#2874 Below Deck S12E01 Part One: By Dawn’s Early Black Light
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One of the reasons we love watching Bravo shows is for the luxury. I mean, come on, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Most of the time I can just watch it for the shots of the gorgeous city and the houses. And let's not forget Lisa Barlow's $60,000 ring that she lost. Oh, heck yeah.

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And all these menus, it's like definitely a boat made for Ben. It looks like a giant, gorgeous club with fabulous rooms. I cannot wait to go. Book now at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop?

From Wondery and At Will Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of Catastrophe.

Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery+. Get started with your free trial at wondery.com slash plus.

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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Is, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Hi, what's going on with you?

Not much. Welcome to Below Deck Premiere Day. It's another season of Below Deck, classic Below Deck, the one that started it all. We are recapping it very shortly. But first, we are going to Seattle next week to do a recap of the premiere of Real Housewives of Miami, which is coming back next week. I feel like Bravo needs to promote it more because I'm not seeing anything on Bravo to show that it's coming back. But it's coming back next week. And

And we're recapping it in Seattle at the Neptune. So come join us. Tickets, links to tickets, I should say, are at watchworkrappens.com. The week after that, we are going to do our final show of 2025, the Mounting Hysteria Tour, here in Los Angeles at the Fonda Theater. It's our big grand finale show.

harm our home show very excited for that uh that's june 19th so again tickets go to watchcrapins.com and of course use page go to patreon.com watch for crappins where you can watch us not just listen with crappins on demand and get access to our bonus episodes and we've got love island coverage coming right around the corner love island usa is back and we are going to be doing daily check-ins on

on what is happening in the villa so it's gonna be a very fun busy summer for us over here on crappins can't wait can't wait for the new summer shows to start premiering uh including this one below deck what'd you think about the premiere ronnie amazing yeah it was a good one it was so good it was the best one we've seen in a while

Definitely. Great casting. Great. I loved all their little changes to it, little micro changes they made to the format. Although I'm not sure about splitting up the...

- Preference sheet meetings? - Preference sheet meetings. I didn't like that actually. I like having a moment where the heads of department are just there together as heads of department. I don't know why, I kind of like the establishment of the hierarchy in that way. - Yeah, I do too. And I think maybe they did it 'cause it's gonna lead to some bullshit later when there's miscommunications or people read things differently. But yeah, I'm not sure about that, but overall loved it. Thought it was great.

Yeah, it's so fun how they also create tonal differences between the below decks because they're all kind of the same. But this one came back and was definitely flashy and like the Caribbean and like fancy in a way that like Down Under was not. You know, Down Under is all about like the sea. I mean, the fish report. I was so sad I couldn't be there for the final fish report, by the way. So thank you for Ryan for filling in. You chose.

- I chose actual fish. I was literally crab fishing during the fish report. - Yeah, you were choosing fish to murder. So that was good. During the final fish report, you were actually slaughtering fish. - I was in the field. Yeah, those crabs were feisty little motherfuckers, but they were great. They tasted great. - Well, they should be. I mean, I like an animal that's gonna fight back. I mean, Jesus, we're eating you. Fuck you, motherfucker, come at me.

But they were towards each other, too. They were when people talk about crabs in a bucket. It really is true. They just they're just happy to attack anything. So anyway, the point is that it was very cool how they established sort of a glitzy, glamorous tone of like St. Bart's, even though they're in St. Martin. But like the vibe is like wealthy people in the Caribbean. It was cool.

Yeah, it was a good one. And the casting is just so good. Oh, my God. All of the stews are great casting. Every single one of them was great. The old guy who's like pretending he's 20, that's a deck or the bosun or whatever. No, he's not the bosun. He's just one of the deckies.

The crazy bows in great casting, bringing back Kyle. Great choice. Um, the chef amazing. Oh my God. He's a disaster. I don't think the chef is going to last. I really think they're going to bring back, um, Anthony from last season. I don't think that this guy's going to last. He looks like he, he doesn't look like he can survive.

No, I don't think he's going to be able to take it. He has a mental breakdown by the end. And it couldn't happen to a better choice because I knew when he came on, he was like, all I believe in these days is Christ. That's all I need in life. That's all I think about. I wake up in the morning and it's Jesus. I'm like, oh God, you're going to be having a nervous breakdown by then. And no, Christians, I'm not saying you're all crazy having nervous breakdowns. But you know the people that...

Like new Christians, and I speak as someone who raised very Christian, but as new Christians know, it's like when somebody just joins AA or they stop drinking or they just lost five pounds or they've, you know, something new or they've just become gay and they're the gayest person in the world. And every day it's like, oh my God, you know, like I put a rainbow flag sticker on my car and I'm dating.

five guys and it's like slow down you know and so the born again christians definitely have that too and so you could tell this is a new glove and he probably went to it because he was having such problems and it's not going to solve everything unfortunately for you it's not going to solve mental breakdowns as we see by the end so it's like it was a rollicking ride that's for sure

And there's like a great dynamic between the two third stews, Barbara and co-

What's her name? - I don't know anybody's name. - Celine. - Yeah. - Celine, the French girl from Love Island, from Love Island, France. - She's amazing. - They are so funny right off the bat. Like I cannot wait for this entire season of them. 'Cause Barbara, I love Barbara. Barbara is like, oh, I thought I was gonna say that Selena or whatever her name is would be my favorite, but Barbara, first of all, I love that she comes on and she's like, look,

