#2875 Below Deck S12E01 Part Two: By Dawn’s Early Black Light
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From Wondery and At Will Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of Catastrophe.

Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery+. Get started with your free trial at wondery.com slash plus.

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Hi, everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode.

So Fraser alerts everyone, including the chef, that the primary likes a steak extra well done, burned, absolutely no pink at all, because the primary is joyless. That's what we're finding out about this guy. The black light and the burned to a crisp steak. Why are you even eating steak? There's just nothing at that point. All the germs out of it. I'm sure. I know. But why even eat it? There's going to be nothing left. You're eating dead, rotting flesh. Yeah. You'll be okay. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. So Fraser is like, oh, God, they're really going to test us. So day two and the guests would like to have a Bollywood-themed dinner. So if nothing goes right today, blame Barbie. All right, have we got this all down? All right, so day three, we're coming back and we're going through this lovely bridge. I'm going to hit it one day, so just be prepared. I'm ready to take on Captain Jason's disco helmet for it in advance. Yep.

So, Fraser holds on to the girls and he's like, "Alright, what I've always said, the first charter isn't easy. Neither is any charter, because chartering is hell. Do you understand? Alright, now, the first charter, Barbara, you'll be waking up at six. Rainbow, you will be doing late. Also, I'd appreciate you fixing the spelling of your name because you're quite dour." Alright?

Barbara, since you already have bedhead, you'll be waking up early. Rainbow, since it seems like I might torture you to be called Rainbow, but to be around at night, you'll be on lates. And now everyone go back to the crew mess. Okay, if that's okay with you. And like, okay, sure. So then Barbara wants to talk to Fraser about...

um, Solène. And she's like, you know, I promise I'm not picky, even though it's the first half of the first day and I already have something to tell you. But, uh, Solène, she's already really annoying me. I mean, like I was showing her how to fold a towel and, you know, like that role, just the way she says, did Fraser say to do this? Like, yes. Like she's not believing that I'm telling her what you're telling me to tell her, you know, like I'm very easy.

You know, like, she says something like, I'm an open book. I'm very easy until the second page. I love that. I'm very easy until the second page. And he's like, here's what we do. You've got to be like me. Don't ever read past the first page. Stay on the cover. I'm an open book, but only my first page is accessible. Everything after that is gobbledygook.

And it's like, all right, well, you know, I'm going to test and look and see how things are going. But, you know, look, I've got already consoled the chef. So let's just be try to be positive. You know what I'm saying? Because I can tell you right now, she's way more interesting on television than you are so far. Just deal with her.

So, Chaos also assigning roles about what time people are going to wake up, etc., etc. And Demo is talking to Kyle about how he's been working and stuff. And Kyle's like, we had the girl I met last year. I tried to make it work where I was like a lost fucking puppy. Do you know what I mean? I was just...

just fucking went for it you know it's like a lot happened to me and barbie after saint david when i got to miami we linked up and had a beautiful relationship and i think part of me still does love that girl but i think we're very different people she's rich i'm poor her dad works for coca-cola my mother works for a note company and as our core we don't connect i'm single i'm free

Her mother kept asking me what the best way to drain my balls was, and it was just uncomfortable. By the end of that relationship, I had diabetes because they just fed me so much Coca-Cola. I think there's only so much a man can take. Remember because her mom was like a sex therapist? Yes. She's like, yeah, my mom talks all about sex therapy with me. I remember when we broke up. Barbie said, I'm a coke and you're a zero.

So go. So, um, uh, Carrie is giving KO everybody's resumes to look over and he thinks everything's going to be great. And Appalettes are handed over. Um, and he needs to work out who's going to be the lead deckhand and all that stuff. And so then we go to Selene and Barbara and,

And they're figuring out closets in their room. So, Celine's like, oh, so you want to take like that closet and I take this closet? And she goes, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's two closets. They're the same size. So, I'll take this one. You take that. She goes, no, yours is bigger. But, of course, I can take. I'm only working on 19,000 boats. So, yeah.

