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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, everybody. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Did you drop a little pen down there by the side of your desk? Dropped some chapstick.
Oh, it's slippery. Slippery chapstick. You gotta be careful. Look at all these I've got. I've got Aquaphor. I've got Raw Sugar. I've got this chapstick. Lots of lip stuff going on over here. I need a lip liner like Lexi. Watch what crap is brought to you by the chapstick family of products. Yes. Well, I've even got Raw Sugar Natural Lip Balm. It's watermelon flavored in case Gail needs a snack.
Everybody, welcome to Top Chef Day here at Watch What Crappens. We just got back from Texas. What a great weekend. Thanks for everybody coming to Texas shows. We had a great time meeting you and laughing with you. We are going to be in Vegas this Thursday night. We're so excited. We're going to be recovering. Recovering.
We're going to be covering Summer House, so come join us for that one this week in Vegas. Also in June, we're finishing up the tour in Seattle and Los Angeles. Go get your ticket. Links at WatchWhatCrapHands.com. Also find our Patreon link over there. That's where you find video recaps like today's. Hello. And it's also where you find our bonus episodes. We've got a huge three-parter bonus coming out of our road trip between Austin and Dallas, where we just ramble on.
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Yes. Okay. So let's go over to one of the oddest themed top chefs we've had this season. Yeah. I love... It's always...
I've always loved like the first episode or two in May on Top Chef because that's when they try to do a tie-in with a summer blockbuster. Like there was the one where they had to do like a Jurassic Park themed challenge once. Yeah, that was weird. This one, it's gonna be a Mission Impossible. Oh my God. Well, the Jurassic Park one, at least they were like, make it look scary and bloody. Wasn't that the one where they were putting blood all over the plates and there was like... I don't remember. Probably, yes.
Yeah, that one was, I think, scarier. This one, they were like, make a stunt. What the fuck does that mean? You want to see a real stunt? Watch Gail's digestive system trying to work with everything she shoves into it. Here's a stunt watching Gail get out of a bathtub without some butter.
Gale disclaimer. We love Gale. No Gales were harmed in the making of this show. Okay. We love Gale, but ghost Padma, you know, this week Padma died because she tried to do a stunt off the side of the building and fell off. So she's back as a ghost blame Padma, not us. All right. Let's try to climb the Burj Dubai. I got to the, I got one and a half stories up the Burj Dubai and I fell off and I died immediately. Yeah. Did you mean to be so tall?
So here we are, season 22, episode 9, cooking on the edge of glory. Gaga's back. I had to say it as a gay. So, yeah, we're the Magnificent Seven. Massimo. We're back.
So people have just been kicked off, but now it's more important than ever because people have been kicked off. And of course, Tristan just lost his father. So he's like, I'm not only doing it for me, I'm doing it for you, buddy. And then the chefs come to the test kitchen where now we have Tom and Gail joining Tristan.
Yeah, and Vinny's like, oh crap, what are we going to get into now? Something intense is about to happen. I'm going to have to make three times as much hollandaise as usual. So Kristen's like, well, you might be a little surprised to see Tom and Gale this morning. Any guesses why? Hmm, I don't know. Was there a sale on Pirate's Booty? That was mainly for Gale. I don't know why Tom's here. Was there a sale on Pirate's Booty and Tommy Bahama hats for Tom? Hmm.
That's better. Tom's like, well, we just don't want to miss out on all the fun. So here we are. Well, I just wanted to come shame you in person. So we're doing that now. And Gail's like, that's right. Because from now on, we will be here alongside Kristen to judge the rest of the quick fires in Canada. The show is tanking. They've brought in the big guns. Gail. Now you get to see two terrible patterns per episode. You're welcome, NBCUniversal.
Yeah, well, uh, we're gonna factor in both the quickfire and the elimination challenge in deciding who stays and who goes home.
Unfortunately, my son did not factor in a legacy he could have had by following my footsteps. Instead, he decided to become a mixologist. That's fine. That's fine. He doesn't have to factor in anything. The way we factor in, it's for you guys. Bailey's like, "Quick, fires have been really difficult since I got back from Last Chance Kitchen, but I'm a new Bailey now, and I feel the pressure to get it together." Oh, God, go make some penne pasta somewhere. I can't.
Well, everyone, for this quickfire challenge, you're going to have to flex your muscles. I say that with air quotes. Muscles. Muscles. Does anyone get my joke? Muscles. Muscles. M-U-S-S-E-L-S. It's a homophone. Anyone. The only ones Gail has are in the back of her throat.
So Kristen's like, welcome. Welcome your guest judge from Prince Edward Island, chef and professor at the Culinary Institute of Canada and James Beard Award nominee for stepping off the curb while holding a hot dog, a soda and a side of chips. At the same time, Alona Daniel. Welcome, Alona.
