#2884 Love Hotel S01E7 Part 1: Hurricane Storms
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One of the reasons we love watching Bravo shows is for the luxury. I mean, come on, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Most of the time I can just watch it for the shots of the gorgeous city and the houses. And let's not forget Lisa Barlow's $60,000 ring that she lost. Oh, heck yeah.

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Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and At Will Media, I'm Misha Brown and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of...

Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery+. Get started with your free trial at wondery.com slash plus.

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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Is, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Hi. Hi. What's going on with you, Ben? Not much. Just enjoying a lovely Tuesday here in Los Angeles. Um,

We have a big show on Thursday in Seattle that we're really excited about going back to the Neptune. Please join us for the season premiere of Real Housewives of Miami, which we'll be recapping there in Seattle. And then one week later, we are bringing our show to the Fonda Theater in Hollywood. I have to say, Ronnie, I drove by the Fonda Theater.

yesterday after my haircut and they already had watcher crappens up on the marquee. And it was honestly very surreal to see our podcasts right there on Hollywood Boulevard over those stars. I mean, that's so cool. I'm going to go take it really is. Yeah. I would have taken a picture, but I, um, I had to go to the bathroom. So I was, this is like my ongoing, but I had to keep going. I'm like, really like I have a lot of panic driving happening.

Anyway, the point is, come join us on Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles for a really special show. It's going to be a really big closeout to our Mounting Hysteria tour. That's going to be on June 19th. So just a little over a week away, we're going to recap The Valley. Because, of course, we'll recap an L.A. show in L.A. So tickets, if you want to get tickets, the links to our tickets are at WatchYourCrapins.com. Also...

Be sure to join us on Patreon, which of course is patreon.com slash watch where crap happens. We do crap is on demand where you can watch us. We're on, we're on it right now. So hi everyone. Um, and then those are exclusive on Patreon for a week and then they are free on YouTube. The videos. Also, we are doing, um,

daily with an asterisk daily love Island recaps daily as in any time we sit down to record here, our podcast, we're going to do a love Island recap. It's not seven days a week. We're not waking up on Saturday and doing it. So it's usually going to be like Monday through Thursday. Um, although this week we are traveling to Seattle, so I'll probably just be Monday through Wednesday, but either way, the point is love Island recaps are happening. They're fresh after the episode. So go check those out on Patrion.

That's all the exciting news. And today we are talking Love Hotel, which, wow, what a doozy of a show is so deranged. It is such a hilarious show. It is so nuts. It's nuts.

But I did have a moment where I was like, called it. Because I remember in the beginning of this, I said, Earl's too emotional for Shannon. You know, everybody's talking about how Shannon's too emotional for Earl. Earl's shown some emotional instability as well. And I'd like to say that poked its head through last night. Although, you know, maybe I'd want someone to call me if my house was in a hurricane or whatever. I'm not saying none of his points were right. But Earl's way too emotional of a guy to be with someone like Shannon. You can't have two hurricanes in the same spot.

guys. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it was a big emotional hurricane. Uh, who I think this is the first time we've seen a hurricane get in the way of a relationship on the real housewives. So I'm like really impressed. This, this show is really breaking new ground. Well, I liked that a hurricane took down a relationship of the storms. I know.

I know you would think that she'd be equipped for it since her last name is Storms, but no, no, no. So we start. They just get stormier. And seeing Shannon have a breakdown with those two gigantic curlers like Mickey Mouse ears in the middle of her head was amazing. Great work, guys. Great, great, great work. So how are they ever going to do this show without Shannon? Honestly, Shannon has kind of made this whole show. If you think about it, like every piece of drama has come from Shannon.

It's like the Shannon and Luann of it all. Like Ashley is fine. You know, it's sort of like, she's like fascinating to watch this like awful love triangle she's found herself in. And Giselle is just there for comic relief. But the Luann in her weird ass relationship in the corner, like weird, weird, weird relationship. Super weird. Yeah.

It's just weirder than you could imagine. And then Shannon on this- They're like that couple from SNL, the old SNLs, where they're like, hello, lava. Rachel Dratch and Will Ferrell sitting in a hot tub, like, hello, lava. Hitting on people in the hot tub. Exactly who they are. They're just so strange. And then you have Shannon just spiraling with a guy named Earl the Pearl. I mean, it's-

It is going to be really hard to replicate this for sure. All right. So let's go from the beginning. We start with Joel. Final decision right around the corner. And then we see a pause sign appear on the screen and rewind, rewind 66 hours until checkout.

Don't don't don't. Yeah. And it's with Phil and Phil's like, I mean, I'm 62 and you know what I mean? I don't have time to play games. I could see us being best friends. All of it. The king and queen of what I see. So the president's belly. Are you watching?

And then now 65 hours until checkout and Ashley sitting with Ralph and she's like, yeah, I've had a lady relationship in the past couple of years. She said, well, that should be discussed. I'm kind of over it. It was a phase of that was, that's another conversation. It wasn't come to daddy. 48 hours until checkout. So now everybody's in the main lounge and James is like, no one touched Leanne cause she's my girl. You can't touch her.

And Mitch is like, "Your handling of her is not the way I would handle a woman. My God, I would punch you." And the man's like, "Oh, wow. How rude. Violence. And yet it's over me. So kind of sexy. Ha ha." - 25 hours until checkout. Shannon's in her room with the giant curlers in her hair. - Shannon? Shannon, are you okay? Can we come in, Shannon? Shannon?

What happened? Last time I saw Shannon, she was dancing on tables. We were having a great time. And now here she is crying with two curlers in her hair. I know it's Earl related or the remote control broke again. I'm not really sure. Last time one of the AAAs was a little bit loose. She almost started the hotel on fire. Shannon, did you over microwave your salmon with cream cheese again? It exploded, didn't it? No.

