#2835 Summer House 0913 Part Two: Soft Headed Live in Austin
44:37 Share

Let's be honest, nothing boosts confidence quite like great hair. But if you're seeing more strands in the shower, your confidence might not be at its highest. And that's why you need H.E.R.'s Hair. H.E.R.'s Hair treatments are made with doctor-trusted prescription ingredients that many other hair products out there don't have. They come in a variety of options, including oral and topical solutions, so you can find the one that works for you.

They even have options with added hair vitamins and supplements for extra support. Getting started is simple with a quick online hair quiz. Just answer some questions and you'll be connected with a provider to discuss your personalized treatment plan. Through hers, everything is 100% online, so no pharmacy trips, doctor's office visits, or insurance required. Plus, treatments start at just $35 a month.

And the best part? You can get thicker, fuller, healthier hair and start seeing regrowth in as little as three to six months. Start your initial free online visit today at ForHers.com slash crappins. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash crappins for your personalized hair loss treatment options. ForHers.com slash crappins.

Individual results may vary. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information.

This episode is sponsored by Saks. Ooh, do I have some news for all the fashion lovers out there. Saks Fifth Avenue has arrived on Amazon, bringing you an incredible selection of designer brands like Balmain, Stella McCartney, Erdem, Etro, Dolce & Gabbana, and Giambattista Valli, all at your fingertips. From women's and men's fashion to stunning handbags, shoes, beauty products, and accessories, Saks Fifth Avenue is the place to be.

Saks on Amazon is your new destination for luxury shopping. Looking for the perfect wedding guest outfit? Planning a vacation? Need to refresh your weekend wardrobe? Saks' expertly curated edits have got you covered. Experience the ease of shopping premier luxury brands through Amazon's seamless personalized platform. Get the Saks designer brands you love delivered just like that. New on Amazon.

Optimize your nutrition this year with Factor, America's number one ready-to-eat meal service. Factor's fresh, never-frozen meals are dietician-approved, ready to eat in just two minutes. Choose from 40 weekly options across eight dietary preferences, like CalorieSmart, Protein Plus, and Keto. Eat smarter at factormeals.com slash listen50 and use code LISTEN50 for 50% off, plus free shipping on your first box.

Factormeals.com slash listen 50. Code listen 50.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

Yeah, this is, I crunched some numbers this afternoon because this is what I do. Yeah, you did. That's what men do. He's a number crunching bitch, this guy. I crunched some numbers. Welcome stud, Ben. 159 million. Could you do this on PowerPoint? That would be great. I pulled up my good guy calculator. Compliments plus hugs plus ladies equal good nights. Good guy calculator.

I did some research for 45 seconds and it turns out to run a bar. Your rent should be 10% of your overall revenue, which means that at $10,000 a month, you have to be bringing in about $100,000 of revenue on top of the $600,000 build out, which is my way of saying this sounds like a great idea. You're fucked. You're fucked. That's what he's saying. That's good guy for you're fucked. You're fucked.

So, also, he has like a... What am I kicking? You know I'm wearing boots today. I've already got gigantic feet. Oh, show everyone your boots. He's wearing Texas boots. Because, you know, we're still recording at our desks like the true fucking pros we are. And I'm kicking my... Okay, sorry about that. Okay, so he has a GoFundMe or whatever for this bar. And he's like, all right, we just want to raise $19 trillion. We're just...

It's just a soft bar. No big deal. Possibly a space station. I don't know. Donate $9,000 and we'll give you a hat that says soft. It's like, no man wants to wear that. Like, what man wants to wear a hat that says soft? It's already written all over my face.

No, everyone, it's okay. It's okay. Because Kyle, I actually believe that Kyle knows the answers to all these questions, but doesn't want to humiliate Carl. So he's pretending, he's like, oh, tell me what you need to do. I mean, Kyle is an entrepreneur, okay? So because Carl's like, yeah, so we have a $600,000 build out. And Kyle's like, which means it's going to be $900,000. Okay, keep on going, bro. Sounds good. Yeah, sounds great. And Kyle, Carl's like, no, no, don't worry. We have a really good business model. Oh.

