#2871 Top Chef S22E12 Part Two: The Forage Seasons
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Watch what happens, watch what happens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Watch what happens, watch what happens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

Hi, everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode. So then Tristan is cooking things over indirect heat and everything. And then Shwai is making cabbage.

And he's saying that he doesn't want to char the cabbage on its own because then it'll be very dry and brittle. Like Gale's hair. And you just want to add that to the stock and kind of reduce it in the stock so it just kind of glazes itself. Like Gale taking a bath. Wow, I'm on a real run today. Unlike Gale.

So Tom comes. He's like, hey, chef, you cook outside often? Tristan, I was told to ask you about the outside. It's going to be wacky. It's going to be crazy. Have you seen that BMW? Have you seen that BMW? I've seen it.

And Tristan's like, yeah, not like this. He's like, well, so what are you making? What are you up to? What are you doing? And Tristan's like, well, I'm doing a Canadian version of jerk pork. And I had a hard time, honestly, relating it to black people in the mountains. And so it's just like, it's not the place that we're at, but it's the direction I'm going. I'm just going to use all the forage items. All right. I wasn't really listening, but what are the forage items that you're using?

He's like poplar barks. You know, I can use that kind of for cinnamon. Yarrow. Using yarrow. That's good. Oh, I think I went to high school with her. Yep. And thyme and rosemary. Definitely them. Kind of as a flavor. Rose hips. Rose hip. Oh, rose. Rose has good hips. God, I love golden girls. What are we talking about here? You know, those BMWs have TVs in them. Really good stuff. Yeah, I just watched Despicable Me 3. Great movie.

So he's like, well, it sounds like you have a game plan. We'll just go through the motions of pretending like you're not going to win this all. Okay. All right. Cesar.

what are you doing why are you hiding behind the tree stump do you want to come out you want to talk to strangers is that okay yeah you got some money yeah hey yeah you got some honey mushrooms there and he's like chestnuts and goes oh well just my mushrooms well well okay let's uh shoot that again maybe with somebody else i don't want to repeat the line but uh okay what else what else you got there uh lions mean portabellos they were foraged don't tell anybody about the other mushroom i got oh yeah i saw that in the post office that was crazy

Oh, you got some ants? You forage those? Does it really count as foraging or just hunting and chopping ants?

uh you know you don't have to serve us ants if you don't need to if you don't want to it's perfectly okay we don't really want to have any ants he's like yeah i did it it's like they're really yummy um he just basically talks about it's making this al pastor and everything it's like okay good luck and mossimo how are you doing over there what are you up to couldn't be better great everything's great we're in the forest it's amazing i have an extra half hour i'm gonna do bannock cooked on rock i'm excited i'm so

I'm so excited. I love this. I love this foraging forest like Italy. I'm going there. I'm going there, right? So intense. Everybody else is like, well, here's what I'm going to make. Massimo, how about you? So excited.

So Bailey's like, okay, well, what about you, Bailey? What are you up to? She's like, oh, I'm having a ball. We're here today. It doesn't sound too convincing. It's like, yeah, well, I got some cow-tow cow peas and I'm also doing a lamb piadina with it and grilled marinated dandelion greens and kind of a creamy stack, kind of like a puree situation, you know, real glam rock stuff. Yeah.

Well, it's funny. I'm not really sure what you're making, but I do remember pulling over one time to use the restroom when we were on tour. And Padma said, hey, Tom. I said, hey, Padma, where's Gail? And she said, Tom, cowpeas. Sorry, that one took a while, but it was really stupid. So I hope it was worth it.

I remember it well. I just told my dear friend, Lauren Bacall, here in heaven. I still haven't had the heart to tell her that Tuesday morning closed. Hold on one second. Jerome Robbins is coming over. Hey, Jerome, you want to hear about my co-worker, Gail? I used to say, Cal, please. Yeah, sure.

That's it. Jerome Robbins really didn't laugh at that one as hard as he should. West Side Story, more like Stupid Side Story, get out of here, ghosts, Jerome Robbins. Get out of here, West Side Borey. Get out. Nobody likes you, Jerome Robbins. Everyone knows sailors don't tap dance. Stupid. You want to go to America? How about you get out of Heavenica, huh?

So Tom's like, well, hey, sounds like you're not quite 100% there yet. He's like, yeah, I mean, God, this is a little hard. I just don't know what to do. I mean, I'll tell you this, whatever I'm cooking is going to come with a side of regret. Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, sounds great. All right, Shwai, what are you doing? And why are you wearing that strange floral dress? - One of my grandmothers. - Shwai, why are you a skeleton sitting on the second floor of a building rocking back and forth creepily? - Hi, this is Padma Lakshmi again, Ghost Padma. I just want to say I've become very good friends with Anthony Perkins, so watch what you say.