Oh, that's funny, because I call Gail Alona at Starbucks. Alona for the rest of her life. Gail Simmons. Alona at Baskin and Robbins, or as we call it now, Inns, because Gail ate the Baskin and Rob. Hi, Alona.
Hey, guys, Ilona's here. Hey, Ilona, before we do the muscles challenge, can you please explain your contacts? Because they don't really make sense with your eyes. Did you mean to look like you've been holding your face under a chloroform swimming pool for half an hour? You look ridiculous. Hey, Ilona, great job trying to steal Ileana Douglas' names. Couldn't do it, though. Um...
She was my friend when I was alive. Now I haunt her. So, Kristen's like, just off the coast of eastern Canada is a little place called Prince Edward Island. It's also known as Canada's Food Island. Is that right? Well, that explains why Gail's always going up there. Am I right, everyone? Food Island? No? Isn't Prince Edward bad? Let me look. Prince Edward Jeffrey Epstein.
Prince, oh, that's Prince Andrew. Okay, never mind. You're off the hook, Prince Edward. You go with your food island. Okay, so Alona's like, you betcha. With 1,000 miles of coastland, we have some of the best lobster oysters and our favorites are our mussels. Did you get it, everybody? Mussels, like, mussels.
Prince Edward Island actually produces over 50 million pounds of mussels each year, and they can be found on the menus at some of the best restaurants all over the world. Thanks, Gail. Thanks for describing what the fuck a mussel is. We all get it. We're on Top Chef. Ugh, sorry, humans. Wow, 50 million pounds of mussels each year. Sounds like Gail's calorie counter. Our mussels are grown in what we call... Socks. Oh, don't you mean what Gail calls a dinner plate? Mm.
That's funny because Gail calls her socks muscles. Ew, Gail. Have you ever seen Gail stuff a sock full of peanut butter and then try to eat it out? Ew, that sounded grosser than I meant. So they grow these in these things called socks because it protects them from being eaten by predators. Wow, you should start doing that with hamburgers. Bye-bye, Gail.
You know what? When I was living, Tom and I used to trap Gail in a corner and force her into a giant sock. That way we could eat our meals in peace. Anyway, keep going, Kristen. Well, also, socks help keep them tender. Wow, that's funny. That's one thing Gail's never needed help with. Am I right, Gail? I was just telling Orson Welles I have a lot of good sock material that I was so excited to use today.
So for the quick fire challenge, they have to do something with muscles in 20 minutes. Okay, listen, I know you've got Tom and Gail here and they're busy people, I presume, and you don't want to make them stay here all day. I don't want to see shit made in 20 minutes. I'm like, if I wanted to do that, I can't even make a sandwich in 20 minutes. For me, that's not a food challenge, just to be like, wow, you've got 20 minutes to do something creative. At that point, you could just steam the shit and put it on a plate.
Come on. Yeah, I agree. Like, let them actually be chefs a little bit. Like, give them that extra 10 minutes. And so Massimo's like, oh, BEI muscles are the best muscles in the world, but they're huge, they're delicious, but they're giving us 20 minutes? That is a tough one. So Tom's like, yeah.
You know, we usually see the white wine steam mussels, but we don't want that. You're going to be judged on creativity as well as how well you look at the mussels. So go after it and don't steam them in white wine. Because if you steam them in white wine, guess who will be the white whiner? It'll be me. So Alona tells them that these kinds of mussels don't take long to cook, but, you know, one minute can be the difference between a tender morsel of oceanic juiciness or a rubber bullet.
Wow, that's amazing, because it's really only one glass of wine that can take Gail from a tender morsel of oceanic juiciness to a rubber mullet. Mer-bye, Gail. Well, as always, you'll want to impress. I don't really know what that's supposed to mean, but okay, I will not be wearing my rubber mullet anymore after a glass of wine.
As always, you'll want to impress because the winner of this quickfire challenge is going to take home $10,000 in quickfire quick cash brought to you by the GLAAD, GLAAD bag, a family of GLAAD bag products, also in conjunction with Insomnia Cookies, as well as John Deere. John Deere, the home for when you want to cut down grass. This week, your challenge is to make something in 30 minutes created out of KY Jelly, our sponsors.
Have fun. Like what the hell? What are these challenges? - So Massimo is like, "Mussels are not as easy as people think. 30 seconds is enough to overcook it. 30 seconds of undercooking makes someone violently ill." I'm like, yeah, she just said the whole rubber bullet thing. Come on, we understand.
So I'm from New York and I really, you know, in New York, we love our subs, our Italian subs. So I don't think anyone else is going to want to do something like an Italian sub. So it's going to be me.
In fact, when I was growing up, my parents got me an entire refrigerator just for Italian subs. They said, please, why do you eat such stinky food? How many refrigerators do we need to get you? Thanks, mom. When she said this, I was like, gross. You're going to do an Italian sub of muscles? I don't think I want that. It turned out to be great, though. It just goes to show you, don't judge. Don't judge prematurely.