And Jesse's like, you gotta sell a lot of drinks to make $600, bro. He's like, oh yeah, we have a good business model. I mean, look, it's risky. I know that. But I was engaged to Lindsay, so. I'm still here. I'm going to take that as a sign. And I'm doing it. He's like, look, there's going to be naysayers. I mean, look at me. I'll just finish it there, really. People said I only had five sperm left, but I got 159 million bitches in here.

There's going to be people taking jabs at you, bro. All right? There's going to be people. Probably Lindsey. What a bitch. Am I right? You want to talk about Lindsey? You want to talk some shit about Lindsey? That's more fun because I'm getting depressed hearing you talk about your business that's going to fail. So...

He's like, by the way, how are you handling that? How are you handling that with Lindsay and everything? He's like, well, I mean, you know, I didn't expect her to, I mean, I don't know. If you want my honest opinion. Oh, yeah. I've got to be honest now. Hold on. Good guy honesty corner. Okay. I got to clutch all my chest because I'm giving you my honest opinion. So my honest opinion is I think that deep down she's not her. She's embarrassed. She's embarrassed. Still. She's really embarrassed. You know, and like deep down there's a part of her.

You know, with the jabs, these comments that she makes at me. It's her trying to feel better about the embarrassment I'm feeling. You caused it, stupid! You dumped her! She's not embarrassed. She's pissed. You're lucky you have a nut left. You're lucky. So then it cuts to Lindsay, who's in the throes of embarrassment. She's like, yeah! Listen.

I don't know Lindsay personally. I only know Lindsay from this show. And I can tell you one thing. That girl is never embarrassed. No. That girl has never been in her life. She is not. Okay, so did you guys catch the extra Sashone Medea tea on these guys? I hate that I'm saying tea. Okay, so she posted...

Wait, who posted first? So there's a screenshot. She posted, yeah. She posted on her Insta. There's a screenshot of this scene where Carl just said that Lindsay is embarrassed. And Lindsay had some choice words about whether or not she was actually embarrassed. One. What are we, in middle school? Embarrassed is not the word here. This man, my best friend of eight years, slash finance, slash partner, parentheses, blindsided me, and

humiliated me on national television. It capitalized both words. With less respect than you would have your enemy. Why on earth in cab would I need to go to a soft launch for his bar that wasn't even opening yet? Which brings me to number two. The team said launch nothing.

Oh, ouch. I would just like to pause the social media post to remind people it's got a big rush. Okay, continue. Aww.

And now you're talking about the opening in Brooklyn, the complete opposite direction of New Jersey. Like, call me when it's actually launching, but I'm not going to go waste eight hours of my life to go celebrate him talking about potentially doing something at some point, maybe in the future. Call me when it's opening and you have a sandwich for me. Goddamn. Hoa. Hoa. Hoa, hoa, hoa. Roboto. Roboto. Good guy, Roboto.

This has nothing to do with her coming to New Jersey or the soft bar event, which was in New Jersey, which is beautiful, 10 hours in deep or not. I was asked a question by Kyle about while she's making jabs, ow, jabs, ow, ow, and I responded with an opinion in the moment, and I regret even saying anything about her, because here we are with a post-episode story rant and the bullet points about something that has nothing to do with that conversation. I would like to have a rebuttal.

Yeah.

I like when she was like, you're worried about jabs? I could have cut your dick off on national TV and ate it, and I would have still been in the right. Lindsay doesn't make jabs. Yeah, Lindsay does not make jabs. She will. She just makes jabs. She makes jabs. She takes your stomach lining out. She disembowels your ass. Okay.

Okay, so back to this. She's like, she's just embarrassed, guys. And so they're like, well, yeah, I mean, it was kind of recent, Carl. And he's like, yeah, she's already pregnant. It's like someone's baby. So then we cut to Lindsay and she's like, oh my God, Lexi, I can't wait to hear more about you and Jessie. Can someone please get my baby a drink? She's kicking.

Hey, Mr. Solomon, fellow good guy. How are you feeling? He's like, oh, it's funny. I really thought it was all over. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, I messaged you. It was maybe Sunday night or Monday night. I forget which day of the week it was, Beast. But I was like, how are you holding up, Solomon, Beast? And you were like, eh, Beast. So I was like, uh-oh, Beast. Guys,

There is a male on Bravo in need of some vulnerability. So please, let's give them a monologue moment. Vulnerability. Well, guys, it all started when I was 18, 19. Put up a picture, guys. Put up a picture. He was an upside down mop in a static storm. I was like, what? Why did that look like it was from 1985? That was from 2016. Yeah.