- I need two boats at once. Two boats at once, but that's okay. You take the bigger closet, of course. She's like, "No, it's not the bigger closet." It's the bigger closet. Frasier told me that. Did he? No, but I want to say that. Oh, really? No.

And then we get Domo and he's like, oh, I'm a massive flirt. I mean, these girls are just so hot. Oh, definitely got Peter Pan syndrome. Well, your genes don't. So get the fuck over it. Really? You're a decky who has Peter Pan syndrome. I never I've never seen this before. It's not like you're working on boats to get away from.

having actual real responsibilities on land. This is a breakthrough in terms of decky personas. Yeah, like it's great that your personality feels 20. Your face does not, okay? Get some sunblock and date an adult. Thank you.

Why does he look like he's from a 1990s Mountain Dew commercial? That's my question. He looks like an ex-sports person who's just never realized what, I don't know, snowboarding in the sun was going to do to him. It's like if Launchpad McQuack became an actual human, I thought it would be... He does have that vibe, yeah. So now Fraser goes to talk to the captain and he's like, oh, well, listen, I love my team. They seem brilliant. And by brilliant, I mean...

Idiots, morons, all of them. Selene has 22 days experience yachting in a shipyard. A shipyard. It turns out her primary responsibility was to bring espresso martinis from a bar on the dock onto boats and hand them to people and then walk off of them. Why is she on my team? Because, well, let's look at their amazing. So they look and they see that Rainbow has a lot of experience. So she's going to wind up being the second stew.

So then Kerry is checking on Lawrence. He's like, how's it going today? You know, the first day is going to be frantic and the next trip is going to be less frantic. And then the third trip, frantic again. Then the fourth trip, even worse. The fifth trip, surprisingly easy. Sixth trip, the worst thing you ever had in your life. Seventh trip, you'll want to jump off the boat. And Lawrence is like, oh God.

I'm fine. Everything's going to be fine. Psalm 19. All right, save it, save it. So Fraser is telling Selene to do toilets and then cabins. And he's like, toilets should take no more than 10 minutes. I don't want you cleaning one longer than you're sitting in one. Do you understand?

She's like, okay. And then Barbara's like, well, what do you want? What are we going to do now? She's like, well, I have to do three toilets, so I don't finish one. And the fresher said 10 minutes. And then it's 10 minutes and I don't start, so I'm taking too long for the toilets. And I go, do I have to clean the poop out of the toilets too? Even the poop too? Do I have to do everything in the toilets for 10 minutes?

And she's like, oh, just get the rags. Just because you bring everything with you. And she goes, oh my god, I don't know where the product. Where's the product? Why? Why is it? She's like, it's here in the cabinet. And you need this to clean the inside of the toilet. Do you know you have to brush, right? And she goes,

Oh, really? In 10 minutes? It's already finished. I don't start. 10 minutes is over. Where's the toilet? Nothing happened in the toilet. But if you don't stop talking, I cannot explain. And then you take even longer. You have to stop talking. I am not a children. But what about the mirror? Did you do the mirror?

Oh, no. Okay, well, of course it's into the mirror. Okay, brush for the toilet, rag for the mirror. Okay? Oh, no. Okay, but I clean it with the toilet cleaner, no? In the mirror, I clean the toilet cleaner. Is it vinegar?

- Use the vinegar. Use the vinegar. - Vinegar, no, this is not for clean, no. - No, alcohol and vinegar are not the same thing. Vinegar is vinegar, alcohol is alcohol. - No, they are the same. Vinegar is in the kitchen by the olive oil. - No, that is not the same vinegar. This is bathroom vinegar. Not the same one. - You're lying. - No, that's, okay. - You're lying to me. - That's peanut butter. Peanut butter is not for mirror. Peanut butter not for mirror. - Bisou! Bisou! - She's literally looking. She's like, vinegar next to olive oil?

Oh my God. She tells us, she's like, I have a lot of pressure inside. Like, I'm not stupid. I'm just new. I try to be the best sponge I can be, but I'm over every water everywhere in my sponge. The sponge is water everywhere. Too much water in the sponge can't absorb more? Yeah.