It's my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. And now 72 hours until the final checkout. Back to Joel.

Hey, it's a very exciting day here at the Grand Veloce Boutique Hotel. Ladies, your gays and your gals have left us. Sadly, one gay was stuck behind, and that one was me. So sad. Oh, well, it's nice to hear what the bellhop is going through, but I'm not sure why he's keeping me from spending time with Earl the Pearl. Ha ha ha ha!

Um, can I stir a pot a little bit? Um, now this is, um, pre-Tears Shannon. As you can see, my hair is not curled yet. Um, can I just stir the pot? Uh, someone was walking to get in the elevator. Hold on, let me press my lips. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Shirtless. Ooh, ooh. With a very silly grim on his face. Pointing, pointing. It was James. It was James. Ha ha ha ha ha.

For a moment, I thought it might have been a risque waiter finally bringing me my spinach and artichoke dip, but no, it was not. It was just James sneaking out of Luann's bedroom. Oh, sexy. Luann and James sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, and not taking the proper precautions that you need to have if you're going to be in a tree, especially with all that pollen around. So really, I advise sitting on a bench next time and doing it indoors. Mm-mm.

Stop giving trees syphilis. That's what I say. So flashback to earlier this morning, we see James banging Luann. And so Joel's like, oh, Detective Shannon, do you know where he was coming from? She goes, well, I'm going to say that countess's room. He smelled like Benson and Hedges and was singing something very off key in two chords. I once fell on the hedges. Let's roll that clip for the 16th time. Right. Such a hilarious clip. Iconic, if you will.

Hey, here we go. That was a private thing. That was a private thing when you saw me in that room, everybody. I banged the wind. Don't tell anybody, all of you. It's my girlfriend right there. Babe, look around. Do you think anything is private around here? Come on. What? Is the bellhop insinuating that he's put up cameras to spy on us? Well, this is unacceptable at a resort. This is a luxury establishment and you have a bellhop spying on us? That's just unacceptable.

What is Shannon anyway? A peeping Tom? I don't need a peeping Tom. Oh, I'm saying Tom. I don't want to say Tom again. Please don't roll the clip. It's all about Tom. Everybody together. All right. Thank you. I didn't know this was a secret. I mean, even though I did say I was going to stir the pot, which inherently meant that I knew it was a secret. But I didn't know it was a secret because James has professed his love to Luann. Did David ever profess his love to me? No. Did John Jansen? No.

Did anyone ever profess their love for me? No. You're like Shannon Bedore, sent into an existential crisis by seeing James in a hallway. Well, Earl has left my room multiple times, and I guarantee you he has a big grin on his face. One thing he does not have on his face, the remnants of artichoke dip, sir.

Yes, he has a big grin on his face because he emerged from my room without there being any vegetables in sight. So can we get that artichoke dip, please? So Mark wants to say something. He's like, well, I find it personally difficult in this environment to show your emotions. There's a limit of protecting yourself and not being over the top. And I am the person dressed like a poo from Aladdin.

Saying this. I really can't stand those over-the-top people. I express my dissatisfaction. The more sleeveless I've become, the more dissatisfied I am with someone else. That's my rule of thumb. So I think my fashion speaks for itself today.

So then we see Mark two days ago talking to Luann, saying like, "He claimed you." And James like, "Hey, you're my girlfriend." And her saying, "No, I'm not, not yet." "Well, I feel like you're my girlfriend." "No, no, stop it. Stop following me. Keep following me. Why'd you stop following me? Keep following me."

Well, everyone, well, you know, gentlemen, this is your journey as well. Yes, sir. Basically, he's saying James is acting. That's what he's saying. Let me translate this to you in housewives speak, which is you are fake acting and doing this for the cameras. Ah.

And Joel's like, none of this is in the script and I'm not getting paid enough to care. So let's just move on. Okay. With Bowen Yang in about 10 minutes. So we wrap this up so I can talk with actually funny people. Extremely low energy zoom coming up. Just a very droll. I'm a very droll zoom coming up.

I really need to wrap this up because I'm trying to write Fire Island 2 and I've incorporated a character named Shannon Medour and I'm just not into this. It's really ruining the script.

So James is like, well, there's no more eliminations to your final date, and that's going to be lovely. Oh, no. Joel says there's no more eliminations. There's a lovely overnight date with the guy that you choose before you make your final decision. It's going to be like rotisserie chickens fucking in the case. So I can't wait for that.

Giselle's like, overnight? Duh! Oh, you're just going to throw someone in my bedroom? Don't you realize I have no interest in anyone here? I'm just here to make jokes and call out people for their bullshit. I'm not really intending to spend overnight with anyone. Yeah. So, of course, Ashley wants to spend time with Ralph and Wally, but there's only one of me. Never stopped you before. Go for it, Ashley. You can climb this hill, Ashley. I believe in you. Besides, Ralph will be asleep in five minutes.

Yeah, true. And you know, he's a snorer. So the producer is like, I will keep you up guilting you the rest of the night. So you're going to go to sleep before me? Like, you think you can just go to sleep before me? Like, what about me? I'm still awake. So you're just gonna like, are you just saying that I'm like so boring that you're just going to go to sleep? And like, I'm just going to sit here awake. And like, that's what you're going to do. Like, you bring me all the way up here to like, not even talk to me. Just going to go to sleep. Have some kooth. So then, um,

producer asked Giselle, who's a better cuddler, Phil or Theo in her mind? And she's like, I don't like to cuddle. Did your mouth just open?

What? What'd I say? Like, you know you're on a dating show, Giselle. So then Joel's like, okay, well, the journey does continue today. I have another great group date for you. So I'm actually too bored to even tell you what the group date is. So you just have fun. We haven't figured that out yet. Go to the parking lot. We've got some dollar store decorations coming out. You'll see there. They're like, okay, yeah. So this is a group date. And...