Yeah, exactly. Don't judge until the judges have judged. So Bailey is going to do something with like green apple jalapeno aguachile, which
which doesn't really make much sense. And Tristan is going to do something with zucchinis. He's just going to like wrap them in zucchinis and have fun with it. And Vinny is like, well, I think that what I'm going to do is cook some mussels in hollandaise and serve it on a plate that's in the shape of one's going to be on an N, one shape is going to be an O, one shape is going to be on an M. You get it. It's going to spell nomad out in mussel plates. It makes a lot of sense.
I'm so sorry. I was like, 30 minutes is tough. 20 minutes, it's like, come on, man. And then you hear, ah! And you jump under a table. I got scared. That was my own clap. I almost hurt myself. But I think that I'm going to do muscles with beats because, you know, beats...
Maybe that'll blend well with muscles. I was like, wow, this guy really lucked out with his fucking dill pickle ice cream because everything since then has just sounded completely nuts and not good. Although I don't think dill pickle ice cream sounded good either. And they like that. So I don't know. I don't need beats with my muscle. Yeah, I love beats. I love muscles. I don't really see them as being a...
A great duo. So, Shwai is making a station, and he's going to do, like, basically a stir fry that he, you know, he's going to use techniques he learned from his mom and his grandma. And then, Shwai is doing it the right way, though. I have to say, I get kind of bored with this kind of cooking. I get bored when the chefs are like, this is how I grew up, and so now I'm going to cook everything the way I grew up.
Like, I don't like that. I like it to be, you know, sometimes. But he's really leaning into it. And this show loves that. I mean, every meal he makes now, he's like, I'm doing this for my grandmother and my mother. Like, that's that's smart. It's a winning strategy on this show. They love it. They eat it up. They do literally eat it up.
But anyway, Vinny's actually not doing anything with hollandaise. He's making a larb, which is unlike Vinny. And then we find out Massimo's also using zucchini blossoms, which could be an issue with Tristan. But of course, we know Tristan's going to do the better version because he always does. And then Lana's working on her sub and everything. And they're just cooking, cooking, cooking. And it's all going pretty well. I thought that was pretty weird that it was two people putting a muscle inside a zucchini flower and frying it. Yeah. Who copied who? I'm going to say
I'm going to say Massimo copied Tristan because Tristan is kind of like the one to beat this season. So people would copy him, I would say. Yeah, someone copied somebody. So Bailey's like, I wish I had more going on here. The one day I decided not to do pasta for some inexplicable reason. And I couldn't believe she didn't do it. I thought she was going to be like, and here, here's a ravioli with mussels in it.
Yeah. Why didn't anyone make a soup? I'd make a soup. Is that too close to just like white wine, steamed with white wine? Because I think a mussel soup would be lovely, like a chowder, a mussel chowder. Yeah, I don't know. Hers kind of looked like a soup on her agua chile stuff. But anyway, it looked like it just jumped from a really high ledge into a...
Like an Agua Chile sidewalk and just kind of splattered all over it. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Krappens commercial.
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So, Shuai is the first to present, and he's like, "Um, I call this 'Did It For Grandma,' okay? It's a little bit of scallion ginger mussels that are good little boys and get candy when they behave, okay? There's Chinese cooking wine, which is not the same as white wine, Tom, okay? Because my grandma used it." Gail's like, "Well, there's some nice heat in here." Yeah, well, Gail always says that, especially when she goes to Burlington Coat Factory and finds a nice trench.
So then Kristen is like, "Alright, Cesar, it's your turn." And he has his beet juice thing and Ilona was like, "And how was it with the 20 minutes on the clock?" Which was her way of saying, "This tastes like garbage. You clearly ran out of time before you could make it taste good." Yeah, and it was weird. I don't know how he presented it. He's like, "These mussels are steamed in beet juice and coconut fat." I don't think I've ever heard the term "coconut fat" before.
and i don't think i don't think people say muscles well there is like the i guess like with a coconut cream there's like the the on the top but that's i thought the coconut cream part i don't know i think i don't know i've just never heard someone specify like yeah i did it with coconut fat just sounded so um yeah alona i think you're right was totally shady she's like wow with 20 minutes on the clock how did that feel that you failed right god
Unfortunately, we're never going to get that back. Okay. So now it's Vinny. And he's like, I did mussels in the style of larb mad. Okay. It's dressed in just a little bit of vinaigrette. Sorry, that's not a wine either, Tom. Okay. And then I took the mussels and roasted them in a bed of all these herbs and garnished with some nomad pickled chilies. Nomad. Okay. Hope you enjoy that.
all right bailey tell us about your dish and she's like um i cooked the mussels with onion and mezcal and then i used some of the liquor and made a black garlic aioli and then chilled apple broth and alana's like and how long did you cook your muscles in this combination of flavors that don't go well together two to three minutes alone has got this down man she knows how to shade them every time she asks a question you know they're going down
I know. But by the way, I feel like two to three minutes to cook mussels is very short. I feel like mussels take seven or eight minutes, right? Well, they said these are quick mussels, so I don't know. These are modern mussels that we cook quickly. These are quick-open mussels. I think it's because they spent their time in a sock. They're very sock-motivated. They're like, we spent our whole lives in a sock. It's time for us to break free. I'm opening up quickly today.