Oh, gosh. I was dying laughing. That was so fucking good. So, Akio is complimenting Jess because she's a manager and she seems to be great. So she's going to be lead deckhand. So she's like, means a lot to me.

And then Fraser is meeting with Carrie again. And they're talking about how, you know, the guests arrive. Yeah, we need somebody to like be with the guests because it's going to that we want them to see a stew. Who's going to be best at that? He's like, Celine, she's a moron. But she'll probably give people lap dances and make them laugh. So let's go with her.

My only concern is she might serve them glasses of vinegar instead of champagne. But we'll just keep an eye on it. She's just learned what vinegar does, and she's adorable. Unfortunately, she was trying to clean the mirrors in the bathroom with red wine vinegar, and I had to correct her. But, you know, she'll get there.

So then he meets with the girls and he basically makes Rainbow second stew. And Rainbow is so excited. She's like, I mean, obviously you can't be like, woohoo, let's go. Like, yes, like, yes, you know, like, woohoo, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But like, really, I'm like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I'm like, really? Because you didn't really hide your excitement for too well when you were sitting there. So she's going to be the main lady. And then Kerry is going around doing his anal checking thing with people, which is so funny. He's like, all right, let's walk around and do checks, Fraser. All right, let's see here. First impressions. Can't have the boat looking like a dog's breakfast. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Lift that towel. Move that sink. Darn.

dim the lights move that rug over why is the toilet paper not folded into a swan flying over a river can someone get that bottle of balsamic out of the bathroom why does this mirror have lipstick on it that says i'm not children then it says bizu on the next mirror so confused

So, um, Carrie then goes off within the tender with Celine and they meet with the guests and the guests have, there's like, there's like two children who are actually seem, they seem like perfectly fine children. It's shocking, but like two lovely children. And so then it's like, I don't understand baby people. They can be so cute, but not too close for me. And then you see her like meeting the child and she's like sticking out her hand, like, Oh, nice to meet you. We always been to go for a hand.

So now they get the tour. They come to the boat. They get the tour. And the dad's like, oh, my lights are in my bag. Specifically check the bathrooms, honey. Did you bring Clorox? We've got to clean this disgusting boat with normal people.

He's doing a sweep. Like he's literally preparing it for the president of a nation. So, uh, Fraser is like, listen, this boat has seen some pretty disgusting scenes. So let's just hope and pray he doesn't find anything too gross. I'm like, so Lane was cleaning this room. I guarantee you he'll find something gross. I do not believe she was comprehensive. It's like, wait a minute. I was expecting germs, but not a ham sandwich. That's a little weird. Oh, that you found my sponge. Yeah.

So we get to see it. And the daughter is like, oh, dad, we need to get out our black lights. And he goes, yeah, where's the black light? She goes, mine's in my bathroom bag. And he's like, grab the black lights, honey. We need it. So now everybody's. Generational black light trauma. First, I thought it was just going to be the dad with the black light. But he's actually trained his children to go everywhere with the black light, too. This is terrible. These people need to be stopped.

And look, I know that, you know, we stay in a lot of hotels. I don't think there's anything wrong with going in with a few Clorox wipes from your bag and just kind of making sure, you know, you guys stay safe or whatever. But there is something about making it your whole personality. Like everybody besides me is disgusting. So let's fix this before I enter.

It's just, yeah. Sometimes you got to take on some germs too. You know, sometimes it's going to toughen up your system, you know? Yeah. One day I'd like to show people like this, how they were made. Okay, sir. This is a pile of spooge. Okay. That was you. Be quiet. That was you. That was you. Well, I hope they're wearing masks on an airplane because you know, these people probably aren't, they're going to make everything clean, everyone, everything else. And then they're not going to wear a mask on an airplane when they're the ones probably spreading all the germs in the first place.