I can see why this man is taking all the ass he can get. He just started getting it two years ago. I mean, they showed him three years. He's like, he blossomed. Let him get all the ass he wants, I say. Okay, so they showed, and it's a prom picture. He's with this cute girl or whatever who was doing him a favor, let's face it.

Like, where's her metal? Okay, so he's like, yeah, you know, I was 18 or 19. I was really in love with this girl. As you can see, I could feel true love. You look like a child. You're a toddler. But it was true. And then, you know, my best friend slept with her. Vulnerability. Thank you. So I guess that scarred me. Like, okay, Jesse, all right.

So now he has trust issues. And so that's why he can't be in a good relationship because of a freaking thing that happened in high school. Got it. Got it. He has trust issues, so he has to fuck over every girl that he's with in case his best friend tries to do it first. I'm not really sure what his point is. Last I checked, you were the one who was kind of making the moves on Sierra after the whole West thing. So I don't know how that worked out. So Lindsay's like, um, Alexi was filling me in.

very nervous and her and jesse were done though and then she's like what happened this week conversations and like i was talking whoa that's a new part i didn't tell you that part before but he was like whoa and then he told me what he was feeling conversations about it she goes am i like really gonna like fully break up with somebody because he's bad at communicating yes

100%. You answered it. Congratulations. It's like when he said last week, he's like, look, I just don't like, I just don't want us to break up because of actions that I may have took. Why else do you break up? Specifically what he said. Look, I mean, if you take the toe sucking out of it, if you take the threesome that I decided to join in on with my foot, I mean, that's just an isolated thing.

Other than that, I was great. So what I said that Lexi just said, that is what she said, except it's this long. Yeah. It's literature. It's like, who wrote this? It's long. I'm reading that whole thing. It was basically what I just said. She said if you did a word search for communicating, it would show up 30 fucking times in this one paragraph. Yeah. She does that. And she's like, he says it's not his intention. But I'm like, but it happened.

And I was telling my mom and my sister while we were in bed, you're important, you guys. And then my sister said, I totally agree, which is why I draw a very strong boundary around my lips. It's like a Mario Kart track. So Lindsay's like...

Lindsay's like, why? Was he like talking shit about you? Oh, sorry. Cause Sierra was like, yeah, I got my own shit. And so Sierra's like, I'm just saying like this arm touching situation. Like, I'm just like, he can do have whatever boundaries he wants, whatever, but like, it's totally fine. But like you're flipping your flip, flopping like fuck. She literally said flip flopping like fuck. That's really hard to say. Like a fucking fish.

Anyway, Sierra's mad at Jesse. Yeah, she's like, I got an ear load for you. I was like, yes, Sierra. So then we go to dinner. Everybody's going, they're separating to have kind of boring dinner separately, which is nice. So we go to Wes and he's like, I'm just really trying, guys, to be open and honest. Vulnerability. Vulnerability.

I wasn't super open last summer, but hopefully I can work stuff out with Sierra and everything's going to be vulnerable and vulnerable and vulnerable and vulnerable and vulnerable.

So they go. He's going to be at dinner with Sierra and the gang. So he's terrified. And he should be. He should be. So he's like, you know what? I'm going to do to show her that I'm really serious. I'm going to wear Duck Dynasty shorts. And I'm going to keep a scarf in my pocket just in case I need to wrap it around my neck later. Yeah, I'll dress like a bro babushka. So then...

So at one group, we have Jesse and Paige and others. And so Jesse orders a martini with blue cheese, olives, and the restaurant actually doesn't have them, which is surprising, I personally thought. Fucking monsters. How am I supposed to live like this? This is the third world. I pay taxes. Give me some fucking blue cheese in here. Jesus. You're in the...

- Turn the Hamptons, okay? Countess Lou Anne de Lesseps lives down the street. You better have your blue cheese ready for her. - And Kyle's like, "You know what? If they say they don't have blue cheese olives, you should be like, 'I'll take American cheese.'" - And then... You want to see some man cheese? - Sorry, sorry, Mom.