So then Tristan serves his zucchini flour with a muscle in it. And he's like, guys, underneath this is muscle emulsion. Gross. That sounds disgusting. I don't care what anybody says. And then he goes, and then there's a zucchini salad and it's dressed with muscle juice. Okay.
No, none of this is okay. I wouldn't even eat this if you told me muscle emulsion and muscle juice. It's like when you open tuna fish and what are you going to drink the water? I don't want that. Wash it. Wash it off. Have you ever made anything like this before, Tristan? Wow, Gail, that's a tough question from someone who wears culottes on her head. So then, Tristan. Wow, muscle emulsion. How did you get into Gail's perfume stash? I don't know.
Which is her way...
which never mind so tristan is like um no i haven't made this and they like sort of giggle and then lana has she she presents her um her muscle uh her muscle subway sub their sub and so they're like okay uh mossimo what about you he's like uh smoked muscle sandwich with tomato motion and of course zucchini blossoms so alona's like so why did you go with the zucchini blossom on this one which is my way of saying
Why did you make such a shitty zucchini blossom? You know that we're judges, right? Yeah. And he's like, I thought it would be clever. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. Ha! Am I right? And so Luna's like, well, I like that it played on the sweetness of the muscle and it worked with that umami. It was very interesting. He's like, do you look like a wolf at night? Can people still see your eyes? Yeah, I think they definitely flexed their culinary muscles.
See what I did there? Culinary muscles? They sure did, Tom. They sure did. I already made that joke, Tom, but that's okay.
Okay, well, I love it when you do, Dad Tom. That's just one of my favorite things. So let's start with some good news. We're going to start with good news this time. Alona, who had one of our favorite dishes? No one. Okay, well, Alona, I'm going to need you to just pretend. Fine. I really enjoyed Lana's dish. It was really wonderful intensity of brininess. My favorite part was when I got to throw it all out in the trash.
So Tom loved Lana's Italian sub idea because it was a toast. It was basically like a muscle toast. And he's like, who doesn't like an Italian sub? Well, well, well, get almost married one. And so Kristen's like, Gail, who had one of your favorites? And she's like, Vinny, I love that you had an idea of larb.
Really, really good. It was perfect to easy on. It was so easy to eat on that endive. I thought it really worked. I love eating things on endives. Gail, Oreo cookies are not endive leaves. Well, we asked for something different and unique and you delivered on that. Tom, who else had one of our favorites? Tristan. It was crispy as advertised and the muscle was nice and juicy and plump.
Also, I love the fact that you took the mussel juice and turned it into an emulsion and a vinaigrette. A real good use of the product. You're really inventive. I only wish I had a son who could do half as many things as you did in that one bite. Thank you so much. They also loved schweiss. Flavor-wise, fantastic. And so who muscled their way to the top of this quick-fire challenge? And guess what? This dish had the briny, delicious ocean flavor.
But she wants. So Elona picks Lana.
But mainly because we know that Lana has at least half of the letters in Alona's name. She's like, I did it really because of letter bias. So Chris, Lana wins her first. Is this her first like individual thing that she's won? She won $10,000. She's very excited. And it's 125,000 all total. So she's, she must've won some other stuff. Yeah. I think that was group stuff, but I could be wrong because honestly, I do not pay attention to this and I don't even know why I'm asking about it.
So then on the bottom were Caesar, Massimo, and Bailey. And they felt like the, well, Caesar is the beet and the coconut. It just didn't work for them. And then Tom's like, Massimo, good idea with zucchini, but unfortunately, Tristan did the same thing. He just did it better. So, something I always say, you suck. And then, yeah, and Alana felt it was under-seasoned and stuff.
Yeah. And Bailey cooked her mussels well, but it was just incomplete. Like you didn't have time to fully give us what you had envisioned. And she's like, pasta? Yeah, pasta. I could tell when I ate this mussel that you wanted to really make a mussel lasagna. I just really wish you had the time. I love when they do that, when they say like, it just felt like you just didn't have the time to do everything you wanted to do. I'm like, yeah, because you gave them 20 minutes.
The sad part is Gail took 20 minutes to get ready today, too. And she actually came dressed as she was envisioned. Fix your vision, Gail. So then they're like, okay, Alona, you can go now. Go back to your island. So now the judges leave. And Kristen's like, well, you all flex your muscles really well. Muscles. Get the hook. Muscles. It's a muscles. Hook. Hook.
what i'm saying is so you have these things in your arms when you flex your arms you get the muscles okay so now it's time you might find for the next the next challenge you might find the mission slightly
Give me one second to really illustrate this pun. I'm going to leave the room and we are going to really, really sell this pun in a big way. Okay, bye everyone. Mission Impossible, what are we going to try and get Gal into Spanx again? Mission Impossible, what? Is that like going into a shop right after Gal's been there and trying to get...