Watch your goddamn mouth, Tom. You're going to be strangled with a black turtleneck. So Schwa's like, Schwa, tell me about your thing. Let me guess. It's for your grandma. He's like, it's for my grandma. He's like, ah, nailed it. We'd love that. We'd love a good grandma story here.

He's like, "Well, I'm just gonna make a-- I made a bunch of-- I found a bunch of Cecil roots and I'm gonna make a stock and I'm gonna make a-- almost like a spruce and poplar oil. And by the way, Tom, can you tell me the difference between a text message and an email? Why do you wanna know?" "Just a question my grandma always asks me." "Also, Tom, can you help me set up my Apple TV?" Yeah.

Exactly. So I, Tom, I got an email from someone that says they have the last name is me and they're the last person in Nigeria with that last name. And somebody passed away and I could, I don't know, do you have a bank account? I could transfer some money to.

all right well this has been fun i almost nerfed you know you've changed a lot that's why i mean doing things for your grandma now that is nuts and that's why i was like yeah you know i've just been feeling way more myself you know like now this is my life i knit i mean i just didn't realize you know i knit and i wake up early and walk around the mall before the store is open it's crazy you know they call us guacamoles

He's like, "Yeah, you know, Tom, there should be like a Top Chef outdoor cooking. I was suggesting Top Chef naked and afraid." "Well, I don't know if I want to do it naked, but certainly I'd be afraid." "Well, maybe there should be a Top Chef, Top Chef just get a career already and I could just star my son." - We've already had that show backstage and it was called "Girls Naked and I'm Afraid."

So please, let's not revisit that. Lauren, I'm sorry. Lauren, I'm sorry. That really upset Lauren. I did try to pitch to NBCUniversal Top Chef Bad Patterns and Afraid, but unfortunately, Gail wasn't available for the dates that we had wanted. Uh-uh.

Well, you know, the chefs, they went foraging and they're using products they don't really know, but they can also relate them to other products they do know. So take a, you know, you got a mushroom, make a mushroom taco. I mean, there's no, I don't know mushroom. I know tacos. Put them together. Boom. You know what? A taco is only a friend you haven't met yet.

You know, there's a lot of things they're all doing interesting. Bailey, she's going to have to add a little bit more sweetness to her dish because last time I checked, she just had taken a handful of dirt and put it into a fry pan. She put it in her own eyes and started crying and saying, why am I here? Over and over again. Something about glam rock. I wasn't sure what that was. She said she was going to find the most glamorous rock she could find in the dirt.

So, you know, some are gonna win, some are gonna lose. That's just Top Chef. That's how it goes. Mother Nature is a real bitch. She'll kill you. So, Bailey's like, "Well, everything I'm doing today feels so risky. I mean, God, there's such strong flavors here. I mean, is there too much poplar? God, I wish I was poplar." "Too much poplar. The Gay Simmons Story."

So, hold on one second. Lauren Bacall has a question. Her name is Gail Simmons. Yes. No, no one likes her. That's why we make these jokes. God, keep up, Lauren Bacall. God, Lauren Bacall. So Tom's like, okay, I'm out of here. I'm going to get into this beautiful B4 and see what that big man with the shaved head and a tiny little car does to those little minion things. See you later, alligators.

the so oh sorry god no masimo is making a a cracker and tristan you're gonna say what christian's up to oh he's doing greens he's doing a uh kailu nothing has been what is that you say he's doing greens i'm saying nothing but greens parsley peppers cabbage and celery asparagus and watercress and fiddled friends and lettuce i said all right my garden one night brother was

He's robbing me, leaping me, running through my rutabaga, raiding my arugula, ripping through the rampion, my champion, my favorite. I should have laid a spell on him right there. I should have turned him into a stone or a dog or a chair. But I let him have the rampion. I'd lost a spare. In return, however, I said, fair is fair. You can let me have the baby that your wife will bear, okay? And we'll call it square. Get your grandma off my stage. Get her off my stage, Shwey. This is my number. Okay.

- It's Rye sitting over his stew going. ♪ Careful the words you say ♪ ♪ Children will listen ♪ ♪ Careful the things you do ♪ ♪ Children will see, they'll see ♪ - Random, random letter just comes back out. ♪ Careful the words you say ♪ ♪ Children will forage ♪ - Yeah, so he's doing greens and coconut milk and spices.