I'm bringing back Karen Allen's look from 1983. This is going to be my vibe. And she's just going to lean into it. And she's right away. She's like, she's so annoying to me. I don't like, I don't like how she's, she's starting to annoy me a lot. Like I'm not, I'm like, I'm a pretty chill person until the second page. Then I'm not sure anymore. I was like, Oh God, I love her so much. Yeah. Okay. So we start with a Fraser, um,

Who, you know, I'm lukewarm about coming back. Not really sure. He's extremely he's pissed me off probably every season he's been on. But I don't know that that's a bad thing.

i have this irrational thing i have a very irrational thing which i think i've said every season that he's been on which is that i'm perfectly fine with fraser it's just that i love faye so much that i don't understand why she is not our our chief stew and i feel like we're the only two people on the internet who are like literally fighting every day for spay every day even on other shows

Like, she was such a great casting choice. And I think that like, Bravo wants to be like, oh, this is the franchise that has the male Chief Stew. So I get that. And that's cool. And you know, I love that. I love seeing our fellow gays thrive. But yeah.

As a fellow gay, you know, Fraser should understand that we're always going to go for a diva first. And so Faye is the choice. I was also thinking, like, now that Hannah and Captain Sandy have, like, buried the hatchet, because, like, that was a well-publicized thing that they, like, mended fences. Is there a world where Hannah comes back to blow deck? Because I would be extremely into that. I think it's time that we bring Hannah back to one of these shows. Honestly, I doubt it.

And, you know, we're friends with Hannah in real life. And I just just from talking to her, I just I just doubt it. Things change once you stop doing it. You know, like, I don't know that I could when this is over and I've been canceled or whatever the hell ends up happening with us. I don't know that I can go back to waiting tables, not because like you're better than it. I literally don't know if I'm physically able. I would start crying in the middle of I would start crying in the middle of a fucking service. And I think she would, too. I think she wouldn't be able to do it.

Well, I think I think it now and all that. So the kids, the kids, that's the other reason why that's what I believe, why we don't have Faye because she had a baby. These babies are ruining our TV show. They're ruining our country. We need everything. We need our diva chiefs to be back, back in the mix. By the way, it goes without saying, Kate Chastain always. But she's Kate is now here. Yeah.

No, she's in at a higher tier now. She's doing villains and all that stuff, which I still have yet to see. Maybe I'll watch it this season, among all the other shows that need to be watched. Yeah, that's what we should do is add a show to the schedule. I know. We can't even cover Mormon Wives.

Anyway, the point is this. I'm down with Fraser. And the only reason why I have reservations with Fraser is just because I have other preferences of who I want to be on the show in his place. It's not fair to Fraser. It's not even fair to the show. I should just judge what I have. I have reservations about Fraser because he's been a douche on this show. So that's kind of my thing. But, you know, it's been messy, but it's also been kind of fun.

So I don't know. I'm starting a new season. I don't have any hate or anything, but I'm not like, mother icon. Okay, so we start out. Yeah, I agree. And by the way, it is interesting watching Fraser evolve from season to season because his first season when he wasn't even a chief stew, I was surprised that he even got to be a chief stew. And then watching him get successively more successful

sort of comfortable with the role of being the boss and how his leadership has changed has been interesting to watch at the very least.

Well, I thought when he I agree with you that I don't think he was ready at first because I remember his first season. He was like, well, really, Chief Stew? I should be the chief stew. You know, he's one of those. He's like, I'm better than everybody and I should be the one in charge of everything. And then he was fucking things up all the time and then like getting really flustered. And I think he was coming from a place of like fake it till you make it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

And so he got better and better as that went along. And I think casting was just like he's fun and it'll be fun to have our first gay guy. Yeah. And so I think he's had to kind of grow into it in almost an unnatural way where he wasn't naturally that in the first place. And so it's interesting. Like last season, he was a little bit better with leadership, but then ended up kind of fucking it up by being unprofessional.

a messy gossip in between two and the fighting with the girls and stuff like that so it's interesting because you're right he does it does grow every year like it it changes and he does learn and listen and change so i think that's good so i don't know let's see let's see let's let's let's get to the bottom of it because it starts off in london no pun intended what was the pun

Let's see. Oh, I was thinking CSEA. Let's get to the bottom. And,

And there's a, the font just says London and it's like italicized. And it's almost like James, that's not James Bond-y, but it made me think of James Bond. It looked like an action, like Mission Impossible. It was like globetrotting. Yeah. They're doing James Bond this year. Haven't you seen the commercials where it's like dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's like Captain Carrie on a speed, speedway runner or whatever they're called. A speedoo, skidoo. Speedoo. And a C-bomb.

Seat spots. So, yeah, they're doing this new thing where Fraser sends out a text and he's like, "Hello, girls and boys. Ready for a hot season? Let's make it for a drink. Margarita, margarita, margarita emoji. Champagne emoji. We'll do it all." Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Dun dun. And he's like, "It's my third year as chief steward on motor yacht St. David. And by the way, we have to have St.— I want a new boat."

I would like a new boat. You know why? I'm largely fine with St. David. I just, or, okay, how about instead of a new boat, I'm like negotiating with myself. You know what other self? How about this? Keep the boat. But what about this? Can we change the logo for the St. David? I hate the type that the font type for their shirts. You know what I'm talking about? It's like the default font that comes with Microsoft Word. It's like trebuchet or something. I think we need to like change up the fonts because if you can't change up the fonts, we need a new boat.

