not in my eyes, you're not valid, but to yourself, you're valid. I guess that matters. But when you say it like that, you're sort of also disregarding it. Like, I'm not doing Giggly Squad things. And you're like, not. And that's not cool to make me feel bad about that.
You're valid in having feelings, even when they're stupid feelings. So I just want you to know that. Okay. Oh, Paige. Oh my God. You're so nice. And Craig basically said, you know, she said, I feel kind of like you're disregarding my feelings, you know, like you're disregarding what I'm doing with your feelings. And she says that he said he understands that she feels undermined, but I just want to make sure that like you have time for me, you know, because I miss you.
Yeah, well, anything I'm feeling, I don't have the bandwidth to deal with until after the tour. Like, I feel so weak for even saying that I have feelings because like, but, you know, gross. But, you know, I do. And I just feel guilty because, you know, now I've said all that stuff on camera that I said to Sierra last week and I just feel terrible. Yeah.
So Sierra's like, well, guys, want to hear about this bullshit? So it was like having a, you know, the charity event was like really nice. It was really sweet. But then I'm like cracking a joke with Jesse and I touch his arm and he's like, don't touch me. And I was like, are you serious? And he was like, yeah, because I'm the one who gets yelled at. And I was like, he got yelled at. I'm so jealous. And Sierra's like, yeah, it'd be different if I was making out with him. But like, gross.
Oh no, but I'm like, he's the one who showed up at our party being like, if I didn't show up late last year, then who knows? Maybe I could have dated you. That is crazy. By the way, can I have some more water? I mean, iced tea. Actually, make it a Diet Coke. Would you have salmon that you could put inside of it? I'm just kidding. Don't do that. Bring me whatever you want. Don't bring me the wrong thing.
So this is where Sierra's like, well, he has some nerve saying that because then we see the montage of how handsy Jesse is. Wait a minute. Could you show me that clip again? Okay. I see him getting on top of you. I see two of your arms kind of pushing him off. But then I see a third arm coming around and poking him in the head. Sierra, do you have three arms? She's like, no. What are you talking about? Okay. Must be in my imagination. That's some real Russian sci-fi shit right there.
So, Sierra's basically like, don't you mean yet? Sierra's like, I'm like, honestly, Jesse, like, don't come in my room. Don't even come around me. You know how I am. So if you really want to play that game, your feelings will be hurt at the end of the day because I won't even look at you. I'm like, uh-oh.
Sierra is going into ice queen mode with Jesse and he will not be able to deal with it whatsoever. Yeah. And she has a good point. Cause she's like, he's going to come from me for touching him. And then they show him last week, like crawling on top of her or two weeks ago, crawling on top of her on the pool thing. I mean like you're a 10 and all of that stuff.
So then we see next week, guys, I was so afraid we weren't going to have any more weak-willed, wishy-washy, wussy men coming. But here's Schwartz. He's like, hi, guys. It's me, Schwartz. He's making his rounds. After his appearance on The Valley, now he will be on Summer House. And maybe the week after that, maybe he'll show up on, like, I don't know, Real Housewives of Atlanta. Who knows? Yeah.
So then we also get a confrontation with Lexi and Jesse where she's like, I heard from my mom who heard from my sister who told me to my face in bed that you've been shit talking me and you've been saying like I'm a crazy jealous girl and stuff like that. How dare you? I have a recording of it because I put a I put a recording device in your kitchen. Not sorry.
Dump him. Dump him right now. Ew, gross. Dump him. Do it. Do it. It'll be hilarious. Yeah. Paige is like, if you're not fully in this, you should walk away. Wait, where did Lexi go? I saw a beam of light and then she was gone. Wow. What a commentary on Stalinist policies. Don't criticize the government, am I right? The government's Craig. Boop. Spoiler alert. Craig is communism.
Anyway, thanks everyone for being here. What a fun summer house. We'll be back next week. We'll have Top Chef on Monday, as well as our entire slate of shows. So looking forward to that, and we will catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Bye. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way.
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