Okay, so then we go to fun snacks, fun snacks, and they're like, wow, if it's snacks like this, let's do dinner at 630. Gosh. So I would have been, by the way, I would have been so mad because it was like little canapes. And, you know, like this, the daughter is like, oh, my God, I'm going to be so full. We don't have to have lunch. We could just have dinner. And I'm like,

Don't take away my meal. Don't take away lunch because you had three canapes and you're like deranged. No, I would have been furious. Yeah, we paid money for this with your GLP-1 ass. Get out of here. You don't sleep with me.

Yeah, don't speak for me. I want my lunch, okay? Yeah, and I'm on a GLP one, and I still want my goddamn lunch. I should have the right to sit there and ignore it with everybody else. There are those people, though, who will just make a call for everyone and be like, this will be enough for me. We don't need to have lunch. I'm like, give me a sandwich. Yeah, she's a blacklight person. That's what they do.

So now we are introduced to the chef that he's introduced to them and he's like, hello, so you won't eat lunch or dinner? And she's like, I won't eat lunch. He's like, okay. God damn it. Well, these are smoked salmon bellinis, some fruit platters, some harissa spiced pita tart, and here we've got sea bream with Virgin Mary foam. I just had to get the Virgin Mary in there because I'm very Christian. No, really. Yeah.

He's like, if you arrange these canapes just right, it's going to look like Jesus being born in a manger. You're saying we have to eat something in a barn? Oh my God, get the black lights. Get the black lights. I've made you dinner tonight with parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Frankincense and myrrh. I'm sorry, can I ask you a question? What the fuck is Virgin Mary foam?

I'm assuming it's like basically tomato, tomato juice and like horseradish and was this year that was foamed up and added onto something. It's like probably like an actual, like, like bloody Mary, but Virgin Mary, but turned into a phone. It sounds like it's not like a bloody Mary Virgin. Yeah. Virgin Mary foam sounds like it's something that might be like green and whatever, but I think it's probably like Virgin Mary that he foamed up. Cause he's a very modern chef who loves trans from 2005. Yeah.

So tomato juice, he's calling the version. Foamy tomato juice. Blacklight goes, oh, gross. All right. Thank you, chef. The fuck is wrong with you? This man is so fucking rude. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of...

Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery+. Get started with your free trial at wondery.com slash plus.

Every successful business starts with an idea. And on The Best Idea Yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments. Like how a bored barista invented the Frappuccino during his downtime, and then it got acquired by Starbucks. Or how Patagonia's iconic fleece was inspired by a toilet seat cover. On The Best Idea Yet, we dive into the untold origin stories behind the products you're obsessed with.

and the bold risk takers made them go viral. These are the wild ideas and insights that made Birkenstock the best selling sandal since Jesus and made Super Mario the most played video game in the history of attention span. Nintendo almost became a ramen company until Super Mario saved it. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor. So back to downstairs. So Elena's like, can I watch Blue Stuff? No, not now. Cruise stuff is never priority. Okay. Are you mad at me? No, I'm not mad. You just never worked on the boat. I'm telling you because I have to. Okay, let me show you something. You were the last person to use this, no? Of course.

- Of course! - But you need to put it back. And let me be honest, you're giving me a lot of attitude and that is not nice. - Well, because you say, "Come here, come here, come here," and then you scream at me because I don't come and scream at you. Like, I don't scream at you. You say, "Come here," and I come here, but it's like you're saying it in a mean way. - But you have to come when I tell you, you know? And then you don't come, so then you wonder why I scream. - Maybe some Brazilian people don't say, "Please." Maybe you don't say, "Please," because you're Brazilian, but then French people say, "Please." - Oh, really? Oh, because I'm Brazilian? - We say, "Please," and then you say, "Cheese platter." - Oh, okay. - Whereas you're "Brie." Well, I don't say any "Brie."

I loved what she said that I was dying. She's like, oh, really? Maybe Brazilian people don't say please then. Maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe it's how you do it. That's fine. That's a different culture. Don't bring croissants. You don't say please. You rude people. But that's okay. Different culture.