Paige is like, so I love what Paige says. Paige is like, oh, I will say Craig hates on me all the time because I fucking love a Kraft single. You know what else I love? The idea of me being single. I want to model my life after my favorite cheese single. I'm like literally jealous of my favorite cheese snack.

So they're all like, I really, honestly, I really support a page in this because she's like, honestly, it just makes good grilled cheese. And I firmly believe you don't have to have American cheese every day, but you need to have it on hand because when you need that grilled cheese, I'm sorry, cheddar will not do it. I am sorry. It needs to be American. It needs to be American. We're in Texas. You're talking to a bunch of Southerners. We know. Melt it on a bag of Fritos and call me in the morning. You know, we know. We eat breakfast.

Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly? Well,

Well, she dove headfirst into a world of no-strings-attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs, and unforgettable adventures. And together, we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex, Wondery's award-winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets.

desire, friendship, self-discovery, and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking. Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad-free on Wondery Plus.

Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree. Until one day... I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram, she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person.

A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres, but who was hiding a secret.

From Wondery, based on my smash hit podcast from Brazil, comes a new series, Don't Cross Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb. I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls. Maybe get some undercover crew there. The family are freaking out. They are lost. I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

So we also find out during this scene that when Craig has been visiting Paige, he has basically been using Daphne, Paige's cat daughter, for content. Fucking content stealer. And you know Craig has done that since the Naomi days. He's like, come on, Gizmo. Yeah, Captain Gizmo, you're right. You see? He does that. He dates women with cute cats. He gets some followers. And then...

Doesn't follow through with anything else and ends up getting dumped and then spends the next year going, vulnerability. I got dumped and I was best friends with their cat. Now what do I do? So then in the other place, so West is talking to Amanda and everything. I literally thought this was my nipple. I'm wearing this embroidered shirt and I went like this. I was like, oh my God, they've fallen another two inches. Yes.

I'm so sorry. I just spoke to my doctor. Got two nipples, bro. So...

Speaking of which, Wes is asking Amanda about Kyle's results. And Amanda's like, yeah, I just don't want to have a baby. And she gives a totally reasonable thing about how she's just finally starting to feel like herself again. And then being pregnant will knock her on her ass. And she doesn't want to deal with postpartum. And she also just, she already has a child and his name is Kyle. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't need to go down this path again. She doesn't even need to say anything. All she needs to do is just point at Kyle. Like, Amanda, why don't you want to have a baby now? Well, now I've got this whole Lexi thing sorted for the moment. And Paige is like, for the night. I'm going to destroy it.

Like, guys, can I get some Sierra advice? Because, like, today, like, Sierra was like, you're a two-faced liar. Like, guys, what? And I was like, ow, please, I've asked you not to touch my arm.

I love Paige. She's like, her delivery was impeccable. Yeah. Paige is like, I'm sorry, you're in the wrong crowd. But this audience does enjoy it. Please keep going. Please keep going. It's like, dude, I just want to apologize, but if she can accept my apology, what if I smile even wider?

He's like, well, you know, like, this is the same thing that she did to Wes. Now I kind of feel bad for the guy. And Kyle's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. As a defender of women, as the one defender of women here, as someone who's possibly got about 80 million women Chinese version inside of him right now. You see?

I don't think you should blame the woman for that shit, bro. All right? Please buy Limoncello Loverboy, ladies. It's out now. Lindsay is shocked. She's like, oh my God, Kyle. Therapy is actually working on you? Who are you seeing? Because I've been doing it for 20 years and I'm still like this, but...