Yeah. St. David was known for miracles. And so I think you need a better font. That's not a miraculous font. Yeah. And I also want a new boat. I do want a new boat. I'm sick of this boat. This third year of this boat. Let's get a fun, new, exciting boat.

Okay, I'll start that change.org with you. New boat. So he's like, now my standards are high, I'll blow this bitch out of the water. This is about wow, wow factor. People will get injured, we'll be exhausted, but that's yachting. We do this for the guests. We do it for the tip. And everybody loves a good tip. Oh, saucy Fraser. Saucy Fraser. Let's start on a high. Nothing but the tip.

So they're in St. Martin and we're at a bar. It's like the night before getting on the boat. And so Fraser has found a little spot and people are starting to come in. So first is Solene and she's like, "Hi, I'm Solene. Nice to meet you. I'm thirsty. I'm so excited." And so he asks for what she wants to drink and she orders a porn star. He goes, "That says a lot about you. Okay, let's go porn star." Slut.

And she's like, I think I'm a very free spirit. I did French TV show. I love Island France. I find the island, but not the man. My previous boat, I do 22 days. I'm baby, baby stool. Baby, baby stool. I just want to do everything. Travel, have fun, travel. I forgot the rest. But there's lots of things to do. Baby stool.

And immediately I was like, this girl's crazy. Was she only on her first boat 22 days because she got kicked off? Or was it a short charter? Did she get kicked off Love Island? How'd that go? Has she pulled anybody's hair? Like, I really like her and I don't want her to ever leave.

No, she's hilarious. This is also one of those cases where it's just blatantly obvious that the producers are casting for a TV show and like they're not even attempting to have anyone who has any any skill with yachting here. I mean, 22 days. And later on, we find out it's 22 days on a yacht that was docked. So she has literally no experience, but she was on Love Island and she's funny. So the producers are like, well, just put her on board. What could go wrong?

And she says that she does what I think a lot of people would do in her situation, which she just says can. And then they'll hire her. She's like, you know, I have experience. Waitress, you know, bartender, can. It can. It was in Cannes. It's like, oh, fabulous. I love Cannes. Yeah. That was disgusting. I just sneezed on national television. It's human. It's human. Who wants to listen to a human?

Fraser says, "So do you know about how to do laundry?" And she goes, "Well, I know how to push a button." I'm like, "Do you remember the Brie season? It's more than a button." I'm still traumatized by memories of Brie trying to send laundry to the right person for an entire season. Laundry is terrifying me. It is so difficult. I don't know how much I can take it. I have color-coded the laundry.

So then the bosun comes on. His name is, how do you say his name again? Is it Kaio? Kaio. Spelled C-A-I-O. It's like Chao misspelled. Maybe it's Kaio, but I think it's Kaio. I think it was Kaio or Kaio. Listen, anybody coming here for proper names or accents in the first five months of this show, you're in the wrong place. It's not going to happen. Wrong place, wrong time.

Wrong attitude. So he's like, I've been a bosun for two years now and I grew up in Rio and I graduated in civil engineering, which by the way, I don't know how civil engineering applies to being a bosun, but sure, maybe they need to design a street in the process. Yeah, I'm not really sure, but this guy has crazy eyes and big curly hair and he has this wide-eyed squint that he does and he does this a lot with his hair. He shakes his head. He's very much about his hair. And so he's being like, yeah...

Deep fucking intense calculation. My brain is still like...

He looks like he's in like a Wham cover band. He definitely has like an 80s pop duo look to him. Yeah. So Fraser is meeting him and everything. He's like, so you've been working on big boats as well? He's like, yeah, but this is my biggest one. Fraser's like, you'll be fine. We're going to sync with these two idiots on me already. No one has experience. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Every successful business starts with an idea. And on The Best Idea Yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments. Like how a bored barista invented the Frappuccino during his downtime, and then it got acquired by Starbucks. Or how Patagonia's iconic fleece was inspired by a toilet seat cover. On The Best Idea Yet, we dive into the untold origin stories behind the products you're obsessed with.

and the bold risk takers made them go viral. These are the wild ideas and insights that made Birkenstock the best selling sandal since Jesus and made Super Mario the most played video game in the history of attention span. Nintendo almost became a ramen company until Super Mario saved it. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor. Then we meet Rainbow, spelled R-A-I-N-B-E-A-U. I mean, I hated that at first. But then it turns out, she's like, my full name is Bodine Trintagy Shilderman DeRusse. I was like...

Okay. I love that. It sounds like it's a Dutch name. It sounds like Dutch royalty. So I was like, I will accept Rainbow because it's clearly a nickname. She wasn't named Rainbow. She has a very highfalutin name instead. Yeah. But she chose this name and she chose to spell it Rainbiel, you know, which I kind of like. So then they're like, okay, well, I guess we're going to be calling you Rainbow then because that name's fucked. Okay.

Okay. Well, does she use rainbow? She's like, yes. So then we meet Barbara. Barbara's got big curly hair and she's a no-nonsense girl. She's like, hello. And he asks her position. She's like, stew. And does she enjoy the job? She's like, well, it's different for me because I worked in cruise ship for like seven years. And he's like, does it compare at all? She goes, no, not at all. Correct answer.