And he's gonna make coconut milk out of parsnips. And because also not to steal storylines, but he used to watch his grandmother make her own coconut milk all the time. So. - That's cool actually. - It's a grandmother off. - Yeah, it really is. - It is, yeah. - Yeah, it's cool. But it is a lot of grandmother stuff. So they're all cooking and Shuai and Cesar are picking out ants from their bag of frozen ants.

And now the judges are arriving. And I'm happy...

Because one of the guests that are coming to sit at the table is none other than Canada Smile herself, Nicole. - I love her. - From Top Chef All Stars. - What a just little bundle of joy she is. - I was so happy to see her. - Every time you see her, Canada Smile, just sitting there smiling, she's just so happy to be alive. - She's my favorite. - Do you think she's like mean to babies? Do you think she pinches babies? - No, she's mean to no one. - I think she does. - She's mean to no one 'cause she's just so happy and lovely. She's already Canadian, so she's already nice to people.

And then she's just on top of that Canada smile. We love Nicole. We wanted her-- I think we wanted her to win Top Chef World All Stars or whatever, but she didn't. It's too bad.

So anyway, they sit down and Kristen's like, well, everyone, welcome to our final challenge here in Canada. Nicole, Paul, welcome back. Scott and Patricia, thank you for being here. This table spends a lot of time outside foraging. You know the land well. I've been in your shoes. I understand what it's like to forge. I get it. I get it, guys. I get it, guys. It's Donald Ford Forge Road. Savor these moments. Savor them. Guys.

Are you thinking there needs to be more grandparent talk? Okay, let's do it. So one of the guest judges, Scott, is like, "You guys, here's what I remember summertime and going out on the land with my grandparents." Because that's what you do, you know? So nostalgic. I remember just walking through the forest and my grandma would say, "Eat that." I would eat it and then I would throw up. She would start laughing and then smack me on the back of the head and say, "Use your own brain, you goddamn idiot."

It's good being back here. - My grandmother, she always loved this land, which is why we buried her, scattered her ashes right here in that, wait a second, there's a BMW on top of my grandmother. Making fun of the BMW, not cultures. So then Tristan says, he's happy with his pork.

And then he's saying that he wants to reference his Afro-Caribbean culture, et cetera. And he's presenting his food. So he's made this thing. It's jerk-- He calls it not jerk chicken. It's OG jerk. He says it's glazed with birch sap and plantain miso syrup. And poplar bark was used as cinnamon. And yarrow used as thyme. And then lots of greens. The quarry like callaloo, instead of coconut milk, made parsnip-- parsnip milk, which is cray-cray.

And he's like, then at the end he goes, "Sorry, I'm out of breath. I'm chubby." - So Kristen's like, "God, I could just listen to him talk about food all day. Jesus Christ, got some hot talking about food. The way he did milk that parsnip. Holy fuck." - Wow. He's just like Jerome Robbins talking about dance all day. Wow, we get it Jerome, you're a choreographer.

Gail talks about food all day, no one will sit with her. And Brenda's like, "One of the things that's really important to me is connecting people to land, and I'm really tasting the land in this dish." You know, I get that Brenda's being very sweet here and kind. I don't think I've ever heard that used as a compliment. You know what this tastes like? Land.

This dish tastes like, maybe if you're like, can you send this back? It tastes like the land. I just, it's very, it's like, did you put dirt in here? Just please take this away. - She's like, everyone, normally when I say it tastes like the land, it's really a special thing because we take from the land and it's very sacred. But in this case, I think he did put dirt in this food. He overforaged. No, they love it. They love it. They're like kind of blown away. It looks wonderful. That's Tristan, of course it's great.

And it's very, and by the way, I mean, all this stuff looks amazing that they're doing here. And it is very cool that they are, I mean, I can't stand foraging like in general, but like it is special that they come to this place and they are foraging with these foods that are like sacred to this group of people. And they are making all this great food. And,

And like, I don't like foraging in like the forests of LA, but I think it's cool when people forage. - You don't like forests? You don't like LA foraging? - I'm not going to run into Canada forage. - That's crazy. - You're just coming back with a Burger King wrapper. You're like, "Well, this is what I found." - Like, I don't want to forage. - Found a used condom on the street and a stiletto from a heel that broke off.

I don't like foraging for me personally, but I think it's cool when other people can do it and can actually do it well. I'm always shocked that they can do it well. - Well, yeah, to see what creative things they come up with with things that they could never plan on using, you know? - Yeah. - So then they all left Tristan basically. He killed it. And then one of the ladies is like, "Guys, there's an eagle flying over there. There's three. That's very rare. This is a very special day." Which is pretty cool, three eagles.