Theo doesn't like group dates. Which one's Theo? He's the doctor with the surprisingly good body. Yeah, he's like, my wife's a bitch. Or whatever, that guy. So then Giselle's like, Wally has stuck with Ashley from day one. I'm sure he's feeling like, why isn't it just me? They're trying to make Wally happen. Wally is not happening. She doesn't like Wally. I feel like in the real world, Wally has a lot of...

I feel like a lot of strong claims of like, I don't want to fight for you anymore. Like I've shown you that I'm interested. I want to fight for you. But you came onto a dating show where that this is the format. So like you can't reinvent the wheel here when you're already in the wheel. Okay. So you have to just like, just, you got to do the things to do. I've seen it happen before where it actually works out.

Because there was a girl on The Bachelor. Okay, Peter the pilot, who was also on Traitors, went on The Bachelor. And there was kind of an awkward, weird girl who didn't really belong there. And he kept picking her. And nobody really understood why. And then he's like, okay, I want you to come to this overnight thing. She's like, no, this is so weird. I don't want to have to date you and all these other people.

And he's like, okay. So he sent her home and people were like, whoa, that's cold. And then he ended up dating her after the bachelor. He dumped the one he picked and ended up dating her. It's happened a few times. I think with Ari's season, there was a girl who started crying and she was like, I don't want to do this. It hurts my feelings. And she left. And then he ended up dating her. I mean, it happens. It happens. I know. I understand that. I also do feel like this is one of those weird things where gender roles do play, play a role because like,

Like there's this idea of like men are supposed to pursue regardless. And like men are like basically just like cavemen and are just going to like fight for dominance. And I'm not saying that that's any of that is good or right, but like,

I kind of feel like that's why it feels weird to see the guy just being like, Oh, well, what about me? I mean, versus, um, like, I feel like we're like, we're, we've been trained or socialized to be okay with a woman doing that. But with the men, with, with a guy being like, well, I've already put myself out there and then stuff like he's totally right. But at the same time, I'm like, well,

You're on a dating show. Yeah, you're right. You're on a dating show and you should play the game. If it's a lady, I'm like, good for you. No, you're worse. But Sky, I'm like, come on. Buck up. Buck up and play the game. Whether that's right or wrong is a whole other issue. Well, and it's also not real, too. It's like you really think you have a shot with Ashley. You really did find people who don't watch his show. You know what I mean? They really found people who don't watch Housewives because Ashley...

We all know Ashley's type and it's not Wally. Okay. Ralph, Ralph, I believe it's not Wally and it's not wall B it's definitely wall Z. Yeah. You know, if she's got to be alone, she'll choose a, she'll choose a robot, but it's not going to be some guy giving her, you know, emotional shit like that the whole time. Yes. Oh, geez. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap. It's commercial.

Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop?

From Wondery and At Will Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of Catastrophe.

Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery+. Get started with your free trial at wondery.com slash plus.

Every successful business starts with an idea. And on The Best Idea Yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments. Like how a bored barista invented the Frappuccino during his downtime, and then it got acquired by Starbucks. Or how Patagonia's iconic fleece was inspired by a toilet seat cover. On The Best Idea Yet, we dive into the untold origin stories behind the products you're obsessed with.

and the bold risk-takers made them go viral. These are the wild ideas and insights that made Birkenstock the best-selling sandal since Jesus. And made Super Mario the most played video game in the history of attention spans. Yeah, Nintendo almost became a ramen company until Super Mario saved it. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow The Best Idea Yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast guests. You can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor.

So Ashley and Mark are talking and Mark is saying this over the top stuff is bullshit. I'm interested in switching courses. You know what? I decided I liked Giselle all of a sudden. And she's like, whoa, whoa, wow. So you feel the vibes of Giselle? And he's like,

And he's basically says, look, I let, I let Luann and James do their thing for a long time. I'm out. It's too much. Giselle hasn't settled. Giselle doesn't have anyone and she's pretty. So whatever. I'll go after Giselle. Yeah. He's like, you only live once. There's no 20 year olds to bang here. So I'll try Giselle next. And Ashley's like, yeah, he has zero chance, zero chance. So now Giselle and Theo are still talking. And, um,

Theo's pissed off at James, but she's like, have you all duked it out? You and Phil? Oh, no, Phil. They're talking about Phil because Theo wants her to. And she's like, well, you know, why don't you have the fight? Like, get away from her. No, you get away from her. No, I live in Bel-Air. I don't care. Where is Bel-Air? Then we'd have a Bel-Air fight.

He was like, nah, we don't have that sort of thing. I mean, I did ask him how things went last night. He said things went well, but yeah, we're not going to really fight over you. We're just going to be gentlemanly about it. She's like, I was hoping you guys would fight over me. Okay, well, I do know that you're a dessert guy. Yeah, I am a sweet guy and I love sweets. It goes both ways. What?

What? What does that mean? It goes both ways. When you're a dessert guy and you love sweets, it goes both ways. Because when you're a sweets guy, you love desserts. You want the dessert to want you back? I don't know what he's talking about there. So Theo says Giselle's his type. And she's like, yeah, I don't know about him.

He's a mystery. I'm not dating any of these people. You can move on to the next person. So there's something flying around. And she's like, is that a fly? And he's like, it's something. She's like, that's a real man. Okay. So then Wally is sitting with Shannon and Shannon's like, oh, how are you doing? How do you feel about Ashley? Why aren't you married to Ashley? Are you going to ask Ashley to marry her? I can't wait. I got a t-shirt coming in that says Ashley Wally. Don't wait.

He's like, well, I don't have an answer. You know, I stopped searching for the one. He says, you know, Ashley got the best selection, to be honest, between Ralph and me. And that's some cool, calm, collected gentlemen. So who does Ashley want to be with? I don't know. I can't gauge it.