Correct answer. Yeah. Are you going to apologize having worked on cruises because they're disgusting? Can you also explain why you showed up here in a denim dress looking like you're discarded from Williamsburg? Also, may I ask why there's an accent placed on the first A of your name? Is there a Barbara somewhere that we need to worry about or a Barbara?

You'll also have to excuse me. I'm a bit traumatized by the name Barbara. Please tell me your father does not work for the Coca-Cola industry company, Barbie. Oh, we're gay. So I was like, what did Barbara Streisand do to you? And when did she work for Coca-Cola?

No, the last blow deck, Barbie. Oh yeah. Barbie's dad was the executive, an executive. That's right. She's like, my dad's loaded. He's like a King. He works at Coca-Cola. So then Kyle arrives. Speaking of Barbie, Kyle arrives, our Scottish friend from last season, uh,

uh who was dating barbie and so frazier was like oh my god i need to go see my husband so kyle's like hello gorgeous how are you mate and he already like kyle is so

like what's the right word like not weather but like he is just someone who looks like he just came rolling out of a tavern i mean he does all his interviews so far in this this premiere he has like he has a cut around his eye like he just got punched in the face and then started doing interviews did you notice that yes but they did clean him up and they got him a haircut so this is the best he's gonna look as the only haircut he's gonna have for the whole season it's gonna go downhill from here

he's just so rough and tumble it's like there's something about like he's just i can't describe it is it like this like it's like this he looks like he either was just or fighting or both you know yeah it's called brogish alcoholism

So, Kyle's like, this year the training wheels are off. I've got a little experience. Work hard, play hard, maybe play the field. You know, I've got two kilts with me this time. Scotland's here, ready to go. Let's do it. Let's do it.

"Everyone, you're all incredibly beautiful and stupid. It's going to be very easy this year to just stare at you. And I'm gay." And Barbara's like, "Well, I'm gay too, so that's all right." She's like, "Yes, but you were gay and worked on a cruise ship, which is less cool." - And Celine's like, "You are what? Gay? You are gay?"

You're a gate? Does that make me a fence? She's like, no, gay, gay, gay. Like, what do you keep out? It's a gate. It's not very nice being a gate. It means you don't want to be open. So then, uh, Jazz shows up.

And she's a deckhand and she's from South Africa. And she was previously a bosun, but she's coming in as a deckie. So I thought they were setting up a situation. Maybe they are of like, she knows better than the bosun. That kind of, that kind of, we learned that by the end, this crazy eyed bosun is not going to last long either. I don't think so. Yeah. It looks like she's going to take over it. So now we're going to have two gay women on the boat at the same time. I don't, don't, don't.

Saucy. Yes. So then Lawrence comes and he's the chef and he's just like this real low energy guy. He's like, I've been in the culinary world for about 15 years. I've worked in a two-star Michelin restaurant. Chefs get a bad rap, but let me tell you something. Once you get the Holy Spirit inside of you, God changes you into a different person.

So I stay as calm as possible now because Jesus is in my heart. I was like, girl, I know you're too new at this because normal people don't walk around talking like that. Okay. Just don't throw knives at people's heads. Okay. Whatever the reason works for you. Great.

He says, everyone thinks chefs are angry all the time. I'm like, they only think that because they're angry all the time. That's the only reason why. And when he says that about like, you know, that chefs are angry all the time, but now he's got Jesus in him. I'm like, well, you know, your anger. I always quote the great Whitney. What's her face from Salt Lake City, Houston. No, Whitney's last name. Whitney Port.

- No, I wanted to say Whitney Port because I think we're talking about- - What is her name? Whitney from Salt Lake City. Rill, it's Rill to be Rill. - Yeah, Whitney. - Yeah, Whitney. - Does she have a last name? Did she ever have a last name? Or was she just- - Yeah, she has a last name. Okay, go ahead. I'll look it up while you tell the story. - As she once said, "You know who did that?

The Lord did that. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. Of course, her name is Whitney Rose. Duh. Duh. Poor idiots. God. So, yeah, he's doing his whole, you know, I'm a bit apprehensive about the TV part of the job. You know, Jesus was never on TV. Well, you don't know about that. Maybe he was. So, Fraser is like, so have you ever done the Caribbean before? He's like, never. So I'm a bit apprehensive.

So then we meet Damo. Which one is this? The blonde? Like the strawberry blonde guy who wears like a Speedo. He's got like a cartoon face. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

He meets the bosun and stuff. And he's like, okay, guys, I'm on the boat already. This is Kyle, the bosun. He's like, we went out today because the winds are picking up. We already did it, you know, so we might not even been able to do the charter because it's so strong. So we're at anchor now and you guys are going to join tomorrow. Tender's going to pick you up and that's how it's going to go. What do you think of that? I'm like, whoa, whoa. Can we have our, can we drink our fucking margarita emojis, sir?

Yeah. And we said, we see this clip that happened earlier in the day where, uh, K.O. is like, um, he was with Carrie and they're like moving the boat through this tiny, there's a little opening to get through the, the, the bridge goes up, which honestly, if captain Glenn were there, I mean, there would just be a huge dent. So, um, uh, and then Fraser is, uh, that everyone's like talking and everyone's pretty much single. And Fraser says that he's not single, uh,

But she, he hasn't seen his boyfriend, right? He only sees his boyfriend like five days. The only thing is boyfriend five days this year. So,

that's the situation yeah so then um rainbow ash she's like what would you say is your thing as chief stew and he's like well ultimately we've got to enjoy ourselves do you understand so my first rule is masturbation everyone all right take care of you all right and then the better we do the bigger the tip

So basically, I'm going to screw you all over one way or the other. Please tell me secrets so I can go tell each other that you've been talking bad about them. Let's have some laundry fights this year. All right. My boyfriend only sees me five days a year. Can't be boring. Can't be boring.