Well, guys, I don't know if you've heard this, but black lights are necessary. Where are the black lights? So the dad and his awful minion child are looking for their black lights and can't find it. And guess what? They're in their luggage and the luggage is not on the boat. It's not here. No one thought to actually get the luggage, which would be a decky thing to do. So Fraser's like...

like, so do you have an ETA on that luggage? Cause I don't think it's on board. So Fraser does what Fraser does, which is that he walks into Carrie's office and instead of, you know, Fraser going to KO and be like, you need to get the luggage. He goes to Carrie and he's like, so,

So the luggage, do we know when that's showing up? Because it's not anywhere and I don't know where it is, but maybe someone should be in trouble because of it. I don't know. Just putting it out there. Well, this is tricky because at first I just thought, well, the Deckys are idiots, but they took, they went and picked the cap.

The captain went over with Fraser to pick up the guests, right? Isn't that how this happened? And then they brought over the guests, but they didn't bring the luggage. So wouldn't this kind of be the captain's fault for not arranging a... That's what I thought at first, but then I think that what they would do is they would bring the guests over and then send the boat

back to get the luggage because you don't want to wait, have the guests wait while they put all the luggage in. So if you get the guests. Right, but if you tell the people like, all right, we've got the guests, go back and get that luggage. And also you don't want to leave the luggage just sitting on the dock either. So I would imagine you would have to have another boat coming over with the tender to get the guests, right?

And who was the poor cameraman who had to be on luggage duty, the one who had to stand there with the camera and just film the luggage? I love the cameramen who are just in this world where they see shit happening and can't say anything. You know? Yeah. I love that. It's like on The Amazing Race. That always happened on The Amazing Race, you know, when they were, like, trying to find the clue box, they can't find it. So the cameraman's always like, you see them running off, the cameraman, like, pivots the camera over to, like, the clue box, like, it hits! Yeah. My favorite. Yeah.

So he's like, oh, God, no luggage, fucking wankers. So Fraser does his thing now to the deck team. He's like, quick question. Where's the luggage? Anybody know where luggage is? And Kyle just starts laughing and like, oh, no. So Kyle's going to get it now. Yeah.

Yeah, there's no luggage. And so then Selene is trying to process this. They lost the luggage? They lost the luggage? And it's so funny. She's cracking up. She's like, oh my God, that is so funny. Oh, who doesn't know vinegar now? Am I right?

So Kerry calls KO to the office, to the wheelhouse. He's like, oh, well, we didn't get their luggage and we need to think. Okay. Guests are on the boat. Where's their luggage? Okay. When I said it's going to be a chart of adventure, it's not for the luggage, for the guests. Okay. So go get the luggage. I can't think of everything and I can't help you guys get out as much as I can, but I'm there to help, but we need to get that luggage.

Yeah, and Kyle's like, "Oh, it's a fuck up, you know, but, uh, hair wipe, hair wipe, oh, there's just so much stuff happening, you know, and even though I have almost four years experience, it's my first time on 60 meter, it's a big boat, big boat, oh, I don't know, we don't breathe, we don't breathe on the boat." Yeah, it doesn't matter how big the boat is, you could be on a canoe, you left luggage on a dock, just unattended.

I have to say, now that I'm thinking about this the next day and my head's a little bit more clear, I think this is Kerry's fault. You were the one who took the tender over and picked up the gas and didn't send anybody over to get the luggage. I think maybe he thought, like, this is magic. It's a TV show where I guess he's going to get the gas, so maybe they'll bring the luggage over. I'm going to say, like, it would have been helpful for him to say something, but the bosun should have known automatically to get the luggage. Yeah.

So then Sam, I guess I'll put it this way. No one's coming off as extraordinarily confident at this point.

It's always a shit show in the beginning. So Sam, the blacklight guy is like, well, we can't do anything until we get our luggage. I mean, my wetsuit and everything is in the luggage. All right. Yeah. By the way, this guy who's a big germaphobe, he's going to plunge himself into like the waters where there's all sorts of bacteria. So enjoy that, sir. But of course, he's going to cover with a wetsuit because even the water is too gross for him.