So they, the room gets dark. I love that. This is so awkward. She's like, I will be right back. So they, she leaves and then they make it dark and put smoke in the room and then put lasers so she can crawl back into the room over the laser. So it's like smooth, smooth transition guys. You could edit. You could just,
have your prop that she needs to bring in, I don't know, ready. This is being filmed. You know what I mean? She could have just been in the lasers. Like, guys, we don't need this in real time. This might be an impossible mission. Okay, give it 10 minutes. Just think about, just remember I said impossible mission. That was the last thing I said. Okay, I'll be right back. So now a screen comes down and we see the actor Greg Tarzan Davis.
Yeah. Impossible.
And he is so actor-y. He's like, what's up, chefs? It's your boy, Greg Tarzan Davis, here from Mission Impossible. And your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to create a dish that delivers on that impossible mission, because of Mission Impossible intensity. And it features a stunt, kind of like the movie Mission Impossible, which I'm in, in theaters soon, if you can get there. Or maybe that will prove to be a Mission 2 Impossible film.
For you, but hopefully not.
Yeah, he is very like, I was in a movie. I'm currently in Hollywood where I make films. We do stunts. You should see Tom Cruise do stunts. It's crazy. So flex those muscles and get ready to do some stunts. So it's like this message will self-destruct in five seconds. And the girl's like, oh, my God. And then the explosion just happens on the screen. And it's kind of a letdown. They all think that there's going to be a real explosion. Yeah.
Sorry, guys, we gave Gail her cheese too late. So we'll have to put the explosion on the screen. Well, everyone, as Tarzan just mentioned, yes, his name is Tarzan, for this elimination challenge, we want to see your stunts on a plate. So I'm looking forward to all of you interpreting the word stunt in a very lame and sad way. All right, see you all later.
So as Tarzan just mentioned, stunt, stunt, plate, plate. So this whole stunt thing, no one really explains it. They're like, okay. And so they're trying to figure out what, well, Kristen reads the literal definition, obviously.
It requires great skill or daring. But is it that you make your plate slide down a building? Is it that, you know, your salmon flips over? Like, what is it? No one really knows. So they have to come up with their own version of a stunt, which is, I think, a problem in the challenge. So as long as I...
Go ahead. Yeah. I'm sorry. I think that like, when I think of like food that has like a stunt, my interpretation is that there's something kind of like theatrical about it, like something tall or big, maybe somebody has to be cracked and then you reveal something underneath or whatever. Or like, I'm imagining like,
I don't know, like maybe a flame or like something. I think the stunt should be like a visual thing, a visceral thing. It's something sort of interactive that you have to do. And like you name your Tom Cruise and then have it marry a straight person like Katie Holmes or something like that.
Yes. I think publicity stunts are totally allowed. They didn't say what type of stunt. Wait a second. My plate is wearing a dress. What sort of stunt is this? Yeah, or something like you want to put a shrimp in a soup, so you have the shrimp sitting on a spoon that's balanced on something, and then to get it into the soup, you have to hit the spoon, and then it flips. I don't know. Something. I was expecting that, too. But it was not that.
So Lana's like, I mean, a stunt on a plate. I already made an Italian sub out of mussels. So I feel like all my food's really straightforward. So, you know, no stunts involved, like no animals were harmed in the making of. Well, I guess animals are harmed in the making of it. I suck at this challenge. I'm just going to say it right now.
literally killed and eaten she's like no animals were harmed oh actually we actually ate the animals so that's actually way worse way worse um she's like okay well um and now for the fun part like tarzan mentioned there are two advantages available and they are both going to tell braving the edge walk of the cn tower here in toronto does anyone not like heights and i'm like um
Why are we talking about heights in a culinary competition? Why we got to get a bunch of out of shape people to go do something on the ropes around a tourist attraction? Why? I know. So they're going to have to go up to the sea and do it.
So this time there's $10,000 up for grab and some special wins that they'll learn about on the edge of a tower. So they go up there to this tower and it's scary because you're on the top of a tower. And they've got this, of course, tourist leader lady. I don't know what you call them. Who's like, all right, guys, we're on the top of a tower. We're climbing. I love heights. We're on ropes. So we're going to lean on.
off okay everybody i'm leaning look at me leaning backwards i don't care what do i care i'm gonna die i'm not i'm not dead i'm still here guys you could die let's try it okay all they have to do is walk around they're all tied to ropes um i would ship myself though this high would you yeah it's it's scary i think the leaning forward and putting your arms out was like scary but it's so funny because on reality shows the things that they make most reality stars do for like their fear factory kind of stunt things
it's pretty insane they usually have to like walk across a gorge on a cable or like i mean just on the traders they were dangling dolores from a helicopter and swinging her around over the scottish countryside they have to do crazy things but i love just for chefs they're like just
Just walk on the circle a little bit and then lean forward and now you're done. They're like their chefs. Still, they couldn't all do it. Like Mossimo couldn't do it. Mossimo was like, no, I have children to take care of. No, I'm not doing it. And who was the other one that wussed out? Lana, right? She's like, nah, I'm not doing that. Sorry. But yeah, there was a lot of leaning and stuff. But you know, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean. And she's like, I just made muscles in 20 minutes. I'm not doing this.