So then it's time to go over to the boat. It's the next day. And Kerry's like, welcome to the St. David points. And here's the tender. Okay. I washed the tender a little too much and she shrunk. Get it? She's small. So the wind is shocking. Okay. We like to start the charter in the slip. But due to this bridge being so narrow and the wind being so strong, we're going to start the charter on anchor. Because guess what? That's more of an adventure. Yeah.

So come aboard, please. And so Lane's like, where's the boat? Am I supposed to be working on this boat? This is small boat. What, did the gate send this up? Come on. Where's the real boat? Stop tricking with me. And he's like, Fraser's like, the boat's at anchor. That's what it means. We get on the little boat. It takes us to the large boat. There's so many boats here. How many boats do I work on anyway? Do I get paid for one boat or two? This is the tender.

So Kerry's like, "San Martin is one of the biggest hubs for yachting in the Caribbean. There's many things I love about San Martin. There's most beautiful white sand beaches you've ever seen. And the one thing I don't like is the bridge. There's been many a crash at the bridge that then they'll continue to be. So let's look at some archival footage of Captain Jason or Captain Glen crashing into the side of this bridge right here." - I gotta hand it to Captain Jason. He's the first person to take out a chili's on a bridge. So that was impressive.

It's 2019 and the channel is just so tight. My professional goal this season, not to touch this bridge. My other goal, to have an adventure.

So they get to the boat and now Fraser's showing everyone the cabins and where to meet and everything. And he's like, I'm so excited to get back on the boat. I know the boat. This is a level of comfort here. A place where I can watch all my stews cry and turn against each other. And I can sit there and not really manage them. This is the longest relationship I've had with anything. It's big. There's so many guest areas. There's a lot of work to do. But as much as it causes me pain, it is home nonetheless. Yes.

Home where the pain is.

So Rainbow and Jess are going to room together. Lawrence and Kyle are roommates. And then Kyle and Domo are going to be roommates. And Barbara is roommates with Celine. How many boats do I have to live on? So then we go to Lawrence, the chef, and he's like, I've been pretty low, like a lot, like a lot of my 20s. Short temperedness, anger, addictions. We know you're a chef, girl. You think you're the first chef to come on here? You don't need to stand in a circle and wait for a chip.

Yeah, congratulations. You probably have a child in Fort Lauderdale and cooking saved you. And if it weren't for cooking, you'd be living in the gutter. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. One day you hope to be the father your child deserves. Meanwhile, you're sending no money or seeing that sucker. So we know, we know.

You have a tattoo of a fork and a knife because cooking means a lot to you. And maybe a tattoo of a pig or maybe a tattoo of broccoli because it just reminds your favorite Brossicus. There was a point in my life where I started reading the Bible and I became a born again Christian. And my faith guides me through stressful situations. That's great. I'm glad you're finding peace. You need to look for some pills to guide your ass. You need a therapist to guide your ass because you are, you're, you're crutching.

Do you, does your faith guide you through stressful situations? Because we've seen the end of the show and I'm not sure that you accessed your faith in that moment, sir. And he's really uncomfortable. He's like, um, excuse me, could the camera crew stop filming me? I'm just trying to get ready over here. Nope, you're not going to leave. All right, well, please do. I mean, that would be great.

He asked the camera crew to leave because he says, I'm just trying to get an appliance. He's like, oh, you don't want them to see you get an appliance? This is going to be the worst thing for you? Yeah. So then, just in case we don't believe that he's born again, he's like,

Ephesians 6, verse 7 to 9. To serve wholeheartedly as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do. Let me tell you something. The Lord is not paying $90 for a caviar on asparagus. Okay? That man ate like trout straight out the water with some bread. That's it. Oh.

I was going to say, well, the Lord, like God, God can pick any could be, could,

could get any food, not gonna choose the food from the below deck yacht. - Well, God could, but Jesus couldn't 'cause he was stuck in a body and so he had to eat whatever shit they gave him. And he loved bread so much that he multiplied it for people. And like, just gave, he's like, you know what? If I get bread, everyone gets bread. I'm turning this one piece of bread into 90 loaves, everybody. It's a bread party. That's why people follow Jesus. He was a hot person with good abs who gave carbs out.

Okay. So stop this other reading. Jesus did not write this book. She brought the party. Yeah. So Carrie is saying, we've got a big boat. If you feel yourself getting slowed under and you need some extra help, don't try and take it all on yourself. I just want you to be aware. Thanks, man. You're going to be great on board. And by the way, if it ever gets to be too much where you want to find an appliance, there's a camera in your face. Just pretend you're in church and you're finding an appliance for the Lord. Yeah.

pretend you're pulling that microwave out from under a pew it'll be great it's like i'm very self-conscious when i'm reaching for a cuisinart and there's a camera in my face so domo checks on the chef and he's trying to be chipper and the chef is not happy and so he's like oh this man is stressy strawberries right all right

Stresistral bruise. I've never heard that term. Of course he has. He's a chef. What do you want from him? It's like asking a Scottish decky why he's got a bruise. Of course I've got a bruise. I'm a Scottish decky.