So Paige is like, "West hasn't even talked this summer." I don't even notice. It's not just to Sierra, it's literally to everybody. He's speaking in scarves and it's sad. - So then the other group,

It's sort of like a sad scene. Lexi is like, hey, Wes, I saw your Instagram story. I saw about your friend who passed away last year. How are you doing? So Wes sort of has this tortured moment where he's kind of trying to share, but he kind of can't do it. And he's talking about it was an anniversary, and he's very sad. And they're all being considerate. And Wes is saying how it's just so strange because a year ago, I was...

crying on Sierra's bed. And Sierra's like, I'm out of here. No, bye. Like, bye. You can't pull this card on me. I was there comforting you through the first time of tragedy. I'm not going to sit here and cover your ass while you're using that tragedy for sympathy in front of me at this dinner table. Goodbye, bitch! Vulnerability! Bye! This is great. So that was sad. That was sad, actually. It was a sad scene, but I also applauded Sierra. It was a sad scene, but I loved that Sierra was like,

She's like, have your sad scene without me, okay? And everyone's like, damn, he had his vulnerable scene and Sierra just got up and left. She's doing great work. And then she comes back and they're like, are you okay? She's like, yeah, what's going on? Just had some Kraft singles back there.

So now the way this is really cold cuz Emeril was at this whole dinner and they literally show him sitting next to them They cut him out. How could you even cut him out at a dinner? That's crazy So Sierra comes back and she's like, you know look like I was that guy's friend and that's why it hurts so much or whatever So Lexi's like but I'll feel for you Thank you for station cuz you have that go to Jesse and we're gonna have a conversation about it So

So then we go back to the house. They're able to enter very easily because the door is fixed. And the big news is that Paige has picked up Sierra's still turned on curling iron. And I'm like, how did we not see this? I would have died to have seen Paige be like,

And my favorite part is that she kind of spends the rest of the episode trying to get Sierra to be like, oh my god, I'm so sorry I left that on. Sierra does it. Because the rest of the time she's like, oh yeah, no, I was up really late because I picked up Sierra's curling iron because it was still on. Anyway, I'm going to go back to the city now because Sierra's curling iron was still on. Did you hear there's a new pope? Yeah, they elected a new pope because Sierra left her curling iron on.

Sierra's just laughing. She's like, yeah. I sat at dinner listening to Wes try and get sympathy. So who's hurting more in the end? Sierra's going to burn down a house one day.

It's not just because of that curling iron. This is how Sierra comes into her bed. This is how Sierra comes to the house. She's like, okay, I'm on suitcase. Just shit everywhere. And then she's leaving fire things on. You're all going to die. I'm surprised there already hasn't been an inflagration. Okay, so now Paige gets home and the girls have been separated for the first time. I think the producers are like, girls, you have to get out of bed and talk to other people in the house. Like, no! No!

No! All right, you can go to that party. You can go to that party. So Paige comes in the door, and she just looks up the stairs and runs straight up the stairs. Oh, my God. I'm so glad I saw you guys, because I don't know if you guys heard, but I picked up Ciara's curling iron. So then Lexi and Jesse are cuddling in bed, and he's like, oh, I missed you so much. You just sneezed snot on her face in the middle of your makeup sex?

Okay, so then the girls are talking about, the girls are in bed, and Amanda's like, you guys, like, all I could think about this week was, like, that you guys were mad at me. They were like. She's like, it really hurt. And Sierra's like, yeah, sounds about right. It's like, I love you.

And most importantly of all, we got one of our favorite traditions on the show, which is Kyle coming home drunk and having a late night binge. He goes into the kitchen. He pulls out a box of sad muffins. He's like, oh, man. Who eats muffins? Who eats muffins? And then he just opens up the box and sits down with a fork and a knife. He's like...

He does that thing where he's portioning. He's like, yeah, let me show her. I talk a lot of business with her. Like five seconds later, he's like, I demolished that whole fucking thing. Yeah, I ate a muffin. But I got to feed all those boys down there. It's my job. They're my sperm. So let's see. So he's like trying to play me. Everybody just goes to bed at Summer House. Like, what are you going to do? They go to bed. What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

Think about it. What are you going to do? So the next day, Amanda is telling the girls how Wes started crying at dinner. And Sierra was like, yeah, you know, like I thought it was going to be something else. And Paige goes, yeah, I thought it was going to be about his dating life or something. Like I would be crying. Like wouldn't you be crying? How is he not crying about his dating life? Yeah.

Did you guys talk about craft singles? Because I totally did. Also, for the record, I felt like there was something very symbolic about Paige waking up with her hand on an actual chicken for the first time. Yes. An actual chicken. She actually went to her own room because her hand was so hurt and she went down and got the raw chicken from the thing. That's the first time she's actually gotten comfort from chicken. Hi, chicken. I want to speak to you about something. I have now experienced the real thing.