- Hmm, hmm. - Wet suit shaming, I like it. - Wet suit shaming. For simple swimming, yeah. For simple swimming, yeah. - Oh, that's true. For simple swimming, wearing a wet suit is kind of- - Yeah, I mean, if you're going diving or something, but he's probably gonna go get in the hot tub and be like, "Oh, disgusting." - With like a snorkel mask on. - Yeah. - So, well, your bags are, I'm just waiting to hear when they'll be there. Someone's going to grab them. Apparently it's someone who has finger syphilis who's gonna get his hands all over your bag. So sorry I have to tell you that.

We sent our sniffliest person over there. Your luggage can be carried by hands covered in snot, right? There's not going to be anything. Does your luggage, is it affected by tuberculosis? If someone happens to cough on it? We've got our favourite stew, bubonic plague, going to pick up your luggage.

You know, we understand that yachts are often displays of conspicuous consumption, but in this case, there's actual consumption that will be displayed. So I hope you're prepared for that on your luggage. This is funny too. Fraser passes Rainbow and he goes, all right, I'm going to have you start on the tables. Now look into the deco closet and see what you can find for Pan-Asian Fusion Japanese Evening. Thank you.

See what sort of stereotypical decor you could find that represents Japan. Go ahead. Chopsticks, ding-dings, little clingies on the finger. I don't care. Just whatever it is. All right. Fried rice. I don't care. Fortune cookie. Have it on there. Mahjong. I don't know. Just get something from the closet. Can we arrange some ramekins that look like the Great Wall of China or something like that? Yes.

It just sounded so funny to me. Like it's not a specific thing. Just whatever. Whatever you find. Whatever. Okay. You know what? I have a pad in my room. Could you get that and a necktie? We could put it out there and be like, pad tie. You know, something kind of Asian-ish. Japanese.

Okay, so the luggage has arrived on board and so Sam can start blacklight searching. He does the room. Now, this is really impressive. He does the room and there's no problem except for the little side switches on the nightstand, which I think is like a fair place to kind of miss. I mean, the fact that they sent in this chick to do it and it ended up being that clean, I think is impressive.

But you know what's less impressive? If you're someone who is doing the blacklight thing, you probably are also someone who carries the wipes. Yeah, because he said, get me the Clorox. Remember, he was like, get me the Clorox. We need our Clorox. Right. But then I think he still has them clean clean.

Clean it regardless, you know? So like, he's like, I have the Clorox, but I don't want to actually do the wiping myself. So here you do the wiping. Yeah. He's like Fraser, Fraser, the light switches on the desk are disgusting. They are disgusting. Fix this. And he's like, all right, it's not bad actually. Cheers to us.

So then Kerry's talking to Lawrence. He's like, so you're in the groove, man. He's like, yeah, I'm good. He's like, all right. Well, if you're good at what you do, you'll push through. So just get through this one, you know, and just know that the implication is that if you're bad, if you can't get through this, then you're bad at what you do. So just want to put that out there. He's like, yeah, well,

I just don't want to be complaining, you know? It's like, oh, well, you're British, mate. It's part of the territory. You just got all seed. And Loras does not laugh at all at that. He's like, that was supposed to be a joke. Got it. All right. Well, you know, I have anxiety, but, you know, I want to do what I need to do. I'll just do the best of my abilities, get through this crypt, putting this in the Lord's hands. Lord!

Don't that Lord is a shit-sue chef, I'll tell you that much. God damn it. Jesus Christ, what can't you do better at organizing provisions? I'm ironic to God. The Lord's like, hey, so I actually can't be there to help you, but I'm going to keep tabs on you. So I'm going to send some camera people just to film you and I can just check the footage later. Yeah. Jesus is like, I created the cameramen that are now giving me the entertainment of watching you break down. Might want to check into Buddhism.