So provisions come on this boat, which is like piled up and it's like a lot. And, you know, as usual, I get stressed out every time provisions arrive. I get stressed out because I imagine having to actually do all that provision work. And I hate it. I hate the idea of carrying all those boxes around with the food and like you knock into walls and you hit your fingers against the door. Yes, it's the worst. I'm even like that when I get my fucking Instacart delivered. I'm like, oh, God, they're here. Oh, God, I have to bring things in. Yeah. Bad.

And this was more stuff than usual. So, and Lawrence is really kind of spiraling. He's like, you know, you don't know everything is, you know, and I'm just like stressed out because I'm,

You know, if you're serving the Lord, you know, it's important to serve the Lord. And I'm just trying to find an appliance, etc. And he's talking like he's already spiraling, right? The show just started. He's like, I just don't know. There's so many cameras in my face. I've got so much to do. And they're putting the voiceover of like Ephesians 6, 7.

Serve the Lord, don't serve the people. And he's like, I'm dying. God, I can't hide from these fucking cameras. Holy fuck, what am I going to do?

Does he know that he signed up for a TV show? Because he's just doing basic stuff and he can't deal with the cameras there. He's like, I've got to put the carrots somewhere. Not with these cameras here. No, they can't see me. One of the biggest killers of anybody who comes on a reality show is the fear of looking stupid. You know what I mean? Like, you have to be okay looking stupid because you're going to look stupid. It's like doing anything like in improv or comedy at all. You have to be willing to fail miserably. Look at us. Yeah, see? Yeah.

uh yeah it's literally don't care we listen the amount of and stupidity that we put out onto the internet for 13 years it's just like you just have to be on it and what are you gonna do we've done some shows and what are you gonna do it's just like move on keep on keep going you know what are you gonna do but this guy he's got to learn that or he's out of here he's not gonna he's not even he's not even gonna get fired they're trying to keep him here and he's still like no

So now they arrive at Sun Bay and Fraser is talking to Kyle and Fraser's like, oh, I loved working with you last year. Are you anything like last year? He's like, I'm a bit like last year. You could say that, mate. And then we see them making out. And Fraser's like, so a bit touchy feely then. I like that. Yeah. Yeah.

Kyle's like, yeah, me too. So then it's time for a meeting in the Sky Lounge. And so Fraser checks in on Lawrence to see if he's okay. And Lawrence is like, I just don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm fine. So it's like, okay, great. You've got this. Wow. Disaster.

All right, welcome aboard to St David. We've got a big season ahead of us, and with that, the way I manage is very firm but fair. All right, you'll hate me, but you'll love me. I'm a man, a man of adventure. So don't take any kindness for weakness, I'll tell you that right now. I could be hugging you, or I could be hugging you to death. All right, let's meet Fraser. Fraser?

So Kyle is saying, I can't wait to work with Kerry again. He demands respect. He's an excellent leader. I slightly disrespected him maybe a few times last year, you know? And then we see a flashback of Kerry getting on Kyle and Ben for cabin inspections. I totally forgot about that. They're stupid fucking cabin inspections. When I saw Ben's face, I was just so grateful that he wasn't on this season. I can't even express how happy I was to know that he was relegated just to a flashback.

You know, I saw his face and I understood the word triggered. Because, you know, I hate that word. Like for me, I'm an older person. So for me, the word triggered. I'm like, oh, just shut up. Life sucks. Get over it. But then I saw him and I was like, that's, I understand the essence of the word now. Like I really get it. Because I was like, I was like, not that guy.

and just the worst. I really like to prove to Kerry that I'm not a fucking dickhead and I'm here to work and respect him, but I'm still sort of a bit of a dickhead. I'm like, you're, there's no way that you have reformed your ways, Kyle. Yeah. ♪ Commercials ♪ ♪ Here comes one right now ♪ - Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop?

From Wondery and At Will Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of Catastrophe.

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All right, well, people don't respect each other on this boat. They've got no place on a boat of mine. Here's another thing I'm not going to accept. Kimonos. All right? What are we going to accept? Adventure.

All right. Let me tell you about St. Martin. Okay, you've got a Dutch side and a French side. Talk about adventure. And there's a lot of flavour on both sides of the island. So we'll be going to the Anguilla also, which is a British island and has awesome coastlines, but you've also got great diving and there's also St. Bats. So there's St. Bats and there's a Dutch side and a French side and a British side. So which side is which? I don't know. You have to figure that out. Adventure!

All right, here's how you tell the difference between the French and the Dutch sides. The one who hates America is both sides. Good luck. All right, now, there's plenty of restaurants and shopping, as you'll notice. I'm sure you'll all get a chance to enjoy that. Just kidding. Right? Now, if you're ever confused where you are, if you look around, you'll see a croissant, French side. Stroopwafel, Dutch side. Fish and chips, British island. Upside down, American flags on fire, both sides. All right?

So Keio's like, all right, let's watch this shit. One quarter, two quarters, three, four. And now someone's got on their double glovey. And Damo's like, oh, the double glovey is a sign of a real pro. And Jess is like, yeah, I was actually a bosun on 50 meter for like seven months. So double glovey it is. Well, that double glovey sounds like stressy strawberries if you ask me. So Jess...