And in the spirit of craft. This is the turning point in Paige's relationship. She's like, oh my God, a chicken I can count on. Wait, I can have a chicken that doesn't try to one-up my career? You're coming with me, Purdue Farms. Wow, a non-hater chicken. It's amazing.

So Paige is like, so, Sierra, do you think you'll ever be friends with Wes? And Sierra's like, who cares? There's like a billion people on the earth. Fuck that guy. Yeah, and they're all in my crotch. Yeah. Yeah. They hate a billion morons.

Oh, watch out. Better get a sneeze guard, otherwise you're next. So then Carl's big story from the night, he's like, guys, I took down a whole fucking muffin. At least change the story to make it seem more impressive. Be like, guys, last night I got drunk and ordered two pizzas. But don't be like, guys, last night I got so fucking wasted I ate a muffin. I ate a muffin. A whole fucking muffin. Yeah.

It's just funny to hear a straight guy do that because gay guys, that's all our conversation. It's like, what did you do last night? Oh my God, I ate a muffin. The whole muffin? The whole muffin. Girl, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. No, I'm not. I'll gain five pounds from that one goddamn muffin. Now all week I'm going to think about muffins because now I'm addicted. It's back inside of me. You're going to be fine. You just have to be positive. I had a piece of pizza. You had a piece of pizza? Why are you open with that? Why do I have to have a muffin monologue? What about you, you fat dickhead?

Jesus Christ, Ronnie. Straight guys are like, I ate a muffin. Walk a mile, bitch. Walk a mile. So they're going to get ready. There's going to be a beach day. There's going to be a fun beach event that Gabby is organizing. And Kyle's like, Gabby's coming? Is Emeril coming? Emeril's like... They're like, ding! You'll see a little arrow pointing off the screen. I looked down and there were two sets of footprints. And then I heard that said, the footprint's friend. Oh.

Oh wait, the footprints have stopped behind this bush. The footprints are fucking another pair of footprints. Wait, here comes some more footprints. Wait, why does the toe on that footprint look so wet? Active beach.

Oh, God. Okay, so Carl's like, all right, give me the deep dive on what's going on with the girls, guys. And Jessie's like, yeah, you know, Lexi was like, it's over. You're the worst. And then she was like giving me all these reasons, like why I was the worst. And then one day I just picked up the phone, and she said, are we getting back together or not? Like, what the hell? What mixed signals, right? She was waiting for you to fucking make an effort, Jessie. Jesus Christ.

I mean, she was like, it's your decision. And I was like, I don't even know that was on the table remotely. And then after Lexi and I talked, her mom and sister came to the apartment and we all talked and we decided that we were all going to get back together. So it's just quiet and he's passing this off as normal. Like, yeah, the mom came, the sister came on me and then the dad came and...

And Carl's like, wait a minute, there was like three ladies there? Three of them? The makeup ladies? What were they doing there? Was it a debrief? What was going on there? And he's like, and Wes is like, yeah, that's like a lot. And like, he was like grinding on Lexi in front of her mom. It's really weird, you guys. And Paige is sitting there and she's like, what? Ew. Ew.

She's like, I couldn't even touch Craig in front of my dad. I would feel so fucking weird. Like, I don't kiss him in front of my parents. Or actually, I don't kiss him at all, really. But still, theoretically, it's disgusting. And Jessie's like, well, I wouldn't do PDA with Lexi in front of my mom. But she just, like, goes for it in front of her mom, you know? And Wes is like, guys, she was at the bar with us till 2 a.m.,

Yeah, and then they went to a club after that to see her friend DJ. And Wes is like, yeah, I'm trying to figure it out. And Paige is like, wait, I can't tell if I'm disgusted or so impressed because, like, that would be my dream. I can have kids and then go to the club with them and not hang out with Craig. Oh, my God. Amanda, get over here. Did you know you can do this?

And Jesse's like, yeah, guys. And then after the bar, we went to a club. We went to the box till like 4 a.m. Like, the box? You went to the box with somebody's mother? What is this box? I need to know what's going on. I looked it up. It's like a faux burlesque erotica kind of trendy bar. Tiffany and her mom are like, yes!