The Lord did that. See, that's why I always think of Whitney Rose. I always think of all the things that he's complaining about. He's like, I just need to, I just need to, I just need to remember Jesus because all these terrible things. I'm like, you know what? The terrible things. The Lord did that. So then Kyle is trying to sneak in a cigarette. And so, and Kay, I was joining him. And then now Fraser has welcomed everyone to a pan Asian fusion, Japanese on life.

So Japanese tasting menu, but for some reason, it's Pan-Asian. And Sam's like, wonderful. And Fraser, if I could just remind the chef, please, please, please,

destroy the meat. Take the very good quality meat and cook it on as high temperature as possible. You don't need to say another thing. The meat, we've all heard it. Don't want it bloody. Want it black, cooked through, got it exactly blacklight, man. Exactly. I want you to look at your steak and say, that's a blacklight steak. Alright?

We want that steak to feel like it could have a garden and be two women. Two women who've seen time pass them by. Grey. Grey, grey steak.

- The least Pan-Asian thing I've ever heard, by the way. But all right, we'll do it. Do it for you. - If you're a chef with anxiety, I would love to get this order. 'Cause it's one less thing to worry about is making sure that the primary steak is cooked properly. You just put it in the oven and just let it go. And you could do everything else and you come back to it, it comes back a shriveled little piece of meat and this guy will be thrilled.

Yeah, and I love the little girls because they get chicken tenders and fries and it's presented like it's a very fancy meal. It's like chicken tenders and fries. I know, but the font. As someone goes, wow, you sure have a lot of catch. And she goes, wow, I sure have a lot of French fries. Stupid. Brat. Like those fucking moron adult. Yeah. What do you think? Because I got a plate of fries here. Moron. Stick to the adults table you belong, idiot.

So downstairs, Celine is working on the cabins and she touches an iron. And she goes, oh, it's hot. He burned me. She goes, of course it's hot. It's an iron. She's like, ow, you are mean to me.

- So, Kerry's telling Fraser that the energy is getting better in the galley, which is good, but little does he realize the energy is actually going the exact opposite direction. - It's not going better at all. So now we find out that the steaks suck, right? They are not, they are pink.

And so Sam's like, I'm sending these back. And so he sends his back. But then everyone else is like, yeah, and it's kind of cold, too. He's like, we will not have this, Sam. I mean, Fraser, universally, the steaks are cold. Universally. Even the steaks on the next boat over are cold. Your chef is so goddamn incompetent. Get these out of here.

Hold on. I just saw everything everywhere all at once. Hello. I just want to check with your multiverse. Are your stakes cold too? Yep. Guess what? It's not just universal. It's multi-universal at this point. It's a problem. There's a new ride at the studios. What?

With cold pink bean, little children are being forced to ride. Universally cold, Fraser. Get these out. I don't know if you heard, but Epic Universe, Universal's Epic Universe just opened up, and their steaks are cold and tough. It's an epic universality about these steaks. It's out of control.

And it's tough. Meat tough. Get the fuck out of here, Fraser. So he takes them and he's like, Chef, I'm really sorry to do this to you, but the meats are cold. All right. So did they not have sternos back in 80? 80 began or...

By the way, I have to say, this guy has a lot of nerve complaining about tough steak while he's asking for his meat to be cooked burnt to a crisp. He's like, well, steak is tough. I don't want to hear that. Please get me black steak that is tender. Yes, please.

So now Lawrence is spiraling, of course. And then the guest goes, I mean, if I ordered a filet at a restaurant and you served me that, I would have sent it back. Yeah. Thank you for that theoretical situation. You also sent it back in this situation, too. I don't need it to be illustrated. It was it was bad. If you order a filet at a restaurant all the way black, well done. You will be kicked out of the restaurant. They won't serve any decent restaurant would be like, go just get out.

So Sam's like, just tell him to skip the steak. I don't even want to touch a steak. I'm disgusted. So these people just love making the other people at the table not eat things. Okay. They're very controlling people.