I'm gonna have some funny little lines there. So Jess is like, "I would love one day to be captain. I'm good at my job and I'm not shy to say that." Being on deck as a girl, like you always go in and have these people who are like, "Oh, you shouldn't be there. Like fuck that shit." But then when people are like, "Oh, wow. Like we only like make deckhands because there's like heavier shit to be taken up." Like, I don't know, whatever. Like I've ever crained for a reason. I see myself as growing old on the ocean. Like I'm a boss ass bitch.

Yeah, that was me in a paragraph. Did you enjoy this? I actually did. I was like, this girl is hot as fuck, first of all. And I want her to take over boats. Like, I want her to be a captain. I hope that's a good read because, you know, sometimes I read them well, sometimes I don't. And I really so far really like her. So I'm hoping this works out for me.

well it's always fun to see where where things go wrong on blow deck because also at the beginning of below deck down under we're like wow you know what um beyond not so bad even when veon started to turn into an absolute face i was still like but he's at least kind of nice compared to a lot of the douchebags i mean i still tried to hold on to it because

You know, once I decide that I really like somebody, I'm just like, come on, stay loyal, stay loyal. Okay, he's an absolute shithead. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm so sorry. I don't know. I take it so personally. It has nothing to do with me yet. No, it doesn't.

So then Kyle is saying, I'm a big fan of Kerry. He fucking took his time with me last year and he really fucking walked me. Basically, he held my hand the whole fucking way through. Little did he realize he was actually holding my wanker because I was wearing a kilt, if you know what I'm saying. So Kerry is like, he's like, well, how can I help you, mate? Because now he's talking to Lawrence because Lawrence is having a meltdown already again.

And basically, Lawrence is just trying to figure out where to organize everything. He's like, I've just got to start taking stuff down. There's got to be a refrigerator here somewhere. I put things in. Good Lord. I feel like Judas is running this goddamn boat. Oh, I'm getting into a love house. All right. Okay. Calm down. I'll take these oranges down. Everything's going to work out fine.

- So downstairs, Barbara and Solene are doing stuff. And Barbara is like, "Solene, come here." She's like, "You need me? I'm doing something." She's like, "Well, I wouldn't call you if I didn't need you." She's like, "Okay, I come, I come, okay. Okay, it's just like, did I do something bad? I thought you were saying, did I do something bad?" She's like, "No, just come here. Do you know how to come here?" She's like, "No."

It's like, okay, let me show you. Usually we make rolls to put in the toilet. Do you know how to do this? Because she's already asked Fraser. She's like, Fraser, is this how you want us to roll these towels? And he's like, okay. And he goes, show Selene. And she's like,

Okay. So she's showing her now. So she's like, all right, we do this for the toilet. You know how, right? And she's like, um, so wait, hold on. Fraser told you this? Or you say this? And she's like, yes, yes. I spoke with Fraser. She's like, okay, are you sure? Because at which boat? This boat or tiny boat? Because many boats here, I can, I only have two hands, not 18 hands to work on multiple boats. So decide, decide and tell me.

The fact that they already have so much back and forth over her saying, can you come here? And I'm going to show her how to roll up a towel. Because even just the act of her saying, can you come here? She's like, Solene, can you come here? You need me? Yes, I wouldn't say I'd need you to come here if I didn't need you. Are you sure? Yes, I need you. I'm like, oh my God. Just getting Solene from point A to point B to even talk about the towels involved so much energy. I was like, oh, these two are going to be hilarious. And even when you look at their names in the notes, how they're written one after the other, saying lines one after the other, Barbara's absolutely

- And the accent goes this way and the accent over her A and Celine's accent goes to the right. So even their accents are opposing. - It's grob versus a-gue. Yes, it's perfect. - Who is this man? - You know, as you may know, I was president of the French club. I know my accents. - French boner. I've got a French boner over here. It's like a baguette. Y'all put some gouda on there and call it lunch.

I had some delicious Gouda last night, by the way. I'd like to. Of course you did. That is Dutch. Gouda is Dutch, right? Yeah, Gouda is Dutch.

So Barbara's like, "I'm very honest. It's a problem sometimes, you know, like I need to work to support my mom, but you know, I can also have good time, but I can be spicy. It's Brazilian. I always say in Portuguese, I always say in Portuguese, it's better to ask forgiveness than permission." - I love when people say that as if it's like they came up with that. I always say,

I always say that's the way the cookie crumbles. Am I right, guys? Yeah. So Jess and Damo are talking and he's asking if he's single. He's like, I am, but I'm always looking for that person, which I do not believe. You are a dickhand. And then he's like super personality based guys. Like he doesn't really care about likes. He's double glovey, stressy strawberries. And Jess is like, sorry, I'm gay. He's like, yeah.

it's been a bit of he's like it's been a bit of pill to swallow to be honest i mean what about you do you have type and she's like yeah someone preferably in my height range she's like oh so you don't want to kiss up you don't like a tolly tolly and she's like no i'm not really even ready to date people right now he's like oh yeah so you're just like a boy status huh and she's like i mean you don't have to put it like that but yeah pretty much yeah yeah so she takes relationships so seriously

And that's why she's not in one. But guys, she also loves banging stews. So let's see where this goes. And I like that. I like that they're going to still get a deckie who's like, you know what? We're going to get a female deckie, but she's still going to want to bang all the chicks on the boat. Let's keep it up there. So then we go to Barbara and Selene. It's 21 hours before charter.