I don't really have anything to say about that. - Three eagles, that's cool. That's better than, you know, like three pigeons. So then Tracy goes, Tracy says, "That's a good sign." Like, "Yeah, it means that they're getting ready to feast on Gale." So then, "Watch out, Gale."

So then Bailey is still working. Bailey has no idea what she's doing. She is just improvising. She keeps throwing stuff into her food. Her beans aren't quite done. She's a disaster over there. Bailey's just like, "It's coming together. It's not coming together. I'm gonna fail. What am I gonna do with this? I'm terrible." So she's going through it over there. But Cesar is doing good. He's plating and he's like, "Plating is where I have the most fun. It's like,

creation but it's also destruction because i create the food and then i smash it over their heads and watch them try to eat it without getting glass in their teeth

So the food is served and Kristen's like, we've got ants. We've got ants brought to you by Downey. If you have an ant invasion and need to wipe up some ants, use Downey. Have you got ants in your pants? Use Downey. I did it during my season and I've never forgotten it. Sorry, when I said Downey, I was thinking paper towels, which is Brawny, another sponsor of Top Chef. Brawny, the preferred paper towel for wiping up ants when you have reached for Downey instead.

"Wago, congratulations on getting a paper telegram."

So they really like Cesar's. He's done a mushroom trompo with a mushroom pibil broth and toasted ants. And he's like, it's like a fusion between pastor tacos, also cochinita pibil with some roasted pineapple, but also maybe a little soap and some adobo sauce made out of rose hips. Well, there we go again. Rose hips. Everybody just trying to give me a boner today. Rose Nylund, I will never forget you, ma'am.

I'm just really glad someone used rose hips because finally we get a dish that won't lie to us. They can't. So then Scott is, this guy Scott says he loves, they love the broth. They love this. He says, we love our soups. We eat soups when it's plus 40. And they're all like, we don't do Celsius. So we have no idea what that is. Actually, that wouldn't be Celsius.

That's fair. I don't know. Plus 40 Celsius would be wild, wild temperatures. I can't even do the time changes in our country. I can't do Eastern Standard Time different with Pacific Time. I fuck it up every time. I'm just not smart like that.

So Bailey's like, oh God, my cow peas aren't really here right now. Like, but they're closed, but I'm waiting until the absolute last minute to take them out of the liquid. I'm going to fuck up the cow peas. I just know that. Meanwhile, Shwai is charring cabbage and also toasting ants. And Massimo is butterflying a trout. And Massimo's like, trout is very, very thin. It's going to be extremely difficult to get the crispy skin, the perfect color.

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You know, Massimo, I like Massimo. I really wanted to see Massimo in the finals. But this is the second at least time. Well, it's the second time in a row. Didn't he do this last week where he's just like a simple grilled piece of fish? And then they've got everyone's using all this crazy stuff. And he's like, I went with mustard, mustard greens, mustard this, mustard that. So I'm leaning into fish and mustard. It's very boring, Massimo. Okay. I mean, it looks pretty, but...

I'm trying to root for you, Massimo. Let me root for you. Yeah, yeah.

So now it's time for Bailey to serve. So she comes and she greets everyone. She goes, well, for you guys, I did a glam rock glam spidino. Spidino is spelled for everyone S-P-I-E-D-I-N-O, which means that most of the word says Spidey. Anyone here a fan of the Hills? No? Okay, well, then that joke fell flat. Anyway, it's got grilled dandelion salad and cow town cow peas or black eyed peas. Um,

And I also use black poplar syrup as well as the birch syrup to glaze it. So good luck to everyone. And she tells us, she's like, oh, God, this is just different from everything I've made. I just feel so exposed. Can I not eat your trauma? Like, please. So one of the ladies is like, well, there's meat on the skewer. I'm in. It's all she needed.

- He's like, "You know, I love the lamb and the dandelion greens. She did a good job." Tom's like, "Yeah, I think she did a good job with the ingredients that she was using, and the only issue I have is the peas. There's a flavor combination that I'm not familiar with at all. I mean, I think it's poplar syrup, rose garlic together. I don't know if I like it, but I keep going back to it, unlike customers at my son's bar. Why did he ever think being a mixologist would be a smart thing to do?"

And Nicole's like, yeah, my peas were too crunchy. Like, creamy would have been nice, but these are gross. And I'm the nicest person who's ever been on this show. So I think we should kick off Bailey. Well, jump in the gun a little bit. Jump in the gun a little bit. The loud one's coming soon. Okay? We've got to be on a plane with one of these people.

So, Shuai, meanwhile, is finishing his dish and he's like, "Whenever I cook out of memory and love, it always comes out pretty well, especially when I shape the food to spell out the word 'grandma' on a plate. I really like that."