Oh, well, Gail just went up and did that, and now they've called it the Leaning Tower of Cien. So, um... Wow, Gail climbed to the top of that tower and put all her weight on it, and now the tower gets a special accommodation in this final challenge. Sorry, I was distracted. I was just hanging out with Anne Boleyn. Hard to have a conversation with someone who doesn't have a head, even in ghost form. God, how lame. Um...
So they do this stupid challenge, and then, let's see, I'm fast-forwarding through this. Sorry, everybody. They do this whole thing. So they get back into the kitchen, and now they're going to go shopping. And Massimo reveals that his stunt that he's going to do is he's going to do something en croute. So basically, he will ultimately wind up making fish wrapped in pastry, essentially. And the stunt is that it normally takes, like...
hours and hours to do this, but he's going to do it within two hours. So it is a stunt for people who know how to cook.
salmon on croutons yeah for everyone else it's just salmon it's a stretch that's a stretch but that's that's gonna be his and um the people who did the challenges get extra 30 minutes for their wins or whatever so um vinnie uh also did the circle so they also get 75 extra dollars or whatever okay so now they go shopping
And then Mossimo is talking about his on crude. And Lana's like, my mom has a crippling fear of heights. Like she wouldn't have gone up, but you know, like, she's awesome. She always pushed me to be my best and I always ate good. So I said, mom, a lot. Can I win? It's like, I'm going to make a fish mosaic. It's like, yes, nothing. Nothing speaks of a stunt like a mosaic, especially one made out of fish.
When I watched Mission Impossible, I'm like, ooh, I hope that Tom Cruise makes a mosaic. Oh, did Tom Cruise make that mosaic or did they have a stunt double while he put the tiles together? I didn't really get this either. I thought maybe she was going to do it in a way where it was resting on top of something that when you put your fork through it, it all crumbles. I mean, I don't know. Like it all comes apart like broken glass, you know?
Well, the other thing is that like a lot of them interpreted stunt like an illusion, like an illusion is a stunt because in their mind they're thinking, oh, when you cook something that looks like something else, it's kind of like it is a bit of a stunt because you're relying on this like perception thing to give the audience a thrill. But I think that the challenge wants a more of a literal stunt. And so the mosaic, but the thing is with the mosaic isn't even an illusion. It's just a mosaic of fish. It's just fish. Yeah.
different fish in a pattern yeah i don't know i didn't really get it so schwein is like well my mother and my grandmother love making me turducken okay and that's where you shove a duck into a turkey and then you shove a chicken into the duck into the turkey so it's called turducken and there's nothing trashier than that shit and i'm gonna make it i'm like that's fine i'm
But why is this a stunt? I mean, I think that he just had a plan to make her duck. You're just making a food representation of Gail. You're just making Gail camping. You know, when she, late at night, she goes into the log cabin and wraps herself up in some duck and then turkey and then chicken. She calls this a ducking. That's when you shove a turkey into Gail and then a duck into the turkey into Gail and then a chicken into the duck into the turkey into the Gail. Okay? Get it right.
And just like that, it is dangerous. So... That's just lunch. And then you take the entire Gale Duck and put it into some culottes. Wow. You've never seen some threads really push to their limits until you've seen that.
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They're at Whole Foods and they're ordering stuff. They're ordering chicken. Nothing really happened. They get all their food. Everything's fine.
And now they get to cooking. And Massimo, his whole thing is that he has not a second to spare. Everything is rigorously planned out. He's got to make his dough. And he's got to get it cool. But it can't go in the fridge. It won't be fast enough. It can't go in the freezer. So he's got to get that done perfectly. And then he's got to get it in the oven. Everything is precision-based. And this is his stunt. And I'm like, I literally don't care. You've done this to yourself. This is not a stunt. This is just a...
This is just a high precision dish that you've decided to make in a short amount of time. It's not a stunt. It's just kind of, it is actually a flex of your culinary prowess.
Yeah. So then Cesar is going to do Arctic char with a custard because that's a very interesting idea. And he wants to plate it in a tall glass that could represent the CN Tower. And then you have to break into it and shatter the glass, which is going to be a fish tool. And then you have to rescue the Arctic char. This is a stretch, too, but at least he's giving them something to break.