So, by the way, the idea of like Wale confiding into Shannon Medor is like very funny to me. - Shannon loves Wale, it's hilarious. She's like, "Wale, I only care about Wale. Where's Wale sitting? Where is he sitting? Does Wale have his own paintbrush for this paint and sip? Please, respect Wale." - What about Wale and Shannon Medor? That would be kind of hot. - That would be kind of hot. - In a weird way, it's kind of, I feel like he would, he'd be like our little boy.

But he's younger and sexy, even though his personality could use some work. And I feel like she deserves a young, hot man. That would be kind of cool. I don't know. So they're having this paint and sip group date. And Phil's like, I'm sitting next to Shannon. I already know that. And she's like, oh, Phil, sit next to me, Phil. Get over here, Phil. And Ralph was like, am I a man without a country? Yeah.

Come to daddy country. So I love Joel and sips. The only thing I like when I paint and sip is a paint and sniff. Love isn't all only about the heart. It's also about the soul. Please paint things. So, uh, Lowell's like, Ralph, get over here. You always have the last in musical chairs. And he's like, I'm always the last one.

so Ashley is actually mad about that by the way there was an element of tone in her like Ralph you need to pull up if you're going to be playing musical chairs I'm sick of you coming in last okay it's called energy and dedication how's it happen who is the last one to sit down in musical chairs it's called listen to the beat when you're a real musician you do that okay okay we're going to start you off with the congos and we're going to see if that works I mean the bongos bongos in the congo okay here we go Ralph

She does that with all the men. It's really funny. She's like, stop it, James. Stop it right now. Respect my girlfriend. I'm mad. You know? Pull your pants up. You look ridiculous. Rob, this is the last time I want to see you come in last in musical chairs. Okay? I've trained you well. You should be at least mid-pack by now.

Alright, so they have this paint party and Isis is the paint lady. She's like, this is acrylic painting. It's your... The animal will be your guardian during your life. So choose an animal that speaks to your soul. Ralph, why is your animal asleep already? God, the first thing you painted was sleeping eyes. Okay, Ralph. Repeat after me. Okay, I'm going to sing a song. And when I stop singing, sit down. Money can't buy you.

That was not a stop. That was me trying to figure out the rest of the line. Stand up. It's going to be hard to get up now. Straight onto the floor. Ralph, when you sit down, you have to sit down in a chair. Come on. You can do this. Okay, so...

She's they have to paint spirit animals. So Ash is like, OK, who are all the other dragons? And Shannon's like, we want to take the other dragon. I'm keeping the dragon. Dragon, sit down. All right, Ralph. Last time I checked, the dragon beat you in musical chairs. It's unacceptable. All right. From the top.

So Ashley and Luann also picked dragon. So the producer's like, if you were to face off, whose dragon is winning? And Shannon's like, oh, Giselle. Giselle's dragon's going to win. Let's be honest. My dragon really just wants a decent appetizer and some clean towels. I was born in the year of the dragon, but it's a rare dragon. It's a dragon that only eats quinoa. It's a very healthy and holistic dragon. Hmm.

Ralph's like, why am I so into this? So then Ashley's like, I just love Ralph. I mean, look how he lights up painting his little chameleon. I could just see him hanging out with my kids, then falling asleep in one of my kids'

turning on a stove and possibly starting the house on fire. And I'd be like, oh, Ralph, did you fall asleep again? And then I'd shake him a little and say, Ralph, Ralph, Ralph. I'd throw water on him to come back. And I thought, Ralph. And he said, I was going towards the light. I said, Ralph, you're supposed to be babysitting. Where was I?

there was no indication that Ralph was lighting up any more than anyone else while he was painting his spirit animal. He's like, oh yeah, let's get that paint on the animal. I'm like, he's just painting. She's like, oh, look how he lights up. I'm like, you're projecting Ashley. He is dead in the eyes. So of course, James is all over Luann and is making Mark crazy. And James is like, give me the paint. Give me the paint. I want to paint Luann. She's like, you're making me nervous, James. And I like it.

I know. He has like paint on his face. He's like painted Luann. And like, what was so weird was like, this was not like face paint. This was like ceramic paint. And like Luann has like a little like,

like avatar, like dots and lines and things. And I don't know why they were the only two people that were doing this because it's not face paint. I feel like it's not healthy to put like ceramic paint on your face. I feel like it's like a bad thing to do. Right. So, but they're just like doing their own weird ass. I mean, like they're acting like a couple you would see on HBO real sex where you're like, oh yeah, this will be sexy. And it's just like, oh, it's creepy. Yeah. They're painting themselves and each other and getting all sexy with it and just laughing and everyone's staring at them. Like what the hell?

So Giselle's telling Mark to get over it and stop letting James bring her down. Then they talk about their kids. And she had to get one of the girls out of Florida because there was a hurricane coming. Dun, dun, dun. First we've heard of it this episode. And Mark is like, yeah, Earl the Pearl's nervous about that. He's got a house there. So she turns to Earl and she's like, are you nervous about the hurricane? This is the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to evacuate my daughter. Tell me about the hurricane. Are you going to cry? Yeah.

And he's like, well, I've been thinking about it all day and I'm getting alerts for Pinellas County where my house is. And I'm just very scared that a hurricane can knock over some sort of farm stand and vegetables could get into the house. I just don't want that to happen. So, you know, I haven't taped up the windows. A carrot could come flying right through into the living room. It'd be terrible. A carrot. And Giselle tells Shannon, wow, Earl the Pearl has two homes. Two homes, Shannon. And she's like, well, yes, he has a second home in St. Petersburg.

It's not on the water. This is their takeaway. There's a hurricane aiming towards his house and their takeaway is, ooh, he has a second house. Which is like a shitty one inland. No, not waterfront property. Well, that's great. I will look forward to seeing the views of more land.