So today I made a roasted cabbage. I've fallen and I can't get up with a rose hip glaze, a pork belly lavage, and thatching and togarishi. Okay, great. What was that thing about falling and not getting up? It's a button you press if you fall. Look out for me, guys. Look out for me.

Now, the oil you have is kind of tingly. It's got a spicy note there, but there should also be some refreshing notes from the polydent I added in there. Now, that oil is made from black spruce as well as poplar buds and just a bit of Sichuan peppercorn. And to the right of it, there's a picture of Alex Trebek to remind you of all the days you spent watching Jeopardy.

I was going to do the peppercorn in pages from the phone book because my grandson told me we don't use phone books anymore. And I said, you will take this out of my cold dead hands, literally. So enjoy this. So Gail's like, well, the sauce around the dish, that was sort of, it was sort of translucent. What was that? Well, Gail, it's not deodorant, so you can stop putting it under your armpits.

- Well, it was basically like Gail leaning up against a window. - So she's like, "This is a top chef first, translucent." And Shuai's like, "Oh, that's stock, you know, Asian stocks are made out of medicinal things. So yeah." And then, you know, the answer just for fun. And Kristen's like, "Wow, this is amazing." And Scott's like, "Yeah, you know, I thought, okay, cabbage, but it wasn't just cabbage. There was so much flavor in it.

and to burn it on the outside and get it perfect on the inside. God damn it. This cabbage changed my life. You know, it's funny because I heard that when Gail was single, she used to use a dating app called Not Just Cabbage. But then customers complained after they met her that it was misleading. So they had to change the name of the app. Now it's called Bagel. Now it's just called a bagel. Bagel meets cabbage.

So Brenda, they-- Bagel eats bagel.

I'm not gonna lie, I did buy a cabbage today, and I think I was partially influenced by this episode. I was like, "I want a cabbage." I buy cabbage. I eat a lot of cabbage, actually. I love a cabbage. I buy cabbage, too. Hey! Me too. I love cabbage. Me and Lauren get together for cabbage all the time. You guys might not know this, but there's actually the better cabbage in heaven than there is on Earth. So, Lauren Bacall and I are gonna have the cabbage dinner. Sorry you can't be here. Even if you were dead, you wouldn't be invited. Sorry. Hey, Jerome Robbins, enjoy eating your not-cabbage-for-dinner.

So Brenda really was caught up with the pork belly, the vinegar side with the cabbage, the char. She loved it. She calls it exquisite. And Gale's like, it was excellent. I loved it. So I went into the woods yesterday and he came out with this. Oh my God. Revelatory. All right. Do we have some defibrillators for Gale? She's kind of losing her mind. Yeah.

It's stupendous. It's amazing. It's absolutely, this is why we do what we do. It's the most amazing thing we've ever seen. All right, we need those different letters right away. Gale's on the blow. So Mossimo is next and he's like, the smoking of the junipers, what's gonna finish cooking the trout? So I want flavors. I want to capture the judges. Get them, lock them up. I highlighted forage ingredients to perfection. This is a winning dish. Italy, here I come. In a BMW, probably.

I don't even have BMWs. - Hey guys, all right. A Buddhist monk in saffron robes once told a 19 year old David Bowie, I don't know what real glam rock is. Sorry, sorry Bailey, that was for you. Anyway. - Glam rock. I already stole that, gonna have to come up with something else in the next two minutes. I might as well just pack my bags. - So the monk told a 19 year old David Bowie, who are you, where are you, and where are you going?

Turns out that monk was actually just someone at the DMV. But anyway. It was a policeman, but that's neither here nor there. It was a crossing guard wearing a lot of orange. So hopefully this dish can answer at least two of those questions. Yesterday when I was foraging, I saw mustard. Wow. You sound like Gail. Hold on, I can get there. Hmm.

You saw mustard. Wow. You sound like Gale at the aquarium trying to break through one of the tanks. She thought she saw mustard. Turns out it was just a grouper.

So this dish was conceptualized by mustard. Mustard itself. So then I made grilled trout and then it's smoked in juniper, blah, blah, blah. But then it has mustard roots, mustard leaf, spiked, spoked potato puree with mustard.

I love mustard. And I'm like, wow, fish and mustard, great. - Congratulations. Wow, you went for the easiest forage thing. Like we can get mustard greens in, well, I won't say every supermarket, but like mustard greens are a thing that you can get in supermarkets. Mustard root, I think you're pretty much just dealing with mustard at that point. So wow, you use mustard. Everyone else is doing things like, you know, poplar and birch and ants. And he's like, mustard, I'm making mustard, mustard greens. That's it. - Well, even the meat.