And Barbara's like, can you help me move this? She's like, I don't understand. You know, I take long because I already have stuff to do and I'm late. Oh my gosh. But of course, of course, you know, I have my own stuff. You have your stuff, but I have to help you with your stuff. So I guess I will do that. So look at me doing stuff. But look, now I will stop to help you. I guess so. Okay, my love, my love. Everyone has a lot to do. Okay. Everyone has a lot to do. So let's just do this. But that's why I was doing mine and you're not doing yours. So.

You are not doing your thing, but now I'm doing your thing too. Everyone has a lot of things to do. Everyone has a lot of things to do. So you're going to help me do this one. Okay. Can I have another shirt to wear for all the boats that I work on? Can I have 20 shirts for all the things I have to do? The shirt that you have is the shirt that you have. Okay. If you want to have another shirt, you help me do this thing, then you can find a new shirt. But you cannot get a new shirt until you help me with this thing. Okay.

That's my favorite when she told her, bizu. So then Carrie is radioing for Fraser and Keogh to come to the wheelhouse. All right, there you are, making things happen, huh? All right, we're going to change things up with the preference sheet meeting so it's an absolute clusterfuck. Here's what I hate. Communication that will make life easier.

All right, so Fraser, you're going to have your preface sheet meeting with your staff. Same for you, Kaya. Kaya, please stop shaking your head. All you're wearing earbuds right now with the music blasting into them. He's like, whatever you want.

So then Rainbow's talking to Barbara. She's like, so how are you feeling about your roommate? She's like, well, I feel worried, to be honest. Like, I don't know everything at all, but I'm just like in yachting like less than a year, you know? And Rainbow's like, oh, really? Because you have big dick energy. Do you have a lot of siblings? She goes, I don't have any. I just have big Karen Allen hair energy. She's like, oh, okay. Well, I usually don't get on with children. I got two older sisters. Oh, really? How old are they? She's like, 25.

The other one's 26 and 27. Oh, she's just talking. It's like a nothing scene. She's like, I hate children. 25 and 27. Bitches. So we find out about Rainbow. She wants to be Chief Stew one day. She's like, I grew up in straightforward, no bullshit, no sense, no nonsense households. Almost militant. So I work my ass off because you live to work and you die. You work until you die. And when you're dead, you probably have a job.

That's why I nicknamed myself Rainbow. Yeah, I was like, what a fun personality for somebody named Rainbow. I know. So it's time for... It's going to be time for the preference sheets. But Selena's like...

She's like, I stink like dead camel. I was like, okay, interesting. I don't know what that smells like, but I'm not going to look it up. So our primary charter guest is called Sam Rashid from Tampa, Florida. And the primary is bringing his daughter, disgusting, his daughter's wife, more disgusting, his nieces, grosser than gross, and his grandchildren, disgusting.

Unbearable. A family affair, but also he's a germaphobe and he travels with blacklight and disinfectant wipe. Oh God, here we go. So we've got one of those.

Yeah. Yeah. Someone I'm like, why are you going on below deck? Seriously. Like if you're so much better than everybody, I feel like people who are like that to the point of bringing black lights and shit are just like, I'm the only non disgusting human being. And everywhere I go, there's other disgusting human beings that I have to have somebody else wipe down so I can be in the presence of normality, you know? And it's like, look,

You're disgusting too. We're all disgusting. We're humans. We poop. Have you looked at your eyes in the morning? There's boogers inside of them. Okay. You're gross. Nobody escapes it.

yeah yeah yeah and the thing is like there's there's something to be said for ignorance like i don't know if i even want to apply a black light to my hotel like the switches and everything you don't know what you want sometimes you just want to like live in the bubble a little bit like you know what yeah i don't want my hotel room to be disgusting but i also don't need to know everything you know yeah i actually remember the story of bubble boy when that was happening when we were kids you know there's a little kid who had to live inside an actual bubble

And everyone's like, oh, my God, poor thing. And I was like, that actually looks like decent. Can you fit a Nintendo 64 in there? Get me a fucking bubble. I asked for a bubble for Christmas. My mom was like, no, it's not what you think. But anyway, yeah, just stay home. You know, that's what I say. Not to you, bubble boy, but I mean to like black people.

Bubble Boy is always welcome at my house. I mean the other germaphobes. Please welcome our new bosun, Bubble Boy. Okay, so they want a Japanese-inspired tasting menu. And Lawrence is like, on day one? Is that what I've heard? Day one, that's what they want? He's like, yep. He's like, why the fuck are we finding out about this at six o'clock in the evening on the day before?

Because you're on a television show that's designed to make you break down, you sucker. Did you do any research on this? Come on. So he says, it feels quite daunting with everything coming at you at once. You don't have loads of time to set up. You're just sort of thrown into the deep end. I'm like,

Well, you could have done some preparation, which is watch the show before you decided to come on to it. And then you would have known what to anticipate. But that's fine. Also, what are you complaining about being thrown in the deep end for? You're in a religion where they literally dunk your ass in the water. But at least someone's there to pull you back out. So in theory, unless you're like my mom, let's make this baptism a swim lesson. He'll figure it out. Yeah.

Unless you're like my teacher, Mr. Cobra, who we dropped on the truss fall. Sorry. So then... Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber Way.

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