Why would we call you Earl and the Pearl? Those are sea creatures. Earl the Squirrel. That's what Earl should be. Earl the Squirrel, living in a tree.

Do they have plenty of water towers where you live since you are so far from the coasts where you can get fresh water? Well, soft water. You know what I'm saying. All right. I want to bring everybody together for a brief moment to talk about something that fascinates me. Liza Minnelli and flip-flops. I have never... I mean, have some self-respect. Your sister is Lorna Luft, a cabaret legend.

It's just terrible. And so they're all laughing at her face makeup. And she goes, well, the story goes like this. Friends and I met in Tulum. Mexico, that is. Not Tulum, Idaho. And started the biggest fetish festival in the world. Or I should say, I met friends who then started that. I didn't meet them. And then we started it. The point is, there's a fetish festival. So fetishes, am I right? And so Giselle goes, oh, well, Luanna, what's your fetish? Well, my fetish is...

Much like Amy Grant. It's hats. And we see footage of her being like, here's this. Okay, here's one fedora. Here's one that's a slightly smaller fedora. This is called a French fedora. Are you watching, James? Pay attention to the hats. Do you have sex with hats on? I've never heard of a fetish with hats. Is that a thing? My fetish is calories. That really gets me going.

Just getting there towards the end zone and saying, how many calories in a bagel? And if you can't answer, boom, dead. I'm cold inside. I would say that my fetish are Quest nutrition bars. I just enjoy them so much. Oh, is it a sexual fetish? Oh, well, in that case, I think my sexual fetish is just wrapping myself in a sheet and closing my eyes. Sexually, though.

uh my fetish is dating the housewife okay well that is um that is that's called a fame monger darling that's a fame monger darling yeah that's not a good answer so um while it's like yeah with james you kind of have to take him in dosages and ralph was like i mean it's like shut the up already i'm over so shannon asks what ralph's fetish is because silence

Ooh, that's sexy. Silent sex. I love it. So they all laugh. And then Ashley is asking Mitch if he likes Luann. And he's like, oh yeah. Like she's unbelievable. Like she could do whatever the hell she wants. So attractive and cool. Even with all that crazy face makeup. But I've only had all five minutes. And she's like, well, you gotta go assert yourself. Okay, assert yourself. I can definitely do that in a very chill, calm way for the rest of the episode.

This guy, this guy came out of nowhere. He was like literally the guy sitting in the back of the bowling alley with the cigarette. He never bowls. Like what does that guy even doing here? And then suddenly he gets up and starts yelling at somebody. Who are you? So he's like, yeah, I'm a, uh, Ashley says you don't get good vibes. And he's like, I'm a psychotherapist girl. They're talking about James being crazy.

So Ashley's like, which might be onto something. You know, James is sweet and kind, but I mean, he's ready to pop the question right now. I mean, slow down, player. So Mark and Giselle are painting and he asked her for a talk. Oh my gosh. So he's like, so is it not true that you and I have only had one chance to talk? Now I know that

This might seem weird to you, but I found out you've got daughters in their 20s. So I just want you to know, I saw that you are a lady and you exist in this villa. So are you okay? What's happening over there? What are you seeing? Is it an animal?

Ronnie is looking at his window. Something has caught Ronnie's attention. - Two ladies talking in my driveway and I was like, "Who is that?" And I looked down there and they've both got caution, those yellow caution vests on. I don't know what they're doing. - It's a sign. It's a sign. James is coming. Caution. Caution, rake coming. Take this. Do something. Do something while you're talking in my driveway. Could use your rake. Here's a leaf blower.

So Mark is basically trying to bark up Giselle's tree, even though a second ago he was getting mad at James. It's like, listen, you need to create some buffer space before you get jealous over Luan Suter, before you decide you're going to pivot to Giselle. And on top of that, not only was he getting jealous about James, he was venting to Giselle about it. So now he's pivoting and saying, by the way, I'm interested in you. And she's like, no, you're focused on Luan. You got booted out and now you're back. And then you're focused on back to Luan as it should. And then it's like week three and you're like, oh, Giselle, let's chat because I'm sick of

Yeah. Yeah.

He goes, the end? She goes, the end. I love that. She's like, no, no. Because what he should have said was, you know, the truth was I came here, you know, I was into Luann, but I've sort of realized Luann like is not my style. And the more I've gotten to know you, I've realized that actually I had, there's someone here that I've completely turned a blind eye towards. And that was a total mistake on my part because the more I've gotten to know you, the more I realized that you're actually the one. He doesn't do any of that. He's just like, yeah.

I like you now. You got to be a little smoother about it, Mark. Yeah, he was not good. So he knows he fucked that one up. So he goes to get a drink. So now Phil comes to talk to Giselle and he's like, I don't want any guy to talk to you, but you know, we are at the Love Hotel. Things happen at the Love Hotel.

Yes, we are here. And Lord have mercy, we are here. I think I had a bad date last night with Cynthia. And I'm surprised you don't know Cynthia because she lives in Los Angeles. Oh, no, I do know her. Her and Mike have been to the house in Bel-Air. And she's like, um, did you tell her that? And it's like, no, no, I didn't tell her because she didn't recognize me. And I've only met her one time, I think. I know Mike. Mike. Very trustworthy man. I know Mike very well.

Just I was like, Cynthia Bailey has been to your home and you didn't mention that when you don't share information makes me feel like you're hiding something, which is lying. I actually also think this is weird. I get it. It's like, oh, she didn't remember me. I'm not going to even bother doing the whole name game thing. But I feel like Mark really picks and chooses the information he gives. And I think it would just drive me absolutely nuts. Not I don't know. I'm not even I'm sorry. Yeah, Phil, I'm not even sure that it's like.

even malicious, I just would go nuts being like, wait, why didn't you tell me that? It'd be that constantly.

Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. If anything, it makes him look kind of climberish because like you're a friend of Bravo people. Now you ended up on a Bravo show. Maybe that's why he didn't say it. Or maybe he's just like, I'm just one with the world. I know everybody. Cynthia has been to my home. I mean, Cynthia didn't even recognize him. So it's not like he's got something going on with Cynthia. You know, it also says something about Cynthia that she went to someone's home and then like didn't even remember like Cynthia.

I don't even remember the guy she went to. That's me. Hi. Nice to meet you. No memory. Wasn't that long ago. Smoked a lot of weed. So, meanwhile, James and Luann are looking at a flower. Do something funny, like you're being born from the flower, James. Yes, yes. All right, we're going to take a photo of you, James. He's like, ah, say cheese. Yes, that's the photo, James.

So now Earl and Shannon are talking about her feelings over her kids leaving. And she's like, oh, well, I'm good. I'm going to see him in two weeks. And I'll find my friends every moment of the day. I click it. I make their watches beep. Just say, lost. Lost her phone. Lost her phone. Beep, beep, beep. Mom, why are you making my phone? Call me back.

Lost my daughter. Thank you, Steve Jobs. How are you, Earl? And he's like, I'm a little down tonight, but I've been getting calls all day. Everyone's shitting bricks pretty much. Oh, well, I have actually a colonic you can use. It wasn't on the shelves for very long, but it should last. I mean, it's wet. It goes up your butt. Things come out. So...

I have a question, Earl. Why do you want to have a house there if there's so much possibility of damage? You know what? I take that back because people ask me that, the same question, except it was phrased as, why do you want to marry that man when there's such a possibility of damage? So I guess I understand. I was going to say, it's like anybody who dates you could be asked the same question. Like you're dating Shannon, you know you're going to be damaged by the end. Yeah.

Chad knows a thing or two about damage potential. So, headline, Helene rumbles into Georgia as dangerous category one hurricane after slamming Florida. Earl, who is Helene? Why have you not been open to me, Helene?

So he's like, well, you know, we never took a direct hit in Pinellas County, victim blamer. Jeez. He's like, oh, you haven't? Oh, well, then I take it back. Pinellas County, never been hit. Why would you be worried? And he's like, well, I mean, Pinellas County, which, as we all know, is in Texas, Georgia, Florida. Where is that again? Where in the lake is Pinellas County? Where?

- Is Pinellas County, that's the, I wasn't sure if that was Lawrenceville County or is Tampa County, but it says Tampa County. - Well, you know, the last two years it was coming for me and then it went right. Well, it might change. It might just go left or right, backwards, forwards. So many directions, up, down, so many directions. Reverse circle. - I'm sorry. I come from the land of earthquakes. I'm really not sure how to do hurricane toxic positivity. Just, I'll just say,

You're doing great and find a door frame. Does that work for hurricanes? No. But also it kind of cracked me up when Shannon's like, wow, why wouldn't you? Why would you live somewhere so dangerous, Earl? You moron. You live in California. I know. What are you talking about? We literally are in fear of death every day here and we just keep going on. Let's build another home goods.

She doesn't really know what to say. So she's like, well, I have a feeling you're going to be a-okay, Earl. They don't call you Earl the Pearl for nothing. Pearls go through a lot. They have to live inside an oyster shell for most of their lives before they get spat out and rejected. Much like me and my relationships just thrown out even though I myself am a precious little item. But that's fine. Just shoot me out while you go and walk on the beach with your slutty oyster friend. I'm sorry. What were you saying, Earl?

Well, you know, you're right. It could go anyway. And that's one of the things I'm crazy about with you. The way you care. The way you care. Oh, I sure do. Forgot what we were talking about, but I'll be right back after I get a Diet Coke with tequila in it. Excuse me.

Do you want something? You were saying something. You were concerned about hurricanes. I can tell you that they go down very easily, and they're not. They really don't have as much alcohol content as you think, so don't be afraid of the hurricanes. They're so good, they even have a glass paint after them. So. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

So, uh, Phil, how are you feeling? And Phil's like, well, I'm feeling good, you know. I've been hurt a few times, like the one time a GPS took me out of Bel-Air. That hurt. But I got home. It was okay. Yes, well, we've all been hurt, Phil. I know, but for me, I'm 63. So I don't have much time left to get hurt again. Look, I'm speaking like you, Giselle.

I don't have time to play games and hide myself. I can see us being friends. I can see us being lovers. I can see us picking up trash in Bel-Air and wondering who left this trash? Who would do it? Running DNA tests on the trash to see if anybody left skin cells so we could take it to the HOA and bring them down. How dare you mess with Bel-Air?

Friends and lovers, ah, this is new. Phil doesn't talk like this. Where has this guy been? I'm happy that he's finally expressing himself. But is it because we are coming to the end of the Love Hotel or do you really love Giselle's dirty drawers? Which one is it? I think typical Giselle fashion. She speaks in third person. She goes, Giselle has to make a decision. He's like, yes, Giselle does.

So Wale and Ashley are going to have a conversation and he's like, I grew up in a tough neighborhood. And she's like, you did? In Rhode Island? Are there tough neighborhoods in Rhode Island? Yeah, there are tough neighborhoods everywhere. Oh, I didn't know. I mean, educate me. I mean, in my household, it was super loving. So there was always confidence in me from my mother because my mother is big on words of affirmation. Like, I never went a day without being told, like, I'm smarter, handsomer, I love you. So, you know, if you hear that all the time, like, even if it's not true, you're going to believe it. You know, big

things do you know and that's what i always do with my niece too i'm always like trying to compliment her and make her feel good like i'm a real family man there's like so beautiful wally the situation with like their father like my children their father like it didn't work out like while i was saying this he just got like a thousand more points unfortunately ralph just got 10 000 more points because he snorted out on ceramics

He's like, I believe the words matter. She's like, they do. I gotta poop. Be right back. And he's like, oh, wait a minute. He's like, well, but can I kiss you one more time in case you disappear? Because you know what happens when you go to the bathroom. That's all I'm saying. She's like, how dare you? How dare you? How dare? I just mean, you'll never come back. Oh, that. Um, well, that's not true. He's like, it is true.