You know, even the protein is like the simplest thing you can do, like a grilled trout. Come on, Massimo. Also, if you don't want to be kicked out, don't highlight a protein where out is like the main part of the word. Okay? Out. Yeah. There's literally like out like trout. Isn't that a thing that people say? Don't do it.

He's like, I was going to cook you a fish called Akunafsango, but... There was an exotic fish called Ua, the weakest link, goodbye.

So Gail's like, well, everything in the bowl I thought was well-balanced, but the bammox, that really intense herb condiment, it just had such a bitter note, and it just felt disconnected from the trout. Well, that's something no one would ever accuse you of being. Jesus. That trout is still connected to your mouth. Somebody hand Gail a napkin.

Wow, Gail thinking everything in the bowl was well balanced. Just because you put the bowl on your nose doesn't mean it's well balanced. I

and kristen's like well he kind of left it up to the user to figure out how to eat it so it was very confusing we had fish potato sauce what do we do you know what i mean yeah very very confusing do i put my fork in it do i you know put my finger inside of it not really sure how to do it i could have used some instructions guys this is the funniest thing because he basically he made this dish like a fish in a broth

And everyone agreed that that was delicious, but he made like this little cracker. He made a homemade cracker and he put it on the side with a whole bunch of stuff on it. And the intent was to dip that into the broth. You get everything all together in this one big glorious bite, but they didn't know. So they were just eating the cracker on its own. So we're just getting like a burst of seasoning without anything to balance it. And there, none of them ever had the thought to dip it into the soup. There was like one person was like, well, but I dipped it into the soup altogether. It was a delicious bite, but like, but what do we do with the cracker? There's a cracker on the side of the soup. Oh,

What do we do when a cracker comes next with soup? What are we supposed to do with it? What do we do? What could it be there for? What would the topping on the crackers be for inside the soup? This is absolutely crazy. I'm so confused. You guys eat like 10 courses a day as your job. I'm so confused. So the judges all laugh and afterwards and Gail's like, well,

It's five really lovely inspired dishes today. All on your shirt, gal. Come on. It's called Mouth Closed. Food in, mouth closed. Let's go back to Judge's Table that we're going to shoot in the outdoors in a windy field. Okay, let's do that. So they go... And this week for Judge's Table, we're going to take a... We're going to chop down several trees and balance them in between our two BMWs, which we'll have running just in case we have to make a quick exit. All right, great.

This time we are burning electric batteries for fuel and a bonfire.

So Brenda's like, "I was so touched. It was so connected to land." And Kristen's like, "Okay, Mossimo, walk us through how it all came to be, possibly quietly, if you could do that." And he's like, "Wow, I knew I wanted to cook trout on open flame. I was rooting for the open flame. I had an half an hour extra, so I wanted to cook the bannock to have a little bread, to have something to dip in. You know, dip it, dip it. This is what you do with bread. I hope nobody asked what that was for because you're a bunch of fucking morons if you did that."

You know, the fish was just beautifully cooked. I love the mustard relish made with the stems. That was great. And Kristen goes, the sauce. I mean, it was absolutely outstanding. I mean, to think about the sauce that you made. I've made sauces before. And I just want to say, savor this moment when you get to make a sauce because it's really special. It's really special. You don't want to be old and look back and realize you didn't appreciate the sauce that you made. Enjoy the sauce right now. Enjoy it.

And so Tom's, you know, they're all loving it. And Gail's like, well, I love that you put a lot of bitterness and herbaceousness onto the bannock. But the way that you plated it, there was just so much garnish on the bannock. I didn't think to dip it. I mean, wow. What an incredible thing. Could you put an instruction manual in there? Maybe a little Allen wrench. Something. I don't know.

I have to be honest, the way that you plated that cracker, the banner cracker, I didn't think to dip it. I thought it was a hat. So I put it on and I thought, wow, I have a look for the Emmys this year. And then all of a sudden everyone was looking at me and I said, what are you all looking at? And they said, wow, I guess Padma was really right. We just thought she was a callous bitch, but it turns out there's some truth in just, huh? And I said, what are you talking about? I'm wearing my new hat. And then they all laughed at me and I started to cry. It was very awkward. And next time you should tell me how to use my cracker. Yeah.

So now they moved to Tristan and Tristan is like, you know, I thought of like wild pigs rummaging around and eating roots and tubers. So, you know, story, jerk sauce. And Tom's like, well, you know, layers and layers of flavors. I mean, that just kept coming. It's like Gala, the golden corral. And it was, you know, it was like you were using these ingredients your entire life. I mean, just absolutely stunning. Whoa.