Yeah, at least he's, like, trying to do the stunt, even though this feels wildly misguided. Because the glasses he chooses are, like, just a little bit taller. Yeah. They don't really look like the CN Tower. Why doesn't he... He should have made something that was architectural and tall, maybe. And, like...
It's not, you know, it's almost like you should have made a tower and then had like a scallop dangling off of it. And then like the scallop has to like bungee jump into like a sauce or has to dive into the sauce and then you eat it out of the sauce. I don't know. None of them sound as gross as, I don't know. I can't even think of one. It's just such a weird challenge. Yeah.
Honestly, that sounds better than most of the stuff we've heard. I was just visualizing it as you did it. And I was like, I don't know. I think it's just this challenge is flawed, you know? So then Tristan sounds really gross. Okay, here's Tristan's. He's like, I got this idea for this stunt based on Mission Impossible because someone pumped their arm full of a virus to transport it.
So I'm going to stuff chicken wings with a virus of chicken moose. Gross. This is down there with the restaurant wars where Michael, the Voltaggio brothers...
And that one chef, Michael, what's his face? They decided to make a restaurant. And like, so the Voltaggio brothers, they're Voltaggio. And the other guy was like, his first name was, his last name was like R E something, another. And they combined the two names of Voltaggio and re whatever Ronaldo, let's say into revolt. So they named the restaurant revolt. Here's some revolting food.
Disgusting. Yeah. How about, so, let's not like, let's not like, yes. Sorry. No, go ahead. Let's not be like, hey, what you're about to eat right now represents a virus. Well, yeah. Okay. So then, so it's going to be stuffed with a virus, which is a fucking chicken moose, which also sounds disgusting. I'm sorry. Chicken moose. I love chicken moose, actually. So, okay. You've got a chicken wing stuffed with moose.
It's already as gross. Okay. So then you've got an antidote on the side and then they have to get the antidote within a certain amount of time and then pour the antidote over. And the antidote is the sauce, right? Well, that's cute, but then you still get into the wing and the wing still is oozing with the virus. So then how did the antidote fix the virus? You know what I mean? This was not thought out. Okay. You take the wing with, with the, with the moose virus.
that from a tower and make that fall into a sauce. I just want something to take a dive off of something into a sauce. That's all I want. I want something to drop. I want something to drop and splatter. Yeah. That's the stunt. Yeah. Okay. Well, Lana's still talking about how her mom does fish. So she's going to do...
Her mom does this fried fish thing and she uses cornmeal. So she's going to use the cornmeal component, but she's not going to bread the fish. She's going to put it on the bottom of the fish, which I don't know if anybody here has just had raw cornmeal, but... It's a stunt. It's a cornmeal stunt.
In the spirit of Mission Impossible, I'm gonna separate the cornmeal fry from the fish. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how any of this is going. So, her first attempt at the crumble cornmeal thing isn't working because she put too much butter. So, she's like, Caesar, is there tapioca maladextrin? That sounds like a drag name. Yeah.
And now tapioca, tapioca, maladextrin. And he of course is like, yeah, no, that'll be great. So she's doing that. I feel, I don't even know what tapioca maladextrin does really, but I just know that anytime anyone reaches for these things are like Xanthan gum on top chef. It always backfires. I mean, that's why I pointed it out. But tapioca is like a cornstarch type thing. When you use the tap, you use it to thicken. Yeah.
So Vinny, meanwhile, at least he's trying to do a stunt. He's like, okay, for my stunt, I have breadstick lasers and they're going to sit on top of a bowl and then you're going to have to reach through the laser beams to get the golden key. And once you have the key, then you can break the lasers over the tartar and enjoy. I was like, you know, that's not really how lasers work though. You don't break lasers like with a key. But I have to say in Vinny's defense, at least he's trying and he hasn't said nomad yet. So I like that.
I mean, he did not say he's making holidays, which I also liked. So, so far, Vinny's doing pretty good. So then Massimo. Oh, go ahead. Sorry. May I pontificate?
I think what you do is you do like sugar work, you do a dessert and you make your lasers out of like, you know, sponge sugar, right? Like you melt the sugar, you do the whole thing and you make them like, maybe you can add some food coloring in there. So they're like red. And then you make some sort of dessert and you like, you like layer the, the sugar work, like, like you in your bowl high up above. So in order to get to the dirt, you have to get your spoon through the lasers. And I think that's an homage to like the most famous mission impossible scene of all time. And yeah,
Which he just did. Kristen just did it. Climbing over the lady. He literally did it. Yeah. So then, let's see. So Mossimo, we already know what he's doing. Okay, so the judges arrive at judging to sit down. And we have Benit...
And we've got our guest judges and stuff, whatever. And Tarzan's there. And they're like, so Tarzan, you're going to be looking out to my left. Check out that view. We're on top of this high building. Do you just want to jump off something? And he goes, I am tempted because I'm in films, action films. And I'm in one currently with Tom Cruise. Let me tell you a little bit of something about Tom Cruise. He's put that adrenaline bug in me. I know Tom Cruise. I might jump.