Apparently it has a very, it's like a very difficult line. Like you wait in line for a long time, but we know they were like, we are the line. Literally on our lips. Come on, let us in. My sister's on Instagram, motherfucker. Heard of it? Huge app. Huge. She has velvet ropes on her upper lip. Okay, let us in. The sister's like, do you want to rethink that and tell this no's no?

The bouncer's like, I thought it was the cast of The Lion King. Okay, just come in. Just come in. The second ellipse.

So Paige is like, that's like another level up. And he's like, yeah, it is what it is. But they just like, that'll never go away. It's normal. It's not normal, you guys. It's weird. It's weird to be doing that stuff in front of your parents. It's fair. It's fair. It's a fair point by West. I just like her thirsty ass family being like, yeah. Hey, honey, want to go to the box?

All right, Tiff, do you have the selfie camera? Go into the box. Get it. Jesse, ready for some content? We're boxing it up, baby. Go into the box. It's time for the box. Three for the box, please. So Wes is like, yeah, I feel bad about ripping it, but it's not normal. I'm still kind of reeling from my shit with Sierra. Oh.

And I'm learning the hardest way. Human positive. So if I can help Jesse and give him advice, that's what I'll do. Yeah. He's like, but can I be honest? I love that they're both fucked up. They're both fucking crazy. I love that. Hey, quick question. Quick question. Does anyone know if Lexi's sister has tan lines or...

Got room for one more? Good guy class. So now Amanda is talking to Jesse, and he's like, yeah, you know, now I'm feeling good about Lexi. I just need to feel good about Sierra. I'm like, oh my God, talk to Sierra. Surely it'll work out. Surely it'll work out with Sierra. Cut to Sierra light. Amanda's like, whatever you do, do not make any jokes. It's like, yeah, okay, whatever.

So then Amanda is like, you know, because honestly, like, we were all under the impression that that one day, like, you and Ciara were fully going to hook up that night. Yeah. Like, I was fully convinced that Jesse and Ciara were going to be dating by the end of the summer. Like, it's nuts. And everyone was convinced. Craig was. Like, Craig was so convinced. It was crazy. Like, Craig's literally hurting right now. He's upset. He's upset. Call Craig. Tell him I'm not calling him back.

I'm like so convinced. So basically they're like, just be transparent. Don't bullshit her and just say you're sorry. Right? So now they all go to the beach because beach day. Yay. Beach day. Hey, beach day. And so Gabby is like, she's like, oh my God, I'm so glad I'm finally back on the episode. And I'm so glad that no one wore shoulder pads to the beach.

As someone who wasn't cut out of this episode, how do you guys like tea parties? Because I'm having one today. So the girls are kind of talking and Lindsay's like, I'm Pratt. They're like, we know, Lindsay. Okay. And it's like, okay. So I'm like, you guys, let's talk about the boys. I heard Sierra said that Carl apparently did something with somebody. No, he didn't. I do not believe it.

and not get it up for years and now suddenly he's ahhhhhhh. I know that slut knows magic but not that trick. By the way, this is also the two year anniversary of their proposal which means we get- I was actually upset that they didn't do the full flashback of- Oh my god people, get out of the bushes, you're not getting the shot. Okay.

Lindsay Dale Hubbard. Oh my god. Will you give me the honor of being the biggest good guy in your life? Here. Softly. Softly take the ring. Softly. You wore shoulder pads to the beat. Lindsay Dale Hubbard.

Oh, how fast things change. Those shoulder pads were bad luck. We all knew it. Paige called it. She was like, you wore shoulder pads to a beach. I just love it. Two years ago, will you marry me? And now today... He hasn't fucked anyone in a year and a half and can't get his dick up.

So now everybody comes and Kyle's like, hey, let's have some guy talk, all right? It was kind of weird, you know, mostly because I found out like my sperm is like 18 countries full of sperm.

That was kind of weird. I was like, do we need to do any city planning in here? What the fuck? And then I went up to bed and Amanda was sleeping. And I was like, what? And she got mad, but I just needed to do it because I like to wake her up because I wasn't acknowledged the whole day. This is why your sperm are going to shrivel up and be used never. You wake my ass up one time, you're dead.