Whoa! And then Birdie's like, "I was astounded that you came to the point of translating the language of my land to the food of your own culture. But I'm terribly sorry. I've never had any babies." Oh, no! I just remembered again I had a baby. I did have a baby. A baby who loved tubas. And I didn't realize it until you said you foraged a tuba. Oh, come to mama.

- So now they, and Tristan's like, "Thank you. I think food connects us no matter where we're from." If you're a person, you're a thing that likes food. Am I right guys? People, food, food, people, people eating, eating done by people. Am I right? We're just one. We're all one. She's like, "That is beautiful. That is fucking beautiful." - A wise woman once said, "We're all connected." And that woman's name

was AT&T. Thank you. That was a beautiful story, Tristan. So... So Cesar was like, well, I was so happy foraging today. I remember the first two things we tried were the rose hips and the ants. And that's where I got the idea to try to hatch this a little bit to make a rose hip and ant...

El Pastor featuring a giant hen of the woods that I stole from a forest that said, "No trespassing." So here it is.

And Tracy, of course, is like, oh, my God, ants, my favorite ingredient. Do you guys love ants or do you not? I mean, I have a restaurant 10 miles down the road. Do you know what we eat? Fucking ants. OK, all the time. And this guy used ants. I fucking love ants. Great job using the ants. God, where'd you get that idea? Did you freeze them before you toasted them? Ruined their entire fucking community. How were they? Delicious.

Kristen's like, "I've never actually personally cooked ants before, but I have cooked with my ants. It's a beautiful thing. Beautiful thing to cook with your ant." Like, "Okay. All right, Kristen. All right. That's enough." And Cesar's like, "Yeah, I mean, I toasted them and I apologized to them at the same time." Which is why you gotta love Cesar. Yeah, but doesn't that make you feel better, Ronnie, about the ants? Yes, I love Cesar. That's why I love him.

So Kristen's like, yeah, my first bite, it was bitter, but in a good way. Like Padma. Thanks, Kristen. R.I.P. Hey. You know who's bitter? Jerome Robbins. Sorry you don't get to eat cabbage with us, but why don't you make some new friends already, okay?

By the way, I just had Gorbachev try Ant. It was hilarious. We sometimes eat cabbage with Gorbachev on Thursdays, but not Raisa. She's the worst. I'm like, why do you stay with that bitch? Now that you're in heaven, you have so many more options, Gorby.

So Tracy's like ants, love them. Okay, so Kristen's like, yeah, it was bitter, but it was good still. And everything came together. Shwai, did your dish turn out how you wanted it to? Which made me worried for Shwai, because that's usually a shady question. But he's like, yeah, you know what? I woke up thinking of my grandma and I went to bed thinking of my grandma. And while you were eating, I hope you felt like you were eating just a leg right off of my grandma. So yeah, nailed it. Pretty much nailed it.

So Brenda's like, "There were so many flavors within the dish, I tasted the medicine, but I felt it more than anything."

Shirai's like, "Great. My grandmother felt her medicine as well." So Tom was like, "Oh, this is absolutely beautiful. I mean, I was jealous that I didn't make this dish. I mean, then again, I also haven't cooked in my restaurant in probably about 25 years. Am I right? Huh? So you could put that in a three-star environment and it would hold up. It was great. Love it." - It was one of the best things I've ever had in my whole goddamn life. That was for sure. Absolutely amazing. This tasted better than having a Sunfields. I'll tell you that. - Shirai's like, "Well, I have to admit,

I know I said my grandma. It actually is more of my mom's. Oh, it's terrible. I hate this. This is garbage. From now on, I only want grandma medicine tasting things. Okay? Mom medicine no longer cuts it on Top Chef. We want grandma medicine.

So, Bailey, did everything go how you wanted it? She's like, does it ever? Today was sort of weird for me. I mean, I had to feel it out. And I was like, I don't know. Is it going to connect? Was it terrible? Did anybody get poisoned? Am I going to die? Am I already dead? Am I already on a bus back home and this is all a dream? Just tell me. Just kick me out now. God.

Brenda is like, well, you know, Bailey, yesterday when we started forging, there was a little bit of intimidation going on there. Basically, you were just like a scared white lady and you were very confused. Do you remember when I was dropping Prozac pills onto the ground just so you would forge those? Wish you'd pick those up.

But you got that little inner forger to come out and you produce something really unique, which is my way of saying you plundered our land like all the other white people do and you made garbage out of it. Thanks a lot. If you're going to take our ingredients, at least make something that tastes good. Well, you know what? Maybe it's delicious. It was odd at times. But I have to say, it was great to do something feeling like you. Odd, weird, disconnected. What's it doing? Is this lasagna? I don't know. I don't know.