Just from having one lunch with Tom Cruise. Let me tell you, Tom Cruise is something. Am I right, Tom Cruise fans? Lights, camera, action. Am I right? Being an actor. So Kristen's like, well, in honor of Mission Impossible and you being here, we wanted a stunt along with every dish. Okay.
"Oh, and Buddha, you're here too. Buddha, what would you do? This is TaylorMadeView." Buddha's like, "Well, I would have brought my favorite mold, which was a mold of a laser, and then I would have made a laser out of pureed lettuce." "Oh, that's pretty good. That's a pretty good start."
Unlike all of your clothes, Buddha, this challenge was tailor-made for you. He's like, yeah. Oh, I loved it. Oh, I've always had a vision of a floating island. And the dream was that the meringue actually floats with helium. That's what I would have done for that. I fucking love Buddha, and I love seeing him back here. Can I just say Buddha is the cutest person?
guy like he's so supportive of everybody and he's like so happy when they do well he's like this was amazing i've never tasted anything like it it shattered the inside of my perceptions and let me know what true food could really be buddha i love your fantasy about your floating meringue i take it gail's not on your island because it's floating
And Tarzan's like, wow, I will say this pantry looks way different from mine. Right, guys? Because let me tell you, mine's got Tom Cruise hiding in there. Okay. I'm like, Tom Cruise, can I just get to some Nutter Butters? Get the hell out of my pantry. God, that guy. An actor's pantry is really something to behold. I mean, craft services, what they do for us. I mean, it is. They are the real heroes of our industry.
So then back in the kitchen, Lana is filling heart-shaped pipettes with hot sauce. Perfect to go with your fish mosaic. It's a big stunt. And she's like, I thought heart-shaped pipettes looked super cute because it's a dish from my mom, but also a fish mosaic and also Mission Impossible. I was like, great. Nice, makes no sense dish from Lana. Okay, but this fucking challenge isn't about your mom. No.
Like she keeps leaning into this, like, I love my mom so much. I'm going to make my mom's dish. This is how my mom did it growing up. My mom made it this way. So I need the cornmeal because my mom made the corn. Did your mom fucking pretend to get run over by cars and then stand up and she was really fine? Like, did your mom set her arm on fire and run in circles to, you know, make a good mom? Never loved her. Her mom never loved her. So this is her pursuit of finally getting approval of her mother, which is why it is truly a mission impossible. Yeah.
so that got really dark I apologize I was like wow what her mom do my mission impossible is getting my mom to say good job Lana good job so um Bailey is making she's Bailey's making something it's like a uh she's making a lasagna but she's making it look like a tiramisu that's her stunt
I guess you could say that's kind of like Mission Impossible because they do often like rip the masks off their faces and turns out that Tom Cruise, this is like a tiramisu that's like, guess what? I'm a lasagna. Which by the way, I don't know if I want that in my Mission Impossible. Yeah.
Well, she could have done something like where you make the crepe and then you wrap it over like a face mold. You know what I mean? Or like a wig head mold to make it look like it's a mask from there. And then you have to rip it off and the real thing is under there. Something like that. Could you imagine? I'm going to make another Italian dessert. Like, ugh.
You're watching Mission Impossible. It's like Kristen Scott Thomas. And then she pulls off her face and she's just a lasagna. Wait, you're a sentient lasagna? Yes, I am. So here we go. Massimo's up first. And he's like, I did a real stunt. I made on crude. And I'm like, wow. Tarzan's like, I don't get it, but I'm an actor. So being an actor is being an actor. I'm an actor.
um i'm sorry did you say you made a salmon on cruise because i know tom cruise there's a huge variable of success when you that is out of your control when you cook a protein in pastry the dough was made today there's an emotion with saffron and a fondue
tomat louis the 15th my favorite louis and buddha's like i love this guy i wish i had a mold of the sky i could just make little dishes of this thirstiest chef i've ever seen it's adorable and kristen's like okay lana what's your dish what's your stunt and she's like i love my mom okay
My mom loves me. My mom made fried fish. I love my mom's fried fish. You might notice little sauces and hearts. My stunt is loving sauce and hearts. So you poured over this. Now on the side is tartar sauce hollandaise because I think that Vinny would also like my mom. So...
My stunt is trying to make you figure out why some sauces are in a pipette and others are not. Enjoy. Yeah. Semi-pipetted. So I didn't really get this, but the fish also looks crazy and there's no stunt. It's just different fish kind of wrapped together in a circle and then cooked.
It's a mosaic. It's a small mosaic in the shape of a circle. And the mosaic is squares of fish that are all the same color. So it's like grid fish in a circle. Did not get it. And also served over the cornmeal, which is just like in a lump on the plate. I get it. It's with pipettes. Heart-shaped pipettes too. Yeah. Yeah.
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