Yeah, because honestly, so the primaries was basically, it was medium. I would say it was medium well. It had a little bit of pink in it. It really was not that much. It was a little bit of pink. And honestly, he did request it to be well done, and it was not well done. And he had every right to send it back, not to satisfaction. Everyone else's stakes actually looked perfect.

And then all of a sudden, you know, it was one of those things where one person says, mine's cold. And then everyone else says, yeah, mine's cold too. And it's tough. I'm like, you know what? For some reason, I don't believe that they were actually cold or tough. I think that they're just picky people. And now all of a sudden it's all being sent back. But I would have liked my steak. I would have liked second chance steak. Yeah, me too. I'll eat anything. I'll try all your steaks. Send them over. I don't even eat meat, but it's free. Send it on over here. Give me the steak.

So now Lawrence is mad because he's just finished plating the new steak. So Fraser's like, I'm terribly sorry, but they don't want the steak. He's like, oh, fuck's sake. So now the next is a teriyaki glazed chicken wing with onions and asparagus. By the way, Mr. Two Mushroom Star Restaurant, what are you doing serving the steak before the chicken? Steak is the grand finale of the progression. I thought that was a little weird too. Yeah. He's serving a chicken wing after the steak. But what do I know?

So they loved this. They absolutely loved this. Like, wow, a chicken wing with the actual bones removed. You know how germy bones are? This chef is fucking amazing. You put a tablecloth on my lap and get him out here to do a lap dance. Make sure it's a plastic tablecloth. I do not want to feel his skin. And then they get a tropical fruit salad with mango cream.

which, wow, I think that seems like a pretty simple dessert. So I don't know why this guy was really losing his mind over this. So then Lawrence is, he's just, but he is losing his mind. He's like, well, this day has been enough for me to be honest. And with those camera people coming in, I just want to tell them to fuck off. So, yeah.

Yeah. You're on TV. Here he goes. He's starting to lose it. So now people are like going to bed and he's slowly spitting out. He's like, I can't with the stove. I just can't. Please, please leave. Please leave the kitchen. Get out of here, cameraman. And so the cameraman's like, OK, geez. And then a producer comes in. It's like, what's going on, Lawrence? I'm fucking

Okay, but the cameras are here to film a show and everyone's just doing their job here. He's like, whoa.

He's losing it. And Carrie hears him and he's like, what's going on in there? And Fraser's like, not happy. And Lawrence is still like, you know what I mean? I mean, just so then I get told they want to make me succeed. Oh, bollocks, fucking bollocks. It's a lie. It's a lie. You people don't want me to succeed. You want me breaking down. Like, yeah, and you're doing it already. It usually takes a whole season to get someone to this point, sucker.

He's giving us great footage and he's like, "My head is so fucking far up my ass, I'm fucking furious, I just can't!" He's like, "Alright, mate." 'Cause Kerry comes in to intervene, he's like, "Mate, once you get this environment worked out, you're gonna shine!" He's like, "Oh, really? I just don't really know what to do. I'm shaking. That doesn't work. This keeps on breaking. Nothing fucking works. I can't do another title. I'm sorry!" To be continued. What a wuss. Now, I would be pissed off too if the stuff in there wasn't working, but...

Well, I think it was one of those induction burners because those can be really tricky because sometimes they're like, no, I just don't want to work anymore. It's not that they don't work. It's like they have to sense something. And then a lot of times they're like, failure. Sorry, not today. I have to use the microwave. Sorry about that. Yeah, it did look like that. But yeah, those things suck. You have to have everything in there, stainless steel or whatever. But yes, or stainless steel. Is that the pans that work with those? It's the steel. It's something I forget. Steel pans, right?

I was just using one last week, and it was being very annoying about this sort of stuff. Yeah. Anyway, that brings us to the end of Below Deck. I thought it was fantastic. I'm excited for the season. I hope they can keep it up. It was hilarious. Can't wait. Thanks, everyone, for being here. And tomorrow, we've got a whole lot more new shows. Next Gen New York City, The Valley, all the good stuff. Talk to you next time. Bye. Peace out.

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