All I do know is that that guy from Mission Impossible is still very confused about the tiramisu. Tarzan is still trying to jump out of that building. I heard he was trying to explain to Tom Cruise that he ate a savory dish that looked like tiramisu, but it wasn't tiramisu. And Tom Cruise is like, bro, why do you keep talking to me about this? It's hilarious.

So Kristen's like, and you cooked the peas from dry today. I'm sorry. Did you mean for the peas to be gravel that almost choked me to death?

Hold on, Lauren Bacall, one moment. Please don't let the cabbage get cold, but I have to go back to Earth for one thing real quickly. Did you mean to make such terrible food from your foraged ingredients? Thank you. Okay, Lauren, I'm back. She's like, oh God, those peas took me the whole time. And Carol's like, well, perhaps they were a second under, but it felt like a walk in the woods. Keep walking.

Okay, while I'm in the woods. Keep going further, further, further. I can still see you. I can still see you. Okay, pull out a shovel. Bury. Dig a hole. Get in the hole. Put dirt on top of it. Wow. Finally, Gail's in a decent outfit. Wow. Gail eats a spoonful of crunchy beans and she feels like she's walking in the woods. Makes me wonder what she does with her free time. So...

Doesn't really make sense. Like, is Gail eating crunchy beans in the woods? She's like, well, I'm finished making my beans and I took them out a little early. So let me go bring them into the woods and eat them. So they tell them that it was exceptional across the board and yada yada. Now, I really thought they were getting rid of Bailey because she had more complaints. They were like, this is weird. I didn't. Tom's like, I mean, it tasted kind of weird, but I kept eating it or whoever said that.

um and they said they said nothing but compliments over mossimo so i really thought bailey was out which i didn't love to see because i don't want it to be like a big sausage party at the end but i was like bailey's out of here and also i think it's hard because chefs are so confident like they're overconfident a lot of times but they have to have these personas that are like built on confidence that whenever i see

someone who's not confident at all, it just makes me lose confidence in them in the chef world. You know, I'm like, you're dead. You're dead here. They're never going to vote for you. You have zero confidence. But it didn't happen.

Yeah. No, no. Because ultimately, I guess Massimo had issues that that cracker really threw them for a loop. They were like, it was so overpowering. It was just absolutely awful. So they were they were so confused about the cracker. And then ultimately they decided that Bailey, while flawed, she was more adventurous. And Massimo was actually safe because he just basically did mustard.

Yeah, so I think they, you know, I can see that angle of choosing for that. Obviously, I didn't eat it, but I'm like undercooked peas. No, it's like to go to the finals of Top Chef and you're serving some undercooked peas. And then everything about his like, oh, my God, it was brilliant. The sauce was amazing. The stuff, once we figured out how to do it, was amazing together. So I was kind of surprised, but I don't know. Yeah, I was surprised, too. Their biggest issue was that it was disconnected. Yeah.

But I didn't it seemed like Bailey had the sort of technical issues that would get her eliminated But then they can return to judges table and Christmas most boring as fuck too though So it's like you can't even stand up too much for Mossimo. It's like we'll drop muster. Yeah. Yeah, yeah so chefs chefs just an exceptional day all around and you all did remarkable but as we know with our going to be one winner and Tracy and Brenda as our guest judges you get to announce our winner and

oh my god could it possibly be anyone other than tristan is tristan it's just him oh actually no it was schwein in this case did not actually win yeah that cabbage looked so good i mean i wanted to eat it so badly it just was like perfectly caramelized and oh it looked fantastic so now um we find out who's getting kicked off and the bottom two are massimo and bailey we've already told you he gets kicked off it's

Hey, Elise, he's out of here. I mean, no, sorry. It is Mossimo. He's out of here. Yeah. And he's like, oh, my God, what's next? I'm going to hug my children until they're blue in the face and never breathe again because I'm sick of children. That's it. I just have to remember what they look like. So I'll be hugging several children in Montreal until I find them. My wife has changed her address again. So wish me luck.

So, yeah, so he goes off and Kristen's like crying. She's like, you did a great job. You did a great job. I don't want to, I don't want to see this. You did a great job. So then they're like, cheers, you're all going to Milan, which does, that sucks for Massimo. I mean, he's like, his whole thing is he cooks Italian food and then he, and he is a Canadian judge and he gets, he gets dropped right before going to Milan. So that's a bummer, but whatever. Sorry. Well, that's the end of Top Chef. Yeah, that's the end.

So that's it, everyone. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. And we will catch you on the next Top Chef episode. Bye, everyone.

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