I'll remove the sperm glands. So Amanda's like, they're like right next to each other. So she's like, okay. So she goes over to Kyle. She's like, okay, Kyle, I'm sorry. I didn't congratulate you on your sperm. Hold on, hold on. I didn't give everybody the good news. Guys, I talked to my doctor. I came three times.

And then the doctor told me, your sperm is dope. And the best part is, the sperm all look like little cans of Levervoi Limoncello. So it's like, I don't know about your sperm, Kyle. It's just like, I'm proud of you for having good sperm. Can we just concentrate on Sierra chewing the fuck out of Jesse's ass, please? Yeah.

So Jesse and Sierra have the big talk. He's like, will you talk to me? She's like, where do you want to speak, asshole? So they go walk away. Meanwhile, Kyle, while they're like setting up their scene, Kyle is self-conscious because it's like a nicer setup and he's wearing a tank top. He's like, I'm underdressed. So he's like, he decides he has to change his clothes. So then Wes holds up all these umbrellas. They're doing like a weird burlesque gay sex moment.

And got it. What was that? That was really weird. It was like, because this is not how you change your shorts. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Jesus Christ. But then when he does the reveal, he's just in a different bathing suit. I was like, what? Did anyone else see that? I was like, I don't understand this costume change. So Jesse's like, all right, Sierra, let's have a talk. She's like, okay.

You know when Sierra's so pissed she's got like a piece of candy in her mouth that's invisible that she's like... Yeah. And listen, she's still dealing with rage from the traitors and I don't blame her. I would be angry also. So Jesse is like, hey, I just want to start by apologizing for you touching me so much. I'm sorry that I'm so attracted that you can't stop trying to hump my arm.

No, it's just so hard, you know, you being so upset with things that you say I did. I just want to apologize for those things that you think happened, maybe, possibly. Am I doing this right? I'm sorry you weren't able to control your emotions enough to stop flirting with me.

And she's like, yeah, I don't need you to feel bad for me. And I don't, like, even nurture friendships like this. So he's like, so I'm forgiven. And you're forgiven, too, for all the, you know, like, climbing you've been trying to do all over me and stuff like that. I mean, it's just a joke, right? You know? Like, I'm exploring a new relationship. What should I have done? Said, hey, it's really upsetting Lexi that we're so close. So maybe we should back off. And she goes, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah? He's like, oh. Not act like I'm arm raping you at some fucking cancer event. I know. The fuck was that? We're going to feed people with cancer. And he's like, oh, dare you! Rape! He has the biggest frown on his face now. He looks like a grouper. He's like, oh. Oh, I guess I should have done that. He still doesn't smile. He's like this. Then it's like this. Oh.

It's like the most perfect trapezoid you've ever seen. So she's like, you should have sent me a text or called me. Like, you could have been like, our relationship makes her uncomfortable. Like, cool. Okay, fine. But you know what? I'm just like, I'm not even upset. I'm just over you guys. She's just like...

I just love how she just sort of dismisses them and he's like, yeah, but you're... Both of you, just shut up. Just both of you. Be quiet. She's like... You've dated for five minutes. Why is this every episode 40 minutes of you two like, how are you feeling?

She's like, honestly, I have one week left to care and then I'm good. We can wrap up this season now. And he's like, I'm sorry. Did you not see the picture of me getting my heart broken at 18 years old? Fun!

And that brings us to the end of Summer Housing. Thank you, Austin, so much. You guys are awesome. This is amazing. We love you guys. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day. Good night.

Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber Way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela. It's true.

We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trick-a-less. Hava Nagila Weber.

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trach. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay Dees.

Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes, we can-a, it's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches.

Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's the VIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen, it's Queen Laifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Know your worth with Jason Kurz. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony, Junie. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. She gets an A, it's Kelly B.

We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Shadley. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it. It's Lowell Alcalani. The incredible edible Matthew sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud.

She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon, out of a can, and Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Couture. We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

Shopify's point of sale system helps you sell at every stage of your business. Need a fast and secure way to take payments in person? We've got you covered. How about card readers you can rely on anywhere you sell? Thanks, have a good one. Yep, that too.

Want one place to manage all your online and in-person sales? That's kind of our thing. Wherever you sell, businesses that grow, grow with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 a month trial at shopify.com slash listen. shopify.com slash listen.