Okay, well, touche, touche. But you know what? My poop's not staying in there, so. So they do kiss. And now, 65 hours until checkout, and Luanne and James are laying on pool chairs, and they're all intertwined. Come here, James. You know, the great thing about us is that both of us sometimes get real busy in our worlds. Yeah, you're in Maui. I mean, how's that going to work out? Do they even have cabarets in Maui? I don't think so.

Well, I'm busy, but it's going to work, Luann. Don't you worry. She says, you need a private plane. He goes, I got a pee-pee right here, honey.

That was funny. I'm going to use that in my bit. Wow. I really like pee-pees. You know, I don't know what a long-distance relationship would look like with James, but we have incredible chemistry together. He cares about me so much. Yeah, when we leave this hotel, our relationship is going to get even better. Yeah. It's not that I don't trust James. It's just how hard it is on a relationship because I've been through it all. I've been to prison. I've

I've been traveling. I've been to Maui sometimes. I don't know if I can do it. We'll manifest all the dreams we ever had. Me, you, my pee-pee, my face makeup. It's going to be great. She's like, all right.

Let's see number one. Right now, I want to manifest a kiss. Give me a kiss, wife of mine. All right. That's crazy. I want to see inside your bedroom at all times. That's why I haven't installed cameras in there. That is disgusting and so attractive. Make out with me, you beast. Please let me know what my angles are so I can adjust the lighting appropriately.

So Theo and Giselle are talking and Theo's like, it's like, so have you ever done modeling? I have modeled, but I'm actually too short to model. Oh, but what about print modeling or something sad and pathetic like that? Well,

I suppose I could do print the way you say it. Well, I'm not a model, but I did do some runway years ago. So guess what? You just got Theo because me asking you about modeling. Really? I didn't care. I just want to tell you that I once walked on a runway. So yeah, it was great. I loved it. You know, you just walk down and then you walk back up again. It was a, it was a fine establishment called the Brownstone. Have you ever heard of it? The brand was called posh.

And Theo's like, yeah, I had the whole walk down and everything. And so he was an ex Ford model. Wow. And then we see. No, he wasn't. Theo or Phil? Theo just did like a show. But then Giselle's like, well, I could definitely see Theo on a runway. And the producer goes, well, you know that Phil is an ex Ford model. And Giselle's like, what? And we see photos of Phil walking.

- Like modeling and like doing runway work. - And recently, yeah, like fairly recently. And he's like, "Oh yes, I've worked at the Ford modeling agency. I've been with them for about 40 years. It's very enjoyable. What can I say? I'm a man of many talents. One of them is doing this."

Just like, wait, why am I just finding this out now and not even from him? She's like, you know, you've made me feel like, I don't know what it is. There's something about dude. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is, Theo. And I was like, well, I've got no problem with self-confidence. I see that. Oh, Giselle, just finding reasons to pull away. Yeah. I don't mind, Theo. To be honest, I really don't mind, Theo. Theo hasn't done anything that's actually rubbed me the wrong way. I don't like Theo because of his very first... Oh, God, I'm trying to readjust my mic arm.

Because of his... Am I turning it the wrong way? It's Lefty Lucy, right? God damn it. But I never know which... Oh, jeez. Oh, no. Now I lost it. I guess we could have seen that one coming. I don't like him because in the very beginning, he was like... He said something like, my ex... Oh, yeah, my ex-wife. Something like, my ex-wife is a bitch. And I'm like, what is that?

kind of first impression like yeah it's he also he gave me the creeps and he's he's also the one who's like yeah women just want me because i'm a doctor they want me for all my money i'm like oh please yeah we probably should be wary of him having such a good body like he should not have as good of a body as he does and so that means he probably likes to go out and play the field let's be honest

So Ashley is now talking to Ralph. She's like, so were you uncomfortable? I mean, were you comfortable talking about your fetishes or was that like, it was just a setting. And he's like, Oh,

Not in that particular environment. No, I didn't really want to talk about it there. She's like, oh, okay. Well, um, for my, for my, you know, for my few 30, 36 years, 36 years, I lived quite a bit of a life and I had a lady relationship the last couple of years. So what do you think about that? He's like, well, if it's something part of who you are, it should be discussed. And if, uh, if it's just like, well, I'm just kind of over, it's just like a phase and that's a whole other conversation. Oh,

It's not a phase, Ralph. I mean, this is supposed to be turning you on. Okay. He's like, no, gay people are terrifying. It's like, well, I'm just going to go where my feelings take me. And he's like, well, she goes, well, yeah, why don't I just, I mean, if you were a female and I was interested in Rachel versus Ralph and he's like, I don't want a female name. Thank you. Okay.

extremely heteronormative so anything we can do to stay on that on that path would be uh great please don't damage my self-image so then ralph was like my relationship i see ashley dating an older man obviously because we have seen it she was married she's dating ralph now but i don't see her dating an older woman i see her as like a hot girl bye don't you

- Yeah, she's not, no. - She's not gonna go date Cherry Jones next. - No. - You know what I mean? - She's not going for Holland Taylor. - And I just point that out 'cause she's like, "Well, if you were a female Ralph, "you would not date female Ralph, cut it out." - Yeah, nope. So she's just talking about how she really likes monogamy now and blah, blah, blah. And Ralph is like, "I don't judge, "and I appreciate that she's open like that, "and not scared whatsoever.

Are you going to make me wear a dress? Please don't make me do this. I think you do judge because people who don't judge don't say, I don't judge. Like the fact that you're even saying judge means that there's something there to judge. There's not really anything there to judge. She dates whoever she wants when she's not with you. It doesn't.

You were a little bit too testy about don't give me a female name to make me feel like you don't judge. Like that's, why are you threatened by her saying if your name was Rachel? - Usually I don't judge is followed by something like, just keep it to yourself. Or like, I don't judge, but I don't need to hear about it. You know, it's giving me, it's giving me creepo vibes with that one. - Well, I've been trying hard to not like fall for you completely and it scares the shit out of me.

I'm just so terrified. Yeah. So Mitch is getting some one-on-one time with Luann finally. So he's like, so what kind of man do you want to come home to? What do you need? What do I need? I mean, is it money looks power that will get most people into bad relationships? Well,

Well, what I look for, honestly, money looks in power. Wait a second. What are you trying to say? Mitch, don't judge me. And he's like, well, I got to tell you about James. That guy, he doesn't treat you with respect. And I can't believe you take it. She's like, well, it's obvious that James and I would get along. We like each other a lot. And how dare you? And guess what? He just got me a drink at the bar yesterday.

Goodbye. Yeah, because Luann immediately was like, red flags, what? And she starts looking around nervously like, how the hell do I get out of this conversation with this strange man from Survivor? I don't like this anymore. So she basically escapes. Yeah, that was a wrong move on his part. I mean, if you're going to come on to Luann, be like, listen, that guy's a weirdo. Come with me. Or not even say that. Just be like, you know, I think you've been spending so much time with James, you haven't realized there's other options right in front of you or something. But to go just like...

you know uh tattletale on the guy or like try and get the guy in trouble as a wuss move he was too much in his psychotherapist role because him saying to her uh little money power and whatever will get a lot of people to trouble it's almost like he's passing judgment on her choices and she's immediately turned off he should just been like i know you and james have a connection but

you know i i think i don't know what he would have said but pretty much any anything other than what he said it was really a big thing it was really bad and besides you know what money and power may get me into trouble but guess what what else it gets me into money and power she's like stop trying to rewrite my song i know all the lessons it's called money can't buy your class okay learn my catalog before you sit down with me yeah

So now she goes to find James and she pretends that she's getting a drink, but she's not. She's just like, get me out of here. Get me out of here. And so then James comes down and he's shirtless. And she's like, oh, my God, James, why don't you have a shirt on? Go put a shirt on. It's disgusting.

Because they're all gathering for like another scene with Joel. So they're all gathering around the sofas and he's like just shirtless for some reason. He said, what? I was too hot. No, you can't be in here without a shirt. Go back to your room and get a shirt. No, they told me no shirt. No, absolutely not. Not under my watch. Okay. No, but I want a buzzer. No, no, it does not. It doesn't look chic. Get out of here. Go get a shirt on. Am I in trouble? Yes. Get the hell out of here. I'm mad from the psychotherapist and now you. It's terrible.

And Ashley goes, yeah, she's very much about decorum. Oh, yeah. The Countess. Huge on decorum. She's like, really? She has sex with hats. So, okay. Okay. And Giselle turns to Phil and goes, well, you were the fashionista. You're supposed to tell James. He's like, well, I told him that we always wear shirts in ballet, but he doesn't listen. Hmm.

So then Shannon's wearing this big striped hat and Joel loves it. And he's like, oh, wow. So who's this gorgeous woman behind the hat? It's so Titanic. Can't wait for it to sink.

Okay, everybody, let's talk to Earl. It's nice to know that the kitchen staff here has watched Titanic. I thought that was only an American thing. That's so lovely. I love that the kitchen staff can watch films where the kitchen staff dies. That's very brave of you, person.

Oh, and as long as you're here, sir, from the kitchen, I just want to say for the gentleman to my left, no vegetables, please. Thank you so much. Look at me being supportive. People on the Titanic learn, too. A little too late, but still. So Joel's like, any announcements to make? And Earl's like, I've got one. Shannon gave me her key and asked me to move in with her. Well, if Luanne can fuck a hat, I can try it with Earl.

Well, when I learned that one of his two houses was landlocked, I thought, let me let him see what it's like to have a view of the ocean for once. So I said, come on in, Merle. Move into my house, my hotel house. I'm sure nothing will go wrong. So everybody is like applauding them and stuff. And Shannon's like, well, it is very bold of me. And I'm not in a rush to get there before anyone else, but it's crunch time. Not literally. I don't do those. But, Merle.

Can we make it beyond the Love Hotel? You know, living situation. I know my daughters and I don't see Earl being compatible because I said, do you see me being compatible? And they said, ah, and then they tried to run away. And then I pressed to find my daughters and they started beeping. And I said, get out of the bathroom and answer my question. And then they said, mom, why do you have so much chocolate on your face? And I said, well, it's crunch time. And then they took away my Nestle's crunch bar, which was sad. So...

Well, maybe I want simple. Maybe I want a man who has very simple, who cares about going to the Bass Pro Shop and Tommy Bahamas and seeing land and not see. And I don't know, that could be a nice life for me. I could learn to like it, I think. Pinellas County, wherever that is. So Ashley thinks it's a good idea. Luann's like, terrible idea. Oh my God, I hope she doesn't have vegetables in her room. Let's put it that way.

I know Ashley does. Ralph's over there all the time. Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way.

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Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie. Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door. My favorite Murdo, Karen McClure.

We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Shadley. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it. It's Lola Alcalani. The incredible edible Matthew sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud.

She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Tellefson. Shannon, out of a can, and Anthony. Come on, shake your body, baby, do the Sidney Congdon. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking Violet Couture. We love you guys.

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